#vax's choice to 'die' is one of the BEST things about his character and arc fucking FIGHT ME

[essayofthoughts]

I think another hair-splitting thing that is nonetheless VERY important is that

Vax did not want to die

Vax DID want to keep his promise.

Which utility mentions, but doesn't like. Go into the underlying detail which is... Sometimes you do things you don't want to do because it's nonetheless the right thing to do. Because you promised. Because you owe a debt. Because you have to. It doesn't mean it necessarily makes you happy.

As utility says, staying with Vex and Keyleth would make him happy if that was something he could do without breaking his promise - but breaking his promise would be at odds with who he is as a person and who is as a person is someone who is willing to make hard choices. He sold a stranger into slavery to save his sister. He fights with Percy on moral issues. He throws himself into harm's way to help his friends. These aren't things he wants to do, necessarily, but they are things he is willing to do. Things he does because if he didn't he wouldn't be himself. Because he always wants to protect Vex, because he has his moral beliefs, because he loves his friends and wants them safe. And if that costs him a night of sleep, or easy friendship, or an ounce of flesh and blood - then so be it. That is the price of being the person he wants to be and doing the things that keep with his identity and the person he wants to be.

And so: he struck a deal with the Matron. Yes, out of-game, Matt would likely have allowed Liam to make a new character of an on-par level with Vax to ensure the party wasn't hobbled in the last fight. But in universe Vax didn't know that! In-universe Vax knew that his friends and dearest loved ones were about to do something incredibly dangerous and that he was being given a chance to help and I don't think he could have lived with himself if he didn't help.

And the cost of being able to give that help was to return to the Matron and work with her thereafter. Not something he wanted to do - or perhaps, not something he wanted to do yet, something he would have happily done after a long and happy life - but something he was willing to do. An acceptable price for the thing he did want to do.

He got to see his loved ones. He got to save his loved ones. He got to tell his loved ones goodbye.

Vax knows, from his mother, just how unlikely that is to have. Of course he paid the price for it. He knew what he got for that was worth it to him.

finally watched cooldown and two thoughts:

Smart of Matt to be like "no, we will have a satisfying denouement for other major figures involved" after the collective C2 ending freakouts; like, it feels like we are pretty obviously deep in the endgame but yeah I expect there will be check-ins after the last battle with Vox Machina, the Mighty Nein, and the Crown Keepers, plus probably the Calloways; obviously Liliana will be present. Might need two post BBEG combat episodes instead of the traditional one!

Other people have noted this but yeah it's actually...fucking weird how Liam is the only person who seems to in real life accept that Vax is permanently gone and you can't like, cheat this. And it's frustrating because he is no less dead than Zuala or Will or Molly or FCG. Like, sending the ravens and popping back in does mean it's harder for Keyleth to get over it, but like. idk maybe stop trying to go on random dates and just spend time with people who aren't technically under your (benevolent) rule or also people who never really accepted Vax's death (ie, the rest of Vox Machina). I mean I enjoyed the scene with Verin, and I think there's an intriguing case to be made there anyway (high expectations in childhood, leadership at a very young age, grew up without one of their parents) but just generally...she will never forget Vax, it will always be a scar, but she can move forward if she accepts his choice even if she disagrees with it. At this point...if she can't move on, that is because she won't. And a little bit because seven years later the cast won't.

[shorthaltsjester]

while vox machina reading percy’s letter is something i would love to see in tlovm i doubt it will make an appearance just for hard to fit in reasons, but that said i do really like that they’re integrating a lot of the inner work of percy that we get insight on through that letter in his words and actions thus far. his words at the end of ep 6 when he says “i’ve worried these hands would always carry the stain of evil. but, perhaps i can finally scour them clean in ripley’s blood” were ones that immediately stood out as an echo to his post-mortem words in the letter. because while it is a banger of a line, it’s in response to vex raising concern that this is just vengeance in different clothes, and percy doesn’t really assuage that well by explaining that he thinks he’ll cleanse himself of evil by dousing himself in blood. in the letter he writes “i traded the world’s safety for the belief that i could murder my way to peace, that if i could be a greater horror, it would bring my family back. once this lie was shattered, i scrambled to find a solution, to make a deal, to undo my mistakes and balance the scales. i now understand there are no scales. there is no redemption, and no ledger that judges me good or evil.” which i really see in the fluctuating attitude we see with percy given the adjustment of pre-[redacted] perc’ahlia where percy is happy and sees a future unfolding as he’s let go of his vengeance but this spectre of his past and his choices keeps interrupting it in the guise of ripley & orthax, leading to us getting to see him talk about building a future in whitestone and wrangling with the fact that — as it exists now — his legacy is one he views as solely of death and destruction and failing those close to him (which. god the fact that the hot tub scene and the destruction of whitestone are the same episode is insane but. percy having just been told by vax that he thought percy attracted danger and the reminder that he was the cause of vex’s death and then in the rubble of whitestone castle thinking he’d have to beg vex to join him as if she hasn’t been fully ride or die for him since before vm arrived in whitestone for the first time. obsessed with a couple where they both think they’re bad omens and both view each other as one of the best things that could’ve happened to them).

one of my favourite things about percy’s character arc in terms of looking at it as a narrative has always been the dismissal of ‘redemption’; not because he hasn’t done horrible things, but because redemption is irrelevant to the fact that percy does survive and he does move forward and that he cannot undo the past; neither to stop himself from making the world worse with his weapons nor to save his family from destruction — all of which would be true whether or not he was sufficiently redeemed. i am sad (though i very much understand why percy’s visit with the raven queen wasn’t included in the show) that we don’t get the scene of percy being confronted with the brokenness of mortaldom when the raven queen tells him he (and every mortal) is broken and scrambling both in front of her and with his actions after because he is a self-proclaimed fixer. because that conversation brings about the reality that there are things that cannot, will not, and should not be fixed. and percy takes that seriously, and commits himself, shed of a notion that he is determined solely by gods or his past, to looking forward. and though we don’t get the gods aspect of it in the show, we do get his conversation with vex in front of the fire, telling her he finds himself excited to feel possibility for the first time (while also extending a place for her in that possibility with him which . head in hands. a future he had cheaply sold away) and that he looks forward to building something instead of destroying. that vex reminded him days earlier to forgive himself while he was tinkering at a desk with a model clock tower resting on it. i have my critiques of tlovm but i do think they’re doing truly phenomenal work with retelling percy’s story in particular and i’m psyched to see where the rest of this season takes that as they deal with ripley, whatever version of glintshore we may see, and the ramifications for the person percy becomes after.

[drdone]

Hello, it’s your friendly neighborhood rambler with not necessarily bone to pick because I doubt any of this is meant as an insult but a point that has been bothering me for the past couple of hours and I just spammed my friend in discord about it and I’m attempting to organize my thoughts. I saw someone (not calling out because again, I don’t think it was meant as an insult) say that Fjord is the ‘Vax of campaign two’ and that doesn’t sit right with me at all. So. I haven’t done meta in a w h i l e so I apologize if this is just a mess but whatever. I have many emotions.

Disclaimer before I continue: this is not that I don’t love Vax’s story and Fjord’s story. Vax’s story is one of my favorites in any medium, and Fjord’s is shaping up to be pretty high up there as well. They are two incredibly, intensely fascinating characters who have very interesting character growth (and more coming for Fjord), and I love them both a lot.

Disclaimer #2: I grew up Mormon and broke away from the church about eight years ago, so Fjord’s story is relatable in a way that’s kinda hard to express. Imma do my best, but just know that that likely colors my interpretation.

Also, oh god why this got so long.

To put it mildly, I believe calling Fjord the Vax of campaign two is simplifying their stories to an almost ridiculous level. Yes, they both deal with religion and having patrons and powers that they did not expect, but the key difference in here is the concept of choice. They were both chosen (you could argue that Fjord’s importance to Uk’otoa at the beginning of it wasn’t at Vax’s level as Champion to the Raven Queen but that’s not particularly relevant, because as it continues he rises in importance). Vax made a choice. It’s true that at the time of the choice, he wasn’t totally aware of the lengths of his choice (he and Liam both thought he’d die then), and he was definitely upset by the path he’d unintentionally taken (also somewhat influenced by Liam’s real life stuff), but as he continued, his acceptance grew. That level in paladin was his choice. She rewarded that choice. She never punished him. Her vestige protected him. He was reluctant at first, but he accepted the path, and even at the end wasn’t bitter or resentful. He wasn’t afraid of her.

