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hi everyone, willow here! because of unfortunate events, me and my family are in desperate need of help after our dad left us with no money, so if you're interested you can either donate (any amount helps!!) or comm me or my brother! this is my first time opening comms so i'm sorry if anything is janky ;w;
below is my comm sheet, in short: i will be able to draw vocal synths, ocs, humans, furries and alike! i offer chibis and either flat or fully rendered busts or fullbodies, the prices and details are listed in the sheet! you can contact me through dms or discord (sleepy_nurse)
it would mean a lot if you could help us,, i want to keep drawing for everyone! thank you!
#important#i'm so sorry i have to ask for help but unfortunately it had to go like this#we have a debt that we gotta pay on the 13rd and its like 800€......we only have like 200€#if we dont pay that we'll pretty much end up with no electricity#my mom is desperately trying to get help and finding a job but on the meantime i thought id give a hand too
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patience being tested. being forced by a bizarre unfortunate situation to adhere to university requirement technicality by taking this simple basic elementary "introduction to environmental history" class.
this class is from facilitators/program which do, like, "history of the American frontier" or "history of fishing and hunting" and still basically subscribe to that old-school twentieth-century idealization and celebration of characters like Teddy Roosevelt and reverence for a mythical arc-of-history-bent-towards-justice narrative of the often-clumsy but ultimately-benevolent US federal government and its mission to "save nature" through the miracle of "sustained yield," while heroic federal land management agencies and "heritage" institutions lead to way, staffed by exceptional individuals (appeals to nostalgia for the frontier and an imagined landscape of the American West; ego-stroking appeals to flattering self-image that center the environmentalist or academic). where they invoke, y'know, ideas like "ecology is important because don't you enjoy cross-country skiing in The Woods with your niece and nephew? don't you like hunting and fishing?" which makes it feel like a time capsule of appeals and discourses from the 1970s. and it invokes concept of "untouched wilderness" (while eliding scale of historical Indigenous environmental relationships and current ongoing colonial violence/extractivism). but just ever-so-slightly updated with a little bit of chic twenty-first-century flair like a superficial land acknowledgement or a reference to "labor histories" or "history from below," which is extra aggravating when the old ideologies/institutions are still in power but they're muddying the water and diluting the language/frameworks (it's been strange, watching words like "multispecies" and "Anthropocene" over the years slowly but surely show-up on the posters, fliers, course descriptions, by now even appearing adjacent to the agri-business and resource extraction feeder programs, like a recuperation or appropriation.) even from a humanities angle, it's still, they're talking at me like "You probably didn't know this, but environmental history is actually pretty entangled with political and social events. In fact, we can synthesize sources and glean environmental info from wacky places like workers' rolls in factories, ship's logs, and poetry from the era." and i'm nodding like YEP.
the first homework assignment is respond to this: "Define and describe 'the Anthropocene'. Do you think 'the Anthropocene' is a useful concept? Why or why not?" Respond in 300 words.
so for fun, right now in class, going to see how fast i can pull up discussion of Anthropocene-as-concept solely from my old posts on this microblogging site.
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ok, found some
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I think that the danger in any universal narrative or epoch or principle is exactly that it can itself become a colonizing force. [...] I’m suspicious of the Anthropocene as concept for the very reason that it subsumes so many peoples, nations, histories, geographies, political orders. For that reason, I think ideas like the Anthropocene can be a useful short-hand for a cluster of tangible things going on with the Earth at the moment, but we have to be very careful about how fluid and dynamic ideas become concretized into hegemonic principles in the hands of researchers, policymakers, and politicians. There’s so much diversity in histories and experiences and environmental realities even between relatively linked geographies here in Canada [...]. Imagine what happens when we try to do that on a global scale - and a lot of euro-western Anthropocene, climate change and resilience research risks doing that - eliding local specificities and appropriating knowledge to serve a broader euro-western narrative without attending to the inherent colonial and imperial realities of science and policy processes, or even attending to the ways that colonial capitalist expansion has created these environmental crises to begin with. While we, as a collective humanity, are struggling with the realities of the Anthropocene, it is dangerous to erase the specific histories, power-relations, political orders that created the crisis to begin with. So, I’m glad that a robust critique of the Anthropocene as a concept is emerging.
