#ur still single🤪

[oliveth3b0rrower]

Athena x Freya art🥰

[pedge-page]

I’m absolutely IN. LOVE. with ur Joel/baby Sarah/wife!Reader masterlist and all their wacky adventures 😍🤪! When u have the time and if u feel drawn to the suggestion, I hope to see reader and Joel have a cute hubby & wifey moment (either before or after Sarah, ur pick) and not just Joel having high blood pressure all the time 🤣. Have an awesome weekend!!! 😘

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: My Wife, My Love, My Life

notes: thank you for the request! Decided to make this one after Sarah is born but the focus towards the end is Joel and Reader.

Warnings: Oral m!receiving, blowjob, facial, very brief unprotective penetration

18+ ONLY

- - - -

You didn’t ever think this day would come. Not now, not so soon at least, but certainly you had hoped it would never come.

Yet as you packed your suitcase, your eyes welled with tears. Your bedroom, the one you’d shared with your husband for years for every single night you two were together, was about to be foreign. No longer sharing his warm embrace, his caresses and morning kisses.

 You were leaving him behind.

 Memoriese placate your mind, routines and dents of the bed were about to be disrupted for the first time, and your heart ached at the idea.

Worst yet, you were leaving your own daughter, your sweet little angel who was not even one year old. She’s too young, should you even be separated from her at this age? How badly would this scar her? How much would she remember her own mother, who showed nothing but love and care and smiles for her entire existence, how much would that penetrate her memory of you as you abandon your family—

“Are you crying’ again?” Joel asks from the doorway. “It’s only a week!”

You sniffle and toss your blazer into your bag, avoiding him. “I don’t wanna go.”

You’re just traveling for a brief work trip just for the week then you’ll be back this time next Sunday, but STILL. All of those things hold true(ish), and it still hurts to have to say goodbye—

“Would you relax, honey. Christ.”

Even if your husband doesn’t care, you know Sarah will feel the pain of her own Momma leaving her behind with no reason she can possibly come to understand—

 “You are so clingy and needy—“

JOEL WOULDYOUSHUTTHEFUCKUP I'MHAVINGAMOMENT, DAMNIT.

You sigh heavily and zip up the bag before lugging it to the ground. He raises his eyebrow as you storm by, his arms folded with a bemused smirk.

“Oh it’s funny to you? Guess you do want me gone—“

“It’s a week,” he reminds you firmly, his hands rubbing along bothy your arms. “It’s gonna be like a vacation for you!” 

His words of encouragement suck ass because your ideal vacation is with your family. No, this was more like hell. 

And Joel seemed to be loving every minute of it.

“Don’t forget ya moisturizer, oh and I packed ya some snacks for the plane. Plus some pepper spray, which you gotta put in your checked bag cuz they ain’t gonna let ya through security. Your passport is in your purse already…” 

He was practically ushering you straight out the door. Running around the house like road runner, athering everything ahead of time, getting your little carry on and security tag and even breakfast quickly made for you to ‘make you not worry about a thing’.

No. The fucker was getting rid of you for sure, and glad of it—

“Stop sitting there with that face,” he says.

You sit down and shove your eggs in your mouth. “What face?” You snap.

“The ‘he’s intentionally trying to get rid of you’ one you got on right now. Just want ya to be prepared is all.”

You quickly wipe your expression but scowl at him when he has his back turned. 

After breakfast, you kissed your baby goodbye. She was still sleeping soundly in her crib. Joel supervised you from the hall to make sure you didn’t try to sneak her into your purse so you could take her with you.

“Ok you have enough milk in the freezer and some already thawed in the fridge when she wakes up. You have teething rings, you know how to heat her bottle, you have her burp blanket—“ you list each one on your fingers as he backing you up to the car.

“Yes,yes,yes,yes! Honey, I got it all—“

“I bought groceries already for the week —“

“And if ya missed anything, I can go grab it myself. I can cook, you know that. Got ya in bed with my food before so—“

“Joel I’m serious.” You stop him. but as you think it over, you know he’s right. He’s like a pro at taking care of you and Sarah. You’re just trying to avoid the feeling that she’s gonna miss you gone. 

Maybe she won’t even notice you're gone…

Joel catches your eyes faltering, lips trembling as water shines in your eyes. 

“Nonono! It’s gonna be okay.” He hugs you, his soft hands securely stroking your back until he can feel you breathe slowly again.

“I know I know. I’m just. I’m gonna miss you both.”

“The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll be back,” he hums reassuringly. 

You pull away and frown. “Definitely looking forward to getting rid of me—“ you seethe under your breath.

“OH GET IN THE DAMN CAR.”

-

Joel just got the text from you that you on time and safely boarded onto the flight. He knows you’ll be out of contact with cell service for the majority of the week since you were going to be out of the states, so he’s glad you were able to message him this last time. 

And while no he was NOT glad you were leaving, he wasn’t complaining either. You needed some alone time. You were preggo monster for 9 months and now non stop mom ever since. He could tell from the bags under your eyes and short temper that you needed a little vacation. It didn’t matter if you realized it or not. This conference was a blessing in disguise. There would only be a few hours a day of work stuff, then you could go to the pool, the gym, get a massage, anything you wanted was included.

And he’d get some fantastic quiet time without your nagging just for a little. A mini vacation for him too for the first time in…well, ever.

A win-win for you both.

Sarah was just rousing from her sleep, stretching her arms wide with a big yawn and wiggly toes. He sends a quick pic of her with her hazy eyes before scooping her up.

“Ready for some food, girlie?” He nuzzles his face into her chest, and she giggles happily.

It takes probably 5 minutes of Sarah sucking down her bottle in her high chair on her own before she’s looking around the strangely vacant house.

“Mum-ma?” She asks curiously, just as Joel returns to dump some cereal on her tray.

“Mommy’s left to go go on a trip. Just you and me this week, kid.” He rubs her head affectionately.

Joel really didn’t expect Sarah to fully grasp anything he says, but evidently she did understand “mommy” and “left” and that was it.

Her face scrunches up and she immediately launches into the loudest cries known to man. 

Joel was prepared for this. “Okay, okay Sarah, I know, you miss Momma,” he grabs a host of items: her pacifer, her bunny stuffed animal, her favorite chocolate that you told Joel she couldn’t have but he whips out for energencies like this. Even with his smiling face level with her pained one, wiggling each item excitedly, nothing seemed to be doing the trick. If anything, she wailed longer and harsher, kicking the table and slamming her bottle down until it rattled to the floor.

He eventually picks her up and tries rocking and bouncing, but she just shakes her head furiously. Her face is all red, fat tears dampening her little cotton onesie, with one hand scrunching his shirt and pushing him off. “You get this drama queen shit from your mom,” he tuts.

He sets her down on the floor, and Sarah immediately starts crawling towards the garage door, pointing to Joel to open it.

“She ain’t there, baby. She’ll be back—“

She screams harder, aggressively patting the door and looking back at him like she’s pleading.

He scoops her up again and takes her to the living room. He’s running out of ideas to get her to settle. Checked her diaper just in case, rejected any food, all toys were no hope. He was gonna lose his hearing at this rate.

Joel thought it would take at least the rest of the day before she would notice but this shit might be harder than he thought. If she kept huffing and puffing to keep taking a scream, or shed any more waterfall of tears, he’d have to take her to the hospital for dehydration and shortness of breath.

Sarah crawls over to the couch and yanks on the dangling blanket, pulling down pillows all over top her. He chuckles as she disappears into the mound, but can see her little form navigating from the top. Finally, the sandworm baby stops moving, and he notices her crying desist.

“Oh shit. I already killed her.”

He gently pulls pillows away until he finds Sarah with her face down, diaper bum up and her nose buried in your favorite blanket. She was smelling your scent, and that seemed to calm her almost immediately. Joel sits down and pulls the blanket free, and Sarah panics, reaching out for it desperately. He hands it back to her, and she grips it tightly, pushing her face into the soft coziness. It was still slightly warm with your body heat. Since you use it every time you’re in the living room, it smelled exactly like you.

Sarah takes a deep breath, clearing her cries. She crawls into Joel’s lap and tugs as much of it as she can along with her, sitting down between his thighs and cuddling the blanket around her.

