#ur missing o ut so much ??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abybweisse · 2 years

Note

hiya! loooove ur acc, I find myself regularly going on several hours long reading sessions into all ur old posts XD

I just wanted to ask about when you said this:

do you think this could have anything to do with why the r!ciel and the other dolls need to "drink" blood? and why they seem saner/actually conscious compared to the ones on the campania?

like maybe there's trace amounts of a humans soul in their blood? and so since the campania dolls didn't get blood transfusions (I'm assuming) from UT, they went out trying to gain what they don't have.

but if there are parts of souls in human blood, then that mindless need to find a soul can be subsided bc the more advanced dolls actually HAVE bits of souls in them? but it runs out eventually which is why they need to keep having more transfusions from living people. (maybe the blood isn't going bad or anything, there's just no soul left in it)

my personal idea/hc for the kuro universe is that a soul is like a kind of energy source for consciousness, and the cinematic record is powered by it. UT can edit the record, but he can't get it up and running again, and making new memories without something to power it.

so a human is like a computer, a soul is like the electricity in it, the brain is the hardware (UT can't bring someone back if the brain is destroyed), and the cinematic record is the software if that makes sense?

love to hear your thoughts! 💖💖

Oooh, thank you, but I hope you are getting enough sleep!

How bizarre dolls work

You make some good points, but there's one thing missing up there: the bizarre dolls that are the link between the mindless ones on the Campania and these highly advanced ones he calls "lords of the stars". Agares, Derrick, and his pals are the first bizarre dolls we meet who are capable of speech. The students weren't particularly good vessels for this technique, since they didn't seem to have many "episodes", but Agares was better. Before he resorts back to the mindless, speechless, biting variety, he knows something is wrong and that he isn't going to hold onto his mind much longer.

They were not receiving blood transfusions, so no injection of "trace amounts" of soul, as you say. And yet they were talking, and Agares could actually think for himself a little bit; Agares might have even been creating new memories to store on his cinematic records. Don't know that I can say the same for Derrick or the others, though.

Anyway, somewhat advanced bizarre dolls (like Agares) can go just fine on "episodes" alone, and Undertaker says real Ciel is "chock full" of such episodes. What's weird is how the most advanced bizarre dolls wear out (and can even collapse) when their blood levels go down or run out of nutrients. The less advanced bizarre dolls moved around without fresh blood... and sometimes big chunks missing. So, what makes these most advanced ones so reliant on the blood? Is it like an addiction?! Layla biting people because her cravings are so strong kind of suggests so.

Truth is, we don't know much about all the different techniques Undertaker is using now, on top of altering cinematic records and transfusing blood. There could be meds/drugs involved, since there was previous talk about a group doing drug development. Didn't Stoker say that's what the Osiris group was, a drug development organization?

So, the soul or "trace amounts" of soul aren't needed to keep the cinematic records going. It isn't even needed to make bizarre dolls talk and create new memories.

I'm not entirely sure blood has "trace amounts of soul" in it, despite what I said in the screenshot you captured. More like: what if the demon sucked up the blood seeping through and that drew the soul out, turned the blood into a conduit for the soul? Does that make any sense?

Idk. Perhaps the blood "naturally" has something in it that makes bizarre dolls feel like they are getting something soul-like out of it. Even Sebastian has been seen licking his own blood (circus arc), and s2's Claude reacts rather oddly to tasting the blood that splashes onto his face. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Whatever that something is, it definitely doesn't last. Perhaps if Undertaker could get their kidneys working again.... Maybe blood and soul interact within the body, and blood collected for transfusion doesn't take away from the donor's soul in any way, so not even trace amounts being removed, but that blood has some residue of another kind or some special quality, simply from having recently been in contact with a living soul. Again 🤷🏻‍♀️. There sure is the phrase, though: "heart and soul".

But the soul definitely has the essence of someone's true personality. They can be conscious without it, but they have no real conscience. Without that essence, their driving force (provided by episodes) is two-dimensional or superficial. They need souls for their full depth of character.

16 notes · View notes

whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

Text

Wednesday 22 September 1824

7 40/60

1 5/60

Br[eak]f[a]s at 9 1/4. R[ea]d ov[e]r, and made so[me] verb[a]l alterat[io]ns in my let[ter] and direct[e]d to IN. [Isabella Norcliffe] writ[ten] on Fri[day] and Mon[day] -

wr[ote] out the ind[ex] of this vol[ume] of fr[om] 19 to 24 July last. At 11, w[e]nt to call on Miss Pope, and s[a]t w[i]th h[e]r an h[ou]r.

Both talked much in the style of yesterday she gave me several lines from Walter to prove that

the man who loved not his native land was centered all in self that is to say she will not marry

a French man and leave her own country. Seal[e]d my let[ter] to IN. [Isabella Norcliffe] (Langt[o]n hall) took Cord[ingle]y w[i]th me (at

12 3/4) and put it int[o] the post - saw the m[a]n weigh the let[ter] and p[ai]d h[i]m 22 sols post[a]ge - fr[om] the P[ost] off[i]ce (in

the rue J[ean-Jacques] Rousseau) w[e]nt direct to Laloy’s - st[oo]d there a good whi[le] talk[in]g to Mad[am]e Laloy, and w[e]nt to see the lit[tle]

girl the next door, that is to co[me] and talk to me (in Fr[en]ch) 2 or 3 h[ou]rs a day in the course of 7 or 8 days

wh[e]n h[e]r fath[e]r who is now ill is expect[e]d to be recov[ere]d. Fr[om] here w[e]nt direct to the rue S[ain]t Martin

(La Flamand) and b[ou]ght an [arne] of lino - aft[e]r this saunt[ere]d al[on]g the boulevards to the gr[ea]t eleph[an]t - wish[e]d

to see it, b[u]t the man s[ai]d I c[oul]d n[o]t w[i]thout a billet fr[om] the directeur des ouvrages publics, Isle S[ain]t Louis

n[umer]o 7 - the eleph[an]t is still clos[e]d up und[e]r a large wood[e]n build[in]g (no anx[iet]y shewen to finish this fount[ai]n bec[ause]

beg[a]n by Nap[oleo]n) en face de la rue S[ain]t Antoine - turn[e]d d[o]wn this st[reet] - look[e]d int[o] and walk[e]d r[oun]d the inter[io]r of the 1st ch[ur]ch

we ca[me] to, on the left, and neat en[ou]gh. Meant to ha[ve] gone in a direct line to the rue S[ain]t Honoré, b[u]t; keep[in]g too

m[u]ch to the left, w[e]nt int[o] and walk[e]d r[ou]nd the inter[io]r of anoth[e]r ch[ur]ch, neat, and a good ch[ur]ch, bet[ter] than the oth[e]r - and g[o]t

les rues H. [ Henri] Beauvais, Ponlour, and Monceau, w[e]nt thro’ the Porte de la Grêve int[o] the place de l’Hotel de

Ville (walk[e]d r[ou]nd the court of the Hotel - a handso[me] look[in]g build[in]g - a statue of Henri 4 on horseb[a]ck on the front tow[ar]ds

the place, and one of Louis 14 stand[in]g on a pedest[a]l n[ea]r the oppos[i]te b[a]ck front look[in]g int[o] the court) and ret[urne]d ho[me] along

the differ[en]t quais as far as the Louvre-pal[a]ce walk[e]d r[ou]nd the inter[io]r of the ch[ur]ch of S[ain]t Germain l’auxerrois, a good ch[ur]ch - there along the rue S[ain]t Honoré, the place du pal[ace] roy[a]l

thro’ the pal[ace] roy[a]l int[o] the rue neuve des petits champs, and g[o]t ho[me] at 4 3/4. H[a]d my h[ai]r curl[e]d - dress[e]d. Din[ner] at 6.