Text by: Words of Zoe Todd, as interviewed and transcribed by Caroline Picard. “The Future is Elastic (But it Depends): An Interview with Zoe Todd.” 23 August 2016.
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The Great Acceleration is the latest in a series of human-driven planetary changes that constitute what a rising chorus of scientists, social scientists, and humanists have labeled the Anthropocene - a new Age of Humans. [...] But what the Anthropocene label masks, and what the litany of graphs documenting the Great Acceleration hide, is a history of racial oppression and violence, along with wealth inequality, that has built and sustained engines of economic growth and consumption over the last four centuries. [...] The plantation, Sidney Mintz long ago observed, was a “synthesis of field and factory,” an agro-industrial system of enterprise [...]. Plantation legacies, along with accompanying strategies of survival and resistance, dwell in the racialized geographies of the United States’ and Brazil’s prison systems. They surface in the inequitable toxic burdens experienced by impoverished communities of color in places like Cancer Alley, an industrial corridor of petrochemical plants running along the Mississippi River from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, where cotton was once king. And they appear in patterns of foreign direct investment and debt servitude that structure many land deals in the Caribbean, Brazil, and sub-Saharan Africa [...]. [C]limatologists and global change scientists from the University of London, propose instead 1610 as a date for the golden spike of the Anthropocene. The date marked a detectable global dip in carbon dioxide concentrations, precipitated, they argue, by the death of nearly 50 million indigenous human inhabitants [...]. The degradation of soils in the tobacco and cotton-growing regions in the American South, or in the sugarcane growing fields of many Caribbean islands, for example, was a consequence of an economic and social system that inflicted violence upon the land and the people enslaved to work it. Such violent histories are not so readily evident in genealogies that date the Anthropocene’s emergence to the Neolithic Revolution 12,000 years ago, the onset of Europe’s industrial revolution circa 1800, or the Trinity nuclear test of 1945. Sugarcane plantations were already prevalent throughout the Mediterranean basin during the late middle ages. But it was during the early modern era, and specifically in the Caribbean, where the intersection of emerging proto-capitalist economic models based on migratory forced labor (first indentured servitude, and later slavery), intensive land usage, globalized commerce, and colonial regimes sustained on the basis of relentless racialized violence, gave rise to the transformative models of plantations that reshaped the lives and livelihoods of human and non-human beings on a planetary scale. [...] We might, following the lead of science studies scholar Donna Haraway and anthropologist Anna Tsing, more aptly designate this era the Plantationocene. [...] It is also an invitation to see, in the words of geographer Laura Pulido, “the Anthropocene as a racial process,” one that has and will continue to produce “racially uneven vulnerability and death." [...] And how have such material transformations sustained global flows of knowledge and capital that continue to reproduce the plantation in enduring ways?
Text by: Sophie Sapp Moore, Monique Allewaert, Pablo F. Gomez, and Gregg Mitman. "Plantation Legacies." Edge Effects. 22 January 2019. Updated 15 May 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Geologists and other scientists will fight over [the definition of the beginning start-date of the Anthropocene] in scientific language, seeking traces of carbon dioxide that index the worst offenses of European empire which rent and violated the flesh, bodies, and governance structures of Indigenous and other sovereign peoples in the name of gold, lumber, trade, land, and power. [...] The stories we tell about the origins of the Anthropocene implicate how we understand the relations we have with our surrounds. In other words, the naming of the Anthropocene epoch and its start date have implications not just for how we understand the world, but this understanding will have material consequences, consequences that affect body and land.
Text by: Heather Davis and Zoe Todd. On the Importance of a Date, or Decolonizing the Anthropocene. ACME An International Journal for Critical Geographies. December 2017. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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From Aime and Suzanne Cesaire, C. L. R. James, Claudia Jones, Eduoard Glissant, through Sylvia Wynter, Christina Sharpe, and so many others, critical anticolonial and race theory has been written from the specific histories that marked the Black Atlantic. [...] Glissant also reminds us, secondly, of how cunning the absorptive powers of [...] liberal capitalism are - how quickly specific relations are remade as relations-erasing universal abstractions. [...] This absorptive, relations-erasing universalism is especially apparent in some contemporary discourses of […] liberalism and climate collapse - what some call the Anthropocene - especially those that anchor the crisis in a general Human calamity which, as Sylvia Wynter has noted, is merely the name of an overdetermined and specific [White] European man. […] [T]he condition of creating this new common European world was the destruction of a multitude of existing black and brown worlds. The tsunami of colonialism was not seen as affecting humanity, but [...] these specific people. They were specific - what happened to them may have been necessary, regrettable, intentional, accidental - but it is always them. It is only when these ancestral histories became present for some, for those who had long benefitted from the dispossession [...], that suddenly the problem is all of us, as human catastrophe.