Joel grabs the other end and smells it, and your scent floods his brain with endorphins. “I miss her too, bubba.” He leans and plants a kiss on her head, giving her the pinky back into her now accepting mouth.

She continued to play with her toys on the floor, blanket right next to her everywhere she went. Sometimes, she would just pause and nuzzle her face into it, sighing deeply and then continuing. Even Spoon was feeling the effects. Curled up by the door, whining occasionally, but otherwise just guarding the entrance, waiting for your return. Joel even pitied the big girl and allowed her on the bed so she could curl up into your spot.

Sarah was on her best behavior as much as she could be. She only cried when she was hungry or needed changing. She understood there’s no humor in bullying Joel unless you were here to punish him. 

Things were going great so far for him. 

And Joel felt pretty relaxed too. He could catch up on some programs, get some work done, go to bed when he needed it. It was peaceful.

But it wasn’t until a few nights in that he noticed life wasn’t as dandy. And it wasn’t Sarah that was making it evident.

It was him.

-

As you board your flight back home, nothing brings you more peace of mind than imagining walking back into your house. 

Joel was right, this was somewhat of a mini vacation. And while it was nice, the bed wasn’t right. Didn’t matter how much money they spent on the king sized memory foam body conforming mattress with silk sheets and pressure release pillows. It just wasn’t the same as the 10 year old spring queen sized mattress that you and Joel had been cramming your asses on since you moved in together and the flat-no shape pillow that you had since you were in college. No amount of Michelin star chef prepared meals could match Joel’s empanadas and rice. 

There wasn’t even anything to compare to being curled up with Joel and Sarah on the couch, watching tv until you both fell asleep in his strong, secure arms.

So in the end, you were right (as always). And damned be Joel, but you wouldn’t be listening to him ever again. If you have to go on a trip again, you’ll just bring them along or quit your job. Easy peasy.

Part of you wonders if he was still having a superb time away from you. Doing all kinds of work around the house without you nagging or asking for dinner, or having him fetch a billion snacks for you because you’re too lazy to get up, or rub your feet or your back or your calves or your clit, or getting a blanket or turning on the fan…damn you were annoying as well. And he does it all. He’s probably gonna see you walk in and sigh disappointingly, joking that he wished it lasted longer. You wonder if he and Sarah now morphed into best of pals, and she no longer considered you her #1. 

Oh fuck, I’m gonna start crying on the damn plane.

 By the time you landed, you couldn’t get in touch with Joel. you had received a text selfie image of him and Sarah smiling with the caption “Can’t wait to see you!”. You smile to yourself. God, you’ll risk getting a ticket just to speed home right now.

1.5 hours after you drive home, you open the familiar door. The aroma of home surrounds you, and you couldn’t be happier.

As does a squealing baby being carried by your big ass husband, who both immediately attack you out of thin hair with warm hugs. Spoon wags excitedly beneath you.

You nuzzle yourself into Joel’s neck just as Sarah nuzzles herself into your chest. The four of you stand there for moment, eyes closed and silently grateful.

And wafting. 

Joel and Sarah’s noses and Spoon's especially were twitching and sucking in air against your skin and clothes, more so than hugging you.

“Oh are we…we are smelling me…” you say matter-of-factly but a little confused. Shit do I smell that bad??

He’s about to say something when you snatch Sarah and begin talking to her. She  comfortably hands on your hip as you two chat (well, more like you chat and she babbles excitedly but you return the audience). It was late, and as you rocked her to sleep in your arms, you set her down in her crib, rubbing her belly softly as she soothed to sleep.

You close the door behind you when another hand gently clasps yours.

Joel doesn’t say anything, which surprises you. He’s more stoic than usual. He takes you down the hall and into your bathroom and turns on the tub.

He starts shucking off your clothing without a word. Shirt over head, then bra clasp, pants unzipped and dragged down. you can’t even stop him, he’s so gentle yet determined. and truthfully, you didnt have it in you to give him return home sex he’d probably been missing.

“Joel,” you say softly, and he shivers. “Um, I’m a little tired, but I promise tomorrow I will—“

“Tub,” he commands. 

You tilt your head in confusion but step into the basin, now stark naked. The water is just perfect. You sink in until it’s level with your chest. Joel mixes in some suds and pulls his mini stool next to the edge, and begins massaging your shoulders.

“Oh honey you don’t need to do that,” you insist. “I got a massage when I was there…” 

He doesn’t say anything but keeps going. And it’s not until he really finds your sensitive areas that you realize you do, in fact, need this. You sigh contently as he works the particularly troublesome knots in your shoulders, then gently over your neck. His hands, god you miss those hands, feel like heaven. After a few moments of you letting out soft moans, he lathers your expensive ‘for rare occasion’ shampoo and begins slathering it in your hair. With exceptional care, he works his fingers in circles, and you can feel your eyes going cross eyed with the thorough job he’s spoiling you with. Your whole body feels relaxed like a warm sheet of butter folding into a decadent pastry.  You simmer and sink down even lower, indicating you’re incredibly tranquil. 

He still remains silent. You can’t see him as you face the opposite end of the bathroom. Just the two of your breathing falling in sync.

Once finished, he pats you dry with fresh and warm towels, carries you bridal style to your bed.

You think now maybe he’s gotten you ready and pliant so he can rail your back out of place, but instead, he lays you on your side of the bed and tucks you into the sheets.

He tosses his socks and plows into the bed on his side, crawling up to you and putting himself face down into your chest and neck. He takes the biggest, longest breath possible through his nose before letting it out with a satisfied hum. Closing his eyes, Joel allows himself to relax, surrounding himself with you, his hand protectively over your stomach and absent-mindedly swishing back and forth with his thumb.

You giggle, smelling his sweet brown curls and rolling his hair through your fingers. “Did my clingy needy husband miss me?” You tease.

He’s already snoring and drooling into your breasts.

-

Joel’s having an out of body experience right now, and he can’t tell if he’s dreaming. There’s a fantastic, tingling, pleasurable feeling dancing along his entire body. He stirs slightly, letting out an audible groan. Something is warm against him, wet and moving, and it feels like a massage from heaven. He can’t exactly piece together what it is, still floating through his subconscious trying to rouse him awake, but still so blissfully relaxed he can’t quite fully awaken yet. He was out so deep last night in your embrace. Surrounded by your presence, your smell, your touch and breath and love and body. 

His lashes flutter open, and the ceiling blur takes shape before him. He’s lying on his back in the bed, with something heavy against his lower half. sounds make their way to his ear, his own rugged gasps getting louder as the sensations more clearly are identified, sending signals of euphoria to his brain. He rasps out, eyes widening, and groggily tilts his chin down to see you; your mouth sloppily taking his hardened cock over and over, slurping the saliva and coating him with your talented tongue. You suck on his tip before working down his massive length, your other hand expertly jerking in rhythm what you can’t fit.

He chokes, still unsure if what he’s seeing and feeling is a dream. He hopes it’s not a dream. 

The sounds from his throat cause you to peer up. A slight warm, loving grin tugging at your lips to make eye contact with him as you give him the morning blow job of his life.

And that does it for him. He yelps, stomach tightening before hot ropes of his seed shoot out of his tip like a canon. You bare down and suction your lips to his pulsing dick, feeling each throb deposit his sticky hot cum into your mouth. You gulp and gulp over and over, not nearly quick enough as his cream overwhelms you and bulges out of your cheeks. Even after you’ve coughed, his cock doesn’t stop, splashing all over your face in ribbons, one after the other, as he lets out drawn out moans, eyes rolled back and head arched into the pillow. He’s seeing stars, ruining your face like a mud mask of his spent. By the time he’s finished, he looks back down to see your slightly shocked expression, mouth agape with cum pouring down your forehead and eyelids, cheeks and chin, back onto his stomach.

He’s struggling to return from cloud nine. Brain hasn’t been this foggy even when high and drunk. He feels like sinking into the mattress and retiring from life.

You finally chuckle at his current state. “You didn’t get off all week did you?” He shakes his head side to side, eyes closed. You crawl up next to him, using his bedside tissues to wipe your face clean.

“I hope you liked it, I couldn’t wait for you to wake up—“

“Quit your job,” he says quietly.

He opens his eyes and rolls over to kiss your forehead and lie on top of you, his body conforming to yours. You feel his face nudged into your neck again as his back relaxes. You give him a confused look.

