#Illyria

[kataraavatara]

was searching for the quote in acomaf about mor wanting to burn Windhaven down and came across something much more sinister

Amren. AMREN. Rhysand has been the High Lord for centuries. why are we talking about CHILDREN. GETTING THEIR BONES BROKEN (REPEATEDLY & OVER WEEKS). IN THE. PRESENT. TENSE. You mean they “did” worse, Amren. Right??? Surely Rhysand has stepped in by now. You mean bones were broken. right…

[queercontrarian]

To Carry Home My Little Soldier

balthazar, emerie, zhila - dreamers in illyria/the night court

(army dreamers - kate bush)

close up of the characters under the cut

[illustratus]

Diocletian's Palace by Ernest Hébrard

[hugevanserrass]

I feel like the entire concept of a ruler having an army made up of people who hate them and don't share their values is kinda...counterproductive, at best. like doesn't rhys know that people are more likely to fight to protect the things they care about? what do the Illyrians gain by fighting in his wars, aside from the right to keep their lives assuming they don't die in battle? it's not like they get a say in whether or not they become warriors. and yeah yeah they are a "warrior race" and I know this is all due to sjm's lazy writing but I just cannot help but lament how many missed opportunities there are in regard to the Illyrians and their dynamic with rhysand/the night court in general. could've been so interesting.

[libartz]

I am WEAK for this character type. Whenever I see one I go completely feral

[elains]

Azriel's association with Enalius, what it means for his arc and Illyria

This is something me and my friends have talked about off tumblr, but I wanted to write my own post about it and gather my thoughts. But here, I'll discuss a bit Azriel's character and how the revelations we witness in House of Flame and Shadow will be important to his character. (+ a little bit of Emerie).

What do we know about Enalius? From ACOSF, Emerie provides us with a little exposition when they are in the Rite, when the Pass of Enalius is brought up:

Long ago—so long ago they don’t even have a precise date for it—a great war was fought between the Fae and the ancient beings who oppressed them. One of its key battles was here, in these mountains. Our forces were battered and outnumbered, and for some reason, the enemy was desperate to reach the stone at the top of Ramiel. We were never taught the reason why; I think it’s been forgotten. But a young Illyrian warrior named Enalius held the line against the enemy soldiers for days.

Now, from the Crescent City crossover, we learned that Truth-teller and Gwydion are twin blades. They are a pair. According to the Silene History Lesson, the dagger used to belong to her father's (Fionn's) dear friend, slain during the war. A bit later, when they find Vesperus, she confirms that this friend was Enalius:

The Asteri’s eyes flared with recognition at the long blade. “Did Fionn send you, then? To slay me in my sleep? Or was it that traitor Enalius? I see that you bear his dagger—as his emissary? Or his assassin?”

Immediately before that, she also confirms that the Asteri crafted (which can either mean created, shaped forged, but we are going with created) the Illyrians:

The Asteri’s blue eyes lowered to the dagger. “You dare draw a weapon before me? Against those who crafted you, soldier, from night and pain?”

From everything, we can conclude this: Enalius was the original wielder of Truth-teller before Fionn and Theia, a dear friend to Fionn, and someone who pulled the ultimate sacrifice to keep the Asteri/Daglan from reaching the top of Ramiel. He was a traitor to the Asteri, a rebel against his masters and everything they stood for.

Enalius is the hero most Illyrians strive to mimic, the legendary figure who they all hope to one day surpass. He's a symbol of their people, even if so much about him has been forgotten — the fact that he had a dagger, Fionn's friendship, what the battle was for, maybe even how he was as a person. Brave, for sure. Willing to die for the cause.

And it's Azriel who bears his dagger. Azriel, who has such a complicated relationship with his Illyrian heritage and loaths it - and by extension, himself - is the one with this enormous legacy right at this hand. And this matters.

