#using my powers for evil and to make him think i’m the weirdest most serious man alive. not much else going on in my life

[strixhaven]

it’s great to be perceived as overly serious and scarily quiet at work. so many opportunities to do truly bizarre bits

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

When I saw 'Romanians' mentioned in your last post I had a wtf moment cause I have only watched the movies and I don't think I've ever noticed their existence. Regardless, I just had to read the wiki page and it is hillarious to me cause coincidence or not they seem to be named after the psychopathic ruler 'Vlad the impaler' and his cousin 'Stefan the great'(he might have murdered more people than his cousin known as the impaler, but you know he is great). Also, what do you think of them? Sorry for the rant...

You have no idea what you’ve unleashed.

I love the Romanians because they are, hands down, the trashiest, weirdest, lamest, loser vampires in Twilight canon. 

Just, these two are so hilariously beautiful.

First off, while Meyer undoubtedly named them with Vlad Tepish and Stefan the Great in mind, the Romanians are actually much older. We don’t have exact dates, but we know the Romanians (then presumably the Dacians), held great power over their territory for a thousand years before the Volturi had truly established themselves. After the Volturi took on and won against Amun’s coven in Egypt (and took the grateful Demetri off Amun’s hands making Amun still bitter thousands of years later) they waged war against the Romanians and won. (Vlad and Stefan are still very bitter but give us the silver lining of “oh yeah, well, we’re only partly petrified. SO TAKE THAT STUPID VOLTURI!”)

Vlad, Stefan, and Vlad’s wife were the only survivors. The Romanians, being one of the most evil and trashy covens in Twilight, decided to take on Volterra by amassing an army of 100 vampires. Hilariously, they had poor timing, this is a decade after Aro acquired Jane and Alec. The entire army is defeated in a second, Vlad’s wife is murdered, and by 810 AD, it’s just Vlad and Stefan.

They’ve remained losers the Volturi don’t take seriously ever since. Every decade, Demetri pays them a visit to remind them that yes, the Volturi does remember them and can find them any time they want to. Even more hilariously, Vlad and Stefan take this very seriously, and are constantly on the run from the Volturi, never aware that the Volturi actually don’t care. At all. 

Point being, given these guys, first it’s entirely likely their original names are not Vlad and Stefan. We see many of the vampires of the ancient world periodically change their name. We have Chelsea and Demetri, who are canonically acknowledged as having done this. Given when and where they were born, we can assume Marcus and Caius were not originally Marcus and Caius. Similarly, we can assume Aro’s name was originally far longer as well.

None the less, it would be just like these two to name themselves after these Romanian human warlords, one of whom serves and the inspiration for the modern vampire myth in Europe. And then, insist, of course, that the human rulers were actually named after Vlad and Stefan, because the humans still worship them, you know.

They’re going to be back on top any day now, you’ll see. 

That’s another thing worth getting into. The Romanians are evil. I’m not exaggerating this, of all the vampires in Twilight, they are the most appalling (and this is including James, Maria and the southern war lords, Joham... well not Joham, he’s a special brand of evil). These guys had a thousand year reign of terror in Dacia. Humans were butchered seemingly by entire villages, they made humans their slaves and demanded worship and sacrifice. When the humans periodically tried to overthrow them, they slaughtered them all, presumably placed their heads on spikes, and used them to taunt those few surviving humans.

When they lost power, they made an army a hundred vampires strong, which given what we see of the newborns in Seattle (who were only around twenty and still far too large to control), probably wiped out several large settlements in eastern Europe. Didn’t matter, just as long as they got rid of the Volturi.

And they miss those glory days dearly.

They actively reminisce about in Breaking Dawn to an oblivious Bella, who is just so happy these very important and impressive Europeans are here to help her beautiful daughter and so impressed they they’ve been fighting the corrupt Volturi for thousands of years (which is another bit of hilarity we’ll get into). You know, when/if the Volturi fall, the Romanians will be the first in line to rape the women and enslave us all. Good times, good times.

But back to them being trash people.

Vlad and Stefan are utterly destitute, their entire coven is destroyed, and yet they still insist they’re a Big Fucking Deal. Not only that, but just their every action is beyond weird. They talk in unison like Fred and George Weasley, they’re these ridiculously tiny men dressed as stereotypical vampires, and they show up out of nowhere on your doorstep saying, “So, hear you’re starting an insurrection against Volterra, Carlisle, we want in” (While Carlisle, I’m sure, just dies a thousand times inside). 

They then talk to Bella all about how they fight the corruption of the Volturi. What is the corruption, you ask? Well, the Volturi drove them out of their kingdom and liberated the human slaves. Then they imposed this stupid law where you couldn’t eat humans in broad daylight. Then when the Romanians tried to invade Italy they killed them all.

The Romanians will expose the Volturi’s crimes here and now. They stand for justice, peace, and Renezel--Renpunz--Renesmee. (The Romanians decidedly do not come for Renesmee, they hear about Carlisle’s army through the vampire European rumor mill, which just shows how out of hand it all got because now Carlisle’s amassing an army to protect the immortal child his son made. They show 0 interest in Renesmee.)

They give me serious McPoyle vibes.

More, beautifully, everything they touch becomes tainted.

Laurent, another beautiful loser character, starts life as a French courtier in Versailles. When he’s turned into a vampire, he assumes the vampire world works like Versailles. It works nothing like Versailles.

He seeks out those vampires with the greatest power.

Well, vampires in general are cannibalistic homeless nomads who care nothing for power.

This brings him, beautifully, to the Romanians. They insist to Laurent they’re super cool and powerful, Laurent believes them, but either Laurent eventually clues in or realizes something’s not right here. So, he goes to seek out the real power, the Volturi.

Unfortunately, Laurent is a loser, the Volturi is not court, and Aro has no need for some lackey trying to get in his good graces. Plus, Laurent hung out willingly with Vlad and Stefan. And anyone who does that...

So, Aro goes, “Ew, no, leave.”

Laurent is convinced, even when canon rolls around and he’s sunk so low as to hang out with James and Victoria (also loser vampires), that Aro will call him back any day now.

Aro never does. Laurent is eaten by untrained sixteen-year-old shape shifters.

But yes, point being, I imagine that in this modern era the Romanians would have a Go Fund Me for purchasing the blow torches they’ll use to destroy the Volturi once and for all. They also have a YouTube channel which is unintentionally dungeon porn, in which they cover their heads in bags so as not to be recognized, and talk about the good old days in thick Romanian accents. It’s a very popular YouTube channel, nobody understands why they wear so much body glitter.

Oh, right, Bella.

Bella is so beautiful with these guys. So, in Breaking Dawn, Bella actually takes the Romanians seriously. They’re all I describe above and more, they’re not hiding it, they’re full McPoyle (including the taking over the world built). Jake even tells Bella he finds them weird as hell. Bella thinks they’re great.

No, really, she thinks they’re great.

They tell her how they enslaved all the people in their territory, demanded tithes, and would eagerly do so again as soon as they get the chance and she stares at them with wide eyes and thinks about how cool all these vampires who came for precious Renesmee are. (Which, funnily, they actually all came either for Carlisle, because he has a billion friends everywhere, or else as a power grab like the Romanians, or both in Amun’s case. It’s the weirdest, most beautiful, mixture of people.)

Bella has her moments, but loving the Romanians has got to be a top ten for her. My explanation is that she’s so high on vampirism and Renesmee that this is all just great for her. LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

EDIT: I could no longer abide my spelling mistakes, I also edited a bit for cleanliness.

[picturejasper20]

Debunking common misconceptions about the Ben 10 Reboot.

A mutual of mine asked me if could write a post debuking common critiques people have of the Ben 10 Reboot. Some of these critiques are based of  misconceptions and misinformation about the show while others are more subjective, meaning there are a matter of personal opinions.

I’m going to divide this post in different sections. In each section i’m going to try debunking a misconception and explain why i think this isn’t correct. If anyone wants to give their opinion on the subject, feel free to reblog the post or leave a comment.

I’m going to add a ¨Read More¨ since it’s going to be a long post.

1) ¨The reboot only has fart jokes as humor¨

I’m not sure from where people got this idea that the only type of humor the Reboot has are toilet and fart jokes. Does it has some jokes that are based on this? Yes! But Reboot’s humor has more variety than that.

Many of the jokes come from the characters´ reactions to certain events, how silly some situations are and from the dialogue. For example: Episodes focused on Xingo as the antagonist have tons of slaptick and old cartoon humor.

Since the series doesn’t take itself too seriously, it uses this to its advantage to make fun of  tropes, franchises and popular culture. It also has many references to current trends such as youtube and social media, things that the new generation is more familiar with.

If these jokes land or not is up to debate but to say the Reboot only has fart jokes is a bit of a stretch.

2) ¨The Reboot has no plot or worldbuliding¨

This is one of the weirdest arguments for me because if you watch the show you’ll know this isn’t the case. The show has a main arc as well as some subplots. 

I think people get this idea due to how the show is mainly episodic in season 1 unlike the rest of the seasons. The thing is that even season 1 has continuity that is quite important if you want to understand the rest of the series. It introduces villains as well as secondary characters that become important in future episodes. It also has tons of character development for the main protagonists, so, skipping this season would mean missing out their character growth.

By the end of season 1, Ben gets a new Alien called Gax which is the same species as the original Vilgax. It turns out this alien was half of Vilgax’s original power and Vilgax was trying to get it back. The finale is has interesting surprises and plot twists that change the status quo of the series in some ways.

In season 2 is mainly about Vilgax teaming up with other villains to steal the Omnitrix from Ben. These episodes are quite entertaining and help to develop the main characters. What’s more is that Ben gets a new alien called Shock rock and isn’t able to transform into Upgrade, which becomes important in the season finale.

I could talk about Kevin’s character arc, Charmcaster, Glitch, the Forever Knight’s arc, Animo subplot and tons of other stuff. My point is that saying that    ¨the Reboot has not plot¨ would be a huge misconception about the show. It would make more sense if someone complained about how its episodic structure hurts and distracts from the main story arc and it would have helped the series to not have so many episodes centered around the characters going on random adventures.

3) ¨Shock Rock is a cheap copy of Ghostfreak¨

When i first heard about this complain it suprised me a bit. Look, i get why a person could think that "Shock Rock is just Reboot's Ghostfreak" since they share similar stories.

However there are a few differences between the two:

Ghostfreak was possesed by an evil entity, Zs'Skayr, who later escaped from the Omnitrix and did terrible things. This was so horryfing for Ben that for a long time he didn't turn into ghostfreak out of fear of their conection with Zs'Skayr.

In the original series it wasn't really explained how Zs'Skayr got inside the Omnitrix and for how long he was concious about being trapped.

Shock Rock was introduced as a result of a terrible glitch caused by the Omnitrix being rebooted. They replaced Upgrade's DNA pod and allowed Ben to give the aliens stronger versions of themselves.

Shock Rock isn't completely evil and never really tries to escape from the Omnitrix. All that they did was to build that tower to send a signal to the Fulmini. Once the protagonists reboot the Omnitrix again, Ben was able to transform into Shock Rock without any problem.

Both aliens are a bit similar but on a deeper analysis they have different execution in their respective series.

4) "Glitch is a copy of Ship".

This is one i get why people complain about it. Glitch and Ship have many parallels in common. (Both being mechamorphs, they are both sidekicks)

The main difference is that Ship acts like a pet and is able to transform into many electronic devices. On the other hand, Glitch lives inside the kart and can't transform in the same way that Ship does. (However he can in the future, years after developing his powers).

Their backstories and origins differ. Ship was born from a mechamorph that needed help after he crashed his own ship. Glitch was the result of Ben using Upgrade to reboot the Omnitrix in the season 1 finale which forced Upgrade to fuse with Ben's DNA to survive.

Another point i want to add (based on speculation) is that Glitch resembling is Ship seems to be very intentional. I think the creators wanted to Ship to appear again in the Reboot. So they decided to create Glitch.

Keep in mind that the Reboot makes tons of references to the original series and its sequels. It wouldn't be suprising if Glitch is a reference to Ship.

5) "Max is not clever/ is dumb"

I don't really got the impression of reboot Max being "dumbed down". He is one of the characters that acts almost exactly as he does in the original series.

I think this complain come from Max being less serious in this series: He isn't so strict with the kids and gives them more freedom to do what they want. He is also more open minded and has less "black and white" mentality that he had in the original series.

He is still almost the same character, just more easy going and down to earth in comparison. He still acts as a guide for Ben and Gwen. He still has a few arguments with Ben for not listening to him in some episodes.

@theangrycomet made a post a few weeks back about Reboot Max. I think people should check their post because they explain many things that i mention here in more detail.

Here is a link to their post: X

6) "They cancelled Omniverse because of the reboot"

This one is a somewhat old argument. Again, i don't know where people got this idea that reboot was the main reason they cancelled Omniverse.

I have been trying to find an article that could explain the reason behind its cancellation. All i was able to find were fans talking about how it ended because of the low number of toys getting sold. Nothing about the reboot.

It could one of the things lead to Omniverse being cancelled but not the only main factor.

If anyone has more information about this feel free to leave a link in the comment section or by reblog.

7) "Ben is out of character in the reboot"

This something i don't really get at all. Reboot Ben behaves pretty much the same way he does in the OS. He is still cocky, stubborn, competitive, impacient and gets into a trouble.

Is it because he appears to be nicer in this series? If it is because of that then i personally like this change. I found Ben to be more likable in this version. As well as capable of regretting his actions and learning his lessons.

Reboot Ben is a complex character. It has so much development that i would find it difficult for me to sum it up in just one post.

I think fans get this impression since they are more used to Alien Force Ben than OS Ben. That's why they believe Reboot Ben is acting OOC when in reality is he isn't much different from the OS Ben.

If anyone has a better explanation, please leave it in the comments section/reblog.

-----

Okay, those are the most common misconceptions i found after talking with some mutuals. While a few things are a matter of doing fact checking, others are based on my perspective on the series.

Keep in mind that i don't think the Reboot is perfect by any means. It has its issues like slow pacing in the first season or characters that are annoying.

However, if someone wants to give a serious critique, they should try doing a bit of research and fact-check to see if their points are valid. Otherwise,they might look misinformed at best and making bad faith arguments at worse. That's all.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 9*

I don't know if this counts as two chapters today, but there will probably be another one up late tonight which most of you won't see until tomorrow, so I think this is cool to drop now.

Reminder: We are nowhere near the end people, don't worry.

Part 8

Part 10

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------------------

::Let’s rewind that back::

As soon as you felt that orange liquid run down your throat, your mind blacked out. You woke up in a dark, dark room. You blinked a few times, trying to get your bearings. And then in the distance you saw a light. You ran towards it, it was a small window. You ran to stare out of it, and you saw...Nevada? You could hear your voice echoing around you.

“Vada,” You heard your voice eerily happy. What the…? Then it dawned on you, what Rafael had said about being under Olivia’s spell. It was like he was stuck in his body, screaming to get out. This must be what was happening. Oh God, this was hell.

You saw “yourself” fighting the love of your life. There had to be a way to stop this, there had to be. You ran every direction in the pitch black, trying to find a wall to hit. You ran to the window, banging on it. You felt the room, your “head” shaking, hurting. The window began to crack, you yelled:

“RAFA!!!!!!” You heard yourself speaking. Your eyes filled with hope, but then the weirdest thing happened-- you could hear Nevada’s voice booming through your head.

“NO. YOU HATE HIM. KILL HIM.”

What the hell. What the hell?! No! This could not be happening. You saw your body push him away, walking back to Nevada, then making out with him.

This was a nightmare.

-------

The Next Day

Rafael decided to do something he really didn’t want to-- ask for Olivia’s help.

He nervously walked into the precinct, as soon as he locked eyes with Olivia the biggest smile appeared on her face.

Crap.

“Rafa!!!” She ran over to him and started to give him a kiss, but he stopped her.

“I--Uh, Liv, can I-- can we---?” He gestured to her office.

