#valentine knows the difference between an anxiety and heart attack

[merge-conflict]

🖊️

valentine

I've alluded to it in fic a few times, but the reason Valentine has a synthetic heart is because she really uh... went overboard on stimulants in the first half of her twenties. You know how it is when you're 23- living forever or dying tomorrow both sound equally plausible, and it's hard to imagine waking up in your thirties having destroyed your neck just by sleeping funny, let alone deal with the consequences of long-term stimulant abuse on your body. I assume the insane techbro desire to achieve ultimate mental power and clarity through nootropics and miracle herbs and god knows what else is 100x more insane than what exists now. That combined with her ADHD and the difference between unmedicated understimulated brain and cruising on top of the world... well she had a little moderate to severe coronary troubles and had to shell out for a replacement. Someday the rest of her central nervous system may be due for similar upgrades.

[wandamaxim0f]

Brian 'Otis' Zvonecek one-shot — Peace

Words: 1.2k

Otis x Female reader

TW: the tiniest bit of angst and lots of fluff! Also: pregnancy, anxiety, mentions of panic attacks

A/N: finally dared to post this one! I really like how it ended up, but please keep in mind english is not my first language so there may be some mistakes. I wrote this one with Peace by Taylor Swift in mind, enjoy!

Taglist: @winchesterszvonecek

And you know that I'd (...) give you my wild, give you a child

Your hands were shaking as you went to grab your cup of freshly brewed tea, the chamomile smell soothing you before you could even take a sip. You did your best to focus on the way the tea tasted, and how the warmth went through your mouth and down your throat, really trying to keep yourself grounded and not give into the panic attack that you felt around the corner.

Silly panic attack. You felt the clink of your wedding band against the beige cup. Your wedding ring, of all things. You two were married, and had been for almost a full year. Turning your head, you found the fridge with all of its magnets and notes. Some were sweet and loving, both in your handwriting and his, knowing some days one left for shift without seeing the other.

“I love you”; “Stay safe”; “Come home to me” were some of the messages the both of you had left, a reminder you had someone waiting for you after your shift at the Intelligence Unit, and he had someone waiting for him after his shift at firehouse 51.

A photo from your wedding day caught your eye. You two were married. He wouldn't leave. He wouldn't step back. He had literally signed up for this. He had scribbled down his signature on a paper that was securely put away on a folder full of important documents, and he had vowed to love you until death do you part.

The door opening startled you, even when you had woken up early to talk to him. Not that you could really sleep, anxiety keeping you awake and turning and tossing in the bed sheets; the smell that came from his shirt that you were wearing doing nothing to calm down your mind.

“Baby” called Otis, as soon as he closed the door and saw you sitting down at the kitchen island. He knew something was going on. Usually, on your days off, he would just get home and find you asleep in bed, not drinking tea in the kitchen.

Immediately, he dropped his bag and his arms found your figure, pulling you into his warm embrace and stepping in between your legs, holding you to his chest as his hands caressed your back in the way only he knew how.

“Are you okay?” he asked, already knowing you weren’t, by the way you clung to him, embracing his body with your arms and legs, and let out a shaky breath against his chest. Still, he gave you the choice to not speak about what had you up on your day off, not until you were ready.

You split from his hug, knowing you wouldn't speak if you found refuge between his strong arms. “We need to talk” you said, finding his now worried brown eyes.

Otis swallowed audibly, and a neutral expression took over his face, trying to hide the fact he was terrified. Were you going to leave him? Was your marriage over? Or did it still stand a chance? Had he messed up? Forgotten a date? Forgotten your birthday? Valentine's? Anniversary? He quickly crossed those options, your anniversary was still a month away, he already had the reservations for the weekend getaway done, and your birthday had been three months ago, he had gotten you that necklace you liked. And February was still away, so there was no chance he had forgotten Valentine’s.

“I’m sorry” he blurted out, his heart shattering at the idea of letting you down, of disappointing you “I don’t know what I did, but I will make it up to you. Please don’t leave me” he was not above begging, not when it may make the difference between you staying in his life or giving up on your marriage. Not when you were the single best thing that had ever happened to him.

Your heart melted into your chest, and tears gathered in your eyes. His forced neutral expression switched into a worried one when a tear escaped your right eye, and his thumb was quick to catch it. Whatever it was, it could not be good if you were this distraught. He had seen you in some of your worst moments, and he could count on one hand the times he had witnessed such distress in your pretty eyes.

“Babe?” he called, preparing himself to beg you to talk to him if it came down to it. You were worried, and he wanted, he needed to help you out.

“I’m pregnant” you whispered, your voice so low, Otis thought he had misheard you.

“You... what?” He exhaled, trying as hard to not let his hand find your lower abdomen, since he wasn’t sure you were happy.

Sure, the two of you had discussed starting a family, but that conversation had been held ages ago, at the early stages of your relationship. He remembered you saying you wanted to have kids, and how that was a deal breaker to you; and he remembered getting home and pestering Joe about how he had found the one.

Had you not seen his small smile, you would've freaked out. But he was smiling, and his eyes were shining with tears, so that was a good sign, right?

“I’m pregnant” you repeated, louder this time, and allowing your own hand to find your nonexistent bump.

Otis let out a high pitched scream, before hugging you tightly. His arms pulled you closer and out of the kitchen stool, picking you up and spinning you around the living area, excitement washing over him. Finally, he put you down, and his hands cradled your face, whipping away any tears.

“We’re having a baby” he whispered, happiness dripping from his words, before he started peppering your face with kisses.

“We’re having a baby” you repeated, giggling at his affection, your hands now holding his biceps.

You couldn’t understand how you could’ve been that panicked, your husband wanted desperately to be a father, but only with you. Now you let yourself feel the happiness that you had put away on a cage in your heart, and the world felt more colorful than ever.

The next morning, as you untangled from your still asleep husband, you made your way to the kitchen to get some breakfast. A new note on the fridge caught your eye, and butterflies came alive in your stomach.

Last night, Otis and you had sat down and tried to guess an estimated date in which your baby would join you, a date he had scribbled down on a piece of paper before adding “Best day ever”. Next to it, a note he must've put up while you headed towards the bedroom “Get on desk duty”.

Years ago, the idea of desk duty would’ve killed you, hating the idea of being away from the action and the adrenaline it provided, but now you were beyond happy to spend your whole day at the district.

“You two were leaving without saying goodbye?” Otis’s sleepy voice called out as he walked into the kitchen. Without saying another word, he sank to his knees and kissed your abdomen “Leaving without saying goodbye to your dad is actually kind of rude. Guess your momma and I will have to teach you some manners once you’re out of there, bub” he spoke, his hands firm on your hips.

You laughed, a hand coming to caress his hair, and he looked at you with nothing but adoration and love shining in his eyes. How could you have been so worried? You would be okay. The three of you would be okay.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for a Fic...

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1. Hello hello. Thank you for being an irreplaceable source of wangxian fic ❤️❤️❤️. This time for "in the mood for", I wonder if there are fic where Lan Sect, LXC & LQ get called for their hypocrisy? Imho, they get away relatively unscathed despite standing with JGY all those years. @hid9884

恩仇仙人- Enchou xianren (Immortal Avenger) by AshayaTReldai (E, 133k, WIP, WangXian, Angst, Mental Anguish, Pining, Revenge, Execution, internalinter-clan politics, Reincarnation, TGCF notions of ascension and deity, WWX/LWJ marriage, First Time, Post-LWJ whipping, Injury Recovery, Issues of justice, Torture, Not friendly to the Clans - they all get their comeuppance, Hurt/Comfort, Dark LWJ, novel compliant characterisation)

this blood in my mouth by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 3k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, Post-Canon, POV LXC)

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2. Hello, i wonder if you could recommend any or all modern wangxian fics that you know of where they are at some kind of school. (Hs, college, etc.) idm what type of fic it is tbh i just am in the mood for more fics with that concept :) thank you very much !!!

Every park bench screams your name by AngrySteminist (T, 18k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Moving, Suburbia, hot jogger Lan Zhan, Rated T for swearing, Mutual Pining, Different first meeting)

避风港 by Heroine (Evoxine) (E, 113k, WangXian, Modern with Magic AU, Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, College/University, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Eventual Smut, Sex God LWJ, Accidental Voyeurism, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Friends to Lovers)

Circles Pt. 1 by cicisears (M, 173k, WangXian, Huaixuan, Zizhuiyi, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Academic Fraud (Please Do Not Commit), bed sharing, Closeted Gays Working Through It, mentions of abuse, parent death mentioned, Car Accident, Referenced Social Media, Arranged Marriage, Homophobic LQR, Found Family, Slow Burn, Plot Twists, campus life, Ends on a Cliff Hanger, Hacking)

Carefully Orchestrated Plans (no strings attached) by Maledictius (T, 96k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Chatting & Messaging, Orchestra, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gossip)

heart forecast by softserve (xervos) (G, 1k, WangXian, Modern AU, Confessions, Valentine's Day, High School, Fluff)

only fools rush in by justpeace (M, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Slow burn, Humor, Banter, Flirting, Fluff, Getting Together)

like, comment, share & subscribe by detectorist (T, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, YouTube, Social Media, Flirting, Humour, Banter, Getting Together, First Kiss, Texting,Youtubers For Social Justice, YouTube Rivals to Lovers)

sleep in your bed by copperwings (E, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Fluff, Humor, Smut, Attempt at Humor, Boys Kissing, Emotional Sex, Anal Sex)

you are safe/loved/worthy/enough by everythingispoetry (T, 150k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Social Media, Mental Health Issues, Healing, self-care, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort the mortifying ordeal of self-acceptance, Falling In Love, Depression, Slow Burn)

just between you and me by starknjarvis falling headlong by floraidh (E, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Public Display of Affection, Party Kissing, frat party, Mutual Pining, First Time, Alcohol, blackout drinking)

In The Quiet by Hanguang_Blue (HexWolf) (M, 16k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Mute LWJ, Underage Drinking, Boarding School AU, Sign Language, Eventual Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Light Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Non-verbal LWJ)

Surrender by autumnprincess (E, 25k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Cheerleaders, Jock LWJ, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Angst with a Happy Ending, High School AU, Enemies to Lovers, Family Fluff Self-Acceptance, Dark LWJ, Fear Play, Physical Abuse, Blood and Violence)

Cute Robot Weird by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 16k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School AU, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Non-Binary NHS, Autistic LWJ)

sweet ink nothings by monarch_v (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School AU, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Secret Admirer, Friends to Lovers)

keep up by mimilamp (E, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School AU, First Time, Practice Kissing, Practice hj, Sexual Content, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Pining while fucking, Teen Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 108k, wangxian, modern, angst w/ happy ending, romance, persuasion au, separations, pining, miscommunication, depression, self-harm, reconciliation, smut, [PODFIC] Tempo Rubato, by Spodumene by Spinifex, Mojo’s post)

Zero by @theladyofravenclaw (G, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates AU, Musicians, Friends to Lovers, Reincarnation)

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3. Hello again i was wondering if any of you could recommend less known neorodivergent wangxian fics. Ive read a few but can’t remember the names sry.

Wei Wuxian’s Guide to Hacking for Fun and Profit by ArgentInferno (T, 150k, WangXian, Autistic LWJ, WWX has ADHD, Modern with Magic, modern cultivation au, Hacker WWX, neurodivergent wangxian, Therapy for the win, Fluff, Shenanigans, LWJ isn't good with feelings, Fighting against corruption, Talisman-based tech, Getting Together, Slow Burn, shameless flirting)

Bunny date by Onomatopoetikon (T, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, POV LWJ, Autistic LWJ, WWX Has ADHD, First Dates, First Kiss, Holding Hands, LWJ Uses Actual Words, Neurodiversity, Developing Relationship, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, Fluff, Romantic Fluff)

KILF (Knits I'd Like To Fuck in) by ScarlettStorm (E, 168k, wangxian, modern, sex work, fiber arts, 2nd in series)

When we were small by deliciousblizzardshark (T, 7K, LWJ & LQR & LXC, LQR & WWX, wangxian, modern, kid fic, neurodivergent LWJ, parenthood, homophobia, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced underage sex, hurt/comfort)

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, wangxian, modern, meet-ugly, panic attacks, autistic LWJ, neurodivergent WWX, hurt/comfort, pining, eventual smut, happy ending)

Couldn't Scream Couldn't Shout by mermorgie (T, 20k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Muteness, Sign Language, references to selective mutism, Homophobic JC, canon jc characteristics, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, probably also not very Jiang friendly overall, Anxiety Attacks, Pining, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Supportive Sibling LXC, JZX Tries, LQR Tries, Protective JZX, Scheming NHS, Bisexual JZX, LWJ is Bad at Communicating, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ)

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4. hi can i request a specific type of fic where wwx is treated as lan furen/lan er furen. i really like the idea of wwx in typically feminine roles, not necessarily feminizing him but in a sort of caretaker, nurturer role. idk if this makes sense. recently read The Oubliette and it really gave me an urge for more wwx taking up sect duties that are more than night hunts and training the juniors.

The pathway to cultivating family by Lan_Wangjoe (M, 97k, WIP, WangXian, Period-Typical Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Forced Feminization, Genderfluid Character, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Angst, Porn With Plot, Anal Sex, Character Analysis, Blow Jobs, Consensual Non-Consent, Crossdressing, Unplanned Pregnancy, Forced Pregnancy, Magical Pregnancy Mpreg, Adoption, Politics, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Period-Typical Racism, Eugenics, Feudalism, Lovesick idiots, Idiots in Love, Medieval) wwx might not be treated at the start as lan furen, but as the plot goes it's what the main characters are going for

The Cultivator's Cold by Court_on_Fire (G, 6k, wangxian, it’s a plain old cold, but the melodramatic summary is priceless.) WWX cares for LWJ, who has somehow managed to catch a plain old common cold; the author wins at summaries

5 Times Wei WuXian was a Domestic Goddess by DoAliensLikePasta (G, 6k, WIP, wangxian, sick fic) WWX cares for a sick LWJ, mends clothing, embroiders gifts, and gardens

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5. Hii , mods do you have A) any hualian/bingqiu being WWX's parents..B) and fanfictions where wuxian accidentally gets pet babies or human baby @selflovingmedj

5A)

Hello, Neighbor!!!  By Dragon_Scribe (M, 69k, BingQiu, WangXian, Canon Divergence Demon   WWX, Crossover, Found Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dimension   Travel?, Mystery, Mind Control, Love Confessions, Self-Indulgent) BingQiu don't exactly raise him but they do sort of adopt him after he's dropped into the Burial Mounds....

a warm coal in the hearth of our hearts by eccentrick (T, 46k, hualian, hualian & WWX, post-canon TGCF, found family, fluff & angst, humor, hurt/comfort, disabled character, ableism, kid fic)

One More For Dinner by MonroeKnox (G, <1k, hualian, modern, hualian as WWX’s parents, necromancy, implied/referenced character death, fluff)

ancient couple raises baby necromancer (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) series by corduroyserpent & cringewerewolf (G, 7k, wangxian, hualian, stalking, humor, fluff)

Hua Xianle by Tiffany_Guinne (Not rated, 27k, hualian, wangxian, canon divergence, not Jiang friendly, madam lan lives, selective mutism, WIP)

5B)

Smuggle Bunny by SkieNight (T, 13k, WangXian, Modern AU, Different First Meeting, Meet-Cute, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bunnies!, Getting Together, Strangers to Lovers)

tame by rikke (T, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Very Dumb, very fluff)

Imprints by Lisa_Telramor (G, 47k, wangxian, post-canon, humor, panic attacks, phobia recovery, poor life choices, JC & WWX reconciliation, dogs)

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6. Hey mods! Im in the mood for some body swap wangxian. The funnier the better, but im not against some drama or angst, etc. No sex tho, at least not while they are swamped and if there’s sex then the canon dynamics please!

come home to my heart by occultings (microcomets) (M, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Bodyswap, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed)

So Jump (and I'm jumping) by Pip (Moirail) (T, 1k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Body Swap, Fluff, Talismans gone wrong)

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7. For the next intm do you know any fics where the burial mounds is sentient and care for wwx as its/their own.

The burial mounds decree by PeTit_flUer (Not Rated, 52k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core revival, Sentient Burial Mounds)

You Will Be Found (I will find you) by pink-lotus-pods (Waterlogged_fireflies) (T, 1k, WangXian, BM & WWX, The Burial Mounds, Burial Mounds Resentful Dead, Mentioned LWJ, POV Outsider)

Build me no shrines by occultings (M, 54k, wangxian, case fic)

my life's journey is far from over by thelastdboy (E, 147k, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Madam Lán Lives, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Post-Sunshot Campaign, PTSD, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, POV WWX, Slow Burn, Anxiety, Situational Mutism, YL WWX, Case Fic, Sentient Burial Mounds, Recovery, Hurt/Comfort)

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8. I'm looking for fics where LWJ falls and/or jumps off the cliff with WWX and one of the two manages to pull off a last-second save so they both survive (with or without injuries.) I swear I've read more than one fic with this premise but I can't find them now.

Blossoming flowers in a full moon - 花好月圆 by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 64k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts, make LWJ happy agenda, wangxian cuddle to immortality)

💖 catch and release (and catch again) by Gaez (bell_flowers) (T, 25k, WIP, WangXian, Post-Bloodbath of Nightless City, Loss of Limbs, just a little necromancy, as a treat, not exactly jiang cheng friendly)

it calls to those Series by Shializaro (T, 7k, WangXian, Time Travel, POV Outsider, POV Alternating, LWJ Has Feelings, Make LWJ Cry Agenda, Good Sibling JC, JC is So Done, Angst and Humor)

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9. For the next "in the mood" for, can I please have any fics in which established together/married wangxian are in their honeymoon period traveling together as in the book (post comfession)? It can be just fluff or case fics, but no angst please. Thank you ❤❤

of all that is tender and good by SoManyJacks (M, 7k, WangXian, Fluff, Post-Canon, Praise Kink, Minor Animal Injury, but it's okay I promise, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Anal Sex, Prostate Massage, Light Bondage, Light Angst, Alcohol) It’s not angsty, imo, despite the tags, but it’s smutty

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10. A) a fic where lan wangji witnessed wwx getting hurt/ killed (preferably in his 2nd life/mxy body) and he went havoc/feral? B) a fic where after the guanyin temple incident?, instead of wwx leaving to travel alone lan wangji went with him. they did travels +++++ - @ner-u

10A)

❤️ Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, WIP, wangxian, time travel, dark gusu lan, angst, major character death, not JC friendly)

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11. Mods-sama do you have found any wangxian fics that have princess hours elements in it? Thank you!! 🙏🏻

for 11, can anon tell us abt 'princess hours'..do u mean the kdrama ?? I read through the synopsis of the kdrama and I personally haven't seen that type of plot because the monarchy/royalty stories I've seen tend to meld mdzs canon, and center that plot line but maybe someone else knows something ??

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12. we all know and love dark lan zhan, but IM in the mood for dark jiang cheng/dark jiangs! does anyone have any interesting recs? thank you to the mods for all they do!! ♥️

if it’s Destroying you, then it’s Not Love Series by Cy_anne (M, 27k, WangXian, Yunmeng Bros, Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, NO physical abuse, Implied/Referenced Emotional Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Grooming, Dark Jiangs, WWX is a fully adopted Jiang, And the Jiangs don’t want him to leave Ever, Possessive Behaviour, Overprotective Siblings) Is a series for dark jiang clan in general

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13. Hello! I'm in the mood for Lan Zhan being panicked and stressed about Wei Ying dying again. Could be angsty or comedic. @fangirling-quietly

hello my old heart, how have you been? by ravenditefairylights (M, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Temporary Amnesia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, Pining, Hair Washing, Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Soft WangXian, LWJ Needs a Hug, Sleepy Cuddles)

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14. Hello! i was wondering if you know any fics like looking through a window or Harana , Have great day thank you!

yes the fics i were looking for were outsider povs thank you for all your hard work!!

hello!! I dont really mind if its canon or modern au thank you!! ^^

do they mean if we can recommend fics that are fun POV outsider to wangxian shenanigans/romance? if so:

Lan Zhan's University Days (JAFFY) by sami (T, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kinda, cultivated to immortality, University, outsider pov, WWX is a chaos gremlin, ridiculous future bullshit, wwx vs Local Culture)

Now Showing: Hanguang-Jun And The Yiling Patriarch by sami (T, 3k, WangXian, Future Fic, in theory it follows on from an au, specifically The Same Moon Shines Series, movies, the rewriting of history, if the past was different the future is different, But still ridiculous, Humour)

Who Gave You All Those Charms, Lan Zhan? by Admiranda (T, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, College Setting, outsider pov, shameless indulgent fluff) query, does anon only want modern au outsider pov of wangxian? there are some good canon ones as well

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15. Hi, I’m the mood for fics with a system in them. Similar to the SVSSS system. Thank you~

Somewhere, in a parallel universe... by shinshin_kido (shinryuu_uroborus) (M, 78k, wangxian, major character death, fix-it of sorts, internally screaming LWJ, wangxian being teenagers)

Past, Present and Future by Cora (Cora98) (Not Rated, 22k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Angst, Mutual Pining, Falling In Love, Eventual Smut, yunmeng siblings)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[shirophantomvox]

“Longing for Attention” Illumi x Reader

Hello anon! Thank you for this awesome request! This story consists of a little angst and fluff towards the end. I can truly say that this story is the closest to Illumi’s canon characteristics. If you all did not know, I am celebrating my 100 follower goal! If you’d like to participate in this event, click this link. Please note that requests for this event will close on July 15th at 12 AM EST. The post will have all of the rules and prompts!

👁 👁 👁 👁

“I swear I’ll haunt you in your sleep, Zoldyck! ‘Ya hear me, boy?!”

A body thudded as this man’s speech was cut short. A tired Illumi Zoldyck came calmly walking towards his target with the straightest face ever. Even at the sight of blood, darker than any he had seen, his lips remained neutral and his eyes remained half-lidded as they were. The sound of the mini heel on his green loafers echoed as he continued to approach the deceased man before him. The ballroom was completely empty, leaving Illumi all by himself for who knows why and what else could happen.

Being a bounty hunter was challenging in itself but being a bounty hunter and dating an assassin is a totally different story. Criminals began to spread the word of your alliance with the Zoldycks and formed many gangs to retaliate against you both. Both of you have been shot at, stabbed a few times, and even been robbed! After being robbed at gunpoint and dealing with trauma, it nearly made you quit your job because of the stress and life endangering events faced almost everyday but for Illumi, it didn’t phase him at all. Not in the slightest. After being robbed of his engagement ring, he simply went to another jewelry store and bought another. He did not cry, quiver, or shutter.

After Illumi phoned his father and gave him a brief overview of his success, he proceeded to the exit. The light flickered, giving the impression that an eerie figure stood at the end of the hallway. Electricity hummed the closer someone approached it, sounding like a fly trying to find its way back outside. An atmosphere like this one did not bother Illumi in the slightest but he did not like being there no longer tha needed.

“Y/n! Y/n! I know you can hear me!”

“Now is not the time to play around. We need to vacate the premises immediately,” He thought to himself. He began to bang on doors, opened them up, and yelled your name to the heavens trying to find you.

“Oh! I know,” he said out loud, snapping his fingers.

He opened a tracking app on his iPhone that displayed all of his contacts that had recently shared their location with him. Once he began the search, it revealed that you were 400 kilometers away. Tracking your phone was something he did every time he could not find you. At times it was adorable and sometimes it was weird and intrusive. Illumi’s intrusive behavior stems from his mother, Kikyo and no matter how you put it, it is very unhealthy. Caring can easily turn into an obsession that can make you do unsound things.

“Illumi! I am in the bathroom. Can you give me a second,” you ask, slightly irritated, washing your hands quickly. You did not want to keep him waiting any longer. It was always a mystery if it was his anger or anxiety that prompted him to bust the door down just to make sure you were safe. Poor Illumi Zoldyck. His expression of love and how he cared for others was rather odd and unusual. It is safe to say that you were the best thing that has happened to him.

As you open the door, he stands with his long arms crossed in a huff, his long legs creating an upside down “V” shape gazing at you a slightly angry about your disappearance halfway through the mission.

“Where were you,” he asked, moving closer to you. “While I had to complete both of our jobs, you have been playing around in the bathroom.”

“Illumi, you’re—“

“Shhh—“ He placed his index finger over your mouth, bending down at eye level, and smiled devilishly. “—I’ll still pay you but you owe me a favor.”

“—But I wasn’t playing in the bathroom!”

As you were pleading your case, Illumi nonchalantly typed away on his phone. He quickly showed you his screen that listed your every step within the last few hours. It displayed where you were, the longitude and latitude, who you spoke with, and if you took any pictures. You had no idea that a smartphone could disclose so much personal information and since you have shared your location with him, he has access to it all.

“—Care to tell the truth?” Illumi raised his left eyebrow, using his somewhat intimidating tactic used when he was a child.

“Fine. Ugh! Why do you have to be like this?”

“Like what?”

“You’re…too overprotective. Give me some space sometime! Hell, you might be pleased to know where I was.”

“Pleased?! I nearly had a heart attack when I realized you were not by my side! Are you satisfied that my heart weakens everyday?”

“You’re so dramatic. You might want to take up acting, you know.”

“Ha, ha, so funny,” he said flatly.

As you roll your eyes in irritation, Illumi closes the leftover space between you two. Still bent over at eye level, he places his large hand on your cheek, blinks twice, while his straight face remains. His cold hearted personality seemed to always overshadow his body but all of his warmth seemed to be omitting from his palm.

“I care about you deeply. I cannot have you running away doing God knows what while we are on a dangerous mission like this one.”

“Illumi, I—“ He places his index finger over your mouth again, shushing you as he continues to, as they say, pour his heart out for once.

“I understand that you are a bounty hunter, but if I’m being honest it is a much different line of work than being an assassin. It is my job to care for you while I complete some of the harshest tasks on Earth.”

“I’m not a child, Illumi. Do you want to know what I was doing? Those longitude and latitude readings are very wrong, by the way.”

“Huh? Ok…where were you then?”

Still, your face was placed in his palm, his large eyes staring in yours somehow made you feel lost. Your delayed answer made his palm involuntarily tighten.

“I bought you this pocket sized white teddy bear…?” This statement was propositioned as a question rather than a statement because you were afraid of how he’d react. He was already startled and giving him a plushie would only make it worse. Instead of reacting calmly he would assume that giving him a plushie would imply that he was weak.

“…Valentine’s Day is a few days and I know you’ll be in Las Vegas handling business so I decided to buy you something that will remind you of me while you’re away.”

