#unrelated: how do i break up with a guy when i insinuated the relationship? and am now realising i might have commitment issues

[angie-starz]

Gift for @x-kiwi-03 , winter soldier kai!

[1ddotdhq]

🙇🏼‍♀️Fri 6 Nov ‘20 🛹

Yesterday was the most absurd night I’ve seen on tumblr in the last five years. Just wanted to throw that out there. Between gay Supernatural news, Nevada going to bed again, and Putin possibly stepping down, we also got discourse™️ about Zayn and Gigi. Two women on twitter stepped forward and have claimed to have been sleeping with Zayn when he was with Gigi. The first woman says that when they were together in 2016 Zayn told her that Gigi was PR, and not an actual relationship, and that she called it off when she found Gigi's medication at Zayn's place. The second woman said that she saw Z from 2016 until February 2020 (and that yes, Gigi was pregnant at that time). She says she got him the custom Dusk ‘til Dawn skateboard that he later gave away in a fan event, and posted at the time about angrily entering the contest to try to get her unappreciated gift back. In another angry tweet (these women were spilling for a reason, they're mad as hell), she said the biggest lesson she’s learned this year is, “never let a boy with a girlfriend convince you into dyeing your hair because you’ll end up with damaged hair and he’ll still have a girlfriend”. Here’s hoping that she goes into 2021 without damaged hair and with someone that wouldn’t give away the gifts she gave them - everyone deserves that! The pair are mostly fighting with each other so more details for us popcorn munching bystanders are thin on the ground; for example neither gives a clue as to whether Gigi supposedly knew about them. Fan reaction is split between not believing the women, insulting the women, insulting Zayn, and insulting each other. I want to say it’s not my place to judge any of them, but I think that at this point I’m just screaming into a void, so I’ll say this: if you’re going to be cruel (especially if you're sexist/racist) about any of them in my notes, you’re going to be blocked.

Niall went live today with a special announcement: Ashe will be joining him LIVE on tomorrow’s show! That’s right: they flew her out to London two and a half weeks ago, had her quarantine, and will now have her perform exactly ONE SONG with Niall: Moral of the Story. Don’t get me wrong, I’m SUPER excited to see her, but uh...I have questions. Has she only flown in and quarantined for one song? Or will Niall do what Liam has been and use her as an opener, allowing her to play her set? I guess we’ll see tomorrow! The Independent reported that 90,000 tickets have already been sold for the concert, which is $1.8 million dollars towards paying Niall’s crew and the WeNeedCrew fund, which is amazing and will go a long way! We also got some instagram stories of him rehearsing, and he sounds great! I am getting more and more excited for this show as time goes on. Some set mock-up pictures of DWD were released, as well as some on site pictures of Jack and Alice’s house: it’s the Kaufmann house, which was made famous by Slim Aaron for his “poolside gossip” picture. It was put back on the market last month for $25 million, though I’m sure the price will only go up after this film premieres. 

Liam, who spoke in the interview that just came out yesterday about the futility of responding to the press and how it just stirs up more press about the same thing, responded to an article about him. The Sun drew on that same interview to report that Cheryl had told him to temporarily “take a break” from his son and insinuated that it was because of partying and addiction struggles, in a call back to their recent article about Liam's drinking (like literally calling back; they linked themselves as their source). Liam took to Instagram to say that the Sun had completely taken his remarks out of context, the context being that he said them in May, and that the thing that had separated him from his son was, “the worldwide pandemic, not because I had anything wrong with me”. He says he was “discussing not being able to see my child which is difficult for any parent. I wish sometimes these people would do the research and give the context instead of painting people a certain way for click bait”. I have no opinion (no thots empty head) other than that Liam was 100% right about one thing: there are now six more articles on this topic which would not have been written had he not said anything. 

And last night's memeing dredged up a lot of trips down tumblr memory lane, a regular retrospective of the last five years, and brought the uncomfortable emergence of a lot of locals posting about babygate ("haha next we'll find out that guy from 1D really wasn't the dad!" ha...ha...uhhh.) A good reminder of how many people are uninvested but still very much aware of the babygate rumors and of how major any kind of announcement or revelation would be, the absolute impossibility of just "ending it while no one is looking!" And in totally unrelated (and unwanted) news, Briana and Nick unshuttered their instagrams. "I'm back!" posts Briana. Ugh, read the room people: you are an unasked for cactus. That being said, please let's all take a deep breath and drink some water and get some sleep. It’s what I’ll be doing all weekend!

