#usually when i watch those episodes i push this thought away and just let the funny jokey parts be jokey bc its more enjoyable that way lmao

[hoe4hotchner]

Hey, love you work, I was wondering if I could request a fic of the reader and Hotch being in a established relationship and its when Hotch passed out in the meeting room because of the stab wounds and its him asking the reader if she (or could be GN) was mad that in his dreams (not sure if it was really a dream) he saw Haley, and its the reader comforting him and telling him its ok. Also the reader panicking when he is taken to the hospital.

🫶🏻

Route 66 | [A.H]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader | WC: 1.1k | CW: Route 66, hospital, fainting, worry, anxiety, near death.

A/N: ANON!!!! I LOVE YOU! I've had the words Route 66 written in my notes app for so long, meaning to write something for that episode, but by sending in a request you kindly pushed that thought forward by softly "forcing" me to write it 💕💕

You sat across from where Hotch was standing, his hand resting on the back of the chair in front of him, almost leaning on it. The team had gathered to discuss the details of their newest case, but Hotch's expression was off. His usually steely focus seemed blurred, replaced with a distant look and a faint pallor, as though he were lost somewhere far away. You knit your eyebrows, concern building as you watched him. Maybe he’d caught something, you thought — or maybe it was pure exhaustion from the relentless stack of case files and paperwork to be filled out on his desk?

When he met your eyes, he offered a tight-lipped smile, one of those you’d come to recognize as his way of brushing off concern — He could tell what you were thinking just by looking at you. But something in that look made your worry deepen. The smile didn’t reach his eyes, and his face seemed strained, his breathing slightly unsteady.

"She's been missing for over five hours, and we know how time-sensitive these cases are. The, uh… amber alert is expanding… every hour…" Hotch's voice wavered, the contrast to his usual commanding tone made your worry increase — you made a mental note to force him to take a break once back from the case. He paused mid-sentence, blinking as if trying to steady himself, but his words came slower, each one seemingly costing him more and more effort. "Excuse me," he managed to say before he turned away.

Before any of you could react, he swayed. And then, without warning, his body gave out, crumpling as he fell to the floor.

"Aaron?" you called, your heart jumping in your chest. You shot out of your chair, rushing to his side, barely processing Morgan’s panicked, “Hotch!” before your hands found his shoulders. He was so still, his skin frighteningly pale, and his breathing alarmingly faint.

“Someone call an ambulance!” Morgan’s voice boomed through the room, it was sharp, slicing through the stunned silence around the table.

In what felt like seconds, paramedics were there, loading him onto a stretcher. Everything moved in a blur, your gaze fixed on him, silently pleading for him to open his eyes, for some sign of life, some assurance that he’d be okay. You climbed into the ambulance beside him, not willing to let him out of your sight, clutching his hand as if that small connection might somehow anchor him to you.

The ride to the hospital felt agonizingly slow, each second echoing the sound of your pounding heartbeat. All you could think was that you should have known, should have done something. But then he was there, still and quiet, his hand cool in yours, and the weight of not knowing what was wrong gnawed at you.

One thing was certain: you weren’t getting on that jet tonight. Not without him.

The hours passed agonizingly slow in the sterile surroundings of the relative's room at the hospital. Hotch was still in surgery. Each minute stretched into what felt like hours, causing your worry to increase by the second. The slight mutter of doctors passing by and the rhythmic beeps of machines in the rooms around you faded into the background, leaving you with only the memory of Hotch collapsing, the sound of him hitting the ground, his pale almost ghostly face. The scene replayed in a cruel loop, each moment sharpening the feeling of helplessness in your chest.

You went over every second in your mind, searching for signs you might have missed, something that could tell you exactly what was going on. The tired look in his eyes, his faltering words, the way he’d gripped the chair to steady himself — all of it was unclear. The guilt gnawed at you, growing heavier as you waited — you should've known something was off. You wrapped your arms around yourself as if it could keep the memories, the what-ifs, from pressing in too close and consuming you too much.

Lost in thought, you barely registered the sound of footsteps approaching until the doctor stood in front of you, his voice pulling you back into the present.

“He’s stable now, but very disoriented,” he said gently, and relief surged through you, so overwhelming that it took a moment to fully register. “He’s asking for you.”

You nodded, your body moving almost on instinct as you got up, every part of you focused on seeing him. Your pulse raced as you followed him down the corridor.

You found him slightly sitting up in the bed, he looked weak but alert, eyes softening when they found you. Relief flooded through you — and through him. The sight of him was almost enough to bring you to tears. You reached his bedside, taking his hand and pressing it to your cheek.

“Hey, you,” you murmured, voice breaking as you blinked back tears despite your attempt to stay calm. “You scared me.”

He winced, managing a half-smile. “Sorry for that.”

You took a breath, about to tell him it was okay, that you were just glad he was alright, but he beat you to it, his gaze shifting down to the sheets as he spoke, almost as if he was ashamed.

“I… I need to tell you something. When I was out, I saw Haley.”

The words hung in the air between you. You brushed your thumb along his knuckles, urging him to continue.

“She was… there. It was like I was seeing her for the first time again. My life was playing on the big screen,” he murmured. “And I thought, for a second, maybe I was—” He broke off, searching your face. “I need to know… are you angry?”

The question stunned you. Anger? That was the last thing you felt. You leaned forward, cupping his face, thumb tracing the line of his cheek.

“I’m not angry. Haley will always be a part of you and your story,” you said softly, meeting his gaze. “Losing her was… it was unimaginable. You loved her. And seeing her in that moment… maybe it’s what you needed to let go of some of the guilt you’ve been carrying since.”

His eyes softened, his hand lifting to cover yours, holding it close against his cheek. “You’re too good to me.”

“No,” you whispered, shaking your head with a smile. “I just love you.”

He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead, and you could feel the tension slowly melting away.

“I can’t imagine how it felt,” he murmured, his voice a low rumble. “But I know I don’t want to go back there. Not when I have you.”

You leaned in, feeling his breath warm against your skin. “Then focus on healing, Aaron. And let me be here for you.”

It was as if everything else fell away. The hospital, the case, the memory of Haley, even the thought of Jack on his way to the hospital with Jess — it all faded into the background, leaving only you and him, together.

[fooligancity]

the whole simpleton arthur thing was funny with how its played but idk i dont ever see anyone talking about how violating it would have been. to have your free will taken from you like that. i cant say i know a better way for merlin to have gotten arthur to leave but jeez

[boorines]

caresses from my camera roll | choi seungcheol (M)

warnings/tags: fem reader, established relationship, softdom!cheol, he’s a sweetie, he’s also mean though, fingering, pussy slapping, use of the word slut, multiple times, profanity. smut. MDNI

—

seungcheol is the sweetest boyfriend you could have asked for. he brings you plates of carefully cut up fruit while you work, leaves a light kiss on your cheek or a pat on your head whenever he walks by, and makes the best breakfast in bed.

so, it might come as a surprise that he isn’t half as soft during the night, before you both fall asleep to warm touches.

like tonight.

you lay on your shared bed, scrolling through your camera roll and admiring the photos you took earlier today. it was a beach date, spontaneous and relaxed, and you think those are the best kind. as you scroll, you come across a candid you took of seungcheol. he was laying beside you on a beach towel with his face turned towards you, sunglasses on and hand shielding his face from the sun. he was smiling. cute.

but you couldn’t say the same about his swim shorts hanging dangerously low on his hips or his exposed abs still wet from his swim earlier. and his hands... one in front of his face and the other just off screen, but you know very well it was resting on your bare thigh, a touch too high to be casual. the memory of what he said right before the photo was taken makes heat flood between your legs.

“you look so good, i could take you right here”.

you squirm at the thought. he would have if you’d let him and it drives you crazy. you inch your hand lower, slowly circling your clit. these could be his fingers, you think as you stare at his photographed hand. his longer, thicker ones would feel so much better inside you than yours. you whimper at the image and press harder, wet spot on your panties growing steadily. pushing your underwear to the side, you drag a finger through your wet folds and gasp. you’re about to push it all the way in when the door to the bedroom swings open.

“hey, love, there’s a new episode of—”

he freezes in the doorway and his eyes darken. your pussy floods at the way he looks at your finger halfway inside you. he shuts the door slowly behind him and his voice is low, much lower than usual, when he asks, “and what are we doing here?”. walking over to the edge of the bed, he takes a seat, eyes roaming painfully slowly over your body.

you whimper and reach a hand out for his, silently asking for help.

“no. i’m going to watch you. i’ll help when i think you need it”.

“cheol, please”, you whisper.

“what did i say?”, his tone is one of warning and you don’t push further. you whine softly as you start drawing circles on your wet cunt over your panties, adding pressure when you make eye contact with seungcheol.

“good girl”, he mutters under his breath.

your stomach tightens and you hastily kick your underwear off and push your thighs apart. his sinful gaze on you is enough to make you cum, you think. you sink your middle finger into your entrance with a drawn out mewl, clenching around yourself when you hear your boyfriend hum in approval. you start pumping into yourself only for seungcheol to still you with a firm hand on your thigh. you look up at him in confusion but his eyes are on your unlocked phone laying forgotten beside you. he smirks. oh.

“so, is this what got you like this, pretty?”, he whispers, moving closer to you until he’s positioned beside your legs. “got this wet just looking at pictures of me, hm?”.

you shudder when you feel his hand squeeze your thigh. once, soft. again, harder. you whimper and paw at his hand in request.

“words, baby”.

“y-yes, cheol. was thinking about y-you”.

“yeah? baby got this needy thinking of me? my hands, my cock?”, you mewl softly at his words, “god, you’re such a dirty slut for me, fuck”.

“i am, cheol, please. please, i need you”.

he groans and pulls your hand away from your pussy, swearing under his breath when he sees your dewy entrance. he grazes a finger across your dripping cunt and you push your hips into his hand. he whips his hand away and you let out a desperate whine, hoping he can see how much you need to feel him inside you.

“don’t move”, he warns, “maybe i’ll fuck you on my fingers. or maybe i’ll just watch you try to cum without any help. for playing with yourself without my permission”.

you shake your head in desperation, silently begging him to touch you.

“cheol, please, i need to feel you”.

“my slut needs me that bad?”, he traces a finger around your clit and you make a noise so sinful it goes straight to his hardening cock. “beg for me”.

you can’t think straight as you babble a string of ‘please’s, ‘cheol’s and ‘i need you’s. you hear him chuckle deeply and it only makes you clench around nothing, continuing your pleas for his cock, his fingers, his tongue. anything.

without warning, seungcheol plunges a finger into your entrance, sinking in knuckle-deep. you gasp loudly, followed by a moan the neighbours can probably hear. he begins pumping at an unrelenting pace, drawing whimpers and moans from your throat.

“good girl, you’re doing so good for me, baby”, he adds a second finger and your noises grow louder. the slick squelch of his fingers thrusting into you joins your needy moans and whines, the room sounding like lust and sin.

you feel his other hand come up to your breast, kneading and squeezing the skin torturously. he takes his time with your hard nipple, moving to the other only when he feels satisfied. he leans down and leaves open mouthed kisses on your shoulder, moving up your neck and along your jaw. he places a soft kiss on your lips, a sharp contrast from the filthy moans he’s swallowing from your throat. his lips move back to your neck, roughly sucking at the skin and you mewl in pleasure. he pulls back to admire the red mark blooming where his lips just were, all while his fingers pump sinfully between your folds. you buck your hips, forcing his fingers in deeper. he curls his fingers inside your cunt, hitting the spongy wetness of your walls with purpose.

“you hear those noises, baby? fuck, your pretty little cunt is dripping for me”.

you moan loudly, desperately trying to fuck yourself harder on his fingers.

“hips down, slut, i decide when you cum”, he whispers in your ear and you lose yourself.

“please, cheol, please, please, i’ll be so good for you, i promise. please let me cum, i need it so bad, cheol”.

he laughs and abruptly slides his fingers out of you. you whine at the empty feeling and open your mouth in protest before you feel a sharp slap land on your cunt. “ah, cheol!”

another. the slight sting makes your pussy gush around him and you become a babbling mess.

“you like that? my filthy girl likes that, yeah?”, he mutters.

“s-so much, cheol”.

“you’re my little slut, aren’t you, pretty?”, he delivers another slap to your leaking cunt.

“yes! yes, cheol! your slut, all yours. fuck, i’ll do anything”, you scream.

“slut has such a dirty mouth”, he chuckles as he rubs your pussy soothingly, “let me make my baby cum, yeah?”.

you nod, eyes tearing up and clawing at his forearm when you feel him sink three fingers into your sopping hole. he hisses when he feels you flutter and clench around him, his eyes turning impossibly darker. he sets a torturous pace, splitting you open on his fingers until your back arches off the bed.

you feel your stomach tighten and you scream in pleasure. “i’m close, i’m so close, please cheol”. he doesn’t need to be told twice before he’s curling his fingers and hitting the same spongy spot again. leaning down, he messily sucks on your nipples, licking around the hard mounds and leaving your tits covered in spit. the sound he draws from you makes his dick twitch and he responds by flicking your clit with his thumb.

“good girl, you’re doing so good, my love”.

you clench around his fingers with a wanton moan, holding onto the arm he’s using to prop himself up beside you. you feel his lips on yours and kiss him back sloppily, all tongue and high-pitched mewls. his fingers don’t stop fucking into you even when your legs begin to shake violently.

