#veronica lodge was insufferable

[angieschiffahoi]

so, “do revenge” is mean girls meets strangers on a train?

[jugheadvarchoni]

Alright! Riverdale season 2 rewatch is DONE!

Here are some of my thoughts:

This whole season is sooooo teen campy horror and I’m obsessed. I prefer this season over S1 for sure.

TONI FCKING TOPAZ. MY BEST GIRLYYYY. 🥹

The Black Hood is actually such a good villain idc

LOOK. I love FP, but he DID clean up the Blossom’s crime scene, he WAS involved. Whether he was blackmailed or not, he did it. So Betty blackmailing Cheryl by threatening to release the video of Jason’s murder is… very fucked up.

Speaking of Betty… she lowkey annoys me several times throughout this season. She’s such a bad friend 😂

I may be in the minority, but I LOVE all the Serpent drama stuff

Jughead is my extra-brooding broody emo boy this season. Complete with a dramatic ass Bughead breakup lol.

The scene where Fred imagines Archie’s graduation day and says “I didn’t think I’d live to see this day” actually made me cry because Luke Perry passed away before S4 so Fred really didn’t get to see the day…

CHONI CHONI CHONI. Their first meeting, the “you’re sensational” scene at Pop’s, Toni leading the charge to save her, Cheryl (and Jughead) saving Toni from the Ghoulies. Choni’s FIRST KISS. Ughhhh I love my babies so much. 🥰

I was wrong in my S1 post, Alice Cooper is still fcking insufferable this season.

Archie starting a team of teen vigilantes to hunt a serial killer lmfao

Nick St. Clair deserved JAIL. God.

The fact that Kevin has known about the Sisters of Quiet Mercy being an illegal conversion camp for some time and has never done or said anything before, while hooking up with boys from there and being the SON of the sheriff is… concerning.

And then the gang literally does nothing after either

CHONI

VARCHIE. Her being right by his side after Fred was shot, Archie beating the shit out of Nick for hurting her. Their “I LOVE YOU’S”, which was hard for Veronica and caused some tension, but they worked through and came out stronger for it! Dealing with Hiram’s shit lol.

Cheryl Blossom deserved a stint on CW’s Arrow!

Having the Serpent/Ghoulie war off screen was not it… like… that was such a huge point and we saw none of it

Hiram Lodge was a GREAT villain, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, he was just sooo overused.

Veronica girlbossing & getting ownership of Pop’s because she knows how much it means to people. My girl :’)

FP retiring, making Jughead king, and then Jughead’s first act being inducting Cheryl into the Serpents? Beautiful symmetry that mirrors his own start with the Serpents at the end of S1.

Oh, did I mention CHONI?

The cliffhanger being Archie arrested right after winning the student body election… like goddamn.

I love this fcking season, and idc what anyone else says! It’s better than S1! 💋

[thatiranianphantom]

Okay, my thoughts on the new description.

(some under a cut because, you know, it's me and I share many opinions that perhaps I shouldn't)

In the style of @raymondebidochonlifechoices's hilarious recap of RAS' interview, though perhaps a bit less hilarious.

The seventh season of Riverdale goes where no season of Riverdale has dared to go before—the 1950s!

Wonder why we've never been there before. Not because it's fucking stupid, but because it took till now for Ted Sullivan to have this absolute brainchild that will revolutionize the show.

Picking up where last season ended, Jughead Jones (Sprouse) finds himself trapped in the 1950s. He has no idea how he got there, nor how to get back to the present. 

The writers: We watch our own show, what are you talking about? We remembered that plot point, didn't we! Aren't you proud of us? Huh? Aren't you?

His friends are no help, as they are living seemingly authentic lives, similar to their classic Archie Comics counterparts, unaware that they’ve ever been anywhere but the 1950s. 

Oh rats, because typically, they are an absolute bastion of support and assistance.

Archie Andrews (Apa) is the classic all-American teen, coming of age, getting into trouble, and learning life-lessons

S1-25 year old teen - absolutely insufferable Archie is back, and this time, he's even more unaware! Hopefully with less grooming, especially from a show that is convinced it's making a profound social statement.

Betty Cooper (Reinhart) is the girl next door, starting to question everything about her perfect life—including her controlling mother Alice (Madchen Amick)

Somehow, some way, we are still circling the same plot about abusive parents. And you know how this refrain goes, people. Alice is horrendously abusive, she cries, we are supposed to forgive her. Looks like something ripped straight out of s1 but peep the absolutely no implication of anything BA related.

Veronica Lodge (Mendes) is a Hollywood starlet who moved to Riverdale under mysterious circumstances;

California and not New York???!!!! So exotic! Very wow! What an incredible stroke of genius, Roberto! They have not been shy about pumping the Varchie up, have they? It also usually only exists in addition to another ship....

Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch) is the Queen Bee with a withering wit and a secret longing

I mean, Cheryl's plot has functionally never changed, so I don't know who's shocked at this, except for maybe the writers thinking it's revolutionary to recycle Cheryl's S2 plot instead of her S1 plot. Note that Mads and Vanessa's Instagrams are and have always been a pantheon of spoilers and it does look like they're doing a lot of filming together.

Toni Topaz (Vanessa Morgan) is an activist fighting for the Black students of recently integrated Riverdale High

.....I can see my brain. I can literally see my brain, my eyes are rolling so hard. How do we make an already insufferable (my opinion, stressing that here) character even more insufferable and pretend we are making a profound social statment, something we are absolutely incapable of making? Toni is an activist for integration!

(real talk, I think we'll see very little of this plot, as we'll see very little plot for the secondary characters)

Kevin Keller (Casey Cott) is a “square” crooner wrestling with his sexual identity

Kill me now, my dear followers. And hey, spec here, I feel like Kevin may be dating Betty?

