#veren's rambles

[veren-cos]

It Could Be Us

Chapter 4

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Sambastian x Reader fic

"Sebastian you dumbass, I like you!!!" I huffed it out. "Why can't you get it through your stupid head that I'm in love with you. You idiot! You absolute imbecile!"

God he is so fucking dumb! Fuck it. I don't even care my confession is me screaming at him.

_____________________________________________

Let's rewind, shall we?

I was at Abigails, trying to make a new character for Solarion Chronicles. It was going swimmingly! We had a great backstory, and our stats were suprisingly good. It was such a normal occurrence, I didn't suspect a thing when she ran out of the room, saying she just was running to grab a snack.

Little did I know the 'snack' she was grabbing, was Sebastian. "Abigail, what the hell!" He slammed the door shut once he saw I was in her room. Through muffled yells I heard, "I thought we were making your character! Why is the farmer here?"

"Because the two of you need to talk. And we are making the SC characters! We have been working on ours for like an hour!" Though I couldn't see her face, I could picture her look of disappointment. Of course she couldn't have known. She had no idea just how hurt he had been. The two kept arguing and arguing. I couldn't just listen from behind the door.

With a click of the handle, I reached out and pulled Sebastian into the room. "Sebastian. Whatevers going on between us is *Between Us*. Don't take it out on Abigail."

He huffed, "Well she should have known.. I don't want to talk to you." He pulled away, but I closed the door behind him.

"Sebastian. We need to talk."

"I already said I don't want to, can't you get the hint?"

"You already said what you wanted to say at the beach! You haven't heard anything about what I have to say, or anything Sam does on the topic either!"

"Oh my Yoba, farmer! It's always Sam with you. Sam, Sam, Sam, always Sam! You know at one point I deluded myself onto think you like me. Did you know that?" He laughed. It was a dry laugh. A laugh that made me pity his mear existence at the point. A laugh that me want to hold him, to comfort him.

He continued, "But no! You like Sam! Why do you even want to be around me? Didn't you just use me to get closer to him? That's why you always gave me things, huh? Always dropped by my house? Said hi to me at pool? You always looked away every time I glanced in your direction. Always at Sam. Always Sam! So it's bad enough that I started to fall for you. But it's even worse that you fell for my first love!"

He was tearing up... "You just had to go for Sam. God fucking damn it farmer. Just leave me alone. I can't deal with you two together. It's too painful."

You know, i almost pitied him so a second. But god how can he be so dumb! "Sebastian you dumbass, I like you!!!" I huffed it out. "Why can't you get it through your stupid head that I'm in love with you. You idiot! You absolute imbecile!"

God he is so fucking dumb! Fuck it. I don't even care my confession is me screaming at him. "Yes! Yes, I like Sam! I love him so much! He is so kind, and loving. He always knows just what to say, and he-"

"So you admit it! You admit you're in love with him!" Near every emotion was flashing through his eyes.

"Yes but you're missing the most important part. I'm also in love with *you*!" I grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks and making him look at me. "Can't you get that through your thick skull?"

He pulled away, "How does that make any sense? You're in love with both of us. Are you kidding me? Sam is so perfect for you! I see how you work together. How he looks at you. How you look at him. I'm just a nobody. A tag-along. A third wheel. C'mon farmer listen to yourself."

"You listen to yourself! I am being so explicit and obvious with how I feel about you. If you are so observant to see how me and Sam look at each other, then you should be smart enough to know we look at you the same way! You aren't a nobody. Have some confidence Seb, we love you!"

"I-" he blinked. "Wait." Maybe it finally got through his head. "..We?"

And I let out a breath. "Yes, we." I only have one shot. He is finally listening, but if I screwed this up I don't think he could handle it. "Sam and I talked about it. We love you, Seb."

He was stunned. "So.. you love me. And, Sam..?"

"Mmhmm" I nodded.

The wind outside filled the long silence. The quiet whisper of the trees, the river just a bit away. The waves ebbing and flowing, making a beautiful melody to clash against the awkward mood. I gave him the time he needed to think. Yet this kept dragging on.

"What does that mean for.. everything? For us? For you two? Hold on. Geez farmer why didn't you tell me before I yelled at you so much?"

"Because you yelled at me before I could even tell you! That day on the beach? Yeah. I was heading to talk to you about this. But then you stormed away. Something I'm still a bit upset about, by the way." I glared at him. As much as I love his stupid face, he could be so frustrating. But it sounded like he was getting it.

"BOTH OF YOU CALM DOWN!" Suddenly Sam burst into the room! "I don't want to hear you both arguing!"

"Sam???" We looked over to see the blond freaking the fuck out.

"And I know that you guys are going through something right now, but Sebastian! What on earth are you even mad about?"