“fuck, baby. you look so beautiful getting fucked open on my fingers like this”, seungcheol whispers against your mouth. “cum for me, soak my fingers. i want to feel your cum drip down my hand, yeah?”

you scream into his mouth as his fingers hit your sensitive walls over and over. you feel the coil in your stomach snap and your vision goes white as you clench around his fingers, your release leaking out of your cunt as he strokes your walls through your climax. he helps ride out your high with a few more thrusts and a groan that you feel deep in your heat.

“that’s a good girl”, he whispers and slowly pulls his fingers out of you. he watches your cum gush out and soak your folds and swears under his breath. you look at him in bliss as he puts his fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean with a pop, subconsciously making you clench your empty hole around nothing.

“you were so amazing, my love. always so perfect”, seungcheol presses a kiss to your lips, smiling softly when he sees your eyelids get heavy. he strokes your hair with care reserved for no one but you and your chest warms. “relax, gorgeous, i’ll get you cleaned up”.

as seungcheol delicately cleans you up, soft touches and gentle ‘i love you’s, you drift off. the last thing you feel is a feather-light kiss on your temple and a stroke of his hand against your arm.

and you can’t help but think once again, seungcheol is the sweetest boyfriend you could have ever asked for.

—

well… this was interesting to write! i have more trouble with smut than fluff and took way longer writing this than i should have. but i hope u enjoy it!! bf!cheol is everyone’s weakness hehe. please let me know what u think!! thank u so much for reading and enjoying my previous work!

hopefully my next drabble/fic should be kwan centred because i can’t ignore my bias for much longer! as always, requests open!!

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— What if I'm not good enough, anymore?

pairings: beth mead x reader, vivianne miedema x reader

summary: reader has self doubts that she won't be as good as she was when she makes her return to the pitch.

Warnings: heavy angst, talks of mental health and a minor eating disorder.

Okay, I won't lie. This was, well this was hard to write and there was a lot of tears throughout because its' a little too close to home right now with things going on, but you guys wanted it, so here we go.

Let me know what you think!

"What if I'm not good enough now?" The thoughts spiral through your brain.

It's your number one fear. It's the thing that keeps you up at night, lying awake with those thoughts plaguing your mnd.

You know you shouldn't be thinking about things like that, but your mentality of your injury was overshadowing the physical rehab your still yet to get the greenlight for yet.

Would you be good as you were when you come back?

Sure you've watched each of the girls come back from their injury and make a return to the pitch, some of them a bit more rockier than usual, but now they're striving and you can only hope that your own journey will be as smooth sailing.

Your impatient though, both incredibly and insufferably impatient.

It's a downfall that has come back to bite you in the ass, one too many times previously.

Could you blame your dad for that though?

Growing up, hes' only ever pushed you. Pushed you to push through the pain; Your dad was an impatient man himself, one with a temper and he didn't believe that letting you rest was the best thing sometimes.

The first few months of your recovery after your surgery felt long, all you felt was agitation and more so frustration not being allowed to do things that you once took for granted.

You really did hate depending on those around you, you felt like a constant burden despite that fact that all the girls kept on reassuring you that you weren't, but in the back of your mind, you always thought different about it.

The one thing you never realised would be as hard would be the mentality of it all, the physical pain was tiresome and therefor, your mental health was taking a battering rapadly.

"You okay, kid?" The familiar voice of your team mum speaks up to get your attention.

Your too wrapped up in your thoughts to barely even hear her, "M' fine,"

"You sure? You seem quiet-- What is it, does your knee hurt? Do you want another pillow?" Beth tries to offer her help, assisting you with whatever you need.

"I'm fine, Beth!" You shout loudly.

You hadn't meant to snap at Beth of course, but your emotions got the better of you and your temper has always been your worst enemy, amongst other things.

"O... Okay," Beth is taken back by your sudden burst of anger. "Well, you know I'm just through the kitchen if you need me, okay?" She reassures you.

"Mhm," You barely acknowledge her precense, choosing to stare blankly at old episode of Bones you'd put on to try and disract your mind.

You wanted to retreat to your bedroom, but after the last time where you remembered the staged intervention with a certain blonde english skipper, you thought against the idea of that.

So for now, you'll just sit on the sofa, wallowing in self-pity and get attached to fictional characters whos' deathes are inevitable.

"Have you noticed that Y/N is uh..." Beth whispers, hesistant for you to overhear her from the other room.

"Distant?" Viv guesses straight away.

The blonde furrows her eyebrows and nods in slow motion, "Well, yes, uh and a bit snippy as well. Should we talk to her?" She wonders, trying to figure out the best approach to talk to you.

"It's probably a good idea--" Vivs' agreement is cut off.

"You know I can hear you guys, right?" You make your voice known, of course you knew they would be whispering about you.

After all, your not a complete moron to not hear it.

"Y/N," Viv begins to speak.

"I don't like it when you talk about me like that!" You uneasily stand up on your feet, going to move towards the direction of your bedroom for a bit of peace and quiet.

"At least use your crutches!" Beth shouts aloud, gesturing to the item that is currently the bane of your life.

"Bite me!" You respond, scowling at them as you shuffle slowly past, trying to withhold from wincing at the sudden shooting pain in your knee.

At least you do a good job to hold your tears back until your in the confindments of your own bedroom, comforted with the blanket that you can wrap around you and try to block out the rest of the world.

As soon as you got the go-ahead from the doctors to start your rehab at the training grounds, you were virtually jumping for joy.

At least you was on the outside; Inside on your head, it was a completely different story. You were battling your own inner feelings of doubt.

Of course from the minute you'd been allowed back in the gym, every single of your team mates were more than supportive of this step forward in your recovery.

They all knew you'd been finding it difficult, and sure enough most of them had even got the brunt of your anger.

Starting out with your rehab process, you had to start with light excercises but in your head that didn't feel good enough.

You want to be out there on the pitch already, you hate the fact that the healing process is taking so long.

You didn't feel it was fair at all, why won't your stupid knee just heal already?

"You've got this, Y/N!" One of the pyshios' encourage you to keep going with the current training excercise, something so simple felt so hard to you now.

Viv smiles encouringly as she cheers you on from the sidelines, "You're doing great kid." She states.

"Keep pushing!" Leahs' right there beside her, her voice gentle but still managed to hold a firm tone in a way to keep you going.

"You can do this, kid!" Beth chimes in, trying to keep her own tears of happiness at bay as she watches your journey to recovery step that step forward. "We're so proud of you!"

Tears of frustration were visable, even the simplest of tasks felt so gruelling; There were even times whether you questioned if you wanted to hang your football boots up, but that was an easy way out.

Football is your life and its your passion, you'd be gutted to do that.

You had to push forward, you had to do better. You had to be better!

If only it was that simlpe, right?

Nobody warned you off the setbacks in the journey. You had to figure that one out yourself, even the slighest knock and it was a step backwards.

It always seems to be one step forward, two steps back.

You shouldn't have pushed yourself, you should have known better, but of course, your stubborn streak let you down.

In your own opinion, your recovery wasn't going as quick as you wanted it to. So you took it upon yourself to train extra hard in the gym, sure it was difficult under the watchful eye of the older girls' as they wanted to make sure to not let you overdo it, but you had your ways.

Making excuses and staying late at the training grounds once the team had all gone, pushing yourself to the extreme - Unaware of just how much damage you'd be putting yourself through.

Damn stupid knee injuries.

It works to keep your extra training sessions a secret, at least for a while, until one night when your caught red handed, by no other person that the stern blonde English skipper, so just so happens to have come back to pick something up that she'd forgotten.

"Y/N?" You recognise that all too familiar voice all too well, having been on the recieving end of a few lectures.

You freeze in your spot on the treadmill, which isn't very safe in itself, "Shit-- It's not what it looks like!" Your quick to protest.

"Oh? So your not overworking yourself in the gym then, hm?" Leah quirks, raising an eyebrow.

"No, well, uh yeah. I guess?" You stutter your words, knowing you've definitely been caught out now.

Leah can't help but chuckle amusedly, "You guess?"

"I, uh... Look I know it looks bad, but I needed to do this, Le." If you've been caught out then you're at least going to try and fight your reasoning for it, even if she doesn't believe you.

Judging my her facial expression, the blonde definitely isn't fooled.

"Come on. Lets' go, baby England," Leah motions you to follow her, holding out her hand for you to take.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you shut the whirring treadmill off and gingerly look at her, "Why-- Where are we goin'?" You ask.

"Well first I'm taking you for something to eat and then I'm taking you home, its' already been a long day," Your English Captains' quick to tell you, although before you have chance to protest, she continues to speak. "And you shouldn't be pushing yourself anymore than you already are, alright?" She states.

"But..." You still try and protest against the idea.

"No buts, I know you haven't eaten much, buddy," Leahs' firm voice interjects, still continuing to hold her hand out for you to take. "Come on. Grab your stuff and lets' go,"

You should have known it would only be a matter of time before you were caught out.

How could you be so careless, though?

You didn't think you not eating enough would be that noticeable, but apparently not.

Begrudingly, you step off the treadmill and clutch onto her hand to steady your uneasiness coming off it, "Are you going to tell Beth and Viv about this?" You ask, cautiously.

"I have to," Leah replies in agreement.

"Why?" You fight the urge to whine, even if makes sense for them to know, you wish they didn't have too.

"You can't push yourself, kiddo. You know how serious this injury is!" Leahs' firm voice makes a return, not missing the chance to make it known how much of a bad decision this was for you to make.

You know it looks bad, you do but yet you still couldn't help yourself.

You wanted to get better. You wanted-- No, you needed to do better.

"But I'm so fed up, Le," You grumble, walking in the direction of the changing room to grab your stuff. "Why... Why won't it just fuckin' heal already?" You don't mean to swear, you've never been one to use colourful language, but your frustration is at it's brink right now.

"Whoa, easy on the language there, buddy," Leah jokes, chuckling as she wraps her free arm around your shoulder. "Listen, I know your frustrated, but its' going to take time and you know this. You can't rush it, or you'll make it worse!" She states, firmly.

"Stupid knees' injuries suck," You murmer, gathering your stuff together before you make the exit from the training grounds.

Leah chuckles as she unlocks her car, gesturing for you to climb in the passenger seat, "Yep, yes they do," She agrees with you.

"I just want to be out there on the pitch already," You admit, slumping down into the seat once you have buckled yourself in.

The blonde smiles sympathetically at you, understanding your frustration, "That day will come, but for now, you've just gotta trust the process and let your body heal," She pauses before she continues. "I know you don't like it and all, but you have to just be patient this once, buddy."

"Even if it takes forever?" You resist the urge to groan and throw your head back.

"Even then, because it'll be worth it when you make your return to the game," Leah promises you with a gentle tone of voice.

"Yeah, but, what if..." Your sidetracked from what you are going to say, trying to not spiral into your dark thoughts once again.

"What if?" Leah furrows her eyebrow.

You swallow the lump that forms in your throat, "What... What if I'm not as good as I was before I got injured?" You confess the fear that's been plaguing your mind for god-knows how long.

Leah looks at you concerned, "You don't know how its' gonna be, but what I do know is that whatever happens, we're all behind you," She promises you as she gives you a kind smile and gently squeezes your good knee. "The day you eventually do return to the pitch, you're damn sure we'll all be there cheering as loud as we can," She promises you.

"Even if you're on the pitch as well?" You can't help but giggle.

Leah proudly nods in agreement as she grins, "Hey, I'll personally stop the game just to welcome you on the pitch, baby England." The blonde winks playfully at you from where she sits in the car.

"Your silly sometimes, Le," You mumble, finding it hard to take the blonde serious in this very moment.

"I know you're all up in your head about this, but it's going to be okay," Leah words stick firm in your brain as you smile. "Your not alone in this journey, you're never alone. We've got you." 

© scribblesofagoonerr

[calzone-d]

Always There (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

pairing: ted lasso x fem!reader, mom(ish)!reader x henry lasso

word count: 3.7k (not the most proofread, sorry!)

warnings: henry being kind of sad, reader x henry fluff/comfort, ted being worried, michelle/jake slander, face-sitting, oral sex (f receiving), ass eating (it made the cut), unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, anal fingering

a/n: that last episode gave me ideas, so that’s how this started. then sad ted made me horny, and that’s how this ended. if you like michelle/jake you may not like the first part of this. or most of my blog? anyways, hope you like it! my inbox is open as always!

summary: you and henry have a heart to heart before you comfort ted in a way that only you can.

find my masterlist here.

---------

Ted was unusually quiet as you ate dinner. You knew Michelle and Jake being in town really struck a nerve, but he’s gotten good at letting that stress go so that he can enjoy his time with you and Henry all together as a family. As you and Henry talked, he kept quiet as he listened in. You decided to not push it in fear of him shutting down, and of Henry hearing. He didn’t visit as much as you wished he could, so you wanted his time with you and Ted to be as happy and carefree as possible. If you had it your way, though, he’d just go ahead and move in. 

Henry had roped you in to help him build a quick lego set before bed. The boy adored you. He had become pretty attached to you, actually. On the couch, Ted watched quietly as you worked together and smiled to himself everytime you’d take over for a while and Henry would lean against you. Henry was obviously exhausted, but he wanted to stay up with you.

