#varian - who only wanted to help him get through with this cause he also has beef with autorithy figures who are abusive and live for

[deimcs]

COMPLETE: THE PALE ELF / Astarion has become the Vampire Ascendant. He had to sacrifice Cazador, his brothers and sisters, and thousands of other vampire spawn; but he'll never fear the sun or suffer a vampire's hunger again.

[tangledbea]

I was originally just going to ask just about new dream, but I'm curious as to what love language all the gang has based on their personalities!

Eh, I haven't answered this one in a while (though I have definitely answered it before).

First, I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't think that most people have only one love language. And I don't just mean how they perceive love and how they show love. I mean, in general, most people have more than one.

Rapunzel: Rapunzel spent her entire life with Gothel, who regularly put her down, denied her hugs and comfort, left her all alone (or so she thought) in the Tower, and acted like everything she did for her was a big fucking deal. The only thing Gothel did was bring her things: paint, fabric, seeds to grow flowers, wax for making candles, a guitar...

Therefore, Rapunzel feels loved when people spend time with her. She's extremely touchy-feely and loves hugs and holding Eugene's hand or his arm, giving and receiving kisses, even platonically. When people do things for her, she's over the moon, and she will bend over backwards to do things for those she loves. But she seems the least impressed with receiving gifts, and when she does like it, she attributes it to acts of service more than gift-giving. However, she gives gifts as her first line of trying to get on someone's good side. (Look at how she tried to win over Monty, and how she tried to make Cassandra "feel better" on the Day of Hearts.)

Eugene: Eugene grew up with nothing and (as of the movie) no one. He fashioned himself a persona that didn't need anyone, but he was lying to himself.

Eugene thrives on quality time, which is why he's constantly planning dates for him and Rapunzel. He loves gifts, because he loves being pampered and spoiled. He's actually really big on physical affection, even though he tried to deny that he was. He needs words of affirmation, to be reassured that he's handsome, smart, brave, good. The one he's least keen on is acts of service, because he's so used to taking care of himself (not that he rejects acts of service). However, he gives acts of service so readily. He's self-sacrificial for those he loves.

Lance: Lance grew up in the same situation as Eugene, but took from it a much different mentality.

Lance wants stuff. Gifts are his favorite. But he's also big on acts of service (asking Eugene to help him go rob the Baron retrieve a treasure). He's extremely physically affectionate, quick to throw his arm around the shoulders of those he cares about, or hug and pick up his girls. The fact that Adira doesn't like to be touched is a massive roadblock for him (as well as her just not being interested, lbr). He enjoys doing things with people, but is also fine doing things alone, and he doesn't seem to thrive on words of affirmation. Lance is extremely honest about who he is, and doesn't fall for words of flattery, no matter how sincere.

Varian: As a social outcast, semi-estranged from his dad (at least at the beginning), this kid is all about the words of affirmation. He wants to be told that people are proud of him, that he's doing well in their eyes. He also really enjoys quality time, being together for the sake of being together (his excitement over a road trip with his dad, helping Quirin with the pumpkins and having Quirin help him with his invention in the epilogue). He shows love through acts of service, and asks favors of people (then gets really mad when they don't respect him and screws with his stuff, causing problems - acts of anti-service, if you will). He doesn't seem hugely physically affectionate, and doesn't come across as needing gifts to show love.

Cassandra: Cassandra blatantly isn't impressed with gifts, doesn't really like to be hugged, and isn't fond of being around people. Of everyone in the group, she's the easiest to slim down to one love language, both giving and receiving: acts of service. She defines herself by her service, and gets upset when people won't do things for her in return (take her side in a fight, for example). To a lesser degree, she'll take words of affirmation, if they're done sincerely. (Her believing you mean it is another story.)

However, Cassandra is pretty good at giving love languages that speak to the person she's giving them to. for example, despite not really being into hugs, she hugs Rapunzel when she needs it.

[meiloorunsmoothie]

how did you first get into Jeremy Jordan

good question—and one i very recently asked myself when the inevitable "how did i become this person" reflection happened 🫣.

i think there were many different factors (most of them not that good) that caused me to dive into obsessive mode so hard (and so quickly)—and it's definitely a "i see it now, but i couldn't back then" kind of situation. however, i'll spare you from those details XD.

the simple story is that, similar to you, i watched tangled the series and instantly fell in love with varian.

i love him

funnily enough, varian was the reason i started watching the show to begin with (coupled with the fact that i love tangled, and rapunzel, and eugene, and pascal, and max, and- 😆). i actually listened to the tts songs before watching the show 🫣 because my sister had gotten hooked on it years before. however, i only listened to the songs with mandy moore and zachary levi 🫣🫣 (cause i was like "who are these other random people, i want rapunzel and eugene"). then one day i listened to "through it all," in which varian has one line (plus an "eh" which i love now, but couldn't tell was him when i first listened XD)—and i was instantly just like: who's that.

have i listened to this one line on loop? you bet.

so i started watching the show—and loved varian from episode one—so naturally, i decide to look up the voice actor. it was jeremy....surprise. except...i didn't actually become obsessed right then. if anything, i was a little weirded out that this tiny boy was voiced by a 30-something year old man 😂 (but it's voice acting, so i was just like: wow, he did a great job 🤩...i'm going to go resume loving varian).

okay and then he sang. i knew he was good from his one line in "through it all", but wOW. adfasjkjaskfjd, on repeat forever and ever.

yes he was

that's not when i became (jeremy) obsessed either XD.

okay...and then a bunch of life stuff/circumstances kind of collided, and let's just say that i was feeling extremely lonely while also struggling with grief. i think there was about a two week period of this before i started actually bouncing back, and i had just reached the end of s1. now tts was doing a good job with bringing much needed happiness in my life, but...s2 had a very noticeable varian-shaped hole in it 😒.

that's when i turned to jeremy jordan youtube. it started off (the first hour) pretty mild—just some of his disney medleys, or the greatest showman video, or just the ones with millions of views—but it very quickly turned into a full out jeremy jordan youtube spiral™️ XD.

i must put this in your face again

i think in part, i latched on so quickly because jeremy and i are actually very similar people in general. i think at the point of extreme change that i was in at the time, it was just nice to "know" someone who was like me—and it definitely helped that there was easy access to extensive jj content. on a slightly different note, this is absolutely the reasoning behind the fact that if i had a chance to see jeremy live, i would choose one of his concerts over, say, gatsby—i am obsessed with jeremy jordan as jeremy jordan XD (hello akp).

literally me (i grew up in california by the way XD)

anyways, fast forward ~3 months, and i joined tumblr 😆...and we all know what happened after that. honestly, not a bad decision in my mind (at least so far), despite being very anti-social media my whole life. i've gotten to chat and obsessively geek out with so many great people, and i'm just so grateful for that 💕.

i've still only watched s1 of supergirl...and many youtube clips

[knightphobeus]

Tides of War Review

I drove across country and finished this book, so if I'm a bit more critical about it, blame it on the drive. Lucky me, the travel was not too bad...

I am still not playing the game. I am too involved in all other MMOs and again, I tried. Failed.

Basic: 3.5/5 I mostly do this only on the two-thirds, with the actual build up to the event that starts off the Mists of Pandaria expansion. However, like the other story, I have a few issues with parts in the story, and I swear I blame it on the amount of period romance/isekai/regen (?) stories I read.

The Best: The change of Jaina's attitude before, during, and after the destruction of Theramore is well-done. The worry of the various members of the Horde at Garrosh's attitude, and the changes made that quickly get everyone against him, but also not willing or able to leave the Horde or speak out against him is fun.

While I didn't like a lot of what Jaina did before the destruction, she was a great character.

The Meh: Anything to do with the Blue Dragons. I swear the story has been working on making any dangerous creatures suddenly become "owo sowwy". I heard that this was pretty consistent for the Blue Dragons but still!

Throwing in the Earthen Ring, who DON'T get a warning about Garrosh using "very dangerous and upsets the balance" lava golems, moving giant f-you mastadon-centaur-things that I forgot the name to a DIFFERENT CLIMATE, somehow controlling one to multiple KRAKEN, *AND* dropping the mana bomb enhanced through a magical stolen weapon on a city on the same continent...no, that doesn't get a vision. Jaina deciding to cause mass damage with an unscheduled tidal wave? *HOW DARE?* Enough to get Thrall to go and "talk" to her.

The Bad: Early stuff with Jaina and her thoughts on love was just...I can't, and again, I watch and read A LOT of Isekai/Regen/"I'm the villain and now everyone loves me" stuff. Jaina/Kalecgos was so shoehorned in, please stop.

I think the main issue with early Jaina is that for someone who a) left and survived leaving Arthas, b) founded Theramore with at least two hostiles (her father and the Horde), and c) a world-class mage even before having added mana to her....she comes across as even more sweet and innocent on things. Again, this is possibly because I read too many comics/watch too much anime, but freakin' some of the girls from those stories are better at this.

Thrall and Kalecgos having to "talk" Jaina out of this. I'm sorry, if Thrall and Jaina ever speak again, he'd better have started with "I was wrong about..."

(the list is all Garrosh, just Garrosh.)

I get the reason for it, however we are talking about a woman who, in the course of a few weeks, manages to go to everyone, tell them "hey, bad things, can you help me destroy these people?" and the only ones close enough to get her to calm down and have, like, a cup of tea or something was Varian and Anduin? No one else thought "we should probably try to get powerful lady who is now very, very upset some...thing? Anything? Help?"

Again, Anduin and Varian were the two who were like "Ok, that's not good," but tried something. Kalecgos went and sulked, and then rocks up to 'talk'? No, Kalec doesn't get lover status just 'cause he knows magic 'intimately'.

I might be salty about this book. The last part was great, the build-up and fight between the Horde and the Alliance was interesting to read about, reading the parts with Baine and even the Horde parts were neat. However, making Jaina the 'soft one' because she wanted peace is...annoying, and again, I blame this on the stuff I watch.

Freakin' Sypha from Castlevania is 'soft' and she'll happily throw magic at you.

Anyway, it's somewhat better than Wolfheart because it's a bit more focused, but if there was no love story then I'd be a bit happier.

Next up (at one point): Vol'jin - Shadow of the Horde.

[keithbutgay]

Hello! I have even more if you'd like :)

So, first off, to clarify a little more, Donella and Ulla were working together to get to the Eternal Library, Ulla documenting everything that happened in her journal.

So when Varian found the journal, he believed that Donella was good and wanted to find her, only to get attacked by her later on. Donella was also the one who trapped Ulla in the library in the first place.

Another interesting thing is how they met Hugo. So, this scene is shown in "canon" comics by the creators of vat7k. Yong and Varian had completed the fire trial in Bayangor, and had reached the totem. Hugo had been following them the entire time, not solving any of the puzzles, and when they reached the totem, he stole it before Varian and Yong could grab it. They attempted to stop him, but Hugo threw a smoke bomb with sulfur in it and got away. He brought it to Donella, but once she learned that Varian was Ulla's son, she told him to join the group as a spy. Varian didn't like him, and didn't want him to join, but he eventually joined anyway.

Hugo's backstory is that he grew up in the same orphanage as Eugene and Lance, and ran away to live on the streets. He was found by Donella, who noted his skills in theft and engineering, and she took him in. She assigned him to various different jobs, one of which was with Eugene (who he doublecrossed)

I wanted to make a small correction to the previous explanation while adding some more information- when they reached the Eternal Library, Donella revealed that Hugo was working for her. Varian, upset because he had trusted Hugo, ran into the library to find his mom. She possessed him thinking that she could leave the library in his body, but Hugo ran into the library to find Varian after betraying Donella.

Varian/Ulla tried to attack Hugo, and eventually Hugo was basically brought down like the absolute loser he is, and starts talking to Varian to try and get through to him. He eventually confesses his love and Varian is able to break free and then Ulla dies and stuff

As well as this, when they go to do the Earth Trial, they meet Varian's mom's family. And it's like, a HUGE family. After living with just himself and his dad for so long he's like in shock cause he has a whole family that doesn't even know about him (and the fandom is evil and named one of his cousins Amber). He is torn between staying with them or continuing on his journey. He obviously chooses the journey.

Something else that's interesting is that all of the trials are based on different alchemy things and different chemical reactions. As well as this, the characters are based off of different sciences, like Varian is alchemy, Nuru is astronomy, Hugo is an engineer, and Yong works with pyrotechnics and fire, so they help each other. Yong is 12, Nuru is 16, Varian is 18 and Hugo is 19. The journey goes over 2 years

Alright, that's everything I could think of that's "canon" and not "fanon" (I put it in parentheses because we don't have a canon really. This is all an au. Hugo is our collective oc)

Hope it helped!! Have an awesome day :)

so,, is anyone going to explain the entire fucking lore of VAT7K to me cuz I am EXTREMELY late to the fandom?

[invisible-pink-toast]

Varian’s clearly completely unstable by Secret of the Sundrop.

I just think he’s such a fascinating character, particularly in s1. we see him change from this sweet, misguided kid scientist into the main antagonist and it works. It makes sense as a character arc for him.

Cause he through a whole trauma conga line including:

Growing up without a mom

Having a father who was distant and unapproving

Trying to make the world better with his inventions but they always end in disaster*

Basically the town pariah, he has no friends and everyone considers him either a menace of a dangerous wizard

FINALLY finding some friends who he idolises (the princess rapunzel who’s also weird, his hero flynn rider and his “dream girl” cass who saved him) and who actually seem to care about him and believe in his inventions and TRUST him with secrets

Tries to help his village only to see quirin lie to the king and then be threatened by his own father into staying quiet (but at least his friend who he trusts that promises to help him)

goes out of his way to try to help his village and rapunzel by trying to solve the problem of the black rocks. quirin forbids it despite not giving any clear reason (and varian continues! even though he wants quirin’s approval, he still wants to help)

but his experiment goes wrong and he basically kills his dad

he runs through the worst blizzard corona has seen in thousands of years to find rapunzel for help, only to have that help denied*, then to be thrown out of the castle, and run back through the blizzard

none of his new friends come to check on him even though they promised to help and the storm is over

the black rocks tear his village apart around him and he’s left alone with his father’s body, desperately trying to find some cure

he starts to dig deeper and potentially find answers only to be attacked by armed, masked soldiers who chase him off and turn out to be the king’s secret police

the king spreads rumours that varian attacked rapunzel when he came to seek help, so now he’s a kingdom pariah

varian manages to secretly get a message to rapunzel to get the information in his home - that’s impossible for him to get to because of the armed guards

*admittedly, varian doesn’t know his limits and is reckless and dangerous with his inventions even if his intentions were good *rapunzel had a real, valid reason for not helping varian right away - she had to save the rest of the kingdom. never going to see him after.... not so valid.

Also Varian’s 14.

like being 14 is hard enough without this insane amount of trauma. and then being alone for almost all of it, blamed for most of it, and having no way to work through it because more just keeps happening.

So by the time secret of the sundrop comes around, he’s well and truly lost it.

An interesting take I saw once is that Varian is working through the stages of grief after losing Quirin - shock, denial, guilt, he’s into bargaining and is moving into anger.

He blames Rapunzel for what happened to his dad because she broke her promise to help, and that’s exacerbated by the fact that it seems her hair could be the only cure. And he’s willing to do anything to get it.

(low key though, he’s not entirely wrong about the rocks being rapunzel’s fault, although faults a strong word. the black rocks are searching for the sundrop in order to unite it back with the moonstone. rapunzel is the sundrop, so the black rocks are only there because of her. BUT she never chose to become the sundrop, it was frederic who did that. frederic knew of the potential consequences and chose to save his family anyway - honestly fair, but then kept everything a secret and let his kingdom and his people pay the price - not fair he’s an asshole and a terrible king. also quirin didn’t trust varian to tell him the truth about the rocks, and interrupted him during a key moment of the experiment causing it to go awry, so quirin is somewhat at fault too. and it was varian’s experiment that created the amber, so he’s at fault too. but it’s also understandable that a traumatised and alone 14 year old can’t deal with the overwhelming grief and guilt that losing his father was his fault, so he blames it on someone else. it’s complicated all round)

ANYWAY, varian kidnaps arianna partly for practicality and partly out of revenge. someone he loves was taken by the rocks, it was the fault of the royal family (completely, in his mind).

practicality: he needs rapunzel’s hair to save his father but he knows she would never help him willingly now (especially if the process could kill her), so he needs bait.

revenge: rapunzel is connected to the rocks and broke her promise, frederic kept secrets and sent guards to attack him and stop his progress on freeing his father, and arianna sat by and did nothing while this was happening.

varian’s choice to threaten the queen with amber is both chilling and genius.

chilling considering this is a person - and he seems to have no issues with murder here, especially the same gruelling end his father faced. admittedly, he truly believes that rapunzel’s hair will free quirin, so by that logic it should free arianna too.

also chilling though because varian must know there’s no way he will walk away from this. and he doesn’t care. all he wants is to save his father. he doesn’t care what he destroy’s in his path - including his own future.

genius because if rapunzel’s hair somehow doesn’t work - it won’t just be varian desperately trying to save his father, alone and shunned and attacked, it will be the entire kingdom trying to save the queen. when arianna was dying, the entire kingdom came together in search of an ancient healing flower that may or may not have existed AND THEY FOUND IT.

chilling and genius because it’s such a specific form of revenge. rapunzel and frederic hurt and betrayed varian, and left him with his father’s corpse frozen in amber. no one came to help him. now if they don’t help him, someone they love will suffer the same fate. they will understand some of the agony he’s been put through, he will make them understand.

varian is sarcastic and honestly seems to be enjoying all of this. maybe this is because he’s unstable, but i think it’s maybe because he thinks he’s finally in control. he’s getting his revenge, he’s freeing his father, and he’s proving that his inventions will work all at once.

but, like many times before, varian’s arrogance and desperation collide into recklessness and his plan fails.

and instead of revenge, quirin being safe, and his inventions working - he’s thrown his entire life away for NOTHING, as he’s left without his father permanently (at this point, there’s no known cure), while the royal family that caused all of this gets to have their happy reunion.

and he just snaps.

he’s not thinking about consequences. he’s not thinking at all. his bargaining failed completely and he’s gone head first into anger. he’s just engulfed in rage and despair and guilt and it all rushes together and he has to let some of that emotion out or he’ll drown in it.

and how dare rapunzel get to be happy with her parents when she broke her promise and her hair failed to free the only person that matters to varian. so varian decides to take away what matters to rapunzel. there’s no practicality or genius or planning. he just decides to destroy everything, for everyone to be in as much pain as he’s in, and he tries to murder three people.

i wish we’d been able to see some of his time in prison. i think not long after all of this, he’d become very, very depressed.

he’s sacrificed everything in his life in vain, hurt people he did care about and does come to regret that, took quirin’s away, and ruined his own life trying to fix it. you can understand how when varian is put in a cell with andrew, how easy it would be to manipulate him.

offer him the slightest friendship and he’d be desperate for any kind of positive interaction. offer him some father-figure approval? he’d be in their corner. offer him revenge on the kingdom that turned it’s back on him, revenge on the king and queen who’s negligence caused the black rocks, and the ability to wipe the slate clean? to have people respect him and his inventions, to be able to change things “for the better” and get revenge in the process? and varian in rapunzel’s return makes complete sense.

and so does his turn.

varian doesn’t want to hurt people (even if he is willing to do so). all he wanted was to help people, and for his father to be proud of him. obviously that did not work out. at all.

when he realises that his invention is going to be used to hurt a lot of people, he can’t stand by and let it happen. even if it means sacrificing his new friendships (doesn’t help that he trusted them and they lied to him). both of these things would bring up a lot of issues and unresolved trauma for varian, but he’s not in such a grief/rage stricken state, and he decides to try and help.

rapunzel has a bit more life experience, and can empathise somewhat with how varian must have felt after her betrayal. how much it hurts to lose a friend. she chooses to trust him here, because she believes he wants to help. he chooses to trust her here, because he regrets what happened and does truly want to help - especially to clean up his own mess.

after varian sees how much rapunzel cares for her people, i think he would understand her decision in queen for a day better. when rapunzel won’t let varian sacrifice himself, and instead saves him and risks herself for her people, i think he starts to see that person he admired so much back in early s1 again. and when rapunzel offers a way to potentially save quirin - he’s all in.

rapunzel trust him here. not because she doesn’t have any other options, or to save her people, she trusts varian here as himself. using the hurt incantation is so incredibly dangerous (and went so horribly wrong last time she used it, it caused the first HUGE crack in her relationship with cass) and yet she’s doing it for varian, and trusting him in the process. it’s a big deal.

and he proves himself here. the incantation frees quirin - achieves the thing that varian threw his entire life away to try to achieve - but varian stays with rapunzel. doesn’t give up on her, tries to help her - even when his father is free, even when all three of them are in tremendous danger. and his faith in her brings her back.

varian and rapunzel reach a balance in their relationship - one of trust and respect. and it’s slowly built up throughout season 3. quirin being free, and being proud of varian puts varian in a good place, where he actively takes accountability for his actions and does his best (to kind of an insane and dangerous degree) to try and help.

he’s just a fascinating character - always going to extremes. but whether he’s a plucky kid scientist, a reckless terrorist, a regretful ex-convict, or the royal alchemist - he always remains true to his character. 

he’s fiercely loyal, over confident, willing to help, protective, insecure, goofy, strategic, calculating, obsessive, creative, naive, forward thinking, determined, bashful, kind, ruthless, passionate and inventive. it’s such an interesting mix of personality, and it makes him one of my favourite characters.

