#until then oh my god i hate writing fight scenes welp

[ilikedumbknightsinlove]

Fic: A Dead Man’s Unrest (part 2) Gwaine/Lancelot

Canon-divergent fic where Morgana doesn’t have Shade Lancelot kill himself at the end of 4x09, but instead has Agravaine aid in his escape so that he can be beside her when she later invades Camelot to further taunt them.

PG-13 overall so far, for violence, threat and death. Warnings may be added to and rating changed in future (planning? sorry don’t know her)

Gwaine/Lancelot, with background Arthur/Gwen. This chapter takes place still in 4x12.

[Part 1]

Excerpt:

“It could be,” Morgana said, evidentially pleased by Gwaine’s outburst. Murmurs with amused and mocking tones started rising up from the men around them. “If you still insist on being loyal to your dear Lancelot despite everything he’s done, why don’t you show it to us? Fight for his life.”

 She pointed to the two soldiers who held Gwaine between them, swayed her finger for just a moment as she made her decision and then settled on the man to Gwaine’s left. The one who had the tighter grip on his arm. The soldier exhaled heavily through his nose and nodded. He let go of Gwaine, took a step to the side and drew his sword.

 “If you win this fight, Lancelot will live and I’ll send you down some food,” Morgana said. “If you lose, Lancelot will go back to the world of the dead using the same sword you failed him with. He’ll end himself stood right before you.”

---

  When Gwaine came round he was in one of Camelot’s dungeon cells with Gaius, his weapons and his chain mail gone. Not long after that Elyan was brought to them, unmoving and blood-soaked. His eyes were open but glazed and cold, staring straight ahead. They were the same empty eyes Lancelot had, and for a moment it made Gwaine fear that Elyan’s life had been taken and his body put under control as well. But soon Elyan’s eyes slid shut and his breathing steadied. Gaius bandaged the worst of his injuries with strips of cloth torn from the very thin bedding within their cell, but there was nothing else he could do.

  A pair of heavy footsteps approached, a key clicked dully in its lock and the cell door creaked as it was opened. One of Morgana’s men stepped inside.

  “You,” was all he said, reaching out to grab Gwaine’s sleeve and pull. Gwaine stepped forward with the motion and his arms were taken roughly (to make a point, Gwaine felt).

    “Oi!” Percival shouted and pounded a fist against the bars of his cell just opposite. The noise echoed off the walls, clanging together with the sound of the door being shut and locked.

  “I’ll be alright,” Gwaine managed to get out as he was marched quickly away, one soldier on each side of him. He didn’t put up any resistance as he was lead through hallways, which were dark and empty and so strangely unfamiliar, though he had walked them hundreds of times before. The invading army had taken down every piece of Pendragon insignia they could find and sealed the gates to cut the castle off from the town. When Gwaine was taken past some windows overlooking the courtyard he caught sight of a couple of fires burning. One looked like the flames were still consuming the remains of a large Pendragon flag.

  The last time Gwaine had seen a Pendragon emblem burn was Lancelot’s memorial...

  The throne room seemed wider, somehow, and taller. Far, far colder. Something in the air was different and it put Gwaine on edge. Candles were lit, throwing long flickering shadows upon the walls. The room was lined with Morgana’s men, all of them still indistinguishable to Gwaine. They all wore the same darkened armour, heavy black cloaks and a wrap around their head. Some were silent, some conversed quietly and hurriedly between themselves. All of them had their eyes on Gwaine.

  At the head of the room were the only three people who didn’t conceal their identities. There was Morgana, sat looking pensive and hard at the knight as he was brought to a stop in the middle of the room. To her left stood a man Gwaine didn’t know, who was tall and broad with thinly trimmed facial hair and a large sword strapped proudly at his waist.

  And to Morgana’s right was Lancelot. He had been ordered to kneel at her side. His eyes were like those of a statue, he was looking right at Gwaine but he didn’t appear to actually be seeing anything. There was no focus, no life to him.

  There had always been a particular way Lancelot smiled at Gwaine. The upturn of his lips was often slight, but the smile was mostly in his eyes. They went softer, warmer somehow, and Gwaine would often fancy that he noticed the lighter shades amongst the dark brown of Lancelot’s eyes when he smiled. Gwaine could still remember when he first noticed. It had been when they’d gathered for a first training session to start getting into the routine of being a knight. Gwaine had made an off-hand comment about how he supposed he could at least stick around until Arthur remembered to start charging them rent, and he’d looked up to see Lancelot smile. Lancelot hadn’t laughed, but he was smiling as though he were and it was certainly in his eyes. Gwaine had thought about how much he wanted to see that smile more. Looking back, he often thought that was the moment he had fallen for Lancelot.

  And now there was just nothing. No smile, no life, no colour to his eyes at all. Only darkness. Gwaine couldn’t even tell if that was Lancelot’s chest rising and falling or an illusion of the candlelight.

  He looked like a corpse propped up. That awful thought twisted its way into Gwaine’s mind like a parasite. He felt the same painful rise in his chest as he had done during all those night spent wrecked with grief in the months following Lancelot’s death. That same urge to let the despair consume him threatened to grow but somehow he swallowed it down.

  “Arthur is heading for Ealdor,” Morgana’s voice cut through the room. The sound of her soldiers muttering amongst themselves stopped and Gwaine felt the weight of their stares. There was a silence as Morgana watched him, smiling cruelly, leaning back into the Pendragon throne with a hand resting upon each arm.

  “Thanks for the update,” Gwaine said, after what felt like a far too long silence. “You could have just sent down one of your men with the message. If you think they’d remember.” He cast a glance at one of the soldiers who still held onto his arm. The man glared at Gwaine and his mouth twitched in irritation. Gwaine felt the grip on him tighten, the man’s fingers digging purposefully into his arm.

  “Passing on my thanks to Elyan will mean more coming from you,” Morgana replied and Gwaine clenched his jaw as anger cut through him. While his instinct was still to be reckless and let the adrenaline alone carry him, he resisted, weighing the odds to be incredibly out of his favour. There had been plenty of times where that might not have mattered. But those instances had never involved the lives of others he cared about.

  “Though as I recall, Ealdor is at least a day’s ride,” Morgana went on. “And it turns out subduing and taking over a kingdom is remarkably quick and easy once you have the resources. So now that the first fun part is over and we await the second, we have some time that needs filling with a bit of entertainment.”

  “I’m not really in the mood for telling jokes,” Gwaine said. “Though if you ask Sir Leon nicely enough he might do a poetry reading for you.”

  “Oh, Agravaine told me you were the joker. Though that’s not the precise way he put it.”

  Gwaine felt something cold sink into his stomach. He had never liked Lord Agravaine and did everything within his power to avoid him, though that was one of the few opinions he really kept to himself. But having his very off feelings about the man proven right still felt absolutely awful. Knowing how much Arthur had trusted and relied upon the man-

  If Agravaine worked for Morgana, was that how Lancelot had escaped his cell back then?

  Gwaine’s attention went from Morgana back to Lancelot as the question struck him, and it didn’t go without notice. Morgana shifted so that she could comfortably lean a little to her right and push her fingers through Lancelot’s hair.

  Don’t. Don’t you touch him!

  “They always go on about how the knights are some sort of brotherhood and deep bond,” Morgana said, idly stroking Lancelot’s head. “Though it’s interesting that you should still care for him so much, even after he betrayed you all.”

  “He did nothing!” Gwaine spat out and for a moment he couldn’t see. White hot rage burned up in his chest, flashed before his eyes and then tinged the edge of his vision. He tried to move forward but the two soldiers pulled him back. “Why him? What could Lancelot have done to you to deserve this?”

  “Him in particular?” Morgana looked down to Lancelot. She twirled one finger around his short curls and tugged, but Lancelot gave no response. “Nothing. But I remember when he first came here. He was so bright and noble and keen to serve. Adorable, really.” Morgana took a fistful of Lancelot’s hair this time and clenched her fingers. Again, Lancelot remained still. “He was the ideal man then and he is so even more now. He’s rather handsome, he’s quiet unless spoken to and what’s best is he will obey my every order without question.”

  Morgana’s fist unclenched and she settled her hand again in Lancelot’s hair. She looked at Gwaine again. The candlelight reflected the gleam of vicious joy in her eyes and her smile was wider as she went on. “He’ll ruin Guinevere’s relationship with Arthur because I told him to. He’ll betray his friends because I commanded it. He’d even kill himself right here if I said it was what I wanted.”

  Hot rage was suddenly replaced by cold hard dread. It swelled in Gwaine’s throat and for a moment he felt like his breath had been taken. His chest hitched painfully and something in his head buzzed as he instinctively reached for his sword but found his arms still restrained. But, he suddenly recalled with dread, he had no weapons anyway.

  “No!” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “Leave him! Is this what you brought me up for?”

  “It could be,” Morgana said, evidentially pleased by Gwaine’s outburst. Murmurs with amused and mocking tones started rising up from the men around them. “If you still insist on being loyal to your dear Lancelot despite everything he’s done, why don’t you show it to us? Fight for his life.”

  She pointed to the two soldiers who held Gwaine between them, swayed her finger for just a moment as she made her decision and then settled on the man to Gwaine’s left. The one who had the tighter grip on his arm. The soldier exhaled heavily through his nose and nodded. He let go of Gwaine, took a step to the side and drew his sword.

  “If you win this fight, Lancelot will live and I’ll send you down some food,” Morgana said. “If you lose, Lancelot will go back to the world of the dead using the same sword you failed him with. He’ll end himself stood right before you.”

  Morgana clicked her fingers. The other soldier who had escorted Gwaine from the dungeons unsheathed his sword and handed it over. Gwaine took it and found himself fumbling a little with the grip. His hands had become covered in sweat but he hadn’t noticed until that moment.

  “Has anybody told you what a vile cold serpent you are lately?” he said darkly through gritted teeth as he hurriedly passed the sword between his two hands so he could scrub his palms against the bottom of his shirt.

  “You say the sweetest things,” Morgana said. She still had her hand in Lancelot’s hair, mindlessly stroking her fingers back and forth like somebody petting a dog. “Don’t feel you have to though. I will remind you that Elyan is laying unconscious in a cold dark prison cell all because of Lancelot. His sister is banished and his mind was tormented almost to breaking point. You could always choose to let Lancelot fall to avenge your actual living friend.”

  “Stop touching him.” For a moment Gwaine considered turning his sword on Morgana instead, odds against him be damned.

  The burly man stood at Morgana’s left side seemed to pick up on Gwaine’s thoughts. He stepped forward, drew himself up tall and flexed tattooed arms as he rested one hand on the hilt of his sword.

  Alright then.

  Gwaine straightened, rolled his shoulders back to try and limber himself up. He felt stiff and tired, but he would just have to put that from his mind. Finally he turned away from Lancelot to face his opponent.

  “You want to get this over with?” he asked the soldier, getting a firm grip on his sword and lifting it just enough to give himself an idea of its weight. It was heaver than what he was used to, the balance didn’t quite agree with him. But he would just have to adjust.

  The man snorted and raised his sword ready.

  “You lot aren’t too talkative, are you?”

  His opponent was large but moved quickly. He went for Gwaine while he spoke, arching his sword into the air and then bringing it down heavily. The blade would have landed right between Gwaine’s eyes had he not been able to bring his sword up in time to block it. But it was close, far too close. The weight of the blow nearly made his knees buckle from under him and Gwaine felt his feet slide almost dangerously out of place as he shuffled to adjust his stance.

  Not even one night in the dungeons and it already felt like he was out of practice.

  “What would any of us have to say to a Knight of Camelot that wouldn’t be put better by passing a blade through his throat?” the man finally spoke to him. His voice was low but carried through the tall room. The sound of laughs and taunts started to echo from the high walls. “As soon as your entertainment value runs out, you’ll be dead anyway.”

  Gwaine managed to slide his right foot back enough to be able to push himself forward. There was the screech of blades before Gwaine dodged to the side and finally away from any immediate danger. He took a few paces back and then sunk into a more prepared stance, his weapon outstretched and ready.

  “Oh I’ve plenty of that, if that’s all you’re after.”

  The aim wasn’t to kill him, Gwaine realised, just defeat and humiliate. None of them would die unless it was specifically under Morgana’s orders. That meant his opponent wouldn’t be able to go all out as he might want to, but Gwaine didn’t have to grant any such courtesy in return.

  “You going to put that sword through my throat like you want to or not? I don’t have all night.”

  Gwaine saw his opponent’s nostril’s flare and his face deepen with a scowl. He had touched a nerve. Good.

  The man went for him again but this time Gwaine felt far more prepared. There was now that familiar rush in his heart which had carried him through so many fights before. The noises around him seemed duller, further away, and all he knew was the man before him. His mind raced, searching for anything he could use to get that one step ahead he needed for a victory.

  Gwaine met the attack and parried once, then again, thought he would for a third time, but the soldier swung his sword to the side and further downwards. The blade struck Gwaine in the leg, halfway up his thigh, and it stung.

  Putting his weight onto his other leg, Gwaine went forward in attack. He struck fast, first attempting to go for just below the man’s stomach where his armour stopped, then from the side, then the other, then he raised his weapon and brought it down. Gwaine lost track of his own movements after that. With every passing second his leg hurt even more. His hair was falling into his eyes and there was no time to push it back or even think about trying to toss his head. No matter where Gwaine tried to strike, no matter how fast, the man met his attack and pushed against it.

  After deflecting several strikes, his opponent parried and then barrelled into Gwaine, shoving against him hard with his shoulder. It caused Gwaine to start losing his balance. One hand came away from the grip of his sword and he felt his heart sink with dread as the weapon begun to slide from his grasp.

  The adrenaline rushed so fast he thought he could hear it screaming in his ears. Gwaine grabbed out as he begun to off-balance and managed to get a fistful of his opponent’s sleeve. He stumbled a little but found some footing, though a flash of pain from his leg seared through him. All he could do in the moment was grit his teeth through it as he kept enough of a hold on his sword to slash the blade into the back of the soldier’s leg.

  His opponent bellowed in pain and fury. Shouts erupted all around them. Gwaine tried to draw his weapon back so that he could hit again, but he wasn’t fast enough. Spitting a curse, the soldier raised his arm and struck Gwaine to the side of his head with the pommel of his sword. Darkness momentarily passed through Gwaine’s vision as he fell to the ground. He landed hard on his shoulder, scraping the side of his face upon the stone floor.

  There was a clatter as his sword dropped.

  His arm was throbbing with pain. There was a low groan, which he thought was coming from him but it seemed far away somehow. His vision was hazy, but he could see his opponent loom over him. There was candlelight reflected in the raised sword.

  Gwaine barely thought about it. He struck out one leg and landed a firm kick at the soldier’s ankles. It was his injured leg and moving it hurt like hell, but his opponent hadn’t expected it. He made a noise of surprise and Gwaine didn’t hesitate. He kicked out again, using both legs this time, landing another hit.

  His opponent swayed. Gwaine managed to grab his cape and yanked it to help leverage himself into more of a sitting position. As the man was unexpectedly dragged off-balance, Gwaine struck out his injured leg for a third time. He managing to sweep the man’s feet out from underneath him.

  Somehow the soldier didn’t fall on top of Gwaine, though for a dreadful moment he thought that would be exactly what would happen. He rolled to the side, only just managing to avoid the falling man and found himself facing the sword he’d dropped. Gwaine scrambled, grabbing the sword again and somehow managing to pull himself to his feet. He spun around and spotted the looser grip his opponent had upon his weapon.

  Gwaine swung his sword down to strike a blow to the man’s arm, making him let go of his weapon entirely. He kicked the sword away and stepped onto the man’s arm for good measure. His blade settled against the soldier’s throat.

  “It’s done!” Gwaine gulped through his own heavy breathing. It was all starting to hit him, the hot pain in his leg, the throbbing ache in his shoulder and the scrapes on his face. He was starting to shake, but kept the sword firm in his grip. He looked up, glaring at Morgana through the hair that had fallen into his face. “Good enough for you?”