Putting him to bed was easy, as always. As he’d gotten older, your usual nighttime books turned into telling each other funny stories and recalling cherished memories. Ted stayed behind to put away dinner while you got Hnery settled. 

“So.. fill me in. How do you like Jake?”

“mm.. he’s okay, I guess.”

“just okay?”

“he only really talks to me in front of mom. and when I tell him things he never remembers… he was the one who told me to be more rough at school! I told him someone hurt my feelings, and he said I should do the same back.. I knew it was wrong, dad’s always told me that.. I guess I was just trying to make him like me. Then he was the most mad at me after.”

you’re silent for a moment as you take in henry’s words. before you can respond, the lasso boy is talking again,

“what do you think i should have done?”

the question shocks you for a split second. you’ve always tried to make it very clear you never intended on being a replacement for michelle. you let henry get to know you at his own pace, get comfortable around you at his own pace.

“well, hen.. i think you should’ve done what you thought was right.”

“maybe..”

“what do you wish you would’ve done?”

“i don’t know? talk to him about it, i guess. kinda like dad talked to you about his feelings the other night.”

your eyes widened as you recalled the conversation. ted was telling you about how he felt michelle had wronged him, which you completely agreed with, but it wasn’t a conversation either of you wanted henry to hear. luckily, with how good of a man Ted is, he didn’t really say anything bad about her that henry could’ve heard, but still. henry’s a kid, his parents relationship shouldn’t have been a concern in his mind.

“hun, i’m sorry you heard that. that was an adult conversation. you know your dad loves your mom very much-“

“no, he’s just nice to her. she hurt his feelings and broke his trust, so he doesn’t love her”

honestly? henry was right. spot on, even. he was a smart kid, but your heart hurt at the thought of him coming to those realizations by himself. you knew michelle didn’t play a part in explaining anything to him, and ted tried the best he could, but sometimes it was hard.

“trust is a really tricky thing, hen-“

“not really.”

“how so?”

“i mean, i trust you. remember that time i fell and scraped my knee? i was sad that you only had brown bandaids and you promised me that we could go to the store the next day and get blue ones.”

you nodded along, remembering the day very clearly.

“the next morning you took me to get them. so now i don’t worry that you won’t be there for me, because i know you will.”

“i’ll always be here, bub.”

“i trust dad. i trust my friends ellie and spencer in class. i trust grandma, and grandpa- ooh and your mom! i like her too. she’s always nice to me when i visit. her cookies are so good-“

henry’s rambling made you chuckle and you pulled him in close.

“…but dad doesn’t love mom. i promise i’m right, y/n”

“and what makes you think that?”

“because he loves you, and kisses you, and tells you how pretty you are.”

your cheeks reddened, “well, he does do that”

“and even when you aren’t there! he always tells me how nice you are and how much you love us. mom doesn’t like to talk about dad, and it’s usually about how he talks too much. her and jake get mad when i talk about my dad.”

it frustrated you the way michelle so easily talked bad about Ted, especially in front of henry. especially when she was the one who seemed to have done some immoral things.

“i’m sorry, hen. you shouldn’t be in the middle, ever.. it isn’t fair. if i’ve ever made you feel that way, i apologize.”

henry shrugged his shoulders and played with the hem of your t-shirt.

“s’okay.. it isn’t you. i just wish i could stay with you and dad. dad is happier now, and you guys order pizza every week.”

you cackle before you can stop yourself, “only when you’re here, hen.”

“oh. well still. being here makes me happier. i like your cat, too. she always comes and sleeps with me at night..”

his eyes fluttered closed as the aforementioned cat hopped up on his bed. you brought a hand up to rub at his back over his shirt, something you always did when he was trying to fall asleep. 

before he could get too comfy, ted came in. he was dressed in his pajamas and his hair seemed as if he’d been running his hands through it often. he sat down next to you on the bed and reached a hand out to smooth henry’s hair on top of his head.

“you tired, buddy?”

henry nodded.

“well i’m gettin’ there myself. i love you, hen. if you need anything come wake one of us up, y’hear?”, ted said before leaning over to kiss henry’s head. you smiled ad ted’s interaction with henry. the way he was as a dad made you swoon. 

“i love you too dad.. goodnight”, henry said as he cuddled back into you. 

after ted walked out, you spoke again. 

“your dad and i love you so much, baby. even if you’re not here, if you’re ever sad or confused or angry.. or anything, you know we’re only a call away.”

he huffed before murmuring, “wish mom would just let me stay.”

your eyebrows furrowed. you wish he could stay, too. his confession tugged at your heart as you pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“love you, y/n”

“i love you too, henry bug.”

you scratched his back until his breathing evened out and he was asleep. when you were finally able to sneak away from his room, you tucked the blankets around him and turned off his lamp.

ted was sitting on the couch, hair wet and floppy from a quick shower. he looked so domestic and cozy in his t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, but the smile he gave you when he met your gaze didn’t make his eyes crinkle like usual. it was clear something was up.

his eyes stayed on you as you took a seat next to him and snuggled into his side like henry had previously done to you.

“you okay, teddy?”

he contemplated telling you he was fine for a moment. contemplated just brushing it off like he’d been practically trained to do in his marriage for so long. 

“are you happy?”

“beyond happy, hun. i’ve got you, got henry bug, we just kicked ass building that lego set together, too. m’doing just fine.”

ted nodded softly as he mulled over your words. your hand played with a loose thread on his pants until he spoke again.

“just wonder if sometimes i should be doin’ more for you, y’know?”, ted’s words were soft and timid. behind them you could feel the side of him that was terrified of rejection. more specifically, your rejection.

“like what?”

ted’s shoulders shrugged, “dunno. maybe a trip to paris?”

“i don’t want a trip to paris, ted.”

his eyes were sad as he turned to look at you, “where do you wanna go, then?”

you shook your head at him softly. if you listened close enough it almost sounded like he felt you demanded a trip or some grand gesture.

“ted i don’t want a trip anywhere, i want you. i want you and henry, and i have that. i’m happy. with you, our relationship, all of it.”, you paused for a moment. 

 “have i done something or said something to make you think otherwise?”

ted shook his head immediately. “no, not at all! i just.. i’m used to having to guess.. and even when i guessed, everything was still wrong. i just don’t want you to be unhappy and me not know, o-or bored, or-”

“you’re spiraling, honey.”, you grab both of his hands in yours. “i fucking love you, ted. more than you could ever imagine. henry, too. you two make me so damn happy, and there’s not a single thought that’s ever crossed my mind that has anything to do with splitting us up. we’re a family now, ted. we’ve got something fucking great going. m’not interested in losing that, or you.”

ted chuckles at your firm tone, and although it’s a watery chuckle, it makes you smile.

“y’mean it?”

he sniffles and smiles more when you nod. you use his hands to pull him closer so that you can press a gentle kiss to his lips. after that, you move to his cheek, across his cheek bone, and over to his ear.

“i’m more than happy, hun. more than you know.”

ted let out a content hum before putting his hand on the back of your head and pulling you in for another kiss.

this one was more intense, and you swung a leg over his lap as you moved to straddle him. his warm hands found a home on your hips and he gave them a loving squeeze. your lips pressed slow, warm kisses to his neck. soft sighs left his swollen lips as he let his head fall against the back of the couch.

“you make me a happy man, darlin’..”, his voice was low and full of need.

you hummed against his neck in response as you slipped a hand under his shirt, and brushed across the hair on his belly. he let out a soft moan at the way you angled your hips forward to reach the other side of his neck. the sound made you chuckle and you brought your lips to his ear.

“shh, honey. gotta stay quiet for me.”

your words made him whimper, especially combined with the slow movements of your hips against his throbbing cock.

“ohhh-“, his groan was cut off once your lips were on his. his tongue swirled and prodded against yours as you found a rhythm grinding on top of him. you swear you heard him whine when you pulled away.

you bit your lip and smiled at the way his lips chased yours.

“can’t fool around on the couch tonight, baby.. we gotta go to the bedroom, c’mon”

his eager “yes mam” as he got up to follow you only made you more excited.

as soon as you stepped into your room, you slipped out of your shirt and sweatpants, ted mirrored your actions with a smirk.

ted pulled you in by the waist before you could lie back on the bed. his hands were warm against your bare skin and the hair across his abdomen tickled as you pushed yourself up against him. his mouth captured yours in a hot kiss, full of need. his teeth were biting at your bottom lip, tongue swirling with yours as your breathing grew labored.

one of his hands slid up to tangle itself in your hair. he pulled your head to the side as his lips made their way down your neck, and across your shoulders. ted sucked and nipped at your collarbone, leaving marks you hoped wouldn’t be too noticeable tomorrow.

“oh… honey”, you whispered.

ted hummed against your skin as he softly brushed his fingers over your belly and down to your pussy. you knew you were soaked. just the thought of having him to yourself, knowing he was all yours, had you burning with desire.

his thick fingers slid inbetween your lower lips, spreading your slick arousal and occasionally swiping over your swollen clit.

“need you to use me, honey..”, ted’s words were almost inaudible as he moved up to kiss your jaw. a smirk found it’s way to your lips as you batted your eyelashes at him.

“oh?”

“need y’to know i’m all yours. want to make you happy, please baby.”

you pulled him to get on the bed as an idea quickly formed in your brain. ted was always so eager to please, such a giver. he got off on making you feel good and loved being the one to make you orgasm. just knowing he was the only person seeing you and touching you that way was enough to make his cock throb.

you smiled and bit your lip as you instructed him, “lie back, teddy.”

a cheeky smile grew on his face, he immediately knew what was going on. one of his hands reached down to palm himself through his boxers while you straddled him and made your way up his body. by the time you were hovering over his face he was practically drooling in anticipation.

his eyes were lit up once you lowered yourself on him. ted’s arms came up to hold your thighs before he went to work. your eyes locked with his when he took that first lick, and you could tell by the look in them that this was exactly what he’d been hoping for.

he dragged his tongue up and down your folds, moaning at the taste of you. the nose of his you loved so much would bump against your clit every so often, making you whimper. 

you watched as his eyes fluttered closed and he let himself get lost in the taste of you. his tongue seemed to never stop, prodding at your entrance, swirling around your clit, weaving through your lower lips. after a few minutes you brought your hands down to stroke at his hair, but your light touches soon turned into you full on grabbing his hair and using it as leverage.

ted admitted pretty early on that he loved when you pulled his hair. it was one of the first “new” things he’d realized he enjoyed after having sex with you.

your finger tugged gently at his thick head of hair and you slowly ground your hips down on his face. his hands moved from your hips to your ass cheeks, encouraging you and helping you move. the tip of ted’s nose pressed firmly into your clit with every rock, drawing moans out of you like it was nothing.

“mmm, ted.. that’s so good, fuck!”, you had to mentally remind yourself to stay quiet. it was a huge change from your usually loud moans and pleads.

as your orgasm built, you realized it was a good thing you were sitting on ted’s face. he was never good at keeping quiet. it was too easy to get lost in you.

when he finally opened his eyes to meet yours, his pupils were blown and his lids were hooded. you kept his gaze as you reached a hand up to pull at one of your hardened nipples, still using your other hand pull at his hair.

you opened your hand up to palm at one of your tits. the feeling combined with ted’s hands kneading your ass had you right on the brink of what you knew would be another amazing orgasm. ted was moaning into your pussy like a mad man, and the only thing more crude was the sounds that came from him putting in every effort to make you fall apart on his tongue.

“shit, oh- i’m right there baby..”

ted didn’t dare ease up on his grip as you came, holding you firmly against his face as you trembled on top of him. he worked you through your orgasm and when you went to get off his face, your thighs felt like they were going to give out.

as you lifted off him, he continued to lazily tongue at your now dripping cunt. he seemed to follow it with his mouth as you pulled away. you flopped beside him, your chest heaving, as you attempted to catch your breath.

ted, on the other hand, didn’t miss a beat. as you were practically gulping down air, he rolled over and began kissing over the swell of your tits. his face felt wet against you from where he ate you out, and just thinking about the dirtiness of it all had you wanting even more.

your breath hitched in your throat as his teeth scraped lightly over one of the pebbled buds. his lips were red and glistening, making them look even more perfect as he wrapped his lips around your nipple. almost like a chain reaction, the feeling had you squirming underneath him.

by the time he was satisfied, both your nipples glistened with the mixture of ted’s spit, and the remnants of your orgasm.

“you got another in you, darlin’?” his voice was gentle but full of need. his fingers softly stroked the sides of your quivering thighs.

“mhm.. want you deep, though. need to feel you..” your mind was hazy as your words trailed off.

“you know i’ll take good care of you, sweet thing..”

he softly grabbed at your hips, pulling you closer before flipping you over. you were entirely his, completely at his mercy. you needed him so badly you would’ve let him do whatever the hell he wanted.

ted’s hands pulled your hips into him, arching your back in the process. you’d grown needy, and when you softly pressed back onto him it was obvious he’d shed his boxers sometime throughout the night. the hair at the base of his cock was scratchy as it brushed over the skin of your ass. his cock was hot and thick against your swollen pussy, and you could barely form thoughts that weren’t of him.

the feeling of him backing away made you whimper in protest, but before you could speak, his hands were on your ass cheeks. you felt him pull them apart before his tongue collected more of your sweet arousal. ted squeezed your ass as he used it to pull you further into his face, completely burying his face into your most intimate places.

you gasped in surprise as his tongue moved upwards and prodded against your other hole, licking at you softly as his thumb came up to tap against your clit.