“Ooooh, private time. Absolutely,” She took his hand and led him inside.

“Now, where were we?” She wrapped her arms around his neck but once again he pulled away from her.

“No, Liv-- Look,” He sighed. “...The...me, that came to you yesterday. That wasn’t...me,”

“....What are you talking about?”

“I…” Rafael hesitated. He knew if he told Olivia about Nevada, she could tell the whole squad, maybe the entire police force. They’d always think he was Nevada pretending to be him, he’d lose his job, maybe his career if they never caught Nevada. But they had to catch him, otherwise he’d never see you again. So really, he had nothing to lose.

“It was Nevada Ramirez,” He finally admitted.

“...I’m sorry, what?” Olivia half laughed. “The drugpin of The Heights?”

“Yeah he-- we, have the same face,” He felt stupid saying it out loud.

“....So what are you, twins or something?”

“No, not at all.” He shook his head. “I...I had no idea. You know he’s always been a ghost, nobody’s seen his face before,”

“So how have you?” She raised an eyebrow.

“....He has Y/N,” He gave her a puppy dog face.

“Ah,” She nodded. “I see," She shook it with a sad laugh. So, yesterday when you were talking about ditching her for me--”

“That wasn’t me,” He gave her an apologetic face.

“Right,” She nodded sadly.

“You don’t believe me,”

“No actually, I do,” She continued to nod. “It did seem pretty odd that you would just come waltzing in here and denouncing your ‘true love’ for me,”

“Liv I’m sorry he did that-- I really am,” He laid his hand over hers.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” She shook her head with a sad laugh. “I guess I kind of deserve it,”

“Well--” Rafael made a face.

“So why did you come here then?” She gave him a look.

“Because I believe you when you say that you really love me,”

“You do?”

“Yes, but you need to believe me when I say that if you truly love me, then you’ll let me be happy with whoever I choose, even if it’s not you,”

“....So you want me to help you get her back,” She raised her eyebrow.

“...AND take down the most notorious criminal in New York,” Rafael added. “Think about what that will do to your reputation,”

“Right, because I care so much about accolades,” She rolled her eyes. “But...I guess I don’t really have a choice. I mean if I don’t help you, it’s not like I’ll get you anyway. And if I let her die, then I’ll never even recover our friendship,” She looked at him sadly. “And I do cherish that,”

“Me too, Liv,” Rafael took her other hand. “I swear to you, I really do,”

“Alright then--,” She smiled while squeezing his hands in return. “Where do we start?”

“....I’m gonna need your signature on some things,” He said in a "I'm really sorry to ask this but--" tone.

------

Meanwhile

Nevada paced his penthouse apartment while your body sat there like a robot. Inside the black hole of your mind prison, you were screaming at yourself to run, make a break for it, something.

“God DAMMIT!!! You screamed. You jumped up and down, pounding on your ‘eye window’. You felt yourself shaking your head, it was pounding. You were coming out of it.

“I…” You started to speak, but realized he still thought you were still under his power. You quietly stood up and tried sneaking towards the door while he kept pacing and looking at his phone, waiting on Rafael’s call. You had almost made it to the door of the penthouse when out of the corner of his eye, Nevada caught you trying to escape.

“Hey! No no no, you sit back down!” He commanded you.

“Fuck you,” You spat as you threw open the door and started to run out and down the hallway, but were met with two of Nevada’s men with guns.

“Ayyyy, hermosa,” Nevada shook his head with a laugh. “Do you think I’m estupido, not having constant supervision? I’m a very wanted man-- in many ways,”

One of the men grabbed you and forced your arms behind your back.

“Now why the sudden change, mujer?” He stroked your face. “Don’t you like being mi reina?”

“I’ll never be your anything, you piece of shit!” You yelled.

“Ooooh!!!! Kitty’s got claws,” Nevada laughed, but soon turned serious. “....You must need another dose, don’t you? Dios mio that’s annoying,”

“Keep her here, I’ll be back,” Nevada ordered his men who dragged you back to his penthouse. He sighed and walked down the hallway to the elevator.

“Always gotta do everything myself…” He shook his head. While he was walking, his phone pinged in his hand. A text from Rafael:

“I have your papers,”

“Ah, bien,” He smiled to himself as he got on the elevator. “At least something’s going right today,”

--------------------

Nevada entered the old woman’s shop, with an unamused glare on his face.

“Ah what now, penjedo?” She crossed her arms.

“Tu anciana estúpida!” He grabbed her by the throat. “Why didn’t you tell me your voodoo only works in a time limit?”

“Well what did you expect, tonto?” She gasped as she wriggled in his hands. “Uno y hecho? That wouldn’t be very good business practice,”

“Ah I see,” Nevada chuckled as he released the old woman. “I can appreciate a good buscavidas such as myself,” His smile turned to an evil scowl. “But not with me. Now you’re going to make me enough of your poción that I can keep mi puta under my thumb for a very, very long time. Or I might not be so nice the next time I decide to visit your little pawn shop,”

“That’s going to take a while, cabron,” She scoffed.

“I’ll wait,” Nevada crossed his arms with a smirk, pulling up an old rocking chair.

----------------

It had been about an hour since Rafael had texted Nevada and he still hadn’t gotten a response. It was beginning to drive him nuts, thinking about why he wasn’t answering. What was he doing? What was he doing with YOU? It was torture. On top of that, he hadn’t gotten any sleep last night just replaying the events of last night over and over in his head. He knew you were in there, he saw you. And those brief moments that you were in his arms, he was terrified he’d never have that again.

“...You look like hell, Rafa,” Olivia’s voice knocked him from his thoughts.

“Thank you?” He laughed sarcastically.

“You should go home, take a nap,”

“But what if--?”

“I’ll forward your texts and calls to my phone, so if he responds I’ll call you and wake you up, okay?”

“....Okay,” He said reluctantly. He didn’t know how much he trusted Olivia with access to his phone, but it wasn’t like she could contact you and mess with you. He left her office and headed back to his place to take a nap.

--------------

Before he knew it, there was a knock at his door waking him from his sleep. He walked out of his bedroom and towards his front door.

“Liv you could have just called--” He started to speak, but the image in front of him rendered him speechless.

You were standing right in front of him.

“...Y/N?”

“Hi baby,” You smiled as you pulled him into a kiss. He picked you up and carried you inside, not breaking the kiss as he sat you on the couch.

“How did you--?” Happy tears started rolling down his cheeks as stroked the side of your face, before he had a horrible realization.

“....This isn’t real, isn’t it?”

“Not yet,” You smiled sweetly, stroking his face as well.

“Right,” He nodded with a sarcastic smile, remembering when this situation was reversed. Wait, when it was reversed.

“But this is you,” He held your face in his hands.

“Well duh,” You shook your head with a laugh. “You think you’re the only one who can dream walk?”

“...I don’t think that’s actually a thing,” He gave you a look.

“It is for us,” You pointed out.

“Because of our love?” He said semi sarcastically.

“Because our love can do anything, Rafa.” You placed your forehead against his. “Haven’t you figured that out by now?”

“I suppose I should have,” He chuckled.

“In fact, right now I’m not even under any of Nevada’s powers, the dumbass didn’t think he’d need to keep me under,”

“Wait so, so he’s not having sex with you right now?” His eyes perked up.

“Rafael!” You hit him playfully. “Gross,”

“Yeah you say that now…” He made an uncomfortable face.

“Look, we don’t have time to unpack all of...that,” You made a face, not really wanting to talk about what you’d eventually have to discuss.

“Just-- Just know, that whatever happens when you see me in person, whatever I say or do to you, it’s not me,” You assured him.

“I know that carino--” He smiled at you while stroking your hair.

“Yeah I know you know that but I need you to know that,” You took both of his hands and squeezed them tightly.

“...Okay?” He gave you an amused smile.

“Just-- I need to hear you say that you know that, okay?” You pulled his hands toward you.

“I just said--” He started but you needed this.

“RAFAEL,” You crossed your arms. “I am doing my damndest to astral project my brain into yours, the least you can do is humor me,”

“Okay Okay,” He softly chuckled, pressing his lips to yours. “I know it’s not you,”

“Okay,” You smiled, pulling him into a deeper, more passionate kiss. A kiss that rivaled your epic “yellow swirly memory floating” kiss.

“Te amo, mi amor,” Rafael whispered, knowing how much his spanish speaking meant to you. “Te amo mucho,”

“I love you too, Rafael,” You kissed him one more time before the both of you were pulled away back into consciousness.

----

Rafael was woken up by the sound of his phone going off, it was Olivia. She had forwarded you the text from Nevada:

“Excellente. Meet me outside your courthouse, wearing your black and pink suit. I’ll be waiting in a town car,”

Great…

------

“Hey amante, nap time’s over,” Nevada shook you awake from your nap in his bed.

“What now, Vada?” You grumbled sleepily.

“Good news baby, we’re going to see your abogado,” He smiled sweetly, before pulling out a champagne bottle full of bright orange liquid.

“But first...a toast,” He added with an evil grin.

Oh no...

[purplerose244]

Belonging

Here again for the @toa-secret-santa of this year! So happy to participate again, I love these events! 😍😍 Hello @spellcasterdouxie, I’m your secret santa! Merry Christmas and festivities, hope you like my present! ❤

Summary: In which being stuck in New York to protect a magical being and save the world in the process is no excuse for not celebrating Christmas with your friends.

Also on AO3

So… Nari was a terrible liar.

Extremely powerful being, the purest pretty soul, but horrible at lying.

Douxie didn’t have the slightest idea of what she was plotting, granted that she used to be part of an evil congregation of wizards that wanted to take over using an ancient artifact – meh, like that was the weirdest coming from his friends –, but he was fairly sure that her claim regarding the leaking sink of the bathroom was some sort of decoy.

Did that convince him to ignore those big adorable puppy eyes?

“It looks good to me, but I’m gonna give it a double check just in case!”

“Thank you Douxie, much appreciated! Please make sure everything is working, do not overlook a single thing!” Absolutely not. He was a master wizard, not a beast.

Their little apartment was neither pretty nor particularly clean. Which considering the little money he accumulated over the years with all of his jobs back in Arcadia and given the fact that they were in New York City, was kind of a given. But it had a perfectly functional bathroom, basically a gift from above, or some kind of karma retribution from putting up with three different apocalypses in the same summer – and he had all suspicions that another one was coming, but possibly another season. That being said, he wasn’t sure why with her plant like appearance, Nari with all people was so interested into their sink. Besides maybe for spraying a bit of water over her head – one very curious and endearing scene really, like a pot plant watering itself.

Then again, he wasn’t completely sure why he was going along with it instead of asking directly what was this all about. Maybe he liked to study whatever thought somehow as peculiar as her could come up with. Maybe there was nothing else of particular interest to do while waiting for his mac and cheese to be ready… maybe that little nightmare of his from last night got him a little too down, and doing anything but think about it was a better solution than most. And it was a pretty annoying maybe, because dreams about his master were as common as breathing lately.

He thought he was over it. It was probably too soon… hopefully he was at least getting closer to the not too soon part of it.

One long silence followed, from which he was fairly sure he had heard a few whispers a little lower than Nari’s light tone. Great, what now? Was she actually plotting something?

“Is everything okay over there? Arch? Nari?”

“Fine, everything is fine! Keep checking please!”

“Are you serious?” Okay now it was ridiculous. “Nope, I’m getting over there, and you two better not be up to no good!” They were a surprisingly compatible pair, especially since his familiar had made it his mission to teach her the marvel of pranks – she wasn’t even malicious about it, that made it all even more devious somehow. Douxie left the wrench on the ground, getting out of the bathroom and towards the living room. “You all keep forgetting that I’m the master wizards here, so technically I’m in charge, so if you’re scheming something- Whoa, Mordrax’s miracles!”

The last thing he had expected, after leaving their lonely living room that was made of four faded walls with a random kitchen connected to it, was to get back to it completely transformed into a messy, happy Christmas themed little chamber.

Filled with very familiar faces.

“Merry Christmas, Teach!” Claire almost knocked him off his feet with that hug. She looked radiant, all wrapped up in one big purple sweater with ‘Feeling Wicked Sassy’ written on it – appropriate. Behind her Steve, Toby and Archie were all smiling.

“Sorry, you would not leave the house,” Nari looked all cozy and a little guilty in that big mint green sweater – with ‘Every Day is Green Day’ written on it, where did she get that? –, waving at him. “And it felt like claiming we were being attacked by Skrael and Bellroc was a bit excessive.” Thank goodness his roommate and protegee had some common sense – considering his latest adventure, more than him for sure.

Claire giggled, shrugging innocently.

“We honestly hoped you were that bad of a plumber and would give us more time…”

Douxie snickered, because this was ridiculously endearing and he loved it all already.

“Too bad I’m not completely hopeless.”

“Could’ve fooled me!” Steve, it was Steve, not even worth turning around to recognize him. But a random fist bump, that much he could concede – especially with that massive blue sweater ‘Silent Knight, Holey Knight’ he had on, like really what was even that. “Ready to have the best time of your life?”

The master wizard arched an eyebrow.

“Said from you? Should we call the firefighter in advance? Or the police?” The blonde pouted very dramatically, Claire snickered. He had really missed these two. “Wow, this place looks amazing! The landlord can’t see this or she will force me to pay more for the rent.” His wallet was already gasping enough for breath and money. “All this stuff, all the decorations… is this beef?” Ah, that was why it all felt like such a sudden change, this paradisiac scent had definitely not been here before. “It smells delicious!”

“Thank you!” Second shock of the day, but Douxie could hardly blame himself considering the most time he had spent around Jim had been during his huge troll moments – he kinda looked like a twig now in comparison. “I’m pretty well known for my festive feasts.”

“Also known as festeasts!” Toby showed one enthusiastic victory sign, pulling off his orange ‘Rockin’ This Christmas’ with plenty of little gems and stones all around – the forever geologist.

Jim rolled his eyes with a grin.

“Tobes we’re not calling them that.” The Warhammer holder frowned, only to beam when he got handed a spoon for a taste. “I made most of this from home so it’s all ready and warm, but I wanted to make something on the place while I was at it. Freshly made food tastes way better on Christmas.” Toby hummed around the spoon, smacking his lips, then he rubbed his fingers together towards the chef, who caught it as to add more salt.

Douxie couldn’t help but scoot closer, peaking inside. That looked like food. That looked like real, delicious, extremely well-made food.

“What in the world, how did you make that?” Jim snorted.

“You moved on without much of a comment from me turning into a half-troll, a full troll and then back to a human, and this surprises you?”

“My friend, there were Thai leftovers, one instant ramen, an onion and an egg left in the fridge so yes, this surprises me!” All speculations died when he was offered a taste too. “… so it turns out I know nothing of magic. I must bow to the real master wizard here.” If happiness had a flavor it had to be this one. The former trollhunter snickered, giving him a little elbow before going back over his creations. And if the most classic ‘kiss the chef’ apron on him wasn’t already extremely fitting, the cyan sweater underneath reciting ‘I’m In The…’ on the back barely left to the imagination what list was written on the front.

A very well-deserved sign, really.

“Buttsnack’s managed to make these too, take a look!” Steve waved at the little counter that was the only thing remotely looking like a table in this place. And smelling just as heavenly as everything else, there they were, mince pies, just like the ones from Camelot. “But I don’t know if they’re as good because someone slaps my hand every time I- OUCH!! I didn’t even try this time!”

Archie’s tail could be surprisingly useful as a whip, in fact.

“You were thinking about it! So don’t, these are for later.” And wow, if his most loyal companion wasn’t absolutely adorable wearing that little red sweater – ‘Santa Paws’, he was going to complain about it all day long. Douxie wished he hadn’t left his phone in the bathroom. “We’re still waiting for the tree, the last decorations and the music. But we’re almost ready.” So apparently his familiar had been behind all of this. That actually made perfect sense.

Of course this little wizard associate had known this was going to do him good. It was the kind of bond that came with being around each other for over 900 years.