Reggie Mantle (Charles Melton) is a basketball star from farm country

The one thing I hope is true. God, I hope my dear himbo Reggie is back.

 Fangs Fogarty (Drew Ray Tanner) is a greaser who’s destined to be an Elvis-type star

Seriously, what ammunition does Drew have on the writers that he keeps getting brought back? My thought is they're going back to Kangs though, if we're going the OG way.

It isn’t until Jughead is visited by Tabitha Tate (Erinn Westbrook)—Riverdale’s Guardian Angel—that he learns the cosmic truth about their predicament.

Just....one facepalm is not enough. Five hundred facepalms are not enough. Tabitha, a character that is to put it generously not well loved and has been around for two seasons, is the Guardian Angel???

We know that they resolve Jughead remembering by the end of the premiere, per RAS, so I honestly wonder if Tabitha's role in S7 is very light. If Jughead forgets, her role is essentially moot and we have seen very little of her in BTS.

Anyway, my dear fellow sufferers, let's get through this together, one last time before we are finally set free.

[fcdcdmcmories]

event starter: @thefinalgxrl ( evelyn & veronica )

"WELL, WELL, WELL. IF IT ISN'T VERONICA LODGE. YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE.. OUT OF PLACE, DEAR. EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" it wasn't as if she had anything against the other. anything in particular, at least, seeing as she had been friends with that insufferable blonde whose name EVELYN was not going to bring up anytime soon. NOT AT ALL. "out for a walk? i would advise against that. small thing like yourself may get hurt. so many things that go bumping in the night these days out here."

[truehimbo]

of course veronica and reggie are money hungry scammers. of course lmao

[notyourbae365]

Okay guys are we really believing that Hiram is actually sick or no

[ostensiblyarticulate]

Here are some Riverdale fanfics, with more fanfare than they probably deserve. I am scheduling this to post on Wednesday because I like Wednesdays.

An Antonym for Serenade

A 5+1 fic (very light M, ~5k words) in which Betty Cooper doesn’t have time for romance and Jughead Jones doesn’t care if he’s getting off or off sleuthing, as long as Betty’s calling the shots. Aromantic-spectrum Betty who prioritizes murder boards (and, to a much subtler extent, probably ace-spec Jughead who is horny for murder boards). Canon compliant as of season 6A.

I did not expect to be so emotionally attached to this, but it turns out writing an aroallo character really got me, and thusly it’s ended up one of my favorite things I’ve written. So there’s that.

Another Love Song for Betty Cooper

A 10k word canon-season-5 adjacent minimally-AU exercise in Jughead-centric navel-gazery that I cannot in good conscience recommend anyone read but god was it the most fun to write. In it, Jughead Jones:

Thinks about Betty Cooper

Talks to Veronica Lodge

Sleeps with Veronica Lodge

Has the same conversation with Veronica Lodge for eight years

Imagines the polycule he is too insecure to be in

Is probably on the asexuality spectrum but has a bunch of canon-compliant sex anyway

No, not on the page. It’s rated T.

Realizes he’s a shitty writer

This is a big deal

(maybe)

(or not)

Thinks about Betty Cooper

Thinks about Betty Cooper

Thinks about Betty Cooper

Does not talk to Betty Cooper

Comes to terms with the concept of Archie Andrews

Opens his goddamn mouth

Fails to entirely grasp the true meaning of friendship Riverdale but gets to have it anyway

Does absolutely nothing

There you go! You have the summary, so you don’t need to read it. (Though if you do, you will get to some of the most decadent prose I’ve put together in a long time. Jughead’s just kind of insufferable about it. I say with affection.)

--

Finally, a note to the patient people who followed me for, uh...not this. Though I have no idea how you ended up down here: thank you for your patience and I promise I do still have seven bajillion SPOP and Arcane drafts. I make no promises about finishing them but please know that I really do want to.

[theeternalblue]

maybe them meeting their daughters girlfriend, or their sons friends thinking veronicas hot when they go to their house, idk you pick

(I didn't edit this. Sorry for the mistakes)

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Archie asks as she follows Veronica around the kitchen he remodeled last summer with his own hands to distract himself from the imminent fact that his baby girl would be going to college and he was fast approaching his midlife crisis. Freddie mocked him and therefore he was punished into painting cabinets under Veronica’s ruthless quality inspection.

Veronica opens one food container her favorite caterer just dropped with some fancy-looking salad, and a smile grows on her face. There are several more filling the kitchen island.

“Because we want to have family time with our children and friends, enjoying homemade food.” She opens the next container with beet hummus, and she quietly adds, “and I don’t cook but we can always pretend.”

Snorting a laugh, Archie wraps his arms around her middle from behind and presses a kiss to her cheek. “You’re the best organizing and bossing people around, the Veronica Lodge brand. Besides, I’ll be manning the grill so we can count that as homemade.”

“You seem to forget I’m an excellent mixologist. One does not own a bar without learning a few tricks.” Veronica turns around in Archie’s arms, her eyebrow kinking up.

Archie leans closer to her, provoking a smile on her beautiful face, “We also swore we wouldn’t tell our kids about your entire business history and I wouldn’t tell a thing about my vigilante days.”

She giggles and makes a shushing gesture by placing a finger over her lips, before she rises on tiptoes to give him a kiss. It’s funny how after decades together, after a long marriage and children, she’s still fond of playing with his ears when she kisses him. Veronica’s nails rake the short hairs of the back of his head – where she claimed to have spotted a few gray hairs just last week.

Kissing his wife is certainly one of his favorite things – and it must be good for his blood pressure because it soothes him and has kept him sane for years. No one could blame him when he hums in delight from deep within his chest but of course they will anyway.

“Ew, Daddy, we have guests,” Audrey quips when she enters the kitchen, hand in hand with a slightly taller girl with red hair who is smiling in amusement.