“ted, oh my god..”

he barely pulls away, “too much?”

“no no.. fuck please keep going honey”, your words were rushed as you were eager to get his mouth back on you.

just the thought of how dirty it was had you panting and groaning into the sheets. the action itself had your pussy clenching around nothing.

ted’s tongue poked and prodded at the tight ring of muscle as his fingers dug into the flesh of your ass. his thumb continued to tap and rub at your clit, making you whimper and push back onto his face. the man clearly didn’t mind. in fact, it felt as if he pressed his face further into you.

the hair of his mustache tickled but didn’t deter you one bit. ted’s spit was practically dripping between your cheeks when he pulled away.

words weren’t even forming in your brain, but you didn’t need them because a few seconds later the head of ted’s cock was brushing through your soaked folds. luckily, he didn’t tease you and eased himself in.

taking ted’s cock was always a stretch, but with your orgasm earlier and ted’s love for foreplay, it felt a tiny bit easier this time. ever the gentlemen, he still gave you time to adjust before pulling out and pushing back into you.

“honey you’re- fuck, so fucking tight.”

you could only moan in response as you worked your hips back against him as best as you could. with each stroke, his cock brushed your g-spot before nudging against your cervix. your face was buried in the pillow, because at this point, it was the only way for you to stay quiet.

as ted worked his cock in and out of you, you turned your head to the side and rested your cheek against the pillow.

“ted.. can you- shit- put your thumb- mmf, oh fuck!”

it was like he could read your mind. before you finished your sentence ted had brought a thumb up and was spreading the wetness from your previous activities around the tight ring of muscle seated right above where his cock was stuffed in your pussy.

you knew your only choice was to shove your face back into the pillow under your head as he slowly worked the tip of this thumb in. it was the only way for you to be quiet. ted’s cock hit the deepest part of you while he worked his thumb in and out of your ass.

“that feel good, darlin’?”

what he could barely make out as a “yes” left your lips as moans poured constantly from them. ted’s other hand reached around so he was able to rub at your clit, eager for your impending orgasm.

“shit, I can tell, baby. squeezin’ me so tight, ugh”, his accent had gotten thicker and it only added to the mess of fog in your head.

he worked you perfectly until you were on the verge of an orgasm.by now he knew every tell, every cue.

“i feel you, baby. that’s it.. come on my cock sweetheart, take it..”

ted’s filthy words combined with the perfect stretch of his cock, the added sensation from his thumb, and the tight circles he was rubbing on your clit sent you right over the edge.

the little sense you had left is what kept your face in the pillow as you came. your thighs quivered as ted shoved his cock as deep in you as he could manage before you felt his warm cum fill you up.

he eased his thumb from your ass as he pulled out and lied down beside you, immediately taking you into his arms.

“you okay, honey?”

“i’m… im good.. fuck, ted.”, you panted.

ted’s smile was confident as he pulled you in to kiss your face.

“i love you so much. i’m so glad you’re here for us.. so glad you love us.”, he murmured into the top of your head.

“m’not going anywhere, teddy.”

he hummed in response as you both came down from the post-orgasm high coursing through your veins.

thanks for reading!

[misc-obeyme]

for the event thingy.. barbie x (your mc or just generic mc depending on what youre comfortable with) !!! authors choice but i do have a very strong preference towards hurt/comfort

🐈‍⬛

Hello there, 🐈‍⬛ anon!

I apologize for the wait on this. I went back and forth for a bit. I couldn't decide if I wanted to actually use my MC or not... but then I had ideas for a general MC, so I ended up doing that lol. However, I admit that I've never written anything involving Ciaran headcanon style. Maybe I should? I've also never posted any writing featuring Ciaran on this blog. I dunno, if people want to see it, maybe I will. They do have their whole own story. ANYWAY, I quite liked writing this one but as usual I am Barb biased lol and I went with hurt/comfort!

Thanks for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Barbatos

Warnings: none

There was a time long ago when Barbatos let himself be unrestrained. It was a path that led only to heartache, so he closed himself off. By the time you arrive in his life, he is used to being in the background. He's used to helping, to supporting, to observing, never stepping into the spotlight himself or only at the request of others. You fascinate him, just like you fascinate every demon you seem to come across, but he's content to watch you from afar. He will indulge himself with tea party invitations and learning your favorite foods, but always he keeps that distance between you.

Sometimes Barbatos wonders what would happen if he was more proactive in his feelings for you. At night, when the world is sleeping, he thinks about having you there in his arms. He thinks about how full his heart would feel with you there, snugly pressed against him, slow sleeping breaths and a soft heartbeat. It's painful when he snaps back to his reality - his empty room, alone without you. It's at these times that he considers things like a confession or simply a way to indicate to you that his feelings extend beyond friendship.

Barbatos always shuts that down come morning. When he's bustling about the castle, working to look after the Young Master, preparing for another day at RAD, fulfilling all of his butler duties, it's easier to push all those thoughts and feelings aside. He can focus on who he knows he is, who he chose to be, holding it all in so he can be the very best at his job. There's too much for him to do and he finds he doesn't have time to worry about such silly things as feelings. And anyway, he's always been happy with helping you from a distance. He still gets to see you, to watch you flourish, to spend some time with you. It's more than enough.

But it isn't. And he knows it. And he doesn't admit that to himself until he starts to notice some little things. They don't pass him by, not for a second, because he notices everything about you. That's why he sees it the instant there's something new in your eyes when you look at him. He hears the change in your voice when you speak his name - it's become softer, more profound. These are subtle things and he watches them for a time before you make some bolder choices.

One day you show up at the castle unexpectedly with some tea for him. The little Ds usher you into the kitchen where you blush and stammer your way through presenting him with your gift. He smiles at you and accepts it graciously. He's about to offer to make some for you, but you run away like a startled deer - to nervous to stay with him anymore. His reaction to this episode is complicated. He had noticed your change, but this…

Barbatos agonizes over what to do next. He never once suspected, in all those lonely nights of longing for you, that you might end up returning his feelings. But he can't deny it now. The sweet blush on your face, the way you couldn't meet his eyes, and when you practically sprinted out of the kitchen, it was all too much for him to ignore. He couldn't just pretend he didn't know anymore. And his own heart wouldn't stop thudding whenever he thought of your smile.

In the end, Barbatos chooses to confess to you. Your own nervousness indicates to him that you might not be very likely to confess to him. And now that he knows how you feel, he finds himself unexpectedly impatient. He's spent enough time pining after you, even if you weren't aware of it. He doesn't want you to have to pine for him, not when there is no reason for it. He wants to see you safe and happy in his arms.

It's a simple statement. He loves you with all that he is, MC. He loves you more than he ever thought possible. Please tell him that you feel the same. Please tell him that he interpreted your feelings correctly. Tell him that you'll let him hold you, that you'll let him listen to the beating of your heart. If you say yes, Barbatos will never hold back from you again.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 2 thoughts

ah, this episode! i have heard it is very scary. so i’m curious to see how creepy it can be. usually what gets me the most is body horror, at least so far. 

i’m really not a horror fan so i’m interested to see if this will push my limits or just be kinda silly. remember that evil AI in like s1 episode 8? and when it was unplugged it said “noooo, brad :(“ or something like that? yeah that one just made me giggle lol

(author's note after seeing the episode: what...)

(additional author's note: read to the end to see why i think this episode might be actually about the civil war's long-term consequences)

how far we have progressed since then! 

let us begin!!!

we open with a storm and some scary music. pretty intense for the first few seconds. oh, now someone is giving birth. it is very dark and hard to see but it appears these individuals do not look like your average fellow off the street.

GAG! slurping noises are produced as the baby emerges. birth counts as body horror btw i do NOT make the rules. EUGH the umbilical cord…

(sorry y’all pls take no offense to those who have or desire children someday... it’s just something that makes me feel dizzy to watch but i support your dreams and choices i promise 🙏)

okay, but the baby is crying so that’s usually a good sign right? like better than a quiet baby, i think.

but a bunch of people are leaving after the delivery and i thought they would stick around to do things like look at the baby and see if it is healthy and stuff. but no. they’re leaving. where are they going...

they’re digging a hole?????? WHAT DA HELL. BABY IN THE HOLE??!!!!!! while someone cries terribly. OMG the grief…

WHAT THE HELL???

what have i gotten myself into……

intro time. always gonna think about that tweet regarding scully’s glamour shot on her ID. anyway just in case you forgot the truth IS out there.

so we see some kids in a place called home, pennsylvania, and they’re playing baseball. you know how children are, with their baseball. it’s as serious to them as a senator running a reelection campaign. 

kid knocks the ball over the fence, and onto the property of “the peacocks”. the kids will NOT go get the ball, and instead find a spare. seems they prepared for this, or could maybe find a place that isn’t next to a very scary house to play ball, but i understand spacial constraints.

OH???? the kid is digging his foot in to go swing and…. BLOODY PUDDLE???? THIS MUST BE THE BABY FROM BEFORE????

he backs away as we see a tiny hand in the dirt. that poor kid omfg he must have been traumatized… and his sneakers were so bright and white…..

cutscene to mulder in the field after all the kids have fled! ah, mulder loves his baseball. in fact, he even sniffs it. he’s practicing his pitching LMAOOOO please be serious for FIVE minutes. 

scully is measuring the hole while he does all this. in fact, he is not stopping. it just keeps going while she talks about the angle of the shovel.

she makes some quip about quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the ab roller, when he SHOVES THE BALL UNDER HER NOSE and says “smell that” THIS MAN IS SUUUUUCH A WEIRDO I LOVE HIM

“it’s perfume. eau de ball” (stupid little mulder smile)

very strong juxtaposition between baby death and a daydreaming mulder, but that is the sort of thing we have come to expect from this show. he seems enchanted.

WAIT! he’s talking about his sister… “all-day pickup games out on the Vineyard” and going down to the beach… no cell phones or faxes… oh man, this baseball has him talking about his family :(

“mulder, if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia” <- WELL GET HIM! it is true. he is always making calls and then abruptly hanging up.

feels weird to be smiling like a fool at my screen as these two talk about their lives after seeing the opening scene... but here we are!

“scully, you don’t know me as well as you think you do. you know my work demands that i live in a big city, but if i had to settle down, build a home, it’d be a place like this” 

OHHHHH MY GOSH

1. he has though about settling down and having a life outside of his work, and this is such a character reveal, and i know he wants like a small army of children, and

2. i just KNOW those words are gonna come back and bite him when this place is revealed to be some sort of cult

she says it would be like living in mayberry which i had to google BUT: it is the town from the andy griffith show. ah, i see. so very quaint.

someone pulls up to see them and i paused at just the right time to see that mulder’s shirt is very baggy and living up to my URL, which is good because sometimes i worry it’s a bit TOO niche, but i made it after watching 4 episodes so i’m too attached to change it now. meanwhile, scully’s coat is wonderfully sleek and it’s a fun little contrast.

this is sheriff taylor, who says this is a very small town, and there are no real suspects. mulder asks about the peacocks next door, and the sheriff goes… quiet. apparently three boys lived there, and their parents were hurt in an accident. the sheriff and his team tried to administer care to the parents, but the boys took the bodies home??? that’s. odd.

so these peacocks have no electricity, grow their own food, and… are inbred. the sheriff says they are feeble and sad, and wouldn’t have any idea what they are talking about. which just makes me think they are the prime suspects.

the sheriff is saying that he loves his town, it is quiet and peaceful, and he knew someday it would change when something terrible happened. when he saw “it” in the ground, he knew that day had come. he seems convinced it’s an outsider but also he is purposefully ignoring all the evidence in the other direction. and he wants their help, but he doesn’t want anything to change. 

(i see... this is about the terrible secrets of small towns and the wish to keep everything quiet and preserve an idyllic image rather than make meaningful change)

apparently they were recommended to help out when “the victim” was described, so mulder says that maybe they should go take a look.

and whew, when they cut to a bundle of blankets next to some cans of spam (that look like they’re partially covered to hide the branding?) it’s a lot. it's a lot to handle, for me, emotionally, but i guess that's a fairly normal reaction. the sheriff just pulled the baby right out of the fridge. we also meet a deputy named barney.

they shove poor scully in a tiny bathroom with just a sink in it to do her work, because they don’t want anyone else seeing the autopsy go down. the sheriff says they can’t do it in his office, because everyone knows he never locks his office door, and they’d start rumors. this whole small town thing is starting to seem quite oppressive.

mulder is also here in this tiny closet-like bathroom, and i can feel the claustrophobia from here. despite the lack of space, scully begins.

and she is taken aback, but not as much by the fact that it is a child but that said child “has been afflicted by every rare birth defect known to science”. mulder has his arm on the wall leaning in and watching in a way that is weird for the space.

we only see a few shots of the baby- thankfully, because i don't think i could handle seeing any more of it than we do- but it’s enough to make me go whew, shout-out to the props department for making something that looks like that, because that is how i cope with seeing things on this show that make me nearly faint

she is reciting the various things that this child has been born with, and mulder says that they can probably rule out murder, right? but scully says idk… it looks like it WAS murder, actually. dirt in the nose.

lord, they walk out after doing that and somehow don’t need to like, down some vodka or something to cope. 

