#until the last train home
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torn between wanting to make all my ocs Specialest Little Guys and overpowered VS. the fact I just finished watching all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings and am deeply moved by the struggles and worth of the common man
#ramblings#the end of Return of the King gave me many OC Thoughts and now you're going to hear them#might veto the whole 'Funney Big Weapon Guy is also psychic' thing for Sid Sibyl#won't fully un-magic him just cuz i made it a common thing in the setting but like. i might still nerf him a little in that aspect#his whole schtick is that he is aggressively Just A Guy#he's very persistent. won't come back from a job until he found the last crate that fell off the merchant's wagon or whatever#very good at sword-fighting. cuz he trains and spars a lot and eats like a furnace to keep up his strength#his 'high pain tolerance' is something im self-inserting where i won't notice injuries until later. a bit oblivious. just keeps on truckin#an altogether formidable combo but. he is so much Just A Guy#no super strength no immunities no super-charged magic. not even a cursed weapon to give him a leg up#he finally visits his home again and it's confusing why it's not the same as he remembers it-#-when he should have much more in common with old neighbors and vendors at the market than with his cosmically superpowered friends#old sights and sounds and some friends that give him a warm welcome-back but... it's not the same. it's not home. not anymore#from the moment he chose his path he could never go back home#and I feel like the tragedy of that would be undercut if i gave him something like future-vision or a magical sword
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Have to take 2 trains with 5 minutes in between to get to the other platform, assuming the train isn't late. So like, wish me luck 👍
#i would like to get home today. without having to wait an hour for the next train. it's already going to be almost 8 when i get to the next#station. i don't want to have to wait until 9 for the last train today#because at least according to the db app the bus i normally would have taken doesn't drive and i'm not going to test that#because then i would have to take another bus and then the last fucking train today#and then i have only 3 minutes time and the bus is less likely to be that on time and then i'd have to take another bus#and it'd almost be 11 pm by the time i get home and then i don't think i'm going to go to work tomorrow#-wilhelm
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all of my top songs on spotify wrapped are bollywood songs so backstreet boys sadly did not make the cut this year apparently lmao
#i tend to listen to one song on repeat for weeks until i learn the words lmao#for any song i like its a talent#i was surprised john mayer didnt sneak in there#i listen to last train home A LOT i love that song
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ough the way my friend in my house was insisting that it's best to go to a beach in another city along the coast (to celebrate another friend's birthday) but five of us could go in her car and one would have to take the (expensive, long) train alone (with beach stuff), instead of just going to the smaller but closer beach that we can all get to on the bus together. she stood there and said 'we'll get to the beach quicker in my car than all on the bus' ok five of us will. and the other will not. but that doesn't matter to her
#so they're at this beach now because i said i'll stay home and let everyone else take the spaces in the car#i didn't want to go anyway and i think i might look like a bit of an asshole#the way she looked at me last night and said. we still need to decide who's taking the train there.#right first off you did not tell me someone was going to have to take the train#and maybe i'm being paranoid but yeah in what world wouldn't you want that to be me#she doesn't give a shit fr#the way i get ignored until i'm talking to her about something she wants to listen to.......#i know she's not as close to me as she is with the other two friends going to the beach#and her and one friend have partners who would be in the car with them#leaving one spare seat between me and my other friend#who didn't even know of the train problem until i told her#its not a big deal but u look directly in my eyes and say we need to decide who's not travelling with us. who will have to take the bus to#the city centre then pay for a train ticket then get from the station to the beach then all the way back again.#we need to decide this because *i* don't want to take the bus to the alternative beach even if it means we all get to travel together.#she's my friend but to be blunt she's inconsiderate and self-centred#and too neurotypical to communicate clearly#so much of what she wants to say is implied#like unplugging the tumblr dryer and tightly folding up the cord behind it when she wants us to stop using it to save money#LMAO just talk to us. please#and if you want me to tag behind you on a train#just say that and i'll know
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it is so incredibly hard to not book/organise things prematurely for my move bc i don’t want to accidentally send post to my airbnb way early before my stay BUT ALSO GOD !!!!!! I WANT TO SORT THINGS