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

uwu i want angst and sorry if this is too triggering but is it okay to do dabi, present mic and shinsou where they get in a super heated fight w their s/o and the boys do a quick movement to run their hands through their hair or like hand gesture and its so fast their s/o thinks they’re going to hit them and they heavily flinch and then the guys find out shes had like an abusive past i love ur writing so much crie

( no, this is okay ❤❤❤ i won’t write a prompt of charas beating their s/o, but this is good. | warning for grade A asshole in dabi’s. | wherein present mic is the only one who knows how to do this lmfao. | shinsou’s a good boy who Tries. )

| dabi; headcanons.

a heated fight with dabi is like tryina cheat death. he’s a stone-cold professional with his mind on the job, but when anger gets involved there’s no more rules. yeah, that’s been a red flag from the get go, but here you both are…

dabi’s cruel when he’s angry. serious about his bonds, but cruel, and it’s never worse than when ppl take to clawing at him in word or deed; fighting with him gets nasty – if it hurts him, you’re fucked.(you piece of shit, like you’ve any more right than whatever rando you’re degrading yourself to be, fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU—)                                   nothing but absolute offensive defence. it’s all predatory while anyone he cares for (or who knows how to get to him) is taking shots at him; fixated on the kill to avoid his own pain. there is no pain, no gentility as a viable option for dealing with this (he doesn’t even know that’s a thing that really works, that he could do), no bond to preserve - nothing but rage to hide within and blind his enemies with.

          since it’s his primary mode for survival, it’s not smth he can consciously acknowledge (yet). he can’t - he needs it too much, too often.

it’s not the kind of mood where he likes his s/o, it’s not the kind of mood where he wants to be nice.

              you’re scared of him? (fire, fists, words, teeth- there’s              so much he can do–) good. you should be. 

       absolutely undoubtedly, dabi makes it so much fucking worse. had they not been fighting, it would’ve been so different – but there’s no mercy in a fight. an angry dabi is rarely safe.he doesn’t hit them, but he makes a play at it more than once until they’re a crying, triggered mess and that’s when he takes his vindication somewhere private / he’s won.            he’ll worry about whether you’re still dating after he’s figured out            whether he still wants that.

oh, the insinuations? bitch, no-one here is unhurt. and if you know dabi, you shouldn’t be stupid enough not to feel the threat. if that would scare you, fuck off you brainless–

     he hasn’t yet figured out whether you’re still worth giving a shit. shit.

| hizashi; headcanons.

the one motherfucker who handles this well from the get go, and that’s in part because with hizashi you just don’t get into… nasty fights. the rest is that hizashi is Absolutely not inclined toward scaring his loved ones and has no need for defensive rage to that extent. 

he’s got standards for himself, y’know? they’re more important than petty shock/hurt - his survival methods are so much more healthy than dabi’s, and that’s thanks to personality and opportunity.

if you’re really fighting, it’ll still be close to reason - hizashi’s emotionally healthy & would be with someone who is, for the most part, also that. as in, if you can’t talk about ur big issues like adults ( + some emotion ofc but honestly expressed, not cruelly ), he’s nooooooot gonna be in a relationship with you.      you- that’s. like. communication, bro. you need it.

first off he’ll a) absolutely notice and jump to the right conclusions thanks to experience b) wave it away bc he’s preoccupied and inclined to go ‘well it could be smth ELSE’ if he’s not completely ready to deal with it.the look on your face makes him ready to deal with it in about 3 seconds, and then he gently puts the fight on hold to ask whether he scared you, assure verbally that he wouldn’t, and give you space while asking what u need to feel safe enough to continue being arnd each other - or to not do that if u can’t feel safe.

hizashi is so good at making himself gentle - bc he is. he doesn’t need the walls & fronts to feel safe himself; vulnerability is his strength. he uses it well.

