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mychemicalaromanticism · 3 years

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things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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yoon-kooks · 5 years

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Witch Hazel- Pt.6

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: i’ve had mixed feelings about the tumblr fic community as of late :/ but heres something to read🥺

Holding the boy’s pinky in your own, you stare once more at his drawing of you with your guitar and flower crown—a superhero to those whom you shared your music with.

No. Your music hasn’t saved anyone. You’ve never been a hero to anyone. If anything, you’re the one who needs to be saved. You’d always thought you could grow strong enough to save yourself if you just closed yourself off from the world and did everything on your own. But in the end, that only seemed to hurt you more.

You should’ve known. It’s okay to ask for help, to reach out, to let him in.

“A few years ago, I had a thought. It wasn’t a very smart thought, but I decided I wanted to share part of myself with the world. I thought about the different ways I could go about that, but the way that made the most sense for me was music,” you say, finally letting go of Jungkook’s pinky and making yourself awfully comfortable on a bed that doesn’t belong to you. “So I auditioned for Polar Entertainment. Not to be an idol, but to be a songwriter.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he nods as if it’s not a shock to him, as if he saw it as “a Y/N thing to do.” At the same time, his gentle eyes wait for you to continue, curious to know what’ll happen next.

“Do you remember the song you heard me singing the other day in the music room?”

Jungkook cracks a smirk and starts singing your song word for word in a surprisingly in-tune whisper. Oh, he remembers it alright, and he’ll apparently never let you live it down. He doesn’t stop until you throw one of the balled-up blankets at his face.

“That was the first time I picked up my guitar and sang that song since being rejected at the audition.”

“I can imagine how scarring that would be. Rejection,” he shudders at the word, though you’re sure he knows little about the feeling with art skills as professional as his. “They really didn’t like you though?”

“They liked certain parts of me.” Your vocals, your beauty, your body. “But not the ones that mattered.” Your music, your creativity, your personality. You.

“That’s their loss,” Jungkook says in the midst of a yawn, practically inaudible. But you heard him.

“Maybe they had a point,” you say, looking up at the ceiling. “Because when I look back to that time, it was quite foolish of me to believe my music would reach anyone when it came from a place of desperation, not my heart. The song was a plea for help, not one that would save others.”

“What made you suddenly sing it again after all this time?”

You grab hold of the boy’s hand and form yet another pinky promise. “Promise you won’t laugh at me for my reason.”

“I can’t promise you that,” he says with the straightest face. He’s ready to burst out laughing again and you know it.

“Then I won’t tell you.” With a hmph, you bury yourself under the fluffiest blanket. You wonder how he would’ve reacted if you told him it was that dang jk.seagull and his fanfic that gave you the courage to sing again, to go back to your roots, to follow your love of creating music. It’d obviously sound ridiculous to admit it out loud, but the joy you feel from reading Witch Hazel is what reminds you of the very thing you want to provide others with—happiness.

And that’s perhaps all the encouragement you needed to start sharing your music again.

“I won’t tell you what it was exactly that made me do it, but I’ll tell you why,” you peek your head back out of the blankets to see the boy still waiting patiently for an answer. “I wanted to move on… from the failure I faced that day. That way, I can finally become that superhero you speak of.”

You place the drawing of your superhero self onto the nightstand so that it doesn’t get crinkled up on the bed. No, she’s not a superhero yet. But she will be someday.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“You better not tell anyone,” you remind him. “This isn’t something I share with other people. Ever.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he assures you, with not only his words but also his warmth.

“Good.” You smile whilst closing your eyes. You meant to tell him that he could confide in you too, but the warmth pulls you into a deep slumber before you could do so.

It’s been a minute since you’ve awoken in someone else’s bed, though this is the first time you aren’t all wrapped up in their embrace. Rather, half the boy’s body is hanging off the side of the bed for dear life while you’re right smack in the middle, all bundled up in one of the blankets.

If you wanted to, you could push him over the edge with the tiniest tap of your foot—that’s how close he is to falling. But as tempting as it would be to get even with the boy who teases you to no end, you opt to quietly check your phone without disturbing him.

To your surprise, you have two new notifications: a text from Seokjin earlier this morning and a late-night update from jk.seagull posted sometime after you had passed out. You’ve always been the type to take care of work obligations before indulging in guilty pleasures, so you open Seokjin’s text first.

6:04AM jinnie “so jimin’s manager reached out to me”

6:05AM jinnie “and you want to collab with jimin?”

7:12AM Y/N “oh yeah i asked him to have his manager contact you”

7:13AM Y/N “but i guess i forgot to tell you LOL”

It’s not that you forgot. You were just hesitant to tell your manager about it yourself. Because if possible, you’d like to minimize your own company’s involvement in this top-secret scheme of yours.

7:15AM jinnie “are you up to something?”

7:15AM Y/N “mayhaps”

7:16AM Y/N “but dont tell boss lady pls”

7:17AM jinnie “shes going to find out one way or another”

7:19AM Y/N “thats true 🤔 ”

7:20AM Y/N “well tbh knowing her, she’d probably approve of the collab anyway since it should clear up those dating rumors while (hopefully) appealing to jimin’s fanbase”

7:21AM Y/N “just dont tell her the logistics of the collab”

7:21AM jinnie “what are you scheming lmao”

7:22AM Y/N “youll see”

7:22AM jinnie “ 😒 dont get me or yourself in trouble Y/N”

7:23AM Y/N “i wont! i promise! 🥺 ”

7:24AM jinnie “okay fine”

7:25AM jinnie “ill arrange a meeting with jimin and his manager to discuss everything formally”

As you move on to the more exciting notification on your phone, you see that the sleeping Jungkook has slipped several inches closer to falling flat on his face. Maybe you’ll save him from his impending doom. Maybe you won’t. But that’ll have to wait until after you see what jk.seagull had to say on his blog.

“do you ever think back to that one time in math camp when a little girl screamed in your face that she hated math and wanted to become a musician instead? apparently she somehow confused ‘musician’ with ‘mathematician’ LMAO”

You aren’t sure what provoked the silly seagull guy to share such a random thought, but you do get a good laugh out of it. After all, you can totally relate as someone who went to math camp one summer despite knowing in your heart what you truly wanted to do-

Wait.

“Jungkook,” you say in a half-hushed, half-urgent tone, though calling his name wouldn’t be what actually wakes him from his slumber. “I think I know who the seagull guy is.”

Thud. You swear on your life you didn’t lay a finger on the boy when he fell, despite all the devilish thoughts you had about it earlier. He fell on his own. You’re innocent. Therefore, you have a right to laugh.

“Are you okay?” you snicker, peering down from the bed at the dazed boy. He might have been the biggest klutz for rolling off the bed and stumbling around to find his glasses, but holy shit. His wild bedhead and scattered blankets across the floor make it seem as though the two of you had a lot more than just an innocent heart-to-heart in his bed last night.

“I’m fine,” he stretches his arms and combs the bedhead out. Yes, he is fine. “But, uhh, what’s this about that seagull guy?”

“I think I know him.” You expect Jungkook to be as excited as you are, but he just seems kind of puzzled—perhaps from his lack of sleep.

“…and how did you come to that conclusion…?” he asks. Or maybe he doesn’t believe you.

“You didn’t see the post! Look at the post.” You join the boy down on the floor and make yourself at home there with your phone and some of the fallen blankets. He leans over your shoulder to read the infamous post you won’t shut up about.

“Math camp?” Jungkook continues to squint at the cryptic message before chuckling. “Also, did that girl seriously confuse musician with mathematician?”

“Stop laughing! That dumbass was me.” Now you wish you had kicked his ass off the bed.

He stops laughing, not because you told him to but because he’s mildly shook. “What?”

You take a deep breath in because you know you’re setting yourself up to be clowned for the rest of your fucking life. “When I was like ten, I told my parents that I wanted to be a mathematician, thinking that word meant musician. So they signed me up for camp that summer.”

“Did you ever stop to think that mathematician has the word math in it and not mu-”

You interrupt the boy’s unwelcomed commentary with an air-punch to his guts before continuing on as if nothing happened. “I was so excited until I got there. It was absolutely mortifying to learn that it was a math camp, not a music camp.”

“I like this story,” he nods with his arms guarding himself in anticipation of another air-jab as you square up.

“Still, I tried to make the best out of the situation since I was actually kind of good at math,” you say. “The camp director even told me I’d make a great math professor one day.”

“I can’t imagine you as a math professor.” He settles down with all the chuckling.

“I couldn’t either, so I ran off to an empty room where I thought I could escape without anyone finding me,” you soften your tone. “But somehow a crying, wandering boy found me.”

“Was it the seagull?”

“Maybe. All I remember was hearing music playing from somewhere outside. I sang along as a way to comfort and distract myself from the whole math situation, but it seemed to cheer up the boy as well.”

“Your voice does have that effect, you know.”

“He told me the same thing.” You can’t help but smile a little at the compliment. “But in that moment, it felt like my dream had a purpose beyond fueling my own desires. And I needed to share it with someone. Anyone.”

“So you shared it with the boy?”

You nod. “I told him my dream was to be a mathematician, but he knew what I meant.”

“Did he at least clown you first?”

“He did. He laughed right in my face, and at first I thought he was a jerk for making fun of my dream. But after he kindly taught me the difference between musician and mathematician, I announced my actual dream to him and him alone.”

“And how’d he respond?”

“He said it was cool beans.”

“He said cool beans?”

“Those were his exact words, yes.”

“And that was it?”

“That’s all I can remember.”

“So you don’t even remember his name or anything?”

“We never introduced ourselves,” you shake your head. “I don’t remember his face either because it was covered by a hood and long hair.”

“That’s too bad,” Jungkook sighs. “I bet it really was that seagull guy after all.”

“I have a feeling it was him, too.”

It would be nice and awfully romantic if you had somehow crossed paths long ago with the very seagull who continues to inspire your craft with his own. But even if that isn’t the case, you’re content with having that memory and entrusting it with another boy who has done nothing but lift you up.

You lean yourself gently against the Jungkook’s shoulder as you slip your phone back into your pocket, debating on your next course of action. The two of you should be getting ready for class, but that doesn’t sound very appealing. There are other things you’d much rather be doing, like maybe thanking the boy for lending his ear. But for some reason, it’s still difficult for you to say those two simple words of gratitude.

Perhaps it’s difficult because there’s a lot more you’d say than just “thanks man.”

“Can we just cut class and get coffee instead?” Yes, you’ll thank him for his service by treating him to coffee. Unless…? What if this is just your subtle way of asking the boy out on a date? What if he says no because you’ve already spent way too much time with him in the past 24 hours? What if he hates coffee? What if he-

“We should probably go to class to turn in our project, yeah?” Jungkook brings up a good point. But the thing is, you don’t really have your priorities straight at the moment and your mind has only two things consuming it: coffee and boy. “But we can get coffee after class.”

“Ooh, good, because there’s this one coffee shop I want you to try!” You chirp up despite your nonexistent dose of morning caffeine. “It’ll be my treat as thanks for… letting me hog your bed.”

“Oh right... that,” Jungkook hops to his feet and starts tidying up said bed. You help by picking up and folding all of the blankets. “I nearly froze and fell to my death because of that, you know.”

“I saw,” you bite your lip, trying to mask any naughty thoughts that come to mind. Because next time, if there is in fact a next time, you won’t let the boy freeze.

By the time art class ends, the weight of the dreaded group project has been lifted and your craving for coffee begins to settle in once more. And apparently, the hunger and excitement is radiating off you because someone has the audacity to make a comment about it.

“Why does your face look like that?” Taehyung teases, but you’re mildly offended.

“Because I’m getting coffee from my favorite café. That’s why,” you hiss but there’s still a hidden glow about you and your excitement. “Coffee is to me as girls are to you, Taehyung.”

“Ooh, speaking of girls, do any cute girls work there?” He strokes his wise man beard. “Maybe I’ll tag along.”

“I don’t fucking know.” And even if you did know, you wouldn’t say yes.

“How boring,” he yawns while nudging the boy next to him. “Hey Jungkook, wanna go on a double date with me? I met a pair of gamer girls, but I don’t know all the nerdy gaming stuff that you know. And think about it, this could be the first time you get laid since-”

“Actually, Jungkook’s getting coffee with me,” you interrupt. And if you had been brave enough to look up at the boy as you spoke, you would have seen the healthy pink radiance on his cheeks.

“Oh, so the two of you are dating all of a sudden?” Taehyung nods, as if he had hit the mark.

