#useless manservant

[wickedwitchofthewesninski]

Rip Arthur Pendragon, you would have loved The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess

[laragomu]

are you fcking kidding me Arthur actually took Merlin to his ANNIVERSARY DATE with his WIFE.

[papysanzonew]

My other Merlin art

[like-sands-of-time]

Anyway Arthur deserved to see just how truly intimidating and scary Merlin could be at times

Arthur may have a temper but it's Merlins carefully controlled and displayed anger that's terrifying

[smashthat-keyboard]

My dad is trying to fix my car rn and I’m just sitting off to the side occasionally handing him things. I feel like a high school mascot.

[akelafang]

Au where Merlin learns what happened to Aithusa while she's still in the pit with Morgana. He breaks them out and while he and Morgana are still weary of each other they work together to get away. Once they're safe and Merlin has tended to Aithusa's wounds (and maybe Morgana's if she lets him) Merlin summons Kilgharrah to yell at him for not watching over Aithusa cause really where the hell was he?! You were supposed to be taking care of her! Thank you for nothing you useless reptile!!!

Morgana gets treated to a show of Arthur's scrawny little country bumpkin of a manservant chastising a giant fuck off dragon for being a bad babysitter. She realizes halfway through that she's actually more scared of Merlin right now than she is of the dragon

[katakaluptastrophy]

I love how fully Gideon the Ninth commits to the country house murder mystery vibe.

Not only has everyone been called to an ostentatious and decrepit pile by a mysterious benefactor, but you have a great range of murder mystery stereotypes:

- Military officers who think the whole murder thing could be resolved with just a bit more discipline

- Gorgeous socialite sisters with a dark secret

- Eccentric gentlewoman scholar and her young wards

- Professor curiously close to his manservant

- Tragic convalescent

- Useless clergyman

- Socially awkward orphans

Not to mention the staff of the house who do not seem to be entirely honest about its past.

[achillesuwu]

Honestly the idea of magical advisor Merlin is so fucking funny.

Like, you go that man, who used to be the king manservant (still kinda is) which is already a powerful position on its own but like…Now you know that the dude sitting there is like a whole army in one place. Your political power ? Worthless.

The power that your land give you by yielding a lot of food ? Useless

You got that man sitting next to you who not only have the ear of the king but is also like a whole ass kingdom in powerscale by himself. He is running late for every meeting because he had to ‘catch up with some things’, bickering with the king 24/7, throwing random background info about things that are ACTUALLY a big deal (‘oh, that place feel lively’ = hey we are in the middle of an atmospheric river of magic, it can either explode or give us nice dream <3).

Before you had to deal with an unhinged favorite-servant of the king now you have to grasp the fact that your king may actually be the favorite out of their deal.

[soulfulquail]

Gotta wake up that useless manservant.

(Trying my hand at animating stuff -again)

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Valentines Day Shana! I need some Merlin, either Lord de Bois or Ygraine Time travel continuation up to you ❤️❤️

a continuation of 1 2 3

His first duty as a manservant is at dinner and literally his only job is to stand by the wall and refill Arthur's goblet.

It's a family dinner held in Arthur's father's rooms rather than the great hall where various knights and nobles eat. When the eldest Lord de Bois walks in he sees Merlin standing there and frowns. "Who are you?"

Merlin opens his mouth and nothing comes out.

"Arthur's keeping him hostage," says a low, amused voice, and he looks over to see the younger - oh, this is stupid. Agravaine drops into a chair at the table and begins picking at the grapes. "He really has to stop doing that. It's such an unseemly habit."

He's not being held hostage!

Is he?

"Elyan isn't a hostage," Tristan says, exasperated. "Did he find you in the woods too?"

It takes Merlin a moment to realize he's speaking to him, but he still can't make any sound come out of his suddenly dry mouth.

"Ealdor," Agravaine says, amused. "You did tell him to deal with it himself."

