#odd qstion but what does ur user mean

[seowa]

speaking from grave. user palajae if u ever feel safe....know that im out there . bc u cannot give me butterflies and then cage them liek????????????? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ENIDNG??????????? NO BUT THAT ASIDE, THIS IS SOGOOKJFHJHSF i love how u pointed out the differences like that's rlly good I LOVE ANGST I FEEL SO CONTENT 🔥🔥💯💯💯 that ending is not real bc me and heeseung r together and he's sitting next to me as we speak ☝️😂 thank u for writing

unfamiliar warmth. | season one

PAIRING ▸ bad boy! heeseung x reader

GENRE ▸ college! au, s2ls?, romance, angst, fluff, humor

WORD COUNT ▸ 6.5k

SUMMARY ▸ you’ve heard all sorts of rumors about the campus’s resident “bad boy” and his group of friends, but an accidental encounter with lee heeseung himself leads you to believe otherwise. 

AKA a bad rendition of the “i hate everyone but you” trope. 

NOTES ▸a very happy happy late birthday to heedeeung! 🥳🥳🎉parties, alcoholic consumption, mentions of kissing, drugs and smoking, slight injuries, i think that’s it?? // aaaaa here is the first “season” out of seven ;)

PLAYING ▸ different by woodz. | series masterlist.

“PARTIES ARE NOT OVERRATED.” 

Yuna rolls her eyes, bobbing her head to the booming music while you sigh. It’s not like you could hear her well over all the noise and commotion. You found your spot on the couch to be perfectly comfortable- minus the couple making out about a foot from you. 

You don’t know why you came, why you made an effort to look nice for no one, not a single person in mind or sight.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you yell at yuna even when you know she can’t hear you. You silently get up and make your way past countless sweaty bodies to the kitchen. You spot a couple of familiar faces, meaning people you’ve recognize from your school that have probably never batted a single eye at you. 

You grab a new can of soda (boring, you know) and decide to get some fresh air. Whoever hosted this party, their house was huge. That meant you had absolutely no idea where you were going. But hey, when did that ever matter? 

The flashing lights as you walk down some random hallway make you feel dizzy. You stumble along until you find a door. With no one else around, you think you’ve hit the jackpot. Twisting the knob, you’re greeted by the fresh air. Jackpot, indeed. 

You’re not surprised that random doors open up to balconies in a house like this. But what you didn’t expect was someone already leaning over the edge, back facing you. 

You freeze, and they turn around. Okay, so maybe you were wrong earlier. 

Lee Heeseung’s cocked eyebrow greets you and you suddenly get flashbacks. It’s same face that somehow obtained the reputation as your school’s “bad boy,” the same one that could never escape the worst rumors along with his group of friends. Drugs, smoking, illegal activities, whatever you named Lee Heeseung and his group were most likely mixed up in rumors involving it. 

You never had any face to face encounters with the handsome boy until today, none at school and you wonder if it’s because he barely showed up or you didn’t pay close enough attention. But here in person, you could attest to the general public’s opinion about him- at least appearance wise. Styled black hair falling into his eyes, multiple ear piercings, and that iconic leather jacket. 

Lee Heeseung was the epitome of the bad boy stereotype. 

You swallow, hand already reaching back for the handle. “Sorry, I didn’t know someone else was already out here.” 

But what you didn’t expect was the quiet chuckle that escapes his lips. He looks out into the dark night and your eyes follow his action. 

“Is there a rule saying only one person’s allowed on the balcony at a time?”

You blink. What?

His eyes flick back to you and you stand a bit straighter. “Um, not that I know of?” 

This time, Heeseung laughs louder and you feel your guard lowering a little. He moves to give you a bit more space and you contemplate before gladly taking it. 

For a couple of seconds, you enjoy the silence and peace, along with the sight of the bright moon. 

“Never thought I’d see you here,” he suddenly speaks up and you jump slightly at the sound of his voice. You’re still not used it. In your surprise, you miss the way the corner of his mouth quirks up at your reaction. 

“You know who I am?”

