#v; ( mlqc verse tag )

[personifiedchaosx]

@heartsaked​ asked: “  so are we gonna talk about it or are we gonna pretend nothing’s wrong here?  ” / either from papa north or uncle sam !

5 Missed Calls from Shaw <3 10+ Unread Messages

And that was just for today.

Blue eyes were trained onto his phone, cupping it with both of his hands as his stomach clenched and twisted and his heart constricted with guilt and anxiety. This was shitty -- Jack didn’t need someone to tell him that he was being a jerk, not answering any of his ‘boyfriend’s’ calls and messages. ( If he could even still call him that by now. ) It was now nearly four days since Shaw had said those earth shattering three words, and Jack had run away, like a coward. He couldn’t help the fear he felt, the longing and emotions that came with the thought of Shaw feelings a hell of a lot like deja vu; enough to spoke him into effectively ‘ghosting’ him.

... But it wasn’t as though it helped make anything feel better.

On the contrary, he felt worst. With every questioning text that showed up in his notification previews, every vibration that indicated a call .... he missed him. Jack didn’t realize how much Shaw had become a part of his life until he actively began to avoid him, and there was a notable gap in his days. A stark difference that made time go a bit slower, made moving through it a bit harder.

... But he really tried to hide it. Truly.

“D-Dad---” North’s voice had shocked Jack out of his absent stare at his phone, body flinching as he glanced over towards the man, heart thumping from the surprise. When the words settled into his brain, lips parted to answer before closing once more, swallowing thickly as his head looked down. Of course he noticed --- his adoptive father noticed almost everything about his shifting moods: he had known something was up when Shaw had first come into his life and had known something was different as the relationship blossomed. He and Nixie sometimes joked that he had a radar just for him.

Teeth bit on his bottom lips, glancing back down to his phone screen; now black. How much should he share...? Should he even share at all? The silence spread between them, North’s massive presence close by, there for comfort if he reached out for it, and yet...

I love you, Jack.

His grip tightened, a long shaky sigh escaping him as he set the phone down on the counter pointedly, turning his back to it as he leaned himself against it. Maybe it would do him some good to have it out of his head -- to talk to someone about it aside from Nixie.

“I... well... it’s....” A swallow. “--- It’s Shaw. The guy i’m-- er... that I was dating? The other night he told me that he loved me... and i’ve been avoiding him ever since.”

[personifiedchaosx]

@heartsaked​ asked: “you said your break was coming up, right?” he asks the question in an almost hushed tone, arms wrapped around his boyfriend as they were laying down in his bed, fingers lazily tracing patterns against jack’s back. he didn’t know why he was speaking so quietly, especially when it was just the two of them. then again it was getting late, and after that last round he was sure that jack was more exhausted than he was ( though shaw was definitely ready to turn in that evening too ).

the hand that was lazily tracing patterns against his boyfriend’s bare back rose to run his fingers through white locks, almost as if he was setting some of the disheveled hair back into place.

“let’s go on a road trip together. i’ll make sure it’s cool with your old man before i steal you away. but it’d be nice, don’t you think?”

“Hm...? Mm-hm...”

Jack’s response was equally hushed, the hums a little muffled against damp skin; blue eyes still closed as he laid heavily against Shaw, face resting against his bare chest. His body was partially draped over him, arms settled on either side of him as he could feel the soft thumps of his boyfriend’s heartbeat underneath his face, his skin tingling underneath the tips of his fingers. Truthfully, he had been close to slipping into sleep before the older’s voice cut into the silence of the room, spent entirely from their ‘activities’ only moments prior.

North had already been contacted ages ago before they tumbled into bed. It was funny how even if Jack almost forgot that Shaw was the one to prompt him; reminding him to shoot off a text, sometimes saying it suggestively so he knew exactly why he should tell him that his curfew was going to be missed tonight.

Funny how far their relationship had come...