The small plushie was a white teddy bear holding a heart. It’s eyes were as big as Illumi’s. Before you could hold it up to him, he grabbed it rather gently, stood up straight, and held it in front of his eyes for examination. He turned it around a few times as if it was on a rotator. He placed his index finger inside of the keychain loop and finally smiled. He placed this small object against his heart just before he bent down to meet your eyes once again.

“I always think of you. Come to think of it, that must be why my shots have been off.”

His face scrunches in a humorous way. As usual, his smile fades away and returns to his neutral look. Illumi’s silence signaled that his mind was running a million miles a minute. So many questions and feelings begged to be released but something was preventing him from doing so. You could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to suffocate you with a bear hug but he wouldn’t do it. He has been trained to think that assassins do not need friends, cannot express their feelings, and can only do what is needed to get the job done. It’s ironic; the Zoldyck children are not allowed to have friends but they are allowed to have lovers only so they can reproduce and keep their legacy alive. Love has no part in their marriages; they are only contracts, literally. As in love as Kikyo and Silva were (and still are), it would seem like they’d emphasize the importance of love to their children. As a result, they all have adopted an odd way of showing affection for others.

In this instant, Illumi’s face appeared to be more endearing than before. His face had darkened significantly, his cheeks were fatter like they were stuffed slightly, and his eyes twinkled. You smiled as you have truly found the key to his heart. All this young man wanted and truly desired was to be loved not for his abilities or job, but for him and only him. Your warm hands, now on his cheeks, felt overwhelmed with warmth. Just the sight of him at that moment was breathtaking. The flickering power, the unrest souls in the next room of his targets, and the eerie atmosphere seem to fade while you gazed into his eyes. Pressing his cheeks together, puckering his lips was indeed both an amusing and cute sight to behold.

“You are so adorable, Illumi. Did you know that? This “bad boy” behavior and clutching a teddy bear is too much to take in. I might just send a photo to your mother. She’ll screech and tell the entire world.”

“You wouldn’t dare do that ,” he said, words muffled; lips still puckered. He seemed to flush more and more every time you’d remind him of how vulnerable he is right now.

“Try me!”

“Mother would just embarrass me, you know that!”

“I know. Then I’d be able to see the sweet, soft assassin that I see now. All warm and cuddly. I’m sure you just want to sit in the back seat of your Dodge and just fall fast asleep, am I right?”

“I plead the 5th,” he said flatly.

“I was right! Ha, ha!”

“Would you pipe down already?”

Illumi’s right hand was placed directly behind his torso carelessly pressed against his lower back. He appeared to be in pain but made no mistake. If asked about it, he’d lie just to debunk any statements about him being weak.

“What is in your hand? Let me see it.” Your demanding tone turned into one that a mother has, specifically Kikyo.

“It’s nothing,” he said, slightly wincing in pain.

“Let me see it now, Illumi or I swear I’ll—-“

“Fine! Fine! Just don’t make a big deal about it, alright?”

A promise is a promise; that is what you said to Illumi as you agreed to not over react once you saw his hand. A healed bruise nearly scarred the entire base part of his hand. A light red dotted cut looked as if someone took a exacto knife and grazed it. You gazed back into his eyes. He looked hurt; longing for attention for a cut that had already healed. As childish as it may seem, just the slightest bit of attention is something he craved, even if something like this had been healed a long time ago. Him wincing was something he conjured up to grasp your attention. He raised his hand in front of your mouth, leaving it bent for you to grab.

“Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?”

“Please,” he replies, smiling slightly again.

The touch of your soft, moist lips made his smile grow larger, his cheeks flushing yet again. A few overlapped lipstick stains remained on his hand, something he might get tattooed so everyone knew who he belonged to.

“Why can’t you be this way every time we finish missions? We could have sooo much fun.”

“If I have too much fun, I’d abandon my remaining missions and father would not like that at all. He might even put out a contract on me.”

You sigh somberly. Illumi had his moments of anger, roughness, and kept his distance but moments like this, where he wasn’t afraid to allow his softer side resurface made you feel content as if you completed a mission of your own. Gazing into his eyes one more time, they sparkled greatly.

“At least I can enjoy this while it lasts.”

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

The male companions and f!sole fake dating for a mission?

this one is sooo cute! i love it. thank you for requesting! i don’t have a specific scenario and i’m in class so for this request, i will keep it general. let’s say they’re crushing on the ss hard. ❤️

-

Danse:

horrible. he’s horrible at this kind of stuff. in fact, he’s probably the one who does this mission the worst out of all the companions. he stumbles over his words, blushes intensely, and loses himself in the process. everytime sole sends him a cute, flirty look to go with the flow of the situation, hes already midway through a heart attack. whenever sole slips her small hand in his own, he becomes dizzy and you could literally feel the steam radiating off of his body. as much as he wanted to help sole complete the mission, his mind wasnt capable of thinking straight and all he could really focus on was the feeling of their hands pressed together. hearing sole call him, ‘love’, ‘boyfriend’, and ‘sweetheart’ only made him more nervous than he already was. how do boyfriends act when stuff like this happens?

danse scolded himself for looking like a fool in front of sole herself and the random bartender that continued to eye him down. despite all his worries and anxiety, he doesn’t really want the sensation of these small moments to end any sooner. the feeling of their hands intertwined and sole sticking close to him only pushed him to protect her more. he didn’t want this to be a one time thing, especially not when this feeling felt so right to him. it was just so new and foreign - it excited him. as they exited the building, he felt the disappointment build up as he felt soles hand retreat from his but fought the urge to grab it back. his eyes never left soles hand as they both walked back to sanctuary, danse still remaining suspiciously quiet with a red face. maybe, just maybe, he’ll confess to sole sooner than later.

Deacon:

he was good at fake dating. well, good at it with someone he didn’t like. this was different. this was someone he actually had feelings for and he nearly hit his own head trying to get up from his bed as des sent deacon and sole to a mission. “you’re kidding, right?” deacon would laugh nervously, hoping it was a joke coming from his boss. she was not kidding, not one bit. here he was, trying to act natural as sole tried to persuade the man to spill some information. once the man questioned their intentions with the place they tried to gain intel on, sole placed a small hand on deacons chest, causing him to grow rigid. oh boy, this was gonna be a long night for him. “oh, we were just looking for a place to reside in. we’re planning to start a family after all, right honey?”

crimson dusted deacons cheeks as he smiled, answering the question innately, “of course. we just want the best for our kids.” sole threw an arm over deacons torso, hugging him tightly as she exchanged words with the man once more. he would shyly snake his arm around her waist as he tried to keep his cool. he hadnt felt any affection like this since barbara, so he definitely wasn’t used to this anymore, but he wasn’t complaining. he’d secretly enjoy the affection shared between the two. once they got the information they needed, they both ditched the town as soon as possible to avoid seeming suspicious. as sole tried to release her hand from deacons, she only felt him grab it a little tighter. “what’s wrong?” she looked up at deacon, who was smirking friskily with a blush on his face. “the mission doesn’t end till we get back to HQ, remember?” she laughed, hitting his arm playfully as she squeezed his hand, “stupid.”

MacCready:

at first, maccready would be completely against the idea of fake dating because of his insane crush on sole, but would see it as an advantage to make the move he never had the guts to initiate. maybe this was his chance to hint at sole that he liked them, through actions of course. he thought it would be easy until sole became all affectionate and touchy with him to seem convincing to the couple they were investigating. the hand holding and small touches were gonna make him faint any minute. “what a pretty man you have there! hard to find someone so good looking these days,” the woman complimented as she eyed maccready in a flirtatious manner. before he could respond or even send his thanks, sole tiptoed and pecked maccreadys cheek, causing him to stumble back in surprise.

it took him a few moments to really get himself level headed over the events that just happened, but would let a small smile spread on his face. he unconsciously brushed his hand over the spot she had kissed and the moment only replayed more and more in his head. he watched as sole said their final goodbyes and dragged him to another side of the room, talking to him about what she had collected. he wasn’t listening. he was only focused on her face and lips and was enticed by her beauty. unknowingly, he placed a hand on soles cheek and bent down to kiss her forehead but immediately withdrew, panicking at his sudden actions. he was stuttering out apologies left and right until he felt soles hand creep into his own, a warm grin forming on her cheeks. all his worries about whether sole felt the same way immediately drifted into oblivion.

Hancock:

he would be the most natural when fake dating, seeing that he is naturally flirtatious and has obviously showed his liking to sole. of course, sole was oblivious to his indications and shrugged it off, knowing that it was part of hancocks personality. so when sole brought up the idea of fake dating for a mission so they could seem less suspicious, he agreed to it before she could say another word. maybe through this way, he can show her that his feelings are 100% genuine and not part of his coquettish nature. during the night, they spoke to some woman at the bar who apparently held essential information that they needed to push out of her. they knew they would probably have to chit chat with the woman for a long while before she really began talking about what they needed. they both decided to relax on the couch opposite of where she sat, wanting to get comfortable for the remaining of the time they were there.

at first, it started off as cute, innocent hand holding and had slowly transitioned to something more as they both got more relaxed with each other. hancock wrapped an arm around soles shoulder, unconsciously playing with strands of her hair as she laid her head on his shoulder. he eventually lifted her hand and placed a gentle kiss against her knuckles, sole smiling as a response. with a small giggle, the lady teased, “you must love her very much. it must be very nice to be in love.” hancock only sent her a broad smile, a gratifying tone dancing in his voice. “yes, i do love her very much. always have and always will. i’m sure she knows that too.” sole would laugh and nod her head, a soft red painting her cheeks. after collecting as much intel as they could, hancock lead sole out of the bar, never letting go of soles hand once. sole peeked at him shyly, her voice quiet. “did you mean what you said in the bar? or was that part of the plan?” hancock would hum teasingly in thought, “take a wild guess, sunshine. do you think i meant it?” sole would pout childishly causing hancock to burst into laughter. he walked in front of her, and gently held soles chin as he inched closer. “let me answer that for ya.”

Nick Valentine:

he’d seem almost professional at it, maybe a little awkward here and there but is a gentleman overall. he wouldn’t really mind fake dating for a mission, but wouldn’t think it’s the best way to go through with it. in the end, he’s much better at controlling his feelings for her than the others. nick is much more simple with showing his affection and shows it through small manners. he would place a firm but gentle hand on soles shoulder or would stick out his arm for sole to link her own with. as they went out and about to the designated area with soles arm linked with nicks, they finally found their suspect and tried to seem as friendly and unsuspecting as possible. unfortunately for them, the man seemed to be disgruntled by nick being a synth and often gave him a disgusted side eye as they spoke. they both decided to ignore this and continue on with their shenanigans. the detective enjoyed the unexpected attention he was receiving from sole and smiled at the feeling of her head leaning on his arm. using the same arm she rested on, he caressed her back gently. though they got negative reactions from the man, nick still remained in a contented mood due to soles acts of endearments.

he tried to start up a conversation with the suspect, hoping that he can obtain any information but the man only degraded him. “you’re dating a synth? this piece of trash?” sole could hear the loathing tone of the mans voice, and before nick could even sputter a word out, she stepped in front of him. “excuse me. you better watch how you talk to my boyfriend. he is the sweetest and most caring man i’ve ever met in my lifetime and he is most definitely better than you will ever be,” sole glared harshly before continuing, “if you don’t like it, then feel free to walk out.” she sent him an innocent smile as the man stomped passed the two, fuming at soles comment. “don’t let the door hit you on the way out, sweetheart.” she whirled around to face nick and looked at him straight in the eye, huffing. “the audacity of some people...” he only chuckled and ruffled her hair. nick was pleasantly surprised with how she handled the situation and felt his mechanical heart whir happily as he locked eyes with her. “well aren’t you something, doll? can’t find anyone else like you.” he complimented, “so what’s the plan now since our main man decided to take a hitch?” giggling, she linked arms with nick once more, dragging him with a skip in her step. “i say we keep searching. there must be more than one person in this town that’s connected to him.” nick was just glad to share these small moments with sole.

[mortedeveles]

faint of heart

Copyright © 2021 by Veles. Do NOT repost, plagiarize, or read my content as ASMR or audiofics.

SUMMARY: This Valentine’s Day, your boyfriend Suga has decided to take you to an amusement park. The problem is, you’re terrified of rollercoasters, and he happens to love them. And if you add two totally immature chaperones to the equation, chaos is bound to break loose. 

PAIRING: Sugawara Koshi x gender neutral! reader, ft. Nishinoya & Tanaka [platonic] 

THEMES: fluff, a bit of chaos, humor. [ONE-SHOT] [CUPID’S ARROW WRITING EVENT] 

WORD COUNT: 4.7k (around 4,747 words) 

TAGS & TW’S: nothing much, just descriptions of jump scares, rollercoasters, reader is afraid/nervous of them in here, sugawara is a sneaky boi, might be some slight cursing. 

before you read (!!!): this fic is part of the writing event, Cupid’s Arrow! check out our masterlist if you’re interested in more Valentine Day themed works <3 please support the event with REBLOGS, likes and comments!! 

a/n: tyty to @etegomanere​ for beta reading this fic!! 

Valentine’s Day meant a lot of things to you. Before attending Karasuno High, it was just another holiday, giving giri-choco to your friends, or simply staying at home with family. But ever since you met Sugawara Koshi, things were different. 

Pretty different, to be honest. From being shy acquaintances, fleeting looks, and burning cheeks, your relationship with the grey-haired boy had evolved into much more. To friends, loud laughter and mischievous adventures, and finally, to intimate lovers, shared kisses, whispers of promises and affection, sneaking out to spend the night together, it was safe to say that it was certainly an adventure- one that you enjoyed and hoped for it to never end. 

And this Valentine’s Day, your boyfriend seemed to agree with you. Although customary to give honmei-choco to those you desired as romantic partners, Suga had set the idea aside, deciding it was his turn to give you something this year. 

You were excited to see what he had in plan, and after revealing his surprise, you weren’t sure how to feel. The moment you heard the words leave Suga’s lips, you knew you were doomed. It was a simple sentence but brought back childhood memories of screaming kids, impossibly tall and long rides, which usually ended with you in tears or hunched over, puking out your guts. 

And all you could think about was, out of all the things he could’ve chosen, did he really have to decide on a…

‘’...amusement park,’’ he had said with a bright smile. ‘’And I was thinking we should go on the roller coasters! It’ll be a lot of fun.’’

Your mouth felt dry. Here you were, sitting on your boyfriend’s lap as he talked about going to an amusement park today, with wide eyes and a bright smile. He looked so happy and excited, and who were you to destroy that child-like happiness? If anything, you never wanted it to end. So that’s why you agreed to go, even if your stomach twisted and churned on the way there.

Suga was driving, one hand on the steering wheel, the other one linked with your hand. It was your only comfort at the moment, and every now and then you’d squeeze his hand to calm down. He’d look over to you with a soft smile, pressing a kiss to your knuckles before returning his gaze to the road. Your other hand felt clammy with sweat, slight anxiety building in your stomach. 

‘’Suga…’’ you spoke into the static silence. He hummed in acknowledgment, waiting for you to continue. 

‘’I have something to tell you,’’ you swallowed. ‘’It’s about, uh….the amusement park.’’ 

At this, you watched his eyebrows furrow, but he remained silent, urging you to continue.

‘’I’m….I’m afraid of-’’ a sudden honk behind you two made you jump, and Sugawara cursed. 

The two of you looked back, only to meet the grinning faces of two all classmates, and a smiling blonde, waving at you frantically. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, jaw slack. 

‘’It’s Nishinoya and Tanaka-!’’ Sugawara said with an open jaw, shocked as well. He quickly pulled over, and the car behind you two did the same. Hastily, the both of you stepped out of the car, racing to greet the second-years. Tanaka’s sister stayed in the car, watching the interaction develop with a smirk.

‘’Hey!’’ They both cheered, racing towards the two of you. 

You laughed loudly, ‘’How did you guys know we were heading to the amusement park?’ You asked. Sugawara’s shocked expression quickly washed away, and now he looked rather grumpy.

‘’Our… customer gave us the information, told us you two were going on a date,’’ Tanaka said in such a serious tone, that you couldn’t help but snort. 

‘’It’s a date between Y/N and me, not with you two rascals.’’ He grumbled. They gasped dramatically, shaking their heads.

‘’Aww, don’t be like that, Suga-san!’’ The shorter one said with a grin. Tanaka huffed in agreement and grinned wickedly.

‘’Daichi-san sent us. He told us to supervise you two. After all- without us, who knows what type of things you guys are up to-?!’’ 

You scoffed, albeit your face warming up, while Suga snickered, pulling you snug against his chest. He upturned his nose with a grin.

‘’Whatever we do is none of your business! Anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t you guys be trying to ask Kiyoko out?’’ Surprisingly, they shook their heads, sporting confident smiles. 

‘’Don’t you know Valentine’s Day is also about friendship, Suga-san?’’ Nishinoya said.

‘’Not only did we come to supervise you, but we also came as bros!’’ Tanaka piped in. Nishinoya cheered in agreement, before Sugawara and you watched blankly as the two second-years fist-bumped each other, a mischievous glint in their eyes. 

‘’Alright…’’ Sugawara sighed defeatedly. You giggled at his expression. ‘’Let’s go Y/N, we’re almost there,’’ he eyed the two boys. ‘’And you two as well, I guess…’’

They attempted to laugh throatily in response and only ended up looking like fools. You laughed on the way back into the car. Once the doors slammed shut, you buckled up, glancing at Sugawara. His eyebrows were knitted together, looking displeased. Both his hands were on the steering wheel, clenched tightly. 

‘’Hey,’’ you said softly, hand reaching out to wrap around his. Immediately, his eyes snapped towards yours, hands slowly unclenching. ‘’Everything alright?’’ 

The boy let out a shaky breath, before smiling faintly. ‘’Yeah…’’ he chewed on his lip. ‘’I’m sorry- are you okay with them tagging along? I had everything planned out, just so it would be the two of us,’’ he huffed, shaking his head. ‘’But it looks like we have company.’’ 

You smiled, leaning over to press a kiss on his forehead. His body relaxed under your touch, lines of stress fading away. It made your heart warm. 

‘’It’s fine Suga, you didn’t ask them to come. If there’s anyone to blame, we need to talk to Daichi once we return.’’ He laughed and nodded in agreement.

‘’We sure do.’’ 

Seeing him regain his composure, you settled back into your seat, eyes pinned on the amusement park ahead of you. 

‘’Since they’re here now, we might as well enjoy it together. The more the merrier, right?’’             

      ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

As it turned out, the more, was not the merrier. Upon arriving at the theme park, the second-years raced towards the entrance, screaming and making fools of themselves. Suga and you stayed behind, carrying your few bags, attempting to not look ashamed. Saeko had waved goodbye to you guys, before speeding off. You hoped she would return to pick up the second-years. 

‘’They’re here to chaperone us, but why do I feel that we’re going to babysit them?’’ your boyfriend groaned, and you laughed.

‘’It’s Tanaka and ‘Noya, you know how they get.’’ Sighing in response, Suga continued forward, his hand wrapped around yours. 

Despite being afraid of the roller-coasters, you smiled. The sky was clear, seemingly hand-painted with a baby blue, very few clouds, and only the sun in sight. Not too harsh to make you constantly sweat, but enough to provide you with warmth. A perfect balance. 

And with Sugawara’s hand on yours, everything was nearly perfect. His grey hair was gently swept by the wind as if even the powerful currents of air were afraid of moving it. The sun poured on his skin, and you felt your heart thud loudly. He was beautiful. 

‘’Y/N?’’ His voice snapped you out of your thoughts. With a small smile and burning cheeks, you focused on the site ahead. The two of you had just gone past the billing entrance and were inside the amusement park. Kilometers of brick flooring stretched ahead of you, several booth tables and running children ahead. In the background, you saw the all too familiar roller coasters and gulped. 

‘’Yeah?’’ He laughed airily, squeezing your hand. You couldn’t get enough of him. 

‘’I was asking you where you want to go first, but you spaced out,’’ he watched you with a faint smile. 

‘’I don’t know,’’ you admitted. The sudden shrieking that pierced the air made you snap your eyes ahead, watching as a crow attacked Nishinoya’s hair, while he raced in circles and cried out. Tanaka was laughing loudly, tears in his eyes, and did not attempt to help the other second-year. 

‘’I told you,’’ Sugawara groaned as the two of you raced to aid the crying libero. ‘’We’re stuck babysitting them.’’ 

Between shouts of pain, yelps and cries, and one bitten finger after, Nishinoya had been freed. He was pouting as the four of you walked towards the rides that were ahead. 

‘’Are you sure you’re okay, ‘Noya?’’ You patted his hair affectionately, checking for blood or any injuries.

‘’Yeah…’’ he whined. ‘’I think I just lost my dignity though. Being attacked by a bird, in front of all those people.’’ 

At Nishinoya’s side, Tanaka snorted. ‘’What dignity, bro? You got none,’’ he cackled maniacally as the shorter boy growled in annoyance. Suga and you watched the exchange with mild amusement, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, having you pressed up to his side. It was warm and you snuggled into his chest. 

‘’You’re the one to talk Tanaka, what makes you think you have any dignity as well?’’ At his snarky remark, you let out a stifled laugh, which only grew louder as the three boys began to bicker. 

You watched the interaction with a warm smile, savoring the moments. Maybe you hadn’t been able to spend Valentine’s Day alone with Sugawara, but at least you were with the people you loved… even if some of them had you questioning your choices in making friends.

In a matter of a few minutes, the bickering died down as the four of you arrived at the first event, a spooky house. These didn’t affect you as much, at least not as much as rollercoasters, so you strode in confidently. The four of you paid for your ticket, and waited in line, the dark and black house at your left. 

‘’Hey,’’ Sugawara nudged your shoulder. ‘’Are you scared?’’

With a dismissive shrug, you shook your head. ‘’Nah, I’m good. Spooky houses aren’t really scary if you think about it. After all, it’s just a bunch of robots, cheap jumpscares, and underpaid workers.’’ 

He snorted. ‘’Yeah, I guess so,’’ his eyes trailed to Tanaka and Nishinoya, who were waiting in front of you. ‘’I’m afraid we might get kicked out because of them though.’’ 

You chuckled. ‘’Let’s just say we don’t know them.’’ 

Soon enough, the waiting line began to shorten and the four of you stepped inside the scary house. Everything was dark, and you could only spot the fluorescent arrows high on the wall indicating where to go next. 

‘’It’s really dark,’’ you commented. Instinctively, you grabbed Suga’s hand. He murmured in agreement. The two of you walked towards the next room, standing behind Tanaka and Nishinoya, who were chattering loudly. 

You would hear the occasional groan of exhaustion, the floor creaking under your feet, but nothing else. Just as you guys arrived at the entrance to the other room, the wall next to you suddenly opened. It was a hidden door.

‘’Beware!’’ A sudden stranger poked their head out of the wall, bathed in what seemed blood, before they were seemingly dragged away, back into the room, screams echoing. You let out a fearful scream, racing out of the room, Sugawara running at your side. Ahead of you, the second-years shrieked and ran, their arms thrown in the air. Soon, the four of you entered a tight and narrow corridor, resorting to walking in a line. 

‘’Go in front of me,’’ Suga told you, gently pulling you in front of him. ‘’I’ll be right behind you.’’ 

‘’Okay,’’ you whispered, eyes pinned to your left. The corridor was pitch black and you could only see some lighting ahead and yet… something told you that someone was watching you. 

A chorus of loud moans and groans ripped through the air, and you shrieked as you felt a finger brush against your left side. Behind you, Sugawara let out a frightened shout of his own, while Tanaka and Nishinoya squealed like frightened pigs. 

Ahead of you, the second-years stopped in their tracks as one of the robotic fingers had gotten stuck in Nishinoya’s shirt. He was squealing, shouting, desperately trying to run away. You heard the loud tear of the fabric, before the two boys ran out of the corridor, tripping over their own feet.

While you would’ve laughed at this on any other occasion, you too were frightened, and instead, reached for Suga’s hand behind you, racing out of the spooky house together. Running past the fake corpses hanging from the ceiling, feeling hands ghost over your body, you didn’t stop until you felt sunlight prick at your eyes. 

Gasping loudly, the two of you walked into a black curtain, finally out of the house. Wheezing, you bent over your knees. Sugawara wasn’t any better, his breathing labored.

‘’Wow,’’ your gasps for air turned into breathless laughter. ‘’That was… scarier than I thought it would be.’’

Sugawara chuckled. ‘’Yeah, for sure. Although it was shorter than I expected.’’ 

You raised your gaze, squinting your eyes as the sudden sunlight invaded your eyesight. You were only a few feet away from the original entrance, as the house didn’t stray far from it, and only stretched ahead to its left. Ahead of you, Tanaka and Nishinoya were sitting at a table, bickering about god knows what. The two of you strolled towards the pair and snorted when you spotted Nishinoya’s tee shirt. It was torn apart at the side, exposing his skin like a crop top.

‘’Well,’’ you said with a grin, sitting down on the bench. ‘’Decided to spice up your clothes, ‘Noya?’’ 

He whined, grabbing the tips of the ripped fabric. ‘’It got caught on those damn robot fingers! I had to keep moving, so I just forced myself to keep running, and…’’ his shoulders slumped, pouting dramatically. ‘’My shirt ripped.’’

Tanaka cackled, shaking his head in amusement. You smiled, and your boyfriend, who took a seat next to you, sighed exasperatedly.

‘’What are we going to do with you troublemakers?’’ He murmured with disapproval, tapping his fingers on the table. Despite the annoyance in his tone, you smiled. You could see the gleam of amusement in his eyes and knew that he wouldn’t have had this any other way.

     ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

‘’Woohoo!’’ Tanaka shouted. He pulled off his shirt, quickly wringing it in the air before racing towards the water fountains. Nishinoya quickly followed after his friend, discarding his shirt and footwear to splash in the water.

‘’Do you wanna go in?’’ You nudged your boyfriend. 

His eyes trailed over the fountains of water, watching as children splashed around in the water, squeals, and screams of joy invading your ears. The creamy mosaic tiles of the water fountain section were slick with water, and there was a sidewalk ahead of the fountains, and a lake stretched beyond the railing of the sidewalk. At your sides, were some mosaic stairs in which clothes were strewn on, and in others some people were sitting down, chatting without a care in the world. 

‘’Yeah, sure,’’ he agreed with a smile. ‘’Did you bring your swimwear beneath your clothes?’’ You nodded eagerly. You quickly pulled off your shirt, rolling your eyes when Sugawara wolf-whistled. Once you discarded your shirt and bottoms, tugged off your footwear and socks, you were left in your swimwear. 