  The room buzzed with noise. There were jeers at Gwaine and mocking taunts to his fallen opponent. Gwaine was aware of it all, but didn’t catch any of the words. His heart was pounding and his body ached. Though there was a lot of chatter around them, lots of shuffling about and pointing, Morgana sat unmoving. The man stood to her left had his arms crossed across his chest. He was smiling but there was something nasty about it which Gwaine couldn’t quite pin down.

  Lancelot was also unmoving, still knelt at Morgana’s side, and Gwaine felt his heart sink. There was still nothing.

  “You’re not going to finish the job?” Morgana asked, glancing down briefly at Gwaine’s defeated opponent. “I have no use for those who will fall so easily to Arthur’s toy soldiers.”

  “You put one life on the line.” Gwaine tried to gulp down the desperation he felt, but there was a waiver to his voice. “I won, as you asked, and if I see you touch him again I’ll run this sword through you myself!”

  The man to Morgana’s left hissed a curse as he started to draw his sword from it’s sheath. But before he could finish Morgana held out one hand to gesture for him to stop.

  “Helios! It’s alright, I think I can take down one of Camelot’s little gutter rats without your assistance.”

  Helios’ face twisted into a sneer at Gwaine, but he obeyed. “As you wish.”

  She turned and reached to twirl a finger through Lancelot’s hair again. “You see how hard he’ll fight for you?” She asked him, her voice mocking kindness. “Do you even remember who he is?”

  There was a moment as Lancelot looked Gwaine up and down.

  “No,” he said. A small frown crossed his face as he turned to Morgana. “Should I?”

  “I’ve told you everything you need to know,” Morgana trailed her fingers down the side of Lancelot’s face. “If you don’t recognise that man it’s because he’s nothing to you.”

  Lancelot’s expression settled. “Yes my Lady.”

  “No, Lancelot!” Gwaine couldn’t stand it. Forgetting about the fallen man at his feet, he started forward. “She’s lying to you, Lancelot, I-”

  He barely got three paces, painful limped paces, before Morgana lazily flicked her wrist and her eyes shimmered with fire. Something unseen but heavy hit Gwaine right in the middle of his chest, knocking the air from his lungs as he was thrown backwards like a leaf in the wind.

  Gwaine couldn’t help but cry out as he landed on the ground and struck the back of his head heavily against the cold stone. Bright sparks jolted across his vision and he tasted blood. He gasped for air as he coughed and couldn’t breathe.

  Before he knew it, they were on him. The nearest of Morgana’s soldiers descended to grab at Gwaine’s arms and his shirt to haul him to his feet. Somehow he had kept hold of his sword, but it was easily taken from him before his arms were twisted up behind his back. One of them even yanked at his hair as Gwaine was manhandled into a barely-balanced standing position.

  “Take him back to the dungeons,” Morgana ordered. “Send down the supplies in the morning. No sense in wasting resources if they won’t even live the night.”

  Gwaine called Lancelot’s name as he was dragged from the room. He tried to fight and resist, but could barely struggle against the three men who pulled him away. They forced him along, almost unbalancing him with every other pace, twisting his arms so hard he was sure they were trying to snap the bones. There was a hand gripping the back of his head to tug hard at his hair, and one of them even jabbed at the wound on Gwaine’s leg.

  Though he thrashed and shouted, Gwaine kept looking at Lancelot for as long as he could. He watched for something. <i>Anything.</i> Anything that might show, even for half a second, that his Lancelot was still there. Just the briefest glimpse of recognition.

  But though Lancelot never broke their eye contact he seemed entirely uninterested in the commotion Gwaine caused. His eyes were dark and empty. Not even the candlelight seemed to be reflected in them.

  Through the taunts being growled in his ears by the soldiers who forced him out of the room, and the mocking from those who watched, Gwaine still heard what Morgana told Helios as she gestured at the soldier he had defeated. The man was starting to pick himself up off the floor.

  “You can deal with him.”

  Helios withdrew his sword and advanced on the man. The soldier raised an arm over his face, then Gwaine saw nothing more as he was taken through the throne room doors into the darkened hallway.

  But he heard the pleading cries and how quickly they suddenly stopped.

---

  Food as well as some water and fresh bandages were sent down to the dungeons the next morning, just as Morgana had said. Elyan woke up a little before that, and sat solemn and quiet as Gaius changed the dirty torn cloth bandages for cleaner ones. The only thing to tend to the wounds with was a small bowl of water, but there was nothing which could be done about that.

  Gwaine still sat where he had fallen hours ago after being shoved back into the cell. He’d slumped against the wall and spent the rest of the night drifting in and out of a fitful sleep where he kept dreaming of Lancelot just out of his reach.

  After Gaius finished treating Elyan’s injuries, he shuffled over to Gwaine to bind the slash wound on his leg, having managed to save just enough bandage to do so.

  “What happened to you?” Elyan’s voice croaked as he broke the gloomy silence. “Did she…” a quiver to his words. “Did she also-”

  “No,” Gwaine said. “She had me fight one of her men. Wanted a bit of a show, so who am I to refuse?”

  Percival made a noise in the cell across from them. It was something that was both amusement and exasperation.

  “Did you see him?” Elyan asked, a troubled look settling in his eyes. “Lancelot. I’m sure it was him. He was with her! But he… I don’t know. It wasn’t right. When she…”

  Elyan stopped to take a gasp of air.

  “You should take it easy,” Gaius said quietly, settling a hand on Elyan’s shoulder.

  “No, I’m… I’m okay, it’s-” Elyan inhaled deeply through his nose before he went on. “But when she… when she used the Nathair on me, Agravaine and that other guy she was with, they both left the room. Lancelot remained but…” he shook his head. “It’s like he wasn’t even there. He didn’t react at all. I called to him, I tried to… he wouldn’t answer me.”

  “She’s controlling him,” Gwaine said. It hurt, finally having to speak what he knew. While it had only been in his head a part of him that could still refuse to believe that Lancelot was being twisted and used. Though what the alternative was he didn’t know. But, no, the others had to be told. “Everything Lancelot has done since he came back is because Morgana made him. It’s some sort of enchantment, got to be. You saw his eyes, they’re far too cold.”

  “The Isle of the Blessed,” came Percival’s voice. Gwaine turned so that he could face him. Percival stood at the door to his cell, his fists clasping the bars. Leon sat on the cot against the wall, staring at the floor and looking deeply disturbed. “You think… I mean, we never found his body. You think Morgana was there? Could she have taken him for all this time?”

  “No,” Gaius said. They all looked to him, he was sat perched on the cot of their cell next to Elyan. He sighed deeply and then explained; “I’m sorry, but Lancelot did die that day. He sacrificed himself to close the Veil, just as you know.”

  “Then how is he here now?” Elyan asked, leaning forwards though it seemed to pain him to do so.

  “He’s a Shade,” Gaius told them. “A deceased soul resurrected by necromancy. It’s a very dark and very very powerful magic. Once they’re brought back to the land of the living, they’re moulded to the will of their master and completely under their control.”

  So Lancelot had died that day. Gwaine slid down the wall a little more, feeling his head start to pound as he tried to take it all in. There had been that smallest spark of hope that perhaps Lancelot coming back meant they hadn’t really lost him. Somehow missing something and abandoning Lancelot to survive on his own for months was a dreadful thing, but surely Lancelot being lost was better than him being completely gone.

  But no.

  It had been true. Lancelot had died. Only to be stolen back and used as a puppet. Gwaine had known that Morgana was powerful and her intentions were dark but…

  “Then what… oh-” Elyan’s voice started to shake again as he broke the cold silence that had settled around them. “Oh, Gwen. So she… he did something. He must have done something to her! To make her- oh what have I done?”

  “I… I can’t be sure,” Gaius said. His hands awkwardly fiddled with his robe. “Merlin wasn’t able to- I don’t know what Lancelot’s actions were. Just that he’s under the control of a powerful magic.”

  “No, no he did,” Gwaine straightened as he remembered the previous night. “She told me. Morgana told me that Lancelot ruined Gwen and Arthur’s engagement because she ordered him to. She sent him back here all for that. Morgana must have had him do something to Gwen.”

  Elyan buried his face in his hands with a loud painful moan. “I should have known. I should have known something wasn’t right, why didn’t I realise?”

  Gwaine bit back against the feeling of cold dread that swelled up inside him. He had known. He had known that <i>something</i> was wrong with Lancelot from how he barely even cast a glance at Gwaine. Lancelot had spoken to them and smiled but only, Gwaine realised, when he’d absolutely had to. Otherwise he had kept silent and to himself, wanting nothing to do with any of them. And Gwaine had tried to put an excuse in his mind as to why that might be; that perhaps something happened to Lancelot which he didn’t want to talk about. Perhaps Lancelot even felt angry that they’d left The Isle of the Blessed without him. Maybe in the time it took for him to find his way home he didn’t love Gwaine any more, or even particularly like any of them.

  There had been something very wrong with Lancelot and Gwaine had known it. But he’d done nothing. And so-

  “None of us could have seen what would happen,” Leon said gently, trying hard to keep his voice even but Gwaine could tell he was trying to convince himself as much as anybody.

  “I’m her brother!” Elyan cried. “I should have believed her when she said she didn’t know what happened! I should have fought for her! I should have never allowed this to happen!”

  “Elyan,” Gaius reached out, though didn’t quite touch him. “Your wounds.”

  “I’m alright,” Elyan gasped, his chest heaving. “No. No, but. But if this is ever over, if Arthur manages to take Camelot back, I’m bringing Gwen home. She should have never been sent away, I don’t care what Arthur has to say about it!”

  Elyan’s words hung heavily in the air and nobody doubted him at all. Gwaine clenched his fist into the hem of his shirt and stared at a spot on the far wall.

  “And Lancelot?” he asked. “Is there a way- could we get him back?”

  Gaius shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, but I just don’t know.”

[fandomgodmother420]

Okay so I saw

This post ^^

And I was like

Wait wait wait okay okay hang on wait a damn minute-

Because this is cursed rite we all know this is cursed but somethin about it got me thinkin it got me thinking quite a lot and it’s the idea of Callahans character being deaf and like obviously the way it’s done here is bad but it got me thinking okay well what if you did it well? What if it wasn’t garbage? What if it became a super important part of the show?

I think I have a new favorite au now?

Okay listen listen let me explain right-Callahan would still be a side character to the side characters but first things first he’d talk using sign language and literally the first thing that he signs when people try and talk to him is that he’s deaf. He also wouldn’t be able to understand people who talk to him, they’d have to either sign, write something down, or be super expressive. (Ik a lot of deaf people read lips but I feel like in media with deaf people almost all the time they like fully rely on lip reading and their almost superhumanly good at it and idk I think it would be cool for a deaf character to just not lip read-hardly ever) so now the fact that he’s deaf isn’t just something that you can drop in interviews for brownie points. Still, he’s hardly ever there and he’s not really a part of the story and that’s just kind of annoying and for a while it seems like that’s just how it’s gonna be, just one background background deaf character who’s pretty cool but who we almost never get to see...

But the explosions that went off during the pogtopia manburg war where pretty fuckin loud

And Quackity was right on top of them. He might’ve lost a cannon life to them-it’s kinda up for debate but for the purpose of the au we’re gonna say he did, because losing a cannon life affects your body. Your body changes to suit how you died-you get scars from losing a cannon life.

Here’s where it gets good

One of the next episodes post war is 100% Quackity focused and he wakes up in a bed and he’s like welp lets just hope I’m not as bad off as Tubbo was. There’s no rustling noise when he moves the sheets and blankets to look at himself, at this point the viewer might realize there’s no music in the background either, there’s no ambient noises from outside. Quackity sees he doesn’t have visible scaring anywhere and he’s like that’s weird but good for me? I guess? He walks outside and his footsteps don’t make any noise. Tubbo runs up to him and starts talking-except he’s not making any noise either. His mouth is moving but there’s no sound coming out of it. Both quackity and the viewer are currently experiencing what’s going on in 100% silence and Quackity starts to panic. A scar would’ve been fine, a limb he can live without, but this??? He can’t hear! He can’t hear anything! Fuck is he supposed to do now?

He runs to Sapnap and Karl, they’re not dating yet but they make him feel safe and he doesn’t know where else to go or what to do and Sapnaps like “I know a guy” but neither the audience nor Quackity hears him say it. His mouth moves but again, no sound. Nothing. Still he makes it clear that he has an idea and that he’ll be right back. Mans fuckin books it to Callahan and after a bit of frantic gestures and sloppy sign language because ya know of course Sapnap did try to learn sign to talk to Callahan at some point he just doesn’t practice nearly enough, Callahan comes over to Quackity and starts teaching him and Karl ASL and gives Sapnap a much needed review course.

That’s it. That’s the episode. An entire episode that’s 100% silent with no subtitles, that’s just Quackity learning how to function without being able to hear. In the places where Callahan can’t help Sapnap and Karl come in. Tubbo gets in on it too since he’s deaf in one ear ever since the festival. (Quackitys like damn cheif I didn’t even kno that and Tubbo admits to thinking it was just him being in shock for a long time until a bee flew around his ear for 20 minutes straight a week after the festival had happened and he didn’t know it was there until Tommy asked if he was gonna name it.) Quackity learns how to talk when he can’t hear himself speaking, how to read lips, what music is like when you can’t hear it, how to speak sign language, all that jazz.

One of the things about being deaf that scares the shit out of Quackity is not being able to hear people sneaking up on him and Tubbos like “oh you need a spotter” and Quackity makes it clear that he has no idea what the fuck that means. So Tubbo explains “a spotter, I don’t know if they actually have a different name but I call them that cuz they cover your blind spot. They’re like your eyes and ears where you don’t have any. That way nobody can sneak up on you.” If the audience is particularly observant they’ll realize that ever since the festival Tommy has always stood on Tubbos right, witch is where Tubbo had gotten scarred. (Later on after Tommy’s exiled Quackity and sometimes Fundy become the ones to cover Tubbos right, but Tubbo is more clearly on constant high alert than he used to be. On a few days like the one before the capturing techno and the one before the second festival he’s straight up jumpy and he hates it) So Quackity of course has a lot of questions is this is pretty important. “well how do I know who I should get to be my spotter? Do they need like training or something? Should I just get a service dog? ???” And Tubbos like “No. Well-maybe that’s the proper way to do it but I’d just go with someone I trust my life with-whoever makes you feel safest, go with that” and Sapnap and Karl start laughing like idiots because Quackity IMMEDIATELY grabs them-like Tubbos barley finished his sentence and Quackitys like ah yes

The hardest part is preserving Quackitys ability to speak Spanish, because he’s the only one who knows it so Karl Sapnap and Tubbo can’t tell him weather he’s pronouncing it right or not and none of them know Spanish sign language. Hell Karl and Tubbo didn’t even know Spanish sign language existed until that day. After a bit of panicking Sapnap is like “wait I know a guy” and Quackity can actually tell what he’s saying this time. (Woo parallels) So sapnap and Co. go to George who’s king now and has access to all of Erets king stuff. Turns out Erets castle has a whole shelf of translation guides for different languages and their sign language counterparts. She kept them for diplomacy reasons. It’s much harder to learn without Callahan teaching it, but progress is made and the gang decides they’ll keep working on learning it together. There’s still the problem of Quackity not being able to speak Spanish though, they end up going with does Quackity sound like how he normally does rn? for figuring out if he’s pronouncing things right. Karl and Sapnap are surprisingly good at being able to tell.

But here’s the best part rite:

So after this episode Quackity, Karl, Sapnap, Tubbo, and obvs Callahan all know sign language-they don’t all know it perfectly nobody’s gonna master it in a day but they’re working on it. And so now in later episodes in addition to the gang talking in sign language a lot when they’re the focus of a scene, you can make them talk to eachother in sign language while other stuff is going on!! No subtitles to translate or draw attention to it, some people might not even notice its happening, but if you watch them you can see them signing to eachother. You could add so many convos and lore and secrets and the best part is if the audience wants in on it they also have to learn sign language!!