Archie smiled at him, and Douxie couldn’t not grin in return.

“Can’t wait for them! Even thought I did have some when we had that travel… well technically ages ago, we were actually in Camelot, but it wasn’t- Ah forget it, time loops are too confusing.” There was a consensual groan including all of them but Toby and Nari, who just looked at each other and shrugged. “Well, this is awesome, how did you even get everything here so fast?” On second thought, that was more than just bizarre. His eyes crossed Claire’s right away. “You get so tired with transportations through the Shadow Realm usually, and you got to bring along all of these people and decorations?” The thing was, this wasn’t supposed to be possible. Another thing was, Lady Claire of house Nunez was so insanely talented it would had not surprised him.

The girl waved her hand in denial.

“I wish I was at that level, but no. Still, we did travel back and forth pretty quickly.”

“Without magic? How?”

“I should take offense from that highly questioning tone.” Third shock, his poor heart – he came back from the grave once, and he really didn’t recommend it. He was fairly sure the apartment he had rented didn’t include interdimensional portals opening in the middle of the living room. “And from the fact that you humans keep forgetting I invented a perfectly functioning wormhole generator. But please, continue with your predicaments, ignore the scientific feat I’ve accomplished!” For an alien that barely understood human sarcasm, Krel Tarron was made a whole half of it.

As he walked in from the portal, holding one edge of a box filled with Christmas balls, on the other side Zoe stepped in carrying along the rest. And between a black ‘I’m Back, Witches’ sweater and a gray ‘DJ Kleb’ one with four sleeves, it was one curious and fantastic view.

“Yeah yeah, you bent the rules of physics, congratulations!” Zoe’s tense tone implied that she must had heard that complain already. “Stop talking and get working, I’m going the extra mile here!”

“This doesn’t sound like a good time to have a walk.”

“For the love of…!” The pink haired girl let out a muffled scream, let go of her edge of the box – lucky for Krel to have four arms to catch it – and jumped over the master wizard to grab his shoulders. “I hate you so much, you left me alone dealing with all of these new knuckleheads! Like the local dummies weren’t enough!” The collective offended ‘Hey!’ coming from both the Akiridion and the village’s idiot – a marvel that Steve actually responded, fully aware of his status as knucklehead – was somehow even more endearing than funny.

Meanwhile Zoe was still wrinkling his favorite jacket, frowning aggressively at him like the fact that he was out there saving the world was unforgivable – you could say anything about this pink head, but not that she didn’t have priorities.

Douxie snickered, easing the hold onto him.

“Sorry for trying to give my friends a place to live in this crazy wild world, then!”

“… apologies accepted.” Zoe narrowed her eyes. “But only if we finally hunt for niffins and get those forsaken burgers after you did the deed. I’m calling dibs on you.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Besides, you owe me. I didn’t snitch and told that Hex Tech got annihilated and we’re in need of new personnel because someone needed to hide from the big bad villains.” Those blue gems were screaming not to mess this offer up, because it was certainly not going to come back.

Even with a pressure like that, in some way inside of him, Douxie felt freed of a little weight. Despite the distance and everything that had happened, some things stayed the same. So he quite happily held up his fist, smirking at the girl.

“Alright, as soon as this is over with. Deal.” Zoe glared at him a few more seconds. Then she nodded, and finally bumped their knuckles together.

With a thud Krel finally put the box down, sighing soundly.

“Thanks Seklos this is done. I believe we are only missing the dead tree that will be then covered in artificial garnishments as a form of apparent belittlement of nature.” He stayed still for a few seconds, mindlessly throwing a little sphere on the ground that divided in four pieces, generating a portal. “… I feel like I’m getting so accustomed with humans’ savageness that I’m even quite looking forwards to it. Especially for that useless invention called ‘tree’.” He snickered, getting inside the wormhole that disappeared as soon as he was in.

Luckily the impossible dimensional gateway appeared of not leaving any trace behind. And luckily the creature – or elf, demigod, Nari was still a bit of a mystery – most connected to the nature that had just been denigrated was way more interested in whatever chef wiz Jim Lake Jr. was preparing.

“You knubhead, I just told you not to!” Archie’s spiteful voice came along, as apparently Steve had managed to take advantage of the situation – a scientific miracle happening in front of them, fair enough – to finally get himself a mince piece. Only to get slapped to the ground.  “That’s it, until these cool down you’re getting nowhere near! Douxie, out with me, we need to guard the treasure!” That was some attachment for one tray of soft and delicious little pastries.

Douxie shrugged and complied, picking up the meal under the jock’s renovated pout and heading to the balcony. The chilling air got to his nose right away, but he endured, appreciating just the tiniest breath. There was barely space for once person there.

Well, one person and his familiar. He placed the tray on the railing, making sure it didn’t fall.

“How did Jim even get the recipe?” Archie grinned.

“Well, apparently his troll friends did remember a certain meal very appreciated by humans from back then, but they have their own idea on how to make it. I don’t know the details, but I certainly know it involves socks. Plenty of socks.”

“… you want to see Steve’s reaction to them later.”

“I want to see Steve’s reaction to them later with all the others. Christmas is supposed to be a family festivity, right?” His grin disappeared right after. “So… it didn’t sound like you were sleeping too well last night.” Yep. He knew. Of course he knew. He would had even if he didn’t have to habit of sneaking into his bed to get warm. “Something you’d like to talk about?”

Douxie breathed out, gently buffing his fluffy ear.

“I’m fine Arch, not need to get all sensible on me. It was one of the usuals.” He tried a weak smile, not really feeling like keeping everything in. Not with so many people inside, on this particular day. “… you know, thinking it now, somehow it was easier celebrating Christmas on the streets back in Camelot. Getting something good to eat, have fun, that was enough. Considering how tense was everyone in the Pendragon castle it’s not much of a surprise, but still… I wonder if Merlin ever had a proper Christmas in there.” He sighed. “He certainly didn’t while I was around.” The noisy streets of Camelot overlapped NYC’s busy ones. He swallowed a lump into his throat.

That legendary town was such a faraway place right now, coming back from a single memory was a slap from reality. Douxie shivered, taking in a freezing breath, gasping when Archie jumped over his shoulder and curled all around his neck. His fur was nice and warm.

“We have no way of knowing. But one thing’s for sure, that old man got a surprising, unexpected present in any case.” Archie smiled, eyeing him softly. “One very sneaky, very foolish, very brave apprentice.” They had been there, the both of them. And in any possible way, in the good, the bad, and the best, he had found a life to call that way. The one Merlin had asked him about.

The master wizard smiled, snuggling his cheek against his loyal friend.

It didn’t take long, the winter air acted like a freezer over the little pies. But as they went back in, the place had already changed – and that was besides AAARRRGGHH!!, with one gigantic hat on his head, holding up the tree while Blinky, wearing a scarf, was reading a manual on how to decorate it, where did he even get that? –: there was a table, appeared again out of nowhere, with all the most delicious looking dishes placed all over between branches of holly and little bells. Jim and Nari were putting down the last dishes, Steve was clumsily getting the statue of a reindeer to balance over the tv, Toby was checking the lights to make sure they were functioning.

And Claire was suddenly in front of him, beaming, clearly hiding something from behind her back. It immediately grabbed everybody’s attention, like it was some sort of event.

Was it?

“We’ve organized the present exchange for after lunch, but this one you need to put it on now. So, her it is!” She uncovered the secret and- Oh. It was a sweater. It was a sweater. For him. “There you go, you’re officially part of the wool club, a Christmas-limited association only.”

“Founder of the association Nancy Domzalski, mostly because it was Nana who made them all!” Toby caressed the front of his sweater, smiling softly. “She’s that kind of grandma that thinks that everything that’s made with love can bring warmth, and I’m kind of a believer too.” He shrugged, crossing his fingers behind the back of his head. “I know this isn’t your cool punk rock wizardy style, but Nana had her midlife crisis in her own time and I’m not exactly looking forward to one before my very own eyes!” That was probably not a sight a grandchild wanted of their grandma, that was understandable.

It was. It was, right? It was getting a little hard to focus on something, anything that wasn’t a soft bundle of black and navy blue stripes, welcoming and warm, with ‘Fuzzbuckets’ written on it. It was getting weird. A little unsettling even, because he just got out in the cold but his bones weren’t freezing anymore and he felt all fuzzy inside and now his eyes were warm and-

“… oh, curse me, not the waterfalls…!” Centuries spent transitioning from hopeless bard to punk rock guitarist, only to tear up at a random surprise Christmas party.

From there, he didn’t understand much. Only Claire’s probable ‘Aww Douxie!’, Toby’s sudden ‘There’s no Christmas without the sad moment’, Steve’s surprising ‘I know what to do, come on everybody, let’s all hug it out!’. And all of the sudden he was enveloped with so many arms, so many different people he had gotten to know and had managed to befriend and appreciate. That were part of his world, his life, and what was coming for the future.

So when he managed to open his eyes, there was so much to uncover, between a pink head, a scarred eyebrow, a lock of leaves and a paw still so close to his cheek. And it hit him that perhaps there was a reason why Camelot had always felt so far away lately.

That age was over. But this, it felt like it had only begun. Douxie smiled, closing his eyes again.

Embracing how good it felt to belong again.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Despair (15x18)

I'm having an out of body experience, I cannot believe this. Last night was legitimately one of the weirdest nights of my life, and not just because of *gestures broadly* but also because of *gestures broadly* and myriad other small but still totally bizarre personal things coming at me from all angles... strap in, y'all, I've got some shit to say.

Cons:

We're gonna talk about it. Ohhhh, we're gonna talk about it. But let's start with some other shit before we get there.

So... are we ignoring "Dean was willing to let Jack sacrifice himself" or something? Like there was that moment with Sam and Dean where they talked about it, and Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam, and Sam is like "oh it's okay Dean, no worries." But at the beginning of this episode, Dean seems to be just as worried for Jack, and as protective of him, as the others, with absolutely no acknowledgment of what happened in the last episode. This... should have mattered. There should have been some regrouping and some serious talks about this. Seriously.

The Thanos snap thing... guys, when Infinity War did it in 2018, it was kind of fun and shocking and cool, and we knew the deaths wouldn't be permanent but it was still wild to watch our heroes react to such an immense loss and then leave us all in limbo for a year. This... is not that. The sheer tone-deafness of having this episode contain a moment of domesticity for AU!Charlie and her cool egg-making girlfriend Stevie, only to have Stevie vanish... and then to end the episode with the biggest queer-bait/bury your gays moment imaginable... like...

Okay, sorry, no, saving the Destiel thing until I've sorted out the rest of this nonsense. The point is, seems pretty clear that the deaths in this episode (other than Cas') are temporary, and Supernatural already has the biggest power creep problem of any show I've ever seen... they really couldn't think of another way to up the stakes for the ending, other than doing the thing where everyone gets killed? Didn't... Crowley... already do this to them several seasons back? Am I hallucinating? There's nothing new under the sun with this show.

Why does this show introduce things and resolve them in a single episode? Like, big, huge things? We just figured out Death was trying to double-cross them, and now by the end she's dead? This show either limps along and does nothing, or speeds through plot stuff at lightning-speed. These last two episodes were big and dramatic and full of Plot but in a way where it all feels kind of unreal. Pacing issues like whoa.

And speaking of. Ahem. Okay. Let's... let's do this. I have some things about the Destiel scene that I'm going to put in the "pros" section below, and hopefully as you read on you'll understand why it's really hard for me to be black and white about it. If I had to, if I had to determine whether I am "happy" or "sad" or "grateful" or "angry" I'd say... sad and angry, 97%? Like? Let's dive in, here.

Setting aside the larger context, a couple of smaller notes:

Acting-wise, what the fuck was Jensen doing in this scene? Misha was acting his whole heart out and Jensen gave him nothing to play off of. I don't understand how Jensen accidentally played Dean so obviously in love with Cas all this time, and then in this moment, no-homo'd it so fucking hard. Even the stage directions in the script page that was floating around said that Dean didn't reciprocate. That's dumb, like, in a shipping sense it's disappointing, but also... Dean, what was your face doing while Cas gave his whole monologue about how amazing you are? What a great and loving man you are? Even if he hadn't ended the whole thing by saying "I love you" and then dying right in front of your eyes, surely you would have been feeling some kind of way about the whole situation?

Also, the scene was shot so awkwardly, there was too much space between them, and then Cas pushes Dean out of the way and he just sits there on the floor with Pikachu-face while The Empty opens up and takes Death and Cas away, making these weird shocked noises... Supernatural often has awkward pacing when dramatic things are happening in action scenes, where certain people have to stand still like it's not their turn on the initiative order in a D&D fight or something, and this was one of the more embarrassing and awkward examples of that.

Cas' deal with The Empty has not been brought up practically since it happened. Cas has been sidelined as a character a lot this season, the past couple seasons, really, but we had this hanging over our heads, right? When Cas says "I've figured it out, true happiness isn't in having, it's just in saying it", the moment doesn't really work on a character level, because we didn't get to see Cas do any of that figuring out. We didn't know he was curious about his true happiness, we didn't know it was an internal struggle/debate for him, wondering what it could be. A lot of Destiel people wanted it to be Dean confessing his love to Cas, and that being the true happiness... but of course that would never happen in a million years. Others thought it would be "yay we defeated the big evil, we can all be a happy family together," oh snap, I'm too happy, goodbye. Which would have been... weirdly anticlimactic, but at least would have made some level of narrative sense. This idea that telling Dean how he feels would bring Cas peace is... well, it's okay, it's fine in isolation, but there's no buildup to it, no tension to his moment of "realization."

And now to fry some bigger fish...

Let's forget about the fact that we never thought this would happen to begin with. Is it actually... worse that it did? Seriously, queer angel man confesses his love to stoic human man who stands there without making a single expression, and the act of confessing said love, knowing it's not reciprocated, knowing he won't get to be with Dean or even be near him ever again, is enough to make Castiel so truly happy that he's willing to die peacefully and forever, all in the act of saving Dean's life? Is that not... like... textbook homophobia? People toss around "bury your gays" a lot and I think what they're missing is that the trope doesn't automatically apply just because a queer character dies. It means a queer character dies because of their queerness, or they are revealed to be queer but can't get any measure of happiness and then they die immediately. This is textbook that. The act of confessing his GAY LOVE is what KILLED CAS. It's a one-to-one sequence of events. It's not a coincidence that Cas died right after saying this. Saying this is what made him die. That's... appalling. Truly, in a very real sense, it's appalling.

Another thing I haven't seen people talk about much is the manufactured nature of this sacrifice. We just found out Billie was going to turn on them at the end of the last episode. If Cas was going to die in a sacrifice-y way, did it have to happen now when Billie was basically just knocking on the door trying to get at Dean for a last-minute revenge thing, even though Billie was already at death's door? This was so contrived, like, can Cas not whoosh them away to somewhere else? Keep them running until Billie succumbs? I get that it wouldn't have been easy, and maybe Billie could have caught up to them anyway, but my point is, they manufactured this moment to be "the only way" that Dean could survive, making Cas' sacrifice so noble and necessary or whatever... but I was sitting there thinking there's got to be another way. If they'd wanted to write in another way, there could have been. The inevitability felt so very contrived. And, as mentioned, the impact of dying on this show has lost all meaning, so even Billie trying to kill Dean, squeezing his heart in his chest, did absolutely nothing for me. I knew he'd be fine, because there are two more episodes left. And if Cas hadn't been there to do what he did, Dean would still have been fine because he's Dean. Am I making any sense?

