#vera.list

[beatricebidelaire]

lemony snicket + french

The French expression “cul-de-sac” describes what the Baudelaire orphans found when they reached the end of the dark hallway, and like all French expressions, it is most easily understood when you translate each French word into English. The word “de,” for instance, is a very common French word, so even if I didn’t know a word of French, I would be certain that “de” means “of.” The word “sac” is less common, but I am fairly certain that it means something like “mysterious circumstances.” And the word “cul” is such a rare French word that I am forced to guess at its translation, and my guess is that in this case it would mean “At the end of the dark hallway, the Baudelaire children found an assortment,” so that the expression “cul-de-sac” here means “At the end of the dark hallway, the Baudelaire children found an assortment of mysterious circumstances.” -- tee

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If you have ever experienced something that feels strangely familiar, as if the exact same thing has happened to you before, then you are experiencing what the French call “déjà vu.” Like most French expressions—“ennui,” which is a fancy term for severe boredom, or “la petite mort,” which describes a feeling that part of you has died—“déjà vu” refers to something that is usually not very pleasant, and it was not pleasant for the Baudelaire orphans to stand outside the freaks’ caravan listening to Count Olaf and experiencing the queasy feeling of déjà vu. -- tcc

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The word “denouement” is not only the name of a hotel or the family who manages it, particularly nowadays, when the hotel and all its secrets have almost been forgotten, and the surviving members of the family have changed their names and are working in smaller, less glamorous inns. “Denouement” comes from the French, who use the word to describe the act of untying a knot, and it refers to the unraveling of a confusing or mysterious story, such as the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, or anyone else you know whose life is filled with unanswered questions. The denouement is the moment when all of the knots of a story are untied, and all the threads are unraveled, and everything is laid out clearly for the world to see. -- tpp

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I forced myself to calm down. If someone disappears around a corner, it means they’ve gone into one of the buildings or a giant bird has carried them away. The skies were clear, so I checked doorways. There was an abandoned restaurant, with round tables that were too small to eat at comfortably. I peered through the cracked window and read some words on a chalkboard—LES GOMMES, which was French for who knew what—but the door was nailed shut, tight as a coffin. Before long all doors in town would be that way, with the Knights abandoning their ink business and moving to the city.

Across the street was another closed business. The broken sign read UARIU, which didn’t look like French. -- wdyshl

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My associate was right. The word “Mayday” does have a French origin. It comes from the term “M’aider,” which in French means “help me.” You could probably see it in my eyes as I stared out at the seaweed that lived when the sea was drained away, for no reason anyone could explain, and that moved in ways so mysterious no one could imagine them. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. -- sybis

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“It’s at the confluence of two large rivers that turn gray and still at night,” I said. “Winnipeg has been greatly influenced by French culture, so it will be no chore at all to find a good French press. We will drink coffee and watch the river from the balcony of the house of an associate of mine. We will attend masked balls at her castle, and you can get scared then.”

“Castle?” she said.

“My associate is the Duchess of Winnipeg,” I said, “or she will be, when her mother dies.” -- witndfaon

[beatricebidelaire]

fic rec: daily punctilio

All the News in Fits of Print [geraldine & moxie]

In which Moxie reads an article she finds suspicious, learns unexpected and upsetting things about Geraldine Julienne, and dines-and-dashes at a very In restaurant.

every cloud [jacques & lemony]

the snicket brothers (supposedly) at work.

puppeteer [esme/geraldine] (rating: M)

geraldine isn't really the kind of woman who would lock her editor in the basement. or, at least, not without some convincing.

Foolish Girl [geraldine/eleanora] (rating: M)

After a night meeting with Geraldine Julienne and some bottles of wine, Eleanora Poe finds herself in an unfamiliar place.

Off the Record [esme/geraldine] (rating: E)

"Cheap champagne," muses Esmé as Geraldine babbles. "She's like cheap champagne with a fancy-looking label, and it’s much too sweet and much too bubbly, but it gets you just drunk enough to forget how much you’re going to hate yourself in the morning."

bonus:

lulu's "4 seasons of the daily punctilio as the office" post

[beatricebidelaire]

found this in my drafts. do not know what it's about. posting it anyway

making salad while sitting on the floor because you’re too tired

secret accordion notes that appeared mysteriously after someone fakes their own death

a small lamp shaped like a frog on a large wooden desk under the number 175

the inherent liminal space of an ersatz elevator

gays who can’t do math bidding at the in auction

a typewriter with some keys missing

beatrice baudelaire disguising herself as a pickup truck

a wooden box on desk marked “letters” that’s full of letters

library at 667 dark avenue penthouse with books describing what had been in throughout the times of history

triangular glasses

[beatricebidelaire]

tb8 recs

fics:

