#user : palajae

[seowa]

speaking from grave. user palajae if u ever feel safe....know that im out there . bc u cannot give me butterflies and then cage them liek????????????? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ENIDNG??????????? NO BUT THAT ASIDE, THIS IS SOGOOKJFHJHSF i love how u pointed out the differences like that's rlly good I LOVE ANGST I FEEL SO CONTENT 🔥🔥💯💯💯 that ending is not real bc me and heeseung r together and he's sitting next to me as we speak ☝️😂 thank u for writing

unfamiliar warmth. | season one

PAIRING ▸ bad boy! heeseung x reader

GENRE ▸ college! au, s2ls?, romance, angst, fluff, humor

WORD COUNT ▸ 6.5k

SUMMARY ▸ you’ve heard all sorts of rumors about the campus’s resident “bad boy” and his group of friends, but an accidental encounter with lee heeseung himself leads you to believe otherwise. 

AKA a bad rendition of the “i hate everyone but you” trope. 

NOTES ▸a very happy happy late birthday to heedeeung! 🥳🥳🎉parties, alcoholic consumption, mentions of kissing, drugs and smoking, slight injuries, i think that’s it?? // aaaaa here is the first “season” out of seven ;)

PLAYING ▸ different by woodz. | series masterlist.

“PARTIES ARE NOT OVERRATED.” 

Yuna rolls her eyes, bobbing her head to the booming music while you sigh. It’s not like you could hear her well over all the noise and commotion. You found your spot on the couch to be perfectly comfortable- minus the couple making out about a foot from you. 

You don’t know why you came, why you made an effort to look nice for no one, not a single person in mind or sight.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you yell at yuna even when you know she can’t hear you. You silently get up and make your way past countless sweaty bodies to the kitchen. You spot a couple of familiar faces, meaning people you’ve recognize from your school that have probably never batted a single eye at you. 

You grab a new can of soda (boring, you know) and decide to get some fresh air. Whoever hosted this party, their house was huge. That meant you had absolutely no idea where you were going. But hey, when did that ever matter? 

The flashing lights as you walk down some random hallway make you feel dizzy. You stumble along until you find a door. With no one else around, you think you’ve hit the jackpot. Twisting the knob, you’re greeted by the fresh air. Jackpot, indeed. 

You’re not surprised that random doors open up to balconies in a house like this. But what you didn’t expect was someone already leaning over the edge, back facing you. 

You freeze, and they turn around. Okay, so maybe you were wrong earlier. 

Lee Heeseung’s cocked eyebrow greets you and you suddenly get flashbacks. It’s same face that somehow obtained the reputation as your school’s “bad boy,” the same one that could never escape the worst rumors along with his group of friends. Drugs, smoking, illegal activities, whatever you named Lee Heeseung and his group were most likely mixed up in rumors involving it. 

You never had any face to face encounters with the handsome boy until today, none at school and you wonder if it’s because he barely showed up or you didn’t pay close enough attention. But here in person, you could attest to the general public’s opinion about him- at least appearance wise. Styled black hair falling into his eyes, multiple ear piercings, and that iconic leather jacket. 

Lee Heeseung was the epitome of the bad boy stereotype. 

You swallow, hand already reaching back for the handle. “Sorry, I didn’t know someone else was already out here.” 

But what you didn’t expect was the quiet chuckle that escapes his lips. He looks out into the dark night and your eyes follow his action. 

“Is there a rule saying only one person’s allowed on the balcony at a time?”

You blink. What?

His eyes flick back to you and you stand a bit straighter. “Um, not that I know of?” 

This time, Heeseung laughs louder and you feel your guard lowering a little. He moves to give you a bit more space and you contemplate before gladly taking it. 

For a couple of seconds, you enjoy the silence and peace, along with the sight of the bright moon. 

“Never thought I’d see you here,” he suddenly speaks up and you jump slightly at the sound of his voice. You’re still not used it. In your surprise, you miss the way the corner of his mouth quirks up at your reaction. 

“You know who I am?”

Heeseung shrugs, “I think I’ve seen you walking around campus before. Don’t get your hopes up.” 

At that you scoff, “I can assure you, I certainly wasn’t.” The amused look on his face makes you wonder if he thought you were some sort of game. Then you frown, “But what do you mean by that? That you didn’t expect to see me here?” 

He shifts and the metal belt on his jacket clangs badly against the balcony railing. “I don’t like to judge by appearances but since you’re always in a rush, looking distracted or busy, it seemed like you didn’t care for parties.”  

Your eyes widen. Lee Heeseung was much more observant than you thought. “Well,” you’re inclined to say after some time thinking, “you aren’t wrong about that.” 

He nods silently and you gesture out with your hands, “That’s why I’m here. What about you?”

You don’t know what compelled you to ask him, let alone stay in this space with him, but continuing the conversation- in this atmosphere- just felt right. Maybe your friends would kill you if they found out you talked to Heeseung, but you couldn’t care in the moment. 

“Same,” he replies softly. As to what, you have no clue but don’t take the time to ask for clarification. He catches the can in your hand and smiles. “No alcohol either?” 

You glance at him, again surprised to hear him talk again. He’s only someone you’ve ever heard about, and being next to him in person was certainly a different experience. “Nah. I know everything else is probably spiked anyway.” 

“That’s why I rarely drink at parties like these.” 

A part of you wants to ask why he even came to ‘parties like these’ but the first thing that blurts out of your mouth is-

“Lee Heeseung passed on drinking?” Immediately you cup a hand over your mouth so that Heeseung is only able to see your two wide eyes peeking back at him. 

He smirks and you swallow, “So you do know my name.” 

You splutter and he laughs. You contemplate apologizing for the rude outburst, especially since he was a stranger, but then decide against it at his relaxed posture. Nice to know he wasn’t offended. 

“You know, you haven’t tried to run away the moment you saw me. Or hookup with me. Or get out pepper spray and threaten me with it.” 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” You muse and he laughs again, reaching out to ruffle your hair. You make a sound of protest and glare at him. “For your information, I do have pepper spray and would gladly take it out right now.” 

Heeseung leans in closer and suddenly, your body refuses to move. “Really?” His husky voice sends shivers down your spine. 

Seeing his face up close, you realize how pretty he is. Before either of you can do anything, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. 

Spell broken (and moment ruined), you see four missed calls from yuna and ryujin. “Shoot, I gotta go,” you murmur aloud to no one in particular. 

Well, maybe Heeseung. He watches you with curious eyes as you fumble about with your phone. You turn to the door, reaching for the handle, before you get interrupted. 

“Hey,” Heeseung calls out. You stop and look back towards him with a curious look. 

“I never got your name.” 

You suppress a smile, keeping an unreadable expression on your face. “Maybe you’ll have to wait until the next party to find out.” With that, you head back inside, heart pounding a little too fast for comfort. 

“You talked to Lee Heeseung? And held a conversation that lasted more than two words- hi, goodbye? Y/n, you-“

At first, you wanted to keep your encounter with Lee Heeseung a secret. But knowing your nosy friends who wanted to know where you disappeared off to at the party, the secret was bound to come out. Excluding the weird flirting on his account- if you could even consider that flirting. You didn’t know Heeseung personally, maybe his personality was just like that as some people naturally were. And seeing as how he acted nothing according to what his reputation seemed like and what you’ve heard, you couldn’t keep any judgments right off the bat. 

You hold up a hand in exasperation to stop Chaeryeong. “I know what you’re going to say. But hear me out, he’s nothing like what people say.” 

Ryujin raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that y/n? A bunch of girls have talked about how he’ll just glare at them. And ignore them for like, no reason. Even I know from first hand experience that his poker face is no joke.” 

You shake your head, “No one would do that for no reason. Those attention seeking girls probably did something that ignited that reaction from him.” 

Yuna gasps, “You’re kidding me. Our Y/n defending the notorious bad boy?”

You roll your eyes, “Who said anything about me doing that? I just think we shouldn’t assume anything from rumors and gossip.” 

Ryujin shoots you a look, “Whatever you say, y/n. Just be careful.” 

“Of course. What do you think is gonna happen?”

You don’t know what was worse- getting your hopes up or having hopes to begin with. You tried to not make it obvious you were looking for a certain someone, but that plan ultimately failed. 

“Y/n? Are you good? You keep looking around distracted, like you’re expecting someone.” 

You shake your head wearily, “No, sorry yuna.”

Chaeryeong suddenly gasps and her head whips toward you with an accusatory stare. “Don’t tell me you’re looking for-“

You practically leap over the table to slap your hand over her lips, effectively muffling her next words. You mutter into her ear and her face pales before she nods. Then you let go of Chaeryeong with an easy smile and the others clear their throats. 

“I’m gonna use the restroom,” you excuse yourself as your friends exchange looks. 

You step past people left and right, looking for the nearest restroom. And maybe another person. 

“Well, if it isn’t pretty in the flesh.” 

Your head whips around to find Heeseung leaning up against the wall like in those cliche movies. 

“H-heeseung.” 

“Looking for me? Could it be that you missed me that much?” 

You cross your arms with a scowl, “You wish.” 

He chuckles, pushing off the wall to meet you halfway. “Maybe I did, but it’s okay. Me too.”

Your face heats up at that and you avoid his gaze. His smile grows at that and you glance around nervously. “What are you doing here?”

Even you knew how utterly stupid of a question that was. Just being around him made your brain all fuzzy. 

He pretends to think, the heel of his boot tapping against the hardwood floor. “I dunno, someone promised me a name last time so I figured I needed to see them again.” 

You laugh for the first time in front of him and he visibly brightens up at the sight. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You grin, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

Lee Heeseung, someone you’ve barely met over a week ago and had a grand total of one full conversation together, was essentially a stranger. Yet you couldn’t help but feel comforted by his presence. He was different, he didn’t give off those “bad boy” vibes as much as you would’ve expected. 

“I am in no way surprised that you have a motorcycle.” 

He smirks again and you watch silently as he puts on one of the helmets. Heeseung offers you the other and you hesitate. 

He must see the wary look in your eyes because he reaches for one of your hands, grip unexpectedly warm and soft. “You can trust me, I’m not a bad driver.”

You stare at him skeptically but end up taking the helmet. “I don’t trust you.” 

“Hey, I haven’t died yet.” 

“What a comforting thing to know,” you respond dryly and Heeseung huffs. Your jaw almost drops at the reaction. Tough guy Heeseung acting like a little kid? That was an once in lifetime sight and you think you could get paid a fat stack if you videoed that moment. 

Just to make sure, you pat your pocket to double check that your phone was still there. In case you had to call your friends for help. Again, Heeseung was still just a stranger that you knew. 

A stranger that you were leaving a party with. You thought you trusted him but still, you feel your stomach churn. You stop trying to fit the helmet on. What if this was all just a ruse? 

A ruse for Heeseung to take you away? Do something worse? 

You just met this guy, you knew practically nothing about him. All your doubts and insecurities rise up, What if he-

A voice breaks you out of your stupor. “Are you okay?” His concerned gaze comes into view. 

You cough, readjusting to move his hand off yours. “Yeah, sorry. Just felt sick for a second. Maybe I should go back in-“

Frowning, Heeseung puts his hands on your shoulders. You stiffen, suddenly hating the way you’re unable to control how your body reacts to him. 

“Is it serious? Do you need to go to a hospital?” 

Abruptly, you shake your head, “No, I think I just need to get inside. To my friends.”

He puts a hand on your forehead for a brief moment. You can’t move. 

“You don’t have a fever,” he murmurs. “Are you sure you want to go back in?” He cocks his eyebrow but the feeling you get is much different from the last time you saw him do that. 

“The music’s loud and there are a lot of people. I can drive you to the hospital or home, I don’t mind.” 

Internally, you curse. Now you’re feel conflicted, wondering if he was still acting or not- if he was pretending to care about you.  

If so, he was doing a great job at it. 

You sigh, shaking your head. Too late now. “It’s okay. I just want to see my friends.”

“Alright,” he says softly, “I’ll take you back in.” 

You wonder if this was a mistake. The mistake of talking to Heeseung in the first place or going back to your friends and the party, you’re not sure which one. 

Better safe than sorry, you continue to remind yourself. 

His hand stays on your back as if to steady you back into the house, his warm touch lingering in the back of your mind. Your friends seem surprised to see you, especially at the sight behind you. Or rather, the person behind you. 

“Y/n?” Ryujin gets up, grabbing your arm. “What’s going on?”

“She said she was feeling sick and wanted to see you guys. I just took her back.” The sudden blank expression on his face catches you off guard. 

Heeseung turns to you and his face morphs into a much kinder one, “Hope you feel better. Can I see your phone?” 

Utterly confused, you take it out as your friends watch, dumbfounded. 

He types something quickly before returning it to you. “If you need something, just call me. I don’t usually give it out but here’s my number. See you later, pretty.” 

You’re sure your mouth is hanging open, and so is your friends. Slowly, you look at them and you know you’re screwed seeing their “you better explain everything” faces. 

Needless to say, you stay up that night. Thinking of Heeseung. His troubled gaze, delicate touch. The fact that you thought he was some creep and he kinda sorta ended up being anything but that. 

The fact that his number was entered into your phone but you didn’t make the effort to contact him left you turning and tossing in bed. Was he waiting for you? 

Or should you wait for him to do something first?  

The more you thought about it, the more you realized the truth. If he really wanted to, he could’ve taken advantage of you at any point. At the last party or a couple hours ago- you were alone with him both times. 

Your friends were utterly shocked at the way he treated you. And it’s not like they trusted him still, but they got to see a different side of him. A different side- you didn’t want to admit it- that you wanted to see more of. 