We have two more episodes left. I am... fairly confident Misha won't be in those episodes. All context, both within the show and without, points to that. I truly think that after all this time, he gets the only ending in the whole show that's unambiguously unsalvageable and tragic. We have a world where the afterlife exists and people can hang out there, but The Empty is a different beast, and this means Cas is... gone. Permanently. Like, his consciousness no longer exists, he's caput. They could bring him back from The Empty, in fact, they've already done it once... but if they decide not to, that's just... where we leave things, and that's brutal and unnecessarily grim. The other characters, even if we get an end-of-show TPK (which would be STUPID, more on that later), could at least have canon or implied-canon reunions in the afterlife. If we don't see Eileen again, we can get the implied ending of her coming back to life, or Sam dying and joining her in Heaven. Same with Charlie, with Charlie's new girlfriend, with Bobby, with Donna, with every other character that's died along the way, including Mary Winchester and OG Charlie, OG Bobby, whatever you want. The fact that Cas gets this, after everything, is truly the part I'm the most sad about, setting aside love confessions entirely.

So as I said, two more episodes. I'm worried that Cas dying is gonna get swallowed up with everyone dying and not get its due, thus making the confession completely isolated. Like, here you go, gays, have this one scene, which, in isolation is quite heartfelt from Cas' perspective, but can be carefully boxed up and not touched for the last two hours of the show. If they don't want to touch on how this would affect Dean specifically, they don't have to. He can be generally angsty and sad about Cas, but they could get away with never bringing it up again, and that is some grade-A level bullshit right there, my friends. At minimum, Dean needs to tell Sam about this. He probably won't, but he should, if the show has any sense of integrity left in its bones.

Ahem. Like I said, I have... lots of thoughts. More on Destiel later, but let's turn to the "Pros" section and talk about some other aspects of this incredibly crowded episode.

Pros:

Despite my issues with everything that didn't get resolved re: Dean letting Jack die, I did kind of like the "to somehow" scene, because it was a nice little breather for the brothers, it solidified them as being on the same side to the bitter end, that despite all the crazy shit they've been through, that they've put each other through, they'll have this as a bedrock at the end of the day. I'm not a brothers-only sort of fan, at all, in fact, I think a brothers-only ending betrays most of what's beautiful about this show in its good moments. But they are the stars, they are the protagonists, they should be the center of their own story, and I like it when we get check-ins like this, that shows how unshakable they are underneath all the other crap.

Charlie and Stevie... okay, cute that their names are like that, cute that Charlie said: "I liked the way she handled herself" and that's how they got together... eggs are cute, whatever... and if these deaths are impermanent, which... come on... they have to be, I do like that Charlie gets to have a girlfriend and be happy as a hunter and as someone's partner.

I liked the tense car ride with Sam texting Eileen, with Dean, Jack, and Cas all silent in the car with him... that was a nice moment of solidarity, all of them entirely on the same page about being there for Sam and helping Eileen however they could... even knowing the futility. What were they going to do when they got there? That was a great tension-building moment, in isolation, even though the deaths are likely temporary.

Cas and Jack's talk was good, I'll admit I've definitely been won over by Cas and Sam as Jack's dads... Dean too, once upon a time, but dude needs to do some groveling before he gets to be Dad again, seriously. It's nice that in the midst of all the chaos, there was a check-in moment. Jack is the embodiment of a lot of our end-game themes, here. He had a noble destiny to sacrifice himself, and then it fizzled out and didn't work, and now he's just left in the aftermath, not sure what to do with himself. It was important that Cas tell him that Jack is worthy of love and family, even if he's not "useful" in the way he thought he could be. Definitely nice to have that nailed in.

If we're following the Infinity War/Endgame line, the last two episodes will be majority Sam, Dean, and Jack, but at the last moment there will be a way to reverse it, and everyone else will come back in a moment of triumph. But probably not so much Castiel, which... well... see above complaints. The point is, seeing Charlie, Bobby, Donna, Eileen, etc. all burst forth for one final moment of glory could be really cool, if they manage to stick the landing with it. It'll be an incredibly manufactured sense of triumph and nostalgia, but it will probably work on me because it's been... guys, I don't know if you know this, but it's been kind of an emotional year. :)

I will say, working under the assumption that the dead characters will come back, I'm actually oddly... not mad about Donna dying. It was actually a legitimately shocking twist. A rule was set up: if a person had died before and been resurrected, or if a person was from another universe, they could be Thanos snapped by Billie. Makes sense. Sam and Dean are in danger because of all their deaths, Jack and Cas aren't safe for the same reason. Charlie, Bobby, Eileen... sure. But Donna should have been safe, given the parameters we started with.

And then Dean and Cas are confronting Billie, she says she's not killing anyone, we realize it must be Chuck... and then Donna, who isn't from another world, who has never died... GONE. I gasped.

And the hits kept coming... Billie is dying because Dean killed her with that small wound, and didn't even know it. That's another excellent twist. The past two episodes, back to back, have kept me on my toes about who to ultimately be afraid of. Chuck? Billie? The Empty? It's so much better than this slow march to Chuck vs. Sam and Dean that we've been getting all season, even if we do loop around to Chuck again as the final Big Bad.

The Empty is actually quite a complex, interesting idea for a villain, this entity that doesn't get involved in petty squabbles, doesn't have personal vendettas, but actually just wants to sleep and be left alone. Having Meg be the Empty's face here at the end is also a nice touch. I wish we could have had more of this, truthfully, and I'm curious how The Empty will play a role in how things shake out, if at all.

So... I want to go back to something I've been saying these past couple episodes, about how if this show has a grimdark ending, it will be a betrayal of everything they've set up. It will be so stupid that my anger will manifest in yet another round of hysterical giggles. What I suspect is that we'll get something peaceful, something where trauma will linger but people will get to start anew. Maybe Jack creates a new world outside of Chuck's power. Maybe Sam and Dean take over as God and the Darkness, as some people suggested, and Jack is the new Death. Maybe maybe maybe. Bottom line, I could be satisfied with the majority of this ending, and I can even (obliquely, reluctantly) understand that they wanted one final perma-death to really make the stakes feel higher. If they aren't killing off the Winchesters, that leaves Castiel. So what I'm saying in this paragraph is basically that I'm not guaranteed to despise the ending of this show yet. They could still get it right.

God, that sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it?

Before I end this, I want to talk about, as promised, the few Destiel-related points that I'd classify as "pros", albeit with a big asterisk.

First off, Misha clearly found the moment very cathartic, and he pulled out all the stops, and, in isolation, the confession was hella romantic and quite poignant. Without context, just reading these lines? "The one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have" and "because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you..." like, that's some premium content, I won't lie. I also kind of enjoy the idea that Cas finds happiness in saying the words out loud, in being true to who he is. I hate a lot about what happened to Cas here, but if Cas' arc, in its totality, is about embracing humanity, and Dean is the anchor to that, this really does come full circle. He pulled Dean out of Hell, he saved him, he loved him, he'll die for him, and in accepting that love, that human love, he is finally at peace with who he is. Now, mind my comments above, I'm still not happy, but I can see how in one sense, this is narratively poignant. And if others are satisfied with it, I'm happy for them.

(Added bonus, while Jensen's acting was WACK for the majority of that scene, I did like the ending shot, the silence, him not answering Sam's call, crying silently into his hands. That was very nicely shot and acted, I thought.)

Secondly, and this isn't actually praise for the show, it's more a... meta experience? I have to say, the idea that Destiel became sort of canon, but in the most homophobic way possible, in the year 2020, while we're all still waiting for election results to come in is... one of the wildest, most hilarious things to ever have happened to me. I mean it, last night sitting alone in my house I kept cackling loudly to myself, in complete and utter disbelief. I saw Tumblr explode in a way that hasn't happened in years. I was transported back in time nearly a full decade, to the person I was when I started writing these reviews, or even before that, when I was new to Supernatural, new to the whole concept of being truly involved in a fandom.

Here's the thing... I never. Ever. EVER. Thought we would get any sort of textual confirmation. I thought at most, if they went for a happy ending for everyone, we'd get Dean and Cas as hunting partners, and we could all fill in the post-canon gaps. I once told my sister that I'd be happy with a one-sided love confession from Cas to Dean, because that part was practically canon before last night, and in a way, I am happy. I'm happy that this crazy thing actually happened, and if nothing else, all of those clowns can put away their makeup. I was never with them. I never believed, and there's this sliver of me that's happy to have been wrong. It's completely bogus how it happened, but the fact that we live in a reality where it happened is still kind of tripping me out in a major way. So I'm happy, I'm... flabbergasted, but I'm experiencing a very unique, unprecedented soup of emotions this morning and I never would have felt like this if Cas had died with a no homo parting.

And that's the thing, they let it be unambiguously about Dean, not just in that one moment, but all along, and that's really satisfying in a meta narrative sense that when everyone was reading it as "Castiel is in love with Dean," they were... correct. It doesn't really matter when they decided this, in last night's episode they made it crystal-clear that it wasn't a whim, wasn't a recent development, in-universe. This has been Cas' truth from very, very early on, his entire experience since meeting Dean has been shaped by him, he's loved him all this time. That... I don't know, it's absolutely bonkers that this is all we're going to get, but it does mean something, if you want to let it.

Welcome back to 2012, Tumblr. Last night was a wild ride, I won't deny.

I'm giving the episode a bad score, but I just want to say the Destiel scene gets a simultaneous infinity-out-of-ten and also zero-out-of-ten, imploding the multiverse instantly. That's where I'm at, folks. Insert gif of Chidi dropping Peeps into a big pot of chili. I'm gonna go take a nap.

6/10

[sentientpaperbag]

So this not only ended up being longer than I meant, but most of it is lore related because I changed some stuff involving the lore of magic in this universe. So you get to learn about Dark and Light Husks a little more

Also i might have gone on a bit and rambled in the tags, whoops~

Under the cut!

                                                           --------

Zonta was tired. She’d gone a little overboard with the spellcasting practice. She just desperately wanted to get her spells right without causing too much trouble. She knew using Dark Magic was dangerous, and usually using it as much as she had would result in some form of permanent change in her appearance or even becoming a Dark Husk.

But... she hadn’t had any side effects. She was actually, weirdly enough, good at it. To her knowledge, every witch had a specific form of magic that they excelled in. For example, Zonta knew a nice girl who lived outside of town in the forest, and her specialty happened to be plant based, although she usually used mostly fungi.

Zonta, however, learned pretty quickly that she was very good with Dark Magic. It wasn’t necessarily forbidden, but it was frowned upon to use this kind of magic, due to the very dangerous consequences of overuse.

Zonta supposed it could be worse. She could be in the cult of Light Magic. Or she could be a Light Husk, those were far worse than a Dark Husk, and Zonta decided long ago that if she ever turned into a Husk, she’d go for the less depressing Dark version. At least that way she knew people would leave her alone.

“What exactly are Light Husks again?” Markus, who had come over to help her as best he could with her practice, had absolutely no idea how magic worked. Zonta liked being able to explain things to her friend, even if he didn’t really get it. She supposed it was only fair, however. After all, she hardly knew how werewolves worked and he had done his best to explain that all to her.

“Light Husks are people who used Light Magic. It’s far more powerful than Dark Magic,” she explained, “It’s also more unstable. If you have to use any kind of frowned upon or illegal magic, it’s better to use Dark instead of Light, even if people seem to be more scared of the former.”

“So since it’s unstable it’s easier to turn into a Husk, right?”

“Mm-hm,” Zonta sat down on the long couch in her living room, propping her feet on her friend’s legs as he sat down beside her, “Light Magic, being incredibly unstable and dangerous, usually tends to turn a person into a Husk pretty fast. You get like… the weirdest God complex, too. I went to a gathering with some other witches one time, and there was a Light Husk there in this like… I wanna call it a tube but it wasn’t really one. Anyway, they were in this anti-magic container thing, because if a Light Husk got loose, the world would probably be in a shit-ton of trouble. Light Husks have a whole cult following, cuz they’re usually thought of as godlike. It’s… really creepy, actually.”

“Yikes.”

“Exactly. Anyway, this Light Husk was a woman, probably like… three, four years older than us, and she’s all glowing and ethereal and it’s absolutely terrifying. But like… these people are coming up to the container and they’re asking questions and she’s answering them and her voice is absolutely mesmerizing. Really echo-y and unearthly. Honestly if she looked more like a horrifying creature made of eyes and flaming wheels and wings she could have passed as what people thought angels looked like. I don’t like it. People are obsessed with Light Husks.”

“I hope there’s not that many out there…,” Markus looked a little worried for a moment. Zonta smiled reassuringly at him, shaking her head.

“Nah, there’s like seven. After the seventh person turned into a Husk, people kinda realized that hey, this shit is dangerous and probably lethal, let’s not turn ourselves into ethereal beings of light and energy.”

Markus frowned, lost in thought for a moment. Zonta glanced out the window behind them, silently thinking her own private thoughts, mostly about how grateful she was that the two of them were comfortable with one another to talk about the less appealing sides of their abilities.

“What about Dark Husks? Are you worried about becoming one? If you use your magic too much, I mean,” Markus finally said.

“I mean, I used to worry about it. But I usually can feel when I’m going a little too far and I think that stops me from going overboard. So it should be fine, as long as I remember to take breaks and stuff. Gotta let my magic replenish or I would definitely turn into a Husk.”

“What do they usually look like?”

Zonta shuddered, thinking about the depressing forms she once saw roaming the countryside, “They look like ghosts. Or at least what I think ghosts look like. To my knowledge, Jason is the only one who can see the dead, and I’m too afraid to ask if they look like Dark Husks.

“But they like… they have hallow eyes and sunken cheeks, their bodies are usually thin and bony. Their whole body takes on a monochromatic color scheme that matches their magic. So, for example, if I turned into a Husk, my body would turn different shades of purple,” she explained, shrugging slightly.

Markus tried to envision that for a moment, furrowing his brows together. Zonta thought he looked cute when he tried to imagine something she explained. He usually looked very serious like that.

“You keep furrowing your eyebrows like that and you’ll get a crease in between them,” she teased. He relaxed his face, a small smile forming.

“I think you’d be a pretty color, but I also think you’d look scary if that happened,” Markus said.

“You think my magic color is pretty?” Zonta tried to stay calm, her heart fluttering. Usually her magic color bothered people. Magic usually was a bright color, but hers was a darker purple, almost an indigo of sorts.

“Well yeah. I mean… I think your magic is cool. And the color is kinda nice, it suits you.”

She smiled, “Thanks dude, that means a lot to me. Usually when people find out my magic color, they freak out. And then, when they find out I specialize in Dark Magic of all things, they start thinking I’m like, evil or something.”

“Do you know what kind of magic your dad did?”

She shook her head, “My mom said she can’t remember, and he left before I was born. She told me she just remembers what color his magic is. It’s red. I’ve never seen that color for magic before, it’s kinda unique. Like the dark purple for my magic. Guess weird colors run in the family.”

“Maybe he did Dark Magic like you and that’s why you’re good at it.”

“Haha, maybe.”

Zonta fought the urge to yawn, her eyes heavy. She wanted to keep talking to Markus, but she had really worn herself out practicing.

“You look tired, Hummingbird,” Markus said softly, “You should probably rest.”

“Nah, I’m.. fine,” she mumbled. She knew she needed to rest, she just didn’t want to.

“At least close your eyes. You can still talk to me, but with your eyes closed.”

She complied, closing her eyes. It was fine for a moment until she felt fingers gently brush across her face and her eyes shot open.

Markus looked embarrassed, “Ah, sorry. Should’ve said something. You had a stray hair in your face and it was bugging me. You can close your eyes again, I won’t do that without asking next time.”

She chuckled, shutting her eyes again. She tried not to think about how soft his fingers had been when they moved across her cheek.

“Your accent popped out for a minute there,” she said, laughing when Markus replied, “Howdy, ma’am,” in the most Texan accent she’d ever heard.

“Hey... If I fall asleep, don’t let me sleep too long. I have to make dinner for my mom when she gets home in a few hours. The flight she was supposed to work on next got cancelled or something, so she gets to come home for a few days,” Zonta mumbled, her words slurring a little as she felt sleep start taking over.

“Or, you could sleep and I could make your mom something. She knows you practice a lot and wear yourself out, I’m pretty sure she’d be fine with my cooking.”