“Shush, Addie. Just like you, I have the right to kiss my beloved. Even more so after more than thirty years.” Veronica pecks Archie’s lips once more to make her point.

Audrey chuckles and turns to her girlfriend. “So, BB, are your moms as disgusting as these ancient creeps?”

Bella Blossom might be Cheryl’s kid but she was raised by Toni as well, so instead of making a snide remark, her eyes widen and she stares at her girlfriend’s parents not knowing what to say.

“Watch it,” Archie warns with a lopsided grin and winks at the girls. “We’re happy you can join us for lunch today, Bella.” He walks past them, dropping a kiss atop Audrey’s hair, making her giggle.

“Thank you, Mr. Andrews.”

Oh, how he dislikes being Mr. Andrews. Is there anything else that can make him feel older? Only the way his knee hurts when he hits the gym and he doesn’t warm up.

As he makes his way outside to the backyard deck, Archie hears Audrey teasing Veronica about her home-cooked meal. It’s a running joke in the family how each time the kids had a bake sale, Veronica spent more money buying pastries than the school made selling them.

Burgers are almost done when Cheryl and Toni arrive. This time he’s not lucky and gets a few of those Cheryl Blossom’s snarky remarks while Toni makes damage control because Bella seems upset to see her mumsy being insufferable.

“I sometimes wonder what you did in your past life to have this kind of karma,” Jughead comments before taking a sip of his beer. “Lodges, Blossoms…”

“Bears,” Munroe jests but Archie doesn’t pay much attention to his friends when he spots three of Freddie’s friends looking at his wife too intensely for his taste.

It’s a known fact Veronica was deemed the hot mom years ago when Audrey started high school, and even before that when she was teaching and she was the hot teacher. She always tells him he can’t complain because the same thing happened to him – well, tough luck, because he hasn’t noticed other people lusting after him.

He hands the spatula and grill fork to Jughead so he can take care of the barbecue without thinking. Fortunately, Munroe decides to help instead when he sees the panic etched on the writer’s face.

“Hey, guys,” Archie greets the teenage boys huddled in a corner, with a smile that makes his face hurt. He’s never been good at pretending. “Do you want a beer?” An easy test to fail for a group of fifteen-year-olds. And they are boys, so they hesitate before one of them makes the right choice by meekly shaking his head.

With a humorless laugh, Archie smacks the shoulders of two of them, with much more force than needed. “Good choice. But you must be thirsty. Were you thinking about having a drink?” He tries, this time looking at his wife pointedly. But again, these teenage kids won’t take a hint.

Veronica is serving a cocktail and chatting with Cheryl. When she feels his gaze on her, she winks at Archie and makes a simple gesture to beckon him.

Just then Freddie returns to his friends, holding a bowl of sweet potato chips and baba ganoush – because this kid might be a carbon copy of Archie’s dad but he definitely has Veronica’s sense of style and palate.

“Kid, your friends are thirsty,” Archie says without preamble and because this is Veronica Lodge’s son, he knows it will take Freddie less than a second to pick up what he means. One look shot at the bar, the tilt of his head, an arched eyebrow and… “You should be a good host.”

Freddie has a glint of mischief in his eyes. “You’re absolutely right. I’ll get you something, and then I can tell you how in my family as a rite of passage in our family you must fight a bear–”

“Freddie–” Archie’s eyes widen. Veronica hates that story. She absolutely loathes it to the point Jughead enjoyed irking her by giving teddy bears to the children for their first birthdays. “Don’t”

“Why not? I thought you’d like for them to know you fought a bear, were in the army, worked as a firefighter, and in construction so you basically know how to kill them and make them disappear in hundreds of ways and no one would find them.” Then he turns sharply and stares at his friends. “Also, I advise you to stop looking at my mother because let’s face it, you think you’re good-looking but you’re not. She’s smarter than the three of you put together. Richer than everyone else in town. And with beauty only good genes I inherited can give.” He sighs. “So, unless you fought a bear, is there anything that makes you stand out in this place?”

“Dude,” one of Freddie’s friends mutters. It feels like this talk was a bit harsh, but Freddie also hated when Audrey’s friends flirted with Veronica.

“I know! Sad. I go to therapy because living under my parents’ shadow is unbearable,” Freddie replies, which is a lie. This boy is a Lodge in the body of an Andrews – and it’s scary.

When Archie makes his way to Veronica, he immediately wraps an arm around her and pulls her close to bury his nose in her hair.

“What?” she laughs at his childish gesture.

“Our children scare me,” Archie confesses.

“You realized it just now?” Veronica leans against his side, enjoying his hold on her.

“No, but I hate having more proof.”

She chuckles and soon cackles when he tells her what happened.

“Think about this, at least Freddie didn’t lock me in the supplies closet at school like Audrey did when her classmates ogled you on her eighth-grade talent show.”

[lucivar]

Most excellent lucivar, as an incredibly imaginative and funny author and the creator of the #prayforHiram tag, would you share your top 5 most outrageous head canons about Hiram Lodge? Please and thank you! (I know a guy who knows a guy who can deliver all the doritos without asking any questions, if you're interested)

OMG THIS ASK IS BRILLIANT! Thank you so much for gracing my inbox with this! SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND!

So my feelings for Hiram in Riverdale went from “Aw yes racketeering for the capital value play!” to “what. the. actual. fuck.” from s1 to s5, but in that glorious transformation, like a butterfly from a chrysalis, Hiram has become one of my favourite characters. #prayforHiram

So, I thought a lot about this and I just couldn’t stop laughing at the crack my brain was coming up with, so here, as you so kindly prompted, are my top 5(ish) most outrageous headcanons.

Villainy is just showbiz, kids. Hiram is a fucking star and Riverdale is his stage.