“I’ll take on extra projects,” he continues plainly. “Work extended nights. Just don’t leave us like that again.”

You cup his face in your hands to look at you. He’s sincere, kissing your palms and rubbing his cheek into your touch like a puppy. 

You can’t help but smile.

“You missed me that much? Thought it was a mini vacation!”

He shakes his head. “It sucked,” he pouts like a child, hugging you tighter.

It was by the 4th night in that Joel realized it.

He prepared his solo meal quietly, served Sarah her mushy food quietly, and sat down at the table quietly. With only her little happy coos here and there, and him blowing on his own meal, he never realized just how quiet everything is without you.

Your chair was empty. Your side of the bed was cold. The house was so vacant without one person that it almost just feels like a building rather than a home. He realized he just gets up, feeds and talks to Sarah and spends time with her, then as soon as she’s in bed, he’s just. Existing. There. With nothing to do. He loved taking care Sarah, but she was pretty self sustaining. She was doing a hell of a lot better than he was. He tried busying himself with housework or TV or construction projects he had been wanting to do, but it all just felt like work. Like everything he did for himself was a chore. 

He didn’t want to do anything if you weren’t there to see him by the end of the day. 

He remembers when he used to thrive when he was living by himself. But he also realized… he hasn’t lived by himself in years. Since before he met you. 

“You know I can’t quit my job, right?”

He grumbles but nods into your breasts.

“And I don’t want you taking on extra projects. I want to see you at the end of the day too. Tell you this: if I get another conference, either my family comes, or I don’t go. Deal?”

“Deal.” He kisses your chest before shimmying his way up your body until he’s fully over top you. “Otherwise I’ll tear your boss a new asshol—“

“Joel.”

“I’m just saying. Everyone wants to keep ya from me—“

“Joel.”

“N’ as your husband and baby daddy, I have a right to say where you put that ass every night and it should be right up against my di—“

“Just kiss me already.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He captures your lips with his hungrily. You feel his knees nudging yours apart, slotting himself perfectly between your bodies. The freshly hardened tip of his cock breaches your entrance, but Joel doesnt even let you gasp. His lips remain sealed on yours.

 He wasn’t going to let you get away that easily again. Not even for a second. 

- - - -

Taglist: @harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow

[classiccowboy]

instagram. j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his wife evie as they go through is football career.

*face claim is yasmin quintana*

series masterlist.

evie

liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_, and 780,726 others

evie: “holding hands is like touching souls” 🤍

view all 5,729 comments…

user: how are we supposed to just live with this

user: i’m so jealous

joeyb_9: my girl. 😚

> evie: always always always.

user: do you think he knows she just posts him for attention?

> user: do you think he will ever see this comment? probably not.

user: i’m feeling extremely single right now.

lahjay10_: y’all be holding hands like crazy

> evie: we locked for life. 🤍🔒

user: wait this is actually so sweet, imagine how many pics she has of them just holding hands. she’s so down bad.

joeyb_9

liked by evie, lahjay10_ and 304,837 others

joeyb_9: Green Goblin

view all 2,681 comments…

user: Great football Joe!

user: SHIESTYYYYYY

millyg: joey tell ev to text me back.

user: green like that bank account baby

user: that’s hot

evie: 🥦🥒🍏🫛🫑🥑

> joeyb_9: you gotta calm down.

user: QB is always sharp

evie

liked by bengals, joeyb_9, and 990,864 others

evie: out here

view all 1,863 comments…

user: tell jb to pop a perc and get back out there

> evie: kind of a tactless comment my guy, he’d be out there if he was able.

user: man screwed my fantasy team

> evie: yeah forget your fantasy team, it wasn’t his fault.

user: brave woman

joeyb_9: jacket=dope

user: chefs kiss

user: go bengals!

millyg: i love to see you this happy 💗💗

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, lahjay10_, and 709,950 others

joeyb_9: Just another stage on the journey of life

view all 11,306 comments…

user: praying for you my boy

nfl: 🙏🏼

evie: keep your head up baby, i love you.

> joeyb_9: couldn’t do it without you

joemainmixon: We got you brother!

user: the “he’s back” post next season is going to go crazy

user: get better soon lover

lahjay10_: the comeback will be legendary

user: revenge tour for real next year

cjstroud: 🙏🏾

user: joey take my wrist, i don’t need it.

evie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 91,736 others

evie: another gamedey in jungle. if you’re not in cincy you stink!

view all 7,728 comments…

user: still going to games??

> evie: ofc. those are my boys!

millyg: my little sweet pea

> evie: 🫛

user: my mom loves you (me too btw)

> evie: i luv ur mom. 😁💗

user: love to see you smiling

user: how is jb?

> evie: inspiring. 💗

joeyb_9: i like you.

> evie: omg thanks for sharing. i like you 2. 🤩🤪

joeyb_9

liked by lahjay10_, evie, and 852,100 others

joeyb_9: Learn to love discomfort

view all 5,793 comments…

lahjay10_: haha i just know you uncomfortable sitting like that. that’s what you mean by the caption?

> evie: lmao ur goofy

user: let’s go jb6

user: biggest qb in the league

user: happy birthday joe we love you!

evie: criss cross applesauce???

> joeyb_9: it’s called indian style. 🙄

> evie: is that what the big kids are calling it??

> user: ev is on his ass

user: it doesn’t go unnoticed you being on the sidelines for your teammates

user: are you and ev going to celebrate your special day?

> evie: we don’t skip bdays around here. even if you have a major surgery..

user: happy birthday king joe!

evie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 890,110 others

evie: bits and pieces

view all 3,611 comments…

user: wishing you and joe a lovely off season and smooth recovery

> evie: 💗💗💗

user: you’ll be back killing it next season! i can’t wait

user: okay, the teddy shirt? CUTE!

> evie: one of my favs

user: always giving us a peek at jb

> user: it’s funny how ev used to be the only one that called him jb and now it’s become one of his many nicknames.

user: going to be missing you this off season.

joeyb_9: puddle pic is 10/10 cuteness

> evie: 🥹💗

joeyb_9

liked nfl, bengals, and 891,028 others

joeyb_9: Sorry for the missed time. Return of the Jedi

view all 10,112 comments…

user: i hope my gf doesn’t see this post

user: miss u

user: see you next year daddy joe

evie: joe you can’t just post this on a monday morning with no warning.

> user: ev saying what we are all thinking

> joeyb_9: oh, i don’t know the rules. i thought this was my account.

> evie: smart. ass.

user: BURROW REVENGE ARC

user: can’t wait to see you back!

evies stories

* last part for now. 😢 *

if you want me to pick this back up once the season starts, give this a big ❤️ hehehe.

[loving-family-poll]

the bible stuff irritates me first because it's dull and secondly because the actually interesting incest did not make it into the polls smh. now could i have submitted this? sure. but i'm mostly of the mind the bible stuff's the least interesting & most overplayed stuff anyway. derrrhurrr lets make fun of jesus and the two other figures we know from veggietales or w/e. i'm jewish and have superior taste. hmph (that being said, it's still mostly played out. i just want to throw things out there)

cain/abel BORING, PREDICTABLE

lot & his daughters? somewhat more interesting. we have the only good place in utah from that story (moab). yes father, drink this wine so we can have babies with you!! potentially hot, depending on kinks. not as interesting bc there's like classical paintings about it & w/e

noah & ham? intergenerational father/son bonding experience! some scholars argued that ham fucked that old man after the flood. also hot & honestly noah probably deserved that prostate orgasm! interesting! hot! also ham went on to sire nations which is kind of cool

rachel/leah -- cmon. you might say here 'nonnie! this is like cain and abel!' no! this is taking two women who were otherwise competing over a man (boring, worse bc theyre sisters) and making their relationship better!! also leah & rachel are usually depicted as fucking smokeshows and i'm gay and it makes me kinda hot thinkin about it ngl this one's self motivated. but they spend a lot of time with each other or with the two of them and bilhah (rachel's maid, also slept w jacob) and like... feelings develop u know?? also i read this book the red tent as a kid and it was mid but did kinda get me hot too idk (bonus because jacob was already their cousin) reuben/joseph -- reuben was the only brother who was nice to joseph. u got some classic yaoi elements here & ok i'll be honest i think this is an objectively good idea but i saw that the red tent is a mini series w minnie driver as leah and morena baccarin as rachel and i think someone jacked the temp up so i better send this & figure that out lol