“She liked that one thing your mom made,” Zonta replied, opening one eye slightly, “Those tamale things. They were really good.”

Markus grinned, “I told you. You didn’t wanna try them.”

“I didn’t wanna end up not liking them and disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me, Zonta,” Zonta felt her face heat up at how sincere he sounded. She opened her eyes fully, sitting up a little more and moving slightly so she was closer.

“That’s nice to know,” she said quietly, wondering if what she was feeling was genuine or just because it’d been so long since she’d dated that any form of kindness from a cute guy sent her into a romantic frenzy.

He smiled gently at her, pushing her slightly on her shoulder so she was lying back down, “You need to rest, Z. Close your eyes again.”

“Fine,” she mumbled, “Hey, you think you could you try teaching me Spanish again sometime?”

“Only if you try teaching me how to dance.”

Zonta snorted, “You have two left feet.”

“And you can’t roll your R’s.”

“That’s fair,” she laughed.

Her mind started wandering as she felt sleep start drifting over her again. Her mind drifted to thinking about what holding Markus’ hand would be like. It was such a specific thought, and she was fairly certain it was because she was a little touch starved, but she just wanted to hold his hand sometimes.

She was half tempted to say something, but felt herself grow nervous at the thought of asking, instead opting to stay quiet.

She felt herself drifting off to sleep, and she swore she heard Markus say something, but her mind was foggy and she was pretty out of it. She felt herself growing limp as sleep overtook her, and she hoped that maybe she’d have a decent dream for once instead of the weird and sometimes frightening dreams she commonly had.

Markus quietly and gently moved her so her legs weren’t on him anymore, and he found one of the small blankets she kept around the house, covering her with it. He smiled softly at her and walked into the other room to go find something to make for her and her mother when she returned home.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 4/23/21: MORTAL KOMBAT, DEMON SLAYER, TOGETHER TOGETHER, STREET GANG, SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS

Ugh. Trying to maintain this column as a weekly entity during the final few weeks of the longest Oscar season ever has been really hard, and I’m not sure that will change once the Oscars are over either, because I look at the number of movies being released both theatrically and streaming over the next few weeks, and it makes my head hurt. Sorry for the kvetching, it just is what it is.

There are two big theatrical releases this weekend, Warner Bros’ MORTAL KOMBAT and DEMON SLAYER THE MOVIE: MUGEN TRAIN from FUNImation Entertainment, both which have already been released internationally. I also probably won’t be able to watch or review either before this column gets posted.

Mortal Kombat seems like the easiest sell being that it’s based on the popular Midway Games video game franchise introduced in the early ‘90s that led to a series of films, books, comics and you name it. It was a very popular fighting game that had over a dozen iterations including one in which MK characters fought against DC superheroes.

The very first Mortal Kombat movies opened in 1995, right amidst MK-mania, and it was directed by one Paul W.S. Anderson, his very first movie in a long line of video game-related movies, including a number of Resident Evil and the recent Monster Hunter. There are a lot of people who love those games, and yes, even people who love that and other movies, but to others, who may have been too old to get into the games when they came out, the whole thing about different fighters fighting each other just looks kind of studio. Even though I’m interested to see what producer James Wan brings to this reboot, I just don’t have much interest otherwise.

Unfortunately, and this is pretty daunting, Warner Bros. wasn’t sending out screeners to critics until Wednesday with a review embargo for Thursday night at 7pm, which is never a good sign, and yet, it continues Warner Bros. continuing the trend of being one of the only studios that screeners EVERY movie to film critics rather than just making them pay to see it on Thursday night or Friday. I hope to watch it and maybe add something Thursday night, time-permitting. Not sure you heard but the Oscars are Sunday.

As far as box office, Mortal Kombat opens on Friday but also premieres on HBO Max, and I’m not sure there will be as much urge to see MK on the largest screen possible, as there was with Godzilla vs. Kong. Because of that, I think the cap for this one over the three-day weekend is about $10 million but not much more and probably more frontloaded to Friday than we’ve seen in some time.

Mini-Review: As you can imagine from my statement above, I don’t hold the Mortal Kombat games or other iterations in any particular high esteem, so I’m basically jumping into this movie, directed by Simon McQuoid, just as a movie and not necessarily as a video game movie.

It starts off promising enough like a samurai movie with a flashback where we watch Hiroyuki Sanada’s hero sees his wife and son be killed by Joe Taslim’s character that will later become Sub-Zero. The general principle seems to be that there’s a world where people from other worlds fight each other to gain complete control. The hero is Lewis Tan’s MMA fighter Cole Young, presumably a popular character from the game? He is also soon attacked by Sub-Zero presumably because he’s marked with a dragon tattoo that deems him a champion of these fights, but he needs to find someone named Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) to help him get to the “Mortal Kombat.” At the same time, he meets the movie’s most entertaining character, Kane,

played by Australian actor Josh Lawson, mainly because he swears constantly and cracks wise -- he’s a bit like Wolverine, actually, and he’s actually the best part of the movie.

Otherwise, everyone and everything is always so deadly serious that everyone else we meet just doesn’t have much impact, because frankly, none of these names or characters mean jack shit to me. Sure, some of them sound vaguely familiar but I was more interested in the great Asian actors who turn up including Tadanobu Asano’s Lord Raiden, who is gonna claim Earth if its champions lose at Mortal Kombat. And Sub-Zero basically just shows up and tries to kill everyone.

As with far too many action movies, the action itself is great, the writing and acting not so much.

As it goes along, things become more epic and fantasy-driven but that also makes the dialogue seem even worse. Similarly, the fight choreography is pretty great, but the movie still leans way too heavily on visual FX to keep it more interesting for anyone not too interested in MMA… like myself. When all else fails, they can show off Sub-Zero’s cool ice powers every chance possible as well as the other’s powers, but some of them (like Lord Raiden) just made me think of this as a rip-off of the great Big Trouble in Little China.

The thing is I’m not a fan of the video game nor of MMA, so Mortal Kombat really doesn’t have much to offer me. The whole thing just seems very silly, just like almost everything from the ‘90s. (How’s THAT for a bad take?)

That said, I thought the final battle was great, and I enjoyed some of the gorier aspects of the fights, too, and it all leads to my favorite part, which is the three-way fight between Cole, Sub-Zero, and… actually I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler or not, but it’s a pretty cool fight that almost makes up for some of the dumber characters introduced earlier on. (LIke that guy with four arms. I know he’s a character in the games, but I didn’t even care enough to look up his name.)

It’s perfectly fine that they decided to go Rated R with the movie since most of the nostalgia for this movie and franchise will be towards older guys, but at times, the CG blood is so hinky it feels like the decision to go R-rated was made well after it was filmed.

Even though I went in with the lowest of expectations, I still found most of Mortal Kombat kinda trite and boring, maybe something I’d appreciate more as a teenager but not so much as a grown adult. But what do you expect for a movie based on a video game that’s just a bunch of “cool fights”?

Rating: 5.5/10

And yet, Demon Slayer could be the surprise breakout of the weekend, considering the theatrical success FUNimation has had with theatrical releases of the My Hero Academia movies into theaters in 2018 and 2020, and the hugely successful Dragon Ball Super: Brolly, which grossed $31 million domestically after a surprise $20.2 million in its first five days in roughly 1,200 movies. In fact, it made $7 million its opening Wednesday in January 2019, and FUNimation is hoping that Demon Slayer will have a similar success by opening it for a single day (Thursday) in IMAX theaters before Mortal Kombat takes over on Friday.

Demon Slayer has already grossed $383.7 million internationally compared to Mortal Kombat’s $10.7 million, and you cannot ignore the huge popularity that anime has seen over the past few decades. In fact, a bunch of screenings for Demon Slayer in NYC have already sold out, although you have to bear in mind that these are 25% capacity theaters. Even so, I still think this can make $4 to 5 million on Thursday and another $7 to 8 million over the weekend, depending on the number of theaters. Yes, it will be quite frontloaded, and I’m not sure what the cap is on theaters and how that will affect how it does over the weekend, but expect a big Thursday and a more moderate weekend but one that might give both Mortal Kombat and Godzilla vs. Kong a run for the top of the box office.

Also hitting theaters before streaming on Netflix (on April 30) is THE MITCHELLS VS. THE MACHINES, the new animated movie produced by Chris Miller and Philip Lord, following their Oscar win for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It’s a little weird to open a new animated movies, presumably in select theaters, when such a hugely anticipated animated movie like Demon Slayer is opening, but Netflix won’t

The movie itself is directed by Michael Rianda and Jeff Rowe, and it involves a family named the Mitchells, whose eldest daughter Katie (voiced by Abbi Jacobson) is leaving home for college, so her father (voiced by Danny McBride) decides that he’s going to drive her there and use it as the chance for a cross-country family trip. Meanwhile, it’s set up how the world becomes overrun with robots when a tech giant creates a new personal assistant.

I wasn’t sure whether I’d like this even though I’m generally a fan of all of Lord/Miller’s animated movies including both Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs movies. It took me a little time to get into the family and the general premise. In some ways it reminded me of Edgar Wright’s The World’s End where it’s trying to merge these two disparate genres, but when they actually merge, it just doesn’t work as well as it may have seemed on paper. That worry is soon expunged, because Rianda finds ways to integrate the two ideas over time.

On the trip, the Mitchells run into their perfect family neighbors, the Poseys -- voiced by Krissy Teigen, John Legend and Charlyne Yi -- and you’d think they might be a bigger part of the movie then they actually are. I’m not sure I would have liked doing the family-vs.-family thing so soon after last year’s Croods movie, but I did love the dynamics of the Mitchells being a very relatable imperfect family with Danny McBride being particularly great voicing the family patriarch. It even has a really touching Pixar’s Up moment of Katie’s father watching old home movies of them together when she was younger.

In general, the filmmakers have assembled a pretty amazing voice cast that includes Conan O’Brien, Olivia Colman, Fred Armisen and Beck Bennett. Actually the weirdest voice choice is Katie’s younger brother Aaron, voiced by Rianda himself, and it sounds like a strange older man trying to be a kid, so it doesn’t work as well as others.

What I genuinely liked about Mitchells vs. the Machines is that it doesn’t go out of its way to talk down to overly sensitive kiddies or skimp on the action while also including elements that parents will enjoy as well, and to me, that’s the ideal of a family film.

While some might feel that The Mitchells vs. the Machines is fairly standard animated fare, it ends up being a fun cross between National Lampoon’s Vacation (cleaned up for the kiddies) with Will Smith’s I, Robot, actually, and yet, it somehow does work. It’s a shame that it’s really not getting a theatrical release except to be awards-eligible.

Next, we have two really great movies I saw at Sundance this year and really enjoyed immensely…

So as I mentioned, I first saw Nikole Beckwith’s TOGETHER TOGETHER (Bleecker Street), starring Ed Helms and Patti Harrison, at Sundance, and it was one of my favorite movies there with Helms playing a middle-aged single guy named Matt, who hires the much-younger Anna (Harrison) to be his surrogate, because he wants a baby. It’s a tough relationship thrown together due to each of their respective necessities.

Part of what drives the movie is how different Matt and Anna are, him being quite inappropriate with his suggestions and requests but not really having a working knowledge of female anatomy, pregnancy, delivery etc, but being really eager to raise a child and having the money that Anna clearly does not.

While I was familiar with Helms from The Office, The Hangover, etc. I really didn’t know Patti Harrison at all. Apparently, she’s a stand-up comic who hasn’t done a ton of acting, comedic or otherwise. That’s pretty amazing when you watch this movie and see her dry sardonic wit playing well against Helms’ generally lovable doofus. What I also didn’t realize and frankly, I don’t really see this as something even worth mentioning, is that she’s a trans woman playing a clearly CIS part, and she kills it. I certainly wouldn’t have known nor did it really affect my enjoyment of the movie, yet it still seems like such a brave statement on the part of the director and Harrison herself. The thing is that Harrison isn't just a terrific actress in her own right, but she brings out aspects of Helms that I never thought I would ever possibly see. (If it isn't obvious, I'm not the biggest fan of Helms.)

The movie has a great sense of humor, as it gets the most out of this awkward duo and then throws so many great supporting actors into the cast around them that it’s almost impossible not to enjoy the laughs. There’s the testy Sonogram tech, played by Sufe Bradshaw from Veep, who tries to maintain her composure and bite her tongue, but you can tell she’s having none of it. Others who show up, including Tig Notero, Norah Dunn and Fred Melamed. Just when you least expect it, Anna Conkle from Pen15, shows up as one of those delivery gurus that make the two of them feel even more awkward.

What’s nice is that this never turns into the typical meet cute rom-com that some might be expecting, as Beckwith’s film is more about friendship and companionship and being there for another, and the lack of that romantic spark even as chemistry develops between them is what makes this film so enjoyably unique. Beckwith’s sense of humor combined with her dynamic duo stars makes Together Together the best comedy about pregnancy probably since Knocked Up.

Another great Sundance movie and actually one of my two favorite recent documentaries AND one of the best movies I’ve seen this year is… you know what? I haven’t done this for a while so this is this week’s “CHOSEN ONE”!! (Fanfare)

(Photo courtesy: Robert Fuhring/Courtesy Sesame Workshop)

Marilyn (Mad Hot Ballroom) Agrilo’s STREET GANG: HOW WE GOT TO SESAME STREET (Screen Media/HBO Documentaries) is a fantastic doc about the long-running and popular PBS kids show that’s every bit as good as Morgan Neville’s Mr. Rogers doc, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? Which was robbed of an Oscar nomination a few years back.

Let me make something clear on the day I’m writing this, April 21, 2021, that this is my favorite movie of the year, the only one I’ve already given a 10/10, and the end of the year might come around, and I have a feeling it will still be my #1.

You see, I was raised a Sesame Street kid. It’s not like I didn’t read or play outside or not get the attention of my parents or family, but there was so much of my happy, young life that I could attribute to my time watching Sesame Street, and when you watch Marily Agrilo’s amazing doc, it all comes rushing back. There is stuff in this movie that I haven’t seen in maybe 50 years but that I clearly remember laughing at, and there’s stuff that got into the mind of a young Ed that influenced my love of humor and music and just outright insanity. Sure, I loved The Muppet Show, too, but it was a different experience, so to watch a movie about the show with all sorts of stuff I had never seen or knew, that’s what makes Street Gang such a brilliant documentary, and easily one of the best we’ll see this year. Of that I have no doubt.

From the very origins of the show with Joan Cooney developing a show that will be entertaining and educational to the kids being plopped down in front of the TV in the ‘60s and ‘70s, so they can learn something, it’s just 1:46 of straight-up wonderment.

Besides getting to see a lot of the beloved actors/characters from the show and many of the surviving players like Carol Spinney aka Big Bird/Oscar, you can see how this show tried to create something that wasn’t just constantly advertising to young minds.

More than anything, the show is a love letter to the bromance between Jim Henson and Frank Oz, and you get to see so many of their bits and outtakes that make their Muppets like Burt and Ernie and Grover and, of course, Kermit, so beloved by kids that even cynical adults like myself would revert childhood just thinking about them. Then on top of that there’s the wonderful music and songs of Christopher Cerf and Joe Raposo and others, songs that would permeate the mainstream populace and be remembered for decades.

The movie is just a tribute to the joy of childhood and learning to love and sing and dance and just have fun and not worry about the world. I’m not sure if kids these days have anything like that.

It also gets quite sad, and I’m not embarrassed to say that in the sequence that covers the death of Mr. Hooper, I was outright bawling, and a few minutes later, when Jim Henson dies in 1990, I completely lost it. That’s how much this show meant to me and to so many people over the decades, and Brava to Ms. Agrilo for creating just the perfect document to everything that Sesame Street brought to so many people’s lives. This is easily the best documentary this year, and woe be to any Academy that doesn’t remember it at year’s end.