Read the nonsense under the cut.

After being denied his acting opportunity, Jaime Luna took his Hiram Lodge inspiration from The Godfather: Little Jaime Luna got the idea after watching Don Vito Corleone’s speech in the Godfather and imagined having the same power, respect and flair. He really, really wanted to be a STAR, but mommy and daddy Luna did not allow it because Jaime really needed to focus on taking over the family business. He considers every interaction a moment for his glory, an opportunity to show off his brilliance, his chiselled jaw or his wrestling prowess.

He has a script - I mean - grand plan: Don’t ruin it, or he’ll come for you and get his goons to beat you up. (LOOKING AT YOU, COFFIN BOY)

He demands PERFECTION and FLAIR of his associates. He will not be denied: He asks his associates for the same ~dramatique flair~ that he possesses, which is why he and Penelope have a weird truce and why he only accepted Reggie Mantle once he grew into his glam rocker haircut and could cock a pistol in perfect synchronicity with his other goons. One of my regrets is that we never saw the OG Stonies and Hiram team up because that would have been insufferably perfect (and I would have added a new tag for Bret: #gayforHiram)

He will be centre stage no matter what: As a denied theatre kid, he feels like he missed the opportunity to be in the spotlight. As a consequence he hates when Archie takes Veronica away from him, because all he wants to do is have her NOTICE HIM and vice versa (see: Hermione Lodge’s comment “your obsession with archie andrews will ruin this family”).

The only RiverParent that strikes fear into his heart is Gladys: Fred is a homewrecking slut (Hiram’s opinion, not my own), Tom Keller has no stomach for villainy, Clifford was boring AF and barely a rival, Hal had a weak chin (which could not hold a candle to Hiram’s own), Mary gives him nothing to work with (Hiram gets bored), Sierra is excellent because she is corrupt and loves it, Miles reminds him of his father, Alice can be easily distracted with some random chaos and FP is hopeless. Gladys, however, is terrifying and people PAY ATTENTION TO HER. Hiram does not like this. People pay attention to Penelope, but attention whore to attention whore (affectionate) he *understands* her. She has a flair for the dramatic; she is the epitome of cloak and dagger, as long as the cloak is fur-trimmed and she’s naked underneath. Hiram gets this, and he hates her for putting Veronica in danger, but they have a shaky truce (yes, this truce includes burning down the maple groves because yolo).

On the other hand, Gladys is cold fucking psycho bitch who gives no fucks and would step all over Hiram’s ego without even realising it. Now that’s power. #girlboss

Hiram has two (barely) acceptable partners for Veronica: No one will ever be good enough for Veronica Lodge. I know it, he knows it and he has no qualms telling her suitors that they suck a bag of dicks. He has never liked Archie, but over time the boy with the absTM has grown on him like a tumor (#prayforHiram) because Archie has a flair for villainous drama (see: the Red Circle) and is susceptible to suggestion (see: the Red Circle). He is also musically inclined. Not that he’s good, but Hiram probably thinks that if he just took Archiekins under his wing that he could someday become a triple threat. Many of Hiram’s favourite memories involve beating and beating up Archie. He is the least worst choice and for that reason he will tolerate him. I totally stan andsmile’s theory about Hiram being a barchie hater and setting fire to the porch to break them up so that he can get invited to the varchie wedding. He just wants to do the Don Corleone speech. LET HIM, YOU MONSTERS.

The other person he will tolerate is Cheryl Blossom aka Cherry Bombshell aka Nightmare Child. Now that woman knows how to fuck shit up. Plus it would upset Penelope a bit, so that’s exciting.

If you’re wondering about Reggie, it’s: eh? Like, Hiram prefers him with the flair hair, but he’s too scruffy for Veronica now. Maybe he would change his tune if Reggie put out fires or mined palladium with his shirt off. No promises tho.

Other headcannons

When Hiram quarantined Riverdale, the real longcon was to cut off the Dorito supply routes: #LetThemEatTostitos. Ungrateful, meddling twerps.

“Mija, I built that prison, I can come and go as I please”: strong Narcos fan. He watches it in his home-made prison mancave, practicing “Plata o plomo” to perfect the intonation. <3

The real reason he blew up the prison is that the paperwork was becoming too tedious. The real travesty these days is how many lawyers are needed for good old-fashioned villany. Due to the depreciation schedule of the prison, he still had a few years until his assets were fully amortised (it also got super fucked up in the time jump seven years from 2020 to 2021 - many of his taxation lawyers quit because of THAT mind fuck). So Hiram blew up his prison to claim malicious damages. He probably blamed it on a tweaked-out Jughead.

The real reason he wants a palladium mine is to fill Archie porn bingo squares: Miner, Fireman, Boxer, Footballer, Teacher/Coach, Soldier, Prisoner, Musician, Gang member, Farmer, Superhero, Minor (hahah don’t shoot me, I’m just commenting on Riverdale’s serves) #It’slegalnow

Hope you enjoyed these and thanks so much for waiting so long for me to FINALLY COMPLETE IT. <3

[brawltogethernow]

Ask meme, rich edition: Norman Osborn, Chloé Bourgeois and Seto Kaiba

fuck marry kill but it’s get them randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester, get trapped with them on a broken elevator for ten hours, and have them as your employee trainer for your new job at McDonald's (you cannot escape the elevator)

Help....

I... Well...

Hm.

HM.

Hmnnrgh.

Okay Kaiba in any of these situations is hilarious, if not ideal for participants. Norman and Chloé in any of them will be unpleasant. Kaiba can read me in at McDonald's! I absolutely cannot have Norman having power over me, and Chloé would be useless because she's busy undergoing a "Veronica Lodge suddenly loses all her money" experience. Kaiba though. What is he doing there. He probably won't actually do a bad job. His "not friends" and his brother might drop by, so that's a perk. Kaiba would be the most insufferable lab partner ever, and honestly ten hours in an elevator we can't get out of seems like a waste of him? But I want to see him apply his normal approach to life to fast food. Theoretically he is a successful businessboy who knows how to show people what to do, but I'm not confident. We are beyond that mattering.