Literally just-oh my god it would be the coolest thing okay like immagine:

Ranboos doing his dramatic speech to everyone. Y’all know the one-the one before doomsday after Tommy gets out of exhile. So like Ranboos doing his bit and Fundy and Nikki are arguing with him and :0! what’s this? Look in the background and Tubbo and Quackity are signing to eachother, Quackitys angry and Tubbo is somehow angrier and you watch them more closely to see what the hell is going on and realize (with your sign language knowledge)-they’re fighting about executing Ranboo.

LIKE HOW FUCKING COOL WOULD THAT BE HOLY SHIT

Anyways I have so many headcannons for this now I think it’s the coolest thing if there’s like a tag? Or something? For this thatd be so fuckin cool if there isn’t I feel like I should make one but idk what to call it ion know man I just think this is poggers as hell. To think it all sprung from someone making a DreamSMP as a garbage riverdale show joke

[drops-of-moonlights]

I LOST THE FUCKING ASK FOR THIS BECAUSE THIS IS A FUNCTIONAL WEBSITE, but to the anon that asked me which out of the 6 Winx I don’t like? The answer’s Flora.

Well, that’s not completely accurate. Sometimes I like her. But by and large she’s definitely my least favorite of the main girls, and is the one character that just frustrates me most of the time.

Being fair to my own biases, over the years I’ve grown bored and annoyed with the stock Kind And Shy character archetype, so of course I wouldn’t be as fond of Flora as I was as a kid (tho even as a kid I wasn’t really super into her either), but as the seasons moved on, I found myself getting even more annoyed with her.

Outside of her being the absolute flattest characterization-wise of the entire main cast a good 90% of the time, being reduced to “flower mom”, Flora also ends up as a hypocrite and on accident, constantly giving (often unwanted) relationship and communication advice for the girls when a) she’d rather ask the new girl in the group to stalk her crush, up to and making her commit breaking-and-entering to dig info on the dude instead of ATTEMPTING to initiate a normal human conversation, and b) instead of actually talking with her boyfriend about the jealousy she felt when seeing him with a childhood friend of his or actually talking with said girl to establish some sort of boundaries, she decided to just sit still, hope that everything is sorted out on its own, and when it wasn’t fixed by a miracle she was like “welp we’re over. nothing to do about it”. And this wouldn’t be an issue in other situations! It’s a good character flaw! But it’s not PRESENTED as a character flaw but a virtue of hers, and that’s what bothers me.

On top of that, as much as Flora and Helia are flauntered as the perfect couple, they never actually attempt to show that. For starters, we never see them ACTUALLY spend time as a couple until Season 5, when they started dating at the end of Season 2. Of course it helped that Helia simply Does Not Exist in S3, but even in S4 they didn’t have many moments that aren’t also shared with the other couples, and the few they did have on their own, they weren’t the best, mostly arguing about Musa and Riven’s break-up. And the reason I make this point, despite already hearing people be like “but Drops isn’t that true of all non-Skoom/MuRi couples?” the answer is no! It’s actually not! Brella and Tecmmy get completely separate scenes that are just about them throughout the series, however small. Florelia doesn’t get them as often.

I already pointed out the issues she had relationship-wise in S5, but HOO BOY WERE S6 AND S7 WORSE ON THAT. S6 had her be angry with Helia because he was almost murdered by a plant and thinking he was not reliable to do even the most basic tasks she asked him to do, while Helia was angry with Flora for not bothering to explain said tasks. S7 gave us the epitome of the terrible writing, as during that season Flora is 2 steps away from murdering Helia due to the simply act of existing. Throughout the season she’s constantly bothered by his presence, blames most of the minor mishaps on him even when he wasn’t present, and the less we talk about their clashes regarding how to raise the pure being that is Amarok, the better. THEY MADE SKOOM SEEM A PERFECTLY STABLE COUPLE. S K O O M

I admittedly don’t remember much about S8 (waiting for the Latin Spanish dub to drop to do a full rewatch), but they also made a point of marking them as the perfect couple in the same episode they almost break up because they were angry the other decided to support Musa/Riven instead of Riven/Musa, the other party obviously in the wrong.

Even with this, I do give her a small amount of slack because bad romance writing affects all non-Tecmmy couples, so it’s not something completely unique to her, but the show trying to give Flora/Helia the perfect couple status despite clear evidence to the contrary is why I don’t cut her too much slack.

I also don’t like how Flora’s referred to as the second-strongest Winx after God-Power-Infused Bloom despite how often she’s the first girl to get knocked the fuck out in a fight, and even when she doesn’t get out first, she never does anything meaningful for the fight either, not even act as healer or other forms of meaningful support. Flora tends to simply use one (1) spell, see it fail, and be like “well my job’s done y’all deal with it”. And that’s if she’s not fighting anything nature-related after S2, in that case she will willingly put herself between the thing they’re fighting and the rest of the Winx’s attacks, even when the enemy is actively trying to kill her. And sure, this isn’t unique to her and more of the stock Plant Lover Activist trait, but when it happens every single episode, as with S5 or S7, it gets grating really fast and ends up seeming as an excuse for her to not actually do anything at all.

And even with all this I WOULD be willing to enjoy and even like Flora if she had any significant subplots, but oh, what do we have here? She has absolutely nothing outside of her relationship with Helia and her power over plants. Nothing! Because Flora’s entire personality (what little she has, at least, even with the previous ranting) is entirely about plants, and nothing else. She doesn’t get anything else going on for her, no subplots about overcoming her supposed shyness, no subplots about her relationship with the girls outside of the generic friendship she has with everyone that isn’t Bloom or Aisha, not even any meaningful subplots about ANYTHING ELSE she might like! The girl doesn’t even have hobbies outside of her plants! And sure, Tecna and Musa suffer from the same but at least they get stuff outside of it. The closest thing Flora has to any kind of subplot is her strained relationship with Miele, and that’s only because SHE HERSELF strained it via her sudden distrust for her little sister’s agency.

I feel like I have to reiterate that I don’t hate her, but god, she’s one of the biggest wastes of potential in the franchise, and what bothers me more, with all this I’ve said already, is how everyone in-universe praises her, how she’s the canon’s Golden Child that does no wrong. Flora is the perfect fairy, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect everything.

Whenever people talk about completely-perfect characters that never get confronted on anything and when they do the other party’s wrong, they shouldn’t herald Bloom as the main example.

The main example is Flora.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #214 & #215

Mon Sep 9 2019 [01:29 AM] Wack'd: OH GOD YOU CAN SEE BEN'S RIBS. WHY. HOW

[01:31 AM] Wack'd: Johnny decides that if an aging ray could make them old he just needs to find a supergenius to build a de-aging ray to make them young [01:31 AM] Wack'd: Seems simple, sure, just find someone on Earth who can cure old age [01:31 AM] Wack'd: That won't break the setting at all [01:32 AM] Bocaj: Endgame Hulk intensifies [01:32 AM] Wack'd: Jarvis is a good

[01:32 AM] Bocaj: I do like Jarvis [01:32 AM] Wack'd: (He can't be that allergic to nuts, he lives with a half-dozen of 'em) [01:34 AM] Bocaj: HAH [01:34 AM] Wack'd: HOLY SHIT THIS HELICARRIER DESIGN. GLORIOUS

[01:34 AM] maxwellelvis: Bean [01:34 AM] Bocaj: Why does it have a handle [01:35 AM] Wack'd: This is what you want. The underside seems hostile to the concept of landing and there's huge deadly propeller blades giving off massive gusts of wind where people are walking around and launching planes [01:35 AM] maxwellelvis: And it looks like it's got a giant metal- [01:36 AM] Wack'd: There's a dong yeah [01:36 AM] Bocaj: I didn't want to say dong but yeah [01:36 AM] Wack'd: Anyway Tony is taking care of a radioactive waste problem and the decontamination procedure takes 25 hours so he's out [01:37 AM] Wack'd: Not like everyone's in stasis. Definitely a real ticking-clock situation [01:37 AM] Bocaj: Writer of this book: "Fuck the shared universe" [01:37 AM] Wack'd: In fairness if you look to the Marvel Cinematic Universe you get the opposite situation where it seems like everyone's just too stupid to call each other [01:38 AM] Wack'd: "Everyone's conveniently indisposed" is a good answer that keeps the main characters centralized [01:38 AM] Wack'd: If you have the space to spare. I'm not asking for every MCU movie to have a scene where they call up all the other heroes and get sent to voicemail [01:40 AM] Wack'd: So anyway Johnny decides to ask if anyone on Xandar has a fix. Answer: no. Also: we're in the middle of a war, please call back later [01:40 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is about to give up when he's attacked by SKRULL X! [01:41 AM] Wack'd: Skrull X has all Super-Skrull's powers. Since Super-Skrull is dead at the moment [01:41 AM] Wack'd: He's a fairly transparent substitution [01:43 AM] Wack'd: I have to say that this is remarkably well set up? They established this dude was here before the aging ray even appeared. Weird to see this level of long-term planning

[01:44 AM] Wack'd: Skrull X is dead now. Bye Skrull X. [01:44 AM] Wack'd: You would think a dude with Johnny's powers would be more fireproof but I guess not [01:47 AM] Wack'd: Anyway with the aging ray in hand, Johnny wakes Reed up so he can use the rest of his strength figuring out how to reverse it. Last time we saw him he was at deaths door but I guess now he's ambulatory enough to make this work [01:49 AM] Wack'd: This is a good scene. Keeps Johnny central to the plot and lets him expand his range. Can't solve everything by brute force. Or brute heat I guess

[01:51 AM] Bocaj: I admire how they make welding dramatic [01:51 AM] Bocaj: I'm not being facetious [01:51 AM] Wack'd: Welp

[01:51 AM] Bocaj: In greenest day, in darkest night [01:51 AM] maxwellelvis: "It's working! My gray is going away gradually!" [01:52 AM] Wack'd: It is not, in fact, working [01:53 AM] Wack'd: Holy shit dude

[01:54 AM] maxwellelvis: Marv's just warming up. [01:54 AM] maxwellelvis: Wait until he writes for the Titans, then you'll see primo angst. [01:55 AM] Wack'd: So of course, it did actually work. It just took a while. [01:56 AM] Wack'd: (Given that the aging ray took three days to kill them, it's definitely a little weird that he expected instant results, but patience has never been Johnny's strong suit) [01:57 AM] Wack'd: Awwww

[01:57 AM] maxwellelvis: Yaaayyyy [01:59 AM] Wack'd: WE HAVE BEEN SPARED THE RAVAGES OF TIME

[01:59 AM] maxwellelvis: And so the Comic Book Stasis... begins [02:00 AM] Wack'd: A good way to commemorate...uh...milestone issue 214? Anniversary year 19? I've got nothing

[02:02 AM] Wack'd: Anyway I guess that's it for tonight. Nice to end on a story-ending note [02:02 AM] Bocaj: When they cheer at the screen, who are they cheering at in universe? [02:03 AM] maxwellelvis: Us [02:03 AM] Wack'd: @Bocaj : HERBIE [02:03 AM] maxwellelvis: Doop [02:06 AM] Bocaj: Fair enough

Mon Sep 9 2019 [04:37 PM] Wack'd: This one has Blastaar. From ish 62. He's a negative man from a Negative Zone [04:37 PM] Wack'd: Gotta keep recycling z-listers I guess [04:37 PM] maxwellelvis: He hates both Annihilus and the Four. [04:38 PM] Wack'd: So we open in media res! Professor Randolph James' lab blew up but the Four contained the blast [04:38 PM] Wack'd: Reed warns Prof James to take his very dangerous work more slowly and use more safeguards. What is that work? *shrug* [04:38 PM] maxwellelvis: And I'd say he's about a B-lister at most. He's crossed paths with the X-Men, Thor, and Hulk, since then. [04:40 PM] Wack'd: Ben objects to eugenics

[04:40 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Four hurry back to the Baxter because an alarm just went off [04:41 PM] Wack'd: Ah yes, experimental scientists, well known for their immense wealth

[04:42 PM] Wack'd: Back at the Baxter--Blastaar! Fight fight fight [04:43 PM] maxwellelvis: I guess that's a reason for a bunch of Hell's Angels to start bullying a scientist. [04:43 PM] Wack'd: Well that's concerning

[04:43 PM] Umbramatic: oh [04:44 PM] Wack'd: Anyway they lose track of Blastaar in the sewers and give the Avengers a courtesy heads-up [04:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh no! It's a supervillain origin story!

[04:45 PM] Wack'd: *siiiiiiigh*

[04:46 PM] Wack'd: 🎵 Guess what I'm a Watcher now 🎶

[04:47 PM] maxwellelvis: GOOD LORD! GIGANTISM! [04:47 PM] Wack'd: And then he turns the neighborhood toughs into mice with his mind [04:49 PM] Bocaj: Why did he choose to wear a toga? [04:49 PM] Wack'd: Look it's the ultimate in human clothes evolution [04:49 PM] Wack'd: Also this is a cliffhanger. Reed doesn't see James do this so he's like "come back to the lab to run some tests" and James is like "you're my only friend so yeah sure" and then we cut outside and the toughs are mice [04:49 PM] maxwellelvis: It's like, half-toga, half-wrestling trunks [04:50 PM] Wack'd: THE ULTIMATE IN HUMAN CLOTHES EVOLUTION

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Episode 4: Take Us Back except I’M DEAD INSIDE [Despair Route]

Episode 4: Take Us Back I’M DEAD INSIDE [Despair Route]

..............No.

Just

No.

To everything. 

I’m still fuming after episode 3. 

Where the fuck did James go, anyway? Did he fly off the boat? 

Welp, the big Lilly scene. Let’s see what all the hype is about.

oh okay

I’ll just forget about the fact that you kidnapped my boyfriend and friends after murdering my best friend Mitch, then proceeded to cut out my boyfriend's tongue, cut off Violet’s finger, then murdered James. 

Let bygones be bygones.

No Lilly

You ARE evil.

What you did was evil. And if I weren’t on the despair route, I would’ve shot you in your lying fucking ratass face. 

AAAAAAAND it’s over. 

I’m am so happy that letting James die amounted to a two-second conversation with Lilly. So. Worth. It. 

Oh wait

NO IT’S FUCKING NOT

ARE YOU JOKING

DO YOU THINK ME A FOOL??

I knew it was bad. I knew letting Lilly live didn’t mean shit. Now she gets to flow down the river and live the rest of her life doing who the fuck knows. 

Hell, I bet she DOES run into David and live a happy little life with all her livid children.

Because at this point, why not.

What I said: “I hope you find peace, Lilly.”

What I meant: “I HOPE YOU CATCH ON FIRE AND BURN TO DEATH BUT THE DAMAGE DOESN’T REACH YOUR BRAIN SO YOU STILL TURN INTO A WALKER AND LIVE THE REST OF ETERNITY STUCK BETWEEN A HELL OF LIFE AND DEATH.”

BITCH

I fucking askdjaksjdalksjdlkajsdlkaaaaaaaaaaa-

The opening credits haven’t even opened and I’m already this pissed off. 

I know it probably wasn’t in the budget or they didn’t have time to give us something substantial with letting Lilly live but fucking hell. If I have to sacrifice James, at least let me have a real final battle with Lilly. Let me have the option to bash her head in with a saltlick. Give me something! 

AAAAAAAAHHDHDJLKSJLKJSLKSJSLK

......

Louis just..... makes me want to cry.

I’m serious, I have never felt so awful looking at Louis and knowing what I did to him. 

The number of pictures of Louis smiling and being cute that I’m going to have to look at to cope with this nonsense jfc.....

...

....Really.

That’s it, Vi?

“Lou...”

That’s ALL you have to say.

I

You

Not even a hug. Nothing. Nope, we gotta talk about Minerva some more because clearly, she’s so much more important.

