#unnatural AND unscientific

[yplk]

gender and femininity especially is a tool specifically designed to suppress women and ensure that they're too vulnerable to fight back against the oppression they face, it is the exact fucking opposite of liberating. there's a reason why "masculine" clothes are comfortable and practical while feminine clothes and practices are time consuming and soul sucking. it's like someone said, if you put girls in short skirts and uncomfortable shoes and tell them to make sure they don't flash anyone they'll train themselves into being walking decorations by preschool. makeup wastes your time and life and health, you can't even rub your eyes when they're itchy or scratch your face, women put up with it because they've been conditioned to hate their real face; they might talk all they want about how it's "empowering" but in reality it's a great inconvenience that gives them only a moment of confidence. girls who wear comfortable clothing and don't put on makeup are called tomboys and are constantly pointedly told that it's "okay" to be feminine, strong female characters are praised for being feminine when normal masculine women in popular media can be counted on one hand bc everyone thinks the "not like other girls" girl is representation. if it was liberating and natural it wouldn't need to be enforced like this. your post operates under the assumption that woman=feminine and man=masculine which is the type of post i'd expect to see in the 70's with how sexist and regressive it is. do whatever your mind desires as a transman, use binders and t and packers liberally, but don't pretend you don't understand that the reason why masculinity is comfortable is because the regressive practice of femininity is designed to make women suffer

I have to get this off my chest: Femininity is not liberating for everyone. Especially not for people who were forced into femininity. Masculinity is not inherently bad. For a lot of people masculinity is far more comforting and liberating than femininity will ever be. Do the work to separate your trauma with cis men and toxic masculinity, and stop hurting transmasc people with your bs bio/gender essentialist rhetoric. Trans men and trans masc people are not your enemies, masculinity is not your enemy, and femininity is not always your friend. As long as it’s not hurting people let trans men be happy to be masculine. To deny trans men their masculinity is transphobic. You aren’t less transphobic towards trans men just because you say how pretty transfems are every fifteen seconds for brownie points, bc this demonization of masculinity hurts them too. Trans joy includes affirming masculinity.

[cloudcountry]

GUYS. GUYS.GUYS.

GUYS IM SO FUCKING STUPID I DIDNT. REALIZE HIS HAIR ACTUALLY TURNED PINK WHEN HE WAS FLUSTERED AND THAT WE GOT TO SEE IT>????? LIKE IVE BEEN AVOIDING IDIA FOR SO LONG I DIDNT KNOW THAT WAS CANON BUT IVE SEEN IT NOW AND HOLF Y CUKING SHIT MY HEART IS NOT OKAY???? ITS OS PRETTY>?? WHAT TEH FUCK IM GOING TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND DIE THIS IS DOING THE MOST UNHOLY UNNATURAL UNSCIENTIFIC THINGS TO MY HEART IT IS SQUEEZING AND FLOATING AND BOUNCING IN ME WHY IS HE SO PRETTY IM GOING TO THROW UP AND FALL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS

[thesiltverses]

Is there a reason why the Trawlerman seems to be most associated with the tides and saltwater creatures like crabs and barnacles even far upstream of the delta?

I think it's ultimately because we were interested mainly in the Trawler-man as a god of change (or at least a god who's meant to be a god of change), which lent itself more to the shifting aspects of a tidal river / the sedimental aspects of a river in its lower reaches, and we were interested in the environment of the delta more as an overall foundation for the series.

And also crabs and barnacles are fun, and they were on my mind as raw material in a body horror sense.

But if I was being held hostage in a small cabin by an angry hydrologist and they were waving a gun around and yelling, 'tell me why the Trawler-man is only representative of a small portion of the fluvial ecosystem and is associated with fauna that simply could not flourish in a freshwater environment, you unscientific son of a bitch' and I had to give an in-universe explanation to keep them shooting me in the face, I'd probably say,

"well, look, it's actually meant to be a commentary on religious conflict; we should understand that the Trawler-man as a regionally-specific avatar of the White Gull river has proven triumphant over other gods of the river at some point over the history of the setting.

This all-conquering monoculture has had a flattening cultural effect on the people of the river and their understanding of it. But in this world where reality is shaped by belief it's also had a tangible impact on the environment of the waters themselves - there's been a polluting effect on the entirety of the White Gull, transforming the river into effectively a saltwater environment.

The crab-angels and silt-things of the Parish are invasive and alien species, mistakenly heralded as the firstborn inhabitants of the river. This is meant to be an unnatural thing deemed natural by time, tradition, and by established power, which is key to our understanding of the overall setting."

Which, in fairness, might actually be true - it's been a long time since we started writing this stuff, so God knows I've probably forgotten.

And we have hinted, and will continue to hint, that there have been other gods of the river besides the Trawler-man.

