#unnoticed subtext? in MY fics?

[yourworsttotebag]

There are so multiple fics I want to ask about, but... could you talk about Bliss Spores? Anything you like about it, really, but I was really interested in how you navigated perspective and consent!

thank you so much babes 💕

providing director's commentary on my fics!

I had to kind of poke at Bliss Spores for a while and write some things that didn't work to figure out what I ultimately wanted from it. I couldn't decide what the spores would do (make them turned on or just kind of loopy?), and there was a lot of purposeful distance between Evie and Gale because I was really overthinking what would upset Gale's orb (there is nothing I can't overthink).

Originally the plot was something like Gale being too nervous to be near Evie so he touches her with mage hand and then, well, Touches her with mage hand. At some point I think I tried Evie touching herself and Gale watching. And while I'm into both of those and would write them, something about combining them with sex pollen left me totally uninspired. It felt like making the spores into an afterthought? I couldn't get any words out until I made it more about them overcoming this emotional barrier together instead of "what are the specific mechanics of the orb?"

"How would sex pollen change Evie and Gale's boundaries?" and "Could Gale watch someone get off without exploding?" are interesting questions but they felt like different plays trying to perform on the same stage.

Sex pollen and other tropes like it are all about like surrendering right. The characters must feel pleasure so there's tension in their resistance to those feelings and then release in their giving in to them. And if there's anyone who has ever needed a reason to go with their base desires instead of getting trapped in whatever they have cooked up in their minds, it's these two jabronies.

As far as consent goes, I trusted than anyone choosing a sex pollen fic would kind of implicitly get the appeal I just described. I was fine with Evie and Gale saying to each other, "maybe this isn't how I would have chosen to be together but our whole lives are unideal right now. If you've been attracted to me before this, I'm pretty okay giving into those feelings with you right here." Now that I really think, it does reveal a lot about their characters that the thing that lets them both give into their feelings isn't really the spores at all but the knowledge that the other person cares about them.

Huh. I didn't really explicitly think about that until you asked. 🤔

[olderthannetfic]

Hi there! I hope you're having a nice day.

Little bit of a rant and a bid for advice, if you or your readers have any. I hope that's alright.

I'm currently writing a fic or maybe multiple fics (plot bunnies be running rampant in me brains) about a rarepair of two guys. I'm a bi woman and have basically zero social skills, so in order to properly understand other people's body language, I like to look up guides or articles about body language between two people, although I know those things are full of bullshit and don't mean anything, and it's hard to find articles for example about whether another woman's body language indicates interest in you if you're a woman yourself, but eh, they're still better than my brain which is usually like "eh, could mean this or that or this or that or this or that or- basically could be anything, I wouldn't know that lol, now I'm tired and will shut off, bye" aka useless as well.

The results I've found have been absolutely useless. I like writing characters in a slightly plausible-sounding way, so I like incorporating body language as in acting choices or subconscious body language (or whatever a proper term might be) in my writing to make it sound more in-character. So for stuff like this, I usually just think "ok what is that person's expression and if I do it, what would that indicate me to be feeling currently", and I don't know if other people do that or if that's just me being bad with social stuff and intuition about it again, and if I should really try to get re-evaluated for autism which I have been advised to think about doing multiple times in multiple direct and indirect implicative ways such as people being like "hey btw are you autistic? no? you sure?" or "I know you got a negative diagnosis as a kid, but maybe that was wrong and you might wanna do it again because of all your social struggles and sensory stuff etc.", heh. (Have been diagnosed with ADHD though, so that might also just be it.)

Sorry for the rambling. English isn't my first language, so if anything sounds strange, that's to blame.

My question or rather bid for advice is: I am wondering if you or your readers might have any advice on where to find resources for reading body language and romantic or sexual implications in body language between two parties, in this case between two guys.

(Hopefully this is not too nonsensical or insensitive or something like that because that's not my intention. I just really don't know how to human or if there actually is some difference on how different people of different genders flirt consciously or subconsciously or if that's some weird unnoticed transphobic bio-essentialism shit that I hadn't yet noticed and sorted out of my head because I don't want to be transphobic since that sucks.)

--

Weeell...

If people have links to guides, that's great, but I do think that in the context of fanfic, people often write flirting that they find sexy or they write whatever the canon style of interaction is and recontextualize it as how these particular guys flirt.

They're not usually thinking "What does flirting look like in general?" and then having the characters behave in a new way.

A lot of our interpretation of body language in written fiction has to do with information we get from the POV character about how they're feeling internally. For the non-POV character, we may have the POV character's thoughts on what the body language means, but we're generally interpreting it based on media cliches and based on knowing this is a ship fic.

So the other dude acts like he doesn't like our POV dude and the POV dude is like "Alas, my pining is unrequited!" and the audience goes "Ooooh, it's one of those fics!"

If the goal is writing certain types of fic, you may not need a guide to How People Really Act as much as one to How Fans Interpret Such and Such a Behavior from Canon as Subtext.

[3cheers4alex]

for the Fanfic Writer Asks: 4, 14, and 21, please and thank you 💚💚

Thank youuuu!!

4) What fic of yours were you surprised by how popular it was?

Oh, well, my first fic, I think! There's nothing wrong with Buzzcut Season but it's fairly obvious upon rereading that it's my first long fic lol. I'm not sure it should have been as popular as it was when I published it

14) What is something you wrote in a fic that you are hoping readers picked up on but you don't know if they did? And/or, what is something that you were excited that readers did pick up on?

I will say readers are usually amazing at picking up themes and subtext in my work, so it took me a few minutes to think of an answer! Mmm, most of the time, my OCs' first names were picked for their meaning, and, most of the time, they foreshadow part of the character's arc/they hint at the character's backstory. Other than that, things that go unnoticed are mostly references to the IRL skating world

21) Writer's choice, so... 19) What is some random info you happen to have that you used in a fic?

All the animal facts Otabek infodumped in Revenge. Now I know squids have 3 hearts and 9 brains (as opposed to Yuri who apparently doesn't have a single functioning brain cell in this fic lol)

[botwstoriesandsuch]

[Image ID: A screenshot of an anon asking saying “I just wanna say that your tags whenever you rb art and fics are so cute 🥺 you reblogged something of mine the other day and the tags were just so nice and innocent??? It’s like watching a little kid at an aquarium 😝so as an artist I thank you, hope you don’t take it as cringy” End ID]

- - - - - 

Cringey?? nonononono I may be a young kid watching the pretty fish swim aimlessly in the aquarium but I will

recklessly enjoy other people’s content don’t test me

I try to keep it in the tags cause I don’t wanna take away from the op’s original work, plus it makes it easier for other people to rb it from me, but I will amp up the love and appreciation when the situation calls for it. You could straight up come into my inbox or messages and just ask me to give you a reblog and I will do it, I do not care I love you, content creators.