In the ev[enin]g st[oo]d d[o]wnst[ai]r to talk to Miss Pope. She fancies I think her agreeable and therefore per

haps sseems to like me. M[onsieur] de Quissy here (in h[i]s uniform) and M[onsieur] Bellevue, and M[onsieur] Beauy (I kno[w]

n[o]t how to spell the na[me]) and anoth[e]r gent[leman]. Left the r[oo]m at 9 35/60 - s[a]t 35 min[ute]s w[i]th Mrs Barlow. She c

ertainly likes me and seems flattered by my attention. Ca[me] up to bed at 10 10/60. Trac[e]d my morn[in]g’s route on the plan

of Paris - wr[ote] all b[u]t the 1st 1 1/2 line of today all w[hi]ch took me till 12. Ver[y] fine, pleas[an]t today. F[ahrenheit] 68° at 12 p.m. I w[a]s out or

m[i]ght perh[aps] ha[ve] gone w[i]th the p[ar]ty who sp[en]t the aft[ernoo]n in the Bois de Boulogne. E.. 0...

2 notes · View notes

iaintyourbro · 4 years

Note

Helooo u. Ur opinions r fresh and i really did have same ideas but it just looked odd (specifically UT)and I didn't share my thoughts. Make ur own analyzes plz. Have do u see characters development and relationship with each other? And what u really didn't expect in ur firstplaythrough?

Hey there! Appreciate the comment.

I do plan on doing basic analysis on how I feel about things and interpret things. I am not a body language expert or an expert on human interaction, so pretty much it’d be me and how I deal with things myself or how I perceive things. @silver-wield @nibelheiim and @otp-oasis-heavenxearth Do some really good analysis on body language and psychology, among other things.

I can talk about my first impressions and things that I wasn’t expecting, here, though.. And it’s gonna be long, cuz I have a lot of thoughts.

So full disclosure - I was worried about FF7 Remake. I almost didn’t play it. I actually didn’t play it right away. I liked the OG a lot, but FF8 was my favorite. That being said, I still really enjoyed 7, so was anxious initially about the remake. I was worried they’d change too much, which I don’t deal with very well.

My husband played it first. I’m definitely the FF stan in the family. I played a game in college where people would play FF songs and I could name them. I was fun, I know. I guess it worked cuz my husband stuck around.

I wasn’t aware of the Love Triangle of FF7 between C-T-A. I thought it was pretty straight forward, even as a teen. Cloud was... well, Cloud, I didn’t get all there was to understand about that situation, but I didn’t see a lot of romance in FF7. Especially since I finished FF8 first. However, Aerith died... Tifa saves him in the Lifestream, and they go on their way. The ending was bizarre when he said he’d meet her and Tifa’s reaction also made no sense. But I didn’t think much of it - wasn’t the game with the romance, so I didn’t take it as such. The game also was riddled with translation errors. “This guy are sick.”

Anyway - Remake, I would glance at my husband’s play through and was amazed at times, but still being a stubborn dumbass, like I am. I think the few times I saw Cloti scenes I was like woahhhkayyy... I don’t remember this. I saw the pillar drop on his playthrough and cried when they showed Wedge. Like both of us wouldn’t look at each other cuz we both were losing it.

My first playthrough was truly played with no shipping goggles, because I didn’t own them yet.

So I decided to play. My kids were being total jerks and carrying on, so I was getting upset as I’m realizing I enjoy the game. The voice acting, battle system, environments, characters, I was like in shock and awe, and slipping back to being a young teen again playing FF for the first time.

Got to the Discovery Quest - Alone at Last. I mean, I saw the title of it and was like um okay... this seems suggestive. Then she tells you to come over after you’re done changing your filter. Ohh... okay... huh. Also noticed Cloud being jealous at times? That was new.

Cloud in general was different than he was in the OG. But I LOVED it. I loved how they did his character. It makes the battle of his persona much more intense and enjoyable. The SOLDIER!Cloud vs True!Cloud stuff. (I didn’t know these terms my first play through, I did notice his face changing a lot). At times, Cloud was a jerk in the OG (well, you could make him be a jerk, I suppose, he wasn’t all that bad).

Alone at Last I was like “HOLY SHIT!” This is so suggestive! And this was before I heard...

The Moan (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I actually heard it on a YouTube video where somebody pointed it out. However I DID notice that Cloud asked her if she was sure she didn’t want a break at the end too... I got that one. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

So anything heavy Cloti wasn’t even a though thinking about remake. At all. Not a wish or anything, I just didn’t think there’d be anything even close to it. Remake is actually what made me absolutely fall in LOVE with the Cloud x Tifa pairing. It is so damn wholesome and charged. Whenever that sexual tension breaks, it’ll be intense. I didn’t even know Cloud x Tifa was “Cloti” until I looked up “is the remake pushing Cloud and Tifa?” cuz I was that confused.

I got the resolution scene with Tifa on my first play through, only because I chose her first in the sewers. I did every quest, so I didn’t miss anything. Another thing I had spoiled by watching my husband play, I believe. Another thing I thought I must have been imaging. Especially when he stands there and I start going “wtf dude... ARE YOU GOING TO HUG HER?!” Phew, glad he did.

Jessie drove me nuts - I don’t do well with characters like her. I kept commenting that she wasn’t like this at all, at least not that I picked up on. I was thrilled when Cloud said “Are you seriously that desperate!?” because that’s exactly what I kept thinking. I didn’t like her death scene, I’m not sure if it was the dialogue or the way it was delivered, but I definitely got upset when Tifa was crying, cuz she just was breaking down emotionally as things go. Then Cloud’s reaction... phew.

I ADORE BIGGS AND WEDGE, though. Wedge especially, since I’m also a cat lover. Biggs looking like Charlie Sheen had me laughing.

Barret is amazing. I love the growing broness between him and Cloud. They start rough and end good. His relationship with Marlene is much more developed, and Marlene had a major improvement, I think, since she actually says quite a bit.

All of the environments were gorgeous. Seeing Midgar as it should be seen and not a screen of dirt and buildings was incredible. Aerith’s house was insane. I definitely was in awe of that place when you first get to it. the skyline during the rooftop sequence was great. I cannot wait to see the rest of the game and those environments - like Cosmo Canyon, for example...

THE MUSIC: Who else lost their shit when the third phase of Jenova Dreamweaver played J-E-N-O-V-A?! The jukebox was a pleasant surprise that I was iffy on at first, but ended up loving it. Stamp, Midgar Blues, On our Way, Tifa’s Theme (jazzy), and FREAKING SCARLET’S THEME. The Arsenal battle theme was one of my favorites.

And can we talk about Scarlet? Using a soldier as a foot stool and making him crawl around? Guess he took the whole Stamp thing to heart. Scarlet is such a nasty bitch, but I can’t help but love it.