          there’s blankets involved and his express refusal to come near unless you ask him to, letting you control his proximity to you and what happens next. if you want, there are so many cuddles. if you want, there is reading apart from each other in blanket nests without focussing on anything so you can try to wind down. tea, maybe some anti-anxiety bg music, a super gentle kid’s show on tv. if you want to leave, you leave. if you want him to leave, he leaves. if you want to work through this but need a friend as a buffer, y’all call them over. hizashi will text aizawa for his own emotional support, cuz finding this out is rather upsetting for him too - fuck, he loves you, of course it is.       anything to be receptive, welcoming, and kind to your pain.

       the real anger comes when he finds out just who hurt you, and it’ll       be reserved for those names.

| shinsou; headcanons.

shinsou gets mad. 

it’s instant, thoughtless hurt while they’re already hurting each other and it just makes him defensive / he doesn’t stop to consider a better route. (can’t.) more angry, yells smth pained about them not trusting him (thinks it’s a jab since they know his buttons) – things aren’t registering as they would if he had his wits about him.it’s just hurt. yells, moves toward them too quick & makes it worse (not intentional) but is already backing off again. things sink in now & he’s a mess, so instead of doing anything that he can’t properly think through rn he just leaves. takes himself out of the situation.

he’s not stupid. between his own experiences, hero work, etc – once the fight’s a lil further in the past and his head cooled, he can look at it and see they weren’t trying to hurt him. it wasn’t fake– and that’s so much worse.        do they trust him anymore? no idea, so he waits it out / gives them both more time to settle. he’s not ready to be soft yet, but the idea of going in when he’s still on edge just breaks his heart.shit, he didn’t know this.

maybe he’s reading too much into it. yeah, maybe. he’ll ask. hopes that won’t be too invasive, draws on all his lessons to figure out a game plan; be calm, non-threatening, respectful. (he’s gonna phone aizawa, ask for advice.)he especially needs time to prepare for the possibility they won’t want to share with him. will respect it of course, but he’s so fucking worried it’d drive him a lil mental so he needs to prep to not push whatsoever - and it’s easier to focus on his worry than their fight that’s been abandoned like an open wound. 

           ‘easier’. ugh.

he goes back in when his head’s clear / phoned first to ask. he cuts right to the chase, tells them to set the boundaries if they want to meet up - make it so they can feel safe. it’s not that bad anymore, they say – although it really hurt when shinsou just left, made them fear he didn’t want smth so broken. 

                  that hadn’t fucking occurred to him at all.

and that’s such a relief they fucking both cry, ugly sobs into the phone and tentative ‘why were we fighting anyway’ - an equally careful ‘maybe we can write things out that bother us and just focus on finding a way through’. 

they meet. their s/o is a lil spooked in that trauma way you just can’t help & shinsou’s hyper caution makes it worse until they each find a balance. somewhere innocuous with ice cream and a view on a park, and they just. adjust to this new part of their dynamic, get used to each other again since they didn’t get to properly end the fight or deal with things.        there’s some unrelated talk to ease into things before they open up - just the tip of the iceberg, to test out shinsou’s capacity for it. 

he’s got a hard time looking gentle when he’s torn between hurting for them so much (and that’s… more intense than expected) and angry at himself, the situation, the things that hurt his s/o and the things he doesn’t need to punish himself for but does.

              after a while they call in the help of experienced adults (read: present mic) to deal with this; still more private than a counsellor, but still… they need the help.

they make it through. soft becomes a new/reinforced staple of their relationship and they learn way better ways to communicate thru issues, avoid actual fights.

learning to channel his anger differently also eases shinsou’s overall life / being soff w/ the bae becomes a new (and first) favourite part of his own personality (whoo boy). if he happens upon the bastards who hurt his s/o and curbstomps them somewhere in a back alley, well. that’s more aizawa’s influence.

[adapted-batteries]

Let’s Take A Selfie

Fandom: The Librarians

Rating: General/sfw

Relationship: Casekiel

Word Count: 2732

When Ezekiel hears Cassandra say she hasn’t had her picture taken for anything but school photos and her driver’s license, his heart breaks. He may not be able to change her childhood, but he is determined to make her future much more picture filled.

Starts post “And the Image of an Image” and goes to post “And the Eternal Question.”

Also posted to my Ao3.

-----

“You know I think I’ve only had my picture taken like…fourteen times...um, yearbooks, driver’s license, mathete honors society...”

