#venting under the cut

[thefortysecondolive]

Been thinking about allo- and amatonormativity lately and how many examples I can offer up first-hand even from the last couple of years and I’m just… I’m tired.

I’m tired of it only being a matter of time before showrunners turn that close m/f friendship into a romantic subplot. I’m just about as tired of “if they don’t kiss/hold hands/make out/have sex on screen then it’s not queer rep” as I am of “there’s no platonic explanation for this” and “friends don’t do that.” I’m tired of “I just don’t get why you’d headcanon them as aspec,” even about characters who have never expressed any preference at all. I’m tired of the implications that reading a character as aspec or a relationship as platonic is somehow homophobic. I’m tired of aspecs who are canon in the source material being erased in adaptations and fandom. I’m tired of “they can still have a relationship though!” as a justification for shipping without engaging with aspec identities.

And that’s just talking about internet spaces—the spaces I come to as a form of escapism. That’s not even starting on the bog-standard get-to-know-you questions about having a partner, which I can either tactfully deflect or answer honestly and out myself in a first conversation. The “well, but if you had to—?” The “when you’re a parent you’ll understand” and the insinuations that the types of relationships I do form aren’t meaningful. Being told I’d clean up on lesbian dating apps and having to explain to my therapist why that took me aback. The way people say “just friends” like friendship is something lesser. Every time I’ve been taken to be dating a close friend. The way a bartender once asked “what’s funny about that?” when my friend and I laughed at the implication we were in that bar as a couple. The friend from my very queer contra community who said he didn’t really get why people wanted to have words to express that they didn’t do something. The other friend who told me I needed to “reevaluate my prejudices about romance.” The frequency with which in-person queer spaces are sexualized or focused on finding a partner. The podcast I listened to that defined QPRs with barely any reference to the term’s origins in ace and aro communities. The tax benefits for married couples and the restriction of visiting privileges in medical settings. How difficult it is to afford rent on a single income.

It’s all just. so. tedious. And I’m so tired of it.

[deansapplepie]

Loves,

I’m writing the next chapter of Inherited and then I’m going to Till THE DEAD do us part, I have many ideas popping up in my mind, but I don’t know when I’m delivering it for you. Despite me wanting to write and having ideas, things are not very easy now.

Putting my work and tiredness aside… here in my house we take care of my grandma which is 96 years old. She’s in bed for years now, she’s like our baby and she’s not well. The doctor is making her treatments all at home. She has always been very strong and had gotten sick before and recovered, but this time is different. I’m worried and sad when I think about it or people tell me about the fact she may not get well this time.

I know I’m lucky at my age to still have her, I have been very lucky actually, my grandpa from mother’s side passed in 2020, my grandma (his wife) passed in 2021 and now still on my 30s I still have a grandmother, something people from my age normally don’t have anymore. But it hurts the same amount.

So when I’m not working, I’m with my head full reading fanfictions to comfort me, and when I have strength I write a little. That’s it, I guess.

[shaanks]

can't even format tumblr posts right lmfao

so, I teach on a platform that takes commission from my sessions. I understand this is pretty standard, but this particular platform takes...a lot from my sessions. and it automatically sets you to the lowest hourly rate possible, so you have to go in and manually set it to a different price on your account.

so I planned, starting a month ago, to increase my rates this month. I sent out messages to all my students so that they'd have a month's notice to make any changes or cancel any appointments as needed, and then at the start of this month I changed the price.

nothing happened. nobody said anything. so I waited, thinking that we were just cycling through the last of the appointments made during september...but still nothing changed. so I checked my account, and my account showed the updated price. so I messaged the helpline for the platform, and got back this. "oh! in order to update your price, you have to change it on your account page AND go by and manually update the price for every single student. :)" which is. insane. and posted absolutely nowhere.

so now I've had to go through and message everyone again about price increases, and so far today I've lost three clients, and had to have like 17 really uncomfortable conversations, and I have to have MORE tomorrow, all because the platform I teach on is. so backwards its actually unbelievable.