Fjord’s relationship with Uk’otoa was (is???) about manipulation and control. Control is a big part of Fjord’s story, as is freedom, and identity. He drowned, and woke up with the powers Uk’otoa had given him. He was not given a choice. He didn’t know what was going on, for a while he wasn’t given information. It’s easy to be manipulated when you’re not given all the facts. That’s not Fjord’s fault. Uk’otoa communicated with confusing, intimidating dreams and threats. Fjord was faced with temptation, which of course, after growing up as a ‘nobody’ was hard to resist. He learns more as they go, both for his magic as he advanced and other things from the Mighty Nein. He starts to really form his own identity, even as he still imitated Vandran. His charisma - which he might’ve learned from Vandran but definitely developed further all on his own - saved them more than once, he’s pretty good on the battlefield and in a crisis, and his knowledge on a ship is useful.

Fjord’s doubts with Uk’otoa began during the pirate arc. It’s hard to pinpoint where exactly - it’s more obvious after Darktow, but it starts before then. Not putting the Cloven Crystal in the final temple is a big step. Heading back to land despite his unfinished business on the sea is another big step, and a real beginning to him starting to take back control of his life. Moving towards another goal of the M9, going to save Veth’s husband, despite his teasing, taking the lead with Bodo, that’s important. That’s Fjord taking control of his own narrative.

And he’s punished for it. Uk’otoa takes his powers, for a while. Uk’otoa left him high and dry, trying to draw him back into that story. Fjord’s perception of his spot with the M9 hinges on his powers at that point. He’s convinced the magic he can do is a big part of their loyalty to him. He’s afraid of not being useful. He keeps it a secret from everyone, even Jester, who he’d confided in previously. When Caleb confronts him in episode 62, he admits he didn’t ever want to tell them:

TRAVIS: (...) I'll try. Give me some time. I do not want to share this with the group. I feel like sometimes you hold onto things that make you who you are, and if you lose those things, you can fall free.

LIAM: I have had those same thoughts for a long time. We can remake ourselves into something better.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's what I-- that's what I thought I was doing.

Fjord’s still trying to figure himself out at this point. This is the episode after Uk’otoa took his powers. That’s still fresh in his mind. Fjord wants control of his own narrative. He’s still vulnerable, he hasn’t really started talking to Caduceus and trying to find other options. Uk’otoa still holding his powers over his head. And it really is that moment with the Wildmother at her tree, where she protects him for Uk’otoa, just for a while, that he starts to even believe he can escape (apologies for how long this excerpt is, but it’s important).

MATT: Your sleep slowly fades. Your body cold with a biting wind that cuts through you. Not wind, but chilling current. You open your eyes and see nothing but shadow and your arms move sluggishly against the familiar icy waters that portent the prying will of your patron. Your heart rate begins to race and jump knowing what this brings and as that fear wells up into your throat, you hear the familiar voice call from the darkness. "Return." A yellow glow pulses in your chest. The orb that remains embedded within your body shines through the skin like a dull lantern. You look from your chest to see the gargantuan lid of the familiar  spotlight-like yellow eye fill your entire periphery. You try and look to the right or left, but you are locked in on this singular slitted pupil, your body seemingly frozen in place. You're unable to to turn away. The panic begins to build and the voice says, "Release." (cracking) This heavy resonant tearing sound begins to fill the space around you as tendrils begin to emerge from the pupil of the giant eye. Snaking vines pushing through it, pulling the eye apart from the center, an emerald light pouring through the gaping hole. Warming the waters around you. A slew of emotions fill your mind. Warm, amorphous, but comforting and evoking ideas that become words. "Come with me, child." The hole within the eye glows with verdant light like an open doorway.

TRAVIS: Do I recognize the voice?

MATT: You've never heard this voice.

(...)*

TRAVIS: I move towards it.

MATT: You take a moment to push past and try and swim forward and the current is pushing against you. Go ahead and make, make a strength check for me.

(...)*

TRAVIS: Athletics is way better, 17.

MATT: 17. The current begins to build and try and force you away from it. The eye, you can see the veins, the corner of it tensing. It's trying to resist this shifting doorway and you push forward grabbing onto the vines and thrust your whole body through this open wound. As you push through, the cold fades. The vines begin to tug at your arms and carry you the rest of the way through as it closes behind you. Without force or pain, warm, cradling sensations as you're removed from the nightmare of Uk'otoa. Settled within a small chamber of tangled leaves and roots, within this mass of vines and green, you swear you can see a face. 

Female. Motherly. Her eyes closed. The thoughts and emotions enter your mind once more. The words come to you interpreting. "The womb I grant, but withers without faith. His will shall find you again soon." The eyes open and light like an orange sunset pour over you, through you, lulling you slowly back to sleep. "His will shall find you again, but until it does, rest," and the darkness takes you for the remainder of your sleep.

*Comments from the rest of the cast removed.

“Withers without faith” is an important part of that monologue. She’s able to give him a short reprieve, but it’s up to him if she can do more. You could say that’s manipulative, but she’s not aggressive. It’s not being held over his head. It’s an offer. Almost a promise. And he starts really reaching out to Caduceus. Without this moment, without her reaching out to him? What happens next may have still happened, but not for a while longer.

This is where he gets a little too relatable. It is incredibly hard to break away from a religion. It’s so difficult to cut ties with something that you’ve known for a while, something that’s so tied to your identity, that you’ve been basically brainwashed into for so long. I broke away from the Mormon church eight years ago and I still deal with the aftereffects of it. You lose community, support system, friends. I got super lucky in that my family was and still is supportive of me, but at the time, I didn’t know that.

And it’s the same for Fjord. Whatever Travis thought about playing chicken with Uk’otoa, it took incredible strength to do that. Fjord tried to take control of it. He tried to gain power in that interaction. And when it didn’t work, he broke away. He might not have known for sure that he’d lose his powers, but that sword was a symbol of his pact and his magic, and he willingly parted with it. That’s fucking wild. He was still worried about the M9 being disappointed, he didn’t know if they would think he was a liability that might be too much trouble, and he still took that huge step in his story. That’s amazing. That’s such a good moment. And the M9 saying, ‘Yeah, okay, that’s a problem but we’ll arm you because yes this is a change that kinda sucks but we’re not just gonna dump you on the side of the road’ is one of my favorite scenes. He drops his accent, drops his act, confesses to them, and they barely even blink.

And even without his powers, he makes that strength check that saves Beau. He’s less useful in a fight but he’s still good in other ways. He starts to work on himself, talks to Caduceus, doesn’t hide his accent. That shows a lot of vulnerability and trust in the M9, in his family. And the sword, which Caduceus always knew would be for Fjord, was a vestige, Awakened by being reforged - like Vax and the Deathwalker’s Ward, symbolizes his oath to the Wildmother, but it’s entirely his choice. He accepts it. He gets to keep his love of the water. He’s given powers, different before. He becomes a paladin. But this still doesn’t make him the Vax of campaign two.

And as the campaign has continued, he’s still growing. His faith is getting stronger. He’s more comfortable with himself, and he’s encouraging of the others who are still getting there. Veth when she was worried about transforming back; Beau when she was trying to leave; Yasha, when she broke free; Caleb when dealing with Ickythong, when he learns about Caleb’s parents. He admits to Caleb that these times have been the best of his life and he clearly wouldn’t trade it for anything. He’s guilty for bringing Uk’otoa’s wrath to the group, but when the rest of the group just takes it in stride and rallies to protect him, he’s not as surprised.

And now, fighting Avantika, beating her, having his sword Exalted and revealed as a vestige, that’s amazing. That’s a reward for all his hard work. It’s also an example of the M9′s teamwork, because he absolutely would not have been able to get there without them. But they’re there to support him. They trust him and follow his lead when it’s a situation that he should step up, like they do for the others, and they’re a family. And I can’t wait to see where this goes.

One day I’ll write a meta for Vax’s story, because I love him dearly, but his story is vastly different from Fjord’s, and I think reducing Fjord to the Vax of campaign two does both characters a disservice. Even multi-classing to paladin is completely different. They’re both their own characters. They’re both so interesting, they both have amazing growth, but they’re really not the same. God. I love this campaign.

Also fuck me running this got so long.

[disasterhumans]

would be very interested in your top 5 keyleth moments

Keyleeeeeth. I love one (1) awkward druid so much. A lot of my favorite Keyleth moments are also my favorite Campaign 1 moments, so I’m gonna try to pick a couple I haven’t already mentioned

5. Her gaining Shapechange. The Kraken fight was a slog, and so much of that leg of her Aramente felt fraught. But at the end of it she gets some sense of completion. The hardest parts are behind her (or so it seems). And in reward, she learns how to change into basically any creature imaginable. Plus almost nothing can match Vax being utterly turned on by his girlfriend turning into a Brass Dragon—Vax has a power kink and is also a monsterfucker, don’t @ me. 

4. An early Keyleth moment that still sticks with me, and which I really loved, is her freezing in the middle of combat and turning to stare at Percy, utterly dumbfounded, when he declared another person’s soul “forfeit.” This also doubles as one of the moments when I realized just how much I love Marisha’s RP style and choices. I love so much that she will do things like sacrifice a round of combat because she knows her character would be Morally Shocked. That’s a brave choice to make, and I loved it. 