Heeseung shrugs, “I think I’ve seen you walking around campus before. Don’t get your hopes up.” 

At that you scoff, “I can assure you, I certainly wasn’t.” The amused look on his face makes you wonder if he thought you were some sort of game. Then you frown, “But what do you mean by that? That you didn’t expect to see me here?” 

He shifts and the metal belt on his jacket clangs badly against the balcony railing. “I don’t like to judge by appearances but since you’re always in a rush, looking distracted or busy, it seemed like you didn’t care for parties.”  

Your eyes widen. Lee Heeseung was much more observant than you thought. “Well,” you’re inclined to say after some time thinking, “you aren’t wrong about that.” 

He nods silently and you gesture out with your hands, “That’s why I’m here. What about you?”

You don’t know what compelled you to ask him, let alone stay in this space with him, but continuing the conversation- in this atmosphere- just felt right. Maybe your friends would kill you if they found out you talked to Heeseung, but you couldn’t care in the moment. 

“Same,” he replies softly. As to what, you have no clue but don’t take the time to ask for clarification. He catches the can in your hand and smiles. “No alcohol either?” 

You glance at him, again surprised to hear him talk again. He’s only someone you’ve ever heard about, and being next to him in person was certainly a different experience. “Nah. I know everything else is probably spiked anyway.” 

“That’s why I rarely drink at parties like these.” 

A part of you wants to ask why he even came to ‘parties like these’ but the first thing that blurts out of your mouth is-

“Lee Heeseung passed on drinking?” Immediately you cup a hand over your mouth so that Heeseung is only able to see your two wide eyes peeking back at him. 

He smirks and you swallow, “So you do know my name.” 

You splutter and he laughs. You contemplate apologizing for the rude outburst, especially since he was a stranger, but then decide against it at his relaxed posture. Nice to know he wasn’t offended. 

“You know, you haven’t tried to run away the moment you saw me. Or hookup with me. Or get out pepper spray and threaten me with it.” 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” You muse and he laughs again, reaching out to ruffle your hair. You make a sound of protest and glare at him. “For your information, I do have pepper spray and would gladly take it out right now.” 

Heeseung leans in closer and suddenly, your body refuses to move. “Really?” His husky voice sends shivers down your spine. 

Seeing his face up close, you realize how pretty he is. Before either of you can do anything, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. 

Spell broken (and moment ruined), you see four missed calls from yuna and ryujin. “Shoot, I gotta go,” you murmur aloud to no one in particular. 

Well, maybe Heeseung. He watches you with curious eyes as you fumble about with your phone. You turn to the door, reaching for the handle, before you get interrupted. 

“Hey,” Heeseung calls out. You stop and look back towards him with a curious look. 

“I never got your name.” 

You suppress a smile, keeping an unreadable expression on your face. “Maybe you’ll have to wait until the next party to find out.” With that, you head back inside, heart pounding a little too fast for comfort. 

“You talked to Lee Heeseung? And held a conversation that lasted more than two words- hi, goodbye? Y/n, you-“

At first, you wanted to keep your encounter with Lee Heeseung a secret. But knowing your nosy friends who wanted to know where you disappeared off to at the party, the secret was bound to come out. Excluding the weird flirting on his account- if you could even consider that flirting. You didn’t know Heeseung personally, maybe his personality was just like that as some people naturally were. And seeing as how he acted nothing according to what his reputation seemed like and what you’ve heard, you couldn’t keep any judgments right off the bat. 

You hold up a hand in exasperation to stop Chaeryeong. “I know what you’re going to say. But hear me out, he’s nothing like what people say.” 

Ryujin raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that y/n? A bunch of girls have talked about how he’ll just glare at them. And ignore them for like, no reason. Even I know from first hand experience that his poker face is no joke.” 

You shake your head, “No one would do that for no reason. Those attention seeking girls probably did something that ignited that reaction from him.” 

Yuna gasps, “You’re kidding me. Our Y/n defending the notorious bad boy?”

You roll your eyes, “Who said anything about me doing that? I just think we shouldn’t assume anything from rumors and gossip.” 