Sugawara on the other hand simply discarded the black jacket he was wearing, pulled off his tee-shirt, wearing nothing beneath it (you may or may have not stared at him while he did so), and pulled off his denim jeans, revealing a pair of swim shorts. You snorted, shaking your head. 

‘’How did you stuff those shorts under your jeans?’’ Somewhat impressed, you raised an eyebrow and rested a fist on your waist. 

He chuckled. ‘’I have my secrets.’’ Without further ado, the two of you folded your clothing, leaving it atop of your bags, before Suga grabbed your hand, and the two of you raced barefoot to the water fountains.

You shivered as the water drenched you, cold liquid splashing against your warm skin. Sugawara was laughing loudly, hands splayed at his sides, redirecting the water. You squealed when it splashed against your eyes, and retaliated, sticking a hand in front of a water hole, sending it straight towards Suga’s knee. He yelped, and rubbed his knee, while you snickered. 

‘’How cruel,’’ he said as you gasped when he pulled you into his arms in one quick movement. His voice was teasing and there was a mischievous smile spreading across his cheeks. 

‘’I learned from the best.’’ You grinned and leaned closer as his arms tightened around your waist. 

‘’Mhm…’’ his voice trailed off, and his attention quickly snapped towards your lips. ‘’You sure did.’’ 

His lips slowly connected with yours, and you greedily accepted them, the warmth spreading through your otherwise cold and drenched body. Your hands went to the back of his neck, slowly creeping up to his hair. Just as the kiss grew deeper, a loud shout ripped through the air.

‘’HELL YEAH!’’ Tanaka shouted, and you slowly pulled away with a long sigh, only to have your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets at the current sight. 

Tanaka was cheering, arms in the air as Nishinoya knelt at his side, mouth wide open, the stream of water shooting inside.

‘’NISHINOYA, DON’T DRINK THE WATER-!’’

Sugawara and you raced towards the troublesome pair, barely arriving at the other side of the water fountains without slipping on your head. And after minutes of Tanaka screaming, Nishinoya groaning and whining, you managed to pull away from the latter from the water fountain, rushing towards the restrooms. 

‘’Nishinoya!’’ You scolded him while Sugawara inspected him. ‘’What in the world gave you the idea to drink the fountain water? That isn’t purified water, you dumbass.’’ 

Tanaka trudged into the restrooms just as you finished chewing Nishinoya out, walking in with a bright grin.

‘’That was fun!’’ You could only sigh in response.

After a few minutes, everyone took a quick shower in their respective stalls, dried up, and pulled on some dry clothes. You had just walked out of the dressing room when you met Sugawara’s gaze, who had just stepped out as well.

‘’Hey,’’ you gave him a bright smile. ‘’Where are we going now?’’ 

Sugawara hummed thoughtfully as the two of you strolled out of the foggy washrooms and the sun hit your still somewhat humid skin.

‘’I’m not sure. Oh,’’ he suddenly stopped in his tracks and you stopped as well. 

‘’What is it?’’ You asked while the grey-haired boy stared at his surroundings as if looking for the second-years. His eyes narrowed, but once he didn’t spot them, they returned to you, softening.

‘’I have something for you.’’ Fiddling with the backpack that was slung over his shoulder, you watched as he pulled out a small, black box.

‘’Suga…’’ You said, rather excited but cautious. ‘’If this is what I think it is-’’ 

‘’Huh?’’ He looked confused, but then his eyes widened. ‘’Oh! No, relax sweetheart,’’ he chucked. ‘’We’re still in high school, I’m not proposing.’’ 

‘’Oh, okay,’’ you replied, chest feeling much lighter. While you did like to think of marrying your boyfriend and other type of daydreams, right now was too soon for that...

‘’I was planning to give you this at the end of the day,’’ he said. ‘’But since we have some unexpected guests with us… I thought I’d just give it to you now, while they’re not here.’’ Slowly, he opened the box, and you let out a small gasp of surprise.

It was absolutely beautiful. The silver chain was gleaming in the sunlight, and the (favorite/color) heart pendant had a delicately carved S. A smile stretched across your lips, and Suga gently pulled out the necklace, looking at you expectantly.

‘’Would you like me to put it on you?’’ He asked softly, and you nodded eagerly. You stepped towards him, back facing his chest. You brushed your hair to the side, and you felt his long and nimble fingers trace your collarbone, before delicately placing the necklace around your neck. The cool metal made you slightly shiver, and your boyfriend quickly clasped it and stepped away. 

‘’What do you think?’’ 

‘’I love it!’’ Sugawara’s lips curled upwards. You quickly threw your arms around him, tugging him closer to press a brief but sweet kiss on his lips.

‘’Thank you so much. I have a gift of my own for you,’’ the boy’s eyebrows quirked upwards. ‘’But you’ll get it once you get home.’’ With a teasing smile on your lips, your boyfriend smirked and nodded.

‘’Alright then,’’ he leaned to your ear. ‘’I’ll be waiting to unwrap it.’’

Giggling giddily, you stepped away, and the familiar voices of Nishinoya and Tanaka interrupted your thoughts.

‘’Well, what do we have here!’’ Tanaka wolf-whistled at the sight of Sugawara’s hand on your lower back, and you rolled your eyes.

‘’A relationship, Tanaka. Of course, you wouldn’t know, would you now?’’ You cackled as the boy gasped and began to mutter to himself.

‘’Alright, alright, calm down you two.’’ The voice of reason, Suga, stepped into the conversation and placed his hand on your upper back. 

Nishinoya merely hummed and bopped his head, seemingly quiet for once. It was an odd sight. 

‘’It’s time to visit my favorite ride,’’ the mischief in your boyfriend’s voice made your heart skip a beat.

You had completely forgotten about the rollercoasters! What were you supposed to do now? Run away? Come up with a lame excuse to get off the hook? You doubted Tanaka and ‘Noya would be persuaded easily. 

‘’Wait a second…’’ Sugawara paused as he squinted his eyes towards the view ahead of you, a large and imposing roller coaster. 

‘’Oh wow! It’s a new roller coaster, and it looks even bigger and taller than the old one,’’ you could hear the childlike excitement in his voice and it tugged at your heartstrings. ‘’Let’s go check it out!’’ 

Without further ado, your boyfriend clasped onto your hand, and the two of you sprinted towards the ride, feeling like your stomach was about to leap onto the ground. At your left, you spotted the second-years racing towards the ride as well.

 Being only a few feet away from the coaster was nearly enough to give you a heart attack. You swallowed thickly and stared at the infrastructure. You were standing outside of the arch, which stretched into a sign that read, Cupid’s Arrow. A few feet ahead was the waiting line, with a few people already there. 

The railing of the ride was silver, but the actual seats of the ride were a soft pink, adorned with several hearts. You followed the people who had just hopped into the cart and winced as the ride began to move upwards, hearing the railing shift under it. It continued to increase in height, climbing, and climbing until it suddenly reached a stop. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. It didn’t look too bad… hopefully it would be a slow descent from there?

Your eyes widened as the cart suddenly dropped, moving at such a fast speed you had to blink twice to spot it. The screams of delight- or fear, you couldn’t tell, from the passengers ripped through the air.

You were going to be sick. 

‘’That looks like so much fun,’’ your boyfriend commented. ‘’C’mon, let’s go stand in the waiting line.’’ 

‘’Wait…’’ you froze in your place and tugged on his sleeve. He stopped and turned around, a questioning look on his face. 

‘’What is it, Y/N?’’ He tilted his head to the side.

‘’I...I can’t,’’ the words stumbled out of your head, but you couldn’t manage to get anything else out. 

‘’You can’t what?’’ His voice was calm and firm. You swallowed nervously and dug your nails into your left palm.

‘’Yo! The waiting line is loosening up, we’re about to go on, let’s go!’’ Nishinoya interrupted. Just as you opened your lips to protest again, Sugawara perked up at words and quickly led you to the waiting line.

Inconveniently for you, the four sets of carts pulled up at the entrance, and you sat down in the second set with Sugawara. Nishinoya and Tanaka were sitting in front of you, talking excitedly. Your heart was beating madly, pounding so hard, it felt like you were going to die.

‘’Suga...Can we get off?’’ He turned to look at you, confused. But it was too late, the ride’s worker had already done their walk around each cart, securely locking everyone into their seats. A shrill alarm made you wince, and the carts lurched forward.

‘’Oh god…’’ you mumbled and closed your eyes tightly.

‘’Y/N?’’ Sugawara reached to place his hand over yours. The ride’s restraints were pressed against your neck, and a belt was closed firmly over your lap. ‘’Do you not like roller coasters? You should’ve told me earlier,’’ 

‘’No, I…’’ you couldn’t finish your sentence, as a scream ripped from your throat as the cart launched downwards. 

The wind slapped against your face, and falling from such a high distance sent your heart to your throat. You couldn’t stop screaming, couldn’t close your eyes as the ride only went faster, and faster, taking a turn and before you knew it, you were upside down. The ride slowed for a second, and you whimpered.

‘’I hate roller coasters,’’ you said in a small voice, closing your eyes just as the ride lurched forward again, another terrified scream ripping from your chest.

Your mind was muddled, your stomach doing backflips and pure horror lodged in your throat. Nausea overtook you like a warm, suffocating blanket, and you felt your stomach churn. 

The ride came to a slow halt, and you breathed shakily. Your mind was racing, bouncing from one place to another, the sudden rush of adrenaline still lingering in your veins.

‘’Y/N? Y/N!’’ You opened your voice and met Sugawara’s concerned gaze, as he quickly helped you take off the restraints and step out of the cart. The moment your shoe touched the ground, you were falling to the side. Thankfully, Suga caught you before you hit the ground, and kept you in his arms. 

‘’Are you feeling okay? Oh god, you screamed a lot. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were terrified of roller coasters! I wouldn’t have even brought it up if I knew-’’ you raised your hand and stopped him in the middle of his rambling.

‘’It’s..okay,’’ but you weren’t. Nausea washed over you, wave after wave.

 ‘’But...I think I’m going to be sick.’’ The grey-haired boy's eyes widened. In a blink of an eye, he had you in his arms, and the two of you raced towards the closest restrooms.

‘’Hang on!’’ He said while rushing towards the stalls. ‘’We’re almost there.’’ Soon enough, you were set on the floor and puked your guts out on the toilet. You felt Suga’s warm hair push your hair out of your face, just so you wouldn’t dirty yourself.

After puking much more than you’d like, you panted, hunched over the toilet. Sugawara was rubbing circles on your back, and the second-hand embarrassment began to seep in. 

‘’Oh god,’’ you mumbled, slowly getting up. ‘’I’m so sorry you had to see me like that.’’ You grabbed the toilet paper that was next to the toilet, ripping a piece and cleaning your mouth.

‘’Hey, it’s alright,’’ Sugawara said. ‘’Nothing to be ashamed about. I should’ve picked up on the fact that you aren’t good with rollercoasters, I’m sorry this happened.’’ 

You shook your head and flushed the toilet. The two of you stepped out of the stall, trudging towards the sink.

‘’You were so excited, and I didn’t want to ruin that,’’ you opened the sink faucet, and began to clean your face, wiping away residue. ‘’But I think I ruined it either way…’’

Staring at the sink, you couldn’t meet Sugawara’s gaze. Instead, you leaned towards the faucet of water, cleaning your mouth from the stench of vomit as much as you could. God, this was so embarrassing.

‘’You didn’t ruin it,’’ Sugawara argued. ‘’We still have a day ahead of us, don’t we? I don’t care if you vomited sweetheart, it’s perfectly normal to do so. Besides,’’ he pulled you into his arms, resting his head on top of yours. ‘’being able to be with you, just like this, is better than anything else in this entire world.’’ 

‘’Really?’’ You murmured, cuddling into his chest. It was warm, and listening to his heartbeat was soothing.

‘’Really.’’ You smiled. Slowly, Sugawara pulled away, his hand squeezing your shoulders firmly, a new look of determination shining in his eyes.

‘’As I said, the day isn’t over yet. Why don’t we go out there and enjoy it, hm?’’ 

a/n: hey hey!! this was my first time writing for sugawara and my first ever haikyuu fanfic and honestly it went better than i expected-?? lmk what you guys think :3 if you enjoyed, please REBLOG, like, and leave comments on the post! feedback is greatly appreciated <3 

Copyright © 2021 by Veles. Do NOT repost, plagiarize, or read my content as ASMR or audiofics.

[silver-lily-louise]

Novelty

‘You come in here, with your brand-new magic and your flirting – what, like you care about me? Like I’m not just the blink of an eye, now that you’ve got your magic back? Now that you’ve got centuries again?’ Magnus risks letting out a tendril of magic, resisting the urge to groan at what he finds - because he’s a damned idiot, and this time, it might just get him killed. 

Set between 3x14 and 3x15. Magnus pays Alec a visit during a very bad day at the office.  (Slight non-con warning: see AO3 notes for details.)

Read it on AO3, or below!

~oOo~

The fire message from Alexander is unexpected, but welcome, and Magnus smiles as he puts down his book of Tennyson poetry. ‘Apologies, Chairman,’ he says, moving the cat off his lap and rolling his eyes at the complaining mroww he gets, as if Magnus has just dropped him fifty feet onto concrete instead of moving him a matter of inches onto the other couch cushion so that he can swing his legs around and stand up. ‘Yes, all right. Take it up with the one who summoned me.’

He twists his arm in his usual flourish – ignoring the brief throb of a headache, it’s fine, it’s an adjustment period is all – and steps through the portal, straight from Alec’s bedroom and into his office. ‘Well, this is a lovely surprise,’ he purrs, walking over and looping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. ‘Did you need something? I wasn’t expecting to see you until dinner time.’

‘No, I’m on a coffee break and just wanted to see you – I wasn’t expecting you to portal over here so quickly,’ Alec says mildly. ‘Didn’t fancy the walk?’ ‘Says the man who sent a fire message from one side of the Institute to the other,’ Magnus teases. ‘Besides, what’s the point of having magic if you don’t use it?’ He steps forward, until the warmth of Alec’s chest against his can chase away the nagging anxiety in his lungs, can quell the rebellious spark that he knows has made him more magic-dependent in the last few days, after spending far too long feeling so weak without it. ‘And for another thing,’ he says, snapping his fingers with a smirk, the lock on the office door audibly clicking. ‘What was it you said the other day about enjoying every moment?’

‘Right,’ Alec says – and he looks a little distracted, but before Magnus can worry too much about that their lips are suddenly together, and he mentally shrugs, waving it off as telegraphed intention and closing his eyes, leaning into the kiss with a pleased hum. Alec walks them across the room, Magnus stepping backwards trustingly, assuming that they’re heading over to the small couch for a comfortable place to sit – And immediately being proved wrong as Alexander pulls away from the kiss, Magnus’ eyes flying open in confusion and displeasure. ‘Alexander, is something wrong?’ he asks, stepping forward –

And stumbling as he runs into an invisible wall.

He looks down at his feet, the outlines of a now-activated containment circle glowing a faint red, and his heart sinks even as he looks back up at Alec, a thread of anger pulling his expression taut and controlled. ‘Alec, what the fuck-‘ ‘Quiet,’ Alec growls – and Magnus obliges, because if he talks again it might move his adam’s apple further into the seraph blade that’s suddenly pointed at it. ‘You come in here, with your brand-new magic and your flirting – what, like you care about me?’ Alec huffs an unimpressed laugh, and Magnus’ stomach turns because something is horribly, horribly wrong. ‘Like I’m not just the blink of an eye, now that you’ve got your magic back? Now that you’ve got centuries again?’

He turns away, stalking around the circle – and Magnus risks letting out a tendril of magic, resisting the urge to groan at what he finds because he’s a damned idiot, and this time, it might just get him killed. Because this isn’t Alec, and if he’d walked in here with his own magic instead of the sorry, half-fitting replacement Lorenzo gave him, he’d likely have known it the second he walked in. Now that he’s actively looking for it, the brief trail of possession in the air is almost painfully obvious.

He swallows, trying to keep himself calm. Stall. ‘That’s not true,’ he insists, warily keeping to the opposite side of the circle from Alec, as far away as he can get in the limited space. ‘And if you were yourself right now, you’d know that. I love you, Alexander.’ ‘No!’ – and there’s the seraph blade at his throat again, flickering a little rosily with the demon’s influence, and Magnus has the bizarre thought that this is what comes of dating someone so tall because Alec doesn’t even have to step into the trap to reach him, can stay outside of the circle and remain invulnerable to Magnus’ magic. Alec’s expression crumples, and if the situation were different, it would twist Magnus’ heart to see. ‘Am I even gonna go in your box?’ Alec whispers. ‘Why would I? A Shadowhunter, a descendant of the Circle; someone who’s fucked up at every damn opportunity and cost you everything, more than once.’ He laughs, and it’s a broken, mangled thing, his blade shaking as he withdraws it once again. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. This isn’t real, is it? That’s why you haven’t called it off – because it doesn’t matter, because it’s not a relationship. I’m just something for you to play with until the novelty wears off – in a decade or two, if I’m lucky.’ His eyes harden, his posture turning stiff and angry. ‘Well, you know what? I’m done with it. I’m done letting you use me like that.’

‘That’s not true,’ Magnus says again, well-aware that he sounds a little desperate now but fuck it, he’s losing him – and with a silenced, locked door between him and help, and Magnus’ new seed of magic still too weak to break out of this trap, talking’s the only that might, maybe, get them both out of this. ‘Alexander, please. Listen to me.’ He keeps his voice encouraging, gentle – he’s not afraid to be on the verge of begging, if that’s what it takes. ‘You’re not a novelty. You’re not just something to pass the time. Think about it for a moment; we’d only just had our first kiss, and when Valentine’s men descended, I surrendered, because I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. Or how about when your soul got lost in the parabatai bond, before we’d even had our first date?’ Alec’s looking at him again, now, and Magnus steps forward a little, encouraged. ‘You must remember me saying how Raj tried to stop me, tried to make me leave? I attacked him, Alexander. I might have killed him if I had to, because all I wanted was for you to be safe.’

He smiles, not fighting the tears that spring to his eyes, because gods, if he screws this up, he’s dead and Alec won’t be much better off, devastated by a guilt and a grief Magnus knows intimately and wouldn’t wish on anyone, let alone his Alexander. ‘Whatever that voice in your head is telling you, Alexander, it isn’t real,’ he implores. ‘This is real. We are real. I haven’t stood by you throughout our hardships because you’re temporary, I’ve done it because I love you.’ He lets out a long, shuddering breath, forcing himself to open his arms in a gesture of trust, of welcome. ‘Please, Alexander. Fight this. Come back to me.’

Something flickers across Alec’s expression, and Magnus’ heart skips a beat. But then Alec is shaking his head, drawing back the blade, and shifting his stance in a way Magnus has seen too many times not to recognize as going in for the kill. ‘No,’ Alec says – and there’s no hurt or doubt, now, just anger and determination. ‘I’m done being some fleeting amusement for you. And you’re gonna regret not taking me seriously.’

The blade flashes and Magnus somehow finds a smile, tries to find the words for I’m sorry and I love you and I forgive you – And then there’s a splintering sound behind him and a blur in front of him, a dagger sinking into Alec’s wrist and the seraph blade dropping from his grip as he howls in pain – and then there’s someone at Magnus’ side, ripping another blade through the containment circle and gods, Magnus never thought he’d be so happy to see Jace Herondale as he is right now. ‘Thank you, Blondie,’ he says – and then he’s pouring all of his fading adrenaline into his magic, forcing Alec down to his knees and holding him fast and safe.

His captive struggles for a moment; but then his face clears from fury into a smug smile, his eyes flooding with black as the demon drops the charade. ‘If I go, I’m taking him with me,’ it hisses. Magnus can practically feel Jace tense up beside him, but he pushes down his own instinctive thrill of fear in favor of an eye roll. ‘Nice try, but you’re nowhere near that powerful,’ he scoffs. ‘And I’ll be taking my boyfriend back now.’ He twists his hands, and grins as he feels the demon give way, its attempts to hold on inside Alec futile. ‘Buh-bye.’

Gray smoke billows into the room, blinking into existence around Alec – and with another lazy wave of Magnus’ hand it’s turned to ash a moment later.

He drops to his knees, taking the weight as he lets the magic go and Alec slumps forward, unconscious. ‘I’ve got you,’ he whispers; and he closes his eyes, allows himself just a moment of relief because it’s over. ‘I’ve got you. It’s all right.’ A quick magical scan reveals no injury – besides the wrist, of course, which he quickly heals – and so he takes a deep breath and stands the both of them up, glancing over when Jace silently slips under Alec’s other shoulder. ‘Excellent timing on your part,’ he comments, summoning a portal with his last scrap of energy and swiftly dismissing the swell of irritation at how easily his magic drains itself these days. ‘I’m guessing you felt the possession in some way?’ ‘Not exactly,’ Jace says, pausing for a moment as they step through into Alec’s room, and between them get him laid out on the bed. ‘I think I felt a bit of it, but mostly, what got my attention was his reaction – you know, underneath it, the real him that was trapped behind what the demon was doing.’ ‘Oh?’ Magnus asks, taking a seat up by the headboard and resting a hand in Alec’s curls, pleasantly grounded by the touch. ‘Yeah,’ Jace says, and when Magnus looks back up at him, he’s caught by a grave, intense gaze. ‘I haven’t felt fear like that from him since the day the Soul Sword went off.’ ‘…Oh.’ Magnus nods slowly, the weight of that not lost on him. ‘I see.’

Jace nods back in acknowledgement, gently clapping Alec’s shoulder as he gets up and heads for the door. ‘I should probably go tell Izzy what happened,’ he says. ‘Let us know when he wakes up, okay?’ ‘Of course,’ Magnus says, and then Jace is gone and he’s alone with Alec once more.

With no-one left to hide from, he closes his eyes, and waits for the ringing in his ears to go away.

Judging by the light in the room, it’s not long before there’s a shifting at his side, and Magnus opens his eyes again. ‘Alexander?’ he calls softly, leaning forward and twisting until he’s facing his boyfriend, one hand cradling his face as the other reaches out for one of Alec’s hands. ‘Are you with me?’ Alec’s face scrunches briefly – and then his eyes squint open, his mouth twitching up into a half-smile. ‘Hey,’ he mumbles. Magnus’ relief bolsters his exhaustion, but it’s welcome nevertheless. ‘Hey. How are you feeling?’ ‘Fine,’ Alec says; and Magnus lets him get away with the white lie, doesn’t even comment when Alec sits up and immediately winces, blood rushing away from an abused head and through muscles that must be aching. ‘What happened?’ ‘What do you remember?’ Magnus says, in lieu of an answer.

Alec frowns. ‘I was in my office?’ He looks back at Magnus – and that must be enough to trigger some kind of memory, because his face instantly falls, shock draining his color, worried hands reaching out and stopping just shy of touching. ‘Oh god, it – Are you okay? Did I hurt you?’ ‘No, no, I’m fine,’ Magnus says, smiling as if to prove it, holding up a hand to forestall any other concern, the other briefly cupping Alec’s jaw in a gesture of reassurance. ‘Everything’s okay, I promise. I’m guessing you remember the possession, then?’ ‘Only – only bits and pieces,’ Alec says, reaching out and lightly skimming a hand over Magnus’ arm. ‘How did you…’ ‘Jace,’ Magnus supplies. ‘Thankfully, I hadn’t magically sealed the door, only locked it. He broke in just in time.’ ‘Just in time,’ Alec echoes, and he lets out a deep breath. ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘You don’t have to be,’ Magnus says firmly. ‘It wasn’t you.’ ‘I know,’ Alec says unconvincingly. ‘But still, what I almost did, what I must have said-‘ ‘-Was not you,’ Magnus insists. ‘It was a demon twisting perfectly natural, harmless insecurities. That’s all.’ And he believes that, honestly, knows how possession will drive the tiniest grievances to outlandish extremes. But he’s not infallible, either, and he can’t quite help reach for his own reassurance even as he silently chides himself for doing it. ‘After all, I’m fairly certain you know that I love you, that you’re not just some distraction,’ he says quietly, glad not to be making eye contact anymore as he hears the levity fall flat. ‘Obviously, you must know how important you are to me, after all we’ve been through.’

It’s not a good piece of acting on his part, of course, and Alec sighs. ‘That’s what I said?’ He shifts a little closer, wrapping an arm around Magnus’ waist. ‘I’m sorry.‘ ‘Alexander, you don’t have to be, you don’t have to explain-‘ ‘But I want to,’ Alec insists. ‘Please.’ And Magnus isn’t sure he wants this conversation today, if ever – but it’s never been easy for him to refuse any request from a loved one, and so he nods.

Alec’s quiet for a moment. ‘I know that you love me,’ he says eventually, and something inside Magnus eases to hear that. ‘And I know that our – situation, our lifespans, don’t change that. It’s just… hard, sometimes. But it’s not on you to change anything,’ he adds. ‘It’s just something I have to wrap my head around. And it’s a good thing in a lot of ways, because I’m happy that you’ve been happy, you know? But that doesn’t stop the more… unhelpful feelings turning up sometimes, the – the insecurities, or whatever. Even though I know that what they’re saying isn’t true.’

He reaches over with his free hand and taps on Magnus’ thigh, asking for his attention, and Magnus obliges, turning back to face him. ‘I love you, and I know that you love me,’ Alec says again, a small, sad smile crossing his face. ‘That’s what matters. The rest is just… something that might take me a while to work through.’

Magnus returns the smile as best he can. ‘I know,’ he says. ‘And I’m sorry I tried to rush it, before, tried to – explain away your feelings. I suppose I was just… afraid.’ ‘Afraid?’ Alec prompts, gently. Magnus shrugs. ‘I owe more than a few goodbyes to this topic,’ he admits. ‘Not their fault, of course - it’s a lot for someone to deal with, whatever kind of relationship may have been between us. But that’s why I got – defensive. Because I was afraid that…’ He trails off – but thankfully, Alexander knows him well enough by now that he gets the idea. ‘You thought it would be ‘too much’ for me, too,’ he finishes. Magnus lets out a single breath of mirthless laughter, looking down at the light playing off of his rings. ‘I know that’s not a fair reaction, and I honestly wouldn’t blame you if that were the case. But – well. It’s no secret that the possibility of losing you doesn’t leave me at my best.’

‘Magnus,’ Alec says softly, and he doesn’t speak again until Magnus looks back up at him. ‘It’s completely fair for you to want someone to stick around, to accept all of you – and when it comes to this issue, I’m gonna be that person. You’re not losing me over this, I swear.’ His tone is even, his gaze sincere, and Magnus lets himself get lost in that certainty, just for a moment. ‘Whatever I need to sort out in my own head, I don’t want you to be afraid that I’m gonna leave you over it. Because I honestly don’t ever see that happening – for any reason.’