"Sam.." Sebastian tried to stop him.

"Because the Farmer has been stuck trying to think of how to talk to you for days!! And so have I! You don't look at me the same anymore. And"

"Sam." This time I tried.

"I know I should have said this earlier but Seb I love you so much. And so does the farmer. But we can't tell you if you won't listen to us!"

"SAM!" Abigail screeched out. "I brought you here to calm these two down, not so you could freak out and make things worse!!

Me and Sebastian blinked. Just how long had we been talking??? I questioned, "did you go all the way to Sam's, then back with him just in the span of our" I gave Seb an awkward glance, "uh.. tiff?"

"Well yeah! It was a whole two and a half pages long!"

"I'm sorry?" Seb interjected.

"Pff. Hahaha, Abigail oh goodness. You know bringing him here could have made things so much worse. Don't get me wrong Sam, I love you, but oh gosh if it hadn't gotten through Seb's THICK SKULL just moments ago this fight could have exploded."

"I'm still sorry about that.." Sebastian sighed. I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now.

"Shhh I know it's okay" I teased, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.

"Okay.. what???" Sam had been brought here to calm down our little screaming match. But here we were, me drapped around him, even teasing him. "What.. happened?"

"Oh boy, do we have a lot to catch you up on."

Masterlist

An* this chapter was a lot of fun! I like being able to use abigail's frustration at her dumbass friends to push the plot. It's a good time.

Just out of curiosity, and unrelated to this fic. I know that people see and interact with polls more than they leave likes on my stuff? So,

I write because it's fun, but I'm curious if more people read them than I think hahaha

[veren-cos]

REAL REAL REAL!

I have had people ask to draw stuff and I'm like YEAH GO FOR IT!!

Just send it to me or tag me so I can gush over it gownfksnfn

Reblog if you are a fic writer who welcomes moodboards, playlists, remixes, art and any other type of gift based on your stories.

YESSSSS

[goinbhaalistic]

I've talked about this before but I love to imagine for my Dark Urge that 'sickeningly familiar' feeling about hearing his name is gradual and leads him into obsession. He wants to chase this funny feeling that isn't Normal but doesn't feel Awful and it leads him right into Gortash's palm for a bit because of it. He makes decisions he's not proud of chasing his past with a man he deep down knows he can trust but shouldn't.

(Okay not super because the first time is like they got hit to the head with a bowling ball, but still.) Under cut because it got long oops. I had this sitting in drafts for a bit and suddenly went nuts.

The first time Karlach mentions that name, something finally stirs. He repeats it and it tastes strange on his tongue. Karlach eyes him but moves on. He half listens as he mulls the name over in his mind, enjoying the strange new feeling it brings. Sweet and sour, sickeningly sweet on his tongue but the Urge recoils at. Hisses and spits. The feeling is so new, and he chases the high of it.

That night, over and over to himself he says the name like a prayer. To chase the feeling of his ruined brain finally reacting to something positively that isn't a corpse. Something that is fighting against that sick urge haunting him. It has to be good if that is the reaction, clearly.

It isn't the same - he feels pure elation when he kills but it isn't his. This feels so very different. Something about it is unique. He says it and brings a hand to his lips as if to capture it - to hold on to it longer and draw out this strange sensation. The second time, he lets his thoughts voice themselves. He says it unbidden, without a care until the words have slipped past and the stares he earns make him aware he has said something strange. Again. Shame colours his face.

"Gortash... That name is sickeningly familiar."

Was he Baldurian once, then? Gale asks. It would make sense then why he knows the name.

None of the others have ever seen the Dark Urge before walk its streets - maybe they walked in different social circles. Yes, that must be it. That makes sense.

Karlach eyes him for a while.

He doesn't ask.

But he spends the night in prayer to it again anyway.

The third time, he finds a letter in all too familiar writing amidst a ruined mess of corpses - inside a nightmare made reality as they trudge towards a Chosen of the Dead Three. It was a lot more than he ever pictured having to do so many moons ago on that beach.

The name stood out immediately, and then came that same sweet and sickly feeling in his ruined brain again. He lets a smile fall on his lips as he reads further and further down the page after catching himself; and this time, that warm feeling quickly turns to icy coldness.

Either the others don't notice, or they pretend not to. But he stashes the letter away for later and repeats the name with a newfound vigour in his thoughts as they descend - it doesn't last long as he is starting to piece together what he is. What he was.

Many more times he hears the name now that they are finally within the city proper - but it brings him a pang of anxiety now instead. He needs to see the man. He needs to speak with him. Face to face. Not this imaginary thing he's conjured - he is praying to a ghost.

Who is Enver Gortash?

He hears the name on the streets. Archduke. Savior. Hero.