Ryujin shoots you a look, “Whatever you say, y/n. Just be careful.” 

“Of course. What do you think is gonna happen?”

You don’t know what was worse- getting your hopes up or having hopes to begin with. You tried to not make it obvious you were looking for a certain someone, but that plan ultimately failed. 

“Y/n? Are you good? You keep looking around distracted, like you’re expecting someone.” 

You shake your head wearily, “No, sorry yuna.”

Chaeryeong suddenly gasps and her head whips toward you with an accusatory stare. “Don’t tell me you’re looking for-“

You practically leap over the table to slap your hand over her lips, effectively muffling her next words. You mutter into her ear and her face pales before she nods. Then you let go of Chaeryeong with an easy smile and the others clear their throats. 

“I’m gonna use the restroom,” you excuse yourself as your friends exchange looks. 

You step past people left and right, looking for the nearest restroom. And maybe another person. 

“Well, if it isn’t pretty in the flesh.” 

Your head whips around to find Heeseung leaning up against the wall like in those cliche movies. 

“H-heeseung.” 

“Looking for me? Could it be that you missed me that much?” 

You cross your arms with a scowl, “You wish.” 

He chuckles, pushing off the wall to meet you halfway. “Maybe I did, but it’s okay. Me too.”

Your face heats up at that and you avoid his gaze. His smile grows at that and you glance around nervously. “What are you doing here?”

Even you knew how utterly stupid of a question that was. Just being around him made your brain all fuzzy. 

He pretends to think, the heel of his boot tapping against the hardwood floor. “I dunno, someone promised me a name last time so I figured I needed to see them again.” 

You laugh for the first time in front of him and he visibly brightens up at the sight. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You grin, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

Lee Heeseung, someone you’ve barely met over a week ago and had a grand total of one full conversation together, was essentially a stranger. Yet you couldn’t help but feel comforted by his presence. He was different, he didn’t give off those “bad boy” vibes as much as you would’ve expected. 

“I am in no way surprised that you have a motorcycle.” 

He smirks again and you watch silently as he puts on one of the helmets. Heeseung offers you the other and you hesitate. 

He must see the wary look in your eyes because he reaches for one of your hands, grip unexpectedly warm and soft. “You can trust me, I’m not a bad driver.”

You stare at him skeptically but end up taking the helmet. “I don’t trust you.” 

“Hey, I haven’t died yet.” 

“What a comforting thing to know,” you respond dryly and Heeseung huffs. Your jaw almost drops at the reaction. Tough guy Heeseung acting like a little kid? That was an once in lifetime sight and you think you could get paid a fat stack if you videoed that moment. 

Just to make sure, you pat your pocket to double check that your phone was still there. In case you had to call your friends for help. Again, Heeseung was still just a stranger that you knew. 

A stranger that you were leaving a party with. You thought you trusted him but still, you feel your stomach churn. You stop trying to fit the helmet on. What if this was all just a ruse? 

A ruse for Heeseung to take you away? Do something worse? 

You just met this guy, you knew practically nothing about him. All your doubts and insecurities rise up, What if he-

A voice breaks you out of your stupor. “Are you okay?” His concerned gaze comes into view. 

You cough, readjusting to move his hand off yours. “Yeah, sorry. Just felt sick for a second. Maybe I should go back in-“

Frowning, Heeseung puts his hands on your shoulders. You stiffen, suddenly hating the way you’re unable to control how your body reacts to him. 

“Is it serious? Do you need to go to a hospital?” 

Abruptly, you shake your head, “No, I think I just need to get inside. To my friends.”

He puts a hand on your forehead for a brief moment. You can’t move. 

“You don’t have a fever,” he murmurs. “Are you sure you want to go back in?” He cocks his eyebrow but the feeling you get is much different from the last time you saw him do that. 

“The music’s loud and there are a lot of people. I can drive you to the hospital or home, I don’t mind.” 

Internally, you curse. Now you’re feel conflicted, wondering if he was still acting or not- if he was pretending to care about you.  

If so, he was doing a great job at it. 