Someone Is Waiting a score of zero

playlists:

my life upon a sonnet we were sparkling Dark / Light / Dark / Light

art:

group photo Kate Flannery and Natasha Flannery Natasha

edits:

x x x x x x x x

analyses:

x x x x

bonus:

these people are really intense about cheese DH's adult stories are implied to occur within the same universe

[beatricebidelaire]

random snicketverse posts that live in my mind

that post about asoue being cautionary tale of letting grown up theater kids do things unchecked

count olaf and beatrice baudelaire go way back + photo of the quote of “one day when i was 7 years old”

that vintage photo w/ caption of being 82.9% this is lemony and moxie

roses are red not sure if you can trust this + that jerome quote from tpp

the art of moxie and lemony convo “why do you always say that” “i’ll probably outgrow it”

the art of lemony and bea ii drinking root beer floats

the art of esme in her where the fuck is my sugar bowl underwear

the post with long additional tags of the baudelaire parents never mentioned lemony

beatrice and olaf and “nobody knows who you are and no one cares”

beatrice and olaf and how was the opera such a normal time

beatrice and bertrand and why is ur back all scratched up i’m having an affair

my favorite snicketverse parody of my immortal that ended with hangfire stared at me i fed him to the bombinating beast

dewey and kit and what runs in your family? lemony

darling dearest dramatic hoe

6 by 6 alignment chart (there are six type of adults and six type of children)

the analysis on asoue and atwq books on gender identities and also women who love fashion and how sure esme is v girlboss but she’s also a villain so atwq and the introduction of cleo is v nice improvement

daniel handler answering question about lgbt characters in his book and “more than you think, as in real life”

daniel handler on asoue timeline “it begins in the morning”

dewey and esme and “because i didn’t hide it very well”

[beatricebidelaire]

fic rec: jacques snicket

Stickers on the locker  [jacques/olaf] (rating: E)

The unsolved mystery of that night in the jail and the rest goes down in history.

In the inland deserts, nights are cold and it doesn’t particularly help, whether is just nightfall or midnight and being inside the house doesn’t hold much significance either. It’s the water in the ground that stores the heat when the sun doesn’t shine and the chilling truth about deserts is that in an extremely dry land, there is nothing to keep the heat overnight. And the VFD village was in the middle of nowhere and incredibly moistureless.

It's a very classic story. It's about foolish men and dying.

close encounters of the sibling kind  [jacques & kit]

Written for the following prompt in asoue-network's 2020 Sugar Bowl Tournament: 5 times Jacques and Kit narrowly avoided each other in the city streets, and the one time they ran into each other.

The Unpleasant Arrival of Dramatic Irony  [jacques/jerome]

On his way out of town, Jacques drops in on an old friend.

Edge  [frank/jacques] (rating: E)

Frank needs to loosen up, Jacques needs telling what to do.

every cloud  [jacques & lemony]

the snicket brothers (supposedly) at work.

(untitled)  [jacques/esme]

in thirteen short parts, the story of a relationship that never changed anything.

(untitled)  [jacques & esme]

a lunchtime argument between jacques and esme.

[beatricebidelaire]

Top 5 snicketverse fics that live rent free in my mind

Overdrive (kit/esme, driving across hinterlands in the taxi)

Off the Record (esme/geraldine, what happens at penthouse of 667 dark ave stays at penthouse of 667 dark ave)

call me from the road (gen, friendship between jkbbdef over the years)

Beatrice (beatrice/lemony, noir, murder investigation)

Failed Plots (lemony/bertrand, slight lemonberry ice, over the years, first meeting, mission together, lemony going on the run, etc)

[beatricebidelaire]

ages (canon clues + my own preferred interpretations)

hector turned 12 when lemony is “almost 13”, at the end of ?1, so if we accept lemony’s words about his own age, they’re the same age, hector slightly younger

ellington is “a little taller or a little older” than lemony, possibly both, based on lemony’s guess/observations. it’s possible that the older part might not be true, maybe she’s just taller, but i do tend to place her ….. perhaps a year or two older than L

snicket twins and the denouement triplets are of the same age, based on both D and K have said about the schism happening when they were 4. (D also said that the triplets were taken right about their 5th birthday, which means it’s shortly after the schism began.)

bertrand’s apprenticeship is earlier than lemony’s, which while it isn’t necessarily conclusively definitely means that he must be older, it’s quite likely. (e.g. maybe he got involved in vfd earlier hence starting apprenticeship earlier, etc.) we don’t really know much about bertrand’s childhood and vfd involvement to say.