Neither you or Jungkook give an immediate answer, probably due to the unspoken yet very apparent shift in dynamics between the two of you as of late. Yes, you’ve developed certain feelings for the boy, but no, you aren’t technically “dating.” You just hope he’s on the same page as you.

“It’s just coffee,” you want to say, but it comes out of Jungkook’s mouth instead. And even though you would’ve said the same exact thing, it hits a little different hearing it from him.

At the same time, coffee is coffee and Jungkook is Jungkook. You need to remind yourself that your craving for coffee with the boy will be satisfied, regardless of whether it’s a date or not. After all, “dating” is not an option for an idol who should only be focusing on her music and fans.

“Which drink would you recommend?” Jungkook asks as you lead him in the direction of the café.

“If you like coffee, all of the drinks are good in my humble opinion,” you say, though you realize you should probably give the boy a few specific suggestions to make his decision a little easier. “You can get a standard mocha or latte if you want something simple. Or, their signature hazelnut coffee is really really good. Or if you want something iced, you should try the cold brew because it’s literally the most refreshing dose of caffeine ever. Oh! But if you’re into something more plant-based, I suggest the maple oat-”

“You’re not narrowing down my options if you recommend the entire menu, Y/N,” the boy chuckles at your coffee enthusiast behavior.

“Well, here’s my thought process: if we go at least once a week after class, you can eventually try every drink on the menu by the end of the school year. Not including all the different types of milk options though.”

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or terrified that you even bothered to do that calculation.” His eyes are bigger and brighter than the sun. “But that must mean you really like coffee then, huh?”

“Of course! Is that even a question?” The snobby coffee enthusiast jumped out real quick. But even beyond the coffee, you did the calculation to see how long your little coffee not-dates with the boy could last before you have to return to your idol obligations. “You like coffee too, right?”

“Not really,” he sighs. Your jaw drops. Who the does he think he is? “Are there any tea options? Or like a banana milk or something?”

“You can’t just walk into a coffee shop and not order coffee.” Is this guy for real? No, he’s just fucking with you. Probably. “I better start reevaluating who I hang out with,” you say with a sarcastic hmph.

“I’m kidding, kind of.” He doesn’t do a very good job of reassuring you of that. “I like… coffee.”

“That hesitant pause doesn’t sit well with me, Jeon.” You raise an eyebrow at the suspicious boy. It feels nice to tease him for once. “Why are you grabbing coffee with me if you don’t love it?”

“I just curious about this coffee place,” he nudges you, “since someone seems to really enjoy it.”

So it’s because of you…

“Good to know I’ve successfully peer pressured you into consuming caffeine,” you hum, playing it off as if his words weren’t absorbed right into your heart. It was never about coffee.

It’s about you and him.

The thought of that makes your heart scream a little, so you hide your flustered face behind your phone as the two of you approach the coffee shop. You have an unread text from your manager.

2:35PM jinnie “good news”

2:36PM jinnie “i set up a meeting with jimin and his manager in an hour”

You stop in your tracks. That’s not good news. Well actually, it is good for your top secret collab. But the timing of it all is anything but good.

“Are you searching up the menu online? Oh wait, you already have the entire menu memorized from A to Z.” He thinks he’s funny. Now is not the time, Jeon. His teasing smile doesn’t disappear until the distress is written all over your face.

How do you cancel a not-a-date date without a proper explanation? How can you do that to a boy who has only ever done you right? The thing is, you don’t have to hurt him.

You can cancel the meeting, you can bail out on the collab, you can disappear from the idol world altogether if you choose to do so. And if you didn’t want to go that far, you could instead tell the boy of your deepest and darkest secret, of your idol identity, and he would surely understand your reasons for having to leave so suddenly for work.

You could do any of those things, but you decide not to. You won’t allow yourself to make such a rash decision, even if it’s the right one. So you decide to keep the meeting, you decide to keep your idol self hidden in the shadows, and you decide to abandon the boy.

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #btsboulangerie #jungkook x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook #bts #bangtan #witch hazel

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fluffyheretic · 5 years

Note

I’m so fucking tempted to say “every single question with Kazushuu or Hitoshuu (except for the nsfw ones i guess)” But I don’t want to singlehandedly kill you

ok let’s do it

as a side note sometimes the answer is the same or similar for both ships just bc shuu is uh. the same person. but ofc not always

under cut for lengthhhh

1. Who makes the first move and how?

hitoshuu: normally im gonna say definitely hitori. he probably decides to be direct and just straight up ask. in iwasweetie au specifically tho i want it to be sweetie if only bc i need to make him get over his shit. he also asks “directly” but it actually involves a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush so it ends up not being very direct

shuukazu: im not sure if it would really be one of them specifically, i can see them as the “this kind of just happened” couple. maybe kazuaki is the one after several months whos like “so um… what are we…. lol………..”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

hitoshuu: shuu, not that hitori is the paragon of confidence but shuus like “wtf hes the ideal young man and im Bastard Supreme but ok i guess”

shuukazu: BOTH LMAO but kazu is more vocal abt it and shuu is the Bottle Up EVERYTHING type

some good ol body positivity cuddle sessions work in both cases

3. Who is the most romantic?

anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what feelings ARE” reasons

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

again anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what intimacy IS” reasons but specifically hitori is just more confident and kazuaki isnt necessarily confident but is more just. shameless

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

not shuu for similar reasons as above. there’s a trend here, you see

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

THIS is a CHRISTIAN blog

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

hitoshuu: going to dinner at a place thats nice but not TOO nice. like good comfortable atmosphere and good food but not posh

shuukazu: they probably just wander around, maybe go shopping, kazuaki keeps pointing out stuff he wants and dr iwamine “i dont know what to do with my money bc i dont want for material things” shuu just buys it for him. shuu please stop enabling him. stop it.

8. What do they like in bed?

hitoshuu: cuddling :)

shuukazu: snuggling :)

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

i feel like shuu considers every single new couple-y thing he does to be the new most embarrassing thing he’s done. we’re holding hands? embarrassing. i kissed you? god now THATS embarrassing. you caught me wearing your sweater that you accidentally left at my place? well put me in the fucking ground thats literally the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to anybody. how dare i show sentimentality. despicable

kazuaki is similar in that he’s constantly one-upping himself and getting a NEW most embarrassing thing but his things include stuff like getting caught watching really strange anime and scream-singing pop songs and anime OPs in the shower

hitori probably like tripped on the sidewalk once

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

these questions are difficult bc man idk what media exists in 2188 bird japan

11. What do they hide from one another?

in both cases shuus answer is “just about everything” hes terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. pretty much everything you learn about him has to be squeezed out

hitori hides how troubled he really is because he wants to seem like the responsible one everyone can depend on so that they dont have to worry about him. he does his best to hide when hes struggling but since shuu has that exact same impulse they pretty quickly start to see through each other, but are also very understanding about it.

kazuaki probably doesnt have as much to hide but he might be shy about portraying how REALLY in love with shuu he is too soon because he doesnt want to scare him away. he also hides the weirder shows and games and stuff that hes into lol

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

hitoshuu: i can see them having that kind of relationship where at first its casual and almost competitive in a way, like a “i think youre sexy and the only thing i know to do about it is see what i can do to make you flustered, then act smug when i succeed” thing. but over time when the novelty of that starts to wear off they both kinda realize they just straight up like each other and start being more genuine and soft.

shuukazu: again its a similar thing with shuu where he starts feeling more comfortable with letting himself be a little more genuine and START opening up. kazuaki picks up on this as a good sign and starts to worry less about trying to impress shuu and more just enjoying their time together.

13. When do they realize they should get together?

this is another one that i think is a similar answer in both cases, at least for shuu’s part he has a “dammit. i cant lose him” moment. since hes a person of very few words he tries to communicate “i want us to be serious” via letting down his walls a little bit, which hitori/kazuaki hopefully notice is happening and then are like “oh maybe we can work”

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

for shuu and hitori its “responsibly take care of you, bc its what i should do but also secretly i get STRESSED AS FUCK when someone i care about is sick so i gotta make sure youre okay”

for kazuaki its “take care of you, although i dont really know what im doing, also i thought since youre bedridden we could cuddle but its not as enjoyable as i wanted so like I’m Here but also im gonna watch tv okay? ill get u crackers and ginger ale”

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

hitoshuu: shuu’s gonna say he doesn’t care, but hitori also doesn’t really care so eventually he’ll get shuu to admit that he’d like to watch a nature documentary. especially if it’s marine-themed. hitori likes that too so hey there you go

shuukazu: shuu WILL watch the 76th pokemon movie OR ELSE

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

hitoshuu: both are cutthroat bastards that do anything it takes to keep each other safe. their reliance and trust in each other is probably 99% of what keeps them going.

shuukazu: again shuus gonna do literally anything it takes to keep kazuaki safe, but to be real i dont know if kazuaki is making it out of this one. and if he doesnt then shuus not either.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

shuu’s answer is going to be at various points in prehistory to study organisms that are now long-extinct (side note god thats definitely my answer too). his bf is worried abt the dangers but comes with him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

i think hitori might not have anything specific in mind but going to historical sites in their heydays seems like a good choice.

since kazuaki likes literature he’d probably want to see historical stuff related to that, like seeing shakespeare plays when they first came out and meeting his favorite dead authors to ask them questions.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

hitoshuu: hitori doesn’t like to dance around that kind of thing, after a little time has passed for them to both think about it then he’ll just be direct and say “hey lets talk about that thing that happened” if he feels he was in the wrong then he’ll then follow that up with an apology. i can see hitori being a little grudgy but then quickly getting tired of it and just wanting things to be resolved. shuu hates talking things out because hes bad at it but he knows its best so he’ll just try to explain how he felt at the time but also what he’s considered since then. even if he’s not good at explaining himself, hitori is good at understanding him anyway so they usually work it out pretty quickly.

shuukazu: they can be messier since kazuaki gets really emotional really quickly and sometimes says things he doesnt mean. theyre both bad at dealing with it afterwards though until after a few awkward days, kazuaki cant take it and is like “waaa i dont want us to be fighting anymore 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” and shuus like “ok.” because yeah he’ll take the easy way out. they could probably improve their communication tbh

19. Where do they go on their first date?

hitoshuu: they probably decide to do something simple and casual to make it less awkward so they just get coffee. shuu feels like, from what he knows, that he should be expecting hitori to make a move on him. hitori doesnt because he wants to be considerate of shuus comfort level, but shuu takes it as a sign of disinterest. luckily shuu realizes hes wrong about that when hitori quickly invites him on Another date where they take a stroll in the park, and thats when hitori goes in for the tactical hand-hold maneuver.

shuukazu: kind of the opposite of hitoshuu in that they dont really declare it officially as a date. kazuaki just asks shuu if he wants to see a movie with him, not really calling it a date but kind of implying it to be one. shuu probably doesnt care about the movie but thinks this might possibly maybe be a date so he should go. kazuaki then uses it as a chance to Put On The Movies, as awkward as that might be, including the classic “stretch with my arms up and then let one down over your shoulders” move. shuu doesnt really know how to indicate his own interest in response but hopes the fact that hes also not complaining in any way gives a hint. despite it not REALLY being an official date at the time, later on theyll look back on it and decide that yeah that was their first date.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

shuu hates taking time off work, but if he must, then he’ll be content as long as theres something scientifically interesting there like a museum or an aquarium.

hitori doesnt really mind where they go, hes just grateful to get to go on holiday at all, so he’ll let shuu pick. and again, that’s going to be somewhere with a natural history museum, probably a very nice one and they’ll both enjoy it.

kazuaki is similar in that he’s just happy to be there but his ideal holiday destination is probably just…. akihabara. so shuu relents and goes there with him occasionally. kazuaki does like to visit aquariums with shuu though! they do both

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

hitoshuu: the cemetery, at least at first when they arent used to being that vulnerable in front of each other

shuukazu: well shuu sure as shit is nervous about going to anime cons with kazu

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

in both cases, definitely at one of their homes, because shuus too much of a wreck to have a moment like that in a public place.

for shuukazu, i picture it that theyre just hanging out at kazuakis place and relaxing, and they end up cuddling a lot, and kazuaki kisses him kind of impulsively. hes then very apologetic about it before shuu manages to assure him that its fine.

hitoshuu, maybe hitori walks shuu home after a date and goes for the classic end of date goodbye kiss, but just on the cheek. then when once again hitori has walked shuu home, shuu wonders if he should expect a real kiss this time, but hitori goes for the cheek again. shuus disappointed and grabs hitoris sleeve before he turns away because he doesnt know how to say he wants more. but hitori takes the hint and kisses him for real this time.