Text by: Elizabeth Povinelli. “The Ancestral Present of Oceanic Illusions: Connected and Differentiated in Late Toxic Liberalism.” e-flux Journal Issue #112. October 2020.
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The narrative arc [of White "liberal humanism"] [...] is often told as a kind of European coming-of-age story. […] The Anthropocene discourse follows the same coming-of-age [...] script, searching for a material origin story that would explain the newly identified trajectory of the Anthropos […]. Sylvia Wynter, W.E.B. DuBois, and Achille Mbembe all showed how that genealogy of [White subjecthood] was [...] articulated through sixteenth- through nineteenth-century [historiographies and discourses] in the context of colonialism, [...] as well as forming the material praxis of their rearrangement (through mining, ecological rearrangements and extractions, and forms of geologic displacements such as plantations, dams, fertilizers, crops, and introduction of “alien” animals). […] As Wynter (2000) commented, “The degradation of concrete humans, that was/is the price of empire, of the kind of [Eurocentric epistemology] that underlies it” (154).
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. “The Inhumanities.” Annals of the American Association of Geographers, Volume 11, Issue 3. November 2020.
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As Yarimar Bonilla suggests in regard to post-Irma-and-Maria Puerto Rico, “vulnerability is not simply a product of natural conditions; it is a political state and a colonial condition.” Many in the Caribbean therefore speak about the coloniality of disaster, and the unnaturalness of these “natural” disasters [...]. Others describe this temporality by shifting [...] toward an idea of the Plantationocene [...]. As Moore and her colleagues write, “Plantation worlds, both past and present, offer a powerful reminder that environmental problems cannot be decoupled from histories of colonialism, capitalism, and racism that have made some human beings more vulnerable [...].” [W]e see that contemporary uneven socioecologies associated with the rise of the industrial world ["the Anthropocene"] are based [...] also on the racialized denial and foreshortening of life for the sacrificial majority of black, brown, and Indigenous people and their relegation to the “sacrifice zones” of extractive industry. [...] [A]ny appropriate response to the contemporary climate emergency must first appreciate its foundations in the past history of the violent, coercive, transatlantic system of plantation slavery; in the present global uneven development, antiblackness, and border regimes that shape human vulnerability [...] that continues to influence who has access to resources, safety, and preferable ecologies [...] and who will be relegated to the “plantation archipelagoes” (as Sylvia Wynter called them) [...].
Text by: Mimi Sheller. “Thinking Beyond Coloniality: Toward Radical Caribbean Futures.” Small Axe (2021), 25 (2 (65)), pages 169-170. Published 1 July 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Indigenous genocide and removal from land and enslavement are prerequisites for power becoming operationalized in premodernity [...]; it was/is a means to operationalize extraction (therefore race should be considered as foundational rather than as periphery to the production of those structures and of global space). [...] Wynter suggests that we […] consider 1452 as the beginning of the New World, as African slaves are put to work on the first plantations on the Portuguese island of Madeira, initiating the “sugar-slave” complex - a massive replantation of ecologies and forced relocation of people […]. Wynter argues that the invention of the figure of Man in 1492 as the Portuguese [and Spanish] travel to the Americas instigates at the same time “a refiguring of humanness” in the idea of race. [...] The natal moment of the 1800 Industrial Revolution, […] [apparently] locates Anthropocene origination in […] the "new" metabolisms of technology and matter enabled by the combination of fossil fuels, new engines, and the world as market. […] The racialization of epistemologies of life and nonlife is important to note here […]. While [this industrialization in the nineteenth century] […] undoubtedly transformed the atmosphere with […] coal, the creation of another kind of weather had already established its salient forms in the mine and on the plantation. Paying attention to the prehistory of capital and its bodily labor, both within coal cultures and on plantations that literally put “sugar in the bowl” (as Nina Simone sings) […]. The new modes of material accumulation and production in the Industrial Revolution are relational to and dependent on their preproductive forms in slavery […]. In 1833, Parliament finally abolished slavery in the British Caribbean, and the taxpayer payout of £20 million in “compensation” [paid by the government to slave owners for their lost "property"] built the material, geophysical (railways, mines, factories), and imperial infrastructures of Britain and its colonial enterprises and empire. [...] A significant proportion of funds were invested in the railway system connecting London and Birmingham (home of cotton production and […] manufacturing for plantations), Cambridge and Oxford, and Wales and the Midlands (for coal). Insurance companies flourished [...]. The slave-sugar-coal nexus both substantially enriched Britain and made it possible for it to transition into a colonial industrialized power […]. The slave trade […] fashioned the economic conditions (and institutions, such as the insurance and finance industries) for industrialization.