You sigh, shaking your head. Too late now. “It’s okay. I just want to see my friends.”

“Alright,” he says softly, “I’ll take you back in.” 

You wonder if this was a mistake. The mistake of talking to Heeseung in the first place or going back to your friends and the party, you’re not sure which one. 

Better safe than sorry, you continue to remind yourself. 

His hand stays on your back as if to steady you back into the house, his warm touch lingering in the back of your mind. Your friends seem surprised to see you, especially at the sight behind you. Or rather, the person behind you. 

“Y/n?” Ryujin gets up, grabbing your arm. “What’s going on?”

“She said she was feeling sick and wanted to see you guys. I just took her back.” The sudden blank expression on his face catches you off guard. 

Heeseung turns to you and his face morphs into a much kinder one, “Hope you feel better. Can I see your phone?” 

Utterly confused, you take it out as your friends watch, dumbfounded. 

He types something quickly before returning it to you. “If you need something, just call me. I don’t usually give it out but here’s my number. See you later, pretty.” 

You’re sure your mouth is hanging open, and so is your friends. Slowly, you look at them and you know you’re screwed seeing their “you better explain everything” faces. 

Needless to say, you stay up that night. Thinking of Heeseung. His troubled gaze, delicate touch. The fact that you thought he was some creep and he kinda sorta ended up being anything but that. 

The fact that his number was entered into your phone but you didn’t make the effort to contact him left you turning and tossing in bed. Was he waiting for you? 

Or should you wait for him to do something first?  

The more you thought about it, the more you realized the truth. If he really wanted to, he could’ve taken advantage of you at any point. At the last party or a couple hours ago- you were alone with him both times. 

Your friends were utterly shocked at the way he treated you. And it’s not like they trusted him still, but they got to see a different side of him. A different side- you didn’t want to admit it- that you wanted to see more of. 

And even though they warned you, maybe a part of you wanted to not listen. You wanted to dive deeper into the mystery that was Lee Heeseung. 

Most of your time was spent studying, or doing work, or relaxing during the rare free time you had. 

No wonder Heeseung said you always looked serious. It’s because you were. Everything you did was for a better future. All your efforts were made to have them pay off later in life. 

Parties were just an afterthought- if you had free time and your friends asked you to come. You didn’t go because you enjoyed it. Or at least, that’s what you believed. 

Until you met Heeseung. 

Maybe you tried a little harder with your appearance for the next party you went to. Maybe you pretended you didn’t care anymore but your eyes would subconsciously study each room that you entered. 

“Y/n, come dance with us!” 

You shake your head with a smile, “I’m good. You guys have fun.” 

That’s how it usually went. Your friends would offer a couple times before giving up and leaving you alone. And that’s what you were used to- what you enjoyed. Or maybe, didn’t enjoy. 

Just like last time, you find an empty couch to sit on. One of your secret hobbies was people watching. You soon realized you learned a lot more by just watching on the sidelines. But unlike all the previous times, you feel the couch dip beneath you- an extra addition of weight. 

“Feeling better?” 

It had been a week since you last saw him, and nothing changed. The way your heart rate subconsciously began to pick up, your hands turn sweaty, it was all the same. 

“Hi,” you breathe apprehensively. 

Heeseung sits on the other edge of the couch, watching you with a small smile. 

“Sorry about last week,” you fiddle with your fingers. He chuckles and you glance up at him, “Why are you apologizing? As long as you’re okay now, that’s all that matters.” 

“What’s with the cheesiness,” you mumble and he can’t hide his grin. 

“Thanks though,” you bite your bottom lip, “for taking care of me.” 

“No problem.” 

Without realizing it, the space between you two on the couch becomes a little smaller. You inhale, “Can I tell you something? Honestly?”

He shifts, “Of course.” 

“Last week,” you look at the ground, “I wasn’t actually sick. I just got scared that I didn’t know your intentions and backed out. Are you… are you mad that I lied?”

His face turns from a shocked one into an amused one. Heeseung reaches out and tucks a piece of stray hair behind your ear. This time, you’re the shocked one. 

“You know,” he starts and you bob your head. 