And it almost makes Magnus feel a little bad, because Alec’s the one who’s gone through something awful today, and yet he’s also the one supplying the comfort – but nonetheless, he nods, tries to take the much-needed assurance to heart. ‘Okay,’ he says quietly. ‘I’ll try and remember that.’ ‘Good.’ Alec smiles, wider and more genuine.

Magnus can’t quite return it, this time, he’s still too raw from the day they’ve had - so instead, he leans in for a kiss. It’s a better demonstration of how he’s feeling, in any case.

~oOo~

[jasons-exposedspine]

Prompt list

hey guys so my best friend and i made a long ass prompt list. the rules are that you can only pick a limit of five prompts and send them to me with a ship and OC of mine. like for example Reagan and Negan or Clem and Cas or Destiel or Willow and sam or Laylahni and Dean. i only write for supernatural and the walking dead. so get as creative as you want but i know no one will read this post so if you are reading this please send in a request i am really fucking desperate.

1: Hand holding

2: Hair playing

3: Lap sitting

4: “Friends”

5: Tickling

6: Dancing

7: Cuddling

8: Hugging

9: Character death 

10: Resurrection

11: Date

12: Valentines Day

13: Admitting their feelings

14: Piggy back ride

15: Swimming

16: Teleporting to a different place

17: Carrying the other

18: Sad

19: Comforting them

20: Making out

21: Pulling down by tie, bandana, etc and kissing them

22: Being protective

23: Dying for the other; sacrifice

24: Getting drunk

25: Snuggling

26: Wrapping their arms around the other from behind

27: Cheek kissing

28: Forehead kissing

29: First experience in the love department

30: Yelling at them for not being more careful

31: Showering/bathing together

32: Picnic

33: Cooking

34: Licking food off the other

35: Going on a hunt/run together.

36: Tracing their face

37: Wearing the other’s clothes

38: Braiding their hair

39: Teaching them about feelings

40: Teaching them other things (wink wink)

41: Argument

42: Comforting them after an anxiety/panic attack

43: making them happy when they are down

44: Calming them/sleeping with them after a nightmare

45: Putting their head on the other’s shoulder

46: Treating an injury/kissing their boo boos better

47: Food fight

48: Forehead touching

49: Nose touching

50: Guess who

51: Chin resting on top of head

52: Sleeping on the others’ chest

53: Intense eye contact

54: Being caught staring

55: Playing with their hands

56: Telling them what’s wrong

57: They have to leave to keep them safe

58: Break up

59: Getting back together

60: Pregnancy

61: Miscarriage

62: Normal Birth

63: Marriage

64: Fixing their clothes/hair

65: Driving together in a car

66: In the backseat (wink wink)

67: Snuggling In the backseat

68: Resting their hand on the other’s thigh

69: Sex

70: Watching movies together

71: Cinema

72: Height Difference

73: Annoying each other

74: Stargazing

75. Waking up to them

76. Shelter from the rain

77: ice cream

78: being rescued/saved

79: listening to music together

80: texting

81: falling asleep on the other

82: accidentally kiss

83: being badass together

84: lOsT iN tHe wOoDs!!

85: camping

86: spooning

87: huddling for warmth

88: first kiss

89: first meet

90: one looking schmexy and the other being attracted

91: lip biting

92: wearing the other’s accessories; glasses, jacket, tie, hat, etc.

93: annoying them at work/while they are trying to work

94: making stupid videos together

95: keeping their relationship a secret from other people

96: nearly revealing their relationship in front of other people

97: coming out (if it’s gay)

98: playing with a pet (if they have one). (if they don’t, some other animal)

99: They are forced to be enemies even though they love each other. This could be in a war or sided scenario. Usually a forbidden love. They could also be together in secret. Take Romeo and Juliet for example.

100: corona edition - quarantining together

101: luxurious holiday

102: stuck somewhere together, whether that be locked in a room or lost somewhere, etc.

103: beach

104: watching the other sleep/sneak up on them sleeping

105: backstory

106: childhood friends

107: au

108: crossover

109: SIMPing over them

110: love triangle

111: third wheel

112: having a dream about the other person

113: unbuttoning the other person’s shirt/taking the other person’s clothes off

114: hotel

115: board games/video games

116: chucking paint at each other

117: cheating

118: being annoying and stopping the other person from walking by sitting on their feet and holding onto their legs

119: secret admirer/love letters

120: making hearts with their hands

121: taking selfies

122: singing/playing a song for them

123: Falling asleep on them on a bus, train, plane, etc.

124: Growing old together

125: Widowed

126: Arranged marriage

127: Forbidden love

128: Sitting over the other’s dead body

129: being walked in on doing you know what

130: family’s reaction to the relationship

131: Living together

132: Having a family

133: Senpai/notice me senpai!

134: crush

135: showing off for their crush

136: rejection

137: first date (awkward)

138: first date (normal)

139: painting on each other (for a date night)

140: flirting

141: cringey pickup line

142: Pinning them against a wall

143: sneaking in bed with them when they’re asleep

144: laughing really hard together

145: Under the other’s wings

146: underwater kissing

147: accidentally fall on each other

148: only one bed

149: kissing their neck

150: being awkward around their crush

151: Rich couple

152: Playing in the rain

153: Summer

154: Autumn

155: Winter

156: Spring

157: Walk in the park

158: walking them home

159: Other people/characters also shipping them

160: The cute neighbour

161: putting their hand under the other person’s shirt

162: telling them a story/bedtime story. (If they have a child, that makes it even better!)

163: needy

164: clingy

165: intimate

166: touchy/fondling

167: putting their leg on the other person’s leg when sleeping

168: accidentally falling off the edge of the bed/accidentally pushing the other person off the edge of the bed

167: blanket hogging

168: freezing when they see their crush

169: running away/fleeing when they see their crush

170: surprising/scaring them

171: snow

172: watching fireworks

173: comforting them during a storm

174: divorce

175: homosexual (gay, lesbian, etc.)

176: heterosexual (straight)

177: poly (3+ people)

178: one of them getting an award or something and the other cheering them on and embarrassing them

179: somehow ending up with someone who is way out of their league

180: travelling together

181: weekend of romance

182: act like they hate them but they actually like them, switch between emotions frequently (tsundere)

183: will kill or harm others for their senpai (yandere)

184: ignoring the other person

185: one not messaging the other back

186: pash

187: enemies to lovers

188: friends to lovers

189: watching the other undress

190: soulmates

191: phone call

192: prom/dance

193: highschool

194: riding on bikes (usually as kids)

195: proposal

196: teasing the other

197: watching the sunset/sunrise

198: morning jog/walk

199: waking up but they’re not there

200: waking up to the other one making breakfast

201: sneaking into their house in the middle of the night

202: partners in crime

203: ex lovers

204: crushing on friend’s sibling

205: letting them stay the night

206: accidentally in love

207: coffee shop au

208: when their parents aren’t home...

209: sitting next to them with their arm around the their waist

210: telling secrets

211: fireplace

212: sitting on the floor

213: study buddies

214: flying

215: sitting on the porch

216: see the other naked for the first time

217: double date

218: their crush is upper class but they are lower class or vice versa. eg. rich vs poor, popular vs unpopular, higher social status vs lower social status.

219: One is mature and the other is childish

220: 2 brain cells/both idiots

221: lipstick stains

222: helping the other up

223: Deep conversation

224: meet at a bar/club/pub

225: asking them out

226: being teased by their friend(s) about their crush

227: telling their friend(s) about their crush

228: mistletoe

229: virgin/losing virginity

230: screaming into their chest

231: hand brushing against the other’s

232: soulmates walking past each other in public not yet knowing the other person but still getting some sort of gut feeling.

233: asking if they’re ok

234: handsome stranger

235: a description of the character’s features

236: their scent lingering

237: arriving at their doorstep

238: sleeping on the couch

239: hot night

240: cold night

241: sweaty

242: missing the other person

243: seeing them depart/saying their goodbyes (usually if they’re leaving for a trip for a while)

244: seeing them again for the first time (usually after they arrive back after a trip after not seeing them for a while)

245: looking back after departing

246: not even knowing their name/don’t remember them properly (usually falling in love with a stranger)

247: I kissed a girl (gay)

248: I kissed a boy (gay)

249: the person they like isn’t gay

250: husband energy

251: mum and dad energy

252: wife energy

253: liking a bad boy

254: liking a more mature boy

255: diving off cliffs/waterfalls

256: Comforting the other one when they’re scared

257: hushing them to sleep

258: singing them a lullaby

259: adopting

260: surrogate

261: painting their nails, pamper treatment, etc.

262: posing for photos

263: eating spaghetti together (Lady and the Tramp style)

264: being protective when someone starts SIMPing over their lover

265: holding them tight

266: swears they saw their ex in public but it wasn’t them...

267: sleepover

268: flirtatious bartender

269: helping them

270: stumbling over their words

271: walking in on them showering

272: looking them up and down/checking them out

273: being competitive/friendly rivals dynamic

274: meeting them through social media first

275: tinder/online dating

276: daydreaming about the other person

277: one of them is sick/in hospital

278: doing something embarrassing in front of their crush

279: horseback riding

280: hammock

281: boat

282: taking them to and showing them a place that is special to them

283: dirty jokes

284: making them laugh

285: getting into a fight with each other

286: protecting the other in a fight/from getting into a fight

287: masquerade ball

288: love spell/something or someone casting love spells on people aka Cupid

289: he/she loves me, he/she loves me not...

290: whispering in their ear

291: sitting on top of the car in a field

292: if a character wears some sort of mask/something that covers their mouth/face make the other character pull down/lift it up to kiss them

293: give each other pet names (baby, babe, honey, etc) (be as creative as you want)

294: biting the other’s lip when kissing

295: buying the other flowers/a gift

296: road trip

297: friendzoning

298: Gender Bend

299: saying “I love you” for the first time

300: toxic relationship (physical abuse, mental abuse, cheating constantly, don't love them anymore) be as creative as you want.

@negan-morningstar @savedpeople @you-a-southpaw-doll @smcc212 @gabrielislovegabrielislife @galaxycastiel @winchester-reload @impala-dreamer

[pixelatedrose]

Existence Said It Was So

Word count: 1,941

Pairing: Prinxiety

Summary: Roman is having a hard time trying to come up with a way to tell Virgil he loves him on Valentines day when a sweet note is slipped under his door.

Warnings: It’s literally 1,941 words of Prinxiety fluff and I love it

Once upon a time there was a particular person who lived in Florida who had the different aspects of his mind bustling about inside his head.

  And on this particular day- February 14th- his mind might have been calm.

  His logical side- who was named Logan- was busy stuffing his nose in a cookbook, carefully reading each of the ingredients that were required to make a cake.

  His moral side- one that was called Patton- was occupying his time making little cards for each of his friends, peacefully humming to himself.

  His anxious side- who would respond to the name Virgil- was surprisingly nowhere to be found. It was mildly disconcerting at first, but the host- a one Thomas Sanders- was not opposed to being anxiety free on a day like this one.

  All was fair and well inside Thomas Sanders' mind.

  At least that's how it seemed.

  For his creative side- one dubbed Roman- was having a quiet panic attack in his room as he worried and stressed over a certain someone.

  Discarded papers were scattered around his room, broken pencils, calligraphy pens, and spilled ink cartridges littered his desk and floor. 

  Roman had to face facts.

  He was at a stalemate.

  There was no romantic gesture he could throw at Virgil Anxiety Sanders to make him fall in love with Roman Creativity Sanders.

  Roman threw himself onto his bed and groaned into his pillow.

  "How and why can Remus get a boyfriend and I, obviously the better looking one and smarter one, have been met with nothing but…" Roman sat up and looked around his room, his gaze falling to rest at yet another crumpled up poem at his feet. He kicked it hard and watched it spitefully as it bounced against his wall. "Nothing but stupid poems and stupid roses and stupid, stupid, disgusting words!!!"

  Roman flopped over, letting his upper half hang over the side of his bed, his eyes falling to a flipped image of his door.

  He watched as he vaguely registered the shadow of someone’s shadow peeking out from under the doorway. And he only registered that someone had to have been behind the door when something was slipped under his door.

  Roman all but fell off his bed and for a moment lay on the floor contemplating the fact that he probably scared off whatever side it was that had been behind the door with the solid thump his body had made against the floor before he picked himself back up and went to the door.

  He opened it first just to see if he could see anyone there. Of course, he was greeted with nothing but empty hallway.

  He returned to the envelope that lay on his floor.

  It was a simple envelope, if nothing else a little crumpled around the edges. It had Roman’s name in beautiful, sprawling calligraphy and contained a small note and simple dried and pressed hydrangea flowers of blue, purple and white. Roman was careful with the flowers, delicate as they were, and placed each one on his desk carefully before pulling out the note.

  Happy Valentines day. You’re amazing and you really shouldn’t be alone today. You deserve a lot better than that. Heaven knows that and so do I. Besides, being alone is kinda Virgil’s thing. Smile! The world needs you. Love, Someone who probably cares more than they should.

  It should have been a simple little thing, but it made Roman excruciatingly happy. Not over the top happy, just the kind of happy the burns a little in your chest and makes you want to cry a little for a few seconds.

  And that only made Roman work harder. Inspiration struck him like a brick in the head and he wrote something down on a small piece of paper which he folded in his pocket.

  Roman went out into the hall and turned to the door which lead into the imagination. He knew where Virgil liked to secretly spend his time, even though he’d never admit it.

  He opened the door and found himself greeted with a beautiful painting of a scene. The sun was beginning to set, painting the area in pale colors, though not quite orange or yellow yet. The vast field that spanned out in front of him swayed in a soft warm breeze, rustling and yet never breaking the illusion of complete seclusion. Ahead of him, the forest cast ever darkening shadows dancing across the ground and to his right he saw over the cliff that overlooked the great and vast valley that had not always been a part of the imagination, growing over time and providing safe haven for all the worlds and adventures Thomas had been on.

  And right at the edge of the cliff, leaning on a small section of fence, the only section that existed, was Virgil.

  Before Roman could stop it from happening, his heart fluttered violently, as if it were a trapped hummingbird in its cage of bone.

  He grounded himself, trying desperately to calm his raging thoughts that threatened to turn him back around. Instead he thought of what he needed and plucked a few forget-me-not flowers nearby and made his way over to where Virgil stood, drinking in the sunset.

  Not wanting to disturb the mood by announcing himself, Roman simply walked up next to the anxious side and leaned against the wood himself, gazing out across the land that he and the other sides had built together.

  Virgil didn’t say anything. He knew Roman was there. But he didn’t say anything.

  Now that Roman really thought about it, most of the world that he had created had been with the help of Virgil.

  “Hey, Virge?” Roman finally spoke after a long while, the stress of his prior meltdown washing away in the ever fading light of the sunset.

  “Hm?” Virgil responded to Roman’s all too soft voice, at least to him it was. It was an unfair amount of soft and sweet and quiet and even hearing it made the anxious side feel like he was floating dreamlessly on the breeze, carried more by the light of the dying sun than the air.

  “You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you.” Roman said, his soft voice dancing in Vigil’s ear.

  “For what?” Virgil’s own voice was equally exquisite, sounding the way peppermint tasted and the way silver looked, but it was airy too, like bubbles shining with color as the drift lazily through the unseen wind.

  Roman settled his went to settle his beating heart, but found it was calm. As calm as a glassy pool undisturbed and untouched by human hands or eyes for the duration of its exquisite existence.

  “For helping make all of the worlds that I have. You know most of what I’ve made is because of you, right?”

  Silence.

  All that was between them was the breeze and the sound of grass and the feeling of quiet content.

  The sun was dipping low in the sky, and their view was cast in a warm array of splashing and streaming hues of pink, orange, yellow, and red. It was gorgeous. And it was warm. Roman hadn’t realized how cold he had been back in his room. But now he drank in the warmth of the moment and the sun into his skin and his memory. He never wanted to forget this moment.

  “You were the...You were the one who wrote me that note...Weren’t you?” Roman never tore his gaze away from the sky as Virgil turned to look at him, and if you didn’t know any better you might say that his cheeks and ears had stolen the pink hues from the sky.

  Virgil was unable to speak. He had been so careful to make it seem like he wasn’t the one who’d written it. He thought of rejection, he thought of acceptance, he even dared to think of reciprocation.

  Roman glanced at Virgil who had not yet seemed to notice he was silently crying. It was the closest thing he was going to get to a yes for now and it was already more than Roman could ever ask for.

  Roman reached into his pocket and for a moment almost gave Virgil the note and walked away.

  But instead he slipped his hand back out and gently held Virgil’s hands, placing the few stalks of forget-me-not in his pale and refreshingly chilly hands.

  “You gave me hydrangeas because you knew they were my real favorite flower, didn’t you? The only one who knows that is you, Virgil.”

  Roman noticed the way Virgil stopped to consider it all.

  “I’m giving you forget-me-not because like the flower, I wouldn’t want you to forget me or this moment forever.” Roman stepped closer to Virgil and lightly considered moving his hands up the other’s arms, but decided he would rather not risk scaring him away. Besides, he liked the way the anxious side’s hands fit so welcomingly in his.

  “Virgil, I don’t know how you feel about me, but I know how I feel about you.” Roman forced himself to look his love in his pretty brown eyes, seeing nothing but beauty and an starstruck galaxies reflecting worlds upon universes of emotion, those eyes holding an entire existence’s worth of futures, words, and emotions in them. The light breeze played gently with Virgil’s hair and the light of the fading sky of colors splashed against his skin, making it seem to glow under it’s light.

  “Virgil, I love you. And I wish beyond all hope I’ve ever harbored within me that you never forget that, and that if I ever stop loving you, the world is wrong and stars are blinking out and existence itself will cry out in pain for this is not how the universe was written. It was written that I love you. And it was written that I always will love you. And that I always have.” Roman took a deep, shaky breath. At some point he had looked away from his light’s face and he couldn’t face him now. “Even if perhaps you don’t love me.”

  “Roman…” Roman looked up at Virgil to find that he was hardly an inch away from him. And before Roman really knew what was going on, Virgil was kissing him gently.

  It was soft and quick but it felt like how the grass around them sounded, how the world around them sounded, the way Roman let his hummingbird heart out of it’s cage, finally free. Finally alive. Finally awake.

  They came apart and Virgil had truly must have robbed the sunset of all it’s beauty. “I love you too, and I really don’t think I could forget that. I told you the world needed you. But if I’m being honest and completely cheesy here, my world is nothing without you.” Virgil stepped closer, if that was even possible and set the dainty flowers on the fence beside them. He cupped Roman’s face in his relaxingly chilly hands and he gently wiped away tears that Roman hadn’t known were there. “So don’t ever think I don’t love you ever again.” And he leaned in and kissed Roman again, this time there was no room for delicately fluffy clouds as they each melted into one another.

  And the ever fading sun silently slipped behind the hills as the world fell away, and all that remained were two souls that the universe and the world and stars had written for each other, two hearts that would love each other for as long as existence would live. 

[dailyaudiobible]

02/14/2021 DAB Transcript

Exodus 37:1-38:31, Matthew 28:1-20, Psalms 34:11-22, Proverbs 9:9-10

Today is the 14th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian welcome to a brand-new shiny sparkly week out in front of us. And happy St. Valentine's Day. One year ago, one year ago today we were on our way to Israel for our Israel annual pilgrimage and we were passing through Italy, I remember this, just before like these rumors of like this bad virus, they had been kind of swirling around, but they were not starting… starting to actually take hold in earnest, especially in Italy, and then like right after we got out of there to Israel it wasn't just a few days before Italy shut down. And that began because I think…I believe they were the first country, like officially closed down and trying to isolate from the virus. And, so, wow, what…what can happen in a year. Look at what can transpire in a year of time and look what can change in our lives over the course of a year. And, so, let's just remember that these changes are happening day by day step by step, including today. So, happy St. Valentine's Day. We got a brand-new week. We will read from the Common English Bible this week and we will be picking up the story in the book of Exodus. And it feels like we’ve been camping out in Exodus for a while now because we have but we’ll conclude the book of Exodus tomorrow. But that's then and this is now. Today, Exodus chapters 37 and 38.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word and for bringing us this far…this far into the year, this this brand-new week that is opening up to us, this St. Valentine's Day where we commemorate and observe love, love in the world, especially the romantic kind of love and we’re grateful for that gift. And we are thankful for the story that we read in the book of Matthew today, the story of the resurrection, the story that has set our hearts on fire but has also set everything into motion, everything that comes next into motion because of Your resurrection. And, so, Father we are…we’re here in the…pretty much the dead center of the month, but we are turning pages and getting ready to move into some new territory. We concluded the gospel of Matthew today, the first of the four Gospels. So, we will move forward into another gospel tomorrow. And we will conclude the book of Exodus tomorrow and begin to move forward from there, the day after that. So, the next couple of days are going to be days of transition for us as we continue to move forward, we invite Your Holy Spirit into this…into this week and everything we do, everything that we think, everything that we say, all of the motives of our hearts, may they be surrendered to You we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Tiffany from Cleveland and I just want to thank everyone that has prayed for me and my husband Tony for the death of our daughter Jeanna. And I also want to ask that you pray…that I could receive joy again. My joy was lost when my daughter died, and I believe in the Lord and I believe in His peace and I believe that He can give me joy but it's gone, and I desire it. I also want to pray for all those that have lost their children, that their children have died through miscarriage, infant loss, disease, sickness, cancer. It's so hard on us. Our lives are never the same after our children die. I just pray that we could receive peace and joy again in our lives and as we live and learn to live without them. In Jesus’ name.

Hello this is Susan and I'm calling on February the 11th. I just wanted to reply to Jessica from California who spoke today on the…as I was listening to Daily Audio Bible and just to say how much she encouraged me. My father…it was always difficult to communicate with my father. For many years I was not sure why then I found out recently he’s probably on the autistic spectrum. I've also been separated from my husband going on eight years. And, so, a relationship with men is sometimes difficult. I have more male colleagues now at my work and I was just coming home today feeling rather pitiful, discouraged and not sure if I can communicate or compete in the male workplace where more males around me and then come home and look after my children, be strong for all of them. So, thank you so much for the words of encouragement, the words that you say to yourself, thank you God for just the way I am. Thank you God for just the way I am.” And also, the verse in the Bible, I think it's Psalm 139 saying, “we are fearfully and wonderfully made.” So, I just wanted to say thank you Jessica from California for the encouragement you gave me today. Thank you.

Hello everybody my name is Doug from Oklahoma I've been a long-time listener I've just never called in. I have a vaccine schedule tomorrow for Covid and I'm really, really scared. I have bad anxiety and panic attacks and…but I feel like I need to get this vaccine and I would just like your prayers, that nothing goes wrong, I don't have any bad reactions or anything. And, of course, then I'll have to get a second one. So, I love you guys. I…I…I pray for you all too. And I just don't call in very much because I really don't…I'm not a very good talker as you can tell. But anyways your prayers are appreciated for tomorrow. I know the time you hear this the vaccine will be over but, you know, God already knows. So, I thank you all. Doug from Oklahoma. Love you. Bye.

Good evening DABbers my sisters and brothers in Christ this prayer is going to Latasha in California. You spoke of being homeless with your children at one point and just now getting into the housing and afraid that you're going to lose it and be homeless again. I've been homeless before Latasha and I had a young son and I know how scary it is especially when you don't know where you're going to live the next day. Besides if things fall apart you have no safety net. So, Father God I come to You as humble as I know how Father. Father we have a mother right now Father that doesn't know what the situation…how the situation is going to turn out. She's being torn between one person saying one thing and someone expecting another Father God, but I just ask that You put in her heart Father that to stand and feel Your Salvation. God if she stands, she knows where her help will come from. You didn't bring her this far Father for her and her children to be back into the homeless situation. Father, so I ask that You give her strength, give her confidence, give her peace Father, that peace that surpasses all understanding Father that things will be OK. And Latasha, you say you're fearful. God did not give us a spirit of fear but of sound mind. So, just stand and watch his Salvation work this out for you. I look forward to hearing a praise report on how things will work out, not going to, but will. Running Desperately to Jesus. Also known as...

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Renzo from Maryland I just want to say just really appreciate what you guys are doing, just keep encouraging people, just keep getting them closer to the Lord. It's amazing to see everybody, all the age groups, all the different ages young and old. It's crazy just to see what the Lord is doing. And just…just asking for prayers for my family, for my mom my dad and my grandfather. Recently they've…they…they've had Covid but they've been getting better and their quarantines about to be up by the grace of God. I just thank God for you…for you guys prayers. And my mom was starting to feel better. She suffers with complex regional pain syndrome and just chronic pain in every part of her body and the Corona virus really hit her really bad but I'm just glad that she's feeling a little bit better. And I just thank the Lord for everything He's blessed me with. And just please just keep them in prayers. And I just want to pray for any of you guys going through anything. Father God I just thank You for everything You bless us with Lord and just please help us to just get closer and closer to You Lord and I thank You for the Daily Audio Bible family and everything they’re doing to encourage and keep Your name to be known. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. God bless you guys. Have a blessed rest of your day. Jesus loves you. God bless.

Hello DAB family this is your brother Daniel Johnson junior from beautiful Cincinnati OH. Hey, let's pray. Almighty God, You are omniscient all powerful all seeing all knowing and ever…and everywhere omnipresent. God You are so good to all of us and I know that You're working through mankind in all these different ways. I pray for our medical professionals, especially those that are making this vaccine and the distribution of this vaccine, everybody that's in charge of all this. I pray that everybody everywhere can get this vaccine, that Your enemy will be completely defeated as he's looking to tear and seek and skill and destroy…steal, kill, and destroy. I come against the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ and I pray that Your spiritual forces of good, Your spiritual sources Jesus because You’ve achieved…You achieved the complete and total victory, that Your spiritual forces would levy and lay down a serious nuclear style beat down against the enemy to force them back…to…I bind and banish the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ in regard to everything that is related to this coronavirus. May it be according to Your will in Jesus’ name. Amen. Hey God bless you all from beautiful Cincinnati OH this is Daniel Johnson junior. Make it a great day.

[ashdoesfandomarchieved]

Valentines Day shenanigans with the ship of your choice? Or maybe board game/poker night with the main four?

(Direct sequel of midnight revelations)

It starts like this:

Mariner is teaching Tendi poker. Or well, Mariner is teaching Tendi her version of poker which involves no pants—for some reason—, various pointy objects that Sam is keeping his distance from and an abundance of multi-language profanity that is rather impressive for two women outside of the linguistics department.