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. "White Utopia/Black Inferno: Life on a Geologic Spike". e-flux Journal Issue #97. February 2019. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
#sorry for being mean#instructor makes podcasts about cowboys HELP ME#and he recently won a New Business award for his startup magazine covering Democrat party politics in local area HELP#so hes constantly performing this like dance between new hip beerfest winebar coolness and oldfashioned masculinity#but hes in charge of the certificate program so i have to just shut up and keep my head down for approximately one year#his email address is almost identical to mine and invokes enviro history terms but i made mine long before when i was ten years old#so i could log in to fieldherpforum dot com to talk about enviro history of distribution range changes in local reptiles and amphibians#sir if you read my blog then i apologize ive had a long year#and i cant do anything to escape i am disabled i am constantly sick im working fulltime i have NO family i have NO resources#i took all of this schools graduate level enviro history courses and seminars years ago and ran the geography and enviro hist club#but then left in final semester because sudden hospitalization and crippled and disabled which led to homelessness#which means that as far as any profession or school is concerned im nobody im a retail employee#i was doing conference paper revisions while sleeping on concrete vomiting walking around on my cane to find outdoor wifi#and im not kidding the MONTH i got back into a house and was like ok going back to finish the semester the school had#put my whole degree program and department in moratorium from lack of funding#and so required starting some stuff from scratch and now feel like a hostage with debt or worsening health that could pounce any moment#to even get back in current program i was working sixteen hours a day to pay old library fines and had to delicately back out of workplace#where manager was straight up violently physically abusive to her vulnerable employees and threatened retaliation#like an emotional torturer the likes of which i thought existed only in cartoons#and the week i filed for student aid a massive storm had knocked out electricity for days and i was clearing fallen tree debris#and then sitting in the dark in my room between job shifts no music no phone no food with my fingers crossed and i consider it a miracle#sorry dont mean to dramatize or draw attention to myself#so actually im happy you and i are alive
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I like to think that when the batfamily inevitably runs out of money and jobless Bruce, Tim, and Dick* find themselves in financial need, Steph reveals that she's made thousands of dollars taking odd jobs around Gotham City that we just never saw bc Steph hasn't been in a comic for months. Nobody checked in on her and while they weren't looking she made 6 grand babysitting and playing piano at a local theatre. Bruce has to grovel for enough money to buff out a scratch on the batmobile and Steph is revelling in it. This is the closest she's ever going to get to being a supervillain
*(Cass and Jason don't need money to survive on account of being homeless as kids + Babs funds Cass' basic needs and Damian is on his mom's payroll, same w/ duke even if it's obvs not al ghul money)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#bruce wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#batfamily#...#wayne family adventures#that seems like something that could happen over there lmao#i already said babysitting and playing piano at a local theatre (NEVER FORGET STEPH CANONICALLY TOOK UP PIANO AGAIN. BATGIRLS 18)#but i can also picture her doing other odd jobs#harper teaches her some basic electrical engineering tips and Steph takes a couple jobs with her for some extra cash#in batgirl 2009 she was working off her tuition by working at her school library so maybe she can do something like that too as well#i like to imagine that off screen steph will work a job for a week then get paid then get fired bc she lets her vigilante life take over#meanwhile Tim's been a dilettant on his houseboat and dick has the leftovers of what alfred gave to him which he gave to charity(?)#and bruce has just been funnelling his last remaining dollars into batman until one day his bat bank account hits negative $50#bruce has been begrudgingly letting Talia pay his rent and groceries for the past few months (damian had to cooerce him into it)#anyway i wish they did more w broke Batman. not that bruce cant survive w/o money but hes usually like. in the wilderness in those scenarios#not a city that i just KNOW has an incredibly fucked up economic situation. i bet it costs $1.95 for bottled water in gotham#anyway. bad headcanons <3