 Fuck Minerva, Violet!

 Again, if she were fully in character, she would’ve hugged Louis and not given a shit about Minerva. 

AND YOU’RE STILL CONCERNED ABOUT HER

“What the fuck is she doing? She’s going to get herself killed!”

VIOLET

THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY TIMES I CAN SCREAM AT YOU TO FORGET ABOUT MINERVA

oh huh

Louis is still the one to fall over in the cart

Don’t know why I find that interesting but I do?

Aw fuck

I don’t get to see him again until the ending. 

Well that’s just.... depressing. 

Have I mentioned how much I hate this route?

wtf has Tenn’s voice always been this deep? Why am I just noticing this now?

Thanks. I hate it. 

Okay. Okay okay okay. 

I will give it this. 

I like the scene with Clementine and AJ. With James dead, and with the choices I’ve made up to this point, it has a way more serious, almost quiet tone to it. With James, it’s all anger and panic when he tries to take AJ away, but here...... I don’t know. With James I’ve gotten to the point where the cave scene is so wild that I can do nothing but laugh all “Yeah, yeah, James, calm your shit and quit pacing, you look foolish.”

But here.... This choice:

Is suddenly more heartbreaking now that I have to basically ruin AJ’s confidence in himself after he opened up to Clem in a way he never has before. In my eyes, this is just.... such a negative impact on their relationship. I mean, I get it. No one wants AJ to be a killer, or to like killing or whatever but.... still. 

And, on top of that, this choice cements Violet’s fate and I hate that. 

This whole route fucks Violet over in every way possible. Not only do I romance Louis and spend all my time with him, but the only reason I saved her was so that Louis won’t die in the end. Then, I let Ey Yo cut her finger off, she went through all that stupid nonsense with Minerva, and how she’s going to die to save Tenn’s life. 

Fuck everything about this. 

The being said... I fucking miss Louis. 

“I like Aasim.” 

Hahahahaha okay, the way AJ said that made me laugh.

Hi Violet........... 

Also, funny how Tenn also runs up to hug Violet but he doesn’t do that with Louis. I know he and Violet are way closer, so it makes sense, but with Louis he’s just “Oh it’s just Louis.... Guess I’ll join in the hug, too.” Hahaha 

What’s less funny is how Violet doesn’t say shit about Louis. 

Louis at least mentions that Violet’s eyes aren’t infected but Violet’s just got.... nothing. I want to know how he’s doing. Ugh. 

I don’t blame Violet for this, I blame the writing. Because AGAIN. If she were kept in character, she would’ve mentioned him. 

Hell, CLEMENTINE should’ve asked because, y’know, he’s kind of her boyfriend??? 

But what do I know. 

I don’t know nothin’ about these characters. 

God, I miss Louis. 

Well, at least Violet knows she was an idiot about Minerva. 

PFFFFTT-

“Welcome to Happy Sunshine Land! Here’s Mayor Violet!”

“NO I HATE IT”

Oh Vi...... managing to make me laugh seconds before chaos erupts...

Oh fuck

oh fuck

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

nope

nope 

nope nope nope nope

....

....

....

That

I fucking loathe that. 

Seeing and hearing it.

I had to take a break and come back to this. I’m sorry, but that is just so wrong. It’s wrong! I love you Tenn, and damn it, you’re ending better blow my fucking mind after having to sacrifice Violet to see it but.... No. 

Violet shouldn’t be the one who died on the bridge. 

It’s not even a long scene, but it fucking feels like it is. 

They rip Violet apart and going back to look at it, she’s still fighting them as she falls and they just cover her. 

Fuck Minerva. 

I have nothing for her. 

I hope in whatever afterlife there is, Violet kicks her ass all the way down to the fiery pits of hell. 

And Clementine just..... Sad face for two seconds and then we’re off. 

We don’t even really mourn her. We mourn Tenn for a moment when AJ’s shoots him, but Violet’s dead and Tenn’s in shock and AJ slaps him, says Violet died for him, and they go.

I fucking-

ugh

UGH

And Clem’s bit

I hate everything

However, one thing that I DON’T hate is playing as AJ. I LOVE playing as AJ during the barn scene. 

I had to take another break after the flashback scene. I still can’t believe I’ve watched both of those Clementine and AJ scenes over a hundred times and it still manages to make me tear up every time I go back to play. 

Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, let’s see what this ending has to offer. 

CROSS THAT HEART SHIT OUT

Violet deserved so much more than Minerva. 

...Wait.

Tenn never made it back to the school?

Okay, I get it. So, basically, he was ashamed after what happened and went back to find Violet and Minerva. I like how he realizes how “naive” he’s been throughout this whole thing and that he doesn’t want to be the reason someone dies again, that he wants AJ to teach him everything he knows. Which, in my personal opinion, is the right answer. Telling him to keep being an artist without learning from his mistakes, without teaching him better and smarter ways of survival just lets Violet die in vain. 

I’m also thankful that they didn’t make me see Violet as a walker. I mean, fuck everything about her death but... I would’ve flipped my shit again if I had to see that. 

RUBY

Oh Take Us Back..... why ya tryin’ to make me cry again....

Ruby and Aasim are holding hands and the small bit of hope makes me feel a little bit better. 

LOOK AT HIM

My beautiful boy........

I am never ever doing another playthrough without romancing and saving Louis ever again.

Even now that we’re into the “happy” ending, it still feels wrong. 

Still annoyed that nothing is said about Violet. 

Nothing. 

“It’s been a week tho they’ve already mourned her blah blah blah” I don’t fucking care.

Louis....

Louis places the note on the table so gently.....

Okay. The clouis scene is cute. It’s really cute. But it doesn’t make up for all the shit I had to do to get it myself. 

BUT... I won’t get into too much because I’ve made posts about this, but I don’t like how happy and neatly wrapped up everything’s portrayed as. I want a real reaction out of Louis- who, btw has now lost two of his best friends, has been shot, was kidnapped, was traumatized after having his tongue cut out, who will never talk again and will never sing again, and saw his girlfriend come back to the school without her leg after being bitten and on the brink of death, and thought Tenn was dead on top of all that- rather than............... happy. 

I still love the scene, but if you asked me when this takes place without any context, I would’ve told you a year at the least. 

...

I’m not gonna lie: I’m a fucking mess. 

I don’t know if I can say that I hate this ending, because really, it’s the same ending with a few changes. 

But I hate that Violet is dead. I hate what happened to Louis. I hate that I had to sacrifice Violet [and in a way Louis] in order for Tenn to live. I hate that James is dead. I FUCKING HATE THAT LILLY IS ALIVE OUT THERE. 

In conclusion: FUCK ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT THE DESPAIR ROUTE

The Good: I got to see scenes and interactions I never have before. It was cool hanging out with Violet for once. She made me laugh a couple times. Tenn’s ending is good. The cute clouis scene with the note is sweet.

The Bad: Literally everything else. Fuck letting Louis get captured, fuck letting Lilly live, fuck letting James and Violet die. Fuck not trusting AJ and adding damage to the relationship between him and Clementine. FUCK THE BOAT SCENE OF VIOLET CARING MORE FOR MINERVA THAN LOUIS. FUCK NOT GETTING TO SMOOCH AND SEE MY BOY’S FACE. FUCK LILLY, FUCK MINERVA, FUCK THIS ROUTE.

Again, I... don’t have any real words for the feelings this route brought me. 

Just.... mad. 

I’m mad. And sad. And dead.

I just need a minute to stop being dead inside.

I’m gonna need to read so much fluff after this jfc....

[rigginsstreet]

what changes would you have made in st season 3? briana essay writing skills COMMENCE :)

*REALISTIC changes lol

first of all, in the words of the late great biliam hargrove: nobody tells me what to do.

second of all, the fucking stupid ass music number that got my mens killed is absolutely going the fuck in the garbage can where it belongs

i really didnt have a lot of problems with this season as far as what everyones individual plots where. like, i LOVED joppers arc (until the fucking end), i liked jancys (though i feel like they really didnt do a lot in terms of it. i thought we were gonna get way more in terms of the sexism nancy faced at work. it just... felt weak. and all we saw from jonathan was him developing his pictures. i just needed... more)

im not interested in the kids so whatever they were doing i couldnt care less about BUT i will say will shouldve been more involved with the mindflayer stuff like... besides the whole neck tingles business (mindflayer asmr) he really took a back seat and that just.... doesnt make any sense to me.

instead of that fuck ass billy and karen nonsense that time shouldve been used at the beginning to actually SHOW us max and billys development and where they stood as siblings rather than just shoehorning in her crying about him once he was possessed. 

and dustin being away from the party still makes no sense to me. i know everyones got a hardon for steve and dustins bromance but im not one of them and that entire subplot in itself was the most boring thing to me this season like i truly could not have cared less about that about that either. and honestly now reflecting back on it.... the whole notion of a secret russian facility being under the mall and these dopey ass kids just stumbling into it is so hokey but whatever

billy and eleven absolutely needed more scenes. i was fully expecting to have like... a deeper connection between the two of them. i was expecting for us to get eleven going into billys mind and being able to actually talk to him and interact with him and us seeing that billy was struggling trying to fight this thing inside him that he has no fucking clue what it is and hes so scared. speaking of which, i was also expecting to see scenes of billy at home struggling with trying to keep this a secret because he has no idea whats happening to him. like... dacre fucking crushed it with all the acting he did showing us how billy was struggling in such subtle manners, dont get me wrong. but i think we needed more of that on a bigger scale for his ending to have any actual payoff.

also the fact that you have billy being possessed, living in a house with an abusive father, and we got NOTHING of that ?? what ??? bad call. BAD call.

and the season needed more focus on the fact that billys just a kid in all this. hes a PERSON. i’ll keep ranting about this but the fact that NO ONE tried to figure out a way to help him.... it was literally just “is he the mindflayer? welp. gotta kill him now i guess”. so gross. like even the people who hate billy and are still like “are we supposed to feel bad for him?” I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT HE’S A HUMAN BEING AND HE DOESNT DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE JUST BECAUSE HE WAS MEAN SOMETIMES! THATS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS TIFFANY! but anyway

the fact that steve just rammed into billys car and left him to die in a fiery blaze.... is so out of character to me? lmfao like literally all you needed to do was have steve ram into his car and then notice its billy and have a typical steve harrington freak out like “oh my god. OH MY GOD?” wouldve loved to see SOMEONE struggle with the fact that yeah everybody hates billy but like... you cant just let him die ??? lmfao that is truly the most infuriating part of this entire season. just...nobody fucking cared. even if only for max’s sake. nobody fucking cared it was her brother going through all this. trash. all of them. it also wouldve been nice to see billy apologizing to steve and lucas in his final moments too like nobody rushed down to console max? lmfao okay.... fake ass friends

im also upset that hopper dies after being away from eleven the entire season like.... ugh. like i said, i loved joppers arc and their scenes (along with billys) are by far and away my favorite this season but...it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth the way hopper went out. i mean, his death overall does feel wrapped up like i think the duffers handled it a helluva lot better than they handled billys but...the fact that hopper was the first parent el had that treated her right and took her in and gave her a home and stability... and they barely had any time together leading up to his death... i dont like it.

also the whole flayed plot went pretty much nowhere like..... all these people get infected or whatever just to be led to their deaths to turn to goo and like.... oh... kay ??? the trailer made it seem like they were some type of zombie agents idk i expected something more chaotic to take place. what we got just felt anticlimactic to me.

this season as a whole just left me wanting more. and not in the “oh i cant wait for season 4!” way. but in the way “couldnt yall have done something else with your time?” way. i think this season really couldve benefited from having one or two extra episodes. or maybe even just longer episodes. AND WITH THE TIME YALL DID HAVE WE DIDNT NEED BILLY AND KAREN AND FUCKING MUSICAL NUMBER THE END

OH! and the mayor kline shit.... what? that shit felt like it went nowhere too like...that definitely needed to be explored more. i dont even remember what is reasoning was to be in bed with the russians. wasnt it just about money? like.... he wasnt even really involved ? the fuck was that about. no bueno. 

but most importantly billy should have been at scoops to taunt steve about his sailor uniform if the duffers had just given me that i could forgive everything else but they didnt so here we are the end

AND I STILL MAINTAIN STEVE SHOULDVE BEEN MORE INVOLVED IN BILLYS PLOT CONSIDERING HE WAS LIKE THE ONLY PERSON BILLY REALLY INTERACTED WITH IN S2 BUT OH NO, THE DUFFERS CANT LET PEOPLE KNOW GAY MEN EXIST. imma stop.... imma stop.

[takerfoxx]

The Rise of Skywalker Review

All right, new year, new decade, and all that jazz. Now, I do have a few things I wanna say about reflecting back on where I was and where I am now, personal growth and all that, but first, I have some major I need to get out of my system, something that’s been eating at my mind all week, something I really need to sit down and dissect to properly suss out my thoughts and feelings.

And that thing is this: what the fuck happened with The Rise of Skywalker?!

Now, just for the record, I’m that lapsed Star Wars fan who grew up with the original trilogy, who had a full shelf of EU novels that I read and reread over and over until their covers fell off, who spent untold hours replaying both of the Knights of the Old Republic games, was majorly let down by the prequels and became disillusioned by the franchise as a result, who reacted to the news of Disney’s acquisition of the franchise with cyncisim, who thought that The Force Awakens was decent but otherwise substance-less knock-off of A New Hope, who was bored to tears by Rogue One, who skipped Solo entirely, but who actually was surprising engaged and receptive to the subversive themes and new places that The Last Jedi took the franchise even if it was very flawed structurally and thought that it was the best Star Wars film since Return of the Jedi.

And hell, let’s just state my reasons right now. The Last Jedi came out at a time when I was just so tired of people trying to recapture lightning in a bottle with once-great franchises that had lived on long past their expiration date with trying to pass off clearly inferior knock-offs to their original installments as sequels. I mean, it can work, sure. Both of the Creed movies followed the Rocky movie formula pretty closely but were still great, and even if it didn’t click with me the way it did with other people, Fury Road was a fantastic film. The thing is though, both of those movies were still being handled by their original creators, specifically Sylvester Stallone and George Miller, while my beloved Star Wars and Jurassic Park had become divorced from their daddies and were now being handled by people who just. Didn’t. Get it.

And then The Last Jedi came along and was all, “Shut up about bloodlines, they don’t matter! Your main character is not the descendant of some already established character, she’s just some rando Force-sensitive that caught up in all this and decided to answer the call, so let her stand on her own! The Jedi were a well-meaning but immensely flawed, so leave them in the annuals of history and stop venerating them! Same with your heroes! Also, your Resistance has its hands dirty too because it’s a fucking war and war makes monsters of everybody while the little people suffer, sometimes you need to listen to the people in charge instead of being a hothead bucking the system, and the intimidating villains in black are in truth a bunch of insecure man-children playing dress-up to make them feel better about themselves and are pretty pathetic until they take that last step and become actual threats because that is how fascism works!”

Do you realize just how refreshing all of that was? Oh my God, is the Star Wars franchise actually…moving forward? Are we getting new stuff that’s not hampered by George Lucas’s unbearably hackneyed writing?

Yes, the whole Finn and Rose sidequest contributed nothing to the plot and ultimately went nowhere. Yes, the whole Poe vs. Admiral Holdo had the looming question of “Why doesn’t she just tell Poe that she’s got a plan instead of doing everything to set the team rebel off?” which undercut its message. These are major problems, I acknowledge that. The thing is, they are easily fixable problems that would have been smoothed out by a few more script treatments. It sucks that they weren’t, but as for me, they were roadbumps, not dealbreakers. I noticed them, I saw that they were major problems, but they didn’t make me angry, and I liked what they were trying to say enough for me to still be with it. And I felt that all the Luke/Rey/Kylo stuff was gangbusters (yes, I loved cranky, disillusioned old Luke. I know Mark Hamill didn’t care for it, but that’s fine, it worked great for me), so I ultimately left feeling pleasantly surprised. As if in, it was a flawed but very refreshing experience, one that said things I had been feeling for a long time and took things to interesting places that I actually wanted to see play out. I even got choked up when Luke let himself fade away when feeling absolutely nothing when Han died the previous film.