Cringe Culture is dead it’s time to gush plus if I do this often enough people might do it more for me so it’s a win win hehe

Legit, I got a super sweet comment on one of my fics quoting something I wrote and it made me so happy so I was like “huh, guess I’ll do that more often then” and now I’m doing that, that’s how impressionable I am asdfghjk

Also hello?? specifically *my* tags helped you out?? I am a nobody, CLEARLY not enough people are doing this smh, allow me to teach the masses for a sec here

How To Make A Content Creator Happy: the world’s simplest guide to spreading serotonin through a keyboard

Step fucking one) You reblog it. I mean, that’s a given. You’ve all seen those “reblogs help creators out and likes do nothing” posts so I won’t rant too much. Likes are good, but reblogs are like handing someone a stack of a hundred dollars and all it takes is one click! 

(PRO TIP: Hold down the button and swipe for mobile, and hold the left alt button and click once for computer [though it will only rb to your main blog. if you want it for a side-blog then you’re stuck with two clicks but HEY two clicks to help out a creator you like is nothing!])

You share it! Just share stuff. Share the ao3 like, please do it. Don’t repost, don’t just mention it, give the links especially when you’re just in conversation or talking about it around plz I swear it does wonders

Ok moving on to the super simple stuff for commenting and putting stuff in the tags because I guarantee that the op will read them

write A N Y T H I N G and I literally mean anything just fucking:

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sdjflksdjfkjh

?!?!?!?!!?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhhhhh

:OOOOOOOOO

prettyyy

<33333333333333333

just fucking go ham, go nuts, it doesn’t need to be coherent it just needs to EXIST the very existence of someone enjoying someone’s content gives so much serotonin so stop being silent cowards and give us a smiley face from time to time

uh what else what else....hmm [golden rule is treat others the way you want to be treated, so if you’re a creator yourself, just give whatever you would want seen in the comments of your stuff! I mean that’s how I came up with all this...]

Point out the details! I mentioned earlier about quoting stuff from fics (that stuff is just 👌👌👌 so delicious) but I’m pretty sure (I’m not an artist myself don’t quote me) that the exact same effect is present when you talk about details in art or something. So talk about that pretty snowflake in the background! Or that piece of dialogue that made you laugh. Just a simple nod to the details is a big difference between saying “I like this” versus “I like this thing that you took the time to make the effort you put into the details did not go unnoticed”

just ALL the feedback please and thank you

this might vary from person to person, though personally I love when people are like “The way you write imagery is so good please do more!!” so just give a little nod to someone like “The way you draw this character is amazing please do more” or something like that

I wouldn’t go as far as to give criticism (although personally I’m the type of person that loves the occasionally critique for future reference, cause it means that you care as much as I do about the quality of my work) 

But along the same lines as the details thing, a nice nod to a creator about what they’re doing right is sooooo good! makes the butterflies flutter

                ~~~~~~Did that post give you emotions?~~~~~~

   G   O   O   D

 ~~FUCKING TELL US~~

THE ACT OF SOMEONE WRITING A SET OF LETTERS, OR SOMEONE SKETCHING A BLOB MADE ANOTHER DISTANT HUMAN BEING DEVELOP CHEMICALS IN THEIR BRAIN?? SURE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT BECAUSE WOW THAT’S AMAZING!?!??

just go “I’m so happy” or “I’m so sad” just “TT__TT” just fucking “:OO” or just “I hate this” [HUMOURISTICALLY] and “I can’t believe you’ve done” just give it yes tell us the emotion that you have felt we love it

I don’t think enough people understand how amazing that is???? You were once in a normal, neutral state, and then a piece of content that I created just made you smile or laugh or cry like WHAT that’s amazing omg

Ok so that’s pretty much the simple stuff right, that’s your elementary classwork right there

Just give something, literally anything and just go “I love this so much!!!!!” bam done, you just murdered the op with your love, great job

So yeah, that’s that. Pretty simple stuff, no?

...but you wanna graduate to master class?

You wanna fucking go ape shit

you wanna just

g o    t o    town?

I said this was gonna be a simple guide so don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell you that you have to write a full length essay on every post that you come across

[BUT IF YOU WANT TO DON’T LET ME STOP YOU THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE AMAZING?? HELL WRITING OUT A PARAGRAPH OF A COMMENT IS ALREADY JUST *CHEFS KISS* MASTERCLASS OF MURDERING THE OP WITH LOVE JUST ANALYZING THE SHIT OUT OF THE COLORS AND SHADING AND FRAMING OR JUST POINTING OUT THE THEMES AND SUBTEXT AND CHARACTERIZATION --part of the reason I love betaing stuff so much because I can analyze shit and shower it with premature love while also helping fics to be even better than they were originally ugh so cleansing for my literature heart-- SO YEAH GIVE CREATORS A PARAGRAPH, DARE I DREAM OF PARAGRAPHS, BECAUSE WOW YES PLEASE YES]

...ahem anyway

the way to graduate from good to great as a receiver of content is

to do all this

any of this

any of this simple stupid amazing shit

and just

put it in an ask or message

that’s literally it

Let me tell you why that’s so amazing, it pumps up the already amazing dopamine dosage of these actions alone, and multiplies it by a hundred, let me tell you why

Let’s say you read a drabble. You loved it, you reblogged it, you gave it hearts and emojis and ranted for a few tags about how it made you drop your muffin on the ground. Fantastic work, you just made the op pass out.

Then you go about your day and that’s the end of that.

BUT

if you do all that

and then put it in an ASK

dare you even a direct message?? (probably not most of us on here are cowards I get that)

but an ASK, anon or otherwise?

The message you just sent to the op was “I interacted with the post you made, and I loved it so much that I went the extra mile of going to your blog to make extra extra sure you understand how much I liked your thing”

There’s a wordless wall with every post! You like and reblog the thing and move on with your day. 

But the fact that YOU sent a HEART a SINGLE sentence about how you liked a thing? the fact that you BREACHED that wall and just fucking keyboard smashed in the inbox? the fact that you did that is the most amazing thing in the world

you just ambush the op with good vibes. we were expecting the bare minimum in the comments and tags, but the fact you when out of your way to make it a message or ask???? superb, outstanding, the sheer SHOCK of it will shift tectonic plates

you’re my fucking hero if you do this. you’re a godsend. I would kill for you,👏people👏would👏kill👏for👏you.

AT LEAST THEY WOULD KILL FOR YOU IF THIS ACTION DIDN’T ALREADY MURDER THEM

BE A MURDERER, NAY, A SERIAL KILLER. MURDER CONTENT CREATORS WITH LOVE

BE RECKLESSLY KIND AND LOVING YOU PIECE OF SHIT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CRINGY TO STARVING AND DYING WRITERS AND ARTISTS WE WILL TAKE IT ALL GOD DAMMIT

YOU ARE A CHILD STARING UP AT AN AQUARIUM IN WONDER.

MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS STIR THE TIDES, LET YOUR PRESCENCE BE KNOWN PAST THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS.

THE FISH ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR SMILE. 

[orionsangel86]

Sam & Eileen - A Supernatural Romance.

I am quite clearly over the moon about 15x06 and Sam reunited with and bringing Eileen back from the dead. I was so over the moon in fact, that I burst into tears when Eileen stepped out of the bathtub and took Sam’s hand. That was… wow. 

That was the most romantic moment in this show since 13x05 “it’s never too late” (also a return from the dead!)