3. I mean, how can Keyfish not be one of them? It has everything: Cocky-self assuredness, beautiful cinematic imagery, dark humor, a last minute save of Deus Ex Machina proportions (how lucky was it that Vex was right there and had a Revivify coin?)... But, while it’s a hilarious moment, there’s also an underlying tragedy to that moment that I think goes under-discussed. Most of Vox Machina is, understandably, horrified, but are also faintly amused by the scenario. Vax, on the other hand, is freaked the fuck out. Liam, of course, found the whole thing hilarious. But Vax sees the love of his life walk up to him covered in her own blood, after watching her jump off a cliff, and is nearly unconsolable with worry. Part of it is that Vax loves Keyleth a whole lot, but I think another aspect is that Vax has canonically struggled with suicidal ideation, and even if that’s not explicitly where Keyleth was at (though she does remark on how stressed she’s been), it must have been hard for Vax not to see it in that way. So, yeah, I love Keyfish for the hilarity, but also for the underlying tragedy because tragicomedy is my jam. 

2. Keyleth screaming when she learns Vex and Percy are married. Keyleth in the last arc of the campaign is already going through so much so quickly. There’s maybe a week? Between her watching Vax disintegrate before her eyes (and knowing that he had to watch his own death because of her Foresight spell (and Keyleth has also seen her own death, so she knows exactly how painful it is.)) to being robbed of the opportunity to bring him back for good, to having no time to come to terms with his death because they have to defeat Vecna Right Now. Being left behind by the people she loves is Keyleth’s biggest fear. She has stated that it’s her biggest fear. But she ultimately let’s herself take the risk of loving someone. And she loses him, sooner than even she feared she would lose him. And in the midst of that grieving—of grieving the life they won’t get to have. She learns that her best friend, and her partner’s sister got married in secret. And it’s unfair. She not only doesn’t get a happy ending (at least, not as far as the campaign-end goes), but she has to watch it die, slowly, in front of her, as someone else gets theirs. And of course Keyleth is also happy for Vex and Percy. But the loss of Vax is still fresh and continual. It must be impossible to grieve when the person you are grieving is right in front of you. And impossible more still to have to watch someone get their happy ending on top of it.

1. Look I already said this but literally no moment will ever top “CALL ME CHILD ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME.” I’ve talked a bit about Keyleth’s anger before in reference to this moment, but let me expound upon it some more. Keyleth’s entire arc—her character’s raison d’être—is about her becoming the Voice of the Tempest. Early on in the campaign we get to see her go visit the Fire Ashari, and form bonds (if briefly), and learn, and fight with VM at her side. That’s a big moment for early-Campaign One Keyleth. That is a huge character moment. She may not be close to specific individuals amongst the Fire Ashari, but she takes her responsibility as the Voice-of-the-Tempest-to-be very seriously. She love Vox Machina, but she’s not with them on a lark. She’s with them to learn, and to grow, and to complete her Aramente. So she visits the Fire Ashari; she sees their home, and the community and culture they’ve built. She knows them, not necessarily in a personal sense, but in an intrinsic way. And then Keyleth returns to this place, that was a community’s—a people’s—home, and sees it sundered. Learns that nearly everyone who had been there before is dead, or has lost those near and dear to them. Learns that a young girl came and insinuated herself as a part of Keyleth’s people and took advantage of their hospitality, and then brought about their destruction. And then, after all of that, Vox Machina asks her to cooperate with the entity responsible for the genocide of her people. And not only that, but Raishan then taunts her. She goads, and taunts, and infantilizes Keyleth—calling her “child” over and over as she tries to explain to Keyleth The Way of the World.

And. The thing is. Yes. Keyleth is young. She is a part of a long-lived race, destined (should she complete her path) to live centuries longer than even her friends with the longest lifespan, and she’s in her 20s. She’s young by human standards, let alone elven ones. But Keyleth, at this part of the story, has seen cities decimated. Has participated in rebellions. Has fought tooth and nail to maintain some semblance of morality amongst the group of assholes she calls family. She’s been through so much, and lost so much, and knows that there is so much more to go through, and so much more to lose. Keyleth is still learning about the world, but she is still wise as hell. And then this ancient green dragon—who is responsible for genocide, and specifically the genocide of Keyleth’s people—comes in and deigns to suggest that Keyleth’s anger at her, and the world—that Keyleth’s perspective can be waved away because she’s a child.

CALL ME CHILD ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME

She has seen too much to be a child. She knows too much, about what is to come, for her to be a child. She has seen her own death. She is not a child. And even if she is, that is not enough to discredit her rage at this entity who after centuries of living, is trying to foist the blame of her own actions onto another creature. Who was immature in that conversation? Because it sure as hell wasn’t Keyleth.

[dontgofarfromme]

I’m basically drowning in Vox Machina feels right now, so obviously I’ve been thinking a lot about the end of the last arc, and especially Vax and Keyleth towards the end there, and it’s interesting. We talk a lot about how the random chance of the dice rolls inform the story in crazy ways, but fuck, when they combine with the improvised character choices made by players who have no idea what’s coming it’s this recipe for really fricking amazing yet unplanned story arcs containing loads of accidental foreshadowing and harsher-in-hindsight moments. 

Like consider Vax’s conversation with Scanlan in episode 100, when they’re in the mansion, and Vax tells him how happy he is, how being with Keyleth in Zephra is basically one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. And then in episode 101 where Vax is talking first to Vex, and he talks about how the Raven Queen is wrapped up in their fight against the undead Delilah, how “She will be with us when we reach the end,” how “ it’s not going to slow down, it’s only going to speed up.” His leaning on the fact that this past year has probably been the best of his life, how he’s genuinely happy, but also that he doesn't "think [he's] going back to Zephra anytime soon.” 

And then how when he talks to Keyleth about the Vecna, the way that she picks up on pieces of his worry and it feeds into her own fear. Like in this exchange: 

“You think if we go in, we’re never coming

back?

“I’m not saying that.”

“You think if we go in, you’re never coming back?”

And Keyleth’s making him promise to come back with her, “even if it doesn't happen,” how Marisha makes it clear how scared Keyleth is of Vax dying. The obvious connection to that same fear that pushes her into casting Foresight on Vax, because this is a terrifying situation and above everything she doesn't want him to die. And the fact that in the end, that spell doesn't do a single thing for him, and despite everything he still dies in that battle, feeding directly into what has basically been Keyleth’s worst fear for the entirety of her character arc.

I realize that a lot of this is smart moves on the parts of the players--they know their characters are going into a dangerous situation and that it’s entirely possible that they could die, so laying down stuff like Vax’s worries about their reaching a high-stakes and dangerous fight obviously has a high likelihood to pay off in some way. But just the way all this stuff coincides--The fact that Keyleth is simultaneously terrified of outliving the people she loves but is also risking her emotions not only just by being with someone but by specifically being with someone who is so closely tied to death, the way Liam keeps highlighting Vax’s happiness and better mental state coming out of their year-long break, the emphasis of the danger of the task ahead of them, Keyleth’s worrying for Vax’s safety to the degree that Marisha has her spend a ninth level spell in an effort to protect him--like this is such good tragedy. 

Watching this stuff and knowing what’s going to happen is just mind blowing because it all hurts so much in hindsight, and it isn’t planned. The players didn't know Vax was going to die anymore than we did--they’re able to follow their character’s feelings but they can’t intentionally place narrative pieces with the knowledge of how things will play out. But somehow all these beautiful bits of buildup and foreshadowing lined up so that when Vax does die, it hurts even more than it would if we didn't get all the talk about his happiness, if we weren't privy to his sense of impending doom, or didn't see Keyleth’s desperate efforts to keep him safe. I just love how this is a game of chance, in both the dice aspect and in the fact that all the interactions are made up on the spot, and yet things like this, where pieces somehow end up coinciding to create a really cohesive and tragic side plot in such a way thats maximal emotional damage is achieved, seem to happen all the time.

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester in Episode 43

I watched this ep live which means it was 4-7am to me and I might have missed stuff, but here’s what I remember

When Jester wants to start a bar fight and Fjord knows she’s going for it, so his first comment about it, before she even says she wants to fight is “No killing, Jester.”

And then the others keep trying to talk her out of it but the only opinion she asks is Fjord’s saying “Tusktooth?”

But, like, Fjord (as I’ve yelled about so many times before) enjoys Jester’s shenanigans even when he pretends to be frustrated by them, so instead of talking her out of it, he pretends to be chugging on his ale, which Jester correctly takes as a “go ahead”.

heart eyeeeees

“One gold on the blue one!” Awesome callback to their fight in the Gentleman’s speakeasy, further proof that Fjord is just a chaotic prankster at heart and a reminder that he’s constantly in awe by how badass Jester is.

Fjord’s soft-ass smile after the fight when Jester excitedly declares “Hey, I made a friend!” “Yeah, you kept all your teeth!”

