#valued at all beyond what *i* can do for *them*. i'm not a priority and i never have been and thats fine but like. goddamn. okay

[pinoruno]

😁

[sukunasun]

may i pls get some alpha sukuna… he’s so nasty (affectionate)

sukuna's every bit the perfect alpha on paper. ask the potential omegas lining up to fix a nest in his home and watch them salivate for a knot so large and a bond so deep. an alpha they'll present and prostrate for. there are rumours about the sheer weight and size of his cock, the heady pheromones, not to mention his week-long ruts. call it an impossible excursion—a breeding fuckfest with only one thing in mind. to be used and bred full of his pups. a litter or two or more. fucking without care—brutal, relentless, and insatiable.

but forget that his reputation precedes him. sukuna's true value as an alpha stands solely on his capability to hunt and chase, to capture a coveted mate he keeps...or lack thereof.

contrary to the rules of ritual, courting is by far the least of sukuna's priorities. turning his nose up at romance and the like when he's had potential mates eating out the palm of his hand since the beginning. there's no need to make a song and dance about it when he'd have his pick and fill of omegas without needing to try. much less convince them of his oh so superior traits.

he's attractive, you'll give him that. most alphas are. but there's something extra special about a tall man with tattoos and a mean side. such callousness. oozing masculinity and hot-blooded need. like an impending storm. too intense, too forthcoming, and way more than you're prepared for. after all, an unmated alpha is an available alpha and you're not one to compete.

'she's so inadequate for a mate. he'll reject her soon.' they say. any time now and some other needy thing might just swoop in to take her place. someone who's deserving of it.

what a waste, you've gotten the attention of the most powerful alpha you've ever met and want nothing to do with it—a self-righteous omega who believes alphas should know better. why give in to such baser instincts, how primitive, how primal. moreso in this day and age when suppressants are readily available and cycles can be tracked to a T.

which is why you don't look back when his gaze lingers a bit too long. adding distance when he not-so-subtly attempts to leave his scent on you. going as far as to turn him down the first time he cages you in and offers—upfront and blatantly—to 'help you out' with your next heat. as if you were some charity case. "promise i won't bite," he teases you about your barren neck and inexperience, unable to hide the smirk on his face.

"i'm not interested," you scoff, leaving him there with a hard-on in his pants and no relief. he might be a prized alpha but you won't entertain the idea of proving yourself. stroking his ego and preening for him. you were just as valuable of a partner despite being beyond your prime years with zero experience and still unmated.

••••••••••••••••••••

the only problem is that he won't take no for an answer.

he's made his choice among the other blurred faces and dull scents. been waiting a long time for someone as irresistible as you. "do you fear me?" he asks the moment you bend over his kitchen counter. he allows himself a peek at a round ass and soft hips, also to sniff at your scent permeating the air. omega. he knows as much. you make it pretty obvious with your distaste for alphas. but the sweet-scented slick between your legs is as telling.

geez. he thinks. those suppressants of yours are next to useless if you're already dripping this much within proximity to an alpha. not just any alpha either, sukuna's well aware you're beginning to fall for him. you want him so bad and it's so unfair. he's barely even touched you. but only because he's wondering if your underwear would survive the rest of the day. 'what if she's wearing a thong and her thighs get drenched too.' he grins like a wolf at the thought.

you admit with a heavy heart, "i'm more afraid of what i'm like with you." because how does one resist his advances. sukuna pushes the envelope just enough to make your knees buckle. his domineering aura makes everyone else cower in fear under a cold gaze but watch how it turns into a dreamy one when you push his face away after a kiss gets heated. his incisors poke you slightly like a teasing taunt and you find yourself fighting the pleasure.

"it's natural," he'll justify. how your body longs so desperately to belong to this alpha. succumbing to his...ferventness. his large, heated hands roaming over your breasts hidden underneath his shirt. the collar's too wide but it gives him room to wrap his fist delicately around your neck. you bite back an excited squeal when it feels so right.

••••••••••••••••••••

there's something off about him when sukuna returns home late that night. an unfamiliar scent lingers on his clothing and your stomach twist with a possessive feeling. the same one that eats you alive to the point of guilt. you smell it the moment he walks through the door of your bedroom. 

nothing like yours, it's not sharp enough to be daunting nor is it reminiscent of an alpha's scent. but it's potent. almost as if they were doing it on purpose. releasing their pheromones so he'd pick up on it, or worse, that you'd notice.

you try not to jump to any conclusions and you don't want to be jealous, but it's hard having your boyfriend come home with the smell of another omega on him.

you straddle him against the headboard with a hardened look on your face. involuntarily snarling as you peel his suit jacket off. shirt buttons coming apart under your rushed hands.

he grins at your ferocious display. reminds him of an angry kitten. he grinds his hips upwards, keeping you in place with steady hands. bouncing you on top of his clothed cock wasn't in the plans tonight, he thought he'd shower off the stench. it's not like it was strong enough to affect him.

but he tries to get you off instead, while he tries to get himself some self-control. "feel good?" he dares to question when you're practically losing your mind, a sudden spike of lust spurs in your belly, incited with just that little bit of friction. hoping feverishly that the scent of fresh arousal will be overridden by heat and breathy gasps through gritted teeth.

you're hardly in a headspace to reply but an eager nod shall suffice. "didn't think you'd be the jealous type," you feel him nipping at your ear, trailing sloppy kisses down your neck, the slight graze of teeth against freshly washed and oiled skin,

"i'm not jealous—" you lie. holding back a moan when he rocks a little faster, writhing atop him in pleasure. your nipples have risen taut against your nightgown and it makes an incredibly lewd sight. sitting in his lap so compliantly.

“i'd want them to watch us,” he whispers and you'd never do such a thing but the idea turns you on. he tells you that back in ancient times they used to partake in mating rituals and bonding ceremonies. privacy was more a privilege then and so was having an audience. that other omegas and betas would know of their place. how insignificant they are, if only they could watch you now, pussy fluttering and juices leaking all over their prized alpha.

••••••••••••••••••••

sukuna watches your face as you come undone for the fourth time. shushes your sobbing cries with a gentle hand caressing your back. "you don't have to worry," he's too busy holding himself back to find another.

says he wants to do things on your own terms and timing. swears that he won't easily fall prey to the lingering sweet-scented air around you, perfumed syrup and sugar. gently skimming his lips and tongue over a soft nape, a supple shoulder. he'll settle for merely licking the flesh he wishes to sink his teeth into. a caress, a chaste kiss, but never bruising or breaking.

he swallows the protest to earn your approving smile in return. it's enough of a struggle seeing you prancing around unaffected while he's been dying to fuck you senseless. to do what's natural to him. "it's wrong for an unmated couple to live together," seems to be everyone else's motto and he'd like to laugh but there's a shred of truth to it. he realises that it's impossible when he wants to fuck all. the. time.

gritting his teeth and forcing a smile when he's hit with a waft of your scent, he knows you're turned on. you want it just as much—every heat spent away from him in separate rooms. he smells your slick calling out to him. hears your moans poorly muffled and overshadowed by the sounds of you fucking yourself. your pussy bare and gleaming, he'll get on his knees for a taste. prying your twitching thighs apart, forcing them open if he has to, his lips nibbling and sucking your clit til you're crying from the pleasure, thrumming his tongue so fast it drives you crazy. all for the tang of your squirt staining his tastebuds and mussed-up sheets below.

but he shouldn't live life by the balls. no matter how full and heavy they get with the need for release. preferably inside you, so deep and plenty he finds himself picturing it at random times of the day. zoning out in his office, in the middle of traffic. how full you'd look with your belly bulging out. would it drip between your pussy lips or should he plug you with his cock instead, refusing a single drop to leak.

still, he wills himself to stay within your bounds. being lustful and possessive isn't anything to be ashamed of. it's part of his makeup but he's more than that. two people are perfectly capable of looking beyond their sex and desires—or so you tell him.