[crosswindtakeoff]

Hell yeah give us some team awesome hcs

[SLAPS MY HANDS ON TABLE EXCITEDLY] OH MY GOD OK HERE WE GO

SOSO TEAM AWESOME ARE 100% FOUND FAMILY BROTHERS AND ALSO The dynamic of caring siblings and annoying siblings at the same time. Like they could be sobbing into one another bc the other almost died and then be like "Fuck you." the next day when they pass by each other in the hall for no reason. Like. Eugene could go "Damn, Varian is a loser. He sucks. Stinky." but then some random villager goes "That alchemist kid is such a waste." And Eugene just instantly runs up to them and is like "What the fuck did u just say abt my bro??????"

Also love the idea of Varian coming out as bi or gay to Eugene like "I like guys..." and Eugene, who is bisexual, goes "Uhm yeah ok? Me too? ur not special??" and Varian's like "I'M BEING SERIOUS YOU ASS???????"

Bonus points if Flynn Rider was his trans awakening bc he was like "omg wow this guy is so cool I wanna be just like him." (which is funny cause as they get closer Varian just makes fun of him bc. He has a very brotherly urge to be as annoying as possible)

ALSO ALSO VARIGO BONUS: Eugene telling Hugo embarrassing stories abt Varian at the two's wedding whiel Varian is like "THAT IS NOT TRUE YOU FUCKING LIAR STOP POISINGIN MY HUSBAND AGAINST ME STOPPPPPPPPP"

The idea of Hugo having to go through hell and back to get Eugene's approval to marry Varian only for him to finally do it and Eugene to be like "lol I just wanted to fuck with you and see how far you'd go" instantly followed by him being tackled by the blond as he screams at Varian for help. Varian's urge to help Eugene not be beat up by his fiance is strong but the urge to be an annoying little brother is stronger. (Got some of this idea from Glace!! <3)

OK THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW AND MOST OF THEM AREN'T CONNECTED AT ALL BUT <33

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Be Very Afraid

This is the best story arc episode in season three and arguably the best written episode since The Great Tree, but it’s still season three so there are still issues with it. 

Summary: When Zhan Tiri tells Cassandra she must destroy Rapunzel in order to wield the Moonstone's true power, Cassandra discovers that she can create, with fear, red rock spikes that cause fear and freeze their victims. Varian discovers the red rocks and teams up with Rapunzel to use his amber solution on them. Meanwhile, Eugene and Lance decide to throw a talent show to distract everyone from their fears. 

Why Can’t Cassandra Control The Rocks?

The series never gives an actual explanation for this. She could control them just fine in Rapunzel’s Return, so what’s changed? 

There is No Destiny!

There’s no prophecy, no oracle, no grand design nor master of fate to fight back against; the characters literally have no reason to do what they do. If you want destiny to be a goal then you have to establish what that destiny is first. 

What does Cassandra want? How does this connect back to Gothel, Rapunzel, and the Moonstone? Why she just failing about like an idiot here? Did she not have a plan when she threw her life away for this stupid rock? 

And of course Zhan Tiri is lying here, but why should Cassandra believe her? What does she gain by listening to a creepy ghost girl? This ‘destiny’ has not been established, so therefore there’s no hook nor bait for Zhan Tiri to trap her with. 

Leading directly into “you should kill your bestie’ should logically put Cassandra off of Zhan Tiri’s advice for good because Zhan Tiri isn’t actually offering anything. Temptation requires the person to be, you know, tempted by what they want, but Cassandra doesn’t know what she wants so none of this makes sense. 

The writing is desperately trying to make Cass sympathetic here, but all it winds up doing is making her look like a moron instead. 

This Isn’t Consistent

Not only does this fail to explain why Cass could control the rocks previously but no longer can, but it’s also contradicted just a couple of episodes later with the incantation bullshit. 

You need an established magic system in place in order for the character’s actions to make sense show!

This Ultimately Goes Nowhere

Ignoring how Varian should have been in season two and how translating the scroll should have led to freeing his father, which we’ve talked about previously; this subplot should have had more impact on the narrative than it actually did. Yes, Varian’s translation winds up driving the plot of Cassandra’s Revenge, but 90% of that episode winds up being utterly pointless, including the incantations themselves, so.... 

I Like This Sequence; Shame It Winds Up Being Undermined Later  

Unlike the majority of dream sequences in this show, this nightmare has an actual point. It more firmly establishes Varian’s fears and gives the audience some insight into what happened to him back in season one. Something we were sorely lacking. It also becomes the core conflict and drive of Varian’s character development through out the episode. 

Only for the episode to ignore Varian’s real issues and fail to adequately address anything. By series end this plot point will be completely forgotten. The show acts like bringing it up once and then never acknowledging it ever again just magically revolves Varian’s character arc. It doesn’t.  

So How Come Quirin Isn’t Affected By the Rocks? 

He’s right there next to them and he shows no reaction to them at all. You’re telling me the man who lost his home twice to these things, almost died to them, and nearly lost his only child because of them, is just not going to respond to new creepy red ones popping up? 

Quirin would have a treasure trove of trauma to explore in his own right, that undoubtedly would connect back to Varian’s own issues, but we’re just going to ignore it and have Quirin off screen for the majority of the episode?

Are These New Character Models?

Are you shitting me!? 

They built five new models just for a short two minute scene, one where none of the new characters are named nor given lines, only to never appear ever again!

What the fuck? Why did you waste time and money on this? What happened to all of the other background characters you already built? Did a bunch of season one models just get lost or deleted or something? 

Also why are they all wearing green? Is it St. Paddy’s Day? 

This Plot Point Wasn’t Established Enough Beforehand

Look, I’ll buy that there are people in Corona who still blame Varian for what happened in season one and for the Sapoiran take over. I mean they’re only getting half the story and were directly effected by his actions whether or not he intended harm to them. But we needed to see more of it beyond just this one scene.

No one was bullying him in Lost Treasure or The King and Queen of Hearts, so for all purposes he appeared to be integrated back into society, and now you’re telling me he’s not and that Rapunzel risked his well being by forcing him to interact with people who were hostile to him back in Lost Treasure? 

And yeah you can’t really move Lost Treasure back any further than it already is cause that’d leave a giant hole in the wall of the throne room for over a year. Which also makes no sense either. 

Or hey, maybe it’s just Feldspar being an asshole. In which case why should Varian or the audience care? 

Eugene is Wasted

Look I understand that there’s only twenty five minutes to tell this story and that Eugene isn’t the focus of the episode. I also understand that the B-plot is meant to be comedic in order to relive tension from the A plot, but this wasn’t the best way to go about it. 

The B plot swings too far wide in the other direction that it dilutes the tension too much. The A plot now has to work over time to keep the urgency going. I could understand it, if the show wanted start off with small fears first, but it needed to ramp up the drama as it got closer to the climax, not under cut it. 

We never see Eugene freak out over anything other this this cowlick. In fact we never see him scared of anything else beyond this one scene, which undermines Rapunzel’s arc this episode as she’s suppose to be the only one bottling things in. What makes Eugene so special that he can keep a lid on it with out consequences, or are you telling me that a dumb cowlick is his only fear? 

Either answer is stupid. 

I Hope You Have Copies of the Map

You went through all that trouble to steal the journal for this very reason and now here you are prancing around without it like it’s not that big of deal. Way to undermined past story arcs. 

It’s like the writers know that season one was their most successful season, and therefore try to make callbacks to it whenever they can, to make up for ignoring it in season two completely, but they still don’t want to actually acknowledge anything that happened during that season so they just refer to it in the laziest way possible, rendering the previous events pointless. 

So Close and Yet So Far

I’m mainly posting this whole conversation so that you dear readers will have context for what I talk about next. 

For you see, this scene starts out okay and it looks like we’re finally going to address the elephant in the room regarding Rapunzel’s involvement in Varian’s past trauma, only for the scene to immediately side step the issue all together and not resolve the conflict at all. 

No! Don’t Interrupt; Listen! 

Or at least go all the way and accept some of the blame yourself. 

It may look like Rapunzel is comforting Varian here on a superficial level, but without her verballing acknowledging what she did wrong, this action just winds up taking the focus off of Varian and what he needs and places it upon Rapunzel, both narratively and physically.

So what happens is that, in universe, it comes across like she’s just consoling Varian for her own personal comfort rather than genuinely trying to help. 

Why Would Varian Ever Think This? 

Okay, first off this has nothing to do with what Varian was talking about previously. Why would he jump from discussing his trauma to praising Rapunzel? You know the woman who is responsible for said trauma? 

Secondly, this switches the focus of the conflict off of Varian’s specific trauma and makes it about a generic “over coming fear” lesson mixed with an out of place validation issue. Which is not what’s actually needed for his character development; nor for Rapunzel’s for that matter. 

Third, being the sundrop has nothing to do with Rapunzel as a person. Her being born with magical powers was an accident of fate, same as her being royalty. She’s not innately better than anybody else because of this and nobody has any narrative reason to assume otherwise. Especially since her powers are utterly disconnected from her actual personality, choices, and actions. All three of which have become unbearably unpleasant by the last season. 

Finally, Varian, of all people should be the last person on earth to ever think so highly of Rapunzel. Them being friends again is already pushing believability. Him suddenly kissing her ass the same as everyone else this season is just flat out bad writing.  

Varian knows better than anybody what an awful person Rapunzel is. He’s seen her at her worse. He’s seen her not live up to her hypocritical ideals. He knows the larger problems that steam from placing people in power on pedestals. As her former victim, Varian by all accounts should be the one person who can bring Rapunzel down to earth and poke holes into her ego, even while still being her friend. Especially while still being her friend. She needs that! Writing Varian as another blind Rapunzel stan is not only writing him out of character, but it also damages Rapunzel’s own development. 

Also Varian hates magic. Why would he now worship someone just for having magic? 

THIS AIN’T ABOUT YOU BITCH!!!

I literally yelled that at my tv screen when I first saw this scene. Those were my exact words upon the episode’s first airing. And believe it or not, I’m not one to usually scream obscenities at inanimate objects. 

I understand what the writers were trying to accomplish here. They wanted Rapunzel to ease the tension by saying something funny and to make Varian laugh to distract him from his woes; thereby defusing the situation. But it doesn’t work because of season three’s tendency to make Rapunzel the most egotistical, smug, self-centered, abusive, self-righteous twat in the show. 

It really boggles the mind just how unaware the writing is. Like, surely no one makes their protagonist this unlikable on accident. Clearly they meant for Rapunzel to be an ass on purpose right?  They wanted Cass to have a reason to hate her so they decided to make her insufferable to the viewer in a misguided attempt to make Cass more sympathetic? Right? 

Then where is the bloody comeuppance? 

I genuinely thought this was all going to lead somewhere. That Rapunzel was going to learn to be a better person and I would have been fine by that. I would have applauded the show if they had turned her into an asshole intentionally so that they could teach a mature and nuanced lesson about morality. 

But they didn’t, and here I am; still shaking my head in confusion over a year later. 

Seriously what the fuck happened behind the scenes to cause this? How can processionals paid by the largest animation company in the world be so incompetent? 

Having Trauma is Not the Same Thing as Having a Phobia  

This is where Varian’s arc falls apart. Not only does the episode fail to have Rapunzel acknowledge her past wrongs for a second time, but it also completely mishandles Varian’s trauma because it equates it to being an irrational fear. One that can be overcome through pure force of will at that, same as Lance and everyone else’s fears in the episode. 

Ok first off Varian’s fear isn’t irrational. He even just said so at the start of the conversation. Varian’s trauma is very real, it’s not a hypothetical unlike clown-spiders and cowlicks. Also has been given very little reassurance that it won't happen again. Varian has no reason to trust Rapunzel or anybody else in the show. They never owned up to abandoning him previously, and both he and the audience have little reason to believe that Rapunzel wouldn’t just neglect him again if it was convenient for her.   

Secondly one does not simply ‘overcome’ trauma. Oh you can deal with trauma, you can manage it and learn to live with it. But it never goes away. It doesn’t magically disappear just because you ‘faced it’. 

In fact confronting it head on is actually the opposite of what your suppose to do when going through something traumatic. Studies have shown that distracting your mind after a car crash or what have you actually helps with PTSD later on. And ‘dealing with it” doesn’t mean ignoring the problem out right, but rather learning how to function despite the pain. 

But as the show acts like Varian’s trauma never even existed after this episode. 

This Doesn’t Resolve Anything!

What does “being special” have to with fear? How does this help Varian with his trauma? Empty validation has nothing to with what we were just discussing. 

Everyone gets afraid. Everyone has trauma of some sort. Are you telling me that my need for therapy some 20 years after being physically assaulted is just because I’m not special enough? Fuck you show! 

Moreover, this doesn’t resolve the story arc from season one. Varian and Rapunzel’s conflict with each other has nothing to do with self esteem. It was about personal responsibility, conflicting needs, and abuse. Yes, self image and acceptance was a small factor in their motivations, but it was never the driving goal behind their decisions. 

This is yet another broken narrative promise to the audience. There’s no closure to be had from this and leaves the viewer wanting, if not outright frustrated. 

In order to justify this exchange fans have to ‘read between the lines’ and make shit up in order for any of this to make any sense. People who still defend season three do by doing all the heavy lifting that writers themselves should be doing. 

If it’s not on screen, it doesn’t count. 

If Rapunzel never apologizes on screen, then she never apologized. If Rapunzel never checked up on Varian on screen, then she neglected him outright. If Rapunzel never acknowledges her wrong doings on screen, then she’s never learned anything. The characters pretending like she has doesn’t make it so. 

Why Does Cassandra Even Want a Destiny? 

Yes, Zhan Tiri is lying, there is no destiny, but Zhan Tiri being a liar doesn’t absolve Cassandra of her own actions. 

Cassandra herself believes in destiny and is looking for her’s, but why? 

Why does she want a destiny? What is this destiny she’s after? Why does she believe such a thing exists? What does she believe it’ll gain her? Why is she willing to risk so much for such a vague goal? What does any of this have to do with the moonstone or her mother? How does this destiny connect back with her personal feud with Rapunzel? 

It’s all disjointed and confused. Nothing lines up. It’s like the writers just had this dart board full of ideas for Cassandra’s villain arc, but couldn’t decide on which one to go with, so they just threw darts randomly each episode and went with whatever stuck for any given scene.

“Oh she want’s revenge for her mother during this scene, or wait no, she’s actually looking for destiny this episode?” “What destiny?” “Who knows. Now for this scene we need her to be sad because reasons...” “What reason?” “I don't care, make something up... Uuuuh, she’s sad cause she’s not a royal guard still” “But she became a guard during season one.” “Ignore that. Kids won’t remember. Now she needs to be angry and threating here” “Why?” “Because it’ll look cool.” “But why is she angry?” “Cause it looks cool Bob! Geez! Oh but she still needs to be sympathetic so give her a frowny face afterwards. Just have Zhan Tiri remind her how much she hates Rapunzel later, so as to egg her on and keep her doing stupid shit?”  “But why does she hate Rapunzel?”  “Do I have to think of everything BOB!!!???”  

There, there’s my non-so-accurate behind the scene’s glimpse into the Tangled writer’s room when discussing Cassandra’s arc. I could be wrong. There could have been some intricate and complex plan thought out that just didn’t make it onto the screen for whatever reason, or maybe everyone involved was so far up their own ass that they just forgot to give their main villain an actual reason for being the villain. But regardless the over all effect is that Cassandra is handed the idiot ball for a whole freaken season in order to even have a conflict and that is never good writing; or rather she’s hit in the head with it repeatedly. 

This Actually Goes Against Zhan Tiri’s Plan

Zhan Tiri’s short term goal is to be released from her dimensional prison and apparently she needs Cass and Raps to fight into order to do this. This was never established before hand and goes against her disciples pervious plans, but whatever. One could argue that this is just a lie in order to get them to fight later... 

However, this lie jeopardizes her long term goal. She eventually wants to wield both the moonstone and the sundrop herself in order to destroy Corona, but Rapunzel is the sundrop and you can only take her power during an ellipse, supposedly, which means if Cass actually succeeds in killing Rapunzel before then, then Zhan Tiri is up a creek without a paddle. Also if Cassandra did manage to steal Raps’ power with or without an ellipse then Zhan Tiri would still be out of luck. 

This was wholly unnecessary; you didn’t have to go from zero to sixty in one fell swoop. Have Zhan Tiri claim that fighting Rapunzel will award the power to the winner or something. There’s no need to bring up the ‘kill her’ option. That should logically just drive Cassandra away and puts Zhan Tiri’s plan at risk. 

The series wants to act like Zhan Tiri is this master manipulator, a chess master like Zantos or Palpatine, but she couldn’t even tie their shoes. Her plans make no sense and often contradict one another. They only work because the rest of the cast are reduced to imbeciles in order for them to work. 

This Plot Point Contradicts Season Two

His fear of spiders was establish early on, and I’ll accept the clown thing as there’s nothing to contradict it, but Lance has preformed numerous times before now and has never show stage fright. He’s a huge ham and back in Return of Quaid he mentioned how much loved acting and preforming and apparently been on stage before, so where does this fear of singing in public come from? Heck he sung in public just a few episodes ago in Rapunzel’s Return. 

If you have to sacrifice established character into order to make your plot work then you need a new plot. 

This Song is Nice; It Just Needed to Be in a Different Episode 

I’m glad Lance got a solo. He deserved one and the song is good. However it breaks the tension of the climax and gives the episode tonal whiplash. 

More than a song, Lance needed an actual focus episode in season three. One that was fully his. If anyone else shared it with him it needed to be Red and Angry, not Varian and Cass. 

Just imagine if this song came during an episode where he had to watch the girls. Imagine if he was singing it just for them. How much more impactful would that have been? 

Now imagine that we had a Rapunzel and Varian duet in it’s place here. That would have tied the episode together better and helped to further their own stories. Glenn Slater can write lyrics far better than Chris can write dialogue. I bet you a thousand to one Tangled the Series would have solved like half of it’s problems had Menken and Slater been allowed write and actual apology duet between Raps and Varian. 

Such a duet was proposed during Rapunzel’s Return but it could have worked here too, and you could have placed Lance’s solo in Day of the Animals or something, just leave Rapunzel out of that episode all together. 

Nothing honestly needed to be cut music wise, yet for some reason season three has less songs than the other seasons, even when counting the reprises, and they’re mostly shorter too. 

That’s mismanagement right there. Plain and simple. Someone at the top didn’t know how to balance the budget or resources and didn’t know where to the throw the money at. 

You Have a 70 Foot Shield Made of Magic Hair, Rapunzel

You couldn’t think to just block those rocks instead?

Giving your protagonist a big hero moment doesn’t work if they placed the person the have to save in jeopardy to begin with show. 

I Do Not Care About Rapunzel Right Now, Show

Yes, she’s the main character. Yes, her feud with Cass is the main conflict of the season and kicked off the episode. That does not mean that I automatically care about her personal feelings at this moment in time. 

Rapunzel has kept such a tight lid on her real feelings for the whole episode that this just comes out of nowhere. I was never waiting with baited breath for her to confess her deep dark secrets or whatever. 

It’s not even an interesting reveal. It’s just “Oh, see Rapunzel’s human too. She’s gets scared just like everybody else.”. I already fucking knew that, thanks. And what she’s afraid of isn’t even that compelling either; it’s a just a rip off of the prophecy dreams she had back in season one. The same ones that had no explanation and never furthered the story, so why should I care about this one?  

You have to earn the audience’s investment in your conflict. The character’s likability, as little as that may be currently, will only carry you so far, you have to establish shit first.  

Varian’s conflict has been the focus of the entire episode so far, and it’s a conflict that was set all the way back in season one, so of course that is what I’m invested in seeing get resolved. Rapunzel is once again just butting in and making it all about her when it’s not actually her story. 

And if you wanted it to be her story then you should have made her the actual focus to begin with and had her learn something by the end of it. 

This is Poor Choice of Words, Writers 

I could be generous here and pass this off as Rapunzel not fully believing in this prophecy. After all Corona’s destruction is still a hypothetical at this point and Cassandra really has left already. Since the episode is about fear, Rapunzel is of course more afraid of losing Cassandra’s friendship as it’s real tangible possibility. 

More than a possibility even, Rapunzel’s been dumped. Season three is a classic break up story, right down to the poor plotting and tunnel vision, hence why it’s so gay baity. 

However, this reading only carries so far. For starters this is Rapunzel’s what, fourth prophecy dream so far? Haven’t the past three already came true, so why would she think this one wouldn’t? 