When they are talking about the Divers Grave and they are discussing what kind of monster might be in there and then Jester says “It’s an underwater banshee, for sure.” 

“Is that a thing?” 

“Yeah.”

*knowing full well he’s being fucked with* “Hmmmm.”

I don’t know why that exchange feels so flirty to me, and like the fact that they keep zeroing in on each other during group conversations like they live in their own little bubble, kills me.

The Caleb and Jester talk!!!!!!!!

(I will make a whole separate post dissecting this conversation later)

“Really, none of us like it here but Fjord” “I don’t even know if he likes it a lot” 

Yes! Give me Jester picking up on Fjord’s general discomfort with the situation and how stressed and uneasy he is with how everything’s gone down!

For real though, if I have to see one more post talking about how Jester doesn’t actually care about the real Fjord or how he feels about this whole situation, this talk is one of the very many scenes imma shove on their faces passive-aggressively. 

“Well, there’s parts of it that he likes.” “Like Avantika” “I don’t know”

Rip my heart out, Laura Bailey, why don’t you!

“You’re sweet on him, ja?” “I don’t know...” “Yeah.” “It feels funny.” “How do you mean?”

THIS WHOLE THING WAS SUCH CALL BACK TO VEX AND VAX TALKING ABOUT PERCY THO

“Well, you know when you really like somebody but then you start to know them and you go ‘do I like them, or do I like what I thought they were’? And you don’t know.”

Mfking laura bailey giving us that character growth arc with sheltered naive Jester who believes in love at first sight and the romance all her books talked about and is now beginning to realize that real deep feelings are much stronger and complicated than all of that.

Like the way she says it “feels funny” really says so much.

And I know some people might take this as “oh so she never liked him for real” but I think that would mean taking this conversation entirely out of context. 

This whole arc, Fjord and Jester have had some very big moments together, and I think Jester’s confusion does not stem from being disillusioned with Fjord...

I think the fact is that she’s feeling more than she expected, she’s discovering she likes Fjord in a way she has no words for, in a way that makes her hurt when he talks to Avantika, that makes her confused about their interactions, second guessing his intentions and whether he’s fliriting back with her or not, overanalyzing what his gestures mean, like the kiss...

Jester is in Love with capital L and none of her mother’s teachings and experience have prepared her to handle it.

What I want to talk about here, though, is not about Jester’s confusion per se but how Travis and Matt react to this. Since if anyone is aware of what Fjord feels about this it would be the two of them.

“Do I like them or do I like what I thought they were?”

This is the face of a man who just realized his wife is taking her funny character’s crush and turning it into real feelings and he’s going to be fucked.

WHAT IS THAT LOOK YOU TWO. I CAN SEE YOU. WHAT DO YOU KNOW.

That is the face of a DM who is ready to take the most advantage of this situation in the future.

Bonus: Taliesin “I’ve been in the receiving end of this” Jaffe is enjoying this too much. He is just shaming Travis/Fjord for his bad choices.

“And then you think they are flirting with you but then you find out they probably weren’t, you know?”

Travis’s blush just tells me that there was flirting (which was pretty obvious, and Laura knows it)

“And you feel kinda sad about it and maybe a little stupid?”

LOOK AT THOSE FACES

Travis after that talk contemplating his life choices.

But for real, what kills me about that talk is how familiar it feels, and how confused Jester seems by Fjord’s hot and cold attitude, but she’s not ever blaming him for not liking her, or not living up to her fantasy standards, not even for leading her on,  instead, she’s blaming herself and feeling stupid for not comprehending right away all of these complicated emotions.

Caleb: “Tomorrow we get sorted out, we help Fjord figure out his shit.”

Jester: “Yeah, that’s important to him.”

TELL ME SHE DOESN’T CARE YOU DEMONS I’M WAITING

Also, thank god that Jester talked to Caleb about this because he’s the one person who gave her some sensible advice: let’s focus on surviving and once back on main land you can take your time to figure your feelings out.

He also brings up that this is important for Fjord, which she agrees on. So no matter what, feelings or not, they will support him through this as best as they can.

Which brings us to Caduceus’s an and Fjord’s talk.

I love this conversation in light of what Tal’s said about Caduceus’ point of view during last weeks Talks: he’s aware of how Fjord’s decision to sleep will Avantika will create friction within the group, especially with Jester.

C: “I think this place is dangerous. She is dangerous.” F: “That she is.” 

And Fjord tries to avoid the subject, but now that they are there, you can see Caduceus scrunch his face and take a stab at the subject:

C: “Fjord, you know why everybody is doing this, why we’re all here, right?”

And Fjord sighs heavily because, to a degree, I don’t think he understand the answer is “because we care about you and want to help you”. To Fjord, the answer is: “this is your fault, your responsibility”

F: “Yeah. I mean, I think.” C: “I think you know. I just wanna point it out ‘cause that woman, she doesn’t care what any of us want. I’m sure she’d be interested, but it’s way low in her priorities and I don’t trust anybody who keeps other people’s needs that low in the list. You should keep in mind all that, while you’re getting in bed with her, so to speak.”

Fjord: *panics*

Fjord: *desperately tries to convince Caduceus to keep this knowledge to himself*

And I think, Caduceus with his high AF perception, can tell why Fjord cares so much that this is kept from the others. It’s not like it’s something bad, it’s actually beneficial for their group as a whole (as iffy as that makes me because of the unequal power dynamic), and it has been suggested multiple times.... so what reason does Fjord have to keep it so fiercely in the down-low? 

Friction. 

“I think I get it. I’m not gonna talk out of term. I trust your intentions, so...”

And here’s a good part:

C: “You’re asking if I can tell that you’re conflicted?”

F: “No, I think that’s pretty clear.”

C: “You would be amazed, but alright.”

Because Caduceus knows that not everyone in the M9 —cough, Jester, cough— is convinced that this is all just a play on his part. 

Fjord goes on to reaffirm that he’s trying to keep Avantika close for the party’s good. 

okokokokok

MOVING ON

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA’S TALK GO JESTER

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA AFTER KNOWING THEM FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS SINGLING OUT JESTER AS THE PERSON WHO LOOKS AFTER FJORD

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA TELLING JESTER TO LOOK AFTER FJORD BECAUSE AVANTIKA WILL HURT HIM

“He would not be the first she’s left in ruin. He would not be the last. I would take care of him, if he cannot.”

i am so frustrated that Laura/Jester seemed to misinterpret Vera’s warning help me god someone please bring it up on Talks or something because it will bother me forever

When they are planning: 

Caleb: What if Fjord keeps Avantika busy... 

Beau: Do we need to have him distract Avantika? Can’t we just go now?

...

Beau: And we can have [Caleb] make sure that [Fjord and Avantika] are busy. If you [Fjord] are comfortable with that. You don’t have a lot of a choice. 

FJORD

JESTER

*Nott keeps planning*

JESTER

J: Well, Caduceus is very perceptive. 

F *having flashbacks of Jester going down in the jungle*: THE TWO CLERICS ARE NOT GOING ON THE MISSION TOGETHER.

J: So we all wait until Fjord starts boning....

Fjord’s face journey tho

he is so confused help him

when your crush who was jealous is suddenly ok with u sleeping with someone else

wait i thought she liked me

Fjord’s worried overprotective mode ON as soon as Caduceus casually mentions that two guards stabbed each other and probably everything is pandemonium 

Jester saying they should frame Vera was clearly rooted on her misunderstanding Vera’s warning, but I really like that as soon as she thought someone was a direct threat to Fjord she was like “nope gotta get rid of them”.

Avantika’s notes talk about her having dreams about people who were close to her “chaining her back” and how she had to get rid of them...

...and we’ve seen hints of that with Vandrin and Sabien in Fjord’s dream the other time....

...but I’m calling it that we’ll eventually see Uk’otoa try to pit him against the M9 and the one he’s closest to is Jester by far and I’m sure we’re gonna get some dramatic moment out of it I can’t waiiiit

*After reading the journal*

J: Fjord, as you as crazy as she is? Because holy shit.

Fjord:

I LOVE THEM GOOFING AROUND PLS MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE IN THIS TRYING TIMES

and likek

thanks i love them

anyway

in two weeks

if they don’t die

tune in to see me keep screaming about this two, and cross your fingers for a one on one talk if they manage to get a breather away from Avantika

[kimabutch]

I’m sure this has been said but Vax and Scanlan have character development that perfectly mirrors each other’s and it’s just so amazing that I had to write about it.

The arc starts with Vax questioning his place in the world, and pledging his life to the Raven Queen just makes that even worse — he becomes hyper-conscious of his mortality. He can’t stop thinking about the past (his choice to save his sister, their constant near-death experiences) and the future (fighting four dragons, keeping himself, his sister, and his friends alive). As this is happening, he has that conversation with Scanlan in ep. 45:

Vax: How do you do it? You’re risking your life as much as anyone in this group, you’re almost dying every day. You’re fucking smiling all the time. How do you do it? [...] Why do you do it?