23. Where is their favorite place to be together?

in both cases it’s at home, because shuu finds it much easier to be intimate when they’re in privacy. i think all three of them really appreciate just getting to relax together.

24. Where do they first have sex?

what did i say about this being a christian blog

25. Why do they fight?

usually its because shuu said something a little too tactless. hes not so clueless that he’ll say something really obviously offensive, but sometimes he really doesn’t know what’s too much. but his bf is hopefully understanding of this and corrects him Still Firmly but still with some “but i know you didnt mean it like that, we’re okay” way, because chances are he really didnt.

for hitoshuu specifically, hitori has to be on shuu about eating properly and can sometimes get kind of annoyed about it. shuus kneejerk reaction is to then be offended because hes an adult who can take care of himself. but they calm down and make up when shuu remembers that hitori just worries for him, and hitori remembers that shuu doesnt not eat just to spite him.

for shuukazu, i can see kazuaki’s lack of responsibility and aloofness start to get on shuu’s nerves, and when he brings it up kazuaki thinks he’s just being mean. again, similarly to hitoshuu, they get over it when kazuaki reminds himself that shuu wants him to be able to take care of himself, and shuu reminds himself as well that he can be too abrasive and should work on it.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

hitoshuu: they dont have to right away but over time it would be good for them to be honest abt their respective traumas and the shit theyre dealing with instead of hiding it

shuukazu: similar, shuu should probably get around to being more open abt his shit. they might also want to have a talk abt what a serious relationship is gonna look like for them

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

hitoshuu: i answered this already! but again, its bc theyre so ~responsible~

shuukazu: ppl either see kazuaki being super clingy and think “man hes so overbearing, his poor partner 😒” or see shuu being emotionless and think “man theyre so cold, their poor boyfriend 😒” actually they gotta mind their own damn business

28. Why do they get jealous?

hitoshuu: i feel like hitori actually gets hit on a pretty decent amount. shuu is never happy about it, but the death glares he starts sending usually scare the person off anyway

shuukazu: both of them think the other is too good for them so if anyone looks at them with even a little too much interest the other is immediately like “well i guess this is it”

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

hitoshuu: little moments shuu loves is when hitori asks him how he is, how he slept. when he makes him dinner. hitori loves when shuu looks deep in thought, tucks his hair behind his ear, and he definitely likes to see him get along with nageki, which he does.

shuukazu: shuu loves when kazuakis eyes light up with excitement when he sees something he likes, especially when shuu realizes that hes one of those things too. he also loves kazuakis really nice hugs, especially when shuu just woke up from a nightmare. kazuaki loves how shuu listens to him intently, and asks questions about the things hes interested in, and sometimes rests his hand on him when hes getting tired.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

hitoshuu: both are important figures in each other’s lives, obv shuu helped nageki but also hitori is probably the first person to get even a little close to shuu after ryuuji died. theyre both just pockets of trauma but are doing their best so it would be good for them to support each other and try to heal. theyre both pretty dependable so when the going gets tough they’re each other’s rocks

shuukazu: theyre definitely the “it will never work” couple that ends up working anyway. shuu might think kazuaki is annoying at first but if ryuuji is any indication shuu definitely seems to gravitate towards people who are more chill and even a little silly, and when shuu realizes that kazuaki isnt as dumb as he makes himself seem that helps a lot. for kazuaki shuu definitely has a ~mysterious~ aspect that draws him in initially but when it wears off as he learns more about shuu, instead of the magic being gone he just starts finding him more relatable and endearing so their relationship actually improves.

#hato #hitoshuu #shuukazu #shuu #hitori #kazuaki #kirogaraii #these were really interesting to answer #it made me think a lot abt the ways i think these ships are similar but also different #and how theres always one constant: shuu is a mess #but theyre ALL messes so its ok theyll be messy together <3

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lumen-tellus · 5 years

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shoves my ak envoy oc into a ffxiv au i guess

uhhhhhhhhhhhh not really sure on her background in this au besides that the idea that she didnt survive her final encounter with the reinhardt or whatever and so died without being revived and so mister sad knight man got the cube and literal SHIT went down and the entirety of heaven-azuria-pandemonium got destroyed as a result. thus with the last of her power gaia Yeeted my oc into another world altogether with a few well-meaning wishes that my oc practically went “FOR WHAT?? I DIED” with a small “NOW YOU CARE ABOUT ME????????? AFTER ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENED?????” in reaction

this is where it gets into vague guesswork stage because she could have ended up anywhere at that point and i havent figured out where id like her to start out in ffxiv land so rip i guess

tho for now im guessing she got reincarnated as the child of a family heading to ul’dah, except the travelling caravan they were in got attacked and my oc ended up being one of the only survivors rip.

considering her whole baggage before being reincarnated, her death, her reincarnation, and then nearly dying AGAIN as a little kiddie didnt do her wonders, she was probs more or less............ uh.................... Really Lashing Out At Everything At This Point. fought the nice mercenaries that saved her. probably bit one of their fingers. would absolutely not leave whatever conjurer medbay she must have been dumped at for initial caring purposes. and so everyone just resigned to letting her stay there, at least until she calmed the hell down rip

AND THIS ANOTHER GUESSWORK PART, but i like to think that the whole envoy business and their eidolon partnerships thing means that my oc, in ffxiv land, practically has the abilities of a hearer, if not even Better than that. so anyway, that means she can commune with the elementals and being in the medbay run by whatever few conjurers happen to be working all the way out in ul’dah must mean that detail probs does Not go unnoticed for very long. probs not helped any further by how my oc, once her head cool downs a Bit, will kinda try helping out and she was a healer by default in ak so yeah conjury comes way too naturally and also way too thoughtlessly for her to do

SO ANYWAY IF THAT GUESSWORK IS IN PLACE, that means she probs sticks around longer than intended helping out and learning, uh, a not very formalized way of conjury from the other healers. which probs worries the conjurers a lot because shes Good At The Heals but is she borrowing this from the elementals for real?? they were probs considering telling her to stop because its Not Safe If True until or unless she also slips up with her v good connection to spiritual beings lmao

tho either way, they might eventually tell her that she needs to get a proper study of the subject, so they decide to send her off to gridania where the Real Studying Prowess Is - and thats one way to set up her ffxiv au i guess wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

still building on alternatives to this because i like the dumb not so funny idea of her starting at limsa instead (because sea port, and a lvl1 envoy starts at a fishing port in ak sooo) but mmmmmmmmmmm still building, rip

this au tho is v fun to think of bc, as a continuation of ak, my oc already has a p solid foundation that consists of 1) Does Not Wanna Be A Savior Of The World Ever 2) ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WANNA DIE SAVING THE WORLD EITHER 3) is unable to say no to helping people, which thus escalates into saving people and the world, which thus escalates into the possibility of heading towards a pointless mean death that she is thus permanently lowkey resigned to

also 4) she was a bard/sorc, so shes gonna be avoiding anything to do with arcanists and actual bards at worst and tolerating them and their respective abilities with Bad Feelings all around at best. which is weird to consider if she follows the conjurer/white mage route because ak barb is all about them Heals so Hmm.

#rp stuff #i literally made this au bc it amused me to think of my 'i hate being the chosen one' ak envoy oc going ''fuck u hydaelyn I WANT OUT''#at least i feel like this au would be an amusing idea and alt answer to why the player chara cant be tempered.#bc haha my envoy oc is 1) not a native to this world At All 2) is technically-ish-kinda under another great spiritual being's call so Yeah

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candyclan · 6 years

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Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

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demyrie · 6 years

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I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.

ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.

So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.

Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:

1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)

2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope

3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.

4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.

So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult.

It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it.

Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.

(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.

So.

Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life.

However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.

The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us.

Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.

This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.

It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.

We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.

He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?

My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.

(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there.

Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)

During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.

The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too.

He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.

This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.

This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?

FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.

JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.

so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.

Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.

#just another mission #jam #demyrie writes #personal #abuse #stalking #emotional manipulation #i would say p/edophilia but this site doesnt know what that means and this isnt it either so how about abuse of a minor #recovery #mental health #suicidal ideation #triggers #Anonymous

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weareallfallengods · 6 years

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Survival

Writing prompt:

If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?

I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.

********************************************

Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.

At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.

When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.

See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.

But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."

And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.

I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.

And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.

His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.

On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.

But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.

But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.

And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.

Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.

The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.

But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.

They found me.

I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.

See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.

Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?

And I was now 25.

It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.

I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.

I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.

And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.

And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.

This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.

Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.

And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?

Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.

I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.

I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.

So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.

And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."

As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.

The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.

I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.

"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.

I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.

-Soon,

Baddar"

Well, this is interesting.

#writing prompt #short story #what if #what would you do #one shot #writeblr #death #language

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actualbird · 7 years

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so a rather odd trope i ran into several times in previous fandoms is a fic where character gets magically turned into a dog and the only way they can turn back human is if they learn to love/trust others or love/trust themselves. now on that note i propose a concept: fic where jeremy gets turned into a dog

now hear me out.

post-squip or no squip, either works so long as 1) the gang is all friends 2) things are generally going well in the grand scheme of things and 3) jeremy’s self-esteem and generally his outlook on himself is still absolute shit.

theres a lot of ways to spin Jeremy’s Terrible Self Esteem. if it’s post-squip, he’s better and things are better but he still harbors so much guilt inside of him. he still resents himself for so many things he did. if it’s no-squip, theres that realistic subtle tragedy of being surrounded by people who love you but never actually believing it. jeremy’s brain can convince him of the wildest, saddest shit, like for example: people dont actually like him and/or want him around and theyre just being nice. all aboard anxiety nightmare train choo choo.

anyway, jeremy gets turned into a dog. how isnt really important (okay i guess it IS but i cant really figure it out yet. magic curse? a witch? a really, really weird side effect of having had a squip? WHO KNOWS. HE’S A DOG NOW) what is important is that jeremy wakes up on a sidewalk where he passed out and for some reason his line of sight is way lower, he cant see the difference between all three lights on the stoplight, and when he tries to say “what the fuck” what comes out instead is a garbled bark.

jeremy is now a dog and thats not fucking normal at all.

he freaks out. he totally freaks out. he catches his very much not human very much canine reflection at a storefront and he runs, panicked and scared and freaking out. he tries to go home. he claws at the front door and barks up a storm and when he sees his dad through the window and jeremy is so relieved until his dad just shoos him away and he remembers that his dad is deathly allergic to dogs.

jeremy tries to say “i’m jeremy!” but all that comes out is a pitiful whine. his dad looks sad for a moment before drawing the curtains and leaving jeremy alone on the porch.

terrified and alone, jeremy finds himself at michael’s house because thats always where he ends up when he doesnt know what the hell to do next. michael (and michael’s family) is not allergic to dogs and michael basically “adopts” jeremy. as a dog. because no matter what jeremy does, he cant communicate to michael that hes his best friend and not just man’s best friend. michael just thinks jeremy is a really noisy and anxious dog. michael loves him. michael names him something dumb and pointedly not jeremy. maybe one of the pacman ghosts. jeremy rolls his eyes.

so heres where a bunch of shenannigans can happen because jeremy is a dog but he very obviously doesnt want to be one so hes….pretty shitty at being a dog. theres no way in hell hes eating dog food, hes so fucking clumsy because four legs, and maybe three days into his dog-existence he just gets so frustrated and ends up gnawing something to shreds. michael is kind and he loves dogs but jeremy can see the disappointment in his eyes sometimes.

all dogs are good dogs unless theyre jeremy.