Secondly, all that good grace goes right out the window once it becomes clear that, yes, Cassandra is indeed a threat; a threat that Rapunzel refuses to take seriously because she cares more about her own personal validation than her kingdom. 

Even as Cassandra does succeed in destroying Corona, and no doubt harms other people while at it, Rapunzel still is obsessed with ‘winning Cassandra back’. Oh and make no mistake, this is not because she actually cares about Cassandra as a person and her needs or feelings. Nope. Rapunzel just doesn’t like being dumped. 

Why Does Varian Need to Shove His Feelings Aside for Rapunzel’s Bullshit?

Rapunzel’s ‘confession’ has fuck all to do with Varian’s current issues. They do not connect in any way.  

Varian is dealing with real trauma, trauma that she helped cause, while Rapunzel is only dealing with a hypothetical prophecy and one very shallow, self-centered fear. There’s nothing to relate to here. Neither for Varian himself nor the audience. 

Yet for some undefined reason this is what gets Varian to ignore his PTSD flashbacks? What? 

This is once again break the narrative promise. I was promised closure for Varian’s story arc and instead of that the writers just brush it up under the rug. 

From the outside looking in this doesn’t come across as Varian ‘overcoming’ his ‘fear’. It looks like an abuse victim using learned helplessness to placate his abusers.

And yes, for the last time Rapunzel is Varian’s abuser. 

NEGLECT IS ABUSE!!! 

And and even though he is no longer her ‘responsibility’, she is still neglecting him emotionally as his supposed friend. 

Varian’s and Cassandra’s Stories Undermined Each Other’s 

Varian stopped the rocks. Rapunzel had nothing to do with it. Zhan Tiri blaming Rapunzel for it steals agency away from both her and Cassandra. 

However, if Rapunzel had used the hurt incantation to stop the rocks and Cassandra had felt it rom the other side, then you’d have something to back up Zhan Tiri’s claim and an actual point of real conflict to carry the rest of the season. Not to mention an actual tangible goal for Cassandra to work towards, survival. 

Cassandra’s conflict with Rapunzel not only prevents the resolution to Varian’s arc from being satisfying, but Varian fulfilling his arc in turn winds up cutting off Cass’s story at the knees. 

It didn’t have to be this way. Varian’s and Cassandra’s arcs should have complimented each other, but instead the creator decided to make them complete for screen time and relevance. 

It is such an gratingly stupid and petty decision that winds up being a disservice for all the characters involved.   

Cassandra’s motivation and goal should have been revealed back in season two. Varian should have been the sole focus of Rapunzel’s Return and gotten his big hero moment there along; with an actual ending to his conflict with Rapunzel that didn’t feel so lopsided and half assed. Then Rapunzel and Cassandra could have both been held accountable for their conflict in season three, instead of pretending like their shit smelled of roses the whole damn time. 

Lance Got a Whole Crowd Cheering Him On For Singing a Song, Varian Just Gets One Asshole Giving Him a Single Line of Congratulations

Did I mention this show has an odd anti-Varian bias? Cause it does. For whatever reasons his own creators hate him and that’s just utterly baffling to me. Like why create a main character that you don’t like? 

I look down on professional writers who treat characters they didn’t create poorly within their works, like with James Gunn and Scrappy Doo in the Scooby Doo Movie, Adric in the Doctor Who spin offs, or even the treatment of Doofus in Ducktales 2017. I don't care how much a character is liked or disliked by fandom, that shit is just tasteless and often unfunny. But at least I understand where they are coming from when they do it. 

But I’ll never understand what compels a writer to sabotage their own work; one that they are getting paid to write no less. Especially when said character is super popular with their fans. And Chris knows this. He knows the ratings plummeted without Varian in season two. He knows the merch didn’t sell because there wasn’t enough Varian products. That’s why he hyped up Varian’s return a whole week before Season Three’s airing with a massive online campaign, but he wasn’t smart enough to treat the character decently afterwards? 

I mean congrats, you convinced a just enough viewers to come back to season three to keep the show on the air I guess, but you left them all pissed off and have nothing to show for it to the higher ups a Disney. 

And Chris wonders why he wasn’t asked back to work on new Disney princesses shows that are currently in the works. 

That is Not Quirin. That is a Plank of Wood Pretending to be Quirin.

*Beep* *Boop*...*Dad Bot Is Proud. exe* 

Quirin is such a pale shadow of his season one self that he might as well not exist. I genuinely don't know why the writers released from the amber so early if they weren’t actually going to use him until the season finale. 

For the longest time I honestly thought that Rapunzel sucked out his soul with that decay incantation; what with that lyric about “setting the spirit free”. I genuinely thought that would be a later plot point, but nope, it’s just bad writing

Him just saying hi to son once and smiling blankly isn’t compelling and it’s isn’t fulfilling. It doesn’t actually resolve his arc. I mean he’s at least shown spending time with his son, but that’s not enough. We need to see him acknowledge past, we need to see him acknowledge his own flaws, and we need to see him being more attentive when Varian is in need. .  

Season one Quirin would be trying to stop Varian from going near the red rocks, a post season one Quirin should logically go after his son to make sure he’s alright, even if he’s know longer trying to actively stop Varian like he once did. 

There’s also that damn note and it’s secrets! 

You know what? That’s it. That’s the problem. The focus is all wrong in season three. Episodes get pulled into to many directions trying to juggle too many characters rather than dedicating the needed time to each individual arc. 

Season two’s finale should have been a three parter with Cass’s full motivation and goal laid bare before leaving.

Rapunzel’s Return should have been solely about Rapunzel and Varian’s conflict and resolving that arc fully 

Either Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf or Day of the Animals should have been a Lance episode about him and the girl’s, no Rapunzel. 

And this episode should have been about Quirin and Varian resolving their issues, with the Rapunzel and Cass stuff as the B plot not the stupid talent show 

There, all fixed. You don't even have to cut much, just rework the focus and leave Rapunzel and Cassandra out of conflicts they have no business being in. 

This Does Not Excuse Rapunzel’s Later Negligence Regarding Cassandra

Just because the red rocks was an accident doesn’t mean Cassandra should get a free pass for all the awful things she does later. Rapunzel uses this one interaction to excuse everything else Cassandra does in season three, as if she was just some poor lost baby and not a grown ass woman out to kill them. 

In fact Cass showing hesitancy here actually makes her later actions even worse. This means that she fully acknowledges that what she’s about to do is wrong, but goes ahead and does anyway, even gleefully so at times. Then she has to gall to act baffled when people see her as a threat? 0.o 

When fans say Cass isn’t redeemable or shouldn’t be redeemed, it’s not because he actions are so much worse than everybody else’s (even though they are), It’s because she doesn’t act like she wants to be redeemed half the time. The show doesn’t properly set up her ‘redemption’, instead it just lazily has Rapunzel yell at us how she’s ‘not lost’. 

Like below for instance. 

What Does Cass Need Saving From?

Cassandra is not in danger. She is the danger. 

She made the conscious decision to leave taking a world endangering artifact with her, and she later makes the conscious decision to come back and be an asshole for no adequately defined reason. 

She’s never shown to be in any physical danger from the rocks, the moonstone, or even Zhan Tiri herself. She apparently can take care of herself in the wild for over a year. She also has the capability of getting a job else where and just living out her life if she wanted to. Nothing is forcing her to listen to Zhan Tiri. 

Heck, even her hurt arm, the one thing Rapunzel is responsible for and could potentially be a continued threat to Cass’s well being, is just completely forgotten about.

And no, mental illness and past trauma are not excuses as well. In fact it’s rather insulting to both people with mental heath problems and abusive survivors to suggest otherwise. We don't need ‘saving from ourselves’ and we aren’t automatically dangers to anybody. Nor do we get free passes if we hurt someone. A jerk who happens to have a mental illness is just a jerk who so happens to have a mental illness; coloration is not causation. 

Conclusion 

It’s better than Rapunzel’s Return, but this episode was still a disappointment. A small part of me whishes this was a two parter because it has so much untapped potential, but I know it’s just be wasted in Chris’s hands. 

Anyways, I consider this to be the true mid-season finale of S3. Not only did the hiatus kick in after this episode, but it also clearly divides the season between the first half filler and the later Cass conflict. As such the next entry will be the mid-season recap. See ya, then. 

Ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

Redbubble https://www.redbubble.com/people/RBH129/shop?asc=u

[darklove9314-blog]

Family : A Nessian Fanfic

Day 19 of Nessian month: Prompt: Nessian bonding with the IC.

Nesta gazed upon Cassian, Her hand firmly in his as Cassian knocked on the front doors of the river house, Feyre opened the door, a smile on her face, a hand pressed firmly to her swollen stomach before a five year old Nyx grinned at the sight of his aunt and uncle flinging himself in his aunt’s arms.

“Aunt Nes! You came!” Nyx exclaimed. A happy chuckle escaping her lips.

“Of course I came. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.“ Nesta smiled as Cassian cocked his head to the side staring at Nyx.

“What? No love for your favorite uncle?” He stated as Nyx’s eyes widened with excitement

“Is Uncle Az with you?” He questioned causing Nesta to hold in her laugh. Only five years old and he already mastered the art of a good come back. Even Feyre was reining in her smile.

“Say hi to your other uncle, sweetie.“ Feyre encouraged him as he wiggled himself out of Nesta’s arms and hugged Cassian.

“Hi Uncle Cass.“ He greeted. Nesta had no real idea why Nyx had grown more of an attachment to her than Cassian, but she guessed she would never really know that answer. Kids were always a mystery.

“Come inside, we’re just getting to cutting the cake.“ Feyre explained as Nesta and Cassian entered Nyx holding onto Feyre‘s hand.

Cassian‘s hand slid into hers before they entered the sitting area. Several of Nyx’s friends gathered around a table as he chatted away. He really was a social one.

Cassian pulled out a chair for Nesta, she thanked him as they took a spot beside Mor who greeted Casan with a hug.

“Long time, no see, stranger.” Mor greeted. Her smile dazzling across the whole room.

“That’s what happens when you go to the court of Nightmares for a whole six months.“

Mor shrugged taking a sip of her wine.

“It’s not easy to undo the damage the years have caused there, but perhaps in a few more years The Court of Nightmares will be a thing of the past and it can start anew.”

A fresh start. Something that a lot of the Night Court had needed. progress was slow, but nothing ever happened over night.

Nesta‘s eyes drew to Cassian, the curve of his lips at his friends accomplishment. The determination she had showed to take over the Court of Nightmares after her fathers passing and do what she thought she should have always done. Made more dreamers in the city of Nightmares. Nesta had even offered her assistance if Mor ever became overwhelmed. Which she had appreciated.

“How are things in Illyria?” Mor asked, her eyebrows raised in question at Cassian, who’s own smiled beamed, his arm going around Nesta. Pride shone in them with their accomplishments.

“We finally managed to convince Devlon to combine a two small units made up of both Illyrian and Valkeryie warriors. One of them are the younger generations who wish to become apart of the ranks and the others are the ones who have already went through the rite.”

“That’s amazing, I knew you two could do it.” Mor smiled looking over to Nesta.

“I couldn’t have done it without the steel will determination of my mate,“ Cassian explained pressing a kiss to the side of her temple.

“Don’t forget Emerie and Gwyn.” Nesta added.

“How could I ever?” Cassian smiled pressing a kiss to her hair.

“I thought the mating bond was supposed to die down some after a couple of years?” Amren asked sliding down in a chair, Varian by her side.

Cassian smirked at her. “You know that’s not how that works.“

“I dread the day you procreate boy. Hopefully the babe has its mother’s smarts.“

“I hope so too.“ Cassian told her making Nesta feel warm in her chest.

She had been thinking a lot about having children lately. Been having dreams of Cassian filling her with life. thinking of the one they would create together. Been gazing at the tea she had been using as her birth control for the past five years and been wanting to have a conversation about what his thoughts were if she stopped taking it, if they had started trying.

but they both had been so busy lately getting everything together that it had been a while since the two of them had time to be intimate, Had time to talk about the future that she wanted to have with him. Would they be able to have a baby? She knew getting pregnant as a fae could be difficult, but she was willing to try. She just needed a moment with him where they both weren’t exhausted.

Amren smirked seeming to catch how deep Nesta’s thoughts ran.

“I guess we’ll see when the time is right.“ She simply said leaning into Varian. Her wedding ring flashing in the light.

Before Cassian could say more, the door opened Azriel stepping through it as Nyx hugged him. Azriel placing Nyx on his back and carrying him into the dining room.

“Be careful there, Uncle Az, you may throw your back out.“ Cassian teased earning him an eye roll from Azriel.

“I’m in better shape than you.“ Azriel retorted. “I bet you couldn’t even lift him to your shoulders.”

“Is that so?” Cassian challeneed as Nesta heard a far off voice say.

“I hate to break up your bet with my son, but it’s time for presents.“ Rhys told them taking Nyx for Azriel’s shoulder. A wide grin on the boys face.

“Presents!” Nyx shouted happily running towards them as the other children followed. Feyre smiled rubbing at her abdomen absentmindedly.

“Do you think he’ll have any trouble not being an only child when his sister arrives?” Feyre asked as Rhys beamed.

“Not at all. though there definitely will be an adjustment period.“ Rhys assured her as Nesta looked back to Cassian. His gaze on Rhys and Feyre as Rhysand pressed a kiss to her sister’s cheek.

Nesta had always knew that Cassian had longed for a family of his own. It wasn’t that his close circle of friends wasn’t enough for him or even her, but she knew Cassian had always wanted children. She had been hesitant afraid if she would be a good mother or not.

He had assured her there was no rush for children. That he would wait hundreds of years if he had to so she could be ready for them. Nesta just had to make sure she was doing this as much for herself as she was for Cassian. She would not bring a child into this world unless both her and Cassisn were ready for one.

Nesta joined the others sitting down next to Feyre as Cassian joined Rhys and Azriel having a conversation that Nesta had no clue what it was about.

Elain was beside Mor and Amren, her laughter flooding over to them as she sent both her sisters a slight wave. Nesta waved back before turning back to Feyre, not sure how to start this particular conversation as they watched Nyx open his presents. His eyes growing wide at the mini paint set his mother had gotten him.

“Thanks mom!” Nyx said flinging his arms around Feyre’s neck as she pulled her son closer.

“You’re welcome baby.” Feyre said hugging him as Nesta took in the sight. She knew she wanted that with her own child. But she was still afraid that she would not be any good at motherhood.

Nesta watched as Nyx opened his other gifts, watching as he opened the toy that Nesta and Cassian had gotten for him. Thanking both of them with a hug.

Nesta‘s smile bloomed as she beheld the hug between Nyx and Cassian, Could almost see Cassian with their own son or daughter, How good of a father he would be. She wondered when Cassian saw her with Nyx if he thought the same thing.

“Is something on your mind?” Feyre asked when they both were alone in the kitchen. they were cleaning up while the others were in the living room showing Nyx how to use his toy and helping him set them up. Cassian had always been great at building things. He was putting the others to shame. A smile tugged at Nesta’s lips.

“When did you know?” She asked as Feyre stopped on the dish she was working on.

“Know about what?” She replied scrubbing at a really stubborn stain as Nesta handed her a better sponge.

“Thank you.“ She said as Nesta dried the dishes Feyre handed to her.

”How did you know you were ready to have a baby?” She asked. Feyre stopping mid scrub.

“Are you and Cassian-?” She started but Nesta interrupted her.

“No. At least not yet. I-I haven’t brought up the conversation with him yet.“ Shd told Feyre. Feyre nodded in understanding.

“I can understand that. It’s not a decision to take lightly. There’s a lot of factors to take into account.”

“Like how I feel like I would be a terrible mother?”

Feyre looked at Nesta with the same eyes they both had inherited from their mother.

”What makes you believe you’ll be a terrible mother?” Feyre asked. going back to the dishes.

“Because I couldn’t even take care of us when it mattered most.” She confided to Feyre.

“It wasn’t your job to take care of us. It was our fathers. “

“It wasn’t your job to take care of us either. but you still did it anyway.“

“It still doesnt mean it would have been right no matter which of us took care of the other. perhaps the real mistake was that we didnt take care of each other, but we were young and we’ll learn from those mistakes, God knows I still make them when it comes to my own child.”

“Please. You’re the definition of the perfect mother.” Nesta told her drying the dishes Feyre had worked on.

“I wouldn‘t say that. I still have the deal Rhys and I made which in retrospect wasn’t the brightest idea if you want to have kids.”

“You made a mistake, it happens to all of us.“

“I will admit we didn’t really think it through. the deal I mean. But no one ever said every decision was a rational one, but you’re deflectin. We were talking about you wanting kids.”

“I know it’s been years but I still have those intrusive thoughts that I’ll end up just like our mother.“ Nesta told her.

“We can’t live our life in fear Nesta. and remember you also have a support system in your corner. If you want to have kids than that’s your choice, well yours and Cassian���s. Just make sure that you’re ready to commit to it. To put that child before anything else, because when your baby comes. It’ll be your whole world. only you can determine what mother you’ll be, The past be damned.“

“Thanks Feyre.“

“Don’t mention it.” Feyre smiled as Cassian turned towards them getting up from his spot and heading towards the kitchen until he stopped where they were at.

“I’ve come to relieve you, my high lady.“ Cassian said as Feyre chuckled.

“Thank God you have spared me of the tedious task that is dish washing.” Feyre teased giving him a pat on the shoulder.

“I’ll see you two when you’re finished,“ Feyre told them heading to sit down beside Rhys and Nyx.

“Were you two having fun in here?” Cassian teased grabbing a dish and washing it.

“Aren’t we always?” Nesta smirked grabbing the dish from him and drying it.

“What were you two talking about?” Cassian asked. “It seemed like a pretty intense conversation.“

“It was a sister thing and…there’s something I want to discuss with you when we get home.“ She told him.

“Nothing bad I hope.“

“No. It’s just a conversation that I’ve been wanting to have with you for a while now.“ She confided in him, He nodded, relief filling his features as they worked on the dishes. talking about the party. When things were winding down Feyre pulled Nesta into a hug as Nesta also hugged Nyx,

“Goodbye Aunt Nes.”

“Goodbye buddy, I’ll see you next week when you come spend the night,“

Nyx‘s eyes lit up at the sound of that, the house adored Nyx as it had any other person, Maybe even favored him slightly. Though she didn’t blame the house. it had been a while since a child had been in it.She wondered how the house would feel to have one there permanently.

When Cassian and Nesta went home, She had found her answer in a stack of novels on the house library’s table. Books on motherhood, what to expect when you’re expecting. Nesta felt a warmth in her chest as the house also presented her the herbs for her tea. She hadn’t taken her dosage today.

Footsteps sounded in the door of the library as the books vanished from sight but the tea remained. She had made up her mind. Had known her answer as Cassian approached her.

“What was it you wanted to talk about?” He asked taking a seat beside her noting the tea.

Nesta took a deep breath. “Did you mean it? When you said you wanted kids?”

Casian nodded. “It’s something Ive always wanted. What brought this up?” He asked as Nesta took another breath.

“I was thinking-“ Nesta started. “About the future you’ve talked about for us. How you said you wanted kids?”

“Did you change your mind? Did you not want kids? Is that why you said you wanted to talk?” Cassian asked.

”No, I-I wanted to talk to you because I- I want to try for a baby. I-I want to make a baby with you.”

Cassian eyes snapped to hers, searching her face before he stood up, his calloused and warm hand going to her face.

“You want a baby?” Cassian asked. Nesta nodded. And she did. Gods did she want a baby with her mate. the love of her life.

“Yes.” She whispered to him as he smiled. The smile as bright as the dawn as he lifted trash can up eyes flickering to get tea.

Nesta’s smile curved upwards before she took the tea tossing it in the trash before Cassian‘s lips camd crashing down to hers.

He hoisted her on the desk, her back leaning against it as Cassian pulled away smiling down at her in the most breathtaking gaze she had ever saw and whispered.

“Then by all means mate,let’s get stared.“

[readiajin]

To Love Herself - Chapter 2: Wherever

Synopsis: Following ACOSF until Nesta’s confrontation with Amren. Rather than going to hike and soul search with Cassian in the wild, Nesta uses her powers to disappear.

In celebration of being done with my finals I finally finished chapter 2! I found writing the inner circle hard because I wanted to be consistent with the books but also got frustrated at them... Enjoy!

Prologue: Disappear

Chapter 1: Appear

Chapter 2: Wherever

Cassian - After Appear

“Don’t finish all the wine before Feyre gets here.” Cassian met Mor’s gaze over the top of his wineglass, her own hovering just about her lips, curved in a teasing smile.

“You’re one to talk,” he shot back.

“It’s not my fault Feyre’s late.”

“You both have a problem.” Cassian looked at Amren, who was practically in Varian’s lap next to Mor on the couch. 

“Where is Feyre anyways?” Elain asked from her seat next to Cassian. That was addressed to Rhys, who was walking into the sitting room from checking on Nyx. 

Rhys took a seat in one of the two open arm chairs in front of the fire. “She said she lost track of time in the studio. Is on her way back now.” 

“What is she doing? Walking?” Mor asked. 