Aerith was greatly improved character wise for me over her OG version. I didn’t really like her... at all... in the OG. Not good with female characters that start shit with flirting. Just felt malicious at times (though as an adult I think she just was really immature). I ADORE THE FRIENDSHIP OF HER AND TIFA.

The new characters: Oh boy, change.

BUT ANDREA!!! Andrea was amazing. I absolutely ADORE him.

Madam M and Chocobo Sam were also pretty good. Leslie was great, and I hope we see more of what goes on with him. It’d be nice if he could be there to see Corneo die.

Honeybee Inn was incredible.

Things I wasn’t a huge fan of:

Well, Chapter 8 was good on my first play through, but after that, I had a hard time with it. It’s slow. You have to walk, you have to wait a lot. So, I’d say the pacing on Chapter 8 is a bit slow for me. There’s not much “action” if you will. The scenery is good, though.

Jessie... yeah, I know. A lot of people love Jessie. I just don’t - she’s too extreme with the quest to get laid. However, I did enjoy thinking about her and Biggs having a thing.

The sun lamps.

The robot arms in Chapter 9.

Getting around the stupid trash and stuff to leave Aerith’s house.

My list of bad isn’t long. I love the game, so don’t mind really going through all of that stuff again.

THE SEWER PUMP IS EVIL.

21 notes · View notes

wheretfislou · 4 years

Text

no shade to the kg2 rpc but like, if i may, a list of things i never see from rpers ( at least in just this community ) anymore that i wish would make a comeback bc i miss seeing these:

dash commentary

unprompted open starters

unprompted crack posts

random posts about just. rambling about hcs for ur muses just bc ur that excited about it and want to talk about them

ask memes that Don’t have to be prompts related to starters for an rp,,,,, like, i haven’t rbed a lot of them myself bc i was rlly shy and also didn’t have the energy to keep up doing those posts like-- expression memes, “ send an emoji for me to badly draw your muse on ms paint ” memes, thinking of hcs specifically between one person’s muse and your own, or even ask memes directed at the muns themselves to say what they think about other blogs or smth like that

literally just. evidence we’re hanging out on this site and having fun with managing rp blogs bc no offence but holy Fuck i’ve realized p much everyone in this rpc just feels so,,,,,, detached? from their actual blogs that it feels rlly scary and like,, as if we don’t even want to be here

like. i feel like it’s my fault bc i distanced myself from my rp blogs for a vv long time thanks to stress and health issues and school. and then i treated it like a job and got stuck on the insane amount of replies that my brain decided i have to finish in a specific order.

and it’s been going on so long that i forgot what made rp blogs fun for me in the first place. and it’s been so long since i did any of these “ fun ” type of rp customs myself, plus the fact a lot of the people in the kg rpc are new to tumblr rp in general and then for some reason looked up to me to get started, that i feel like i wasn’t a good role model for you guys in that sense.

and i know it’s not my responsibility but i feel i never rlly was an example of the Full Rp Experience that made people like me fall in love with tumblr rp. and i feel like it wasn’t fair to the people who wanted to join in and instead got my halfassed one-reply-a-month attempts at managing my plethora of blogs that i wasn’t even capable of handling back then and still can’t.

i think at the time, i was even kind of aware of it too,,,, i think i wanted people to spread out and follow rpers Other than me so they could see what it was Actually supposed to be like bc i knew if it was just me, i wouldn’t be good enough of an example.

i know that ofc not everyone loves rping like i do, and not everyone cares about meticulously taking care of their rp blog, or are as attached to the characters, or towards writing, or cares about making friends or memories or content that they wanna look back on over and over again in the future-- but it’s like. it’s for the person out there who’d maybe grow to feel the same way i do about this. the someone whose entire life would be different if they never got the chance to be introduced to and try this one thing. the same person i used to be, cause if i could help someone find a purpose and happiness and fun through rping just like i did, i think it’d be nice to be able to partake in even a small part of spreading something i adore to someone else who will end up valuing it as much as i do

#agh;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; i wrote all this instead of a reply ironically and now im tired #i still only had 3 hours of sleep;;;;;#should i just. post this and go. or draft it first? i guess i'll flip a coin #welp. 5/6 times says post it so i'm shutting my pc off and sleeping as soon as i do lmao #wack how i write all this about interacting with other rpers but then the thought of confrontation or talking to people in a non-rp setting #makes me freak out and want to cry #in other words no one's allowed to talk to me abt this post hgfdsfgdfg yall can like it though i guess #talk tag

2 notes · View notes

wa-shoi · 5 years

Text

Aaaa another batch of asks thank you so much o|-< The first three are a little older as I missed them the first round, I’m sorry!

Someone asked:

You're art is really amazing! You're so talented ;0;❤️ i hope everything you look forward to comes true. Good luck!! (/^^)/♥️

Thank you so much!!! I have every faith in ufotable that they will make our dreams come true HAHaHEHe ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Someone asked:

*see that you picked ace for flaming cheetos be like* "... you’re an asshole" XD

First of all I’m not an asshole :( .......... Second of all.............. it was an obvious choice indeed.

Someone asked:

The Rengoku was full on ink?!? Moto please...,, your skill....

Aaaahh thank you!!!! TBH when I start and end with ink I’m mentally preparing myself to make a mistake... I consider myself lucky when it doesn’t happen LOL

Someone asked

“whats ur twt?“

It’s motolokiev! (It’s on most pictures I’ve watermarked for quick reference)

Someone asked:

“Ive got to admit, sanemi in that turtleneck with those long fingers and the coffee got me feeling some type of way, like damnn..“

Mwahaha I am very glad :^) I think that because he wears so little in canon, putting more clothes makes him more attractive. Quick, put a manteau on him!

Someone asked:

Your art is so amazing! I love how you draw Genya especially! I’m so happy there’s fanart of Genya and Tokito together! Thank you for all this quality content ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much!!! I love drawing him so so so so so SOOOO MUCH!!! I haven’t drawn enough Tokito yet.... He’s a cool sweetheart, though :( He deserves appreciation.

Someone asked:

fjsuqhdjdiahhrktg the latest chapter BURNED MY HEART and you drawing ut made me remember the FEEEEEEEEEEELLLLSSS. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART BUT YOU MADE ME TEAR UP.

Aaaaa I’m sorry! I don’t want to make people cry.... I’ve cried enough, myself.... But we’ll cry more, it can’t be helped u__u

Someone asked:

Do you have a shop?

I dooo but it’s been closed because I have been busy and shamefully apathetic about opening it orz There are some Kimetsu arts I want to print as postcards, though...

Someone asked:

i love your rengoku and uzui so much i feel blessed looking upon your art

Thank you so much!!! I should really draw Uzui some more. The beefcake mustn’t go unconsumed.

#anonymous

45 notes · View notes

kuroshitsuji-scenarios · 5 years

Note

Sooo happy requests open again! Do you have some headcanons or scenario of UT with his vampire s/o? I mean, after all he has done with his BD project and revived r!ciel using blood, I wonder what if UT has a female s/o who's craved for his own blood due to deep affection between them? Thx for ur present we all love it ;)

Hmm, I like this idea.