The door opens and Arthur enters, Amabel's hand in his. "Talking about me while I'm not around?" He picks Amebel up and drops her into Agravaine's lap, who rabidly needs to readjust to keep the bowl of grapes from spilling everywhere "Where's my aunt? You don't have the time to gossip about me when she's around."

"Gossiping about you is our favorite pastime," Agravaine says, settling his daughter with one hand and pushing away the bowl from her reaching fingers with another.

"Arthur, who is this?" Tristan demands. It's odd seeing them next to each other - they share blue eyes and blonde hair but not much more than that. Arthur must take after his mother.

"Merlin," he says. "He's my new servant."

Tristan's eyebrows push together. "You hate having a personal servant."

"This one is useless," he says and Merlin's ears burn. "He's absent the most annoying qualities of properly trained servants."

He has no idea what that means.

"Okay," Tristan says slowly. "But why is he here?"

Actually, that's a good question. He's the only servant in the room. But Elyan had said -

"So that when he fumbles and spills a pitcher of wine on me, it's not in front of the whole castle."

"Hey!" he protests then pales. The pitcher does suddenly feel unexpectedly heavy.

Agravaine's lips twitch. "He speaks."

Tristan now looks just amused as his brother. "Oh, I see. Well, you do like a project."

Merlin's not sure if being a project is better than being a hostage.

[an-entity-i-think]

Someone should write a story about whoever has the most arrests on their record. Do the guards have to keep record on who gets arrested and why? Is Merlin's record just out there, four pages long in fine print naming every random reason he's been thrown in the dungeons? I imagine they'd start having fun with it eventually lmao

Merlin from Ealdor

Disrespecting the Prince

Disrespecting the Prince

Accused of Sorcery

Disrespecting the Prince

Accused of Theivery

Disrespecting the Prince

Accused of Sorcery

Called a neighboring Lord "a worthless cabbage more annoying than the Prince at dawn"

Disrespecting the Prince

Called the Prince "a desperate whore who wishes he were me" when in the stocks

Disrespecting the Prince

Disrespecting the Prince

Broke out of the Dungeons to serve the Prince and then went back in the dungeons to sleep citing "it's warmer here anyways"

Disrespecting the Prince

Accused of Sorcery

Saved the Prince's life but did it rudely (the prince would not give more details)

Accused of Sorcery

Accused of Sorcery

Accused of Sorcery

Accused of "being the most annoying and useless manservant in the world oh my god can you please shut up for once in your life" (the prince wanted this quoted)

Disrespecting the Prince

[overlyspecific]

Part 5 of Merlin Hood

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Flashback to Magic Reveal!

Even with the number of times that Arthur called Merlin an idiot, he didn’t actually believe it. At least, not fully. Sometimes he was late waking him up in the morning or he would clumsily drop his lunch and have to go get another, but he was reliable most of the time. Today, however, Arthur had not seen his manservant at all.

When George arrived with lunch, Arthur nearly bit his head off.

Arthur: Where is my useless manservant?

George: I don’t know, sire. No one has seen him all day.

Arthur: If he’s at the tavern again…

Arthur barged out of the room and definitely didn’t angry stomp all the way to Gauis’s chambers. To his credit, Gauis doesn’t even look up at Arthur when he barges in.

Gauis: Oh Arthur, Merlin’s just out at the-

Arthur: If you say tavern, I personally put Merlin in the dungeon until there is snow on the ground.

Gauis:…

Just as Gauis is trying to think of a different excuse, Merlin barges in covered in chicken feathers and holding a struggling rooster.

Merlin: *not noticing Arthur* Gauis, I swear, cant they ever make it easy? Do they realize when they come up with these stupid plots that theres a poor overworked manservant that has to go collect whatever random ingredient and study the perfect spe-

Gaius: *cutting Merlin off before he can say anything incriminating* Oh, Merlin, you’re back. Prince Arthur was just looking for you.