I also don't want to be alone in close proximity with Norman for ten hours! With nothing for him to focus on but me! I'll take him over a longer period of time but usually with other people nearby and a task to do in a situation where he has motivation to look competent and normal. Our grades won't suck. He'll make creepy small talk that I will answer with mild noncommitment. Maybe he'll ruin my life, but that's on the table for any of the options.

Chloé is out for that one anyway, because her home ground is a school setting. That is where she shows up and immediately starts looking around for people to torment. Even a Chloé who has undergone thorough character development into "rude but doing her best" probably isn't above average at science unless that pops up in some episode I haven't caught and I haven't heard about it. An elevator, that's a neutral setting. I'd say we're looking at a Pixelator-type experience, which sounds bearable from here but in real life for ten hours would definitely end with me snapping at a child, but that was Chloé stuck in a void with someone she likes and sees as a fixer of her problems. As I'm someone she has literally no opinions on, maybe we can ignore each other. Maybe we can talk about superheroes. Wait should I ask her about herself and commit Life Advice? Would I read that fic?

[arsenicpanda]

i think (un)popular opinion is a subjective term, but how about a handful: 1) Hiram is the best dad on Riverdale. 2) Bughead and Varchie are boring and 3) the sessions with Mrs. Burble were a good addition to season four (especially curious about the last one just because).

Ok, let’s do this in order

1.) Hiram is the best dad on Riverdale

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Hiram “gonna frame my daughter’s boyfriend for murder” Lodge is obviously a bad dad, and the existence of Fred ensures he’s not in the #1 dad spot, regardless of  how shitty the competition otherwise is.  The only reason this isn’t a “strongly disagree” is because, once Fred dies, it’s kind of a free-for-all because you have Tom “doesn’t keep track of his son AT ALL even though he REALLY NEEDS TO” Keller and FP “poorly executed redemption arc” Jones as the sole living competition.  Tom wins that one, even though he really shouldn’t because seriously, Tom, where is your son, do you ever know??

2.) Bughead and Varchie are boring

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Like, obviously I’m biased, particularly with bughead, because of my shipper heart.  But also, I think that these relationships have both been really fun to watch grow and change, see them settle into each other and whatnot.  Betty and Jughead’s investigations are always a riot because they are both deeply intense and slightly crazy people and absolutely insufferable, so it’s great to watch them bounce off of each other and fuel each other.  I will admit that I find Veronica and Archie less interesting in most seasons because they simply aren’t given much to do, but the dynamic of two people who truly bring out the best in each other by believing in each other’s goodness is definitely interesting to watch, and also they’re v cute together, especially in season 2.

3.) the sessions with Mrs. Burble were a good addition to season four

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree 

Look, I have never been an advocate of the kids getting therapy during the run of the show and this episode is exactly why: it’s not effective at exploring anything, and often Riverdale puts its foot in its mouth, something we’ve known since episode three.  Like, therapy in television is good if you’re going to put time into it, but Riverdale doesn’t have time, and it also runs on these kids being batshit and running wild, so either the character has to ignore the therapist’s advice (Archie) or the therapist has to give bad, nonsensical, or unhelpful advice (literally everyone else).  And it’s not surprising because Ms. Burble can only work with as much information as she has--and she’s not going to have very much of it.  Therapy’s usefulness is in direction relation to the patient’s willingness to open up, and none of these kids are going to open up to anyone, so we kinda just waste a bunch of time.  Betty’s time was part retread, part ”here’s why you should forgive Alice”; Jughead’s time was “here’s why you should forgive FP”; Veronica’s time was “let’s bring out Freud, he’s legitimate”; Cheryl’s had so much missing information that it didn’t go anywhere, although it was funny to watch Ms. Burble think Cheryl was speaking metaphorically when she was speaking literally; and Archie’s was the only one that really went anywhere, except he took the completely wrong lesson from it, which is actually interesting, tbf, so I’ll give it that.  But like...1/5 success record on being not infuriating is...yeah, that’s bad.  And if we’re going by “did this help the character mentally/emotionally”, that’s a 0/5 score.  So yeah, overall, part a waste of time, part infuriating, all “I’ll pass, thanks”.

I will say, though, that I found it funny in a monkey’s paw kind of way, where fandom got this thing it had been clamoring for, but it was Bad, Actually (as I knew it would be).  idk, I like being proven right, although it’s very much a “at what cost?” situation here.

[Send me unpopular opinions]

[like-romeoandjuliet-love]

51

Thank you for this!

•

“Stop calling me that! That’s not my name!”

•

He’s mad. No. He’s absolutely livid. He’s fuming and he really wants to punch something and that something is a red headed Cheeto called Archibald. His roommate.

Because of all the places he could’ve brought him, the last he’d wished for was his latest conquest’s speakeasy. It was poetry night. How insufferable is that? Hearing depressing poems from arguably the most monotone voices on earth. Jughead was familiar with it. His ex girlfriend hosted many of them. And he hated those nights more than any night with her, which was a big deal considering he didn’t look back on a memory and say it’s a good one.

Veronica, Archie’s whatever for the moment, was a sophisticated woman. You could literally smell the privilege off her. And that to Jughead, caused his skin to crawl.

And as she’s talking about her latest trip to Rome and Archie’s absolutely enamoured, the most beautiful vision of a golden angel walks onstage with a black notebook, worn, as if she carried it anywhere.