The whole mission was weird, considering they were against someone Ezekiel thought was just a fictional character until Jenkins said otherwise. He hated seeing Cassandra be the bearer of Dorian’s actions especially, but something else stuck with him after they got back to the Annex.

It was one thing having your face everywhere thanks to traffic cams and such, but to know that Cassandra didn’t really have pictures outside of school pulled at his heartstrings. He himself wasn’t camera shy at all, considering he was Ezekiel Jones, professor of awesome, and that required photographic evidence (see ollie impossible off the Great Sphinx of Giza).

What hurt worse was that he knew her parents didn’t do anything family like, no pictures of two year old Cassandra with icing all over her face and hands, no picture of five year old Cassandra ready to tackle kindergarten, no vacation photos on the beach or at a theme park, no Christmas home movies full of tearing open gifts and excited shrieking. All the things he had in his head as an ideal childhood, or at least a normal one, and she hadn’t had any (though now he thought of it, probably none of them had that, maybe Flynn or Eve did, but he didn’t really know much about their families). Why he wanted to make Cassandra feel better, he didn’t know, but he was determined to change that number for her as much as he could.

The next mission they went out on, Ezekiel surveyed their surroundings for an ideal selfie. Fortunately for him, they ended up in Milan, specifically right in front of Duomo di Milano. Stone was busy lecturing/nerding out to a flock of elderly tourists, Ezekiel was straining not to pickpocket any of them, Eve was watching the whole ordeal all like a mom who just took her kids to a busy playground, and Cassandra was taking in the massive cathedral in awe. When he looked over at her, he saw his chance.

“Hey Cassandra, let’s take a selfie,” he said casually, sliding up next to her with his back to the cathedral, camera app already open.

She looked over at him, mildly confused. “What?”

“Selfie. Turn around so I can take it,” he instructed. She still seemed confused about the whole thing, but obliged him with a smile in the picture.

“What was that for?” she asked after he lowered his arm.

“I like to document where I go. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here,” he answered, hoping she didn’t press any further.

Fortunately Eve decided to round them up. “Alright guys, we need to actually get in the cathedral, not stand outside.”

He didn’t get to take any more pictures with her until after they finished the mission. Turns out catacombs are not the most ideal photography spots, especially when you’re running through them. Dust and cobweb covered, they had just pulled themselves up through a hidden tunnel that happened to empty right in the middle of the cathedral. Eve and Stone had occupied the priests and security that came running at them, leaving Ezekiel to see Cassandra perfectly framed by a sunbeam coming through a window. He didn’t consider himself one of those “aesthetic photographers,” but the scene had him reaching for his phone before he could think about it. He hurriedly took out his phone and snapped a couple shots just before she shook her head and went about dislodging the cobwebs that had been glowing in the light like a halo.

For those few seconds, Ezekiel could only describe her as angelic, a title mostly unrelated to his thought of Eve as a guardian angel, considering that was a very different theme altogether (much less soft and glowy and much more deadly).

Five minutes and a call to Jenkins later, they were back in the Annex, alive and mostly well save for Stone who just had to slip on some bones and slam into the wall, who was doing his best to not put pressure on his left leg.

Apparently while he was being all heroic, he didn’t take any pictures (not that DARPA was very photogenic anyway), but he got plenty on their next excursion to the Nicaraguan rain forest. Cassandra had invested in cute but practical hiking attire, almost but not quite matching Eve’s outfit.

Stone caught him taking a picture of her inspecting some symbols carved into a huge stone (he was hoping to get some “hard at work” shots). Ezekiel panicked, stumbling backwards on a root. He felt his face heat up when Stone arched an eyebrow, glanced at Cassandra still busy with the carvings, then looked back at him, this time raising both eyebrows in a suggestive manner. He was about to somehow communicate that he wasn’t taking pictures of her because he liked her (because he definitely wasn’t doing it for that...right?), but Cassandra called for Stone’s analysis, thereby ending the conversation.

By now he had a fair few pictures, and an idea of how he wanted to give them to her. He upgraded his phone, this time for the best camera on the market, so he could make it the best he could while still being discreet (a thousand dollar dslr camera isn’t exactly discreet).