The other fantastic doc out this week, though I actually got to see it last year, is Lisa Rovner’s SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS (Metrograph Pictures), which will play at the Metrograph, both on demand and part of its Digital Live Screenings (available to join for just $5 a month!). This is an endlessly fascinating doc that looks at the women of electronic music and the early days of synthesizers and synthesis and some of the female pioneers. It’s narrated by Laurie Anderson, which couldn’t be the more perfect combination.

The movie covers the likes of Suzanne Cianni; Forbidden Planet composers Louis and Bebe Barron, who created the first all-electronic score for that movie; the amazing Wendy Carlos, who electronically scored one of my favorite movies of all time, Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange; Delia Derbyshire, who was also the subject of Caroline Catz’s short, Delia Derbyshire: The Myths and Legendary Tapes, which tragically, I missed when it premiered at the SXSW Film Festival in March. Derbyshire was also famous for creating the iconic theme to “Doctor Who” while working at the BBC Radiophonic Workshop in the '60s. Others who appear in the movie, either via archival footage or more recent interviews are Pauline Oliveros and Laurie Spiegel, who I was less familiar with.

The point is that as someone who was a fantastic for electronic music and synthesizers from a very early age and for someone who feels he’s very familiar with all angles of music, I learned a lot from watching Rovner’s film, and I enjoyed it just as much a second time, because the footage assembled proves what amazing work these women were doing and rarely if ever getting the credit for what they brought to electronic music, something that still resonates with the kids today who love things like EDM.

An endlessly fascinating film with so much great music and footage, Sisters with Transistors can be watched exclusively through the Metrograph’s Live Screening series, so don’t miss it!

Hitting Shudder this week is Chris Baugh’s BOYS FROM COUNTY HELL (Shudder), which I didn’t get a chance to watch before writing this week’s column, but Shudder in general has been knocking it out of the park with the amazing horror movies it’s been releasing on a weekly basis. This one involves a quarelling father and son on a road who must survive the night when they awaken an ancient Irish vampire.

Also hitting theaters and streamers and digital this week:

THE MARIJUANA CONSPIRACY (Samuel Goldwyn Films)

MY WONDERFUL WANDA (Zeitgeist Films)

WET SEASON (Strand Releasing)

CRESTONE (Utopia)

VANQUISH (Lionsgate)

BLOODTHIRSTY (Brainstorm)

SASQUATCH (Hulu)

SHADOW AND BONE (Netflix)

And that wraps up this week. Next week? No idea… I know there’s stuff coming out but I probably won’t think about it until after THE OSCARS!!!! On Sunday.

[thisbluespirit]

Ten Favourite Characters

Memed from @mariocki​  And despite the numbering, not really in strict order, although I tried and no. 1 is definitely no. 1. 

10. Kathryn Janeway

"There are three things to remember about being a starship captain. Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship... and never abandon a member of your crew."

Okay, basically, me and Star Trek is: I like it if it has Captain Janeway in it.  If it does not have Captain Janeway in it, I might go so far as to mildly enjoy it from time to time, but Janeway is the essential thing.  I walked in one day and saw Kate Mulgrew on the screen and sat down immediately, eventually asking my friend, in hushed tones of awe, “Who is that?”  (I’m not even joking.)  (I don’t hate the rest of ST or anything, but, you know.  It’s not Doctor Who and it doesn’t have Captain Janeway in it, what can I say?  I like the one with the whales, too?)

9. Jenkins

“Magic is not an exact science. If it were, it would be science.”

With Jenkins (John Larroquette), The Librarians takes a mythical character I never gave a thought to, or imagined I would want to, and gave me All the Feels about him.  By the end of S1, I was drawing hearts around Jenkins every time he appeared and that happens all too rarely at the moment, so I think he has to go on this list.  (I’m a Doctor Who fan, how could I not love a grumpy immortal caretaker with a magic door and a heart of gold?) *draws hearts around him regardless of his disapproval and annoyance at said hearts*

8. G’kar

“No dictator, no invader can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power tyrants and dictators cannot stand. The Centauri learned that lesson once. We will teach it to them again. Though it take a thousand years, we will be free.”

G’kar’s arc is just beautiful (from semi-villainous schemer to unwilling religious icon), as is every part of his epic relationship with Londo, and he is my favourite.  There was a period in S1 where there were about 7 episodes without him and I nearly died.  And, I mean, I really like Babylon 5 and everybody else in it, but that was just cruel and unusual.  Thank goodness it never happened again.  Andreas Katsulas was just brilliant.

7. Seventh Doctor

"That's what guns are for. Pull the trigger, end a life. Simple, isn't it?  Why don't you do it, then?  Look me in the eye, pull the trigger, end my life.  Why not?"

What do you do with a thing like Doctor Who in a meme like this?  I could do my top ten fave characters just in Doctors, let alone companions, before we even get started on minor characters, so let’s have my favourite Doctor do the honours for everyone here.  He hates unrequited love, loathes bus stations (terrible places, full of lost souls and lost luggage), and knows we all have a universe of our own terrors to face, and he’ll be back in time for tea.

With Ace, of course, who is also the best.  As are so many of the rest.

6. Servalan

"There’s no one as free as a dead man.”

It’s so hard to choose Blake’s 7 characters!  They’re all so fascinating, that’s why it still gets watched and loved.  If I’m honest it’s Vila or Servalan, and today I went for Servalan, which probably will save anyone from getting stabbed in the back.  I love me an evil lady and Jacqueline Pearce’s Servalan is probably my favourite villain in anything, especially in terms of characters who remain irredeemable, but are also plausible and interesting.  She’s certainly the most fabulously dressed, anyway.

5. Lynda Day

”I don’t do conversation.  Everything I say comes out like an order.  I say hello and people salute!”

Like every other girl of my very specific age demographic in the UK (Press Gang was watched by something ridiculous like 80% of its target teenage audience, which I don’t think has ever happened before or since), I wanted to grow up to be Lynda Day, dictator editor of the Junior Gazette.  It’s probably as well that none of us did, but she was the very best, and I remain grateful to have had her around, and Julia Sawalha was always fantastic right from trespassers will be exterminated to there are crocodiles. 

4. Silver

Sapphire: “You’re supposed to lose sometimes.”

Silver: “Oh! I wondered why I wasn’t having any fun.”

So, Sapphire and Steel are pretty amazing, right, but let’s be honest, I was always watching this for the red-headed guy in Assignments 3 & 6, and he did not disappoint.  I mean, Sapphire & Steel is the weirdest, creepiest low-budget thing with our srs bsns inhuman heroes and then suddenly David Collings turns up and makes light-bulbs glow and turn into glitter.  He is the sparkliest, no one can deny it and he can slide right into the perfect OTP and turn it into the even shinier OT3.  Not that that stops him flirting with everyone else as well, of course.

3. Regina Mills

“There's no redemption for me. There's only suffering. Because now I have a curse. The curse of knowing the difference between good and evil. And I'm caught between them. If I revert, I lose everyone I love. Henry, my friends, everyone. And if I go forward trying to be good, I have to live with my past darkness and all its well-deserved consequences... But for me, it's a simple choice really. I'd rather suffer than see that pain on the people I care about. This is my fate.“                            

Regina gets to go from being Once Upon A Time’s original OTT fairytale villain to hero (and plays out every possible shade in between, plus various cursed and alternate versions of herself, not to mention her evil doppelganger), and Lana Parrilla’s just amazing at All The Things.  I went from not even liking her to somehow letting her rip my heart right out of my chest when I wasn’t looking.  (Bonus shout out to her mother Cora Mills/Queen of Hearts (Barbara Hershey) too.)

2. Frank Marker

"Have you heard about old heads on young shoulders?  Well, you employ me, you get an old head.  You get old shoulders, too, but then no-one's perfect."

I’m with @mariocki​ here: Alfred Burke’s run down, small-time enquiry agent in Public Eye (TV 1965-75) is one of the most utterly 3D, real and compelling TV characters I’ve ever come across.  (With a bonus mention for the very lovely Helen Mortimer (Pauline Delany), because I might even love her a tiny bit more than Frank some days. <3)

1. Ruth Evershed

“I like to think no institution in the country is safe from me.”

I had to think about this long and hard a while ago, and Nicola Walker’s Ruth from Spooks | MI5 is still probably my favourite character in anything.  It’s tough.  But RUTH.  I love her so much.  There’s a S2 DVD commentary with Howard Brenton and Nicola Walker on her first episode and basically Nicola just sits there going, “I love Ruth.”  And I’m: “ME TOO.” From her first appearance, dropping the files, buggering the Home Office, and breaking the desk lamp to more serious, angsty, later stuff, she’s just so damn good at her job (and in Spooks that’s a tragedy waiting to happen).

It’s really hard to list only 10 though.  I’m an all-eras Doctor Who fan.  I’d need three posts at least just to start on that, I keep falling in love with characters from ancient telly and every now and then I even watch new things...

[mst3kproject]

504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

Let’s move on to another oft-overlooked subset of MST3K – the Budget Bond films.  These are always very bad, but often a lot of fun if you’re in the right kind of mood.

Brian Cooper is Super Dragon, pulled out of retirement to find out who’s distributing poisoned chewing gum to co-eds!  Boy, if that doesn’t sound like the setup for a thrilling spy caper, nothing does!  The plot seems to revolve around a Dutch student named Christine Bruder, so Cooper goes to Amsterdam looking for her.  There, in between fucking his female colleagues and flirting with every woman he sees, he learns that Bruder was part of a plot to smuggle deadly drugs into the United States, hidden in fake Ming vases.  An evil conspiracy is planning to dope the free world on a chemical that will cause us to violently attack one another, and then… uh, I don’t know what happens after that, but it’s probably safe to assume it’ll end in the bad guys ruling the world.  That’s always the goal.

What’s with that spy movie cliché about the glamorous secret agent who sleeps with every woman he meets?  Friends, enemies, co-workers, random waitresses… our suave hero loses no chance to insert Tab A into Slot B.  He can’t walk down the street without having women throw themselves at him.  This trope has been parodied to hell and back in everything from Austin Powers to The Million Eyes of Sumuru and it’s actually sort of weird to see it played straight, as it is here.  As a PSA to my readers: never sleep with a glamorous secret agent.  He probably has like nine venereal diseases.

The weirdest thing in the movie is a facet of this trope: it’s the bit where Cooper and Agent Farrell are busily smooching when a man breaks into her apartment and tries to kill them.  They fight him off, and he commits suicide so they can’t question him.  Cooper then throws his body out the window, turns the soundtrack back on, and the couple just pick up where they left off!  Maybe it’s because I’m not a glamorous secret agent but I gotta agree with Tom Servo on this one: I don’t think I could have sex in the same room where I just watched a guy kill himself. It wouldn’t be right, you know?

I will say that this indifference towards death bothers me less here than it did in Master Ninja I, but the characters in Secret Agent Super Dragon have presumably have years of both physical training to kill and psychological coaching to deal with the consequences. Even so, just getting right back to the makeout session before the body’s even had a chance to cool seems unnecessarily callous.

The other trope I notice a lot of in Secret Agent Super Dragon is the death trap. Our hero’s life is threatened repeatedly but always in some contrived way that allows him a chance to escape. The first time he’s tied to a rail so some machine can come along and roll over his head.  He gets out in the nick of time and it crushes a can of red paint instead.  The second time he’s nailed into a coffin and thrown into the river.  He holds his breath and inflates a flotation device. The third time, he’s trapped in a building rigged to explode.  His buddy flies in with a helicopter.  Why doesn’t anybody just shoot this guy? Villains that stupid don’t deserve to take over the world!

Yet another thing that stands out as remarkably dumb is the cause the charity auction is supposed to support – ‘an International Hospital for Babies with Malnutrition’.  Okay, so, imagine you’re somebody whose child is starving, which probably means you’re dirt poor.  Instead of sending food to you, these people expect you to bring the baby to a hospital, which may be in another country, so that they can feed the kid there. Is the complete impracticality of this supposed to be our clue that it’s a scam?  The script never references that, though.  Did somebody just pick a bunch of charitable-sounding words?  Was it a bad translation of something that actually made sense in the original language?  Are the writers just that stupid?  We’ll probably never know.

Beyond that… it’s honestly really hard to say anything deeper about Secret Agent Super Dragon, because this is another movie that’s not very ambitious. It has some vague themes about drugs as the downfall of western civilization, but its characters don’t have appreciable arcs and there’s not much by way of symbolism for me to analyze. All it wants is to keep us mindlessly entertained for an hour and a half – and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly, but Super Dragon isn’t even any good at it.  Trying to watch without Joel and the bots I found myself drifting repeatedly.  There’s the charming super-spy, the parade of blandly beautiful women, the evil mastermind with a vague plan to take over the world, the easily-escaped death traps… we’ve done this all before, and Super Dragon doesn’t even use the stereotypes in skillful or interesting ways.

The thing about spy movie tropes is they’re so easy to parody, and have been parodied so many times, that even somebody who doesn’t actually watch spy movies can spot them because we all absorb them through pop-culture osmosis.  Playing them straight therefore runs a very serious risk of boring the audience.  Of course Agent Farrell is working for the bad guys, because in a story like this, a character like her does – and of course she falls in love with Cooper and betrays her bosses for him.  None of this stuff is even really foreshadowed (except that Farrell dyes her hair – can’t trust those unnatural redheads!) but we still know it’s coming because we’ve seen the same shit in fifty other movies. The bad guy wants to cleanse the world so it can be made anew?  Been there. The movie wallows in misogyny but in all the same old ways, so I’ve got nothing new to say about it.

Throughout the film people talk about the ‘legendary Super Dragon’ but I don’t think we ever get a reason why Cooper’s so great.  Bond films begin with a breathtaking action setpiece to show us that our hero has nifty gadgets and balls of steel – Secret Agent Super Dragon begins with Cooper playing dead by the pool.  His most remarkable ability seems to be holding his breath for a really long time, and his gadgeteer, the kleptomaniacal Babyface, makes most of his gadgets out of literal toys.  I think this might be a joke about the obvious miniatures some of these movies use… but I’m not sure.  All I’m sure of is when that dinosaur waddled into the room I was halfway expecting it to demand the return of the Golden Ninja Warrior.

About the only place where the movie seems to accidentally brush by a real statement is in a moment that resembles a historical reference.  Cooper has infiltrated a conspiracy meeting (by wearing a half-mask that leaves his rather distinctive chin fully visible) at which the Big Bad, Mr. Lamas, is delivering an expository monologue: their factory in India is in full production of the drug, which will be shipped to America in phony Ming vases and bring the world to its knees!  If you’re going to talk about drugs making and breaking empires, China and India are where it happened.

In the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, the East India Company fostered opium addiction in China because they wanted cheap tea and because the British government had vague plans, which never came anywhere close to fruition, to add China to their empire.  The opium to feed this addiction was grown in India, often by farmers who would rather have been growing actual food but owed too much money to the EIC. This all led to the Opium Wars and a lot of other unpleasantness in which the British Empire came out looking even more like assholes than they usually did.  In a story about conquering the world through drug addiction, then, having the drugs created in India and slipped into something Chinese looks like a reference to history repeating itself.

It may also mean something else.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is relentlessly white, set mostly in a city in northwestern Europe, where conspiracies of middle-aged white guys drink booze and decide the fate of nations.  The actual work that makes this possible, however, is being done by people of colour in the east.  Not only does this seem to reference how western nations use other countries as battlegrounds and bargaining chips in their own power struggles, it can also serve as a reminder of something we frequently forget: a lot of what makes our comfortable lives possible comes from other countries, made by people who could never afford to buy it.  My eyeglasses, the sweater I’m wearing, and the chair I’m sitting on were all made in China.  Our entire economy depends on cheap foreign labor, and I wonder sometimes how much longer that can last before the whole thing falls apart.

Is any of this the movie’s intentional theme or message?  I doubt it. The historical reference seems to be just a ‘hey, look how clever we are!’ moment and the rest probably goes no deeper than ‘oh, no, our children are doing drugs!’, which has been on the verge of ending civilization since at least the thirties.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is just a dumb trashy Eurospy movie, and not even a very good one.  I don’t hate it, but mostly because it’s not worth that kind of effort.  The MST3K treatment renders it infinitely more enjoyable, especially when Tom and Crow do Jazz.