however, what we do know is that bertrand’s childhood is in some way parallel to bea jr’s. obviously this doesn’t mean they joined the same way or had very similar childhoods, but it’s interesting they’re parallels and it’s mentioned in the narrative. bea jr found her way to vfd at an age where she can already search for people on her own, and while we can’t know if bertrand also joined vfd similarly or around similar age, it’s a possibility that makes sense (unless his guardians were already involved in vfd, then it makes sense for him to join at very young age.) as for lemony, he said the implications from the little snicket lad implying he’s taken while in diapers are wrong and that he was “far past crawling”, but even so for the photo attached (either him or some other photo he found of someone more or less the same age), the kid in the photo looked quite young too. so considering these two points about when they got into vfd, chances do in fact leans towards B being older

is he older than the snicket twins and denouement triplets though, it’s really hard to say. there’s really nothing indicating either way. in fact, we don’t know how much older J and K are than L either. i usually place them at the same age but i’m biased and promoting b&k friendship propaganda all the time

i don’t think L and beatrice are proven to be the same age, even though i mostly think about it this way in my head. we know their first meeting (tbl letter 1) and lemony iirc mentioned his age in the card he passed along. but beatrice’s age isn’t known. however, we do know beatrice and olaf and r and lemony were in classes at the same time, so it’s likely they are the same age, so i usually place those 4 as the same age.

monty has been studying snakes for 40 years by the point of TRR, so i tend to place him slightly older than the rest. i’d like to think of him and georgina as fellow stem field volunteers around the same age but there’s probably no proof of this. (well, at most we got them standing together like friends in the netflix photo, which i always find interesting.)

i tend to think esme slightly younger than beatrice and olaf, maybe by a year or two. again, no conclusive evidence.

[beatricebidelaire]

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: Baticeer Extraordinaire

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: An Actress and an Adventurer

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Behind the Dedications

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Behind the Myth

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Mother Behind the Myth

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Myth Behind the Woman

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Legend Behind the Myth

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Myth Behind the Legend

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Legend Behind the Myth Behind the Legend

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Legend Behind the Myth Behind the Legend Behind the Woman Behind the Dedications

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman On the Stage

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Behind the Stage

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Who Was a Murderer

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Who Fired the Poison Darts

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Woman Who Fired the Poison Darts, But Only During One Evening

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Writer of a 200 Paged Break-Up Letter

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, a Man, and Another Man

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, a Man, and Another Woman

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, Another Woman, and a Box of Poison Darts

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, a Man, Another Woman, Another Man, and a Box of Poison Darts

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, Another Woman, and a Sugar Bowl

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of Two Theater Kids Who Grew Up Together

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of Two Apprentices, Both of Whom Studied Under the Same Chaperone

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: The Story of a Woman, Her Husband, and Their Kids

IS THAT A POISON DART? The Story of Beatrice Baudelaire

BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE: A Real Woman Behind Ambiguous Rumors, But Also Vice Versa

[beatricebidelaire]

violet - inventor

fiona - mycologist

cleo - chemist

georgina - optometrist

monty - herpetologist

hector - mechanic

hangfire - naturalist

ishmael - chemistry teacher

gregor - ichnologist, marine biology

fernald - marine biology

kit - submarine building

widdershins - submarine building

[beatricebidelaire]

list of snicketverse characters who eat ice cubes

olivia (probably has iron deficiency)

kit (probably same)

bertrand (projection)

dewey (influences from above two and gets into habit of doing so while researching)

fiona (i don’t have any explanation for her it’s just a feeling)

beatrice & olaf (actors will eat anything)

esme (but only when it’s in to do so)

sunny (will bite anything hard)

[beatricebidelaire]

LEMONY SNICKET: Baudelaire Biographer

LEMONY SNICKET: A Coward and a Gentleman

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Man

LEMONY SNICKET: The Man Behind the Truth

LEMONY SNICKET: The Man Behind the Hedges

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Lies

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Lies Behind the Truth

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Lies Behind the Truth Behind the Man Behind the Hedges

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Story Behind the Organization Behind a Great Deal of Trouble

LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Man Behind the Story Behind the Orphans

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Has Never Burned Anything Down

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Has Never Burned Anything Down, Despite What You May Have Heard

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Suspects Others of Having Burned Things Down, Even Though He Himself Did Not

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Wishes Things Had Turned Out Differently

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Needs Your Help

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man Who Needs Your Help, Please

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man, a Woman, and an Organization

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man, a Woman, and Several Matches

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of a Man, a Woman, and Another Man