Merlin: *eyes wide* Arthur! What are you doing here? *the rooster in Merlin’s arms tries to take that opportunity to escape, but Gauis takes it from Merlin*

Arthur: *rubbing a hand over his face* Merlin, the day I know what all you get up to when you aren’t with me is a day I fear for my sanity.

Arthur starts to leave the Physician chambers, but remembers why he was there.

Arthur: Merlin, I expect you to be up in my chambers in the next twenty minutes to get me dressed or have you forgotten that there is foreign royalty visiting?

Merlin: *a little too sweet to be sincere* of course, sire.

Arthur returns to his chambers with Merlin following soon behind. Merlin starts to dress Arthur for the feast.

Merlin: *working mostly in silence, quietly humming to himself* raise your arms.

Arthur: *obeying so Merlin can put in ceremonial shirt over his head* You’d tell me if you were in any kind of trouble, right?

Merlin: *surprised by the question* Of course, but what sort of trouble would I get into anyway?

Arthur: I’m serious, Merlin. Half the time I don’t know what you are up to and you come back with these ridiculous excuses everytime. what am I supposed to think?

Merlin: I appreciate the concern, but its nothing really. I’ll tell you if I’m ever in any trouble.

Arthur: You’re a bad liar, you know.

Merlin: I know.

Tension fills the room with things unsaid and Merlin quickly finishes dressing Arthur.

The two make their way down to the feast only a few minutes late. When they open the door, however, the prince and his manservant are shocked with what they find.

The long feast table is filled with royalty and nobility wrapped in fiery green ropes. The servants are similarly tied to the pillars of the room slightly out of sight. The visiting queen is at the front of the table next to Uther with her arms outstretched. She looks up at the sound of the door opening.

Lady Canterlily: *smiling wickedly* Prince Arthur, what a pleasure! *she whispers a spell and Arthur is tied to a chair and slides across the floor to join Uther and Morgana at the head of the table.*

Merlin: *suddenly serious and pulsing with authority at seeing the royals helpless* Let them go!

Lady Canterlily: Oh silly me, I forgot to take care of you too dear. I’m sorry, you servants are always so forgettable. *she whispers a spell and Merlin is tied to a pillar* Now that everyone is here, let’s get this party started.

Merlin struggles against the ropes, but he knows there’s no way out without magic and Arthur is looking over at him with worry in his eyes.

Uther: You wont get away with this! You will be brought to justice and burn on the pyre!

Lady Canterlily: Oh, like how to murdered my family? Like how you burned my helpless daughter? She didnt even have magic! Really she wasnt much younger than your son here. *she walks over to Arthur and reaches her hand out to him* How would you feel if your family was murdered, King Uther?

Lady Canterlily starts a spell directed at Arthur, but she is flung into a wall. Everyone looks around for the culprit, but everyone is still tied up. Lady Canterlily gets up slowly and looks around too.

Lady Canterlily: *suddenly scared, but trying to hide it* Emrys, show yourself!

Nothing happens.

Lady Canterlily: *approaches Arthur again saying a spell more quickly this time. Before it can hit him though it dissolves into golden light* Emrys! *she looks at every person at the table but they are all still tied and and are looking for the second magic user as well*

Arthur takes the commotion to look over where Merlin is tied up. Merlin isnt there. Lady Canterlily follows Arthur’s eyes to the pillar.

Lady Canterlily: It isnt possible!

Merlin: *appearing from behind a pillar* Forgetable, wasn’t that what you said?

Lady Canterlily: You can’t be the powerful Emrys! *shouts a spell*

Arthur: *watches as the green fiery ropes rise up to wrap Merlin back to the pillar* Merlin, lookout!