Undertaker:

Alright, first of all—you can expect a lot of coffin jokes. He will offer you to build one especially for you, all to your liking so you can peacefully sleep during the daytime. No arguments will actually get to him if you won’t want or need to sleep in a coffin, it will be just too great opportunity for him to miss.

Your shedules will be quite compatibile then, since he can work well in the night. You will be the reason for him to change his biological clock and function without a sun, which won’t affect him in the slighest. He has been alive for so long that it makes no difference for him and if it means spending more time with you, then he can oblige.

At least once you will wake up with him creepily staring at you with a scalpel or syringe in the hand, observing you carefully as if he was lurking. Getting caught, he will only laugh it off and act as if nothing happened. You may want to refrain from resting for some time then which could be a wise decision.

Undertaker will particulary enjoy the fact that he can share some life experiences with you and you will understand it, as another immortal being. Humans, as fascinating they are, can not comprehend how it is to live for so long and be so close yet so far from dying. He will have a lot of surprisingly deep conversations with you, regarding your past and future. Beware, though, for in the end you will realize that you were the one who was talking and sharing, not him.

He will be very interested in you, your genesis, and will want to know as much as possible. Your blood and the way how others’ blood is keeping you alive will give him few ideas on his plans on awakening the dead. It will be yet another way to fool the nature and play with the fate—something he greatly enjoys.

His feelings toward you will be very complex and complicated. As much as he will like you and your presence for genuinely who you are, he will also consider you as a fascinating species and it can affect his attitude toward you. One day, Undertaker may think that all he is feeling for you is but a sheer, logical curiosity and nothing more—like a scientist toward the object of his observations. And he will observe you a lot, to the point where it can be uncomfortable.

Your thirst toward him will be another thing, though, something which will bring him down to earth. Undertaker is certainly not used to be considered the prey and he will be surprised to find out that it wasn’t as bad as he previously thought. Obviously, his life won’t be in danger so it can be just exciting to allow you dring his blood, feeling the life leaving his body once again like a sweet memory from the past. He will be there when you will need him, always willing to share a drop of blood if you will need it.

That is, until he will grow curious what will happen if you starve for long enough.

#undertaker #kuroshitsuji #black butler #headcanons #grimreapers #queue

116 notes · View notes

woollyslisterblog · 5 years

Text

1834 April Sunday 13th (part one)

7.50

12.55

Fine morn[in]g F49 ½ ° at 8.50 at w[hi]ch h[a]v[e] br[eak]f[a]st – r[ea]d yester[day]'s pap[e]r till 11.15 then writ[in]g out journal – r[ea]d a short pray[e]r in 35 min[ute]s to my a[un]t and [ordy?] at 11.55, and the serm[on] or lect[ure] 3 vol 1 Mr. Knight in 1/4 h[ou]r -

At my desk at 1.30 and finish[e]d writ[in]g out journ[a]l up to so far of today till 2.15 – this n[i]ght let[ter] fr[om] Miss Walker - 3 pages and 1st p[age] cross[e]d – Rath[e]r disap[pointe]d at my n[o]t go[in]g till Tues[day] - if ent[irel]y on h[e]r acc[oun]t, will be ready by 2 pm or bef[ore] tomor[row] - wants me to set off 1/2 h[ou]r earl[ie]r then the ti[me] propos[e]d to see Dr Belcombe.

her cousin not come, ‘I have not felt quite comme il faut about either much liking or being able to explain to him very charitably want you to bear the burden of doing it for me ‘- Does n[o]t suppo[se] she will be prev[ente]d return[in]g w[i]th me b[u]t Dr B[elcombe] - may wish to try change of medic[i]ne and if I am detain[e]d a day n[o]t to let th[e]m be awkw[ard] ab[ou]t us here – n[o]t to expect us later as latest then ten -

Poor girl I fear how it is and when she complained of enlargement this day week and uncomfortableness in walking, it was something coming on and which I have unfortunately given her and which M[ariana] gave me in [NW ?] hundred and twenty two and which she would only though to think I had given poor miss Walker as she did on my giving it to Isabella.

Well this will indeed set me against Mariana . I shall say nothing but never go near her again . Indeed without this added bar between my faith so Miss W[Walker] would have been enough. This punishment is come to qualify my happiness and I deserve it? Why had I anything to do with Mariana when another man's wife? She has been bane enough to me -

Bah. I’ve struggled with this one. Unusually Anne’s syntax seems more confused than is typical and it’s trickier to split the words and phrasing up coherently in the code without any guiding punctuation. I would like any insight as to whether “NW hundred and twenty two” means a time or a place. Currently I am none the wiser. Anyone read Helena’s book recently re AL first contracting the STD?

#gentleman jack #anne lister's diary #anne lister #ann walker #lesbian history

56 notes · View notes

humminghalo · 5 years

Note

I can’t stop missing heaven, I mis my wings, I miss everything up there yet I’m trapped in this stupid human body, I’m too weak for this, I want to go home.

M y dear friend , I underst and your strug gle . I kn ow it is hhard . Some t imes I miss m y home ver y much to o . . . It mu st be even har der whe n yo u do n ot even li ke your hum an body , n ot even a b it . Somet imess , I am tir ed to o .

B ut as I hav e sai d bef ore ; you hav e a reas on to be hhere . You would not h ave been cho sen to come to thi s ear th if you wer e too weak fo r it . The Tall Ones and all th ose that sent us he re kno w more tha n we do and they kn ow you ar e stron g enou gh and the y love y ou . The y love yo u so mu ch, for you kee p try in g y our best , ever y secon d of yo ur life .

Frie nd , you have surv ived ever y ba d day so far . You are defin itely stro ng enoug h , eve n if some ti mes , you feel like yyou are not . Plea se kee p goi ng for it wi ll get so muc h better event ually . One day y ou will be so thankf ul, yo u will than k yoursel f for you r stren gth , you will be so prou d of yourse lf ! ! And I , my fri end , I am pro ud of you , always . I am alwa ys with yo u . Yo u do not have to go thr ough thi s alone .