Unfortunately, that seemed to be a minority opinion, with many other Star Wars fan outright detesting it, sometimes to a pretty gross level (you know what I’m talking about). So when JJ Abrams was brought back on board to try to salvage things for the final installment, my reaction was, “I’m going to hate it, aren’t I?”

Still, I knew I was going to see it anyway, just to say that I did. And…welp.

…

Dafuq was that?

All right, all right, now before I continue, I need to acknowledge something. First of all, I have nothing against JJ Abrams as a person or even really as an artist. From all accounts he’s a cool guy who’s been taking all the backlash he’s been getting with a commendable amount of maturity, and he was placed in a very unenviable position by taking the reins in the midst of a very volatile situation. Plus, he had set a ton of things up in TFA that TLJ burned to the ground. Granted, it was a bonfire that I thoroughly enjoyed, but as the person watching his ideas just get cut off, that must have been frustrating watch. Like, what was he supposed to work with once he was brought back on after Colin Trevorrow had gotten the boot? And on a side-note, they really need to stop bringing Colin Trevorrow into big blockbuster franchises.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, we had the tragic passing of Carrie Fisher, which, in addition to being a terrible loss in general because she was a wonderful person that we’re all the poorer without, this movie was supposed to in some way revolve thematically around her, much like the TFA did with Han and TLJ did with Luke. But with her gone, they were just left with footage and recorded dialogue from deleted scenes from the first two films, which is next to nothing to go off of. Now there’s a debate to be had about whether or not it would be appropriate to CG her face onto a different actress, and I do get them feeling that doing so would be ghoulish…but they kinda already did that to bring Tarkin back in Rogue One, so…

Even so, that really sucks, and as awkward as the Princess Leia scenes are as a result, it isn’t their fault, so I’ll leave it at that.

And finally, it must also be acknowledged that a lot of the things I’m going to criticize them for were present in the original trilogy, and were just as awkward then. The OG movies weren’t perfect, folks. We’ve come to accept these flaws, but they were just as clumsy asspulls back then as they are now.

All right, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I actually want to start off on a positive note, specifically talking about the stuff I liked.

Let’s begin with the thing that I consider to not only be good, but actually kind of great: the relationship between Rey and Kylo Ren. Their weird Force-link in TLJ was one of the few new ideas that everyone seemed to like, especially since neither of them could really control it and were equally befuddled by it. It’s just a cool idea, a new aspect of the Force we haven’t seen before, and it’s slowly built upon, actually affects both the plot and the characters, and leads to some great scenes between the two of them.

And you know what? I was actually surprised by how much I liked these two together. After the wooden pile of bleh that was Anakin and Padme, I was bracing myself for more of the same. But as it turns out, Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have an incredible amount of chemistry, and Adam especially was able to pull off the whole tortured bad boy who’s trying to be a villain but feels endlessly conflicted in a way that Hayden Christensen never could (though to be fair, Adam had way more to work with). So giving them that weird link where they’re forced to interact at different points despite being galaxies across from one another is a fantastic idea.

And I was happy to see that not only was this idea not walked back on, they actually built on it. Without giving too much away, there’s an amazing scene where they actually have a lightsaber fight despite being in two completely different locations and not really knowing where the other is, with the camera jumping back and forth from each other’s perspective and items from each other’s surroundings keep getting thrown into the other’s area and it’s honestly really great.

There were also a lot of visuals that were pretty great. The whole indoor lightning of the Sith Planet was neat, as was the flying stormtroopers, and that festival was pretty cool, and…

Actually, come to think of it, most of the scenes in this movie are, when viewed in isolation, pretty good, and could have worked if they had been buffeted by, you know, proper buildup, actual pacing, and taking the time to let events have weight.

But that leads us to this movie’s biggest failing, the problem that bring the whole thing crashing down. And that is it will just. Not. Slow. Down!

Seriously, don’t take a bathroom break, because if you do, you’ll come back to find everybody on a totally different planet doing something completely different, and the plot point you left on is completely in the rearview. It’s exhausting how quickly this movie jumps around from place to place, where we get a look at a setting and characters that might have been interesting if we got to spend actual time with them, only to drop it and we’re onto the next part. This isn’t a story, it’s a list of bullet points! It’s a three hour highlight reel of a whole-ass fourth trilogy, one that could have been cool to watch if they had chopped it up into three parts and fleshed them out into three movies. Hell, I’ll tell you where to end each one: Rey vs. Kylo on the Star Destroyer, Rey vs. Kylo on the wreckage of the Death Star, and the actual finale. Expand on the stuff in between, flesh things out with actual, you know, character development and consequences instead of zipping around, trying to come up with as many places as they can to cram into Star Tours’ randomizer.

And that’s what this basically is, an overly long Star Tours ride! Now I like Star Tours just fine, because it visits places that hold actual meaning due to being properly developed in actual movies, but these places just left me feeling hollow. And while we’re on the subject, did we really need another desert planet, ice planet, and forest planet combo? Spice things the fuck up! Say what you want about the prequels, but at least they tried to take us to cool new places.

And you know what? I’m going to say it. This movie is actually worse than the prequels. Not because it’s nearly as clumsily written and woodenly acted, or because it’s dragged down by dumb attempts at comedy; it’s none of those things. But at least the prequels were trying! George Lucas might be totally inept as a writer and should not have been given free reign, but there were attempts at things like proper plot and character development, pacing, plot twists, mystery, building things up and paying them off. Just go read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith. It’s fantastic! Same plot, same events happening, same conversations, but the dialogue is reworked to give the characters actual personality and it’s narratively told in an awesome and creative way and it’s overall just a great book. So George Lucas’s movies had the framework of a good story, he just wasn’t the right person to tell it.

In contrast, this movie has actual good acting, and the dialogue isn’t anywhere nearly as corny, but it’s just so unbelievably basic. It’s surface level writing, with barely a hint of cleverness and very little personality other than what the actors are about to wrangle out through their performances. But structure-wise, other than to expand it into a full trilogy, I don’t see how anyone can turn this mess into an engaging, single-movie narrative. So much happens, and it just feels so empty.

And…okay. Let’s address the Bantha in the room. Let’s talk about Palpatine.

Why is he back? Why? Just…why? He doesn’t need to be back! He doesn’t! It’s stupid, it’s hackneyed, it’s not even explained! I mean, there’s an offhand mention of cloning, so yeah, it’s feasible, it just makes no narrative sense! Hell, the fucking opening title crawl just plain says, “Yeah, he’s back. No reason, he just is” and goes on from that. And apparently he’s been behind everything that’s happened, like Snoke and Vader’s voice in Kylo Ren’s head and stuff, because things just can’t happen without being masterminded by someone I guess.

Really? This is the best they could come up with? I know TLJ cut off a lot of their plot branches, but goddamn it, this is the best you’ve got? Resurrect Palpatine? They do remember that the first two movies from the trilogy barely had the emperor as a presence, right? Vader carried them all just fine! Just run with that! Have Kylo Ren be the main antagonist! Have this be able his ascension to actual mega threat instead of Darth Vader cosplayer. If you want Ian McDiarmid to ham it up in the robes one last time (and hey, who wouldn’t?) just give him a cameo! Like, a holographic message to any potential successors Kylo Ren is looking for. Have him be the devil on Kylo’s shoulder in a is-he-real-is-he-just-a-hallucination sort of way. Make him something tempting Kylo Ren to fully embrace being the new Sith Lord, something Kylo has to overcome if he wants redemption. But don’t bring him fucking back! That’s just so, so stupid.

And Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter kind of pisses me off. Her being revealed as a nobody from nowhere in the last film was great! I loved that idea! But no, let’s just retcon that whole business because we’re trying to apologize for the only one of these movies that had any balls and everybody has to be the descendant of someone important. Even fucking Lando gets a long-lost daughter in this! No, I’m not joking, he totally does.

Now, could Rey’s Sith heritage have worked? Sure! In of itself, it’s a rad idea, one that could have been used to explore all sorts of awesome themes…if that had been their plan from the beginning instead of a cheap attempt to replicate Empire’s big plot twist. But let’s face it: they threw it in as a desperate attempt to placate the fans. There never was any sort of plan. Abrams made the first movie with the sole intention of trying to recapture that nostalgic feel and fucked off, Rian Johnson took over with no notes and decided to do what he wanted, Trevorrow got fired, and Abrams got brought back for PR reasons because hey, people liked his movie, and he had to scramble to piece something together! Damn it, Disney! You literally have infinite resources! Hire someone with actual creative talent!

Oh wait, you did, and people hated it. Fuck.

So yeah. Rey’s parentage? Total waste, raises more questions than it answers. Chewie’s apparent death? Total waste, because he was actually on another ship! Though you could Force sense these things, Rey! Dark Side Rey in the trailer? Total waste, just a Force vision. That whole bit with C-3PO potentially sacrificing his entire identity? Total waste. No one seems to care, he gets no say, and after his memory gets wiped it’s treated as comic relief. Yeah, one last look at your friends indeed, Threepio. Some friends you have there. Oh, except Artoo’s got your memory backed up, so it doesn’t matter, just like everything else.

Oh yeah, and fuck Chewie’s medal! Who was really asking for that?

What a mess. What a disjointed, soulless, pandering mess. What a waste of potential, squandered on nothing. Bleh.

Oh well, at least we still have the Mandalorian. I’ve started watching that and it’s really cool so far.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 039: Deku VS Todoroki 2 - Flashback Boogaloo

Previously on BnHA: Todoroki and Izuku began their one on one! Todoroki blasted ice attacks at Deku and Deku broke up each one with mini One for All finger smashes. Todoroki’s right side slowly froze up, but meanwhile Deku went through all five fingers on his right hand and then proceeded to blow up his entire fucking left arm. You’d think this would have been the end of it, but no, this motherfucker then went and busted out another smash through his already-mangled right hand. Rather than going into shock at this point like a normal person, Deku fucking screamed at Todoroki to use his full power, because apparently he wants to die in the most spectacular way possible. I don’t even know.

Today on BnHA: Everyone just sits back and watches while Deku destroys his own body in his crazed attempts to get Shouto to use his left side. It’s not fun. Then Shouto starts having flashbacks to his horrifying past. This is even less fun. Basically no one is having a good time here. But eventually something in Shouto clicks when Deku yells at him that his power is his own. And then Shouto finally fires up his left side. So that part at least is fun, but the rest of it has me needing some damn blood pressure medication you guys.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 91 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

oh my god literally the first panel is a baby Shouto POV of his mom

I don’t know if I’m ready for this chapter guys

“when did I forget what came after that?” oh my god. is it so bad his mind blocked the memory for self-preservation reasons or something

Todoroki is really mad that Deku would suggest something so absurd as him using his full power. I assume Deku is going to tell him something similar to the “you’re not your dad” thing that he already said to Endeavor earlier

seriously Shouto, you can use your full power and still piss your dad off

now he’s really mad and he’s charging right at Deku

that’s maybe not the best plan

meanwhile Bakugou is watching intently and it’s so cute I have to post the panel

you go ahead and take your notes kiddo. you’re gonna need ‘em if you end up having to battle him yourself

now that they’re up close Deku is using the microwave trick again!

BUT HE’S STILL USING HIS RIGHT ARM. WHAT GOOD IS THE MICROWAVE TRICK IF THE ARM’S ALREADY FUCKED UP

PLEASE DON’T PUNCH HIM WITH A CLOSED FIST WITH YOUR BROKEN HAND, I MAY ACTUALLY FAINT OH MY GOD

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW DEKU!!!!!!

has Horikoshi ever broken any of his bones?!! COME BACK AND WRITE THIS SCENE AGAIN AFTER YOU’VE BROKEN A BONE, ASSHOLE. COME BACK AND TELL ME THAT HE CAN FUCKING DO THAT AND NOT FALL DOWN SOBBING AFTERWARDS

the only possible explanation I can come up with is that he’s somehow completely hopped up on the adrenaline of it all and isn’t actually feeling the full pain just yet

but he SHOULD be, because that’s the body’s way of telling him, “DON’T FUCKING PUNCH ANYONE WITH THIS HAND YOU COLOSSALLY STUPID FUCK!!!”

anyway, Todoroki is FLYING ACROSS THE RING, but DEKU SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD AND NOW I’M JUST MAD, DAMN IT

whoever wins this match has to fight either Shiozaki or Iida next, depending on who wins their match (probably Iida). and then after that, either Bakugou or Tokoyami (probably Bakugou). but I don’t know if either of these guys will actually be up for that at this rate

I can’t believe it, but Todoroki actually doesn’t look too good. just use your stupid left side already, Shouto

JESUS CHRIST CAN WE GET AN ACTUAL RESPONSIBLE ADULT OUT HERE??? ANYONE?? AIZAWA????

he’s agreeing with my hypothesis that Deku is so hopped up on adrenaline that he’s not feeling the full pain of what he’s doing to his body. and he’s already done so much damage that it can’t all be fixed in a single healing session. that’s what I’ve been fucking saying

should they stop the match? ABSOLUTELY. will they stop the match?? FUCKING WHAT DO YOU THINK

fucking hell, even Aizawa and All Might are just watching in awed admiration

SUPERHEROES ARE THE FUCKING WORST

Deku’s gonna be in the hospital for a fucking month and ALL OF THIS IS ON YOU SADISTIC FUCKS

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAIIIIINED

oh my god finally

YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE A FIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT OKAY. YEESHHH

now he’s... biting... his thumb...

aaand that’s another smash

this is fucking horrifying. I’m not enjoying this at all, not even gonna pretend. it’s just absurd to me at this point that they would let this keep dragging out. I hope this inspires a series of rule changes to future sports festivals to lessen the risk of children doing irreversible damage to their bodies all for the sake of a fucking exhibition match

Shouto asks why Deku is going this far and Deku says he’s “just trying to meet expectations”

All Might you need to sit down with this boy after this and explain where he’s supposed to draw the line in this regard. like, when you did the plus ultra thing? that was for a good cause! sacrificing yourself to save other people’s lives! but he’s just doing it because he has something to prove and it’s the dumbest fucking thing, ugh

sorry guys, I might be bitching about this the entire chapter if this keeps up

“I want to be a smiling, dependable, cool hero!” Deku fucking shrieks

then you might want to step back about twenty feet and take a good long look at what you’re doing so far to accomplish those goals, Deku. because right now, “smiling” and “dependable” are not the words that come to mind

OH MY GOD!!!

BABY SHOUTO WITH NO SCAR!!!

RED ALERT. GOT MY BOX OF TISSUES OUT. ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER AND ASMR PLAYLIST CUED UP ON YOUTUBE IF I NEED SOMETHING TO CALM ME DOWN AFTER THIS SHIT

Deku says he can’t begin to imagine what Shouto’s experiences have been like or how fierce his determination must be, but...

oh my god more flashbacks oh my god oh my god

(ETA: adding this note a couple years after the fact to warn people reading these recaps for the first time that my initial reaction to the full Shouto backstory was kind of intense. I really blew up at Rei in particular because without getting into any detail, that scene hit close to home for me in regard to some experiences I had while growing up. so I kind of projected a bit without meaning to. anyway, please see here for the “part 2″ version of this post, and fwiw Rei is now one of my favorite characters.)