“Yes, said she wanted to enjoy the night.” Rhys said this casually, but Cassian knew his brother well. He could tell Rhys was bothered by Feyre’s absence. They hadn’t had a planned dinner tonight, their family convening spontaneously as Cassian and Mor reported in on court business to Rhys and Amren. Azriel had been here after training Nyx earlier. Varian was the only one besides Feyre told to come over. 

Dinner had been casual and quick as Nyx had been full of energy before Rhys got him down. Nyx had asked for his mother, and Cassian didn’t think she had ever unexpectedly missed his bedtime, especially just to paint. Rhys seemed to be thinking the same thing. Cassian knew his brother probably wanted to go get Feyre himself, but she had most likely told him no. Rhys understood how important it was to respect Feyre’s independence.

Still, Rhys accepted the glass of whiskey Azriel placed in his hand before returning to his chosen spot leaning against the sideboard. 

Rhys was about to take a sip when his head snapped to the doorway. 

Feyre stood there. 

Cassian could immediately tell something was wrong. She didn’t say anything, barely glanced at any of them as she made her way to take the last open seat in front of the fire. Rhys stood, but Feyre only reached out to take his glass of whiskey before sitting, and downing the glass. 

“Feyre, what’s wrong?” Rhys asked this with a deadly calm Cassian knew was to cover his panic and rage at whatever had happened. The fact that he asked it out loud meant she must not be responding through their bound, something not lost on anyone else in the room. 

Feyre finished the glass and closed her eyes, letting out a sign.

“What happened girl?” Amren asked somewhat tentatively. Tentatively for Amren, which was even more alarming. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” It was true, Feyre was deathly pale and her hands shook slightly. 

Feyre let out a shaky laugh. “I have.” 

No one spoke, the crackling fire the only sound. 

Feyre’s eyes fluttered open, going straight to Cassian. In that split second before she spoke, Cassian already knew what she was going to say. 

“I saw Nesta.” 

Time stood still as a million different things flashed through Cassian’s mind. He saw her, Neata, the last day he had seen her eight years ago. Her face flushed with anger, then frozen, her eyes empty. He saw her burn herself up in silver flames, then gone. 

He also saw the memories of her he clung too. Training with that determined look in her eyes. The I will slay my enemies look. A ghost of a smile on her lips as she talked with Emerie and Gwyn, or even with him, even when she fought it. He saw her naked, breathing heavily beneath him while looking at him with a feeling in her eyes he had thought he knew but was too scared to voice. A feeling he now understood had just been wishful thinking on his part. 

“What do you mean you saw Nesta?” Rhys’ deadly voice brought Cassian back, his eyes still locked with Feyre’s. At the threat of violence in Rhys’ tone however, Cassian found his gaze drifting to Rhys, who still stood next to Feyre, and a rising tide of his own anger with it. 

“She showed up at my studio as I was leaving.”

Cassian found his voice to ask, “And where is she now?” Save for Rhys, who was focused on Feyre, Cassian sensed everyone else watching him. 

“She left again. She was only there for a few minutes.” 

“What did she say?” asked Amren

“She said…” Fryre stumbled over her words as she stared towards the back of the room, as if she could see Nesta standing there now. “She looked great.”

Cassian frowned. He had pictured Nesta as she had been at her lowest. In the old apartment, drunk, and reeking of sex. These past eight years had also been ample time for him to imagine her lost, starving, bleeding out. He had pictured her in the same pain he had been since she had left. He didn’t understand what Feyre meant by ‘great’. “What do you mean?” 

“She looked healthy. She had the Great Sword with her.” 

“Of course she did,” Mor scoffed. “Did she have the other weapons with her? Did you ask?”

“No, but she told me… some things.” 

“What things?” Amren demanded. 

“She said we needed to look for dissent among the Illyarians, that some were conspiring with… someone on the continent.” 

Cassian exchanged a glance with Azriel. “Feyre, can you start at the beginning, what happened.” Az said this as he switched Feyre’s empty glass for one with wine.

They waited as she took a sip before explaining how Nesta had appeared behind her, and what she had told Feyre about a group on the continent looking for Prynthia’s power. 

It was Mor who broke the silence that followed. “Well that sounds like a load of shit if I have ever heard it. Seriously, she expects us to believe that? If there is a threat to Prynthia, it’s her. Did you ask her about the kidnapped priestesses?”

“No, I didn’t think of it. But she wants to meet in two days.”

“Absolutely not,” Rhys finally cut in. “I’m not having my mate go anywhere near her.” 

Feyre set down her wine glass to glare at her mate. “She’s my sister, of course I’m going.”

“A sister who lied, left, and stole from you,” Amren scoffed. “Nesta didn’t deserve you before, girl, nor does she now.” 

Cassian’s head and heart were pounding. Part of him wanted to rip into Rhys, Amren, and Mor for what they said, but he was feeling too much. He should say something, but they all knew how he felt already anyways. They had seen him in the weeks and months after she disappeared after all. 

Azriel, thankfully, spoke up. “We should meet her. If not to hear what she has to say but then at least to check out her magic. My shadows have never been able to track her. She seems to have mastered her powers if she was able to get into the city and sneak up on Feyre.” 

 “She also could have help,” Varian added. “Getting into the city itself is a feat, but she was able to get those weapons and priestesses out seven years ago, right?” 

“I agree Nesta is a problem to be dealt with, but that should be done without meeting in a situation she controls.” Rhys said. 

“What do you mean ‘dealt with’?” Cassian asked with a deadly calm.

Rhys turned to Cassian, his face cold. 

“I told you before her power is death. I will not tolerate any threat to the Night Court.”

“Nesta’s a threat to the Night Court? Or do you just think she is a threat to you?” Cassian growled. Cassian would never forget Rhy’s threat to kill Nesta after she had told Feyre about the risk of the baby. Despite his later apology, Cassian knew Rhys had meant it at the time. 

Rhys’ violet eyes flared and the air became charged with his powers. Cassian’s siphons flared in response. 

“Enough!” Feyre jumped up and stepped in between them before they both did something they would regret. In over the 500 years Cassian had known Rhys, the only things that had ever caused them to threaten real violence towards each other were Feyre and Nesta. 

Feyre whirled on Rhys. “I am in no mood for your overprotective male bullshit. Nesta is my sister and I am High Lady. I will meet her if I wish.”

Rhys settled back a bit, but his voice was still hard as he replied to his mate, “You are also a mother. What about Nyx.”

“Don’t use our son as a reason I can’t do something. Besides, Nesta is not a threat.”

Once again, a tense silence filled the room. Cassian couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Rhys and Feyre fight like this, if ever. Usually they kept their disagreements silent and between them. 

“What do you think Elain?” Azriel asked, breaking the tension even if it required him addressing Elain. They had enough tension between them without getting involved in other’s. Still, Rhys and Feyre both took a step back from each other and turned their attention to Elain next to Cassian. 

Elain, who had been sitting so silent throughout the debate that Cassian had forgotten she was there, stood. “I think Nesta has always made the wrong choices. But she wouldn’t have come back or asked to meet without a reason. You should at least go meet her.” 

“You?” Feyre asked, frowning. “You don’t want to see her?”

“No, I don’t.” Elain said this with a confidence Cassian rarely heard from her. “Hear her out, but I agree with Mor. She can’t be trusted. I’m going to bed, let me know what you decide in the morning.” With that, Elain left the room. 

Cassian attempted to keep his voice neutral as he said, “So we will meet her in two days where she said.”

“It seems so.” was all Rhys said.

Cassian knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it together for much longer so he downed the last of his wine and walked to the doors leading outside. No one tried to stop him. 

Out on the patio he breathed in the cool air in an attempt to calm his pounding blood. He flared his wings with the intention of flying to cliffs on the coast to scream out everything he was feeling, when the door opened behind him. 

Feyre stood there, her eyes, Nesta’s eyes, sad.

“I’m sorry Cassian.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I’m sorry for everything,” Feyre ran a hand over her face. “I’m sorry for her leaving, I’m sorry for how she behaved before that, and for how I behaved towards her. I’m sorry she came to me and not you.”

Cassian’s chest tightened. He didn’t want to feel this way, but envy wasn’t rational, and he couldn’t stop the pain at the thought that Nesta went to Feyre but not him.

“She’s your sister, of course she went to you.”

Feyre gave him a sad smile and leaned against the railing, looking up at the stars. “She did ask about you.”

Cassian’s voice was breathy as he said, “Really?”

“Yes.”

They both continued to examine the stars before Cassian asked what had been nagging him the most. “What did you mean by she looked great and healthy?”

“She was tanned and looked to have a good amount of weight from what I could see. I think she was in fighting leather’s, but not Illyarian ones.”

“But she didn’t give any clue as to where she has been the past eight years?”

Feyre shook her head. “Said it was a long story.”

“I’m sure,” Cassian scoffed, the back of his mouth bitter.

“We will find out in two days.”

Cassian nodded, but didn’t say anything more as he spread his wings and launched into the night. 

•••••

Nesta - After Disappear 

The first thing Nesta became aware of was the sound of wind rustling thousands of tree needles somewhere above her. 

Nesta took a deep breath of the earthy, spiced tinged air as her eyes fluttered open. The world was a mix of red and green, but far above where she lay, Nesta could make out bits of blue sky and white clouds through the forest canopy. 

Gods, her head pounded. But not like it did after she drank. No, the last time Nesta had felt like this was after the battle with Hyburn. Memories flashed in Nesta’s mind as she recalled what happened. Cassian asking her for sword names, to the rage she had felt at them all, herself, and then the tears she caused Feyre to spill.

And the magic. Nesta had not just let her powers slip, she had used them, allowed them to take her. To here. Wherever this was. 

Nesta’s fists closed around handfuls of soft wood and dirt. Slowly, she pushed herself up to take in her surroundings, and her breath caught. She was surrounded by the most enormous trees she had ever seen. Their orange-red trunks were thicker than her family’s old cottage, with the lowest branches several stories above her head. 

Nesta had never felt so small. So insignificant. 

She had done it. She had left Velaris and her sisters. And Cassian. She had left Gwyn and Emerie with no explanation. Guilt settled in her as Nesta remembered their concern after she had argued with Cassian earlier that day. Oh gods, what day was it?

Nesta pushed to her feet only to almost collapse immediately, her head spinning. She had no way of knowing how long it had been since she had left. Her mouth felt like sandpaper and her stomach ached painfully.

The forest around her was unsettlingly peaceful. Wind high about shifted the needles and branches, but the world at the ground where Nesta stood almost seemed frozen in time. By the sun’s soft light, she figured it was mid morning. She saw no animals, or much vegetation besides small bushes and ferns scattered about the bases of the trees. 

It would be a fine place to lay down and die. Of all the places Nesta had ever been, this forest was one the nicer places. Better than her run down apartment, or Feyre’s ornate palace on the river. Definitely better than the townhouse and it’s claustrophobic walls.

Nesta felt a pang in her chest as she thought of the House. It may be ridiculous but the House was her friend, and the first home she had felt comfortable in. Even if it hadn’t been her choice. 

Now it was all gone. Everything she knew was gone. He was- no. This had been her choice. 

The thought spurred Nesta to move. She picked a random direction and started walking. She needed water. And food. And shelter.  

Despite everything her family had been through, Nesta realized, she had never truly been without. Even in the grips of poverty they had a house, no matter how small and rundown. And Feyre had always been responsible for food. A familiar heavy wave came over Nesta. None of that mattered anymore. She wouldn’t be a problem for them anymore. 

There was too much to take in as Nesta made her way through the huge forest. She felt like an ant crawling on twigs as she made her way around and over fallen branches. The red trees were soft, with many branches and old trunks shattered across the ground. 

It was hard navigating, as the trees made it hard to see more than a few meters. 

A small stream came into sight and Nesta had to restrain herself from jumping into it. Swallowing her dry mouth took a lot of effort now. Walking to a mini waterfall where the water ran clear, Nesta collapsed to her knees beside it. She cupped her hands and drank, not caring about the water she dribbled down the front of her training leathers. 

The water was rejuvenating. After thoroughly quenching her thirst, Nesta splashed water on her face.

Refreshed, Nesta sat back and closed her eyes, taking a breath. The water helped, but Nesta knew she needed food. And shelter, and a plan. Because she had no idea what she was doing. 

Nesta tried to clamp down on her rising panic. She would get her wish and she would die here in this strange forest because she was so unskilled she lacked the basic abilities required to survive and feed herself. For all her training with Cassian, he had never taught her to be self reliant. She hadn’t even trained with a real sword.

Nesta felt a sob build in her throat and tears threaten to spill despite holding her eyes shut. It was only shock that stopped Nesta’s breakdown. Shock when a voice said from behind her:

“Who the hell are you?” 

•••••

Thanks for being here :)

Tags:

@bluassassin @my-fan-side @nehemikkele @vidalinav​ @dread3r @vasudharaghavan @laylaameer01​ @little-shipper55 @aelinchocolatelover @mis-lil-red @missing-merlin @frosted-crackers​

[cupcakegirlpower]

I haven't posted in ages so I thought I'd post a "Why Fredric Was the True Villain in S1 of TTS" and "Why Rapunzel Is Innocent". Aka, "Why I Love to Hate Fredric 2.0" This a rewrite of a Character Analysis I did on Wattpad.

Fredric Analysis 2.0

I am going to explain who the true villain of Tangled the Series Season 1.  No, it's not about Varian, we know what he did was obviously not good, but I don't see him as the main villain.  So who am I talking about then?  I'm going to talk about the person's decisions that caused the entire issue that led to Varian's downfall.

When I first watched the series I put the blame on Rapunzel; but as I rewatched it, the true villain was suddenly waving in my face in plain sight.  He was hidden before because I hadn't priced everything together and had forgotten minor details.  New things appeared before me that I had missed.

I am convinced that the true villain is none other than King Fredric.

I didn't hate Fredric at first.  In fact, I actually only saw him as an overprotective father.  A typical Disney father.  In the beginning of the series, I understood why he was like what he was and I realized that he just needed to learn to let Rapunzel breathe.  However, once he locked Rapunzel in the tower with iron bars on her window, I was done giving him excuses.

Rapunzel is an adult that has been trapped her entire life.  Now that she was free from the tower and her abusive kidnapper, she was being held back by a stranger.  She didn't actually know Fredric, but here he was keeping her in a castle.  Rapunzel basically traded her tower for a bigger cage.

Fredric had good intentions to protect his family, specifically, Rapunzel.  But there are times when you can take it too far when protecting the ones you love.  One way is by literally locking them away.  Another is when you harm innocent people for the sake of keeping them away from your family.  And there are more ways to cross the line (pun intended), but I want to discuss these two in particular.  Two boundaries that Fredric overstepped big time.

Fredric, by the end of season 1, has eventually made it to the point where he's no longer protecting Rapunzel.  Rather, he's no longer doing what's best for her, but doing what's best for himself without realizing it.  And he has very good reasons to want to protect Rapunzel, but he's recreating the very thing that kept his daughter from him.  Fredric basically imprisoned Rapunzel, which is absolutely awful; but the worst thing Fredric does is what he does to the people surrounding Rapunzel.  That is what we're going to talk about.

1. He took the sundrop flower after being warned what it would do to the kingdom.

Because of this, he decided to risk the lives of his kingdom for the sake of his wife and daughter.  Although he had good intentions to save two people, he also threw out the fact that he was willingly hurting good and innocent people for the sake of two.  Now if the majority kingdom had been in agreement with this decision, then it would be fine, but this was a hush, hush ordeal.

This act, I can forgive, though.  I really do understand how hard it is to choose between your loved ones and everyone else.  Putting myself in his shoes, I would have tried a different way, but he was honestly desperate.  However, it doesn't exclude the fact that he was hurting innocent people for the protection of Rapunzel.

2. Fredric killed people and was a tyrant king.

Although these people were criminals, they were given way too harsh of punishment, such as death.  Lady Caine's father is merely an example.  No doubt that there were others from how the people talk in the series. He was a petty thief, probably stealing for the sake of keeping his daughter alive.  Jail time was fine, but his death was uncalled for.  Fredric was a hypocrite to do this if this was true.

3. Fredric blames Varian, a mere child (his currently dead friend's son) for a crime he did not commit.

The series doesn't actually say this specifically, but the facts lead to it.  Fredric uses the rumor to give him the excuse to send the undercover guards to keep Varian and Rapunzel apart.  He did this because he read Rapunzel's diary, therefore learning that Varian had knowledge about the black rocks.  Thus, Varian was seen as a threat to Rapunzel's safety, even though he was not a threat at this time.

I originally thought the rumors were spread by Nigel, but when I thought about it, it doesn't make sense.  Fredric was the one that sent the guards after Varian, which means Fredric probably got the rumor from Nigel, but it wasn't exactly Nigel's fault.  Nigel gave the king his side of the story, and no doubt Fredric had Rapunzel's side of the story.  Fredric knew Varian was innocent.

It was important for Fredric to keep Varian away from Rapunzel, because the prodigy knew too much.  He had information on the black rocks, and black rocks meant danger for Rapunzel.  This is where my next point comes in.

4. Fredric lied to Rapunzel and manipulated her so that she wouldn't think about going to see Varian.

Fredric obviously had to keep Varian away from Rapunzel, but he also had to keep her away from Varian.  Originally, I was super angry at Rapunzel for not going to Varian directly after the storm, but I realized she didn't have the chance or choice.

Fredric told her that Varian's situation was taken care of.  He then tasked her with "Important Royal Duties".  Things that weren't actually important.  In fact, Nigel was even super confused and asked Fredric why he was making such a big deal about the Griffin.  Of course, Fredric gave an answer, his true reason was to make Rapunzel think that the fate of Corona depended on her to make Griffin agree to their terms.  He was also very forceful about the painting. He did this to keep Rapunzel from going after Varian, so I can't exactly blame her since Fredric made it sound like both these events were important for the entire kingdom's greater good even though they actually weren't that important.

Fredric made it very clear that he had no regard for helping Varian or even his own friend.  He was willing to lie and manipulate his own beloved daughter to keep her from doing so as well.

5. He sends Cassandra away.

Since he read Rapunzel's diary, he learned that Cass was the reason she learned about the black rocks.  So he sends her off to a covenant (which doesn't end up playing out).  This, much like what he did with Varian but not as extreme. The plan was to keep her away from Rapunzel, due to the black rocks.  Of course, this was under the agreement of the Captain of the guard.  However, in doing this, Cassandra's whole career that she wanted was ruined.  If this had played out, her dreams would have been utterly crushed as she was forced to live the life of a nun.  The life of a nun is something you should choose not be forced into, because once you commit yourself, there is basically no getting out.  Which is basically just unofficially locking Cassandra up.

Cassandra was a threat to Rapunzel's safety in Fredric's eyes.  She could sneak his daughter in and out without his knowledge, and he probably assumed that Cassandra influenced Rapunzel to want to go out.  He probably thought that separating them would solve Rapunzel's wish to explore beyond the walls of Corona.  The latter is more of a speculation, but I think that it's fine to assume that this was going through his head.

Season 3 was wise to erase his memories.  This gave us a new start with Fredric's character, and I like him much better in that season.  He was fun and even a little relatable in the Queen of Hearts episode.

[newsies-of-corona]

Weakness vs Strength

ALRIGHT, WE’RE BACK IN THE GAME!

It’s been wayyyy too long since I’ve done one of these but I was rambling about Varian again and this kinda happened 😂

I’ve kind of touched on this before, but I haven’t fleshed it all out so NOW’S THE TIME!

So without any further adieu-

“Well, shall we get started?”

Before the Storm

One of Varian’s biggest desires in life is helping others. He sees a problem, he comes up with a solution...and it usually doesn’t go as planned. It’s not always his fault, but he tends to harm people through his attempts to help. This only makes him more eager to assist, but it continues in a cycle.

He wants to help, he fails, people get hurt, and he tries again.

He’s so intelligent that he’s able to build these highly dangerous machines, but he doesn’t immediately see the problems before they go haywire.

So, what does he do? He tries to make up for it by building another invention.

And they just keep blowing up in his face every time.

It’s gotta be exhausting.

So when the amber happens and things still go horribly wrong, even though this time he was sure he was finally going to get something right, it takes a huge toll. Especially now that it involves his only living parent.

Villain Arc

Instead of giving up or shutting down, Varian tries harder, giving it everything he has to save his father and losing himself along the way. This also means (as I covered in another analysis way back when) his motives changed. Saving Corona is the farthest thing from his mind, so caring about the people who live there is also not a priority. He even says it:

“Do you honestly expect me to be concerned about the welfare of Corona?”

His willingness to help and fix his mistakes all became focused on Quirin once he decided on a path of revenge, and with nothing tying him down to the people anymore, they were now at his disposal.

He’s seen the damage he can do, and in a different light, he was winning that entire time. All it took was simply switching his mindset to:

“All I’ve been good at is hurting others, so why not use that to my advantage?”

With his vendetta against Corona under his belt, he’s automatically one of the biggest threats of the kingdom (or at least his village) because technically he already was on accident.