“imagine all a woman’s hopes and dreams for her child, and then nature turns so cruel. what must a mother go through?” oh my gosh is scully gonna make me cry…

“apparent not much in this case, if she just threw it out in the trash”, says mulder, while they sit on a bench on he is manspreading like you would not believe. but i assume they are in a tough spot mentally so manspreading is permitted in this situation.

“i guess i was just projecting on myself”, she says, and oh my gosh does scully want kids someday…. stop i’ll cry!! i’ll cry. 

“well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys” he says, rubbing her back.

and i can’t decide if this is funnier if he’s truly and deeply down terrible for her and suggesting subtly that HE could be that man, or if he’s just being a really good pal. so i’m gonna turn around both options in my head for a while and see which sticks.

“what about your family?” “hm? aside from the need for corrective lenses and a tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the mulder family passes genetic muster” (said with a celebratory flourish of his hands)

oh my gooooooosh i love them both so bad. he is SUCH a nerd. and his constant need to joke about the horrible things… even when they are approaching a serious topic, life ambitions and the desire to start a family, he has to go in there with some sarcasm to avoid getting Too Serious...

see? he has good genes. allegedly. go forth.

but he sobers up, points out that the child they had to just examine is a serious tragedy, and some likely very young parents are probably incredibly scared. but this isn’t really an FBI matter. 10 points to him for being serious for once.

she is brainstorming how such a thing could happen- “now, we all have a natural instinct to propagate” “do we?” <- ace mulder subtext i see you…

scully is convinced that the woman who gave birth to that child did it against her will, and mulder points out that kidnapping is a bureau matter… she seems determined to save someone caught in a horrible circumstance here, and i admire that about her, the sense of justice she has. she gets up to go investigate.

but he calls out: “hey scully- i never saw you as a mother before” <- OH MY GOD??? OH MY GOD. i can’t even begin to process that right now. oh my gosh it seems like he has wanted kids SO terribly… but scully never really brought the subject up, which is fine because not everyone wants kids!! but what does it say about her character if she DOES…? i am analyzing.

i hope she is happy someday with whatever she chooses. music is playing as he looks after her. do not for a second think i missed that little musical flourish and gaze combo.

so, they go to the peacock's farm. where they find a chopped off pig’s head on the steps. it doesn’t seem to bother them at all, which must be a testament to the strength of bureau training.

mulder tries to do his usual “enter first and ask questions later” thing, but scully STOPS HIM, saying there is no probable cause.

WHAT!!! for once they did NOT JUST BURST IN!!??? their random entering of places is one of my favorite running gags and for once they didn’t. oh she is serious about this one…

so they just peek inside instead…. and then they get their guns and go inside after seeing a table covered in blood. oh…. the scissors from before…. yes, bloody table = probable cause

there is blood everywhere, and the footprint from the crime scene matches the footprint in blood on the floor. AND they find a bloody shovel. well!!! we know who did it now!!! but… where are they??

it is soooo dark and creepy as they make their way through the house. and someone is WATCHING THEM THE DARK as they investigate. BLEUGH we get an extreme closeup on their eyes…….

i am spooked.

now scully is on the phone with sheriff taylor, who is describing the warrants for the arrest of the peacocks he put out, while mulder slams a TV in their hotel room, trying to get it to work. typical mulder behavior

(i bet they felt a need to incorporate some silly moments to lighten out the heavy heavy heavy content, and honestly i didn't think it would work, but for me it kinda is. don't get me wrong, it's still VERY heavy, but it's not start to finish just trauma like we got in calusari, which stands out to me as being the darkest and least fun episode in the series so far. but let mulder sniff a baseball a little and smack a TV and our agents talk about having a family and it is slightly less overwhelming in terms of tone)

and she brings up the white cadillac they found there but he says get a lot of abandoned cars. damn, who is abandoning a cadillac...

what is this sheriff hiding…?

he pulls out his gun from a locked box, and seems deeply regretful. before he puts it back in the box… hmm…

back at the peacock farm. the brothers are packing what looks like clubs into the cadillac. and i notice how silent and scary the whole thing is… no music whatsoever.

meanwhile, mulder is doing a little dance to try and get the TV working, which scully is smiling at him in a way that implies long term affection and exhaustion. i want to get those gifs and save them upon my blog forever and ever.

he’s trying to watch the knicks game, but as she heads out, he says “goodnight mom”, and she looks… uncomfortable. i mean, it’s a weird thing to say, but still. he says a lot of weird things and she doesn’t always look sort of… hmm. idk, the only phrase that comes to mind is “cut to the quick”. i WILL be analyzing that.

she tries to leave and the lock is broken, so he places a chair underneath, which might do something but like… probably not a ton.

anyway, back to the cadillac, where the brothers are pulling out while listening to music. where are they going….

sheriff taylor is up late at night, “taking one last look around before it all changes”. oh, he loves his town… but it is rotten, like mulder says. AND HIS WIFE DOESN’T LOCK THE DOOR AS THEY COME IN!!! NOOOO!

the brothers are on the move, while scully sleeps and mulder watches a fuzzy documentary on hyenas?? okay. king behavior.

but back at the sheriff’s house, he can hear the brothers approaching, and pulling into his yard. oh no…. he looks out the window and the brothers aren’t there. so did they already get in…?

he’s going for the gun, he says, and they enter his house. and he’s got a baseball bat, but where is the gun! they have clubs! like the kind the bad guys in zelda use!!! they look very very dangerous!

he hears them approach as his wife is under the bed……… and he swings his bat at the intruder, but he is barreled right over, it’s three on one, and they beat him RIGHT AS HIS WIFE SEES THE WHOLE THING FROM UNDER THE BED. and they sniff and sniff and FIND HER UNDER THERE????????

what the fuck. who came up with this…….. that song is still playing as they get in their car and leave. i'm sure the song also has some significance to the meaning of what these guys are doing but tbh i have never heard it before so it's hard to unpack.

the deputy is at the scene of the crime the next day, smoking a cigarette, hands shaking in terror. he had come over to give the sheriff a report… and found them that way.

so the owner of the cadillac was found in baltimore, she had left it behind after running out of gas. this is not a lead in the slightest.

mulder is investigating the scene while scully pulls out files from the crime lab, and it is. well, it is very bad, to put it bluntly. the crime scene is horrific. 

she says that the crime scene messed up the tests on the infant… but mulder proposes that… perhaps each of the brothers were the father? she talks about how babies are made and how that makes no sense, but he proposes that generations of inbreeding could maybe make such a mutation. but she says that isn’t possible, they’d need a female family member and there aren’t any left. hmm...

scully wants to try and trail them right now and go save whoever it was that was forced to give birth, but mulder points out that they are outnumbered and could further endanger the victim. what to do…? i don’t know the answer. 

oh! the deputy barges in and says he’ll take them up there so it’s three against three. and they have guns, which should give them the advantage. okay. shoutout to the deputy.

mulder seems suspicious however, and says his suddenly entry was a bit “too chuck bronson for me”. so yeah, i had to google that too. this chuck fellow is the guy from machine gun-kelly. and NOT that sleazy rapper one. the more you know.

scully is confused, though, because why would they kill the sheriff? he didn’t even investigate them. unless they somehow overheard them talking about issuing the arrest warrants while in their house… and they are operating under the assumption that the brothers were not in the house when they were…. but we know that someone was in hiding!!!

OH! back to the house. one of the brothers declares he is hungry. we finally get a semi-decent look at them, and they are incredibly gruesome. someone is under the bed still…. 

and when they declare that they are “ready”, they strip down. they knew this day- and change- was coming, and all they can do is be ready for it. this is our home. and this is the way it’s gonna stay. 

again, i ask, who came up with this……

the deputy and our agents are on the property, now. deputy wants to come in from the front and let them take the back. a brave thing to offer, but i am slightly suspicious of him. they have wired headsets on and bullet proof vests on, and he is going in.

so they’re approaching- scully and mulder in the field, the deputy out in front. scully is peeking through binoculars but she doesn’t see anyone inside!!! it has to be a trap!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! just as scully tells the deputy to not go in, he opens the door and an AXE SWINGS DOWN AND CHOPS HIS HEAD OFF!!!!!

i am sorry for being suspicious of you, deputy. may you rest in peace.

mulder’s reciting his facts from the hyena documentary. they are witnessing something akin to prehistoric humanity. but he has an idea: divert them out of the house, so they don't have to deal with their traps. it is a good idea.

so they are sneaking into the pig pen, which had to be a pain to shoot. “scully, would you think less of me as a man if i told you i was kind of excited right now?” he asks as they try to get the pigs in a line to topple like dominoes or something???

“is there some secret farmer trick to getting these things moving?” “i don’t know!” lmaooo these city slickers...

they’re shoving pigs straight out the gate, and she’s trying to say some magic pig words from babe, which her nephew apparently watches all day. you know what that means...

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she has a nephew!

but there are more pressing matters at hand than a lore reveal as one of the brothers emerges, falling for their piggy trap. we see them in daylight now, and it is an unsettling sight. 

as the brothers try to herd the pigs back in, the agents sneak in, with mulder picking up a giant log to poke open the door. and it is a good thing he did that, because a trap descends right on the log that surely would have beheaded him as it did the deputy if not for the log taking the axe/weapon thingy for him. thank you for your service, giant log.

they sneak in beneath the log and close the door as if nothing went down. scully is yelling to see if anyone is in the house. they’re doing a sweep in excellent coordination. mulder mumbles “oh no” and i’m scared but he just picks up a newspaper that says elvis is dead and frowns 😭 his ass cannot be serious for more than five minutes 

but something approaches!!!! they enter the bedroom and see photos of generations and generations of this family, with varying conditions. and at this moment mulder notices that someone is under the bed!!

he’s trying to say that they’re here to help, but whoever is down there is screaming, screaming at them to go away. so scully tries to move the bed, but she’s strapped to a board underneath the bed, and they pull her out and…. oh my gosh, she has no limbs, i think? it’s dark and hard to tell. they keep her under the bed..........

mulder says they’re going to get her home, but after a glance at the pictures on the wall, scully says that she already IS home. it’s mrs. peacock. the mother of the family that they thought died in the car accident!!!!!!

she is sobbing and they roll her back under the bed, with mulder having a horrific look on his face, unable to process what he just saw. 

mulder is back on the prowl to find the other brothers. and he tasks scully with trying to convince mrs. peacock that she is the only one who can get “her boys” out of here without them being hurt. a mighty task, indeed.

she walks away, and he says “scully, w-watch your step” and he’s worried about her and i want to cry. oh!! we see a trip wire……….

so scully goes back to mrs. peacock, explaining that she needs medical attention, and the agents are here to help. she says that this is their home- why leave it? she has to see if the boys are okay. 

and she lost her limbs in the accident that killed her husband. “sewed me up just like the family learned in the war of northern aggression” OH! so that is an WILD thing to say in pennsylvania. but it was at this point i thought i was putting the pieces together for an extended metaphor...

but she insists she felt no pain, and that no one in the family does. and they’re such good boys. scully points out they murdered three people, and mrs. peacock says she can tell scully has no children, but maybe someday she’ll learn the pride and the love “when you know your boy will do anything for his mother”

well i think you probably just made her swear that off forever!!! so!!!!!

the brothers see mulder in the window, and they start to run in. and as he holds one at gun point, another tries to bash in his head, so scully shoots him. but this isn’t enough to take him down! and the other one joins in on their attack, so it’s two against one tag teaming mulder!!! oh my gosh scully can you use your perfect aim???

yes, she can, but despite emptying the whole clip, they aren’t hurt!!! 

they’re running and running and dodging a whole lot of terrible blows, and scully yells out that she has the mother! she trips over the wire and one of the traps falls RIGHT into one of the brothers, seemingly finally taking him out.

she notices marks on the floor, and when they go back for mrs. peacock, they can’t find the other brother or the mother.

so they put out an APB for them, saying that in time, they’ll catch them. but he counters with “i think time already caught them, scully”

cutscene to the cadillac- where mrs. peacock says that “sherman and george were good boys”- SHERMAN? a union name? edmund, sherman, and george… 

it ends with mrs. peacock saying that there will be more peacocks, and they have to find a new home, make a new family to be proud of. she is in the trunk of the car while she says this.

okay so first thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK.

this episode definitely lived up to its horrific reputation. but i can’t figure out exactly what it is it MEANS!

beyond exploring the horrific topics of generational abuse, i feel that there is something a bit deeper going on here. i actually felt so compelled to see if i was imagining things that i went on the wikipedia page for the episode, which spoke of its themes on the american dream and the nuclear family. those themes i see for sure- how mulder was talking about settling down in a place like this, so quaint and quiet, how they started discussing their own desire for a family, and how every idyllic thought about what a family could be was upended on its head with the peacocks. that made sense to me. but...

that line- “the war of northern aggression”- was what the confederates called the american civil war to justify their rebellion. this is notable for the fact that this whole episode took place in pennsylvania, which was a union state- but somehow, they got so twisted up in their own hatred that they’re parroting the lost cause ideology over a century after the war.