And even though they warned you, maybe a part of you wanted to not listen. You wanted to dive deeper into the mystery that was Lee Heeseung. 

Most of your time was spent studying, or doing work, or relaxing during the rare free time you had. 

No wonder Heeseung said you always looked serious. It’s because you were. Everything you did was for a better future. All your efforts were made to have them pay off later in life. 

Parties were just an afterthought- if you had free time and your friends asked you to come. You didn’t go because you enjoyed it. Or at least, that’s what you believed. 

Until you met Heeseung. 

Maybe you tried a little harder with your appearance for the next party you went to. Maybe you pretended you didn’t care anymore but your eyes would subconsciously study each room that you entered. 

“Y/n, come dance with us!” 

You shake your head with a smile, “I’m good. You guys have fun.” 

That’s how it usually went. Your friends would offer a couple times before giving up and leaving you alone. And that’s what you were used to- what you enjoyed. Or maybe, didn’t enjoy. 

Just like last time, you find an empty couch to sit on. One of your secret hobbies was people watching. You soon realized you learned a lot more by just watching on the sidelines. But unlike all the previous times, you feel the couch dip beneath you- an extra addition of weight. 

“Feeling better?” 

It had been a week since you last saw him, and nothing changed. The way your heart rate subconsciously began to pick up, your hands turn sweaty, it was all the same. 

“Hi,” you breathe apprehensively. 

Heeseung sits on the other edge of the couch, watching you with a small smile. 

“Sorry about last week,” you fiddle with your fingers. He chuckles and you glance up at him, “Why are you apologizing? As long as you’re okay now, that’s all that matters.” 

“What’s with the cheesiness,” you mumble and he can’t hide his grin. 

“Thanks though,” you bite your bottom lip, “for taking care of me.” 

“No problem.” 

Without realizing it, the space between you two on the couch becomes a little smaller. You inhale, “Can I tell you something? Honestly?”

He shifts, “Of course.” 

“Last week,” you look at the ground, “I wasn’t actually sick. I just got scared that I didn’t know your intentions and backed out. Are you… are you mad that I lied?”

His face turns from a shocked one into an amused one. Heeseung reaches out and tucks a piece of stray hair behind your ear. This time, you’re the shocked one. 

“You know,” he starts and you bob your head. 

“Yeah?”

“Not really. I understand since we just met and all. But I do think I deserve something. You know, since you never texted me.”

That’s true, you fell asleep and forgot to message him. And the day after that, and the day after that. Maybe you were too busy to text until it felt like it was too late (and too awkward) to send him a message. You tilt your head, waiting eagerly for his response. 

“Tell me your name. Or, don’t. Either way I’ll find out in the end.” 

You almost scoff at his smoothness. Maybe Heeseung’s playboy side was coming out.“You want to know that bad?” 

He nods with a smirk and you shake your head, speechless. 

“Fine. It’s y/n. Happy?” 

“And your last name?” You roll your eyes, even with a stupid grin on your face. 

“Y/l/n. Y/n y/l/n.” 

“Thank you. Now, can I ask you something too? Honestly?” 

You shrug, “Go for it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widen. Bold- and he asked for consent- another thing noted that you check off your imaginary list that came out of nowhere. With that, instead of replying, you take a deep breath and close your eyes. 

When you peek them open, just the tiniest bit, Heeseung’s face is much closer and your breath hitches. 

The only thing you could feel was him. It felt like it was only the two of you in the room. You couldn’t think of anything else. Your mind was blank as his lips moved over yours. 

He pulls back and your eyes flutter open. He gives you another smile and you look away, embarrassed. 

“Aw. You liked it that much?” 

You tell him to shut up and he laughs, patting your head. You check the time in your phone. “It’s late. Maybe I should get home.”  

“Do you need a ride?” His eyes twinkle mischievously and you hum. 

“Maybe. Let me just tell my friends that I’m going.” 

This time, Heeseung helps you put on the helmet. He tightens the straps softly, fingertips tickling your chin. Your arms wrap around him securely as the wind blows past you, feeling like if you were flying as Heeseung drives you home. 

Even more so when he kisses your forehead and tells you goodnight in that sickeningly sweet voice of his. 

You could care less about the rumors surrounding you. 

Sure, people saw you with him. What difference did it make? The fact that everyone called him a bad boy when in reality, he treated you like you were his most precious treasure. 

You reassured your friends that you were fine, to have some trust in you. 

Although you barely saw Heeseung outside of parties, the way he acted when he was with you was all that mattered. 

Maybe he gave you his jacket to wear when he was cold, maybe the scent of his cologne invaded your dreams. And maybe, just maybe, he was constantly on your mind. 

At most parties, he showed up without fail. You don’t know how, but you always managed to find each other. 

But so far, it had been an hour and there was no Heeseung in sight. Your mood was a little (or a lot) gloomier than normal. You wondered if he was busy, or if he got hurt, or-

“Would you like a drink?”

The nasty red cup is held to you with some foreign liquid inside and your gut shrivels up in disgust. 

“No thanks,” you barely spare a glance at the random guy who offered the cup to you. 

“It’s good, I promise! They’re handing out more in the kitchen if you want to go with me-“

“I’m fine,” you state firmly. Still, he continues to press and you’re just about to knock the stupid drink out of his hands when you feel a presence slide in behind you. 

“They said they weren’t interested. Didn’t you hear them the first time?” 

Shivers are sent down your spine at his cold tone. You see Heeseung and observe his stare. Dark and threatening- there was something in his eyes that he’s never looked at you with before. He looked…

Scary? 

You softly call out his name and his demeanor changes instantly as he takes your hand in his, “Sorry I’m late. Wanna go somewhere quieter?” 

His hand doesn’t let go, even when you’ve found an empty room that isn’t occupied by obnoxious couples to stay in for the time being. You contemplate if you and Heeseung seemed that way too, eyes drifting to your intertwined hands. 

At first, it’s silent. There are so many questions you want to ask, but you refrain from spilling all of them out. 

“I know it’s random but, are those rumors true? Like the one about you and your friends being in a gang, or you escaping from jail?” You ask quietly. 

His face shows it all. Where did this suddenly come from?

“What do you think, y/n?” 

You swallow, “That’s the thing. I really don’t know. You don’t seem like the type?”

He laughs. “Then you’re right- mostly.” His face takes on a foreign look, gaze faraway. “Sometimes rumors aren’t all baseless, you know.” 

At that, you don’t know what to do but nod. He squeezes your hand and you look at him. Suddenly, his eyes turn serious and he watches you with his dark orbs. 

“I won’t lie to you, y/n. I’m no angel sent from heaven. But that doesn’t mean we’re bad people, me and my friends. I think we’re just misunderstood. We’re misunderstood in the worst circumstances possible.” 

You stay silent. “Okay,” you finally say after a while, “I believe you.” 

His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek, “You think I would lie?”

“No,” you state decisively, “I’m just like this because you were late and I was waiting for you.” 

His nose scrunches up in amusement and you resist the urge to kiss it. “I apologize, I got caught up in stuff.” 

“Your secret tough guy stuff?” 

He pokes your cheek softly, eyes brimming with mirth. “Yeah. Tough guy stuff.” 

“Are you and Heeseung like, dating? You’re always leave us to go off with him at parties,” Yuna pouts. 

You shake your head, about to explain as Chaeryeong sends you a look. “You’re not doing illegal stuff with him, are you?”

“Chaeryeong!” Yeji scolds. You groan. 

“No. I already said I wasn’t. I promised you guys that I would never get into stuff like that.” 

“We know, y/n. We trust you. We’re just worried with all the talk going around,” Yeji reassures you. 

You appreciated that your friends were looking out for you, but sometimes they just made it worse. 

“Are you dating?” 

It was always that question. The same one that had been floating around for quite a while, actually. You didn’t realize it but some time had passed since you first met Lee Heeseung.  

Every party, you were with him. Sometimes you kissed. Sometimes, you acted like you were more than friends. 

Sometimes, you felt like it too. 

But it was only during those parties, that feeling was only saved for those occasions. Heeseung never once brought it up. Neither did you.

You saw each other around once a week or less than that, only with the comfort of the dark night and brain rattling music blasting from another room. 

You barely knew anything about Lee Heeseung, yet you were attracted to him. You didn’t know what his major was, where he grew up, or what kind of music he listened to. 

Yet you knew that he had a nice singing voice, that he took care of his motorcycle like it was his precious baby, and that he was the most caring person you’ve ever met. 

It’s like Heeseung and you were from two different worlds, but that border dissolved the moment you found him in the sea of people, under the flashing lights.  

For the first time since you met Heeseung, you can say he stood you up. Well, not exactly, but he never showed up.

You were worried. He would always show up in the end, but it was past 2am and still no sign of him. You called several times but to no avail, it went to voicemail. You grew to hate the robotic voice that apologized to you and told you to leave a message. You walk out the door dejectedly, alone because your friends left earlier and you waited behind to look for Heeseung.

You barely make it five seconds down the sidewalk, walking home because your place was nearby, when a hand grabs yours from behind. 

A silent scream half escapes your mouth, muffled by a hand. Adrenaline pulses through your veins- 

“Y/n. It’s me.” 

The familiar voice makes you exhale in utter relief. Heeseung removes his hand and you glare at him. 

“Why in the world would you scare me like that and not give any heads up?! Where were you? I called like-“

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, gaze sincere under the streetlights. You still punch him, and he winces. 

You didn’t think he was that weak, but-

“Oh my god.” Taking a closer glance, you can see the cuts and bruises on his face. 

“Heeseung, what happened?” 

He chuckles painfully, “Tough guy stuff?” 

“Stop moving,” you mutter under your breath as you dab at the cut. You had no choice but to bring Heeseung to your place since it was nearby and he was in no condition to go anywhere else. 

“It hurts,” he grumbles childishly and once you shoot him another glare, he shuts up. 

“Maybe if you weren’t being an idiot, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” 

“I apologized already, why are you still mad at me?” He pouts and you sigh, screwing the cap back on the medicine. 

“I’m not.”

“You are.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are, because you won’t look at me.” 

His hand softly reaches for your face, tilting your chin to face him. You hate how easily he can read you. His dark eyes bore into you, and you sigh again. 

“What happened to you?” You whisper, “What kind of situation were you in to get hurt like this?“ 

Rather than answer you, Heeseung kisses you. You being you can’t resist, not able to find it in you to reject him. You allow him four more seconds, five, before breaking it. 

You place a hand on his cheek. “Please, Heeseung. You can tell me.” 

He leans in again and you pull back, disappointed. A few more seconds and you give up. You’re not sure why your heart hurts. 

His eyes widen, probably since this was the first time you denied a kiss of his. 

“I’m done. You can sleep on the couch tonight. It’s late, so goodnight...” 

Disappointment fills you as you leave him alone and shut the door to your room behind you. Perhaps it’s because he didn’t say anything, go after you, make any effort to fight back. 

The next morning, you’re not surprised to find your place empty, blanket and pillow folded neatly and placed to the side. 

A week goes by, and then two. You tell your friends that you’re tired and don’t want to go out. But that can’t last forever. Almost a month after Heeseung stayed the night at your place, you finally go out. 

Perhaps for the first time in a long time, you get drunk. Your friends were worried to see you like that, but no matter what they did, you wouldn’t tell them what happened. 

But what they do know is that you don’t go off to find Heeseung. They notice his absence. You get so drunk that Yuna is forced to drag you home as you mumble pitifully to yourself. To others it’s incomprehensible, but to you, it’s all your confusion and sadness. 

You don’t know what happened. You thought you and Heeseung were close- that you built a connection, which included trust. You thought you trusted him and he trusted you. So why was there still a wall? Why was he pulling back? 

You wanted to give your all to him. You wanted to be with him. 

You know you wanted him. 

Exam season comes and officially you’ve stopped going to parties for the rest of the semester. 

Your stress was at its peak and randomly being approached by one of your classmates when you just wanted to go home and jump into your comfy bed was not what you expected. 

“Beomgyu?” You glance at him questioningly. Although he was one of your classmates and someone you studied with in a group, he wasn’t really someone you saw outside of class. 

“Hey, y/n,” he smiles boyishly and you squint. 

“Yes? Is there something you wanted?”  

From what seems like out of nowhere, Beomgyu pulls out a card. He gives it to you and you stare at it. 

“You can open it,” he gestures awkwardly. 

Written inside was a pretty long note and more shockingly, his number? Your eyes widen as you continue reading. You don’t even bother getting to the end before looking up. 

You give him an uneasy smile, “I’m flattered, but Beomgyu, I’m not-“

You’re cut off. 

“Shoot, I’m sorry, I gotta go. I hope we can meet soon y/n,” he says sheepishly before running off. 

You stand there, unmoving with the card in one hand. Your eyes flick to a nearby trash can. 

Should you throw it away? Is that too mean? 

Unbeknownst to you, Heeseung watches from a distance. The bouquet in his hands hangs down heavily. 

After exams are over, you slowly start attending more parties. Partially to relieve your stress with your friends and partially for another reason. 

But he’s never there anymore. No matter how much you search, Heeseung was gone. You haven’t seen his face in at least two months. 

You wonder what you did. Was it because of what happened at your place? Did you go too far by rejecting him? Not contacting him?

It gets to the point that you’re desperate. Really desperate to the point that when you recognize one of his friends sitting alone on one of the campus benches, you approach the guy. 

He eyes you warily, you’re sure that he doesn’t recognize you. Whether or not it makes you happy that Heeseung kept you a secret from his friends, you don’t know. 

“Hi- uh, are you perhaps Heeseung’s friend- Jay?” 