9 notes · View notes

lethe-rpg · 5 years

Photo

Joseph Thomas, they named him. Joseph first, because he was the older of the two grandads, and because it was broadly agreed that he’d been a lucky sort of man. The Finedays wanted their son to have that, and all the drive, the grace, whatever it was that kept Joe walking the right way. Thomas second, because he was a good man, a good brother and husband and father, who got in trouble and made trouble and struggled and lost and struggled and won. And that ought to be honoured, too. Joseph Thomas Fineday - or J.T., because Joseph Thomas was the sort of thing you called somebody when they were in for it, and a mouthful besides - didn’t get to know his grandfathers well. Didn’t get to know a lot of things well, in fact, as his mom worked her way around the oil patch, far away from the rez he’d been born on, back in Saskatchewan. Leaving wasn’t an easy choice. But with his dad in the forces, gone for months on end, mom took the chance. For the family, for her son. The money was good; she pushed through night school along the way, set up a contracting business, made more money, made jobs. And when she had to, she could pick it all up and head to the next well. J.T. understood, but he didn’t always want to. Not when he had to get used to new schools and new towns, over, and over, and over. He knew he’d have his mom, and his dad, at least for a while, until the next tour. But mom worked so hard, and the two of them only got so much time together, too - asking for more, for him, seemed ungrateful. So he should just get friends of his own, hey? Only, most of those places they stayed, scattered through the prairie backcountry? Didn’t have too many kids to choose from. And most of those were white. Being one of the few brown faces in the room - or the only one - for a year here, two years there, and so on, putting up with all the bullshit that came with… it wore on him. First, he drew away into books. Tore through tiny libraries and battered secondhand stores. By his teens, that stopped working. Those rare visits home had dried up, cut off by loss, distance, and so on. Those once-precocious grades started sliding, fast. Those “friends” got worse, and J.T. got worse with them, trying to see who he had to be to keep ahold of the few connections he had. It was all sliding apart, faster and faster - until a dingy school-lunch drama club in northern Alberta managed to hold that shit together. J.T. hadn’t expected it, to say the least. Fought it, for a while. But the lure of bringing something to life, stepping into a story, exploring people and moments and feelings… he couldn’t turn his back on that. Not for long, anyway. And that was just the start. Theater - the act, the history, all of it - became J.T.’s place to be. Wasn’t always easy. The same barriers his dad hit while serving, all the obstacles his mom ran into around the rigs, those homegrown Canadian prejudices, were waiting. But for that feeling, up on stage? J.T. told himself that was worth anything. And he told his students, too, as he somehow fell into teaching, one university improv group and community theatre club at a time. Along the way, he reached out into film, into art, into a world he’d never pictured himself as a part of - and he found that part, became it. Even if his parents didn’t exactly like all this, as a career path, they could love how much it did for their son. And, eventually, J.T. loved it for how much he could do for others, especially kids like he’d been.

He’d still be doing that, if it weren’t for an exceptionally bad weekend. Exceptionally. A faculty trip out to the interior, a bit of backcountry hiking and so on, that’d sounded like a good time. Be nice to get out of the city, leave Vancouver behind for a couple weeks. So far as risks went, he’d anticipated busted ankles and blisters. Nobody mentioned wolf attacks. The ride to the hospital was long, and bloody. And fucking painful, to say the least. But if he’d gone to pieces, as much as his arm was, well, everybody would have lost it. So J.T. made sure they managed a few laughs, got some real road trip photos, yeah? He kept it up after the stitches went in, after he breezed his way back to work. While trying not to twitch every time he heard a dog growl. Or heave whenever he passed that hellishly nasty staff microwave. Or… there were little things, strange things, that sent him back to the doctor. Until he stopped bothering, because after a few scans and tests and so on, all the man said was that he ought to talk it out with his counsellor, and all his counsellor could do was listen and ask and miss what he meant, which sounded crazier and crazier every time he tried to find a not-crazy way to explain it. So those little things kept piling up, day by day - until it all fell down. Two months ago. Full moon.

Now, you meet all sorts, in the theatre. Between students and colleagues, J.T.’s collected quite the odd mix of acquaintances - odd enough that somebody was able to suss out just what, exactly, was going on. Lycanthropy has some pretty predictable patterns, after all, and a fresh werewolf has some particular quirks, don’t they? Quinn Cameron, of course, had some personal experience to work from. They were friends - you’ve gotta be decent to whoever’s building your sets - just professionally, maybe, but between that and how jittery J.T. was, he listened when Quinn came around. To actually have someone put a name to it, make it real, was strangely earth-shattering. Or, more accurately, it… ripped the tape off, maybe. That first full moon had cracked J.T.’s world to pieces, broken rules, bent sense and story inside out. By sheer force of will, he’d kept his shit in order. More or less. Held the reality of it at arm’s length, because he had to. Because it shouldn’t be happening. Because it couldn’t be happening. But it was. It was, and he didn’t have any answers, couldn’t even imagine where to look. And as it pressed in on his life, as it tugged and tore at his body, J.T. started to feel something familiar: anger. At circumstances beyond his control, like when he was a kid, pushed around and pulled from place to place. He’d never liked being angry. It was something he wanted less of, wanted to beat and be done with. Hearing the reason, the truth, said - werewolf - didn’t help. What the fuck was that really supposed to mean, anyway? For him? For his plans, unraveling around the full moon, the days next to it, the days further, as he found himself tearing through his apartment night after night, unable to just will away this thing that had chewed its way into his schedule. A busy schedule. At this point, as he arrives in Lethe for what he hopes will be a short stay, J.T.’s trying to see this ridiculous, impossible situation as a temporary inconvenience. If the world’s weird enough for this B-movie bullshit to exist, it better be strange enough for an easy fix to be out there. And, based on what he’s been told, Lethe should be able to supply something like that. Right?

As for his thoughts on Lethe, well, J.T.’s still at the first impressions stage - he’s literally just arrived, and the walk from the inn to city hall has left him a little doubtful, to say the least. It’s weird how weird this place isn’t, given what Quinn told him. As for the Riverborn, or the Council’s shaky standing, or the recent and unfortunately relevant upheaval in the local pack, they didn’t get to that in any detail; at the moment, J.T. isn’t giving it much thought. He has his own problems, and, frankly, he’d like his life to get less strange sooner than later. Should be easy. Sure.

#taken #taken male #taken werewolf #jt fineday #michael greyeyes

4 notes · View notes

eldritchocs · 5 years

Text

old friends

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ wai' wai' wai' wait, yer tellin' me what me mum used tew be a patien' in dis asylum yew was in previously... ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ an' she 'ad me but da doctor kept 'ryin' tew test da plague on me so she... ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ sen' me away wiv da rats what was in da asylum? ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

It.... do+es seem a+ bit silly a+ll a+t o+nce, do+esn’t it? I pro+mise this isn’t so+me o+verly dra+ma+tic fa+irytale... The do+cto+r there wa+s trying to+ infect his pa+tients with the pla+gue, a+nd... his o+wn child wa+sn’t o+ff limits. B+ut yo+ur mo+ther... A+ilo+na. She wa+s a+ wo+nderful wo+ma+n. O+nce she fo+und o+ut the Do+cto+r wa+s experimenting o+n yo+u she used her ab+ilities with a+nima+ls to+ tell the ra+ts to+ lea+ve with yo+u. To+ esca+pe. They’re dra+wn to+ yo+u b+eca+use o+f her ab+ilities... a+nd po+ssibly the o+nes yo+u inherited fro+m her. Yo+u weren’t ab=a+ndo+ned. She wa+s trying to+ give yo+u a+ b+etter life...

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ does what mean me plague... ain't a mutashun i'm cursed wiv? ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

I do+n’t b+elieve it is. I b+elieve yo+ur muta+tio+n is b+eing ab+le to+ survive ha=ving it, a=nd surviving such a+ stro+ng do+se o+f it injected directly into+ yo+u a+t a+ yo+ung a+ge... I’m sure if yo+u were to+ ha+ve received pro+per medica+l ca+re yo+u ca+n rid o+f it. I’m sure we ca+n still get rid of it.

I dea+lt with the pla+gue myself. It wa+s wha+t killed me. I ha+ve rea+so+n to+ b+elieve I’m immune, no+w, so+... ma+y I sha+ke yo+ur ha+nd?