Still in ACOSF, we have Rhys talking with Cassian and wanting him to play Courtier, the following exchange then follows:

“What, we’re doing some role reversal? Az gets to lead the Illyrians now?” “Don’t play stupid,” Rhys said coolly. Cassian rolled his eyes. But they both knew Azriel would sooner disband and destroy Illyria than help it. Convincing their brother that the Illyrians were a people worth saving was still a battle amongst the three of them.

Azriel hates the Illyrians for what happened to him and his mother and his dislike for them is, to a degree, understandable. The thing is that Azriel, no matter how much he loaths it, is Illyrian. Maybe he's more than that (as it's pointed that Az is different in a lot of ways and Bryce wonders if he is Starborn), but at heart, he's Illyrian. Siphons, leathers, fighting, being Carynthian, his wings, his scabbard and the dagger it holds.

It was healthy, perhaps, for Az to sometimes remember where he'd come from. He still wore the Illyrian leathers. Had not tried to get the tattoos removed. Some part of him was Illyrian still. Always would be. Even if he wished to forget it.

Being Illyrian is part of who he is and his deep hatred for them only fuel his self-loathing. He would like to set himself apart, but he is not.

We can actually draw a direct parallel between Azriel and Bryce with how they regard the Fae vs the Illyrians. Bryce loathes the Fae and for most of HoFaS, she believes they are evil, corrupt, power-hungry and quite generally, not worth saving. She would leave them all to burn. Sound familiar?

And Bryce is wrong. Sathia challenges her notion, pointing out that she's laying judgement to all fae and that is hardly fair. What the one who don't deserve it? Herself, yes, but Flynn, Declan, and Ruhn himself? Do they deserve to burn too? Bryce herself acknowledges this:

Urd had sent her there to see, even in the small fraction of their world that she’d witnessed, that Fae existed who were kind and brave. She might have had to betray Nesta and Azriel, trick them … but she knew that at their cores, they were good people. The Fae of Midgard were capable of more. Ruhn proved it. Flynn and Dec proved it. Even Sathia proved it, in the short time Bryce had known her.

And this part here sums up quite neatly:

Fire met starlight met shadows, and Bryce loosed herself on the world. It ended today. Here. Now. This had nothing to do with the Asteri, or Midgard. The Fae had festered under leaders like these males, but her people could be so much more.

There are Illyrians who are kind and brave and break the mold. We see this with Emerie, who is also a woman. We see that with Balthazar, Cassian. The main point stands, though, that you cannot judge or condemn an entire race for the bad apples.

Azriel is wrong, just as Bryce was wrong, and his journey will be also to realise that his people are worth saving. They were created of night and pain (words that Azriel embodies, being a master of shadows and a torturer), but that is not everything they need to be. They can be more than soldiers. They can thrive.

And I believe this was something Enalius himself came to the believe, long ago. His people deserved more than to be slaves to the Asteri, forced to give them their power when need be, bred to live and die for them. They could be more. And Enalius died to free his people from their chains.

Is Azriel Enalius's blooded descendant? I'm not sure, but he doesn't need to be. Azriel is Enalius successor because he will finish what was started. He'll uncover the secrets of the past, what his people were in truth, what Enalius rebelled for, what he stood for, what the Blood Rite truly means - which he only got a glimpse of.

And this is where I think Emerie will also come in. She's s one of ACOSF most relevant characters and the first female Illyrian to be Carynthian. I think Emerie will also become an inspirational figure to the Illyrian women, another of these what they coud be. What they can be. And more importantly and that is just a theory, what they were.

Orestes was a warrior. What if so was Carynth and she was woman? The name always struck me as similar to Carina, which is the name of a constellation and commonly used by women. It would be ironic and another shaking revelation to the Illyrians that Carynth, for whom their greatest warriors are named after, was a woman.

Does that mean all Illyrian women must become Valkyries? No, but some might wish to follow this path whilst their society takes its time to catch up. They already shook the status quo and with Nesta poised to have a big role (andthe Valkyries along her), they will continue to do so.

Azriel will uncovered the lost history of Vesperus offered him all the clues he needed to start looking. His journey to find out this secrets will lead to him facing his own demons, confronting his loathing for his people and, in doing so, he will make peace with himself.

