#unsnipe

[sparkspropaganda]

Oh I’m now definitely choosing to believe that spawn astarion got a vasectomy from volo when he realized volo was giving out free surgeries and then ascension reversed it

Ok wait are you suggesting an on the road, middle of the goblin camp vasectomy from VOLO? i'm so delighted by this

[pigspeetsandhooflikefeets]

[Note: YDKJ is a game for adults, and this audio is a reflection of it. <18 DNI. Transcript under read more]

Schmitty: Ahhhh, boy. Y'know what? I- uh... I really don't feel like doing this anymore. I' tell ya what, I'm gonna call the HR department and uh, tell 'em I'm going home sick. Let's see here... where'd I put that medical dictionary? [flips pages] Here we go. [flips] Oh this one sounds good! [dials and inputs numbers]

HR Woman: Hello, Human Resources?

Schmitty: [weak coughing] Uh hi- this is uh-um Josh Schmitstinstein? I-iiiuh think I need to go hooome. I'm-I'm feeling a little sick.

HR Woman: Uh huh. And what's wrong with you?

Schmitty: What's wrong with me? [clearly throat weakly] um, well, um-

[question starts audio]

Schmitty: I-I seem to have come down with a case of balanitis.

HR Woman: What are your symptoms?

Schmitty: "What are my symptoms"? yeah- "Inflamed penis"? "Rectal bleeding"? "Detached tongue", or "projectile vomiting"?

[jumpcut]

Schmitty: Ah- of course. That's what's happening- my... penis is inflamed. Ha. Oh boy!

[question audio]

Schmitty: Yeah- yeah. That's it. The head is... really grotesquely swollen, I mean- heh- it's really screwed up! Sure wouldn't want to be me! Heh heh. Oh- oh my god. Hello!? Hello!?

HR Woman: [giggling] Yeah. Go ahead Schmitty. We've got you on speakerphone here in the cafeteria.

[canned laughter from the cafeteria]

Schmitty: ...y'know I'm actually... [clears throat] feeling well enough to finish out the rest of the game here. Let's move on!

[thatnonameuser]

Hey you recently did a post about what Yanderes all the boys are I was wondering if you'd do something similar for the teachers and Grim (Grim specifically because I love him) please don't feel pressured, I adore your writing and hope you have a wonderful day!

Absolutely!

I don't have a lot of experience with platonic yanderes, so this might suck.

Grim, is like an overbearing sibling, he constantly vies for your attention. And enjoys it whenever your attention is on him and him only. Grim as a yandere is quite clingy. And as long as you stay, he won't try to trick or manipulate you. He'll be the furry shoulder you cry on, that bears the weight of your fear, anger and sorrow because you're here and you want him near you.

But what happens when you decide that you aren't staying, that you'll be leaving him behind. Then he'll be manipulative, he'll go behind your back and talk to the yanderes you fear. He'll bargain, that he'll help them in anyway if that means he gets to stay with you, and you have to stay here with him. Forever.

Crowley is a deadbeat through and through, even as a yandere he's still a complete waste of space as a father.

You, the little fledgling to small and weak to spread your own wings....are going to have to fend for yourself for a while. Crowley as a yandere is a manipulative one. He holds the cards that keep you here and you won't be leaving the nest unless he decides it for you.

And by that, Crowley is actively trying to find you a yandere, to keep you here while he plays the 'gracious' role of the helpful headmaster. Why? Because while it will be a messy thing to organise, you will be here, unable to ever leave. But since he is gracious, he's giving you plenty of options! Sure, he needs to hold your living needs hostage but you've met so many potential suitors. You should be thankful really.

Crewel, the antithesis to Crowley, he's an controlling and overprotective platonic yandere.

You, his helpless pup have been thrown into a wolves den......will be protected by him. As your teacher father, he'll break the law to protect you if need be. From antidotes to poisons, he'll make sure you can protect yourself from yanderes. Whatever you can't do to protect yourself, he'll do for you.

Any of your classmates, Ace and Deuce specifically will get detention for even speaking to you in class. Outside of class, he'll keep them away from you under the guise of tutoring sessions. All so that he can keep you as far, far away from all those unsnipped mutts.

And that's where the controlling parts come in. He'll start controlling what you wear, from him doting on you in multiple shopping trips, to who you spend time with, he won't allow you to spend time with those mutts eager to lock their jaws round your neck and rut against you.