Others are not so complimentary, and Karlach adds her voice to the chorus without skipping so much as a beat. The others are more tame with what is obvious dislike still, but he barely hears it over the beating drum in his head.

He does not wait long as he receives an invitation through the form of one of his strange walking contraptions - the Steel Watchers.

The man's voice echoes strangely through it, and that feeling returns again. Familiarity. Something like home. Like a honeyed drip directly into his brain. He nods along lazily; and barely registers the flurry of worry around him from his companions.

He's close.

When he finally gets the chance to speak to him, his rotted brain plays the part perfectly. He is dumbstruck. He stares. He sputters. He nearly cries, at one point.

His favourite assassin.

He was important to this man once.

There is a part of him that wants to be again.

May add more to this later because oh god it's long already.

[help-an-alter]

Hi!!!! I'm not actually a fragment but I did merge with a new one recently so I'm going names and pronouns shopping!!!! I don't know if you do uh, stuff for fully formed alters too but if you do and if it's not too much can I have some names and nouns pertaining to or similar to the name Feral and/or starting with an E ???? From open cultures preferably bc we're bodily white but if you don't wanna look into that we'll be doing it anyway!! /v nf g (very not forced, genuine)

- 💬 - 🌕🔮👑

🌕🔮👑 is our system sign-off!!! We might pop up in asks again but I'm not sure - we do look at this page a lot

Sorry for talking a lot/text wall and being hyper!! I think I'm manic and/or hyperfixating on this 😓

N e ways we think ur page is great and again this is very not forced okay I'll stop rambling now

hi! i’m happy you enjoy this blog, it’s been a blast working with everyone on it so far :D

i believe all of these are open names, but i do recommend double checking just in case i missed something!

names: wilde, bestial, ferine, vermin, extinct(ion), rabid, anarchic, venom(ous), vesper, fury, edify, edile, erode, ethos, exalt, exile, evoke, ember, elodie, erion, evren, veren

pronouns: can/canis/caniself, fer/feral/feralself, bite/bites/biteself, claw/claws/clawself, scra/scratch/scratchself, whi/sker/whiskerself, fang/fangs/fangself, bo/bones/boneself, ey/em/eir/emself, fel/felis/feliself, er/eris/eriself, ay/aym/aymself

[solarissantaella]

Taere entered the apartment, then stopped up short.

“Veren,” she said, surprised. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” 

Veren was standing by the window, right where she had left him an hour before. He did not respond.

Taere felt cold pinpricks of dread on her skin; she raised her voice. “Veren!” Stillness, silence, sickening fear. She strode across the room and seized his shoulder. “What are you doing? Why won’t you answer me?” She leaned forward to study Veren’s face. 

The cold white glow of the city filmed over his eyes. His lips were slightly parted, and his cheeks shone with tears. 

“There’s no moon,” he murmured, staring at the black sky. 

“Why would there be? Don’t you know where you are?” asked Taere sharply. She immediately regretted her harsh tone. “That was cruel,” she said in a gentler voice, touching his cold, damp cheek in apology. “But you’re scaring me, Veren-virin. This isn’t like you.” 

With effort, Veren wrenched his gaze from the window. Taere couldn’t make out his face in the darkness, but the city light behind him cast a halo on his curls. “The sky,” said Veren in a husky whisper. “It looks so heavy tonight. So heavy. . .” There was a catch in his breathing, and he shivered. 

Taere pulled Veren into a protective embrace. For the first time, she was distressed by the fact that she could only just get her arms around him; she felt overwhelmed and insufficient.

“I couldn’t go outside, not with that sky.” Veren’s words were rushed, and his teeth chattered, making them even harder to understand. “Too dark– no eye– no forgiveness– nothing is forgiven here– there’s nothing there, there’s nothing. . .” Taere couldn’t even begin to make sense of Veren’s rambling. She was so frustrated, she wanted to smack him, though, of course, she was chastened and horrified the moment the impulse crossed her mind. She inhaled deeply through her nose, counting to six, then exhaled to the count of twelve. 

“What do you mean?” she asked in a calm, cold voice that might have belonged to her old master. 

“Aiaso veren isana vera,” said Veren desperately, clutching her arms. “The forgiving eye is always open– but the sky can’t see. There’s no moon!” He dissolved into helpless, gasping sobs, and the only words Taere could get out of him afterward were ‘aiaso veren’. She couldn’t tell if he was quoting the proverb or repeating his own name, grasping at a single certainty in the darkness.  

[veren-cos]

Me when I have like 5 near finished fics and I'm just too all over the place to finish ANY of them 😭😭

AND IM SO PROUD OF THEM TOO I JUST NEWS TO FINISH IT

JCOANGOANFKZ

[veren-cos]

IM WRITING SMUT AND IT KEEPS LOOPING BACK TO FLUFF 😭😭 WHY CANT THIS JUST WORK WITH ME NSNENXKNACJOSJS

[veren-cos]

Here is a self love post because I need one rn!!!