[bloomingdarkgarden]

3 B R O T H E R S | Growing up in Illyria

[bxriles]

On Rhysand and Eris:

I saw a post that said Rhysand and Eris were the same exact character and it low key implied that it’s hypocritical to like Eris while hating Rhysand (among other things lmao), so I wanted to give my two cents as someone who fucking hates Rhysand with every fiber of my soul but who also likes Eris. No hate to the person who made that original post. I’m just using it as an excuse to ramble and avoid the work I should be doing right now.

More below the cut:

I’ll start off by saying that Eris and Rhysand are DEFINITELY similar characters. I wouldn’t say they’re the same though. I would say they’re foils of each other instead. They both wear masks, but one of them has a support system while the other is completely isolated. But I want to go deeper than that.

I think the key difference between Eris and Rhysand lies in the reason they both wear a mask.

Rhysand. I cannot for the life of me understand why Rhysand wears a mask. Amarantha maybe? But that doesn’t make sense. He’s been wearing that mask for way longer than 50 years if his treatment of the Illyrians and the CON is anything to go by. Is it because he wants to seem powerful? Well, he already is, isn’t he? He’s ThE mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVeR. So it’s not that. Maybe he’s wearing the mask because he wants to keep a tight leash on Illyria and the CON? Fine, but I don’t think he’s wearing a mask at all when he interacts with Illyria or the CON. I think he actively hates them and treats them as such. If he actually gave a shit about the Illyrians, he would enforce the wing clipping ban. If he actually gave a shit about the CON, he would work harder to find the “dreamers” who are trapped down there. What does he do instead? He has Cassian bark orders at the Illyrians and actively torments the CON by torturing Keir and parading Feyre around as his own personal, glorified slut. (And no, I don’t think that’s what Feyre is, but it CERTAINLY is what Rhysand portrays her as when they’re in the Hewn City. Especially in ACOSF where he fetishizes her pregnancy…) So it doesn’t seem like he’s wearing a mask when he interacts with 2/3rds of his court. It reads like he straight up hates them.

Okay, well maybe he wears the mask to protect Velaris from outsiders? No, that doesn’t make sense. Velaris was already hidden from the rest of Prythian. No one was going to discover it. The only reason it got discovered was because Rhysand made a gamble on telling the human queens about it and it backfired.

Fine, maybe he wears the mask around the other High Lords to seem more intimidating. That seems plausible, but I don’t understand why he would do that. Coming off that way means the other HLs will never want to ally with him (as we saw in ACOWAR). And if we’re being honest with ourselves, Rhysand’s actions while wearing his mask do not do him any favors with the other HLs. In all likelihood, he killed those Winter Court children (and no, I’m not taking arguments on this point. If this mysterious other daemati really did exist, why didn’t they out Feyre and Rhysand’s alliance UTM? That daemati may not have been able to get into Rhysand’s mind but they easily could have gotten into Feyre’s or Clare Beddor’s mind instead), he stole an ancestral artifact from the Summer Court when he could have just asked for it, he allowed his wife to burn the Lady of Autumn (I know Beron didn’t gaf about that but if we’re talking alliances, hurting Beron’s wife is a great way to make sure they never work together for the greater good), and he regularly gallivants around the Spring Court when he has NO BUSINESS being there. Sooo wearing the mask around the other HLs may make him more intimidating, but it hasn’t yielded him any positive results. If anything, his behavior should have alienated him more.

So then what’s the reason for Rhysand wearing a mask? Because I haven’t figured it out. He’s just… Wearing one for shits and giggles, I guess? (We all know the real reason he’s wearing that mask is so SJM can justify him sexually assaulting Feyre UTM and twisting her broken bone.)

Eris. Eris’s reason for wearing a mask is a lot less convoluted than Rhysand’s. If Eris doesn’t wear the mask, then Beron will kill him. It really is that simple. In the HL meeting, Feyre notes that when Eris spoke up, he chose his words very carefully, which clearly implied he was trying not to provoke his father. It was even confirmed in ACOSF that Beron tortures Eris. So if Eris doesn’t wear a mask, he gets murdered. The difference is that he doesn’t have the IC sucking him off and telling him what a good guy he is because he’s wearing a mask. Eris has nobody.