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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A while back you made a post talking about yakumo and his sensitivity to temperature and I haven't stopped thinking about it. imagine when winter comes around and yakumo becomes progressively sluggish, usually staying in the kitchen and not leaving for hours, always making something near the stove to feel a little warmth from the flames or from a little taste of the things he's making (soup probably), or him picking up the habit of bundling himself up and staying in the library to read and nap. maybe when it starts getting even colder he barely leaves his room because its too uncomfortably cold for him, and if he does he's probably looking for eiden to help him warm up, but if eidens not around he gets antsy and looks for somebody else in the mansion, but he's too shy to ask and looks at whoever with his wet eyes so they know he's cold and wants a cuddle
*inhales deeply* ah yes. you understand. you envision it all so clearly. rightly so. gEt in the wAy, everybody, snake burrito walking the halls very very slowly!!!!!!! (i was about to say get OUT of the way but that would probably make yakumo colder so why not do him a favour and collide with him on your way to another room)
#feesh answer#once it drops below a certain temperature he is not leaving the kitchen#he's sleeping in a cupboard stowed above the biggest fire source. if that's even possible.#all the spare pots and pans on the floor now. that's the only way for snake to have room in the warming zone#or you really will see a large snake blanket burrito. a triple breaded snake tempura. a swiss roll cake where all the cream is wool#standing in front of the massive soup pot. permanently stirring. steaming his face above the liquid#lost in the soup#he needs a walking space heater attached to him at all times in winter#i think the wolf pups or blade will do an excellent job at that#they all live in the mansion together most of the time right? shouldn't be too difficult ehehe#honestly blade wouldn't mind just snuggling up to yakumo as a nightly duty HAHA. and garu on the other side...#warmest snake in klein...#*tosses eiden on top of all three of them. just for good measure*#actually *leaves the room to gather the rest of the clan* PRACTICALITY BE DAMNED. THEY'RE ALL GOING IN THE NIGHTLY SNUGGLE PILE#maybe they'll all vibrate yakumo to death. like the bees#sorry where was i#right. as i was thinking. if oli can slap together a paired warming vibrating necklace(? questionable) powered by essence#other similar warming devices shouldn't be impossible to create hmm?#get yakumo a robe that functions like an electric heated blanket. but essence powered#idc whose essence. either the snakes overflowing power will be put to good use or yakumo can warm up in his beloveds' essensual energy#that way he can still walk around and do his regular stuff . but he can look fluffy while doing so#yakumo crossing paths with kuya in the hallway one night. they are both wearing fluffy decadent robes.#it's like walking in a spa. and the purple fox is making his robes look super milfy. meanwhile yaku is just comfy#the power of personality and how it affects your presentation in a fluffy robe...#nu carnival yakumo
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I don't understand Mouthwashing shipping or found family. Y'all never had a friend from work before? Or known someone who has a friend from work? Friend from work.
#📚 my posts#📌 thoughts#you know i am a shipper and an enjoyer of found family but this i just can't see it.#those are coworkers... because.... people have coworkers in real life...#sometimes you just know people from work..........#and youre fond of them but they aren't QUITE family but you still invite them to your holiday gatherings. you know??#yeah.#guy you know from work that you call up to fix your electricity because you know they're good at their job
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Hey so remember a few months ago when I graduated and claimed that you would never see the "dove gets that degree" tag ever again . . . What if I told you that my new job has not panned out the way I hoped and that I'm applying to grad school because I desperately need to change the path I'm on in life? What then :)
#is this self sabotage or self care?#(jkjk it's def self care bc this job has NOT been kind to my mental health and I need something else)#okay here we go . . . get ready to welcome her back:#dove gets that degree#master's edition? 2 electric boogaloo?#idk we can come up with a new one maybe#anyways!