In a way, he sped up his own “development” in his skills, simply by twisting his own motives. It was basically just cheating the system. His inventions were already hurting people, but now that he wants them to hurt people, he’s finally winning.

His initial problem with himself became his “solution.” He changed his weakness into his strength.

I’ve seen the question around the fandom “why is Varian so good on the side of evil, but seems to mess up the minute he gets redeemed?”

Or more like the very second-

(I love you bud, but why did you even have a bath bomb on you???)

But I digress-

I believe the reason Varian was so “smart” when he was on the opposite side, is because he could let his “mistakes” run wild since, well, they weren’t mistakes anymore!

He could hurt all the people he wanted and feel accomplished because that’s what he designed his inventions (and genetically engineered monster raccoons) to do!

Redemption

So what does this mean for his turn around? His jump back onto the side of good?

Well, his “redemption” truly started when the compassion he felt before started to return. He saw all the destruction he’d caused in the same light as he did before the amber. He realized he hurt people which was what he didn’t want to do initially before the storm.

And he feels really bad about it because that’s not who he is. He doesn’t want to be known as someone who harms people, even though he initially let himself fall into that stereotype. He wanted to be a change. A defining factor for helping others and improving the world around him, and instead he had done the exact opposite.

During his time with Saporians, his compassion became his weakness.

The Quirinian was the last straw. He had been known for destruction all of his life, either purposeful or accidental, and it was going to change right then.

By opening himself up to others and once again caring about giving Corona a brighter future, he flips it around once again, and those destructive “weaknesses” come back. How does he deal with this? Well it certainly takes some trial and error, but eventually he finds more healthy ways to solve this problem by being more careful and conscious about what he’s doing, and enlisting the help of others instead of going it alone (even though those “others” might press certain buttons and meddle with things they shouldn’t...I’m looking at you Lance-)

Conclusion

Being the villain may have been easiest for Varian considering his situation and given set of skills, but it wasn’t beneficial or lasting.

His true strength lies in his compassion, not his destruction. And through this he’s able to accomplish so many things for Corona. His Season 1 mishaps still occur from time to time, but in the end it’s worth it because he finally was able to do something to help.

Destroying the red rocks, helping stop Cass and Zhan Tiri, and accomplishing his goal of the hot water machines were his crowning moments of achievement because he worked through his mistakes even though it was tough. He also had people in his life to pick him back up and encourage him when something went wrong.

Even though he basically had to start all over again, this time he was stronger than ever before with his friends by his side. (See what I did there? No that was not planned...😂)

So instead of the cycle before the storm, it becomes-

He wants to help, people reassure him, it’s either successful or a failure, but he has friends backing him up either way.

He took hold of his weaknesses in a positive light with the assistance of others, and ended up in a position to help the entire kingdom through his talents.

(And he didn’t need to “cheat” the system this time. He earned his title through sheer determination and drive.)

(I’m so proud of this boy- I just aGh 💙)

[kingreywrites]

words cannot say (what I want them to say)

Prompt: "You weren’t there...why weren’t you there? I needed you! I needed you! And you weren't there!" for @thefoghaslifted and anon

Fandom: Tangled

Word Count: 7670

Summary: "He's alive," she announces, yet there's no hope in her tone. "He… He won't be for long."

This picture is wrong, wrong, wrong, and Eugene wants to scream. Adira doesn't stutter. Adira doesn't talk in a soft, compassionate tone. Adira, the woman who chased down a myth for twenty-five years, does not lose her faith so easily.

And yet.

(Eugene receives a letter telling him his father is dying. He goes to the Dark Kingdom, and tries to find the right words.)

Note: this is a Death Fic so uhm yeah, Edmund does die here. Also this takes place five years post canon! I kinda mention it in the fic but just in case it isn’t too clear... Anyway it’s kinda sad, kinda weird, kinda long, but I hope someone enjoys this anyway gdhdhhd

Read on ao3

Eugene's first clue is one of his father's ravens, not Hamuel, flying towards him with a message attached to its claw. It should have been a relief - Hamuel is... bad, at this whole messenger thing, and despite begging Edmund to send a bird that wouldn't get lost in the boot of a random nesdernian merchant along the way, his father had never relented, giving his full trust to his companion of decades. So it should have been a good sign; a sign that the letter made its way to him in the quickest, smartest way possible. A sign that nothing got lost, and that maybe, Edmund was listening to him. 

Yet, a pit of worry forms in Eugene's stomach at the sight. What kind of message couldn't allow for the delay Hamuel would necessarily cause? 

His second clue is the small, neat writing that greets him on the letter. Adira's handwriting. She writes to them, sometimes, in the empty space of his father's letters; when Rapunzel asks her something in one of Eugene's own letters to his dad, or when Adira wants to make a remark on one of their adventures, always neat-picking their fights even from miles and miles away. She writes to them, so he knows her handwriting, knows that she never sent him her own letter unprompted before, knows that she wouldn't if she didn't have something to say. 

Adira knows how to get to the point. The short message feels like a punch in the gut, and Eugene leans on the railing of the balcony without meaning to, hands trembling around the paper he keeps reading again and again. 

"Eugene?" Rapunzel calls. He doesn't know how long he has been there. His eyes blur, looking at the letter again.

Eugene (not Fishskin, and it had been his last clue, because Adira always called him Fishskin, no matter the years and the distance, no matter if he complained or bragged about it, and the fact that she didn't here told him the worst thing about it all. She was trying to be gentle.)

You must come to the Dark Kingdom at once. King Edmund was wounded in an accident, and his condition is serious. Doctors fear he might not pull through.

Bring someone with you, and don't die on the road. (Gentle, too gentle, and if her words hadn't been enough, he would have known here that she did not think his dad would pull through either.)

"Eugene?" Rapunzel asks again, closer, but he doesn't turn to her.

We'll be waiting for you.

- Adira

A dark spot appears on the last sentence, staining it. He rubs at his eyes, heart beating sharply in his chest, and hands over the letter to Rapunzel without protests, his hands too weak to hold onto it anyway. He sees her face pale, sees the cold determination in her gaze, and he knows she'll agree before he even opens his mouth, but he asks anyway. 

"Can we go visit my dad?" 

She hugs him fiercely when he turns towards her, and he melts into it, still trembling. They begin packing right after. 

------

Lance goes with them, steering the hot air balloon effortlessly. Eugene had tried to protest, words stuck in his throat as he had looked at Kiera and Catalina helping Rapunzel pack, but Lance hadn't budged. 

("The girls will be okay," his best friend had said, voice achingly soft, like everyone who knew about what was happening. "You need me." Eugene had wanted to say no, but he couldn't, so Lance had come.) 

Quirin is chatting on the other side of the balloon with Rapunzel. Eugene feels bad that he hadn't even thought of warning him when he decided to go to the Dark Kingdom, but Rapunzel had sent for him, and he was already coming to the castle, having received a letter similar to Eugene's own. Varian's father is a tall and silent man. The complete opposite of his son, Eugene had thought when he first met him, until the day Rapunzel and Quirin had a four hour long vivid discussion about apples and how to cook them, and Eugene had seen in the older man's excitement the echoes of Varian's own when he talked alchemy. Today, he learns that father and son get worried the same, all wringing hands and tired smiles that don't reach their eyes. It's a knowledge Eugene could have done without. 

Doctors fear he might not pull through. It's almost as if Eugene can see the words dance in front of his eyes, for how much he had read them over and over again. The environment passes him quickly, cold wind blowing through his hair, and Eugene can't seem to focus on any of it. 

There's a forest under them. Eugene is pretty sure they went through it the first time they were on the road, making their way to the Dark Kingdom with difficulty. He wonders, somewhat distantly, if there's a chance he'll spot Cass down there, riding through the woods on Fidella's back, her cape floating behind her. The idea is nonsensical - she's all the way over to the west side of the continent, and he knows it, knows she couldn't be there.

(His last irrational fear, before leaving, is that Rapunzel will miss Cassandra's next letter. It always arrives at the end of the month, and even if they tried, they wouldn't be able to warn her in time that they were travelling, and she won't get Rapunzel’s answer when she expects it, and she'll worry, and-

"Eugene," Rapunzel had said, her forehead against his. It was night. The Princess and the Captain of the Guard couldn't leave the castle in a day, no matter how eager they were. "It's okay. There will be more letters."

Maybe there won't ever be more time with his dad.)

Eugene keeps watching the forest down there, until it's out of sight.

------

That night, Rapunzel huddles close to him, seeking warmth as they fly through the colder air, and Eugene doesn't have it in his heart to ask for space anymore. He had done so earlier because- because he couldn't talk about it, not yet, not when he didn't even know, not when Edmund could- could already be dead as he hoped he wasn't, could survive as he grieved him. Eugene had asked for space, because he wouldn't be able to refuse if Rapunzel asked, and he didn't want to talk.

When he wraps his arms around her, it's with the cold resignation that now was a good setting for a breakdown anyway. Maybe in the dark, she wouldn't see his tears.

"I love you," she murmurs against his skin.

"I love you too," he answers easily, bracing himself.

She falls silent. Hums a soft tune under her breath - a song he taught her way back then, when everything was still so new and she didn't even know any other song than the incantation and the ones she had tried writing in her spare time. It's a song from his childhood, silly and simple, and he chokes up for the umpteenth time today, his nerves frayed. Rapunzel holds him tighter.

It takes a while, but Eugene falls asleep.

------

He hears the surprised and worried exclamations of his name as he jumps down from the balloon, but Eugene doesn't turn back. They were close to the ground anyway, and he can't wait any longer. Adira is there. A somber expression on her face. Eugene can't breathe as he walks towards her.

"Is he-"

"He's alive," she announces, yet there's no hope in her tone. "He… He won't be for long."

This picture is wrong, wrong, wrong, and Eugene wants to scream. Adira doesn't stutter. Adira doesn't talk in a soft, compassionate tone. Adira, the woman who chased down a myth for twenty-five years, does not lose her faith so easily.

And yet.

There are a million questions at the tip of his tongue - what happened why didn't you protect him why does he have to die what's wrong with him why my dad why now why why why - but there's only one that's important.

"Where is he?"

A word from her, and he's off. He remembers very well how to find the throneroom, and his father's bedroom so close to it.

He's not surprised to find Hector sitting next to the door, his two bearcats growling at Eugene. Eugene is too tired to argue - he knows that Hector's loyalty is as strong as he is stubborn, and he knows the knight loathes to leave his dad's side when Edmund is in trouble. If Hector hears everything he says in this room, then so be it.

To his shock, Hector gets up. His eyes, always so wide and angry, are cast down.

"I'll give you two privacy," he says, his voice so alien Eugene barely recognises it. Even in the years they had known each other on somewhat friendly terms, Hector had always been loud, full of righteous anger over the smallest things. The man in front of him looks… defeated. He pets the head of one of his bearcats, still looking at Eugene. "If something happens, tell them to come fetch me."

Just like that, he leaves. The bearcats lay down on each side of the door. Eugene, hands trembling anew, finally turns the handle.

Edmund is in bed, pale skin flushed red. The air is heavy, reeks of medication, and his dad - his dad, so tall he easily towers over him, a mountain of a man who can easily defeat the strongest warriors - his dad looks small, under the covers.

Eugene is still stuck at the door, unable to move. In all this time since he got the letters, he hasn't thought once of what he would say, what he would do once he finally saw Edmund. He half-thought it would be too late, and he should be relieved that it's not but- he won't be for long, Adira had warned, and Eugene is helpless to do anything, he doesn't understand anything, Edmund was fine before and now-

There's a low sound in the room, of his dad struggling to breathe, and it's like a bolt of lightning went through Eugene, spurring him into motion. There's a chair on the left side of his father, and he sits down here heavily, eyes never leaving Edmund's face.

"Dad…" he whispers. "Dad, I…"

There are tears in his eyes again, and Eugene hates his own helplessness. His father is in pain, his father is dying, and he's just sitting here, unable to do anything, to fix anything. His hand seeks Edmund's, and Eugene gasps at how cold it feels, heart dropping in his throat when he raises the cover and sees purple fingers with greying fingertips.

High fever. Failing lungs. Cold extremities, likely due to low blood pressure. The terrible certainty in Adira and Hector's expressions that his father was going to die. Eugene is no doctor, but he has lived on the streets for a decade, and he knew the signs to look out for, knew what illnesses he should avoid at all costs, and treat immediately if he ever fell victim to them.

Sepsis.

His tears fall. Eugene, selfish as always, manages to say only one thing: "Please don't die."

Edmund doesn't answer.

------

After a while, Hector comes back to stand guard in front of the room. Eugene would thank him for the privacy, but he hasn't been able to say anything since that one whispered plea, the weight in his throat too overwhelming.

After a while, Rapunzel appears at his side. He doesn't notice, really - just, at one point, he raises his head and she's here, like she always is. She looks sad, too. He holds her hand. (He still can't take Edmund's without feeling sick. He can't give his own father comfort, because he's too scared of the cold and stiff fingers. What a son he makes.)

After a while, Lance is here too. His best friend of years, who has enough presence to make an empty theatre feel lively by being in it, is quiet as a mouse. Eugene wants to joke about that, before the mere idea catches up to him and his stomach twists terribly. How fucked up do you have to be to joke in front of your dying dad, he thinks. He can't avoid this, can't lighten the situation, but being a coward is ingrained in his bones at that point, and the fact that he could have- in front of-

"Hey Eugene," Lance says. His hand, big and warm, gently touches Eugene's, which is gripping his own hair tightly. He doesn't remember doing that. "Do you… Want tea?"

Eugene startles, not expecting this question. It takes him a moment before it registers, a moment before he tries to answer, only opens his mouth wordlessly, and closes it. Silently, he finally nods, heart speeding up for reasons he can't understand.

"Okay," Lance smiles. "Do you want to come make it with me?"

Eugene should say no. He should stay with his dad, who is at death's door and could die at any moment, his internal organs fighting a losing battle. Eugene should say no, he should talk and speak to his dad, speak to Rapunzel who he knows is worried, he should… He should be a good son, and say goodbye to his father, one last time.

His head is spinning. He opens his mouth, closes it without a sound, and nods again. He's not a good son.

Lance's hand on his shoulder guides him more than his feet do. The kitchen isn't far, and Lance busies himself with its sparse content, searching for a cup silently. Quickly enough, he's making tea, water boiling noisily in the kettle, breaking the oppressive silence of the castle. Eugene stands around, more and more aware that you don't need two people to make tea.

It feels like no time at all before Lance is pressing a warm cup in Eugene's hands, telling him to wait for it to steep. Lance keeps moving, making another cup. Eugene wants to ask who it's for, but can't bring himself to.

"Rapunzel and Qurin wanted tea too, remember?" Lance answers, at the question he can apparently read in Eugene's eyes. Eugene doesn't, in fact, remember; he's not even sure Quirin was in the room. "Adira said coffee, though. And Hector said he didn't want anything, but he strikes me as a coffee guy. I'll make myself tea, that way if I'm wrong, I can always switch them."

Just like that, Lance starts talking about anything and everything, and Eugene relaxes a fraction. He listens, and sips his tea slowly, the warmth soothing in throat. He thinks Lance put some honey in it. It's really good.

It feels like he's at home, and everything is okay, for a moment. Lance had become a cook after adopting the girls - he wasn't very good at listening to orders, so he had simply opened his own restaurant near the castle, soon becoming the most popular one in town. Of course, it helped that the princess herself visited it often, but Lance was genuinely amazing at what he did, and that's what kept the curious around.

For two guys who, fifteen years ago, thought their best chance at a future was to make a deal with the Baron, they were doing pretty good for themselves.

Eugene finishes his cup right as Lance finishes his preparations.

"Thanks," he croaks out shakily, earning a blinding smile from his best friend.

"You want another?"

Eugene hesitates, before nodding, making Lance chuckle. There's still boiled water in the kettle, so it won't take long.

"You know," Lance says, a certain carefulness in his voice, "it still happens to Catalina, sometimes. It's not like when she was a kid, but when she gets too anxious, her voice just… leaves her." Eugene feels himself flush, lowering his eyes. "Tea helps her. It doesn't give her her voice back if she's not ready, but it helps with her throat, when she feels like it's bothering her. I just thought…"

"It helped me too. Thank you," Eugene repeats. He wants to say that he's not like Catalina; that he's a grown man, who shouldn't have clammed up just because he felt bad, who should have been here for his father and everyone else, who should be there, right now, instead of drinking tea, but he bites his lips and holds it back. If he throws himself a pity party on top of it all, it'll take even longer.

"Eugene." Lance is in front of him, hands on his shoulder. Eugene can't do anything but look up, and sees in his best friend's eyes so much love and compassion that he wants to hide from it. "I know you. I don't know, exactly, what self-perceived failures you are torturing yourself with right now, but I know you're being too hard on yourself anyway. Your dad wouldn't want that."

Eugene breathes in sharply, tears burning in his eyes. He wants to get angry, or joke, or do anything to get out of this conversation, but he can't- he can't avoid this. The situation feels unreal, like he's going to wake up if he just concentrates enough, and he can't- he can't-

Lance pulls him to his chest and holds him tight. Eugene blinks, and suddenly he's crying, Lance the only thing holding him on his feet.

He shakes and he wonders how the shy kid he remembers became- Lance. Reliable, sensitive, funny Lance, who is a dad now and who can hold you together when you're falling apart.

Eugene remembers their first meeting, Lance crying in his new bed, freshly orphaned after the death of his parents. He remembers how quiet he had been for a while, and how he had stuck to him like a shadow after Eugene comforted him that first time, seemingly thinking him to be some sort of hero. Eugene, of course, had revelled in the attention, playing up his courage and his strengths, telling stories of his future adventures and of all the money he was going to have.

"How do you do that?" Lance had asked one day, after one of his stories. "You know, how do you… how do you not care about… your parents, and how they left? How do you stop caring?"

It had hurt, at the time. Lance's desperation (still grieving his family, still hurt, wanting to forget the pain without being able to) had flown right over his head, and all Eugene had heard was that his friend thought he didn't care, about anything. It was wrong, but that's what he had wanted, right?

So he had said: "Adventurers don't have the time to care about their family - they have the whole world to discover, after all."

It was a Flynnigan Rider quote. One of Flynnigan's enemies, sure, but Eugene thought it wasn't so stupid. He had wished he could be like that, like Flynnigan who didn't even have a family to care about, and could just do whatever he wanted.

But the truth he couldn't admit to Lance at the time was, Eugene cared. He cared and he cared and he cared, torturing himself with how much he did, crying himself to sleep with a practiced silence at the idea that no one in the world loved him. His own parents abandoned him as a baby, and he wondered what he could have done to them, wondered how he could be better if they came back. Eugene cared and he hated that he cared, hiding behind fantasies and made up names, desperate to escape his identity and his life and his skin. 

And when it hadn't been enough, he had tried to carve the kindness straight out of his heart, hurting everyone in the process. 

Even that hadn't been enough. Rapunzel had seen through him easily, finding him a worth no one would have even thought to look for. Gothel stabbed him, and all she managed to do was kill Flynn, because Eugene, who cried and loved and cared - Eugene had been there, like he hadn't allowed himself to be in a while. 

Maybe, if he was still Flynn, the thought of his dad dying wouldn't make him miserable. Maybe, if he was still Flynn, he wouldn't be crying on Lance's shirt, wanting for everything to stop. 

But if he was still Flynn, Lance wouldn't be there anyway. He would have lost his best friend after one betrayal too many, and never seen him again. He wouldn't love Rapunzel. He wouldn't love his friends, his family, his father. Probably wouldn't even know who Edmund was, or where he came from. He would be all alone. 

He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want the people he loves to leave. 

He doesn't want his dad to die. 

"Please don't leave me," he asks between his tears, voice quiet enough that he hopes Lance hasn't heard, but Lance holds him tighter and promises he won't. 

Eugene cries harder.

------

It's early in the morning. Eugene barely slept, kept awake by the idea of Edmund dying while he was resting. When the sun starts to poke through the sky, dim and feeble light reaching him, Eugene decides it's morning enough, and slips away to his father's room, careful not to wake Rapunzel. Hector is sleeping in front of the door, his bearcats piling up on him, but he opens an eye when Eugene arrives, and nods in his direction.

Edmund is still there, still alive. Quirin is here too.

"Couldn't sleep?" Eugene asks softly. It feels wrong to talk over someone unconscious, but… it feels wrong, too, to not acknowledge Quirin at all.

"I'm a farmer," Quirin says, "I wake up early more often than not." He doesn't return the question, but Eugene knows how awful he looks after a bad night, so Quirin is probably just trying to do the polite thing.

Eugene still has the chair closest to Edmund's hand. He also still can't take it, heart beating faster at the thought. His father's hand should be warm, agile as it handles a weapon, it should... it's his only hand left. It won't matter if he dies, but it's his only hand left, and Eugene feels ridiculous but he can't- he should ask Quirin to hold it, take his place since he couldn't give his father this one thing.

Edmund's breathing is louder today. He's struggling more. Eugene feels nauseous, unable to do anything, wishing he could have just slept and slept and slept so nothing would be happening.