••••••••••••••••••••

his rut arrives when his symptoms not-so casually appear in the middle of the week. pheromones and a temper not even you can subdue. he's biting into his knuckles from the arousal spurred on by great timing and comically predictable circumstances—just the smell and sight of you there, happily unaware and otherwise tempting.

maybe your expectations have been exceedingly high. you can't change his nature. but how dare he forbid you from entering the home you shared, spare keys hidden and passcodes altered. "leave—" he warns, then breathes a frustrated sigh, "—it's not safe."

not that he feels particularly sorry about his tone, but what separates him from you is but a door and a razor-thin resolve. he's at his limit. he won't survive this on suppressants alone. not with you looking the way you do. "how can i help?" you ask worriedly, wrecking your head over him. wanting to comfort and coddle. for someone who turns their nose up at omegan stereotypes, you're playing the part so perfectly it drives him mad.

because it's the worst experience for an alpha to go through a rut alone. you'd understand the pain of having to suppress a heat. all the years dealing with the fevers and cramps. milk leaking from your sore nipples wishing he'd be there to relieve the pressure. a nest of him and only him. grinding and burrowing within amber, musk, and spice. intoxicating, intense, chasing after the smell found in his sweat-drenched tee, a wrinkled white shirt bearing smoke and aftershave on its collar. snuggling his pillow and getting off with your fingers or a whirring toy at its highest speed, but it's not enough, never enough. pussy contracting on absolutely nothing.

his den is dark and moody when you step inside. slipping into a frenzied haze, there he lazes with legs spread on your shared bed big enough for four, it stretches wider than you remembered, or maybe it's that you've yet to see it in this light, waiting to be broken in and littered with your belongings. he's grabbed at them in a rush. whatever your scent clung to. your duvet, your stuffed toy, and pretty, day-old crimson panties gripped in the same fist he pumps his cock with.

the threads fray, soaked fabric snapping and stretching with every drag down his shaft. rip. rip. rippp. a hole tears through when he tugs too hard and that heavy thing slaps over his stomach with a resounding smack.

you see it for the first time and wonder why not sooner. the perfect dick hiding in plain sight. actually, that's not true. you just haven't seen it this up close and personal. but given the sneak peeks—when the steam clears in the shower and it hangs soft and hefty, the way it juts out of tight gym shorts, or just...the swell of it rubbing in between your ass cheeks when he gets needy—none of them could've prepared you for this.

sukuna thinks it’s so ugly and brutish. he's found many an opportunity to tell you so, even now as his head cranes backwards with a frustrated groan, a growl that rumbles from somewhere deep within. ”it's enough to scare off any omega—” he says, a knowing smirk on his face when he can practically smell the slick dribbling down your thighs, saturating your panties, "—but not you."

a thick vein throbs on the underside, tip bulging and a little darker than the shaft, girthy and gushing with precum. his balls are heavy, taut with tension under the soft skin, and you shudder at the thought of what his knot would look like...who would've thought that such a monstrous-looking thing would have this much of an effect on you. weak in the knees and stomach fluttering in anticipation. the way it seems oh so daunting, how are you meant to take all of that inside you. if he laid the entire thing right against your stomach, how far would it go? it'd be enough to knock the wind out of you.

you try to calm your nerves. it's just a rut. it'll be over in no time. quick and simple. although you've read plenty of stories and watched the videos to know this wouldn't be a passionate embrace. no tenderness or care for your pleasure let alone your comfort. you wish to believe that he'll be careful if not a bit rough. and maybe a part of you wants to please him. despite all your certainties, would it be so bad to make him feel good and satisfy his needs? would it be wrong to wish for his scent mark, and his bonding bite. to be claimed and chosen.

it's an expression you've never seen before. as if he wants to devour you. he won't explain himself as he makes you watch. turning you into a voyeur as the urge takes over him. hooded eyes locked on yours, his blown-out pupils and slobbering drool are enough evidence for you—he intends to mate.

whimpering his name does nothing to quell his madness or ministrations. he's so far gone you don't think he comprehends the things he says, "can't wait to knot you...breed you...been wanting to taste you for so long..." he purrs, low and rumbling from his chest. sharp teeth grazing against your earlobe teasingly but never biting down on the cartilage, just a light nibble that turns you into a shivering mess. he's caught you within his jaws and your instincts argue against your better judgement, you're beyond fighting and struggling now while your weak hands push against his hulking mass to no avail.

yet, it's thrilling. amazing even. an alpha pinned atop you and nowhere to run. his nose nuzzling the crook of your neck, the back of your ear, both your arms lifted in his singlehanded grasp. he dives for every inch of skin, every spot that bears your aroma the strongest, going as far into the divot of your armpit while he's laving at the salt and sweat greedily. his saliva scenting sugar-sweet skin, marking you as his chosen victim. "you're so dirty—" is more of a plea for him to snap out of it. already embarrassed, exposed, and so eager.

he takes a pebbled nipple between his teeth and swirls his tongue around the tip of it. you're too distracted to realise he hadn't responded to your quip, because your scent told him all he needed to know, so did the soft whimper when he abandons one nipple, and the moan when he takes the other in his mouth.

there's a way to do things and sukuna's way is unmerciful. a man has never been this good at finding a clit, which is probably why his tongue won't leave it alone. he keeps his tongue broad until it comes out of hiding before he's got his lips wrapped around. he sucks on it languidly. pulls away just to spit and slaver, blow a raspberry for fun. marvelling at the drool and the mess you've made.

no time to waste when most of it was spent not eating your pussy. sukuna hums and hungrily feasts, tongue flicking frantically. your screams come out involuntarily, unable to hold back your moans coming out in short staccato bursts. a little panicked, but nonetheless agreeable. "something's happening! wait—" you hiss when it starts to burn a little. your hips lifting off the bed while his fingers keep prodding that special spot inside.

it only makes it all the more pleasurable when the pressure builds, when the squeeze feels so tight. you clench and feel every pass of his digits, every purposeful lick. "—kuna, i think i'm gonna—" his fingers quicken while his other forearm presses down on your pelvis to keep you in place and it's more than enough to make you come hard. gushing again and again, streaking the sheets and his smug expression.

"i've always wanted to do that," he admits cheekily. a face you can't stop admiring now that it's covered in your juices. your legs tremble and you can't catch your breath whilst he's leaving gentle kisses on your oversensitive lips, but he's far from finished with you.

with his cock leaking in his hold, he taps it on your sticky heat for good measure before gliding it back and forth, the opening of his cock prodding, getting caught on your clit as he slips in slow. with how thick he is, you feel every ridge and vein. gasping at the first push and fisting the sheets to try and accommodate.

unsurprisingly, it hurts just a pinch. "please,” you mewl, just that single word slipping past ragged breaths as you struggle. throat dry and crackly from the heaving and the foggy, post-orgasm haze. you don't know if you want him to stop or to go on but—"what if it can't fit?" you're genuinely concerned because it might not physically fit. already full to the brim, your pussy stretches so snugly around his shaft like a glove.

"there's a lot more to go," he hints at the rest of his cock he's yet to sheath inside you. "but we'll make it fit," a large palm rests over your womb as he swipes his thumb against your clit, hoping it'll ease the discomfort.

you nod weakly, whimpering "i trust you," but he's so big. you can feel your pussy trying to suck him in, a bead of sweat travels down your chest. mouth falling open as he slips in a little at a time, girth forcing your entrance to open wider. buries his cock in the one pussy he’s fantasized about the most and ruts like he's always wanted to.

••••••••••••••••••••

on the third day, you start getting restless. feeling sore and exhausted while running on no sleep and little bites of food. the room is in dire need of fresh air and the bed frame is on its last legs, but sukuna's urges grow stronger by the day. he barely manages to pull out to hydrate before he goes back to fucking you. always so slow and gentle, however, your moans and whines spill out, slowly but surely you succumb to every orgasm that rocks through you. wave after rippling wave.

still hard and throbbing the entire time. it's probably because every time your neck cranes upwards as an offering, baring your mating gland, he avoids it. fighting it. "why won't you knot me?" comes out sounding pouty and petulant but you don't care. your delectable scent slowly fades into a bitter note, anxiety and insecurity filling your voice. sukuna hasn't even tried to push it past your folds. steadily milking his knot outside of where it should be with his own hands is enough of a blatant rejection.

he reminds himself that he'd sworn to never let it go that far, knotting you would change everything, what if you couldn't see him the same way, that he was just another alpha who took you for himself. "i can't," guilt laces his voice and so does his frustration when his conscience appears from behind the pussy-drunk fog. his heart bleeding, his instincts yearning. 'i don't want to hurt you' is what he means. but what you hear in your dejected state is 'you won't be able to handle it.'

was it your inexperience that made him uninterested? you knew alphas liked them subservient, obedient. just like an omega should be. taking his knot without qualms. consummating in perfect rhythm. a tinge of pain shoots through your chest at the thought—sukuna could have any omega he wants, you've kept him waiting too long, you've made him doubt. you're not able to keep up, to please him, to be enough...despite giving in. despite trying your best to take him. he won't claim you,' says the voice in your head.

a whimper breaks from you at his words. you shouldn't have to ask, this was meant to be innate, instinctual, not something he has to restrain himself from. "aren't i your mate? don't i belong to you?" you sob, hot tears flowing down your cheeks.

he presses his forehead to yours, "you're gonna bleed, i might break you," he tries to explain, getting uncharacteristically soft in the moment. it's your fault for stumbling across a wounded beast. finding your way into his broken heart. binding the pieces back together while you soothe the aches and kiss his scars. 'yes you belong to me.' his beautiful omega who begs so nicely to be mated, if this is what you're like three days in, he longs to see what you're like in heat.

you shake your head, getting stubborn. you won't accept it and you're on the verge of clawing at him to get away. you've been ready at his mercy and what for. just to come out the other end dissatisfied and unfulfilled. fuck. you just want it to be done with. defile me, ravage me, you want him completely.

in an attempt to fight him, you let out a harmless threat, one you regret the moment it's uttered because you've gone too far—"if you won't do it, i'll find another alpha who will!"

suddenly, sukuna's thoughts are invaded by that sick thought. scenes of you naked and oozing slick. pinned beneath another alpha, his weight pressing into you along with his knot, glaring at him as he makes his claim the way he couldn't and it makes him snap.

the growling sound that leaves his mouth is a warning, and so is the hand that slips around your throat. large fingers coming together around your neck. the squeeze cutting your gasp short. it should frighten you, he could snap your neck as easily as it is to split a matchstick in half and right now, he seems just about ready to.