He shifted slightly, lifting his head just so; so that his cheek rested on his shoulder rather than on his chest, so he could crack open his eyes to peer into his lover’s face. If he was trying to make sure he was paying attention then his actions were dreadfully contradicting; his gentle caresses up his spine and into his hair almost enough to make him drift off entirely.

“A road-trip?” He’d never been on one; if anything they only sounded like something that kids on television shows go on. Especially in the rom-coms. Jack tried to picture it: him and Shaw, piled together in Shaw’s car; maybe with some packed bags taking up space in either the backseat or the trunk; Jack’s legs curled up on the passenger seat as he stared uncomprehendingly at a large out dated map on his knees... reaching over to hold onto his boyfriend’s hand whenever he felt the need for it... passing easy banter... them stopping for the night in either some cheap motel or deciding to bum it in the car... no real destination in their minds, and yet wanting to stop everywhere. It wouldn’t matter if they were together.

A faint blush dotted his cheeks, a slow smile spreading on his lips as he ducked his head into the crook of his neck; wanting to hide the strange happiness bubbling up within him. “... Yeah. I think that’d be really nice. And lots of fun too.” He wondered what North would say: his foster father tended to be easy with things and was very practical, but... he was still... well, a dad. While it frustrated him sometimes, he couldn’t help but love how cared for he was with him. And that Shaw recognized that and knew he had to go through him first.

Lips pressed gently against his collarbone, pressing his bare body even closer to his. The surge of love he felt for him frightened him, like it usually did, but he tried to dial back down the fear and anxiety; reminding himself that this wasn’t a trap. That Shaw wasn’t like that.

“-- Let’s do it!”

[personifiedchaosx]

 @heartsaked​ asked: ❛ who did this to you? ❜ / from shaw ! 

“... I...”

A bruise was easily beginning to blossom on pale features; much too easily. Jack had tried to hide the dark, sore marks on his wrists the best he could, but of course, Shaw had noticed. He always noticed.

Teeth chewed on his bottom lip, blue eyes peering into amber; noting the thinly veiled protective anger brewing there, mixed with genuine concern as fingers gently held onto his arm to ensure he didn’t try and hide it again. Nervousness pooled into the bass of his stomach, wanting to break eye contact but finding himself unable to; caught into a spell as he stared into his boyfriend’s handsome expression.

Afraid of what he might do with the truth.

“... Um... That’s...” A part of him wondered if he should lie -- say something that might be plausible. Falling was unrealistic -- perhaps that a bracelet or something was too tight? He never wore bracelets. He bumped into something. Something that would cause hand shaped bruises on his wrist? He was playing around with Nixie and something happened. What’s that something?

Nothing that came to mind seemed like it would work, and the longer he remained silent the more he was sure that Shaw wouldn’t accept an excuse; that he’d know it was something a bit more serious. He would have to come clean -- despite knowing what a bad idea that was.

“... It was... Ethan.” The name fell from his lips carefully, swallowing as blue eyes glanced to the ground quickly; not wanting to see his reaction to his ex’s name. He knew that after he initially told him about his past relationship and how it played into some of his behaviors during their relationship that Shaw had visited him. Hunted him down basically to scare him; threaten him. He didn’t hurt him, but he must of really dented his ego. Enough for him to find Jack and confront him, believing that he sent his ‘guard dog’ to him. Musing about how pathetic he must of been to still not be over him; to really be so caught up in the past and how he would not allow him to ruin his life--

... The confrontation didn’t get too out of hand, but Ethan had grasped at him with the same strength he had used to use on him in their former relationship; frightening him. Nothing more happened, and Jack had stood up for himself, but...

“B-But it’s nothing! I-- I mean, it was--- I bumped into him randomly, t-that’s all! It looks worst than it is, i promise. It was nothing, okay? I-- I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when it happened.” Damage control; his heart fluttered as he tried to soften the blow of the truth, hoping that Shaw’s anger would be quick to intercede.

