#velveeta cheese brick

[krissiefox]

Mac and Cheese Comfort Food

The other day I was super stressed and my wife Ashley made some delicious comfort food for me, it was so good I wanted to to write down her recipe and she said it was okay if I shared it online.

There's no fancy cooking process so much as there is more just a list of yummy ingredients to mix together: 1- start by making mac and cheese

2 - melt a brick of Velveeta cheese and mix it in

3 - mix in a can of smooth tomato soup for more flavor

4- cook some veggie "chicken nuggets", chop them up into eights, then mix them in.

Then you now have yummy mac and cheese veggie comfort food!

[blackthornwren]

Cooking videos on Facebook should come with a warning. Something like "Caution: This video may cause permanent damage to your psyche."

[deja-mew]

Ridiculous Headcanons Pt. 1

Sorry in advance y’all. Okay so I was so bored at work my brain was rotting thinking of TFP characters for so long that I have this. Here’s what I think each character’s favorite cheese would be, if either they were human at some point and tried it, or could taste a big enough chunk as cybertronians; whatever excuse needs to be for them to have any opinion about cheese. (also could just be them as cheeses… idk, I work in Wisconsin, I’m always surrounded by cheese, this is what happens.)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Autobots

Optimus Prime: Optimus liked Colby Jack. Good, classic Colby Jack. He likes the two distinctive colors and just generally enjoys the flavor.

Arcee: Pepper Jack; well loved, timeless, and packs a punch too. She likes that it’s soft but not sweet. Also, Jack being in the name is a bonus.

Bumblebee: Velveeta. The color is great and it’s a universal, famous cheese; everyone knows it (at least in the USA), just like him. He had it in a mac & cheese and stuck with it as his favorite. (he strikes me as a mac & cheese sort of guy)

Bulkhead: He’d chose brick cheese because it has a good, versatile, underrated taste. Also, just like him, this cheese is softer than its name implies <3

Wheeljack: Cheetos. He didn’t care that they “technically wont count as a cheese”, they’re cheese flavored enough and they’re what he likes. Especially the flamin’ hot ones.

Smokescreen: Cheese curds. Warm, squeaky, proper cheese curds. Specifically the ranch flavored ones are his top pick.

Ultra Magnus: This was how Ultra Magnus found out he was lactose intolerant. He didn’t like any of them, and he won’t be asked to try again.

Ratchet: Ratchet chose blue cheese, purely because the flavor was so distinctive. It’s also a very mature choice of cheese, which just made sense for him. 

Decepticons

Megatron: Monterey Jack. The warlord refused to consume any cheeses but picked Monterey Jack just because to him, it sounded like an evil version of Colby Jack.

Starscream: Cheese whiz..?? When presented with the samples he didn’t bother to try anything, but automatically went for the can of cheese whiz, as if he already knew it..??? (He did what he had to do when he was rogue. Ik it doesnt make sense but its hilarious.)

Soundwave: Mozzarella. Soundwave had already heard of cheese on the internet indirectly throughout his few years of needing to interact with human information in order to serve Megatron. Because he understood mozzarella cheese to be a monumentally important cheese to human society, he internally likened himself to it, being himself monumentally important to the Decepticon cause. No one knew that this was why he chose mozzarella, they were just glad that he responded at all. 

Shockwave: When Shockwave received the cheese samples he did not taste anything and instead just.. Left to his lab and ran some tests.. After a while he decided on feta cheese, saying that it is among the healthiest of cheeses and therefore, for nutritional purposes, is the most logical choice.

Knockout: Camembert. It’s soft and fancy and french and… He hardly tasted much it, but liked pronouncing it, and appreciated that he could spread it on a cracker instead of getting a giant chunk stuck all up in his teeth.

Breakdown: Breakdown chose Parmesan cheese because he had once seen in a movie the grater that is used at restaurants where they just keep cranking it. He said it tasted as good as it looked in the movie.

Dreadwing: Dreadwing thought that Provolone was the ideal cheese. It seemed the most sensible.

St3v3: String cheese was St3v3’s pick, even though it is technically mozzarella. For him, it was a texture thing.

Airachnid: Cazu Marzu. It’s that maggot cheese that can kill you if you eat it. It wasn’t even on the sample plate, she just brought it herself.