I'm just really frustrated, every SINGLE TIME it seems like I'm doing something right or making good progress or moving forward, it all just crumbles, and I'm back to feeling stupid and worthless and incompetent again. how am I ever supposed to do anything if I can't even make a job work for longer than a few months??

I've got basically one avenue to being able to live independently and the path to it falls apart a little more every day. I feel like I'm going to die and rot in my parents house no matter how hard I try to be an adult the right way.

[sacchi-ko]

I know I've already vented about this to a couple of my friends (and a couple of friend groups), but I need to get it off my chest. I'm putting it under a cut, though, to avoid cluttering things unnecessarily.

I have - genuinely - had enough of my mother and how touchy she can be towards me at times.

She got annoyed because I was doing laundry yesterday, and because I took all day (since the dryer occasionally has to be run multiple times for larger loads) and went to bed before I could get the last load out, she felt the need to complain about it in the form of a "question". I got upset at that, because she has had days where it's taken all day before, and called her out on it by telling her she could do all the laundry; I was fucking done. She, of course, got mad at THAT and started accusing me of getting mad at her for various things…Yet, when I asked for one example, she doubled down without giving one.

And then she starts telling me to hit her because I start to gesture angrily, tells me to stop using the word Fuck just because she "doesn't like it", never mind the fact that I'm 32 years old, and gets pissy because I raise my voice to yell over her as a response to her always doing the same to me and using me as her emotional punching bag.

Oh, and the best part? When I leave to clear my head, she apologizes for "questioning me", not anything that she actually said, and then when I come back? I find her smoking, again, after she swore that she was done. Like, I'm the primary one that takes care of her, and I sometimes have to get onto her for smoking because not only will that cause renal problems, but it might well disqualify her from getting a kidney at all, let alone getting on the transplant list.

And the worst part, on top of that? I have nowhere else to go. No friends that I could move in with, potentially, and work something out, nobody that could lend me a hand and my mother knows that. And she uses me as a verbal punching bag for it. Any apology I get is hollow at least 70% of the time, and she's genuinely incapable of telling the truth regarding quitting smoking. I am well aware that it isn't easy, but turning to a pack every time you get mildly inconvenienced, and claiming that I have far less to stress about than you? That's just running from your problems, Mother.

[destroyusall]

go on and hand me your clothes take a picture or two i can see you

I've loved RW for ~6 years now, and I think it was one of the first fandoms I ever got into once I got a computer. It's been very near and dear to my heart, but it's only been as of recent I've accepted that after a very dark period in my life.

I came back to see Downpour finished, and I completed my first expedition on it, and I'm loving this. This, the artwork, all of it. For once in my life I feel like I'm finally getting better, and I can take solace in one of my favourite things.

Thanks for reading.

— Pyrrh

[mechanicalinfection]

Shaky hands.

I'll be talking about my condition under the cut, so be warned! other than that I hope you enjoy this piece.

Ig you can count this as a vent but. Anyways. Things haven't been great lately, that's all I can say for sure.

I've been thinking about quitting art lately, which I never think about, ever. Since art is literally my pride and joy, it's a skill im actually proud of it and worked for, but lately it just isn't fun. Not anymore. I've been drawing for people lately, not for myself.

It's just so frustrating too, I always have so much high expectations when it comes to my art and when it doesn't happen or I don't achieve it, everything feels. Awful, and horrible and I always end up thinking that I should've never become an artist in the first place. And that I'm an imposter or something amongst other artist that are criminally underrated, since clearly they deserve the recognition more, they deserve it more than me.

But moving on from the actual topic I wanted to talk about, is how my hands are just. So shaky. It's been so difficult to even bear with, I can't draw properly usually when it happens and it frustrates me deeply since I want to draw. But it's forcing me not to. And I don't know what to do about it, I just want to be able to draw. I want things to be fun again.