Apparently secret agent Ezekiel Jones had a load of pictures, not only with Cassandra, but with Professor Stone and Sheriff Baird as well. The whole thing revolving around Sicily left the memories super fuzzy, but regardless the evidence of their friendship was on his phone. They were all...happy...not that they weren’t happy as Librarians, but this was different. No looming threat of the apocalypse, no bad childhoods, no life-threatening tumors. For a while, part of him wish they hadn’t left, but something told him that Cassandra wouldn’t want that, wouldn’t want them to fail to stop Prospero, wouldn’t want to live an illusion, no matter how real it seemed.

Dealing with Prospero, though, didn’t really provide any photo opportunities (though he found himself wondering if he could convince Cassandra to do a photo shoot in the garden somehow). By the time Eve and Flynn returned to the present, Eve had them right back to work. It wasn’t long before the clippings book flapped its pages and off they went after yet another artifact.

Even well into the mess with Apep, Ezekiel had managed to collect some two hundred photos of Cassandra either by herself or with others (both aware and not aware of the pictures being taken). For awhile, Ezekiel was set on continuing to add to that amount and eventually assemble them all into a scrapbook once they sorted Apep. He planned on giving it to her as a birthday present or for Christmas, depending on when that happened, but seeing Cassandra in the hospital bed, alive but shaken, through that idea out the window.

As soon as he stepped foot through the backdoor, he was off to the nearest drugstore with a photo printing service, and then off to the nearest craft store. It took him awhile to find what he was wanting: a scrapbook big enough to be fairly full but still have a lot of pages left. A blessing in the form of one of the store’s employees showed him a scrapbook built sort of like a binder but much nicer looking, complete with the ability to add as many pages as he wanted by snapping open the rings. After hastily grabbing some decorations (mainly fun 3D stickers, glitter pens, colorful accent paper, and a pack of glue sticks), Ezekiel picked up all 224 pictures and returned to the Annex as quickly as he could.

It was late, well past the time any of the Librarians stuck around to do their own work/interests, so he cleared the main table and unloaded his wares to get to work. He didn’t even think about Jenkins still being there until he was on to the sixth page.

“Mr. Jones?” Jenkins said, clearing his throat. Ezekiel jumped a bit on the stool he had pulled over.

“Yo Jenkins...what’s up?” Ezekiel replied, not sure why he was all the sudden feeling embarrassed.

“You do realize it’s almost one in the morning,” Jenkins insinuated as he walked over to see what Ezekiel was doing.

“Oh. I can go, if you want-” Ezekiel started, but Jenkins cut him off once he got a good look at the scrapbook.

“No, it’s alright, I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the hour,” Jenkins said. “This is…” Now Ezekiel took his turn to cut Jenkins off.

“Kind of creepy, I know, but-” Ezekiel didn’t get to dig himself into that hole. Jenkins put hand on his shoulder, getting Ezekiel to look up at him.

“No, it’s very thoughtful of you to make this for her,” Jenkins finished, looking at Ezekiel almost like a proud parent. “She is going to love it, I can guarantee it.”

Ezekiel looked away towards the backdoor, contemplating his question, but decided on going for it. “Would you like to help me make this? I want to get it to her tomorrow...well today, but I’ve got a load of pictures to go through.”

“I would be honored,” Jenkins answered, complete with a slight bow. “I’ll go make us some tea.”

“Thanks, Jenkins,” Ezekiel said as the immortal knight strode off to the kitchen.

Five hours and several cups of tea later, Jenkins and Ezekiel put the finishing touches on the last page with pictures. He felt a little bad for not having many pictures of Jenkins in there, but at least he had a few. Plus, he knew that telling her Jenkins helped him make the scrapbook would make her day even more.

Somehow Jenkins didn’t look tired at all. Ezekiel, on the other hand, looked pretty bleary eyed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep before you go?” Jenkins asked him.

“It’s already past eight over there, she should be up, right?” Ezekiel said, testing the glued bits on the last page to make sure they were dry.

“You could call the hospital before you leave, just to make sure,” Jenkins suggested, purposely ignoring the smeared glittery purple ink on the side of Ezekiel’s face, and the sticker stuck to the sleeve of his shirt.

“Eh, I don’t mind waiting if she’s not, I’ll just go now,” Ezekiel decided, striding towards the backdoor.