So I was inspired to write an homage meta post celebrating Sam and Eileen’s romance looking back at everything canon has given us on this epic pairing.

It turns out, despite all my usual grumbling, there is still one het ship out there that I can totally get behind, and no one deserves love more than our dear Sam Winchester.

11x04 - Baby

This is where I believe the story started for Sam. 

“You don’t ever want something more?”

(x)

“You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

This question, from Sam to his brother at the start of Season 11, has shaped so much of the subtext in the seasons following. It’s significance to the Winchesters individual development arcs, their hopes, their dreams. It blatantly spelled out for the audience what both these boys desire and what they deserve for each of their endgames.

Not a white picket fence, not the apple pie life, just something. Something that suits them. Something to share with someone else, romantically, who might fit that particular box. Let me be very clear here and stress that Sam certainly wasn’t talking about him and Dean finding that something with each other.

Dean’s journey towards finding that something has been building for even longer than this particular moment in canon, with the other stand out scene being his confession in 10x16 where he talked about having things, people, feelings, that I want to experience differently than before, or maybe even for the first time. Dean’s journey is something we have discussed at length, and as every meta writer in fandom knows all too well, it only leads in one particular direction - towards a certain dreamy blue eyed angel. 

Sam’s journey has not been discussed as intensely as Dean’s, but 11x04 did lay groundwork for the writers to build upon. It hasn’t been as smooth or as obvious in the subtext as Dean’s either, with certain writing decisions appearing to come out of left field and confuse the path. But it seems that Dabb has course corrected and brought us back on track. 

This episode was the first time in canon in a long time that we heard Sam textually voice his desire for a romantic relationship of some kind. I therefore immediately got excited and locked this moment away in a pocket in my heart to pull out again if ever the show would introduce a character who could fit those requirements for Sam. 

The show did not disappoint.

11x11 Into the Mystic

GOD I forgot how full of delicious layers this episode was! It was written by the same writer who wrote 11x04. Robbie Thompson clearly had something in mind for Sam when he first wrote that script, and he gave it to us (and Sam) in this episode.

Eileen is introduced in 11x11 as another Hunter on a quest for vengeance - to avenge her murdered family.

It isn’t a surprise that we basically immediately shipped Eileen with Sam after this episode first aired, because her entire backstory is written to compliment Sam. Within the first 5 minutes of getting to know her, she already fulfills the requirements from Sam’s wistful speech in 11x04. She is a hunter, she is someone who understands the life. But more than that, she is all of the following:

She is on a revenge quest

She has murdered parents

She was raised by a Hunter or rather “trained” to be a Hunter rather than raised (in a scene which implies a similarly strict hunter upbringing to Sam and Dean)

She continued hunting alone after her guardian died

Her grandfather was a Man of Letters, making her a MOL Legacy, just like Sam.

Her mother was a lawyer, so she makes a joke about studying law which prompts further bonding with Sam due to his Stanford law education.

Eileen catches Sam’s eye almost immediately, and it is surprising I didn’t pick up on that on my first watch at the time, but Eileen is literally disguised as the cleaner in order to go unnoticed. Sam had no reason to be suspicious of her, and I think at the time we all assumed that he just wanted to question a potential witness - but even so, there was no need to interrupt Mildred to go speak to her. Could Sam’s distraction have been a bit more than strictly professional? In hindsight I’m gonna go with YES.

Their next meet is cute simply because by this point the audience is misled to think that she is actually the banshee. The ominous music tones, the shots of Eileen watching the Winchesters from a window. We believe that she is the villain, and then when she uses magic to pin Sam and comes at him with a dagger it’s practically a romantic trope used in enemies to lovers fics. A case of mistaken identity (another trope) and Sam and Eileen are able to reveal each of their truths. They bond immediately with both Sam and the audience learning all of the above. the checklist requirements indicating their compatibility is so blatantly obvious its almost too on the nose. But then het romance always seems that way doesn’t it?

The real kicker in this episode that made my heart sing at the time was this:

“Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need anything. Or even if you just wanna hang out”

“you can’t call me though, I mean you could call but I won’t answer.”

(x)

FIRST OF ALL - HOW DARE YOU KILL ME WITH FEELS SAMMY OVER THAT GORGEOUS SMILE

Sam’s line here though was SUCH A LINE. “Or even if you just wanna hang out”

I see you Sam Winchester. Hoping for Netflix and Chill right? I know you have Netflix. You gave Cas your password. :P

This little interaction at the end of this episode was pure flirtation and it was gorgeous to watch (and to rewatch, with hindsight, knowing what happens in 15x06 to totally deepen their relationship. Urgh. I guess I really am a sucker for a good old fashioned Supernatural Love Story!)

The other big takeaway from this episode is that meeting Eileen rejuvenated Sam. He starts the episode unable to sleep, haunted by his Lucifer trauma and feeling so down and broody that Dean steps in constantly to ask if he’s okay and try to engage in talking about feelings (always a bad sign for a Winchester to get to the point where they feel they need to ask the other to talk about feelings!)

But the end of the episode marks a significant change in Sam. He smiles, he opens up to Dean, he textually states that the case helped him. He opens up a keepsake box (that we never knew he had before this episode) and puts the retirement homes leaflet in there - an indication that he actually has hope that he might live to see a happy retirement (a wonderful sign for someone who just 40 minutes ago was acting like a total nihilist.)

The case alone wasn’t some spectacular revelation, so what else could have possibly caused Sam’s change of heart? The answer is obvious. Eileen did. She acted like a beacon of light this episode for Sam, and in a perfect bookend to how the episode opened, Sam curls up in bed, turns off his light, and is able to sleep. It is only Dean who spends the night restless and haunted.

This was the first time that Eileen acted as a “win” for Sam just by meeting him.

Unfortunately, we don’t meet Eileen again until a whole season later in

12x17 - The British Invasion

This episode is a far cry away from 11x11′s layered genius. Messy, overly plot heavy, too many various character stories causing mental whiplash, too much focus on unnecessary side characters, LUCIFER existing in general, an unnecessary sex scene between Mary and Ketch (eww), a bloody death scene, and moments of utter stupidity from the lead characters.

In other words it’s a CLASSIC BUCKLEMING.

Do yourselves a favour and if you ARE planning on re-watching this episode, just skip to the parts with Dean, Sam and Eileen (the Dagon and Kelly stuff is relatively good as well - the rest is utter garbage).

Anyway, pushing aside my hatred for the terrible duo for a moment, I will say that as per usual, what they lack in subtlety and intelligent subtextual layering, they make up for with a sledge hammer to the face in terms of trying to get a point across. So when it comes to Saileen in this episode, well, it might as well be canon already.

Practically every time Sam and Eileen interact in this episode, they are framed as a flirtatious couple in the early tentative stages. The smiles and playful flirting, the smirks when one does something to make the other proud. It is very clear, even if it is still technically subtextual, that both Jared and Shoshannah are playing this like these characters are attracted to one another, and are building on that relationship.