sorry for the spam i apparently have stronger feelings about biblical incest than i thought. but hey, minnie driver & morena baccarin as rival sisters turned lovers?? something good came outta this whole thang lol

thank for this EXCELLENT take anon. The bible relationships that people talk about here are just. it's literally only cain and abel and jesus and judas those are the only ones. They don't know any other ones. And the way people talk about them has no actual reference to scripture. Tumblr users just like the religious ~vibes~ and the light edginess of it and those pairs are popular for modern poems and plays and songs to allude to which generates quotes they can use in their web weaves about dog coding and pomegranates (I'm hating but I love those dog motif posts don't be fooled)(still hating but still don't be fooled it is Always Correct to put adam raised a cain by the boss o7 in ur web weave). I for one would like some variety in there and I appreciate ur suggestions! Very intrigued by the apparent existence of scholarly arguments in favor of dadson yaoi in torah. I like Rachel/leah a lot, omg morena baccarin rachel i had such a huge crush on her as a kid my 13-year-old baby lesbian ass watched firefly and it was overrrr 😵‍💫 speaking of lot some other people have mentioned lot and his daughters and I love that one too mainly for the novelty of it. I don't think i can think of a single other depiction of father/daughter rape specifically for the purposes of reproduction in which the daughter is the aggressor like, anywhere else? I love that. There was that episode of house I guess but I dont think that girl wanted to be pregnant 🤔 in general i just think parent/child rape where the child is the aggressor is really fun 🤪<- me getting silly w fictionalized rape

I would like to propose some of my own ships. wholesome one: miriam/aaron/moses. 40 years is a long time you know? Gets lonely out in the wilderness. And they clearly love each other, they do a lot for each other, maybe Miriam and Aaron welcomed back their long lost little brother with VERY open arms. Plus they're pretty mad when he gets married so 🤨

tragic one: absalom/tamar. Two prettiest girls in the world they hated them bc they ain't them 😫 king david's amazingly beautiful daughter and his equally beautiful femboy son? With many half siblings but they're each other's only full siblings? Tamar goes to absalom when she is raped by her eldest half-brother, which David dismisses, and absalom is so furious he kills the rapist brother and has to flee, only returning once he's raised an army against David, which fails and results in his death. And Tamar then raises his daughter (who is named after her) and is left "a desolate woman in his house" 🤧 so sad clearly they should've been king and queen together

Toxic one: Jacob/esau. Twincest ❤️ kind of gay to come out of the womb holding onto ur brother. Kind of gay to spend ur life hunting ur brother for stealing ur birthright with sporadic periods of reconciliation. Kind of gay for this rivalry to continue on to ur ancestors. If the rivalry lasts beyond ur lifetime you are no longer rivals. You are gay

[biscuityskies]

I was tagged (a long time ago) by @dontbelasagnax and (more recently but still forever ago) @anxiousotters for the last line challenge. I’ve been trying to pull a section that would be suitable but I think this is actually fine and I’ve just been staring at this for too long so here u go - this once more from the Trillium wip (which I’m trying DESPERATELY to make into a longfic while also staying afloat at work so if ur concerned about why ur not hearing anything from me lately this is why 💀)

“So you think it was the Force, sir?”

Kenobi cocks his head to one side, a pensive look on his face - not too dissimilar from a grimace. “I can’t say with certainty that it wasn’t.” He sets his datapad down and clasps his hands, appearing deep in thought when he next speaks. “In truth, we as Jedi know very little of the capabilities of the Force - and more importantly, we don’t know what we don’t know. What we do know is that life forms with a high enough midichlorian count can engage with it in ways that would… perhaps seem unnatural to life forms who do not have such a count.”

“Like jumping from several hundred feet up without a care in the world.”

“More like jumping and knowing we’ll be caught. Why not jump? It’s certainly more trusty than a jetpack; never faulty, always present, and unless you are cut off from it, it’s the background hum of all living things making themselves known.”

Cody scrunches his nose. He couldn’t possibly imagine listening to every single living thing around him - especially because the way Kenobi is talking about it, that includes the freaking plants and animals, too. “That sounds… noisy, sir.”

“It might seem like it, but it’s become more of a comfort that feels like part of you is missing if it disappears. When you’ve grown up listening to music, silence is deafening.” Kenobi sighs, “I’m sorry, there was a point to this.”

“The hole in the ship,” Cody supplies.

“Ah! Yes. There’s nothing to suggest that the Force can’t make… I don’t know, portals, in that way - especially if it’s trying to tell us something. All I can say for certain is that the Force moves in mysterious ways.” He fixes his eyes on Cody’s, and it feels like his gaze penetrates deep into Cody’s soul, like he’s reading his inmost thoughts. “When the Force speaks, we must do our best to listen.”

Nine thousand words into continuous plot which doesn’t include the four thousand words of other scenes I’ve written - and I haven’t even touched the outline that I actually made for this story so 🤪 longfic-adjacent dreams seem to be within my grasp!! Still very far off yet but present nonetheless

No pressure tags to the regional sapphics 4 codywan - @anxiousotters and @ferretrade raise rise up! Also anyone else who has something to share, consider urself tagged <3

[15-lizards]

I know its a gag now, but Alicent and Otto really do have the average ideal "misogynistic dad forces the wife role onto daughter, but he doesmt fuck her so shes safe" that you see every other single dad do lmao. Still don't get why parent child incest is bad but siblings and uncle/aunt with nephew/niece is okay :/

Dare I say parent child incest is more intriguing bc of this— *gets mowed down by a machine gun*

But I think ppl are fine with Daemyra and the conquerors and Jacela and everyone else bc they are power dynamics that are a bit more removed from the Absolutely Disgusting parent/child incestuous relationship. With siblings and cousins and uncles and nieces you can avoid that direct confrontation, but you’re forced to face it head on when there are father/daughter implications and it just makes ppl too uncomfortable to think about. But babes you can’t escape by turning your head away the incestuous rot has not only affected the groomed Daughterwife but also ur cool sexy edgy niecewife/unclehusband!!! You can’t escape the sickness of it! That’s the point!! None of it is good all of it is a twisted illness!! The empire has to burn!! 🤪

[youremyheaven]

Dude i find you so inspiring because like how is it to live alone as a woman in India (I am Indian too)?

Bro so many women live alone 😭😭😭 if you live in a tier 1 city then it's not an issue at all but even in tier 2 and 3 cities it's not that big of a deal.

I live in a city that is relatively safe 🤪and has decent public transportation

the hard part is doing everything on your own 😔 which isnt that big of an issue if you have m-o-n-e-y

we have enough delivery apps in india to cover every single need, so if you cant go grocery shopping irl, u can always get them delivered but assuming you make anything less than 40k a month means, getting everything delivered is not very budget friendly (also depends on where u live bc if u live in mumbai and make 40k, ur lifestyle will be very different to someone who lives in Nagpur and makes the same money)

like even with transport. its about having the option to uber somewhere instead of taking a rickshaw or bus or whatever.

if u have money, u can live comfortably anyyyywhere

i honestly feel the same sense of safety with money that i feel with having a man around me

and even tho it can be challenging doing things on ur own bc most indian kids are NOT raised to be independent at all bc our parents do everything for us ,,, its still niceee. it can be tiring ngl but once u work out a system, it gets easier. u figure out which bills to pay when. if something breaks down u know who to call and where to go when ur sick. also ur never actually alone. u can call ur friends/partners/family etc for support obviously and ofc there are people who cant count on any of that either and thats fine too

i HIGHLY recommend living alone to everyone!! dont get me wrong, it can get lonely and thats why ppl date lmao,, once u hit ur mid 20s, everybody starts prioritising relationships and friendships often take a backseat. i kinda get it?? but that transition is sooo quick, it catches u offguard. one minute ur 20 and eating ramen on the floor with ur bestie and next minute ur 24 and living with a man u met online and watching reruns of ur fav shows and cooking dinner together and idk its nice. but all around me i see ppl in relationships let their friendships die and its kinda sad that we're all so "grown" like that.

tbh if ur working 10-7 then it makes sense to want to spend whatever little time u have left with ur loved ones soooo yeah :/// but yeahhhh

living solo is wonderful. hard but rewarding. make a lot of money and u will be good!!!