I also want to note the other MASSIVE DIFFERENCE between these two characters. Consequences.

Rhysand. This mf does not face any consequences for his actions. Ever. He steals an ancestral artifact from the Summer Court? Yes, he gets the blood rubies, but those are rescinded one book later. He barges into the Spring Court all the time (Specifically ACOTAR, but also ACOFAS and ACOSF) and Tamlin never whoops his ass for it even though he would have every right to. He locks Nesta up in a house with a man she DOES NOT WANT TO BE AROUND after he crucified Tamlin for doing the same thing to Feyre? He’s NEVER challenged on this. He straight up lies to Feyre about her life-threatening pregnancy and then has the entire IC lie to her as well, and that’s that. He’s never held accountable for those lies. He sexually assaults Feyre, defiles her body with paint (the thing she LOVES), and twists her broken bone when she’s likely already septic and what happens? Nothing. It’s never brought up again. He gets away with all of it.

Eris. Eris is a great example of talk shit, get hit. He makes some hateful ass comments to Mor at the HL meeting and what happens? Azriel beats the ever loving fuck out of him. He leaves Mor on the Autumn Court border (he did NOT nail the note to her womb, as a lot of this fandom likes to pretend) and the Night Court holds a grudge bigger than the state of Texas against him for it and they bring it up every single chance they get. Eris goes after Lucien and Feyre in ACOWAR when they (illegally) cut through the Autumn Court? He gets his shit clocked by Azriel and Cassian. If there is one thing about Eris that I like, it’s that while he may dish out a lot of shit, he can also take it.

So is it hypocritical to like Eris while hating Rhysand? I guess you could say that if you still believe they’re the same exact character, but I personally don’t think they are. I also wonder if the people who think it’s hypocritical to like Eris while hating Rhysand also think it’s hypocritical to hate Eris while loving Rhysand. Just some food for thought.

[genericaces]

so i've got a very specific pitch for you

[cactusboil]

Rice’s effectiveness as a HL (and how fkn lazy and useless he is)

The Night Court is one of the largest and toughest (I suppose??) territories to deal with in Prythian. So doesn’t it make sense that it would obviously handled by the “strongest” HL existing in Prythian? Of course it does. And not to mention his oh so powerful IC always backing him up.

A little timeline thing:

The fae vs human war happened 500 hundred years prior to the events of acotar. It is said that the previous spring HL (tamlin’s dad) was killed by the end of the war, so we can assume that rice was around his 20s-30s when he took over as HL of NC. I’m gonna skip approximately 100 years including the time he wasn’t HL and was utm. So that’s 400 hundred years of being a HL.

And what has he done? WHAT HAS HE DONE FOR NC? Nothing. Don’t bring up the “change takes time, oh he banned wing clipping in some of the camps🤡” bs. If he can break Keir’s bones infornt of an entire audience made up of Hewn city ppl for simply bad mouthing Feyre and Cassian, a general of his army can clear out an entire village of Illyrians in retribution to his mother’s death, then I’m pretty sure that he along with his clique of the strongest ppl to ever exist can do so much more. He can barely hold up a wing clipping ban.

Making the Illyrian women train means nothing really, if they don’t have proper health care and safe homes to go back to. It means nothing when some Illyrian women don’t want to be fighters and just want to be able to live freely. Oh and what about the Hewn city women? Morrigan herself has said how her cousins are suffering yet no one does anything for them.

His double standards with Velaris vs Illyria and Hewn City is glaringly obvious. He goes around tryna be macho with other HLs but is a pussy when it comes to his own court.

400 hundred years is a lot of time. It is more than enough time for someone that is actually interested in helping their ppl and motivated to bring a good change to their court. But it is too little time for someone like rice, someone that has prejudice against his own ppl, that is lazy and truly doesn’t have any intention of helping anyone tbh.