The guy sits up. “Yeah. What do you want from him? If you’re looking for his number then he’s not interested.“ he adds. 

“No,” you shake your head. “You’ve got it all wrong. Actually, I’m also his friend and well, do you know where he lives?”

He squints. “You? Heeseung’s friend?”

“Y-yeah. We met at a party and he mentioned you before- I think-“

Jay’s eyes widen. “You’re y/n.” 

So he has talked about you to them before. 

You know Heeseung treasures his friends. The way he spoke about them- you saw a certain gleam in his eyes that you never saw before. That’s why you figured this was the best way to find him. 

You clasp your hands together, “Please. I really need to see him.” 

Jay clicks his tongue, “I guess you do, since you’re the reason he’s acting like this.”

“What? Like what?” 

He ignores you, shaking his head in distaste. “Yeah, I’ll give you his address. He should be at home now. Give me your phone.”

After contemplating for a solid hour, you give into temptation and follow the address to Heeseung’s place. You stand nervously in front of his door, shaking your hands as if it would get rid of the anxiety. 

You knock once, twice. 

A minute passes. You seriously contemplate running away. 

Then the door swings open.

Heeseung stands there in a hoodie and sweatpants, the first time you’ve seen him wear something that wasn’t his infamous black leather jacket. 

“Y/n?” 

You give him a halfhearted smile. “Can we talk?”

He lets you in, and you’re left to observe his living space. It’s cleaner than you expected, and plainer than you expected. 

But one thing seems out of place- an arrangement of flowers in a vase on his countertop. It seemed like the only colorful thing he had in his home. 

“How did you get here?”

You take a seat on his couch, looking around nervously. “I asked one of your friends… he told me where you lived.”

“Oh,” Heeseung says, strangely quiet. You can’t stand it. 

“Heeseung?” You start off calmly, “why haven’t you been at any parties recently? Is it because of what I said last time? If so, I’m sorry that-“

“Y/n,” he interrupts you and you bite your tongue. “Really, why are you here? Why did you come find me?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I came for answers. Is that what you wanted me to say?” He avoids your gaze like he was expecting you to say that and you scoff. 

“Fine. I don’t know why I came! I don’t know anything. How am I supposed to answer you when we don’t even have an answer?” You stop to take a deep breath, defeating silence filling your ears. 

“What are we? What are we supposed to be, Heeseung?” You whisper. 

Heeseung rubs a hand over his face in frustration. You look away, stomach feeling like lead. 

“I’m sorry, y/n,” he starts off. “I’m sorry that things are like this. That I’m like this. Maybe if- maybe if it didn’t feel like we were so apart, we could be different. I’m sorry that it feels like we’re living in different worlds.” He looks up at you and you see the pain hidden in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry that we’re so different.” 

Heeseung sees it. He sees how happy you look in public with your friends. He’s always seen you, regardless if you saw him back or not. He always wondered if you would be the same way with him. If Lee Heeseung with all his flaws and scars, was next to you- the hardworking, kind and passionate you. The you who wasn’t scared of him the first time you met, who didn’t listen to baseless rumors and treat him like an outsider. 

The same you who smiled with your whole soul and that made him fall in love with you while breaking his heart at the same time. 

He sees you without him, and your world on the opposite side. He wonders if your two worlds could ever mix. What other people would say or think about you just because of him. He realized that he couldn’t handle that- not for you. When others think he’s such a stone cold guy who never cares but in reality, he’s cares too much. 

He’s the weakest one. And with that comes the realization that he could never have you.  No matter how much he wanted, needed you. 

You’re just too different, and that one fact is enough to keep him away. 

His words echo in your head.

Are you actually that different? Or is he just being a coward? 

And you as well? For not wanting to fight, for actually believing him when he says that?  

You get up and take your leave- heart, soul, and world especially feeling cracked. 

Heesung’s head hangs between his arms, and if the pain of seeing you leave him was bad, the fact that he didn’t try harder to get to you was even worse. 

A ring at your doorbell makes you groan as you roll out of bed. It’s been a while since you’ve gone outside, your friends’ countless attempts to cheer you up and get you out of the house were futile. As you get up you pass by Beomgyu’s card which lies on your desk, forgotten from the day you planned to but didn’t throw out. 

You open the door and your heart stops. There’s no one there. 

You look down, reaching and picking up a familiar bouquet of flowers. A sad smile makes its way in your face as your fingers graze the flowers. 

Maybe this is a sign. 

You sigh, returning inside and taking your phone out to type the numbers. 

Your finger presses the call button. 

MAIN TAGLIST ▸  @precioussoulofmine @lov3niki @heesterical @coffeewon @rerequire @nvertheless @duolingofanaccount

SERIES TAGLIST ▸ @axartia @makiswrld @jovibaes @ksphnrk @soobnism @asyleums @ayayiiie @r3niun @ahnneyong @jakahbot @thisisnotjacinta @jjongsha @chatoyervictoriaa @swnheo @onthevergeofdepression @skzenhalove @miraculouspabu

UNABLE TO TAG ▸ @/naheeyounga @/lenadoll

send an ask/dm to be added to the ‘play it to my melody’ taglist!

[enluv]

HELLO EVERYONE (MOOTS AND TOOTS)!!!!

I am here today to give a BIG thank you for everyone who has made my time on tumblr so much fun! I hope you all continue to have a good year with this new one and I hope you get everything you wish for in life, seriously! This is a bit late (very sorry) but I wanted to say thank you for everything, everytime I see y’all interact or express to me that you enjoy my content it means so much to me and I appreciate it so so so much!! Recently we hit 4k!!! Thank you so much for that, I truly do love and appreciate you all so much!! Here’s to hoping for more content, toots, moots, and everything else in 2024!! 🤍 (THANKS AGAIN FOR 4,020 TOOTS 🍃🍃🍃🍃‼️‼️‼️)

tagging some mooties who I adore, love, and appreciate! AND they’re amazing people who I need to give a big virtual hug and kiss to (if you aren’t tagged please know it’s most likely because I forgot your user, I will add more mooties as I remember more) –

@odxrilove @boydepartment @blue-jisungs @hoonvrs @isoobie @invuwrld @kazmura @laviesm @malarign @ningtual @nhularin @okkotsu-simp @stealanity @writingmeraki @aakomii @100203s @junityy @flickqr @palajae @ikublr 🤍 (IF YOU AREN’T HERE DONT BE ALARMED I HAVE A BAD MEMORY !!!)

[kynrki]

user change!!

@lov3niki — @kynrki

moots @luvhyun3 @lcv3lies @luvhooniez @keikeu @hrtattcker @mokiverse @nvertheless @estherszn @urszn @aeriwn @aerisfy @arininlove @ox1-lovesick @oohuh @jencthy @jennaissantes @byuqi @byhees @cutieseo @ctrlemis @completelyrain @hikyeom @delcakoo2 @deeznutsriki @shinsou-rii @seungtiny @feeeli @gfksn @zuyairus @palajae @ijustmetyouandthisiscrazy @iad0ru @yenqa @trswon @tzyuki @taejays

[palajae]

have you heard about tumblr selling data to chat gpt and other ai companies for language model training T_T i saw some mha authors say all fics and blog text posts were being mined

HWAT NOW

…okay that’s crazy

[forjongseong]

anon if you go through my tags post on my pinned, and click on #nanareadinglist, scroll to the bottom and you'll find some enha x hogwarts work by sfw writers! there's one story for each member so I hope that could quench your thirst for a while

hi do you know someone who writes something like you do (hogwarts etc) but with other members as well?

smut, no, but I did find some fluff hogwarts writers out there! honestly I am dying for more hogwarts!au too but it just seems like not many smut writers are into it for some reason... the best I could find is probably just a hard thought that someone answered in their asks

[palajae]

hi hi user palajae aka new mootie :3 omg we've never interacted yet,, heyy i'm sru ^0^ i hope we can get along just right ive been meaning to send u an ask for so long 😭 also i love ur blog :0 !!

omg i’ve accidentally been mia but UR SO SWEET AAAA

thank you 🥺🥺 i love your blog too it’s so cute

[palajae]

Hey I really like tomorrow, again so far, could I be added to the taglist :D

oh um bestie it’s finished 😭😭

[palajae]

ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ welcome to palajae...

USER... jae, she/her - riki enthusiast!

WRITING FOR... enhypen

STATUS... how to talk to… men?

carrd. | ko-fi. | masterlist. | spotify. | taglist.

NETWORKS... @enhypenwriters @kflixnet

LATEST... kiss, kiss, fall in love! (host club!enha x reader, series) | eastside. (agent!niki x agent!reader, drabble) | wrong place, wrong time. (heeseung x doctor!reader) | bigger picture. (ceo! sunghoon x model! reader, drabble)

© palajae 2024. all rights reserved.

[seowa]

IM IN IMMENSE PAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS WAS SO GOOD WHAT THE HELLLLLL 😭😭😭😭 NO CAUSE HOW DID U EVEN THINK OF THIS WTF LIKE THE PLOT? THE WHOLE MFING PLOT? IT'S SO GOLD, SO UNIQUE, SO CAPTIVATING MY HEART HURTS AS IM TYPING THIS

THE WAY UR WRITING STYLE IS SO PERFECT THE FLOW IS INSANEEE IM HOLLERING RN 😭😭😭💗💗💗HOW R U SO GOOD AT WRITING LIKE THE WAY U DESCRIBE THINGS? THE SWITCH FROM ONE SCENE TO THE OTHER? THE ATMOSPHERE? THE WORDS OMGGG MARRY ME IM AT UR DOOR WITH FLOWERS IJDFSDKJH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AND FUCK THE GOVT IT'S ALWAYS AT THE CRIME SCENE LIKE LEAVE MY BOY ALONE THAT'S A KID WE'RE TALKING ABOUT??? THESE DOCTORS BE MAKING ANYONE THEIR TEST SUBJECT.....AND JUNGWON UMMM dude i love u but why r u here like THEY HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS ON THEIR OWN. ok but the change in their personality ten years later is so evident like it's so easy to point that they have matured over time and i think that's wonderful yk, to show it instead of outright telling the readers .

and the way this fic, for most of the time, was just a rendition of 'meant to meet but not meant to be' TEARS ????????? THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD READ, THE CONFESSION SCENE WAS SO SKDJUJHDFS . SEVEN DEAD THIRTY NINE INJURED JAE U HAVE OUTDONE THE ENTIRE ENHABLR WITH THIS FIC BYE

love me (k)not. | 1k special

PAIRING ▸ niki x reader, slight jungwon x reader

GENRE ▸ soulmate! au, string of fate! au, photographer! au, childhood-friends-to-lovers, romance, fluff, angst, humor, SLOW BURN

WORD COUNT▸ 15.6k

SUMMARY ▸ yes, niki can see the red string of fate that connects two people together. and no, he can’t just tell people who their soulmate is. you’re his only friend but there’s one problem and he can see it quite clearly (and literally)- your string isn’t connected to his. 

AKA a reality check that niki loves you, no matter what the universe says. 

AN/NOTES ▸ mentions of bullying, slight violence, child experimentation, food, drinking/alcohol (but only with an aged up riki and reader!!), kissing, jungwon being a jerk for a little :(

hi guys did anyone miss me :) it’s been a long ride but due to popular request for longer oneshots here is a very long one that i basically died over! i really hope you guys enjoy it as i worked super hard, and thank you guys again for 1k (more like 1.2k now but) ily 🩷

i. one string, two strings, red strings, new strings. 

he doesn’t know when it really started. it simply happened one cloudy afternoon. and it’s not like the subject was completely foreign to riki, oh no, he had definitely heard tales from older people about the topic. 

unfortunately for him, it just had to be when he was a mere seven year old. ‘it’ meaning the delicate and thin red strings— almost identical to the yarn his grandma would use for knitting—appearing all around him, encasing him in a world like a spy in a laser trap trying to escape with their precious treasure. 

tiny riki frowned, glancing around while still having a tight grip on his mother’s hand in order not to get lost in the vast mall they were currently shopping at. his attention was suddenly caught, eyes focusing on the larger hand he was still holding onto. more specifically, the pinky finger of his mother’s right hand. 

a perfect little knot wrapped around her smallest finger. 

his eyes followed the string, but it traveled quite far through the crowd of people and he eventually gave up, the string pulling farther than he thought. later would he really figure out the meaning of this, but at the time, he simply tugged on his mother’s shirt, attracting her attention. she glanced down, answering her child with a hum. 

cautiously, riki took a quick peek around at the passerby’s, confirming what he saw on what seemed to be about everyone else’s hands as well, almost getting lost in the maze of the red before his eyes flicked up to her. 

“what are the red strings for?”

his mother raised an eyebrow, leaning closer to hear better. “what? repeat what you said, riki.”

he stood up straighter, clearing his throat. “i said, what are the red strings on everyone’s hand for?”

riki’s mother paused, a train of thoughts running through her head. once an answer finally appeared, she attempted to calm her suddenly racing heart before squatting down and leaning even closer to her son. she looked him carefully in the eye, and riki can still remember the movement of her lips speaking clearly and slowly, the words that left her lips that day and changed his life forever. 

“just like the ones grandpa told you about?”

he remembers exactly what he responded back with. 

