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The worst part of my life is that i know whatever specific units of measurement look like no matter the container

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Icebreaker is some the rankest fucking dogwater shit i have ever read like literally dont waste your time. I thought itd be like cute like awe lil cute romance NO it is romance for a page and a half after 12 years of the most unlikeable protags and then after its 70 years of the most mid smut and sitcom situational bs ever. Dogwater

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Update yall we broke up like 2.5 months ago and he cheated LMAOO good god

why do i want my boyfriend to cheat on me? It’s not out of some weird desire to get out of the relationship and not be at fault. its not because i feel like im emotionally cheating on him. maybe its because it would explain why hes such a weird boyfriend, like sometimes hes really supportive, albeit in his unhelpful way, but like I support him so much. i give him encouragement, insight, i indulge in his bitching about the various ppl he knows. and yet whenever i need support its always, “idk what u want me to say” or “ i wish i could help you right now” when the only thing ive asked of him up until recently is emotional support. agreement even just to indulge. i feel as tho it would maybe explain the constant cheating allegations hes thrown at me over the 2 years weve been together. the way he constantly talks about his exes, both good and bad. the way he uses the “emotional abuse” he suffered at the hands of his most recent ex as a bargaining chip for sympathy. yet not only does he discount the actual real cases of physical or emotional abuse thrown at women in the workplace or in domestic settings, HES ADMITTED HE WAS JUST AS BAD AS HIS EX.

hes said that it was a toxic relationship, that he shouldve left it a long time ago. that it was bad for both of them, and hadnt it have been for the recent cheating scandal, revealed by his mormon childhood friend, he wouldve maybe been left to dig deeper into why that relationship was so bad.

Maybe i just feel blamed, for her cheating because he never got closure. for their bad relationship. for the guilt he potentially feels for agreeing to date me so soon after they broke up. Maybe he still had feelings for her, and he feels guilty. so he blames me.

I think he’s an okay boyfriend. I love him i think

he has a good job now, after encouragement from me to go back to school, encouragement to start applications, encouragment do his best and take it seriously. hes still, inexplicably paying off his credit card debt. which had apparently stayed below 3k for over a year.

I used to pay for everything and he complains about buying me dinner.

i dont know what i want. this didnt help.

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The deer showing up when wills at his worst mentally, in addition to the already accepted meaning the deer brings, reminds me that despite the fact that hes clearly at his weakest and most unstable he has this beacon of strength following him around and also can mean to us as viewers that it takes an inordinate amount of strength to deal with mental and physical illness. Hes exerting himself so much just to sleepwalk, and sweat, and try to see the world around him. And hes trying SO HARD to be okay and function normally.

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I think too many people are critical of their mothers. Like theres gotta be a reason the women who had bad moms r slightly more likely to talk abt how bad there moms were than their dads. I dont doubt it happens tho. I just think moms are set up to fail and we live in an era of nonapology

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Sometimes you come to the conclusion that you need to kill yourself.

And then you remember your pregnant sister, and your mom stuck all alone with no one to help her. Just her husband and son.

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Why am i drinking tonight? Nothing bad has happened that i need to numb the pain of. Plenty of thing bad have happened in the previous couple of days and technically it wouldnt be insane to drink abt it. EXCEPT i talk a lot of shit about my family and friends to everyone except them and maybe i deserve an alcoholic life because of that

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Ive had these conversations with her

I feel like i can do better than she did

If i do, the only reason is because we grew up in different times because i undoubtedly know i am my mothers daughter

If i dont its because its just who we are and i have her to blame as much as i have myself to blame but itll be too late before i realize who was right

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I need to stop drinking and thinking that I’m some insane new fucking Plato ass motherfucker I need to stop drinking for my pain

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Something that I really don’t want to admit

When you act as evil as you feel you need to be when you act out on your feelings of anger and treat people the way they treat you as much as they deserve it when they start treating you like you belong with them do you belong with that type of people is that who you really want to be