[personifiedchaosx]

@heartsaked​ asked: “  you love me so fiercely. i’m almost afraid of it.  ” / from shaw 

memes for that specific brand of ships 

‘You’re so fucking clingy---’

Jack felt himself automatically recoil at the words, fingers freezing in their grip on his boyfriend’s shirt, letting the fabric slip through his fingers. It probably meant nothing; his mind whirled with trying to convince himself that Shaw didn’t mean it like that, he was only teasing, he always teased like that; he was just saying words...

But the rattled feeling in his chest hardened into a stiff ball, making it almost hard to breath. Something like panic settling in his chest.

‘You’re so fucking clingy. All you do is follow me around; just go away for a second--’

He’s not him. He’s not him. He’s not him.

.... But that didn’t change that fact that Jack was still Jack. The Jack who loved too much, who fell too fast, who always wanted to hold the life and people he loved in a tight grip so it wouldn’t slip away from him like so many times before. That type of love... it could grow suffocating. Ethan hadn’t sugarcoated that much.

“... H... Haha...” Get it together, Jack. Even though it felt like his heart was slowly cracking, he was determined to keep the smile on his face, stretching it wider to try and ensure that Shaw wouldn’t notice anything. If he wanted this thing to work, he needed to shove his emotions and complaints to the bottom. He almost messed it up once by being too nervous to contact him after the big three words, he couldn’t ruin it again.

“Sorry... I don’t mean to be so---”

‘Clingy.’

“-- so intense about it.” Fingers twitched to reach out and hold his hand at least but he swallows it down; circling both hands behind his back and clutching them tightly to one another in an attempt to anchor him.

He was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Jack refused to let his intensity be the thing that chased Shaw away, or make him finally realize how much better he could do.

“-- Can you imagine though? You being scared of me? Haha--- That’s like a wolf being scared of a fox.” Jack continued, hoping his voice sounded more secure and steady than he felt as he sped up his gait a bit, so that he was a couple of steps ahead of Shaw, looking back to him with a forced smile. “It’s-- It’s getting a bit late, y’know? I should probably start heading back before curfew is in effect... I-I can walk myself though!! Your apartment is right there, so it wouldn’t make sense for you to walk me---”

You’re rambling.

“So, um... See you later?”

[personifiedchaosx]

@heartsaked​ asked: out of the two of them, shaw might’ve been making quite an assumption in thinking that hearing those three words would’ve surprised him the most. especially as both of them seemed to be staring at each other in their own state of shock, trying to come to terms with the fact shaw had been the one to utter those words.

he hadn’t really known what had come over him to be able to speak it aloud. maybe he had known that his soft feelings for his boyfriend had slowly formed to something akin to being called love. and even with how happy the other made him feel, how much he felt like he had changed for him ( though not too much but enough to be a bit more decent in the eyes of those that cared most for his boyfriend ), shaw was almost afraid to even bring life to those thoughts and feelings. almost as if he’d jinx it all and have jack slip from a grasp.

a loss that felt just too unbearable to consider.

fingers gently caress the side of jack’s cheek, leaning forward some to press his forehead against his boyfriend’s, allowing jack to bare witness to just how soft the bassist could be with him. how soft he could always be around him.

“i love you, jack…” he repeats it again, as if trying to get used to the way those words felt coming out from his mouth. how right they just felt to him.

and before jack could say anything else, shaw gently captured his lips in a slow and passionate kiss, arms wrapping around his frame to pull him closer against his body. as much as part of him wanted to pour out all this newly realized passion in ways that both of them were quite familiar with, he knew jack’s curfew was coming up and he didn’t want to get north’s glare again.

It was like the air siphoned out of the room; everything slowing down when those words hit his ears and fully registered. You would of thought someone had pressed a pause button, with the way Jack had stopped to look into his boyfriend’s face; with how they both stood there and stared at one another.

“... What...?” Surely, it was a mistake. Maybe Jack had misheard. The start of their whole relationship had been messy and full of attraction and hormones, and Jack knew he was initially being used. Had already assumed that maybe Shaw just wanted someone easy to fall into bed with for a bit, and it had been easy to just provide that and lavish in the attention it brought, knowing it might end.