Merlin: *makes eye contact with Arthur and smiles apologetically before raising a hand up and closing his eyes. The ropes dissolve into golden light exactly like what happened to the curse meant for Arthur* I’m sorry for the sake of your sanity, Arthur, I guess that day is today. *when he opens his eyes, they shine the same golden light*

Lady Canterlily screams in frustration and Merlin continues to make his way to her at his own pace. With each step, the magic seems to flow off of him in golden waves. Lady Canterlily stumbles back in fear.

Lady Canterlily: It cant be you, you’re just a servant!

Merlin: *arm outstretched, just a couple steps away* Let’s just say I go above and beyond. Now, release them before i make you.

Lady Canterlily: Emrys! Why do you protect them? They kill every one of our people without any mercy!

Merlin: I dont protect them. I protect the once and future king. Now release them or you will see just how much i will do to protect him.

Lady Canterlily: *knowing she wont win in a magic fight against Emrys, takes out a dagger and holds it to Arthur’s neck* Emrys, please listen! We will never be free under their rule. I’m doing this for you. Help me kill them and we will rule instead. We will bring magic back as it’s supposed to be. We will be free!

Merlin: I can’t let you kill him. If you kill them all and take the throne, it wont change anything. You will go to war with the other kingdoms and the people will not follow you. So many people will die and Camelot will crumble to the ground. Plus, I kinda like having that prat around. Now, release him or your next breath will be your last!

Lady Canterlily: They will be punished, even if its the last thing I do! *she shouts a spell at Merlin

Merlin: *yells a spell back at the sorceress, but the spell catches him before he is done and he drops to the ground choking*

Lady Canterlily: Now where was I?

Before Lady Canterlily can answer her own rhetorical question, the entire feast hall begins to shake. Where Merlin was choking on the ground a minute ago, there is a blinding orb of golden light sending pulses outward toward the room. Everyone’s hairs stand on end at the table and when they look at the sorceress, there is a flash of golden lightning before nothing remains. The green fiery ropes dissolve from the people in the room.

Merlin: Well that was dramatic *Starts to fall unconscious from using so much magic and Arthur doesn’t hesitate to catch him*

Uther: Guards, seize him!

Morgana: Uther, he just saved all of our lives! You can’t kill him. Arthur, say something!

Arthur just looks at his manservant sprawled in his arms, but is frozen in shock. When the guards come to take Merlin away, he pulls him away from them.

Uther: Arthur! Let go of the sorcerer. The guards will bring him to the dungeons.

Arthur: *suddenly aggressive* No! *catches his father’s expectant look* I’ll take him down myself. He is my problem, after all.

Uther: Very well.

Arthur followed closely by several guards hauls his unconscious manservant out of the feast hall. He catches Morgana’s murderous expression as the door close behind him.

Wooo! That was a long one, sorry about that. Next part will be stay in the past for Merlin’s magic trial, but then we will go back to present time.

[chronicowboy]

every episode of merlin is truly unhinged but like i always forget how fucking insane season 1 episode 10 the moment of truth is. like i just cannot wrap my head around it. at all. the prince's (terrible, just truly useless and insolent) manservant's mother comes to the kingdom asking for help for a tiny village in a neighbouring kingdom because its being attacked by bandits stealing their harvest and the prince gets said manservant's mother an audience with his father, the king even though he knows that to send men into the neighbouring kingdom could be considered an act of war. the king says as much and refuses to help, but the manservant makes the decision to go back and help anyway (he has magic that he'll be able to use somewhat freely without any camelot knights there) and he attempts to resign in telling his prince that he's going home to help, but the prince refuses to accept his resignation and seems truly terrified at the prospect of the manservant not returning whether its by choice or because he is killed in the fight, but the prince lets him go because its his mother and, in an attempt to cover up the genuine emotion he just showed, proceeds to insult his manservant in the most loving way possible. said manservant only smiles adoringly and thanks him for the insults with some intense, lingering eye contact before the prince wishes him luck. the manservant, his mother, the king's ward and her maid make camp in the woods, and whilst everyone else is asleep, the manservant goes to investigate a troublesome noise only to find the prince disobeying his father's direct orders! once again, the prince insults him to distract him from the act of genuine kindness and care. then they make it to the village and the prince, used to all the luxuries of a castle, sleeps on the floor beside his manservant and asks his manservant questions about his childhood and they have real conversations away from the stifling hierarchy of the castle. "he must care for you a great deal," the manservant's mother says about the prince. "arthur would do the same for any village, that's just the way he is" to which she replies "its more than that, he's here for you". that night the king's ward, who grew up with the prince says that merlin is the reason arthur came, "arthur may act like he doesn't care, but he wouldn't be here if he didn't". and, where the manservant would normally dress the prince in his armour, the prince helps the manservant with his. then THEN the manservant's mother says "i see how much he needs you, how much you need him, you're like two sides of the same coin". tell me that's not insane.