Scanlan: Well, Vax. I don’t know, I mean, I like you people, okay? Everything before this was not as good. This is better. That’s why. It’s very simple. [...] We’ve all had our share of shit before we all met. Now we’re together, we’re a family, this is better. That’s how I smile. It’s better than it was before. 

Vax: We’re probably going to die in the next month.

Scanlan: Yes, but it’s fun while it lasts. [...] I’ve seen more than you have. And it’s all shitty, so it just depends on how you look at it. You can dwell on the shit, or you can just leave it behind in people’s beds and keep going.

Scanlan tells him to live in the moment, to find happiness in just being alive and with a good group of people. The world has a lot of awful things in it, but you can keep going and appreciate what’s in the world and how things have gotten a little better. Vax immediately rejects this — he says later (I can’t remember when!) that Scanlan is wrong and things are a lot worse than they were before. He continues to run from fate, and to “dwell on the shit.” 

But as the arc continues — as he cuts his way out of a dragon and gains his wings, as he gains the courage to visit the Raven Queen in her temple, as he watches several of his friends die, as he finds happiness with Keyleth, as he watches Vex and Percy fall in love — he starts believing that life is getting better. And more importantly, he stops focussing on the trajectory of his life, and more on the joy he can find in any given moment. He explains to several people (so much that it almost becomes a trademark Vax phrase) that they can die any minute, so they’d better make the best of it while it lasts. His mortality is no longer a threat, but a chance to live life to its fullest and to express his love for others. His viewpoint is much closer to the one Scanlan expressed.

He tells this to Scanlan directly (because over the course of the arc, Vax also learns how to talk directly and how not to walk away so much), first when they’re about to go to Fort Daxio (ep. 73):

Scanlan: You seem a little more chipper these days. Coming around to my perspective, are you?

Vax: I’m happy. I’m in love.

And then he expresses it even more directly after the fight for Emon, handing Scanlan the note telling him he was right. In some ways, almost losing Scanlan was Vax’s last reminder that anyone can die at any moment, so you can’t hold back on what you wanted to tell them. 

But Scanlan destroys the note. 

He’s been on his own journey since the beginning of the arc. When the Conclave attacked Emon, he’d only just realized that he was a dad, and when he has that ep. 45 conversation with Vax, he’s still just beginning to come to terms with the implications of fatherhood. He can tell Vax not to dwell on the past or future because he’s never had to do that before, and because living in the moment has got him this far. 

But then he sees Kaylie again, and this time, she’s in a warzone, and they barely get out. And he promises her he’ll stay alive, and apologizes for his past. And he watches several of his friends die. And just moments before he asks Vax, in ep. 73, if he’s come around to his perspective, he confides in Jarrett: 

Scanan: I’m distracted by things that haven’t ever distracted me before. I’ve made a promise to someone to stay alive. I’ve never valued my own life before and when we get into the shit, I’m second-guessing things. I’m making stupid decisions that I wouldn’t have otherwise made.

He can’t live by his “shit in people’s beds and keep going” motto because of Kaylie — he needs desperately to stay alive. Even more, he realizes that his lack of acknowledgement for the past has made him a shitty father who can barely remember his daughter’s mother. Living in the moment ruined Kaylie’s life, and threatens to ruin it again if he dies again. 

Scanlan has literally never dealt with this stress before, and when he actually (though very temporarily) dies in the fight for Emon, the stress gets so high that drugs seem like the only option. He’s paralyzed by the exact same fear that gripped Vax at the beginning of the Chroma Conclave arc. To add insult to it all, Vax tell Scanlan that he was right, that his old way of thinking — the one that hurt him and his Kaylie so much — is correct. 

All this to say that I’m terrified for ep. 85 and mesmerized by how Liam and Sam managed to improvise these mirroring character arcs. It’s perfection, it’s actual perfection, and it was all improvised. Goddamnit. 

[gostaks]

Final Talks Machina Q&A summary

This was my best attempt to summarize everything live so please forgive any abbreviations, spelling errors, etc. Also warning this is long

Underdark

Q: why did clarota turn on the party?

A: he wanted to be connected to the elder brain again

Q: Why was Percy flashing his name around knowing that the briarwoods were out there?

A: Tal: percy spent most of the game in an intense nervous breakdown and was flashing around his name in an attempt to bring some attention

Q: what did pike do during her time off sailing?

A:She wanted to become stronger and spent a lot of time doing "simple boat work"

Q: why was percy crafting bullets while vex never crafted arrows?

A: the party bought about 1,000 arrows before the stream and they were so cheap that Matt just stopped worrying about it

Q: What moment made Vax start having feeling for Kiki?

A: Liam's not entirely sure but he thinks it might have been the whisper. He knew Vax had the crush for a while and wasn't thinking about leaving any hints and was planning to wait longer, but the Briarwoods forced it out

Q: What about Grog's Mother?

A: Grog never really had a family except his dad Stonejaw and the herd so he never really figured out who his mother was

Q: Who took out the contract on the Rakshasa?

A: One of the members of the Arcana Pansophicle (sp?) (Allura and Drake are members) who was working on a portal to the 9 hells and needed demon parts and didn't know or care about the cycle of vengeance

Q: Did Matt plan to have Kima and Allura to hook up from the beginning?

A: that was part of their originally planned past history and the reunion at the beginning of the stream sparked their rekindling their relationship

Q: Is there a story behind Keyleth's antlers?

A: She had a circled that was one of the last things she'd brought with her from the Ashari/her mother and Kit Buss drew her with antlers (she also added a lot of little things like Vex's feathers)

Q: What would have happened if they had made a better relationship with the Thunderbrands?

A: They would have had a whole story with a lost relative and might have sent a spellcaster along with VM into the Underdark

Q: How did a sphinx end up beneath Vasselheim?

A: There are lots of followers of Ioun and they're big on disseminating knowledge so when Ioun was wounded they (including Osisa) went into hiding and now end up as whistleblowers because if you're public about following Ioun it's dangerous. Osisa is the heart of a communication network centering around the slayer's take and vasselheim

Q: Where was the second Horn of Orcus?

A: Matt's not telling because it might end up in the next campaign along with a bunch of artifacts and vestiges

Briarwoods

Q: what was Assum's plan to investigate the Briarwoods?

A: He wanted to figure out if they had the political power to actually be in charge of the bridge and either prove they were trustworthy or catch them in a lie

Q: When travis broke the pencil how close was he to murdering liam? grog to vax?

A: Travis says mechanical pencils bend really well to anger and Grog went on a long prank streak. Liam didn't realize how angry Travis was about the beard-shaving incident

Q: Who was the woman who Percy saw in his nat 20 on the sun tree?

A: She was a hunter and she could have given them info about current political situation or ratted them out to the briarwoods

Q: What did Liam think when the briarwoods killed vax?

A: he thought he was out and it was time to vomit out his monologue of thoughts before he left the game

Q: What tipped Sam off that Percy's gun needed to be destroyed

A: He did crazy shit while using it and he was doing weird marking-off stuff. Scanlan wasn't very wise so it took a long time. Also Tal was really shocked and dismayed when Scanlan destroyed the gun. The gun was priceless and impossible to recreate. Matt: the only way to free percy was to destroy the gun or kill orthax

Q: Is Matt keeping track of stuff that happens to VM to tie into the next campaign?

A: Matt doesn't want to tie in the campaigns too much but VM's choices will effect the next campaign

Q: How much of sylas and delilah's arc was Tal's notes and how much was Matt?

A: Tal's notes only included what Percy knew (almost nothing) and Matt added the rest. Delilah was a lesser mage at some academy in Dwindal (sp?) and Sylas got sick so she went on a quest to find a cure and by the time she did he was dead. She got really angry and Vecna started talking to her in her dreams and slowly led her to one of his laboratories and found the rites of vampirism for a price. Necromancy is illegal in Dwindal so they were chased out, met Ripley near Taldorei and started working on Whitestone

Q: Did vex have feelings for Percy during this arc?

A: Darling take the mask off was definitely a thing + vex finds edginess attractive. Percy didn't know the voice in his head was real, he was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and didn't connect that orthax was real until the briarwood arc. Orthax didn't manifest until the moment of possible vengeance.

Q: Would kiki have left if VM had continued to kill without morals?

A: Yes, Keyleth would have left to continue her aramente and Marisha would have rolled a new character

Q: What would have happened if they'd left Ripley in the cell?

A: Ripley would have tried to escape or once they'd defeated the Briarwoods she would have tried to manipulate VM into letting her out so she could abscond with VM's stuff

Q: What happened to the bodies of the de rolos?

A: The briarwoods needed to instill fear to continue their rule, they murdered the family and left them in public, hanging from the sun tree

Q: Is pike's astral projection a sign that she's special to Sarenrae?