Agent Cooper was played by actor Ray Danton, who died in 1992, a year before the episode aired.  Probably all for the best.  I doubt he’d have been into all those jokes about how his character is perfectly smooth.

[gokaihearts35]

My opinion of the Digimon series

I have decided to review digimon adventure and here's my opinion: The first two arc are more childlike fun, but the next two bows are well mature and epic, the real-world invasion is more realistic than several "adult" anime's, he is very mature for a children's anime and the series is a lot better than I remembered, it is really good,  nor does it need nostalgia to see her, she did not get worse like most animes that is reviewed older, she actually improved and I've never seen a children's drawing will kill so many characters. The characters are well-developed, they all have a background story and they learn to mature, they are all charismatic and well-developed, and you can not believe it's a child's drawing.

I finished seeing the series and here's my opinion; The series is good although it is inferior to the previous one, it has many episodes fillers that are of no use, the arc in the real world of three parts is horrible, but the arc of Daemon is great but ends without end, who knows they exploit him and the black ocean better in Tri, the new characters are inferior to those of the 1, taking Ken who is great and the best, Archnemon was a better villain at first, but later became the rocket team of the series, BlackwarGreymon was a great character and the Its story ended looking like it could have been better explored, in fact the series is full of a wasted potential.

Here is my opinion: It is the best Digimon series, with the most realistic and serious history, the weirdest digital world as it looked even different, the digimon mentality as something just programmed, to defeat and absorb data from the defeated digimons , The final stretch was epic, seriously it gave Juri a lot of pain in this final arc, she suffered all the time and even talks about killing herself, but in the end she learns to overcome her losses from her mother and Leomon (he died again in the series, was only a short time as her partner, he only served to die and have her arc), the villain was great being an evolving AI and went to another dimesão (his final appearance reminded Evangelion),, This time the humans helped a lot in the battles using the cards they did not serve only to be screaming, the main trio is well developed along with Juri, the rest was just rest, Ryo was the most mysterious character, did not show him when he was not with the others, we do not know how he thinks or how he managed to merge with his digimon, in this Adventure 01 was superior with all the characters developed, some more and some less (taking Hikari Deus Ex Machina) but both have qualities and are in the same Level with great character development and history, the defeat of the final villain was intelligent and had logic of arc with the story, did not have a Deus Ex Machina in which they defeat him with the power of the feelings, the serif is better than the so-called "adult" series and has neither foot nor head or character development.

This fourth series of digimon can be considered one of the weaker series although it is still a good series for children. One of the things to talk about this season is that the kids themselves turn into digimons and have no partners, which was refreshing, and they really fought not only gave orders (which made several villains wonder why they fought for a world they were not of them) and I found the design of legendary warriors very cool and I liked the protagonists that even though they were not so developed their traumas compared to other series still matured and the one who owned the best story for me was that of the twins, that whole part of him as evil and its story was quite touching clear that the series has some flaws as it has many episode fillers and episodic, such as an entire episode to clear a train, the holy warrior villains taking out Mercuremon no threat, even the arc of the royal knigth even being repetitive I Cherubimon and Lucemon were good villains, the first being with a good history and menacing and the second one of the best and most powerful villains of the franchise, I liked the concept of digi-code in which the areas were absorbed, the history has logic with a progression without holes of script, different from Adventure 01 in That the villains only appear one after the other without any connection between them, another defect is that by taking Takuya and Koji the others stop to gain evolutions, these two have two evolutions more than the rest, all series always focus more on the protagonist and the anti-social boy, this one was the most exaggerated, the others Children have become practically cheerleaders in the middle of the series, I missed a real world arc that in other series for me was always one of the best parts, this series tries very much to want to be an adventure 2.0. However I quite liked her, the characters and their story, of course not one of the best still worth seeing, she is better than Adventure 02, and of course KaiserLeomon had to die to keep the tradition.

I finished the series: I liked it a lot, it has a slow start but soon after to get better and better, I liked the fact that the half-serial villains are human something unheard of in Digimon, Kurata was the villain gave more rage of all series and I wanted to kill him, I liked the idea of ​​the Bio-Hybrids although they could have appeared more, about the most developed characters were Tohmas and Ikuto the rest practically had no development, the protagonist practically stayed the same from beginning to end he was the protagonist that I less liked in digimon, in fact several moments I was angry or rolled his eyes when he talked about "talk with the fists" or talk of a real man or other shit like that, he took several Deus Ex Machina out of nowhere And did several impossible things, I was angry when he broke the shield of Craniamon with his fist and several other scenes so, already the girl was the personage with less prominence and development she only had an episode centered in its past and personality and she was to be the girl of the group, I liked the final bow with the Royal Knight and Yggdrasil, and neither speak of the death of Bancholeomon. This was a good series that resembled a little Tamers with the human company, the biggest focus on the human world, the climate and a more digital digital world and less narnia (I'm talking about you frontier).

I liked the series although it has some problems: most of the digimons are useless and of no use, having very few apparitions, the two friends of the protagonists are useless that are of no use, the protagonist himself is a Gary Stu, he is Super intelligent, always makes plans, helps everyone, he is altruistic, their only development is at the end of the series and even so it is fast, Nene and Kiriha are the best characters of the series and with stories of background and development, although the personality of Kiriha was very exaggerated and Nene switched her main digimon to Mervamon that served practically only to fanservice, her "relationship" with Beelzebumon came out of nowhere and was forced, and also where Kiriha and Nene took their new clothes in the second half, in fact where Nene took that lot of fantasies out of nowhere? And also Lilithmon and Blastmon in the second part of the series became comic reliefs without any function, Bagramon was a useless person who just sat and did nothing, he brought Kiriha to the digital world for no reason, did not try to bring him to his side , He ignored him and let him do whatever he wanted and destroy his armies, if his general had not revealed the truth and tried to bring him to his side he would have continued to ignore him, so why the hell did you bring him? DarkKnightmon was the best villain in the series and used his head and made plans, he was smart using Nene and then manipulating Yuu making him think that everything was a game. Despite all this the series is worth only, the battles are good, on a good idea and I quite enjoyed and I enjoyed the series, and they had to kill Apolllomon twice and Madleomon, someone in Digimon must hate lions digimons.

This is the worst series digimon, It has several problems, the protagonist is the worst of all, maybe the worst character in general of all, he is super annoying, retarded and does not think of not, only in "hunts", he who practically captures all the digimons of the series and has all the battles, Taiki and Yuu can count on the fingers of one hand the number of battles they has besides that they had practically no episodes centered on them were only figurations, and while in the previous series the digimons seemed their own characters and the protagonists were only the generals of the battles in this they became generic pokemons that only served to be captured and had no personality, the rival Hunters also had no development in the series, you have in the end they helping them as if they were protagonists being that we neither saw them repent of their questionable attitudes which they did during the series as if they just out of nowhere became heroes being that Ren was the one with the worst development, he had featured in only 1 episode filler you could take him out of the series that would not change anything he just served to have the same number Of characters in both teams, Ryouma then did not show any angry / sad scene by his partner who was together with him for a year was manipulating him and using him the whole time, the characters of the other series only appeared to fanservice, they did not serve to nothing in the end and Masaru have defeated several VenomVandemon and MaloVamdemon only with punches! I remember how I was angry with him, although now he is no longer the worst protagonist (and according to the last episode we found that a hero needs to have goggles, sorry Masaru), they must have realized that the series had no history and they put them there at the end so the fans did not notice the defects, and the main problem of the series was that of the 25 episodes, 20 must have been fillers that were not useful, they could have used these episodes to have developed the other characters and the final revelation about Astamon came out of nowhere without any hint and the final battle against the villain that seemed to have come out of Evangelion was only Tagiru alone defeating him, which combined with the series since he was the only character who fought and did everything in it (it was worse than Frontier in that at least it was two characters who did everything and had a highlight, at least the others had developments), one of the few good sides of the Series was that finally Akari and Zenjirou gained digivice although it was only in the last two episodes (it must have been only because of the people who complained and because they were the only main Digimon characters they did not have) and also the fact of the old man's mystery of the clock, as he was reborn as a good digimon who wanted to help others and is in search of his younger brother.

Here are my favorite Digimon series orders:

1 - Digimon Adventure

2 - Digimon Tamers

3 - Digimon Savers

4 - Digimon Xros Wars

5 - Digimon Frontier

6 - Digimon Adventure 02

7 - Digimon Hunters

[hawk-in-a-jazzy-hat]

Anime Review: ClassicaLoid

Kanae is a high-school student, also acting as a landlady for her grandmother’s beautiful old house. It’s frequently visited by fellow student Sousuke, a budding musician who is unfortunately terrible at it, and she spends her days doing housework and keeping the pet/guest/overlording shoebill Hasshie happy.

(It’s never made clear what Hasshie is other than the fact that he is clearly pure evil)

It’s a quiet life, or at least it would be, if not for the fact that her tenants are Beethoven and Mozart. Not the actual composers; they are Classicaloids, humanoids who look (somewhat) like their real-world counterparts and have the ability to conjure miracles using their mysterious power of Musique. Kanae finds the two already enough of a handful (especially since they don’t pay rent), given Mozart’s childish nature and Beethoven’s obsession with making gyoza. But soon other Classicaloids show up; the shut-in nerd Chopin, the love-obsessed femme fatale Liszt (yes, she’s a woman), and Schubert; an unassuming gentlemen with an obsession for his senpai Beethoven.

But all is not well, as J.S. Bach and his record company have plans for the Classicaloids, along with his two teen idols Badarzewska and Tchaikovsky, and I’m sorry but I need to stop summarising this right now and have a drink because my word does this sound like the most insane rambling I’ve ever made. And trust me, this is not the weirdest part of the show. Not by a long shot. Not even a smidgen. It doesn’t matter how well versed you are in the anime scenario; you are not ready to watch ClassicaLoid, and you never will be.

So, let’s just dive right into this madness.

This is a Sunrise show, the ones who do all of Gundam. It’s clearly a bit of a step away from their normal work, and while it doesn’t look amazing, I have to admit I kinda like it. The character designs are a bit more caricatured, which honestly helps soften some of the visuals. And while a lot of the show is standard slapstick, there are a few choice moments where the animators must have looked at their briefings, downed a few vodkas and just thrown together whatever they could. The Musique segments are all gorgeous to behold, or at the very least amazingly creative in their concept and execution, even putting in a few different styles here and there. Overall the show looks solid; never anything to write home about, but certainly warranting of mention.

So, when you make a show about famous composers, you really expect the music to be absolutely top notch. And it’s...different. Each episode takes one of the composers’ pieces as a centrepiece, but not the original; they do actually make sure to name the piece and the composer, but within the show the piece is remixed in a variety of interesting ways. Despite the name, the actual ‘classical’ part of ClassicaLoid doesn’t show up very often, usually being relegated to some bizarre techno, J-pop, trance or rock remix, or something even more out there.

It’s not bad! In fact some of the remixes are pretty fantastic, and actually listening to them once again with the benefit of not having insanity flashing in my eyes helps me to appreciate them a bit more. Not all of them work, but there are some inspired moments here and there. Mozart’s Requiem gets a spin, as does Swan Lake, Toccata and Fugue and Ode to Joy. Probably my favourite remix is Mozart’s Turkish March, which is actually remixed (bizarrely) with a version of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Along with the...very special visuals of that scene, it makes for one of the unforgettable centrepieces of the entire anime. I’ll admit, I am in no way an expert on any of these pieces or composers, but I can appreciate batcrap insane effort when I see it. Also a shoutout to the ending themes, which actually changes every episode; some lovely paintings of the eight main composers over the cover of nthe song that was played in the episode; it’s creative, and really quite nice.

Honestly, aside from that there’s not a great deal I can say about this show. I have no idea who it was who came up with this idea but they’re either a genius or require some sort of attention. It’s pretty much what you see is what you get; some new problem to solve within the episode, shenanigans occur, we get some cute musical jokes or jokes about the composers’ proper lives, all the while with some hints of plot sprinkled throughout. Though don’t expect anything at all deep here; if you try and get your head around the thought process of this plot your head will probably explode. There is no logic in any of this, to the point where during the grand finale when you think we’re finally completed and things can’t possibly get any more out there, it literally goes more out there than ever before.

This is of course all acquired taste; you’re either going to enjoy the comedy and antics or you’re going to find it incredibly annoying incredibly quickly. The characters do help that somewhat, since they all have distinct personalities and a goodly amount of time dedicated to them. Though not all of it works; Liszt, despite being incredibly flamboyant and watchable, doesn’t have a great deal to her, and Chopin is by far the weakest, having very little to him aside from “shut-in computer game nerd”. He’s not ‘bad’; just very hollow. I think even Pad-kun  and Hasshie have more character than him, although he does still get a few laughs here and there.

Actually Bach’s crew does a lot better in that regard. Bach himself is an enigma for much of the series, to the point where he only speaks in musical terms (both weird and oddly hilarious). Also he has probably the single greatest design I’ve ever seen in an anime character. The idols are even better, with Badarzewska’s constant insecurities and hang-ups over being branded a ‘one-hit wonder’, and Tchaikovsky’s...everything. Tchaikovsky is probably my favourite character; a tiny little teen package of Russian fury and angst; it’s bloomin’ glorious. Of the ‘main’ ClassicaLoids, Beethoven, Mozart and Schubert probably get the most attention and are far better off for it, both in hijinks episodes and slightly more serious fare.

That’s good itself, but there are also the human characters and they don’t drop the ball either; in fact they usually get some of the more emotional moments to themselves. Sousuke, despite being a dork, has large insecurities about his own musical talent compared to everyone else, and Kanae has her own constant struggles with her past and her family life. Even Bach’s assistant Mitsuru gets some decent attention. It’s nothing overly deep or that’s going to blow your socks off, but it is there.

And that’s the thing; for all the wacky shenanigans, there’s clearly a heck of a lot of effort that went into researching and writing this show, and sprinkled here and there are a few genuinely heartwrenching moments. Sure, there’s Kanae and Sousuke’s problems, but the show also takes time to touch on actual incidents from the composers’ lives, from Beethoven going deaf to Mozart losing his mother. It’s a bit more effort than you’d expect from a kid’s show. And yes, this aired in a family slot in Japan.

Still, these moments never go too far, and they are few and far between. The rest of the show is absolutely, and utterly, bonkers. Giant Napoleon penguins, wrecking crane robots waltzing with organ mechs, giant stone dongs, robot duplicates, brainwashing via stupid wigs, everybody just turning into a fish for a day, Tchaikovsky reverting back to old-Russian-guy mental state when she’s stressed, people’s heads turning into tangerines then doing the Thriller dance, or Schubert absolutely destroying everybody in a rap battle called Arigato Avocado, with a surprise reference to Parappa the Rapper, all set to a remix of Schubert’s Erlkönig.

Yes, all these things actually happen and yes I need another drink.

ClassicaLoid is one of those shows which only comes round once in a while. Utter, absolute balls-to-the-wall insanity from concept to execution.I can’t possibly recommend it because it is unrecommendable; you’re either going to love it or despise it. Me personally? I think it’s great. I’m a music nerd, and I can appreciate the pure unfiltered effort going into every part of this, even if it doesn’t all work.

And the best thing? There’s a season 2 coming this October. I hope they bring in Holst.

My score: 7/10

Next review; something a bit more down to earth. A bit. Not really. Time to take out the trash with no Game, No Life.

[kalique]

MINE THOUGHTS ON BIG BROTHER

FAYSAL - definitely a jock type, can’t see him getting evicted first unless he pisses everyone off. he’s got a face that’s either “i’m the nicest guy in the house” or “i’m the new josh,” there is NO in between. his strategy for not letting anyone see he’s a physical powerhouse is going to kind of backfire because he’s SUCH a huge jock that i could tell he was a fucking jock from just his headshot, no freaking way anyone is going to think this guy isn’t a physical threat. 