"careful now, omega," he spits out, teeth bared and demanding submission. forbidding and looming above you, his fist tightens ever so slightly. "you've forgotten your place," it seems you've misjudged your role and the precarious position you're in. fucked out in his den, in his bed. intentionally riling him up won't do you any good. no one touches you, scents you, or claims you but him no matter how your feet kick him uselessly, he doesn't move an inch.

"i'm sorry—" you pant, "i'll be good, i promise." you squirm and wriggle underneath, uncertain if you should run or relish in it. so ominous it turns you on even more. he's never put you in your place like this and you think you should make him jealous more often if it means he'd choke you out and go feral on your pussy.

"is that so?" he tries again. presses his cock in slowly inch by inch. feeling your pussy open up and yield to his girth. sukuna leans in close so he gets to watch your eyes roll back. bullies his way through with one deep thrust and finds himself balls-deep. "you want it so bad? want me to ruin this perfect pussy all because you wanna cum all over my knot, i won't stop til you're screaming and milking me dry—"

muscle memory forces your back to arch towards him. his broad chest against your nipples, delicious hot skin rubbing your hardened nubs the right way. he stills for a moment before he withdraws slowly, a mix of pleasure and anticipation coiling in your belly.

watching him, watching you. he looks down and groans at the obscene sight of cream and slick coating his shaft, viscous and too much to bear. the bulge in your tummy protrudes where his cock takes up all that space, rearranging your guts had never looked this lewd.

when his knot finally kisses your entrance, you feel it hot and prodding against you. desperate for him shove it in. to feel it pop through and nestle so deep, all the way to the hilt while he stays there and unloads himself inside you. balls twitching, sitting in a warm crook he’s found. your omega instincts sing at the thought of him filling you up. "knot me, breed me, my alpha—" you cry. begging for it, hot and immensely copious. a sticky mess all over, both the mattress completely drenched in fluids and your insides coated in his seed.

he feels the give of your womb, the tightness around the head of his cock. groaning at the sensation. just a little bit more and he'd be buried, finally. he fucks you violently, no holds barred. hands gripping your hips so achingly tight he might shatter your pelvis into pieces. you'll count the bruises later on but shall forgive him for the fact that he's cumming his brains out.

you're crying and babbling mindlessly, yes yes just like that. your limbs begin to shake as your peak edges closer, hand gripping his bicep while bracing yourself. wild and frantic hips jerking and shallow thrusts bumping and nudging against your cervix. striking deep and rocking you against the sheets.

your shivering doesn't go unnoticed and there he leans in to give your oiled and mouth-watering neck a final lick, shushing you with a gentle, calming kiss to your mating gland in preparation for his teeth.

and when he finally pushes his knot in, cock piercing your womb as your pussy clamps down viciously on its slim spot at the base, his teeth spears into your flesh with ease. there's the give of taut skin and tight muscle but soon he settles deep enough for blood to trickle and you come several times, pulsing and fluttering along multiple orgasms rolling in after the next, enough that you're shaking in his hold.

you cry and cry, overstimulated, sensitive, and so in love. not only with how full you feel but you surprise him with your own teeth sinking down into his trapezius, not too deep into muscle but just enough to leave tiny dents in his skin. your chattering jaw and slippery lips can't find purchase while you're preoccupied with whining his name. so you try again, this time closer to his neck.

sukuna catches on to your efforts and finds it all the more endearing. helping you find the perfect spot, he manoeuvres his neck closer while you give him light nibbles and sharp pinprick nips here and there but they're all too soft to pierce the skin. "do it," he pants, "mark me anywhere, i'm yours."

it must be his words that urge you but you think it's more to do with the greed roiling inside you. you want to leave a mark that he'd never be able to cover up. by the time he's grinding his knot into you again, pulling at your hips and guiding you on it like a toy, milking him of whatever's left, your lips part around the front of his neck without any more hesitation. inhaling his scent deeply, the vibrations of his groans rattling against your teeth, before biting down on his throat. teeth embedded deep and tongue lapping at his bobbing adam's apple.

he leans in to kiss you filthy and open-mouthed, tongues swapping spit and bloody iron while your thumbs caress his jaw and neck, adding a little pressure to the spot where his freshly bitten mating gland throbs quickly. a hummingbird wingbeat beneath your fingertips.

[604to647]

Holidays in the 604

Hope everyone has been having a good holidays so far, however that looks for you or best suits your sensibilities 🥹🥰🫂🎄🎄

I started to write write some HCs for what the holidays might look like for the couples in a few of my series (Safest with You, The Rockford Portfolio, etc.) but for reasons below the cut, haven't had much energy or motivation to write (no need to read, it's a bit of a downer and kind of rambly!) - I'm hoping that I can find a little bit of both in the next few days and maybe get some thoughts down to still post.

For those same reasons, I haven't been on here much, to my detriment if I'm being honest - this place is a source of escapism for me and not being able to come on here for more than a few minutes a day has felt a bit offputting. I feel like I've missed a lot of amazing holiday stories that would have likely boosted my spirits a bit - I'll try to go back and find them but if you have or read any that you wish to recommend/share, please do let me know!

Similarly, thank you to everyone for your tags/mentions/asks - I want to get to them and maybe still participate in a few tag games if it's not too late when I muster up some energy. Thank you for thinking of me!! I truly wish that you all continue to have a lovely holiday season and look forward to ringing in the new year! You're all such a welcomed presence in my life and I'm grateful to each and every one of you for being here! Hope to see you soon 🥹 KISS KISS 😘😘

Ok, now as to why Emily has a bit of the holiday blues this year:

I didn't grow up with a lot of hard set Christmas traditions, celebrations around the end of the year didn't go much beyond the commercial and the holiday season was mainly appreciated for being time off (from school, work), a time to rest and relax. There was cheer and joy, but as the kids say these days, it wasn't that deep. I've since married into a family that puts A LOT of pressure on Christmas - with an emphasis on physical togetherness and adhering to traditions/customs, that (to me anyways) can feel at times more performative than enjoyable; I totally understand the comfort in doing things the way they've always been done, but a lot of times it feels like people are just checking things off a list rather than genuinely enjoying (for example) baking the Christmas cookies, you know what I mean? Couple that with my priorities for my kiddos' Christmas, the way we spend Christmas now can feel a lot like a season of obligation. Depending on what the particular plan is for that year, it can also be incredibly hard, draining, and not all that jolly for me.

This was one of those years.

I hosted the big Christmas dinner at my house and also had those from out of town staying with us for a week. I'm a Virgo who thinks of her home as her sanctuary, am a bit fastidious about her things, and sees value in being forthright. It's a lot for me to have people taking over my house, making messes, and pushing/crossing boundaries that I've tried to set due to previous visits, all while maintaining a certain level of holiday cheer and slapping on a facade of "it's fine" when I definitely don't feel that way. I'll admit I wasn't always successful this past week.

Mr. 604 is very supportive and knows his family can be a lot, but at the end of the day a) he's just a man 😂 (and not a miracle worker) and b) they are his family and he himself has had to "grin and bear" a great many things over the course of his life, so he has more practice at it but doesn't necessarily have any advice to impart on how to better cope with the chaos.

It makes me feel like a curmudgeon for not being able to suck it up more and pretend for the sake of the kids, or even to help maintain this performance of "family togetherness" that seems to be the whole point of whatever the heck everyone was doing. So this holiday season has thus far been exhausting, filled with guilt, and left me feeling a bit empty.

I am okay and recovering now, it will just take a few days I think. If you read this far - thank you! I just needed to rant a little bit - I don't feel much like myself these days and that in itself can be depressing, especially at a time when I'm supposed to be experiencing the opposite. Here's to some rest, some quiet, some peace in the last few days of 2024 for myself, Mr. 604, and anyone else who needs it! 🤞🏻🥰

[narcoticwriter]

Can These Guys Do Basic Math?

I blame Sin for this.

Brief and buckshot (let me emphasize this again, brief and buckshot) explanations under the cut, I did not THINK and I'm doing this for the funny, watch for some spoilers to the story and characters here or there though:

Dr. Faust: At this point in what I know about the canon, I do not believe he genuinely cares any more.

I-No: As a manifestation of humanity's hatred for the Gears turned into a literal god, I think that she is beyond math.

Happy Chaos: The kind of fucker who'd instigate something about the numerical value of three actually being fifty-five.