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some that demon thing secondary characters
Crassipes Meleagris: General in the Cristatus' army. Technically the record holder for the person to join the army at the youngest age. She was still a toddler when her village was raided and her birth parents killed. She was found after the fact while the raiding soldiers were looting what was left, and taken in by the collective unit. No one individual was her guardian, instead the unit as a whole raised her to be the finest warrior amongst them. As an adult she moved through the ranks quickly via a combination of raw skill and the ruthless willingness to kill anyone whose position she was gunning for.
Olor Cygnus: A small village's doctor turned leader. Many of the demons from her village were slaughtered during the beginning of the war. They had posed too much of a threat to the new rulling powers and needed dealt with. She was spared as the warlord leading the invasion deemed her meek but intelligent and respected enough to be saddled with the duty of leading her devastated community. Unlike most of the other minor lords, she is neither a politician nor a warrior, so the wanton violence and pointless macho postering from every one of her new "colleagues" has been difficult to stomach.
Gigas Coua: A Minor Lord from low places. Former prostitute turned Madame after the last owner of their brothel was found washed up on the shore of their local river. They delighted in accepting the title of Minor Lord, as Finally they would have the respect they've been denied since they were orphaned by a now forgotten battle. they are eager and willing to do whatever it takes to keep the favor of those above them as they know all too well how quickly you can lose the entire game if the dealer has a bone to pick with you.
#i had electricity And alone time today so i got to draw these bastards finally#anyways fun fact: since I didnt have internet while picking at the draft i couldn't look up bird species for Olor and Gigas names#so in the draft they're just Quiet and Slimey#anyways the species are bigfoot turkey. mute swan. and the giant cuoa. witch is a type of cuckoo.#theres a third minor lord called loudmouth in the draft but i didn't draw him bc his job is to die badly so Olor can start her 'villain' arc#like shes an antagonist#but being Pavo's antagonist has like an 80% chance of meaning you are the one with the moral and ethical high ground
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#got the quote to fix the main electric line into my house….#5k#I wanna throw up#I was so close to getting rid of all the debt that got taken out in my name#like.. I’ll be fine and I’m incredibly lucky to#have a job and a situation where this is handleable but it’s going to take me a few weeks to get that money together and it#feels like such a setback when I was so close#the horrors you know?
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it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life
and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything
#.bdo#autism#''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns#which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain#bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call#bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much#i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD#it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis#found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds#and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'')#and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it#and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight#but anyway#i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers#i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric#i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive)#it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too#and half the people in my family have vocal stims#ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns#i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus#i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking#i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone#i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time#so i think the ocd is comorbid#bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane#i get intense hyperfixations for months or years#there's just a lot i notice about myself now
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Omg i haven't been updating lately but guys I'm moving out of my abusive household :D it's so surreal and anxiety inducing and change is scary but i will persist!!!!!!!
#basically for a while I've been paying all my mom's bills while she refuses to get a job and psychologically abuses me#the bills thing isn't inherently abusive! sometimes ppl need help! but the way she treats me is#any time i stand up for myself or ask her to please stop manipulating me‚ she calls me a narcissistic abuser and selfish and awful stuff#she steals rent money from me to the point that i have to hide it‚ and tells me I'm being selfish and immature if i spend money on myself#like stuff that isn't really necessary but makes me happy#not even like expensive shit‚ she gaslights the hell out of me if i spend more than $20 on a frivolous item#and it's not that she can't work‚ she just doesn't want to. she's into mormon tradwife shit and is like ''i need a man to provide''#she's worked as a line cook/at call centers/delis/hotels etc etc. she just doesn't /want/ to work#this is also bc she thinks she's the bride of Christ and is like ''the day of reckoning is coming