“yes.”

they went to the doctors eventually for assistance. riki now knows it would’ve been inevitable, and perhaps earlier was better than later. 

the doctor returned back with what seemed like an impossible diagnosis: riki can see people’s red strings of fate.

their soulmate connections. 

then came the questions, tests, experiments. it lasted for a long time in little riki’s head, and it was indeed a long time for a child. several years- five to be exact. five years spent in a lab, all in solitude, to be kept under control and monitored over time. 

riki remembers the overwhelming amount of people. people like the scientists with the tidy white coats and glasses who came in and took his blood or ran tests on his eyes and brain. he also remembers the average people who would occasionally come in, usually a man and woman looking quite anxious and timid, and who would sit down in front of him, both hands clearly in sight of riki. 

every time, as if it was natural instinct, his eyes would flick down to their right hand, spotting the tied knot on their pinky. then a scientist would ask questions- 

do you see a red string? yes. 

can you see who it is connected to? yes. 

is it to each other? 

yes—most of the time. occasionally, he would answer no with a shake of his head. there was always the variety of responses from the people. a gasp, crestfallen look, maybe even tears. whispers and murmurs would come from the white coated people as they wrote stuff down. 

riki was confused. did being soulmates really matter when most people (meaning everyone except riki) never had to ability to see who their soulmate was anyways? people fell in and out of love, regardless. 

the lab came up with a final conclusion: most likely, nishimura riki could indeed see people’s soulmates through their red strings. he couldn’t touch the red strings, it was like they were just imaginary, only visible to him. but they had no idea how, but they knew he could see them and if they were connected or not in accordance with his field of vision. 

most would think he was just a kid faking it—with a great deal of imagination—but his accuracy of determining two people’s soul connection was a little too frightening to be a childish prank. 

form what riki overheard, the government planned to keep his special “power” a secret. after all, riki was just a kid. public knowledge only meant trouble and who knew what else. half argued to leave the poor kid alone, while others vouched to keep him under surveillance for the rest of his life. 

either way, riki was forced to keep his mouth shut about his ability—not that he wouldn’t have wanted to say anything anyway. 

of course, rumors and secrets still leaked out, but for the most part, riki seemed to be safe. maybe a little too safe. he didn’t really have friends. no, he didn’t have friends at all. 

personally, the imaginary ones appearing in his years of loneliness didn’t count. riki possessed a power the world had never seen before, but he had no friends. no childhood. no life. 

after five years of living alone in a laboratory surrounded by white lights, white clothes, and more white walls, riki was finally released when the government reached a dead end in their research. how much power could a kid with soulmate seeing abilities wield? the government hoped it was close to none. besides, no one knew when he could get called in again.  

his parents? yes, he supposed they did love him. but enough to keep him from being tested on for years and not having a proper life? other would argue it was for the benefit of his “special ability.” 

research gave answers that in reality, didn’t have any use. (his parents wouldn’t mention the copious compensation fee the government gave for testing on their son, though).

and riki’s red string himself? 

he had to admit, when he was first discovering his newly identified ability, he was also curious about who his soulmate could be. and like many, many others when he took a peek, the string just carried on in the distance, unable to display the carrier of the other end. 

once riki was back in the “real world,” he was kept mostly at home during the heat of the summer. but he would always remember the feeling of being taken out of his room and directed outside into a dark, heavily guarded vehicle for occasional checkups. he remembers glancing outside while driving past tall buildings and sometimes seeing countless red strings pass him by, a sight he hadn’t seen since going to the mall with his mother all those years ago. 

his mother walked into his room one day with a clean, white envelope in her hands and an unreadable expression on her face. he looked up from his hands, eyes catching her red string hanging again before looking at his mother fully. 

“you’re attending a new school, riki.”

ii. eros and psyche. 

the cursed rules echo in his mind. they were pretty simple, yet held the heaviest consequences. 

don’t tell anyone about your abilities.

especially don’t tell anyone about their soulmate. 

it wasn’t his choice to. it’s not like he wanted to, either. even at the mere age of twelve, riki wasn’t one to mess with fate or whatever the universe was doing to him. the red lines invaded his personal space, but at some point it didn’t bother him anymore.

what really bothered him was the daunting task of attending school. learning in person, having homework, interacting with others. 

riki was educated at the labs, but that schooling came in the form of simple workbooks and videos. 

needless to say, the first few days were rough. 

quite hard. 

very hard. 

waking up early probably got riki the most. being surrounded by so many other kids was quite overwhelming. especially when they stared at him whenever he passed by like he was different. 

which, he was.

everyone else had established their respective friend groups already. he learned why pretty early on, though. why the weird looks and gossip passed by him. it was all because of one girl who just really couldn’t whisper for her life. (even without confirming or denying it, he wondered how they found out?) 

he even started to go by niki instead of riki—the one letter difference was the best he could do. 

perhaps rumors were spreading quickly around about riki and his ‘power’ to see others’ red strings connected to their soulmates. 

not even a week of school and riki already developed his own reputation. a feat of its own, no? 

at first, it was hard to adjust to seeing so many other kids, waking up at the crack of dawn, and managing the stupid overload of work—basically what seemed to be about everything. but somehow, riki felt a bit more settled in, if he could even describe it as that. 

he was quiet, extremely, but still very well known around the school. his grades weren’t bad after all, it turns out riki was pretty alright at “school”, although he mostly slept in class or daydreamed away. 

the one thing he could admit he failed at as a human (albeit a ‘special’ human) was socialization. 

yeah, riki had basically no friends and he embraced it. 

he sat in the back of the class, spoke a total of four words per day, and occasionally messed around. if he really felt like it, he would put in his earbuds and listen to his mixtape like an angsty teen before going home for the day. 

all day. all week. on repeat. 

if his mother was ever concerned and asked, his rationale would be that riki simply didn’t trust other people. he forced himself to stop caring about and looking at everyone’s red string and soulmates, or anything related. 

yet he still had to deal with strangers confronting him and asking who their soulmate was. it was all random people to him, mostly. so who knew what would happen if he became friends with someone, just to discover they used him to find out their soulmate? 

even years later, his theory is proven to be accurate. 

why, riki internally sighs, do people think they can get whatever they want, whenever they want?

the two girls in front of him, he finally spares them a glance. he just wanted to call it a day, go home and watch some anime or something, not have two random girls pounce on him after school. he barely manages to keep his mouth shut. 

“so,” one of them says, arms crossed and eyebrow raised, “can you tell us who our soulmates are?”

which obviously translates to: tell us now or you’ll suffer the consequences. 

he takes out an earbud nonchalantly, a blank expression on his face. 

“no thanks.”

she takes a step closer, and his eye twitches. “but you can.” 

her eyes glare into his, and her friend does the same. 

“i can, but will i?” riki asks sarcastically, annoyance beginning to reach its limit. when one of them grabs his shoulder, he starts to panic. 

“get your hand off me.” his voice is cold. 

“or what?” they mock. 

riki grits his teeth, attempting to cool down. he can’t fight back—not just because he doesn’t want to hit them, but because it’ll attract unnecessary attention and that’s the last thing he needs. 

the girls giggle that same annoying high pitched sound, although it’s not a blissful or joyful one, it sounds more like a warning with a malicious edge to it. 

“oh come on, won’t you be nice to us girls? we’ll let you-“ 

one hand reaches out and he dodges so quickly they have to pause for a second. 

“don’t touch me,” riki puffs out, barely keeping it together. 

“i said-“

“how many times does he have to tell you two to leave him alone?”

that was the first time. 

the very first time riki ever laid eyes on you, and the very first time his eyes didn’t immediately fall to your hand and red string.

they scowl, about to retort when you shrug uninterestedly, revealing your phone camera pointing straight at them. “i can just report you guys for bullying, you know, or like harassment.”

their eyes widen, before flashing you that look- the one blatantly showing that they just cursed at you silently- before furiously stalking off. 

silence follows as you put your phone away and riki collects himself. 

you turn to him, voice and expression softer than earlier. 

“you good?”

riki shrugs, about to turn away. 

“w-wait!” you call out hesitantly. he stops, on the verge of leaving regardless of what you have to say. 

“uh, don’t worry. i didn’t actually record anything, just made it look like i did.” 

you inhale, trying your best to ignore the awkward atmosphere. “i think we have some classes together? my name’s y/n.”

his eyes flick to yours for a split second before looking away. riki barely nods, putting his earbud back in. 

you clear your throat. “and yours is?” 

you can barely hear his quiet mutter of an answer before he walks off, leaving you alone in the hallway. you already knew what it was, you just wanted to hear his voice at least once. but his answer leaves you frowning (wondering if you didn’t hear him properly or didn’t clean your own ears properly.) 

riki, you contemplate thoughtfully.

regardless of if he was niki or riki, it sounded nicer coming from himself than it did from others. 

surprisingly enough, he runs into you again the next day. or not really, you sort of just found your way towards him in the back of the classroom and plopped your stuff down right beside riki. 

he didn’t notice you because of his earbuds in until you tap his shoulder, sending a small smile. riki stays emotionless, acknowledging your presence with a quick glance over. 

he can’t count the amount of times you attempted at keeping up conversation before giving up. riki would later regret the short, blunt answers he always gave in return. but it baffled him, how you would never mention the red strings or anything related. 

you talked about normal things like a normal person, and like riki was a normal person. it was weird how he could learn so much about you based on what you said in a day. 

like how you would complain about the astounding amount of homework but always did it all on time and aced every single test. or when you said you were starving but during lunch he would catch you giving your packed lunch to your other friends who were just as hungry as you. 

even how you would never fail to greet and sit next to riki, and randomly mutter under your breath for no reason. 

he didn’t understand you and how pervasive you were. when he’s a hard concrete wall and you’re still pounding at it every single time. but deep down, he never failed to see your lively soul.

riki’s encountered so many different people with differing intentions, and yet you stand out. he just can’t figure you out. 

you pass him the paper for attendance one day and he mutters a small thanks. you practically do a double take, staring at him for a good five seconds before beaming down at your paper. riki doesn’t miss that, either. 

he doesn’t know how it happens. you talk to him, and he feels himself responding before he can realize it. you never once mentioned the words red string or soulmate ever. perhaps that was what led him to feel a bit more safe around you. maybe his guard was never let down completely, but you certainly had some effect on him. 

maybe, you two became friends. although riki didn’t even know what friends even were. even the school picked up on it quite easily. one of the most brilliant kids in the grade hanging with the outcast- the weird kid who never said a word. 

riki doesn’t understand. you have your own friends–he assumes. why even bother with him? 

you start sitting next to him at lunch, for crying out loud. 

not that he minded, it was actually nice to sit next to someone and not an empty chair or desk.

“hey,” you plop down next to riki, stuffing a grape into your mouth. “what’d you get on the test?”

he looks up. “which one?”

you sigh, taking out a binder. 

“history.”

riki takes out an earbud, blinking. “78. you?”

you tsk while popping another grape into your mouth. “i thought our study session was helpful. i got a 97.”

he scoffs, nothing your displeased expression. “you’re smart. you should be happy.” 

you raise your eyebrows, ready to retort. 

“ you’re smart too, nishimura riki.”

“-if you stopped watching anime all day.”

you just barely manage to dodge the flying grape aimed at you. 

you take the seat next to him, taking out one of his earbuds with an intent expression. riki looks up at the loss of sound in his left ear, eyebrows furrowed to object. he stops when he sees you.

“you wanna hang out after class?”

“no.”

you pout. “why not?”

he shrugs. “ask my mom.”

“i personally think she would be ecstatic with you going out instead of staying cooped up inside all day.”  

he has to stay silent at that. 

triumphant, you pack up your stuff, not bothering to wait for his answer. “five pm at the gates.”

he shows up. riki wasn’t that big of a jerk (at least he thinks so). 

he did again when you invited him out after that. and again, and again. 

even when you both start adding more and more layers to your everyday outfits, nothing changes. even when exams started and the pink blossoms began falling from the trees. 

it’s like one second you were having one sided conversations and the next thing you know, you’re laying down next to each other in the grass during your lunch break. 

“so you literally just see the strings?”

oh, yeah. 

that was one of the things about you that made riki dumbfounded. at first, you didn’t say a single word about his ability. but as riki let his guard down and opened up more, he realized it was because you actually had no clue. somehow all the rumors that were spread about him never reached you. but once you found out, you did not stop asking questions. countless questions about his “really, really cool superpower” as you deemed it. 

“yeah. i see it.”

“everyday? all the time?”

he shoots you a look. “no, i can just sneeze and it’ll turn off.” 

“really?”

“no, stupid.” 

you huff, hands behind your head as you turn to glance at him and he averts his gaze quickly from your face. 

“that’s cool. but you probably wish you could turn it off, right?”

all the time, he thinks bitterly. maybe even permanently.

“can you touch them?”

“i told you already that i can’t!” he shifts, “besides, why would i want to—everyone would just be staring at me like i was a psycho if they just saw me creepily petting the air or whatever.”

he watches your reaction, seeing the corners of your mouth tilt up as you imagine it, and it makes his as well. there’s something satisfying about seeing your reaction that makes him unable to resist.

you abruptly stop, murmuring, “we’re friends, right?”

he pauses, swallowing. “uh, sure. what makes you ask that?” quickly, you shake your head. “oh no,  i just never asked you before. wanted confirmation.” 

“your only friend, right?” you add jokingly, and he elbows your side. 

“i’m kidding-“

“...but i like that,” you add quietly. 

a petal flutters down from the tree above you, landing in your hair. you don’t notice as you’re distracted, but riki does. as you start to speak again, he lifts a hand and delicately picks it out. you stop mid sentence as riki watches you gently. 

he swallows, and you quickly clear your throat. 

it was true. suddenly, riki’s quite glad that he didn’t know who your—his only friend—soulmate was. why, he’s not sure. all riki knows is that he doesn’t want to find out who your soulmate is. 

and he’d never admit it, but it was probably (definitely) fear. fear at who your string was connected to. why? 

he had no clue and that scared him even more. 

riki’s pulled along by your surprisingly strong grip, weaving through corridors and into an empty classroom. a couple of students stare as you two pass by, apparently still not over the fact that you and riki could be friends—let alone be in the same room. 

panting, you shut the door and lock it, but stay close to watch out through the window quietly. riki notices your hand still tightly intertwined with his but he decides to keep quiet. 