Ramlethal Valentine: "I was made with the capability to compute and solve a multitude of problems concerning algebra, trigonometry, statistics-"

Testament: They would scoff at whoever asked, then make an offhanded comment about how stupid that question was or an insult at the one who asked.

Bedman(?): Both Bedman and Delilah would openly call them twenty words that mean some variation of 'absolute imbecile'.

Asuka R♯: Math is a hobby to this guy, he would be more confused than insulted if you knew him even casually.

Slayer: The man has not been alive for this long and amassed this much power by being a chump. Please.

Sol Badguy: If the man of science didn't know how to do basic math, I'd wonder how he did it all in the first place.

May: Well now, someone has to keep track of how much money Johnny blows at the casino.

Millia Rage: A job requirement, if I'm being completely honest.

Zato-1: Debated putting him in the 'math is fake' tier, but decided that he has to use too much of it to be there.

Anji Mito: A man like that has to keep his ducks in a row and his math is an example of this because he's taken how many risks now?

Jack-O Valentine: I believe that she has to know some math and fairly well at that given her situation and by exposure.

Ky Kiske: I choose to divorce his knowledge from his application of it. This man is doing just fine on the fundamentals. So sue me.

Potemkin: With all due respect, I think the fact that he's here is monumental of the work Gabriel put in. The man is quite competent.

Leo Whitefang: How else would he be able to keep count of the dead and his sins accordingly?

Nagoriyuki: I think he gets by, but I don't see him in many situations where he would have to go beyond some basic algebra.

Elphelt Valentine: Can keep count of potential suitors, the tickets sold, and other things of that priority. Also a Valentine.

Queen Dizzy: Testament saw what Sol did to Sin and gave themselves a pat on the back.

Axl Low: Clearing up the streets and making them safe was a bit higher on the list of things to do while he was growing up, you know.

Giovanna: Would rather not, to be honest, but she can.

Goldlewis Dickinson: I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT-

Bridget: Off of sheer vibes alone, I don't think she thinks all that much outside of bounty hunting.

Chipp Zanuff: His intuition has done him many favors, but doing the mental math isn't one of them. I also blame the drugs. He can try.

Baiken: Controversial in the sense that at a certain point, I think she just stopped learning normal things for her age and hit the road. Could pick it up, but mostly for like, money and managing her stuff.

Johnny: Extremely selective, will ensure that his girls are taught right, but what there's no way I gambled away that much!

A.B.A.: If she's calm, sure, but God forbid someone looks at Paracelsus for a bit too long.

Sin Kiske: Sol may have kept him alive, but he failed him in every other way that matters. What do you mean he's still learning his time tables?!?

[cowboyjen68]

Hi, I want to advise you, Miss Jen . I am a 19-year-old girl, and I am a lesbian, but unfortunately, my family does not accept this idea and do not like gay people, and I have not yet told them this. I don't know what to do. I want to tell them, but at the same time, I'm afraid of their reaction. The problem is that I don't have close friends to tell this to.

So can you please give me some advice?

Because I have been following you for a while, and you make me feel comfortable when you share your stories and advice here or on TikTok. I really love you and wish you all the best 💕💕

I had a few moments on Monday so i did a quick Tiktok addressing your question.

My advice it to not tell them. Your first priority is to stay safe and maintain stability (housing, healthcare, education, etc. You don't owe them that part of your life.

I completely understand the desire to share such an important things with our parents and family. We love them and we want them to know all about things that are important to us and that includes such a core part of us, our sexual orientation. You are not any less of a lesbian if you keep that part of yourself private from them.

Put your focus on a job, a driver's license, a bank account, collection documents like your social security card and birth certificate and finishing your education. Once you are on your own and are paying for housing, health insurance and other necessary things then you can make the decision to tell them. Even once you are on your own, you do not have to. If you fear loosing them there is no shame in not coming out to them, now or ever.

You will eventually meet friends at jobs or school who will understand you and love you for all your core values and you can be yourself. Or choose what to share and what not to share. You are allowed the boundaries of some things being private with some people.

Even back in my youth the line of "Silence equals Death" was used by some to force others to come out when they were not ready or not in a safe place to do so. To be clear, that is not what it meant.

To this day I see others encouraging younger people to be "out and proud " because "we" will support you. The fact is, strangers on the internet are not able to take on the truly hard stuff of parenting that goes well beyond emotional support. It entails being responsible for a young person's mental. physical and monetary well being and it does not end at early adulthood.

Stay in the closet at home, seek friendships at work or in school that are fulfilling and trustworthy. You are not being shameful to stay safe in your home.

I am glad you found me on social media. And remember, just because I am out and loud now does not mean I always was. Taking our time to get to a good and safe place to be out takes time and courage.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Don't act dumb? Your account is literally nothing but Roma Virtue signalling. If marvel is such a racist company why interact with it? The information on your page is again incorrect. We are not a tool for you to make yourself feel better and feed your saviour complex. Just weird you really should stop speaking about and on behalf of Roma it's giving obsessed and just the most ignorant type of saviour complex and it's all in the name of marvel we truly exist outside of Marvel but idk if y'all can comprehend that.

This is really extreme and unfair. I don't want to continue this conversation, as it's clear that you're not willing to engage in good faith, and frankly, after years of being clear about my background, I don't feel like I owe anything to an anonymous user who could very well be the exact sort of troll I was just talking about. But I suppose it would be helpful to clarify some things, since nobody ever reads my old posts.

I am a second-generation American of Cale Romani descent. I identify as a white-presenting person of mixed race. I have been consistently clear about this and there are photos of me on this blog. I'm not hiding anything. I am a Marvel fan and a long-time comic book reader. This page started out as a general fandom blog, but because I happen to be gitano, I am particularly invested in Romani characters and speak often about issues of Roma representation. I don't think that's weird or hard to understand, and I do still post about other stuff. I'm not trying to be a savior or spokesperson, I'm just talking about what I know and what matters to me. I don't think that Marvel comics are wholly or irredeemably racist, nor do I think that's a productive way to approach critical consumption. This is a massive literary canon and a reflection of many different aspects of American pop culture, and I prefer to engage with it as such.

People are entitled to have different opinions and feelings about these characters, and I've acknowledged plenty of times that I don't speak for everybody-- I've even expressed anxiety about drawing too much attention to comics when I know there are Roma who're sick of hearing about it! But I don't think that it's uncommon for marginalized people to have complex relationships with flawed or problematic representation. I, personally, like these characters and see value in them, but more than that, I think it's important to initiate critical conversations about them because they're very popular now, and they're going to exist in perpetuity, whether we like it or not.

I often make it a priority to direct those conversations towards actual Romani history, because I want readers to learn more about that and to participate in allyship beyond Marvel fandom. In fact, I've repeatedly said that I think fans' tendency to tokenize these characters is detrimental on all sides, and I do post about Romani issues outside of comics, but again, this is specifically a fandom blog, so that's what I focus on. If that's not getting across to you, either you aren't actually reading my blog and you just decided to bother me unprovoked, or I'm a much worse writer than I thought.

If you don't always agree with me, that's fine, but everything I've said about Romani history and racialization is just verifiable fact. I don't think that I'm wrong to say that whitewashing and erasure are bad, and that if Marvel is going to continue making and adapting stories about Romani characters, we deserve to advocate for ourselves and demand better inclusion. I've never had to speak over or argue with other Romani people about this, because, honestly, the only people who disagree with me on this basic principle are belligerent anons like you! And I know other actual Roma who would agree with me. I have a life, and a relationship with community and culture outside of comics, but you don't see that because you don't know me, and again, this is a fandom-specific blog.

[bigskydreaming]

Media literacy lost the war when most people stopped trying to factor in an awareness that characters are fictional and can only make the choices their writer writes them making. At a certain point, character arcs NEED the acknowledgment that some times characters make terrible choices because the writing flat out demanded they make the worst choice possible in pursuit of Maximum Drama*, and there are only so many (actually insightful) conclusions you can make about a character when you're trying to make sense of why a character with a given set of priorities & existing characterization would have done something that completely undermines or contradicts everything else they've ever done....

And you refuse to factor in even the possibility** that the 'why' of the character reasoning there was that the character DIDN'T have any actual reason for what they did beyond Their Writer Made Them Do It.

Like. I'm just saying. Sometimes Bad Writing IS the answer. There is a certain self-defeating element to only ever engaging in media analysis that leads to the conclusion 'this character is short-sighted or inherently flawed or irrational' without ever allowing for the chance your analysis might instead lead to 'the writing choices attributed to this character are short-sighted or flawed or irrational.'

Sometimes you SHOULD be more mad at the writing than you are at the fictional characters because like. Yes, the Watsonian perspective is always worth engaging in on its own merits but that doesn't ever actually make the Doylist interpretation of the media IRRELEVANT or render it a non-factor in why various characters do certain things.

Both. Both is good.