SAM - nice “i want to see your manager” haircut, madam. she describes herself as “multifaceted, charming and charismatic,” and i can already tell i am going to hate this woman. and whomst in the fuck says their favorite big brother houseguest is DANIELE????? (i was trying to think of a worse choice, and i can only come up with like, either cody from last season, or the hantz cousin who got kicked off for trying to kill a guy, or maybe lawon from season 13 who volunteered to get evicted because he thought they’d bring him back with special powers, which did NOT happen.) and then this woman goes on to describe herself with all the positive adjectives she can pull from her thesaurus. she calls herself “extremely perceptive and intuitive,” and says she’ll “influence the other houseguests by means of gentle persuasion and manipulation. Another terrible talent of mine.” I HATE SAM ALREADY. she’s going to get kicked out on day 1 with this attitude. be humble sit down.

TYLER - haven’t we already had like, 50 curly blonde headed surfer guys on this show? what is the deal? anyway one of his descriptive words is “questionable.” he calls himself “questionable.” okay. he says victor, dan and zach (literally “fruit loop dingus” zach) are his favorite houseguests and i love you already, tyler. great choices. his strategy is playing both sides of the house, which isn’t even a strategy since literally everyone does it. his life motto is “do whatever the hell you want” and for something he’d like to bring into the house, he lists “quinoa.” I LOVE HIM ALREADY. I SUPPORT HIM. “QUINOA.” WHAT A LEGEND

BAYLEIGH - okay that is.... the most millennial name i ever heard. but like, it’s not a name that a millennial should have, it’s a name that a millennial would give their child. anyway. one of her descriptive words is “engulfing.” what does that mean, i guess we’ll find out. i like her face. sometimes you just like people’s faces. her favorite houseguest ever is donny, which i think is a clue that i was right that she’s a kind person. she has a kind face AND loves donny, she’s got to be nice (but maybe not too concerned with gameplay, since donny, bless his heart, was the biggest floater ever). her strategy is basically just a long-winded “be myself” kind of thing. i respect that. AND SHE LITERALLY SAYS “BE HUMBLE SIT DOWN” IN HER LIFE MOTTO, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT SAM? i hope bayleigh roasts sam in cold blood and brings her down to earth!!!! okay, further evidence that she’s the nicest houseguest: she wants to bring her bible and yoga mat into the house. i love her. but still, i hope she turns mean and roasts sam. because i hate sam.

JC - here we have our token gay, but he’s clearly also a token bro at the same time. his favorite houseguest of all time is josh....... okay moving on. his strategy is “I am going to be the sweetest small guy that everyone would want to hug and kiss.” best strategy i ever heard in my life. seriously. this is how people win. except for josh, who won by being so insane that no one considered him a threat. which is why NO ONE SHOULD WANT TO EMULATE HIM, THIS STRATEGY ALMOST NEVER WORKS. anyway. enough about josh. returning to jc. not much to talk about with him, just that i definitely think he’s going to get far in the game because he doesn’t talk shit, he isn’t arrogant, he doesn’t look like a huge physical threat (although he’s a dancer so he might be), and his strategy is to be really nice to everyone, which is actually a great freaking strategy. i think he will go far.

HALEIGH - oh my god, first we had a “bayleigh” and now we have a “haleigh.” my god, these freaking millennials and their leigh names. facially, the moment i saw her i was like “she looks just like aaryn” which is..... hopefully not indicative of her personality or beliefs.... anyway, she loves her family, and her favorite houseguest is derrick because “he played an honest game,” yet in the very next paragraph she talks about wanting to deceive her fellow houseguests, so what is the truth? don’t know about her, don’t really have much to say. just that, she talks about being adopted and i hope to god she’s not aaryn’s separated at birth secret twin sister or anything. because that’s the kind of stunt big brother would pull on us commoners. 

STEVE - okay now we have our token old man, who will either get evicted immediately or float to the middle and then get betrayed. his favorite contestant is mike boogie. interesting choice. he literally doesn’t even have a strategy and his life motto is “rock on,” and i love him already. and of COURSE he was a cop, because is there a single token old man other than donny who isn’t a cop? wasn’t kevin a cop? i feel like kevin was a cop. or was that someone else? damn i don’t even remember. this guy looks like the kind of houseguest who will float around and not stir up any trouble, and frankly they’re my favorite to root for.

KAYCEE - her strategy is honesty and loyalty, she’ll probably get betrayed on day one. not to be cynical but really. she says that big brother is the only tv show she watches... damn. that could be a great asset for her; with no other shows competing for her memory, her knowledge of the game could be stronger than others who watch a lot of TV. and if she ONLY makes time for big brother and no other show, she’s probably the superest of superfans. she may be one to watch, or she may not. we will see.

WINSTON - damn this guy looks like a winston. he comments that he’s been living alone for 2 years, as though this will help him adjust to the isolation of the big brother house, but... it’s kind of the opposite? after living alone for 2 years, you’re going to be shoved in a house with over a dozen strangers and forced to interact with them all day every day while cameras watch you. i think this guy is going to have a bigger culture shock than he expects. his favorite houseguest is paul. i can see why people would love paul, he seems like the smartest guy in the room, but the reality is, paul isn’t that smart, he’s just been stuck in two consecutive seasons with a cast full of IDIOTS. winston apparently writes love letters to his dog everyday......... that’s dedication. also, he says that he’s been mistaken for two celebrities: ryan reynolds (i can see it) and justin timberlake (nope he’s tripping). somehow i get the feeling that he’s not going to adjust well to the house, and may end up being one of those guys that begs everyone to evict him because he can’t stand it.

RACHEL - first of all, her favorite houseguest is britney, which is the most valid possible answer. she sort of looks like natalie from idk how many season ago that dated james. strategy: to downplay being a physical threat and remain loyal to her original allies. dude, you gotta go with the flow, sometimes you just can’t stay loyal. i actually don’t even have that much to say. just, she looks okay. fine.

SCOTTIE - forgive me if i’m wrong but is this the token nerd, a la ian and steve? he says his least favorite part of the big brother house will be getting shook when he walks in a room and everyone stops talking because they were plotting something, and... that’s 100% something a superfan would say. his favorite player is evel dick, which would be valid if evel dick wasn’t literally an evil human being. he describes himself as a hungry shark and says that his strategy is to pick off the floaters and JESUS this guy is aggressive. also he is a virgin who has never been kissed and freely admits to this fact. somebody get this man a showmance. 

ANGIE “ROCKSTAR” - this season’s token eccentric with dyed hair, huge-ass harry potter glasses, and crazy eyes. one of her favorite activities is “dancing under the moonlight around a fire to fierce drum beats.” her favorite houseguests are joey (blue haired girl that got eliminated first like 3 seasons ago) and frankie. she wants to bring a statue of ganesh into the house. she mentions giving natural birth to all her children. i am just stating all this information. i am not going to give comment. just.... telling it like it is.

CHRIS “SWAGGY C” - please god, let this guy not be serious about his nickname, because i am not making reference to “swaggy c” for the rest of the summer. he LOVES paul and says that paul is better than every single other winner except a few, and..... i mean he’s not even wrong, but that’s more a statement about the quality of big brother rather than the quality of paul’s gameplay. when asked if he has a strategy, he says “of course” but doesn’t reveal it.... sneaky sneaky, i like the cut of his jib! he mentions wanting to bring a notebook into the house, but says he doesn’t even need it because he has a photographic memory. we’ll see about that, buster. he seems really confident and ready to play, and idk if that will work in his favor or not.

ANGELA - if katharine mcphee and sarah michelle gellar had a baby. she’s like, the 10th consecutive houseguest to say that the hardest thing about the house will be lack of social media. she seems to hate men, her favorite houseguest is rachel, she calls herself the networking queen, and she’s extremely athletic. this lady is either going to get eliminated immediately or make it to the end. i am calling it. i have a good feeling.

BRETT - has the weirdest descriptive words of any of them: “Vehement, riveting, and trophy.” wtf. like many other hgs, he plans to lie about his career for no discernible reason. whatever. he wants to bring a toothbrush into the house because he “doesn’t want the ladies to think he has stank breath.” you and every other competitor, bud. he also mentions hacking into other people’s computers for fun. okay edgelord. i don’t like this guy, i just have a bad vibe. i feel like he’s going to be one of the first eliminated cause no one will like him.

KAITLYN - suuuuuuper spiritual. crystals. mediums. seances. the whole shebang. production is probably gonna ask her to ramp it up to make herself look even more of a stereotype so everyone can laugh. i feel like she’s not gonna make it far and i already feel sorry for her.

[cassiopixie]

Gonna put in my two cents about The Last Jedi, from an English Writing Major’s viewpoint

First of all, I loved it, I love Star Wars. I had a great time seeing it. I’d love to see it again to catch all the things that I might have missed. There are some fantastic shots and some really good sections and there was a lot that I really loved about it. But there are some things I wasn’t too gung ho about. So, I’m just gonna jot some stuff down. Spoilers below the cut!

To start with, from a storytelling standpoint, this movie was...kind of a mess. It was all over the place, honestly, and let me tell you why. In my writing classes, we talk a lot about the stakes of a story. So, you know, if the protagonist doesn’t win, what does that mean for the rest of the story? Why should we be invested in it? What’s going to make us want to root for someone? And this story has some serious stake problems.

We get to the end of the film and...well...the rebels might be...destroyed, I guess...there are only a few of them, so they can be easily wiped out. Rey might die! That would be bad, right? Then we wouldn’t have any more Jedi! Oh, but wait...there are those little kids we saw at the end of the movie, and one of them is obviously Force Sensitive...so if Rey dies, there are other kids who could become Jedi. And wait, Finn could die! But Rose already saved him, so that’s probably not going to happen...

You see what I’m saying?

The thing is, there aren’t really high stakes in the next movie. We all know that General Leia is going to die, we’re prepared. And everyone else lived. Luke died (?), but he was really only in this movie. That doesn’t really hit so hard, not nearly as hard as Han’s death was. I don’t really know what will happen if the First Order takes over. It seems like it’ll just be another Galactic Empire, and we’ve already seen that. So what are the stakes in the story?

There are lots of ways that this story could have been better told, just for that. Maybe Rey went to the Dark Side, so now the rebels have to deal with two dark Force users. Or maybe Kylo could have gone to the light side, but Snoke didn’t die, so the next film would be focused on Kylo’s redemption among the rebels. Maybe Kylo decided that he should embrace the light, but Rey went to the Dark Side. All of these cause some significant friction, and set up a problem that the next film would explore. Lots of stakes right there! Another dark Force user! The rebels having to handle a new people they don’t trust! How will they do it????

So yeah, stakes. That was one of the problems. It was a little too wrapped up at the end to really get me invested in a sequel. (Am I still gonna see the sequel, possibly on opening night? Oh hell yeah.)

SECONDLY, Rose and Finn. I love Finn. He’s definitely one of my favorite characters, but his interactions with Rose left SO much to be desired. I really wanted to like Rose, and as a person, there was a lot that I liked about her. I haven’t given up hope completely, of course, but Rose felt like she was thrown into the story and then completely took over Finn’s part in the story. 

Let me explain: Finn and Rose meet, Rose does what’s necessary to the Mission of the resistance and tasers Finn, they’re told to go and do stuff to save the day, she tells Finn that she doesn’t like the casino planet, she does some stuff there and tells Finn her classic Tragic Backstory and then she gets to ride an animal, save the animal from animal cruelty, and after that, doesn’t do much. But the sad part is that in the story, Rose does more than Finn does. Finn is in the story to tell Rose that he knows where the hyperspace drive thingy is, and that’s literally it. She could have done it on her own without Finn, and honestly that might have made the story more compelling. 

Rose does so many random things in the story, and there are so many ways to have made her story more compelling. For one, her backstory felt really random in the context of the casino. Rich people took away her things when she was little, so now she’s entirely against economic gambling? It’s very confusing. Like, if Rose had BEEN one of the children there in the past, like she was one of the enslaved children, then I would totally be more on board for her not wanting to go to Canto Bight. But in this case, it felt tacked on.

Rose Rose Rose...the weirdest thing about Rose, and possibly the lowest point in the film for me, was when Rose knocked Finn out of the way on his way to destroy the battering ram cannon, for SO MANY REASONS. Up until this point, Rose has seemed like the ideal resistance member: she sacrifices everything for this group, she watches her sister sacrifice her life, she sacrifices her necklace, the only remaining thing she has of her sister, and goes on a crazy mission that might end in her death because she believes in this cause so much. And then, at the last moment, she completely breaks that. Finn is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, which is totally a Finn thing, and Rose KNOCKS HIM OUT OF THE WAY.

Now, note, there is a way that this would be forgivable: if Rose had some alternate plan to defeat the First Order, then it would have been excusable, but there was no way for her to know that Luke was going to Astral Project his way to awesomeness. 

But no, this was from the power of LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP. She had to SAVE Finn. If she was so devoted to this resistance, why didn’t she let Finn sacrifice himself? Why didn’t she sacrifice herself instead?

I feel like there are so many ways that this could have been made better. Like, as sad as it would have been, I feel like from a storytelling standpoint, if Finn had sacrificed himself and died and Rose had taken his place on the team, that would have been a lot better. Or if Rose had tried to save him and failed, that even would have been better. 

I know this is kind of weird, but I was expecting someone to die in this movie. And I don’t mean the Vice Admiral, she was awesome, but like one of the main characters. Poe, or Finn, or Rose. Something that would, again, up the stakes of the story. And I think that’s something that this movie needed. Again, STAKES PEOPLE!!!!!!!

THIRD, there are like no repercussions in this story, and there are so many things that I think could have been cut. Like, for one, Rey going into the Dark Force Seaweed Mirror World. Luke is like “YO REY, DON’T GO DOWN THERE IT’S BAD”, and Rey does. Which is fine. Except that she doesn’t, you know, learn anything from it, really, and Luke doesn’t find out. So after that, she has a chat with Kylo and stuff happens, but what’s the purpose of her going down there?

I feel like this could have been executed so much better. If she had discovered something about herself. She said that she wasn’t afraid of the Dark Side of the Force, but then she stays with the Light Side because...it’s the right thing to do? No conflict or anything? Why not? Why doesn’t she question these things? There was so much to be done with that.

FOURTH, and potentially last, because I’m tired, I had a bunch of random problems with Luke’s characterization. And I know that there’s this whole thing about how Luke the Legend and Luke the Person are different, and I get that, but there are things that he did that made me question who we were talking to. The biggest one was that Luke, even for a split second, actively tried to kill his nephew. 

This isn’t Luke the Legend. This is Luke the PERSON. Luke the Person looked at his father, arguably one of the most evil people in the world, and said “I can help him” and he DID. His father was steeped in the Dark Side, and Luke still tried to save him. So why, why on the good great earth, did Luke for a split second think that he should kill his nephew (after telling Yoda so many years ago that he can’t kill his own father)?

There is, arguably, a reason for this, that Luke’s vision was so potent and so vivid that he didn’t see any way out of it. The problem with this is that...we didn’t get to see this. We just have to take Luke’s word for it, and from a storytelling standpoint, this isn’t very helpful. What did Luke see? What would be so terrible that he would forgo his entire philosophy on seeing the light in everyone so what he would try to kill his own nephew??????

So, uh, that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past two days. Reminder, I love Star Wars, and I had a lot of fun in this movie. I think my text to my brother the next morning after I saw it was “IT WAS AMAZE” so yeah, I had a great time, but I feel like there was a lot of flaws in just the storytelling of this movie. I have lots of other thoughts, but those are the main ones. So...yeah!

TL;DR: Loved the movie, had problems with Rose and Finn’s story, Luke’s characterization, and the STAKES OF THE STORY, GEEZ, COME ON. I’m still gonna see the next movie, definitely.