But more importantly, it'd buy me time to loosen the ropes, and the hydrologist keeps stalking around the cabin taking swigs from that vodka bottle and peering out of the windows while muttering about how they'll create their own true god of the river and I'll be its first sacrifice.

So if I choose my moment well and I jump them when their back is turned, maybe I can get the gun off th

[redpenship]

cosmic wip

an: this fic is taking me FOREVER to write and i like this convo quite a bit so I am posting it on tumblr!!

---

This was a huge claim. Starline blinked in surprise. “You . . . stabilized an energy circuit? Without a surge protector?”

Ivo gave him another paper from the folder. Starline stared at it blankly. On the paper was a schematic for a capsule; in the main section was a drawing of a small bird, and attached to the bottom was a battery. The title read: animal-powered battery. 

“This must be some kind of joke,” Starline mumbled incredulously. In what world could animals power a facility like this on their own? He couldn’t even begin to imagine how they would stabilize his energy electrical circuit. That was a feat physicists had been trying to achieve for decades. And here, Ivo was claiming to have done it own his own. Without training. 

“It’s not a joke! I’ve been using those batteries as my main source of power for many years, now.” Appearing excited, Ivo leaned forward and tapped the schematic with a finger. “They work because I adapted our laws to the conditions of this world. You are a biologist first, so I will explain this simply: Chaos Emeralds respond to the needs of living creatures. Without their interference, the animals inside the capsule would die during the energy extraction process. The emeralds protect the animals by supplying the electrical circuit with enough energy to function without killing them.” 

Starline blinked. Ivo was right—he was a biologist, not a physicist. He hadn’t looked at energy physics in a very long time. But despite his inexperience, he understood just how big this stable energy capsule could be. Ivo had made a breakthrough in Earth’s sciences. Unstable energy had suppressed the planet’s sciences for millions of years. If Ivo’s invention really worked . . .

“Given your silence, I can only assume that you’ve come to understand the grander implications of this capsule,” Ivo said. He took the schematic and put it back into the folder. “Don’t get too excited. I have no intentions of sharing this with anyone else for the time being.” 

He was keeping it for himself? “Why?” Starline demanded. “You could help science everywhere!” 

Ivo shook his head. “This will not help science. It is a temporary fix to a much larger problem. To help science, I will need to present a complete solution to the energy crisis.” 

“This is a good first step!” Starline argued. “Other physicists could use this to find the solution!”

As Starline spoke, Ivo’s face fell. He said his next words sternly. “If human science was capable of solving the crisis, we would have done it by now. I accomplished what I did by abandoning our methods completely. No other scientists would have been willing to do such a thing.”

They were right back to Ivo’s initial argument: humans, and by extension their science, are idiots. “What makes you think so?”

“Anyone who is allowed to practice science in a lab has completed the circuit of higher education. To survive such a circuit, students must depersonalize themselves and accept rigorous training. They are traumatized into accepting academic dogma even if it seems unnatural to them. Upon graduation from such a system, how many of them will be willing to abandon everything they’ve learned to perform ‘unscientific’ experiments?”

Starline immediately disagreed. “They’re rigorously trained to meet scientific standards.” 

“On a non-standard planet! Everything they’re learning is useless until we can solve the energy crisis.” 

The logic didn’t add up. “Then the crisis is unsolvable. Unless you mean to say that you’re the only one who can do it?”

Ivo crossed his ams with a huff. “I’ve hit a road block in my research. Now that I have the capsules, I am finding it more and more difficult to pretend that I don’t have expectations for my experiments. Staying away from university could only bring me so far. No matter what I do, I will always make assumptions about the future and my experiments. It is an unconscious way of thinking that I cannot overcome; my brain simply cannot accept the uncertainty created by Chaos Energy.” 

Unconscious ways of thinking. It all clicked at once. Starline looked to the cognitive tests on the table in front of him and realized exactly what conclusion Ivo had drawn from them.

“You think only someone with a traditional Mobian worldview can solve the energy crisis,” he said. Ivo nodded his agreement and Starline kept going. “It has to be someone comfortable with uncertainty . . . someone with an intuitive understanding of Chaos Energy.” 

“Precisely! The energy crisis will only be solved by someone whose first reaction to learning the law of conservation of energy is to refute its existence.”

[snrland]

"Isn't it funny how with animals it's the males who are prettier but with humans it's the women?"

Unscientifical.

On average, men grow much more hair. They can grow beards, similarly to how lions grow manes to impress females. Men were (in a primitive, pre Homo Sapien Sapien sense) meant to be the pretty sex for the female gaze. The societal pressure on women to look pretty is opposed to nature, much more so than being gay or trans.