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ i.... ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[ The door suddenly swings open then, and both trolls jump at the voice that loudly announces itself. Varian, on pure instinct, scrambles and hides behind the desk Mellot was previously standing at. ]

♫ ‘ELLO?! DOCTOR? ♫

[ When she turns to look at the door, Mellot’s heart jumps into her throat. There stands another familiar face, this one much more so. ]

.... It ca+n’t b+e....

♫ HONEY, I’M ‘OME! ♫

V-Vero+ni....?

♫ see? i told yew i'd be ge'in' aht ov there today! ♫

O+h my go+d, Vero+ni! Yo+u’re alive! I-I’ve missed yo+u so+ much! Co+me here, da+rling! O+h, my hummingbird... yo+u still ha+ve my fea+thers!

[ She pulls the smaller troll into a tight embrace, which she happily returns. ]

♫ i missed yew too, peacock. an' ov cahrse i still 'ave yer fearfers, they're good luck, yea? ♫

I’m so+ gla+d to+ ha+ve yo+u ba+ck, o+h my go+d, Vero+ni...

[ The smaller troll falls grimly quiet while still in the hug, the reminder of her task now hovering over her. ]

♫ ....yea.... ♫

#mellot #veroni #varian #long post

4 notes · View notes

xsilver-wings · 5 years

Note

goodbye, push, or gone, for xia from alexandros! man i'm really tooting the angsty train aren't i whoops

One Word Prompts — accepting

alskdjalksdjalshd oh my goood. this is. perfection. i love me some angst! so, here’s all the angst! also inserting a read more because like i wrote a lot hahahaha

Goodbye

my muse kissing and/or hugging your muse goodbye.

✦ Aloisa hadn’t wanted the visit to end, but as her mother always said, all good things must. That hadn’t stopped her from pouting the entire morning, however. Even through breakfast, which she could barely even eat. Mostly, she had just pushed her food around. Alexandros hadn’t been much different.

Part of Lex had wanted to complain about the abrupt end. They had been meant to stay for another week! But the look he saw in his mother’s eyes made him keep his mouth shut. Some things, it would seem, were unavoidable.

As the royals from both reigns exchanged their pleasantries and goodbyes, Alexandros and Aloisa were left facing one another. Isa’s lower lip was still jutted out — small, pink, and plump. Her mother had gently told her after breakfast that she needed to not pout, but she couldn’t help it. One of her best friends was leaving and she wasn’t sure when they’d see each other again. She was sad.

“Maybe next time, you’ll come and visit me?” Lex said, his inflection rising at the end of the sentence to pose as a hopeful question. Aloisa’s big green eyes looked up at him. Her pout receded only to reveal a small, somewhat sad smile. She nodded at him.

“I would like that very much. I hope it happens,” she told him. She wasn’t sure when that could possibly happen, but she would probably pester her parents until it happened.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted her mother taking Olympias’ hands into her own. The formalities dropped only slightly as the two exchanged a more personal goodbye. Watching it only made it feel more real that they were leaving.

Before she could turn back to Lex, Aloisa found herself being engulfed in a tight hug. Lex’s arms were skinny — something she had teased him about along with his height — but he was strong. For a moment, Isa wrapped her arms back around him. She bit back any tears that threatened to fall.

When Lex let go, Isa found herself feeling cold. She already missed him. “I guess this is goodbye,” he said to her. Finding courage she hadn’t realized had been hidden deep inside of her, Isa rushed forward to give Alexandros a peck on the cheek.

“No,” she said to him, her small smile returning as she shook her head. “Let’s not say goodbye. Instead, until next time.” Neither child realized that until next time wouldn’t be for many, many years. Not until they would have faced the many hardships that life had to throw at them. Even then, they wouldn’t say goodbye. Instead: Until Next Time.

Push

my muse pushing your muse out of the way of danger.

✦ Traveling the roads of Skyrim often had their dangers but for Alexandros and Xia most of those dangers were mundane. They could handle nearly everything. Together, they were almost unstoppable.

Alexandros hummed lightly as the two walked down the road. They were camped about half a mile back and were doing some scouting. With the sun setting, it was important to do this now so as not to be taken by surprise if there were any other campers — namely bandits — around.

“What are you humming?” Xia questioned, eyes narrowing as she looked at her companion. He turned to her, the biggest grin he could possibly have on his face.

“Our hero, our hero claims a warrior’s heart!”

“No, stop that!” Xia exclaimed, gently pushing him away from her. That didn’t stop him, however, as he continued.

“I tell you, I tell you the Dragonborn comes!” He knew she hated those songs, which amused him. He only ever sang them to get a reaction out of her, which she so gladly provided. And yet, as annoyed as she was, she was laughing.

“You are so annoying, you know that right?” Xia questioned him, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she did so. Lex just continued to grin.

“That’s why you love me so much,” he told her with a laugh.

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Xia muttered, smiling.

The cool night air was settling in now, but both were adequately dressed that they could really only feel it on their faces. Xia found it refreshing. She found herself looking up towards the sky, watching as the stars became visible. She loved this time of day.

“Watch out!” Xia was taken by surprise as she was suddenly pushed away. She stumbled, losing her footing, and fell to the ground. She wasted no time in turning around to see Lex with his sword against a bandit’s. What was more distressing, however, was the arrow sticking out of his right shoulder.

Xia was on her feet in seconds. She scanned the area for the source of the arrow. Not too far down the road was another bandit, bow in hand. They were already notching another arrow, aiming now towards Lex. She wasn’t about to let that happen again.

“Yol Toor Shul,” she shouted. Flames billowed from her mouth towards the bandit. He screamed as he was engulfed in the flames. She paid him no more mind before turning back to Lex and the bandit he was fighting.

Alexandros was a skilled warrior, there was no doubt about it, but he was currently injured. She could see his face wince every time that his blade collided with the bandit’s blade. She knew he could handle his own, even injured, but she wasn’t going to wait around and do nothing.

Xia quickly pulled out her blades and lunged towards the bandit. He stood absolutely no chance fighting off two skilled warriors. In a matter of seconds, the man was on the ground, dead.

“You idiot!” Xia exclaimed, “What were you thinking?” She turned to face Lex, who was kneeling on one knee on the ground, his left hand grasped around the arrow. He looked up at her, an infuriating smile on his face.

“You weren’t paying attention,” he teased her and then shrugged with his good shoulder. Xia was kneeling down next to him, examining the arrow in his shoulder. She frowned at his response. He was teasing her, but she still knew it was true. She hadn’t been paying attention. And Lex got shot because of it. That arrow had been meant for her.

“This is going to hurt,” she told him as she grabbed the arrow.

“It already hurts,” Lex laughed. She glared at him. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but it didn’t make her feel any better.

“On the count of three,” she told him. She started counting, but when she got to two, she pulled it out. It hadn’t been in deep enough and pulling it out in one fell swoop was the best way to go about it. Lex let out a small yelp, but Xia remained focused on examining the injury. She didn’t have any healing abilities magic wise, but she always had some potions on her just in case.

Grabbing a bottle out of her satchel, she uncorked it and forced it into Lex’s hand. “Drink,” she ordered him. He did so, his face screwing up at the taste of it. While he did that, she wrapped his shoulder with a piece of cotton that she had torn off from her undershirt. Once everything was calmed and settled, the two sat there on the road, just catching their breath.

“You should have just let me get shot,” Xia told him.