[laughingue]

why do i want my boyfriend to cheat on me? It’s not out of some weird desire to get out of the relationship and not be at fault. its not because i feel like im emotionally cheating on him. maybe its because it would explain why hes such a weird boyfriend, like sometimes hes really supportive, albeit in his unhelpful way, but like I support him so much. i give him encouragement, insight, i indulge in his bitching about the various ppl he knows. and yet whenever i need support its always, “idk what u want me to say” or “ i wish i could help you right now” when the only thing ive asked of him up until recently is emotional support. agreement even just to indulge. i feel as tho it would maybe explain the constant cheating allegations hes thrown at me over the 2 years weve been together. the way he constantly talks about his exes, both good and bad. the way he uses the “emotional abuse” he suffered at the hands of his most recent ex as a bargaining chip for sympathy. yet not only does he discount the actual real cases of physical or emotional abuse thrown at women in the workplace or in domestic settings, HES ADMITTED HE WAS JUST AS BAD AS HIS EX.

hes said that it was a toxic relationship, that he shouldve left it a long time ago. that it was bad for both of them, and hadnt it have been for the recent cheating scandal, revealed by his mormon childhood friend, he wouldve maybe been left to dig deeper into why that relationship was so bad.

Maybe i just feel blamed, for her cheating because he never got closure. for their bad relationship. for the guilt he potentially feels for agreeing to date me so soon after they broke up. Maybe he still had feelings for her, and he feels guilty. so he blames me.

I think he’s an okay boyfriend. I love him i think

he has a good job now, after encouragement from me to go back to school, encouragement to start applications, encouragment do his best and take it seriously. hes still, inexplicably paying off his credit card debt. which had apparently stayed below 3k for over a year.

I used to pay for everything and he complains about buying me dinner.

i dont know what i want. this didnt help.

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Maybe seeing the world through anyone elses eyes would be hell, but i know that seeing the world through your eyes would hell regardless of that.

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In a lifetime where i dont hate sunsets and golden hour touches my face without regret for wasting it on me, i am living in a city. I live in toronto and i go to university and make a living for myself and i have friends that love me depsite my faults and i can walk down steps over looking my neighbourhood. I dont have to worry that my existence is wrong or a strain on resources and people will value my mind and my body and my thoughts. I have youth and i have life ahead of me without regret. I live poorly but have no shame, i live richly in a well loved home and i am not allergic to dogs here. We get together regularly to drink and read talk over wine and our friends who have interests outside of work because they can afford to love to cook for us and the food is fantastic. And they are talented as i am incapable of being. And no one is embarrassed of me and i dont think of my life here. Its over and behind me and everything good and bad about it holds no power there. And i can live happily.

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I have a lot of issues, mostly with myself, but also with my family and more soecifically my brother and dad. I have seen the depths of humanity in their eyes and heard of it through how they spoke to me my sister and my mom. And growing up i was so much more resolved in my hatred knowing that for sure i was not to blaim and despite their few faults neither were my mom or sister. Yet i find myself by instinct trying ti find reasons as to why the women in my family have for years endured the suffering and the mistreatment and by pure desparation for answers i end up blaming them for allowing themselves to be mistreated by the men they love. It isn’t their fault regardless of how they reacted to abuse and it isnt mine either. I want to be more resolved in my hatred and feel more justified in my skeptisicm of other men, especially considering no other men i know of have risen above the surface of what i consider to be a decent person.

Trying to come up for a breath only ends up making you the fool and they live their lives uncaring and sucking everything from the people around them. Do i deserve to be as bad as they are? Im not sure i like a lot of people nowadays.

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Theres nothing i fucking hate MORE than reading a book or a fanfic or watching a show and when some atrocity is commited against someone (usually a girl) by someone she trusted (ie a boyfriend, a friend) and the way its resolved is that she just forgives them...... I fucking HATE that shit. Or its played like its her fault. Im gonna stab someone i am so angry. I could go into why but im venting rn so im not gonna.

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special delivery

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luke skywalker made SURE that his astral projection wore the sleekest black number (thread count: 900), even brushed off dirt that didn’t hit him just for the drama of it all. there’s only one bad bitch and there he is in custom gucci boots!