“As you wish,” Jenkins said, dialing up the hospital. Within a few seconds the familiar glow of magic seeped around the door’s edges. “Call when you’re ready to come back.”

“Will do,” Ezekiel said, then strode through the portal, scrapbook in hand.

The backdoor opened in the same place as yesterday, just next to the reception desk. He thought about sneaking into her room, but he didn’t want to risk disturbing her or having to deal with nurses and doctors doing tests, so he walked up to the nurse at the reception desk.

“Excuse me, is Cassandra awake?” Ezekiel asked.

The man looked up from his computer screen. “Cassandra….”

“Cassandra Cillian,” Ezekiel added.

The nurse typed a bit. “She should be, the nurse just checked on her ten minutes ago. Do you want me to tell her you’re here?” he asked.

“No, uh, it’s a surprise,” Ezekiel stammered, motioning with the scrapbook in his hands.

The nurse gave him a knowing look. “Oh, okay. She’s in 623, down the hall right behind you,” he said.

“Thanks.” Ezekiel tried to walk casually, not wanting to give in to his urge to sprint down the hall.

Sure enough Cassandra was awake, watching something on the tv mounted on the wall across from her bed. He knocked on the door, carefully keeping the book behind his back. She waved him in as enthusiastically as she could post-surgery.

“Ezekiel! What are you doing here? And why do you have sparkles on your face?” Cassandra asked, sitting up a little in her bed.

“I have something for you, to keep you company while you’re here,” he started, pulling the scrapbook out from behind himself. “When we were in Club Effigy, you said you had barely had your picture taken, especially for anything involving good memories, so I...I wanted to change that.” He handed her the book, internally kicking himself for feeling nervous about her not liking it.

She started flipping through the pages, trying to both smile and open her mouth in surprise at the same time. “Oh my god, Ezekiel, this is...you made this for me?” she said, beaming like she was the sun.

“Heh, yeah, and Jenkins helped me put it together too,” Ezekiel added. Now he noticed the tears slowly falling down her face.

“I’ve...never had this, anything like this, ever. I wanted it so bad when I was a kid, but we never went on vacations or anything, so no pictures. This, it means so much to me Ezekiel,” she said, trying to keep her voice level.

He blamed it on being tired, but suddenly his vision got blurry in the way tears do. “I’m,” he paused, clearing his throat when he felt the sudden lump in it, “I’m glad you like it.”

“Are you, crying?” she said with a sniff.

“What? No,” he swiped at his eyes futility, “Ezekiel Jones doesn’t cry.” It would’ve been mildly convincing if his voice hadn’t cracked when he said “cry.”

“Oh, give up the tough guy act and come here,” Cassandra demanded, holding her arms out. Ezekiel did as she asked (only because she asked...sure), sitting on the edge of the bed so he could do most of the leaning into the hug and she could relax. They stayed like that for awhile.

“I...I thought we were going to lose you,” he whispered like he still couldn’t believe he thought that.

She hugged him back tighter. “Well I didn’t want to leave you guys either, and look what that determination did,” she chuckled softly, releasing her grip on him. He sat back up, not bothering to hide as he wiped off his face. She shuffled over in her bed, giving him more room. “Can I get a director’s commentary as I look through the book?”

Ezekiel smiled at her. “Ezekiel Jones, master photographer, at your service,” he said. He eyed the spot she made for him warily, but she patted it again to make her point, so he obliged, squishing in next to her as gently as he could. She opened it to the first page, featuring his still-favorite picture from the cathedral. “So for this first one, I was going for that fun, youthful vibe with the selfie. And for this one, once we got out of the catacombs God himself blessed me with perfect lighting and angle…”

He went on like that for awhile until Cassandra noticed his words slurring a bit. Of course she noticed the glitter on his face, the sticker on his arm, the dark circles under his eyes, which made the scrapbook even more special to her, but she knew they all had been up while she was in surgery, and he hadn’t slept since, she guessed. Just when she decided to tell him to go home and sleep, he stopped mumbling through his process, and his head lolled onto the pillow and her shoulder. She felt herself getting tired as well and decided they could have a little nap at least.

That nap went on for about an hour or so, until Flynn and Eve came to visit.

“Jones?” Eve’s voice startled him awake.