THIS CHAPTER IS MAKING ME SO FUCKING ANGRY I’M GONNA FUCKING HULK OUT. SHIT. FUCKING SHIT

SHOUTO’S SCREAMING AT DEKU TO SHUT UP AND I FUCKING AGREE. YOU JUST SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT HE’S BEEN THROUGH AND NOW’S REALLY NOT THE TIME TO START FUCKING PREACHING AT HIM OVER WHETHER OR NOT HE’S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS GOAL

NOW BABY SHOUTO IS HUGGIN’ HIS MOM AND SAYING THAT HE HATES DADDY AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM

BECAUSE HIS DADDY “BULLIES” HIS MOMMY OH MY GOD

HE KEEPS REPEATING THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT

WHY DID WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUPID FLASHBACK. I WANNA GO HOME

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT!! I ASKED FOR ANGST!! I KNOW!! I’M SORRY! I NEVER LEARN SOBB

SHOUTO’S MOM IS PATTING HIS HEAD GENTLY

DEKU IS SCREAMING AT SHOUTO AGAIN. STOP SCREAMING AT HIM!!!

BABY SHOUTO IS LOOKING AT THE WINDOW AT SOME KIDS PLAYING

-- THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS?????!

AND HIS DAD SAYS NOT TO LOOK AT THEM, “THEY BELONG TO A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN YOU”

JESUS CHRIST. DID ENDEAVOR JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDE TO BE THE WORST??? JUST LIKE, THE WORST EVER? SINCE HE COULDN’T BE THE BEST, HE DECIDED TO BE THE WORST?!

LIKE, IF I HAD A GUN WITH TWO BULLETS AND WAS TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITH ENDEAVOR, MINETA, AND THE SKYPE VILLAIN, I WOULD SHOOT ENDEAVOR TWICE AND THEN PISTOL WHIP HIS DYING ASS UNTIL IT STOPPED TWITCHING??

NOW SHOUTO IS WALKING BY THE KITCHEN AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S ALREADY CRYING FROM SOMETHING (ABUSE, PROBABLY!!) AND HE’S OVERHEARING HIS MOM TALKING ON THE PHONE AND SHE’S SAYING THAT SHE CAN’T TAKE IT AND SOMETIMES THE LOOKS AT SHOUTO AND HIS LEFT SIDE AND HATES WHAT SHE SEES

WHAT A FUCKING THING FOR YOUR CHILD TO OVERHEAR!! AND I SEE A KETTLE ON THE STOVE! SHOULD I BE PREPARING MYSELF TO PUNCH MY COMPUTER SCREEN

SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T RAISE HIM ANYMORE

HE’S LOOKING UP AT HER WITH WIDE EYES

SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM LIKE... I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT. I DON’T WANT TO DESCRIBE IT OR POST IT

AND THE NEXT PANEL AFTER THAT IS HIM WITH A BANDAGE OVER HIS LEFT EYE

I HOPE SHE FUCKING WENT TO JAIL FOR FUCKING LIFE. MAN, I DON’T EVEN CARE. I HAVE ALL THE SYMPATHY FOR HER, RIGHT UP UNTIL SHE (A) LEFT HERSELF AND SHOUTO IN THAT SITUATION RATHER THAN TRYING TO REMOVE HIM FROM IT, AND THEN (B) FUCKING MAIMED HER OWN FUCKING CHILD, WHO LITERALLY HAD NO ONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR HER

I HATE THIS!!! I HATE ALL OF THIS!!!! I HATE THAT I AGREE WITH ENDEAVOR’S DECISION! I HATE THAT SHE ENDED UP PAYING FOR HIS GARBAGE BEHAVIOR! AND I HATE THAT SHOUTO IS NOW STUCK WITH HIM ALL ALONE!

AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IN SHOUTO JUST SNAPPED FROM THAT POINT ON AND HE BECAME DETERMINED TO DEFY HIM

BACK TO THE FIGHT OMG

DEKU IS GOING FULL SHOUNEN JESUS

OH MY GOD AND IT FLASHES BACK TO BABY SHOUTO AGAIN

AND HE’S WATCHING A VIDEO, AND IT’S AN INTERVIEW WITH FUCKING ALL MIGHT

HE SAYS QUIRKS ARE PASSED FROM PARENT TO CHILD, BUT IT’S NOT JUST THAT AND “ONE MUST RECOGNIZE AND APPRECIATE ONESELF”

FUUUUUUUUUUCK

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS THE SAME BABY BOY CRUSH ON ALL MIGHT THAT BABY DEKU HAD

I’M JUST SO MAD AND UPSET THAT THIS WOMAN COULD HURT THIS CHILD, KNOWING FULL WELL HOW DIFFERENT HE WAS FROM HIS FATHER, HOW MUCH HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM, AND HOW MUCH THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT HURT HIM

OH MY GOD AND NOW PRESENT-DAY TODOROKI LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO CRY

PROBABLY WHEN THE SAME WOMAN WHO SHOWED YOU THAT VIDEO LOST HER MIND AND POURED SCALDING WATER ON YOUR FACE

WELP

I just want to press pause for a sec and let you guys know that I’ve been listening to my “fight music” playlist during my readthrough of this chapter, and this scene was absolutely perfectly timed. got to this point RIGHT when I read that panel. I got so fucking fired up lol

so finally Todoroki has gotten over his stupid insistence on not using his left side! yay! I think Deku could have picked a better sort of therapy than this, personally, but hey! anyways, are you happy now dude?

you know what, forget I asked. no one cares about you

I’m just happy for this little guy:

THAT WEIRD SMILE AT THE END I CAN’T I’M FUCKING DEAD. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND DORKY

ALSO, WAY TO BLOW ANY CHANCE THAT BAKUGOU OR ANYONE ELSE HAD OF DEFEATING HIM LOL. MIGHT AS WELL JUST WRAP UP THIS COMPETITION NOW

(ETA: well I mean. it would’ve been true if this breakthrough had actually stuck lol)

well, Deku, you did it. you can pass out now

BONUS: 

Kouda’s pure, sweet face is all the ASMR I need after this chapter that fucked up my emotions in every possible way!

gotta tell you guys, I liked his design from the start. but this?

this just seals the deal. he is in fact the best character in the whole series. THIS WHOLE TIME IT WAS KOUDA, who the fuck would have ever thought

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

More of the Misadventures of Aish rereading Misadventures and fixing typos, like a cowardly fool because I can’t sleep

chapters 21-25 oh no here we go

(actually I did this in like November on my phone but only just now remembered that I never posted it so here ya go, this is all weeks old)

Okay so with the chapter titles, I didn’t actually start naming them until about ch27 or so, but I had already nicknamed this chapter something like “IT’S FRIENDSHIP YOU COWARDS” bc this one got a surprising amount of notes on tumblr and I’m 99% sure most of the people who read it did not realize that this is in fact a Kimax fic

And also THIS CHAPTER WAS THE TURNING POINT. I could either have kept the fic rly lighthearted until way near the end, or decide to start shoving in the Angst much quicker. 3 guesses what I picked >:D

Oh highkey same Alix?? except for me it’s not superpowers or anything it’s just called “anxiety disorder”

The obliviousness physically pains me

I’m the guard who just blatantly lets Alix steal popcorn. also why was there just casually popcorn there. god I don’t even know what I was thinking when I wrote any of this

Oh yeah I remember!! I was mad at people setting off the smoke alarm while making popcorn in the middle of the night!! just uni things am I right

...why am I noticing now that the whole popcorn thing is just a metaphor for Kim’s entire love life I am going to throw this fic out of the window I swear

IT REALLY IS, UGH I HATE THIS, ARE YOU TELLING ME I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT

this is a freaking game of Civilization where one civ takes a runaway lead in the science victory while the rest are all still stuck in the industrial era

Kim is me watching dinosaur movies too tbh, dinosaurs are so frickin rad

well this is depressing

and adorable

I hate so much that I know what the Bad Dream means I hate it I hate it I h

IT’S OKAY KIM I’M PROUD OF YOU, YOU’RE MY SON AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

“It’s not up to you to question why people care about you so just roll with it” damn past me, that’s actually some really good advice???

Alix is a Kimax shipper even this early in the fic, btw. whenever she talks to them about each other she’ll always say stuff like “oh yeah you two are so close” or “he cares about you so much” without specifying whether she means that platonically... my dudes... she’s shipping it

Kim having an existential crisis in early hours of the morning is such a mood because it’s 2am and I’m having one right now

BAD FORESHADOWING, YES BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO START HAPPENING SOON LIKE ASSASSINATIONS AND STUFF, YOU WEREN’T WRONG

Alright chapter 22 now

the carriage guards!! my favourite characters in the entire fic!!!!!! they’re the BEST okay they just casually chill at school through the entire thing and only show up again in the last chapter omg they’re so amazing I love them??? absolute LEDGES

Kim’s parents being all like “yeah if our son doesn’t wanna come home from school then just KIDNAP HIM and bring him back lmao”

“Hey, do you want me to threaten your guards with my snake or something?” WAS THAT FORESHADOWING??? BECAUSE SHE VERY MUCH DOES DO THAT LATER. TO DIFFERENT GUARDS YES BUT IT’S LEGIT A THING SHE DOES

talking on the phone is stressful? yes it’s that good old “anxiety disorder” again, really a pain tbh

god I’m so proud of Kim, already that good good character development

also Kim’s grandma is me

omg I have to put Kim and Alix’s dumb chess games in the sequel, I came up with an entire thing about how they blatantly cheat etc and it’s ridiculous and Max gets a headache whenever he has to “referee” (aka make sure they don’t fight), it’s so great okay

me: *thinks about chapter 34 and throws up*

oh I’m the snake too btw. the snake also will hate chapter 34

Max holy moly repressing your feelings isn’t healthy??? stop that

hhhhhhh chapter Lila now, like literally that’s the entire chapter 23, it’s basically just Lila

this is just the damn Volpina episode

dupainchien!!!!! dupainchien!!!!!!!!!

I know this isn’t even that much of a big deal in this fic but like... can Marinette and Adrien just get together already lmao

hskdjhdkjfhgs for the record Lila and Kim is actually a pretty good ship?? but they’d both try to out-brag each other and it would be ridiculous so uh

hm anyways. time for CHAPTER AROACE

Kim’s like. ABOUT TO start falling for Max oh thank god, I need this

Lila: *just stabs Kim’s homework with a parasol*

Kim just... Did That??? WE STAN

(oh and later note: in this he just treats Lila like how Adrien treated her in Chameleon lol)

I remember at this point I wasn’t sure if Lila would actually really return in the fic, and then literally like 2 chapters later I brought her back already because damn that girl needs a redemption arc

do I hug Kim or do I hug Max?? you FOOLS, you ABSOLUTE BUFFOONS, I am going to hug ALIX for having to deal with all their romo bullshit

Max trying to get drunk on orange juice is the mood

JULEKA’S MAGICAL GAYDAR!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

(also Juleka is absolutely wearing a Reflekta dress)

Juleka, outright: “Max. my dude. alix is aroace you dense idiot. you are all idiots. you absolute fuckwits.”

I’m still the snake btw

hhhhhhhhhh I wanna make a daisy chain now, or just go outside and sprawl in some grass, I can’t because it’s 2.30am and I live in the city and it’s winter, screw this fic for making me miss my school days

oh no I’m having an allergic reaction again

I mEAN IT’S CUTE THO, IT’S CUTE, BUT I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN A BIT LATER SO THIS IS JUST PAINFUL

“You need more sleep” me calling myself out

I am going to hit Kim over the head,,

STOP BEING WEIRD JUST TELL HER YOU LIKE HER?? GOOD GOD I DON’T EVEN SHIP IT AND I STILL WANT YOU TO GET A BLOODY MOVE ON

oh good, he wants to smack himself in the face too

no nonono no Alix I think you are cute too. but you see, I mean it in the adopting way. but you ARE objectively adorable (source: the Reverser episode and also like all the other episodes) people just don’t say it in this au because of your TERRIFYING PET SNAKE

she offered to give him a telephone... lov that foreshadowing

*unimpressed* “are you in love with me?” OH FUCKING FINALLY

skdfhskdjfhsd avoiding people and having a heart attack when someone knocks on your door? I see the return of that anxiety disorder eh

Alix didn’t bring the snake (me) with her on purpose bc she knows Kim is still a bit scared of it at this point and doesn’t want him to be in a bad mood while she’s crushing his heart and soul

GOD YES I LOVE THIS SCENE

I hate myself because when I was writing this I was thinking “oh mood?? oh mood worm same hat???” and yet still. didn’t. realize. I’m. aro. *le sigh*

I’m gonna cry this is so sweet

“So are bossy, intimidating, hot girls your type?” no actually because Ondine is neither bossy nor intimidating (tho yeah she is hot) (and not particularly relevant in this fic unfortunately)

Alix is not in fact as oblivious as she claims to be btw, she just thinks it would sound mean to say “oh yeah I guessed you had a thing for me but I aggressively ignored it bc it annoyed me since I’m aroace lmao”

I’m genuinely going to hecking cry omg I remember now why this was my Ultimate Brotp for so long ugh it’s so good, @ ZAG LET KIM AND ALIX BE FRIENDS

I’m laughing?? so hard??? at the fact that their height difference is so ridiculous that literally like he has to kneel down??? god this is the funniest thing

oh also btw she was internally debating with herself like “should I give him the mistletoe kiss?? sounds gross but I feel so bad for him dammit” and decided to right there on the spot because she was lowkey curious anyway, which I’ll be honest is still an aro mood

OMG I’M ACCIDENTALLY SUCH A GENIUS OMG LISTEN NO LEMME EXPLAIN

SO LIKE. there are two (2) instances in this fic where I tried to pretend to be funny by dropping in the word “heartrate”. one is near the beginning, and the other is right here

in other words, the exact start and end points of Kim’s crush on Alix?? AND I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT OMG I’VE CHANGED MY MIND I’M PROUD OF MYSELF NOW

oh... oh no. uh oh. the dreaded evil Chapter Twenty Hecking Five

it’s called “Pain” for a reason. also my OG nickname for it was “Death”. also for a reason.

I even listened to Death Valley (the FOB song) on repeat while writing it (along with the next like 9 chapters lol) because the word DEATH just seemed so accurate

no really this is THE real turning point in the fic, where it stops being just a dumb teen movie and starts being all A N G S T Y

like this is the first chapter that has NO lightheartedness AT ALL

okay. here we go

this is all??? foreshadowing??? for dumb chapters like 30 and 34??? I Hate

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE SNAKE

I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK JUST READING THESE WORDS THIS IS SO HORRIFYING ALEXA PLAY DEATH VALLEY

this is the equivalent of seeing a kwami die, for the record. like I know kwamis can’t die but THIS IS HOW IT WOULD FEEL

god this is even worse in hindsight knowing what happens later, bc poor Alix is all like @ herself “oh well it’s a nightmare so it’s not real” and I’m just like... oh dear. honey. sweetie. welp. I mean on the bright side you’re psychic so that’s kinda cool right

I love how Jalil is actually really sweet and a genuinely cool brother, you just never get to see it when Kim’s around bc he hates Kim lmao (I mean for good reasons..)

“I can’t live without this snake!” I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

these timeline powers are SO cursed man. why was I so evil and cruel holy actual shit

(the whole “some character deaths but not really” tag refers to all this clusterfuck btw)

okay it’s funny how this bit with Adrien is the Collector episode despite it not having aired yet when I wrote this, I guess I’m psychic too

Nathalie being sympathetic huh? not so much in the sequel when I get round to it...

Adrikins being all “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER” I’m dying

uh yeah there’s a difference between being grounded, and like, literal actual house arrest

damn... capitalism really is bad

so is imperialism

fix this damn typo thing where I used the word “soon” twice in one sentence like was that really necessary

DUPAINCHIEN

I love how Kim is so obviously bi that even Marinette notices and straight-up tries to set him up with a hot commoner boy

oh noes here comes The Death

Hi Aish Snekwami, I am afraid

god imagine how horrible it must be??? to have something traumatic happen in another timeline but you’re still aware of it in this one so you still suffer the effects even though nothing bad happened in this timeline????