But what about when you need to go home? Then and only then, will he conspire with your romantic yanderes. You are his pup, his precious child. He'll choke down having to deal with your lovesick mutts, if it means you stay.

Trein, in his eyes you're young enough to be his grandchild, and that means that you need to be protected from the dangerous world, so he's an overprotective one. Like Crewel, he'll conspire to keep you far, far away from the students that plan on capturing you and locking you away till the end of time. Tutoring to keep you far from the students, Detentions for the students to keep them far from you.

He'll introduce you to his daughter's, the members of your new family, and prepare to bring you home with him at the end of the school year. And then, he'll protect you for the rest of your life. He's a little more willing to allow you to marry another yandere, but he'll be very hard for them to win over. As your guardian, he needs to be sure that you're safe, loved and cherished.

Vargas, to him you're like his beloved niece and he's the uncle with a shotgun prepared to kill someone if you get a boyfriend. Once again, he's very protective. To start he'll teach you how to protect yourself. As the Phys Ed. teacher, expect that he'll train you to protect yourself, teaching you to fight and run like the wind to get away from them.

But if you can't protect yourself, he'll do it for you. If Vargas' Training Camp is any indicator, he'll send all the boys chasing you like animals to hell and back. And is prepared to beat them half to death if they try to make a move on you.

Sam, out of all of them, allows you the most freedom. He's still very protective, but with his friends on the other side keeping an eye on you and tripping up the routines of your romantic yanderes.

Sam's not above breaking the law for your sake. His shop has everything after all. On your many shopping trips to his shop, you'll start to find the things you really need placed into the bags free of cost. Special locks, that keep the doors and windows shut no matter how much magic of force is used. An iron dagger, made specifically to use against the fae. A device that can kill whatever tech is hidden in your room. Sam will give you anything and everything you need to protect yourself, before you even ask.

Unlike romantic yanderes, platonic yanderes will work together much, much easier. Their job is to protect you from the world that wants nothing more than to destroy you.

[wafflesrisa]

I wasn’t joking I will kill for sesame that tomcat’s days in our garden are numbered

My twin @wafflesrisa is gearing up for war to defend Sesame, her cat:

He keeps coming back and terrorizing her female cat.

Sesame is Going Through It:

[shotmrmiller]

that reversal gets funnier the sooner he wants it. picturing the doctor looking at him like 'you JUST got snipped mate wtf'

how old is the egg?? 3 months old???

ik the poor old man is getting threatened like UNSNIP IT and simon's not leaving til his swimmers are back in the game

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

All of sfth's improvized plays described by someone with bad/selective memory (but remembers 90% of the sentences they make up) pt. 4

16) The Cardboard Stegosaurus

Cliff missing his wife and Chip having seizures because something something British and French

17) The Ingredients

Tom pronouncing paella wrong (I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S IN THIS PLAY OR IF I'M MIXING THINGS UP AGAIN) and that one scene with the screams

18) The Excited Chinchilla

Murderous German chinchilla from the WAAR!! because unsnipped chinchillas become evil (I think a political figure was in this play, I just don't remember who it was something like. Teresa?)

19) The Prime Minister's First Day

Something something politics I don't really remember anything from this play that stuck with me

20) The Leftenmost Window

Tom plays an important character I swear, Sam playing the wife who I'm pretty sure is unnamed, Luke playing Egburt and Sally (they're definitely in my top 10 favorite Luke characters), AJ fucking things up /aff

Prev // Next

[kingkatsuki]

My bad, I meant unsnipped (snip snip)

Oh I don’t even think that deep when I write anime porn.

I just think of this meme

[transfemmes]

THEY UNSNIPED ME????? AFTER OVER A YEAR?????

[demonbanisher]

Some crack which is all @impishtubist fault. Hope you enjoy this little cursed drabble. I have a splitting headache and can’t be bothered to edit this before I go to bed so sorry if there’s any issues.

The Potter family - designation and ages next to names. Partners are in brackets

Sirius O47 and James O47

- Harry A30 (Ginny O29)

- Otto B27 (Cedric B30)

- Yvaine A25 (Luna A27)

- Leo O24 (Timothy O26)

- Cyrus O23 (Eros A28)

- Ella B22 (Victorie B22)

- Teddy O20 (Oliver A30)

Teddy knew his parents weren’t going to be quite happy with him being pregnant with a man ten years his senior. His Dad (Sirius) had been so overprotective of his older brother Cyrus when he started dating Eros and they only had a five year age gap. His Pa (James) had to talk Dad down from castrating Eros on more than one occasion.