But then --- he had to fall in love.

Jack was sure that he was the one who fell first. He always tended to catch feelings so easily, and it was... just so easy to fall for Shaw. For the way he started to open up to him over time, to where rough edges slowly smoothed into something else. It was incredibly stupid of him, he knew this already... but god it had been so easy. Even if he knew it would only all come to ruin and he’d be the one hurt in the aftermath.

.... But this didn’t match up with the outcome he had in mind.

When did this happened? When did the man before him become so... obtainable? Changed from someone larger than life to someone right before him; someone on his level? When they agreed to become an actual couple instead of just two people who messed around here and there? When did that look in the older’s eye become so... soft? So tender and caring?

Breath hitched as Shaw moved; almost shivering at the gentle sensation of fingers over his cheek, unable to look away as their foreheads touched, the intimacy swallowing up whatever vapid conversation they had been playfully having. His heartbeat quickened, and he wondered if he could hear it; could sense how his breathing had hitched for just a moment, staring into those amber eyes as though they were the stars.

“I love you, Jack.”

Those words again, full of conviction and finality; as though this was the real declaration and the other was some sort of fluke. He felt his heartbeat speed up at that, both from his own happiness and from something else. Something... Something darker. From a buried place in his heart.

I’ll be honest with you, since it’s obvious no one else ever was---

The cruel memory of the voice in the back of his head is momentarily silenced with Shaw’s lips, kissing him slowly and deeply; more passionate that any of their kisses had been leading up to this. And for a blissful moment, his brain was silent; the memories having retreated. And it felt... it felt so good.

Wetness stung in the corner of his eyes before he opts to close them, returning the kiss just as deeply, exhaling softly against his lips; fingers reaching up to grip onto him, insuring that he stayed close; thriving under the feeling of Shaw’s arms around his waist. There was something temporary about the kiss, and he could already feel that he was going to pull away sooner than later, and the thought was near unbearable despite knowing the time. Despite knowing that North would be waiting up for him.

None of that was important right now. Not with the almost painful yearning and warmth settling in his chest. Fingers clutched into the bassist’s shirt, breathing sharply into the kiss as he pressed himself fully against him; fingers already reaching to begin to undo his shirt; desperate for something to help with this new pain in his chest, out of place with what was supposed to be a happy moment.

“I love you, too...” His voice was a murmurer against his lips, not wanting to move too far away as he pulled him in closer, focusing on him and the emotions enveloping them.  It was the truth, even if it was a painful truth. His breathing grew deeper in the soft arousal, pulling Shaw in closer; wanting to draw his attention away from the impending curfew and more onto him. Onto their bodies. “I love you, too...” There was a crack in his whisper, fingers brushing over the bare skin peaking through the open parts of his shirt.

This was bound to end poorly, he knew this. But for the moment... for the moment he could at least pretend. No one could fault him for such... right?

[personifiedchaosx]

 @heartsaked​ asked: ❝  i come with some admirable qualities.  ❞ / from shaw ! ( think of that ballroom call )

ballroom dialogue prompts. 

“Oh really?”

A barrage of laughter escapes Jack’s lips even as he rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t move away from him. The sounds of the ball going on inside of building provided enough of a backdrop for them to at least sway to the strings of... peculiar music that the event decided to play. ( Well, Jack figured, they hired Shaw’s band for a performance, so perhaps they were an alternative sort of masquerade ball. )

Still, it didn’t diminish the smile on Jack’s lips, arms around his boyfriend’s neck as he peered up into amber eyes; lips twisting into something more playful. “Is being a liar one of them? I thought you said you weren’t going to dance with me...”

They only had a couple of more minutes until he had to find his way backstage to prepare for the performance, but he was relishing in having him with him now. When calling him to invite him earlier, Shaw had sounded adamant that he would be willing to walk with him beforehand, but dancing was out of the question. How the tables turn...

