#usually they do but sometimes
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AT THIS POINT I NEED TO MAKE A PRIVATE TWITTER TO VENT OR SOMETHING??? because i don't think journaling can fix this, gang
#i feel so so so awful like god#upsetting my girlfriend is like easily the worst thing for me because with the way my brain is wired#my self-worth just pivots and i just feel terrible and start apologizing for even existing#it's not a fun feeling especially when i know people aren't exactly equipped to deal with that#i will stand firm in my expressions of affection and hope that they send a clear sign#but when i don't get much of a response; well .....#i don't blame her for it#i truly don't but ah god#i just feel bad like bad bad bad completely terrible#i also feel bad for dropping this on main but i needed to dump these feelings somewhere so tumblr tags it is#i just hope things can at least get settled a little without much struggle#usually they do but sometimes#i don't regret a thing and i never will#but well ; even thick skin has its cracks and all of that#i truly don't want to let myself break down bc i don't like to lose grasp of my emotions#now that i aired this all out i just feel more sad than anxious#i hope this works itself out
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god please take every traumatic incident i had as a younger sibling and give it to tim drake
#i played the wii w my older brothers sometimes but usually it was mostly w my older cousins#i would get WRESTLED DOWN by my older cousins so that they could be player 1#i was fighting a war at age 7#god help me do NOT tag this as j*ytim#tim drake#jason todd#dc
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louis + cruelty
#iwtvedit#iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#grace du pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia#armand#daniel molloy#I WANT TO BE CLEAR THAT THIS GIFSET IS COMING FROM A PLACE OF DEEP LOVE. i love that louis has a little vicious streak.#that sometimes he goes for the lowest possible blow. it's an excellent character detail.#especially since he usually works so hard not to do harm and to be the best person he can. it makes him so much more realistic.#when he's backed into a corner he goes for the throat and i think that's an incredible facet to him.#i support his wrongs etc etc.#if i see people using this as a jumping off point to hate on louis i will probably just start blocking people tbh.#this is not an invitation to reduce him as a character to JUST this#i simply like it when he lets loose.
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always good to keep a screamhole handy
#danny phantom#danny fenton#college au#ember mclain#this one was a struggle to finish tbh#but the thinking around it is how ghosts handle stress#like#hmm#bc of the way they operate ghosts don’t have human emotional regulation#there is no shoving feelings down#they gotta go OUT#ghost fights and having fun in the ghost zone is usually enough#but in times of big stress sometimes he’s just gotta scream/wail it out#easier to just destress the ghost way yanno#less work#quicker recovery#also in this#displays of power aren’t inherently aggressive but they do affect how much respect you get#he’s just screaming into a mostly uninhabited void#but he’s the ghost king and he wasn’t really thinking#so just like#ghost nukes tf out of this little area#no harm no foul tho
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Hero.
#legend of zelda#echoes of wisdom#loz eow#loz#zelda#tri#josh art tag#been meaning to do a full on stained glass drawing for like 2 years now lol#ive had ideas but none really stuck with me until this one#and the reason why is cuz this one was more of a scene! it wasnt just a normal drawing made to look like stained glass#it had what is supposed to be a literal window with someone standing before it looking up at it#also i find the timing of this drawing funny#cuz i just recently changed my shading style to resemble stained glass even more so than usual#cuz for years now ive gottem comments saying#my style reminds people of stained glass#and sometimes i see it sometimes i dont#cuz my shading style changes and sometimes it really did look glass like#but other times i dont think it did?? but i still got those comments??#maybe its like the way i do lineart or block out shapes?#idk but recently when i was growing tired of my previous coloring style i remembered those comments#and decided to lean into it#but now just a little while after that#here i am doing a legit stained glass illustration lol
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organizing my art folder I found this one drawing sitting there for months bc I didn't like how it turned out and meant to come back to it later but never did lol
but on second thought I guess it looks fine so I might as well post it now 😅
also I've been pretty much MIA these past few months bc life (good and bad) and tbh it was nice, so I'll mostly stay that way, I think... pop back now and then, whenever I finish more drawings lol