Predacons

Predaking: Predaking chose smoked Gouda. He did admit that the smoke added a touch of familiarity to the cheese (seeing as, of course, breathing fire exposes you to plenty of smoky smells). Overall, he thought they were all pretty good, but somehow this was the only smoked one on the plate, so he chose it.

Skylynx: Skylynx thought the aged Swiss wasn’t that bad. The bitterness was enjoyable to him, and he found it best melted.

Darksteel: Limburger. It was the most controversial cheese on the plate, and that just made him think it was the most exciting one. The smell didn’t even bother him much, and he genuinely enjoyed the flavor.

[eonars]

THE WHINERRRRR I've been at this summer training program half a day and I already hate itttttttt

When I first got in a couple of them (fellow phd students in the doctoral network we're a part of) were asking me about my background and stuff because they'd all just been talking about their background in embryonic research and reproductive biotechnology and what fucking ever and I was like yeah um I did environmental consulting for proposed development projects and was also a math and science tutor for kids and got a fuckin LOOOOOOK from them bro :/ and like genuine surprise of oh so all this stuff is new to you? You're gonna learn it all here? Like YES? THIS IS A SUMMER TRAINING PROGRAM NOT A SUMMER ALREADY KNOWS IT PROGRAM. And then they were like you only brought that backpack with you? And I was like yeah my supervisor booked my flights and only got a carryon but it's whatever and they were like wowwww my university got me a checked bag I could neverrrr fit everything into a backpack like that. Poor you. Then one guy was like what's that fish you have tattooed? And i was like oh it's m.zebra I did my bachelor's thesis on them and he was like ugh. I could NEVERRRR have something *work* related tattooed on me (he has no tattoos but told me all about how he's perfectly planned two sleeves of japanese motifs on one and nordic runes on another) and then when we got in I was like you know I might just hand wash a shirt or two bc by the time I get enough stuff for a load of laundry I'll be out of clothes and this girl was like omggggg I just feel SOOO BAD for you with that tiny backpack I don't know how you did it. And then tattoo expert was like honestly if I went to America when I was 20 and they told me I couldn't drink a beer I'd GO CRAZY how come you guys can join the army and vote and do all this stuff before getting a beer?? And I was like you're aware I have no power over this right? And then later on in the night he was like yeah I see those videos of Americans making mac and cheese with like bricks of cheese and stuff it's fucked up and I was like no yeah I'd come home from work and fry a whole block of velveeta every day. And then he was like that are those runes on your hand and I was like they're not runes. Also every time we smell weed he's like haha look at her the Californian she's so excited. Anyway I kinda hate it here I wanna go home four of us are sharing one bathroom and the shower doesn't drain at all and the whole thing floods and I feel like everyone is being so patronizing to me cause I'm some dumb inexperienced American and they keep making snides about how I got into a really good project and how norway has the best pay out of all the European countries associated with this program and why am I being so cheap and taking public transport from the airport when I'm getting the norway pay?? Anyway I almost cried in bed last night. Onwards and upwards I'm here til next Wednesday.

[rubdown]

for the ask thing-- 4, 13, 25!

4. what flower would you like to be given? Ok HONESTLY..... I LOVE glass or ceramic flowers!!!!!! I have some amongst my collection of crap and I just love them. I actively seek them out at vintage or antique shoppes... if someone gave me one unprompted I'd go crazy

13. what’s your comfort food? This is nasty slop that could kill me any day due to how old I am now but my mom used to make this... cook n crumble spicy sausage then melt an entire brick of Velveeta cheese with some real moo cow milk and then eat it with tortilla chips... I guess it's queso or so. I've made it a few times myself as an adult and I'm like it's ok if I die. I love scooping n eating cheese

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.) I'm honored flattered n humiliated to receive any gifts. If you know me well I like things that can be used up... candles... tank of gas... a snack. I use it and it's gone!! Or a glass flower. :)

[clatoera]

sorry one final thing: do you think cato or marvel would actually believe and follow 5-minute-crafts because i feel like either of them would genuinely do the crafts and “life-hacks”

I think where this goes awry is the assumption they could do a craft. Marvel gives me the vibe that he’s hammered a nail through his hand before. Cato’s like uh why don’t we just but X instead of attempting it. That being said are they kind of dumb and dumber and would melt down crayons into piles of brown/black junk for the sake of making shapes? Yes absolutely. They’d also put raw noodles and a brick of velveeta together as quick mac-n-cheese and it would be horrific tasting. So yes. I do.