[thelesbododo]

This is a headcanon circulating around a sensitive topic and one that you may not agree with so if you don't want to read it please scroll.

This headcanon revolves around the character Osamu Dazai and the concept of sexual assault

I believe that Dazai was sexually assaulted as a child

This has nothing to do with Mori and takes place long before they even meet

While it is true we know little to nothing of BSD Dazai's past, it is also true that it is highly likely the Irl author and his No Longer Human counterpart was SA'd

There are two specific pieces of writing are evidence of this

"My true nature, however, was one diametrically opposed to the role of the mischievous imp. Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and manservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit. But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness. If I had formed the habit of telling the truth I might perhaps have been able to confide unabashedly to my father or mother about the crime, but I could not fully understand even my own parents. To appeal for help to any human being - I could expect nothing from that expedient. Supposing I complained to my father or my mother, or to the police, the government - I wondered if in the end I would not be argued into silence by someone in good graces with the world, by the excuses of which the world approved.It is only too obvious that favoritism inevitably exists: it would have been useless to complain to human beings. So I said nothing of the truth. I felt I had no choice but to endure whatever came my way and go on playing the clown"

- No Longer Human

"I ceased being a child soon after entering grade school. It was then that my younger brother’s nurse taught me something that took my breath away. It was a beautiful summer day, and the grass by the vacant house out back had grown tall and dense. I must have been about seven, and my brother’s nurse could not have been more than thirteen or fourteen. My brother was three years younger than I, and the nurse shooed him off. She said, ‘Go get some leaf grass’ - that’s our word for clover back home. Then she added, ‘And make sure it’s got four leaves too.’ After he left, she put her arms around me and we started rolling around in the tall grass. Thereafter we would play our secret little game in the storehouse or in one of the closets."

- Memories

Both No Longer Human and Memories are semi-autobiographies, meaning they're somewhat based in truth

I can't speak from experience but SA has a big effect on the lives of the survivors

Some of thes effects include;

Sleeping or Eating disorders

Dazai canoniclly has issues sleeping and there are scenes that imply he has issues with and/or doesn't see the point in eating, at one point saying that it is "so much trouble"

Nightmares

There is a specific scene within one kf the light novels where Kunikida asks if Dazai has nightmares.

(Unfortunately I can't find the exact moment so I can't quote it so if anyone can find it please let me know)

Self-hatred

It might not be clearly stated that he hates himself but ay the same time its rather clear that he does

Suicidal thoughts or self-harm

He is a suicidal maniac

Riskier sexual behaviors such as having many partners

He canoniclly has had quite a lot of lovers

Substance abuse

The one scene we see of his apartment we see that there is more alcohol than furniture (it's also a popular hc that Dazai smokes which makes sense considering his past with the pm and that irl author smoked)

Another moment to mention was when he seduced the nurse (which technically counted as SA too but that's not the point of this)

I'm probably gonna end it here because it's late and I'm tired but anyone willing to add or correct anything please go ahead and I hoped you enjoyed my hc

[wisttwist]

jester's privilege

(past) nebu (nathaniel) & reader, morningstar (ithaqua) & reader cliche scene where the hero enters the defeated kings bedroom and all the concubines are crawling all over him but instead of a dozen concubines trying to seduce him it's a single crusty manservant making middle school tier jokes warnings: mentions of canon typical war crimes etc

...