#good omens#good omens fanart#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley x aziraphale#aziraphale#crowley#anthony j crowley#my art#me coming back after the most life altering burnout and weeks feeling like I had been hit by a bus repeatedly:#hi guysss 👋#so how are y'all doing? I've been chilling 😎 reading lots... watching tv... going out... yk the usual#also might open commissions sometime bc I left my job#(it was a good thing - see aforementioned burnout lol)#but not sure yet#we'll see how it'll pan out
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serious side eye for picking Daemon up. begging forgiveness with a cracker
#daemon#foster critters#ratblr#now i don’t usually give them THAT much cracker but i do sometimes w new intakes whose food taking manners are unknown#id rather give them a big cracker and not get bitten on accident 😂😂
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kajsa my latest nefarious girlie, sporting the latest fashion (wearing her family members' pelts and carrying around her enemy's head on a stick)
#my art#oc#kajsa#bear#anthro#furry#i loooove brown bears so much. crazy that this is my first bear character. i'm a renowned bear lover#not my usual style but i had a lot of fun. painting is fun sometimes#could not be bothered to figure out how to paint the goat though so i gave up. it is what it is#got so much stuff to do in prep for art fight. goat head detail had to be sacrified along the way#illustration
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Currently thinking about 18/19 year old Toph getting thrown in some random podunk fire nation town’s one-cell jail and being like “hey I’m broke as hell but I’ve got a friend who can bail me out can I make a call” and then 2 hours later Fire Lord Zuko himself slams open the door yelling “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME YOU SHIT”
#atla#toph#zuko#toph ALWAYS calls Zuko#never Katara because Katara will leave her ass in prison#not Sokka because he'll cave to Katara's glare and also leave her#sometimes Aang but he's no fun because he always goes Disappointed Avatar Mode#Suki's a good option but she's not usually able to get there quickly#meanwhile Zuko is on a potent cocktail of terrified and fond and will deny Toph absolutely nothing#but what he will do is LOUDLY COMPLAIN ABOUT IT and Toph can respect that#also Toph bums around the Imperial Palace constantly#Zuko: Toph you've been here for a month. get out#Toph: No#Zuko: ...fair enough have a nice day
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i thought i felt your shape, but i was wrong. really all i felt was falsely strong, i held on tight and closed my eyes. it was dumb, i had no sense of your size. it was dumb to hold so tight.
also on inprnt :]
#tumblr murked my quality so bad MY GODDDD please click on this i promise i have somewhat of an idea of wht im doing. kinda#anyway i once again have no idea what i was doing here but i did have fun. they make me miserable in the best way possible#im trying to be a bit more experimental both in style and colour... well. half on tht last one (guy who really likes reds and blues)#but im trying out line weight a bit more. hooty hoo. going to try drawing some more practice portraits n stuff soon#link#zelda#loz#botw#zelink#(a smidge bcus im insane. as usual)#princess zelda#zelda botw#link botw#loz fanart#tloz#i add new tags each time. i just like to get silly with it sometimes tbh :]#my art
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saw a post recently about the sun and moon fandom and how non-selfship content is rare, and how that's frustrating, and it struck me, like... how rare that is. genuinely in all my 20ish years in online spaces, i've never seen a fandom that not only welcomed selfship but actively encourages it, when usually the rule of thumb is that it's tolerated at best and despised at worst
so why is this fandom so selfship centric?
the answer is a combination of factors, of course, but I think it was mostly just a perfect storm of the right character with the right traits at the right time. many people between about 23 and 33 were and still are experiencing intense childhood nostalgia that's being perpetuated by online culture and various media, often through a distorted or slightly unsettled lense. the daycare attendant is fun! they're childish, but decidedly not children. they're not human, unattainable in reality, but plausible enough in the age of ai that they make you ponder. they make you long to nap and play and color and do all the whimsical things you wish you could take a week off from your dull job and do! but there's something... off about them. an element of danger that's intriguing. they're dangerous, but what if they aren't to you specifically? or, if they are, what if they overcame that, just for you? what if you were worth it?
people our age are lonely, and if not, often working through issues they didn't have time to contemplate in their teens and early 20s because they were still living throigh the issues. younger people too, of course, but it's especially rampant in the aforementioned age group. past college and college friends, too caught up in work to make new ones. if the dca really clicked with you as a character, it's kind of fun to imagine what it would be like to hang out with them. what if they were your friend? what if they were more?