THIS WHOLE TROPE IS BASICALLY ONE VERY PAINFUL JOURNEY THROUGH SELF WORTH. jeremy has a crisis by the 4th day about how maybe hes more useful to people as a dog than as a human. jeremy thinks about his place in the universe. jeremy watches the world go on without him but—

but it doesnt really. because the entire time jeremy is a dog, jeremy the human is missing. and everybody is affected

now i told jenny @listentotheshityousay this concept and she started to mercilessly kill me with these words

this is such a prime opportunity for jeremy to finally find out what others think about him when he’s not there. the one time where somebody will say sth about him and he can’t think they’re lying they’re just trying to make me feel better they probably don’t like me that much anyway

he hears jake’s voice through the phone. yeah we’re worried. he’s smarter than he gives himself credit for, he’ll be okay. if anybody tries anything with him I’d fucking break them. christine visits and hugs michael, worry brimming in her eyes. oh I miss him, I want him to come back safely. jeremy’s dad stops by, looking tired and worried. I don’t know what to do, he’s all I have left.

and then there’s michael, who curls around jeremy on the bed, stroking jeremy’s belly. I bet he’d love to meet you. he’s always had a soft spot for animals. michael laughs, a warm, wobbly sound that makes the tiny heart in jeremy’s canine-ribs ache. I always teased him about being a furry. his fingers tighten in jeremy’s soft fur. I’d never tease him about it again if that would bring him back right now, he says, his voice cracking on the last word. even on my worst days, seeing him smile made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I don’t know if I’m gonna be okay without him.

michael tells jeremy everything about the jeremy heere he’s grown up with for twelve years. about his kindness, his wicked smiles, his competitive nature revealing itself during their gaming sessions. a jeremy heere that jeremy himself has never seen and only sees now, through the lens of michael’s stories, and the realization of how much michael loves him, how loved jeremy is, it’s too big to fit into his chest.

AND

“I shouldve told him I loved him,” michael whispers, burying his face aginst jeremy’s side to hide his tears. “I wish I’d told him that he could always come back to me.”

I’m here, jeremy wants to say. I came back to you. I always come back to you. he wants to scream and instead whimpers, nosing against michael’s shaking shoulder. I want to come back to you, I want you to tell me, I want to, I want to, please

when they start looking for jeremy, jeremy cant help but feel little bitter about it. even when hes missing, all hes doing is causing trouble and being an inconvenience. but then this painful scenario of feelings happens and jeremy starts to see how much people care but in the most painful way possible. it feels like being flayed open, watching people mourn him when hes right there. when that happens all he wants to do is go back. he needs to change back.he doesnt give a fuck about himself but for everybody else, he needs to come back but he doesnt know how to

michael breaks down and jeremy has to watch. it hurts jeremy so fucking much to see his best friend like this, to know that it’s his fault but he tries to help how he can in the form hes in. he doesnt leave michael alone when hes looking rough. he cuddles next to him (even though somehow that feels wrong, like hes taking advantage of the situation but for fuck’s sake hes a dog). jeremy is getting used to the feeling of shaking fingers threading through his fur. and it fucking kills him

i actually dont know how to fix this. eventually jeremy is gonna find a way to communicate to michael, maybe he knocks over a scrabble set. and then they work together to figure out how to change him back (and guess what it’s through the power of SELF LOVE) but uh yeah.

so thats my oddly depressing concept where jeremy gets turned into a dog. thanks for reading

#this post got weirdly long for the rather crack concept it's discussing #bmc #be more chill #dogjeremy au

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comicteaparty · 6 years

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August 16th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 16th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Raison d'Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Raison d'Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh)~! (http://raisondetrecomic.tumblr.com/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

snuffysam

my favorite scene is the scene where inada gives yukina the journals, but only on a second reading. "hey tante, can you help me research-" "what's that? you wanted my sister's diary? you wanted my big sister's deepest, darkest secrets? you wanted to learn the most intimate details of your mothers' lives? that's what you wanted?"

Funari

Mueheheh~ Yeah, we love putting in stuff like that. Seemingly innocent comment at first, but during a reread? BONUS!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

in the retrospect i can only suspect inada was saving them for blackmail O_O

Funari

Little siblings...they can be such brats ;P

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

lets see, lets see. i think my favorite scene is when yukina is in the shadow place because i really like the tension of shit hitting the fan, the visuals, and then the comedic end where yukina and rie just wind up in a pile.

Funari

Ah, yes. Chapter 5 was when Leigh started putting in her two cents more into the story. I don't recall who came up with the exact direction there BUT that was a good one. It kinda encompasses Raison's story style as a whole - can get serious but then it has its comedic moments just kinda "whoop!" right back

A roller coaster of emotions

snuffysam

i really like that comedic aspect too

like in the story being told about miko and sachiko rescuing nozomi

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm pretty bad for being able to figure out relationships unless they're spelled out in black and white myself. Even the big reveal of "Kaa-san", I don't remember how long it took until I clued in to there being two mothers.

snuffysam

i think "oh, she's their daughter" was the first thing i thought of, but the way the characters' talked threw me off

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

LOL. i guess thats fair though. not sure how much anime you watch cause if you dont watch anime, yeah, kaa-san would probably just go right over.

Funari

Leigh: The "rescuing Nozomi" story was one of the first stories I was asked to help with back in Part 1. I've looked forward to that scene finally playing out, and was not disappointed!(edited)

snuffysam

i like how japanese mom is kaa-san and french mom is maman lol(edited)

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

My favourite scene was actually pretty early on. It was when Kregor was going after Sachiko saying something to the effect of "this should be easy" only to have Miko disarm his dagger and get into a whole fight.

Funari

Leigh: Made life a little easier as far as trying to write for these idiots ;p(edited)

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

In a sense it helped set up his other flailed attempts.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

another scene that i really liked was when yukina learned about the ascendent and decided that perhaps she should stop hiding and all that. i feel that was portrayed in a powerful direct effect of reading the journal.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Yes, I meant flailed not failed.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

any scene with kregor is a classic because kregor is that right mix of overconfident and screw up

Funari

Poor Kregor~

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I watch anime. I got the reference, I didn't put two and two together that Miko and Sachi were married.

Funari

Leigh: I'm working on a page with Kregor at this very moment. So he's not going anywhere soon!(edited)

snuffysam

it's the first thing we learn about them math!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Snuffy: I did think that was clever about the two language mothers.

I have the mind of a goldfish!

Rebel: Yeah, that whole ascendent thing was good. I liked the side story of her with her mother too.

snuffysam

"eh, i just sort of forgot about this canon f/f ship" - math, 2018

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

We were in the future though!

Funari

A little something from Maman, and a little something from Kaa-san ;p

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm used to seeing them younger and courting.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello!

snuffysam

hey sj!

Funari

Hello there :3

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(I'll be a bit in-and-out with my 2 month old, btw.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hey sj~!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I see you're one of the creative talents responsible for this comic, @Funari

Really nice efforts ya got here!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well the important part, math, is that you figured it out eventually and saw that those ship sails moved at full force.

Funari

Thank you :3 I created the universe and the basic plot and some of the cast. Leigh created the other half of the cast and has helped string the plot together a bit better since chapter 5 :3

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Ah okies!

Always appreciate a good team effort.

Also was not expecting that four year timeskip

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i have to say the timeskip surprised me too. not that it was unwelcome, mind you, just something that made me go legasp

Funari

I don't think anyone was, according to folks over at the c14 server or anyone who's commented to us besides one friend lol

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

Funari

Ever since Leigh started contributing more, it made twists even more likely. Sometimes she'll suggest an idea and smirk at me from across the room and...oh boy.. xD

snuffysam

yeah i was figuring part 2 would begin with the gang immediately going to rescue them but nope

it was a cool twist!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol XD

AV-chan

Hi, just dropped by to join the Raison discussion party here Favorite scenes? I think it's mostly the ones with Miko and Sachiko especially when they were in their teens

Funari

Leigh: smirks

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Also just wanted to say this is a really good suit https://78.media.tumblr.com/ea04508234ff49e7d6b78458cef47714/tumblr_inline_nal653HGRk1r87x2y.png

Funari

Hey AV! :3

snuffysam

but yeah @AV-chan , i absolutely agree

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello AV!

snuffysam

seeing miko and sachiko interact as teens is just the best

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

welcome @AV-chan ~! thank you for coming!

AV-chan

Hiya everyone

snuffysam

they're so perfect together!

AV-chan

I know right, it's just so cute seeing them get together

Funari

Leigh: I do love a woman in uniform @Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

miko and sachiko have a really nice and fluffy relationship so seeing them together is a happy thing :3

Funari

Awwww

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Women in univerm are always so awesome

especially the battle-ready ones

Funari

Leigh: Heheh~ YES! Sword Wife!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

A good sword wife

AV-chan

Totally

Funari

It personally makes me gush that you guys love the SachiMiko interactions x3

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Sweet to hear~

AV-chan

Maybe soon with Yucchan too but that's probably not gonna happen any time soon I think

Funari

Leigh: Smirks

snuffysam

i seem to recall on some page where yukina's mom (not sure which) called to her from off-screen, there was an author comment that went something like "i have no idea what her parents' designs will be lol"

that was a nice touch

Funari

laughs

AV-chan

I think it's mostly cause how I somehow witness the development and changes to your OCs Funari that makes me very interested in them as well

snuffysam

though to be fair, we hadn't seen what miko and sachiko looked like as adults yet, so that wasn't necessarily a lie

Funari

Leigh: I knew that Nari had been hanging with me for too long when that popped up!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh yeah, then it was a hat hiding things. Was that an accident?

Like, saying that?

Funari

That's the point! @snuffysam xD

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

speaking of designs tho, i really do like the adult designs for them. especially how sachiko has this sort of grizzled look now cause of the eyepatch

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

https://78.media.tumblr.com/bc036315fd6b663afa1ffaffa11a5e89/tumblr_p9i9zvvI3w1tzfltho1_1280.png Wow, the future sure looks... different.

Funari

Don't quite get what you mean there @MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑 Just want to be sure I know what you're talking about before I answer

AV-chan

A traditional house in the future?

snuffysam

people have traditional houses today, don't they?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Throughout the comic, we continually see the appearance of Kregor who is out to cause a lot of harm at the behest of his boss, Lady Elianne. What do you think is so special about Sachiko’s blood? Does it have something to do with Allie or is something else afoot? Why do you think Lady Elianne targets Sachiko specifically and not anyone else in her family? Do you think Lady Elianne will ultimately succeed, or will everyone be able to stop her? Who even is Lady Elianne? Outside of Sachiko, Kregor also hunts Yukina’s friend Rie at the behest of the Tanuki Brothers. Do you think the initial failure will deter Kregor from trying again? If Kregor doesn’t try again, do you believe the Tanuki Brothers will leave Rie alone? If Kregor does try again, will he succeed or will something else stop him?

Funari

Stuff has happened to both between their teenaged years and when they're moms. Meta-wise, we're also not fans of works where adult forms of characters almost look exactly the same as the young forms but with smaller eyes or the like

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes, we do

snuffysam

it's clear that there's something important about the nakamura bloodline

Funari

The idea behind the Miyamotos' house is that was to hammer down the idea that they were pretty traditional. At least since Nozomi got married.

(and there are still traditional homes in Japan today ;P )

AV-chan

Ooh that's true

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

aah, alright X3

snuffysam

plenty of houses that are around today were built centuries ago, and plenty of modern houses try to imitate houses from centuries ago

AV-chan

That part with Sachiko being hunted has always piqued my curiosity in a way, like what's gonna happen next

Funari

Oh and my reaction to Question 2? ohhhhh that's pretty much what Part 2 is all about! So I'll just keep myself "quiet"

snuffysam

well we know what did happen next

Funari

And Leigh is saying she's just gonna keep smirking, so not much input from her either lol

snuffysam

lost her depth perception, for one

gained a shadow friend

Funari

True, very true...for the depth perception bit

Shadow friend? Ohhhhhh that happened sooner in her life

AV-chan

An interesting twist there

snuffysam

i mean "next" being after the latest journal entry that yucchan read

i don't think we've seen allie in any journal entries so far?

Funari

Nope, not in journals, though there is a Special comic that shows a specific moment in Sachiko's life relating to that

https://imgur.com/a/Q4J7v

snuffysam

i bet everyone is super jealous of yucchan's three moms

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"How do you even get three mommies?"

snuffysam

japanese mom, french mom, and shadow mom

Funari

Leigh: Hey, I'M jealous of her moms!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so in respects to the question, i recall elianne referring to the thing as a curse and how its killed her ancestors. but im starting to wonder if its not something on her mother's side but something on her father's side. because nobody on her mother's side seems at all bothered by any sort of curse and what not and it fits why kregor is targetting sachiko and not say her brother.

AV-chan

That's an interesting way to put it

I forgot if Sachiko's brother had a different dad

snuffysam

he did

Funari

He does!

Also BOOM! Good catch, @✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ !

AV-chan

Ah that most likely it

Funari

Hayato was born through Rin's marriage with Japanese businessman Daichi Nakamura. Sachiko was....well, by all means, an illegitimate child from a guy in France that Rin knew

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Back, sorry @Funari ; I think what I was wondering was were Yukinas parents always decided from the start, and it was how they looked in the future that gave rise to the hat, or was the scene with her parents evolving as that scene began.