Hell, even Dean teases Sam twice about Eileen in this episode (though once was in a deleted scene that they should have kept instead of the Lucifer crap):

(x)

What we also find out from this opening scene, is that Sam and Eileen have been communicating off screen since 11x11. It is textually confirmed that the two of them have been developing their relationship previously, and we just haven’t seen it. Did Eileen visit the Bunker previously? Because she certainly seemed comfortable there this episode. Have her and Sam cuddled up to watch movies previously? (We know another pairing that textually do this even though we’ve never seen it on screen - Dean and Cas). Dean feels comfortable enough to tease his little brother in that playful typical sibling way, so clearly Eileen at this point has become a more frequent character in Sam’s life. It’s just a shame we as the audience have never seen anything of it until this episode. 

This episode might be the first time we have seen her again since her introduction, but it certainly isn’t the first time Sam has seen her since. This is canon.

The rest of this episode continues this theme of displaying with zero subtlety that Sam and Eileen have something more than friendship. One of the easiest ways to truly see the effect of this is just watching Sam in scenes with her compared to Sam at any other time. Like in 11x11, Eileen manages to light Sam up and have him grinning like a puppydog. It’s kind of adorable and also quite shocking when you realise how rare it is to see Sam smile (or any of the characters in this angstfest of a TV show for that matter.)

Just look at the above cheesy smile in the car scene. Look at Sam’s bashful face here when Dean teases him in front of his girl:

(x)

Look at this smug face when Eileen snaps back at the irritating guy:

(x)

Jared hits every mark playing a loved up Sam Winchester. 

By the end of this episode, a tragedy strikes and Eileen is scared off. Their relationship here ends on a comforting hug, because meaningful relationships in this show are almost always first signified with comforting hugs following traumatic events, and tentative hand holding.

The way he strokes her hair gently is just SO touching and intimate.

(x)

When all is said and done Eileen leaves, terrified of the British Men of Letters. When Dean asks Sam where she was, he tells him she went back to Ireland, and Sam looks so dejected at that thought. I don’t see how anyone can possibly read his reactions towards Eileen as anything other than romantic affection.

As a bonus point - I will mention that due to Bucklemings sledgehammer approach, it is quite clear that Eileen plays a Cas mirror in this episode. All of her scenes with Sam are paired off against Dean who spends this entire episode trying and failing to get hold of Castiel. In the Winchester’s final scene, Sam greets Dean in the morning and immediately asks his brother about Cas. Sam does this a lot in season 12, because Dean’s concern for Cas is present throughout every episode in which he is absent. Dean admits he is worried, but changes the subject, instead asking Sam about Eileen (note that it is the next morning so Dean assumed she had stayed the night).

Both brothers revert to the other when it comes to their respective partners. Sam leaves it up to Dean to contact and worry about Cas, and Dean does the same with Sam about Eileen. By this being a common pattern throughout pretty much all of Carver/Dabb eras, both brothers subtextually acknowledge that they each have a strong emotional connection with their respective potential romantic partners and therefore any contact or communication about each partner must come from the brother closest. 

12x21 - There’s Something About Mary

Another Buckleming episode and the less said about this one the better. I won’t even mention the extremely insulting and inappropriate way to kill off a disabled character (almost as bad as killing off a lesbian by having nazis butcher her) I also won’t comment on the letter that Eileen sent Sam which whilst it did have romantic undertones, was clearly written by a 12 year old girl and did not marry with Eileen’s character at all (Eugenie showing her misogyny again).

The one good thing that came out of this episode (the only good thing) was Jared’s understated grief over Eileen’s death. 

(x)

(x)

His performance dealing with her death in this episode was beautiful. It was understated, but clearly portrayed as heartbreaking. Unfortunately Sam had to push it down and bottle it up. 

Eileen’s death was a huge shocker to us all as it didn’t make any sense at that point to cut short a story that seemed so clearly to be on a specific trajectory. We often talk about how Eileen’s romance with Sam at the time was tied to Dean and Cas, and that their relationship paralleled Dean and Cas’s in the narrative. This is all true, especially the death of Eileen coming as foreshadowing for the death of Castiel at series end. Just looking at that above gif of Sam where he looks at her corpse bears an extreme resemblance to Dean pulling back the sheet and looking down at a dead Castiel in 13x01.

However much I squee and love that these relationships are clear mirrors of each other though, I need to stress how Saileen, how Sam and Eileen’s canon relationship, is so much more than that. They may have mirrored Destiel, but they are also totally different, on a different course, and with a totally different backstory. Eileen doesn’t exist just to give Sam his own version of Cas to run off with. She is not there just to push up a separate ship. Sam and Eileen’s romance stands alone in this story. It may mirror DeanCas at times, but its purpose is not for DeanCas. It’s purpose is for Sam and Eileen. 

Right from the start she ticked all of Sam’s boxes, and the clear attraction between them made it obvious. Yet Eileen was not written to just be a love interest either. She is an ally, a capable hunter, who is written deeply, with her own trauma’s and tragic past. Yet she keeps fighting, all whilst owning her disability and making it work for her rather than hold her back. She is hardly a Lisa, or an Amelia, both of whom had zero depth of character and were more or less written to look pretty and concerned as the Winchester boys basically treated them terribly. Eileen stands out as an individual character far beyond her relationship with Sam. She was full of potential which is why her quick death was an absolute travesty. 

Eileen should not have been killed off. I believe even the writers are well aware of that, and this is why they brought her back. 

Which brings me to:

15x06 - Golden Time

We knew long before this episode aired that Eileen would be back as Dabb revealed her return at SDCC. He made comments at the time ensuring that any characters he brought back would not be fanservice, that they would be characters chosen because the writers felt their stories ended too quickly, and that they had more stories to tell. Something I believe that DabbBerens are doing in particular in this season is righting the wrongs of the past. Eileen’s death was a clear “wrong” and I think its highly likely that DabbBerens’ were aware of this and saw Eileen as a no-brainer to bring back. As I said at the start of this post, Dabb is course correcting, getting his endgame plans back on track, and ensuring that he hits certain markers in order to do that. 

Once again, we are at a place in the story where Sam is grieving, and suffering deeply from all of the loss and trauma that he has faced. Being God’s personal puppet, losing his mother, losing his son, and losing someone he was close to in Rowena by his own hand, has left him in a dark place. Sam’s arc in early season 15 plays out very similarly to Dean’s arc in early season 13. A Winchester in desperate need of a win.

Eileen was Sam’s win in this episode.

Given the time that has passed since Eileen’s last episode, and how the narrative has progressed since then, I was worried that Eileen’s return would seem like fan service, and would therefore fall flat (I felt this way with AU!Charlie and never warmed to the character because of it). I was also worried that whatever potential relationship might have been building between her and Sam in seasons 11 and 12 might not have shone through in this episode. But thankfully the writers played it pretty damn perfectly and Eileen’s return wasn’t just a small side plot to an otherwise jam packed episode (like Kevin’s return in 15x02). No, her story was the A plot as Sam devoted himself to finding a way to save her from a terrible fate.

My concerns about their potential romantic relationship not being played as it was in 12x17 were also completely unfounded. From the moment Sam saw Eileen’s ghost whilst on a jog the romance was immediately back and I have no doubt that Jared and Shoshannah are once again fully playing up the connection and romantic attraction between the two. 