so i don't need a job''#also she regularly goes through my room and takes stuff and like‚ goes through under my bed to see what I'm hiding#which is super invasive and weird#and she got super verbally abusive 2 years ago when i was physically disabled (literally using a cane) and couldn't work#Anyway. our rent has been $1475 and i also pay electricity and wifi and every other bill under the fucking sun#and she tried to get me to sign the lease and i said no! cuz me and my cousin are actively looking for a place to rent together#so i might be out in 10 days or by the end of the month depending on what the apartment office says#I've been packing up my stuff and I'm gonna be staying with my cousin and her fam for a couple weeks#it's way closer to my work and I'm gonna take my cat and stuff so it's chill. big changes are really scary cuz autism but I'll persist#a.txt
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I respect all women equally ( ships, boilers, chillers, trains, cranes, pickup trucks, conveyor belts, all pneumatic machines, all big burners, excavators, step-up transformers, elevators, and per my girlfriends suggestion powder actuated nail guns )
#technician moment#I love my job#big machines make brain go brrr#boilers and ships >>>#I respect all equally but I can’t say the same I terms of love#my girlfriend is on top of the list but boilers are pretty high up#I am but a boiler technician#electrical control panels are also gals btw#but just outside of the machine sphere so unfortunately I can’t include them#still they’re my special baby girls#personal#weird gay shit#butch
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Thought I'd finally draw the cousins together :]
Rand belongs to @rottedbrainz and Liv belongs to @palettepainter
After this Gabe caught them trying to put Randy in the dryer
Sleepover gone wrong 😞
#posie art 💐❤️#muppet oc#muppet ocs#muppets#muppet mayhem#the muppets#the muppets mayhem#the electric mayhem#Gabe#lets pretend that Randy hits massive growth spurts to explain the change in height between the pics 💀#being the oldest cousin (out of the three) is a full time minimum wage job#im making up stuff about their age differences correct me if im wrong 🧍
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Originally, I was just gonna go "nutrient paste" and call it a day, but since now I have drawn 621 drinking beer and having a mild interest in canned tuna...
I have decided it is immensely more amusing to me if Handler Walter just bought whatever random crap was the cheapest because he didn't give a shit about 621, but now he cares a nonzero amount and has to live with the psychic damage of 621's bizarre eating habits.
#“got a job for you 621 go get an electric kettle”#armored core 6#armored core vi#c4 621#handler walter#look up 1001 Sandwiches by Florence Cowles on archive.org if you want cursed sandwich ideas#she even has a sandwich filled with sandwich crusts
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Past Paradox Quaquaval that loses the Water-type in favour of a Dragon-type for no reason meanwhile Future Paradox Meowscarada that loses the Grass-type but gains a type that isn’t Electric or Steel
#honestly I love the fact that while the Future Paradox Pokémon all look like they should be Electric-Steel#half of them don’t have either of those types#meanwhile five Past Paradox Pokémon are part Dragon (Moon Koraidon and the Proto Beasts)#and the one time the Future Paradox Pokémon don’t have a rule#is also the one time the Past Paradox Pokémon actually know how to stick to a rule#and all three Past Paradox Pokémon with direct Future Paradox counterparts gain the Fighting-type#in all seriousness I think I’d prefer for them to keep their primary types over their secondary types#and I think Meowscarada would make most sense as a Psychic-type#Quaquaval idk honestly but definitely not Dragon#Quaquaval#Meowscarada#paradox pokémon#pokémon#shitpost#also just because this post is about a hypothetical Past Paradox Quaquaval#doesn’t mean I’d use it as an excuse to “fix” what I think is weird about Quaquaval’s design#I mean I don’t know how to feel about how big that beak is in comparison to the rest of its head but it’s still my second-favourite starter#I love when starter Pokémon have jobs but because this would be a Past Paradox Quaquaval I can unfortunately see the dancer part dropped#but because it’s such an integral part of the design I think it makes sense to keep it in some form#maybe just switch up the dance style#what’s the oldest known dance genre?#*looks it up* belly dancing Quaquaval anyone?
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Hi YanBan,
how ya been?
So I've been having a *hell* of a time this past... year. Year and a half? Two years? It's been hell! It's now a different kind of hell-but-becoming-unhell for the first time ever! I'm trying to move out of my house within a year!
AND I'M COMING BACK TO TUMBLR!
And I hope everyone and anyone reading this is doing far better!
#So much shit has gone down#I'm getting back to coding#I'm getting back to writing#I'm getting back into existing#Some relatives passed away so I'm no longer having to run up every few days for months or weeks on end to take care of em#I may be doing a career switch from IT to straight up electrical or CNC-ing because the IT job market is super fucked#All of my friends are getting married so I'm like. running between all of that helping them plan and calling people#My teeth are still fucked but I'm working on that slowly?? The dentist is frightened by my pain tolerance#Yanban's rambles
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