“Yeah?”

“Not really. I understand since we just met and all. But I do think I deserve something. You know, since you never texted me.”

That’s true, you fell asleep and forgot to message him. And the day after that, and the day after that. Maybe you were too busy to text until it felt like it was too late (and too awkward) to send him a message. You tilt your head, waiting eagerly for his response. 

“Tell me your name. Or, don’t. Either way I’ll find out in the end.” 

You almost scoff at his smoothness. Maybe Heeseung’s playboy side was coming out.“You want to know that bad?” 

He nods with a smirk and you shake your head, speechless. 

“Fine. It’s y/n. Happy?” 

“And your last name?” You roll your eyes, even with a stupid grin on your face. 

“Y/l/n. Y/n y/l/n.” 

“Thank you. Now, can I ask you something too? Honestly?” 

You shrug, “Go for it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widen. Bold- and he asked for consent- another thing noted that you check off your imaginary list that came out of nowhere. With that, instead of replying, you take a deep breath and close your eyes. 

When you peek them open, just the tiniest bit, Heeseung’s face is much closer and your breath hitches. 

The only thing you could feel was him. It felt like it was only the two of you in the room. You couldn’t think of anything else. Your mind was blank as his lips moved over yours. 

He pulls back and your eyes flutter open. He gives you another smile and you look away, embarrassed. 

“Aw. You liked it that much?” 

You tell him to shut up and he laughs, patting your head. You check the time in your phone. “It’s late. Maybe I should get home.”  

“Do you need a ride?” His eyes twinkle mischievously and you hum. 

“Maybe. Let me just tell my friends that I’m going.” 

This time, Heeseung helps you put on the helmet. He tightens the straps softly, fingertips tickling your chin. Your arms wrap around him securely as the wind blows past you, feeling like if you were flying as Heeseung drives you home. 

Even more so when he kisses your forehead and tells you goodnight in that sickeningly sweet voice of his. 

You could care less about the rumors surrounding you. 

Sure, people saw you with him. What difference did it make? The fact that everyone called him a bad boy when in reality, he treated you like you were his most precious treasure. 

You reassured your friends that you were fine, to have some trust in you. 

Although you barely saw Heeseung outside of parties, the way he acted when he was with you was all that mattered. 

Maybe he gave you his jacket to wear when he was cold, maybe the scent of his cologne invaded your dreams. And maybe, just maybe, he was constantly on your mind. 

At most parties, he showed up without fail. You don’t know how, but you always managed to find each other. 

But so far, it had been an hour and there was no Heeseung in sight. Your mood was a little (or a lot) gloomier than normal. You wondered if he was busy, or if he got hurt, or-

“Would you like a drink?”

The nasty red cup is held to you with some foreign liquid inside and your gut shrivels up in disgust. 

“No thanks,” you barely spare a glance at the random guy who offered the cup to you. 

“It’s good, I promise! They’re handing out more in the kitchen if you want to go with me-“

“I’m fine,” you state firmly. Still, he continues to press and you’re just about to knock the stupid drink out of his hands when you feel a presence slide in behind you. 

“They said they weren’t interested. Didn’t you hear them the first time?” 

Shivers are sent down your spine at his cold tone. You see Heeseung and observe his stare. Dark and threatening- there was something in his eyes that he’s never looked at you with before. He looked…

Scary? 

You softly call out his name and his demeanor changes instantly as he takes your hand in his, “Sorry I’m late. Wanna go somewhere quieter?” 

His hand doesn’t let go, even when you’ve found an empty room that isn’t occupied by obnoxious couples to stay in for the time being. You contemplate if you and Heeseung seemed that way too, eyes drifting to your intertwined hands. 

At first, it’s silent. There are so many questions you want to ask, but you refrain from spilling all of them out. 

“I know it’s random but, are those rumors true? Like the one about you and your friends being in a gang, or you escaping from jail?” You ask quietly. 

His face shows it all. Where did this suddenly come from?

“What do you think, y/n?” 

You swallow, “That’s the thing. I really don’t know. You don’t seem like the type?”