I am so convinced of the romance being put across here, and I want you to see why I adore this so much (in case you don’t already see it). So here are my biggest and most important takeaways from Eileen and Sam’s scenes in this episode and WHY I feel these stand out as significant elements towards proving the writers intentions for this to be an endgame canon relationship:

1. Aside from the obvious similarities between Sam and Eileen that were written into 11x11 in order to ensure that Eileen was able to stand as Sam’s equal, the one other thing that we have long discussed that Sam needs in a partner is someone who at least somewhat understands the trauma and pain that he has experienced in his life. Sam has predominantly bonded with people via shared trauma. Before her death, Eileen had had her fair share of traumatic experiences growing up in the tough hunter lifestyle, but spending an eternity being tortured in Hell is a different level of trauma entirely.

This episode cleverly once again elevated Eileen to the same level as Sam. They are equals now, both through good and bad experiences. Eileen was dragged to Hell, and only escaped when Chuck released the souls. Given that 1 year on Earth is 100 years in Hell, this means that Eileen was in Hell for 250 years give or take. Her trauma, her pain over this, is something that she can’t talk about just yet, but this significant connection between her and Sam was textualised clearly:

SAM: “I’ve been there too. Hell… long time ago. You try and forget but it gets inside you. Talking helps.”

EILEEN: “I can’t. not yet.”

SAM: “I understand”

And he really does. It is something that we can argue is a shared suffering that can create a (forgive me for this) profound bond between two people. The only other people who can understand just what he has been through were Dean (via years of Hell torture), Cas (via shared Lucifer possession), and Rowena (via shared Lucifer torture). Eileen now makes that very small list.

2. The other big factor that this episode made clear to point out textually was that this is not a Chuck manipulation. This really is Eileen, and her return from death is not part of Chuck’s story: 

SAM: “Rowena got it, she didn’t know the details but she knew the game was rigged so this. Magic. This is how she kept control.”

The reason I do not believe that Eileen is part of Chuck’s manipulations is this very pointed line right here about Rowena. Along with many other things in this episode that indicate that it isn’t guided by Chuck, Sam specifically clarifies that Rowena used magic to maintain control over her own universe.

Whilst I fully believe that Rowena will be coming back as Queen of Hell (because whatever happens to Heaven and Hell at the end, they will need balance, and someone to play caretaker and Rowena has just been set up for this role far too perfectly for me not to at least consider the option), this episode so beautifully respects and honours her character, to the point that Rowena, even in her absence, is able to control and play architect to all that happens. Rowena effectively is given Chuck’s role over this particular narrative, but instead of being framed as something villainous, it is portrayed as a precious gift that she has given to her protege Sam.

Rowena rigged the system for herself, as Sam textually explains. Her use of magic, was her way of escaping Chuck’s control, and it is through Rowena that Sam is also given this power. The power to bring back someone he loves - who was most likely taken from him by Chuck’s own dark and poorly written story (yes I do believe that Meredith was throwing shade at Buckleming in the deep subtext - pretty much all the other writers do this all the time if you pay close enough attention :P)

Rowena’s journey from villain, to reluctant ally, to friend and then finally to family, is one of the most beautiful and epic journey’s on the show (rivalled only by Castiel in my opinion). She remains one of my all time favourite characters, and her tribute in this episode, that even after death she could bestow such a precious gift to Sam, is one that I think will remain one of the more touching stories this show has given us. This is yet another reason why I believe that Sam and Eileen are endgame. Because it is a gift from Rowena, and I believe it is a gift that will be honoured by the writers.

3. It’s a small moment, but it is IMPORTANT. Sam confirms that he was teaching himself ASL after he met Eileen. In a moment of adorable flirtation Eileen beams at him and a bashful Sam smiles and bounces on the spot like a giddy schoolboy. This is yet another reveal of moments in the lives of the Winchesters that we just don’t see in 40 minute episodes. That it is canon that Sam spent hours of his life teaching himself ASL so he could more effectively communicate with Eileen is so precious. There is no way to argue how much she meant to him. 

But it isn’t just evidence of Sam’s affections, it proves to be a useful tool to the hunt in this episode as well. When Sam is unable to speak due to the witches curse, he is instead able to sign “My brother” to Eileen so that she knows to go and get Dean. It is Sam’s knowledge of sign language, which he learned due to his affection and interest in Eileen, that saves his life in this episode. 

One point that I HAVE to mention here is how the writers gave so much thought to their depiction of Eileen as a deaf person, and how wonderful her return is as representation for deaf and hard of hearing people everywhere. In both this episode, and also in her first episode 11x11, her disability was not treated as a set back, but as a tool that enables her to get ahead. The only time the writing displayed an insulting and frankly ableist light was Bucklemings 12x21 which isn’t really surprising. We expect such things from Buckleming. The other writers have proven how much more compassionate and caring they are.

The idea that Sam Winchester could end up falling in love with a beautiful, deaf woman in Eileen is practically unheard of in TV media. When do the protagonists ever end up with anyone less than “TV perfect”? It is groundbreaking that Supernatural in it’s 15 seasons has grown so much and come so far. That it started with the fridging of two women, that it’s cast remained predominantly white men throughout its entire run, that it was blackened by excessive misogyny in its early days, as well as ableism via the treatment of Bobby Singer’s paralysis in season 5. 

Supernatural has faced heavy criticism throughout it’s run, but it seems like the writers have listened and are learning. By allowing Sam and Eileen to have a happy endgame, they are doing a wonderful service in truly putting this show on the map for progression and representation - They just need to make sure that they follow through on that other big important thing too…

4. Rebirth and new beginnings. I am reminded of 13x05 and the brilliant Steppenwolf song “It’s Never Too Late To Start Again” as I rewatch the bathroom scene for the hundredth time. If the rest of the episode hasn’t already had you crying out how desperately these two should be together I fully believe it was Meredith’s plan (along with the entire production crew and Shoshannah and Jared), to have us all bawling our eyes out in happy tears that Sam and Eileen get to be together now!! (well, I certainly cried. A lot. and ruined my mascara. and squeaked at such a high pitch only dogs could hear me. The only other time I have had that reaction was in 13x05… oh, and 12x19. It’s RARE okay!)

I think the most significant point here is the touching of hands, which calls back to an earlier painful moment in the episode when ghost Eileen reached out to try to comfort Sam as he despaired about being a cosmic joke, and found she wasn’t even able to touch him. 

It is a romantic trope that was most famously used in the film Ghost, where touch was a big part of the on screen relationship. Supernatural displays this same trope rather perfectly here when the big win of the episode takes place, and Eileen emerges from the bathtub alive and whole, and tentatively reaches out to take Sam’s hand again with vastly different results.

(x)

Sam is so hesitant to touch her back, so fearful that this isn’t real, that he isn’t being allowed this. The overwhelming sense of relief and warmth that radiates from him when he finally does take her hand was exactly what made me burst into tears. The moment is so extremely breathtaking, so intimate and touching that your heart just aches for them to have that happy ending. It’s rare that Supernatural gives us moments like this, but when it does give them, when it allows its characters a win, they are immediately memorable and stand out as bright spots in an otherwise dark show. It’s moments like this that make watching these characters suffer so much worth it in the end.