* Like I literally maintain you can take just about any primetime show that's on the cancellation bubble and CHART how OOC the main cast gets about major plot points in correlation with the studio's desire to boost ratings. A lot of media that's created by committee in the sense of how even the best written shows have network interference to deal with, as higher-ups weigh in with what they think will give shows a ratings hike, like.....shows ARE influenced by the Hollywood maxims that the most dramatic choices are the best choices, storytelling wise. You flat out CAN'T make sense of a lot of mainstream shows' character choices while ignoring that these characters just do not have the freedom that even fanfic allows for - to make the choices that make the most sense for the character rather than to make the choices that appease drama & ratings obsessed studio execs.

** And I am not saying that it is not completely normal and human for people to do things that undermine or contradict their previous priorities or choices. People are complicated and hypocritical and that shit happens all the time. What I am saying is that its not always productive to just accept at face value every instance of a character making a terrible choice that doesn't seem like them & go 'well this is just an instance of a person being self-defeating or hypocritical'.... while leapfrogging solidly over even the possibility that this is an instance of a character being fictional and written by a writer who has Narrative Plans that extend beyond any single character and thus often times supersede (in the writer's eyes) the importance of being true to any single character's characterization.

[datastate]

40!! also 16 25 and 34. asking for a friend [also that sequence of numbers is nice to look at]

40: WHO I WISH I COULD BE

hmmm... i wish i was capable of being more social, i suppose. i know a lot of people, and i'd really like to keep consistent contact with all of them so they know how much i think of them. but between many different disabilities affecting me + this transitory period of my life, it does get really difficult to maintain that sadly... i have been trying to work toward this though! and i'm sure once i'm in a more stable place, it'll be just a bit easier on me 🫶

16: I'LL LOVE YOU IF...

well <3 you wouldn't have to worry about that, but in a general sense...

honestly... what i value most in people comes down to authenticity, which often goes in hand with passion. with both friends and with romantic interests, what really draws me in is the impression that they are sincere and driven to accomplish admirable things. naturally, everyone has some pieces of themselves that they keep hidden, but as someone who is similar, i don't think that necessarily negates the genuineness of what they present nor affects its importance. as is always the case, actions speak louder than words; whatever their disposition may be (of cheer, apathy, so on), that awareness of who they are while they still take the time to balance their personal priorities and consideration of others (implicitly shown as part of those priorities, then) is something that will always strike my heart.

25: MY IDEA OF A PERFECT DATE

hrm... i don't usually linger on these sorts of thoughts. but i think for something special, i'd enjoy going to a nice restaurant for dinner so i would have an excuse to dress up all nice and feel pretty. i could eat most anything, even if i have a preference for dishes with rice and with a fair amount of spice, so i wouldn't mind any choice they offer. after eating, it'd be nice to either relax at a park or head back to either their/my place; doubly so if it was raining, because i always find that soothing, though of course that's not within anyone's control... and just converse or play a game or cuddle for the rest of the night i suppose :P

i probably would've also liked to do something earlier that day leading up to the 'date dinner' section, like going to a museum or art gallery or aquarium, but that can also be fairly costly, so i wouldn't mind leaving that for another time. realizing now though, that it is a little funny that even in my idea of a 'perfect date' there are still some things i'll be lenient on, but. i don't know aehaha... i'd feel a bit bad putting up expectations on the other person. i'd probably be content as long as i get to spend time with them.

34: WHAT I FIND ATTRACTIVE IN WOMEN

aesthetically, there is. very little that i'd consider unattractive in women, though i don't usually put much stock in it (i mean, gestures, online friends and all; we don't typically see each other's physical appearances. and this is the sort of attitude i usually carry in-person too.)

so, well... i'd have to refer back to my answer on 16. and this isn't the sort of thing i'd be able to tell on appearance alone; it usually takes repeated exposure, though there have been people who do speak and i instantly have that 'oh, how lucky i must be to have met you' realization, however briefly the interaction might be. i'm not always so confident as to reach out to every one of them, though as i said above as well, this is also something i've been trying to rectify.

beyond that though, i suppose i am usually endeared mostly when i see. either the way that they help me/other people, or what makes them laugh. i find both of these really sweet and indicative of their character on the whole, especially if it's an interesting contrast to the typical way they carry themselves (i am not immune to a tall emo girl offering to get a library book for me because they see i have a cane. that was very, very sweet...); i don't really know though... it really is rare that i experience attraction and not simply infatuation. i think the last time i really felt the former was several years ago now, though you'd know that.

[ultfreakme]

Danmei ask, what are your top 5 (or top 7) favorite moments from MDZS? Also, can I ask why you love those 3 (JC, WWX , XXC)?

(Riki, I'm so glad when found out you also love Jiang Cheng. You must know how many haters on his character in tumblr and twitter. Like, I was blocked 4 times by MDZS lover blog, when they knew I love Jiang Cheng.)

I love reading your MDZS/ SVSSS crossover, they're so in character.....And yes, SQQ must love Sukuna and Jogo if he ever read JJK...

Thanks for the ask Anon!!

Top 7 moments:

When we find out the Jiang Cheng sacrificed himself to the Wens to save Wei Wuxian. It was dropped so casually and I had to backtrack and go "wait, wait, WAIT! DISCUSS IT PLEASE!!"

The juniors in the Yi City arc, they were so adorable, I loved reading them putting on a brave face and investigating.

Wei Wuxian murdering the crap out of Wen Chao with his sexy undead ladies. Him and Jiang Cheng together torturing him while Lan Wangji was sent out and it's like, LWJ is confused, shocked, and horrified.

The scene where Wei Wuxian's roasting Jin Guangshan at the conference post-war and everyone's scandalized. I love it when Wei Wuxian gets bitchy.

Jiang Cheng's intro scene in the donghua where he emerges from the shadows of that tree, pushing aside the leaves. That's so hot of him.

Wei Wuxian covered in blood in the second siege of Burial Mounds and Lan Wangji is defending him. That scene's so cool and romantic in all its iterations. The donghua went above and beyond and made it seem like a wedding.

Jiang Cheng giving Zidian to Jin Ling ;_; It hurts me. It's so much worse knowing that MXTX was planning on killing Jin Ling soon after to really hurt Jiang Cheng.

Reasons I like:

Jiang Cheng-

He's so complicated! You can't immediately look at him and say he's the good guy or the bad guy. I personally think he leans more towards the good guy category.

He's the perfect opposite of Wei Wuxian, he's not a genius cultivator like wwx, he had to work for every bit of progress he made. He started off simply wanting to keep his family together and at peace, but the war happened and his priorities shifted. He's duty-bound, he's always fighting and scraping to be recognized but no one ever does. He wanted so bad to help wwx, but duty made it so that he was forced to pick between his sect and wwx. Forever chained, closed off.

He's jealous and vicious and so, so angry. I get it, I understand the worst parts of him and relate to it.

Wei Wuxian-

Again, super complicated as a person. Wronged at every turn. He wanted to do good and protect people, and for that he kept sacrificing himself over and over again with little value given to himself as a person. He's got his sharp edges and cruelty too, and I feel like people often forget that Wei Wuxian's traumas and his lack of self-appreciation and value on himself show in ugly and vicious ways.

His story obviously shows a key message of MDZS, which is that when people sacrifice themselves thinking that they're protecting their loved one, they only hurt them in another way. I understood his desire to do good, protect people, but there's no one to stand at his side. The loneliness and fear that comes with fucking up so bad that no one even tries to hear you out, no one's listening no matter how loud you shout.

Xiao Xingchen:

He's like Wei Wuxian but 100% times worse and more self-sacrificial. Too trusting, too good, and everyone kept taking advantage of that without bothering to guide him or be honest with him. Like legit, no one told him what they were truly thinking.

I love that xxc wants to be a good person, i hate that he was ruined for it. God I really wanted him to have a happy ending because he's just, he's so NICE. In a world filled with betrayal and deceit, xxc wanted to spread goodness. And yet.

AAHHHHHH

I think these characters made me see the point of MDZS in a very clear way, or in a way that impacted me most. So they're my faves.

Being a Jiang Cheng liker is a struggle! I was getting into MDZS even before the donghua started airing, like around 2018 and back then Jiang Cheng hate was so bad. I kept waiting year after year for the hate to go down but it just got worse the more popular MDZS got. The misunderstandings built up too. I got black and got into a million arguments too ;_; We have to stick together!!!

i have so many thoughts about Jiang Cheng specifically because, okay I read and watched everything about 3 years ago, so I don't remember much other than my fav, so I'm always thinking about everything he did.

nbsdhfb SQQ's monster-loving ass would go gaga for Sukuna. Four armed man wrecking people??? Yes sir! (side note; big tall powerful man who is called king who is only nice to his close servant and confidante???? SQH come get your boy!)

[puermalus-blog]

Someone else's tags fascinated me, as they brought up a talking point that I mentioned briefly but didn't elaborate enough, and how it actually solidifies his character even more.

The thing is that Jamil has been raised to always put others about himself, which means doing whatever he can to be amicable to most, so that no one would hold ill-intent towards the one the Al-Asims who he serves under, and to prioritize the wellbeing and safety of others, even if it's at the cost of his own wellbeing.