[chthonicgodling]

speaking of Hades’ flower ring I am actually COMICALLY bad at remembering accessories AND little details for the whole Elysium cast - rearchiving the whole backlog made me realize that lmao. I’ve only just recently within the past few years made a concentrated effort in actually drawing Tory’s forearm tattoos, and even more recently than that remembered that Ty and Bel respectively wear earrings - but like, the compilation of other little things that I just. :( forget to draw??? its????? I REALLY should get better with this???? EXAMPLES-

1. Everyone should be wearing wedding rings lmfao. hello. hello. HELLO. okay I have been making an effort to draw ChalBel & Tybby engagement rings and that’s all the more reason to like aCTUALLY DRAW EVERYONE ELSE’S??? Laphi’s is a claddagh since Jesse is a mortal import 🥺 the only canon exception is Eury, whose divine occupation involves rooting through corpses and so if he wore a ring it would be. uhh lost. I do choose to believe he has one and keeps it in the mouth of the vulture shawl lol

2. Chal and Libby are CONSTANTLY giving Bel and Ty jewelry for every holiday and anniversary, I DO at least draw Bel’s black stud earrings and Ty’s white stud earrings (also gifts from respective partners!) but I only remembered that a few months ago AHHH. Bel has a necklace with one of Chal’s feathers on it - one of the old gray ones 🥺🥺 - I DID draw this many times and uhh. have forgotten since. Missing is several other bracelets including evil eye motifs. Tory makes all this for them by request :)

3. ….Also Bel’s supposed to have visible discolored scarring on his forearms??? From That Time Maci accidentally set him on fire???? yknow???🤪Somehow I’ve never ONCE drawn this and if anything else I really need to sTART dOING THIS ONE AAHH—

4. Once again something that I draw ~sometimes~ but this one I’ll allow bc it’s only ~sometimes~ relevant - in addition to the choker necklace Maci should also ~sometimes~ be wearing a little key on a chain. uhhHHH NO FURTHER DETAIL ON THAT ITS/,,, Maybe exactly what you think (maybe exactly what you think AND THEN dial it 20% raunchier thanks). like I said this one comes and goes but uhhh….. uhhhhhhh well I certainly should be drawing it LATELY. passed between her and Tory actually. Ahem.

the way th at I literally had this meme already made I—

5. BUT BEYOND THAT THOUGH Maci does have another necklace that she’s usually wearing, she actually has a divine crest emblem as a goddess it’s a narcissus on fire. Tory made a little pendant of it as a necklace and she’s SUPPOSED to be wearing that,,?? Well all necklaces fall into her cleavage so just the chain at least but hh still

6. Epi has a bracelet he’s supposed to be wearing that’s magically infused to help him control his uncontrollable shapeshifting in times of Extreme Emotion,…….. particularly one specific extreme emotion. or activity, rather. Prior to having this bracelet custom made, EVERY single time Epi had sex he’d shapeshift into his feral daemon form which isn’t necessarily that bad if you are into fucking daemons (and everyone is!) except daemon Epi IS prone to spontaneous mauling so it’s not even a cosmetic thing it’s just a safety thing. Eury has never cared for the record and he’s the only one safe from that anyway lmfao that uhhh. was just for the purpose of sleeping around with the rest of the palace

7. charon has full tattoo sleeves all moths and lanterns and I have never andprobably WILL never draw it it’s sooo OoOo much aaAAHHG//

8. Alena has a little snake ring that allows her to shapeshift and disguise her snake tail if she twists it! This is primarily used for the purpose of shifting topside when hunting for mortals to eat 😌

I’m sure there’s more but 😬 these are the ones I’ve clocked recently so!! OOPS!!! maybe I’ll….. fix it….. all of it……… one day…….. but use ur imagination when looking at my art pretend all of it is there ty ty

[revivemyreverie]

hiii puts two kids in ur hands ^_^

wat if I said 🎞 gwensmell. age: 19. kinda dreamy hazy loverboy prince scales ur balcony omg Romeo but is also technically boysmell hes good at falling off said balcony and doing parkour bc actor plot armor shield things. generally nice and smiley but it apparently ticks ppl off. a smidge of boysus and ambivalence thrown in there.

🍒 cherisechama age: kinda old widow yknow. vampire. high born lady of society elegant composed but also kinda temperamental and prone to violence dep on the person. not v pleasant to deal with. cruel even. might bite u. insert neon bath tetra slams ur head in the sink visual here.

TEEHEE takes ur children 2 tha sacrifice room /j

🎞 Gwen

When I say 🔋 Zackery for giggles

fr tho hear me out the dynamic of boysus and boyoblivious except Zackery is also managing to get Gwen in insane situations. The type to hand him a ticking time bomb and forget about it😭

I know in reality Zackery would be the one to get a crush first but I also believe it would be hilarious if Gwen fell and was just flirting with him most days without a single success.

On a more literary level they rlly. remind me of the classic hero/villain trope or even opposites attract. Like even their hair are contrast colors😭 Just something about Gwen being super hazy vs Zackery chuuni energy itches my brain in a good way.

🍒 Cherise

OFFERS 🎙️ ALLEGRA AS SACRIFICE

When 🤪 you’re both composed but also horrible people🤪 and when one of u beats up the other they just laugh during it and therefore continuing the cycle of toxicity🤪

Yeah they’re not healthy from the start. Still tasty 4 rev tho.

But yeah I can see them being the couple that acts very secretive and courteous outside when in public and just letting all the ugly stuff out when alone.

But at the same time…smth smth… Allegra can take Cherise’s violence without a tear….Cherise doesn’t mind Allegra’s nonchalance….half of this is made up of Rev delusion….

[miyuwuki]

Yasss!!! Rejoice

Could I please request a scenario or headcanons of Akashi who's always been in love with his fem!best friend but she went abroad to study and work and while they were never officially together, they kinda knew they were endgame since they kept in touch and often visited one another AND GASP SHARED A KISS ONE NIGHT (or maybe something steamier?? U decide😏)... and he was just waiting till she settles back to Japan BUUUT Akashi gets engaged (arranged) before he could express his feelings OFFICIALLY...

I wanna know what ur take on it will be!!! Lots of angst pls 😈🤪 I am craving some akashi angst sooo badly🥲 thank u sm!!

Browsing ur work rn🤌😩🤌 immaculate

they say it’s never too late

a/n: anon! thank you so much for your request, this is such a juicy idea 😫 if you don’t mind, i think i’d like to try a different format for headcannons. i also apologize if this isn’t angsty enough wah i am so sorry

warnings: angsty but has some fluff, suggestive themes, characters aged up

akashi seijuro x reader

bestfriend!akashi who’s always been in love with you since freshman year of high school. you didn’t stand out, but the way you smiled at everyone and greeted good morning without fail made his heart clench. the sound of your voice, the pretty look on your face— you were perfect.

bestfriend!akashi who always listened to your boy problems and felt relieved about everyone who rejected you— because then he’d have more time with you. he loves the way you think you’re too good for them anyway and went on about your day. although, who would ever reject you? you’re lovely.

bestfriend!akashi who does anything and everything for you. when you’re sick, he’s at your place managing everything for you: homework, food, hygiene stuff, you name it. when you’re stressed out, he’ll pull you away and take you out for a walk. even when it’s night, because your parents trust him. when you’re feeling under the weather: you’re in his arms and he’s buying you whatever you’d like.

bestfriend!akashi who started noticing subtle signs that you liked him. when you blushed every morning he picked you up, when you stuttered around him more often, when you kissed him when you thought he was sleeping on his desk. he smiled to himself and thought about it every night.

bestfriend!akashi who starts initiating more physical gestures like holding hands. he holds your hand on the way to school, in school, and shoots glares at any boy who looks your way. he holds your hand and leads you on top of the school, telling you that he loves you— ever since freshman year. and you tell him you love him too, but you can’t be together with him.

bestfriend!akashi who heard his heart crack and wonders why, but finds out you plan to go study abroad and you ask, “would you still want to be with me after three years? i’ll go abroad, study for three years, and then come back to japan. by then, will you be here for me?” he promises on his life that he would, because for him, you are end game. he walks up to you and kisses you, and spends every moment with you before you leave.