Funari

@MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑 Yukina was always intended to be Sachiko and Miko's kid. Her meta-conception was pretty much that basic idea

But, ahem, yeah. Something's going on with Sachiko's paternal blood that's related to Elianne. Some big stuff

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh yeah, Sachiko's dad is actually the head of some other huge NKP department or something... that's probably the reason the hit was put out on her?

Funari

The Rin (Favreau) side of things is mostly just "Oh, this family is one of the famous clans in the NKP!"

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i wonder if sachiko's dad knew about this so-called curse?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Lady Elianne is Sachiko's step-mom.

Don't want her getting the inheritance.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

oh no the mom count increases to four now

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Mum's the word.

snuffysam

what's with men not telling their partners about their bloodline stuff lol

Funari

That was Leigh. This is what I put up with when she inks pages

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Hah! That's funny. Nice heart for penache.

AV-chan

Haha

Funari

Also, Math, you are NOT the only one who has mentioned a theory that Elianne is related to Sachiko like that

I can't say yes or no though

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

it seems plausible given elianne keeps saying the blood belongs to her. and thats usually something ppl say when theyre blood-related

and theyre evil that is

snuffysam

that's also the sort of thing you say if you're evil and want blood

like in general

AV-chan

Inb4 something like Elianne is the mother of Sachiko's dad

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Or they're vampires.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

or both

elianne is sachiko's vampire granny

AV-chan

Yeah

Funari

Leigh: Isn't that the usual plot twist nowadays?

AV-chan

It's still a good twist

Funari

Elianne is....SOMETHING!

Leigh: She's a real piece of work. A real PAIN IN THE PATELLA

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I wonder

Doesn't anyone else in the roster have badass suits?

AV-chan

Wanna see Yukina in that suit soon

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Speaking of Kregor - does the guy have good lawyers, or what? He keeps getting banished to be tried for his crimes, and he keeps getting off... sometimes even portaling away before he can be banished. Who is paying his legal fees?(edited)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

it is a nice suit

Funari

The most we got right now is this

AV-chan

Elianne maybe?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

elianne of course

assuming she doesnt just bust him out of jail by other means

Funari

It's Elianne :P

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

She's a rules lawyer too then.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

speaking of kregor though, i do wonder for real if rie is still in danger. cause didnt kregor already get paid?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"You didn't inflect properly, so my client goes free."

AV-chan

That long hair... Yukina grew her hair?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

its bad assassin form to take the money and not finish the job

Funari

Rie is out of danger

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

dat suit

I'll take it

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rie's mom might still pay a ransom.

Funari

Elianne has been working on something that's far more significant than the Rie thing and when Kregor told her he missed and hit Sachiko and Miko instead with her spell, she was like "Oh. OH. NEVER MIND ABOUT THE TANUKIS."

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Ship... out of danger?" "You saved the ship." "The needs of the many..."

Funari

Kregor would do anything for Elianne by the way

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

He would do anything for love. But he won't do that.

AV-chan

That thing huh

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

That thing with the strawberries.

Funari

Also, Nozomi is on HIGH ALERT for Kregor to show up, so even if he tried to finish the deed, he's not gonna

Nozomi...is a tough little firecracker

With a crossbow

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel like this is gonna put them on the tanuki's shit list though then? cause id be pretty mad if i paid an assassin and then they were like "sorry bro my lady says we got better shit to do peace out."

Funari

Leigh: Tanuki vs Elianne. Round 1 (ding)

snuffysam

no refunds!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

FIGHT!

Funari

Leigh: No, for real, they're welcome to try it

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

true i dont imagine theyre actually a threat XD

but they could at least go around spreading ill founded gossip

the horror

QUESTION 3. Chapter 6 of the comic is a four year time skip after Lady Elianne inadvertently captures Sachiko and Koyomiko. What do you think Yukina has been doing for the four years? Has she been in France the whole time, or do you think she came back to Japan at some point? How do you think Yukina has been coping with her missing mothers, and what do you think she intends to do about it? In regards to other characters, how do you think they’re doing? Is Rie okay, or has something happened because of her grandmother’s heir? Do you think Rie’s mother is doing okay as captain, and what do you think the state of her marriage is? Are Sachiko and Koyomiko alive still, and if so, why haven’t they escaped? What, in general, do you think is going to happen now?

snuffysam

they'll hit lady elianne where it hurts - her wallet. leave a bad review, and nobody will hire her again.

Funari

As I read this question out to Leigh, she got this HUGE smile on her face

I think she likes this question :P

snuffysam

and yeah i think things aren't looking great for nozomi. a guy kidnapped her best friends in an attempted kidnapping of her daughter, all because her husband didn't tell her anything

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Probably stayed in France for two years then came back to Japan the final two

Just having a four year-long vacation

Funari

An interesting theory

Also @snuffysam - If that all happened to me, I'd be pretty angry and stressed out, that's for sure!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

And that's why you need a vacation

to get all that stress off ya

and plot your comeback

Funari

Nozomi needs a vacation like no one's business

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes

Funari

Considering what we know of Nozomi's personality, and that the Captain in the NKP is the leader of the whole group...

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think it largely depends on whats happening too. if its business as usual i think nozomi would be fine, but if crime shot up or something thatd be a diff story. albeit im sure stressed. especially if on the side shes been trying to inquire where sachiko and miko be at. and losing all the sleep. also wondering when rie's destiny will come knocking at the door

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Perhaps

Funari

We plan to do a special comic about Rie's grandmother finally showing up

Because Rie turned 18 within the 4 year timeskip

snuffysam

oh snap

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh snap!

Double Snap

snuffysam

hey total non-sequiter. how old was rin when she married mr. nakamura?

no wait i did the math on hayato's birth year totally wrong. ignore me.

Funari

Oh, okay xD

I was about to pull up my notes

But it's cool :P

snuffysam

np np

Funari

Oh by the way, I DID actually cover this question in a way. Theorize :P

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh my god

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

old enough to marry, but not old enough to recognize a potentially bad partner when she sees it

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That looks really nice

And lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ah sweet the cat thing whose name i forgot found a friend

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I’d talk about what I would do if I found out that my partner was less then desirable but this isn’t life tea party so

snuffysam

he already had one though ):

Funari

Do not forget about Miko and Sachiko D: His first friends/family

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh...

snuffysam

yeah, exactly

Funari

And, as we can see in the drawing, yes, Nozomi is stressing hard during the past 4 years

snuffysam

he had a friend

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well okay, cat thing found a new friend. to combat the lonliness but probably more likely to get in elianne's way.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I wonder, what if the timeskip was only one year

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really wanna know why elianne specifically referred to the cat as a renegade

Funari

Leigh: Well, he's done it once. What's not to say he'll do it again?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

the timeskip wasnt only one year tho?

Funari

Koneko the Renegade~

snuffysam

well, this may come as a shock - but i don't believe koneko was born on earth

Funari

Or, if you've read the most recent pages, Ozadarr :P

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

Koneko is the real hero of the story

snuffysam

and we don't know how old he is at that. it's possible he's been a thorn in elianne's side since before miko was born

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is the impression i got

that theres tons of past history here

and koneko is a sneaky sneak

Funari

Leigh: No one really knows how old Koneko is. Except us, of course

Funari

Koneko is very much a sneaky sneak!

And even besides the Elianne thing, consider that Koneko looked exactly the same between the 2000s-era journal flashbacks and Yucchan's present time...Red flags

snuffysam

plenty of cats look the same across, like, 30 years

not weird at all

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Mmmm

Very sneaky~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

but speaking of not koneko, im gonna be optimistic and assume sachiko and miko are alive and just being held prisoner. since elianne cant do the evil without memories or something apparently. meanwhile koneko fled to mexico or canada. O_O cause thats where all the criminals in popculture flee.

Funari

Those memories....they're pretty important

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

4 years of prison.

Sounds like hell

snuffysam

i don't think koneko's running away so much as looking for help

and hey, at least they have each other?

Funari

4 years of prison while suffering from amnesia!

Just imagine looking to the side, and there's another beautiful woman and you have NO idea who they are, and they're giving you that same look

snuffysam

at least when they get out they'll know for sure that love at first sight is a real thing?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

elianne is at least being nice if she puts them in a cell or something together.

Funari

Leigh: I like that remark! @snuffysam

They're in exactly the same place you saw them in the Interlude

So...sort of a prison?

Not the bars and concrete kind, but they're trapped in that weird bubble in a strange dimension (though the beginning of ch 6 mentions what it is in slightly more detail as a passing comment...)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 4. By Yukina’s time period, Sachiko and Koyomiko are pretty legendary. What do you think happened in the past that earned them such notoriety? Is it something to do with catching Kregor, Koyomiko’s Ascendant Rights work, or just everything put together? Speaking of the past, do you think Koyomiko repaired the relationship with her family at some point? We also see a brief flashback of how Sachiko lost her eye, so what do you think are the circumstances that brought that about? Aside from the past, do you think reading the journals about Sachiko and Koyomiko has helped Yukina in ways besides offering her a new perspective on them? Do you believe they will help Yukina find her raison?

snuffysam

"And for almost catching Kregor for good no less than sixty times, we give the medal of bravery to Sachiko and Koyomiko!"

Funari

The Kregor Katcher Award

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(A half hour of crying baby later... )

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

poor baby :<

Funari

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Regards the prior question, obviously the reason Sachiko and Miko haven't escaped yet is because they don't have their memories and don't know where to escape to. It's a fun Catch-22, because if they had their memories, they'd be put to death.

(Baby's had a bottle now. No, not the weird one, the other one. And not with the cold formula, the other stuff.)

Funari

Leigh: Right on the money

Leigh: There's a few more complexities involved, but that's the gist of it

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

That kinda seemed obvious to me.

(Am I making up for not realizing who the mothers were?)

Funari

Leigh: It wasn't supposed to be particularly hidden lol

Leigh: You're forgiven. For now

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

it was pretty obvious but ya never know when someone might have an interesting theory

like elianne gave them part time work and theyre like "sweet this pays way more than min wage"

Funari

Yeah, no that makes perfect sense. But, in this case, we weren't trying to hide anything extra there

We'll be adding more details in the next few updates actually

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Seconding Rebel

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Also regards the prior question, I feel like Yukina's been trying to train herself in France so as to (1) Not ask stupid questions like what's going on when in the middle of a tense situation, and (2) Learn from Cassandra about what to do to avoid flipping out after freezing at the end of said tense situation.

Funari

Thank you for remembering that Cassandra exists :3

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

LOVE the Cassandra angle. Gotta go to her for Ascendant issues.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i was wondering if we were gonna see cassandra again

Funari

VERY soon

snuffysam

i wonder if Yukina'll meet up with her grandfather?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I mean, she could be in Scotland, but she did speak French. shrugs

Funari

We're both very fond of Cassie

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Training during a break seems like a good idea. Especially for four years

Never skipping leg day either

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

As to the NEW question, perhaps they're legendary for their looooove. It was even pointed out how everyone in school knew back then.

Funari

Cassandra's well-traveled. She knows French, German, and a bit of Japanese thanks to having Miko as a very close friend

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

omg math. that would actually be hilarious if true. theyre legendary because no matter the trial their love was unconquered

Funari

WELL, in a personal sense, that may be true!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Does Yuzu + Miko = Suzaku no Miko? (hashtag Fushigi Yugi...)

Funari

Leigh: Certainly, when everyone who was at their wedding remembers them for their bond!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: True love did kind of conquor that darkness spell that hit Sachiko.

(I mean, it wasn't a kiss, but still... we can imagine that...)

Funari

heheh

Their love is pretty darn important!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe Sachiko's already conquered her evil step-mom? Could be someone other than Elianne, maybe that was the big deal.

Losing the eye was probably a prophecy... darn those prophecies...

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Never underestimate it

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i am curious why sachiko didnt seem to block kregor in that flashback. like theres a point id think shed stop freezing up with fear, but maybe it was not at that time i guess

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, kind of interesting that in 2031 they don't have a prosthetic for that. Unless Sachiko wears the eyepatch as a badge of honour.

Funari

It was an incident related to Elianne. No prophecies this time, just some crazy stuff.

Sachiko definitely has a problem with freezing up

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe Miko was behind her.