His eyes never leave her the moment she opens her mouth. He’s pretty sure everybody in the room quieted down but that might’ve been his bias. She speaks the words she’d written with truth and soul and suddenly he loves poetry nights. He’ll go to every single one if he gets to hear her again.

And then it’s over.

And before he can really register what’s happening, she’s walking over to their table.

“Elmo!” The girl grins, as she recognises Archie. Veronica sends her a look, as if to take her, before smiling. He likes her more now.

“Betty, come sit!” Betty sits beside him.

She smiles at him. “Hi, I’m Betty.”

“Jughead, how you doing?” He grins back and he’s already crushing on her so bad. “That was really nice.” He tells her sincerely and she laughs. The sound of fucking angels.

“Oh, thank you! I bet you were the only one listening.” She glances at the duo in front of them, clearly engrossed. “I’m Veronica’s best friend.”

“Archie’s roommate.” He chuckles softly.

She leans in with a devilish grin on her face. “Not friend?”

He leans closer. “I love the nickname you gave him.” She laughs a little louder at that. “Mine’s Cheeto.”

“That is brilliant.” She says. “I don’t think it’ll last.” She confesses, glancing at them. “Elmo is a bit...bland.”

“Hey, I heard you! Stop calling me that! That’s not my name!” Archie calls out and she raises her hands in surrender. Veronica sighs, taking a sip of her drink, but there’s an amused look on her face.

“Sorry. V, I think Jughead and I are heading out. I bet he’s a book guy and I have tons of them at home.” Betty grins.

“Veronica Lodge approves.” Veronica winks and he’s pretty sure he blushes.

As Betty grabs him, dragging him outside, she’s laughing. “How do you handle it with him as your roommate?”

“The rent is cheap, trust me, I’m slowly losing my mind in there.” He laughs. “He dragged me out to this because of a favor I owed him.”

“Thank god he did.” She winks.

They’re walking but he’s confused as to where. “Are we walking somewhere in particular or...?”

She nudges him, smirking. “Tell me, Jughead, was I right? You like books?”

[sagihairius]

Veronica lodge is insufferable!!! “daddy we need to clean up our acts but I’m gonna rob a place, extort money, run an illegal casino, and commit fraud” girl I hate you!!!!!!!! take your money and magnolia cupcakes and leave!!!! “we have no money we lost everythinggggg” girl no you didn’t!!!!!! you’re a 16 year old business owner budgeting your wealth does not mean you’re poor!!!! I hate her!!!!!! pick up all the names you dropped and go back to new york and your galas that you won’t! shut up! about!!!!!!

[fatbottombucky]

Pastel Vs. Noir *Sweet Pea x Reader*

Summary: you’re what people call “the male equivalent of Betty Cooper”, pristine and proper clothes. Intelligent and clean, “traditionally handsome” some would say. So, when the Southside students show up, and you’re welcoming with open arms and your usual charming self... well, one Serpent is intrigued but angered by your need to be liked.

Pairings: Sweet Pea x Male!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Authors Note: let me know if you want to be tagged for this - Rosalie

Chapter One

“Take it the welcoming committee didn’t go well,” you smirked as Veronica looked less than impressed with what happened. “I told you, I said it wouldn’t work.”

Veronica rolled her brown eyes and crossed her arms, ���okay, so we had a minor set back.”

You raised an eyebrow, “we?” Veronica only nodded. “I love a bad boy, but I will not be helping you seduce some serpents.”

“Not seducing, helping them settle.” She shrugged as she linked arms with you, her other hand patting down the soft collar of your shirt, “I think, you’ll be a good influence on them, wouldn’t you agree?” You gulped nervously as she lead you towards your locker, “which is why I had Jug tell me the hardest to tame. Make you both locker buddies,” your eyes widen.

“Veronica, my parents would have a literal heart attack if they found out I was friends with them,” she only pulled her best puppy dog eyes. “Why me?” You sighed, mostly to yourself.

Veronica smiled, “because you, Y/N Y/L/N, are the male equivalent of Betty. You see the good in everyone, no matter the person. You’re kind, sweet and friendly, something these serpent boys need. So, be your charming and funny self.” You sighed, like Betty you’re unable to say no to the Lodge girl charms, “perfecto. Trust me, think of this as... a challenge. A mission. Try and tame the serpent boys for me, please?”

You watched her turn and leave, leaving you no time to actually answer her. No point since she had already assigned the empty lockers near you to the Serpents, not that you really mind. You’re Jughead’s friend, known him your whole life. Even gave him the sofa in your room when he was homeless, not that your parents know that.

Being a well respected Northsider... was difficult, not Southside difficult, but in terms of pressure to always be good and loyal. To always be on top of school, extracurricular activities, and just a good teenager. It came with stress that made being “normal” difficult. Unlike Kevin your parents didn’t respond well to you being gay, they didn’t openly abuse you but they made it clear of their disdain. It was just never mentioned again after you came out, they made it seem that it never happened.

“Hey, Y/N,” you jump slightly and look to see Jughead smiling at you. “You okay?” Your eyes dart to the people behind him, a girl and two guys. You smile and curtly nod, “okay. This is Fangs, Toni and Sweet Pea, they have the lockers near yours. Veronica said you’d show them around, hopefully, ease the transition for them?”

You only smiled, “As long as their fine with it?” Toni only shrugged, smiling brightly at you. “Also I hate giving tours, so I’ll make it as quick and painless for you.” Jughead only smiled before heading off towards the office of the Blue & Gold.

You began the short, quick tour. Showing them various classes, where things are and what events are happening when. You hardly made eye contact, despite not being judgmental... you were slightly nervous around them.

Completely your polar opposites.

Your powder blue sweater, light washed skinny jeans and white shirt against their black ripped jeans and faded leather jacket. It’s an odd combo.