which leads to my last point--cringe is dead and we stomped on its corpse
maybe it started with a few people drawing a y/n with the dca, and wow the art is cute! who's the cute jester character? ... is that a self-insert? huh. and then more people join in. is that allowed? yes! and the crowd cheers for it too! the right people drawing the right character dynamics at the right moment, drawing others like a moths to a strange robotic flame
ultimately, the fandom attracts so much selfship because that's the bedrock, the foundation the rest of the fandom built its home on. almost all of the common tropes and characterization have roots in selfship fic and art. the dca's popularity very much kicked off from that, and seeing other people using them as an outlet for their loneliness, friendship, romantic or sexual desires, or even just for creative character and plot setups that are only tangentially related to canon actively encouraged others to join in, in a way that could only happen while riding the funerary coattails of cringe culture
it's very much a lightning in a bottle fandom, the likes of which i doubt we'll see again for a while
#i have more thoughts but I'll leave it at that#it's genuinely been fascinating being at ground zero if this fandom explosion#seeing a dynamic that's usually frowned upon be so loved genuinely has been a wild ride#and to the people who don't like it... i get it i truly do. ive been in a tiny minority in large fandoms more times than i can count#but sometimes you truly just have to accept that youre a small fish in a big pond and make peace with that. it sucks#but that's the way of it. either make the content you want to see or find like-minded fish. i prommy they're out there. there's less if them#but you'll find your people#fnaf sb#fnaf daycare attendant
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Genuinely being a single woman in my thirties, living alone, is such a mixed blessing sometimes. I do love my house and when I'm here I literally never want to leave. But on the other hand, I do get tired of leaving to go hang out with people, even though I love seeing them. Especially because I have such a great group of friends but they live all over the place, geographically, and therefore most of them don't know each other. And I actually really love hosting? But I never have people in my house because logistically it's always more practical for me to go to them than vice versa.
But sometimes I buy new old dishes and wanna just have a little fancy wizard party, but all my guests are far away. Please may I have the teleport spell. Or a high-speed commuter rail system.
#Hazard of moving to a city where i dont have people locally i guess#a very insular city at that#and honestly i am not lonely! I have lovely freinds! But I do miss the college days of everyone basically living in walking distance#in one city#as opposed to now#where DND takes me the width of the state on a weekly basis#usually the only time there are groups of people in my house is around christmas for the family holidays#and like...in the overall balance of my life this works#me going to my people is the logical choice#and its not a bad thing#but most of my friend groups are...local clusters where I am the out-of-towner these days#which again: fine; i knew that going in when I decided to move where I did and overall its the best call#but also sometimes I want to just load up the whole crew in detroit and tell them we're heading to mine this time#dont worry there'll be fancy little finger sammiches when we get there#just give me an excuse to use the wizard plates
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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Question about your changling AU, where did you learn about the ins and outs of Fae and Changling myths? I'm interested in learning too but not sure where to start lol
some of the lore I have for the AU I crafted myself, otherwise I read a lot of old faerie tales growing up and my mom, for some reason, knows an awful lot about shit like that, so some of it is just innate from her. otherwise i just read a lotttttt of books around the concepts of these things when I was younger because I was fascinated with jim henson's worlds
#replies#look into old myths and legends#read old books#start with uhhhh. uhhhhhhh#the princess and the goblin. the moorechild. shit like that#i read a lot of robin mckinley's works growing up which lean more into the silent side of magic shit#where magic is very much an unknown element. and defining it is not only risky but generally stupid#so sometimes shit happens. and you can make a cause and effect. you can do research. but there is always folly when playing with fate#so i feel like how I write magic tends to be a little more esoteric and odd#not so much chanting spells and giving exact definitions#more of. magic being a force like gravity. whos effects are usually not seen without it in action
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Experiments with pupils and mouths that devolved into shenanigans :)
#you can really tell I was having a normal one when I drew these#I like many of the pupil experiments but don't really like mouths on my iterators#i've seen some people do mouths on itties well though#...really enjoyed noisy cat spearmaster with a mouth tbh#no plans on changing how i usually draw things rn. this was just for fun#Sometimes I miss having pupils and mouths to work with (on slugcats and itties)#Not having either on iterators can be a unique challenge that forces me to practice my body language more#which I like drawing anyways so it works out#antennae are suuuper fun to use for expressions too#rain world#flickerdoodles#art#group pic
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jumpscare grip
#uty#undertale yellow#starlo#ceroba#north star uty#uty fanart#my art#yknow how some friends will just Grab u unexpectedly sometimes#i think starlos someone who doesnt mind tht at all but sometimes a guy will get caught so off guard he'll scream like a girl.#(also forgot to add contextual text in the 2nd pic that starlo was abt to do smth reckless)#ceroba ithink is more reserved abt touch esp when its unprompted. starlos Usually an exception cuz thats her dearest bestest beloved friend
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