Funari

The wound isn't natural

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hmm thats interesting it isnt natural

which makes me think man, that must of hurt even more

Funari

But yeah, deep down, Sachiko would prefer to solve things without violence. Miko's the more violent-prone one

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

As to Miko's family... I kinda doubt it? The way she referred to her mom and everything back then? The ascendancy stuff becoming mainstream might have helped, but I kinda doubt it.

Funari

Conferring with Leigh and

Eh, may as well just say it

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The wound isn't natural... it's artificial. Sachiko's been a clone this whole time.

Gotcha. Probably why Miko wants to do things better with her family though.

Funari

Miko's mom's attitude never changed, so Miko never made up with her. Even Tomoko eventually moved away from her, though she still has a sort-of connection there. Sort of

Oh yeah. That's how she reacted to the abuse. It helped that she had folks like Sachiko and Rin around to show her what family can be like, and her dad WAS an okay man, but he was married to....that. She always wanted to be better than her mom

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, if anyone's a clone, it's probably Kregor. Explains why he was vanquished 60 times.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I man, how many people stride to be better than their parents? Just curious

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

haha i suspected. making up with ppl is difficult if it can be done at all in those cases.

you cant clone kregor

kregor is one of a kind

O_O

Funari

Leigh: personal experience

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Hmmm, if Miko had both Sachiko and a clone of Sachiko to spend time with at once...

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

math plz

theres already a threesome with allie in the mix

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Always room for one more.

One for the shadows, one for the daytime.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

A foursome?

Sign me up

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

anyway, idk if the journals helped yukina find a raison or purpose, but im sure her moms getting kidnapped certainly helped

Funari

(was trying to make this quick. It DOES seem like Kregor's got fans!)

snuffysam

"gee yukina, how come you get to have FOUR moms whenmmmmghg-" gets kidnapped by kitsune grandma

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oooh, title drop. (Yeah, I was surprised that with all the French nods, Funari's not part French that I can tell...)

Funari

omg

Leigh: I think Rie would say that one mom is plenty, giving who HER mom is!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Kregor's the villain you love to hate.

Funari

And in regards to @✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ - we're definitely moving towards a moment of recknoning for Yucchan

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

So here's a question I wanted to ask before we run out of time -- have we seen Pan in the future?

Did I just miss it?

Funari

Not yet

She's in the little "How things have changed" drawing, and there are plans, but officially not yet

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Ooooh, hmmmm. As long as she didn't turn to the dark side.

Funari

No, we can confidently confirm that Pan is still on our side ;p

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

What about the light side

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Mr & Mrs Daggers?

Funari

fjfjgjfj

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i have wondered where pan has been too. i think from the time skip im most interested in seeing what rie's dad is up too given for all i know nozomi kicked his butt out onto the street into the gutter(edited)

snuffysam

good

Funari

OOF

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Okay since we're running out of time here I just wanted to say good luck on the rest of the comic and hope it all goes well, there's some seriously good reads hidden in there.

Funari

Thanks much :3

Any other quick questions?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, funny thing is, I can kind of see why he'd bow to the pressure of not telling his wife about Rie. The thing I don't get is him not telling about who he was before the marriage, that's the weird transgression to me.

Funari

Leigh and I have certainly had lots of fun tonight! Glad you all have enjoyed what we've done so far!

Leigh: Mmmhmm (too secretive for his own good)

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Does "Cat" have a human form too?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

You're welcome!(edited)

Funari

TECHNICALLY yes

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Hashtag catgirls?

(Or catboys, whatever.)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Funari

Catpeople

But yes, technically he does, but we won't see it any time soon. There are Reasons

raisons

Elianne's gonna do a huge exposition dump in the next few pages

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Cassandra's mother was secretly a catgirl.

Funari

She is...preparing for it

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Anyway, good job! It'll be interesting to see what happens as comic looks at other planes, as seems to be happening in the new pages.(edited)

(Or just people from other planes hiding out in ours.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh), as well, for making Raison d'Etre and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh)’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Pathways: Chronicles of Tuvana by Elaine Tipping. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on August 23rd from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/

#ctparchive #webcomics #indie comics #comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #comic book club #comic bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #raison d'etre #cloud fourteen #funari #leigh

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theday · 7 years

Text

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes...

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that!

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums.

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive

2. what are you looking forward to?

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS.

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^(

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :(

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase !

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them.........

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS...

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

#tag games #moon texts #its with the s righthd hsjdhd

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survivor-iceland · 5 years

Text

Ep. 2 - “I will not be a little tea pot this time” - Ellie

dylan r

OKAY! New game! I’m excited to start! I’m just kinda trying my best to socialize, I’m horrible at talking to other people, my plan early is usually to just win tribals and form small connections with people

Although I flopped SO HARD during that challenge it’s unbelievable I literally tried that for hours & I couldn’t do it like literally

Not much else, I’m just kinda vibing.

Jack

So Ellie totally spilled that she's gonna send stuff to our tribe so i'm telling my tribe that. I think raffy is gonna do the same. Also im thinking everyone on one so that we mess with them.

Jack

My audio is going crazy and cutting out and im like AM I BEING SPOKEN TO????!?!?

Jack

I'm chatting with maynor and stephen and thats going good. but also Raffy is cool but imma try to put some false ideas about the cookie game on him

Raffy

There was one hinky vote for me which tells me that people think I am push-y and a leader on this tribe which is not ok. I mean I want to win challenges, but I don't want to be seen as aggressive. However, I guess I cannot help it. I need to get into an alliance soon. Otherwise, I'll find myself not within a majority. I guess my social game isn't strong enough so I need to rely on my strategic game.

Keith John

Well, its been about three days since the game began, It's going okay for me. We won Immunity so game talk has been on the low. The time difference really screwed me over, I wasn't part of the latest immunity challenge discussion. Even though I wouldn't have contributed much in that convo, Having no input or talk during such moments puts me on the back foot (socially). The saving grace is that I was able to connect to four others through one on one convos. That has helped me built a sort of majority alliance, But as a thumb rule of survivor, unless we don't through a vote together. U cant trust anyone. Hopefully, it sticks and I am able to get through the first few votes. I don't know why but I keep getting a feeling that maybe John and Cormac are telling me what I wanna hear and make me feel comfortable. I hope that isn't true and the alliance is genuine. Cause I feel I really get along with them and can really work with them for a long time. I think both of them are awesome. The only other person I trust is Zoe, we just connected quick. Sierra though in my alliance I haven't yet had a strong one on one conversation with her. let's see what's in store in the coming days

Jack

Were planning to fuck with the other tribe by sending a spy to seed some accidental plan spillage. John’s a smart cookie. MaynorJay. I am slightly sad you split me and Timmy up. The cast reveal and seeing Timmy in that tribe i was like :0. But you did make it one world so i could still talk game with him 😊. Plus i missed being hosted by you. ❤️

John

this plan i concocted could either be really good or really bad. all we gotta do is throw the other side off their scent. but can we do it and make it believable? i guess we will find out tonight.

Ellie

Cookies is chaotic: more detail coming later

Jack

I took a risk for the idol hunt that might cost me my vote at the next tribal. I'm both regretting this decision and thinking it'll probably maybe be worth it...?

John

ok my plan dissolved like an alka seltzer. that’s fun. we love that. i just hope we win at this point. if we lose, that’s going to make things quite interesting.

Ellie

K so lack of communication has officially reached another level, this would be easier if people spoke???? Even Joseph did and he had finals!!!!! Some people have time to try to get on my good side and strategize but not to fucking talk about the challenge???? Some of yall👀👀

Sierra

Sitting out of this challenge was agonizing! I couldn’t be a part of any of the strategy talk for the challenge itself... so I had little to no clue what to expect as I watched. I really don’t want to go to Tribal Council, either. I’m hoping that we can pull out a win and I won’t have to stir the pot and potentially show my cards alliance-wise this early in the game.

Dylan C

I haven't been talking to people enough today and should probably do some of that. Well, I certainly will if we go to tribal but I'm hoping we don't

Jack

Cromac and I chatted for a bit and agreed on a sort of alliance, so that's a thing. Other than that I have fingers crossed for us winning this challenge!

Sierra

So we lost immunity, and I’m PISSED. We fully expected Keith to get 60 cookies from our tribe alone, but he only ended up with 55. That means that somebody on our tribe did not play into the tribe’s strategy. Now my butt could be on the line and I didn’t even have a chance to play in the immunity challenge! I feel relatively safe with my alliance, but anything could happen between now and tribal. Here’s hoping my five stick together!

Timmy

We won!! There was strategy used on the tribe but also people just tried to take control of what everyone else was doing. Like if they try to do that for the challenge they’ll try to do that for votes and that’s not how I’m trying to roll. It kind of sucks that the people I want to work with are on the other tribe. I want to message jack bc they seem chill based on the call last night after tribal. Also there is no way I’ll get an idol bc these slide puzzles are ridiculous.

Sierra

Right now it looks like the votes will be heading towards Stephen. I really like him and think he could be a good ally... but the numbers are against him right now, and that makes it difficult to save him. I don’t want to sink my game attempting to save his... so it looks like Stephen will be the first one voted off of our tribe. I’ll really miss having another literature lover on the tribe, and I’ll miss having some intercontinental diversity, but I’d rather save my own neck right now.

Maynor

So I am now in an alliance with Cormac, Zoe, Sierra, and John. And it is called Maynor’s lovers for some reason. But it now got changed to Maynor’s Angels. 👀 jay came to my host chat and was like ___ is shook. And i died as well. So far the target seems like it might be Stephen that was brought up by John. But we still have until tomorrow so who knows. As long as im safe that is all that matters.

John

hi. i’m john, i’m 20 years old, and i’m absolutely worried stephen has an idol. he just...doesn’t connect. and it puts me on edge. so i want the vote to be somewhat split. we need to put the majority of them on stephen, but have one or two of us worms put down someone else’s name just in case stephen pulls out an idol. no matter what, us 4 (me, cormac, sierra, and zoe) need to get through this vote so we have the majority.

Jack

WOW. Okay so Cormac and I a pretty tight rn. Plan is to vote either Maynor or Stephen. Cormac is closer with Zoe, who i haven'y heard from much. Sierra and I have had some banter with Sierra and opened up private channels with them. Imma check that they're good with Stephen or Maynor, and which they'd prefer.

Jack

Sierra seems to want to keep Maynor around more than Stephen while I'm feeling the other way. I'm down with either so hopefully things work out.

Dylan C

https://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/img/tcQaSg5LL_0-HBuWFPxpguK71TM=/1092x0/2019/06/06/b11ccfac-685e-4cb2-a239-b09af07b1baf/toriflynn2.jpg

Jack

IDOLS EXSIST. And hopefully Stephen and maynor dont have any

Jack

I MADE A DUMB CRAZY PLAN. Like I said to the others it basically, we make a chat with Stephen, tell him heyyyyy lets vote Maynor, then go and actually vote Stephen. I feel a little bit evil but also i totally get the reason blindsides are so popular. I FEEL LIKE A SPY!

Dylan C

I love you, Jay

Jack

The trap has been set, hopefully Stephen falls for the it and nothing goes to shit. And also that Cormac's not pulling a con on me. I doubt he is but pArAnOiA.

Jack

STEPHEN RESPONDED AND HE SEEMS DOWN WITH VOTING MAYNOR AND BELIEVES CORMAC AND ME AND I CHATTED WITH JOHN AND HES DOWN WITH VOTING STEPHEN BUT O MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS. sorry bout the caps lock, I feel like it was needed to covey my FEELiNGS

Jack

All the gears are locked in. Everyone's voting Stephen; Stephen seems to be on board with voting Maynor; Maynor will hopefully stick with going for Stephen; and Keith will maybe hopefully I hope go with what me and Cormac are going for.

That started off so confident and turned into "Hm maybe I'm not sure I hope"

John

ok so here’s the tea sisters. our original target was stephen. he’s more reserved, kinda quiet, but he’s going after less active players (ironic, right), and apparently he is targeting keith. so if an idol is played, it might be him. so the worms are talking to jack and trying to get him to come on board for our plan. jack goes into complete paranoia mode between all of us, and we’re concerned he’s a flight risk. so the vote is shifting to jack. being erratic is more dangerous in this game than silence is.

John

lmao if this blindside on jack completely backfires and i go to EOE, i’d actually scream over how much work is going into it. this is so messy and complex for literally day 4 of this game that it perplexes me. it’s either gonna be 4/3/1 or 5/2/1, i’m not sure yet. but strap in folks, we’re experiencing turbulence. the plane may be going down.