A: Ashley would like to think so but mostly it's because she lives across the country and she's thankful that Matt found a way for her to participate. Also she did help bring sarenrae back to vasselheim so she is special

Q: What would have happened if delilah's ritual succeeded?

A: She did. She didn't expect the siphon and thought she failed but they succeeded entirely. VM might have discovered that it was successful if they'd really dug in but when she resurrected Vecna started to whisper and prepare her for the next siphon

Q: What did Travis expect from the sword when he read the card?

A: Travis didn't know what a sentient weapon was and Grog really enjoyed having a new friend who talked to him and helped him stab things (it worked out great)

Q: How did Matt intend for VM to escape the acid chamber?

A: They could have focused on the residuum wall or the acid spouts or waited until the briarwoods left and fiddled with the buttons

Q: What would Scanlan have done differently if he had known about his daughter before Kaylie confronted him?

A: Not have tried to get with her. He would have run away and tried to avoid her

Q: Who was the final barrel on the list meant for?

A: Tal thinks it's disappointing, it was his way of saying that the list wasn't the end and that the list would be an unending cycle of awful. He was planning to start a new six-person list to kill. Percy knew what he was doing when he built the gun, he expected everything to go horribly wrong and be responsible for thousands of deaths in his lifetime

Q: How did vex get vax's snake belt back?

A: Vex flirted with the guards, there was a lot of winking involved

Q: If he had failed the saving throw would Percy have been forced to kill cass? would she appear on the gun?

A: Yes, it was designed to be a crux moment that showed Percy what what he'd done

Q: What would have happened to Percy if he had killed everyone on the list?

A: Six more names would have appeared (Tal: thank you). Percy wouldn't have blinked

Q: Is this arc where Kiki began to realize she could be a leader?

A: No, she was still super self-loathing and dealing with a lot of insecurity. Keyleth didn't fully believe it until she got the mantle. One of the bigger turning points was the kracken fight.

Marisha Q: If she hadn't rolled a nat 20 what would have happened to Kiki when she stuck her hand in the siphon?

A: Keyleth would have spagettified, took a shitload of damage, and ended up in the shadowfell on the outskirts of thar amphala. It would have changed the game quite a bit. If Keyleth had died they would probably have fought her when they finally got to thar amphala

Chroma Conclave

Q: Did matt plan who would die when the conclave attacked or just roll dice?

A: He planned the soverign would die to transition to the council and shock the players. He also planned out which council members would have been on the front lines

Q: Would Vax have left if the conclave hadn't attacked?

A: He wouldn't have left without Vex but Liam's not sure whether he would have left. Vex would have fought but left with him if he convinced her

Q: Did the conclave attack because VM messed with the orbs or would they have still attacked?

A: they would have attacked anyway but because they'd messed with the orbs they could recognize VM's faces and put them on Raishan's shitlist

Liam Q: Was Matt planning the conclave during the home game?

A: Yes, and playing once every six weeks it would have happened about now

Q: What was Percy's plan to take out grog in the workshop over the skull?

A: Percy can impose disadvantage on every roll and knows what's in the workshop so he could have used stuff in bottles, set him on fire, and stayed out of the way.

Q: How close was Gilmore to dying before VM found him in his shop?

A: Very close, he wanted them to choose between the treasure that had been taken by looters and Gilmore and if they had gone for the treasure he would have been dead and they would have known that it was their fault he'd died. They were really scared because they hadn't dealt with in-game death before.

Q: What did Vex find under Gilmore's bed?

A: A bunch of love letters between him and his first boyfriend (aww). Matt didn't say the name but it would have been a Markesian (sp?) boy

Q: What could have happened if they'd fucked up Kash's ressurection of Vesh?

A: Vesh is powerful and dangerous. It wouldn't have been too dangerous but it might have caused her to meddle with VM. The deal with the RQ circumvented a lot of Vesh's possible power and the RQ would have overriden Vesh's powers. Vesh isn't really a god

Q: How did Pike feel that getting her armor (the plate of the dawnmartyr) made the difference between Daxio being destroyed or not?

A: Very happy about it. The armor was huge and getting the vestige was a huge part of Pike feeling important in battle and going into the middle knowing she'd be fine.

Q: How did Kevdak get the dragonstone knuckles? What did he want to do besides be a dragon's lackey?

A: He beat the shit out of the previous owner. Kevdak wasn't the leader but the knuckles helped him become the herd leader. He mostly wanted to expand the herd and just took advantage when the dragons disrupted whitestone. He planned to bend Umbrasyl to his will and become some sort of dragon king but Matt doesn't know if it'll ever work out

Q: What was in Senekir's (sp?) box?

A: His wife's ashes, he was being completely honest. Ashley still doesn't believe it

Q: Was Liam intending to multiclass into paladin before the RQ's tomb?

A: Yes, he was forming a relationship with Pike and was pushing towards following Sarenrae. Liam didn't want the armor at first but it was a really heavy thing for him for a while. Now he wouldn't change anything

Liam Q: Was fate-touched always going to be a thing?

A: Matt decided on the fate-touched thing because he knew that Liam was going through a rough time and wanted to give him some light but it made sense for the RQ to latch onto him in the moment

Q: Did travis go into the kevdak fight thinking he could win head-on or did he plan for VM to come in?

A: He didn't know what would go down and it felt good for Grog to face him head-on. If Grog had won solo it would have ended up into some sort of tense diplomatic situation with the herd

Q: When did Laura find out she was assigned a change in alignment and did it change the way she played Vex?

A: Laura doesn't think she deserves it and was planning to give Gern a bunch of dragon scales but he walked away too fast. People wonder why Percy's alignment didn't change, but according to Matt people can have fucked up thoughts it's whether you act on it that matters (thx matt). Matt had been considering the alignment change for a while for a while and the broom sold it

Q: What was in the letter that scanlan gave to pike?

A: Scanlan was super in love with Pike but now he wants Pike to take care of Kaylie if he dies (someone will post the clip on tumblr it's so good I can't transcribe fast enough)

Q: Which vestiges did Matt plan to go to which player?

A: Matt was planning for mythcarver, the knuckles, and the spire to go to who they went to but the other were planned to be mixed around. He didn't know who would take the deathwalker's ward and left the rest for people to take those choices.

Q: What did the party have to say to convince Percy to come back from the dead?

A: Tal had some plans for things he'd ignore like religion, but he was looking for reasons to come back. When Vex dropped the bomb that really convinced him

Q: What was Raishan doing with thordak's corpse?

A: A type of speak with dead that tortures and extracts info from a soul and she wanted the secret to her getting rid of the disease. She sealed VM off, finished the ritual, and went to Opesh's lair. The force wall was just to keep VM off for a bit

Q: what was up with the eggs?

A: Thordak was mutating and becoming something else (side convo: the soul curse was real and she knew that he was telling the truth). The eggs were unexpected. When they soul anchored thordak in the elemental plane he "life finds a way"d some primal elemental dragon eggs. As far as VM knows they got rid of all of the eggs

264 DM facepalms

Break, Guests come on

on screen we have Garthok (jason charles Miller), Tova (Noelle Stevenson), Zahra (ME Mcglynn), Kash (Will not-wheaton), and Sprigg (Darrin Depaul)

Q: What's the big difference between playing on CR and other DnD?

Marry/Will: this was the first game both played and they liked being thrown down into the deep end

Darrin: It's pretty cool + it was cool to play sprigg again

Tova: People actually care about your character

Darrin: When you play at home you don't get fanart

Mary: We're part of a community of positivity, creativity, building

Will: it's like going to a convention and seeing that other people share your interests

Darrin: it's like going home

Jason: it's the aftermath that makes the difference, people care about the characters

Q: Mary/Will what was it like being part of the early episodes vs coming on later?

Mary: the first time was terrifying because I'd never played before, goal was 'don't kill the team'. It felt safe and at home

Will: philosophy was smile, nod, and shift paper around like you know everything. Improv is easy but the rules are confusing

Will and Mary would meet up and work together as players and characters

Darrin: first time on set was when Kash kissed Keyleth

Will: that was when he realized how big the fandom was

Q: What was it like for Jason to play a character who wasn't on the same side as the players?

Jason: I wasn't on the same side but there was an uneasy truce which made things easier

Q: What surprised you the most?

Jason: sitting next to liam and he had the chat open and the chat went wild

Q: What was it like for Noelle to jump into such an intense episode?

Noelle: would have liked to play a shopkeep/shopper but was playing Tova as a burner character. She was trying not to step on too many toes but it was fun to be in the intense scene + Tova canonically survived

yeah he wasn't that memorable

Q: What's more terrifying, coming in at the beginning or waiting?

everyone: waiting

Will: it's the difference between starting at the beginning of the river vs jumping into the rapids. There are times where you know it's okay if you die but it's scary to think you might cause VM's deaths

Mary: Zahra and Kash considered going out in a blaze of glory but bad rolls got them killed

Q: Sprigg's story was really about redemption, what's it like to play a character who lost everything and found Ioun?