Really though, Sam is impressed

Tendi, who has absolutely no poker face, is somehow winning and Mariner is somewhere between proud mom friend™ and shoving her throwing stars at the first person who pokes fun at her losing streak. Somewhere in all of this, Mariner runs out of credits and contraband, so with a sigh and a characteristic half-smirk, she tosses her last chip on the table.

“I’m going all in.”

“Your all in would be scarier if it literally wasn’t your last credit,” Sam remarks sarcastically from where he’s nursing a beer.

Mariner flips him the bird. “Whaddya you got for me, D’Vana?”

Tendi, trying to hold back her shit-eating grin and failing—again no poker face—shoves her huge pile of chips into the center of the table.

“Oh, I’m all in, baby.”

“Good,” Mariner grins back.

“Good,” Tendi replies, crossing her arms.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“I’m glad you went all in.”

“So am I.”

“Please stop flirting and finish the game,” Sam mutters, rolling his eyes.

Mariner doesn’t flip him the bird this time but gives him a side-eye that would have been its usual level of pee-your-pants-terrifying if not for the light blush that dusts her cheeks.

Tendi giggles. “Wanna raise the stakes?”

“Have you met me?”

“That’s fair,” both Tendi and Sam say in the same voice. Mariner rolls her eyes but can’t suppress her smug grin.

“Loser has to ask out the next person who enters the room,” Tendi says, dramatically steepling her hands in front of her face.

Mariner snorts. Loudly. “What are we, fucking twelve?”

“You got a better idea?” Tendi taunts.

“Actually,” Mariner lets a smirk crawl across her face. “As long as we’re going with sleepover levels of dares…loser has to get the next person who walks through that door to date them for three weeks without cracking.”

Tendi cackles, throwing down her cards.

“Full house,” Sam absentmindedly notes. “Not bad, Tendi.”

“Yeah, not bad,” Mariner says, revealing her hand to be royal fucking flush. “Enjoy that date, D’Vana.”

Sam chokes on his drink, while Tendi groans. Mariner laughs psychotically. “Work on that poker face, baby girl. You’ll get it eventually.”

“Ugh, you were just letting me win.”

“Maybe,” Mariner grins innocently. Tendi scowls at her. “Oh, come on,” she laughs. “Whoever comes through that door next can’t be that bad.”

This was the exact moment that Sam realizes that the universe has a sense of humor, because Brad fucking Boimler walks through the door.

Tendi turns a little blue around the cheeks—the Orion equivalent to blushing, Sam guesses—and smiles at him, waving.

“Fuck,” Mariner hisses. “Abort mission!”

Sam and Tendi frown at her. “What?”

“D’Vana, you cannot date Boimler,” Mariner whispers furiously.

“That was the deal!” Tendi hisses back, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Babe I love you, but you can’t fuck with him like that.”

“And it’s okay to fuck with other people?”

“Yes!”

Sam slaps a hand to his face. “You fuck with Boimler every day of the week, Mariner.”

“That’s different!”

“How?” Tendi demands.

Mariner—the woman who had been promoted and demoted so many times that her file was longer than a goddamn Britannica, jumped head first into anything that remotely whispered of danger, fought with the Captain daily, snarked at superior officers, gave zero fucks about Starfleet protocol, and had probably, at some point, flipped off the devil—is rendered completely speechless.

Sam begins to rapidly connect some dots.

“It’s only for three weeks,” Tendi continues. “And Brad’s kinda cute, in like, an intense I have crippling anxiety way.”

“Brad?” Mariner repeats, looking horrified. “You call him Brad?”

“Yes?” Boimler says, coming up behind her. Mariner lets out an uncharacteristic shriek and jumps about a foot in the air.

“Dude what the fuck.”

Boimler looks very very confused. “What?”

“What?” Mariner repeats loudly, eyes widening.

“Brad, wanna go out?” Tendi chirps, smiling innocently at him.

Aw, and now Sam has two adorable friends who are blushing, well, adorably at each other and one friend who is having a complete mental breakdown in the background.

“What, really? I would love to—why aren’t you guys wearing any pants?” Boimler asks, exasperated.  

Tendi lets out a snicker. “Mariner.”

Boimler gives Mariner an unimpressed look. Mariner tries to glare back, but it’s weak for her standards.

“I actually just finished my shift,” he says, turning back to Tendi. “Do you want to hang out?”

While Tendi cheers enthusiastically, Sam discreetly eyes his other friend. Mariner is kind of hyperventilating in the background, hands twitching toward the half-filled bottle of vodka she and Tendi had been chugging earlier. Sam carefully inches it away, unsure if she’s going to chug the rest of it or attack someone with it.

She makes a wounded noise at Tendi, who grabs Boimler by the arm and drags him out of the room, unreservedly talking a mile a minute about something that Sam’s already lost track of.

“What the fuck just happened.”

“I think Tendi asked Boimler on a date,” Sam replies, calmly. Mariner whips her head around and stares at him. The look behind her eyes is deranged.

“We have to break them up.”

Sun, moon and stars, the next three weeks were going to be a Mariner sized nightmare.

“I don’t get it, she’s completely out of his league—”

“Not true.”

“—they have nothing in common—”

“Sometimes opposites attract.”

“—and she’s just stringing him along! She’s going to dump him in two weeks!”

Sam sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. They were about a week into Mariner’s dare and he already was ready to throw Mariner, Tendi and Boimler—poor, clueless Boimler—out of an airlock. Mariner had already tried to break the two up somewhere around two dozen times and had only succeeded in bringing them closer together.

This of course made Mariner even more determined to sabotage her friends.

“It’s not the end of the world, Mariner.”

“Of course, it is!” she hisses at him. “They break up and then I have to deal with Boimler being sad forever while also not shit-talking my best friend and not letting him know that I was the person who set them up!”

“Or they have an amicable break up and go back to being friends. Dude, they haven’t even progressed past basic hand holding. I don’t think it’s going to be a huge heart wrenching dumping.”

Boimler and Tendi enter the room, holding hands. “I feel like you’re the only one who understands me, sometimes,” Boimler says.

Mariner’s eye twitches.

“What should I get Brad for Valentines Day?” Tendi asks five days later, apropos to nothing. Mariner sits up so fast that she hits her head on the top of her bunk.

“WHAT.”

Tendi frowns over at her, looking up from her data padd. “Valentines Day? It’s a Terra Prime holiday that humans generally celebrate yearly around the Terra season of—”

“I KNOW WHAT VALENTINES DAY IS.”

Sam winces, along with the few unfortunate ensigns who happen to be in the cabin, at the volume. “You and Boimler are celebrating Valentines Day?” he weakly asks.

Tendi grins, her tongue sticking out between her teeth adorably. “He told me about it last night and asked if we could exchange gifts!”

There’s a dull thunk as Mariner repeatedly hits her head against the wall.

“Do we need to talk about this?” Sam asks, watching Mariner chug half her weight in alcohol at the bar.

“My liver, my rules.”

“Not your alcoholic diet,” Sam sighs, taking a seat and signaling to the barman. “Although I would lay off the tequila if you want to be functional tomorrow morning.”

Mariner scowls and raises the bottle to her lips again.

“I’m talking about your feelings for Boimler.”

Mariner chokes. “My fucking what.”

Sam rolls his eyes. He had hoped—for about a millisecond—that when Tendi had joined their group that someone else would finally, perhaps, have some braincells to go around, but no, it seems that Sam Rutherford is the only rational fucking person in their dysfunctional foursome.

“Don’t be the idiot you pretend to be,” he replies, calmly taking a sip of his own drink.

Mariner narrows her eyes at him. “I don’t have feelings for—”

“I’m not an idiot either, Mariner.”

“Look,” she snaps, “I’m vaguely attracted to almost everyone, it’s just who I am. I do not have feelings for Boimler, I’m just aware that he’s. Aesthetically pleasing and nice to be around.”

“Then stop acting like a crazy person whenever he tries to date anyone,” Sam snaps back. “If you’re not interested, then you need to back off.”

Mariner is quiet for a long moment. “Do you think he and D’Vana—”

“I think they enjoy each other’s company and that they’re both kind of lonely,” Sam replies, before she can finish. “If you want to know more, talk to Tendi.”

His friend nods, soberly. Sam feels kind of bad for snapping at her, but also knows that she appreciates his honesty.

“There’s worse things then falling for Boimler,” he says, nudging her encouragingly. “Even if he is a complete spaz.”

This coaxes a weak grin out of her. “He is so fucking awkward.”

“You should tell him.”

“That he’s awkward? I have, he got all fussed up and started—”

“That you like him,” Sam specifies, grinning.

Mariner, seemingly forgetting that she had just been denying her crush on their friend, protests, “He’s dating Tendi, dumbass, I’m not going to—”

“Hey, trust me on this one,” Sam says. “Just follow your instincts.”

“My instincts are telling me to desert him on an alien planet before I become too attached.”

“Follow my instincts.”

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Mariner does not, in fact, follow Sam’s instincts.

He isn’t there for what happens next, but hears about it from an amused Tendi who swings up into his bunk that evening to give him the lowdown.

“So, Beckett has a crush on Brad,” she says, hugging his pillow to her midsection.

Sam puts down his data padd and watches Tendi very carefully. “Oh?”

“Yep. She cornered him in the cafeteria, told him his eyes were pretty and that she liked him and then left, screeching something about sitcom-b plots and Starfleet alumni. I think she has inside jokes with herself? I’m not sure what that was about.”  

Sam can’t suppress the laugh that bubbles out of him. “God, she’s crazy. Are you okay?”

Tendi frowns, confused, at him. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Your best friend has a crush on your boyfriend?”

“My—my what? Wait, oh nine hells YOU GUYS THINK BRAD AND I ARE DATING?”

Sam has a sudden moment of clarity where he realizes that he does not, in fact, have all the braincells in their group.

“You aren’t?” he dumbly asks.

Tendi starts laughing. She laughs so hard she almost falls out of his bunk—he thankfully catches her in time, but it’s a close one. “Rutherford. Sam,” she wipes a tear away from her eyes. “I’m aromatic, you absolute complete dumbass.”

“You are?” Probably not the best reaction to his friend coming out, but Sam hardly has time to apologize, before Tendi is laughing at him again.

“Brad—well, I probably shouldn’t tell you, it’s his thing—but he kind of understands where I’m coming from. We were having friend dates.”

“But…Valentines Day,” he stresses.

Tendi rolls her eyes. “I asked Brad about Terra traditions and holidays and he gave me a fucking history lecture it was so boring. I did like the idea of Valentines Day and asked if I could partake in it with him. He suggested gift giving.”

Sam stares at her. “I am a dumbass.”

“You are,” she agrees. “But I need your dumbass brain to help me get Brad and Beckett together.”

“Oh, so you do have all the braincells,” he says, grinning.

Tendi’s smile is sharp. “I have no idea what you’re on about, but yes. Yes I do.”

Getting Mariner and Boimler together is way easier said than done. Mariner is avoiding everyone like a goddamn plague and Boimler is fluctuating between literally vibrating with anxiety and being depressed as shit.  

“Well they definitely don’t have the braincells,” Sam says, after another failed attempt to trap the two of them in a room together.

“You need to stop talking about braincells,” Tendi sighs. “Why don’t we just tell them that they like each other?”

“We can’t do that!”

“Why?”

“It’s too easy that way!”

Tendi stares at him.

Sam stares back.

“I’m telling Brad that Beckett has squishy feelings for him,” she deadpans. “And you’re going to try to catch Beckett and tell him that I don’t have squishy feelings for him. And then we’re going to lock them in a goddamn turbolift until they get their freak on.”

Tendi either has all of the braincells or none of them.

Their plan surprisingly takes a whole lot less subterfuge than Sam was expecting and a lot more—well—emotions. He did manage to find Mariner and after guiltily admitting that he may have been a bit wrong about the nature of Boimler and Tendi’s relationship, she was off in a shot, shrieking some nonsense about “third-act bullshit” and how she didn’t sign up to be the “pawn in a romantic subplot.”

Mariner might, actually, be certifiably crazy. 

Brad hears about one of the turbolifts breaking from another ensign in his department. He and Tendi subtly high-five.

Six hours later—“if there was ever a time for buffer time, that time is now, Tendi”—a grinning Mariner and a mildly disheveled, exit the turbolift.

It ends like this:

Tendi is attempting to teach Sam poker. Well. It’s not actual poker, more like a hybrid of Mariner’s version of poker and a card game from Tendi’s home world, but it’s close enough and they’re having fun, so it really doesn’t matter.

Mariner is drunk as fuck, alternating between casually hitting on a flustered Boimler and insulting the shit out of anyone who even looks in their direction.

Tendi lays down her cards. Straight flush. Sam moans in despair. Boimler lets out a shriek of stop doing that we’re in public you moron and Mariner cackles in that unhinged way of hers.

None of them have the braincells.

[kweebtrash]

Cupid’s Chokehold(M)

Messy Chapter 12

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, fluff

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: slight anxiety/panic attack, overthinking and nervousness, talks about therapy and medication,

Features: unprotected sex, car sex, creampie, oral(giving/receiving), swallowing, classroom sex, little bit of bondage, rough/cute sex, general biting and hair pulling.

Word Count: 13.2k

A/N: Well my beautiful angel babies, it’s here, The final chapter. i’m a little emotional writing it because i know so many people enjoy it and it’s made me a lot of friends. i hope you guys like it. it’s a bit shorter than normal and not as angsty (LOL). thanks for being there with me and keeping up with all the updates and loving the characters as much as I do. Some things are left a bit open ended and aren’t delved into just because this was already following the course of a few months and I wanted to focus on JnEri instead of Eri’s other relationships at this moment. I hope you guys stay with me in my future endeavors and thanks for being so supportive. I love my nctzens! Also, i’m so nervous that this reads terribly and i really hope no one is disappointed.

Messy Masterlist   Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

Johnny’s POV

They shoved me away harshly, so much so that I slipped out of them. Their breath was increasing into a hyperventilating state and all they could do was shake their hands to try and direct the panic somewhere else. "Eri! Eri! What's wrong?!" I grabbed onto their shoulders but they slapped my hands away.

"Don't! Don't touch me!" Suddenly my cheek was blazoned with red as they hit me. "Don't say that to me ever!"

"What the fuck?! What do you mean?!"

"You don't love me! Don't you dare fucking play games with me you asshole!"

"Games? I'm not playing games! I mean it! I've been in love with you for months now! I was just too chicken shit to say it...and this is why…" My heart felt like it was crushed into pieces at their rejection. It was what I feared the most, well that and not being able to get my shit together or put the burden of my mental incapabilities on them. I felt tears prickling at my eyes and swallowed hard, trying not to unravel before them.

"You said I would never be your girlfriend!"

"I LIED DAMNIT! I lied because I was scared! I lied because I didn't want you to know how I felt! It was a lie!"

"And you're lying now!!"

"I am not! Fuck, Eri!! I'm in love with you!! I. Love. You. You fucking idiot!!"

"You're the idiot!!" They screamed back. They were the one to cry first; big, rushed tears.

"Why do you think I'm lying?!"

"Because!!!" They hiccuped. "My ex girlfriend never loved me and the only other person that did, I broke his heart. I've never had love or accepted it. How could someone love me?"

"I love you because your gorgeous. You're talented. You're there for me. You make me laugh. You make me irritated. You the best cuddler. You listen to me. You never judged me. You want to protect me. You've taught me so much. You've been there for me. I love you because you're you."

"P-please…" Their voice lowered to the softest of whimpers. "Please don't say that, Johnny. Please don't. Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me."

I cupped their face in my hands and pressed gentle kisses to their lips. "Baby, I wouldn't dream of it. I'm right here. Right here… I'm not leaving."

They clutched onto my sweatshirt tightly, their little hands trembling. "I don't want to hurt. I've been through so much. I'll fucking crumble, Johnny."

"Eri, I'm right there with you. You know that. I'm down on my knees and desperate for something good in my life. You're that something."

"No no no. No I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not." They shook their head and I felt like they were just speaking nonsense now.

"Eri… look at me." They shook their head harder and I tilted their chin up so their eyes could meet mine. "I'm not joking. I'm in love with you." Another round of tears burst forth and they shoved their head into my chest. I held them tight, rubbing their back and trying to get them to try and breathe a little better. "Ssh baby...sshhhh." After a few mostly silent moments of their breath evening out and their sniffles dissipating, they finally spoke out in a whisper. 

"I love you too."

I froze then. What? Did they just-? After all of that that was how they felt? I held them at arms length and looked at them, confused. "You-? You-?"

They scrubbed the tears away from their cheeks and exhaled a shaky breath. "I never thought I could or I would. I never thought you would. I fell for you faster than I ever had before. I've wanted you for so long and thought you were still a fuckboy who didn't want a relationship and just wanted to fuck around. You stupid bastard, I hate you for making me fall in love with you. I'm so scared…"

"Me too. I've never had a relationship where I've been in love before. I don't know what to do, I just...feel it."

"So...what do we do?" They asked.

"Do you want to make it "official"?"

We both sat awkwardly and in silence for a moment. Eri clasped their hands in their lap while I bounced my leg nervously. "Like...you're my boyfriend now?"

"Yeah. That."

"Oh."

I pushed my hair back then twiddled my thumbs. Jesus, fuck, why were they taking so long? What did it take to get them to say yes? Or no. Fuck, what if they said no? They wouldn't, would they? Oh god.

Suddenly they kissed me, catching me off guard. They wrapped their arms around my neck and sighed softly. "You're my boyfriend."

"About damn time." I chuckled and grabbed onto them, showering them in kisses and hugs.

"Stop being so lovey dovey! It's gross!" They giggled.

"Yeah right! You like it."

"I do. Also, I don't celebrate Valentine's day, just so you know."

"Thank God. I normally just deal with Jae's birthday so I don't have time for it but since Quinn will distract him maybe you could sit on my lap while I'm inside you and watch horror movies?"

"Hmmm, we haven't done that in awhile. I want that. Give me that. And pizza."

"You got it." I smiled and gave them another kiss. "My girlfriend."

"Speaking of being inside me...you were still hard that whole time."

"Yyyeeaaahhhhhh don't remind me. It takes forever to go down sometimes." I shoved my face in their chest to hide my awkwardness and embarrassment.

"Well….we should celebrate right? Maybe we could-?" Their hand slipped between us to rub at my erection and grip it slightly. “You know...”consummate the relationship” or whatever the fuck they say.”

"You don't have to tell me twice." I was so glad to get rid of all the tension and fear, everything that was holding me back from ever confessing. Here I was with my girlfriend, about to make love to them even if it was in the back of my shitty car. It didn’t matter because I was with them and I always would be. I laid them back down and wrapped their legs around my waist before plunging back inside. It was perfect now, everything was perfect. The way they felt around me, the way I felt inside them, this moment, and being with them. I never wanted to let them go. I fucked them slower, like I had been before with no protests. It was still a bit strange to grasp the concept of making love as I had never said that in reference to any of my hookups, but of course this was different. Eri wasn’t just a hookup anymore. They were the love of my life. Even our kisses were slower and the sensation of their tongue flowing over mine flowed straight to my cock. They let out a little gasp when I adjusted my hips to roll into them. "Good?" I panted.

They nodded and dug their fingernails into my lower back, hiking their legs up higher. "There...hmm!"

It was so cute to hear how good I was making them feel. I nudged my lips beneath their jaw and give it a small bites as I moved faster. "You feel so damn good, Eri." I whispered in their ear.

Their legs tightened around me and our hands suddenly came together squeezing tight as we didn't want to let go. With my other free hand I shifted it into the minimal space between us to give well deserved attention to their clit. Eri arched as their walls clamped down around me tight. When they did that my body would go insane. That tightness engulfing me made me a mess and I wanted to cum so bad. They seemed close too as they were now rolling their hips to collide with my own and get there faster. Their hand burrowed into my hair, seizing a fistfull as I felt their cum envelop me. I braced myself against the door chasing after their orgasm with heavy pants and groans. My mind was mush now, my hips snapping harder, and body finally sweltering in the cold air. I felt my cock swell and I remembered that they were going to swallow.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and a loud honk that scared the shit out of me. I had no idea why that ended up triggering my cum to release, maybe the sudden movement or the fact that Eri would ease up on their suffocating tightness but thick ropes of cum painted their insides. I couldn't help by throw my head back and let out the deepest moan. Even if it was a mistake that feeling was so fucking amazing. "Johnny!!!" They yelled, snapping me out of my bliss. "You idiot! I told you not to!!"

"I was about to pull out! It was an accident!" I wiped away the fog from the window and saw that Jae and Quinn we're now approaching. "Fuck! It's them! They're here!"

"Oh Jesus, great! How the fuck am I supposed to clean this up? Do you have any napkins or something??" I pulled out slowly and just pulled up my underwear and sweats not caring about the uncomfortable wetness. Besides it definitely wasn't as bad as what I made Eri deal with.

"No, I don't think so. I'm sorry. Just like...maybe stay still and it won't come out?"

"Great. Wonderful. I swear to god Johnny I'm gonna kill you."

Yes, yes I know." I shoved my hoodie down lower to try and cover my slowly disappearing hard on so Jae wouldn't see it. He knocked on the window and I opened the door, getting out to open the hood of my car. I turned back towards Eri as they shimmied down their dress slowly, trying as much as possible not to move as they clenched their thighs tight. "We'll be out of here in no time and then you can shower, I promise."

"Just tell Jae to hurry the fuck up." They hissed.

"I will!....I love you." I said as a goodbye.

I could tell that made them smile at least.

--

Eri's POV

He was stupid and amazing and perfect. I hated him and loved him at the same time for making me feel a plethora of ooey gooey lovey dovey gushy feelings. Even if he had disobeyed my orders, his cum inside me felt oddly comforting. I never really told him outright that I liked it. I didn't want him to get used to it and play the dangerous line of creating a hellspawn. As I tried to stay as still as a statue Quinn jumped in the car. "Move your legs!" They said. "I'm gonna sit down."

"I can't," I grumbled.

"What? Why?"

"He came inside me…"

"ERI!!"

"I KNOW! I DONT WANT IT IN THERE BUT IT IS AND HE DOESNT HAVE TISSUES SO IM SUFFERING OK?!"

"Jesus Christ. You guys really fucked in the back of his car?"

"Yeah...and...I have to tell you something."

Their eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What?"

"I um...kinda, sorta, maybe have a boyfriend now."

"FINALLY!!" Quinn, and outside, Jae, yelled. I assumed Johnny had told his best friend as they were hooking up the jumper cables. "Took you idiots long enough! I'm still gonna murder him."

"Please don't. He's good, I promise. He's not as bad as he seems. We really care about each other. He said he loved me first."

"Oh, shit. I never expected that." They sighed. "Fine. But if he so much as has ONE fuck up I'm burying him 20 feet underground."

"Uh, it's 6 feet." I corrected.

"Not the way I'm planning it." Quinn shuffled through their handbag and pulled out a pack of tissues. "See if there's enough to clean up."

"Hopeful fucking ly. That dude cums like a super soaker." I shifted my dress up and carefully sat up. "Well don't look."

"I'm not! That's weird!" With enough space now to sit, they plopped down beside me as I tended to this irritating mess.

Johnny got back into the car and turned on the engine and I was grateful to hear it roar to life. "Thank fuck! Alright babe, we're going home!"

"Yeah, thank fuck! Don't ever take me to this place again in the winter. I'm not about getting stranded!"

"Good job, lover boy." Quinn quipped.

"Yeah, yeah. Shut it half pint. And get out of my car. We're gonna leave." 

"Johnny be nice before I throw this jizz tissue at you."

"Oh god, please don't." He cringed.

Quinn scrunched their face in disgust and stepped out. "I'll leave you guys to it and meet you back at the house later on."

"You got it."

"And please, for the love of God, do not fuck on the couch."

"It was one time!" Johnny and I said in unison.

Quinn slammed the door shut as Jae closed the hood and tapped it. "You're good to go bro!"

Johnny waved at him and Jae tossed his jumper cables in his trunk before he and Quinn got in the car and drove off. I switched from the backseat to up front, tossing the tissues on the ground (because where the hell else was I supposed to put them), and settled in. Johnny held my hand as he drove off. The heat was finally on and at last I wasn't freezing anymore. In fact I was happier than I had ever been in a very long time.

--

Being with Johnny had its ups and downs. We weren't perfect and had some kinks to work through but it was still enjoyable. Our first big argument came when I told him he needed therapy to work through his PTSD and anxiety. He had refused each time i brought it up and it put a strain on us. I wanted him to at least get some sort of help. I couldn’t be his therapy or spend our entire relationship trying to fix him. When he finally agreed to go i was so happy and gave him all of the encouragement that he needed. He even started a medication treatment and it seemed to be working for the most part. But it also changed him to a point where a distancing wedge was placed between us.

It started one night when my limbs were wrapped around him and our lips were in a flurry of never ending kisses. He was thrusting in me, vigorously at first but it had slowed down to an awkward pace that I wasn’t sure how to keep up with. Then he stopped completely.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered before I tried to kiss him again.

He snapped his head back and sighed. “I’m sorry i just...i’m not into it anymore.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. My Johnny, practically a nymphomaniac, wasn’t into sex anymore? My mind instantly panicked. We had been fucking so much since we had become an official couple that maybe he had gotten tired of me. Shit, was I getting boring? Was I not doing things he liked? My heart was pounding incredibly fast and I struggled to say a few words. “O-oh...is it something I did?”

He pulled out and laid beside me, folding his forearm over his eyes. “No, it’s not you. I just-” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

I pulled the covers over me and closed my legs. “Um...is it stress, you think? You’re graduating in two months.”

“Maybe. Can I just sleep here?”

“Of course.” I said softly. I wasn’t sure what to make of this or if i should press him further. It could have been something in passing. I mean, there were plenty of times were I started masturbating and then just didn’t feel it anymore. I hoped that was the case and not that he wasn’t attracted to me or something. Our time laying together was filled with an uncomfortable silence. I rolled onto my side and tried to distract myself with my phone as silent tears spilled down my face. 

Weeks had passed by since we touched each other. Not having sex wasn’t the end of the world, of course. I still loved him unconditionally and wouldnt leave him for something so trivial. But there was still a part of me that even craved our makeout and grinding sessions on the couch while some movie or tv show played in the background. Those were rare now but there was one night where I was a bit lucky. He had initiated it which made me excited that I was still attractive to him. Even though that seemed like such a stupid thing to worry about, I couldnt help it. Sure, we had cuddled, held hands, and did some minor kissing throughout this dry spell but when he was buried inside me it always made me feel giddy and warm, like a lovestruck idiot.