the repeated motifs of “things being the way they are in a small town, in our town, in our home”- is that a symbol for the festering of post-civil war wounds? the inability for the war to make meaningful change when it came to the attitudes of the people on the losing side, who continue- even to this day- to spew their hateful ideology? the inbreeding metaphor- is that a representation of how hate begets hate begets hate, generation after generation, compounding and corrupting by the lack of intervention from outsiders who are too afraid to change “the way things are” and call out harmful behavior? and the newspaper from elvis’s death… is that another allusion to the family (or perhaps certain parts of the country) living entirely in the past, in addition to their lack of electricity and water, just stewing in their own hatred? even the name- home- reminds me of the “house divided cannot stand” rhetoric. is this talking about the rot of "back in the good ol' days" thinking?

or if not a metaphor for the country, and instead just the horror of abuse? of how people can feel that things are the way that they are, and so that makes it correct, no matter what the cost? about how warped perceptions of family can be made and shaped? and the fact that mrs. peacock went along with all of this, despite being the biggest victim of the family... is that to speak on the twisted nature of gender roles and how they are weaponized in familial abuse?

i have to clarify that i am not an expert on abuse in the slightest; i am just trying to work through the themes of what i just saw. you know how it is on this blog; i do my best to interpret the big issues, but also recognize that i can only see and comment upon so much.

i'm really, really curious to hear how you interpreted the episode, though. or how audiences have understood it in the past, or if it has ever been re-evaluated. what did the cast and crew have to say on it? i want to know.

man. this is gonna really make me ponder. i want to know. it was too purposeful to just be a “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” sort of situation.

regardless of the terror, i actually thought this episode was pretty good. it felt cohesive, not just a sideshow of horrible things to make you feel shocked. and we learned more about our characters- their ambitions in life, the possibility of a family someday dangling over their heads, and the terror associated with everything that could go wrong. i think there is always some fear about starting a family (i wouldn't know, but i do read books and stuff), and for scully to just now vocalize her thoughts on the subject and to immediately see this case- i can only imagine what it did to her thought process.

i thought the more light-hearted elements were working at the beginning- mulder's TV dance, baseball time, the merits of their genetics, family talk- worked well at first. but by the end it was just... damn. that was a lot. maybe that is the indication of a successful episode, that it can take you along heavy subject matter with a sense of character analysis and horror, but end with just terror.

i'm not a horror fan outside of this show, so the balancing of the heavy and the humor always baffles me a little bit. i don't know how other materials do it, so i can't really say if it could have been done better or worse. i think the important part though is that they don't turn the tragedy itself into the joke. it wasn't giving "point and laugh at the horrible peacock family!" it was finding humor in other situations, that ultimately still surrendered to the sober feeling of what humanity can do.

whew. this one is definitely gonna stick with me for a while, and i’ll need like 12 hours to formulate my thoughts into something comprehensible. but, you ask, did you like the episode?

yes! while i'm not sure i'd watch it again for funsies, i thought our agents had to confront some inner demons while also learning a lot about them together and individually, which is exactly the thing i want in an episode. i think it brought them closer and they understand each other better, and i think we're getting into some real juicy parts of their relationship. i can't stop thinking about him rubbing her back- how terribly devoted they are to each other, regardless of if either of them can put that into words. those dynamics of devotion that go beyond words- it's so special to me.

and sure, i'll take the bait, and daydream about them living together... i am not above fan service in the slightest. it is me, the fan, who loves to be serviced.

but again. i'm spooked.

[shmaptainwrites]

Okay I have way too many thoughts about Violet and Francesca's relationship this season so this may just be incoherent word vomit, but let's go for it

So even right from the very beginning of episode one we are seeing this push and pull between them. Francesca has spent so much time away from home you can tell Violet feels as though she hasn't spent enough time with her daughter and Francesca still hasn't quite found her voice so she wants to get married and move out to somewhere quieter.

To Violet this is like a punch to the gut, you can hear it when she tells Francesca right before her debut that she's barely even been back and she's already trying to leave them.

Now more is added to this dynamic when Francesca becomes interested in John because Violet doesn't quite understand what makes them click because it's so different from her experience, and when Francesca actually goes to ask her for help once they are engaged (unlike all the Bridgerton kids who usually just make a huge mess of things and the Violet and Lady Danbury clean things up later) and Violet seems apprehensive to give this help while also being fully invested in Colin and Penelope's relationship definietly hurts Francesca, and you can see it in her expressions when she watched Violet looking at Colin and Pen.

Francesca then expresses that hurt at the Mondrich ball, especially after finding out Violet is worried she will ruin things for them, making Francesca even more certain that her mother is still unconvinced about her match — but then again this was Violet in her own round about way trying to protect Francesca's happiness because in the end that's what mattered most to her, even if she didn't go about it in the best way.

But then as time passes on Violet's end, she begins to learn more of this "slow approach" as she calls it from her budding exploration with Marcus, helping her understand Francesca and John a little better. And on the contrary the conversation Benedict and Colin have with John about being bold in declaring himself eventually makes its way to Francesca and she learns to speak up for herself in the absence of Violet's help and maybe even as a result learning a little more about her mother's methods and thought process as a result (even when Francesca talks to the queen thinking that it's her secret she is concerned of, you can see the surprise in Violet's expression and how immediately she goes to hold Francesca after the fact).

And just as Violet thinks she's climbed over all the hurdles in this relationship, Francesca says she and John will be moving to Scotland, not Oxfodshire and she feels thrown for a loop all over again because it's bringing back those feelings of abandonment from this daughter she is just really starting to get to know.

And then we come to the end, the wedding, which was so beautiful in so many ways because finally those feelings are out in the open. Francesca is able to express to Violet why she wants to move and it's not to get away from her family, it's more to give herself room to grow and better find her voice and herself so she can come back and share that with her family. Violet takes the time to tell Francesca that she was simply worried she would be losing her daughter which then Francesca assures her she isn't. Violet also in a way admits to her mistakes and the two are so easily able to move past them because Francesca, as I believe Violet says, is wise beyond her years, and can see her mother is a person who makes mistakes but always tries to do better.

And to close this progression we have the piano duet at the wedding, although not perfect (just like any relationship) they work together to create a piece of music that in a weirdly wondeful way I think reflects the ups and downs they had in the season, there were smooth parts and rough ones, but they both kept playing and finished the piece

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

"your top 15 favourite tv shows can say a lot about your personality!"

Thank you so much for the tag @morkofday 🥰

How could I rank my top shows? They all mean so much to me and are all from different times in my life and from different genres... I can't compare Gilmore Girls to Moonlight Chicken! So without a rating here we go!

Gilmore Girls

The show I watch to feel cozy and comfy! Most of the times I do a rewatch of my favorite episodes in autumn/winter and just enjoy Stars Hollow and all the quirky characters. And I am a huge fan of Lorelei... not her love life, but she is a strong and independet woman and I love that.

Moonlight Chicken

What can I say? I love EarthMix and GeminiFourth! And the story was more of a family drama and something different than the usual GmmTV stuff. The story of letting go of the past and starting a new future, which is scary with all its obstacles, really captured me and I still think of it from time to time.

Pushing Daisies

I love this bitter-sweet story of the unlucky pie baker and the love of his life never been able to touch each other but love each other nevertheless. The criminal cases were interesting and I enjoyed the colorful scenery, but nothing could top my love for Lee Pace. This man...

Unknown

My new favorite show. I loved it from beginning to end. And I don't want to let go of them. The hurt is still too fresh to talk about them 😭 Their story was so well written and the actors were so good in portraying the characters and their inner monologues and thoughts and I love it so much!

Love for Love's Sake

The one show I will never be able to get over. The feelings I felt after it ended were not normal! I was heartbroken! This series means so much to me and Myungha will be forever one of my favorite characters ever! The story is unique and beautiful and so deep! Damn, that is such a good show!

It's okay to not be okay

This show that broke me on so many levels. The amount of tears I shed! It was really a journey and I loved the characters and their growth.

Queer as Folk

I was obsessed with this show and him, Brian Kinney! The topics they showed were, and still are, so important and relevant. It is not just some gay men fucking, but different stories about the community and their problems, fears, breakthroughs and their every day life. And Debbie will be forever this iconic mother figure for all of them and for us too.

The Untamed

I don't know how many shows broke me, but this one... this one hurt so good! It is such a masterpiece of a series. What is good and what is evil and aren't there multiple ways to get to the same goal? There is so much love in this series and so much pain. At its peak I cried for 15 minutes straight... One of my all time favorites, but I couldn't rewatch it yet. The pain is still too real. I convinced my best friend to watch it and now she is mad at me and can't go on with it, because the same scene broke her too and now she is afraid of more pain to come. I understand her so well!

A Breeze of love

Most of the times there is this one show a year that blows me away and I can't get a grip in life afterwards. This year is somehow different as there are already two shows that had this effect on me, but for 2023 it was this here. It is such a simple story and there was nothing special about their story, but I adored it to the max and I rewatched it multiple times. I can't really tell why I love it so much, I just do.

Eureka

This is one of the shows that can easily play in the background when I am doing other things, because I know it by heart. The amount of times I rewatched that is not normal and even though I don't really like the last season that much, the first three are hilarious and just so good!

Friends

And another one I know by heart and could rewatch all the time. This show feels safe and there are so many memories connected here. I watched it after a bad breakup to give me some comfort or when I had a huge fight with my best friend, those friends were there for me. And even now I watch a few episodes when I feel down, because they can lift me up so easily.

Once Again

Aaaand we have another one that broke me! Hurray! Guess I love cozy and comforting shows and those which totally destroy me. Great for me! This one had me sobbing during the whole last two episodes. I have my problems with time travelling, and I don't say it was a good execution here, but I just don't care, because the story is unique and special and I love it.

Be My Favorite

The one that broke me and healed me withing hours. The beginning might be a little bit cringy, but it easily became one of my favorite shows out there. It feels so good to see the character growth and all the love that comes within. I still think about them very fondly.

A Tale Of Thousand Stars

This back hug alone made it one of my favorite shows of all times. But for real, this started my EarthMix-love and I am still not over them. The story is beautiful and the scenery is stunning and the pining is perfect and I have so many emotions about them and this show!

Star Trek - The Next Generation

Since I can remember I am a little trekkie, but only TNG. I love the cast and their adventures. I had a huge crush on Wesley when I was a kid. I watched his episodes so many times, it would be embarrassing, but that was what little Josi's heart wanted... Favorite character is by far Q. All of his episodes are hilarious and brilliant!

It was really difficult to break it down to only 15, because I love TV shows and there are some that I wish I could have put up here, but the rules are the rules.

I am as always lost who did this and who did not, so feel free to ignore me, if you don't want to or already did it! I am tagging @wen-kexing-apologist @pose4photoml @twig-tea and @troubled-mind

[sysmedsaresexist]

Mod Quill with some feelings tonight as I scroll the syscourse tags in the usual pits of despair with a bag of popcorn and too little free time. As always, that show I sometimes stumble upon and leave running in the background while I do laundry is on, 24/7 it seems like. The TV station really loves running that particular producer’s re-runs.

I watch for a little bit, but the main character is just… painful to watch. She constantly pushes people away in some sort of way to get her goals each episode — but the series has never ended. It just is the same exact plot line each episode. It gets spicy sometimes when there’s a recurring plot line, or a story arc. They’re all a little… circular sometimes though. She gets sassy too, but that’s few and far between nowadays.

This latest arc, she’s clearly blue.

…

Okay so now that I’ve rambled enough on this metaphor about Sophie-

Her latest bait for trying to hurt a clearly traumatized person is just as painful to see as it always is. Just... god forbid she do something to actually further plural acceptance. I find it so ironic how she peddles that goal to her followers — The Future is Plural, right? — while consistently and actively working against it. She consistently tries to bait people who are against her in an attempt to prop herself up higher, never realizing that all the outside world is seeing is her stomping on others. 

Blue-Bubonic is very clearly fragile, at least in my eyes. I haven’t forgotten their (pronouns unsure, but please feel free to correct me) first foray into syscourse. And yet she sees it as more acceptable to continue needling them -- and taunting that fact and touting it as a badge of honor -- in order to... do what? She's said she's painting herself as a villain, she's being the Bad Guy, but genuinely, how is that helping plurals? How is this helping further her goals?

She is quite literally attacking her own with this and further aggravating an already clearly traumatized individual. And she constantly does this. From my perspective, it must almost be fun for her, and if I remember correctly, she's admitted it's fun. She revels in it. I can't condone people who sit and just... soak in other people's misery. I have literally been working on overcoming some doubts of mine today due to harassment I received, simply because I said I thought people deserved better than literal death threats. And here she is, just... spreading negativity for negativity's sake. How is that helping anything? Isn't it just putting more negative into the world?

The worst part is, I agree with her on so many things. I have to restrain myself from reblogging her posts to my real blogs (you’re welcome, SAS, this blog isn’t real anymore, you’re free) simply so I can avoid syscourse there as much as possible. I’m also scared too. I’m scared of her. I’m scared to reblog something, both because her eyes might be on me if I do, and because the entire system community on tumblr that touches tulpamancy with a 5 foot pole is watching too. Every single action I do is not only scrutinized by her; it’s scrutinized by the community.