Sometimes I think blowing up and becoming known was a mistake. I worry about pumping out art everyday that I just get so burnt out. I push myself through my own limit and this is the result I get. Shaking hands, messed up sleep schedule, haven't eaten properly lately, all to pump art.

I'm tired.

[muffin-snakes-art]

:(((

[corvus-frugilegus]

A thing I truly love as a non-binary person playing a non-binary Rook getting to take Taash on their non-binary journey is how quickly Taash catches on to the non-binary bit of all time: claiming the most random shit as gender affirming.

Them trying to convince Lucanis to do the wing thing for Rook because all non-binary people love flying? Taash gets it. Taash is doing gender on the deepest level like a fucking natural. I fully believe they would point at a relatable piece of garbage and say "oh gender" and Rook would solmenly nod in agreement like "yeah I really see that for you ".

Bonus points to non-binary Rooks with an undercut, them and Taash together are enforcing a truly hilarious stereotype.

[bdor1995]

Ive trained myself not to make vent posts online anymore but i need to post abt this bc i hate venting to friends. Especially about this, because the trigger for this episode is stress from WORK, which ive been waffling over quitting 100% until now and im sure my friends are sick of hearing about it. And literally it was so stupid of me to go back bc i wanted to quit BECAUSE it makes me act like this!! And my boss is off vacation abroad and never told me when youre coming back so its like. I cant even tell them i need to dip out early bc its causing me severe mental distress

I am really feeling like that one tweet that is like "do you ever want to wrap yourself up in tinfoil and go in the microwave to blow yourself the fuck up"

[bnesszai]

.

Every night i go to bed thinking "maybe tomorrow I'll finally wake up without a fucking migraine" and every morning I'm proven wrong

im so tired im so bored im so over this pleeeaasssseeee 5.5 weeks is too long

[irritablepoe]

I can't explain the raising disgust I have towards myself however it is truly the most awful feeling I've ever had...

[immren]

i’ve been so irritated and angry this week i just accidentally snapped at my coworker 😭😭😭

[morp]

Sucks to not really trust your parents with stuff like "why won't paypal work for me", "what does this mean when registering for classes", etc etc., because they'll probably use it to further restrict your life somehow, or in some cases just monitor it firmly, making it no longer a way to do things. My automatic next choice is obviously an adult friend who might know more, but then I'm thrust into the awful situation of feeling like I'm being a nuisance treating them like a surrogate parent

Which is NOT what I'm doing! And I KNOW this is a me problem + skill issue. But it feels so much like it, and I don't ever want to put my friends in a situation where they feel like that, and it's awful, and hhhhhh

And yes I know research with the internet is a thing. But if that gives me no results? Back to square one.

[zombeesknees]

had to drop $812 at Midas today for all new tires/a realignment, and then i got home to find wimsey bleeding like a stuck pig from a giant gash across the underside of his neck (not sure if one of the other cats literally went for the throat, or if he just clawed all the fur and skin off), and then i had to work an extra two hours to make up for the Midas jaunt, so today has just been A Day.

picture of the recuperating, grompy patient:

[odi-the-oddity]

“i wasn’t meant to be loved by another soul… for the darkness cares for me like no living creature could”

[korrasamibottles]

-you can't tell somebody's sexual preferences by their appearance

-the way people present themselves in public is often very different from the way they act in private

-the way people interact with adversaries is often very different from the way they interact with romantic/sexual partners

-unless a character literally has sex on screen/page, any and all interpretations of their sexual preferences is considered fanon. Yes, even the ones we personally like.

-bottom does not necessarily mean passive and top does not necessarily mean aggressive

-if I had infinite time I'd go through all the M and E-rated fics on ao3 and see whether The Fandom really thinks this or that, because the cognitive dissonance is actually kind of annoying if I let myself think about it. Which I shouldn't. Because it really doesn't matter.