Although, you let your eyes drift to the tallest of them. Sweet Pea, he looked less than impressed each passing second. You had also heard he has the shortest temper, constantly facing fights or conflict.

A complete opposite to you; you loved to avoid confrontation, you never sought out arguments.

“So, do we intimidate you?” Toni asked, her hands fiddling with the camera around her neck and a smirk toying at her lips. “You can be honest, Jug’s not here.”

The two boys seemed intrigued by your answer, both turning around and waiting.

“Honestly?” They all nodded, “I could, probably, fight you guys,” Sweet Pea frowned whilst the other two quietly chuckled. “I once punched Reggie Mantel,” you paused, “it was by accident and I was 10, but yeah, I’d fight you.”

You smiled as Fangs and Toni laughed, both nudging you with grins. Seemed it was easy for you to befriend them, not that you doubted yourself. You have this weird affliction to want people to like you, to need people to be your friend. Only... it seemed to not be working on Sweet Pea.

The boys seemed to go off and do their own thing, but Toni stuck by your side throughout her first day. Asking questions, sitting beside you, and just taking an extreme interest in you.

“Can I ask a question?” She asked, yourself and the others all sat in the student lounge. You nodded, “Are you gay?”

Everyone, but the serpents, looked at you. Knowing the subject was touché, your eyes glanced to Sweet Pea who seemed the most interested in your answer. You shake that thought away, probably, reading too much into that anyway.

“Have I said something wrong?” Toni asked quietly.

You quickly shake your head, “No. it’s just... been a while since been asked that, I guess. I am... gay, yeah.” It’s silent, you hate the silence. “Single, too. I’m told often that I’m the male equivalent of Betty... I guess, I just need to find my Jughead.”

Kevin only shakes his head, knowing the issues of dating a serpent. Toni only giggles at you, Fangs is quietly chuckling to himself. Archie, Veronica, Betty and Jughead are laughing, used to your antics and behaviour by now. The only one who is silent is Sweet Pea, an unreadable expression on his face.

••*••

“So, how was your first day?” You asked walking up to your locker, where Sweet Pea and Fangs were collecting their own stuff. “Is Riverdale High better or worse?”

Fangs smiles, about to talk but Sweet Pea beats him to it. “It’s worse. Your “Bulldogs” have made it perfectly clear we aren’t welcome, you can quit the act.”

You nod slowly, “Yeah, sorry. Sucks that you can’t wear your jackets and stuff here, must be rough.”

Sweet Pea slams the locker shut, “stop it. Stop trying to be liked. The small talk, the funny comments, it’s insufferable from Cooper and now you.” He stalks off out of the school, a few other serpents behind him.

Fangs smiled softly at you, “sorry Y/N,” he mutters before turning and following his best friend.

Your left standing at your locker feeling... determined rather than defeated. You weren’t going to let him get the best of you, you’re a friend to all faculty and students alike. Sweet Pea would be one of them too.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.11 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- MY BOYS SWEET PEA AND FANGS ❤️😍

- Does Jughead think his own father is as fucking stupid as he is? Like, not only are you incapable of being discreet and therefore able to force Tall Boy to just get a bus ticket using a gun… but people would have noticed that? But I’m glad that there’s a sheriff who’ll help out the one group of people that has always been fucked over by the government… even though I still don’t get why Sheriff Keller couldn’t just get his job back lol (but I am here for the FP and Hermione team up because it mirrors Jeronica)

- wAIT FP WAS SITTING ABOVE TALL BOY? THAT’S DISGUSTING. And I don’t know how long its been but couldn’t he have smelled him? Also I love that instead of burying him and then throwing a random ass party, he just… didn’t do that.

- I don’t know why Jughead emphasizing that Betty is his girlfriend is funny to me. It’s almost like he’s like “my girlfriend… yeah… I’m dating her. Right. Not the girl I want to be dating, Veronica. Betty. I’m Betty’s boyfriend.”

- Betty talking to her dad… about Penelope Blossom… about getting away with murder… BITCH YOUR DAD IS IN JAIL FOR MURDERING PEOPLE YOU FUCKING BAFFOON

- I know that my boy Archie is dealing with a lot of shit but like they’re totally going to make him almost as insufferable as Betty aren’t they? They better fucking not

- “A hell of a good looking one just walked through my door” Okay they’re clearly getting bored with Bughead and are slowly integrating Jeronica and I am so fucking here for it!!!! I can’t wait for Jeronica to work together!!!

- We all know that with how Veronica really is, she would eavesdrop on her parents but instead the writers make her interrupt at the worst moments like really???

-  The two people Veronica and Jughead mentioned… they were a married couple sooooo EXCELLANCE

-  See… THIS is why Jughead is NOT an investigator (same with Betty and Bughead) YOU DON’T JUST FUCKING ASK THE QUESTION YOU TRY TO GET IT OUT OF THEM WITHOUT ASKING DIRECTLY YOU STUPID FUCK

-  Hermione, a grown ass adult, actually giving Jughead information is not realistic, especially handing him files that Sheriff Minetta gave her. Like… if I were her I’d play his journaling off as a joke and just say “yeah he was cheating so get out of my office bc I don’t want to think about this shit right now”

-  HERMIONE SHADING BETTY I’M SO HERE FOR IT

- Fred I love you and I’m glad you’re caring about your son but that was… not the way to handle it.