I believe he has been raised to put himself into harm's way whenever Kalim is in any danger, and it becomes the fact that his only priority is to make sure that the one he's serving is safe, even if it puts him in an incredibly dire situation. In Book 6, we see this instinct extend unto others, most notably when he was with Leona.

Although Jamil was more than capable of dealing with the phantoms, he ended up unintentionally underestimating Leona's abilities, who challenged his perception of being someone reliable enough to assist in dangerous situations, and immediately compared himself to be better than Azul, who Jamil percieves to be much worse than him.

It's the self-sacrificing, subconscious arrogance that he doesn't quite realize he has, in believing that he'll be able to handle anything that could cause harm unto the ones he has no choice but to protect, even if it means having to push himself beyond what he's capable of, that could very well cause his doom due to a combination of his hubris and how he's been raised to be.

Anyway this was all but a set-up for a potential canon storyline but it's unlikely they'll actually do anythin like it, so I was thinking maybe it could be a plot point for a fanfic where Jamil ends up sacrificing himself because he fails to challenge the expectations put unto him and instead succumbs to it, but Azul snaps him right out of it and tells him that he's not as so weak to need protecting, and that he can stand on his own too. He tells Jamil how he doesn't have to do and handle everything all alone, that they could instead work together for once.

Azul is more than willing to intervene knowing that he isn't just gonna stand back and watch as Jamil fails to value his own self-worth by senselessly sacrificing himself, but Azul waits until Jamil himself admits to actually trusting him, which ends up binding a spoken contract between the two, and the stipulations can be whatever you want them to be based on creative liberties ;)

aka I ran out of ideas lmao

It'd be a parallel to Book 4, except this time Jamil has to actually learn to trust Azul who ends up assisting in saving his life, yet again.

I'm not sure if this is even coherent enough, I just wanted to get these thoughts out there because the conflict that could come out of this

Is just way too good not to think consider further. It would challenge Jamil's biases towards the other, and at the same time, Azul could use that opportunity to prove himself that he's not as helpless as Jamil thinks him to be.

[quohotos]

So I'm sure no one remembers this anymore but it's been eating up my mind and I might as well get it out. There's this service called Carfax or some shit, and they pay for youtube ads. In one of them they have their mascot, this like fiver-ass animated furry, known as the carfax fox. Get it? Carfax? Carfox? Whatever, he looks like shit. Well he speaks in this snarky Ben Shapiro ass voice and explains that Carfax shows you the damage history of a vehicle so you can know it's true value. To illustrate his point, he has behind him two identical twins with two identical cars. Then through the magic of carfax or some shit the car on the right starts to rapidly morph from a normal car to a totalled wreck, I guess to illustrate how its damage history is being brought to light. This puts the twin on the right into a state of distress and causes the twin on the left to point and laugh.

"HA! Your damage has always been visible!" the guy says, pointing and laughing at his own brother.

It hangs for a beat where the other brother just looks so emotionally distraught. He's shocked and confused that someone so close to him would ever say something so unhinged and cruel. Like you just say that to someone? To your brother no less.

He stutters and then simply says: "We're twins!"

And then the add just fucking ends. Right there. Idk maybe they cut away to some slogan but it's the last we see of them and then your youtube video plays.

Excuse me what the fuck? What kind of martian wrote this?

Your damage has always been visible? What brings a person to say something like that. What does it even mean? I can tell you're traumatized, I can tell you're struggling, you're trying to hide it but I can see. I can see you're damaged goods, brother, and I find that funny. I laugh. I laugh at your weakness.

And don't you be fooled into thinking this is just some sort of edgy east coast style tear each other down humor, the twin on the right looks genuinely hurt. All he can do is appeal, brother how could you betray me like this? Are we not cut from the same cloth?

And why, why would he do this? Over a car? To impress some red fox who can't even make it up to his calf? Yes he appears large because of forced perspective but he could, would, and should drop kick the fucking carfax fox given the first opportunity. See the fox also thinks it's funny, or at the very least doesn't react. To him nothing matters beyond the monetary value of a vehicle. Human emotions, compassion, all that? It just gets in the way.

Oh god, did he coach the other twin? Maybe he wasn't always this way. Maybe the carfax fox has been corrupting him.

Just put yourself in the poor twin's shoes. It's been months, you haven't heard from your brother. You see him post on Instagram, but less and less does he actually have room for you in his life. You see photos of him, him and this fucking fox. Drinking, going to parties, their relationship status changes. Your twin brother, he's gay, and dating a fox. He didn't tell you, you're twins but apparently this wasn't worth mentioning. Maybe he didn't feel safe telling you. It keeps you up at night. You thought you were close.

Then a text message comes out of the blue. "Remember that car you're trying to sell, you haven't found a buyer yet, right?" Not hello, nothing like that, just straight to business.

"Yeah," you reply back, before clarifying, "It still hasn't sold."

"My boyfriend has this app for selling cars, do you think you could bring it by to the studio, we were thinking of using it in an ad."

"Yeah sure, totally, bro."

"Awesome. Would you like to be in the ad? You just need to stand there next to your car. It'll really help it sell"

"Uhh... sure, I guess," you reply back.

It's a nice car, but yeah you are struggling to sell it. You've had it for like eight years and put a lot of work into it. Real ship of thesus type vehicle. Selling it is important, but not really your priority.

"How've you been, man?" you text back.

No reply. Minutes later the typing bubbles pop up. He just ignores your message, it's just a date and time.

You show up as requested, it's a sound stage. A producer helps you get your car in the building. Some makeup people give you a once over, someone puts a lapel mic on your shirt. You finally see your twin brother, on the other side of the stage is a car that looks just like yours. Same make, same model, same color. Maybe it's a rental. Then you see him.

Your brother, he's there with that fox, they're laughing about something but you can't hear it.

You introduce yourself, but as soon as you approach the smiles stop. It's awkward. Were they laughing at you? You have so many questions, so much to catch up, but apparently your brother's boyfriend isn't even happy to see you.

"You don't have any lines, don't worry, you just look forward and smile."

Your brother produces a plastic bag of cocaine and you watch as the fox snorts it off of the hood of the rental car like it's nothing, in view of everyone.

"All right, it's showtime folks," he says, and suddenly everyone's moving. Your brother scowls at you.

"Get to your place," he says. You're shocked, shocked by his tone, but a split second later he's back to smiling for the camera.

The first take is messed up because you're not in place yet. The fox berates you, tells you to get it together. This isn't him, this isn't right. What does he see in this guy. Is he just leeching off of his money, would your twin brother even do that? You thought you knew him.

They reset from the top, you smile into the lights, into the cameras. The fox is saying something about damage history. Whatever, it's a car sale app or something. Then to your horror you hear the sound of bending metal and shattering glass. You turn to see your car, totaled in an instant. What? How? What did they do?

Your eyes shoot around the room. The fox won't even look at you, his tail swishing back and forth playfully.

"Ha, your damage has always been visible."

You turn to see your brother pointing and laughing. Your damage has always been visible? What does that mean? What does that even mean.

"We're twins!" you say, mouth agape in disbelief.

This isn't him this isn't right.

"Alright, I think we got it. We don't need you anymore," the fox says, finally turning to you.

"Bro, what's... what's gotten into you?" you sputter.

His guffaws, they're softer now, just a slight chuckle and smirk.

"You're weak," he says, "Just like your fucking car."

Whoever this person is, he's not the brother your grew up with. Not the shoulder you cried on, not the guy you shared a pokemon emerald save with, not the one that you did matching Halloween costumes with for fifteen years straight. No, no he's something else now, and all because of that fucking fox.

"You son of a bitch!" you shout, lunging for him.

The fox seems only mildly amused as you're grabbed by security, dragged out kicking and screaming.

"I'll kill you, what did you do to my brother?" you demand.

"Your damage has always been visible," your brother laughs. That's the last you ever see of him.

[hologramcowboy]

I read somewhere in tumblr that D said in one of OTH podcast that Jensen can never impress her and I'm like wtf! did she actually said that ? and if it's true why Jensen is like this? is he truly a spineless simp for this talentless stretched face bimbo? I'm mean no offense but she is a trashy flopped forgotten actress with creepy plastic face who is only known for her stripping roles ,does he really lacke self esteem and respect? Maybe because he father used to beat him up he was traumatised and ended up in marriage where he is just a moving back account simp for her and her jobless brother , yikes this is a major turn off

Anyone can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but I think Danneel just repeated what Jensen keeps repeating (soundbite they agreed upon for PR purposes) but also said her answer would be different. Meaning she doesn't agree with his impression. That being said, I only "skimmed" that sucktastic interview so I might be completeley off. Will listen to it fully when I get some time to focus on that, it's just not a priority.