[mycatismyfriend]

Angel the Series | 5x17 "Underneath"

[thelov3lybookworm]

A request for you if you feel so inclined 🥹 this doesn’t need to be romantic unless you want to spin it that way. What if cassian or azriel at one point saved an Illyrian girl from getting her wings clipped and from that point forward she idolizes them. Every time they stop by her camp she’s always there to greet them with whatever sweets she baked that day (she helps out in the kitchens at the camp) and asks them about their missions and adventures, if they’re sleeping well or eating enough and just overall doting on them. (And then if there’s a romantic twist, one day she goes to greet them and the bond snaps and she just fumbles over whether or not to offer the cookies she made that day because wouldn’t that be WAY too soon to accept a mating bond? 👀) Maybe she wants to be trained as a Valkyrie but her parents won’t allow it. maybe the girl is devlon’s daughter? But doesn’t have to be! This was a lot sorry lol (love love LOVE all your work by the way 🥰)

Mere coincidence?

Summary: Y/n never thought she would ever be treated like more than trash. So it's a surprise when one of the most powerful men in the entirety of Prythian saves her.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: hey darling, I love this so much❣️😌. Also, don't worry about it. I love when you all send me asks, especially when it has a lot of things to work with 😉

Also, I mostly try to go with someone who isn't Azriel when you tell me to choose because there's a lot of azzie stuff that I have and not enough for others Bois so I hope it's okay.

I kept this one short because I didn't want to keep you waiting. I'll be writing a part two soon. Please let me know what you think about it!

Anyways, that's all. Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

Everything was flying downhill, which was not the best choice of words, as in a moment, she would never be able to fly.

She tried again to loosen the bonds on her wrists, all in vain. She'd been tied here since dawn, and it was now afternoon. They did this all the time to females, just to make them feel more helpless. It made them feel like they had time to escape, but they didn't.

There weren't many female who had been able to get freed of the bonds on their wrists, but the few who did? They were shot down before they could even reach flying heights.

Y/n looked around. No one paid attention to her, as if she didn't exist. Maybe for them she didn't. It was common occurrence that a female, sometimes more than one, would be tied to one of the posts in the center of the camp. It was only her today.

Snow crunched behind her, and she stiffened. Her father walked around her to her front, kneeling. He studied her for a moment before standing.

"Get the equipments." He called out to someone behind him.

"Yes my lord!" The Illyrian said before running off as a crowd gathered.

She stared at him.

Her father.

But that's not what people thought of when they talked about him. No, what came to mind when people saw her father was a great warrior. That he was the Lord of the camp.

Lord Devlon.

"What are you looking at girl? Staring like that wouldn't spare you."

"I know. I'm not stupid enough to think that." She lifted her chin. Which was not the right choice, as her father looked on the verge of chopping someone to pieces. That someone being her.

But she didn't care. Being chopped to pieces was preferable to losing her wings. There was nothing she was scared of, because no matter what she did or didn't do, her wings were going to be clipped today.

She could be a brat, or she could be the most innocent and naive female, who would do anything the males asked of her. It wouldn't fucking matter, because in the end, the thing that mattered most to her, she would be stripped of.

When two Illyrians came to turn her around, she stood before they could touch her. She didn't want anyone touching her. Even if she was going to her death, she would go by her own two feet. She will not be dragged anywhere by people who had to belittle and hurt females to feel powerful.

She stood and, maintaining eye contact with her fuming father, and turned away, baring her back and wings to him, flaring them wide.

Nothing happened for a moment, and then a footstep sounded. Another and then another.

She took a deep breath, readying herself for the pain and anguish when she felt the cold press of the tools on one of her wings. She bit her tongue when the tool started slowly digging into her back, awaiting the–

A loud thump echoed through the still and silent crowd, and slowly people started dispersing. She blinked, daring to turn her head to look when the tool left her back. Her father was thrown on the ground, and the people who were still standing next to them gasped.

What the hell?

