#verse: which weasley has the highest body count

[llendrinall]

A terrible question, but which Weasley has the highest body count?

Both Arthur and Molly have something under 10, from the first and the second wizarding war. Molly’s count is higher than Arthur’s.

Ginny is a zero. She is a very dangerous person and people know. On a base, instinctual level, veteran Death Eaters know to stay away from the freckled teenager. Ginny hexes a lot of people, but she doesn’t kill anyone during the war.

Ron is between 3 and 5. All after the war. All were attacking someone else. When they attack him, Ron engages in a duel, casts and counter-casts and dances around just like he would in a chess game. When they attack others, Ron flips the table and the board and finishes things in a very terminal and permanent way. (Hermione won’t admit it because she thinks it’s uncivilized, but she finds it so hot).

Fred and George are a 5. Together, because they fight together and no one can tell if it was the spell or the kick that ended Julius Mulciber. It happened during the Battle of Hogwarts except for one incident right when they had to go into hiding during the war.

Percy has killed 3 people and all of them were stone cold murders. Is killing someone in a duel a murder? From a legal standpoint it most likely is, but nobody in wizarding society considers it so. If you have your wand and it’s one on one, it’s not murder.

Percy has murdered three people. One was a mild mannered middle aged wizard. A perfectly polite and proper gentleman who was on his way to report Angelina Johnson’s location and blood status. He would claim that he was not a Death Eater and that he was merely following the rules and adhering to protocol and he would be saying the truth! Really! He was just a law-abiding citizen, someone who didn’t necessarily sympathize with the new government but who didn’t tolerate those radicals mix-breed who openly defied it.

Angelina would had been arrested and killed. Someone was going to die either way, Percy merely changed who.

The second one was also a man working at the Ministry. Actually, he came first. It was before Pius Thicknesse ascended to power. A head of department. Powerful. Influential. Charismatic.

Serial sexual harasser.

The thought “what if it were Ginny?” never crossed Percy’s mind because he couldn’t picture Ginny working in a Ministry office. In any case, it wasn’t a question of what if it were someone else, it was a question of being someone right now. Paula.

Percy didn’t kill him right away. Just because Percy was a stone cold murderer it didn’t mean it was his default mode of action. He tried to speak with him first, and with Paula. He told her he would support her if she filled a complaint. None of that worked, so Percy wrote a complaint himself that was ignored. The wizard who handled it actually burned it before Percy and told him he was doing him a favour. A promising young man like himself should be more careful about who he was baselessly accusing.

He did it on a Tuesday. The poison was slow and silent so it wasn’t until Thursday when they were told the tragic news of their dear colleague’s passing. Paula burst into tears and people used her reaction to say that she was hooking up with him, she was the one chasing him. Percy had a brief moment of panic, but he overheard an old woman in the cafeteria saying “good riddance” and over the next week Paula lost the exhaustion shadows under her eyes and Percy acquainted himself with the concept of “pattern of conduct”.

His third murder was of Mr. Wu, which is only relevant because Mr. Wu was very surprised and because Percy didn’t use magic.

Bill has killed 2-3 people, all at the Battle of Hogwarts. There was also a troll. It’s unclear if they count as people.

Oh, but you have skipped Charlie! You say.

No, I have not. Charlie comes last because Charlie is at the top. Definitely more than 18 kills but less than 45.

It’s the poachers. Dragon parts are used in potions and wand-making and many other things. There is a strong demand for dragon ingredients. Dragon reserves collect the shed scales and horns and even dragon dung, but that’s not enough to satisfy the market. They want more. Blood, liver, heart. And they are willing to pay for it.

They come get it.

And they find Charlie.

More than 18 but probably less than 45 confirmed kills Charlie.

Charlie came to dragon work believing, like everyone else in England, that the short life expectation for dragon workers was due to the dragons themselves, or rather, careless dragon work, Mum, if you are careful there is no danger. In fact, over 80% of injuries and deaths are due to furtive hunters. To be fair, they usually take measures to disguise their murders as dragon-related accidents.

The point is that Charlie didn’t come to this work expecting to be murdered and he won’t stand for that nonsense.

There is an annual dragon conference in Tanzania where all the world experts in dragon keep and dragon lore meet, and the sole reason it exists is so the Tanzania reserve would have an excuse to invite Charlie down for a bout of not-dying-today.

Charlie imparted a workshop on Romanian Longhorn’s calls, which is his actual area of expertise, not poacher fighting. That’s an unfortunate side effect of his job, much like dragon dung collection. The second night of the conference an armed group attacked the leader of the Kenyan reserve, who had been making amazing progress in winning legislative support. Charlie killed three of the poachers, scared the rest into a different career and earned a standing invitation from everyone to come work at their reserves whenever. Charlie is happy in Romania, so he declines the work offers but accepts all the conference invitations he keeps getting, happy under the assumption that people just want to hear more about Longhorn’ calls.

The Tanzanian Spiked Colossus is no longer in danger of extinction.