#utmvintroject

[fictionkinfessions]

That feeling when you reread something you read while not under constant stress and you look at one of the characters... And suddenly I'm Baggs. Hello. I exist now, apparently.

-Baggs (Megalosomnia Sans, if I'm not wrong. The woes of being a fanfic introject.) #🌀💤

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[fictionkinfessions]

wanna know what’s annoying abt being a non human alter who’s also the host?? HUMAN THINGS THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YA DO THEM YOULL NEVER GET USED TO THEM!!!!!

in my source, eating and drinking was optional and it just kinda disappeared once i consumed it, what do you MEAN i have to eat and drink to survive???

it’s all very annoying and i hate human bodies with a burning passion

-ink sans (introject obv)

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[fictionkinfessions]

It's getting really cold where I am, and I'm shivering under my blanket as I'm typing this. I'm really upset, for some reason? I feel like I need to get it out.

I'm the Cross who was babbling about Nightmare and autumn earlier this month, though I don't usually sign off or use names because I often find it embarrassing in the moment. It's weird how infatuated with him I was in hindsight, or well, I still am infatuated. I truly miss him so so much. The cold reminds me of him. His manor was always chilly but it was never unpleasant, his presence was physically cold and scary but I always found the shiver down my spine he caused to be comforting.

It's not like I don't miss the others, I don't know why I'm so fixated on Nightmare. I miss Epic, I miss hanging out, I miss getting high and falling asleep in uncomfortable positions on his shitty couch and trauma dumping for no reason at 3AM and having something more than a friendship without ever having to say a word. I miss Killer, I miss his stupid face and mean nicknames, I miss his cheeky jabs and inappropriate and distasteful jokes and his awful high pitched voice and his loud shameless laughter and his refusal to commit to personal hygiene and the soft private moments where he would finally shut up and he'd lean against me and life would be good. I miss Dust, I miss his quiet companionship and his mean jokes and the warmth he emits like a heater because he's always overcharged and the feeling of his magic on me with healing intent and the way he drapes himself over you when he decides it's time to sleep and there's no better spot and silently reading next to each other in the library until he decides to nap. I miss Horror and his support and how understanding he is even though he loves to be mean, and how he takes care of everyone without wanting or expecting anything back and how big his hands are and how small I feel when he holds me. I miss manning the kitchen with him, I miss helping him in the garden, I miss fighting at his side and knowing with certainty that everything will be okay.

I miss them all a lot, but I still miss Nightmare the most. I don't think I loved him more than the others, but I think that maybe I loved him differently? In a way that's a little more obsessive, maybe, whatever it is it's harder to let go of him. I think it has to do with the fact that he wasn't "just" a person, he was everything. He was my purpose and my saviour and he was my home. He was literally my home. His manor moved and lived and breathed with him and he oversaw all of us and made sure we were safe and I didn't dream because all I had were night terrors so he just. Made it stop. I didn't dream because he touched my SOUL (metaphorically, in this context) even in my sleep and he was my entire existence and now he's gone and I'm nothing. And it hurts. And I'm so cold.

And the cold isn't comforting anymore. It clings to the flesh I hate having and it makes me sick and I'm shivering and there are no shadows keeping me safe. Just cold. The cold wants to harm me now and it's dreadful.

I know it's stupid and impossible and stuff, but I long so badly to go back. Even if just one for day, just so I could tell you how much I love you.

- Cross (I'm an introject/fictive) [#anomaly🐑🔪]

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[fictionkinfessions]

I'm dating an Introject of a person I used to date in my canon.

Just wanna start this of by saying I'm not dating him just because of his source – we've been dating since before he even knew he has DID and that he's a fictive. I don't see him as the guy from my memories, because he isn't, he's his own person, and I love that person! But sometimes it's kind of weird, sometimes it's upsetting.

Because he has the same name, a lot of the same mannerisms, a lot of the same likes and dislikes. So, every time I look at my partner, I think back to my canon, and I miss that guy. And I don't even know if I get more upset when he acts exactly like him, or if he does things that the guy from my memories would have never done. Both gives me this odd sense of discomfort.

I feel really bad about this. He's not just his source, and that's not at all what I see him as, I don't know why I keep thinking this. I'm not trying to use him to just "fill the hole" or whatever, and I feel guilty? It's all really weird.

- a Cross "Sans" introject