You are so pretty! You are so kind, and so smart. You deserve love! You deserve the world.

It's okay to fail. Everyone fails sometimes.

It's okay to need help. You will be okay!

You are a good friend. People care about you. People love you.

It's okay. And it's okay if it's not okay!!

[veren-cos]

I am. Not well.

Violet Evergarden fucking does things to me. The show is so beautiful. It means so much to me.

I have cried. Over 18 times this past week. I binged the whole show and all the movies.

She just wanted to know what I love you meant. And now she knows. She could finally tell him she loved him.

She finally got to see him.

Every time I watch this show I cry.

I get it. I understand her. Not entirely because she had really wild circumstances. But learning what I love you means. That is what it is to be human. To be human is to love.

And she learns of all kinds. Platonic. Familial. Romantic. She learns about each and every kind of love. And it's beautiful. It's wonderful.

It's heartwrenching. It's terrible. It's every emotion wrapped in a pretty bow. The writers are amazing.

I cannot even scratch the surface how much this show means to me. It means everything.

[veren-cos]

Me when I want to continue writing my Shane chronic pain comfort but my chronic pain is paining so now I'm in too much pain to write 😭😭 like typing this out is hurting so I should really just go to sleep-

[veren-cos]

UGH OKAY SO WHAT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME

IM TOO HOT FOR HIM ANYWAYS

I'm literally so cool you guys. I cosplay, I write, I sew, I have a stellar GPA and have my life planned out. I have a good job, and I have an amazing social life. I embroider, I read a billion books and am GOTH you guys!! I'm a goth freaking baddie!

So so what if a guy doesn't like me!

I don't need him anyways!

Eventually I'll find an amazing guy who loves me! Someone who will work with my anxiety about relationships, and understand my disabilities. Someone who will think I'm hot as fuck but not have that be the main reason they like me.

All in all, I'm a bad bitch and I don't need a man!!! (But I'd still like one eventually haha)

[veren-cos]

Yall how would we feel if I started writing smut...

Not a guarantee, but I have some ideas

Here is my masterlist if you've never read my writing lmao

[veren-cos]

I love accidentally making my micro bangs too micro....

Love it/s

#goththings

[veren-cos]

Yall why is realizing you're aroace so hard.

Like I always thought I wanted a boyfriend. I always thought I'd get married and love someone and be with them forever.

But like. I don't get that. I don't like people romantically. I wanted to want someone romantically so bad I just convinced myself I did.

And I still want to want it. But I just don't. And god it sucks. It sounds so nice. Loving someone. I really wanted to. I've tried!

I'm trying to come to terms with it and it's so sad. Like hypothetically I'd love a relationship. But. Idk everything I've ever come close (or actually been in one) I just feel constantly anxious and literally sick. One time I thought someone had a crush on me and made myself so anxious about it I literally threw up. It was a very bad day lol

But yeah. Romance should just stay in the hypothetically for me.

[veren-cos]

So I went on a date for the first time in like. 2 years.

And honestly I haven't been on many dates in the first place lol

But it was like. Really nice? But also really boring?? I don't quite know how to feel about it. He is a sweet guy, don't get me wrong, but like. Hmmmm.

He is also straight. Which really confused me? Because I told him I was nonbinary after he said that and he was like 'OK 👍 '

So uh. Cool? But he kept calling me like. Pretty. Or a pretty girl. Or like. A lady. So it wasn't bad things, but I just felt like he didn't actually either understand that I'm not a girl or didn't care? (I'm honestly not quite sure he understands what being nonbinary means but I explained it to him so he should????)

And so I was the one who asked him out. And we have like known of each other's existence for around a year, but only really started talking less than a week ago? And so it was more just like a get to know each other better kind of date, right?

And he asked what made me like him (normal enough) but later on the date he asked if I loved him? And I was like. Oh dear this might get awkward 😭 so I had to be like 'uhhhh I don't really know. We only just started talking, and this is only our first date.'

He wants to go on another one, and I don't think I'd be mad about it? But I'm not sure. And I don't want to like go on a bunch of dates and then not talk to him because that feels mean. So I need to figure it out before we go on another one.

Like I said he is sweet. But ahhhhhh I'm so bad at dating 😭 maybe I just like. Shouldn't. But I don't know how to tell him I don't want to go on another date 😭😭😭 ughhhhhhh

[veren-cos]

If I write like 3 paragraphs of fanfiction everyday, I can have all my requests finished in like a week. Maybe? Errrr okay actually make that 2 weeks and like 5 paragraphs.

But badically!!! I'm so close to being done with all my requests!!!

(Send more I have so much fun)