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of Three People, Two of Whom Are Male

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of Three Initials, All of Which Are Secret

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of Three Initials, All of Which Are Consonants

LEMONY SNICKET: The Story of Three Siblings, At Least One of Whom Is Dead

DO YOU SMELL SMOKE? The Story of Lemony Snicket

LEMONY SNICKET: A Good Man in Bad Trouble, Not Vice Versa

[beatricebidelaire]

letter signature samples

[beatricebidelaire]

Verne Invention Museum (tee)

Museum of Sinks (tpp)

Museum of Bad Breakfast (wctbath)

Museum of Items (wdyshl)

[beatricebidelaire]

writing samples

georgina

(i)

Hypnosis is an efficacious yet precarious methodology and should not be assayed by neophytes.

bertrand

(i)

Ishmael’s fearmongering has stopped work on the passageway, even though we have a plethora of horseradish in case of any emergency. We’re attempting a botanical hybrid through the tuberous canopy, which should bring safety to fruition despite its dangers to our associates in utero. Of course, in case we are banished, Beatrice is hiding a small amount in a vessel ....

beatrice

(i)

As we suspected, we are to be castaways once more. The others believe that the island should stay far from the treachery of the world, and so this safe place is too dangerous for us. We will leave by a boat B has built and named after me. I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which I can hope. We cannot truly shelter our children, here or anywhere else, and so it might be best for us and for the baby to immerse ourselves in the world. By the way, if it is a girl we will name her Violet, and if it is a boy we will name him Lemony.

geraldine

(i)

As you know, the editor-in-chief of The Daily Punctilio just fired our dramatic critic, whose name escapes me (I’ve never been good with names but I still think I’m a pretty good reporter!!), so I’m confident you’ll never get another bad review for your performances on the stage, whether you’re acting in one of Al Funcoot’s plays or something else.

jacques

(i)

I hope that this package reaches you safely, and that you are safe when it reaches you, and that I will be safe in making sure this package will reach you in safety, in a safe manner, and in a safe.

(ii)

Under normal circumstances, new volunteers like ourselves would not receive disguise training until our years of apprenticeship were finished, but we have not been under normal circumstances for quite some time. For instance, currently I am under sixty feet of water, rather than under normal circumstances.

(iii)

I cannot fully explain this reason for two reasons. The first reason I cannot explain this reason is that I made a solemn vow I would never tell anyone this reason. And the second reason I cannot explain this reason is that if you learned of this reason - or even the two reasons why I cannot explain this reason - that would be the reason you would suddenly find yourself in danger. Even though I explain this reason for the two reasons I explained, I want to give you a reasonable explanation, so I will tell you everything I can.

kit

(i)

The poisonous fungus you insist on cultivating in the grotto will bring grim consequences for all of us. Our factory at Lousy Lane can provide some dilution of the mycelium’s destructive respiratory capabilities, and you assure me that the mycelium grows best in small, enclosed spaces, but this is of little comfort. One mistake, Gregor, and your entire facility would have to be abandoned. Please, do not become the thing you dread most by adopting the destructive tactic of our most villainous enemies: playing with fire.

sally

(i)

Dear Mr. Snicket,

What a relief it was to learn that you are alive and that Dr. Orwell is dead! For years I suspected the opposite, and assumed that one of your siblings was handling your affairs, as I am handling Gustav’s. Siblings must take care of one another when they are all alone in the world, and it has been an honor to look after the Sebald papers.

r

(i)

It seems to me, my dear friend, that one moment you and I were becoming friends in the infirmary, telling each other stories to distract us from the pain in our ankles, and the next moment the entire organization was scattered, like ashes blowing in the woeful and watery Winnipeg winds.

(ii)

I do not think it is safe for me to keep these two letters any longer, and for reasons I do not need to explain, it is impossible for me to write to Mr. Snicket. Will you please get these letters to a safe place - perhaps with Ike, or at least that dairy farm you once told me about? I hope - as we all do - that someday these papers will save at least three lives.

If you do me this favor I will never forget, any more than I would forget the location of our secret jeep, or the Sebald Code.

jerome

(i)

Esmé and I are happily married and living in the penthouse apartment you begged me to buy and never, ever sell. Perhaps you can explain why if you come over and visit us. She says that she can’t wait to meet you so she can finally give you what you deserve. I assume she means a present of some kind. I asked her to explain, but she grew angry, and, as you know, I can’t stand arguing.

I will give this letter to the doorman to make sure that it will get to you. I would hate to lose touch with a friend such as you.

[beatricebidelaire]

the beatrices

beatrice

beatrice ii

the boat

the lion