The hug that comes after the touching of hands is just as intimate. This is portrayed as a lifeline. Something for Sam to grasp onto and breath. Something that inspires him to change his outlook, to gather his determination, and to convince his brother to join him and fight for the happy ending that both of these boys so desperately deserve.

(x)

The entire bathroom scene was a testament to how well Supernatural can work romance into its narrative. How these talented creators can easily provide us with a romantic scene to tug on our heart strings. Anyone screaming that romance doesn’t belong in this show I will now point at this scene and tell them exactly how wrong they are. This scene is EXACTLY what this show needed. 

For anyone denying the romance here (yeah funny how the bronly’s are so anti Saileen - I wonder why...) I’ll spell it out for them:

This is how you set up a romantic scene in TV Production:

1. Candlelight. Check.

2. Soft focus (dates back to the 1930s when films would use soft focus to portray the dreamy emotional uplift of happy couples in love - see Meet Me In Saint Louis for a very clear example). It is almost always considered a filming technique to portray romance. Check.

3. Chivalry. As if any of us didn’t expect Sam to be a perfect gentleman! But the fact is that the way he turns his back and waits with bated breath to see if the spell had worked is shown as anything other than platonic. He is almost shy, knowing that if and when she emerges from the water she will be naked, but he turns to preserve her dignity. Check.

4. Leading on from that, this is literally a naked woman emerging from a bathtub whilst Sam awkwardly stands in the room. It could have been highly sexualised. They could have used that god awful 70s porno music they like so much in this show. Sam could have made a joke to dispel the tension. If this was a platonic friendship, any of these things would have given it away. The fact that none of this happened, that the scene remained tense and intimate but not overly sexualised only further validates the romantic reading. I mean LOOK AT THIS:

CHECK

5. The music. Music is such an important part in any story. It always plays a vital role in signifying the correct atmosphere, and the correct tone of a scene. We talk about music a lot in relation to Dean and Cas and the sweeping melodic notes that usually compliment any heightened emotional DeanCas scene. The music during THIS scene though? Well it was beautifully romantic in every way. If in doubt, just go back and listen to it with your eyes closed. Play this music track over another random scene of two people sharing a moment, and it will make the scene read as romantic. I guarantee it. 

CHECK AND MATE.

Overall, this episode was the most romantic and most intimate Sam and Eileen have ever got yet in canon. It is a clear indication that their relationship is heading in a positive direction. I couldn’t be happier with how the writers are portraying this and am jumping for joy at the thought that Sam might actually get what he desired all those years ago during 11x04 when he tried to bring up the topic to Dean in the Impala.

We know from promo photos, that Eileen is still staying with Sam in 15x07. That she comforts him. With images like this to go on:

I’d say with some confidence that we will get to further watch their relationship grow, and I couldn’t be more excited for it.

I fully expect there to be darker moments coming up, and potentially Eileen will be sent away for a period of time (my money is on Chuck “dusting” her the way he did with Becky in 15x04 because I don’t believe that kills people and I do believe that they can be brought back from wherever he sends them too - plus “dusting” makes me think of Avengers Endgame which I find amusing because the “dusted” all returned at the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if Supernatural played around with that as it so often likes to play with pop culture references). I think that post Mid Season Finale we will be back to a period of utter loss and despair for the Winchester boys, and that therefore those who they feel strongly for (aka Cas and Eileen) will have to be separated from them.

However, the point is that it is always darkest before the dawn. In this story, 15x06 has laid the groundwork for Eileen to be Sam’s romantic endgame. It’s now up to Sam, and Eileen, to make sure they fight to get what they both so desire.

Bring on the finale show.

(If you liked this meta run through of Sam and Eileen’s building relationship, please leave a comment for me. It took forever to complete! Also, please click the links under the gifs and go give the gifmakers some love! The gifsets I have used are all wonderful and deserve your reblogs. (Gifs that don’t have links are my own)).

:)

[smiling-like-a-snake]

Ahhhh, sorry, just wondering when you were going to post the second part of that roleswap fic? If not them that's ok!

lmao guess i’ll post it right now

sequel to this fic

August didn’t know how to be kind. It was the rise of summer, the time where the sun still beat against the backs of workers and then cooled down enough in the middle of the night to sneak through the cracks between windows and remind the world that fall was on its way, coming over the hill, scythe in hand.

They were nearly there (just a few more turns away) when the angel stumbled. A bony shoulder knocked into Aziraphale’s arm as new knees collapsed. The rest of created bones followed; crumbling like a Jenga tower. Metal clattered against stone, echoing across the buildings. Curtains rustled but didn’t pull back.

Not yet.

“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale caught the angel before they hit the street, doing his best to hoist the long, lanky figure back up. “None of that, now:  we’re almost there.”

Jagged, bitten nails dragged down the surface of his coat, unable to catch on the fabric. Blue-silver eyes blinked once, unfocused and expressionless as they tried to pull their feet beneath them. They looked like a bundle of logs barely held together by fraying pieces of twine, about roll off the back of a truck going down a winding stretch of road. If Aziraphale had learned how to drive, he would have stayed a fair distance back, not daring to get anywhere near in case of an accident.

But this wasn’t a car, there was no winding road, and there certainly wasn’t any truck.

Voices rose between buildings, laughter of a couple on a stroll after a night out. The soles of their shoes clacked against brick, coming closer and closer.

And there he was, with a figure clothed in dirty rags and chains.

Aziraphale cursed, leaned down, wrapped one arm beneath trembling, sickly legs. “Hold on, my dear—” With a grunt, he hoisted the angel into his arms. Metal caught on buttons, hair on a collar.

The poor thing was trembling but he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold, fear, or exhaustion.

“Just a little further,” Aziraphale said, careful to keep his voice quiet. He pulled at the edges of reality, conforming it to his will, twisting distances so the bookshop was closer, light so they were hidden. The couple turned the corner, chatting and laughing. The woman had hooked her hand through her husband’s arm; their bodies pressed close, pink coat contrasting with his brown.

Aziraphale walked the rest of the way home, unnoticed.

The bed could be miracle clean, the blankets washed. He hadn’t used it in centuries and the poor thing was just sitting there, collecting dust. A few years back, at the beginning of the blitz, Aziraphale had the thought to just get rid of it; donate it to some family that would need it more than a demon who never slept.

People had been a lot more suspicious of their neighbours then, too. A man who didn’t have a bed when the government came knocking might have raised some eyebrows. Granted, his conversations with the British government had always been layered with subtext he never really tried to uncover; instead he told them to get out of his shop.

And they did.

“There we go,” he murmured, lowering the angel down to the covers. There were a couple of dark stains across his coat, dotting beige fabric with various shades of grey. Aziraphale shrugged it off, hung it over the back of a chair, and worked on rolling his sleeves to his elbows.

Chains rattled with the trembling, sounding like some metal beast’s death throes. The angel had ducked their head, hair hiding their face behind a clumpy, dark curtain, pulled bruising knees up to their chest.