With his lips on me and getting rougher by the second, I pushed him down onto the couch and crawled on top of him, barely breaking our connection. He groaned softly and made a break to grab two handfuls of my ass and push me forward to grind on him. I took the hint and worked my hips over the center of his jeans eagerly. I parted from his sinful lips and buried my face against his neck to deeply kiss and nip at the skin there. I wanted to show him how much I needed him and how he made me an eager mess. I shoved my hands under his shirt and rubbed my hand over the soft hair on his stomach, swallowing back my squeal of delight. It always drove me insane to feel the dips of his abs and the trail of hair that lead to his cock. My hand was starting to follow that path when he whispered my name.

"U-uh, Eri."

I nipped at his ear and panted. "Yes, daddy?"

"Eri, I think-"

I kissed him again and smirked. "Don't think, just fuck." My lips made their way down his torso to the waistband of his jeans that I was trying to pry open.

"E-eri, um...hold on…"

"Oh yeah you're right," I giggled. "If we're on the couch Quinn and Jae will whine. But...we might have time for juuuusssttt a little fun." I started to unbutton his pants but he grabbed my hands roughly. 

"Eri stop!"

I squeaked in surprise and stared at him wide-eyed. He shoved me away and sat up, adjusting his clothes and avoiding eye contact. I didn't know he had wanted me to stop. I didn't think he had even said stop before then. Oh god, I just traumatized him even more. "I-im sorry! Did you say stop before? Oh god, you did, didn't you? Johnny!"

"No I hadn't said anything before then. But maybe take a fucking hint next time."

"I..I mean I thought we were okay...that you were okay." I said softly as I covered my face with my hands and hid away from him, feeling like I was a total monster. He scooted closer to me on the couch and hugged me from behind.

"No, I'm sorry.” He sighed and kissed my temple. “It's me. It's just me. I'm just still irritated at the fact that I can't do it. It just won't happen."

I turned towards his chest and buried my face in it. "I don't want to hurt you like that, Johnny. Please, I never-"

He kissed my forehead then my lips. "I promise you a thousand percent it wasn't you. My head is still just...a mess."

I set my hand in his and rested my head against his shoulder. "Are you talking about it in therapy?"

"Yeah...we have been for the past couple of sessions. It's a lot and I don't like it." He confessed.

"Do you think maybe that's why you don't want to have sex? Like bringing up all those emotions, especially with all the stuff with Rixi...maybe it's just making it harder?" I should've seen this ahead of time. I mean, I'm his fucking girlfriend and if I hadn't been so selfish I would be able to tell what was actually wrong. instead i was worrying about my appearance and his attraction to me. I wanted to kick myself.

"Potentially. I'm still not sure. I know you've been wanting to for weeks and I keep ruining stuff."

"No, you're not ruining anything. I'm being a selfish brat. I seriously can't believe that it didn’t cross my mind that you would be talking about it in therapy and it would affect how you felt. Like how stupid am I? Of course that would happen???" I groaned in frustration. "I'm not being a good girlfriend…"

"You're being a great girlfriend, babe. We just gotta work through some stuff together, you know? You're always there for me and I promise I'll get better." I ran my fingers over the lines on his palm and sniffled just a bit. I still felt guilty, way too guilty for not stopping, for not thinking past my own needs, for taking his love for granted. It made my stomach churn. I felt Johnny press his lips to the top of my head again and enclose my hand in his. "Want to cuddle, maybe?"

I laughed and smiled a bit. He had definitely turned into the bigger cuddler after we had become official. "You're a big baby, you know that?"

"I am not! You're just comfy and so soft i cant help it. Come on, pllleeeaaasseee?"

I wiped at my eyes and stood up. "Fine, lets go." I dragged him along to my room. The problem was I forgot that I had my binder spread out on my bed as I had been organizing my kpop photocards before he had arrived. I was too embarrassed to let him see and rushed over to gather the cards and shove them haphazardly into the binder. I tossed it on my desk, hoping that he didn't really pay attention to what it was but when I turned around he had a card between his index and middle finger. "You dropped your Sehun card." He snorted.

I snatched it quickly and held it to my chest. "Shut up." I growled.

"So that's why you're dating me, huh? You wanna live out your idol fantasy?" He joked, but the words stung.

"No...that's why I never talk about it with you. That's the last thing I wanted you or anyone else to think. I didn't go after anyone just because of their race. I don't want to be seen as that type of person because I know plenty of people that do. I never wanted you to feel like I was fetishizing you. I get enough of that in my own community."

"Babe, it's not that serious. It's ok."

"It is serious to me...I know a girl that specifically sleeps with Asian guys because of kpop. I get that people have a "preference" but I think "preferences" about race are just an excuse."

"I mean I don't really see race…" He said quietly.

"You should. It'll help you understand the problems I go through and even what your people go through in America. It's not a bad thing; it's an educational thing." I sighed. "Anyway, the point is that-"

"You can talk to me about kpop or Korean shit or whatever you want. I don't see you as a fetishizer or anything like that. And I certainly don't give a fuck about what your race is. I mean I do in the sense that it's important to you but if you were something else but still had your personality and I fell in love with you it would be all the same to me." He ruffled my hair which made me shove him away gently. "Besides you tell me about your hair stuff all the time even though I don't exactly get it I think it's interesting."

I put my photocard on my desk and avoided looking at him. "I'm sorry. It's just something I think about a lot…"

"Well don't. Fuck what anyone says." He pulled me into my bed and laid down, keeping me close. "Wanna hear something funny?"

I knew he was trying to lighten the mood and make me not feel as shitty. I agreed to hear him out, gently running my fingers through his hair like he loved so much. "Ok, shoot."

"I wanted to be an idol when I was younger."

"Oh my god, really?!" I asked, totally shocked.

"Yup. I even started training for a bit; going back and forth between America and Korea. But it started to get super annoying. It was like I wasn't getting anywhere. Then I started to think I would never debut. Like I'd be stuck training for like 10 years and join one of those ridiculous groups with like 40 members or some shit and I wouldn't get to showcase any of my talents. They would underestimate my singing and slap some autotune on it even though I personally don't think I need it. Or I would get all of like...2 lines in a song or something like that."

"Yeah...a few of my favorites are like that and I hate it."

"I'm sure I wouldn't even be able to play the piano or dj anymore and I would just be the "English member" that could do all the interviews. Plus I'd be away from my mom for so long that I started to hate that too. So I basically quit and attended college here for what I really wanted to do and just did music on the side. I didn't want to lose my passion for it anymore."

"I have no idea what you would be like as an idol. I feel like everyone would screenshot you being a giant meme and you would trip on everything. Oh and of course allll the fangirls would talk about your cute butt and your nice arms."

"I bet you do that to your biases." He teased.

"....this isn't about me right now."

"I think I would like all the girls fawning over me. Not the crazy ones but like the ones that like put all the hearts all over my pictures and make nice fansites. And I would have to read all the fanfiction people write and laugh my ass off."

"Don't do that! That's like every writers worst nightmare!" I exclaimed.

"And you would know how exactly?"

"......again this isn't about me."

He snorted and shifted to lay on his back. "I should have expected nothing else."

"Shut up!! This is why I didn't tell you anything!" I covered my face and rolled away from him but he instantly spooned me and squeezed me to him.

"You always call me a dork but you're the real dork here." He kissed my cheek playfully before resting his head on my shoulder. I held his hand that was around my waist and exhaled softly.

"Let's just never leave bed or think about bad shit anymore."

"Sounds like a deal. I like it. Then I wouldn't have to think about all this old trauma."

"I know. You should keep going to therapy though. I'm glad you're doing that at least. I'm proud of you." I leaned back into his warmth and kissed his cheek.

"I know. I'll keep doing it. It's just a pain in the ass and these meds are fucking with me. It's so hard to get used to them."

"Trust me. I was the same way when I first started. But I changed and adjusted them all the time. It takes awhile to find your cocktail. When I got on one of my meds it skyrocketed my sex drive and now I'm a hoe so." I joked and laughed a bit.

"Wait, was it low before?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I would say it was average for the most part. But after my girlfriend I didn't have sex with anyone except Jungwoo and that was only once. Then Quinn started convincing me to do hookups and stuff and with the meds I changed to it just worked out I guess."

"Huh…"

"What?"

"Nothing...just interesting is all. Do some meds lower your labido or something?"

"Some do." I said. "It can affect appetite, sleep, thoughts of suicide. It just depends. That's why you adjust and work through some different kinds. It takes some time, so don't worry about it now."

"Fuck, you're so smart. That makes total sense."

"Not smart, just have experience." I shifted around so I could lay my head on his chest and bury myself into him. "Let's sleep for a bit. Clear your head so we don't have to talk about heavy stuff anymore."

He hummed in agreement and pulled the covers over us but I probably fell asleep faster than he did.. Sleeping to forget was always our favorite past time but it seemed a little less worse when I had him by my side.

--

He had been busy for a bit with all his meetings with his adviser, preparing for his finals, and making sure that he was ready to go for his graduation. We weren't able to see each other that often. Even his texts were more sporadic and though I missed him so fucking much this was an important milestone in his life. I only had a year left myself and I knew he would be there for me when my time came to graduate. I would often cuddle with his shirts while I slept just to feel like I had him close by. He had told me how he liked to sleep with the little rilakkuma keychain he had gotten months ago because it reminded him of me. We had similar feeling in wanting to keep each other close and it made me so so happy. 

What also made me happy was that his portfolio show was coming up. Everyone would be able to see all the work and effort he had done as a photographer throughout his school career. It was one of the most important nights for him. I had been so excited and waiting for this for awhile now. He would still be busy in the gallery but at least I could be by his side and feel him close to me. I did myself up, making sure I wore a cute dress and my makeup was a bit more subtle than usual. I stuffed my hair into a more sleek bun and tried my damnedest to walk in some black heels I had laying around. When I arrived at the art building, the gallery show was going on full swing and I could see professors and head of departments looking at all the students works. I stepped into the space, immediately grabbing a free glass of champagne and a cheese cube they had on the refreshment table. With the cheese gone and champagne downed I click clacked my way through the wooden floor space looking for my boyfriend.

I found him caught up in a conversation that I didn't want to interrupt. I stood back, close to a wall but not disturbing any of the art pieces. My eyes wandered over his frame taking in the burgundy button up shirt and the tight fitting black dress pants that he wore. Dress pants were literally made for his ass and I found myself biting into my lower lip as I stared longer and longer. Even his thighs seemed to stretch out the fabric and I couldn't help but remember how good he looked when we got dressed up for the quince. I was already getting flustered, like an idiot, over someone that was already mine but he looked so good I couldn't help it. While I was still staring I noticed his legs starting to move towards me and instantly looked up.

"Hey, beautiful." He leaned down and gave me a kiss. I held onto his shoulders already melting at the smell of his woodsy cologne. 

"Hey yourself. You look so good. And you smell good and-"

"Should I squirt you with a water bottle, horndog?" He chuckled.

My face flushed with embarrassment. "What?! No! I just...you look nice is all. I was admiring your handsomeness."

"And my ass, right?"

"I can't help that you have the cutest little butt ever, ok?" I pouted and crossed my arms a bit. "Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, him? He's the head of my department. He was telling me about some interning opportunities because he really likes my work. I think I'm gonna check them out."

"Whoa, really? Johnny, that's awesome!"

He smiled, bright and perfect as usual. "Yeah, I'm super fucking stoked. I'm gonna stop by his office next week to get more info and start applying but I'm hype as all hell."

I gave him another kiss and hugged him. "I hope you get one. This will be really good for you."

"Yeah. Who knows? Maybe we can work for the same magazine. You write and I take pictures."

"Oh yeah? Then you can come with me all over Europe to all the cool metal festivals." 

He put his arm around my waist and took me away from my place by the wall. "I wouldn't mind that. I like traveling. Do you wanna see my stuff?"

"Of course! You never really showed me your work except from the pictures on your Instagram. I've been excited for this all day."

His cheeks turned a bit rosy and he clammed up for a moment as we walked to the far end of the gallery where his pieces were. When I looked up at the mounted pictures I took a step back. My breath practically ceased and my throat closed up. What the hell should I even say?

"Are they bad…?" He asked softly.

I was looking at myself. Dozens of pictures of myself in different settings. I had even recognized the picture he took of me on the night of his birthday party- the one where he had told me I was beautiful. I was crying, I was laughing, I was smoking, drinking, dancing, playing guitar. All these personal moments that he was now a part of and I never even knew it. I felt a lot of things, some that caught me off guard even. I felt a bit mad that he never warned me he was taking them. I felt embarrassed and shy for being captured so rawly. But I also felt honored that he would want to take pictures of me and display them for his final gallery. He had taken a chance with these pictures of me and showed it to the people who would judge him and sign off on his graduation. He had made me so vital to his career already and here I was absolutely speechless. All I could do was squeeze his hand tightly as a few tears slid down my cheeks.

"Eri, are you ok?" 

"Why me?" I finally said.

"Because you're my muse. You're the realest person I know and I hate synthesized photos. I like capturing the reality of the world and what better way to do it then with the person who basically has had as much hurt and lost as I have." I didn't want anyone else to see me cry so I turned myself inwards towards his chest as more tears fell down my face. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I never expected this...I never expected anyone to love me this much…"

"Well I do. And I don't regret submitting these for my final show. I chose these for a reason."

"Were you ever gonna tell me?"

"I had planned to but everything got into the way and it turned out being a surprise. So...surprise, yaaayyy." He tried to make the air between us lighter though I was still a hot mess. When I stayed quiet he let out a small sigh. "You hate it."

"I don't. It's just a shock to me, that's all. I feel like I'm responsible if they don't accept you or give you good notes on your gallery."

"Don't feel that way. I did what I did and like I said I don't regret it. Not one bit. I want to spend my career still photographing things that I love. You're one of those things."

"When did you start being less of a fuckboy?" I chuckled and sniffled as I wiped my eyes gently so I wouldn't smear my eyeliner.

"When I foun out that I wasnt invincible and someone made me feel like I was nothing. You made me realize I was worthy. And then I fell in love." He stared off at the pictures and I couldn't believe how confidently he was saying those words to me. Months ago he had been afraid to even tell me that he loved me. Now he could say things that made my heart want to pop out of my chest like an old school cartoon.

"You're really something else, Johnny Suh, you know that?"

"So I've been told." He rubbed my back gently before stepping away from me a bit. "Do you mind if I mingle a bit more? I want to do it before I want to kill myself from all the socializing."

"Yeah," I laughed. "Go ahead. It'll give me a chance to walk around and see how lame these other photographers are."

"Eri, don't be like that. Some of them are my friends. I appreciate you liking my stuff though." He kissed the back of my hand before heading off towards the gallery entrance. I took a few pictures of Johnny's work and sent them to Quinn before I started walking around. The show went on much later than I expected and I stayed the whole time just to keep up my support but my feet were absolutely killing me. Beauty is pain, that's for sure. I found a spare chair to occupy and plopped down to give my feet a rest. There weren't many people left and Johnny was helping to clean up and collect his photos to put back into his portfolio. He met me at the chair and extended a hand to me. "Ready to go?"

"Mhm." I took his hand and stood up slowly. "My feet are killing me. Why were heels even invented?"

"You don't have to wear heels if you don't want to. I hate them anyway. I like you extra short for me."

"Yeah I know, jerk. At this rate you're gonna have to carry me to the car." I hobbled behind him as he started walking out of the gallery space with my hand in his.

"I will, just let me put my portfolio in the art space. It's just down the hall."

I nodded and clutched onto his arm, walking beside him as we talked about the show a bit. The art space was an older classroom with a large wooden structure with different slots for students to house their work. When we went in the room was pitch black and Johnny turned on the light briefly to set his portfolio case into his slot. When he came back to my side I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. "What's that for?" He chuckled.

"Because I'm a gooey, proud, happy mess for my man."

"And you say I'm a big baby." He set his hands on my hips and gave me another kiss which morphed into a us not separating for awhile. I held onto him tighter, pressing my chest against his as he moved me back towards a spare table that hadn't been occupied. "O-oh. Sorry." He whispered against my lips.

I shook my head and pulled him down to resume our heated kiss, begging for more. My hands were exploring every inch of his torso and gripping at his shirt as I whimpered against his lips. His fingers were clawing at the zipper of my dress, pulling it down and yanking the top part off my shoulders. He made quick work of my strapless bra, tossing it aside as his lips wrapped around my nipple, kneading as he sucked and groaned around the tender area. His other hand didn't devoid me of attention either. He had managed to trap my other nipple between his index and middle fingers, adding pressure as he groped and kneaded as well. It felt so so good even within the short amount of time. It was mostly because i hadn't seen this side of him in almost two months. My body instantly snapped to craving to be beneath him but my mind reeled it back instantly. What if it was just his small bursts that would start eager but fizzle out right after? I couldn't take that much teasing, as horrible as it sounded, but i knew he also shouldn't try and force himself to have sex just to make me happy 

"H-hey, Johnny. You don't have to…" I swallowed back a small groan and tried to steady my breath. "We really shouldn't, e-e-especially if you're not ready. Please, i just can't take-"

"Mhm, do you want me to stop?" He spoke. His puppy dog eyes had shifted into something more devious but i couldn't be sure.

I set my hands on his shoulders to try and keep him at bay. "It's ok. We don't have to. I know you've been trying to work up your sexual appetite more but i dont think rushing through it like this is the answer. So maybe we should-"

"I want you."

I sighed. "I want you too, love, but if we go any further, it could be dangerous and I don't want that on either of our conscience. Lets just-"

"Not on my conscience. I want you."

He was starting to get a little too stubborn for my liking. "Johnny, we can have sex when you're ready. I'm not rushing this and you can't-"

"Eri, you dont fucking understand!" He cupped my face suddenly before chuckling. "I talked to my doctor about it and one of the side effects of my meds was a lower labido, like you had said, so i told him we had to fucking fix that. I got on a booster to go along with it and... well...i really really want to fuck you."

Oh.

Ohhh…

"So you're...ok? I mean to like do stuff? Do you think you really are? If you want to stop mid way again then that's fine! I just want to-"

"Eri, i am going to fuck you now and when im done, we're gonna go home and im gonna cook you pancakes and let you rest for a bit before i ruin you entirely, got it?"

I instantly felt that sentence go straight to my clit in the most agonizing feeling. I had been waiting weeks to hear him say something like this and now that it was happening, I was already a mess and surprised that he wasn't scraping me off the floor yet. I pulled his hands away from my face and leaned in to bury myself in his neck. "Yes daddy."

"I made my princess wait long enough i think." He grabbed a hold of the back of my thighs and lifted me onto the table. He didn't waste any more time in pulling down my panties and spreading my legs apart. He inhaled sharply when he finally saw me, staring for just a moment. I was confused, even a bit self conscious, but that went away the moment he dedicated minutes on end to kissing every inch of my legs and moving up towards my thighs. It had been a little 0-100 but with the way we had been craving each other, neither of us wanted to stop even if we were out in the open. He bit at my inner thighs, making me wince but desire the feeling more and more. He wrapped his strong arms around them and kept me as close as possible to his face as he sucked deeper and harder on the sensitive skin. He was trying to leave behind imprints of his teeth and bruises that would make me ache for days after. I knew he loved my thighs but with his lips being so close to where i wanted him to be the most he had me wiggling my hips in earnest. He disappeared completely under my dress so i only saw the form of his head beneath the fabric. 

I could hear a soft grumble as his tongue parted my folds and swept up towards my clit. His fingers dug into my hips as mine scratched into the wood beneath me. His lips wrapped around my clit hungrily, deeply sucking until the blood rushed south and made me throb. He switched his tactics as soon as i arched slightly and let out a breathy moan, just to spite me, i was sure. He always liked to tease me, especially when he had practiced so much and found out what i liked most. The tip of his tongue was now creating lazy patterns between my inner lips and circling around my entrance, not daring to go any further just yet. My toes squeaked against the inner soles of my heels as they curled hard. I didn’t want to make any sounds and draw attention to the room though I was sure we were the only ones left in the building at this point. I breathed out his name in a soft beg as my need became more and more dire. “Please don’t tease me, Johnny. Please don’t…”

I felt his chuckle vibrate against my inner lips. “Sorry, I’m just so used to torturing you like this. Do you want me to make you cum like this first?”

“Y-yes! Make me cum however many times you want, pleasepleaseplease.”

“Damn...my princess really is needy.”

I wanted to kick him with the edge of my shoe for being a little shit but decided to behave. His tongue blessed me by plunging in finally, that warmth trailing through the beginnings of my walls and making more and more moans want to surface. He moved his hand from my hip to swipe his thumb over my clit. They were small strokes at a gentle speed to not take away from the magic of his tongue. He buried himself deeper, faster, hungrier to the point where he himself was making small growls against me. I pulled my dress up further on my waist to grab onto a fistfull of hair, careful not to pull him towards me. He had gotten used to me pulling his hair while he was down there but pulling him closer was a no go and stirred too many bad feelings for him. There were plenty of times where I had to remind myself to be cautious as it had been something I was so used to in the past. But a rough tug to jerk his head was enough for him to yank me to the edge of the table and and groan like a wolf in heat. He parted from me to grab a hold of my ankles and set my feet on the table leaving me to be splayed out for him. With such easy access his fingers were able to force their way in, two at first, and dig through my need. 

While his tongue made long licks from the top of my entrance to my clit his fingers pushed and pulled in an incessant beat. I rolled my hips with him, plunging his fingers further and his face to be buried against me. A third finger slipped in to stretch me and i gripped onto his wrist as he nudged at a spot deep within me. My nails were creating marks into his skin and I could feel the pulse of his veins beneath my fingertips. “Here?” He asked simply. I nodded furiously and bit into my bottom lip. It was getting harder to stay quiet even if my moans and squeaks weren’t loud to begin with. With his idle hand he spread apart my lips to flicker his tongue directly on my clit. I clamped down around his fingers as my first orgasm hit me in a sudden wave. He kept his fingers inside me but slowed his licks until he stopped completely. He pulled away from me, wiping his face with the back of his hand before pulling his fingers out. He then grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me so I sat up and tapped his cum covered fingers against my lips. I instantly opened my mouth and accepted them, sucking lewdly to get my taste off. 

I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt as I tried to get it open to feel his muscles underneath. He worked with my fingers to free them and tugged off his shirt, pulling his fingers from my mouth to get it off completely. I licked my lips as I grabbed at his belt next, tugging it open and going for the fly of his pants. He shook his head and snatched it from the belt loops before grabbing my hands. He set them behind my back and wrapped the leather around my wrists, pulling it tightly and locking it into the buckle. I didn’t even pout, only latched my legs around his thighs to pull him closer. He shoved down his pants and underwear, palming himself for a bit before plunging into me. Both of us stopped, panting softly and realizing how perfect we felt when we were connected. It had been months since we started our celibacy spell and now that it was over it seemed so surreal. 

“Holy-’

“Fuck.” I finished for him.

We looked at each other and kind of laughed before he cupped my face and kissed me hard. “You asshole, i love you so much.”

“M-me too. So fucking much…”

He buried his face in my neck then and pressed his hand onto my lower back. His hips pulled away and snapped harshly, filling me with a thunderous burst of pleasure. I needed that rawness and passion that he gave me every time we got lost in each other. He thrusted over and over, making the table shake beneath me. I rocked my hips fast to meet him, my mind making me blurt out whatever begs and pleads that popped into my train of thought. I wished I could touch him, that little bastard and his kinky ideas. I taught him too much. He kissed his way up my neck and nipped at my ear. I felt his warm breath against my lobe as he whispered, “Bite me.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. I dove towards his collarbone, latching onto the thin skin and sinking my teeth in. He hissed and snapped his hips harder while i sucked deeply and pulled a colorful hickey to the surface.

He pounded faster getting more relentless in feeling my walls wrapped around him. My legs were trembling and struggling to keep their hold around him. I swallowed hard and pressed my forehead to his. "J-johnny…" I had no idea what I wanted to say but I felt the urge to beg for him.

He licked my lips and added a small nibble to the bottom one. "I want to bend you over this fucking table."

"Then do it. Make me yours."

"You're already mine." He yanked my hips off the table top and forced my torso down onto it, making my dress pool around my ankles. "You're usually on all fours on your bed. I haven't fucked you over a table or counter in a minute." He grabbed onto the loose end of the belt and tugged my arms back roughly. His other hand forced my hips back as he reentered me, ramming my hip bone into the edge of the table. I winced and gasped deeply as my legs almost gave out then and there. He used the hold on my arms as leverage to get the best angle and plow straight towards my stomach. His foot kicked my feet apart more and I could hear his satisfied chuckle behind me.

Johnny pressed himself close to my back and nudged his lips against me, signaling me to face him. His tongue pried open my lips, giving me no time to adjust to the thick invasion. We exchanged moans and suckled at each other until I felt my arms start to tingle. Pain was shooting up my forearms and I could hardly feel my fingers. "J-Joh…" He cut me off by filling my mouth again. I shook my head and tried to pull away. "Too tight!"

"What? You mean you're too tight?"

"Belt. The belt. It hurts. Take it off." I whimpered.

"Oh! Fuck, shit, okay! Hold on." He pulled away from me and untied the belt from my wrists, finally setting me free. I shook out the numb feeling and held onto my wrists that were bright red and starting to fade to purple. "Are you ok? I'm so sorry." He rubbed his hands over my arms, helping to get the feeling back as well.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It just hurts a bit. That's all.”

“I’m so sorry...” He whispered.

I took his arms and wrapped them around my waist, leaning back into his shoulder a bit. “I’m okay. Promise. Please keep going.”

“I don’t want to hurt you again. Should I...keep you bent over?”

I giggled. He could always turn into a soft dom at the drop of a hat. “Yes, keep me bent over. I want it like that.”

He nodded and kissed my neck gently. He morphed our hands together and planted them on the table, pressing me back into a bent position. My fingers clenched around his when i felt him thrust and my eyes fluttered shut. Each grind, thrust, and roll of hi hips dug deeper into me, resurfacing my quivering thighs and months of need. Johnny left blazoned trails of stinging bites down my spine as his blunt nails dug into the palm of my hand. My favorite little growls rang in my ear and i slammed myself back against him, wanting to hear more. our bodies were harshly slapping together now, echoing in the big room, repeating the sounds of skin on skin, rough contact with wood, and the table squeaking back little by little. The sounds were lost on us entirely. Even our pants and moans seemed to disappear as we vanished into a void of each other. Nothing was more important to me then his satisfaction and i knew he felt the same. We were chasing each other incessantly, begging for release until i broke first, practically crumbling beneath his heavy body. The table prevented me from falling onto my weakened legs and of course i couldn’t move being trapped between it and Johnny. I heard my orgasm each time he pounded into me, sloppier than the last and trembling with anticipation. I wiggled myself back against him and gave him a warning so he could pull out.