“what’s going on?” he whispers. your gaze breaks away from the window in order to reply to him. “this guy keeps following me-i’m pretty sure it’s the one who left the confession note in my locker and won’t leave me alone during the periods i don’t have with you.”

“someone likes you?” he asks incredulously, and you slap a hand over his mouth, shushing him fiercely as you continue your patrol from inside the classroom. 

his insides suddenly feel unpleasant. it’s already uncomfortable and stuffy enough in the room, being squished next to you behind the door so no one- well, apparently this annoying guy who’s stalking you- can find your whereabouts. he doesn’t know who this person is, but he doesn’t like it. not one bit. 

suddenly, there’s a voice coming from outside, one asking for the location of you. a couple of female ones answer, and riki figures they must belong to the girls from earlier who saw you guys pass by. 

you gasp, and riki feels your grip tighten. you pull him in closer so you’re practically squished together against the door, breaths held as quietly as possible. 

it takes everything in him not to squirm as riki waits, he fears you can hear the sound of his heart pounding. 

two… three… five minutes pass. only when you hear complete silence do you release him. flustered, riki pulls away, attempting to fix his wrinkled uniform so you don’t notice his reaction. 

it must’ve been a clear success, as you only heave a sigh of relief and flash a mischievous grin towards riki. 

“i think we’re good, let’s get out of here!”

you don’t make any leeway for him, escaping past the door and out the classroom without a sound. 

riki pauses, taking a second to catch his breath. the past few seconds of your close proximity replay in his mind. he shakes it off, brushing the weird sensation in his gut. 

still, he wonders if there was any chance you felt that too. or was it just him?

you throw your arm around riki, sporting a grin with a creepy similarity to that of the cheshire cat’s. he flinches at your action, almost cursing in the middle of the crowd of students. “what do you want?”

by this point, finally after two years, most people had gotten used to the sight of the two of you. all the gossip and whispers behind your back flew over his head—and it had never bothered you in the first place. 

you stifle a laugh. “no need to be so grumpy. come on, follow me.” you weave through the hallway of crowded kids and riki struggles to keep up, puzzled. 

he follows you to the somewhat empty courtyard, sitting down on a nice patch of grass as you wait for him to get settled. “why did you take me out here?”

you roll your eyes, “patient as ever, nishimura riki.” you dig through your messy school bag before your eyes light up. 

“close your eyes,” you order. 

he does as you say, no questions asked. riki feels a delicate sensation on his wrist—at this point he can recognize your warmth pretty easily. 

“all done.” 

he cautiously peeks his eyes open only to see you staring expectantly back at him. soon, his gaze falls down to where he felt your light touch before.

a simple, silver chain wraps around his thin wrist. 

pretty. 

confused, riki furrows his eyebrows, meeting your eyes that glimmer with a strange compassion. 

you hold up your own hand with a cute smile that makes his heart pound, displaying a matching bracelet—identical to his. 

“it’s not much but, happy birthday, riki.” 

to think that he himself didn’t even remember his own birthday. you beam at him, and he feels his ears grow red. 

“do you like it?”

“y-yeah,” he mumbles and you nod in satisfaction. “good, because i spent my own money out of my pocket for it. it wasn’t cheap, you know.” 

his eyes widen and you press your lips together. “in exchange, you have to promise me something.” 

under the peacefully swaying trees, under the warm sunlight and buzzing spring, he realizes he could promise you anything. 

you hold out your left pinky. “you’ll stick by my side no matter what. promise me that.”

he opens his mouth to speak but you’re faster, raising your other pointer finger to cover his lips. “just promise me or else i’ll take away your gift.” 

your childlike orbs envelop him, full of life and sincerity—he knows he’ll never forget that day.

nor when his own pinky reaches up to link with yours. 

riki remembers the day as clear as a fresh glass of water, a still puddle of rain that collected after the summer thunderstorms. 

you met up with him in first period as you usually did, ruffling his hair with an easy grin as he grumbles (albeit with an affectionate look that you failed to notice). 

class continued on normally, somewhat rowdy as always before the teacher came in. you get up to grab something on the floor, hair falling into your eyes. as usual, riki watches over you before spotting your foot catching on one of the chair’s legs. he quickly shouts out a warning, grabbing your wrist in order to balance you as your head whips up. 

he catches you, staring at you in concern and making sure you’re alright. you stare at him in shock, flustered and without a response. he chides you with a roll of his eyes, mumbling something about how clumsy you always were and how he always had to watch out for you.

you can’t seem to form any words, so you just snatch your arm back and sit down. riki wordlessly offers a earbud to you, and you accept it with a smile. it’s something you got used to doing, sharing music and playlists with each other. 

even as others made fun of you for doing supposedly cheesy couple things, you ignored them. but it did make you wonder. did you and riki seem like a couple? were you?

you guys were young, you had all of high school still to get through together. 

what did it mean? 

your thoughts get interrupted by the teacher opening the door. everyone settles down, attention focusing. 

but today, it was different. it wasn’t just your teacher walking in. 

there was an addition. an addition that came in the form of a handsome looking boy, around the same age as you guys. 

the teacher introduces him as a transfer student. yang jungwon, he smiles and riki swears people swoon. everyone’s attention is on him, even yours is as you all study him curiously. 

riki swore he was past all that looking at people’s soulmate strings and connections. it had been so long since he tried to put two and two together. it was a whole invasion of privacy, and he simply didn’t want to bother himself with other people’s affairs and relations. 

but once he saw that new kid step into the room, riki can only focus on his hand, the first thing that came into his view. 

and like it was in slow motion, he follows the tiny red string on his pinky down the row of desks to someone sitting a few inches away from riki himself, obviously not paying attention and oblivious to everything while listening to a shared earbud— you. 

he almost thinks his eyes are fooling him. it was barely connected by that thin, cursed string. and that’s when it really hits him.

that string was connected to yours. 

that string meant your soulmate just walked into the classroom—

and it certainly wasn’t riki. 

“jungwon’s really cool. did you know he did taekwondo since he was….”

riki ignores the chatter in the halls as he walks by, brooding as always. but this week was a bit harsher. probably, no, definitely because of the new student jungwon. 

ever since he joined your class, people had been talking about him nonstop. it seemed like jungwon was one of the popular kids now, without even doing anything. riki didn’t get what was so cool about him, anyway. 

sure he was “cute” and had a kind personality. sure he was incredibly smart and well spoken. that’s all riki had heard the past week from everyone else gossiping in awe. 

he turns up the volume on his phone, scoffing. what are they, his fans? 

riki wasn’t sure what to do with the newfound information about your soulmate. he didn’t really want to think about it, his first instinct was to look for you in his next period for some cheering up. but when he walks into the classroom, he doesn’t expect to see aforementioned person talking to you, an animated look on his face. 

jungwon gestures grandly, probably telling some super cool story from all his achievements. you seem pretty invested, watching with big eyes and occasionally laughing.  

riki feels desperation and anger swirl in the pit of his stomach. even worse, he feels loneliness. something he hasn’t felt for a long time blooms inside—something he hasn’t felt since he met you. 

what is he supposed to do now that you’ve found your soulmate? or rather, riki has? 

you thought everything was fine. everything seemed fine. after the new guy joined your class, riki acted a little weird the first couple of days but he returned to normal soon after. you figured it was because of his normally shy personality. it took you a (long) while for him to warm up to too, after all. 

but what you didn’t expect was for him to almost launch a full on investigation. on the new kid jungwon, strangely enough. 

you frown. “he’s nice? why are you asking me this? it’s not like we’re friends or anything.” 

sure, jungwon talked to you unexpectedly a couple of times, but he was very popular and did that to many people. it wasn’t like he was targeting you or anything like that. or so that’s what you believed. 

but it didn’t stop there. in the few classes you shared with the two boys, whenever jungwon would start up a friendly conversation with you, you could feel riki staring holes into your back. and whenever riki made a dumb joke in the middle of class and you flicked him playfully, you swore you caught jungwon’s eye on more than one occasion. 

you brushed it off, but one day it was suddenly no longer a matter of trivial things. 

usually it was just you and riki at your lunch table, and it had been that way for a while. your friends opted to stay away from him, and you shrugged it off. it was their loss, not yours. 

so when jungwon and his group of popular kids approached you and riki, jungwon taking the seat next to you while riki visibly tensed, you figured something was up. you could hear the onslaught of whispers from surrounding tables. 

jungwon, the ideal student, joining you and the weird outcast riki? 

from then on, the changes were too drastic to ignore. hanging out with just riki, you knew he was obviously bothered but wouldn’t tell you about it. it was visible that he had a clear disdain for jungwon, but would never verbally express it as much as you tried to get it out of him. it was an unreachable part of him, although you thought you had worked hard to get past that secretive, closed off part of him. 

worse was jungwon sitting next to you various times in class and making too much conversation for you to ignore (although you really tried to show you weren’t interested in talking the whole time). all while riki stared forward with an unreadable expression, music practically on full blast. 

you didn’t know what was going on, and you didn’t know the situation—how to get a grasp on it. you especially didn’t know the occasional looks the two boys would give each other, and how things would change so soon. 

all you knew was that it happened one gloomy day, nearing the end of the school year. 

you had just finished an exam in science and went looking for riki to walk home together, as you did every day when school ended. when he wasn’t anywhere to be found, you asked around. 

most answers came in the form of shrugs, however a couple of classmates recalled seeing him with another group of kids. 

you frowned—what reason would riki have to go off with some other people? perhaps you heard the mention of jungwon’s name but you were too preoccupied with finding riki to really pay attention. 

before you could get far, you were welcomed into a strange atmosphere when you reached the courtyard. students whispering and gossiping with a variety of expressions present. your heart began to race as you look around. where is he? 

you figure you must’ve missed something as the crowd eventually disperses and you get no answers. perhaps riki had a schedule after school and forgot to tell you? 

you could’ve sworn you heard someone say jungwon’s name again, but this time along with riki’s name. you brush it off though as you needed to get home before it started to rain—you could feel it in the air. 

so you send riki a quick message before starting on the journey home. 

the next morning, you checked your phone to find no response. weird. 

either way, you had no time to question it as you were already late to class, so you quickly slip in to the seat next to your classmate. your eyes don’t fail to see riki and jungwon’s empty seats. 

you nudge haerin sitting next to you. “do you know where niki is? i haven’t seen him since lunch yesterday and he hasn’t responded to any of my texts.”

her eyes widen as she places a hand on your shoulder. 

“y/n….you haven’t heard?”

your eyebrows furrow, “heard what? what’s going on?”

the next thing you remember, is your heart dropping. 

“niki’s leaving.” 

riki…leaving you? 

“what do you mean?”

her eyes soften, and you begin to despise the pity on her face. “he’s leaving the school. no one knows why but-“

you zone out after that. 

your best friend transferring schools—moving away for some unexplained reason? 

no one at school says anything, and you feel like everyone’s keeping you out of the loop on purpose. you hate the feeling that you’re missing a huge piece of the puzzle. 

with no explanation, with no answer from his number (no matter how many times you tried calling), riki disappears in the blink of an eye. it’s as if he never existed in the first place. 

rumors follow but you know better than to listen to them. all you found out was apparently something happened that day—you suspect, no you know, between riki and jungwon—and the damned result was riki leaving your school. 

he never mentioned anything about moving, as far as you knew. he never acted like anything was wrong either. it had to have been something from that day. or maybe not. 

at this point, you didn’t know what to believe. you had just lost your closest friend, your study-slash-lunch-slash-everything buddy, and your number one support. 

and somehow everything was supposed to go back to normal. everyone continues on normally, including jungwon. 

everyone except you. 

he’s gone and he left you alone. 

as if you ever hoped to see him again. 

iii. welcome to the world.

you exhale, smoothing out your wrinkled outfit for the tenth time. you chide yourself internally, why were you so nervous? 

it was just an internship. your first day, too. only recently did you graduate high school yourself. 

it was just the first day of your newly acquired internship and yet you were nervous for it at a new company in a new city. it was your choice to relocate to a new area for new beginnings and new memories. 

to be quite frank, you had no clue what you were doing. why did you even decide to focus on photography? you most definitely didn’t have much experience, only starting the hobby when you graduated high school. maybe you wanted a chance to take your mind off life and see things in a new light. a second chance. 

maybe photos didn’t make you feel as alone.

shivering, you shake your head to clear free of thoughts. time to get this over with. the oh so dreaded first day. 

before leaving, you don’t forget to leave some food for the stray cat outside your place. you then get up with a satisfied grunt and make your way to the bus stop. 

however, your new boss was kind and understanding of your nervousness. you visited the company a couple times before, but never enough to get familiar with the layout and other photographers due to obtaining the internship so suddenly. you didn’t expect to get it either, not as a young, inexperienced student almost fresh out of college. either luck was on your side or your talent seemed to shine through. 

it was strange to be in such a different environment than from what you grew up in. supportive, encouraging people all highly invested and passionate in their jobs. 

you set up everything in your assigned desk and wait for further instruction. 

your boss had showed you around and gotten you used to the daily activities of those working at a photography company, making your transition much smoother.  

the whole experience was a little too easy, making you feel so much lighter. you could feel it. things were good- perhaps too good to be true. 

“isn’t the first day always the best?” mr. lee, your boss, speaks up. 

you quickly nod. “so far, it’s been really good. i was just wondering what my job was actually going to be for the next few months.”

he claps his hands together, almost startling you. 