Jack

Other than Keith everyone's locked in to vote for Stephen, even Maynor. Me and Stephen chatted and he complimented me saying that i don't seem like a new player cause I'm so comfortable in chat and I'm here like "hahahah yeah so weird not like in acting all calm and collected at you so you don't know I'm voting for you." I do feel a bit bad voting out Stephen now that I've got a better vibe on him, and I've been leaving little hints of "sorry for voting you out" and "hope you come back from the edge" at him, but doing them as me saying "Oh I feel so bad for voting out Maynor" so that I don't blow my cover but yeah. Here's all my guilt dude ^

Joseph Collins

We got an immunity win which was nice. Apparently Malarkey (Melrakki) played with some type of strategy. And Ulfur went coocoo for coco puffs and won. So I’m happy about that. Putting a plan in motion to get some threats out soon. Need a really good numbers advantage first.

Zoe

GOD okay wow this is so much. We lost the immunity challenge, which is funny because I said that I was pretty confident we were going to win. I'm not concerned about being sent home, I'm almost positive Cormac would tell me if he knew, and I have good relationships with people in my tribe. And very good news: Well, after literally teaching myself how to do a slide puzzle, wrestling with the god-host herself over reference images and website dysfunctionality, I finally reached the end of the idol hunt and located a very beautiful advantage, which is to call a blind vote and then see what people vote even though nobody else can. I read it a few times and then facetimed with Cormac to tell him the good news, and we agreed we would keep it until swap or merge and use it to see where peoples' loyalties lie. We discussed all of our options, our relationships with different people, and who we want to keep close until later. I have a good relationship with Timmy and Maynor, and I think Dylan C as well, so that will come in handy when we swap and after the merge. We also solidified an alliance with us and Keith. FUCKING MEANWHILE, over in tribe Machievelli, the "oh, worm?" alliance has gone absolutely nuts strategizing over this vote. Jack has made everyone very paranoid by asking every person in the tribe who they were voting for. He had never messaged me individually before, and then just popped up and said he wanted to make sure I was voting for Stephen, which is who "oh, worm?" was originally going to vote for. I think it was Cormac who brought it up because Jack keeps info-dumping all of his thoughts onto him, but we all agreed to vote for Jack. Cormac and I discussed how to tell each person, one of those resulting in a final three deal with Keith, entitled "Zoe and the boys" as well as a yet to be titled final four alliance with me, Cormac, John, and Keith, yet to be named, that neither John nor Keith know about. Ultimately we said that we'd check back in in the morning and determine if anything had blown up overnight with Jack, since he seems to be very paranoid.

Jack

MWAHAHAAHHA Stephen believes out plan to vote maynoris genuine but it is a TRICK. Hope he doesn't hate me tho, seems like a nice guy. Those read receipts are just real sus being off man. but he tots believes me, Cormac, and Sierra.

Zoe

It's been more of a quiet morning, though we are all tense about what is going to happen at tribal. We don't think there is anything crazy happening with Jack, and ultimately we aren't telling Stephen about the plan in case he ends up telling a person he isn't supposed to. It should turn out to be a 6-1-1 vote, hopefully none of those going to me. I want to play a low key game here: I want to be making the decisions with Cormac, making tight alliances with other players, and then having them go out and do the dirty work. John seems like a good guy and a good player, and I also feel like he thinks he's the leader of our little group. It's definitely in our best interest to stay tight with him, but we have to be wary of him making alliances on the other side as well.

Maynor

I’m so fucken nervous and I swear if im voted out second. Ugh. Jack can go home. Like i did nothing to you and you just decide to come for me for no reason? Like wow. Jacks the target and I hope the people ive been talking to and aligned with are telling me the truth cuz it would totally suck if they are lying to me. There is really no reason to take me out who is active instead of jack who isnt active and just barely coming on. Fuuuuuuck me. Im be paranoid the whole fucken day arent I.

Stephen

So this tribe is kinda dull, so theyve chosen a dull vote. Maynor. I like maynor but he has been a little silent. The big question is: is there a majority alliance out there? The answer is yes, of course there is, there always is. I make my survivor career on not being in majority alliance then tearing them apart when the tea gets spilled. See: Tashirojima.

Jack

Made a bit of a conection with Ellie from the other tribe, and she seems pretty open to working together if we make it to the merge or if theres a tibe swap

Raffy

I am happy that we do not have to go to tribal. It allows me to be more social with people on my tribe without the threat of a vote looming over our heads.

Justin

This round was a lot more chill. Mostly cuz we won immunity, but I'm still keeping my relations with everyone good. I realized this round that Cormac, whom I have been talking to since last round, is on the other tribe lol. Luckily, I didn't tell him any compromising information, and now I have a connection to the other tribe. Plus, Keith from the other tribe reached out to me and we had a really good conversation. I like him a lot and I see myself working with him in a swap or merge. He is from Pakistan so he is also in the eastern hemisphere as well as Stephen. So, I was thinking I could possibly make an Old World alliance because we are closer to each other in times. However, Cormac has told me that his tribe is most likely voting out Stephen so that won't work out. I would say the only alliance I have so far is with Cormac, so I need to make something official with a player in my tribe before other people get them. Specifically, I want to ask Timmy to be in an alliance.

Maynor

Today has been really quiet. I really hope the people telling me im good are telling the truth. I hope my connections are strong enough to let me survive this first round. Im so nervous and ugh i hate this feeling. Id be extremely sad if I go over an inactive.

Raffy

Truly. Honestly. I'm so lazy. I don't want to do the idol hunt lmao

Jack

I can't remember if i already did a confessional about this but in case i didn't: Ellie and i chatted a bit and she seems open to working together later in the game and Cormac seems down with that plan too. Idk if i cant /trust/ Raffy but he also seems cool too

Ellie

So I feel like Raffy is a tiny bit annoyed with me sometimes cause I do share a lot, but I will not be a little tea pot this time. Raffy and I talk strategy all the time and he’s my closest ally but it honestly feels like I barely know him while my other close ally, Dylan, I have bonded with a lot and know a lot about them while still strategizing with them. It’s weird but I’m not going to push. He told me to stop talking about past games, and I’m like ? If I don’t mention you we’ll be chill

Ellie

Also we bonded with jack 👀

Maynor

Tonight, i may be leaving. Ill just be really sad. Mad at first cuz i tried my hardest in first immunity and then someone decides to mess up in the 2nd if by accident or on purpose. Mostly ill be sad cuz i wont be able to play with Timmy. I finally got to retalking with dylan and really miss them. Mostly ill be sad cuz let jay down for giving me a 3rd chance after my performance in rotuma. Ily Jay. Hopefully i stay. ❤️❤️❤️

Dylan C

I have to choose whether or not to do a part of the idol hunt where if I do it, I risk losing my vote at the next tribal I attend, and if I don't do it then I start the idol hunt over. Heck. I'll probably do it tbh.

Maynor messaged me a few minutes ago to say that he thinks he's getting voted out tonight, and that he enjoyed talking to me again. I don't want to see him go, in part bc I wanted to try to ally with him at some point and also just because I like him. Also I don't know what's going on on the other tribe but? Y'all are gonna vote out the guy who held a cup over his head for over two hours for your tribe? Smh

Jack

I really like Dylan C's vibe. Imma PM them later some more and see if that's a thing

Sierra

The vote switched when Jack started getting paranoid — his name wasn’t even coming up until he started asking everyone if they were SURE that they were down with the plan. It felt really awkward to have to reiterate over and over again that we were on his side... and it made it difficult to believe that HE was really with US. I’m really grateful that Stephen gets to stay around for another few days!

Dylan R

Ok so I did all of the puzzles for the idol hunt & then I FLOPPED on the challenge so: I have my clown outfit on.

I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard 🥺 I think if we go to tribal Joseph will go before be but I got some serious catch up to do if I wanna win

John

i know keith was originally our fifth, but i’m kinda wanting to work with maynor the more i talk to him. i want a fifth that will side with me if needed. and idk if keith could be that fifth that would benefit ME. it’s also just a thought. not tied to the idea yet. stay tuned kids.

cormac marek

Alrighty very eventful times leading up to our first tribal. I have been involved in like 13 alliance chats. Me and Zoe had an hour call last night on how she found an advantage to be kept between the two of us. It was amazing! Keith seems on board for anything. He has a "as long as its not me" gameplay. The core worm alliance was going to vote out Stephen but switched it to Jack after he became insane. It was sad because we were going to include Jack in on the deals. Maynor was told that Jack was gunning for him so that's a vote for Chaos Kass. If all goes smooth it will be unanimous. Stephen asked me right before tribal and I told him Jack was gunning for him and that majority was going for him. Hopefully this means he will be with us. It is really tricky. Let's see how the blood rolls

Joseph Collins

Patiently waiting on next immunityyyyyyy.

Timmy

Jack is trying to get maynor out...so jack can go.

0 notes

paleconda · 6 years

Text

blog- 9th february.

i- as an american doing pretty damn well job of pulling off as british- do not like to do american-like things. such having having wet and cringe humour, being unnecessarily loud, being blatantly ignorant on world culture/affairs (no offence), and especially opening myself up. one thing i’ve noticed is that brits always keep to themselves and rarely discuss thier deep feelings and thoughts with other people. they’re not very open to tel you their life story, and i’m the same way.not to say that i’m not down to earth, bc i very much am. i just stay quaint when it comes to public situations. that being said, my journey and story on my sexuality is very personal, deep and complicated, and unfortunately, i feel like i have to go into massive detail on what’s all happened and how it’s impacted me. it’ll make me vulnerable, but easier to understand and empathise with. this is going to be a particularly long read tho.

the date is 07/07/2010. it was the summer before the 7th grade and i had just realised my sexuality only a few months earlier. the worst night of my life. the night my parents found out about my sexuality. i was only 12. but the way the found out was rather quite stupid and embarrassing (no i wasn’t wanking and it wasn’t porn). at the time, i didn't have a phone. and my favourite show would come on at 1 am. but i didn't feel like staying up late, so what i did was borrow my grandmas phone and set an alarm. well in the alarm it had an option for a message. well my dumbass self put “get the hell up you bisexual fucker”. yeah. well, when my grandma went to puerto rico for a funeral, she left her phone bc she wouldn’t have any service over there. and i had forgotten to take off that alarm. so my mom is just going thru the phone (idk why) and she happens to come across it. she calls me downstairs and confronts me about it. after about 10 minutes what seems like an interrogation ( and me not talking, i felt as tho i had no choice but to admit it). they started crying and told me how its never okay even if the world says it is, and they brought up sodom and gomorrah and told me i needed to have a long prayer. my relationship with them hasn't never really been the same since then. so after that, i kinda ignored thinking about my sexuality. i would just go thru my day, occasionally look at gay pictures at night, then go to sleep. then, toward the end of 7th grade, i ended up taking nudes and sending them on http://showyourdick.com (terrible, i know) and they. ended. up. seeing. the. pics. it made things a shit tonne worse. i was still closeted at school, i had been accused of being gay as early as 4th grade, before i even knew i was gay (im actually bi/pan, but lets just use the word gay for now). fast foward to the beginning of 9th grade (late 2012). i had already been stanning nicki for almost a year, but i was still closeted. i also had a tumblr account(not this one). not only did i still kinda feel bad about being gay, but i was terribly insecure as well. i ended up starting to cut myself around late September. but for a while it was only on my thighs bc i didnt want anyone to see. later, in january 2013, i was feeling really depressed one night, and i kinda went on a cutting tirade. (trigger warning) i even cut my arm. i remember feeling the warm blood running down my leg and feeling dizzy, with my ears fogging up and nearly passing out in the bathroom. this next part may sound wierd. maybe its just me, maybe it was the fogging in my ears, idk. but i remember hearing nickis voice, almost aloud, and she said Stop. crazy init. the next morning, i got really scared, bc my sleeve wouldn't completely cover up the scars. well, one of my teachers saw (i still dont know who) and reported it to the office, and one of the guidance counselors called my parents and told them. another really bad day. the next day, my guidance counselor called me down, even the principle came in the room. they told me they were sending me to a place where i would have therapy. i agreed to it, but i wasnt aware that i would be forced to spend 3 nights there. its called being Baker Acted. the deputy at my school called my mom and told her where they were taking me but they didn't tell her i was required by law to spend 72 consecutive hours there. so when she came to pick me up that night, thats when she found out. needless to say she was crying. alot. and as if it wasn't bad enough, it just so happened to be her wedding anniversary. i end up relapsing 2 more times after that whole ordeal. the last time was march 9th, 2013. so things temporarily improve for the summer. i ended up (finally) coming out to my closest friends. but i never made a big deal out of it. like i never made a big post on facebook or IG or anything. I kinda just let people figure it out and have their own assumptions. so september rolls around and i end up getting depressed again (september is always a bad month for me) but i promised myself i wouldnt cut myself again. so i end up overdosing. alot. 7 pills at a time. (it was just vyvanse tho, its not like it was percs or oxycodone.) so my parents went thru my texts and they found out about what i was doing and thats when the trust begins to deterioate again. they would always take away my phone at night. they said its bc of some report they saw on the news where having your phone in your room while your sleeping is unhealthy (which.. they were right. but it’s ovbious that wasn’t the real reason they took it.) it was bloody annoying. but back then, they would only take it on school nights, and sometimes i would sneak it back, and although they got mad, they wouldn't really do anything about it. also, as you could’ve probably guessed, i had downloaded a couple of gay apps because i was curious. the first time i downloaded grindr, i was in the 8th grade. and it wasn't the only app i would download. there was also hornet and jack’d. well, theres this one guy who i ended up talking to. and i end up sending nudes to him on kik. and my parents end up going through my kik. this was in december 2013. my horny self was just tryna hookup. welp. they see the messages. things go downfuckinghill fast. they barge into my room, one second they're yelling at me shoving the screen in my face and then the next thing I know my dad is shoves me down and kicks me multiple times, and my mom ends up calling the police and filing a report. to say it was traumatising is an understatement. but because it's kik, theres not much they can do. this renders me phoneless all the way until june of 2015. and at this point i wanna take a little bit of a detour. bc i almost feel as though my life as a normal teenager has been robbed.