bestfriend!akashi who calls you everyday to see how you’re doing and does not let you hang up until you have fallen asleep— in that case he hangs up, but he doesn’t want to. he knows he just has to be a little more patient.

bestfriend!akashi who just misses you so much that he surprises you on your holiday break! you’re tearing up with the red-haired man in front of you and hugged him, telling him that you missed him so much. his arms wrapped around your torso, whispering in your ear of how much he misses you too.

bestfriend!akashi who has you on his lap, passionately kissing you as he runs his hands up and down your sides. you can’t get enough of him, he’s like a drug, and the same thing happens every single night. but don’t worry, he visits often, and these sessions happen often too.

bestfriend!akashi who reminds you of his promise.

bestfriend!akashi who can’t visit you anymore after his father set up an arranged marriage with another businessman’s daughter, heir to his company. akashi who can’t refuse or else he’ll lose everything he mother left him. how will he tell you? how will he tell you that he loves you, that you’re the one he wants but is not waiting for you anymore?

bestfriend!akashi whose heart breaks at the sight of you standing in front of his door, luggage in hand after three years, with a woman wearing a matching band with the man who promised that he’d wait for you.

bestfriend!akashi who breaks on the inside when you tell him you’re happy for him and really that’s all you’ve ever wanted for him. “i’m so happy to have known you my entire life, seijuro.” you smiled, and turned to his fiancé. “you’re so lucky to have him! good luck on your new chapter, both of you!”

bestfriend!akashi who hesitates to chase after you when you’ve gone. feeling a tug on his arm, he looks down at his fiancé who’s telling him to come back inside. and he does, he does because he knows you’re far from gone.

bestfriend!akashi who invites you to the wedding, aching when he sees you show up in a simple but beautiful dress.

bestfriend!akashi who is about to marry someone that wasn’t his endgame. he side eyes you, and sees you exit wiping your eyes. before you leave, you turn back and meet his eyes, mouthing “you promised.” yet with a smile, because in everything that happened to you, you always smiled.

bestfriend!akashi who regrets his decision because he is in love with you, and he will forever be in love with you.

*＊✿❀reblogs and likes are appreciated❀✿＊*

[sullys-nose-hair]

Jeff the killer x reader toe thingy final 🖕

(@oreosplease @spooky-donut-ghost-house @normanbatessupremacy my cute uwus🥺)

Looking up at my Jeffy weffy with PERFECT AND AMAZING tears in my crystal blue eyes I cutely wimpered with my feminine, cute, soft, high pitched voice that made Jeff weffy bite his crusty red lip once again, getting some of the crusty in my perfect blonde locks of hair.

Laughing HANDSOMELY in his deep voice my knees CUTELY tremblinv as I bit my whole bottom lip SEXILY before

Looking up with my submissive and breed able eyes I moaned for no reason at all bc ik not like other growls. I wear black and sing emo💔💔💔 songs everywhere in ur amazing toe curling squeaky girly voice. Ppl always made fun of u for wearing bitch black hoodie and pants and black lipstick but they didnt know what u were going through. They didn't know ur dad abused u physically, mentally, verbally, sexually it was so hard🥺🥺🥺

Plus ur sister and mother were so jealous of u they would shove glass down ur throat every 0.1 second plus ur goldfish and fight and cat would choke u out everyday. The only reason as to why u r alive is bc ur demon super strong over powered daddy gave u the ability to be immortal, but even though the only reason why u r alive u still hated him for no reason.

U wanted to die bc j were so ugly and disgusting, always choking ur 000000.1cm finger up ur nose and pulling out a 1000000 fr booger and shoving it in ur small and cute mouth. That's what everybody else would say tho🥺 that u were a disgusting out that deserved to die.

Even though u never did anything to them, just existed.

Letting out a perfect, cute,sexy ,amazing, toe curling sigh I started at my crusty musty dusty man's in front of me and came🥺🥺🥺 sometimes it just yk came out, I just couldn't c-control it. I'm just that sexy ngl🥺🥺

Bending down on one boney, nasty knee he licked the cum from me 0000000000.1 cm tall legs and grinned up at me, causing a bunch of grease and sweat and crust to fall from his lips when he finished licking my thick thighs that were only 000000.1cm tall🥺🥺

I'm just so uwu and short I cant help myself u-uwu

"u-uwu senpai Jeffy🥺🥺" I squeaked out submissevly and cutely and sexily and cumingly and twerkingly.

"yes bebeah growl, snuggle kitten, bee licker, cum shooter, sweet tea, bubble butt." My sexy Jeffy weffy asked in his deep raspy smoker voice, the crust on his younger flakeing onto my toesies wosies making them curl and a moan slipping from my PLUMP FAT naturally red lips🥺

I was never one to wear makeup, I wasn't like the other girls growing up. I was always naturalllu pretty and didn't need all that NADTY stuff in my beautiful WHITE skin🙄🙄🙄🙄

"l-l-l-l-lick m-m-m-m-m-my t-t-t-t-t-toeises p-pls s-s-s-senpai Jeffy🥺🥺🥺" I cutely asked in my wittle gurl voice, sounding almost like a squeake🥺

"of course kitten whiskers 😈" he said before he dove in and started biting and nibbling on my toesies wosies making me bite my RED AND PLUMP lipy wispys🥺

I'm just so sexy ahahaha

(these r ur toes btw)

Moaning in my CITE SEXY PRETTY BEAUTIFUL CUMINGLY TOE CURLING EYE ROLLING voice as I came, my white liquids covering every single surface in the room🥺🥺

"j-j-j-j-j-j-jeffy that was so c-c-c-cutr🥺🥺" I squeaked out

"ik bebehaha groeal" he grinned out😈some of his great falling onto the floor, mixing with my cummy wummy🥺

idk if I should be laughing my ass off re-rwading this shit or not ngl🧍‍♀️

Also???I forgot wtf happened in the others but🤪

[1-800-iluvhockey]

hiiii i love your insta edits❤️❤️❤️ if requests are still open could you make an insta edit with me johnny beecher maybe where she’s a hughes sister and also goes to umich?

back on my insta edit grind - abbster

sorry this took so long! (all photos are not mine and the storyline is fiction!)

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y/n.hughes

liked by @/ _johnbeecher, dylanduke25, edwards.73 & 34,672 others

y/n.hughes - thanks football season, till next year? 💙💛#readyformoregamedays #butyostedition

tagged - @/ audreyoconnor & zita.jameson

location - ann arbor, michigan

view (top) comments

audreyoconnor - best game day partners ever 🫶🏻🫶🏻

zita.jameson - now we can enjoy hockey, hockey, hockey

brendanbrisson - wagsssss

thombordeleau_ - our favorite puckbunnies

↳ mbeniers10 - don’t call my audrey a bunny

lhughes_06 - ah yes, the three stooges

_johnbeecher - who took this? he is a good photographer😉

↳ y/nhughes - idk….. I told the hot guy who took it “thank you”

jackhughes - LUKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WATCH OVER HER!!

_quinnhughes - well……. take care of her beech. 🫡

↳ _johnbeecher - who said it was me??

----------------

_johnbeecher

liked by @/ cam.york, edwards.73, nblanks98 & 6,923 others

_johnbeecher - I think she likes me? 🤭

tagged - @/ y/nhughes

location - boston, ma

view (top) comments

y/nhughes - mine mine mine ❤️‍🔥

thombordeleau - meet the fam?

dylanduke25 - parents 😎

lhughes_06 - so cute (but I am watching you two)

↳ brendanbrisson - oh look at lukey trying to be a protective sib

↳ y/nhughes - little bro is adorable at trying to be intimidating

_quinnhughes - I was right, what’s new lol

nblanks98 - kids 😇

jackhughes - this is weird

↳ y/nhughes - ur weird @/ jackhughes

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y/nhughes

liked by @/ audreyoconnor, umichhockey, mackie.samo & 46,902 others

y/nhughes - brooklyn boston baby

tagged - @/ _johnbeecher

location - new home?

view (top) comments

markestapa - THE LOCATION

edwards.73 - mom you can’t leave us 🥲

_johnbeecher - mom called and said she missed you already

↳ y/nhughes - awe :(

lhughes_06 - what about jersey?? you said jersey sis

↳ y/nhughes - BU doesn’t sound too bad …..

trevorzegras - ^^ hell yeah @/ y/nhughes

↳ mattboldy - go eagles

jackhughes - does mom know???