People still don't understand that actors build and image and carefully pick narratives to position themselves in certain ways depending on their goals. Jensen is well aware neither him nor Danneel credibly manage to sell their connection and marriage so he overcompensates by saying things like that to make it seem as if he values her but if we look at his actions, especially the way her career disappeared and her entire identity shifted to just being "mrs ackles" we can see he doesn't truly love her. When someone truly loves you they don't allow you to give up your dreams or identity. Danneel has no personality of her own. Aside from this, every family post they make comes off fake and planned, there is no real chemistry just a business interest.

One important thing I'd like to add is this: If you are in a relationship where you constantly have to impress your partner then run, that's beyond toxic and Jensen is so toxic for even promoting that as an ideal. The fact that he keeps mentioning that just reinforces all the devaluing Danneel does with him. If his marriage is all about constantly jumping through hoops and buying her affection then sorry but that is an abusive relationship.

That being said, I think Jensen desperately wants to sell a kind of fairytale love he never experienced, except he has so many toxic beliefs about love he ends up making up lines and stories that just make them as a couple seem vapid, aggressive and narcissistic.

Let me reinforce this: the fastest way to end up a self destructive mess is to engage in a relationship with someone that keeps moving the goalposts and asking you to "impress" them. That is not love, let's be real. Please don't expose yourself to that kind of treatment.

Also, please remember that public statements made by actors are made to frame an image, there's a strategy behind that, it's not someone realistically sharing their feeling or real life dynamic. It's someone selling a product: themselves as a bookable actor.

Jensen wants leading man roles without doing any inner work, he just wants to signal certain qualities he doesn't have to get a certain image. Especially since Danneel comes from an extremely trashy background. He is trying to overcompensate with comments that will hopefully stick or so he thinks.

My advice to you is not to look at Jensen's "statements" but to truly look at his choices, his actions. Danneel is just a commodity to him and he does everything in his power to either be away from home or to be inebriated when he is home. That is extremely telling. He is not a fulfilled man and so he is overcompensating by making comments that he hopes will cover his discontent.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Since I love your takes and it's Erwin's month, I want to share a interpretation of mine about Erwin and see your opinion about it! I'm sorry its damn long, and excuse my English. I hope you can read it properly. I know many fans think the opposite but: I don't see Erwin as a dad. [1/6]

I've read a lot of fanfics were Erwin has kids, either his own or adopted. And every time I read them, not matter what, I don't buy it at all. I don't see Erwin as a family man. I think he's a person that values his own freedom and his passions. And I think a kid would be too much responsibility. When you have a kid, they become your number one priority and now everything in your life has to take them into account. And honestly, I don't see Erwin doing that. [2/6] Lot of people see him as a dad (I do think he has dorky dad energy haha) because of that smartpass where he says if titans didn't exist he'd probably start a family. Which imo even doesn't sound credible at all. His response being "Retire to a reclusive area, or maybe have a family." He doesn't even sound sure. I even think that his real answer is the first one but then went 'I need to be more relatable and likeable for this interview. What do normal people want? Right. Having a family.' [4/6] Also he tries to ignore the question until Levi presses him to answer. I think Erwin's personality is intrinsically linked to his dream, so there's no life in which his dream does not exist. He even expressed that in canon when levi asked him what would he do after his dream and him saying 'I don't know'. I think he is a man of passion and goals, and even in a peaceful world he'd still be that passionate over other things that is not being a family man. [5/6] Not that you can't be both...but I don't see him that way. It seems too mundane and (like every other Scout) he is anything but so. I see him as a character that is way too 'think outside of the box/ reject and question what you are told' for his dream being so mundane as having a nuclear family. In a happier au, he is your history professor who very passionately criticizes imperialism and capitalism and has no kids (but probably a certain short, black-haired husband) [6/6]

Hi Anon,  unfortunately part of your ask [3/6] has gone awol, but there’s enough here for me to understand your question.  First of all, it goes without saying that you’re entirely entitled to view a character any way you want, however since you asked my opinion, I’d say that while I agree with some of your reasoning, I don’t agree with all of it. 

Personally I’m not a fan of fics where Erwin is a parent, but that’s not because I can’t see him as a parent, it’s more to do with my own taste in fiction.  There are simply other things I’d rather read about.  That aside, I do agree that Erwin doesn’t seem entirely sure about his future plans in the Smarpass interview, however the same could be said for Levi, and yet very few fans question his desire to open a tea shop.  I think the whole point of this exchange is that both Erwin and Levi are so focused on their goal of saving humanity that neither of them have thought beyond that.  Here’s the exchange in full from @yusenki's translation.

J: Then let’s not talk about that for now. How about just your own future dreams? L: Talking about future dreams at this age…how interesting. What do you think, Erwin? E: As for me…right. Retire to a reclusive area, or maybe have a family. J: I am surprised that commander seems surprisingly relaxed about this. E: My mind is currently filled with matters concerning the world, so I’m not in a position to pursue any dreams. But either way, you could say that I have an ordinary dream. L: How interesting. Your kids won’t be cute for sure. E: How about you, Levi? Would you go from hero to politician? L: That’s impossible. How could you even ask something that is so obvious?! J: Please tell us about your dream, captain. L: Just like this guy, my mind has no room for dreams right now. However if you want me to give you a casual answer, then…how about opening a black tea store? E: This is also so interesting! From a hero who flies around slaughtering titans outside the wall to an owner of delicious tea shop within the wall? J: Both of your answers are so unexpected. Is this because of the harsh realities you live in at this moment? E: Yes. The realization of our own dreams is less important than building a world for people, a place where humans can accomplish their own dreams. L: I don’t have much concern for my own matters, but it’s interesting to think about.

I know that there are a lot of fans who believe that Erwin’s dream is so intrinsic to who he is that he would be lost without it, and like you, they cite this scene in chapter 70 as evidence.  I've never believed that’s the case.  I think Erwin’s reply to Levi here is simply honest and pragmatic.  He’s not saying he has no interest in future plans, he’s just saying he’ll have to wait and see. Under the circumstances, that seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Anyway, I’m getting a bit off topic here.  You said that you can’t see Erwin being a parent because he values his freedom too much, it’s too great a responsibility, and having a family seems too mundane a fate for him. Raising children is certainly a responsibility, but it doesn’t have to be mundane, far from it.  I’ve never seen Erwin as the kind of man to avoid responsibility and I think it’s exactly his “think outside the box” qualities that would make him a brilliant, if unorthodox, parent. Erwin is a generous man with endless curiosity, I can see him as the kind of parent who would delight in children’s natural curiosity and encourage their sense of adventure. 

Having said all that, I suspect there is one thing that would prevent Erwin from becoming a parent; I don’t think he would believe himself worthy of the privilege of raising children.  Even if Erwin had survived the war and lived to see his father’s theories vindicated, I think he would still have carried a huge burden of guilt from his father’s death and that would have coloured his own view of his fitness to be a father himself. 

Thanks for your ask Anon, this is certainly an interesting question, and I hope you don’t mind if I partially disagree with your perspective. 

[catboybiologist]

heyo, sorry if this is a bit of an uncomfortable question, but I've been thinking about it for a while. I'm really curious to know the opinion of a biologist with more experience (especially a queer one hehe)

have you ever faced any pressure like, "who even cares about your research on these weird bugs?" (a bit of a generalization on entomology, though it also kind of applies to my general interest in pursuing zoology) or "you do know you won't be making much money, right?", as well as questions like, "why don't you go in medicine? a career as a doctor is more promising, researchers barely get paid anyway"

and if you did, how did you deal with it? i guess my impostor syndrome never fails to catch up to me ahah, but it would be good to know if there's someone like this as well

Sorry I took so long to get to this! There's no way to answer this briefly, I think.

Yes, all the time. It's the curse of anyone in basic science research. Luckily, for me, I don't think that pressure has come from anyone who actually matters. Academic influences, and even my parents are very supportive of my career path (my parents maybe not so much supportive as much as "pressuring", but that's a different story). From more distant family, online, family friends, and random people I meet everywhere? All the fucking time, and its very tiring.

There's two very different issues at hand in your ask, though. The financial aspect, and the level of respect and understanding people have for basic science in the first place.

As for the financial aspect… I'm sorry. The reality is that yeah, you're not gonna make much money. But you have to ask yourself whether that's a priority for you. You'll definetly make enough money to live on, but it won't be a glamorous amount. You genuinely have to love what you do, and that can be a bit rough. But there's nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of pressure to choose the highest paying careers, even when its past the point of increasing your means. Its okay not to care. But yeah, unfortunately, no one's getting rich in field work :/

For the other aspect… that is a huge disconnect between the general public and science, and one that I think manifests in a lot of ways beyond even what you're saying. The value of basic science research is twofold. The reason most people who are passionate about the subject get into research is for its own sake- the world is cool! To me, inquiry and curiosity are one of the most beautiful things about being human, and is worth it for the simple sake of expanding our range of knowledge as a society. It's like asking who cares about some dumb painting while looking at the Mona Lisa. But, to be blunt… some people just don't see that. Which brings us to the other aspect: unseen utility. Basic science research saves the world. And that's not really an exaggeration. The example I've given so many people recently is COVID vaccines. mRNA molecules being able to cause immune reactions was a "who cares" research problem a couple decades ago… and look at us now. Oftentimes its not so one-to-one, though. For ecology, the bulk quantity of ecology research contributes to our understanding that ultimately guides how we care for the world. While its sometimes difficult to see how "those weird bugs" contribute to public policy and understanding, but "those weird bugs" alongside "those weird plants" alongside "those weird fungi" alongside "those weird rats" and whatever else, together, contribute to the net understanding of what areas need to be protected, what ecosystems are at risk, what ecosystems threaten human existence if they collapse, and how best to protect all of those. Research matters.