If you engage in the naturalistic fallacy, you're obligated to look something like this:

(And you would still be hypocritical, becuse clothes, houses, all technology and all prepared food are unnatural, but I digress)

[icannotgetoverbirds]

i may be biased but i think that dandelions should be symbols of intersexuality

dandelions:

belong in this world

are natural

are good for this world

are beautiful

are whole just as they are

are resilient

have been here for a long-ass time

will be here for a long-ass time

deserve to exist

dandelions are NOT:

unnatural

a new phenomenon

wrong

bad

dangerous

broken

something that needs to be changed

bound by society's ridiculous 'rules' that are based on incorrect, unscientific information

just like intersex people! Plus they're yellow like the intersex flag, so that's a bonus.

The moment you start drawing lines between acceptable and unacceptable for things that cannot be changed, it will inevitably lead you to find yourself on the wrong side of that line. When you draw lines between what bodies are acceptable and what bodies are unacceptable, you will inevitably find yourself placed into the unacceptable box.

Intersex bodies must be accepted as they are, must be held as just as worthy as perisex bodies, both for intersex people's sake and for the sake of human diversity.

These lines are not unlike the lines we draw between 'good' and 'bad' plants. We call plants that we don't want weeds, despite dandelions providing much more practical utility than a rosebush. And where does that leave us? In a world where dandelions are poisoned, uprooted, crushed, killed for the crime of growing wherever there is a place to grow. In a world where rosebushes could easily find themselves given the same treatment the moment they no longer provide value.

And for what? To uphold antiquated and incorrect ideas of the way the world should be, often at the detriment to ourselves and the world we live in? For the aesthetic?

And we do this with human lives, violently 'correcting' the 'flaws' that are perfectly natural through unwanted mutilation and medication.* Doctors do this to children, to literal infants, and it's perfectly legal. I find it telling that, despite its legality, those same doctors and hospitals tend to guard any records they might keep of such procedures, even from the parents and the child in question, quite closely.

Sorry this kinda turned into a rant. I just think the metaphor is really fitting, and I'm pretty passionate about intersex issues (being an intersex person myself), and I really like dandelions.

*There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to adjust one's own body to what they themselves would prefer, regardless of the starting point and/or end goal. In addition, I recognize that certain intersex conditions require medical intervention for survival - that's not what I'm referring to here. What is wrong is forcing people into a false binary and abusing modern medicine to make an unwilling person fit into a box they don't want to be in. This is about autonomy and enthusiastic consent without undue influence.

[theimpossiblescheme]

The entire village assumed that Ms. Grenaway was a witch, and this amused Tantomile to no end.  Her mistress was the most painfully mundane, non-magical human she had ever met in this current life, with almost childishly dull eyes bereft of any glimpses of far-off cosmos or primordial sea, a voice that trembled with the age of a single lifetime, thoughts you could only sense if she spoke them aloud, and hands that only warmed if she held them over the stove too long.  There was no hint of the spark, the little simmer of two charged souls recognizing each other, that she felt every time Mistoffelees or Hathor or little Jemima came to visit, and of course none of the resonance she felt with Coricopat.  In fact, what she could see of the old woman’s soul was the same limp, watery color as any other human.  This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing in Tanto’s eyes.  It didn’t cancel out her excellent palate for chicken and seafood, her valiant attempts at conversation (humans didn’t have the tongue for it, bless them, but the effort was appreciated), and her lovely home with plenty of sunny patches and cozy dark crannies.  It simply was--she no more expected magic from any human than she expected wings from any cow.

However, according to most humans, there was something odd about an unmarried, rather reclusive woman living off the beaten path in an old house with a sprawling, “overgrown” garden (and multiple cats, no less!).  That, too, might have been a neutral statement, but different humans had different feelings on the matter.  Adults, Tanto noticed, tended to be a lot more tentative.  She heard quite a few whispers past the front gate about how “unnatural” it was, about how “a woman her age really ought to have settled down”... a ridiculous notion on its face.  She’d like to hear someone tell Hathor she ought to drop her current life and find a mate just for the sake of having one.  Many of the women commented how “sad” and “terribly lonely” Ms. Grenaway must be, as if she didn’t enjoy the company of her cats and her roommate, dear Mr. Lewis, perfectly well or find any contentment in her work.  Even the humans who came to buy her herbal remedies treated it like something unsavory.  It couldn’t be simpler in Tanto’s eyes–ginkgo for the heart, elderberry for the head and lungs, St. John’s Wort for sleep, turmeric for pain, and parsley for the blood and liver.  No different than what she would give any of the Junkyard cats who came looking for healing (the rosemary for grey hair was quite another matter, and she resolved to study those effects a little closer to settle her skepticism).  But so many humans held their newly-sold bottles and boxes like they were bombs about to go off.  For all their head-shaking and finger-waggling about “superstition” and “unscientific nonsense”, they were certainly willing to give a great deal of money away, only to treat a handful of herbs like something sinister.  Tanto couldn’t understand it and didn’t feel any great urge to waste her time trying.