Also please NEVER be sorry, you are ALWAYS welcome in my DMs and Inbox and notes to be your funny funny self. Thank you my friend ❤️

[gigglepuffpixie]

WHERE THE F IS VELVEETA CHEESE DIP!?

unhealthy? it's a brick of fat and salt

chemical crap? it's cheese that is so far removed from being cheese that it can't legally be called cheese

disgusting? go on, give it a wiggle, i dare you

the best? without question

big mac? add cheese sauce!

corn dog? cheese sauce!

pop tart? you know somebody's tried it and loves it

even your precious mozzarella sticks would be dunked without a second thought if they came with a side of cheese dip

this is a CELEBRATION of garbage food do NOT reblog if you're gonna be like ewwww

[mausarchive]

hey. 2 cans hormel chili no beans. 1 whole brick of velveeta radioactive orange cheese. heat chili in a pot on the stove. melt the velveeta brick into it. one brick of cream cheese, chunked, in the bottom of a glass bowl. pour hot chili/melted cheese mixture over the cream cheese. serve in a bowl with sour cream dolloped on top and eat with chips

[oskidoodle]

The ideal specimen.

His body a brick dipped in Velveeta™️ Cheese.

When he dances he will violently face plant.

When he walks his tail will swing him like an angry chimp.

Truly the dog ever.

[anonymouscomrade]

every customer we get at work on sunday right around when the churches let out is like

he doesn't own a shirt without the sleeves cut off, and believes never leaving the house without his shades makes him some kind of "tough guy" even though he has six guns and is terrified of minorities. she doesn't own a pair of closed-toe shoes, and despite the fact that she's voted straight ticket Republican every four years since she turned 18, she describes herself as a "hippie" because she has a dozen Simply Southern t-shirts. they and their four kids are out shopping in preparation for the most boring taco night in human history: two pounds of ground turkey that they have no intention of seasoning, a pack of store brand white flour soft tortillas, a sad can of organic fat-free refried beans that no one will touch except for the mom, and a bag of shredded American cheese already sit in their cart. she's going to make what she calls her "special con queso sauce", which is a brick of Velveeta mixed with a can of mild Rotel, microwaved with some water stirred in to thin it out a bit. neither of them remember if they always disliked flavor, or if they started eating like this because Jayden and Cailee won't touch anything spicier than oatmeal. the youngest son wants to go home because the suit they made him wear for church is sensory hell, and starts crying. the dad takes him aside, and in a harsh whisper that suggests he thinks he's being discreet even though you can hear him from three aisles away, tells the kid that if he doesn't stop crying, he'll "give you something to cry about" when they get home. at the end of their shopping trip, she waves an employee over and makes him run their groceries through the self-checkout for them, the whole time berating him over how it's "ridiculous that the lines with real cashiers are all full, why should I have to do your job?" they leave the store after paying, and load up into an SUV with a decal of a thin blue line Punisher skull wearing a Trump wig before driving home

[sebastianshaw]

He throws a brick of Velveeta through his window so he can share his bounty of cheese products with Shawson.

" It says "processed cheese product" I can only assume I'm meant to freeze this and use it as a murder weapon, perhaps? Because it surely can't be meant for EATING." @theamazingchickenman

[lillianfromaccounting]

This ended up being a very long post and I'm on mobile, so I'll fix the read more in the morning when I get on the computer.

TW: covid, depression, Thanksgiving, a lot of food talk

-----------

Today, we officially called off Thanksgiving with family (it had pretty much been decided but today we called the few people to confirm it).

Some background: my family only started celebrating Thanksgiving because I wanted to. We're Chinese, so growing up, it wasn't a thing for us, plus my mom wasn't fond of turkey.

At the age of 13, I picked up a bread baking recipe book at a Scholastic book drive. Up until that point, I had been baking stuff from box mixes, so making bread from scratch was a huge deal for me. Age 14, I told my parents I wanted to do Thanksgiving the American way. We qualified for a free turkey at our local supermarket anyway, so why not? To make it more palatable, I incorporated Chinese elements into the menu--various Chinese vegetables (choy) instead of green bean casserole, sticky rice (loh mai fan) stuffing--and i would bake fresh bread. There would always be white rice.