He laughs. “Then you’re right- mostly.” His face takes on a foreign look, gaze faraway. “Sometimes rumors aren’t all baseless, you know.” 

At that, you don’t know what to do but nod. He squeezes your hand and you look at him. Suddenly, his eyes turn serious and he watches you with his dark orbs. 

“I won’t lie to you, y/n. I’m no angel sent from heaven. But that doesn’t mean we’re bad people, me and my friends. I think we’re just misunderstood. We’re misunderstood in the worst circumstances possible.” 

You stay silent. “Okay,” you finally say after a while, “I believe you.” 

His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek, “You think I would lie?”

“No,” you state decisively, “I’m just like this because you were late and I was waiting for you.” 

His nose scrunches up in amusement and you resist the urge to kiss it. “I apologize, I got caught up in stuff.” 

“Your secret tough guy stuff?” 

He pokes your cheek softly, eyes brimming with mirth. “Yeah. Tough guy stuff.” 

“Are you and Heeseung like, dating? You’re always leave us to go off with him at parties,” Yuna pouts. 

You shake your head, about to explain as Chaeryeong sends you a look. “You’re not doing illegal stuff with him, are you?”

“Chaeryeong!” Yeji scolds. You groan. 

“No. I already said I wasn’t. I promised you guys that I would never get into stuff like that.” 

“We know, y/n. We trust you. We’re just worried with all the talk going around,” Yeji reassures you. 

You appreciated that your friends were looking out for you, but sometimes they just made it worse. 

“Are you dating?” 

It was always that question. The same one that had been floating around for quite a while, actually. You didn’t realize it but some time had passed since you first met Lee Heeseung.  

Every party, you were with him. Sometimes you kissed. Sometimes, you acted like you were more than friends. 

Sometimes, you felt like it too. 

But it was only during those parties, that feeling was only saved for those occasions. Heeseung never once brought it up. Neither did you.

You saw each other around once a week or less than that, only with the comfort of the dark night and brain rattling music blasting from another room. 

You barely knew anything about Lee Heeseung, yet you were attracted to him. You didn’t know what his major was, where he grew up, or what kind of music he listened to. 

Yet you knew that he had a nice singing voice, that he took care of his motorcycle like it was his precious baby, and that he was the most caring person you’ve ever met. 

It’s like Heeseung and you were from two different worlds, but that border dissolved the moment you found him in the sea of people, under the flashing lights.  

For the first time since you met Heeseung, you can say he stood you up. Well, not exactly, but he never showed up.

You were worried. He would always show up in the end, but it was past 2am and still no sign of him. You called several times but to no avail, it went to voicemail. You grew to hate the robotic voice that apologized to you and told you to leave a message. You walk out the door dejectedly, alone because your friends left earlier and you waited behind to look for Heeseung.

You barely make it five seconds down the sidewalk, walking home because your place was nearby, when a hand grabs yours from behind. 

A silent scream half escapes your mouth, muffled by a hand. Adrenaline pulses through your veins- 

“Y/n. It’s me.” 

The familiar voice makes you exhale in utter relief. Heeseung removes his hand and you glare at him. 

“Why in the world would you scare me like that and not give any heads up?! Where were you? I called like-“

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, gaze sincere under the streetlights. You still punch him, and he winces. 

You didn’t think he was that weak, but-

“Oh my god.” Taking a closer glance, you can see the cuts and bruises on his face. 

“Heeseung, what happened?” 

He chuckles painfully, “Tough guy stuff?” 

“Stop moving,” you mutter under your breath as you dab at the cut. You had no choice but to bring Heeseung to your place since it was nearby and he was in no condition to go anywhere else. 

“It hurts,” he grumbles childishly and once you shoot him another glare, he shuts up. 

“Maybe if you weren’t being an idiot, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” 

“I apologized already, why are you still mad at me?” He pouts and you sigh, screwing the cap back on the medicine. 

“I’m not.”

“You are.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are, because you won’t look at me.” 

His hand softly reaches for your face, tilting your chin to face him. You hate how easily he can read you. His dark eyes bore into you, and you sigh again. 