“... You look nice...” There’s color on the younger’s cheeks, the faint smirk softening back to a smile as he basked in the moment and the attention and the general good feelings of this moment. Even with his teasing, his heart squeezed pleasantly at how his boyfriend was willing to give in on his previous stance because he knew that he liked to dance. A hand slid down from around his neck, resting on his covered chest as his gaze never left Shaw’s.

“.... Kiss me?”

[personifiedchaosx]

@heartsaked​ asked: "you haven't said anything. is it that bad?" as much as shaw was trying to keep his usual level and coolness in his tone, he couldn't help but feel slightly worried about his boyfriend's reaction. he had figured, after all their little one on one sessions with the bassist teaching jack how to play the instrument himself, that it would make the most sense for him to have his own. not that shaw didn't mind sharing his bass with jack ( how else was he going to learn how to play? ), but it just felt right for jack to have his own.

luckily enough for shaw, he had enough saved up on the side to be able to get it for him, even going the extra mile to have a paint job commissioned for the bass. the instrument itself was the same shade of blue as jack's eyes, maybe even a few shades lighter. decorated with hints of snowflakes as well, as shaw had always viewed his boyfriend's locks like freshly fallen snow. it might not have been the most bad-ass design for a bass, but it reminded him of jack, so he went with it. he even had a few guitar picks as well. one black, one dark blue, one white, and one the same shade of blue as his bass, all of them initialed with "j.f." for his name.

but now that he had given it to him, he was wondering if maybe jack didn't like it at all. shaw had tried to hide his excitement at this gift, but jack's silence ( was it stunned or trying to figure out that he didn't like it? ) brought about a small twinge of second-guessing within him. and he was not one to do a lot of second-guessing.

"i-if you don't like it, i can take it back. let you pick out your own this time. if that's what it is..."

He had been instructed to close his eyes and hold his hands out; Jack had been suspicious even before they had entered Shaw’s apartment, lips curling into a puzzled smile more than once at the energy buzzing from his boyfriend. A surprise was all the information he had been given, and he still wasn’t able to guess it when the moderate weight of the object had been carefully placed in his hands. It was only when he opened his eyes that he had been able to tell.

And everything froze.

Jack wasn’t sure what the general cost of a good bass was, but he had a feeling that they weren’t cheap. Blue eyes were stuck on the soft blue of the instrument, mirroring the shade of his own gaze; and they flickered on the subtle white designs of the faded snowflakes dotted among it. My little snowflake. The picks were carefully taped on the surface so he could see them, also commissioned with the same care as the bass itself was.

In short... it was beautiful.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, simply staring that the amazing gift; wondering if this was some hallucination and it would soon revert back to something more sensible, something that would make more sense to be gifted to him compared to... to something so beautiful. Fingers gripped tighter onto the neck, feeling the familiar stiffness of the strings that mirrored Shaw’s whenever he tried to teach him chords.

What do I do? What do I do?

How could he even hope to not fall in love with him after being gifted with something like this?

At the sound of Shaw’s voice, Jack jerked his head up quickly; watery eyes focusing back in on his boyfriend’s uncertain expression, pulling the bass closer to his chest tightly as though it would be ripped away from him. “-- No! N-No, you gave it to me; don’t take it back!!” His mind immediately zoned in on the middle of Shaw’s words, panic threatening to bloom in his chest. Unsure if it was from memories of things being given conditionally to be taken away at the slightest wrong movement, or being unable to properly convey exactly how much this gift meant to him.

The faintest prick of tears watered the corner of his eyes, holding the bass tightly to himself while also being conscious of not damaging it even a little.

What do I do?

“I... S-Shaw, I...” Words stutter and shake as they tried to leave his lips, a tremble rushing through his being. “--- I love it. You--- This probably costed so much. You didn’t have to do that, but...”

But I’m glad you did. And at the same time I don’t know what this means. What are you trying to say with this...?

Teary eyes fell back on the blue instrument, a smile finally tugging at his lips, holding it tighter to him as though it was a stuffed toy. “... I really love it, Shaw. Thank you... Thank you so much... I promise to take good care of it.”