I have a huge extended family and on the weekends, my parents would have family and friends over to play mahjong, so Thanksgiving went over great because they loved trying all these new foods, and I loved trying new recipes. We always had a rotation of at least thirty people, so the food went. I think one year, I counted just over fifty people--it was like a revolving door at my parents' house, some people would pop in around lunch time and hang out until they had to go to their own family's Thanksgiving dinners, some came for dinner, and some came for dessert and coffee with a side of mahjong.

As the years went on, my menus got more and more elaborate, and I would enlist my younger siblings (I have three) to be my sous chefs. It was a THING. Thanksgiving was my thing.

The college I went to is very involved with the Macy's Thanksgiving parade balloons, and while it would have been an awesome experience, it required giving up your Wednesday night and most of Thanksgiving Thursday. That was a deal breaker for me. That's how much my Thanksgiving ritual meant to me.

Some of my favorite memories are waiting in line at DiPalo's (before they expanded, back when it was just the corner storefront) with my sister the weekend before Thanksgiving to get fresh mozzarella and ricotta and parmigiano (lasagna was a huge hit with my family). The longest we waited was three hours one year.

Another year, this was after I had graduated and moved out and was working. My work let us out early (around 2pm), but this asshat in another department ensured me that he needed these numbers so he can work over the weekend. I ended up running out to DiPalo's to pick up my order and going back to work, working to 9pm to get those numbers out, before going back to my parents' house to start cooking. The asshat didn't look at them that weekend (we get the Friday off too).

Mind you, it's not that I couldn't get the ingredients in Jersey, I just honestly had no idea where to go. My parents did the bulk of their grocery shopping in Chinatown and DiPalo's was right at the border of Chinatown and Little Italy.

As I said earlier, my menus got more elaborate over the years. Everyone kept eating the loaves of fresh bread for breakfast, so I made Thanksgiving an all day affair, with a breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu.

One year, the theme was fried foods (fried turkey legs, homemade mozzarella sticks, etc.). I always tried new recipes on Thanksgiving, because honestly, what I enjoyed most about it was the process, the production of creating something delicious.

My siblings started sending me recipes throughout the year. One year, I made a vegan raspberry cheesecake (the base was cashews and almonds).

My siblings also said that they knew my now husband was a keeper because he had not only survived Thanksgiving at my parents' house, but he rolled with it (I'm pretty sure I put him to work too).

After we got married and bought our house, I claimed Thanksgiving for both sides of the family (there were no objections, because I didn't care about Christmas, so they had Christmas). My husband's family had been getting their Thanksgiving meals catered for a few years at this point, so they didn't mind not cooking.

But including his family meant I had to start making sacrifices to my process. One person only liked Stove Top stuffing (don't get me wrong, Stove Top chicken flavor is amazing, but so is a sausage stuffing from scratch). The year my second child was born, I think I was a bit burned out by everything, so we ended up ordering a whole pig (think spit roast, but Chinese style) and some roast ducks that year. We were told the next year that some people would prefer to have turkey. One year, we decided to smoke our turkey, and the feedback we had gotten was that some people really preferred oven roasted. So the following year, we did turkey three ways (roasted, smoked, and deep fried) and we started getting feedback that we were doing too much variety. This happened with the sides too. Heirloom vegetable recipes (guys, I used to watch the Food Network religiously) were reduced to sauteed green beans or asparagus. We were told to reduce the variety of things, so the only pasta dish that kept making it onto the menu was mac and cheese, because that was someone else's preference. And I couldn't even play around with the mac and cheese, because the family's recipe used Velveeta (yes, I know I sound like a food snob, and it's because I was back then).

But year after year, the creativity of the menu decreased and decreased, to the point where my husband and I felt it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

This morning, after we had called the family (it was really just my and his parents, whom we have been seeing during this whole time because we live close and do shopping for them, etc.), part of me was excited to finally make a menu and my husband and I agreed on a very small menu, because it's just us and our two kids.

And by the time I went to bed, I was excited again for Thanksgiving because we will be cooking things that we want. There are three, possibly four varieties of scones on the breakfast menu right now. I haven't mentioned this yet, but my menus are always too ambitious. I almost never get every single dish on the table, but the important ones get there. The experimental ones get ranked in order of what I want to taste.

