coffeebleeds

[coffeebleeds]

♛

[coffeebleeds]

I need your help. Our divorce lawyer was a mess and awarded full custody of my cat to my ex wife so I stole the cat and fled to Mexico but they're threatening to expedite me??

There's so much wrong with this sentence that I don't even know where to start. What do you mean our divorce lawyer? Also a lawyer can't award anything.

[coffeebleeds]

Silence

Absolute silence

And then! "Group hug!" here come the children - @boisterousfifty

"Ah!" Trampled by his children, exactly as he intended to die.

[coffeebleeds]

Do you and your brother take recommendations or commissions for your page? I'll pay you to try the pink sauce

Fuck yeah we do! Is that chick still selling the pink sauce or did she get FDA slammed?

[coffeebleeds]

Pukicho how did you get a gf, this shit is hard

I honestly don't know. All I did was be handsome, charismatic, funny, talented, rich and nice and it sorta just worked out

[coffeebleeds]

Lol babe you look cold as fuck. Hell no you can't wear my letterman I just got this. I earned it.

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Heard your wife was a part of operation midnight climax

Y-yeah?! Well! Your mom signed up for the Navy because she- she love sea- uh- seam-!

Fuck you guys!

[he got too embarrassed by his own joke]

[coffeebleeds]

Source

[coffeebleeds]

I mean, sure, but I would expect you to at least occasionally wash your hands. Especially since you're out here booping people.

Trick or treat.

Boop.

I'm gonna be for real, dude. I had a really strong urge just now to bite your finger.

[coffeebleeds]

Ha! I bet they bounced off each other like trampolines. [Oh no, he has an idea] You think Matt would want to get in an inflatable wrestling match with me?

Trick or treat!

Aw, Happy Halloween, sis! I'm giving out king-sized candy bars this year! The kids took all the Butterfingers already, though.

[coffeebleeds]

A reason, yes. Maybe not a good one. I broke my glasses last week and have been trying to manage with just taping them together. That didn't work, so I gave up and started looking for the spares. Looked all over my apartment for them this morning, finally found them underneath a couch that hasn't been moved since the 80s. Kinda just stuck random things I found while looking into my pockets. So there is absolutely no telling how old that weed is.

[Staring at Timbit] do you even know you're a beaver?

[coffeebleeds]

Ah shit good point.

[Hands him a business card for a law firm that hasn't existed since the 40s and Alfred hasn't work at in over 100 years]

Give me call.

[there isn't a phone number]

[Staring at Timbit] do you even know you're a beaver?

[coffeebleeds]

◇

[coffeebleeds]

Ew, gross! You don't know what I've been up to. I could have essence of dog shit on my skin for all you know.

Trick or treat.

Boop.

I'm gonna be for real, dude. I had a really strong urge just now to bite your finger.

[coffeebleeds]

A couple, yeah! They aren't as popular this year, which I thought was weird, since I like them. [He digs around in the bowl, pulling out his last two Mars.] I gotta say, I have no idea what half these kids are dressed as. Inflatable costumes have been the fad lately, but I'm never sure what the costume is supposed to be.

Trick or treat!

Aw, Happy Halloween, sis! I'm giving out king-sized candy bars this year! The kids took all the Butterfingers already, though.

[coffeebleeds]

Alfred takes as many pictures as he can, trying to get the best angle. "I don't know, dude. I'm streaming this new Skyrim mod tomorrow. I don't really want to still be high while I'm trying to fight off water-logged zombies in VR."

He's wearing a Roman style costume with a very short hemline

"It's halloween, take a picture so i can post it"

[coffeebleeds]

“Dude, the Dallas Cowboys cheer squad has longer skirts than you.”

He is, of course, taking the picture anyway. “How many shots do you want? Ah, wait, hold on, the lighting is better from this angle. Stay there a second.��

He's wearing a Roman style costume with a very short hemline

"It's halloween, take a picture so i can post it"