Max shows up for two seconds this chapter to remind everyone that I have an anxiety disorder again and then hecks off, good for him

HOLY FUCK?!?!?! IMAGINE LITERALLY DYING ACTUAL DEATH IN ANOTHER TIMELINE AND EVEN THOUGH YOU SURVIVE IN THIS ONE YOU STILL HAVE TO LIKE. FEEL THE WHOLE TIME YOU’RE DYING OF GODDAMN COBRA VENOM HOLY FUCK WHY DID I MAKE THIS SO ANGSTY

I mean I think I remember writing this when I was on a very heavy painful period which full-on incapacitated me but like even that’s nowhere near as bad as fucking. snake. bite (ye I did some research, it was creepy...)

man this is so evil... I can’t

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO DIE

god that’s so haunting ughhhhhhhhh

honestly whenever I stub my toe etc I always think to myself “is this karma for that time I lowkey killed Alix off in chapter 25?” and yeah, it probably is

OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes… I guess Joe couldn’t make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well… I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay… yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So goign into some speculating, Kalirama mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up… wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes… I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They… put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point… sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks… Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm… but Tucker of course has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him… yyyyeah… not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently… I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can’t talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn’t have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because it would take far too long. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so… ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise hey’re both gonna die. Grif doesn’t buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus… and of course fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do… and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into hos face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha… yeah… about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big… until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so… yeah…

Fortunately before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down form the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and… attacks Gus’ groin. I… don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker… but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well… not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat!

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can’t do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Well remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested… WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about he plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only ha done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and… yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing… but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I knwo what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again… I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But… I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, lets do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit mroe follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also goign into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming, but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus… OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus… I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man… anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclopes. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t knwo what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclopes is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare.

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain si indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mena Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and… yeah. This was likely a huge pain it he ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That’s for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn’t have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t thin that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hoe that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it nay other way.

[anythingstephenking]

Time Traveling Swing Dancers/Teachers/Assassins

Welp, I did it y’all. I made it full circle to the book that started it all, 11/22/63. I read this brick of a book back in 2016, which lead me to The Stand, which led me to a journey towards 73 novels. Bless your heart, 11/22/63.

I just love this book. My first read through back in the day took me only a couple days; my second trip back in time took me almost a week, still a feat for the 800+ pages of book. Let’s go.

Another tale, like Under The Dome, that ruminated in King’s mind since the 70’s but came to fruition in the 21st century. Although the idea kicked around in King’s head for decades, he was daunted by the research that would be required to tell the story properly, so I think he waited until he was swimming in that sweet sweet money to hire a research team. Per usual, I am speculating.

But King did have a research assistant on this book, that much is true. He also consulted with the likes of Doris Kearns Goodwin, a treasure of American history, who gave King some real fun ideas about what might have happened if JFK had lived. The research was obviously thorough, and like it or not, you sure learn a lot about real-life Lee Harvey Oswald in this work of fiction. You’ll also squiggle in your seat through reminders of racism and hate that lived out loud in the 60s, different but also the same as we see today. History doesn’t change everything.

King has said that the extensive research and reading he did to prepare to write this story confirmed in his mind that Oswald acted alone. While it’s fun to imagine conspiracy theories of magic bullets and a second shooter, if King believes, I’m inclined to believe. If QAnon has taught us anything, it’s that Americans love a conspiracy theory. If Jack Ruby hadn’t shot Oswald in that parking garage, we may have learned what actually happened on November 22, 1963. If Oswald had gone to trial and had been placed under oath. If his last words weren’t about how he was a patsy. If, if if. Maybe Jake should have stopped worrying about stopping Oswald and stopped Ruby instead.

So, yeah, Jake Epping. Our hero of this tale. He’s a writer that teaches and lives in Maine. I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I started a book summary with that sentence, I’d have like $10 bucks and I probably go buy myself a fancy coffee of something.

Jake’s a teacher and loves hamburgers! Who doesn’t. He get’s them cheap at his favorite diner, from the proprietor named Al Templeton, who harbors a pretty rad secret that he’s gunna toss onto Jake. Now, why Jake? I mean, I don’t really know. Al doesn’t have any family and Jake is young and unattached? I suppose at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter, because Jake, like Frodo Baggins before him, is off on an adventure.

Because Al’s diner is actually a portal back in time. We all suspend some disbelief - it’s some version of a thinny (maybe?) that plops you from present day back to 1958. The rules are this: however long you spend in the past, you can return to the future just 2 minutes after you left. Al says there’s no impact on quick trips - Al’s been going back and forth for years buy ground beef for his cheap burgers - but when you do something that might change the future, the past will push back. We learn that Al is very, very wrong, but more on that later.

Al’s set out to save John Fitzgerald Kennedy from his head exploding, but the past gave him lung cancer and he didn’t make it to ’63. He’s back in the present and ready to tag Jake into the ring to get back to the fight for him. Jake hesitates but not NEARLY enough. Seriously, if some stranger told you had to go back in time, follow around a total assmunch for 5 years and live WITHOUT CELL PHONES OR NETFLIX?? I don’t care how delicious the root beer in 1958 is. Fuck that.

Jake goes. A couple times actually. He’s first interested in saving Harry, the high school janitor’s family from being murdered, which is a real noble cause. The past gives him diarrhea, and he wears a diaper to take out the bad man. He fails the first time (diarrhea), heads back home to “reset”, and back to 1958, succeeding the second time around. Sayonara douche.

We cross paths with Beverly and Beep Beep Ritchie in Derry, where Jake spends a fair amount of time in 1960. The town is dark, creepy and troubled, and Jake hates being there. Little interconnected web of the King-o-Verse is always there, and I love every second of it. 

Jake heads to Dallas to wait on Oswald, realizes he hates it (lol, fuck Dallas-Fort Worth), and moves out to the country instead. He gets a nice little job and meets a librarian, and our heroine, Sadie. Sadie’s got some real baggage in the form of a psychotic ex-husband (men are mostly the worst in this book) but her and Jakie fall in love anyways. She’s a well written, strong female lead and I haven’t loved a female King character this much since Lisey.

General consensus is that the mid-section of this book is that it drags a little bit, but I couldn’t disagree more. Sure, does Jake putting on a big theater production have literally anything to do with Lee Harvey Oswald? Nope. But I loved all Jake’s time in Jodie, Texas. He falls in love with Sadie, they are lovely and happy, and albeit doomed because of time travel, it’s a wonderful distraction from all the heaviness.

That said, PLEASE Stephen King, DON’T WRITE SEX SCENES LIKE THIS. ::Monkey with hands over eyes emoji:: The sex stuff is awful. There’s a lot of broad references to Jake and Sadie’s love life, like “She looked. Then she touched.” Gross.

Exhibit B:

She said, "Don't make me wait, I've had enough of that," and so I kissed the sweaty hollow of her temple and moved my hips forward ... She gasped, retreated a little, then raised her hips to meet me. "Sadie? All right?"

"Ohmygodyes," she said and I laughed. She opened her eyes and looked up at me with curiosity and hopefulness. "Is it over, or is there more?"

"A little more," I said. "I don't know how much. I haven't been with a woman in a long time."

It turned out there was quite a bit more … At the end she began to gasp. "Oh dear, oh my dear, oh my dear dear God, oh sugar!"

Guys, this passage was from Sadie’s FIRST TIME. She comes? And Jake notices there is blood on the sheets afterwards. But she orgasmed. Yeah ok, sure.

Other than poorly written Harlequin romance passages, the rest of the story clips along with lots of fun (and not so fun) bits, leading the the culmination of Jake (spoilers) killing Oswald. Sadie dies in the process and it is heart wrenching. But at least the world got saved?

WRONG. Another gripe is this; Jake goes back to 2007 and it’s a fucking post apocalyptic wasteland. Nuclear war has ruined the globe - Jake somehow crosses paths with Harry the janitor, who gives him a 5 minute synopsis of how everything went to hell. It is TOO SHORT. Why do we spend so little time here? I want more dystopian future.

We also get a brief bit about how each trip back isn’t a real “reset” - each one triggers a new “string” or parallel universe. Al’s diner isn’t the only passage, and anyone that has read the Dark Tower books gets it. Al was dumb and Jake was dumb, and at the end of the day Jake resets the past and saves this new string from nuclear fallout but you know those poor souls that were on that timeline are still fucked?

Anywho, the end is lovely and King changed what he originally planned (which was lame) at his son’s suggestion. Good job Joe Hill. Maybe I’ll read some of his books someday.

So that’s 11/22/63. This is the latest in King’s bibliography that I have already read, so I’m headed into the last 20 or so novels without any spoilers at all. I still haven’t even let myself watch The Outsider on HBO yet.

Speaking of adaptations, Lisey’s Story on Apple+ starts airing on Friday. Will be watching and hope that it is better than The Stand.

9/10

First Line: I had never been what you would call a crying man.

Last Line: Then the music takes us, the music rolls away the years, and we dance.

Adaptations:

A Hulu miniseries! They did 2 seasons of Castle Rock, so they’re a-ok in my book. Anything not produced by ABC is a-ok with me. I watched it when it aired and it was pretty decent IIRC. I’ve started rewatching, but only made it through the first episode so far. It’s a hard rewatch knowing what a creep James Franco is. And his fake goatee in the first 30 minutes is the actual worst.

The show takes its own liberties with the plot which is fine; Jake gets a partner in crime named Bill; without Bill we’d have a lot of internal Franco monologue I’d guess. The show is well cast and well acted, and has an 8.2 on IMDB, so it’s doing a lot better than most King projects.

James Franco channeling his inner Annie Wilkes.

[corvixa]

I haven't actually watched these films, my house blew up and my life became chaos and when it settled I was told Tony died and went, welp. Fanfic here I come and fell down a pit of Winteriron. So, I first read this note in a fanfic.

Now. I don't like Steve. It is 100% irrational hatred born from my childhood, being gone for Tony Stark age 5 and not being allowed comics because they're a 'boy thing'. All I had was what my brother left when he moved out (we have big age differences in my fam, so he was married and out when I was 5). Now he, he liked Captain America and virtually nothing else. No range. (Also, I don't really like my brother, and I have soap opera worthy drama there).

So, even when I grew up and held my dad hostage with the computer network he'd had me rig for the pub at 13 to get my own comics (Only just now, writing that, realise that is kind weird.) I'd developed a pretty heavy dislike for Steve.

I went into the Avengers trying to be good. I did. My friend was a bonkers cap fan and he was so excited. I twitched all through the Hellicarrier scene, I managed until that line at Thor. You know the one. My Pagan, Heathen ass just straight up office style glared at my friend who nodded at me, in my favour.

But I legit thought that the letter was a fanfic creation by a person who hated Steve to my level and intentionally wrote it to make him seem like a douche.

Then I saw it again. And again. And by then my partners were watching all the films to make sense of my ramblings and "Philly, it's 4am and you've been talking about vibranium for 2 hours." to "Oh god, she walked past the room when Wanda was on, she'll only rant as long as she can stand. It's OK."

(They each have their own special interests and if I sit through Tolkienesque lectures on the reg, I'm allowed to marvel vomit on them. Our other partner just tolerates our autistic asses and has normal discussions.)

So, I asked them. Was this a part of the film and I was shocked to find yes. Yes it was. I've now seen some scenes, only stuff I wanted to include in my fics, where I watching the clips on YouTube.

This letter is just, all kinds of awful. Also, been on his own since he was 18?!?! So, uh, we just pretend the Howlies didn't exist? Steve has had constant good relationships. A mother who genuinely loved him and used their last penny's to get him medical attention from his dumb ass fights. Bucky had been with him for years and ended up in the Howlies. Which he lead. Despite practically no training.

Waking up 70 years in the future is hard, and, I feel for the dude.

But your problems are never an excuse to dump on other sodding people!

And he had plenty of time to actually learn how the world had changed.

Also. He wasn't sparing Tony. That was a conscious decision he woke up with every day and chose because he was scared of loosing his unlimited resources. In that instance he rated his friendship with Tony as beneath Tony's resources.

Tony isn't perfect. It's why I latched on to him as the strange child who did maths puzzles when handed paper instead of drawing (I was a weird kid, I primarily spoke a language my parents didn't 😂). He was a dick, he had depth. In all the different versions, in different worlds, he was never a flat character. He suffered and persevered like he didn't know how NOT to. Like he didn't know how to stop. Good or bad.

Perfect characters, they suck. They buy into their own narrative. Steve, bought into his narrative in MCU. he bought into himself as an authority. That his opinions were a bit more than anyone else's.

I have read some fanfics where I liked Steve. But those fics, they made him a person rather than a cardboard cut out that MCU came up with, crap like that letter.

So yeah. I legit thought that this letter was written by an author in an anti-cap fic to make him look worse. Which, really is saying something.

When someone apologises to you, they should not spend the majority of that apology talking about themselves, and their feelings, and their intentions.

When someone apologises to you, it should not be ‘because you are hurt’, as though its your feelings that are the problem, rather than what they did. They should be telling you that they wish they hadn’t done it, not that they wished you felt something more convenient about it. 

They should give you at least one sentence that simply accepts that they did a bad thing, and you have a right to feel bad about it - without qualifying it with an explanation of what they meant you to think, or why they were still a good guy when they did it. 

When someone apologises to you, they shouldn’t put it on you to understand their perspective - this is meant to be an indication that they’ve understood yours.

They should not end by saying that they still think *you’re* a good person, in spite of them having to apologise - that implies that they’re treating this apology as a concession to you, or a kindness on their part, rather than waiting to see if you’ll be kind enough to accept it. 

An apology shouldn’t read like a press statement. 

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Gotham 4x04: A Liveblog

Once again, friends, I come to you with review and summary of the latest Gotham events. And Ed’s back this time. ...god help us all.

TL;DR - I wonder what’s happening in the REAL Gotham where character motivation still makes sense

Ben, whatever happens, I’m holding you personally responsible

Side Note: what exactly IS an embalming knife? Like... where does a knife come into the embalming process? Is this the knife you use to carve out the mushy bits, is that it? Because like... to my knowledge, embalming is a primary function of embalming liquid. Like... mostly it’s preserving and shit. And I don’t know how a knife preserves fuck all. But maybe someone who knows anthropology or mortician practices can explain this to me.

“That cuneiform is definitely pre-Venetian” ...did... did I just hear that right? Oh, PHOEnician... that makes way more sense. I was just... had a heart attack for a second. Carry on.

Look Bruce, you could have a friend your own age! Or... you know, continue to live alone with your butler like... all normal kids do. I suppose you have Cat but... mmm. mm.

...Ed’s fine. He’s fine. Upside down in his... obsession pit. He’s fine.

It’s a TOTALLY NORMAL and HEALTHY thing to paste thousands of pictures of your ex all over the walls while you contemplate revenge, yeah that... this is fine. It’s all Fine.

You’re uh... looking a little ramshackle and disheveled there Ed, OH HEY KNIFE. HI, uh... Okay. Did you fucking... DRAW sketches of Oswald yourself? Oh my god Ed... oh my god. See you haven’t changed at all really.

Yeah, he seems fine

Meanwhile, stuffed birds all over the place. I’m sure that’s... fine

You know, it’s pretty great how ancient cultures are always keen to write their hellish prophecies on their murder weapons, always appreciate that

UHHHHHH SABER SKELETON. UHHHHHH. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Randall Tier flashbacks* UMMM UMMM UMMM UMMM. I JUST UH. I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS MIGHT WANT TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE ALLUSIONS YOU’RE MAKING GUYS. YOU DON’T HAVE A WILL GRAHAM TO SAVE YOU.

Just... just all of the safe. All of the safe.

Maybe uh... maybe don’t talk about the Demon’s Head being a person and then cut to a saber skeleton. Maybe we don’t encourage brutal fledgling serial killers hahahahaha. 

That uh... sure is some hair, there, Alexander Siddig. God this show’s aesthetic is fucking weird. 

...this whole sequence has been nothing but Hannibal allusions.

They are REALLY pushing for the Hannibal aesthetics. Got a real crush on that show.

Look Bruce! Your new friend has ALSO been traumatized by witnessing the death of his guardian! You have so much in common!