She turned as much as she could, and she found herself staring into the hazel eyes of the General of Night Court.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice low and raspy. She nodded, not knowing what to do with the fact that this male was talking to her. He nodded, slashing through the bonds on her wrist with a dagger before turning back to her father.

"Touch her or her wings again and you'll be carcass before you can blink."

Hey father snarled, trying to get up but before he could even get one leg under him, the General was on him, landing punch after punch on his face.

She stood there shocked. Why the hell was the General here? And, why in the hell was he saving her?

As she stared, wondering if she should do anything to save her father, totally not enjoying the show, another Illyrian landed nearby. This new arrival pulled the General off of her father.

A hint of disappointment entered her, but she chided herself for thinking that way.

Y/n watched as the two Illyrian murmured furiously to each other, and then the one with the blue siphons turned to her father.

"I believe you understood what he wanted to say. Don't make us repeat ourselves. The High Lord will be here shortly."

"He didn't send–"

"No he didn't. But who do you think owns this place, and, indirectly, your life?"

"Curse you, you bastards." The two Illyrians looked as indifferent to her father's insult as a cat to its owner's affection.

The General then walked to where she stood, his siphons casting a light red glow over his form and his immediate surroundings. "Are you sure you are alright?"

She nodded numbly, staring at the absolute giant of a man.

"Stay away from her you disgusting pig!" Her father spat as he climbed to his feet.

The General cocked his head, sharing a look with the Spymaster before turning away.

"Mind your language Devlon. I'll be back to check on her. And I swear to the Cauldron, if she is hurt or loses her wings, I will act on my promise."

Why the hell would he do that?

Her father barked at her to get back to her duties, cursing and grunting as he left with a few Illyrian men.

But Y/n stared after the General and Spymaster's retreating forms, clutching her left elbow with her right.

Wondering if it was a mere coincidence that they had arrived just before she lost her precious wings.

She didn't know why the General cared enough to threaten to kill her father if her wings were clipped, but she did know one thing.

She would fight. For herself and her life.

She wouldn't just sit back and take whatever the males threw at her, making herself smaller to feed their egos.

She had always tried to not be a nuisance to her father or any others, having always thought that she was worth nothing.

No. She wasn't the one who thought that way. She had been forced to think that way by the ideals and traditions that had been embedded in their minds.

And now, she would fight.

She would endure anything thrown her way, and she would face it.

She will train with the men. Of course, after she finished all the chores assigned to her.

And if she died in the process of her rebellion?

Then she would have died for a great cause.

•○🌑○•

Part 2

Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess

[queercontrarian]

one more sweet boy to be butchered by men

@cassianappreciationweek Day 5: Scars

some scars take a very long time to heal.

title from hozier's swan upon leda

for this prompt i wanted to explore a confrontation between a grown up cassian and his child self, a past that is so far removed from him yet one that still heavily affects him over five hundred years later. a little boy forced to fend for himself and a general putting weapons into the hands of children just like him. how can his scars heal when he sees the same wounds reflected in his people every day?

for some reason i feel like the sketch just hits harder. if you're interested in that drawing you can find it under the cut here

[achaotichuman]

A Witch A Warrior And A Reckoning

A Court of Thorns and Roses next generation fiction.

This is the masterpost for A Witch A Warrior And A Reckoning, below are all the links related to this fanfiction.

Summary:

Life is peaceful for Dahlia Fairburn, running with her War Band, and commanding the Spring Court armies. Since the day she could wield a sword, she's been helping her father, along with her younger brother, to restore Spring to its former glory. Trying to ignore the festering magic in her body, that threatens to consume her.

One day, all that peace is threatened to be shaken, as a certain prince of Night asks for her to join the rebellion of the Hewn City and Illyria. From beneath the great mountains, an ancient song calls for her. She meets a woman with death in her eyes, and power in her veins, who makes Dahlia's blood boil while something clicks into place between them.

This new generation of Prythian was thought to be one of peace and prosperity. But the mask of the reigning High Lords begin to crumble, as secrets older than Prythian itself are uncovered, and darkness is unleashed.