“What happened to you?” You whisper, “What kind of situation were you in to get hurt like this?“ 

Rather than answer you, Heeseung kisses you. You being you can’t resist, not able to find it in you to reject him. You allow him four more seconds, five, before breaking it. 

You place a hand on his cheek. “Please, Heeseung. You can tell me.” 

He leans in again and you pull back, disappointed. A few more seconds and you give up. You’re not sure why your heart hurts. 

His eyes widen, probably since this was the first time you denied a kiss of his. 

“I’m done. You can sleep on the couch tonight. It’s late, so goodnight...” 

Disappointment fills you as you leave him alone and shut the door to your room behind you. Perhaps it’s because he didn’t say anything, go after you, make any effort to fight back. 

The next morning, you’re not surprised to find your place empty, blanket and pillow folded neatly and placed to the side. 

A week goes by, and then two. You tell your friends that you’re tired and don’t want to go out. But that can’t last forever. Almost a month after Heeseung stayed the night at your place, you finally go out. 

Perhaps for the first time in a long time, you get drunk. Your friends were worried to see you like that, but no matter what they did, you wouldn’t tell them what happened. 

But what they do know is that you don’t go off to find Heeseung. They notice his absence. You get so drunk that Yuna is forced to drag you home as you mumble pitifully to yourself. To others it’s incomprehensible, but to you, it’s all your confusion and sadness. 

You don’t know what happened. You thought you and Heeseung were close- that you built a connection, which included trust. You thought you trusted him and he trusted you. So why was there still a wall? Why was he pulling back? 

You wanted to give your all to him. You wanted to be with him. 

You know you wanted him. 

Exam season comes and officially you’ve stopped going to parties for the rest of the semester. 

Your stress was at its peak and randomly being approached by one of your classmates when you just wanted to go home and jump into your comfy bed was not what you expected. 

“Beomgyu?” You glance at him questioningly. Although he was one of your classmates and someone you studied with in a group, he wasn’t really someone you saw outside of class. 

“Hey, y/n,” he smiles boyishly and you squint. 

“Yes? Is there something you wanted?”  

From what seems like out of nowhere, Beomgyu pulls out a card. He gives it to you and you stare at it. 

“You can open it,” he gestures awkwardly. 

Written inside was a pretty long note and more shockingly, his number? Your eyes widen as you continue reading. You don’t even bother getting to the end before looking up. 

You give him an uneasy smile, “I’m flattered, but Beomgyu, I’m not-“

You’re cut off. 

“Shoot, I’m sorry, I gotta go. I hope we can meet soon y/n,” he says sheepishly before running off. 

You stand there, unmoving with the card in one hand. Your eyes flick to a nearby trash can. 

Should you throw it away? Is that too mean? 

Unbeknownst to you, Heeseung watches from a distance. The bouquet in his hands hangs down heavily. 

After exams are over, you slowly start attending more parties. Partially to relieve your stress with your friends and partially for another reason. 

But he’s never there anymore. No matter how much you search, Heeseung was gone. You haven’t seen his face in at least two months. 

You wonder what you did. Was it because of what happened at your place? Did you go too far by rejecting him? Not contacting him?

It gets to the point that you’re desperate. Really desperate to the point that when you recognize one of his friends sitting alone on one of the campus benches, you approach the guy. 

He eyes you warily, you’re sure that he doesn’t recognize you. Whether or not it makes you happy that Heeseung kept you a secret from his friends, you don’t know. 

“Hi- uh, are you perhaps Heeseung’s friend- Jay?” 

The guy sits up. “Yeah. What do you want from him? If you’re looking for his number then he’s not interested.“ he adds. 

“No,” you shake your head. “You’ve got it all wrong. Actually, I’m also his friend and well, do you know where he lives?”

He squints. “You? Heeseung’s friend?”

“Y-yeah. We met at a party and he mentioned you before- I think-“

Jay’s eyes widen. “You’re y/n.” 

So he has talked about you to them before. 