There was a small, breathtakingly ugly cushion in the corner of the room, bright primary colours clashing with the creams and golds of the late Tower Lord's interior design (which was also ugly, Helel would like to append).

A similarly small and breathtakingly ugly servant (?) sits on this cushion, presently engaged in thrilling (mind numbing) icebreakers (he would like to break some ice over your head, yes) with the Sun Eater as he idly turned over Nebuchadnezzar's royal paraphernalia.

"So he doesn't bed you and you aren't politically valuable. Then why are you in here, and not out there?" He gestures to the smoke from the mines, visible from the tower window.

"He doesn't send me to the quarries because I'm special. I'm his special boy."

"He calls you that?"

"No."

Helel made the temporary generalization that conversation with you was a waste of oxygen and stalks off to continue his inspection of the room, deaf to your remarks.

A voice comes from right behind his shoulder. "What do I call you?" Somehow, you'd soundlessly traversed the cluttered floor to stand uncomfortably close.

He scowls. So much for ignoring you. "Don't you know who I am?"

"I do live in a cell." You mumble, picking your nose and wiping the snot on your pants.

For a second, the Eclipse considers retelling the story of his conquest for the nth time but honestly, he wasn't sure how much more gloating he could wring out of it, especially with this audience. "It doesn't matter who I am. Just know that I'm the new king."

"Your voice is very familiar."

"No it's not."

"Very well. It's not." You fidget on the spot, bell-studded clothes jingling. "Do I call you sire? Or are you more formal?"

"Do as you wish."

Satisfied with his vague and minimalist answers, he returns to his prior task of sorting through the Sun King's old shit; mentally categorizing them for later: keep, trash, take to the thrift store, incinerate. Surveying the shelves, he sighs. This would be a lengthy task.

…

"Do you want a tour?" Breathing on the back of his neck, again. Uncomfortably close, again.

Helel gives you a firm push back. "No."

"Are you still wondering what my purpose was?" You chirp, undeterred as ever.

"If I recall correctly, the Sun King already had a clown in his court. I freed him way back when." Maybe if Helel paid more attention to that event, he'd note that the Encroached did mention an irritating bell-wearing obstacle between him and his master. Not that you can prepare for this brand of mild but persistent evil. "But considering this room is full of useless junk, it's not hard to guess why you're here."

Ignoring his jab, you sidle close once more, plotting another invasion attempt on his personal space. "Jesters and clowns are two different things."

Yeah, you were different. The other guy was less annoying. Mercifully, he elects to give a noncommittal grunt instead of mentioning this detail, hoping that you'll lose interest in trying to continue your conversation.

The Sun Eater lifts up a decanter of mystery fluid (pale and golden like everything else). He's about to lean in to give it a smell test when you stop him. "That's not wine, sire."

Owlishly, his head swivels around to face you.

You close your eyes sagely and pause for dramatic effect, wasting more of Helel's time on waiting for you to elaborate. "It's pee."

The decanter shatters on the floor. You watch him frantically wipe his hands off on the expensive curtains. "What the fuck?"

A good poker face is a crucial survival skill for your occupation, but given your employer is currently burning in hell, you are very much off the clock right now. You double over with laughter. "Oh heavens, sire. You're too gullible, oh stars and suns, oh- Oh!"

Helel's clawed hand yanks you up by the hair. "Are you five years old. Greater men have died for lesser-"

"Let me down, please, sire!" The twinge of stifled laughter slurring your pleas for your life don't help your case. "I'm sorry! Please!"