Moodboard and Playlist Links:

High Lord Tamlin

Dahlia Fairburn (Tamlin's Daughter)

Eden Fairburn (Tamlin's Son)

Aisling Sapphirus (Dahlia's Love Interest)

Aesira Vanserra (Eris + Azriel's Daughter)

Cynthia Vanserra (Eris + Azriel's Daughter)

Nyx Archeron

A Witch A Warrior And A Reckoning: ACT 1 Spotify Playlist

DM or reply in the notes of this post if you would like to be added to the tag list for this fanfiction!

[acourtofladydeath]

"Take These Broken Wings" Chapter 6

Hello loves! This update has been a LONG time coming, so let's start with recap of Chapter 5, "You Were Only Waiting".

Nesta had a #moment in the bathroom, the past few days too much for her to handle without her old vices. After being found by Feyre, the Valkyries helped Nesta start to address the mess of feelings she's had since Cassian's attempt and the reveal of her new bond to Azriel. Cassian and Azriel had it out, discussing what Cassian did, why, and how their history may have been a factor. Rhysand drops by his brothers’ to be supportive, only to get told off and go on a journey of his own. At the end of the chapter, Nesta is being cared for by her friends, Az and Cass are sleeping peacefully, and Rhysand has faced some demons. And that's what you missed on glee TTBW.

In Chapter 6, our trio reunites, Cassian faces a broken promise, and everyone begins to heal. Alternate title: "The One Where Everyone Gets A Mom".

Feel free to reread the fic from the beginning, read a snippet below, or start the new chapter on AO3!

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The first thing Nesta thought when she woke up was that she felt warm - not just physically but emotionally. Nestled between her friends, she knew she was safe there. Soft light shone through the gauzy curtains, and as Nesta looked toward the rays, the House drew them back a little further.  The sun added to the contented haze Nesta found herself in for a moment longer. She breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of her friends and the chocolate croissants the House had conjured. This was what it felt like to be whole, she thought.  But she wasn’t whole, not yet. The bonds in her chest were stirring, twined together as if they embraced each other. Nesta yearned to tug on the strands, pulling the males toward her, especially the new shadowy tethers tenuously strung between herself and Azriel. Broken hearts, the both of them. She’d begun to heal with Cassian; could Azriel learn the same?  That thought sent her reeling out of the calm morning’s embrace. Cassian had been healing her, but she hadn’t considered his pain. Self-loathing crept in, an old friend she knew well, threatening to overwhelm her senses as it closed in around her.  With her breaths coming shorter and faster, Nesta carefully climbed out of bed. The panic that had been her constant companion for so long returned, beat by beat, louder and louder as she walked through the House. She followed the bonds pulling tight within her constricting chest; her eyes closed tight against the swarming darkness that threatened to overwhelm her.  She’d been calm, but how long had she had peace when Cassian had not? Had she been so blind to his trauma? Or was she not as healed as she’d allowed herself to believe? Possible answers swarmed her mind, but she dug deep, feeling the cool stone beneath her bare feet. The sensation helped still her mind long enough to focus on her goal and Nesta focused on the anchors in her chest. She traced the back to the source, thankful they pulled in the same direction, and began to walk.

Read the rest of the chapter here on AO3!

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[kataraavatara]

back to this quote, I think I’ve cracked a major reason why training women to fight was Illyria going so abysmally other than “all Illyrian men are just The Worst” it’s like. not only are the men extremely psychologically fucked up from experiencing this insane amount of violence and abuse starting at eight there’s also going to be natural feelings of resentment that the women didn’t have to go through this and still get to be warriors and fight. they desperately need to rationalize the amount of abuse they experienced so it can mean something so now anyone who didn’t spend their formative years getting their bones broken is obviously No True Warrior. There’s an obvious misogyny element but also deeper psychological component that if they see someone like the Valkyries succeed when they started training as adults they might have to look inward and realize it was all for nothing. that they suffered so much for so many years for ultimately no reason. sunk cost fallacy yada yada