Aziraphale reached for the first shackle, the hell light rising towards him with an eagerness that could have been like a puppy if it wasn’t so hungry—

Fingers wrapped around Aziraphale’s wrist, holding tight, wrenching him forward. His knees hit the mattress, feet fumbling, knocking into the base of the bed.

Pupil-less eyes stared over his shoulder, brows drawn, lips pinched into a silent half-snarl.

“Now, wait just a—”

A palm slammed into his chest.

“Bugger,” Aziraphale muttered and went down with a crash. He laid there, more in shock than actually injured, and stared at the ceiling. Springs creaked, settled, and there was a small, breathless gasp followed by the sizzle-pop of burning flesh.

The smell of charred meat filled the room.

Aziraphale sat up, hair flopping into his eyes. “Oh, no, no, no—”

Yellow and orange flickered across the wall and bed sheets like the remnants of jack-o-lantern smiles, and a scream from the very depths of space ripped through the small, two story shop. It sounded like a star dying, like a planet being swallowed by a black hole, like the final rubber band snap of the universe when it finally collapsed on itself. Bones creaked, grinding together while the angel’s chest heaved—neither inhaling or exhaling—convulsing like the final desperate grasp a diver kept on their lungs before their diaphragm forced them to inhale.

(He could feel the heat of tampered hellfire, could feel it gleefully calling for him, proud of the pain it caused.)

Scrambling forward, Aziraphale reached for the shackles only for burnt hands to flinch away. “I’m trying to help you, you foolish creature,�� he grumbled, crawling half across the bed, belly on the mattress, knees on the floor. Fingers brushed across glowing metal, a word in dark Enochian dropped from his lips and made the room and angel shudder.

Metal cracked down the middle, breaking open. He grabbed what was left of the shackles, ripped them off the bed, and tossed them into the corner. They clattered against wood, sizzled for a few seconds, and settled. False-real-skin was blackened around the wrists, sharp ended sigils burned against bones.

“Just one more,” Aziraphale kept his voice carefully pillowed, not et reaching for the slim, decorative collar with its silver leash. “It won’t harm you, but—”

The angel exhaled—a deep, universe heavy sound—that pressed down with unimaginable weight against shuddering ribs, holding their body against the mattress.

Aziraphale didn’t even know if they were aware enough to listen; but the silver-blue eyes blinked with feline slowness. He was about to pull back and leave it, when the angel lowered their head, revealing their neck and the collar.

“That’s it,” Aziraphale murmured, keeping his movements slow, his touch gentle. The gold and silver crumbled underneath his fingers, vanishing into puffs of oily smoke.

There was a clear stripe of skin, rubbed raw and red, but clean.

“Bath first,” Aziraphale pulled back, got up to his feet, wiped his hands on his trousers, “and then bed, I should think.”

[tenderlyrenjun]

ur writing is. so good. i go batshit crazy everytime u post a drabble or fic or lil previews of ur wips it tugs on every heartstring i have

i genuinely enjoy every lil detail (i'm still thinking of that one mulan reference u made in privacy to this day!!! and i'd read privacy the day u posted it and god that's such a long time to be thinking abt a fic but ur works will perhaps just live forever in me!) im sure u've heard this so often too but married and time out are probably some of the best jenori fics i've read ever!

i truly enjoy ur writing, i do, i hope this lightens a pin in ur heart people drive deep into u everytime they send u hurtful words... i hope it eases u just the littlest bit knowing someone out there enjoys ur writing... i enjoy them so much...

this going to sound really, really pretentious, but there’s, like, a lot of references in privacy - like there’s a small micro aggression in it (this one happened to me and it was like awkward lol); the are a few Shakespeare allusions; there are other, like, symbols related to yellow (Renjun’s surname) and romantic love; and of course, there’s the basic list of references/allusions at the beginning of the fic, like, bridgerton, reign, baekhyun. there’s actually a reference to my old homework from when I majored in EAAH in college. And, like, i get that they’re overlooked because this is just fanfiction; it’s really not, like, that serious or anything; it’s actually stupid, but it’s also kinda fun, for me, when I’m writing, to make stupid allusions and references like that; it’s a reason why I like writing, but it’s stupid. everything is so covered by subtext that it ends up not mattering at the end of the day. this isn’t to be like “oh I’m so different and so smart and blah”; it’s just, like, i enjoy writing because I get to do some of these things purposefully, but it just … goes unnoticed, and I get it; I’m not running a literature class; I’m honestly just lucky if someone likes the fic enough to say something.

I’m glad you like the detail … I’m actually trying to do it less in fics … sorry; again, this has to do with the pretentious thing. my writing is really … too complicated, so I’m trying to cut out all the allusions and references and stuff; I only really used that line from Mulan to set up the microaggression part (because people in China actually did not like the movie in the 90s; this was a whole thought process when I put that line in; sorry, it’s stupid).

i have … so many WIPs, finished works, and stuff; I’m just not posting. Most of these are really unpopular fics from my old blog like trt, candy (the baekhyun one, not the recent dream release … obviously; sorry, I’m dumb), etc. And, like, i have other finished fics, like, all the kinktober fics are finished now - the ones that were supposed to be published at the end of each week; yeah. Idk, maybe it’s just me lol; it even took you months to send an ask about privacy; I’m just really off putting and not the best person, so, like, idk. There’s just so much … silence about my fics if there’s not someone telling me that they hate it, and I get it. I deleted my last blog because everyone kept telling me that no one owes me comments or interactions for my fics, and people keep doing it here, but it just kind sucks lol … like I have to wait months for someone to say something about my fics, and i already feel awful about being pretentious. But again, this is my problem.

I know that people only really read my jeno fics for the smut, and that’s fine. I feel really … like, awful and pretentious when I talk about the jeno fics because there’s a lot in them that I want to talk about and stuff, but, like, i get it. It’s really dumb; this isn’t a literature class; it’s supposed to be, like, a fantasy escape and stuff. Idk, i just feel really … awful after I post stuff, even my WIPs - like, I’m just gatekeeping boring quote-unquote “plot twists” that really won’t, like, be that surprising or anything. the fics are only good because there’s constant smut and it checks the boxes for common kinks.

Sorry, sorry, i know that I’m being super negative, and you’re being really nice (thank you by the way). I just … feel bad, but this is my own issue because I’m too focused on external validation. This ask kind of, like, touches the other anon asks that I have and that aren’t the … nicest, so idk; sorry, it’s not you; it’s just me being dramatic and pretentious and just really a bad person overall.

[avani008]

And a final set of DVD Commentaries!

From “Praveśaka”

“It’s the mercury,” he announces as he approaches, taking her hands into his own. “It’s attached to the spokes of the wheel, and as the wheel tilts, the mercury tips over, and its weight propels the wheel forward!”

THIS IS MY FAVORITE CONVERSATION IN THIS FIC, SO WE’RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ALL OF IT (Sorry!)

But it took me so long to figure out Bhaskara’s Wheel was the obvious mechanical puzzle to use here: you are all lucky that we didn’t end up with “Amarendra is mystified by a cotton gin” because there are....not a lot of famous ancient Indian machines whose mechanics are available on the internet.