"I met Edmund when I was ten," Quirin says out of the blue. Eugene raises his head, but Quirin isn't really looking at him. "I set him on fire, actually."

That gets a surprised snort out of Eugene, and a smile from Quirin, tired but genuine.

"Don't tell Varian, but I liked to experiment with all sorts of things at the time. It was supposed to be a self-destructive message, and, well, it was destructive alright."

"Why did you even give him a self-destructive message the day you met him?" Eugene asks.

"I was a friend of your mom," Quirin grins, a little self-conscious. "She was tired of Edmund being too shy to ask her on a date, so she asked me to deliver a message to ask him on a date. If he hadn't caught on fire, of course, I think they'd have both enjoyed it a lot."

Eugene smiles, and as the story progresses, he learns that Quirin gets embarrassed the same way Varian does, too. That's a knowledge he appreciates a lot more.

------

"It's all because he wanted to change," Adira says, cryptic as always.

The others left to have dinner. Eugene couldn't. Edmund's breathing is louder today, his fever higher, and he doesn't respond to pain stimuli. Eugene doesn't want to think about any of that, so he turns towards Adira, desperate for conversation.

"What do you mean?"

Her eyes are stuck looking at her king, pain and grief and anger in her expression. Adira doesn't usually allow herself to be read so easily, but she has been on edge the entire time. It takes some time, but Eugene understands that she's just as afraid as he is.

"The accident. Him getting wounded. It's all..." Adira swallows. Her eyes harden. "It's all because he wanted to move on. I wanted to move on." 

Eugene doesn't really understand what she's getting at. He's heard bits and pieces of what happened, mind so scrambled he had trouble making sense of it, but it was simple enough. They were doing renovations. Edmund got hurt - a stupid accident, as all accidents were, and then it only got... worse. An infection that didn't want to heal, and when they really started to worry, it was too late. Eugene wants to rage at the unfairness of it all, and maybe he will, later, but it simply makes him tired. 

Edmund shouldn't have to die like that after surviving decades of terrible loneliness. 

"It was an accident," he ends up saying, because he can see the tightness of Adira's jaw. 

She doesn't say anything to that. Long minutes pass, only rhythmed by Edmund's uneven breathing. 

"I've always hated traditions. Especially stupid ones. The first thing I did, after being accepted in the Brotherhood, was to ask for its name to be changed, because I am a woman." A sigh. Eugene doesn't dare interrupt. "I was asked to behave myself properly, and took to eating food as noisily as possible, daring anyone to come fight me if they were brave enough. Of course, no one did." She pauses. Looks at his dad again. "When Edmund decided to destroy the moonstone himself, I protested, but I didn't think it was such a bad idea. For a long time, I wondered if I could have saved his arm, could have saved our kingdom, if I actually tried to stop him. If I had listened to traditions more closely, because not all of them were built on false beliefs." 

Suddenly, Eugene gets it. The emotion in her voice, the lines around her eyes - a feeling so foreign in Adira that he hadn't been able to recognise it before. Guilt. And he knows that, for all that she's talking about the past, it's very much the present that is troubling her. 

"Maybe that's true," he shrugs, quiet. "But then again, you tend to be right most of the time. And my life is what it is because of what happened back then, so I'm pretty grateful it all went down like it did." 

That makes her chuckle, because what he says is definitely true. Adira's confidence is not unearned. But there's still something hanging in the air, and he waits to see if she's going to confide in him. He feels like he knows Adira as much as he doesn't - she's as straightforward as she's cryptic, and he thinks they're friends, in a way, but he's not one to push when someone has secrets they want to keep, and Adira isn't one for sharing. The silence between them is an understanding, and he's not sure how to navigate anything else. 

"This castle," she starts, hesitant and slow, "was built over the spreading black rocks. It's strong, but it won't hold forever, now that its core has disappeared. We weren't doing renovations as much as we were emptying it, because King Edmund decided it was time to move on from the past, and start to live somewhere livable. It was a tough choice for him, and I... heavily encouraged it." 

Bitterly, Eugene realises that after surviving so long in the claws of his past, his dad would still be taken by it. This castle, as much his home as it was his prison, won't let him escape it. Eugene wants to cry at that, wants to shake Edmund and ask him to get up and not let himself die for something so stupid, wants to shake Adira and tell her it was a good thing and it's not her fault it turned out so badly. Mostly, he wants to bury his head in his hands, scream and forget it all, because he knows his father only felt ready to leave behind his ancestors because Eugene always insisted that they did not define who they were. 

He thinks he should say something meaningful in answer. Something like, I forgive you Adira, but then again she does know that, and doesn't really need his forgiveness, because she didn't do anything wrong. She's not seeking that; she's frustrated, just as he is, and needs... companionship. Someone who understands. 

He's not good at coming up with life-changing advice anyway. 

"Stupid castle," he declares, voice unsteady. 

"Stupid castle," Adira echoes. 

That's enough, for now.

------

Eugene is alone with Edmund again. It's been four long days since he got here, and he knows… He knows it won't be much longer. Doctors, when they come, try to make the king comfortable - they don't try to save him.

Eugene is looking at the form of his dad's hand under the cover again. Edmund wouldn't even feel it if he touched it, but Eugene still can't shake off the guilt and the shame choking him. He shouldn't be disgusted by his dying father. He's not doing any of this right - he's not fighting to heal him, he's not loudly grieving, he's not holding onto hope, he's not talking to him, he's… He's not a character from one of his books. Standing vigil at someone's deathbed wasn't just a couple of lines in his backstory, and every single minute of it hurt in a way he shouldn't allow.

This isn't about him, and yet it's difficult to think like it's anything but. Edmund hasn't regained consciousness once. The fever and the infection are doing damage they can't even see, and the doctors suggested his mind might already be… gone.

"I don't want you to die," Eugene whispers, words like knives in his throat. "I don't want you to leave. We've only had five years together, and it's… It's too short, I want more."

I want, I want, I want - he's selfish, he knows it, and he can't bring himself to regret it, not when that's the only thing which makes sense. His dad is still young. They already lost so much time together, already had twenty-five years to catch up on, and it's over? One accident, and he's gone, Eugene an orphan all over again?

"You've still got too much to make up for to leave me like that," Eugene bits out, a familiar and safe anger drowning away the hopelessness.

It's easy, to blame someone who can't respond, to get angry at his dad instead of crying over him. Eugene had spent years being angry at everything, and mustering this resentment all over again takes no effort at all. He clenches his fists on his knees, tremors coursing through them, and the feeling grows like a storm, until he wants to hit something.

"You- You've been so busy, rebuilding this stupid country, and we've barely seen each other these last years! We kept saying later, later, we'll have time later, and look where that got us!"

Edmund sleeps. His closed eyes, his heavy breathing, it all becomes too much for Eugene, igniting a fire he doesn't control. He slaps his hands on his knees, hard, frustration making him shot up from his chair and pace, but it doesn't seem enough because- Edmund is dying, his stupid dad is dying because of a stupid accident and it's so terribly mundane, it makes Eugene want to bash his head on the wall. He grips his hair, tries to breathe -deep, even breaths that his father can't manage-, tries to keep his tears at bay even though his eyes burn.

"All my life, you weren't there for me!" he explodes again, "You weren’t there… Why weren’t you there? I needed you! I needed you! And you weren't there! You weren't-" His voice breaks this time, and he cuts himself off, immediately feeling ashamed for his outburst. He sits down again, like a puppet with its strings cut, and his hands shake even more than before.

He doesn't feel better. Edmund doesn't look better.

"I'm sorry," Eugene whispers. "I'm sorry, I- I…" I'm a terrible son, he can't say. I'm not doing this right, I'm not being fair to you, I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. I want to wake up tomorrow, and still have a dad, still have a chance to get to know you better, because five years isn't enough and I don't want to lose you. I'll miss you so much.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles finally, mind buzzing with all he wants to say, all he's not sure how to say. "I forgave you for all of that long ago, I- I shouldn't have screamed." Not that it matters - but it does, at the same time.

Since he first received Adira's letter, Eugene had wondered about having the right words. It should be meaningful, right? His last words to his dying father, they had to be important, they had to be something that would help Edmund, didn't they? Except Edmund is unconscious. Maybe already gone. And these words, these words he tortured himself over, maybe they weren't for Edmund's sake as much as they were for his. It made him feel worse, for some reason. Selfish, again.

Eugene presses the palm of his hand against his eyes, slowly feeling how his tears slip through anyway. He wishes Rapunzel was here, even if he's the one who asked for some time. She would know what to say. She would… she would help, because kindness and advice and everything, it came easier to her. Eugene is still… still learning, he thinks, still not caring enough in comparison. He's never caring enough. He's rude, and yells at dying people because he can't keep his emotions in check, and doesn't hold their hands because he's scared, and- and-

He's not good at this. He doesn't want to be.

"I never thought I'd have a dad," he chokes out. "Even now, I'm not sure I know how to be a son, after so long of not being one. But… But I'm glad we could learn together, these last few years. I'm glad you are my father." Despite the weirdness, and the awkwardness, and Dabney - Eugene doesn't say that, but it makes him chuckle tiredly.

Maybe it would hurt less, if Edmund had died before Eugene could meet him. It certainly felt different learning about his mom; painful, too, but not anything like the claw he could feel bury itself in his heart. It's so soon, too soon to lose his father again, because five years is nothing in the grand scheme of things and Eugene had always wanted more out of life, but… If he could do it all over again, he'd want things to be exactly the same. He'll never regret meeting Edmund.

"I love you, dad," Eugene says, crying as he looks at Edmund. It's just the truth, not some grand declaration, but it's enough all the same.

Oh so slowly, Eugene rests his hand on top of Edmund's own, the cover between them. He thinks, maybe, that Edmund is breathing easier.

------

In the next hour, the last king of the Dark Kingdom dies.

------

"Want a drink?" Hector grunts from where he's laying, vaguely shaking a bottle in the air.

It's not really a surprise to find him here. Eugene sits down next to him, and doesn't bother with a response, instead taking the bottle from the knight's grasp and drinking a little out of it. It's definitely not the best stuff but Eugene has drunk worse in his life, so he doesn't comment on it. He's not looking to get drunk anyway.

He doesn't really know what he's looking for. Air, mostly. Rapunzel doesn't want him packing, she thinks he should rest, but staying too long with his own thoughts as company quickly gets heavy. Eugene sighs, and lays down completely, looking at the stars shining above them - there are a lot more than what you can see from Corona. Maybe because there's less people, and less light to hide them away.

"I'm not gonna comfort you if you start crying," Hector interrupts gruffly, sounding sick at the mere idea. Eugene laughs, because there's perhaps no funnier scenario than him seeking out Hector for a hug. At best he'd get trampled by his rhino.

"Staying inside sucked," is all he answers, and Hector hums. He seems to understand that.

They stay like this for a long time. Just silence, sometimes broken by Hector drinking a little bit more. Eugene would worry, if he didn't already know that everyone in the Brotherhood has a stomach made of steel, and that Hector will need a lot more to really get drunk.

It's not much, but it's nice. At least Hector doesn't pity him. Eugene is grateful for the comfort he receives, but sometimes the attention feels like it hurts more than it helps, and he's definitely getting overwhelmed right now.

"Any plan on taking his succession?" Hector asks after a while. It's not a surprise either that he breaks the silence first - when he first met him properly, Eugene thought he was the surly and silent type, but Hector did like conversation. He was unpleasant most of the time, sure, but if he was thinking something, he tended to say it directly. (He wouldn't say it, but Eugene also thinks Hector is a bit lonely.)

"Nah. Not really my kingdom to manage, and I'm too pretty to be king," Eugene responds. He told his dad years ago that he would never be his successor, and though Edmund had a difficult time wrapping his head around it, he had accepted it.

"Probably would have quit if you did," Hector says pensively. Eugene feels ready to protest because it's one thing for him to not want it, and another to have someone hate the idea so much, but he stops himself in time to hear Hector murmur: "I couldn't call anyone else my king."

Ah. Loyalty, the one thing in Hector Eugene understands easily. He can't really imagine having his one purpose in life being ripped away from him, can't imagine how it feels to keep going after that.

Then again, Hector has more experience with this kind of situation than most. It's a sad fact in its own right.

"Guess you guys will finally have to change the name," Eugene muses quietly, knowing it's better to change the subject. They're not the right people to have a heart to heart. "Dark Kingdom wasn't super inspired to begin with. Though, I hope you don't go for something equally stupid, like Dark whatever-the-new-regime-is."

He expects a barb about his own ancestors being responsible for that, but Hector falls silent. He's thinking, Eugene gets after a while, and he doesn't like the weird gleam in the other man's eyes.

"Edmundland," Hector whispers, nearly reverently. Eugene can't contain an audible gag.

"You are not naming it that."

------

Two weeks have gone by since Edmund's funeral, and it still doesn't feel real. Back home in Corona, it's easy to forget - Eugene doesn't see his father often, and his routine has barely changed, so it's easy to think, for a moment, that Edmund is alive and happy in the Dark Kingdom.

The wave of his grief recedes, before crashing back violently. When Eugene remembers, it hurts all over again, like he's back at his father's side hearing his breathing quiet, until there's nothing left.

He keeps going. He cries, too, and then gets up and keeps going. Rapunzel and him left for a week and a half, and there's plenty of work to catch up on, even if everyone is determined to ask him if he doesn't want to rest instead. In truth, he doesn't really know - keeping busy helps, but there are moments when he wishes he could simply curl up in his bed for a century, and never talk to anyone again. His mood is unstable, but he tries not to take it on anyone, as hard as it can be.

He already yelled at Lance to leave him the fuck alone once, and despite his best friend assuring him that he understood, Eugene wants to go apologise again.

So today, when he woke up on edge and then nearly threatened to kill Pete for stumbling, Eugene was quick to decide that it was better if he took that rest, finally. That's why he's on his bed right now, leaning back with his feet still on the ground, tracing Rapunzel's mural with his eyes and trying hard to not think about anything. But then his eyes stray to the right, to the painting he knows represents him and his father hugging, and Eugene doesn't know whether to cry or to yell. He takes a pillow, puts it over his head, and does both.

He doesn't feel better. He feels ridiculous.

Grieving feels like it should be more. He shouldn't wake up in the morning like he usually does, he shouldn't take his coffee the same way, he shouldn't hide behind a pillow and he shouldn't avoid his work and he shouldn't… He should do something more, and he cannot name what that might be.

What he knows, though, is that he misses Edmund, and doesn't feel like he's ever going to be able to breathe like he did before.

So he stays in his bed, pillow pressed against his head. He doesn't move when he hears the door open. Doesn't move when he feels Rapunzel sit next to him, before laying down just like he is. He's crying again, and he hates it.

"I don't know what to do," he admits then, voice muffled and broken. Rapunzel touches his arm gently. "I feel so bad, and I don't- I don't feel like it's gonna get better."

"It will," she says, so certain that Eugene can't do anything but believe her. "It won't be like before, but it'll hurt less, one day."

He closes his eyes tightly, until they hurt. Crying gave him a headache, but it's practically a constant these days. He thinks about Rapunzel's words, and knows intimately what she's referencing - remembers more than well how she grieved Gothel, full of hurt and pain and anger at the fact she even did. He hadn't really understood at the time either. But Gothel had raised her for eighteen years; Rapunzel had loved her for all of them, and still loved this mother she knew never existed. So she had mourned her, she had hated her, and Eugene had tried his best to be there for her.

It's not the same, with his dad. Of course it wasn't, because for all of their history, Edmund had still loved him, more than Gothel had ever cared for Rapunzel. It's different, but Rapunzel understands, in a way, what it means to lose a parent. She understands his grief. He sees it in her eyes when he finally discards the pillow, and meets her gaze. His face is a mess, yet she smiles sadly and kisses his tears away, pulling a worn out smile out of him.

"Thanks Sunshine," he whispers, "I really hope so."

"I'll be there, no matter what," she assures, even if he never doubted it. "I… I also have a gift, for you," Rapunzel says, more unsure of herself this time.

He straightens up as she does, intrigued, and wanting to let her do what she thinks will help. He thinks she needs it just as much as he does, because she lost someone too - no one wants to say it, but Eugene knows he's not the only one grieving.

He doesn't know what to expect from the piece of paper she holds towards him. Slowly, she hands it to him, careful and worried, and he wants to reassure her immediately that it's okay but.

But.

There, under his fingers, is a painting. He sees himself, smiling, soft and beautiful in the way only Rapunzel paints him. On his left, his mother stands, a happier expression than the one on the only painting left of her on her face, her hand on Eugene's shoulder, looking so alive and present that tears spring up to his eyes. And then, on his right…

He realises, while he looks at his father's peaceful expression, that it's the first time in weeks he has thought of his dad as he was in life, instead of the dying man he had been at the end. His skin is pale, but healthily so, no traces of fever on his cheeks. His smile is wide like it often was when Eugene told a bad joke, and his eyes are aware and full of joy. He's touching Eugene's shoulder too, in the painting, and on his bed Eugene can almost feel it - that weight on him, neither stiff nor cold.

"I thought… I thought you'd like having a picture with all three of you," Rapunzel says, and he doesn't have to watch to know she's playing absently with her hair, nervous.

Eugene is careful not to crumble the picture like his heart is, putting it down as he desperately reaches for Rapunzel - and she's here, immediately, even if he's crying again and making a mess and holding her so tight he's afraid to hurt her.

"I love it," he says again and again, mixed with thank you and I love you and I'm sorry. She holds him and whispers that she loves him too, again and again.

Weeks will turn into months will turn into years. The picture will stay on his bedside table, always.

(Things do change, and because they change, they heal.)

[californiannostalgia]

Tangled the Series Character Analysis: Childhood Trauma POV

I can't believe Tangled the Series really created two incredible antivillains and threw them in direct contrast with the pre-existing golden couple. I love what the showrunners did with the main quartet, so I made a very subjective analysis post about it from a Childhood Trauma POV. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The Boys

The series' focus is on Rapunzel, and by association her direct opposite, Cassandra, so the boys get comparatively less screen time. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Varian is meant to be a parallel for Eugene—these are two people dealing with the absence of parental guardians, struggling to reconcile the lives they previously had with their changing ideals in relation to a less-than-perfect Father Figure.

They both respond to the helpless state of being young, alone, and powerless by trying to take back power in any way they can. Eugene reinvented himself and buried his desires for a family. Varian throws in everything he has into recovering what he lost, because he's a child and the best solution he can think of is to return to the familiar safety of his father's presence. A significant portion of his desperation is fueled by fear of his father’s disapproval, because as much as Quirin loves Varian, he wasn’t the dependable voice of support. Varian needs approval from outside sources, which was also Flynn Rider’s purpose in life, once upon a time. (Again, parallels.) 

Throughout the series, the boys' relationship with each other transforms from exasperated incomprehension to easy understanding. The process is hastened as Eugene lets himself realize he cares a lot about troubled kids who remind him of himself. He becomes aware that children should not be required to survive on their own like he and Lance had. Spurred on by his significant other's love and encouragement, Eugene is able to acknowledge the adverse affects of his childhood on his life and start moving on. His extending a ready hand to Varian is his process of healing. Though Eugene's first priority will always be Rapunzel, he truly wants to save Varian from the uncontrollable volatility of risky decisions because he knows that downward spiral intimately.

Of course, there is a difference between thieving from the rich and planning the destruction of a kingdom. We'll get to that later.

The Girls

Rapunzel and Cassandra are the biggest driving forces of narrative power in the show, and they are survivors of child abuse. Every one of the main quartet has Parent Issues, but Rapunzel takes the crown (figuratively speaking) with this one. She was kidnapped and groomed into a life-giving doll, and she was only able to escape her abusive adoptive mother through incredibly traumatizing means. For Cassandra, it was neglect, and even her loving adoptive father couldn't leviate the scars left on her childhood mind.

They're a classic case of Golden Child vs. Scapegoat, which is a common case seen in siblings raised by Narcissistic parents. When one child is "favored" more than the other, the kids experience vastly different childhoods, resulting in resentment that stems from their inability to understand each other. Rapunzel and Cassandra are both jealous of what the other had—Rapunzel wants Cassandra's casual, practiced ease with freedom and personal agency, while Cassandra wants the attention and respect that Rapunzel is given by the status of her birth. Because they're unwilling to speak candidly about the unique hardships of their childhood, what results is a series of miscommunications that put a strain on their friendship.

Cassandra and Rapunzel both want the other in their lives, but how they attempt to make that connection is very different. Cassandra wants to be a helpful, essential force in Rapunzel's life. Unfortunately, Rapunzel has been raised on the idea that when push comes to shove, no one will help her survive. Cassandra interprets Rapunzel's desire for independence as Rapunzel scorning the connection that Cassandra is attempting to create. Add in some manipulation from an ancient evil, and Cassandra decides she is done exhausting her emotions for Rapunzel.