“And what kind of friend would I be if I did that?”

“The kind that teaches their friends a lesson in paying attention?” Xia questioned, one of her eyebrows raised. Lex let out a bark of laughter.

“I think you’re learning that lesson just fine right now,” he told her then with a sincere smile. He then looked further down the road to the smoldering corpse. “Hmn. Would you look at that? With a Voice wielding power of the ancient Nord art.”

“By the Eight!” Xia cried out, falling backward to lay in the road. She covered her face with her hands, trying to tune her best friend out.

“Believe, believe the Dragonborn comes!” He sang even louder.

Gone

my muse stays by your muses side while they take their last breath.

✦ The desert was hot during the day, but freezing at night. Xia was having a hard time adjusting to the changes, but she sucked it up and dealt with it because of the letter she had received. Alexandros had been on his own and people were worried about him.

By the time that Xia managed to find him, he had already started to have his fever. He was delirious when she arrived, not even being able to recognize her when he saw her. She tried to treat him as best she could with what she had, but nothing seemed to work. She was getting more and more frustrating. She had tried to leave to get more ingredients, but she had feared leaving him alone.

Days had gone by and Xia was dabbing at his forehead with a damp cloth. He was sweating profusely, his body trying to fight off whatever infection that he had. Despite the sweating, he shivered. Xia pulled another blanket on top of him, trying to keep him comfortable. She tried to give him some water to drink, but he refused. His breathing was shallow and Xia was beginning to worry more than she had been before.

“Isa,” his voice was hoarse when he spoke. She looked at him, his different colored eyes open and glossy, but staring back at her. She gave him a small smile.

“Hey there, Lex,” she replied softly. It was the first time he had recognized her since she had come. And yes, he may have been using her old nickname, but it was the one he had always used for her. It was the one he knew so well.

“I missed you,” he told her. She let out a soft laugh and nodded.

“I missed you too. You’re out here being all crazy and mystic and haven’t bothered to write to me. You’re gonna have to make that up to me, you know,” Xia told him with a smile still on her face. He smiled as she brushed some of his blonde hair out of his face, it had stuck to his wet forehead.

“I’ll buy you a new horse,” he told her, “a silver one to match your hair.” He reached up slowly to brush at her hair in return.

“A new horse? I don’t think Shadowmere would like that very much,” Xia told him, laughing once more.

“Shadowmere? That demon still alive?” He laughed in return, but it soon turned into a cough. Xia once more brought water to his lips and this time he allowed himself to drink it. When he saw the crease between her eyebrows, furrowed and worried, he mentioned it. “You’re worried.”

“You’ve been sick for days, Lex. Nothing I’ve done is helping. I am very worried.” Xia sighed, placing the water down beside his bedroll. Lex nodded, closing his eyes once more. The longer he kept quiet and kept his eyes closed, the more Xia worried. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, studying his face. After about fifteen minutes, she tried to get his attention.

“Lex?” His mouth moved when she said his name. It took him a minute, but his eyes opened.

“Isa? I’ve missed you.” At his response, Xia couldn’t help but feel tears well up in her eyes. Still, she smiled in return.

“I’ve missed you too, dummy,” she told him. He smiled and nodded.

“Hey, Isa?” He questioned, reaching out to grab her hand.

“Yes, Lex?” She gave his hand a little squeeze. It felt so weak in her hands.

“This isn’t goodbye.”

“W-what do you mean?” She questioned him. It was such a strange thing to say, going on par with his mystic routine, but it worried her.

“This isn’t goodbye,” he reiterated. “I’m slipping… I can almost see Aetherius.”

“No. No, Lex. It’s not time. You’re still so young. You’ve got so much left to do,” she argued, but he was shaking his head at her. Her grip tightened still on his hand. She didn’t want him to go. He was one of her oldest friends. One of her best friends. He couldn’t leave her.

“It’s time,” he told her softly. He gave her a small smile, as reassuring as he could make it. His breath was getting more and more labored by the second. “I’ll see you again. Until next time.”

Lex said no more. He continued breathing for a couple of minutes, labored breathing still, and then there was nothing. Xia looked down at him, his face had relaxed, his eyes closed. His hand no longer held hers back. Xia found herself crying, sobbing. She reached out to put her hand against his cheek.

“Lex? Lex. Please. Please wake up.” But there was no response from him. It took a long time for her to calm herself enough to press a kiss to Lex’s forehead.

“Until next time.”

#☾☁ ❝to be or not to be❞ ➤ asks ☁☽#☾✦ ❝you speak an infinate deal of nothing❞ ➤ fics ✦☽#☾✦ xia silver-wing ✦☽#☾❂ alexandros mede i ❂☽#dionsblood #YOOO #LOOK AT THIS ANGST #the second one kind of sucks #but that last one?#damn #(also lowkey headcanon that their mothers got along splendidly)#PS I WROTE ALL OF THEM BECAUSE I CAN HA

6 notes · View notes

whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

Text

Wed[nesday] 8 May 1833

5 3/4

12 1/4

F[ahrenheit] 67° at 5 3/4 and ver[y] fine morn[in]g - ver[y] hot - at my desk at 7 - wr[ote] and finish[e]d

Let[ter] to M- [Mariana] - ver[y] near[l]y 3 p[ages] somehow did not write readily - kind let[ter] of condol[en]ce

writ[in]g on the melanch[ol]y subj[ec]t ‘I can scarce[l]y wr[ite] of an[y]th[in]g else - b[u]t you will be gl[a]d to

‘hear, I like the looks of Thom[a]s, and hope and th[in]k he is ver[y] like[l]y to be the sort of serv[an]t I want

‘one for wh[o]m I shall forev[e]r rem[em]b[e]r my obligat[io]n to you - I shall be anx[iou]s for you to

‘see Eugénie - She nev[e]r wore a cap in her life - I f[ou]nd it will n[o]t do to ta[ke] h[e]r to Langt[o]n

‘w[i]thout one - I am cert[ainl]y n[o]t disap[pointe]d in her so far - are n[o]t men eas[ie]r to manage th[a]n wom[e]n?

‘at all rates, I am forev[e]r oblig[e]d to you for all the troub[le] you ha[ve] tak[e]n for me - adieu -

‘God bless you, my d[eare]st Mary! Ev[e]r ver[y] espec[iall]y and ent[irel]y y[ou]rs AL- [Anne Lister]’ h[a]d Eugénie at 9 -

and young Parsons to cut and dress my h[ai]r - d[o]wnst[ai]rs at 11 - Mrs. Ch[arle]s Robins[o]n and lit[tle] Hugh h[a]d just call[e]d

for 10 min[ute]s - br[eak]f[a]st - wr[ote] 2 p[ages] and end to my a[un]t and th[e]n Steph. D[octo]r B- [Belcombe] call[e]d for

1/2 h[ou]r - th[in]ks he c[oul]d manage ab[ou]t Miss W- [Walker] - could have her at Thorparch very comforta

bly fortnight and then see how she was told him all about the business between π- [Mariana] and me

very good friends but our ever living together at an end explained feared there

might be some pique in her feeling at my three several and serious times preventing her

leaving δ- [Charles Lawton] and some fancies about my better circumstances and society? he seemed sur

prised and sorry but behaved remarkably well told him it was all her own doing and how much