I'm picking nits, but neither sounds like imposter syndrome to me. In fact, I think it's kinda the opposite. I think you'll fit in just fine with entomologists, or other scientists in zoology, ecology, evolutionary bio, or whereever. A lot of them have gone through exactly the same thing that you are, from their early career interactions with friends and family to their later career interactions with the public and outreach. So in a way, I think that's your solution as well. If you take the first leap into your field, either declaring a major, becoming involved in a particular research lab, volunteering, or whatever else, you're going to start surrounding yourself with people who have undergone the same external pressures that you're facing right now. They'll intrinsically understand the value of the type of research you wanna do, and they'll also understand that not everyone sees it that way.

But getting to that level is hard. It requires persistence. But you'll get there <3

[lazarus-harp]

💞

what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language // accepting !!

hm, the obvious answer would be the characters! i don't think it's a secret i craft all my fanfics with the characters in mind, rather than a coherent plot or something. worldbuilding isn't a thing i dabble in much either, since most of my fandoms have that set in place, though i will admit i love being descriptive. it's important to me to set the tone for things, showcase what's around the character and all the tiny interactions they share with their environment or the other people near them. comes with romance writing too i think, haha. can't sell a ship if there isn't a ton of detailed touching -- brushing fingers, splotchy skin that's warm to your touch, tangled limbs with protruding bones and bodily jerks ... i really value writing intimacy, in all it's complex forms! sometimes how one shows vulnerability and affection is sickening to another, so exploring that clashing and negotiation is fun. erm, i feel like this still relates back to my priority for the characters though.

for example, my characterization of the detective is what led most of the writing i've posted on ao3. i had a portrayal of him no one else did, i wanted to showcase what i believed to be his flaws and true nature, and thus came crimewave and many other works. i wasn't nearly as picky about my characterization then as i am now! but in the years, where i've grown and matured, i'm more meticulous than ever with how i display who i'm writing. i have individual discord servers for my main rotating hyperfixations, to which i have character sections and places where i can take notes. there's stuff for quotes, so i can try to pin down the characters voice, there's a place for mannerisms ( how they move their body ), and so on! nothing is safe from me honestly, i obsessively attempt to get a solid version of the character when i write, which proves what's most important to me. ironically enough this same value has hindered me starting any new projects due to a fear of any out of character-ness, but what can you do!

anyway, yeah! characters, dynamics, and descriptions are at the forefront of my mind whenever i consume something or produce something. the world can be mundane and i can be invested if the characters are stellar, or the world can be beyond fascinating and i'll struggle to care due to a boring cast ... just how i function!

[binarystargames]

Adapting Machinations of Court and Frame into a VN-ish format

For Narrat Jam 2, I'm poking my ideas for a political, intrigue-based mecha game that cares deeply about ties between people with power into a little linear VN storyline. A TTRPG designed for PVP troupe-level play is pretty different from a story following one person! So I'm gonna think out loud about what I'm changing and why.

Ah no I'm writing another dicelessness article by accident oh god help

Off the bat, one of the technological aspects I ran into is that Narrat is very particular about skill rolls. They're binary in nature, you have to define how they work up front, and you don't get the roll value on a check, just pass/fail.

Now. I could possibly hack something together to account for this, it does have access to a generic random function. But honestly, I'm not gonna bother. Total//Effect's core mechanic is fine if you're a person looking at dice but kind of annoying when you're telling a computer "pick the middle of these three d6's, or the lowest or highest if a specific thing happens, but also we care about the sum of the three, and sometimes it's roll five and take the highest 3".

So in two different ways, the core mechanic changes. And these have other impacts, so we'll just go into those here...

Relationship changes

Relationships in Total//Effect compare a die of 3d6, based on the request being made, to the number of Bonds you have with the person. (Bonds in Machinations default are mutual and also add Tells to combat against each other.)

Dice rolls in TTRPGs are a tricky thing. It's very easy to add them because everyone's doing it and just as easy to forget why you're doing them. FANTASTIC article on this here. In core Machinations, Relationship rolls are a way of doing a push-pull on another character: if you succeed on that roll, you do something that influences them to act in a specified way, through whatever means your shared Bonds provide. But a mixed success gives them more narrative control about it, and a failure means they can potentially turn it around on you. In a tabletop setting, it's really easy to account for all those branching possibilities because a) you can just make shit up and b) in this case in particular, it's two players.

The thing with VNs, etc is that's a LOT of writing and uncertainty. Disco Elysium's great at this kind of random-branching but think about how much branching dialogue that takes. And that's a game where most checks can be re-tried later after gaining a skill level! In a more linear story, you could have a roll or two that just completely fucks your entire intent. (This is why you see people playing those games savescum like mad.)

I don't like that model very much! I prefer the Age of Decadence narrative model. In that, there's NO randomization. If you have 3 Persuasion and 3 Streetwise, you can always succeed at the check that needs 6 total. (That said, it conceals the check-required values from you, so you can still fail by just not having enough.)

I'm going to make a small concession, which is letting folks reach beyond their grasp: a 1d3-1 (0-2) is attached on each relationship check. So if you've got a 5, you have a 66% chance of hitting a Difficulty 6 Check, or if you have a 4 it's a 33% chance, but you'll hit Difficulty 4 checks 100% of the time. (And I might gate a few of the more important Difficulty 6 checks behind a "you must be this tall to enter" anyway. Gotta commit if you want to do the most drastic things.)

Duel changes

Duels are not random at all. Ok, that's a lie, but the main randomization is the enemy "AI", not any of the outcomes. Once both moves are locked in, it's going to play out exactly as expected based on Priority (the rock-paper-scissors of Aggressive, Defensive, and Indirect that various moves have).

The big thing here is, again, creating interesting outcomes. My goal for combat is that failing one doesn't create a "do it again, stupid" scenario: I'm already planning to have failure outcomes for fights that move the story forward rather than force you to reload and try again. But again, I think it comes down to intent: in the context of tabletop, I think it's cool as hell that sometimes you can get some wildly swingy rolls that completely change a situation! MoCaF in tabletop form is going to largely give opportunities to be as equal as possible. But in the context of a single player game, I don't want it to be as all over the place. I'd much rather it be like a chess match: you pick the best you can based on the knowledge you have. And this extends to the Tells system: this is way more egalitarian in the tabletop game, as anyone you have a Bond with has as many Tells on your business as you have with theirs. Here, it's your special edge. You can definitely win fights without one but it's gonna be a hell of a lot less reliable. (Plus, that's an awful thing to program.)

I'm also not including escalation here, partially because I don't 100% know what to do with it in duels in tabletop, but partially because we don't really have rolls for it to influence.

One POV Character, Eight Predetermined Main Cast Members, Four Predetermined Houses

Machinations in concept is a very irregular TTRPG. Most have some idea of a single "group" that you follow: Machinations expects you to hop around various alliances and have players pull out their PCs from other alliances when they show up in their expected off-weeks to do politics, have intrigue, and fight.

For the sake of me being able to finish this game, you control one character here. Your relationships with those 8 other main cast members (four noble, four common) are the key concern. They relate to each other, of course, but that's in a non-mechanical sense (like they don't have capital-R Relationships tracked or anything, just what the narrative needs them to do).

Again, switching viewpoints would be cool! But holy shit is that a different proposition scope-wise. And ultimately it'd be way harder to do any kind of branching.

In the actual game, creating your own House is a thing! Each player creates two for the game as a whole. But in this, we're sticking with four predetermined:

House Alzur, an ancient House deeply invested in lineage from the first lightspeed traveler and steeped in tradition;

House Reyaal, new money from betting right on other Houses' conflicts;

House Montrant, a weapons-manufacturing House with eyes towards supply lines; and

House Weber, an extremely tiny house with a lot of connections: they own Amirus, the planet that the plot takes place on that all of the other 3 lay some claim on.

No Court Maneuvers and Status, but Backgrounds can matter

I'm eschewing Court Maneuvers entirely, just for complication reasons. But in their place, your starting Background (Scion/Knight/Captain) matters more directly!

Backgrounds tie into Status, which is a thing in the tabletop game but I'm leaving as more nebulous here. In the tabletop game having high Status is generally always good, but you get some benny points for being low-Status; in this, instead some situations will go better if you have less-blue blood.

Adaptation is interesting

I'm hoping I can get this one across the finish line. It's definitely ambitious but doable: most of the infrastructure is there, it's just a matter of filling in the branching tree.