You know Heeseung treasures his friends. The way he spoke about them- you saw a certain gleam in his eyes that you never saw before. That’s why you figured this was the best way to find him. 

You clasp your hands together, “Please. I really need to see him.” 

Jay clicks his tongue, “I guess you do, since you’re the reason he’s acting like this.”

“What? Like what?” 

He ignores you, shaking his head in distaste. “Yeah, I’ll give you his address. He should be at home now. Give me your phone.”

After contemplating for a solid hour, you give into temptation and follow the address to Heeseung’s place. You stand nervously in front of his door, shaking your hands as if it would get rid of the anxiety. 

You knock once, twice. 

A minute passes. You seriously contemplate running away. 

Then the door swings open.

Heeseung stands there in a hoodie and sweatpants, the first time you’ve seen him wear something that wasn’t his infamous black leather jacket. 

“Y/n?” 

You give him a halfhearted smile. “Can we talk?”

He lets you in, and you’re left to observe his living space. It’s cleaner than you expected, and plainer than you expected. 

But one thing seems out of place- an arrangement of flowers in a vase on his countertop. It seemed like the only colorful thing he had in his home. 

“How did you get here?”

You take a seat on his couch, looking around nervously. “I asked one of your friends… he told me where you lived.”

“Oh,” Heeseung says, strangely quiet. You can’t stand it. 

“Heeseung?” You start off calmly, “why haven’t you been at any parties recently? Is it because of what I said last time? If so, I’m sorry that-“

“Y/n,” he interrupts you and you bite your tongue. “Really, why are you here? Why did you come find me?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I came for answers. Is that what you wanted me to say?” He avoids your gaze like he was expecting you to say that and you scoff. 

“Fine. I don’t know why I came! I don’t know anything. How am I supposed to answer you when we don’t even have an answer?” You stop to take a deep breath, defeating silence filling your ears. 

“What are we? What are we supposed to be, Heeseung?” You whisper. 

Heeseung rubs a hand over his face in frustration. You look away, stomach feeling like lead. 

“I’m sorry, y/n,” he starts off. “I’m sorry that things are like this. That I’m like this. Maybe if- maybe if it didn’t feel like we were so apart, we could be different. I’m sorry that it feels like we’re living in different worlds.” He looks up at you and you see the pain hidden in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry that we’re so different.” 

Heeseung sees it. He sees how happy you look in public with your friends. He’s always seen you, regardless if you saw him back or not. He always wondered if you would be the same way with him. If Lee Heeseung with all his flaws and scars, was next to you- the hardworking, kind and passionate you. The you who wasn’t scared of him the first time you met, who didn’t listen to baseless rumors and treat him like an outsider. 

The same you who smiled with your whole soul and that made him fall in love with you while breaking his heart at the same time. 

He sees you without him, and your world on the opposite side. He wonders if your two worlds could ever mix. What other people would say or think about you just because of him. He realized that he couldn’t handle that- not for you. When others think he’s such a stone cold guy who never cares but in reality, he’s cares too much. 

He’s the weakest one. And with that comes the realization that he could never have you.  No matter how much he wanted, needed you. 

You’re just too different, and that one fact is enough to keep him away. 

His words echo in your head.

Are you actually that different? Or is he just being a coward? 

And you as well? For not wanting to fight, for actually believing him when he says that?  

You get up and take your leave- heart, soul, and world especially feeling cracked. 

Heesung’s head hangs between his arms, and if the pain of seeing you leave him was bad, the fact that he didn’t try harder to get to you was even worse. 

A ring at your doorbell makes you groan as you roll out of bed. It’s been a while since you’ve gone outside, your friends’ countless attempts to cheer you up and get you out of the house were futile. As you get up you pass by Beomgyu’s card which lies on your desk, forgotten from the day you planned to but didn’t throw out. 

You open the door and your heart stops. There’s no one there. 

You look down, reaching and picking up a familiar bouquet of flowers. A sad smile makes its way in your face as your fingers graze the flowers. 

Maybe this is a sign. 

You sigh, returning inside and taking your phone out to type the numbers. 

Your finger presses the call button. 

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