#i need to get a new phone bill but i know i can sort that out much much closer to the time#there’s like admin stuff i desperately want to do#it’s happening so soon#3 weeks!!!!#i have to do the last clearing up once i’m home#and then it’s like. packing#i also have to buy some things which is fine but i also can’t do that until im home#i also tried to call my gp and i think bc im not in the uk my calls r bouncing >:(#which means i don’t have a huge amount of time to organise getting an advance on my medicine#i booked french classes though !!!#and my trains to see my brother#and when i get home from here ill be back on the job search#altho lll start doing that again over the next few days
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it's kinda sad I literally never see my bf for more than an hour at a time now despite living together bc I'm doing 7 day/60 hour work/school week but yknow. gotta hustle #grindset
#barks#no it rly is sad tho and im lonely#i do 12 hour days at school 3 days a week and then work 12-close at my job the other 4#so like ya we sleep together but we arent Together ever#the time we did have together last was spent Stressed Out bc of my car#the last day i would have had off in a while#my car broke down !#my next day off#well half day#is feb 7#i go to school until noon then come back home bc theyre having an educator training day or smth#then i have my bday off cos its presidents day and im having my partie#feb 19#so yea next month ill have 2 days off total#loving life#hashtag grindset
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bath + asparagus time
#I did some cleaning and my day’s gotten slightly better#long story short I’ve had a fucking weekend lmfao#last Thursday I had a complete breakdown on my way home prompted by like the smallest comment u could think of#nevertheless it made me sob violently#like picture florence pugh in midsommar but more hysterical#on Friday I had a good day!! but it was fuckin busy man and I didn’t get around to#half of the stuff I needed to#Saturday was also busy and on the way home from work my car started SMOKING!!!! from under the hood#nothing was on fire but it freaked me the fuck out and I couldn’t get it to the mechanic until today so I had to find rides everywhere#and that was stressful#I only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep Saturday night bc I had a (fun!!!) thing that went really late and then had to get up at 5 for work#on Sunday#so Sunday afternoon I got home and napped from 2-6pm and then just went to bed at 8 so I STILL didn’t get any shit done#and then this morning I opened again and I spent my sh#ift w people who are even newer at my job than I am so I was like training them/doing everything they couldn’t do yet and it was just#a weird day and my boss was acting weird and I didn’t like it at all#and then this afternoon I take my car to the mechanic FINALLY and he says the radiator’s busted and leaking coolant everywhere and also#one of the tires is fucked so we have to get them all replaced#and that’s gonna be several hundred dollars which is fine it’s all fine but I’m fucking tired#and when I got home there were still dishes to do😭😭😭#I need someone to baby me and clean my house#gawd#valkyrie talks
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we hired just an absolute idle bouncing DVD menu of a guy. a real orange cat vibe. if you don’t give him specific instructions on what he should be doing he just. stands there like a sim.
yet we make the same exact pay! I love capitalism.
#text post#personal#cash’s coffeeshop au#he’s in seven bands#I’m not saying that like I’m impressed that is objectively too many bands#he’s worked for us for a week and already asked me to switch a shift last-minute so he can go to his band’s cassette release show#was it a surprise show Ryan?#did you not know until 13 hours before your shift that you can’t get off work at 6:45 and make it to savannah by 7:30?????#you fucking walnut#cash yells in the tags because therapy is expensive#he’s older than me by like. five years#which is part of my frustration I think#he seems surprised he can’t make a living off his music here#a quickly-gentrifying city that has a pass-through train punk community at best#he complained no one holds house shows anymore#well yes that’s because no one who would host a punk show can afford a house in this city#and no one is letting you into their $500k home to play a set in the living room
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one of the nights (not my last shift but the one before it), one of my coworkers who's a really tall, skinny guy, and i were tasked with decorating a tree together and he was helping me reach the top of the tree cause we didn't have a ladder, and i was like "u and i are like waluigi and wario cause ur tall and skinny and i'm short and fat" and he thought it was funny
#the wretched gremlin strikes again#i was sooo sad that no one else besides me and my boss weren't working on my last shift so i couldn't say goodbye to my coworkers#and wish them all a happy holiday season#i did tell my boss to give everyone my best regards though#cause they really didn't need me to decorate one tree because there was 5 people coming that day and we would have ended super early#and i would have had no way of getting home cause the train shuts down at like 2 am i think#and doesn't start up until 5 am#and the buses i take don't start until like 6 am and the other one 8 am#and i wouldn't want to have had to phone my dad to come get me#anyways maybe i'll see them for lunar new year#cause i won't be there for the take down cause i'll be in california!!!!