“Woah, did you make this?” Flynn was on Cassandra’s side, looking at the scrapbook still open on their laps. Cassandra was waking up now, smiling at Eve and Flynn.

“I...uh, yeah, and Jenkins helped,” Ezekiel mumbled around a yawn. For some reason he didn’t feel that embarrassed that he’d fallen asleep. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Eve looked at him like Jenkins had, except a lot less restrained.

He stayed for a while longer, going through the rest of the book with everyone, before Eve practically commanded him to go home and sleep, which he obeyed with a smile on his face and and a content heart.

-----

Post Notes: Apparently I like to write Ezekiel really soft in my fics, full of emotions and much better at getting them out than he does in the show, though I’m not sure what emotions exactly I’m making him feel. I wasn’t really going for full on romantic relationship as Castrella still exists in my head for this fic’s universe, but he sure does care for her immensely and wants to make her happy.

[i-am-very-very-tired]

... So, what now? Team Yeezy sources went to TMZ to talk about how Kanye is really mad that Jay decided to diss Kanye because of his mental illness. "Jay Z’s attack against Kanye West on 4:44 has nothing to do with Kanye bailing from Tidal … it’s all about Kanye’s concert rant … and Jay clearly does not think Kanye’s mental condition at the time was an excuse. Sources connected to the 2 moguls tell us Jay was enraged when Kanye went on stage November 19th in Sacramento and first went after Beyonce with thoughts that were difficult to understand and then calling out Jay for shutting him out of his life. As one Kanye source put it, “Kanye was days away from going to a psych ward with some really serious mental issues. We get why he [Jay] was upset, but give Kanye a break.” We’re told Kanye had no idea Jay would go after him on 4:44 and when he heard it he was “shocked.” Jay’s new album contains the lyrics, “I know people backstab you I felt bad too. But this f*** everybody attitude ain’t natural. But you ain’t a saint, this ain’t kumbaye. But you got hurt because you did cool by ‘Ye. You gave him $20 million without blinkin’. He gave you 20 minutes on stage, f*** was he thinking’? f*** wrong with everybody is what you sayin’. But if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane.” [From TMZ] Which… I kind of agree with. Even though I said that we should keep an open mind about whether Jay and Kanye are in cahoots, if Jay didn’t give Ye a heads up, then Jay was kind of off-side for trashing a guy who legitimately had to be hospitalized because he was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. As for that $20 million loan? Team Yeezy says it wasn’t a loan. "The $20 million Jay-Z fronted Kanye West was NOT a gift — as Jay insinuated on his album 4:44 — it was all part of Jay’s deal with ‘Ye. Sources with direct knowledge of Jay and Kanye’s business relationship tell TMZ, the $20 million was an advance from Roc Nation to cover expenses — including the floating stage — for Kanye’s “Saint Pablo Tour.” The money covered various production costs and staff. It’s actually standard for artists at Kanye’s level to get such an advance. It’s part of the deal. Jay certainly made it sound like he and Roc Nation gifted Kanye the dough. In the song, “Kill Jay Z” Jay raps … “But you got hurt because you did cool by ‘Ye // You gave him 20 million without blinkin’ // He gave you 20 minutes on stage, f*** was he thinkin’? // ‘F*** wrong with everybody?’ is what you sayin’ // But if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane.” We broke the story … Kanye bailed on Jay-Z’s streaming service, Tidal, over a money dispute. Kanye’s decision to leave had nothing to do with the $20 mil. He claims he’s owed unrelated millions for subscription bonuses and music video expenses. Jay has threatened to sue Kanye if he make an exclusive deal with another streaming service, but we’re told Kanye’s done with exclusive deals. Jay and ‘Ye were once like brothers, and they still are … Cain and Abel." [From TMZ] While I feel confident with making educated guesses about movie industry deals, I really don’t understand the financial arrangements with elite musical artists. Like, at all. The Kesha mess was confusing and frustrating on many levels, partly because I didn’t understand how she could still be forced contractually to work with Dr. Luke, and how she had lost so much money. What I’m saying is that the financial stuff behind the music industry is pretty sketchy. What I’m saying is that I don’t know if it’s reasonable to assume that Kanye would have expected $20 million for his tour, or if that money would have to be paid back or whatever. I just don’t know.