On top of that, the family had a bit of a history with unplanned pregnancies. Poor sex education at Hogwarts meant his fathers had been unaware of the possibility of pregnancy between two male Omegas. It took James fainting during a Quidditch match to find out about their little surprise. His fathers had made sure that all of them had a thorough sex education. As much as they loved Harry, becoming parents at 17 presented challenges they didn’t want to see their own kids face.

So, Teddy had put together a fool proof plan to soften the blow of his news. Pregnancy roulette.

He knew his family and he knew they were all into pranks and mischief courtesy of their fathers. He got his sister in on it and after Yvaine casually dropped that she was late, Teddy was able to swoop in and propose the game.

The problem came when Teddy dumped out the box full of pregnancy tests to find not one but three positives.

“Well then,” Harry said “that makes things interesting.”

“Pressures off us darling,” Cedric said kissing his husband. “Unless we have a surrogate the two of us don’t know about.”

“We’re out too,” Ginny added. “I took the test for shits and giggles but I made Harry get snipped last year. No more buns in this oven.”

“You know,” Otto said with a mischievous grin, “things can get unsnipped sometimes.”

Ginny turned a little green. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Okay,” Teddy said stepping in to get a hold on the situation. “Everyone here who can bear a child take another pregnancy test. When you finish cap it and give it to your partner. Then we’ll go around the circle and reveal them.”

So a few hours and many pee breaks later, the group was back in a decidedly less jovial circle.

Harry went first. “Negative,” he said and both him and Ginny breathed a sigh of relief.

Timothy and Leo looked at each others next. “Both negative,” Leo grinned. “Some of us listened to our dads sex ed talks.”

Eros flipped Cyrus’s next. “Negative mi amor,” he said, kissing his husband on the cheek.

Then Sirius went, flipping James’s test. “We’ll fuck,” he said, turning his head expecting to find James looking at the test in Sirius’s hand but instead he was looking at the test in his own hand with a look of horror on his face. Sirius leaned over to look at his test. “Well double fuck.”

“You don’t mean…?” Yvaine started.

“Um, how do you all feel about having two more siblings?” Sirius asked.

The room erupted into noise. A few of them were retching at their fathers clearly still very active sex lives while others were telling them off for not using protection and demanding to know how this happpened.

“James was having problems with his birth control! The doctor recommended we both come off of them cause of our age. He said the risk of pregnancy was low.”

“But not zero!” Harry howled. “Use a fucking condom!”

“Sometimes you don’t have one on hand,” Sirius said as the room erupted into noise again. This time there was a unanimous decision of how gross it was that their fathers were so horny for each other that they couldn’t keep it in their pants long enough to get home.

“Wait a minute!” Otto shouted, cutting through the din. “That explains two of the tests but what about the third.”

Oliver sheepishly held up Teddy’s. “Surprise,” Teddy said. “I, um, thought this would be a fun way to reveal it. I didn’t think any of the other tests would come back positive.”

Teddy watched his Dad’s blood boil as he got ready to tell off Oliver for getting his baby pregnant at only twenty. James stopped him with a steady hand on his wrist. “Don’t think we’re in a place to judge others decisions love.”

Sirius’s face soften. “Well I guess my grandchild will get to grow up with his uncles.”

The boos erupted again and James and Sirius retreated from the shower of snacks their children threw at them. It was gonna be a long nine months.

[hibiscusink]

Did my blog get unsniped I can edit my pfp and banner again omg

[beautifulnrd]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Vintage Crazy Horse Liz Claiborne Stretch Denim Blue Jean Jacket Small.

[theprestigegirly]

not to get ahead of myself this early on but somehow i think i’ve been unsniped from twitter on my backup account and my old tddktwt moots usernames are giving me memento style flashbacks

[spencerluvtrinagh12z]

Heartbreaking CCTV shows mum clinging onto newborn moments before abandoning her - World News - Mirror Online

Mirror UK

[doctorscrders-a]

█ ║►  ❝   Cross my heart, let me be.  ❞

❝    ... tripped in the dark, you found me.  ❞

LYRIC - RUNNER by KEVIN ABSTRACT    |        @unsnipe

[beautifulnrd]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Vintage Crazy Horse Liz Claiborne Stretch Denim Blue Jean Jacket Small.

[faesule]

                       ❛  must VIOLENCE always be the solution? ❜ // @unsnipe. MERCY / ANGELA.