I just… wish there was a better way to spread positivity. I wish there were more The Plurality Of… posts, ones that aren’t written with the direct correlation of “let’s stick it to those anti-endos!” I would love more plural headcanons with the goal, “let’s uplift all plurals!” I try to do this as much as possible, but I’m one man.

I see her with her 😈 rightful anger (and I do believe she is justified in that anger, please don’t think I am saying she shouldn’t be angry, she has gotten so much shit that was undeserved, something I regret deeply playing any part of in the past, and something I want to apologize for now again)… I see her with that anger, and I just wish there were a way to help. I wish there were a way to turn that negativity away. I’ve managed it! I’ve managed to escape it in little ways. What am I doing that’s so different? It’s not because I’m a DID system and she’s not — lord knows I’ve had my fair share of harassment for my existence. It’s not because we’re different syscourse stances — I’m as pro-endo as they come in everything but label. Hell, shocker of all shockers, I’ve come to accept I have willed-to-life alters, so I can even relate to her way of existence, at least to some degree.

And yet, I feel so different from her. And it’s sad to see someone you agree with, someone who you know is just doing their best, causing so much harm for the things you also believe in.

…

So I turn off the TV. And I try not to watch. But in my head, my stupid writer brain gets the monkeys and the typewriters out. And it goes to town.

In my head, I’ve written a story where I sit down with her. Sometimes it’s discord, sometimes it’s via tumblr asks back and forth, and too often to count it’s some nebulous cafe somewhere where I’m drinking hot chocolate and she’s drinking some sort of white chocolate coffee. Not sure why that’s what I imagine, but it makes sense to me.

And I just… talk to her. Like a person. We set aside syscourse entirely and have a proper sysconversation. We talk about plurality and our feelings about it; we talk about how my disorder impacts me in similar and different ways to her tulpamancy; we even discuss how this very fanfiction-like-dream is, in a way, plural in of itself, because i don’t control what she says, not willingly. I guess she got her dream, an anti-endo (in a way) with a Sophie introject (in a way).

And I laugh, and she laughs, and it’s good.

And then I go online and see the latest callout post about why Sophie is a bad person. And I sigh, because I know they never work, and I personally know how traumatizing it is to have a callout post detailing everything you’ve ever done wrong.

And then I write up this, feeling like a hypocrite. But I want her to know, I’m not trying to paint her as evil. I don’t think she is. I think she’s just… a person, trying her best, and this is me publicly saying I disagree with her methods.

I hope the show reaches a final season soon. Maybe a spinoff series will get made. Crossover episode when? I vote for Sophie Through The Looking Glass as a sequel series name.

[nofacednerd]

Okay now that my excitement over the new season has worn off a little, here’s some season 4 thoughts

Starting out with the stuff I do really like:

- Hughie’s storyline is genuinely so heart wrenching for me. I’m one of those freaks that stayed up watching the new episodes until 6 in the morning and let me tell you, I was VASTLY unprepared to get hit with the childhood divorce trauma at 5 AM. Having him workshop an angry response to his mom was so real of him 😭 excited to see where it goes this season

- BUTCHER! The second they brought in Kessler (who is definitely a real human being that Butcher is seeing only coincidentally when he’s alone and knows a weird amount about him and what’s going on) I thought the rest of the season was going to be Butcher being worse and worse until we go down the route of the comics. Genuinely surprised and kind of delighted that he’s turned a bit of a sympathetic edge this season. I kind of hope we see him and Hughie more, especially after the whole ‘you remind me of my dead little brother’ thing last season.

- Speaking of last season, it seems like they’ve been trying to roll back on some of the problems I had with season 3 (eh. Kind of at least). Butcher apologizing to Ryan for his outburst, Annie and Hughie still being in a pretty good place with their relationship, Hughie talking about regretting the V, ect ect

- Also so glad they remembered that Hughie is actually really good with technology. Usually they only remember it maybe once early on in the season, but they consistently referenced him being the tech guy of the group (though I wish we could have seen Hughie showing Kimiko how to hack into the CIA database 😭 why are the writers so afraid of them having scenes together)

- ALSO so glad they remembered that Hughie and Neuman were really close before her betrayal in season 3!!!!! I hope they have more scenes together later on. I think Neuman, despite everything, still does care about him since she tried to convince Homelander not to kill him

- Sage is really interesting to me tbh, probably one of the few new characters that I’m actually enjoying. Like girl what is your deal

Okay now the bad stuff :/

- I’m kind of annoyed that they’re continuing the trend of sidelining Hughie in favor of focusing more on Butcher vs Homelander, especially because Hughie started as the protagonist of the show. I get that his storyline right now isn’t the most ‘plot relevant’ but it feels like he barely has done anything but be a supporting character in most scenes for Annie or MM to play off of

- Everything feels so…. Disconnected? One of my bigger issues with season 3 was that they pushed Kimiko and Frenchie away from the plot to focus on a more personal story for Frenchie, so their whole deal that season just kind of felt… forgettable? This season is like that but with EVERYONE which concerns me. Shows with the protagonists having their own plot lines that come together in the end work, but The Boys just has too many characters and too few episodes to explore those plot lines meaningfully so that they get wrapped up in a satisfying way. Idk I guess we’ll see

- Speaking of, the show has too many characters. This is a consistent problem each season, where they introduce new characters that kind of take the spotlight over the other ones. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. My biggest problem this season though is Colin. They introduced him off-screen and made him and Frenchie start flirting I guess off-screen. Same with Kiara and Annie. Then when the season started, the show told us to care about these new characters without actually showing us why we should care about them beyond “he’s Frenchie’s boyfriend!!” It’s kind of frustrating?

- This is more minor, but MM is kind of pissing me off :( it’s kind of another case of ‘oh btw all these characters had character development off screen during the time gap between seasons’ that they did during season 3. It’s the same issue I had with Hughie during that season too, he just kind of feels out of character…?

- why do I feel bad for an octopus. Ambrosius girl you can do so much better than the Deep

[scythe-daddyy]

Recently I've been missing writing a lot but haven't been feeling very inspired by anything. My autistic burnout makes it hard to do literally anything at the end of the day and my weekends are usually devoted to recovering. It makes me kinda sad sometimes bc I feel as though I have no hobbies to enjoy anymore but hopefully there will be time in the future for that to turn around.

In the meantime I did find this little drabble deep in the trash fire of my Google docs and fiddled with it a bit. It's not much but I was pretty happy with it. It's a short character study of Stein during an episode of his madness.

TW self harm, paranoid delusions, violence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It comes on slowly at first, like a tickle in the throat that steadily intensifies, grows into a cough, a sickness. Nagging. Persistent.

Stein feels it first in the back of his skull. An itch, buried deep in the occipital lobe. It’s...distracting, but nothing that can’t be pushed aside. Ignored.

But much like a wound: when ignored it festers. Grows. Rots the surrounding flesh. Eats away at the rest until it’s poisoned the body with infection. Septic.

So the itch grows, spreads like cancer. Slithers its way down the spinal cord and settles in the nerve endings. And Stein can no longer ignore it. Can feel the electricity thrumming under his skin -- deep under the epidermis, the connective tissue, the muscle -- feels the static that has replaced his bone marrow. His body hums, like the fluorescent lights that glare over his operating table, like the computer screen he can't look away from, and the madness hooks into him like a parasite.

Click. Click. Click.

Next, he gets restless.

The static becomes audible. Gets louder. The feeling of it isn’t gone – in fact, it might be worse. But the crescendo of white noise drowns out everything else, and for a while Stein forgets the deep-seated itch under his skin in favor of the roaring nothingness stuffed like cotton in his ears.

And then he breaks. Comes apart at the seams -- even quite literally, sometimes. Tears himself apart to keep himself from tearing others apart. Peels back his own skin in a final manic, desperate attempt to rip the shadows out of his body, to rip out his own soul from his rib cage. Someone laughs.

He turns on the radio but it plays nothing. Just adds to the static. He tries to drown out the voices, but they lurk in the frequencies. Conspiring whispers so quick he thinks he misses them, but he knows they're there. What they say he can't be sure, so he turns the volume up to a roaring squall and he listens. He knows they're there and he won't let them get him.

Stein used to have a TV– used to watch it as a distraction, until the people on the screen started talking to him. Their faces would warp with sharp smiles, telling him to do things he thinks he shouldn’t. The voices would echo and blend into one loud accumulation of all of them, something of its own kind of static. One day Stein finally set his fist through the glass, shattering the screen to shut them up. It sits in one of the many empty rooms, alone, a reminder in the shadows.

He must keep himself whole, fights to hold himself together, keep the cracks from fracturing further. He drags the needle through his skin, pulling the thick black thread taut. He is precise, surgical, just like a doctor should be. If he can't rip the madness out then at least he can keep it inside, bound under crusted stitches. Controlled. As he sews himself back in place, he tries to think of the words an old partner once said to him, but those belong to the shadows now, too.

It’s almost like kintsugi, but that is an art devoted to beautiful things. Stein is not a beautiful thing. And that is not a thought rooted in insecurities, for Stein has never understood something so superficial as vanity. Madness is an ugly thing. Gruesome and bloody, devoid of morals. And because of what sleeps inside Stein’s bones -- because of what tears him apart, leaves his body a broken, visceral mess, he is no porcelain deserving to be fixed with gold. He is flesh, torn up and stitched back together.

[hakuna-machete]

Ok so stream of consciousness... OH MY GOD the scene of Wally and his mom where he breaks down next to her and then lets go of the jersey and perfect son persona BROKE me Especially with the memory of her pushing him back into the game implied that that is how he DIED. TEARS streaming down my face I swear. Like the ACTING in that scene. You can see in his eyes when he looks up at her cheering and yelling that he realizes she is stuck in that fake memory of him loving football and football being his life because it is HER life and she is there to celebrate the game that KILLED her son because she won't recognize or doesn't see that it was her insistence that he go back into the game even when he was hurt, even when he didn't want to, that got him killed.

The scenes with him and Maddie at the game were really sweet and I loved the delivery of his "you want to go to the dance with me" and then immediately back tracks, it was so genuine. Maddie is definitely in no place emotionally to be in a relationship but they are very cute.

Now into the meat:

So I've watched a lot of supernatural shows and so far this is not giving me supernatural horror. I can't see a twist where Mr. Martin is suddenly evil and eating souls. Usually with that kind of genre there are SOME kind of hints throughout the show. Even small ones in the background but so far nothing. Not even in tone. Maybe they will come in the coming episodes? Maybe they will do a big switch reveal at the end and pull it off really well who knows? Like if I had to stretch it I could put together someone liking Nicole's photo with Maddie's account, Maddie's back pack/squatter situation, the video being sent to Maddie's friends as possibly Janet possessing Maddie's body theory. But why would Janet hang around town in the body of a missing girl or try to help that girl's friends solve her "murder/disappearance"?

With Nicole's random shady moment at Maddie's mom's trunk and talk about forgiveness I think the hazy memory Maddie had of a fight in the boiler room may be between her and Nicole. But I do not think Nicole killed her. Nicole definitely thinks Maddie is alive. Her reaction to the like from Maddie's account on her photo and her behavior at the horror festival point to her genuinely believing that Maddie isn't dead. I think in the fight Nicole may have hurt Maddie and thinks that's why she ran away and is desperate to get her back because she feels so guilty.

Claire.... With the info we got in 1x05 Claire is giving less killer vibes and more kid in an abusive/unstable home who became ruthless and hard to survive and will do whatever it takes. Her early childhood was clearly unstable and frightening for her and then her mother marries "that rich guy" clearly one of those "leader in the community" types where image means everything. So now she has this perfect autobot sort of outer shell that she uses on everybody and it actively freaks people out when it slips and they can see how angry and scared she is underneath. Like she genuinely looked and sounded like a robot in that early scene with the other contender for homecoming queen. Maybe she did kill Maddie because she thought Maddie knew about her blackmailing the teacher? Maybe she is so stressed out because with that teacher caught, her scam could possibly be exposed and whatever consequences from her mother and stepfather are terrifying to her?

I love that Maddie is pretty self centered. It's just so very true. It's annoying and frustrating and genuine. She is a seventeen year old girl who was just MURDERED and she doesn't remember why or how or who and she just learned that ghosts are REAL and she is one and she is stuck in her high school possibly for DECADES and she has an alcoholic mother who she takes care of and her boyfriend may have murdered her but maybe not but he DEFINITELY cheated on her and her teacher that she really looked up to and took care of her was shady and may have done something to her but maybe it was one of her former friends that she had to abandon because of her mom and she can talk to one of her friends but no one else and is SO reliant on him and the other ghosts want her to move on and sure, some of them are nice and cool and she likes them but she can't really bond with them because she is so angry and depressed but she is still a kind person and in between all the chaos and horror her life is now she reaches out to them in the way she can but she is still SO DETERMINED to find out who killed her and why because just because she is dead doesn't mean she is GONE and she will keep fighting no matter what. I love Maddie.