Rapunzel, on the other hand, wants absolute honesty in her relationships. Gothel raised her on lies, so she spurns deception. But Cassandra knows the merits of protecting herself by holding her opinions in, which is where the misunderstandings occur. Rapunzel cannot trust someone who isn't completely forthright with her. She's tired of dealing with liars, and she grows afraid that Cassandra will cause her the same pain as Gothel did. But the thing is, Cassandra is not Gothel, and Rapunzel loved Gothel. She couldn't save Gothel, but maybe she can save Cassandra. It's not too late.

Rapunzel doesn't know when to give up on Cassandra because she is aware that she and Cassandra are similar people. Giving up on Cassandra would feel too much like giving up on her own hopes for a happy life. Rapunzel can't let Cassandra be unhappy. This princess cares too much, loves too hard. She never learned how to write people off because you can't survive a childhood like hers with that much cheer if you don't hang onto your optimism like a goddamn lifeline.

This is Rapunzel’s method of taking back power for herself: saving others. Rapunzel could have been Cassandra. Rapunzel is trying to believe she herself is worth saving—therefore, Cassandra must be worth saving as well. Rapunzel's significant other is giving her a stable source of love and support, but without a proper resolution to Cassandra's struggles—a final proof that despite Gothel's influence, they can both be happy—Rapunzel would feel incomplete.

The Golden Couple

At the end of the day, Rapunzel and Eugene are fundamentally good people. If it comes down to it, they would be unable to sacrifice the world for their own desires. (Eugene's thievery doesn't count as an expression of true desire because it was literally his method of survival. An expression of true, selfish desire for him might've been something like manipulation and abduction for the purposes of making people stay, but Eugene is not Gothel and he would never do that to anyone in a million years.) (On a side note, Rapunzel's selfish desire might've manifested in the abandonment of all duties and personal connections in favor of eternal exploration, or revenge towards a kingdom that failed to save her, or a thorough destruction of authority figures—but she loves people too much and would never be able to forsake her family.)

Life threw a lot of rocks at them, but these two came through it marginally well-adjusted. They affirmed their love for each other in a violent, unforgettable manner, which makes it easier for them to trust in each other's affection. Eugene would've been okay with never finding his biological father, just as Rapunzel had been okay with her biological parents' inability to protect her. They have no wish to punish the world for what they suffered. They’re content with who they are. They're just glad they made it, that they're finally allowed to love someone without being afraid. They're each other's saving grace.

The Antivillains

This is the difference between Hero and Antivillain: Cassandra and Varian are willing to punish the world for what happened to them. There’s a very faint line between justified retaliation and venting. In their desperation and anger, they cross the line, and they’re unable to stop themselves once they get going. Unlike the Golden Couple, Cassandra and Varian refuse to settle. They want what is owed. 

Also, they really, really hate themselves. (This is important.)

Varian believes Quirin is the ultimate source of affirmation. The fact that he lost his father by way of his own dangerous experiment, coupled with the fact that no one prioritizes his call for help in the face of national disaster, is enough to make him feel isolated from the world. Though he is burdened with a growing sense of remorse for his deeds, he doesn’t stop resorting to drastic, harmful measures to get his father back until he is forcefully stopped by betrayal from his allies. He finally makes the full transition from “antagonist” to “protagonist” when Rapunzel risks herself to save Quirin from the rocks. If Quirin could not be saved, there’s a possibility Varian might have stayed an antagonist, unenthusiastic though he may have been in his villainous role. As long as Quirin is trapped in those rocks, Varian remains the villain who put him there.

With Quirin safe, Varian allows himself to take huge steps in healing. He slowly rediscovers his self-worth, one that is separate from Quirin’s approval. Rapunzel—and by extension, Eugene—play the friendly, supportive role to Varian’s ingenuity, helping him along in his quest for self-acceptance. Varian still has trouble working through the heavily ingrained self-hatred, but he recovers enough confidence in his own judgment that he takes Eugene’s warning to heart and is able to install a safety device in his father’s helmet, just in case.

This is the Varian who meets Cassandra in the Tower that once belonged to Gothel. At this point in time, Cassandra has been manipulated into thinking of herself as weak and unimportant in comparison to Rapunzel. Her adoptive father, much like Quirin, was too gruff to be vocal with approvals. Her efforts have not been met with successes. She feels like a failure, and she hates feeling like a failure. This is Cassandra’s method of taking back power: by turning herself into someone unforgettable. If she can make something of herself, she’ll finally be able to prove Gothel wrong. She can be just as special as Rapunzel, if she’s given the chance. She wants that chance.

Similar to Varian, Cassandra doesn’t stop her downward spiral until her supposed ally and mentor betrays her and forcefully takes her power away. Only when there are no options left does she allow herself to admit that she was wrong. She is then rewarded for her honesty with Rapunzel’s love and trust. Armed with a new confidence, the sisters vanquish the evil together in an epic showdown that will long be remembered. Cassandra finally gets her dramatic hero’s tale.

Rapunzel and Eugene have an internal compass that lets them make snap decisions. They don’t have the healthiest self-esteem, but they can at least stand by what they think is right. Comparatively speaking, Cassandra and Varian have terrible self-esteem. They don’t trust their own judgment and are heavily influenced by outside forces. Without the constant barrage of trust and affection from Rapunzel, who is akin to a blazing sun when it comes to personal loyalty, these antivillains might never have reached their redemptive ending. They wouldn’t have been able to let go of their twisted priorities without outside influence. Can’t blame them for it, though.

It’s no surprise that Cassandra and Varian are relatable to many people. Who wouldn’t want to reclaim what was taken from them during childhood? (Of course, the problem occurs when you start hurting others to reclaim what you lost.) Their journey is a different kind of vulnerable from Rapunzel and Eugene’s journey, and it’s extraordinary in its detail. This show is essentially a long exploration of the various ways a parent can mess you up and the coping methods of kids who want to become more than their past, which is totally up my alley of expertise. I’m grateful I got to watch them grow taller than their trauma.

Finally, here’s a parting gif of Lance, because I love him and he’s a well-adjusted ray of sunshine. We all wish we could be as mentally stable as Lance—the main quartet included.

[crosswindtakeoff]

Super radical varigo analysis (Part 1 maybe I don’t know I never shut up)

I want to expand on my last post about varigo.

I think the reason Hugo would get anxious or worried about Varian's head-strong nature and tendency to run into danger without thinking stems from his work with Donella. Rarely would he ever get attached to any of her henchmen seeing as most of them died on the job from very similar circumstances. He's been traumatized by watching people die in front of him constantly while also not having proper time to process it since he's always running around to save himself or please Don. By the time he meets Varian, everything slows and he's given time to process things. He realizes that he's terrified of death, but even moreso, he's scared of losing Varian to death. Varian is the only constant in his life that has taught him to heal and slow down, even if the alchemist doesn't take that advice himself. It's from that, that Hugo decides he'd do everything in his power to make sure he never dies or gets hurt while he's around. (Which also manifests into the original point of him being a bit overbearingly protective!)

I don't think Hugo was ever properly cared for trauma wise. I love momella as much as the next person, but I really can not see her actually properly caring for Hugo's trauma or problems in a healthy manner. ("Coping" to her is just constantly going on missions to ignore your problems which actually causes more problems! Who'da thunk it?) Hugo running into Varian, who even though he is still healing from trauma, is much further along in terms of learning coping skills and offering advice to people. (Do not be fooled, this alchemist does not take that advice himself.)

I think Hugo being paranoid is understandable, but he's not sure how to exactly deal with it and set up proper boundaries with Varian at first so it sort of manifests in a bit of an overbearing protectiveness.

On one hand, Varian really does appreciate it. All his life he's been tossed aside like he doesn't matter. If he wasn't being a nuisance, he was being a disappointment. He was left to rot for a year in prison with abusive guards and little food or water.... BUT the over protectiveness sorta leans into one of his insecurities. One of the main reasons people didn't seem to help him was because he was "just a child" he "didn't know" what he was talking about. In other words, he despises being coddled. He's not a helpless damsel in distress! He can care for himself to an extent and he doesn't need his hand held at every point.

Also back to Donella,  I think I see her more as... just a general caregiver... I don't know if I'd box her into any specific family position. Also I would not say she is a good caregiver. Personally, I don't really have any firm beliefs on whether she actually cares for Hugo or not, but I think she is... she is very poor at taking care of kids, whether she cares for them or not.

Donella, barely feeding Hugo and using food as a "reward" for him completing missions: Is this parenting?

 I think my personal interpretation is that, I think, Donella does really care and that scares her so it moreso manifests in neglectful and borderline abusive attributes and even if she actually cared, Hugo has every right to not want to her to be in his life.

BASICALLY I think Don does care, but bottom line, she caused Hugo massive irreversible trauma and he has every right to not wanna fuck w/ her. SJSDKNFDJSK

ANYWAY BACKING THAT INTO VARIGO....... I think at the beginning of their friendship (or I guess lack thereof since they're angrily arguing nonstop,) Hugo begins to feel... jealous. And he feels almost wrong for feeling jealous. He's jealous that Varian has friends and family that write him letters to see how he's doing. He's jealous that he receives gifts from them. He's jealous of how easily he seems to instantly click with Nuru and Yong and basically anyone else they run into. 

He feels guilty for being jealous for two reasons. One is that Donella taught him to "Stop complaining" whenever he was given little food. He was being fed, wasn't he? No need to be such an ungrateful brat lest he want to go back to fending for himself on the street.

The second is that, through living with Donella, he's kind of convinced himself he's not worthy of love. He's lucky Donella even lets him stick around. He's loud, he's cocky, he's a thief, it's no wonder people dislike him. That thought in his head that he is unlovable is something he refuses to change and even actively leans into. He is actively self-destructive and rude to make people dislike him.

So even if he is jealous of Varian, even if he yearns for the warm smiles and bubbly laughter, he feels like some part of him wins when he succeeds in making the man constantly angry at him.

[codynaomiswireart]

Gauze in the Wound - Part 24

“‘In sterquiliniis invenitur’ – in filth it will be found. This is perhaps the prime ‘alchemical’ dictum. What you need most is always to be found where you least wish to look. … In rejecting our errors, we gain short-term security – but throw away our identity with the process that allows us to transcend our weaknesses and tolerate our painfully limited lives. …In participating in the process, the alchemists identified with the exploratory hero, and turned themselves unconsciously…into ‘that which redeems.’ This identification was complicated by the fact the the alchemist also considered himself as partaking of the state of matter – as belonging in the ‘state necessitating redemption.’ This basically meant that the alchemist viewed himself, at least in part, as occupying the same category as ‘matter’ (as well as being that which could become ‘gold,’ and which could aid in the transformation). … The alchemist was an unredeemed, suffering man, in search of an inexpressible ideal.”

~ Jordan Peterson, Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief

“‘But I am not your judge. We must go to your true judges now. I am to bring you there.’ ‘My judges?' ‘Why, yes, child. The gods have been accused by you. Now’s their turn.’ ‘I cannot hope for mercy.’ ‘Infinite hopes – and fears – may both be yours. Be sure that, whatever else you get, you will not get justice.’ ‘Are the gods not just?’ ‘Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?’”

~ The Fox and Queen Oruel, Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis

------------------------------

“Cursed short arms!” the un-man grumbled, reaching to pull himself up the rocky slope. What had begun as such a delight in wearing the boy’s form was now becoming annoying as he climbed his way up the mountain. While Zhan Tiri did have some of his additional strength to assist him, even that couldn’t make up for the smaller stature he now donned. But it would be worth it soon. Soon he would be back in his original body, and then he could really get to work!

“And as for the boy,” he thought aloud as he pulled himself up. “He’ll still be useful until I can get the actual Moonstone for myself. If he behaves, I might even let him join me as a disciple! Now wouldn’t that be nice – the Heir of Demanitus as my servant! Ha ha! Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any competent servants.”

The un-man scowled now, thinking of his previous pawns. “Curse them,” he spat, gripping another rock. “Inept fools. And Gothel! That traitorous, vain, sniveling coward! Stuck around just long enough to get her hands on the incantation, and then what did she do? She went and hoarded the Sundrop for herself! Fah! I should’ve figured. She was always the worst of my followers. Tromus may still be of some use I suppose. And Sugracha…Well…” the demon grinned wickedly. “She had her chance…and I’ve made use of what was left.”

Zhan Tiri gave another grunt of exertion as he finally reached the top of the rocky gorge he’d been scaling. The land had changed a bit since he’d last been there. The trails leading up to Janus Point had become rough and overgrown now. He could remember the days when it was well-worn from those who traveled there to engage in dark rituals. Now it was all a deserted wasteland – nearly forgotten like a bad dream by those living in the kingdom below.

“But not for long,” he thought as he adjusted the mirror strapped to his shoulders, continuing his hike. “Soon, their nightmare will rise again!”

---------------------------------

Varian blinked, his brain trying to catch up with what had just happened, like suddenly waking up from a dream. He felt like he couldn’t move. Part of him didn’t want to move. A part of him wanted all time to freeze here like this. He almost didn’t care if it might all be an illusion fed into his brain.

Xavier was here. Ruddiger was here. His friends were here. Xavier said it would be all right now.

But-

Varian nearly shoved Xavier away, as panic began to bubble up from the depths of his mind as his train of thought went from a standstill to rushing a million miles an hour.

“Wha-What are you doing here!?” Varian asked Xavier, looking up wide-eyed at the blacksmith, the boy’s fists clutching in desperation at the man’s shirt.

Xavier only smiled reassuringly at Varian. “It’s all right Varian. We figured it out. You’re going to be all right. We’ve come to get you out of here!”

Varian continued to stare at him, shaking his head in disbelief.

Noticing his apprentice’s demeanor, Xavier laid his hands on Varian’s shoulders, trying to steady him. “Easy Varian, easy. It’s all right. I’m here now. Really! You’re going to be ok.” Xavier then looked to study the vines that bound Varian’s wrists and ankles, holding one of them in his grasp as Ruddiger also gave them a sniff. The raccoon’s fur stood on end, and he hissed as he detected the dark magic pulsing within the glowing tendrils. Xavier’s brow furrowed, and he began reaching into one of his pockets.

“Wait, what’re you doing?” Varian asked.

“Don’t worry Varian,” Xavier said, pulling a small folding knife from his pocket. “I’ll cut you free, and then we can-” “NO!” Varian screamed, grabbing Xavier’s wrist to stop him before he could make the first incision. “No no! If-if you tamper with the vines, he might notice you’re here and-” Varian’s voice cut out, he swallowed hard, and Xavier could feel the boy clutch even tighter at the fabric of his shirt. “‘He?’” Xavier repeated, becoming still. “Who is ‘he’? Varian, what’s going on? Who did this to you?” But Varian’s expression began to take on a faraway look again, and Xavier could see Varian was struggling to breathe. “Z-…Zhan Tiri-” Varian just managed to choke out. And then, the boy began to hyperventilate, grabbing Xavier again, and shouting. “Wh-why are you here!? You need to stop him! You’re just wasting time with me! Why did you just let him-!? He could be…I-I can’t! Why did you come here!? No! No no no! He’s going to get away-!”

“Varian!”

Varian stopped shouting, but now only shook his head as he buried his face in his arms. “Varian!” Xavier tried again, trying to snap Varian out of whatever attack he was experiencing. But the boy only continued to quiver and breathe in quick, shallow breaths.

Just like that one day…

Xavier was unsure about what was going on, and Varian mentioning Zhan Tiri had not escaped him, but this much he knew – Varian needed help now, and he had to bring him back around before they could do anything else.

“Varian,” Xavier said again, this time in a much calmer tone, and giving Varian’s shoulders a comforting squeeze. “Varian, look at me, please.”

There was a long pause, and for a moment Xavier thought Varian wouldn’t comply. But soon enough, Varian managed to bring his face up to look Xavier in the eye, the boy’s expression utterly pained.

“It’s all right,” the blacksmith said. And again, like before, Varian opened his mouth to protest such a notion.

“N-no! No no, it’s not all right!” Varian cried, curling in on himself again. “Don’t lie to me! Can’t you see that we’re-!?” But Varian then felt himself being pulled into another hug, his mentor’s strong arms wrapped around him protectively. “Shh, it’s all right, Varian. It’s all right,” Xavier repeated again, as if the soul-crushing reality had no bearing on them in the present moment. Which of course was ridiculous, Varian thought. But in that moment, Xavier sounded so confident, that Varian almost believed him. “It’s all right.”

Xavier then pulled away again, steadying Varian’s shoulders. “I need you to breathe with me now, ok?” But Varian shook his head. “No! I can’t-! We- He’s going to-!” “Breathe in,” Xavier continued on, gently but insistently. When Varian didn’t respond at first, he tried again. “Breathe in…” Varian then also felt Ruddiger nuzzle into his side, and the little creature looked up at Varian with sad but encouraging eyes. “Please!” he seemed to be saying.

Finally, Varian felt his resistance start to give way, and though faltering at first, Varian managed to get in a slower inhale.

“Good,” Xavier said, a tone of relief entering his voice. “Now, breathe out…” And Varian did, though shakily. “Good. Again, breathe in… Hold… Breathe out…”

This went on for another few repetitions, and Varian did try to mirror what Xavier was telling him to do. But constantly Varian had thoughts flit in and out of his mind that caused his breath to hitch when they hit him. “We’re running out of time! I’m trapped here and I can’t get out! Why did Xavier come for me!? Zhan Tiri’s going to use me to come back, and it’s all my fault! It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault! It’s-”

“It’s all my fault…” Before Varian could think to stop himself, his voice betrayed his thoughts, and he could feel tears gathering at the corners of his eyes at his quivering words.

“No, it isn’t, Varian,” Xavier tried reassuringly. “C’mon, stay with me now. It’s going to be all right. I’m sure whatever’s going on, we can-”

But Varian shook his head. “No! It’s-it’s not going to be all right!” he cried, and through his sobs he began to tell Xavier everything; everything about Zhan Tiri slipping through the warp in time and space the other night, to meeting Zhan Tiri in the depths of his psyche, to how Zhan Tiri tricked him into believing he was really Lord Demanitus, and how – worst of all – Varian had believed him when he talked about them using the Moonstone’s power to go back in time and undo all of the bad things that had befallen Varian, and all the bad things that he himself had done.

Varian wanted to blame Zhan Tiri for all of this. He had been a liar, after all. Was it Varian’s fault that he had been deceived? Didn’t that make it better? Weren’t his motivations good in the end? That is, to go back and set things the way they should’ve been?

…But no. Varian knew the truth. Zhan Tiri wouldn’t have been able to entice Varian into his plans if Varian wasn’t already vulnerable to it. True, there were circumstances that were beyond his control. Perhaps it wasn’t all his fault. But some of it definitely was, and it also didn’t help that he had been so bitter towards everyone, driving away those who wanted to help him. If only he hadn’t been so desperate to run away from what had already been stamped into his history, perhaps he wouldn’t be in this even bigger mess now.

If he had only hung on instead of let go the other day when Rapunzel had appeared. Not that it was really her, probably. But if he didn’t give in to his anger…his hatred…

“…I’ve ruined everything…” was all Varian could say as he came to the end of his account, and he sat back with his shoulders drooped, and hands dropping from Xavier’s shirt into his own lap. Varian was so tired – physically and emotionally. He could feel the weight of all he had done pressing down on his already tired shoulders, and sling itself round his chest like lead-heavy snakes. And he was so useless now, too. Zhan Tiri had a hold of him. Even if he wanted to use his powers against Zhan Tiri now, the vines clinging to him would only channel it for Zhan Tiri’s own use. And in here, in this dark place, he had no access to alchemy or tools or anything else he might be able to fight back with.

“…You have to go.”

“What?” Xavier asked, clearly surprised by Varian’s words. Miserably, Varian looked up at Xavier through his bangs.

“You need to get out of here. Both of you.” Here Varian turned also to Ruddiger, who looked up at the boy with bewildered eyes. “Y-you’re just wasting time here. Zhan Tiri isn’t going to Old Corona. That was another lie to throw you off his plans. He’s going to Janus Point to-” Varian swallowed. “He’s…he’s going to try to use my magic to bring himself back – all the way back – where the veil is thin. You have to catch up to him before he can-”

“We’ve already tried, Varian.” “What?” Varian asked, looking at Xavier in astonishment.

Xavier frowned. “Varian, after Zhan Tiri made sure he got passed the guards, he used your magic to trap us here in Molson’s Grove with a great wall of black rocks. We can’t go anywhere.” “No…” Varian whispered, hugging himself. Yes, he had felt Zhan Tiri call upon his powers a couple of times earlier that evening, but he had no idea (and dreaded to think of) what the warlock had used them for. “That is,” Xavier said, once again setting his hands on Varian’s shoulders. “We can’t go anywhere without you. We need you to take down that wall, Varian.”

“B-but I can’t!” Varian shouted, grasping one of the vines in his hands and holding it up, as if Xavier needed a visual aid to get the situation through to him. “Look Xavier! I’m trapped here! And-and without my doppelgänger I won’t be able to get out!”

“That’s why Ruddiger is here,” Xavier explained, and Ruddiger immediately pricked up at the sound of his name. “The dark mirror has no affect on him, and he brought you back from the dream depths before. I have a hunch that he can also help to get you out of here, bypassing the need for a doppelgänger swap!”