He finally let me go and braced himself on the table, dribbles of sweat from from his temple down to his chin. I worked myself down to my knees in front of him, giving him doe eyes as i popped my tongue out for him. He took the back of my head in his hand and urged me forward until his cock pushed past my lips and suffocated my mouth in a thick tightness. I squeezed my eyes shut and let him control his thrusting, keeping a hold on his thighs in case it got to be too much. He was holding back his want to obliterate my throat for the sake of me not killing him after but i let him go a little faster, gaining a tighter grip against my skull. Johnny tossed his head back and i watched as his chest heaved and fingers wrap tighter around the edge of the table. He bit down on his lip so hard I was sure he made it bleed as splatters of his cum coated my tongue and slid down my throat. It was never the most pleasant feeling for me, the rare times I did this for him, but i behaved and swallowed it all, even waiting until the last drop. He pulled out slowly and looked down at me and i hoped i didn’t have a look of suffering on my face.

“Y-You okay?” He stuttered.

I nodded and swallowed down the rest of it before gasping for air a bit. Johnny hooked his arms under mine and lifted me up. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his chest, begging for his comfort. He held me tight and rubbed my back gently as we both came down from the intensity. “Can i get pancakes now?” I murmured.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Of course, princess. Let’s just...clean up and get dressed.” I pulled away reluctantly and he cocked his head to the side before swiping his thumb across my chin. “Ah...missed some.” I took his thumb in my mouth and sucked off his taste, lapping just a bit at the tip of his finger. He landed a hard smack against my ass. “You better stop that, you little shit. I don’t need to walk around campus with another boner!”

I giggled and turned away from him to pick up my discarded under wear and dress. As i bent over I felt his fingers between my thighs gathering up my own cum and making me shoot up instantly. “HEY!”

He smirked and popped his finger out his mouth. “Just a little payback.”

I hit his shoulder with my bra and we both laughed before getting completely dressed. He held me around my waist as we walked over to my car. He had carpooled with a few other students that were in the show to help each other set up so I was able to take him home and have him all to myself. “I’ll text Quinn to see if they’re spending the night with Jae so maybe i can watch you cook naked.” I joked.

“Honestly, I make a mess in the kitchen and i have to concentrate on not burning stuff. Burnt dick will not be on the menu tonight.”

“Your butt would still look cute. Maybe if you just wear the apron and that’s it. Like in those cheesy pornos. Easy access.”

“Excuse me, access for what?!”

I licked my lips and smirked. “Oh...nothing in particular.”

“Eri, you’re not putting anything in my ass.” He stated firmly.

“Yet.”

--

Though our sex life was back on track and Johnny was much more satisfied with his medication, we were still having trouble seeing each other. His graduation was tomorrow and just a few days ago i had to snap him out of a night terror. His anxiety was high and even though he had applied for those internships he still was hit with the “what exactly do I do with my life after college?” Art careers were harder to find a job to jump into and I felt his pain on so many levels. I tried to assure him that he was good enough to get those internships and he wouldn’t have to worry so much. He had calmed down since then and I was grateful but we had to zoom around to make sure everything was perfect for his big day. However, he sprung something on me that I hadn’t thought would happen so soon.

“So i’m going to pick up my mom from the airport and then tomorrow we’ll do the graduation thing. After that we’ll all go to dinner.” Johnny said as he put on his leather jacket.

“Wait...you mean i-i’m gonna meet your mom?” I sucked in a harsh breath and almost choked. We had only been fully dating for three months (not including fucking around since august) and now I was going to meet his mom, the most important person in his life? I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready at all. “Johnny, she’s going to hate me. Oh my god why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Relax! She’s not going to hate you! You’ll be fine. I need both my ladies there for me. I’m excited for y’all to meet.”

“What if I fuck up? What if she hates the way I look? Does she know I’m not Korean? Does she know i’m not white?! Does she know that I’m younger than you? Does she know anything about me?!”

“First of all my mom wont care about any of those things. I know her.” He grabbed onto my shoulders and gave me a little shake. "Eri! Trust me. It's going to be ok. I'll be there the whole time." He kissed my forehead in reassurance. "I'll be back, ok? I just have to pick her up, maybe get some food and drop her off at the hotel. I can sneak over a little later and I can maybe take your mind off things?" He said coyly.

I rolled my eyes and hit his shoulder. "Get out and go see your mom, idiot." I gave him a peck on the lips then let him leave, waiting until the door closed to run to Quinn's room. "I have a problem and I'm gonna die."

"What? What's going on?" They set down their phone and watched as I flopped face down onto their bed. 

"Johnny's mom is coming for his graduation and I have to meet her!!"

"Holy fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Shit. Oof. Ok, um...that's like... astronomically huge."

"I KNOW AND IM NOT READY!!" I cried into their pillow. "I have no idea why I didn’t think she would show up. Of course she would show up! He’s her only son! He says everything is going to be ok but like...I don't really know how she is. What if she's super traditional? I know she's lived in America for decades but she could still hate that Johnny isn't with some lightskinned, non tattooed, Korean business lady that went to Harvard or something. She's going to hate me and I don't want her too because she's important to Johnny. I want her to like me."

"Eri, you're beautiful the way you are. You shouldn't be ashamed of that. If Johnny wanted to date some light skinned Korean business Harvard lady then he would have. But he chose you because you're what he wants. Don't beat yourself up like that. He will defend you if she's really prejudice against that."

"He probably would but still…" Quinn sat down beside me and I shifted so I could lay my head on their lap. "I don't know how to be like proper or good enough to make parents like me."

"Just act like me because I'm a perfect angel."

"Quinn."

"Ok, ok. Just...try not to curse. Try to talk about your goals or accomplishments you've done. Maybe gas up Johnny a little? Mom's always love hearing about when their babies are like amazing or whatever. Maybe don't be on your phone so much? And when Johnny's there he can probably guide the conversation more so you’re not completely making a fool of yourself."

"That sounds good…" I said softly. It didn't fully ease my anxiety but it did give me some good ideas to go off of. "Should I wear a dress and some heels or something?"

"Eri you're gonna break your ankles if you wear heels."

"I did good when i went to his gallery show! Mostly. My feet were killing me after but I survived. I have some wedges and I think I have a normal black dress somewhere. Oh god, how should I do my hair. Maybe I'll straighten it. Should I do a bun again? What hairstyle says "Hello Ms. Suh. I'm not a terrible person"?".

"Ok, how's this? You pick out all the dresses you have that aren't slutty and then we can look up some hair ideas later. Then I can tell you what looks best. Also, Jae and I will at least be there for the ceremony so it won’t be completely terrible. We can at least help you not hyperventilate.”

“Yeah, i guess so. I just didn’t really think this would happen so soon in our official relationship. I met my ex girlfriends parents and they were kind of racist and unwelcoming so what if Johnny’s mom is the same?”

Quinn sighed. “If she is like that maybe Johnny will talk her down or something. I know he would want you two to get along but I don’t think it will be bad. Don’t worry too much or you’ll just make your head explode. Now go try and find your dresses and we can see what we’re working with.”

“Okay,” I grumbled and got up from the bed. “But what if she doesn’t like black? I don’t know if I have colored dresses. His suit is dark grey, black wouldn’t be bad, right?”

“ERI! Shut up and go get your dresses!!”

I whined and went to my room flipping through my closet for the few dresses I had. That one had a low neckline, that one was super short, that one had cutouts, that one had bat wings, the other had an open back. Fuck. The dress I had worn to the gallery was already dirty and way too casual and the rest I had were skater dresses. I needed something more formal. “Quinn!!!” I called out.

They stomped over to my room with their hands on their hips. “What now?”

“It’s official. I have to go shopping.”

“Shit, it’s serious now.”

I wanted to throw myself on the floor. I hated trying on clothes. I got all sweaty and then sad when shit wouldn’t fit over my thighs or my ass and formal dresses were the worst to shop for. I got lucky with the dress I wore at the quince. My mom got that for me and it suited me well but now that I was on my own I was doomed. “What am I going to do? If i don’t find something tonight then i’m literally not going to make a good impression and she’s gonna think i’m a slut. I mean i am but i don’t want her to think that.”

“Put your shoes on. I think i have an idea of what might work for you. Come on."

Shopping was serious business but I managed to find a black dress with capped sleeves that was simple enough for me to look innocent. It took forever to find anything that wasn't a sweetheart neckline, strapless, or backless. I was tired and barely got any sleep that night as nerves got the best of me. Only a few hours separated me from my greatest fear and I had no idea how to calm myself.

When the morning came, I drove myself, Quinn and Jae to the auditorium. Johnny was already waiting there with his mom and I met him outside the front doors, ready to vomit. I tried to focus on how cute he looked in his cap and gown that was way too short for him. She was standing beside him, also shorter than I expected for someone who birthed a giant. She was fussing over Johnny and giving him tons of kisses and licking her thumb to wipe away whatever smudges she thought was on his face. When he saw me he took me in his arms and held me close before introducing me to his mother.

"Mom, this is Eri, my girlfriend. Eri, this is my mom."

I smiled and waved at her, softly saying it was nice to meet her. I swore her demeanor changed as she looked me up and down, making my nausea even worse. Her attention shifted as Johnny introduced Jae and Quinn, then we were off to sit at the boring like four hour long ceremony. I wanted to try and be good and attentive but I was slowly falling asleep, especially since Johnny would be called to walk across the stage more so towards the end. Every once in awhile my eyes would fall closed and Quinn would jab my side so I could stay awake. I was suffering to say the least. Johnny was texting me a bit as we both sat in boredom and I made sure his texts were PG just in case his mom looked over. Finally when he walked across the stage she was all smiles and claps, taking pictures and videos even though it lasted all but thirty seconds. It kind of made me chuckle. She was just as extra as my mom was when I graduated high school.

When the ceremony finished, Johnny spoke with a few of his friends who had also graduated, making the four of us awkwardly wait to take pictures together. I was reminded how much I fucking hated graduations. I needed a vodka and redbull asap. The pictures were taken, a steady rotation of Johnny, Quinn and I, Johnny and Jae, me and Johnny, Johnny and his mom, until the point that I was going crazy. I was also mega hungry and would've preferred to be at the restaurant right now. I tried my best to put on a proper face and not show my irritation but damn if it wasn't hard. 

"Instead of dinner, were just going to do lunch. Is that ok?" Johnny's question snapped me out of my funk. The prospect of food was enough to get me excited until I realized we would be spending quality time with his mother. I looked back at Quinn as I was terrified but they just gave me the thumbs up and mouthed that I could do it. No I couldn't. I was going stir crazy as Johnny lead me and his mom to his car as Quinn used mine to head back to the apartment. I clutched at his hand tightly as he was driving, making our palms sweat. He looked over at me, giving me a look that said "calm the fuck down." Easy for him to say.

We got to the restaurant and took forever to get a table as dozens of other graduates had also picked this spot to eat. But as we were waiting for our food, he lead the conversation while I stared at my lap, occasionally sipping my soda.

"So Eri," the question made my head snap up and a lump appear in my throat. "What do you study?" She asked.

"I do music journalism. I want to write columns for magazines and interview bands and things like that. It'll give me the opportunity to travel too."

"Ahh, you're just like Johnny then. Always wanting to go somewhere and explore."

I finally smiled for the first time today. "Yeah, I think we have similar goals and stuff. Ideally, we would like to work for the same magazine. Hopefully we can make that come true but it will most likely be hard."

"So you have goals together then. That's at least better than the brats he dated in high school."

"Mom!" Johnny winced. "You can't count that! I had no idea what I wanted to do back then!"

"Oh I know exactly what you wanted to do," she scolded. "Sneak out the house and go hang out with those stupid skateboard friends of yours! And that hair! You would never let me cut it! With your heavy metal bands and what not!" She scoffed and said something else in Korean that made Johnny shove his hands into his face.

I giggled and took another sip of soda. "I still haven't seen those long hair pictures. Johnny won't show them to me!"

"Oh." She gave Johnny a shady look as she pulled out her phone. "Don't worry. I have them on Facebook."

He sighed and leaned into me. "She's excited because she's finally good at Facebook. Also, I hate you completely."

I took the back of his hand and kissed it. "I think it's cute! Hush!" Ms. Suh grabbed my attention and shoved her phone into my hand as she had pulled up the picture. I practically slammed it face down onto the table and pursed my lips trying so hard not to say that he looked fucking ridiculous. "Please don't ever ever grow your hair out that long again."

"Ughhh, shut up. I don't think it looked that bad."

"I always wanted to chase him around with scissors! Especially when he had that ponytail. I wanted to chop it right off." She said.

"I don't blame you. I like his hair now. I think it looks really cute." I smiled a bit as I tucked his hair behind his ear.

"He could use a haircut still. But he's always handsome."

"That's for sure." I took his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze.

"Alright, well you two can be gushy gushy. I'm going to use the bathroom." He rolled his eyes and scooted back from the chair, retreating to the bathrooms at the back of the restaurant. I watched him leave before turning back to face Ms. Suh.

"You're not the type of girl he usually goes for. Hes never liked the hair and the tattoos and all that." She stated flatly.

"Well...there's a first time for everything. He seems to like the way I look a lot." I tried to bite my tongue as much as I could so I wouldn't fuck up royally.

"Hmm…" She sipped her water and glared at me. "And what exactly do you want with my son?"

"A relationship, clearly." I sighed internally and clenched my fist around the fabric across my lap. "What I mean is I love Johnny a lot. More than I ever loved someone before and I was really scared to be in a relationship with him because I've been hurt before. But he's been there for me through a lot of rough things that has happened this school year and I've done the same for him. Now I can't imagine myself being without him really. I care about him a lot and I think I've tried to protect him from things that couldn't be helped but I never wanted him to be scared when he's with me. I know I don't look conventional, and I don't even act conventional. I'm not quiet, I don't hold my tongue, I'm not soft and I stand up for what I believe in. I will never be a lightskinned Korean business woman who went to Harvard or whatever you expected him to be with. I'm not sorry to be myself and Johnny loves me just the way I am."

"I can see that." She interrupted. "Eri, I don't care how you look. I know you've been nervous all day. It's written all over your face. But I can tell by the way he smiles that he loves you. Also, when he came to visit me before he told me everything about you and the feelings he's had. I just want you to make him happy. That's all I ask."

I felt tears prickling at my waterline and I tried to laugh it off though I was slowly unraveling into a mess. I dabbed at my tears ducts with the knuckle of my index finger and exhaled deeply. "I thought you would hate me and I didn't want that because I know how important you are to Johnny."

"No, I'm not a hateful person. You seem respectful and I know you were tense because you wanted to impress me. There's nothing to impress. I wish we could have spent more time getting to know each other but I was only here for the ceremony. Maybe you could come visit Chicago with him soon?"

I sat up straight and beamed happily. "I'd really love that. Like a lot."

Johnny returned then, looking at the two of us. "Well I'm glad you two didn't kill each other."

"Johnny, hush! Eri and I were having a nice conversation." Ms. Suh whacked her son's hand.

"Wait really?" He looked over at me and questioned the tears that were still watering my eyes. "What did you say?"

"That I just want Eri to continue to make you happy is all. And maybe she can come to Chicago with you next time."

Johnny smiled from ear to ear. "I would totally love that. I told you you had nothing to worry about, babe!"

"Yeah well...I couldn't help it. This means a lot to you, to the both of you. And it means a lot to me too." I entwined our fingers again and relaxed at last.

"I just have one question." Johnny and I both looked at his mom. "When am I getting grandkids?"

--

I had stood up waiting for Johnny to come back to my place after dropping his mom off at the airport for her return flight. I took off my dress and got a hot shower in before pulling on some basketball shorts and a hoodie he had left a while ago. I had cleared out a dresser drawer for him to put some clothes on the nights he stood over and had to get to work or class the next day. It was all becoming very domestic. I was curled up in my bed when I heard the door open. I had left it unlocked for him and he quickly came into my room, flopping down beside me.

"How was your mom?" I asked.

"Oh a crying mess as usual. But I told her I'll try and go back home once I find out stuff about those internships I applied for."

"Speaking of which, have you heard back from any yet?"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened his email app. "I have to check. I haven't been able to really look at my phone since the ceremony." 

I stretched out my limbs, letting out a big yawn. "Anything?"

He sat up quickly and grabbed my hand tightly. "Eri."

"What?! What?! What's wrong?!"

"I got in! I fucking got in!"

"What?! You got an internship?! Is it the one you wanted?!"

"Yes! Fuck! Holy fuck!!" He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight. "I'm so damn happy, you don't even know."

"I'm so proud of you, baby. This is gonna be awesome for you." I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him over and over between smiles. "When do you start?"

"I've got a couple weeks. I have to sell my car then find a place to live and then get a new car down there in the meantime." He said as if his explanation was perfectly normal.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean sell your car and find a place? Isn't your internship here?"

"What? No!” He laughed. “Babe, I'm moving to California."

[level247-table-tech]

like, i recognize to a lot of people the formality reads as generalized ‘early episode weirdness’, and i won’t pretend to think it was all intentional, but looking back it reads as progression. even knowing that things they share, or that we learn about them in general as they open up, are directed to the audience- made clear even by the camera angle - they are talking to each other in-universe, and i get the sense that they are learning about each other as characters too.

important note toward that point: they know what everyone else does, due to their functions, as well as knowing enough about each other’s specific inputs on various matters to clash about them. but as characters, i would argue they are unfamiliar to each other; they aren’t on a first-name basis and there’s little evidence of them interacting offscreen aside from said clashes. by getting to know each other by character, rather than just by function, they are more able to work together, come into agreement, and work toward a happier, more completely fulfilled thomas.  as a couple extra notes, them being characters is what nondiegetically allows them to speak at all, therefore indirectly what allows them to come to conclusions together.  there’s a neat symmetry in the concept that knowing each other’s characters is what allows them to work through things together more efficiently in-universe also.  a more fulfilled thomas seems like the natural result of his sides being happier, given that they are his aspects, and that’s what all of them are working toward. them knowing and being decent to one another seems conducive to that. self-love, and all, but more on that later.

everyone seems less likely to show up, in earlier episodes, unless their function is pertinent[or they are called upon]. this is where we find one- or two-character installments. less of a group discussion, more just a necessity. in particular i’d argue that any of their appearances to thomas pre-series were more akin to either the example arguments in mind vs. heart[not mvh itself; thomas called them for that talk] or one-on-one discussions in the mode of way too adult[talking about what these represent from a non-imaginary point of view could be interesting, but not on this post]: they show up when they have a stance on whatever’s at hand. this more minimal dynamic holds up in early episodes, and correlating to this theory, the change from that is due to advancement in-universe. though it is pointed out by anxiety in alone on valentine’s day that he can’t just sit things out if he doesn’t want to participate. most likely it’s just because he has feelings about the topic of discussion and does not care to go unheard, but it’s worth noting.

early appearances of all sides[in dilemmatic episodes, that is; generally only anxiety is antagonistic where there’s no particular argument] are more hostile, but early episodes also focus more on reconciling their various areas. again, we can exclude single-character focus episodes[princey is barely in taking on anxiety and he’s called up by thomas. it’s an anxiety episode], but there are more 2-sided arguments in the early episodes. the heart vs. the mind is a good example, with morality and logic talking through their previous arguments, and working toward compromise. that word’s gonna crop up again a lot. of course, one does get the impression that there’s little animosity related to past arguments! but that, i believe, can be chalked up to civility. that, and potentially regret is someone else’s domain, or thomas prefers not to dwell on it. in any case, they come to an understanding that if they work with each other rather than against each other, thomas can come to conclusions more than conflict, which are satisfactory to both parties, and which removes a stressor. the dark side of disney showcases a discussion between two sides who are less inclined to civility in ordinary clashes: princey takes his duty very personally, and anxiety is conflated with his negativity in a way that frames him as antagonistic to others and to thomas. yet this is a more casual discussion, less about conflicts or life events great or small, and more about interpretation. presumably this is just thomas pondering disney plots, on that level of thinking[listen there are three whole layers of reality in this show; i can’t just say diegetic or in-universe. the viewers are real, the sides are imaginary, and character thomas is having thoughts. i don’t know what to call it], and the results of this discussion won’t impact much other than tarnishing disney’s image. it’s just a disembodied ideal based on an external, unrelated body of work. anxiety proceeds to point out flaws in the ideal. many of which are valid points, and princey anticipates anxiety bringing up stockholm syndrome in the context of beauty and the beast, demonstrating that he already recognizes these flaws, and is just more accustomed to not focussing on the negative. different values of the critical. by the end of the episode, though, anxiety also admits that he appreciates disney movies despite their flaws. princey saw the flaws, but didn’t want to dismiss works outright for them; anxiety in truth shared this position but was unwilling to let the praise stand without a critical eye: a valid condition[pretending disney is flawless is setting a bad, bad precedent]. from then on more discussions ensue wherein more sides have opinions to bring to the table, presumably because it works and they have input, up to my negative thinking, wherein morality and princey are tabled, put offscreen. they provide excuses for their absence. already, there is enough precedent for all sides being present to these talks that absence calls for justification, at least in the opinion of thomas[not sure if anyone else was writing by that point? them too]. this is less one of those compromise episodes, and more an early appearance of how applying logic to problems is really effective, but it acknowledges anxiety’s opinions/feelings as being legitimate[in the sense that feeling that way is valid, not that he’s right], and addresses the cognitive distortions that lead to this kind of downward extrapolation. anxiety was wrong, but them working together brought thomas to a place where he had a more realistic projection of the effects of his actions. less relatedly logic admits to appreciating anxiety’s adherence to the formal debate format[for as much as he did so, at least], and says that while he frequently disagrees with anxiety, he isn’t as opposed to him as anxiety seemed to believe. this is a debate between a side with that civility i mentioned, and one without. but anxiety mostly does not express that civility due to that mentioned conflation of him with his negativity, which logic does not engage in as much here; logic points out failures in reasoning without edging in on personal attacks, dismissing anxiety’s arguments due to fallacies, and not because he attributes them simply to anxiety being a negative person[side? you know what i mean]. the result is fairly peaceable. now, keep in mind this talk about anxiety, we’ll focus more on him in a bit.

another angle of progression is in time they actually spend together[not during the course of an episode; i hesitate to just say ‘not counting times where thomas is present’ but you understand. time not occupied by dilemmas, maybe]. as mentioned, there’s little proof they’ve seen each other pre-series outside the occasional argument[also that dollar morality borrowed, but what even was that? it was also with princey, who he seems to have the most in common with], but as end-cards made appearances, we could see the sides spending time together. in an after-the-scenes sort of sense, to be sure, where it feels like they’re sticking around after filming because they somehow have to. at least, that’s the impression i get from the losing my motivation end-card; princey and anxiety probably would not want to spend time together at that point in time. i’ll chalk the ‘necessity’ of that up to the bizarre non-diegetic framing[like, in that scene he calls his agent. i have no idea what they were trying to imply]. at other times, though, it does read more as the sides generally hanging out, such as in mind vs. heart, where it reads more as them spending time together in an unofficial, personal sense[if only because logic has the presence of mind that during any official capacity in which they would spend time together he probably wouldn’t be so loose-tongued as to let that joke slip] and other goofier, more personal moments. it’s hard to place the dark side of disney’s endcard between these possibilities for that reason; they’re goofing around, and it’s not so implausible to believe that they’re sticking around out of preference. aside from end-cards, which take a bit of a turn at the end of the season and fall almost completely into the ‘personal’, ‘unofficial’ setting, there’s more evidence of them spending time together off-camera in later episodes, after the familial progress. offscreen things like anxiety mentioning morality paid him a dollar to make a pun, a flashback from princey of him seemingly in the midst of a casual conversation with at least one other side[the one where he alludes to not being a huge jelly guy], and a bit further back, princey and morality revealing that they’d worked together on the holiday sweaters. furthermore, as less of an offscreen moment and less of an unofficial setting but still worth bringing up: morality’s appearance in losing my motivation. he shows up in costume to match logic’s, to help solve a problem he has no particular stake in[that we and they know of yet]. this can be attributed to a couple factors: he wants to be helpful, and he wants to spend time with logic. potentially that second factor is linked to him already feeling they have bonded from the then-recent mind vs. heart; their shared love of onesie pajamas[and wordplay, much as logic will deny it] causes morality to feel closer to logic, and wanting to spend more quality time. he’s the most sentimental side; it makes sense that morality would be the first to feel more personally attached to the other sides. and even though the events of lmm are problem-solving in an official capacity[by their standards], it’s also said to be playing[dress-up]. spending time together. morality’s sentimentality and attachment to other sides doesn’t end there. that is only the beginning. but further such declarations are less within the realm of quality time and more business hours, so let’s move on to our next focus.

i don’t care to think up a diegetic reason they all started showing up in the first place[the first episode relates directly to the audience with a fine mist of a 4th wall], but anxiety has been present too, since early on in the series. he barely misses out on any discussions, and that’s if you count the initial introduction as a discussion. and he makes good points at times, too. his initial episode is about how to work him down from a heightened state, but in future episodes, he offers legitimate arguments and good points. things like more realistic goals[he says he knows thomas’ limits, a fair assessment], saner plans, emotional insight, honesty that is brutal but ultimately helpful, and reflections on past events. he has issues at times with identifying the reasons behind some feelings, but anxiety is irrational[the feeling, not the character], and we can only guess how much insight he has into that anyway. what we know is that when he identifies problems, he really wants to be heard, and he’s not the best at telling whether problems he’s identified are as legitimate concerns as he’s guessed due to cognitive distortions. these are thoughts thomas has, and anxiety gives voice to. other sides, in the past, have been less willing to help with working through these concerns, and more willing to just shoot down anything he says on the grounds of he said it. and even if he has trouble with which hesitancies are reasonable, he’s worried about them ignoring actual problems if he doesn’t point them out. anxiety wants to be listened to, until he doesn’t. there are a few contributors to that, logic demonstrating his concern as being excessive, disparaging remarks about how unhelpful/relentlessly negative he is hitting home, how successful all their talks have actually been in solving problems, any number of these;very likely a combination. we shall focus on the third: they’ve all been communicating with one another, which has been helping a lot to work through problems. they are identifying problems, and solving them. anxiety feels that things they’ve said about him causing problems are right, and that he isn’t needed/is holding thomas back. but as mentioned, anxiety has been there since nearly the start, appearing just as often as anyone else. he’s been there throughout the developments the others have been making; as they all communicated, he was communicating too, and in fact contributed to the solutions of multiple problems. he’s been there all along as the family came together; he may feel like an outsider, but he’s as much a part of the group as anyone. morality’s card said family. the specific label was a product of sentiment[not inaccurate by any means though], but it was accurate in depicting them as a unit. they do work primarily as a unit from that point on.

now to address more recent events. deceit and the duke have made an appearance, the others[pros: accurate. cons: this is a word i want to use for other purposes, such as that one there], or ‘dark sides’[pros: distinctive. cons: reductive] have been confirmed to be a group. that said, they are only confirmed as a group, not a cohesive unit. who knows to what extent they communicate or operate as a team. there is still ambiguity, however, about whether they are more of a unit than the ‘light sides’[pros: distinctive. cons: exclusive] or famILY[pros: accurate. cons: unhelpfully inclusive, contains capital letters, sentiment-ridden] were before season one. no dark side we have encountered seems like the type to both have and act on the kind of sentimentality that attached morality to his family, but there is much greater evidence of them interacting offscreen before.  yet that evidence shows no signs of particularly positive interactions. anxiety and deceit evidently know each other, but there's little evidence of what their past was actually like, and their interactions now are frigid, to say the least. deceit and the duke had a conversation about transparency, which was heavily paraphrased[i have to assume so at least] and occurred after deceit revealed himself in the first place. that seemed like less of a group decision and more an idea deceit had. furthermore, that idea seemed to be in response to events and actions on the part of the light sides. so who can say if the dark sides ever worked together. but it’s hard to imagine they’d have done so more than the light sides had been.

to be clear, my emphasizing morality as the one who declared them a family out of sentiment should not be read as disagreement with him saying so; i do not seriously believe anyone included in that family disagrees. he is the one who said it first, acted on it first, and initiated more of the social bonding. and referring to sentimentality as a factor should not be read as negative. that’s just what these are being attributed to. it’s a trait he has in spades, more than any other side, that contributes to his decision-making.

i know i said i was going to talk about self-love later, but that’s gonna be another time. besides, i have raw data to collect on that first.

i feel like i write more about the older episodes because they’re easier to parse, and i don’t know why. maybe it’s that they don’t have as many instances of people keeping their goals close to the chest. or it could be that they’re less of a time investment to rewatch. maybe the characters talking more like characters than people makes them speak less straightforwardly. maybe the fact that new episodes are caused by ‘real’[to character thomas] events and less about unprompted introspection is leaving some things to the imagination. maybe they’re trying to leave more to the imagination now! to be fair, imagining is fun. but insight lets me do things like this.

i did a whole separate section on virgil. to be fair, he could use the validation. he’s 100% a part of this family. plus, i’m not opposed to writing about other characters i love to the same extent. 8)

if you have thoughts about this, let me know! if you have questions, be assured i will be more upset if you don’t ask them than if you do.