some of you may ask why i didn’t move in with relatives or just file a report to social services.

they wouldn't let me. and bc they're broke and aren't good at finances, that's what they (we’re) doing anyway. my family is living with my grandparents for like the 4th time since i was born. so they change the password in my phone and im only allowed to use it when they say (this is february 2014, roughly) and i have to be in the same room as them. and then in march, something goes wrong with my phone and it wont read the SIM card. so now i can't even call or text. things just didn’t get better that year. its summer 2014, and now they suddenly change the password to my laptop. (they still won't tell me the password). i started crying and begged them to change it back. so they did. but just a month later, on July 11th, they change it. and its stayed that way. so now its june of 2015. they buy me a new phone, but they said there are "rules for having the phone" and they take it away every night. well, in november, i had downloaded grindr. theres this feature on my phone where i can hide an app, but one day, back in november, i forgot to hide the app. so they saw it. and they didn't even open the app (it was password locked) and i refused to give them the password. so now im phoneless.... again. and this time they wouldn't even let me use it... at all. so i went back to having to use my grandmas phone and computer to log onto Twitter. for the longest time, i could only be on twitter from 4-8pm on weekdays bc thats whenever i had access. fast foward to april 2016 and im taking a college class across town. all of a sudden, my mom hands me my phone, and im shocked. she says im only having it on a "limited basis". so for about a month, im only allowed to use it outside the house, but they eventually let up. every once in a while, we still get into an argument about it. may 2016: its time for me to choose what college to go to. my mom had made me apply to a christian university about 30 miles away. i didnt wanna go, but the other college i had been looking at had ran into financial trouble, the big public university in my city didn't accept me, and i didn't wanna go to a community college. plus, the christian university (southeastern University) offered me a bunch of money in scholarships. and i honestly felt forced to go. by august of 2016, things start to drastically change. most of it is in a good way, but there are still some things that are... iffy, for lack of a better term. i’m beginning to lose weight and my grades are actually good for once, but my phone is still taken way at night all the way to december, when they finally stop. then in january 2017, i am finally able to buy an iphone. at this point, everything sort of catches up to the previous post. there’s still loads for me to explain but this is enough for now.

on a side note, it’s amazing how different things are for me now after looking back at all that. i still can’t believe that we are in 2019 and that i graduated high school nearly 3 years ago. i’m gobsmacked at how much i have changed since then. it’s a lot to ponder on. and i’m glad to say that i’m currently at the happiest place i’ve been in for years. maybe ever.

end.

0 notes

choisgirls · 8 years

Note

ok so there's ton of HCs of the RFA protecting MC but what if the tables were turned? How about some HCs of MC protecting the RFA + Saeran from harassment/being hit on by other people? (in all honesty if someone hit on my S/O they would experience hell)

A/N: honestly i’d liketo say i’d be the same but like i’m too shy and just yeah with my personalityi’d just let it happen unless my s/o is uncomfortable ^^;;; (also loOK I TRIEDTO MAKE IT NON VIOLENT FOR THE MOST PART BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON’T LIKE VIOLENCEBUT I MEAN I’M THE TYPE TO THROW PUNCHES SOOOO) ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

-I’ve discussed before that he isvery oblivious

-So he wouldn’t even really noticewhen people hit on him?

-But you sure did, and you didn’tenjoy it one bit

-Don’T HIT ON MY OBLIVIOUS LIL BABY

-He never really acknowledges ituntil he sees the disapproving face you’re giving the other person

-Then he starts getting a littleuncomfortable because wow he finally started to think about what the person wassaying, and that’s where you step in

-You’re a nice person, you neverreally get physical with the person, you just…. use your facial expressionsto communicate.

-So when you gave the person hittingon your boyfriend a death glare that could almost rival Saeran’s…. thenimmediately replace it with a smile…. needless to say, they froze.

-In a sweet, innocent voice, yougreet them, introducing yourself as his s/o, and watch as they (usually)nervously take their leave

-He actually really appreciates itthough? Like, you love and appreciate him enough to get jealous like that? Notto mention you’ve gotten him out of a few awkward situations where he was toonice to just walk away. WOW MC LOVES ME, THAT’S AMAZING please take chargemore often mc, wink wonk

*ZEN:

-ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE

-But at the same time he’s concernedbecause some of his fans….. tend to be a little…. adherent

-You never get physical or hurtanyone, mind you

-But you’re very open with youremotions

-So if someone is hitting on him,you immediately voice your opinion

-You place yourself in betweenwhoever is flirting with your Zenny and himself, and look them in the eye

-“Hi there, I’m MC, Zen’s s/o.It’s nice to meet you. You think he’s handsome? That’s so funny, I think thattoo!”

-Sounds nice, right? WRONG- yourvoice has a hint of disapproval in it, not to mention dripping with sarcasm andover-exaggerating your words

-You’re never MEAN though becauseyou couldn’t do that. But you make it obvious enough that, hey, this is my man,please stop hitting on him. And he’s actually just so surprised that this sweetlittle person can lowkey scARE HIM WITH JUST A CERTAIN TONE OF VOICE, WHAT THE

-He can’t really… judge though?Because he gets the same way no you get way worse, zenny, so as long asthe two of you show each other there’s nothing to worry about, you’re all okay!

*JAEHEE:

-Baehee takes care of her damn self,okay

-But she appreciates when you stepin like her hero and save the day

-Like if someone’s too close for hercomfort, you’re there in a flash to gently drag her in the other direction

-You’re more of a quiet pouter- ifsomeone’s flirting with her and she doesn’t seem uncomfortable, you stand withyour arms crossed and a pout across your face

-stOP TRYING TO GIVE HER YOURNUMBER, PEOPLE, SHE DOESN’T WANT IT

-She tries to be polite but, hey, atthis point, you aren’t because??? Why don’t they get the hint??? No means no??

-So you’re constantly taking theslip of paper and promptly throwing it away or you wait until she hands you herphone and delete their number. Right in front of them. Show no mercy.

-Do you feel bad? Yeah sometimes. Doesshe appreciate what you do though? Oh yes, very much

-You always get a kiss on the cheekwhen you help her out of situations like that SCORE

- threatened to punch one guythough when he tried touching her hair. doNT DO THAT. THATS MY JAEHEE, YOU STOPTHAT

*JUMIN:

-He doesn’t even pay attention topeople flirting with him

-Why should he? He has who he wants,and that’s you. No one else matters???

-Why do you get so upset over it??? idkjumin why do YOU get so upset over it

-Takes it as the highest form ofcompliment and profession of love, because that means you want him all toyourself- just like he does with you

-But MC please don’t get physicalwith these people that’s not professional

-HE ALMOST HAD TO PRY YOU OFF OFTHIS WOMAN ONCE BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY CLUNG TO HER AS YOU THREATENED BODILYINJURY

-MC DONT DO THAT YOU CAN GET INSERIOUS TROUBLE

-Loves when you cling, though. Hangoff his arm, lay your head against his chest, like yES MC DO THAT SHIT, SHOWPEOPLE I’M YOURS

-He was talking to a guest once, andin mid-sentence, he watched you cover the guest’s eyes with your hand.“You stop that, don’t give him those eyes, you can’t have him” mCPLS

-Overall, your demeanor stops peoplein their tracks before they even attempt to flirt with him. You radiate thissort of aura that says “back off this is my boyfriend”. Only thestrong-willed attempt, but they always fail. Though, Jumin has to kiss the sideof your head to remind you he isn’t going anywhere, there’s no need to get soworked up

*SAEYOUNG:

- “why are people flirtingwith me im terrible” (same saeyoung, same)

-He’s just confused all the time byit

-And since he’s confused, he doesn’tknow how to really…react. So he just accepts it

-But??? You don’t like that?? Don’ttouch my nerd boy

-You like to take the “Jokinglyinsult them but lowkey mean the insult” route to get your point across

-When I say “insult” idon’t mean you belittle them or anything, mind you. Kind of more along thelines of saying “leave him the fuck alone” without saying itoutright- you say it more in ways like “yeah he does like pizza- hisfavourite is when he’s getting it with me” ya know, that kind of thing

-And he can’t help but laugh?? Likeit’s kind of mean and the both of you know it is but?? They don’t get the hintto leave him alone??

-Until you get tired of the personand just grab Saeyoung’s glasses off his face, and plant a kiss straight to hislips

-Which hey he isn’t gonna complain.He actually takes advantage of the situation and puts his hand on your lowerback, dips you slightly, and just hardcore kisses you because maybe then theperson will get the hint???

-YOU’RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE THOUGH youwink at the person before you take Saeyoung in the other direction

*V:

-Don’t even breathe in the directionof my cinnamon roll

-HE’S SO NICE HE CAN’T BE MEAN TOPEOPLE EVEN WHEN HE’S UNCOMFORTABLE

-But you can. So when someone’sflirting and asks for his number, you casually walk up and just straight denythem

-“I was wondering if you’d liketo go grab some dinner some ti-” “No” “Who are you?”“No”

-YOU DON’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING ELSE.JUST NO.

-And he just smiles the whole timebecause!!! He’s glad you showed up!!! He loves you so much!!! And you’re ableto say no, unlike him

-And for the ones who are more…persistent,despite the “no”, your persona flips like a light switch

-You can walk up, happy andcarefree, and the moment they touch your boyfriend in a more than friendly way,you’re as cold as ice

-That’s usually his cue that heneeds to excuse the two of you. You’d never say anything harsh, mind you, butyou would sort of keep that personality for the rest of the day. He’d have tofind a way to cheer you up so you don’t feel bad!

-He always jokes that your face isgonna get stuck in a pout, pinches your cheeks, and waits for you to smile.INTENSE CUDDLING FOR THE REST OF THE DAY because hey MC, he’s yours and no oneis gonna threaten that

*SAERAN:

-vioLENT

-i can see why the two of you area couple

-you perfected the death glarefrom him as well

-He’s uncomfortable in almost anysituation so someone hitting on him, and that someone NOT being you, makes himVERY UNCOMFORTABLE

-And he’s not quiet about it, either.He voices that he isn’t interested, and that they should just back off but forsome reason people take that as a challenge?

-So you warn them with a deathglare, then by reminding them that he said he isn’t interested, then your angergets the better of you

-There are times that you get apunch or two in, but most of the time, the furthest you get to go is grabbingthem by the front of their shirt, and pulling them real close to your face

-There’s always threats, and neverclean language

-But Saeran doesn’t want you to getviolent like he can be so he usually has to physically carry you away from theother person

-BUT YOU’RE GETTING BETTER! Now youtend to just push the person away, grab Saeran’s hand while giving the otherperson a look of disinterest, and walking away wow mc look at you, you’recalming down!

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