You're dropped in a crumpled, jingling heap on the floor. Briefly, the Morning Star considers sending you to the gallows, but is it really worth the effort? Your transgressions, frequent as they were, weren't significant enough for that. Besides, on a smaller level he won't admit, his pride refuses to let you get to him. "I'll take you up on the tour offer." He declares with finality, crossing his arms. "You touch everything before I do."

"Yes, sire!" You jump up to attention, back ramrod straight in a mockery of military obedience. "Does that make me the royal toucher? Or king's toucher? That's like being a king's taster but instead of tasting-"

Your voice trails off as you feel Helel's glare burning through his mask and into your skull.

"Ahem. On the left, we have war spoils from the southeastern peninsula…"

… 

Truly, the home renovation aspect of overthrowing corrupt tyrants is underestimated. The remainder of the afternoon was spent sorting doohickeys into piles in the middle of the floor for future storage. Or rather, Helel did the majority of the heavy lifting while you (un)helpfully stood in the corner, regaling him with tales of the previous regime and the exact happenings of court life. He wants to tell you to stop talking for 5 minutes and do something useful but you would probably cite the importance of 'moral support' and try to weasel your way out of it. Besides, even if you were trying to do something of substance, it probably involved inventing new ways to fuck up moving furniture, fiddling with his temper even further. You were like a mosquito, he decides. Too little to do real damage, too much to be ignored.

"There was this one time I was doing a bit about his virility and he said he could prove me wrong right there if I wanted." You were presently cross legged on an intricate rug (tribute from the Sun King's unfortunate allies), juggling a series of crystal balls (priceless artifacts, stained with blood by the 'divine' conqueror). "So I said 'You should know that I'm a eunuch', and he went, 'It doesn't matter.' We were hilarious."

The Usurper scratches his chin, half listening. It didn't sound hilarious, just weird. "You're sure he didn't bed you?"

"A joke is just a joke, you know."

"Okay. Just checking." Helel paused. "Then are you really a eunuch?"

"Are you gonna check that too?"

"No." You were really getting your money's worth from that previous temporary generalization.

…

After the walls and shelves were bare, and the loot was bundled up in leather bags, the Eclipse sank into one of the plush chairs, kicking his feet onto the table and massaging his temples. With any luck, you were as tired as he was, and he could slip away while you rested.

You yawned. "Ahh. That's enough for one day, I think." Helel watched as you plopped back down on your hideous cushion, procuring a lit pipe from thin air and taking a hefty drag. "Will you be looking for new furnishings?"

"Probably. This stuff is way too tacky."

A wisp of smoke drifts past, and the Morning Star feels that tell-tale foreboding feeling behind his shoulder again. "Will you be looking for new castle staff?" You bat your eyelashes.

He meets your expectant gaze with the exhaustion of someone who just fought another war and lost. "You're staying?"

Deliberately misinterpreting his question as a statement, you perk up, grinning from ear to ear. "Well, I can't refuse a direct order such as that! Especially not from his most esteemed, illustrious (and if I may add, very handsome) Majesty!" Bowing at the waist with a bell-bedecked flourish, you shoot back to eye level with hands clasped, nearly butting him in the head with your stupid hat. "When do I start work?"

...

(jump cut to jester being tossed out of tower window) this is too long to be funny but idc anymore. next time i'll write romance but i needed to fulfill my desire to annoy him

[jem55]

Anthony Head did a musical episode for Buffy the vampire slayer & we were robbed of a Merlin musical episode. Just imagine Morgana being pissed off that her attempts to take over Camelot were being foiled by a bisexual prince and his equally gay manservant. So she instead curses Camelot to break into song & dance cause she knows that will frustrate Arthur more than violence will.

Just imagine Merlin & Arthur doing a duet about chores followed by a dance number with the knights. There would be an 80’s training montage and Merlin would sing about excessive responsibility’s & that useless hunk of a petty dragon. Arthur would insist that no one ever mentions it again (it would be a step-mum troll level we don’t talk about event)