She laughs. She can’t help it; his exhilaration is infectious. 

Devasena finding Baahu’s engineering dorkiness endearing is probably one of those Avani-fic markers, and I don’t even care.

And, she considers, an advantage not to be missed.

“You said you had seen one in Ujjain,” she murmurs, gaze demurely lowered to their clasped hands.

casually prolonged handholding is one of my favorite shorthands for romance. 

Only a flash of white in the periphery of her vision lets her know her words do not pass unnoticed. “I did,” he says. “A pleasant visit. One of the places I most wished to see.” That’s just as well; Ujjain would be quite a journey to have to make from Kuntala and back.

The subtext of this conversation is not “cool places Baahu has been” or even “where is Baahu from.” As seen by the fact that Devasena’s first thought is to consider what a long journey it would be from Kuntala and back, it’s her trying out the thought of settling down in wherever he’s from. 

“A man who doesn’t have the good sense to jump out of the way of an angry bull he won’t fight off can’t have been around many before.”

I’m fairly certain Amarendra’s never been around any animals that aren’t horses and elephants. Devasena’s the farm girl here. 

He smiles again. His fingers are warm around hers, and as familiar, callouses and all, as her own. “We keep more milk cows in the city. Slower. Sweeter in temper.”

For once, Devasena doesn’t rise to the bait. 

“Kodumanan?” Devasena asks hopefully. They say the iron foundries there craft the best swords to be found in all the world, and she's always wanted to try one herself.

Devasena is every bit a weaponry dork as Amarendra is an engineering dork. I’m a little sad she never gets to make it to Kodumanan in canon.

“Good wine there,” and he chuckles, perhaps at a personal joke, perhaps because he knows exactly why she wants to see Kodumanan without having to be told,

This is super embarrassing, but while writing this fic, I was so in-depth in Devasena’s perspective, I’m still not sure what the heck Amarendra finds so many here. Is it just that Devasena’s like “YAY SWORDS!”? Did Kattappa get horribly drunk at Kodumanan and it was the most hilarious thing Baahu’s ever seen? WHO KNOWS.

 “Not as good as that of Singapuram.”

She pulls away. ”Singapuram?”

Again, the subtext isn’t “how dare you set foot inside Singapuram,” it’s “Are you insane, Singapuram is no place to settle down and raise a family!!!”

“I was only there in search of someone,” he adds hurriedly. “It wasn’t for long.”

By this point in the conversation, Amarendra’s caught on to its half-joking, half-serious nature. But that’s why he definitely wants to make it clear he’s not from there and she certainly won’t be expected to spend say, family vacations out there.

Devasena refuses to be pacified. “I hadn’t heard that Singapuram ever hosted anyone except thieves and murderers.” She considers. “And ladies of low repute.”

“They’re really much friendlier once you get to know them.”

“Especially the ladies of low repute?” she retorts, and he shrugs.

Most of this is just spite at the fact that so many meta jokes/macros have Devasena getting mad over “Manogari” and I....don’t think she’d really care? I honestly think that from her perspective, it’s in the past, and she’d respond to any suggestion that Amarendra would never step out on her with laughter. 

It’s strange; all the romances her ladies-in-waiting so read feature heroines who would descend into incoherent jealousy at such provocation, leaving their unfortunate lovers to trail behind them babbling apologies. 

This is true. Just read any work of Sanskrit poetry/plays. 

Devasena feels no such impulse. It’s enough to know he couldn’t possibly look at any other woman the way he is looking at her now. It’s enough to know no one has looked at her in such a way before. She never wants to look away.

That said, she is a little naive here, a little dreamy, but I’d argue part of the appeal of Amarendra/Devasena is that they make this sort of over-the-top romance work somehow. 

“Devasena,” he says, voice deeper than before, as though she is always Devasena to him and never Crown Princess, before reaching for her hands once more. 

I’m about 50/50 with what he was about to say here. This is clearly a romantically charged moment, and part of me wants to say he’d declare himself; and then, taking into consideration that they’ve just had this intense conversation about where he’s from, he might have been about to admit everything to her early. 

In canon, Amarendra only calls her “Devasena” after his identity’s been revealed, but even otherwise, he seems to save it for more serious occasions, with “yuvarani” in lighter moods. It might be a little off to have him say it early, but I like the contrast here. 

He’s done nothing but clear his throat, apparently wondering where to begin, when she hears footsteps from the stairs to the wall.

and 

He doesn't ask anything. He doesn't ask anything so pointedly that she feels compelled to add: "I refused another proposal of marriage. She disapproved."

This scene exists because otherwise Amarendra’s assumption in canon that “Devasena refused Mother’s proposal because she loves me!” comes off as bizarrely arrogant and entitled, almost. (I mean, maybe she just didn’t like the dude the proposal was for. Maybe she just doesn’t like Mahishmati. Come on, Baahu!)

"Ah."

"Perhaps not as kindly as I could have. But--" she breaks off, frustrated, seeking the right words. "It is impossible for me to marry a man I do not respect, a man who doesn't respect me. Who doesn't want me as his right hand as he will be mine. Who doesn't want me."

Also Amarendra just....randomly having Kattappa ask for Devasena’s marriage, and her only blushing and smiling -- after all the hullabaloo later about a woman’s right to choose, seems....off to me. Unless, like me, you imagine a preceding scene with Devasena literally dropping “MARRY ME YOU FOOL” anvils at poor dumb Amarendra.

Who isn't you, she does not have to add. It is not the most important thing about yesterday's proposal — Queen Mother Sivagami's careless arrogance still stings at her soul — but it is what she most wants him to know. 

I stand by the fact that I don’t think that in canon Devasena’s refusal of the proposal stemmed from any loyalty to “Shivu”--I think she’d still have reacted in exactly the same fashion even had she never met Amarendra. But I did want her to misrepresent it slightly to Amarendra here, so that, as I talk about above, his later reaction to Kattappa’s news makes sense, at least to me.

As I see it, he’s still a little confused here, and then, when Kattappa lets him know that this mystery proposal was (supposedly) for HIM, well, it’s just a sign from the heavens that this was MEANT TO BE.

Mahishmati and its anger is her concern; his should be nothing but answering the challenge she's delivered.

A lot of “Pravesaka” is a back and forth between Amarendra and Devasena, so obviously she does think of this as one last challenge. 

She binds Vasu's leg in silence. When she looks up at last, her stranger's eyes are wide, as though she has offered him a gift greater than any he would have dreamed of.

I don’t think Amarendra expected her to be so genuinely uncaring of social status to actually agree to marry him. Yes, they talk about earlier, but that could just as easily be a joke. This isn’t. He knows that. 

He swallows, says, "Devasena. If — "

This, unlike the earlier segment, is 100% somewhere where my!Amarendra was definitely going to admit all to her. She’d effectively just proposed, and I don’t think he would have thought it was fair to keep her in the dark at that point. But sadly canon must go on, and so Vasu wakes up, right on schedule. 

Vasu stirs and opens his eyes blearily.