↳ y/nhughes - oh buddy, dear older brother, she’s known for like a year 🤪

_quinnhughes - YEAR

jackhughes - YEAR?

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_johnbeecher

liked by @/ jackhughes, jimmy.lambert, umichhockey & 9,029 others

_johnbeecher - can get used to this….. #1.5

tagged - @/ y/nhughes

view (top) comments

mbeniers10 - where did the time go?

audreyoconnor - bestie (s) grew up

y/nhughes - happy 1.5 <3 love you jb

nblanks98 - thank god we got you two out of the friend zone

↳ jimmy.lambert - it was painful, but worth it!!

jackhughes - can’t believe you’re like grown up

↳ _quinnhughes - pain

thombordeleau_ - #cutestcouplegoesto…… jb & yh

dylanduke25 - you twoooo 💙

lhughes_06 - “too single for this shit” y/n before johnny also her……..

↳ y/nhughes - shut up scooter boy 😒

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abbster's taglist: @hockeyboysarehot @hockey-lover86 @hockey-lover-22 @pulpfixion @erikports @oskarlidblom @calermakar08 @studsccsnackavoybambi @pierrelucduboiis @njdhischier @here-for-bords @bordyluv @boeswhore @the-stars-shine-above-us @juliasahoshughes @dylandukerr @thedukes-56-5 @lwstuff @owenpowersglasses @bordsybebe @barzyblogbabe @thombordy @delreyswrld @cobrakaisb @ithinkilovehockey

[kaveuh]

hi, i’m so happy ure back! (assuming u were @chifuyous if not im gonna be embarassed LMAO)

shawty boo thang can i request smth?! bcs requests are open and you know im ur fav anon 😍 /hj … ok so yk those character!reader aus and how im obsessed with yours … so i was thinking 🤨 hutao!reader with petshop trio bcs i remember she was the first one u did 😼 ty in advance!!

— suki <3

[ note ] : IMAGINE I WASNT AND YOU JUST SENT THAT TO A COMPLETELY RANDOM PERSON LMFAOAKA but omg im actually so touched that u could tell it was me

hutao!reader — chifuyu, baji, kazutora

masterlist | requests are open ♡ | warning(s) : spoilers obv

m. chifuyu

• i feel like he’d be the most patient out of all.

• he’s perfect so 🤪‼️

• ok but seriously, chifuyu would also get so nervous when he’s hanging out with you LMAO

• especially if you guys are with baji … lord, have mercy on him.

• "[name], please refrain yourself from doing anything reckle—" before he could even finish his sentence, you were already off doing god knows what.

• ok but imagine a pet shop owner & a funeral parlor director dating 💀

• you’d show up at his shop promoting ur fucking business

• "oh? wanna die? here, have some 50% off coupons! we customize coffins as well by the way!"

• cute scenario tho ‼️ he’d definitely let you put posters on the windows of his shop, and you’d promote his while you’re talking with a client sometimes LMAOO

• "about the coff—" "oh! and by the way, if you have time, you know, maybe after the funeral, my sweet precious boyfriend’s pet shop is right across the street from here~ maybe you’ll find something cute there!"

• baji loves hanging out with you ‼️ that means extra stress for chifuyu /j

b. keisuke

• PERFECT COUPLE TBH

• especially if ya’ll were still in middle school, which obviously u would be cos yk… he’s kinda 🪦…

• omg imagine you two burn cars together…

• he’ll join in whenever you’d go and prank people, and even plans some with you that you could pull on toman members.

• one time baji and mikey had an argument bcs mikey fell for a prank that you and baji planned LMAO

• but, he thought he was safe… baji’s also been one of your victims and it was hilarious.

• yk how he’s scared of his mom right ?! you’d def convince his mom to go along with your shenanigans LMAOAOA

• his mom would pretend she had found out about baji’s grades at school, and force him to leave toman, obviously baji was confused because he hasn’t failed one single subject since

• HE EVENTUALLY FOUND OUT IT WAS UR DOING ONCE HIS MOM REVEALED THAT IT WAS A PRANK HE DIDNT TALK TO YOU FOR A WHOLE DAY LMAO

• then he eventually came over because he loved you a little bit too much :(

h. kazutora

• he thought you were one of a kind tbh 💀

• kazutora met you after he got out of juvie and immediately he went ???????? bcs u started promoting ur fucking business to him outta nowhere like

• "hey, u wanna die or someone died? come visit the wangsheng funeral parlor!"

• literally doesn’t even know how he fell in love with you 😐‼️

• "lmao remember when i met you after u got out of juvie"

• "?? why are you bringing that up?"

• "idk kazutora it was kinda funny."

• 24/7 victim of your pranks :/ literally so tired of it

• actually touch starved tho and yk that so you always try to show that pranking him is ur love language :(

• but he gets so caught off guard whenever you’d slide ur hand in his LMAO

• "what are you doing?" "oya? getting shy now, are we~?"

• honestly loves you alot but doesnt know why he thinks ure braindead /j

[gimyung]

ur astrology posts are so fun to read 😭😭 but now im curious about ur sign and who u find urself relating to in lookism (i.e. possibly having the same sign) ?! 👁️

the stop sign !

such an interesting and enabling ask again from you my love!! let's get to talking 🗣 👓

gotta say though, that you are more than just one sign! the planets lined up in diff signs when you were born. a single person might seem like a taurus, but talk like a gemini, get angry like an aries, etc.!

that's why i only say "x has ___ energy" i'm just implying they have certain qualities of the sign. like saying someone has big dick energy even if you're not sure about it.

(YOOO IN NO WAY I HAVE AN AGENDA TO GET YALL HOOKED IN THIS) (I GAIN NOTHING FROM THIS) (NOT A CULT LEADER)

anyways!

this is so embarrassing because the way that i'm gonna claim that i am like these people?! like i know them?! personally?!? them 2D characters?!?@ and out of all of them, these unserious mfs??

the simple answer is: virgo, warren & lua the not-so-simple answer:

(didn't mean to put a jumpscare like tom lee there, but he gotta be there lmaoooo)

they radiate such mutable energies (mutable signs are gemini, virgo, sagittarius, & pisces) and my chart is heavy on those signs. the usual trope is inconsistent, unpredictable, easy-going, & basically just chill 🤪 by default, they're barely intense. but they can also get serious when it comes to things they take interest in (FIGHTING LMFAOOOO)

if someone tells me i have gemini/sagittarius energies i just agree, because technically they're still correct! those are my moon & ascendant signs :-) (moon - how i process emotions, ascendant - first impression i give + first instinct in any given situation)

i'm sorry for the info overload! hope these are clear enough! aaaa

[pauvre-lola]

feels scenario anon back again this time with like prob a shared feeling amongst Astarion lovers.

so there's a post on here that's like "the only real good ship dynamic: tragic hero x person with genre awareness" basically knowingly following someone that will end in tragedy but doing so anyways cause they care about that someone. well that's basically Astarion lovers.

he isn't a tragic hero, no but the party may at some point run into Cazador (derogatory) and that would mean having to fight him (if he's a fav chara/love interest cause there will most likely be a "give Astarion back" option that we will all avoid!) and from what Astarion has shared/story points so far Cazador is not someone to mess with but the player will still do so anyways!

my whole thought is player romancing Astarion will face Cazador and doing so with eyes wide open even with fully knowing it could possibly be a losing endeavor but doing it for a chance for Astarion to have true freedom out of real care for him.

hope that makes any sense I typed this at like 5am lol

took me forever to answer i'm so sorry but hiiiii glad ur back and also i've been thinking about this every single day damn !!!!! and with patch 6 out now......................

omg yes your mind and also same !!!! the tragedy of his character + romance................. tbh i think cazador gonna try to outmaneuver both astarion and the mc. He could meet/ambush the mc alone and bargain something something in """"exchange"""" for astarion, and then (or b4), proposing a similar offer to astarion (alone) he can't reject like "give me MC (and their brainworm awooh) for your freedom/my blood/whatever", something that has to do with becoming a true vampire ? 🤔

it will be cool if your alignment and your approval with astarion will influence what he would ultimately choose 👀👀👀 Will he 100% no ragrets thow u out to cazador bye bitch style ? will he hesitate ??? or will he straight up reject cazador's offer ??????? mein gott i keep thinking if you have an high approval with him, but you've been morally ambiguous in your choices through the game events, oscillating between good and evil choices ( hi hesmeline mwah 😘 ), Astarion could like. pretend to accept cazador bargain, leaving the mc at his mercy ( aND HEARTBROKEN OOGA BOOGA !!!!! 🤪 ) until surprise surprise !!! he comes back or has a clever trick up his sleeve, and save/choose the mc + the party and THEN !!! stuff happens big fight happens and cazador is forever annihilated rip in piss............ man................ yes this is totally sponsorised by my desire to see astarion being a liiiiiiittle bit torn by an internal conflict yes...... hehe........