“of course—i like your attentiveness! you’ll be working under one of our best, accompanying him on his work and assisting with whatever he needs to get a feel for what we do here. we can meet him now if you’d like?” his question causes you to pause.

“of course.” you wonder who this ‘he’ was, apparently being one of the best. 

a sudden wave of nervousness hits you. all the doubts and fears start to rise, so you swallow and try your best to suppress it. 

why did you have such a bad feeling? 

as your boss leads you down the offices and desks, you nod enthusiastically and laugh at his remarks as you make your way to the stairway. you go up, about to reach the top step when you spot someone coming down, their faculty name tag flashing in the light. you just barely steal a glimpse of the name, of the face of the person moving. 

it’s foreign yet familiar at the same time. 

you pause. his face…

you doubt you heard mr lee’s sudden hearty welcome to said person, turning to introduce you with a bright smile. a smile that doesn’t know anything. 

“ha, what a coincidence. this is miss y/l/n! you still haven’t met one of our most talented photographers, have you?” 

that’s when it hits you. 

you feel like everything’s occurring in slow motion, mr. lee’s lips moving slowly, the person’s unreadable expression morphing as you both come to a realization. 

“this is our very own best nishimura. nishimura riki.” 

your heart drops. no. 

it’s not. it can’t be.

why does it feel like the world just crashed down around you? why is it suddenly so hard to breathe? your eyes can’t leave those familiar ones, the same ones that have haunted you ever since that day. 

those eyes that fill with recognition at the sight of you, you’re sure of it. 

and then, everything is set into motion once more. you blink quickly, several times, exhaling as you try to readjust. 

“nice to meet you,” you quickly bow while avoiding his gaze. this actually can’t be. 

“you’ll be working with him for the-“

you mutter some lame excuse of needing to go to the restroom before dashing up the rest of the stairs to the nearest safe room, ignoring your boss’s surprised voice.

once you find the restroom, you find the sink and turn on the water. you scrub and scrub your hands before staring at yourself in the mirror. 

not after all this time-

not after he left you, he can’t just suddenly appear again. did you just imagine him? 

you still can’t believe it, almost refuse to believe it. nishimura riki, after 10 or so years, appears in the flesh right before you. you had long given up on trying to find him. and here he is, working at the same place as you. 

he exists, perfectly alive and well without you. 

it was just too much. riki was all grown up. he really looked the same, just much, much taller and more grown up in his professional attire. you weren’t used to it. or the fact that, he came back. 

unless he never really left. 

all those years in middle school and high school you tried to forget come rushing back. the rumors that followed your footsteps, the questions never answered. all those years of pain and loneliness, and confusion-

staying up so many nights pondering what you did that made him run away, leave you when he promised he would be there. after all that time wondering and wondering why and how and what you did. and what could’ve been done. 

maybe you were being dramatic but it doesn’t change the fact that he left without a word, and with no contact for you to keep in touch. no attempt at all. 

you were so hurt, so closed off now. you convinced yourself that you never cared to see his face again, but what were you supposed to do when riki shows up again, unannounced in front of you like nothing ever happened? 

was there even anything left between you two? 

you decided early on that your best course of action was to pretend that you never knew him. riki was a complete stranger, and it wasn’t truly a lie. it had been so long since you last saw him. 

but you know that won’t work forever. especially not when he was the one you were working under.  

you didn’t know what to call him, how to call him. mr. nishimura sounded way too formal especially considering your history, and riki was obviously off limits.  

the next day, you stand in front of his desk with your hands clasped together in front of you like a scolded child in front of the principal. you couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. 

“so…uh, i guess you’ll be working with me for the next couple of months?”

you barely nod, shifting in your position uncomfortably. instead, your eyes fall on the pictures scattered around the walls in riki’s office. 

“i’ve never had an intern before, so-“

you interrupt him impatiently while still avoiding eye contact. 

“just tell me what you need me to do, mr. nishimura.” 

you could visibly see the both of you cringe at that. 

“-please.” you add pitifully as an afterthought. 

noticing your coldness, riki must have enough common sense to give you some papers to file and chart. 

what a wonderful first day. 

you would describe your present relationship with riki as a very formal (and strained) senior-junior one. besides your daily task of avoiding your own mentor as much as possible, you rather enjoyed the work. so far, getting to learn the true process behind taking photos was something you never experienced. 

and seeing riki in his element, with his raw talent and skill was another thing in itself. it was a lot to process, seeing an entirely different, mature riki. 

you were a little too sad that you missed his growing up. 

in the break room one morning, you sip peacefully on your freshly made coffee. it was a nice day, at least you believed so until you heard the door open, signaling the entrance of another person. 

you’re about to greet them politely until you realize who exactly it was. you swallow a little too harshly, tensing as the person approached you. 

“if you’ll excuse me,” you mutter while slipping past him. riki stands there, unmoving as he watches your figure leave. 

it had been like that since the first day when he was reintroduced to you. dry to no responses, indifferent gaze, not a single glimpse into you. into the you that he knew, or once knew. 

it was like he was the one talking to a built up wall, unable to do any damage. it’s almost funny how it’s like your positions from back then were switched. 

he figured your cold and unapproachable demeanor was only to him—understandably. there was a lot you must’ve been feeling, as well as he. it was a long journey with a lot of baggage riki was still carrying. 

still, he sees you with some of the other interns, smiling and laughing as you once did with him. as he stares at you from afar (hopefully not in a stalkerish way), riki realizes that you still have the same laugh, same smile, same attentive expression when someone calls your name. 

and yet, you’re so different. you’re so far away from him. 

as time goes on, you realize you can’t act like a little kid for the rest of your life. well, for the rest of the time you had this internship (and currently you didn’t have any plans to resign, especially since you literally just started).

during the lunch break, you don’t expect the seat next to you to be taken. you stiffen once you realize who it is—his presence was so familiar that you didn’t even have to take a glance to see who it was. 

you start to rise from your seat, but a hand clasps gently around your arm. you freeze. 

“y/n,” he starts quietly. you shiver at the sound of his voice, recognizable yet unrecognizable at the same time. you feel like you can’t breathe. 

“please. not now.” 

with that, you stalk away, meanwhile your eyes fly across the room to ensure no one saw your interaction.  

how much longer could you keep doing this? 

the more you see him, the more you can’t ignore the fact that you really, really did miss him. it’s like nothing changed—except for his appearance—and you couldn’t suppress the amount of relief you had at the realization that riki was still riki, after all. 

he was still the same boy you shared earbuds with back then, at least in your eyes.

you want to know how he’s been. what he’s done, how he came back, how he became the person he is today. 

on the other hand, riki realizes the complete transformation you’ve undergone.

the first conversation he had with you after oh so many years, you merely handed him his coffee with a short nod. his attempt to bring up the weather, school, anything just to talk to you again, obviously fell short. 

riki’s strategy? give you your space and time. of course he respected that, and maybe you noticed because it seemed to weaken the intimidating barrier from before. 

after that, you acknowledged him, greeted him (albeit shortly) every morning—riki even noticed you watching him edit some photos although you thought he couldn’t see you. 

while you would never admit it, riki looked pretty cool teaching you his tips and tricks. you didn’t realize how much his job suited him and how lucky his company was to have acquired such a talented, soulful person as a photographer. 

you can tell, riki wants to get talk to you so badly, but in fear of getting hurt again, you push him away. it’s hard, when all you can do is expect him to vanish without another trace again. 

as you finish touchups on the last photo, you sigh and rub your eyes. things were different now. no point in wondering what could have been. 

you walk out into the hallway, wishing to get some coffee to power through those last edits. but you soon stop in your tracks. 

“y-y/n.” 

your eyes lower to the floor, acknowledging him with a nod. “hey.” 

“are you going to the break room?”

you nod again. 

“then…” he hits you with those hopeful eyes and you curse internally. “can i come with?”

a surprisingly comfortable silence fills the air, along with the soothing smell of coffee. 

riki comments on your more compliant and meek nature—it’s certainly supposed to be a joke but you take it the wrong way.

you frown. “i’ve changed, riki.” 

he falters. maybe he’s done too much, too soon.

“i’ve grown up. just like you have. we both have, so maybe you should accept me now like i have to you.”

you turn to leave but he grabs your wrist. 

“please. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like that. i know i’m in no position to say this, but i thought we were doing okay. i really want to be friends with you again—truly.”

you sigh audibly. there really was no value in being awkward with him for your time here. at least if you tried to maintain an amicable relationship, you wouldn’t have to make up dumb excuses every time you saw him. and if you got closer again, perhaps you could figure out after all this time why he left.

even more importantly, why he came back. 

“could we please start over?” his voice is the softest you’ve ever heard it (and much deeper than you were used to). 

you wait two, three seconds before turning around, 

and sticking your hand out. 

“nice to meet you,” you introduce yourself. you watch the smile start to grow on his face. 

“i’m nishimura riki, and it’s very nice to meet you too.”

riki sighs, clicking the red x button in the corner. he finished his last portfolio with you as his assistant. it was only a matter of hours, or minutes, before he was assigned his next project. he turns off the light and closes the door behind his office, only to be greeted by your figure. 

an eyebrow of his raises. “were you waiting for me?” 

you scoff, casually kicking the ground with your shoe while looking off into the distance. “no.” 

“well, i was,” you glance at him abruptly in surprise, “let’s go.” 

“huh?” 

he shrugs, “we finished and everyone else is gone.” 

you didn’t expect riki to be so… enthusiastic about it. it as in hanging out together, as friends again. 

maybe, you always knew in the end you had to give in. there was no way you could keep up this act against riki. it had always been like that. 

if anyone saw you two out now they would probably assume you were two college kids on a date. 

wait- date? 

“-y/n?” 

you glance up, startled. “yeah?”

riki frowns, sipping his boba. “are you okay? you seemed distracted. what were you thinking about?” 

you shake your head with a sheepish laugh, “nothing. sorry.” 

you wondered how you got to this point. 

meeting riki outside of work and hoping you don’t run into any of your co-workers. honestly, it was fun to have a friend to talk with—it was fun to have riki next to you again. 

your teenage self would have been dumbfounded. 

while you had this time with him, you could finally ask some things you were curious about. 

“riki,” you start off and he tries his best to keep calm. it was the first time you had called him by his first name in years. he missed it dearly. 

“how did you get into photography?”

he knows what you meant to ask. how did you get here? 

he falls back into his chair, staring up at the ceiling. you know just know riki too well, simply waiting patiently for him to take his time.

“i don’t know, to be honest. i always felt different from everyone else.” he pauses and looks at you, “you knew that the best.”

“i wanted to study people more. so i started taking pictures of others. now i just specialize in photographing more important people, like models and idols. i still don’t know how i got here though. that’s the truth.” 

“you’re really good,” you say lamely. “you’re very talented and i’m jealous, to be frank.”

you see his ears turn red as he coughs shyly. 

“thank you. i guess it’s what i’m best at.”

that wasn’t the exact answer you were expecting, but you took it. soon, you promised yourself, you would uncover the truth. 

iv. cupid’s attack. 

you like to think that you and riki get into a good groove at work. 

you can’t help but burst out laughing, and riki almost stops in his tracks. 

he realizes that sweet and soulful sound was just as he last remembered it. it almost makes him shiver. yes, not everything changed about you.

he knows. it can’t last forever—this push and pull relationship. plus, your budding relationship has to result in an explanation. you deserve it at the very least.

as much as riki wanted to keep it hidden, secrets can’t always stay secrets forever. he can’t protect you from everything in this world, his selfish wants can’t always be kept.

as the two of you joke around, various other workers stare at you in envy. somehow, you got to work with the mysterious yet talented riki. the one who got hired out of the blue and somehow rose to the top. no one could deny his skill. 

his intimidating and mysterious aura haunted the office for some time. that is, until you came. the way he treated you was shocking to say the least. it seemed like you two were in your own world. there was definitely something, and everyone could see that. 

“sorry to interrupt,” another intern speaks up shyly, but the boss wanted me to tell you guys that the party starts at 8.”

“party?” you turn to riki with a perplexed expression. 

“ah, i forgot to mention. we have an office dinner party to celebrate the new interns and their hard work.” riki nudges you with a glint as your eyes widen. 

“that includes you.”

you weren’t the partying type—if that wasn’t obvious enough. especially not one out of the blue, one not meant for you. 

you shift uncomfortably at the large dinner table. riki ended up sitting next to you somehow. you like to think he did it on purpose, knowing you weren’t the type to enjoy socializing in large groups (and neither was he). but little did you know, he came for you. 

only you. 

everyone was urging you guys to drink, as it was custom to do so at office parties. but you had a limit, so when you get up to leave, making some lame excuse about having more work to finish up at home, riki immediately gets up as well. all eyes fall on you two, and you awkwardly take your leave with a tipsy riki in tow. 

“yeah, it’s definitely time to get you home.” 

with a rather embarrassing grunt and help from fellow co-workers, you manage to get a grip around riki’s shoulders. 

once you make it out of the restaurant however, you realize that you indeed have no clue where riki lives. 

“riki,” you start off cautiously, “what’s your address?” 

“there!” he points sluggishly toward a nearby barbecue place. you huff. 

“seriously, riki. i need to get you home. you’re way too drunk to-“

“let’s go there,” he slurs. “i’m hungry.” 

as much as you stand your ground, his incessant begging eventually gets to your head and you cave. 

“fine. i’ll just order you some side dishes. then we’re actually going home.” 

you can only blink at the amount of dishes on the table that riki ate alone (and the amount that was going to be charged to your card). 