After all these years, we have established staples. We always have bacon cheddar scones with breakfast. My sons requested chocolate chip and vanilla, respectively, and I want pumpkin. We'll see how many varieties actually get made. I always make fresh cranberry sauce for the sole reason of baking it into a crumb cake for Friday morning. We also eat the Ocean Spray jellied (with whole berries), and I serve it in slices. My husband is the mashed potato king, so he handles that. The King Arthur masala chai pumpkin pie recipe has been a hit year after year, so that is a staple now. I was excited to be able to cook what we wanted again.

It even inspired a Thanksgiving chapter in the fic I am writing. (I am so, so, so happy and excited for this chapter now.)

But as I was going to bed tonight, I was thinking about those memories at DiPalo's and cooking with my siblings, and pandemic sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried hard. I miss my siblings. I miss the hospitality of it all. Just like my parents' house was a revolving door, when my husband and I took over Thanksgiving, it was an unspoken rule that extended friends and family were welcomed. My siblings' friends from high school and college would stop by. My one sister's friend would even ask to be on the menu distribution list (I usually drafted a menu and my family members would vote on which dishes they wanted, and that was partially how the menu was created) and invite himself over lol.

I miss that company--the people who understood my Thanksgiving--my family. I haven't seen (in person) one sister since January and the other since March. And while we're constantly talking to each other and do the occasional video chat, it's just not the same.

If you read this far, thank you for your time and energy.

I don't have a point to this post, except maybe wear a fucking mask and stay home, so we can eventually beat this pandemic and resume some semblance of pre-covid life.

And I know this post is very much a first world problem. We have enough to eat and a warm roof over our heads. I am very grateful for that. But I am allowed to be sad too. This year would have been my 25th anniversary with Thanksgiving.

Writing all this out really helped though.

[musicalhell]

When you mentioned Velveeta cheese in David Copperfield, I asked my sister what it was. She said, 'look it up.' I did, still confused, so I asked my mom. She did, but she complained so much about it that she forgot to make her tea. XD (She called it the 'Gilligan's Island of cheese', basically she really doesn't like it.)

This is probably an American Thing, but basically: Velveeta is a “pasteurized prepared cheese product” (their words, not mine). Apparently it was originally made with actual cheese, but these days it’s made mostly with whey protein. It comes in long orange-yellow bricks and tastes kind of like American cheese, only not as interesting. It has its defenders, mostly because it melts smoothly and is easy to use in sauces and queso dips (unlike actual cheeses, which can separate and get oily when heated), but for a lot of people it ranks firmly in the “only technically food” category.

[coffeebleeds]

I ate a brick of velveeta cheese this morning and I'm having abdominal pain

Eat cabbage, whole wheat bread, and drink a pot of coffee. Or use an actual laxative I guess if you’re boring. 

[caramel-daydream]

I named my sandshrew in pokemon Brick Cheese cause he looks like a bunch of velveeta cheese blocks put together

[johnnyrobish]

Ohio Woman Finds Millard Fillmore Image in Her Grilled Cheese

Ohio Woman Finds Millard Fillmore Image in Her Grilled Cheese:  Mildred G. Higgenbottom, of Canal Fulton, Ohio was all set to dig into her traditional Saturday lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup when she noticed what can only be described as none other than the image of former President Millard Fillmore - toasted right into the bread of her grilled cheese sandwich.

Well, as one can imagine, Ms Higgenbottom felt immediately felt torn between the need to show President Fillmore his due respect and her extreme hunger for grilled cheese.  Sure, part of her knew she should immediately take the necessary steps to preserve the sandwich for all posterity.  I mean, how often does a Millard Fillmore show up in a grilled cheese sandwich?  I don’t care what kind of bread you're using.  

On the other hand, she was feeling incredibly hungry and, let’s face it folks - Fillmore did croak one helluva long time ago.  If she gobbled that sandwich right down, who the hell’s gonna know the difference?  Besides, you don’t wanna just waste good Velveeta cheese.  As most everyone in Ohio knows, a brick of that stuff ain’t cheap.  Now the question is, who’s gonna show up next - Rutherford B. Hayes?

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com