*frowns* Harvey left and didn’t tell Jim??? Like, given what happened this summer, I can totally understand Donal not being around for filming but... write it better than “Harvey left and didn’t tell Jim” Because that’s bullshit.

I also DO NOT WANT TO PARTICIPATE in a love triangle where 2 women fight over Jim’s soul NO NO NO NO NO. So if that’s where this is going FUCK OFF, FUCK EVERYTHING, AND FUCK YOU.

Welp, seeing another dead guardian should stir some shit up for Bruce

At least this sends Jim back to Barbara... I mean, that’s not really a positive, but at least I don’t hate Jim and Barbara, mainly because they have the stamp of canon on them

I don’t know how I feel about Babs hair this season, it’s... different

Okay, HARD NO on Ra’s-al-Ghul’s underlings, HARD NO. I just came from American Gods and THAT IS NOT ANUBIS. For one thing he’s white. What.

Intense staring contest with bowler hat. Oswald’s So Over It.

What’re you expecting Ed to jump out of it? Holy shit Oswald, calm down

I... you didn’t want to be disturbed... during your staring contest with the hat??? I... okay. Also, maybe close your fucking door then, it was wide open. Just saying.

Huh... Oswald and Sofia are meeting. Okay. Better put the masturbation hat away then Oswald, it’s a little too revealing

Hmmm... be careful Oswald. You’re right to be wary of her, don’t let her fool you. Also, Maybe Talk To Jim About This.

...White Rabbit. Really. *long, put upon sigh*

AAAAAAAAAAND the worst rap of all time! Well DONE Ed!

Oswald’s reactions to this are everything. Bless you Oswald. I love you. 100% everything I feel too.

Belated Side Note: Zsasz used to work for Falcone, and Falcone has taken control of him back from Oswald on occasion. Why then does Zsasz offer to stab Sofia? Is he truly loyal to Oswald now? Or was his relationship exclusively with Carmine? OR is it a bluff and Sofia’s already tapped him? Or will she tap him later? Lots of questions... lots of questions.

Yeah because WHY would you murder the guy??? It’s WAY more healthy for your psychological state to just... keep him on ice forever. That’s progress.

“I want Ed Nygma” we... we know Oswald. we know.

Always, ALWAYS the fucking docks. Goddddd. PLEASE GET A NEW SPOT YOU TWO.

Also, Oswald, DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO THAT??? That WASN’T a riddle, that was... statements. His brain is SHOT. God knows what a second spell in the ice will do.

Also also, I can guarantee that Ed won’t even be at the docks because he’s a dumbass now. And somehow the obvious answer will be wrong.

Um, frankly, I wouldn’t trust Bruce if I was Alex, Bruce is 100% the person who got Alex’s granddad killed. I’d be super pissed at Bruce. But... y’know, okay, whatever. Moving the plot forward.

Ahhh, Alex is giving Bruce the benefit of the doubt, I see. Nice kid. Very generous in his grief.

Also, why the shit would he come after you? He wanted the KNIFE, that’s it. I mean... I guess you’re a witness, but he didn’t see you so he doesn’t know about you. You’re not in danger kid. At least, not so much danger the police can’t take care of it, for once. You’re very much safe as houses until the plot inevitably fucks this up.

It would be a good idea to give up the knife tho, then you’re really in the clear

How the FUCK is Ra’s-al-Ghul at the library! How does he know to come here? Presumably he knew to come to the antiquities room because he was tracking Bruce because Babs told him to... I guess he could have tracked Bruce here then. Meh.

Ah yes. The creatures. Fuck that.

White people speaking ancient Middle Eastern languages. Mmmm nothing like it.

Ah, the old collapsing book case technique! Because no one thinks to GET OUT OF THE WAY of that shit. Nah, just gotta stand here and be crushed by the 3 ton weight of literature. It was my destiny to die this way.

Oh, I see, you’re just going to make like a harmless academic and this knife has been in your family for generations, of course...

You’re awfully paranoid kid. I mean... I suppose you were attacked now, so... I guess that’s justified

Uhhhh, kid, Bruce is not a Good Example of literally anything. He’s been training to become the world’s most popular vigilante for a few years now and that was born out of this very trauma so... y’know, don’t compare yourself to him. Please don’t. We don’t need more Batmans.

“No, you’re cool” I think you mean wealthy. Wealthy and cool CAN intersect but I feel like this is a classism thing. Let me provide you with a book on Marxism, kid.

If this doesn’t turn into another exploration of sexuality subplot, I’m gonna be disappointed

Uh, if he’s here on international business, like... check his visa Jim, he should have legal paperwork and shit to take that knife back to Nepal

JIM. WHY ARE YOU TELLING A MURDER SUSPECT THAT THERE IS A LIVING WITNESS. YOU’RE ACTIVELY PUTTING THE KID IN DANGER HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT NOT GOOD PROTOCOL JIM. Unless you were planning to trip him up on a lie, THIS IS NOT GOOD PROCEDURE JIM. THIS IS A HANNIBAL LEVEL FUCK UP. AS PEOPLE CONTINUE TO TELL HANNIBAL, THE ACTUAL CHESAPEAKE REAPER, SENSITIVE CASE DETAILS ALL THE FUCKING TIME. HOLY SHIT NO.

This... this whole interrogation is a shit show, oh my god, not great work, very bad work, the both of you. Awful lying, Get Good.

Welp. I guess Ra’s-al-Ghul can teleport. Or turn fucking invisible. Glad that’s very justified. Everyone know if you get resurrected you get Special Powers. The divine amniotic sack gives to all.

Yeah because Sofia Totally Won’t Challenge Penguin For Power. That Defs Won’t Happen. And It Especially Won’t Involve Jim.

Oswald You Good. You Good Good Good Villain. How I Love Thee.

Brilliant babe who is rightfully suspicious after 3 seasons of this bullshit. Y’all fucking forget that Oswald is a sewer rat, you cannot trick him.

Oh boo hoo Sofia, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you

Her criticism may be valid, BUT, on the other hand, as I said, Oswald’s lived through 3 seasons of this bullshit, while you lived the high life in Cuba. You might have your father’s perspective, but you don’t have any of Oswald’s hands-on experience. I still stand by Oswald’s decision to just murder them, he’s played the politics here long enough to know there is no loyalty amongst thieves. Not for him.

You know, it’s very considerate of Ra’s-al-Ghul to break shit every time he enters a scene so we know he’s here. Very thoughtful of him.

Oh it’s his fucking creatures again... ugggghhhhhhh...

More quality rapping! Good job Ed! Continuing to be the Best!

HAHAHAHAHA *more Randall Tier flashbacks* HAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL of the Hannibal allusions! Phew!

...no. no to the bone gag. just no.

Yeah, kid’s dead. Good job Ra’s-al-Ghul, at least you come through on your weird ass threats.

I mean... Ra’s totally made you make that call tho Bruce, this is his sick game, it’s on him. No one should have to decide between the death of one innocent or the deaths of millions of innocents. That’s a bullshit moral quandary that doesn’t actually exist. He wants you to think like he thinks, that’s all, this is psychological warfare, that’s the whole point. Remind yourself he did this, not just for the active murder, but more so because he thinks there is something to be gained by making you do this. He’s the asshole responsible.

Ed, I’m just... sweetie, pumpkin, if your point is to prove Oswald is a coward or an idiot, then... you proved it. Running after him sorta... disproves your point. If you want to meet him and murder him then... make that the point. Just... show up and murder him in the first place. *siiiigh* Or invite him to a cordial murder, whatever, but don’t make it a contest of wits if what you rally want is a confrontation. Get your shit together.

*nods* He’s right, they do suck, they were AWFUL

This... that... was bizarre. This was bizarre. What... exactly does Oswald want? I don’t understand. I know Ed isn’t himself anymore, but... you could help him. You could help him become himself again. And you both hate and are afraid of the Riddler. Why... would you want him back? As you just said, you want him only to freeze him. And just... that personality wasn’t even WHOLE, it was a fractured disaster. That wasn’t even a person. Just like this isn’t even a person. Why would you taunt Ed with saying “you’re not him”? I know you want Ed as an equal, but... do you think he can only be your equal as the Riddler? Who you hate and fear? You’ve got some weird ideas floating around in your head, Oswald. I would make the argument that you don’t hate or fear the Riddler nearly as much as you claim to and you want to bang the living daylights out of him, but like... *siiiigh* I dunno. You didn’t always want that. You wanted Ed to be whole and your equal. Nothing you’ve seen of him since he was your chief of staff has been real. None of it, all of it was a mistake, aborted attempts at personalities. And I just don’t know what you want anymore if you won’t take this broken, defunct Ed and help him.

You’re pushing him towards becoming the Riddler again, so I guess that’s what you want. And maybe you’re tired of being his mentor, after all, you tried that, reluctantly, and that went SO well. Maybe you hope/expect him to work it out for himself, and come back to you when he’s ready. That would put your relationship in a WAY different paradigm than it has been... but... okay??? I guess??? I’m having another time of not knowing what the hell the writers want for them

Why. why why why why. I hate everything.

I hate Jim so much

Ben You Done Fucked Up.

[theclacks]

Buffy - Season One/Two Thoughts

So I started watching Buffy for the first time ever after the big media buzz around its 20th Anniversary. Season One was good. Halfway through Season Two it was AMAZING and I thought “hmmm... maybe I should’ve been doing episode reviews/thoughts.” And then I thought, there’s no way I’m going to stop and take the time between every episode to write out things. Plus, I’d already gotten far enough that I’d either a) have to backtrack or b) be satisfied with starting 30 episodes in.

But I still wanted to record my reactions because honestly this show is great and I haven’t sucked into one like this since... IDK, Steven Universe? But I was pretty much spoiled for everything in Steven Universe, and there’s a big difference between 700 minutes of content on the backlog (SU) and 6480 minutes of content (Buffy).

So, compromise = end of season thoughts. I’ll share everything I knew going into that season, the stuff I didn’t know, and reactions/feelings/whatever.

Season One

Keeping this short since this isn’t a true in-the-moment recap.

I don’t think there was anything majorly shocking or surprising. I knew going in that Angel was a vampire. Honestly the most hilarious thing about that was characters going “omg how could anyone love a vampire?” compared to (out of canon) just knowing the Twilight craze that came a decade after.

The villains weren’t really all that memorable. I think Darla was the best one and even she was “eh.” But I think Joss realized his mistake and DEFINITELY fixed that in the next season.

I was almost certain that they were going to keep Cordelia as the catty school enemy, and I loved her and I was fine with that, but slowly pulling her into the gang like they did in the final episode was even more awesome and I didn’t see that coming.

Oh, also Principle Flutie. THAT was the one major shocking moment for me. They ATE the fucking principal.

Overall fun and bantering with a gang saves the day attitude and a somewhat overarching plot. Just the kind of show I’d been searching to get into for the past several months.

Season Two

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

So, going in no particular order. Jenny’s death. Uggggggh, I can’t believe I spoiled myself for Jenny’s death. I went to check something on her wiki page a couple episodes into Season One and right there at the top it said “STATUS: DECEASED” and I was like... welp.

BUT, I didn’t think that it was going to happen so early. Well, I didn’t know until the episode started and then ALL OF THE FORESHADOWING SIGNS started screaming at me. Especially when Giles asked her what she was doing and she was like “i’ll tell you later.” NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT. THAT’S LIKE -20 POINTS TO YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY. So I suspected during the chase sequence, but didn’t know and then the neck snap and yeah.

Although I think even more painful than that was Giles finding her body later. Like I cringed. I straight up cringed. Also the part in that same episode when Angel tells Buffy’s mom "i haven’t slept since we made love” just hit so many really bad memory buttons for me, like, DAMN everyone did their research here on creepy dudes because it really hit close to home.

Which, taking a back step...

I knew Angel was a vampire going in. I did NOT know he was going to lose his soul. So that completely blind-sided me, but it was also perfect timing? Like I used to watch the show Merlin, and I really liked Merlin but I HAAAAATED it too because it was always so afraid to change the main dynamic: Merlin keeps his powers secret because Arthur hates magic. Like FIVE FULL SEASONS of near misses and almost status quo changes and it was so frustrating.

Buffy season 2 was the opposite of that in a painful but narratively awesome way. The second things started to get compliant, they got switched up.

Spike takes care of Dru for a long time? Welp, now an organ fell on him and it’s Dru taking care of Spike.

Buffy and Angel get increasingly cuter and cuter with their makeout sessions for a long time? Welp, now he lost his soul and he’s evil again.

Spike, Dru, and Angel for an unholy trinity? Welp, now Spike’s getting jealous and OH MY GOD HE’S TEAMING UP WITH BUFFY.

Which, that’s the other thing, I know Spike and Buffy eventually work together. I know they are like THE pairing (and they were actually the pairing I went in expecting to ship, expecting that I’d probably go ho-hum at Buffy/Angel and now I just love them BOTH) so yeah, spoilers. But I had no idea how fast or slow that was going to happen. Whether it’d be one season, two seasons, three seasons before the first alliance, so for that to happen so quickly and be so blasé (”I’M IN A BAND. A ROCK BAND WITH SPIKE HERE.” “RIGHT. SHE PLAYS THE... THE TRIANGLE.”) it was unexpectedly amazing.

What else... oh, the final ending with Angel getting his soul back right before Buffy kills him. I knew that was going to be happen, not from spoilers, but because that’s where the episode was naturally headed. I didn’t know whether his soul would get restored in time for a full reunion scene or if it was going to be like a split-second instant thing of recognition AS Buffy impaled him. It ended up being the “full reunion scene” and it was painful. Not Doomsday/Bad Wolf Bay painful from Doctor Who, but close enough. And it probably would’ve been close to that painful if I didn’t know that Angel ends up getting a spin-off series...

...which is also painful to think about? Because if he’s in that spin-off series, that means he won’t be a regular on Buffy, meaning they won’t be together even if they meet up again. So this is where I start speculating because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.

Buffy and Angel HAVE to meet up again. They HAVE to. But then something will happen to tear them apart again? Maybe the caveat of the curse is the same, he can’t truly be happy or he’ll re-re-lose his soul? So they stay away from each other to keep Angel safe? Or something? Which honestly, that’s just going to be a whole ‘nother level of hurt and I both love and hate this show for causing me pain.

But yeah, back to the whole Merlin comparison. Over the course of this season, Angel went darkside then got sent to hell, Spike and Dru were both introduced as big bads and sort of un-became big bads, Jenny straight up died, Buffy’s mom found out about the charade, Buffy herself just straight up ran away and SKIPPED TOWN, and obviously she’s going to come back at the start of the next season... but it’s like, that experience is gonna change a girl. I honestly can’t wait to start season three (not tonight, gotta let the finale soak in), so I’ll end with a few stray thoughts:

- Oz is awesome (also WHAT, seth green?!?!). I had no idea he was going to be the werewolf in the werewolf episode. I’m so glad he quickly lost the facial hair he had in his debut episode.

- Kendra was amazing and she died way, WAY too soon. Although her death did give Spike another amazing line “Dru bagged a slayer?! :D”

- Dru herself. I had no idea who she was going in, other than she was some ally of Spike’s. I loved the power switch halfway through once she got her strength back. I love that Angel made both her and Spike and how they got their twisted little family back and everything was moonbeams and sparkle-blood at first but quickly devolved into jealously and domestic fighting... because as much as they saw each other as family, Angel’s had his soul for much, MUCH longer than the three were ever together. really it was only 20 years of Dru/Spike/Angel family and 100 years of just Dru/Spike family, so.... yeah. naturally things were going to fall apart after the initial honeymoon phase

- I loved how the 1955 Sadie Hawkins dance episode felt like it was just going to be another MOTW episode and then Buffy and Angel both got possessed and it was awesome

- That one part in the ep with the vampire groupies when Angel’s like “THIS IS NOT HOW VAMPIRES DRESS” and then a boy walks past wearing Angel’s exact outfit. That part