“riki… i think that’s enough.” you softly place a hand on his still holding the chopsticks. you mutter something along the lines of, i didn’t know you ate this much this late at night… 

somehow, he manages to hear you. he sounds more sober and looks more sober as well, to your relief. “yeah, well, how do you think i got this tall?”

it’s true, you were quite shocked at how tall he got. for a second, you simply stare at him while lost in your thoughts. perhaps it was the alcohol still running in your system. 

he raises an eyebrow, “what’s so interesting about me suddenly?”

you clear your throat, felling your face turn hot. “nothing.” 

suddenly, it feels as if the mood has changed again. you know this is your chance, and you can’t miss it. not ever again. 

“don’t you need to go home soon? would, would anyone be waiting?”

riki lets out a short laugh. 

“as if. i’ve been living alone ever since i came back.” 

ever since he came back. 

you look down at your hands. 

“why did you come back?” you whisper. and yet, he hears it again. 

as he’s about to respond, you glance at him with a conflicted look. “why did you leave?”

riki inhales, placing his chopsticks on the table neatly. “i’m just… so sorry y/n, for leaving you-“

“then tell me. that’s the least you can do.” 

you hate how your voice quivers at the end. 

“i… it’s all my fault. i lost control. i got into a fight with yang jungwon.” 

you try your best to keep the surprise off your face and let him continue.  

“and with my reputation at the school, my parents and the principal came to the conclusion that it was best for me to leave.” 

“i didn’t know that it meant going overseas,” he quickly adds, “but i had no choice as a teenager. i could only listen to my parents and when i got the chance, i came back as soon as i could.” 

you almost forgot about his so called ability. but it didn’t even matter at this point. you had countless questions, but it seemed like riki was still holding back. there was something he didn’t want to tell you, something he didn’t want you to know. 

you were somewhat satisfied with his answers, but something was still bothering you. 

you can feel his eyes on you, waiting for some sort of response. 

“i see… but why didn’t you come find me?” you voice cracks. “why didn’t you make any effort at all to see me again? because so far, it seems like you were pretty okay with me not knowing that you still existed.” 

what you really meant to say was, 

you seemed perfectly fine without me. you seemed perfectly fine while i was still hurting after all this time. 

“even more,” you continue on, “after you came back all this time.” 

riki shakes his head, “i was looking for you.” 

you falter at that. 

“i always was, even in another country far away. i had to get a new phone and lost your number and all contact. but when i was finally able to come back to our hometown, you were gone. i was able to get a job at our current company due to my parents connections, and i was going to use that money to pay for travel expenses. just to find you.” 

“i swear y/n,” and you almost tear up at the sincerity in his eyes, “i would never abandon you.” 

“just like i promised all those years ago.” 

his voice grows soft, “i always wondered what happened after i left. what you were up to. i imagined you being super successful while doing something you love.” 

you laugh in order to lighten up the heavy mood, “as you can see now, that’s certainly not the case. i actually have no clue what i’m doing with my life.” 

“you’re- you’re not with anyone or anything?” 

you shoot him a baffled look, “what in the world? i can’t even take care of myself, let alone another person.” 

you’re so shocked at the question that you miss riki’s subtle sigh of relief. you hadn’t gotten with jungwon— at least not yet, he thinks. 

“then, what was high school like? you know, without me?” 

you shake your head, not willing to think about those times. 

“lonely, obviously, without you,” you grumble. 

you had some friends still, but they weren’t riki. they never would be and could never replace him. 

you decide to not mention jungwon and the short period of time after riki’s leaving in which he tried to hang out with you. most definitely not after learning what riki told you. 

it was weird even to you, how such a popular guy like yang jungwon wanted to hang out with you for some time. but he soon gave up, whether it was because of all the other students noticing and gossiping or because of your moody brooding over the loss of riki.

“that’s all?”

you nod shortly. “i graduated, became interested in photography, and applied for this internship. end of story.” 

you shake your head, “i just don’t know how we both got here at the same company, at the same time. man, i was even chosen to work for you of all people.” 

riki’s smile grows–

“it’s like it was fate,” you murmur absentmindedly. 

–and it immediately drops at that.  

“can you still see people’s red strings?” of course, you had to bring that topic up at this time. 

“yeah. but i’m done with all that soulmate connection strings and stuff. i just ignore it now.” 

you obviously see his change in demeanor at the topic. 

“that’s good. it obviously doesn’t affect your photography. i didn’t know how talented you were.” 

although so many people had told him that before, it was different hearing it from you. he blames his face flushing on the alcohol, not your compliment.

“t-thanks. you are too. i can see your potential.” 

you cock your head, “really? aren’t you just saying that because i’m working with you?”

he shakes his head vehemently. 

“of course not. i think you’re one of the most special people in the world. you would be good at anything you want to do, because that’s just you y/n.”

you cough at the sudden change in the air. you don’t think you can handle his endless complimenting. 

“thank you riki, really. but are you done eating? i think we should head out.” 

you leave with not just your stomachs fuller, but your mind and heart as well. 

other nights were spent staying up at the office, finishing edits and cuts. those were the best nights though, in your opinion. 

you got the best advice and the best late night talks with riki—he really felt like a leader now. it made you realize how grown up he became. 

“i still have the bracelet you gave me. i keep it on my desk just so i don’t lose it.” 

your mouth drops open, “ no way? the one i gave you in middle school?” he nods and you internally shudder while thinking about what happened to yours. 

“i hate to break it to you, riki, but i actually lost mine..” 

–which translated to i threw mine away out of anger and sadness. but you figured you could keep that a secret for the time being.

“it’s fine. i’ll just get us new matching ones.” riki swears he never will forget the satisfied smile on your face, eyes twinkling and nose scrunching. 

that was it. riki really tried. 

he tried his best, but he can’t help falling in love with you. 

he can’t even tell if you like him back or if you’re just being kind, because you are originally just a kind and beautiful soul. 

he likes you too much it hurts, but he can’t be hurt again. he doesn’t want to be. 

he doesn’t want to tell you about all the secret pictures he would snap of you instead of the actual model that he was working with. the amount of time and effort put into his hidden collection of you. it was one of his works that he was the most proudest of. one that he would cherish forever. 

he didn’t even know when he realized it— that riki loved you. perhaps it was the countless hours spent up at night thinking about you, all alone. 

but loving you came easily and naturally. red string or not, niki would love you endlessly no matter what. and whatever happened in the end, he would only want happiness for you. 

occasionally he would wonder why he had to go through all that testing when he was young, why he had to go thought that entire, torturous and isolating experience. 

but then he thinks about you and how without being stuck in the lab for however many years, he would have never met you in the conditions that you met in. you would have never gotten the chance to save him from those bullies if he had gone to school at a normal age and been like all the other kids. 

everything that happened to riki, it was to bring him to you. for some reason, he’s sure of it. 

even with all that—the feelings and acceptance and denial— riki tries his best to suppress his feelings and just enjoy being with you again. just to make up for lost time, he reasons. 

he knew you two weren’t soulmates, he saw it once more the supposedly fated day he met you again for the second time. 

still, he doesn’t think he could be with anyone else but you. riki knows in his heart you’re the only one for him. he stares at his own red string leading off into the unknown distance. even if the universe said otherwise. 

even if the universe said otherwise, he didn’t want to lose you again. 

the vip landyards you got for entering the venue backstage weren’t vip after all. 

one good thing about riki’s job was the free access to public events, obviously to capture the best photos. but on this occasion, you two were denied access for no particular reason. 

no matter how much riki demanded, the even taller and intimidating body guards wouldn’t budge. 

“it’s fine,” you place a hand on riki’s shoulder to calm him. “we can just go through the front. i bet someone will be willing to listen to us there.” 

you know riki wants to argue more but you give him a look and he concedes. 

the crowd was wilder than you thought though. mainly due to it being some group called oncolon or whatever performing. navigating through the huge crowd, riki suddenly takes your hand tightly. 

you almost trip over some person’s foot, glancing at him with wide eyes and a slight blush. he doesn’t say a single word. 

you’re sure you’ve gotten knocked and pushed several times in the wild crowd. you try your best to keep up, but at some point, too many bodies separate you and riki. 

a rather hard shove causes you to lose your balance, falling onto the ground (with a painful jolt up your butt). 

all you can hear is the booming music for a moment and the flashing lights, until a hand suddenly reaches through. you almost don’t notice it at first until you hear your name being called. 

suddenly you’re being pulled up forward, into sturdy arms. 

“are you okay? sorry i lost you-“

when you see that it’s riki, dark orbs filled with concerned as he speaks, you nod dumbly while zoning the rest of his words out. 

you couldn’t really concentrate, not when you were trying to process the fluttering of your heart and his body oh so close to yours. 

but oh no, it doesn’t stop there. 

it was rather sudden—you called riki over to your desk to ask for his opinion some time later. 

“should i lower the exposure more? i know you were going for a darker look since it fits the concept-?”

what you don’t expect is him to lean a little too close to comfort over you and your desk to reach the computer. even more, you don’t expect his hand to cover yours over the mouse as he clicks a few things. 

all you do is hold your breath but you can still smell him faintly, a comforting and familiar scent. your eyes almost flutter shut. 

suppressed feelings are coming back. coming back to haunt you for good. 

it does indeed feel a little too good to be true. you feel so giddy around riki, like a high schooler experiencing their first love. but you never got to. 

it felt like you were getting to reexperience your teenage years properly with riki—how it should’ve gone. but it’s a little different. it feels a little too different. you want to blame it on the fact that you guys are older and you overthink things, but the feelings and emotions inside you say otherwise. 

v. the thin line between love and hate. 

you startle at the sudden coffee placed in front of you, by a bashful riki. 

“hm? what’s this for?”

he scratches the back of his head, “you’ve been working so hard lately, too much for an intern. i don’t want to be known as the guy who overworks the newbies.”  

the warming of your heart falls flat.

“ha ha ha,” you laugh dryly. “thank you though.” 

before he leaves you to continue your work, he adds, “don’t forget to eat too. i brought some lunch for you in the fridge.” 

you don’t fight off the dumb smile on your face when you open the community fridge to see a packaged lunch with a sticky note on top reading, 

y/n’s only!! no touching!! (please and thank you) 

in someone’s very familiar handwriting that hadn’t changed at all since middle school. 

still, you don’t know how you haven’t gotten fired yet. you tried your best to maintain a professional relationship at work, yet the amount of jokes and ridiculous faces riki made was going to be the death of you. 

he manages to get a choked sound out of you as you put your head down in an attempt to hold back your laughter. he only looks on proudly when you try your best to chide him. 

“focus, riki!”

“how can i focus when his feet smell from across the roo-“

you place a finger over his soft lips, eyes raising from them to his innocent (yet deadly) looking gaze. 

“stop disturbing the others!” you scold. 

“i think you should tell his feet that.”

you stare at each other blankly for a second or two, your eyes flicking to the man’s shoes across the room, before you both can’t help but bursting into a silent fit of laughter. 

meanwhile everyone else looks on, confused but starting to get used to the two of you at this point. 

as riki admires your face full of glee, he thinks there couldn’t have been anything better. 

maybe he should’ve known the universe wouldn’t let him off that easy. 

you’re on the way home from work when you receive a message from riki. he asks for you to stop by the store to grab him ice cream, and you roll your eyes. 

you already knew what that meant. anime night at riki’s place although his deadline was the next day. 

when he sends the begging emojis, you sigh and change routes to the nearest mart. you couldn’t resist him, even if you wanted to. 

you’re browsing the aisles, adding more and more snacks that you really didn’t need but you knew would make riki (and by default—you) happy. 

as you reach for the bungeobbang snack, you don’t notice the hand that grabs it at the same time. a shock courses through you for a split second, and you pull your hand back. 

“sorry…” 

you glance at the figure. and you cock your head. 

a distinct pair of eyes blink back at you. 

wait a second… 

“no way. yang jungwon?”

his mouth drops open. “y/n? it’s been years!” 

you nod, almost laughing at the complete turn of events. “i can’t believe it either. what are you doing here?”

it turns out jungwon was in town for work, as per a client's request. he had also grown up a lot and changed much more than you expected. 

he was still the same, handsome and charming jungwon. but he had definitely matured and you found yourself enjoying the catching-up talk with him. to the point where you lost track of time. 

only was it until you see riki’s name light up your phone do you remember. you scramble to get your things (and probably melted ice cream). 

“sorry jungwon, i have to get going.” 

he gets up to help you gather your things. you can’t help but notice the warmth of his hand lingering on yours when he passes you the last grocery bag. 

“it was really nice to see you again. do you maybe want to keep in touch?” 

you only nod at his hopeful eyes. “of course! we can exchange numbers and meet up again while you’re still here.” 

feeling strangely light on your way to riki’s place, the guilt hits you when you are greeted by riki’s worried face. 

“what took so long?”

you think about jungwon and cringe internally. you don’t think you have the heart to tell riki. not today. 