- NANA ROSE FUCKING LOOKING AT BETTY LIKE “bitch why the fuck are you here?” IS SO GREAT

- TONI COMING TO CHERYL’S RESCUE. TONI ASKING IF EVERYTHING WAS OKAY, AND CHERYL FINALLY BEING DONE WITH BETTY’S SHIT AND CALLING HER A GNAT I’M HOLLERING

- Also Betty is low key afraid of Toni!!! The look she had when Toni came in? She knows that Toni would never allow her to fuck with Cheryl

- MY BOYS AGAIN. But all of this could have been avoided if you had just buried him like you were supposed to. Also, it bothers me how he only treats Sweet Pea and Fangs as his lap dogs. He’s having Sweet Pea tail someone (yet from what I’ve seen Jughead goes with him so there’s no reason to force Sweet Pea to but whatever it’s more screen time for my baby

- BROOOOOOOOO SMITHERS AND REGGIE TEAM UP LET’S FUCKING GO

- See, again, why Betty isn’t an investigator… she knocks and nobody answers so she’s just like “let’s go”

- THAT GIF I SAID WAS ACTUALLY CUTE OF BUGHEAD WAS THEM REALIZING THAT PENELOPE WAS IN THE SEX CLUB LMFAOOOOOO

- Betty thinking that Penelope is exploiting these girls who are willingly doing this as if she never had that disgusting dominant dark Betty phase fuck outta here with your hypocrisy Betty (and Jughead, I’m still bitter about Choni being kicked out)

- Don’t most guys smile lovingly after they kiss their girlfriend and watch them walk away? mmhm much to think about. ALSO THANK GOD FOR DR. CURDLE I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH DETECTIVE (more like defective) BUGHEAD

- JOSIE SINGING YAS BITCH! Now just stop bringing her in just to sing and give her a fucking storyline!

- Wait so Veronica is actually selling alcohol now? How? And when? I know that thing from the casino happened but I just figured they switched back to mocktails… damn…

- Wow I actually almost forgot that Reggie and Archie used to be friends… like… sure I get throwing him out for his own good but not having any emotion when the guard slams him down on the counter? Reggie would have been like “now wait a sec…” but they want to make it seem like Josie is the only one who cares huh. STILL THO ARCHOSIE RISE

- JUGHEAD CALLED VERONICA A PRETTY GIRL. JERONICA RISE

- REGGIE HELPING OUT VERONICA YES PLEASE. Ugh I love Veggie… And yes I use that in a non-anti way unlike people who called Swosie SweetPussy

- AND YET AGAIN WHY BETTY ISN’T A DETECTIVE. STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU HAVE ON THEM.

- Betty really is acting like her dad isn’t the black hood huh…

- PENELOPE BROUGHT UP HER DELIVERING CHIC TO HIS DEATH HELL YEAH. I mean that’s good but she’s still shit

- SWEET PEA!!!!!!!!

- God can’t people stay dead? Like the only person we want to see back are Midge, Ben and Dilton, and Joaquin! Joaquin you could have brought back by having Swangs fake his death to get away from the Gargoyle Gang but nooooo you really kill off your POC LGBT character…

- FP shooting Hiram because Hermione asked JERONCIA PARALLELS (asking them to do something for the other)

- Hermione crossing FP? Why would you do this? But also for some reason I don’t fully believe it…

- FALICE FALICE FALICE FALICE FALICE!!!

- But why does Alice only seem herself in front of FP? Like in front of her daughter she’s crazy and brainwashed but not in front of FP… why?

- Also why does Hermione even want to frame FP? Like what’s the reason?

- Veronica Lodge confused at Reggie’s Bad Boys 2 reference? OOC BUT IDC IT WAS KINDA CUTE SOMEHOW

- I love Veggie but I don’t like how Veronica is mostly treating him as a side piece, as her bodyguard than a potential boyfriend.

- YOU CAN’T JUST ASK REGGIE TO BREAK INTO A FUCKING PRISON BY HIMSELF

- After all that’s happened… why would you let Archie go see Hiram? Alone? Or even at all? And also she did have every right to think that he would shoot her father bc… I mean… he has said that he’d kill her father like multiple times but whatever

- Oh so now that he’s not dating your daughter you don’t want to kill him? Fuck you, Hiram.

- DO! NOT! TRUST! HIRAM! FUCKING! LODGE!

- The couple that burns drugs and will probably get high from the fumes is a couple that stays together!

- “There’s only one person who Betty can talk to about the revelation Penelope Blossom revealed to her” *is imagining Archie, the only person Betty opens up to and shit* *sees her and her fucking serial killer father* STOP MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE A GOOD GUY. HE IS NOT A GOOD GUY. I love how Betty said she doesn’t want to be bad like him, or be associated with him… but is now visiting him. Also, what kind of prison would allow a serial killer visitation rights?

- This is Betty, again, going down a dark side and it’s probably going to make her even more insufferable and Bughead even more toxic as Jughead fucks away her thoughts of being dark and shit. sigh iT’S GETTING OLD RIVERDALE STOP NO ONE LIKES THIS

- “Maybe not every murderer is guilty” BITCH YOU LITERALLY— this better be when Jughead has enough and fucking breaks up with her Jesus Christ I hate Betty so fucking much

- Well of course it’s not black and white but NOBODY deserves to die (However certain crimes that I shall not name because it may trigger somebody are totally okay)

- “Oh, how ya feeling, Red?” BTICH ARCHOSIE RISE I LOVE THEM UWU

- Although I don’t like how Josie told Sweet Pea that she couldn’t date during school because she wanted to focus on her career and now the writers are heavily pointing towards an Archosie romance…

- Well Hermione that’s your client’s problem. That’s why you don’t pay for things in advance.

- Watch Jughead not use that money for the Serpents.

- MORE JERONICA MOMENTS UWUUUUUU 

[queenv]

‘ you don’t mean that. ’

don’t sentence starters | accepting | @pinkxperfectionisms

“He put ARCHIE IN JAIL just to punish me,” Veronica breathed out, shaking her head. Betty had her own share of insufferable parents, that much she knew, but her DISOWNING Hiram Lodge and telling him that he didn’t have a daughter anymore was something she’d never thought Betty would say something against. “He’s done SO MANY bad things to so many people, he deserves to be ALONE.”