Varian stared at Xavier, then at Ruddiger. Could Xavier be right? Could such a trick really work!?

“But first,” Xavier began again, reaching once more for his pocket knife.

“N-no!” Varian tried again to stop the blacksmith, grabbing at his wrist. “What if that makes him know you’re here!? What if he-?”

Varian then stopped, Xavier turning to look at him with an expression that Varian had never seen on the blacksmith before. Or, at least, not this intense. Varian had seen something similar to it when Xavier had been in battle before – a steeliness and determination that would make most anyone flinch if it were directed at them. But this time…

“We have to try, Varian. No matter what it takes, I won’t leave you here like this. I won’t let Zhan Tiri do this to you!”

Before Varian could say anything else to this, Xavier firmly but gently pried Varian’s hands from his wrist, and brought his hand down to lay the first strike on the eerie, glowing vines.

-------------------------

Zhan Tiri staggered, feeling as if a dart had just suddenly been lodged into his chest. Had he stumbled into something in the dark and not seen it? Was there a hunter or a bandit nearby that had taken a shot at him?

But as Zhan Tiri looked down to examine where the pain came from, he found no arrow or dart sticking out of his avatar. Although, he did see beneath his clothing the dim glow of green, indicating that some sort of injury had been done to him, even if only a small one. “How in the-? Aaah!” the warlock cried, feeling the incision hit deeper. What was going on!?

With haste, the demon pressed his fingers against his temples, and focused his concentration along the vines that extended out his back and into the mirror. There, he of course saw the alchemist – disheveled, weak and distressed, as he should be – but he also saw-

“Aah!” the un-man cried again, a third blow nearly causing his legs to buckle from underneath him, and breaking his concentration for a second. “No,” he hissed to himself harshly. “Why that meddling old-!”

Thinking quickly, the un-man again sent his consciousness down the string of vines, and conjuring a few more from his back in the process. It may take a lot out of him in his current form, but he was too close now! He could not afford to lose this chance!

“I’ll make you pay for this,” the demon growled as he launched his counter-attack.

----------------------------

Varian’s eyes widened in horror as Xavier delivered that first blow to the vine. As the steel of Xavier’s knife struck the glowing tendril, sparks spewed up from where he had managed to make an incision in the thick skin. However, Varian also noticed something else as Xavier braced himself for another blow. The knife had begun to glow green as well, and Varian managed to catch sight of what looked like steam rising from its handle. He could also see Xavier setting his teeth to keep himself from dropping the weapon as he began to feel the pain.

“NO!” Varian screamed, trying to catch Xavier’s wrist again to stop him. “Stop! Stop! It’s hurting you!”

But Xavier only responded with holding Varian back with his free arm, and bringing his hand down for another cut, grimacing as the knife glowed even brighter.

Varian remembered what Xavier had said – about when he had crushed Mila’s hand all those years ago. It was an injury that caused her to give up blacksmithing for good.

Was Xavier really about to-!?

“XAVIER, PLEASE! STOP!” Varian cried again, but Xavier brought the knife down for yet another strike, his hand itself now also starting to look green. If he kept this up for much longer, and if he tried to cut all of the vines this way…

In desperation, Varian tried to summon some of the magic inside of him. He had to try to do something to help Xavier before the man permanently crippled himself on his behalf. But as Varian felt the magic well up inside of him, he also felt it leave him, like water down a drain. Instead of the black rocks doing as Varian wanted, they sprang up to form a kind of cage around Xavier, with even more vines snaking their way between them to grab at the blacksmith, causing Xavier to drop his knife. Varian tried to make a lunge for the fallen blade, but was suddenly jerked back as the tendrils holding him dragged him away across the floor. Ruddiger then made his attempt for the knife, but flinched back as his snout got close to the heat rising from it. He then had to scurry and dodge as another vine tried a grab at him, and began chasing him around the chamber.

“You fools!” a voice boomed around the chamber, causing Varian to flinch at the sound of it, for Zhan Tiri of course would use his own voice. “Did you really think you could stop me now? I won’t go down so easily!”

Xavier looked frightened only for a moment as the situation sank in. But then, the man summoned again that steely determination from before, and resumed struggling against his bonds. This only caused Zhan Tiri to chuckle at the blacksmith’s futile efforts.

“Ah, so this is the best that Demanitus could leave behind for his vanguard, eh?” the demon’s voice said mockingly. “An old codger who barely understands the great mysteries he proports to love, and an impulsive child with a ruined life. If only you both weren’t so annoying, I could hardly have asked for better conditions!”

At these words, Xavier looked over at Varian, noticing that the boy had ceased struggling to get out of his own bonds, and now lay there limply on the floor again, like when Xavier first found him here.

“Varian!” Xavier shouted, but Varian didn’t appear to hear him. “Varian, don’t listen to him! Don’t give up!”

“Oh yes, that’s right old man,” Zhan Tiri interjected again, a smile in his voice. “Keep leading the boy on with false hopes, as usual.”

Xavier glared at the cursed mirror’s gateway.

“Honestly, do you really wish to tell the boy that he can come back from all this? From all he has done? Even if you were to get out of here, even if you were to defeat me, what would be left for him? He belongs to me now!”

“There’s still his father!” Xavier said. “We still have to free him!”

There was a long pause after this, only to be followed by another smiling tone from the demon as he said, “You really are cruel, aren’t you master blacksmith? Why can’t you just admit to the boy that his father must be dead now?”

Xavier couldn’t see Varian’s face from the way the boy was laying, but he did see Varian’s side seize up at these words, his breath stopping.

“You don’t know that!” Xavier retorted back.

“But if he were?” Zhan Tiri continued. “If he were dead, there would be no one left for the boy. He feels it himself – after all he’s done, no one else would be there for him. Nobody else would love him. It would be a shame to even associate with him on any level! Well, aside from his jailor of course. And if his father were somehow still alive, what would he say once he was free? He certainly wouldn’t be proud of the boy, now would he?”

At these words, Varian finally did move, but only to curl himself into a tight ball, the guilt of everything clearly crushing him into the ground. Ruddiger tried to get to him from where he had taken shelter in a basket in the corner, but the vine that had stalked him kept him at bay.

Xavier looked between the dark mirror and where Varian lay. Varian really was believing what the un-man was saying! Xavier knew that if Varian only thought about things for just a moment – really thought about them – all of this darkness would be dispelled. Of course Quirin really loved Varian! He had sacrificed himself for his son, after all! And as for the others? Varian may not realize it, but despite those out there who would write him off as hopeless and irredeemable, there were also those who were willing to give him another chance should he but ask for it and take it. But Xavier knew that doubts coupled with grief and guilt could be a terribly oppressive force. Life could not be expected to always be solved by purely rational means. Certainly not irrational, but sometimes merely thinking and rationalizing weren’t enough.

…Sometimes, you had to act.

“I would be there.”

Another pause followed Xavier’s words.

“What?” the demon asked, but Xavier ignored him.

“Varian,” Xavier called his name again, and Varian just managed to look up at him from his circle of torment.

“Varian, listen to me – you are still my apprentice. No matter what happens, you can always come home to me, all right? And-”

Now here Xavier said one of the last things that anyone in that room expected him to say, and if Varian had heard him say it months or even a few weeks ago, he would’ve been deeply offended by it. But as things were now…

“And I forgive you, Varian.”

Varian appeared to be thrown for a few full seconds, his brain also trying to catch up with what he just heard. “What?” the alchemist asked in a small voice.

“I forgive you, Varian,” Xavier repeated. “For any wrong you have done to me, it’s over now. It doesn’t need to cling to you anymore. You can let it go.”

Varian blinked at his mentor, then grimaced, shaking his head. “No! Y-you don’t mean that!”

“I do Varian.”

“No you don’t!” Varian almost screamed. “Stop lying to me! How could you just say things like that!?”

“Exactly!” Zhan Tiri chimed in. “He’s just saying whatever it takes to sway you into doing whatever he wants you to do! Especially with how he is now, how could anyone say that it’s over when he’s here like this?”

“Oh, you mean like this?” Xavier asked, his eyes scanning the vines and black rock cage around him as if they were somehow not that bad. “Oh Varian, I’ve been held by far worse chains and prisons than these.”

“…Wha-what are you talking about?” Varian asked hoarsely.

“Do you remember, Varian? When I told you about Mila? What I had done then, the guilt that I had felt – those were some of the worst things to have ever held me in bondage. Worse than the Saporians, and worse than even Zhan Tiri’s now. Granted,” Xavier said through gritted teeth as Zhan Tiri threateningly tightened his grip, “they are quite terrible. But while we may physically be held captive here, our hearts need not be, Varian. Mila set mine free, as well as her own, all those years ago. How could I not do the same for you?”

For a flickering moment, it looked like the light almost came back into Varian’s eyes. Could it be possible? Could he…could he really be forgiven for the things he’d done? Could he really, in another sense, “go back?”

But his thoughts were interrupted with another eery chuckle from the un-man. “Oh, my my my, what nonscensical fluff we are witnessing this evening.” The demon scoffed at Xavier. “Oh please, master blacksmith! Do you really mean to continue to insult the boy’s intelligence, or tempt him with pie-in-the-sky thinking? And even if it were true. If ‘your hearts could be free’ as you so pathetically claim, what good does that do, hmm? Hmm? Would the boy not still be in the same circumstances as he is now?”

A dreadful pause followed, and Varian lost all hope again. Of course Zhan Tiri was right. Even if in this moment Varian somehow believed Xavier’s words, he was still in the same situation as before. He was still imprisoned. He was still an outcast, a criminal, all but an orphan. Nothing would really change for him.

“So was Mila,” Xavier now continued, earning another surprised look up from Varian. “So was I. Granted, you could claim our circumstances were on a smaller scale, but the loss was still real. It affected both of our lives in a deep way. When Mila decided to forgive me, her outward circumstances did not change. She never-” Xavier swallowed the lump in his throat at the memory. “She never practiced her smithing craft again. But her willingness to forgive set her free from remaining trapped in that moment. She did something new instead. It wasn’t in her plans. Her loss wasn’t fair. But she made her choice. She chose for change on the inside, and that allowed for change on the outside. It changed her life, and it changed mine. She let go of her anger and bitterness, and was able to strive for good – to wish for another’s good, and for her own good, even in the given circumstances. She didn’t wait to feel good about me or about herself before she did that. And she- Gah! Mmph!”

Varian’s eyes widened in fright as Xavier’s mouth was suddenly gagged with more glowing green vines that sprouted up. “Ugh, that’s enough of that,” Zhan Tiri’s voice came again, trying to sound bored with the situation. …But Varian could tell by the urgency of Zhan Tiri’s action, that it was more than mere annoyance that prompted him just now. “You really do talk a lot for such an old man. I’m surprised you aren’t winded by now. But, no matter. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve wasted enough time with this nonsense, and the boy and I have important business to attend-”

“N-no.”

Varian could feel Xavier and Zhan Tiri’s attention turn to him as he weakly said the word.

“‘No?’” Zhan Tiri repeated mockingly. “No? What do you mean, no?”

Varian struggled to sit up, bracing himself up with his hands. “I…I said, ‘no.’ Y-you’re not going to use me for your plans. I refuse to- Aaah!” Varian crumpled, as he again felt the squeezing sensation around his heart, and his hair began to dimly glow.

“Have you forgotten, child?” the demon purred in his ear as Xavier watched on in horror. “I still have my foothold in your heart. You willingly gave it to me. You cannot refuse me now.”

“No!” Varian hissed through gritted teeth. “I-I can! I won’t let you!” “Won’t let me do what?” the un-man cried, now truly exasperated. “Won’t let me get revenge on those who wronged us both? Won’t let me make sure that the scales of justice are balanced in our favor? Would your father really want you to leave unpunished those whose acts led to his demise?”

…This was where the demon made his crucial mistake.

It was like when Varian faced the Seporian spy back in the forests of Equis; when he tried to use Varian’s father’s fate as a point of leverage.

“Dad…” Varian thought to himself, feeling his heart break all over again as he thought about him. He knew Quirin wouldn’t have wanted this. Whatever Varian may have thought of himself, his dad gave up everything to keep him alive. Even if Quirin himself were somehow still alive, he had no idea in the moment what was going to happen when he pushed Varian away from the explosion of amber. He didn’t know whether or not he would come through all right. And if the worst turned out to be true, would Varian let his father’s sacrifice for him be in vain? That is, would he lose sight of what was good and give up the real fight?

And what about Xavier? Whatever doubts Zhan Tiri had sown about the purity of the man’s intentions for Varian, the boy couldn’t deny that Xavier gave up a lot for him. Varian’s eyes landed briefly on the blacksmith’s burnt hand. That and hearing the emotion in the smithy’s voice at the idea of someone not being able to forge again, it was enough to let Varian know that Xavier was making all efforts short of giving up his own life as well to help him. Though, under the current circumstances, that opition may not be far off either.

…And Varian would not let that happen.

“No!” Varian cried again, and once more trying to summon his powers, the rocks around Xavier starting to glow in tandem with his hair. “I won’t be your puppet in your plans! I won’t listen to you any more! I won’t-”

Varian then gasped, feeling Zhan Tiri tighten his grip harder around him, and feeling his magic begin to siphon back out of him again while Xavier struggled to try to reach him. “No!” Varian though in desperation, and began to push back against the force pulling at him, the two now grappling together in his heart. “No! You won’t let you take me! I’ll fight you-!”

“You’re too late boy!” the voice now thundered in his mind, and repeated again, “Your father is dead! Your enemies have gotten away with it! And nobody is left to love you! You feel that anger, that bitterness, that grief in your heart! Let it out! Show them all! Embrace the power that you have been given!”

Varian could feel his heart being torn in two. He couldn’t keep this up. He was losing the fight. He couldn’t do this on his own!

“NO! PLEASE!” Varian found himself crying out, to anyone or anything that may be listening. “PLEASE! DAD! XAVIER! RUDDIGER! SOMEONE! HELP ME!”

At these words, Varian felt the tear in his heart rend all the way through. He gave a sharp cry, his eyes rolled to the back of head, and then he was enveloped in utter blackness.

--------------------------------

…..

……….

……

“Varian…”

Varian gasped, his eyes snapping open at the sound of his name. He expected when he opened his eyes to see the dark mirror chamber around him, and to feel his body aching from the tight vines and the grip of Zhan Tiri’s binding spell. But, to his utter astonishment, Varian felt and saw none of these things. Instead, he felt only shallow, cool water around him, and saw above him a sky ablaze with stars, giant planets, and the dancing stream of the Aurora Borealis.

“Wait…I’m back here!?” Varian thought in utter surprise, quickly sitting up and looking around him. Once again, he found himself on the smooth waters of the celestial plain from his dreams. Immediately, Varian thought to look for the white stag, or Ruddiger. Perhaps one of them was somehow here with him. But though Varian turned to look all around him, and strained his eyes to see as far as they could toward the distant horizon, no other figure was in sight on that vast, flat land.

“What do I do now?” Varian wondered aloud, remembering how difficult it was for him to go anywhere the last time. What was he supposed to do this time? Should he try to wake up? He needed a guide back to the waking world last time, but perhaps he could manage it now?

In any case, Varian knew had to try something. He had to try to get back!

Tentatively, Varian moved to push himself up onto his feet. As he stood, Varian tried to decide on which direction he should go. As he was pondering this, Varian suddenly caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. Varian’s head whipped round, fully expecting to see Ruddiger coming to his aid at last. But instead-

“Aaah!” Varian yelped, staggering backwards. What he saw was a face! A face floating a few yards away, looking at him. As Varian watched, the full figure of a person materialized in front of him, and other figures also came into view in the same manner, all glowing with silver light. Varian never gave much thought to ghosts, and for a moment he hoped that he was just seeing things. But when he dared to look away, then look again, blink, and rub his eyes, and the vision didn’t go away, he felt himself begin to panic. His courage failing him, Varian fled in the other direction away from the frightening apparitions. But to his horror, more figures began materializing there as well!

Varian then turned to his right, and began running, but he was soon blocked in again by more figures looming in out of thin air. All of them were facing towards him in a large circle, and soon Varian was completely hemmed in by the large crowd.

And what a large crowd it was indeed! There had to be dozens of them, perhaps hundreds! Men, women, and children. Who were they!? What was going on!?

One of them stepped forward to approach Varian, and out of reflex the boy held up his arms to shield himself. But alas, this only caused him further dread, for as Varian went through the motion, he saw a terrible phenomenon before him.

His arms were see-through! He was a ghost!

Varian stared in horror as his eyes followed his arms and he looked down at his body. Despite the ghost-like behavior of the figures only moments before, somehow the tables had turned. Or, perhaps, a readjusting of Varian’s senses had taken place. He now had the haunting idea that perhaps the figures were not the ghosts here, but he was. Did they materialize to his senses just now, or was it vice versa? Had they been in full existence there already, and he had been the one who materialized to their level of reality?

Before Varian could consider more this frightening prospect, he was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts as he felt the touch of the figure that had stepped towards him. He had been so caught up in his fear that he hadn’t noticed the figure draw so near to him! The touch of the man who approached was firm, but warm, and as Varian’s eyes snapped up to look the person in the face, he was startled to find that…he actually recognized him! Though he had never seen him in person, Varian had seen a small portrait of him in his father’s belongings.

The man…looked like his grandfather!

“Wait, what!? No!” Varian thought to himself, his voice failing him to say anything as he stared agape at the man. “No no! It’s-it’s not possible! He can’t be-! He’s not even-!”

Another realization then hit Varian like a thunderclap, and he looked again at the other faces around him. In some he could see the resemblance to either of his parents. Others were total strangers to him. But this much he somehow knew – these were his past relations! All of them! In one way or another, they were related to him. He was seeing his family tree extending back years into the past! Varian had never met any of his relatives outside of his parents, and he hadn’t really given much thought about them in recent years. But now…?

Being an alchemist, Varian had heard of those who believed that they could manufacture human life in a lab. Get the right ingredients, have the right conditions, and boom! You’ve created life. Varian never really found such experiments appealing. He was more for the practical, applicable sciences like mechanics and chemistry. Sure, he’d dabbled a bit in biology (as he did to know how to create Ruddiger’s transformation serum), but otherwise he didn’t really give much thought into what went into making a person, artificial or otherwise.

But now, in seeing the legions of past relatives around him, Varian saw brief but poignant glimpses of all the blood, sweat and tears that had gone into assuring his existence throughout the centuries prior. All of the sacrifices that were made so that he could get the chance to walk the earth. All of that went into making him.

“Oh no-,” Varian found himself whimpering aloud, his voice finally returning to him if only for a moment, and he quickly pulled himself away from the figure of his grandfather. Varian buried his face in his hands, overwhelmed by the feeling of transparency that he now felt (both figuratively and literally). Did they know? Did they all know? And was this how it was to end for him? Was he dead, and this was his final judgment?? Surely, they all must be ashamed of him, and must be wondering if it was worth all the struggle to produce him at the present end of the family line. What a disgrace he must be to them.

“G-go away!” Varian cried as he felt another hand try to touch his shoulder. “Get back! L-leave me alone!”

“But you need help, dearie,” a feminie voice replied from somewhere in the crowd, and Varian flinched at the sound, for it wasn’t so unlike the sound of all the singing he had heard the other night; when he had heard the stars after his powers had awoken inside of him.

“N-no, I don’t!” Varian lied in a cracked voice, wishing for once that the dark, deep ocean underneath him would swallow him up, if only to get away from the unbearable eyes all watching him. But those around him didn’t seem at all fazed.

“Easy Varian, easy,” came a deep, masculine voice, sounding not so unlike the comforting voice of Xavier, and Varian again felt a gentle hand laid on his shoulder. Quivering, Varian finally dared to look up again, meeting several faces this time as the spirits crowded round him. “Don’t be afraid. You’re welcome here!”

Varian blinked, looking about him again. He was so very confused. “Wh-where are we? I don’t understand! Am I-?” Varian swallowed hard. “Am I dead?”

“No, Varian. You’re not dead.”

At the sound of this next voice, the crowd around Varian parted a little, allowing one of the figures to pass through to the front. Though Varian was surprised, as the figure that came forward was not a solid silver like the others around them, but appeared to be a translucent ghost like himself. The figure was hooded, and also carried a small, sleeping monkey upon its shoulder.

“Oh no,” Varian thought as the figure came closer, and he caught sight of the little primate companion. “We’re not going THAT far back in the family line, are we?”

Fortunately, it was not the little creature who addressed Varian, but the hooded figure as he pulled his cowl back and revealed his face. “It’s good to finally meet you, Varian,” he said, kneeling down so he was eye-level with the boy. “I only wish it could be under better circumstances.”

Varian’s eyes studied the man’s face. There seemed to be something of a resemblance to his father in the man’s features. Or, at least, in the features Varian could still see, for nearly half of the man’s face was covered with metal plating.

“Who are you?” Varian asked.

“I am Lord Demanitus,” the man replied. “And this,” here he indicated the monkey. “Is Vigor, my familiar. Do not worry Varian. We are here to help you.”