Darrin: loves that he got redemption, he planned to be less good but the goodness of VM brought out the goodness in him. "I love playing funny characters who are also tragic"

Noelle wore her nice flannel for her appearance

Q: What's something from your experience on critical role that you'll definitely take with you?

Mary: It's amazing that they're roleplaying but there are amazingly emotional moments like Vex's resurrection and it's great to completely invest yourself in creating a story.

Darrin: This is as special for the players as for the fans

Jason: He was playing a concert and someone yelled "we love you Garthok"

Will: DnD transformed his life and getting to know the cast and the relationships are special

Darrin: Working with Matt was and the moment with Marisha

Tova: the community and the way that people connect through dnd, "it's not just about you and your character, it's contributing to this much wider thing"

Darrin sings a song

Tary

Q: if Scanlan had been revivified during the raishan fight rather than the ritual would he still have left?

A: yes, it was the dying that made him leave. There was a long buildup starting with kaylie that went on for a long time but then he died twice and everything just sorta happened

Q: Could VM have killed the kraken and what would have happened?

A: The lodestones would have unsealed the elemental plane and eventually sunk Vesra. They would have had to find a new kraken to avoid destroying the ecosystem

Q: What would Pike have said if she was there for scanlan's departure?

A: Ashley got into some of it when they met back up with Scanlan. Pike and Grog were really hurt and Ashley as a player missed Scanlan. She doesn't know what would have happened but she thinks she might not have stopped him. Sam: she would have stopped me. Sam's original plan was to go on alone but then Vex suggested hanging with his daughter

Q: what would have happened if Keyleth had failed her aramente?

A: there were no second chances, she would have gotten a place on the council but someone else would have been chosen to take on the aramente. Keyleth could have tapped out at any time

Q: Did exposure to Tary's wealth mellow out her greed?

A: No, getting her own money mellowed her out

Q: What was the plan for Hotis (the rakshasa) if VM hadn't ended him?

A: He would have tried to get Vax, failed because Vax was dead, and turned towards Pike. He would have gone after people Pike cared about

Liam Q: Did Tova live?

A: yes, only because of the ring of invisibility

Q: When was scanlan meant to come back?

A: Sam only expected Tary to last for a couple episodes but everyone fell in love with him so he stuck around. There was no timeline for when scanlan would come back but he spent a long time getting revenge on the dudes from Ank'harel (sp?).

Q: Could VM have used the soul stones from Dis?

A: A quick high or possibly an initiative boost, but not much else. A tiefling might get a slightly stronger effect

Q: there was a moment where it sounded like Percy might have killed scanlan, what would have happened if Vex hadn't intervened?

A: sneak in, cripple him, took all his stuff

Q: Of all the woman that Grog flirted with, was there one who got away?

A: No

Cast Q: What about the nymph

A: no, it was a bit suggestive but grog didn't know what was going on and it was just her bequeathing the heart and Matt trying to make Travis uncomfortable

Q: Were there any small things the group did that weren't revealed?

A: Percy and Vex broke up and got back together, it was quiet and personal. They got married in front of the Sun Tree with Trinket

Q: What were the consequences for being caught at the Theater?

A: If you're caught they find you, take your soul, and make you a member of the Theater. Everyone there was either caught or wandered in

Q: For Percy and Vex who proposed? How? Who knew?

A: Percy and Vex were out on a walk and talking about marriage. They didn't want to be like Vax and Kiki so they just went for it. It was more of a life is short thing. One asked the other as a joke and then it just happened. Maybe Zahra officiated. Tary knew first because he lived with them. Vax was super heartbroken that he wasn't there

Q: Was scanlan close enough to hear Pike with the earring when she talked to him?

A: The range is 1,000 feet so no, but he prayed to Sarenrae quite a bit

Q: How many people found Scanlan during the break but got hit with modify memory?

A: None. Pike and Grog really tried but didn't know where to go or what to look for and they expected Scanlan to still be in Taldorei but he was in Marquet

Tal Q: Did Scanlan ever shoot the gun?

A: Once, during the end episode. He never had cause to shoot the gun. He comissioned a bunch of paintings holding it

Q: If Vax had found out about the wedding before Vecna how would he have reacted, especially after she specifically told him not to marry in secret?

A: He would have asked why. It was a bad time for it to come out but the marriage did come out in the end. It would have been different if Vex hadn't told Vax not to get married.

Q: Did Keyleth ever consider giving the staff back?

A: She considered it but thought it would be more useful with her than in a museum.

Q: Would Ashley have liked to play an evil!Pike if the stories were true?

A: Yeah, it would have been amazing. Ashley didn't know that anything was going to happen but she thinks it would have been fun to play an evil!Pike. The cast was scooby-doo'd

Q: If Sam hadn't convinced Lord Darrington to back down how might that have gone?

A: That would have been the end of the family unit. Tary would have been estranged and his mom would have had to change.  It would have been an opportunity for him to stay with VM longer

Laura Q: Did Matt have plans for the Hag to cash the favor from Vax?

A: Yes, but everything got complicated fast. He figured that the Raven Queen would scare her off a bit

Q: How long did it take for Grog to get angry at Scanlan for leaving? Would he have been mad if Lionel hadn't been a barbarian?

A: He wasn't angy until Scanlan got back. Grog got really jealous and was basically ready to murder him.

Vecna

Q: How many gods could VM have talked to? How many trammels could they have gotten?

A: They went to the gods they thought they could find and they didn't have time. If they had gone to a 4th god vasselheim would have been destroyed + he would have gotten his miracle, 5 would have put Vecna in Taldorei

Q: Why did Scanlan choose to go to Ank'harel? Why did he stay longer than just revenge?

A: It took a long time for him to get revenge on the traveling assholes, and then he got a taste for the crime power. Power tastes like pleather

Q: Was there a moment when Pike's feelings for scanlan began changing?

A: A lot started in the letter. Even in the home games Pike and Scanlan would flirt a bit but she didn't take it very seriously and didn't think he was serious. When he left she realized how much she cared and missed him and when he came back he seemed more mature. It was a slow climb after the letter

Q: Where did Vecna keep his phylactery?

A: Only Matt knows and he's not telling

Q: Did Vex take the name De Rolo after her marriage?

A: Yep

Q: When the knuckles vibrating what were they trying to tell Grog?

A: They were close to where they were built plus the gauntlets could have done extra damage to the titan to slow it down from the inside at the cost of notifying Thar Amphala that they were there

Q: Was Percy troubled by the escape of Sylas?

A: No, he'd transferred a lot of his angst to other people by then and he felt certain that if sylas came back he could take care of it. It was never really about Sylas

Q: Who was the death knight?

A: He was a nameless servant who had been guarding one of Vecna's wildmount laboratories. He was rewarded by becoming a death knight

Q: Is there anyone that Vax wishes he'd had time to say goodbye to before the RQ took him?

A: If he had a week he would have visited his father, Corrin, Gilmore, and Velora. That was his family

Q: Was Keyleth ready to lead her people by the end of the campaign?

A: Yeah, it would have been a learning process but she was ready to move on to the next chapter in her life

Q: Did you know that Sam planned to save Vax with his level 9 spell?

A: He knew that Sam might and gave him some info. When he used that level 9 Matt realized the full ramifications of the decision

Q: Scanlan can do basically everything except bring back Vax, how does he deal with that?

A: He can't reconcile it. He feels like it was an opportunity lost and he failed but he slowly realizes that it's okay to fail and he doesn't have to succeed in everything it's enough to make a difference. He tries to be there for Pike and his kids and he sometimes uses wish to try to get a message to Vax. Vax would never have seen Scanlan's counterspell as a failure.

Q: What was on the other side of the Tower of Entropis?

A: It had a bunch of ancient desicrated holy objects that they had used to learn how to make the seed.

Q: What was Tal originally intending for Percy's ending?

A: He was going to sell his soul and save Vax. He believed that it didn't matter where he went after he died under the assumption that he'd be going something awful anyway. Once doubt crept in everything sort of collapsed. Vax's assumption was that the only way he'd survive is if the RQ let him

Q: Why did Grog seek an education?

A: He just wanted to get smarter

Q: How did Syldor react to Vax's death?

A: Grief. He regrets the way he treated Vex and Vax and spent a lot of his life trying to make up for those mistakes. He's very proud of what the twins do and he's learned a lot about the xenophobia of Syngorn and is trying to change that culture

Q: Did Vex's relationship with her father change after she saved Velora's life?

A: Yes, later in life they made peace with each other. Part of it was having her own kids with Percy and realizing what family means and it became more important to reconnect

Q: What happened to Vax after his death?

A: Matt wants to leave it up to interpretation but he thinks that Vax was able to reconnect with his mother but also spent some time with the RQ doing her work

Q: Were there other ways to stop the titan?