I had g[r]ived over it but Charlotte Norcliffe had done me much good she and my aunt the only peop

le besides himself who knew of it said I should not have thought of this experiment

with Miss W- [Walker] had π- [Mariana] and I been as formerly but no pique certainly on my part but I was dull without

having some interest if Miss W- [Walker] married I would take care she did it nicely and her children

would interest mentioned π-‘s [Mariana] having asked me to live at Speake he asked if I

might not sell Shibden if factories increased No said I not for millions I have

much family pride and sense of duty to my uncle said I should [have] provided more than amply for

π- [Mariana] yes left her a life estate in all I had had she been settled with me but two days but now as I

could not name her in my will as I should have done formerly I should probably not do it at

all I said she had been more worldly than I ever was in my life and less constant too said I would

rather have Miss W- [Walker] than someone of higher rank and more worldly if I did not take her might

do worse he laughed and said you are an odd person too and took his leave th[e]n finish[e]d

the 3[r]d p[age] and wr[ote] one long and finish[e]d my let[ter] to my a[un]t - told h[e]r so th[a]t she, b[u]t nobod[y]else

w[oul]d und[er]st[a]nd, wh[a]t I h[a]d communicat[e]d to D[octo]r B- [Belcombe] on the subj[ec]t of M- [Mariana] b[u]t n[o]t a word of wh[a]t

pass[e]d ab[ou]t Miss W- [Walker] announc[e]d my agreeab[le] journ[e]y und[e]r 6 h[ou]rs - and ask[e]d for Simmens[o]ns

and col[ou]r of draw[in]g r[oo]m curt[ai]ns to s[e]nd to Kendell for the chiffonier - then wrote to Miss W- [Walker] copied

yesterday from my notebook and wr[ote] so far of today - ‘York. Wed[nesday] 8 May 1833. Th[an]k you ver[y]

‘m[u]ch for y[ou]r let[ter] w[hi]ch I can on[l]y regret w[a]s n[o]t writt[en] in bet[ter] sp[iri]ts - I ha[ve] th[ou]ght oft[e]n, and m[u]ch

‘and anx[iousl]y ab[ou]t you - you told me my last let[ter] w[a]s like a sunbeam - may th[i]s let[ter] be like

‘anoth[e]r sunbeam, and a bright[e]r! I determ[ine]d n[o]t to wr[ite] till I w[a]s off fr[om] Shibd[e]n, and am now writ[in]g

‘in the ver[y] r[oo]m where you and I were so comf[ortabl]y togeth[e]r in Oct[obe]r - If you c[oul]d recall th[a]t ti[me], w[oul]d you?

swore Doctor B- [Belcombe] to secrecy both about Miss W- [Walker] and π- [Mariana]

102

1833

May

‘Consid[e]r four-and-twenty h[ou]rs - judge for yours[self], if you can; if n[o]t, ask y[ou]r sist[e]rs’ adv[i]ce,

‘and ta[ke] it - I still th[in]k th[a]t health and happ[ine]ss are w[i]thin y[ou]r reach, and, as I trust, by mo[re] ways

‘th[a]n one - I ha[ve] seen m[u]ch of y[ou]r a[un]t; and we are s[u]ch good fr[ie]nds, I do n[o]t fancy h[e]r opin[ion]s w[oul]d oppose

‘my own - I go to Langt[o]n tomor[row] (direct to me at Mrs. Norcliffes’, Langton hall, n[ea]r Malt[o]n,

‘Yorksh[i]re) and intend stay[in]g a fortnight; aft[e]r th[a]t, I m[u]st ret[ur]n to Shibd[e]n for 2 or 3 days, and shall

‘th[e]n ma[ke] the best of my way to the cont[inen]t - b[u]t, in the meanti[me], you may accomod[ate] y[ou]r plans to

‘mine, or mine to yours, if you please - I told you at part[in]g, th[a]t I w[oul]d meet you

‘on y[ou]r ret[ur]n, if you wish[e]d it - If you ha[ve] energy en[ou]gh to determ[ine], I will ta[ke] you up

‘at y[ou]r sist[e]rs’ own door at Udale ; and, as, dur[in]g the pres[en]t build[in]g operat[io]ns, it is

‘imposs[ible] to accom[oda]te extra peop[le], I c[oul]d, or, rath[er] I mean we c[oul]d, sleep at Inverness - I

‘th[in]k you w[oul]d like Eugénie, and f[ou]nd my man-serv[an]t all we want[e]d - If you dare gi[ve] a

‘fair trail, I am sanguine as ev[e]r ab[ou]t y[ou]r entire recov[er]y - wr[ite] in ans[we]r wh[a]tev[e]r

‘you th[in]k best; b[u]t wr[ite] it soon - Rouse yours[elf] whi[le] there is yet ti[me] - rememb[e]r th[a]t the

‘sun is ris[in]g so[me]whi[le] bef[ore] we see h[i]m, and th[a]t when hum[a]n ills seem w[i]thout remedy,

‘it is n[o]t bec[ause] th[a]t remedy really fails to exist, b[u]t simp[l]y bec[ause] we kno[w] n[o]t how to f[i]nd it -

‘my k[i]nd reg[ar]ds to y[ou]r sist[e]r, and Capt[ai]n Suth[erlan]d; and, be y[ou]r ans[we]r to my let[ter] wh[a]t it may. bel[ieve]

‘me ev[e]r sincere[l]y interest[e]d in y[ou]r welfare, and ev[e]r faith[full]y and affect[ionatel]y y[ou]rs AL- [Anne Lister]

‘am I n[o]t to ha[ve] the kneecaps?’ at 3 55/.. s[e]nt off my let[ter]s to my a[un]t Shibd[e]n, and to M- [Mariana] Lawt[o]n

hall, Lawt[o]n, Cheshire’ and to ‘Miss Walker, at Capt[ai]n Sutherlands’ of Udale Fortrose Ross-shire’

out at 4 5/.. - took Eugénie and b[ou]ght slippers, and silk for dress at Hudsons’, etc and th[e]n took h[e]r to Mrs. Belcombe’s

for Mrs. Milne and Charlotte to see - 1/2 h[ou]r in the minst[e]r court - th[e]n across the wat[e]r to the Duffins’ - 3/4 h[ou]r

and d[i]d n[o]t vent[u]re to go and see her - call[e]d on Mrs. Anne and Miss Gage - at din[ner] so ca[me] away - din[ner] at the hot[e]l

at 6 1/4 in 1/2 h[ou]r - at the Belcombe’s at 7 20/.. to go w[i]th Mrs. Milne to the amateur concert - tremend[ousl]y hot -

Miss Belco[mbe] and Miss Greenup and Miss Bagshaw and Hamlyn and Ch[arle]s Milne of the p[ar]ty - Mrs. Milne and I left th[e]m and walk[e]d

1/2 h[ou]r tow[ar]ds Monk bar - tea and sp[en]t the ev[enin]g at Mrs. Belco[mbe]s’ and ho[me] at 11 10/.. -wr[ote] the last 9 lines ver[y] fine

day - ver[y] m[u]ch cool[e]r th[i]s ev[enin]g F[ahrenheit] 66 1/2° at 11 1/4 p.m.

5 notes · View notes