[hellurdur]

206 QUESTIONS

Pick a question and I'll answer

Then I'll pick and you'll answer

#till we're tired#

Anyone that fails to answer, will subscribe the other person's phone.

1:Do u still love your ex?🌏❤

2:Will u marry me?😕

3:Are u in love?😶

4:Do u like me?😏

5:Can we date?👀

6:Are u single?😴

7:Can I be your bestie?😇

8:Can I be your gf/bf?😉

9: Let's be frnds wif benefits?🔥

10:Send me your nude?😋

11:What ll u do if we where locked in a room for 2 hrs?😎

12:Let's be fuck buddies?😜

13: Seduce me when we meet?😒

14:something u love about me?😍

15:Write a paragraph about me?💓

16:Who is your favourite person to chat with?😌

17:Who do u hate?🤨

18:Date me or pass?🤷🏼‍♂🤷🏼‍♀

19:Send me a screen shot of the chat with your crush😈

20:Confess to me something deep😠

21:Put a pic of me on your status an take it off after 2 minutes🙃

22:kiss for an hour?😋

24: What's your nickname?

25:How would u describe me atleast 6 lines😗

26:Put me as your status saying my boo🦋

27:Write my name on your status with a heart❤

28:Propose to me💍

29:Send me your sexy pic🔥

30:Send me your sexiest pic💥

31:Write my name on your status saying u love me🙊

32:Would u choose food or me🤤

33:Tell your bestie u like me😀

34:The best thing we did together🤭

35:Tell me your deepest secret🤪

36:Whose your boy bestie ?😁

37:Whose your girl bestie?😄

38:Smash or pass?👌

39:Ever lied to your crush?✌

40:Ever cried for love?😭

41:Ever dreamt about me?😱

42:Tell me something to make me blush😊

43:Post on your status u love me till the moon and back😂

44:Do u consider me a gud friend?👥

45:Can I be your bestie?👫

46:Post a pic of me on your status saying my bestie TLT🤷‍♀

47:Tell me if u see me as a angel or a devil?🧚‍♀👿

48:Tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time🧐

49:Hug me next time u see me👩🧑

50:Tell me a secret about u?😨

51:Tell the person u hate u love them🤣

52:Tell the person u love u hate them😃

53:Post on your status in pain😢

54:Wright my name and your name on your status for 1 day🙈

55:Be my slave for 2 days🤩

56:send me your boob pic you can't say no tho

56²: pic in panty only😋

57:Tell me something u have never told anyone😛

58:Rate me out of 10⭐

59:Where do u see our friendship in a months time💫

60:Whats on your mind?🤔

61:Send me a 100 hearts an say u love me 💖

62:What atrackts u to me the most?❣

63:Let's have sex on the first date 👙

64:Put my pic and write we had a great night 😍

65:Tell the person who broke your Virginia 😁

66:let's fuck for a night🤪

67:Tell someone u love them🤤

68:Send me a v.n saying BABY I LOVE U💞

69:Send me a song witch reminds u of me💝

70:Tell someone u crying for me💟

71:Tell someone #with your name for no reason😂

72:Hug me tight next time u see me🙈😍

73:Send me your naughtiest pic☠

74:will we be together in the future?💙

75:What would u prefer singing or dancing with me?🗣

76:Keep your breath in for 1hour😶

77:Send me 3 photos of u that u think is cute✨🌹

78:Tell me anything over a v.n🌈

79:Kiss me on the chick next time u see me☺🙈

80: Send me $2 ecocash💰

81:What would u want our relation to be?🤔

82:Give me 10 kisses😙

83:What would u do if I asked u out?🙈

84:Bribe someone😆

85:Am I naughty?😜

86:Would u take me with u to a party?🎉

87:Would u like to sing with me?🎤

88:Buy me a chocolate🍫

89:Tell someone there hot🔥

90:Eat a ladybug🐞

91:Tell someone they look like an alien 👽

92:Send me a cute message😱😳

93:Send me a new contact😒

94:Ask someone do they love u?😘

95:Are u a lazy person?

96:Cry for 2 hours😭

97:Send me one of your beautiful pics😱98:Send me one of 9 your most embarrassing pics

99. Thoughts on me?

100. Would you ever date me?

101. Birthday

102. Worst mistake

103. Ur greatest fear

104. Crush

105. Best colour

106. Do u or have u smoked?

107. Do u drink alcohol?

108. Do u go for nyt parties?

109. Last time u cried and wat caused it

110. Ur dreams

111. Have u or do u masturbate?

112. Happiest moment

113. Best memory

114. Last kiss and wit who

115. Do you watch porn?

116. Your best body part

117. Ever been fucked hard nd u cried?

118. Complete d**k

119. Complete p***y

120. Ur most enjoyable sex,tel me abt it in details

121. Full name

122. If u have d chance wil u date me?

123. Will u kiss me?

124. Kiss or hug

125. Favorite song

126. Favorite movie

127. Ever kissed a same gender person?

128. Do u love bj?

129. Send me ur number

130. Ever maked out?

131. Wanna explore me?

132. Wanna kiss me?

133. Wanna fuck me?

134. Wanna date me?

135. Ever been abused?

136. Best hubby

137. Tel me 3 deepest secrets

138. Send me ur nude pics or porn videos

139. Favorite body part of ur opposite gender

140. Big dicks or normal dicks

141. Big pussy or normal pussy

142. Promise to kiss me wen we meet

143. Tell me how u really feel about me

144. Tell me a story

145. Do u wear bra?

146. Do u always wear pant?

147. Promise to watch porn wit me or gv me a Bj

148. Will u let me finger u or stroke ur dick?

149. Wat age did u have ur first sex

150. Wat year did u have ur first sex

151. Player or loyal

152. Single or taken

153. Have you ever been played?

154. Have you ever played someone?

155. Tell me an erotic story

156. Last sex

157. Ever had sex wit a same gender person?

158. Use my pic as ur dp for 1 week

159. Send me ur breast or chest picture

160. Do u sex chat?

161. If u see me naked, wat will u do

162. Shy or bold

163. Ever slept naked?

164. Virgin?

165. Wat turns u on

166. What do you love doing the most

167. Ever begged for sex?

168. D craziest tin u have ever done

169. Best friend

170. Ever had sex?

171. Age

172. Are you naughty?

173. Naughtiest tin u have ever done

174. Ever exchanged nude?

175. Buy me a gift

176. Wil you let me touch you?

177. Do you love me?

178. How do you want d dick or pussy to be.

179. Sex chat with me

180. Have some mistakenly seeing ur dick or pussy?

181. What gets u wet

182. Last time u felt like having sex

183. Favorite clothes

184. Ask me anything

185. Promise to have sex with me

186. Nickname

187. Favorite sex position

188. How long do you want sex to be.

189. Do you love sex?

190. Something u will change about yourself

191. Send me two of your sexiest pics

192. Tell me how you had ur last time sex in details

193. How much do you enjoy sex

194. Tell me things you want from me.

195. Hard fuck or normal

196. Send me 2 pics of your dick

197. Send me 2 pics of your pussy

198. Hairy dick/pussy or shaved

199. Send me your dance videos

200. Will you fuck me?

201. Ever fucked someone you don't love?

202. What do you like in a girl

203. What do you like in a boy

204. Tell me things you want us to do together

205. Send me a sex video of yourself

Ask away, I’m really bored.