A: Only destroying it from the inside or killing vecna

Q: Would Keyleth ever cast speak with animals on the raven who visits her?

A: She might eventually have tried but was afraid that it wasn't what she thought so not at first

Q: What were the final contents of the bag of holding?

A: silverware (assorted), candles, stones, caltrops, handcuffs, dried poo disk (broken), armor, a big black sapphire, expensive wine, a troll dick, and some mage robes

Q: How does Vax feel about his ending?

A: He wasn't bitter. It was heavy but he felt very full and knew that his sister would be okay

Q: Who was Pike's other love interest?

A: Percy. She recognized that he was fucked up and she spent a lot of time praying for his soul and that confused her. In the end it was always Scanlan but she was a bit taken by the dark side. Percy had no idea

Q: When your characters look back, what memories stand out the most?

Grog: dropping on kevdak out of the necklace

Vax: Saying goodbye

Keyleth: The cherry blossoms in the voice of the tempest ceremony

Scanlan: Cows

Vex: Talking to Trinket for the first time

Vax: Gilmore stabbing him

Vex: Flying

Keyleth: The hanging tree

Percy: Letting go when Ripley shot me and realizing I was in love with Vex

Scanlan: the stories that weren't epic and saving the world, the friendship was what mattered

Keyleth: The canonball competition

Vax: That last fight when Sam did the level 9 counterspell

Matt: Proving the people who say that Bards are a terrible class and Charisma is a dump stat wrong

Ashley: It's so personal and DnD changed everyone's lives

Q: Is Matt excited to continue on?

A: It's strange to feel like the greatest thing that he's acomplished was part of this [Matt starts crying] and he's excited for the next one

When god closes a door, he opens a new campaign January 11

[pagerunner-j]

Wow, do I have thoughts about that episode of Critical Role. So many thoughts. But it is past midnight and I have to sleep, so here are just a few, probably incoherently phrased and missing bits but oh, well, what the hell:

- The Grey Hunt. Oh, God, the Grey Hunt. We knew it was coming and I’m so glad we got there. It did feel somewhat rushed, and some of that was probably from external factors, but some of it’s from the result of character choices and they will have such interesting ramifications. Vex feeling all conflicted at the end about how things played out makes me sad for her, because I wanted her to come out of it feeling challenged but victorious, and less like there were opportunities missed. But that also means that she’s going to have a lot to mull over about what this means for her and her role, and that could go so many fascinating places. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT YAY

- Vax, meanwhile, still keeps churning over the same few points, and while I’ve been more forgiving about that than some, I will also be relieved to shove him forward a few months and hopefully into a new place before we check in on him again.

- Pike is the best. That comment about brothels / asking what everyone else thinks she does when they’re not around, and the whole bit about imagining conversations with Scanlan, and and and…so many good moments ASHLEY YOU ARE THE BEST NEVER LEAVE US (unless it’s for super cool jobs because I get it but WE LOOOOVE YOOOOOU).

- Grog also remains completely brilliant and a joy forever. Especially when he talks drunkenly in his sleep.

- Speaking of imbibing: Oh, drunken!Kiki. Never change.

- Tary. I just. I mean. Tary.

- I reiterate: holy shit that whole fabulous wonderful terrible amazing sequence with Tary

- I die

- I am also glad about the sensible notes about relationships that he was given amidst all the madness happening there, and what they also revealed about the people giving the advice

- (And as a footnote: Tutors, man. Between Percy and Tary and their respective teachers, it’s one extreme or the other with these guys, apparently.)

- I am utterly delighted that not only did Percy pull that trick with scrying on Scanlan instead of on Tary, because that was evil genius, but that Matt and Taliesin promptly put to use all the lessons they learned from the completely fucking brilliant one-on-one sequence between Tal and Eric during Eric’s TBD RPG last week. I am tickled to death that they brought that back home and gave us the reverse whisper. So cool.

- Percy’s anger issues about Scanlan, and Vex being the only sanity check on it he’ll accept: mmm, interesting potential there too.

- (And, I mean, hey. Those gatestones were a gift from Lillith, after all. Wink, nudge.)

- Cassandra. Every moment we got with Cassandra. She deserves all the cake and all the hugs. And all the help from her brother, which I’m getting to shortly, because Percy was walking right up to that one without hesitation and…

- oh holy fuck the timeskip

- the timeskip

- so much can happen in a year, in so many ways

- I have this dark little hunch that Percy and Vex might not be in the best place in a year, mostly because we’re talking about one actor in particular who likes to fuck with things just to see what’ll happen (ahem), but also because both characters have unresolved issues of their own that could generate enough internal conflict that they might end up with unintended external friction, too. I mean, I ship the hell out of them and I want them to be happy, but there’s the potential for interesting wrinkles that they’d have to work on together, too. We shall see, I suppose. We shall see.

- Meanwhile, Vax and Kiki will probably be noisily happy and insist that everything’s blissful while dodging their own issues that still exist, because, well, Vax and Kiki. But, y’know, again, I’m spitballing. Could be wrong. WE’LL SEE.

- I hope Tary has an awesome boyfriend by this time next year, though. And that Doty shall rise again.

- And…THEY’RE GOING TO BE GOING INTO VOX MACHINA’S FINAL ARC AFTER THE TIMESKIP HAPPENS AND THEY’RE GONNA BE FIGHTING FUCKING GODS

- so, y’know, no pressure

- aaaaaaaaaaaa

(Also: Liam’s running another one-shot next week AND I AM SO GODDAMN EXCITED FOR IT. insert gif here of me doing toddler fists of glee.)

[soleminisanction]

(This was written in direct response to @eponymous-rose‘s recent meta found here, but got way too long to attach as a reblog so I spun it off into its own post.)

Here’s where the whole “it’s about sacrifice for the greater good” argument falls flat for me: Keyleth and Vax, the driving forces of this pursuit, are not the ones who’ve had to sacrifice. 

Blame dice rolls or character mechanics or their own choices or whatever, but the fact remains that they’re still the only two party members sitting at a happy DC 10 resurrection ritual. Everyone else has died. Two of them died because Vax’ildan forced a confrontation before the party could prepare. For him to then turn around and insist, “This is for the Greater Good, your sacrifice is worth it,” therefore comes across as a, well, rather shallow, selfish and immature read of the situation. Who is he to say that? He’s not the one who died.

And then he and Keyleth tried to push them into another confrontation immediately afterwards, again without time to prep or heal. The players have talked about this: the majority of them as players wanted to go after Raishan, because they know they need to deal with her, but the majority of characters wanted and needed to rest first. Because they didn’t want to rush in and sacrifice themselves for no reason. And here’s Vax, still not acknowledging what his choice had done, still insisting that he was right, that it was for the greater good, trying to push them to go against their own well-being for noble self-sacrifice.

That’s not how it works. You can’t push others into self-sacrifice, you can only sacrifice others for your cause.

Keyleth, I think, understands this. She actually steps back in acknowledgement of the personal emotions wrapped up in the whole situation. Like the talk with Grog spelled out: she’s absolutely allowed to be angry, and to use that anger to seek justice, but she needs to reign it in and control it before that anger spills out and hurts the people she loves. And when those people got hurt, she apologized. She’s got some awareness of how her actions affect the people she’s taking along for (what she feels to be) her personal revenge. That’s nuanced and shows how she’s maturing over the course of the arc, and the fact that she stumbles along the way shows she’s still got room to grow.

Vax doesn’t have that. He outright refuses to acknowledge the harm he’s caused, even when he was confronted with it by Scanlan, even insisting that he was right to cause it because this is “bigger than all of them.” Which just plain isn’t right. Vox Machina may not be sacrificing innocents, but Vax’s actions say that he’s willing to sacrifice his family whether they want to or not. He’s willing, nay, eager to die, and he’s happy to take everyone with him if it’s “for the greater good.”

And then, Scanlan! Oh, Scanlan’s arc just makes the whole thing more interesting. It’s not saying, “fuck self-sacrifice.” It’s saying, “Fuck you for trying to sacrifice me.” I think his talk with Vax and his reaction afterwards makes that pretty clear. And he’s definitely the best character to take up that position, because he’s always been the selfish one, but now he’s got a non-selfish reason to live: Kaylie. It’s what gave his willingness to stand and fight against the pit fiend so much weight, and it’s also why having someone else, someone he trusts, take that choice away from him without so much as an “I’m sorry” feels like such a betrayal.

TL;DR – the pursuit of Raishan isn’t a “backslide into obsession” because revenge is always bad. It’s a backslide into obsession because Vax (and Keyleth to a much lesser extent) are pursing this revenge/justice in a selfish manner without acknowledging the cost it demands of their family. And it’s frustrating because Keyleth shows every sign of struggling with this concept and growing as a result, while Vax just…doesn’t.

It’s easy to say that sacrifice is worth it when you’re not the one on the altar.