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✧ I won’t really write descriptions for these, but see original post tags for explanation/commentary on the song snippet ✧
#This was literally just off the top of my head improvising words that rhyme (as is obvious from me rhyming the word#'on' with the word.... 'on' (what's going ON my name is ON' etc. lol) but after actually thinking about it this kind of seems a little#sinister?? why is his name on the news? why is he fleeing town? makes me think of of some guy who's killed#someone or is finally getting caught for his crimes so one last stop before he flees town is he returns home to his husband (who he#calls Hummingbird sometimes I guess) and is like 'erm... tee hee.. I can't tell you why but I shall leave. farewell' etc.#also 'I guess I could show you' having a bad implication like.. yeah I COULD show you the dead bodies and evidence of my crimes#but I will spare you from that and simply let you live in ignorance (at least until you see the news at 10.. but I will be long gone by#then.. eating green beans somewhere lol).. ANYWAY.. 100% unintentional but you could actually almost read some sort of meaning#out of this one. until the green beans part ghhbjb.. I try so hard for everything to just be meaningless gibberish#that has no connection but I suppose sometimes a connection can be made. alas.. a perhaps accidentally Dark seeming song snippet#OR alternate theory. uhh... actually his name is on the news for a good reason. he donated all his money to charity and now#he's fleeing town just because he's embarassed to be publicly recognized.. a shy philanthropist OR an evasive murderer#BOTH versions of him like green beans. which is the truth? up to listener interpretation lol.. Also I#still find it immensely funny for some reason to do this lower sounding style of singing. which not that I really care about like having a#Broad Range or something since I don't think it'd even be possible to have one in my position (as someone#with zero musical/vocial training/etc.) BUT because part of what I find fun is like.. experimenting with all different sorts of sounds#and also doing choir type stuff. So then I do want to be able to sound like multiple people.. if that makes sense? I want to have a really#high voice and the a really low voice and have them sing together and it sounds like a duet or something when it's really just one person.#etc. Thus have a passing interest in learning to adopt different singing styles if I can. because then that's funny and I can do a wider#variety of things like it's all different characters or something as if all the song snippets are done by different people or etc.#(maybe just part of the nature of it being experimental).#And the low voice is always the goofiest sounding to me and very 'fake' seeming I guess#like blatantly is just someone putting on an affect or whatever but still in a kind of fun jokey way lol#beepo tag
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god nobody understands how fucking happy i was exactly two weeks ago and how much ive been feeling like im never gonna be this happy again ever since
#last thursday/friday night was like My day.#waking up on thursday i knew that it was rw*b night which like. i was so fucking excited about Bing not in the way most people would think#or understand. anyway. i woke up knowing this and to the 1989 tv announcement. it was the first day of summer again after two weeks of cold#and rain. i got up and did my make up and got on a train to a bigger city nearby on my own just to get coffee and buy a book.#then i sent to the supermarket and bought stuff to make my honey we gotta get you on truvada rw*b cake. got back home around midnight and#started making the cake until almost three am which is when the movie dropped and i was like. so fucking excited and had the time of my life#with those first 45 minutes. had barely to none symptoms of mental illness that day. i was SO happy.#and i woke up the next morning feeling so angry about the way the rest of the movie wasn’t a bad masterpiece and also felt so empty.#and i haven’t stopped feeling empty since and rn the mental illness symptoms are back in full force. nice
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just had severe flashbacks to the time I went on a second date when I really didn’t want to but I did anyway and I was brought into the house and was confronted with all the other housemates who were together watching prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding and I had to introduce myself to them. shivers down my spine
#we then watched the east and I held off kissing until the movie was in its final minutes and I left after it finished because I#said I had to catch the last train home
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huh so have i finally realized that academic validation doesn’t actually solve all of my problems, but instead are the roots of them
#no ofc not#but i feel like the world worked hard today to make me see it just a bit BIT#i found out today that i’m one of the two people in my class who passed the math finals and i was WAY over the moon and saturn#but then i came home and i don’t know WHAT HAPPENED#i was so tired and exhausted of these last few days and i haven’t slept enough#i had just ran myself to death until i’m gasping for air to catch the train i hadn’t eaten nor drunk anything at all that time#and i just came home and i was just a MESS#like SHATTERED#and i just lost it#and now i’m crying every single minute#and i hate everything#and i don’t want to study#who gives a damn about biology anyway#i hate this#i just want to curl up and watch my comfort show please#tw rant#nadirants#academic validation#studying#studystudystudy#exam week
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oh apparently we're done giggling and kicking our heels and it's time for ugly crying now thanks ever so fuckign much kabert i didn't think it would be possible to do this over someone who literally tried to murder my darlings but i thought a little too hard about her turning up at mick's after him thinking she was dead so here we are i guess i gotta hand it to you
#me: i want her to be tormented by narrative parallel twisting the knife into her cognitive dissonance until she can't hide from it anymore#me (now ugly crying): AH FUCK I GOT WHAT I WANTED#sasha wire#ruby's busy SAMM play no children by the mountain goats#congration i sure needed another wip#fuck it i'll probably add it to last train home#the penumbra podcast
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why are train station bus stops the crustiest places in existence
#literally just sat on a bench on a main road#my train got in at 1:30 and the last bus left at 1:34 :/ and the next one isn't until 2:30 lmao#so it's just me my sainsbury's meal deal and the exhaust fumes from this busy road for the next hour#my grandad is really really sick and he's not going to make it so i'm going home to be with my family#very spontaneous#🧃
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oh no it was actually pretty good lol
#listen i will defend this prequel until either it dies or i die#(because as a general life rule i find the wisest choice is to do the exact opposite of what the spn fandom is doing)#but i wasn't expecting the prequel to actually be this intriguing#but they did the bittersweetness#they know that every love story is a ghost story#it was clunky as 90% of pilots are and unfortunately it does have a certain amount of the cw cheese oozing from it#(although not nearly as much as the last five years of spn)#but the story has more potential than i thought it would and the actors are much better than the trailer led me to believe#and at its core it seemed to acknowledge the number one thing that it needed to acknowledge in order to hook people:#this show is a haunted house#fate has already been sealed#the train has already left the station#what's left is to fill in the blanks#and also dean was there and seeing him did indeed feel like going home#so looks like i'm here for the initial 13 at least#we'll see how it goes#i'm still hoping it gets darker though#and it needs more gore#spnwin#the winchesters
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