[vervaincircle]

they're using sybil to try and remind me that stefan forced damon to turn into a vampire and she's implying it's as bad as what seline did to her

i'm sorry but i have zero reason to feel bad for damon at this point so it's already not working, but on top of that it's ignoring so much

like damon wanted to turn into a vampire, the difference is that he only would've done it for katherine, not his little brother 😭 not saying it's not still fucked up that stefan led him to turn, but let's not act like damon was the moral sibling who was 100% tricked and he had no bad intentions at all

he didn't have to be compelled to still love katherine while she was a vampire because he wasn't at all horrified by what she was. he, as a human, helped her kill people and even kissed her while she had human blood on her mouth (and he was still human)

that's not at all comparable to sybil's story? she was a little girl who had no idea she was eating human meat

i feel like it's doing even damon's character a disservice to strip him away of those layers and act like stefan is some big bad and damon is a poor wittle baby who was tricked by his evil selfish brother. give me a break

i actually usually love characters who are 'evil' or morally ambiguous all because of what they believe is being in love. i usually eat it up? they could have done a lot with damon if they acknowledged how he actually was and what they wrote. he was not an innocent little baby, lmfao, he was (what he thought, anyway) a romantic who allowed his fixation and need for love to push him to act in ways that were at odds with most peoples' morals. he was arguably shitty and awful in the name of love and that can be super interesting. but of course the second he realized katherine lied to him, they had him start slut shaming her, which was an ick and just flat uninteresting. would've been better to see him haunted by the memory of the woman he thought loved him and still be soft for her even though she doesn't love him back

i mean, they could've done a lot with that part of him but they didn't

they just used it to make him a 'bad boy' who was tricked by the 'evil'/'promiscuous' doppelganger. like... alright

anyway, i've been watching entire seasons of damon getting everything he wants constantly, facing zero repercussions for evil actions and then doing heinous shit while his humanity was still on. i'm never going to forget when katherine was in elena's body and dumped him, so his reaction was to have jeremy (and bonnie) tied up and tortured, and then he showed it to what he thought was elena and smiled excitedly at how hurt and scared she was when she saw it

my issue isn't even damon being a bad person or doing evil things. it's that the show doesn't treat damon as what he is. it just treats him as a baby pookie bear who does no wrong and will always get whatever he wants? and after multiple seasons, it's super, super exhausting

especially because the show will not shut up about how much it thinks stefan sucks

after bonnie and tyler, stefan has suffered the most on this show in terms of plots and how they were handled

he's not free of criticism and he definitely has flaws (and he's done a lot of evil) but he's given lashings for it constantly and it was only after nina left the show that they really even tried to give him a real story in any way again. and even then, it's kind of shit, so?

like it genuinely feels like stefan was given a consolation prize. and it's frustrating because even if stefan is also a bad person, he at least gets his lashings every goddamn episode and on top of that he genuinely does feel remorse and have a desire to be a decent person most of the time. whereas damon will spit in the face of that

[midnightrings]

Finished the new episode and … wow, I don’t even know what to say. This show just keeps getting better and better.

(spoilers for ep7!)

I especially love what an unexpected turn it took. Like, we start the show in the 80s, yet most of my theories about those characters and their story was partly or completely wrong.

Going into the story, it felt as if Hawk had his life more or less figured out. He had chosen to live a straight life, chosen his family over Tim and chosen to hide his sexuality – with regret seemingly being his only struggle. Yet we find out that he, too, ended up spiraling throughout the course of his life – losing his son, abandoning his family, battling addiction. Meanwhile, Tim appeared to be the one who had to go through the most trouble, especially due to Hawk. Yet now we see him as a man that has his life figured out and knows who he is. I even feel like Tim’s character development has more or less come to an end. Of course we still see him deal with his past in the 80s, and I’m sure the last episode will still do a lot with his character. But 70s!Tim is a lot closer to 80s!Tim than 70s!Hawk is to 80s!Hawk.

On top of this, I thought in the beginning that their story would consist of Hawk pushing Tim away while Tim continues to cling onto him. And it’s not completely wrong. Hawk does struggle with love and vulnerability, and Tim keeps going back to him despite knowing better. But from what we have seen so far, it was usually Tim who has decided to leave Hawk. At the same time, Hawk is clearly relying on Tim, unable to let him go.

It's almost funny how it always seemed like Hawk would choose his family over Tim, when in reality, Hawk has chosen his family for Tim.

I’m really interested to see how they wrap it all up. This is such an excellent show, I’m so glad I decided to watch it.

[abbatoirablaze]

Criminal Minds, Season 1, Episode 5

Word Count:  1.8k

Warnings: mentions of violence/being tased.

Anastasia Garcia

“What do I have to do to get the case, huh?”

JJ laughed, “we aren’t giving up the case to anyone, Ana...your boyfriend already tried to get it from me, and his pretty smile didn’t even phase me.  Not to mention, we’re free, and I’ve already gotten it accepted by Hotch and Gideon.  But even if it wasn’t you came to me last, so you’re last in line.”

“I knew there was a reason he suggested I was the one that get the coffee for us today,” you smirked as you thought about how your boyfriend suggested that you get the coffee for the three of you this morning; a task he usually undertook himself, “tricky bastard.”

“But I could use your help with your boyfriend...Brent’s holding out on letting me have Nessa...and this case...we really could use the extra help from the tech side of things.”

“Ahh, so you want to use my relationship to get your little sister to help out my little sister?”

She smiled, “oh come on, Ana.  I’ve given you your little sister when your tech analysist was away on vacation.”

“Fine...I’ll try.  But you owe me, JJ.”

“Margaritas after we finish the case?”

“The way to my heart!”

“Hey, you wanted on the case, babydoll.  And since Elle isn’t here, you’re filling in for her.  We needed all hands-on deck!”

You couldn’t help the growl that came out of the back of your throat, “just because I’m working this case with you doesn’t mean you can speak to me however you want, Morgan.”

“I don’t mean nothing by it, sweetness!” he teased, holding up his hands defensively, “I’m just being friendly.”

“Be friendly with someone else.”  You growled in reply, “I’m not just going to bend at your smile and every wink, Derek.”

He smiled even more as he watched you.  He went to brush some hair behind your ear, and you shifted away from him, which only brought a chuckle past his lips, “always so tense.  You know, you’re not anything like your little sister.  Guess she got all the fun from the Garcia genes!”

“We’re working an abduction, case, Morgan...do you not have any level of professionalism?” you growled.

He frowned and the air around him felt heavier, “alright, what’s your problem with me, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

“What is your problem with me, Anastasia?” he asked, “ever since you met me you’ve had some kind of stick shoved up your butt.  I’m not rude to you.  Your sister likes me.  And no one ever complains about me.  I’m easy to work with and get along with.  So why do you hate me?”

“This is not the time or the place, Agent.”

“Oh, I think it is,” he said quickly, “we’re here, hiding out to make sure that this unsub doesn’t get to Cheryl, and it’s just us, and Agent Shyler.  So why do you hate me so much, huh?”

“Because you’re playing with my little sister,” you growled, finally giving into the playboys’ questions, “it’s obvious that she’s got some sort of crush on you and you’re just treating her like a plaything.  Because you’re the playboy of the BAU, Derek Morgan.  And you know what?  I don’t take too kindly to people walking all over my little sister’s feelings.”

He took a step back, clearly confused and shocked, “wh-what?”

“Penelope, Derek...my baby sister is all but wrapped around your finger and you just keep playing with her.  Is it because you’re bored?” you asked, knowing that you were pushing his buttons, “Penelope doesn’t need a guy like you in her life that will just keep getting her hopes up while he sticks his dick in every other girl that gives him a wink and a flirty smile.  She doesn’t need that.  She’s had plenty of those types of guys in her life already, and she doesn’t need to add any more to that list.”

“O-our friendship isn’t like that?”

“Isn’t it?” you asked, “because I’ve seen the way she acts when she’s with you.  I’ve seen how she glows when she talks about you.  She’s wrapped around your finger, Morgan.”

“I-“

“I know it may be easy for you to do that, and not give a damn, but someone needs to watch out for my baby sister,” you hissed, cutting him off, “and I’m the only one she has.  She doesn’t go out and date because she doesn’t have the confidence to.  But yet, she flirts like wild with you.  You’re a walking, talking red flag, and my sister is like a bull waiting to charge with you.”

“A-are you, jealous?”

“Jealous,” you scoffed, “jealous of what?”

“Look, I know you got a man...Smith...and sure, he looks like Taye Diggs, and you get to walk around the bullpen all high and mighty because you have some Mr. And Mrs. Smith thing going on...you guys are like the Stepford couple...but that don’t mean you’re happy.”

“What would you know about me or my happiness?”

“I know that in the time we’ve been here, you play with that necklace when you get nervous,” he pointed out, “and I know that isn’t anything that baby girl gave you because you’re completely confident in your relationship with her.  She would have mentioned if she bought you a trinket, and I know for a fact you would have worn it until the clasp gave out, but this looks new, so it’s a gift, and not one from love alone...but I see the way that you cling to Agent Smith when he’s around.  I see that he gets just as many looks around the office as I do...you’re nervous about that relationship...I also know that you don’t have any male friends around the office.  You avoid them like the plague...which means Smith either doesn’t trust you around them, or he doesn’t like the thought of you having male friends.  S-“

“Stop profiling me, Derek.  It’s not your job.”

“Your little sister is a grown woman,” he pointed out, “our relationship has healthy boundaries, one which Garcia set herself.  Now, if you want to hate me, that’s fine.  But you should hate me for reasons that actually matter.  Ones that affect you...”

“You’re an asshole, Morgan.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged, “but I know one thing...I’m not the one playing games.”

“You alright?” Derek looked up from his wound to you as you walked over to his desk.  He grimaced as he reached for the bandage, and you found yourself feeling bad for him.  Rushing over to his desk, you stopped short when he held out a hand to you.

“Stop...”  

“I’m not here to argue, Derek,” you sighed, “look, I can tell that it’s hard for you to reach.  Just....here...let me help you out.”

He winced as you took the bandage from him, and gently placed it over the wound, “you don’t have to do that, sweetness.”

“You can hardly reach it...” you pointed out softly, “you know...things could have been a lot worse for you.  You were between him and Cheryl.  He saw you as a threat.  I’m surprised he just knocked you out.”

“He didn’t kill me though.”

“But you took a taser hit...that’s rough!” you answered as he sat down.  He winced once more and leaned against his desk, “look no one expects you to finish the Davenport file tonight.  You should get out of here.  Get rested.”

“Yeah, well I guess it’s still a little fresh in my mind,” he sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, “nothing like fifty thousand volts to keep the motor running right?  I’m just...I’m lucky as hell that he didn’t gut me while he had the chance.”

“Yeah...” you said thoughtfully, regretting the earlier conversation you’d had with him at the safehouse, “hey Derek...wh-why do you think that is?”

“That he underestimated me?” he asked.  You nodded, “remember on that last call, when he called me a pumped-up, side of beef?”

“Yeah...”

“I wasn’t a true threat to him...I wasn’t competing for her heart.  I was just someone that had to be temporarily misplaced,” he frowned, “honestly, I’m glad he didn’t even think to look for you.  I would have hated to explain you getting injured to your baby sis.”

“He wouldn’t have hurt me...”

“You know, Shyer didn’t see you as a peer or a threat.”

“Why would he?” you asked, “I’m just a unit liaison normally.  And a woman.  In his eyes, I wasn’t worth it.  Not competition for Cheryl.  As far as he was concerned, I was a babysitter.  He doesn’t know anything about my background or where I came from before the BAU.”

He chuckled, “guess that was his Achilles heel, then, wasn’t it?”

You smiled, “yeah.  I guess it was.”

“You are one hell of a formidable woman, Garcia.  You know that?”

“Trust me, Penny’s told me that on more than one occasion.”

“Penny,” he chuckled, shaking his head.  You watched as he looked at the files, but didn’t really move, “you should call her.  I know she left before we got back...hell, you should call Smith.  Or get home so you can get some rest yourself.  We gotta be back in the morning.”

You sighed, “if I let you do this by yourself, you’re ging to be here all night...give me half.”

“Sure, you want to put up with me?”

“You took the brunt of Shyer’s assault,” you smirked, “it’s only fair that I take half the paperwork.  I mean...I did cuff him after all.”

“I’ll have you know that he must have been tired out after taking me on,” he laughed, “I warmed him, then wore him out for you.”

“Oh, is that what it was?”

“Oh yeah.” He chuckled, handing off half the files to you.  You felt a shockwave run up your hand as your fingers touched his, but you tried to ignore it.  He seemed to feel something as well, and you both froze as your eyes met one another.

“You gonna let go of the files, Morgan?” you asked softly, your breath hitching in your throat.

“Yeah...yeah...sorry!” he said, shaking his head, “guess those fifty thousand volts are hitting me in bursts.”

“Yeah...” you whispered softly, as you walked over to the desk across from his and opened the first file, “I think my adrenaline is on the fritz too...I’m never in the line of fire like that.”

“Yeah...” he agreed softly in return. 

The two of you worked in silence for a few minutes before you looked back across the row at him.  He was pretending to focus on the file, that much you could tell.  His eyes were drifting across the page, but it felt like he wasn’t really reading anything. 

And then he looked over at you, “you okay, Garcia?”

Butterflies fluttered around in your stomach as he waited patiently for his answer, his eyes melting your very being. 

“Yeah...” you muttered, shaking your head, before focusing on the file in front of you, “yeah.  I just-I’m glad you’re okay, Derek.”

S1, E6