-Is what you keep telling yourself. days, and days after that first encounter. you just don’t know how to bring it up to riki, or when. after everything that happened, 

you don’t think you can’t risk it. not when you just got your riki back. 

you’re surprised at how often jungwon texts you. maybe he was still the same jungwon after all, still wanting to hang out with you all the time like back in the old days. 

but this time, you had no reason to object. again, guilt washes over you as you respond to his text before looking over at a focused riki. 

just once wouldn’t hurt, you manage to convince yourself. 

it’s not like riki would care that much anyways. the past was the past and things were different now. why would he care if you hung out with another guy? 

it’s not like he liked you… right? 

you repeat that to yourself everyday. everyday that riki greets you with that adoring face of his. everyday that he teases you, makes you laugh, and helps you through all the hard times. 

even the day that you thought he was going to kiss you. when he reached over you to grab the remote, but he didn’t go back to his spot. he stayed hovering over you, faces inches apart. 

and he stared at you, into you, with those eyes that he always looked at you with. 

yet riki didn’t do anything. he didn’t make a single move, so that means it should be fine if you met jungwon just this once? 

even so, you get off work early, rushing to get home and prepare. you brush off riki’s reminder of him stopping by your house later to return your jacket he borrowed. how it fit him, you still don’t know. 

even more you don’t know is why you feel pressured to dress up nice and prepare, just to see jungwon. it was just a simple catch up with him. it wasn’t like you were going to keep seeing him after that. it wasn’t a date of any sort… 

jungwon pulls out the chair and you awkwardly sit down and thank him. 

ok so maybe you should have dated in high school, just so you wouldn’t have been so clueless now. 

it wasn’t a date. you know it wasn’t. and you keep repeating it to yourself. 

maybe jungwon notices your stiffness, because he compliments your outfit. 

“you look really nice.”

“thanks,” you smile, “so do you.” 

“i didn’t know what places were good in this area, but i liked this cafe so i thought it would be a good place for us to talk!” 

you’ve always admired jungwon’s thoughtfulness. or rather, been jealous. there was only one other person who could compete with him on that: nishimura riki. 

again, time passes you as you spend the night with him. it’s quite dark out when you realize you should get going. 

jungwon being ever the gentleman offers to walk you home. he also lends you his jacket, which you have no choice but to accept both his offers. it would end on an awkward note if you rejected him—which you didn’t want—so you decide to bear with it just this once. 

jungwon was simply a cool and fun person to hang out with anyway, so you had no complaints. you trusted him naturally. 

it was all fine until you reached the outside of your apartment. 

you certainly weren’t expecting to see riki waiting outside your door, looking visibly and obviously upset. your feet come to a halt.

you completely forgot. 

jungwon grabs your arm suddenly. “is that niki?” 

you see the expression on riki’s face visibly change, and you rush to explain yourself. 

“riki, please let me-“ 

ignoring jungwon, the coldness emanating from riki physically makes you shiver. 

“we need to talk.” 

you bite your lip. 

“jungwon, i… think you should go.” 

he complies when you ask once more, but not without a concerned request to contact him later. 

even with jungwon gone, riki still looks like he’s about to get attacked, threatened and rigid. 

you call out his name quietly, “can we at least go inside first?” 

you reach for his hand but he pulls away before heading in. fair, you think. 

“-i’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier, but it was a sudden decision.”

“i still don’t get why you didn’t tell me,” he snaps. 

you don’t like the way this is heading. and you both know where it was going to go. “it was just one small hangout, we were only catching up,” you frown. 

“but you know how i feel about him! you should have told me-“

you feel your anger rise as well as you get to your feet. 

“do i have an obligation to tell you? why is a fight that happened over ten years ago still such a big deal? what’s your issue with jungwon?”

you cross your arms, facing an agitated riki. 

“nevermind that. why can’t you just tell me what happened back then?!” 

the silence, accompanied by the sound of your mixed heavy breaths, leave you weary. you pinch the space between your eyebrows. 

“riki-“ you reach out for him but he pulls away. he’s doing it once again. 

it hurts more than you thought. “fine. if you’re not going to say anything, then i think you should just leave.” 

and you don’t object when he listens to your suggestion, without a second glance back. 

it felt like deja vu, seeing him leave just as he did before. 

it’s been days since you last talked to riki, let alone spared a glance in his direction. work was awkward enough, just like it had been the first week you came.

how could your relationship turn back to strangers so suddenly? did riki not care? 

if anything, he cared too much—but you would have never known. 

it’s hard to work next to him, be near him without the unspoken feelings rising up. a hand brushing his when he passed you papers almost felt like it was burning you. riki noticed how you would flinch away, every time. 

it didn’t matter. your internship was coming to an end, and you were already preparing yourself to leave. 

maybe this was just a sign from the universe telling you that you and riki were meant to be apart. that you weren’t meant to be together after all. 

you loved the area, company, office environment and just about everything else. it should’ve been perfect. 

but you don’t know if you can stand working here, staying here and living here, 

knowing that riki is right around the corner, carrying your heart without a second thought. 

the power that he holds, the fact that he’s able to break your heart in the matter of seconds or make you smile like the happiest person in the world, it’s just too scary for you to handle. 

you’re already planning to head back home and stay with your parents for a little until you get things figured out again. 

you still had tickets to a small festival at the nearby plaza that you planned to go with riki, but that certainly wasn’t happening anymore. 

you didn’t want the second ticket to go to waste, so in your lostness and desperation (and several rejections by coworkers), you asked jungwon. you were leaving soon and didn’t know when the next time you would see him was. 

you greet him with a halfhearted smile, and he gestures for you guys to get closer to the stage to get a better view. but there’s a big crowd, and you stumble over an arm or leg or something. 

for some reason, you expect him to be there and help you up. like someone else did in a strangely familiar situation. 

but there’s no one. nothing except the crowd of bodies that’s starting to get a little too overwhelming. 

for the first time, you wish to the universe for one thing. you wish you had riki again, with you by your side. 

it’s then you realize you’ve been thinking about him the whole time. he who’s been the one always to pick you back up. he was always there for you. 

you know, you need to do something before you leave. you can’t handle leaving things like this. 

you plan to, however, the next day is the last day of your internship and some of the kind workers surprised the interns with a small going away party. it’s bittersweet, especially when everyone assumes you’re getting hired for an official position due to your exceptional work, and another person. 

you were grateful for everyone who planned and showed up. but there was one person who didn’t that you kept looking for. everyone knows who, but no one knows why. 

at the end of the day, you make your way back to riki’s office in order to pack up your stuff. 

you take one last glance around the room and all of its memories. leaving this place felt like leaving riki behind as well. 

you were grateful that you got the chance to see him once more. you were beginning to accept that this was the end. 

putting all your stuff in boxes, you frown while wondering where your compartment desk key was. maybe riki mistakenly took yours instead of his?

you open various drawers, rummaging around. but when you get to the bottommost drawer, your heart stops. 

it’s only a plain cream folder, but what’s written on it takes your breath away. 

just your name. 

photos and photos of you, beautifully crafted and arranged together. it’s riki’s work, you know that for sure. memories spanning your entire internship—from the first day to the last time you talked to him. 

you don’t know when and how he took these photos. or when tears fell down your cheeks. 

you hastily rub the wetness away, sniffling as you close the folder and continue your search. now wasn’t the time to get sentimental. 

it would be alright, because you planned on finding riki the next day before you left. it was too late today, and you needed to finish packing. you just wanted one last chance to say everything you wanted to before going. 

you have to because you feel it deep within, tugging at your heartstrings. 

it’s about 1am when you finish packing. you don’t even want to think about the time you need to get up, nor the fact that you still had to find a way to see riki. 

you zip up the last luggage when the doorbell rings. who in the world would be at your door this late? you consider grabbing some sort of weapon, but decide against it for the time being. 

you nervously peek through the peephole, before throwing the door open. 

“r-riki?”

you’re more shocked that he was crying than him even showing up at your place. 

riki almost lunges forward, trapping you in his arms. he hiccups and you feel a pang in your chest. 

“y/n- please- just please, will you forgive me?”

“what?” you breathe out. you couldn’t even process the situation. 

“please. never leave me.”

“what? why would i ever?” you comfortingly bring a hand to rub his back. it takes a little bit to soothe him, and he speaks again when you feel his erratic breathing has calmed and his body relaxes. 

“i’m so scared to lose you again,” he whispers shakily. you soften, pulling back to see his red eyes and nose. 

“riki, please tell me what’s going on.” he knows immediately what you mean. 

you reach up to wipe the corners of his eyes and the side of his face gently. he closes his eyes at the feeling, to go back into time. 

honestly, he remembers that day as if it was just yesterday. it was a day that haunted him up until now. 

riki always knew then. maybe you weren’t aware but he definitely was.  

yang jungwon liked you. it was obvious. 

riki could see it—physically too. that cursed red string mocked him everyday he saw you two in class. 

riki knew jungwon could feel it too. you were too close to riki and everyone knew that. jungwon knew, and he didn’t care. 

it was raining, as riki recalled many times over and over again. he was alone while waiting for you to finish class. riki was alone until jungwon and his group of friends approached him. 

jungwon knew about his power. he said his father worked for the government, worked with riki. riki suddenly thought of one of the head scientists and his eyes, strikingly similar to jungwon’s. 

so that was his father, he remembers thinking. 

riki never liked him.

regardless, jungwon asked if riki could see your string. just like the others. riki chooses not to answer as always, but jungwon naturally got on his nerves. 

riki remembers the exact words. 

“if you two aren’t dating, does that mean you aren’t soulmates? you would’ve asked y/n out already if you were, am i right?” 

at that, riki’s blood began to boil. but he couldn’t do anything. mainly because jungwon was right. and it infuriated riki. 

jungwon laughed. “then… i can ask y/n out? since you guys aren’t soulmates?”

riki doesn’t remember the next part. maybe he blacked out or chose to erase it from his memory. but apparently, he punched jungwon. he snapped for the first time. 

riki opens his eyes again slowly, seeing your heartfelt gaze on him and him only. 

he almost doesn’t recognize his own voice when he speaks. it sounded too quiet. too defeated. like he was already accepting his loss. 

”you’re jungwon’s soulmate. not mine.”

he glances down at your pinky. it had been a while since he saw your red string, let alone anyone else’s. 

“no matter how much i wished your red string was connected to mine, it wasn’t.” 

at some point, riki assumed his string had no other person it was attached to, because he had never met anyone who made him feel like how you did. no one else made him as happy, as sad, or as loved as you did. 

riki knew if he had a soulmate, it would have been you and only you. 

“i-i was upset when you saw jungwon again that you would fall in love with him. and leave me.”

it was a lot to process. you know and he knows. it wasn’t what you were expecting, but you were fine with that. 

when you call out his name, your hands reach to the sides of his face to guide them to look at you. you take a deep breath. 

“i’ve always loved you.”

and exhale. 

“jungwon was never on my mind, only you’ve been. even after all this time-” 

abruptly, riki reached forward to kiss you harshly and you instantly reciprocate it. your hands tighten around his neck while his come to wrap around your waist, naturally. 

you just can’t seem to let each other go. 

you ask jungwon to meet up with one last time before he leaves, at the same cafe he suggested last time. 

you comment on the nice weather and he agrees. you fiddle with your fingers. 

“this is a bit random, but do you believe in soulmates?” 

jungwon looks confused but he says, “yeah. from what i’ve heard, i think so?” 

your eyes narrow. “even if two people are soulmates, do you think they can love different people?” 

“y/n, where is this-“

“answer the question and i’ll explain. i promise.” 

he scratches his head, “i… i suppose so?” 

“and if two people aren’t soulmates, do you think that they can love each other?” you continue. 

“sure. but i don’t get why you’re asking-“

ignoring him, you nod thoughtfully. “okay.”

he opens his mouth to respond, but you hold up a hand. 

“i just wanted to say it was nice seeing you again.” 

he looks a bit surprised. 

“me too. i enjoyed the time we spent together. i know that i’m leaving soon and this is a bit sudden, but do you want to see each other again-?”

you sigh, looking out the window again. 

“i’m sorry, but i don’t think that’s possible. i hope the rest of your life goes well as you want it to, yang jungwon.”

he nods solemnly. “it’s because you’re with niki, right?” he smiles at your shocked expression. “i figured since he was outside your place. no harm in shooting my shot. but wow, you guys really found each other again.”

you don’t know what to say so you just nod. 

“tell him that i’m sorry for what i said in the past and that i wish him the best too.” he gets up from his chair, prompting you too as well. 

“we can still be friends, of course,” you rush to add. 

jungwon laughs, “it’s alright. i should get over you first before considering a friendship.” 

“maybe in another life. we get along too well,” you joke. he laughs too and you know it’s not forced. 

“come on, i’ll walk you home.” 

you stare at jungwon’s side profile during the walk, as he speaks about random topics and leads the way back. 

it’s strange, imagining him as your soulmate. it was weird imagining a life with anyone else but riki. although yang jungwon may be your soulmate, he’s not the one that you want. that’s okay. 

when he drops you off, riki opens the door. you’re hesitant, but you see the two give a final nod to each other. jungwon leaves without a glance back, and riki closes the door. 

“how was it?” 

you lean in to peck his lips. “good. better than i expected, to be honest. now can we start the movie? i was waiting for this all day.” 

riki smiles as you take off your shoes and get ready for a night in with him. he glances at your matching gold chain bracelets that he bought recently, a promise for the future. just as riki wanted. 

riki doesn’t know what’s going to happen in the future. all he knows is that he’ll be with you forever, red string or not. 

that night, he realized he couldn’t give up on you. not again. he would fight like he did before and choose his own destiny. 

because the only destiny he had was one with you. 

nishimura riki couldn’t see the end of his string. he probably never would. and he didn’t want to. it didn’t matter, after all. now, he looks back at your hands and imagines a perfect little knot in the middle connecting both your red strings. 

and he smiles. 

hi it’s jae again—thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it as i put a lot of work and effort into it (my longest one shot so far skxnksdnj so pls excuse mistakes/typos if i missed some) actually it hurt to write won as the “bad guy” but i couldn’t think of anyone else close enough to fit the role lol. anyways that’s all, just wanted to say that i’m thankful for all the love, comments, rbs, and support i receive as it keeps me going to write more. i truly do appreciate all 1.2k and more followers, see you guys again in the next works coming soon ;)

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