[authorlmfletcher]

Miraculous Valentine’s Day: Day 14

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13490619/14/Love-Bug-A-Series-of-Miraculous-Love-Stories

Valentine’s Day: Eternal Soulmates

Find this, and all the valentine’s day stories from @epcot97​, @livrever​, and I on Ao3 and FFnet.

                                  ________________________________

Eternal soulmates. It is a strange idea to think that your life is somehow intertwined with someone else's in such a way that you are destined to be together for eternity. Most people dismiss the concepts of soulmates as a fairy tale. Or they wash it down to the general idea of romantic love. Which is exactly what Adrien Agreste thought too. At least until he discovered exactly what eternal soulmates meant. Because he had one.

At the age of 14, Adrien had spent most of his life in the relative captivity of his home with a cold, stern father. Confined within the four walls of his room, he spent hours in front of screens trying to connect somehow with the real world. The oversized windows that lined an entire wall of his bedroom gave him a glimpse at the world outside, but cast long bar-like shadows across the floor in a silent reminder that this was his cage.

It was a ring that offered him the freedom he dreamt of - letting him escape through one of those windows and out onto the rooftops of Paris. Changing his appearance to one of a black cat, the power within the ring hid his identity, giving him the opportunity to be who he wanted without punishment. Freedom was exhilarating. He would never take that gift for granted.

When the girl in the red suit crashed into him unexpectedly, tangling them both together upside down, he met her eyes with excited trepidation. It wasn't an instant soul-shattering explosive moment when they first met - that came later - but as he stared into the depths of her blue eyes rimmed in a red mask, there was an overwhelming sense that he knew her.

Shrugging it off, he leapt off to save the day, encouraging his nervous new partner while revelling in the wonder of the world. He hated to go home to his gilded cage, locked behind windows, but his father would be furious if he discovered the truth. At least now, his prison had a door.

He dreamt that night of running. The sounds of his footsteps pounding against cement mingled with the heaviness of his breathing. He had no idea where he was running to, only that he was - buildings rushing by as he pushed forward. A distant voice called to him, his name echoing off the walls.

And then there she was: the girl in the mask. She stood alone, nervously hunched over herself in anxiety of failure. Her eyes met his in desperation, begging for him to help her but he didn’t know how. He couldn’t shake the feeling that, somehow, he knew who she was - a ridiculous idea since his life had been so carefully guarded that he basically knew no one.

The taste of freedom made him desperate for more, urging him to flee the house as himself and not just as his alter-ego. Against his father’s wishes, he escaped through the doors and raced to school, hoping to find the freedom that he desired. Every experience was new and overwhelming and exciting - surrounded by other teenagers and chaos. Desire for friendship led to well-intentioned mistakes and a girl in his class who responded in anger, leaving him confused.

Duty called, pulling him from the new room of potential friends, sending him jumping into the fray against giant men of stone. Finally, he stood side by side with his spotted partner in defiance against the villain, encouraging her to believe in herself. Deju-vu rattled his thoughts for the briefest of moments while her eyes turned from worried to determined and her stance grew in confidence at his words.

It was then, watching her in awe as she challenged their opponent with utter tenacity, her yo-yo whirling in well-controlled movements, that Adrien remembered. A thousand lifetimes flashed through his memories in a single moment, leaving him speechless and gaping at the woman in red. A woman who lived a thousand lifetimes beside him, fates tangled together for eternity. His lady.

Whoever she was behind that mask, he knew that he loved her.

“So she doesn’t remember?” Adrien asked, head spinning with too much, too fast. How does one process the reality of reincarnation and having lived before?  His advisor was a small black cat-like creature named Plagg - an immortal being known as a kwami who granted him the ring’s power of freedom. Plagg embodied the very essence of destruction and bad luck, addicted to the foul-tasting flavour of camembert, and typically aversed to offering much in the way of advice. But today, the cat looked concerned, hovering closeby with his tiny ears plastered against his head.

“No,” Plagg admitted, his words spoken with care.

“ Will she remember?” Adrien couldn’t really understand what exactly was happening. According to Plagg, the black cat and ladybug had been two halves of a whole since the beginning of man. Their lives were fused together with magic, their souls connected in each rebirth of themselves.

While their lives didn’t have to be connected by romance, it usually was. In every case, the black cat remembered while the ladybug didn’t. He was destined to remind her. And when life called its end, it was his life that vanished first to leave her behind and alone until she too passed on - the cycle to return again in the next lifetime.

The lives he’d lived before felt both vivid and hidden behind a pane of obscuring glass. He could only remember pieces, but enough to know it was true. War and peace, riches and poverty, happiness and sorrow. They ran the gamut and left his reality dizzy.

He would die first. The thought should have haunted him, but all he could think about was her. His Ladybug.

“How do I remind her?” he whispered, the vision of her eyes driving his soul to madness.

Plagg explained that this part of the journey was complicated. Each incarnation had a different experience than the past but mostly a connection together in some way, getting to know each other both in and out of the masks.

“And can you tell me who she is?”

Plagg sighed in response.

“No.”

The pull of destiny on his soul turned what had promised him freedom to a whole new adventure. Ladybug filled his thoughts and his dreams. Every moment that he could be with her and learn all about her made his heart sing. He loved her - each and every thing about her. When she laughed, he felt himself melt with joy. When she cried, his heart twisted in agony.

He threw himself in harm's way to keep her safe, taking the hits that were meant to hurt her. Made jokes to make her smile. Relished in her disapproving eye rolls.

He found himself hoping for the villain to attack more often so he could press forward in his attempts to woo her. When she whispered that she loved someone else, he yearned for more but gave her space. Wishing he could tell her of the lives they'd lived together, he waited, trying to respect her wishes and enjoy her companionship as a friend without letting his heart break in two.

As school, he daydreamed of who she could be behind the mask.

Sometimes, he thought he knew who she was -  that girl who had been so mad on the first day of school. He replayed the memory of their meeting in the rain as he apologized for the misunderstanding. It wasn't the same knowing as the first time he had met Ladybug, but when thunder cracked and their hands touched, he had hoped that maybe she was the one. Friendship blossomed between them.

As always, Plagg would caution wisdom in the search because finding out identities before destiny's plan would spell disaster for them both. So Adrien waited, dreaming of the lives of their past.

But as the months grew, he felt a knot in the base of his stomach that just won’t go away. Maybe this time around was when they would just be friends. He didn’t want to believe it - the moments of happiness that she could reveal of her life outside the mask cutting deep into his heart.

“We belong together, my lady,” he pleaded, begging her to listen to him, but she would shake her head with a soft smile and dismiss the thought.

He tried to forget, to accept what it was, but he couldn’t. Memories sank too deep to let it fully go. He tried to move on, to find some level of contentment with someone else, but he couldn’t. His heart belonged to her and her alone.

Time flew past, growing up together within their suits as partners- him always yearning for more and her always avoiding it.

When her happiness turned to heartbreak, it took every ounce of effort not to unleash the black cat's fury on the one who made her cry on his shoulder in deep racking sobs.

That night, something changed within her. Her head would rest on his shoulder a moment longer. Her eyes would linger for a split second more. Her eye rolls less dramatic. Change moved slowly, but he could wait.

As her broken heart knit itself together, he tried to weave himself into it with gentle care and compassion of adulthood instead of the brash dramatics of youth.

At the age of 20, Adrien Agreste had earned his freedom both in and out of the suit, clawing a life for himself away from the overbearing control of his father. Age had brought him wisdom and a heart that loved without ceasing.

Ladybug deserved the best he could be, even if it meant he could be nothing more than her rock to lean on. Because love does that - gives without expecting. But hope kept his heart beating.

They had been superheroes together for so long they were familiar and comfortable with each other's touch. Which is why he jumped at her unexpectedly sharp intake of breath as he touched her arm one day, a fiery burn creeping its way across her masked cheeks without explanation.

He guarded the questions he desperately wanted to know her answers to, waiting with a lifetime of patience.

When, underneath the moonlight, she stepped quivering into his waiting embrace to gaze at him with those beautiful eyes, his hope exploded. Her gloves trailed lines down his cheeks as she gaped with eyes that seemed to be truly seeing for the first time.

"I know you," she whispered, searching for answers.

"I love you," his only response before his lips fell to hers in soft warmth.

The world exploded in that single moment, fire and wind and ice wrapped up into one as their souls collided in perfect harmony. The memories he had only seen flashes of tore through the veil, pieces falling in place as they both remembered everything and every life.  

Pulling apart, they simply stared deep into each other's souls as they wove themselves together. Masks vanished in a rainbow of colour, leaving their faces as bare as their souls.

Marinette. The girl under the umbrella in the rain. His friend who had always loved him, too. It made so much sense now that he understood.

"Adrien." His name spoken in complete and utter love shook him to his core. This was how it was meant to be. Together forever.

He couldn't stop himself from kissing her again.

[diguerra-moved]

(tot not one day late) Though it was event brought to them by humans and not widely celebrated alongside Night Elves, Malfurion thought... it would be nice to have a moment just for themselves. He sent a note to Tyrande, one saying she is urgent needed in south part of Ashenvale. When she arrivied, her beloved welcomed her with cave decorated in all flowery&the most exotic of fruits in lovely baskets. A smile on Archdruid begged for forgiveness for such a trick.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR // what do you mean valentine’s day was two days ago I’m not late at all.

She had rushed through trees and streams, as fast as Ash’alah could take her, as soon as his note had arrived; and though Tyrande questioned what could be so urgent and demand she went alone, both at once, it had neither slowed her nor made her worry less. There had been no sign of danger nor attack, however, nothing that would give her something concrete which to fear; and yet, hadn’t threats often risen from unlikely places, in ways none of them had been able to foresee?

Elune willing, she would be worrying for naught. The High Priestess slid of her saddle in a fluid motion, landing gracefully as feet touched the ground. The closer she got to where they were supposed to meet, the more attentively she had surveyed the surroundings for any clue on what this was about. Heart continued to race even as she adopted quieter approach, now that she was but a few feet away from where Malfurion should be; but there is neither sound nor scent that will tell her much, not more than silver eyes were able to find, and Tyrande decides it’s best to go at once. 

It was the only manner she would have her answers, after all.

With quiet steps, she continues her path to him, until trees thin out and give way to a small clearing, gentle rays of sun finding their path throughout the more sparse leaves. Sense of danger is nowhere to be found; nothing seems out of place, and it is perhaps worse than if it did. Delicate features set in a frown now more confused than concerned; she does not stop, greenery on the ground transitioning into stonier terrain, until the entrance to the cavern is within sight — her beloved standing at the entrance. 

Relief comes first. Malfurion is all apology in smile offered, and whichever frustration arises in her that all anxiety had been for naught, urgent message no more than means to get her attention, Tyrande throws herself in his arms and it fades before it ever properly forms. “You made me very worried, did you know that?” Arms remain around his neck, tight hug only separated enough that she could look at his face (try as she might to sound chastising, it does not happen, lips curling into a smile; it was always so very difficult for her not to melt in his embrace). “You could have simply invited me for a date, beloved.”

Hardly as if she would have denied him; duty may consume much of their time, but Tyrande always made time for him who kept her heart. As embrace further loosens, she turns a glance to appreciate their surroundings. The cave could scarcely be deemed lifeless place, a fair share of flora making its way throughout it, the myriad of flowers livening the place with different colors (some of which are out of season, her very favorite included; yet there it is, fiery orange that fades to light yellow, bright as fire itself, and she has to wonder if this too has been purposeful). “Or in the very least, you could have told me you meant to celebrate. I would have brought your present if I knew.”

Perhaps same could be said of her, then, who had worried about gifts without making it known; but even if it wasn’t an event inherent to Kaldorei culture, love was always worth celebrating. So long had they been apart, so often had others had to come before… yet no matter how lengthy separation nor how great distance between them, her heart had long been his. Had, and always would; Tyrande had long given up calling it her own. Pulls him close again, silver eyes as radiant as the smile she gives him before any distance left is erased with a passionate kiss, less demanding than it is surrendering; it feels like overflowing with feelings she cannot put into words, with love so everlasting there can be no life without it, of devotion so complete that she wants nothing more than to be his, now and forever. Kissing him tastes of joy, and hope, and bliss and peace only found in each other’s arms.

It tastes of love.

[wintrcaptn]

All For Show | Steve Rogers

Summary : Your sister is throwing a couples party and you ask your best friend, Steve to be your fake boyfriend. But things heat up, will it change everything?

A/N : This is from my old blog, @sincerelysaraahh I am going to change it up as I go along, but this first part will be exactly the same! Hope you enjoy! And if you would like to be tagged, send me an ask! 

Three knocks, that’s all it took before Steve opened the door. He stood there, wearing a tank top and sweats, and his hair damped from sweat, which only meant he just came back from the gym.

“Hey, didn’t expect you here today.” He smiled, waving you in.

“I know, but I needed to talk to you.”

You walked in to his apartment, and plopped down onto his couch. His place was like your second home. You were always there, and if you weren’t, then you two were at your place.

“Beer?” He asked, walking to the kitchen.

“Nah, just water.”

Steve tossed you a water bottle, as he started back toward the living room where you waited.

You took a big swig of the water and felt the cold liquid trickle down your throat. Making you feel somewhat at ease.

“So what did you need to talk to me about?” Steve asked, leaning against the wall across from you.

For some reason you were feeling nervous. Which was strange. Steve was your best friend. You two were so close, you were able to talk to him about anything. He’s seen you in sweats with no makeup on. He’s helped you when you were a drunken mess. And yet, you were somehow nervous about this topic.

“Y/N.” he snapped his fingers, catching your attention. “You okay?”

You slowly nodded, running your hand through your hair. Something you did when you were nervous.

“So my sister is throwing a couples party tomorrow night, and when I RSVP’d a month ago, I was dating Jared-”

“The asshole.” He cut you off.

“Woah, language.” You teased.

He dramatically rolled his eyes and huffed. “Anyways, go on.”

“As I was saying, I told her I’d go and now she’s expecting me to be there.”

“So?” He drawled out.

You swallowed hard, meeting your best friends gaze.

“I was wondering if you can go as my fake boyfriend.” You slightly winced as the words finally fell from your lips.

Steve stayed quiet for a moment. Looking at every feature of your face, searching for any sign of bluff.

Though this wouldn’t be the first time you two pretended to be together. But it usually followed with a fake fight after catching each other with a one night stand neither of you cared to last.

It was sort of like a game. You’d text him ‘BF’ and he knew exactly what to do.

You would both laugh about it for hours after the strangers left, and even made fun of each other for what would be said between you two in the “fake” fight.

But to do this for the whole night, and involving family and friends. That was a completely different story.

“Please do me this one solid.” You said. “Seriously, I’ll do anything. I’ll even give you Riley’s number from work.”

Suddenly he was interested. With the name rolling off your tongue, he started to feel himself lean toward yes.

“Riley, the girl you forbid me to even talk to?” He smirked.

You let out a sigh, and nodded. “Yep. And all you have to do is pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Steve crossed an arm over his chest and rested his other hand under his chin. He contemplated to himself for a minute. Going over the pros and cons.

“Steve!” You yelled. “Please!”

He let out a chuckle, giving in. “Okay! Okay!” He surrendered. “I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

“God, thank you!” You felt relieved.

“No problem, Doll.” He winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll be the best fake boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

You rolled your eyes and started for the door.

“Let’s not get too cocky okay?” You chuckled. “I’ll come by at six tomorrow and we can take a cab to the restaurant.”

Steve nodded, walking behind you. “Is it formal or casual?”

“Formal.” You groaned. Any party you had to get super dressed up for, was a party you dreaded.

“Okay, well, I will see you tomorrow then.”

Before exiting the apartment, you turned on your heels and met his gaze. “Don’t forget, okay? Tomorrow at six.”

“I know mom. Don’t worry.” He teased.

—-

The door swung open and immediately Steve was mesmerized. His eyes glanced up and down your body, as a smile crept up on his lips.

“Wow.” He exhaled. “You look-”

“Ridiculous, I know.” You cut him off.

“I was going to say beautiful.” He said, with a little shake to his head. “I’m used to seeing you in yoga pants. Not that it’s a bad thing.”

Rolling your eyes, you looked at your phone for the time.

“Alright, we should leave now. The party is downtown and it’s pretty crazy packed on the streets right now.”

Steve nodded, as he slipped his watch on and closed the door behind him.

“Shall we, babe?” He winked.

You looped your arm with his, chuckling to yourself as you played along.

“Of course honey.”

The two of you went back and forth, giggling at the stupid pet names you came up for each other, though most of them were never to be used again.

It took a while for the taxi, but it was okay. Because you had Steve with you to keep you occupied.

“So how long have we been dating?” He asked, sliding into the cab beside you.

“Mm I was thinking six months?”

Steve shook his head, “let’s make it a year. And be one of those obnoxious couples that make people sick but low key wish they were us.” He chuckled.

You belted out into laughter, agreeing with him. “Yes! Let’s do it! My sister would shut her pants!”

“Don’t bring boys home that often huh?” He teased.

“Nope. My family thinks I have commitment issues. Can’t stay with anyone longer than six months.” You shrugged. “So, if we say a year, they probably would have a heart attack.”

“Damn, then I should of went all out and bought a ring.” He cackled.

Your stomach hurt so much from laughing, it was beginning to ache. But it was a good pain. Something you haven’t felt in a while.

“Alright, lets not get too carried away now. We need to make it believable.” You giggled.

As the ride to the restaurant continued, you were able to go over an entire fake story with Steve.

How you met. Where he took you on your first date. The first kiss. Etc.,

It was kind of perfect. Something you read in books. But somehow, you were able to picture it all with him. And for that, you felt a bit off.

—-

Before going into the restaurant, you turned to Steve. Your stomach was in knots and suddenly you were nervous again.

“Maybe we should forget this and just go back home.” You exhaled.

Steve scrunched his brows together, shaking his head. “What? No. come on Y/N, we are dressed up, we came up with a great story, it’s going to be okay.”

You were feeling as though you couldn’t breathe. Taking in deep breaths and letting it out slowly.

He scooped your chin and slightly lifted, forcing you look right at him. His lips curved at the edges giving you a sense of ease.

“I’m here. Okay? Everything is going to be just fine.” He whispered. “I promise.”

And just like that, you felt your anxiety somewhat fade. And somehow, you believed him.

“Thank you.” You exhaled.

Steve flashed a cheeky grin, “ready?” Displaying his hand out to you.

Slipping your hand into his, you nodded. “Ready.”

The two of you made your way into the restaurant. Your fingers intertwined with each other, looking like the couple you had planned.

“Y/N!” Your sister called out, waving at you.

You spotted her quickly, and started toward the back.

“Hey!” You smiled, pulling her in for a quick hug.

“I’m so glad you made it.” She exclaimed. “I was sure you wouldn’t come since you usually don’t have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.”

You shrugged your shoulders, forcing yourself not to say anything mean.

“This is my boyfriend, Steve.” You stated. “Steve, this is my sister, Y/S/N.”

They shook hands, and said their hellos. Your sister was in awe with his looks. She couldn’t help but stare.

Steve cleared his throat, catching both yours and your sisters attention.

“I’m going to get a beer, want anything babe?” He asked.

“I’ll just have a vodka martini.” You smiled.

Steve nodded, and pressed a quick peck to your cheek, before escaping to the bar. Leaving you alone with your sister.

“Holy shit balls, your boyfriend is hot!” She exclaimed. “I mean, that body and that smile and don’t get me started on that butt!”

“Okay!” You chuckled. “I get it.”

“What? How can you be with someone that gorgeous and not want to jump his bones all the time?” She went on.

You looked back at Steve, who leaned on the bar. Probably waiting to order the drinks.

Your sister was right though, Steve was pretty hot. Which you knew before, but this time was different. Somehow, looking at him now, you felt a warm sensation pool in the pit of your stomach.

“When you’re done with him, you should send him my way!” Your sister cackled, snapping you back to reality.

Scrunching your brows, you shot her a glance. “Aren’t you engaged to tony?” You asked. “I don’t think he’ll like that very much! Besides, whose to say we will break up?”

“Dude, your longest relationship was six months. That’s it. You aren’t a relationship type of girl.” She said. “How long have you two been together anyways?”

A smile formed on your lips. “A year.”

Her eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of the socket. Which oddly enough, was the reaction you wanted.

“Bull shit.” She whispered.

You went back and forth with your sister. Explaining the story to her, which she bought. It was so convincing, that you were beginning to believe it was real yourself.

Steve waited for the drinks to be made. His gaze glanced around the restaurant, until they landed on you.

The way your red dress hugged your curves so perfectly, made it impossible for him to not be mesmerized.

“Here you go.” The bartender smiled, deliberately flirting with him.

“Thanks.” Steve grabbed the two glasses and as he was about to return to your side, the bartender reached for him forearm, catching his attention.

“Maybe after my shift we can get to know each other.” She winked.

Usually Steve would oblige. He loved hooking up with pretty blondes. Especially if he didn’t need to remember their names.

But he looked at you and suddenly he didn’t want to let you down.

“Actually, I can’t.” He said, giving her a soft smirk. “I have to get back to my girlfriend.”

Without another word, Steve made his way back over to you.

“Oh hey stranger.” You chuckled, taking the drink from his hand.

“Sorry, the line was pretty chaotic back there.”

Steve pressed his hand against your back, and gently pulled you closer to him. He was definitely playing the part perfectly.

—-

An hour had come and gone. Both you and Steve mingled with some of your friends you hadn’t seen in years.

The dinner was pretty amazing as well. Not once did you drop anything on yourself.

Your sister enjoyed Steve’s company. She talked to him more than she talked to you. Asked him questions about his life, about work, and hobbies. She even asked him about you.

“So, how did you manage to get my sister to agree to go out with you?” She asked, taking a sip of her cosmo.

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “I honestly think it has to do with us being close friends before we started dating.”

“Y/N can be a pain in the ass though. And extremely stubborn! I remember when we were little, she always told my parents and I that’d she never want kids and never want to get married.” Your sister chuckled. “She was anti love. For almost all her life.”

Steve glanced back at you, and even though you were in the middle of belting out into laughter, he was still in awe.

“Don’t take it personal if she ends up pushing you away soon.” Your sister muttered. “She tends to ruin all good things that happen to her.”

“Well, no offense to you but I have a feeling things are different this time.” He said with a serious tone. “Excuse me.”

With that, he turned on his heels and made his way to you. Adrenaline pulses through his veins and something inside him sparked.

The moment he stood in front of you, he cupped your cheeks and instantly pressed his lips to yours.

Chills covered you from head to toe. And your breath shook in the back of your throat.

You were taken aback. But as confused as you were, you motioned back, pulling him in closer.

His lips were soft and warm, and tasted of the beer he sipped on just before. The way his tongue grazed against yours, forced your legs to shake. You couldn’t believe the power the kiss had over you.

Sure you’ve kissed people before, but never had it left you feeling the way you did right now.

Steve pressed his forehead against yours, giving you both a chance to breathe.

“Sorry, just had to prove a point to your sister.” He whispered.

And suddenly you were brought back to reality.

That’s it. It was all just for show. Of course it was. Why else would he have kissed you?

Your stomach felt like it dropped, as you took a step back from him and forced a smile. Though, you were fighting back the tears.

“I need some water.” You said. “I’ll be back.”

Not giving him a chance to react, you started toward the bar. Biting the inside of your cheeks as you tried to keep the tears from strolling down. You didn’t want anyone especially your sister to see you upset.

This feeling you had was so confusing. Why did it matter so much to you if it were real or not? You knew damn well he was there just to pretend. None of it was real.

You shot a glance back at Steve, who had his eyes on you already. Your breath hitched and you quickly looked away.

Your heart was pounding profusely, which made no sense.

But after a few minutes of thinking, it finally hit you.

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath.

Part Two