The children, on the other paw… children had a very different reaction.  Tanto noticed that their whispers about Ms. Grenaway’s so-called “powers” came with a hint of excitement, the same kind she’d hear from the kittens telling each other stories on the rubbish piles.  One boy had insisted that she never married because she turned all her prospective husbands to toads for this or that offense, which gave Tanto a good chuckle at the mental image.  A pair of sisters assumed the house was haunted and assigned her far greater abilities as a medium than she had in reality.  And one imaginative little chap wondered where she kept her familiar, which they imagined to be a little devil or dragon that rode around on her shoulder.  Sometimes they would flock together at the very end of the path or, if they were feeling bold, right up next to the front gate, hoping to catch a glimpse.  And sometimes, if she had some free time and felt a more whimsical mood overtake her, Ms. Grenaway would invite them in for tea.  She’d brew up enough chamomile and lavender and bake enough fruit cobbler to feed Jennyanydots’ entire class and sit the little ones down in the kitchen, answering questions and spinning yarns Gus would be proud of and letting them look at all her stock as they lay drying.  There were always a few who took a genuine interest in what all the herbs and flowers did, and Tanto would drape herself around her human’s neck like a scarf as she gave an explanation.  And those same few she could always rely on to give exemplary chin and ear scratches.  If only they knew, if only she could tell them where the true magic of the house came from…

At the very least, she mused, she would have no shortage of stories for Coricopat later.

[themainspoon]

No like legit I think we all know that this shit is stupid, but I think some of us fail to recognize just HOW stupid it is.

Part of what led to sex testing in the first place was cold war anxieties in the 1960's. There were rumors that the 'evil communists from Eastern Europe' were going to try and have men compete in women's sports to try and claim glory for communism as an ideology.

We know of one time a man actually did legitimately 'infiltrate' Women's sports. It was in 1936, his name was Hermann Ratjen and he was a member of the Nazi youth, he competed in pole vault and only managed to come forth. *

Another reason for sex/gender testing hearkens back to the reason why women were originally banned from the Olympics. One of the founders of the modern games, Pierre de Coubertin, argued in 1912 that the concept of "women's sports" was completely unnatural and went against the very laws of nature. When women were finally allowed to compete, they had to have their womanhood verified, because women being involved in sports was so unthinkable to the committee that just wanting to compete was enough to place a woman's gender into question. Because surely 'real women', who naturally shouldn't have been interested in competing due to their non-competitive and non-athletic natures, would never be interested in participating!

It's fucking insane, misogynistic, scare mongering, unscientific bullshit literally the whole way down, all the way from the modern day right to the very foundations, without a single crumb of anything logical or reasonable. The fact that people even want to keep debating in favor of the concept of Gender Testing is proof that some people actively choose to be stupid.

*edit: while the text I read did claim this, it turns out this is a misconception based on either bad or deliberately false reporting on the part of Time Magazine, the contents of which got repeated in various forms [including a movie] until it just kind of became a widely held misconception. In reality, Heinrich Ratjen was assigned female at birth, and was only later made to begin identifying as male after it was discovered that he was intersex. Ratjen refused all interviews until their death in 2008. There seems to be a lot of misconceptions about this story, some people seem to also think Ratjen was killed by the Nazi's, but that also seems to be false. Overall, it would seem that I accidentally spread misinformation here, I apologise.

Doing more reading for uni again and just stumbled across the fact that the Olympic Committee used to have a "femininity control head office".

If I wasn't already aware of how insane the fucking shit surrounding womens sports was, I'm not sure I'd belive it was really called that, it seems too on the nose. Like, the office that ran all the "gender tests" was literally fucking called the fucking "femininity control head office". Like come on.

[newsource21]

Toxicity of solid plastics is a popular but false image based on the human need to resist science so that we can believe in the impossible, which goes back to the comforts of infancy when nothing can be explained.

The article mixes up PET and PE and includes a drawing (above) that includes a water/soda bottle, which is made from PET, chemically very different from polyolefins and already valuably recycled. Not irrelevant, as it appeals to people who see lots of plastic bottles and think all plastics are harmful.

The drawing is also misleading as it shows the feed of a complex hydrocarbon which may derive from PE/PP but isn’t our familiar view of long chains. Also, the product is propylene, not propane. Propylene may be worth more than propane and doesn't need added hydrogens. The drawing also shows production of methane, a greenhouse gas that isn't wanted, especially in the air.

The article states that the economics to make propane and sell it are promising, but the authors give neither investment nor operating nor sales/price data. And there��s nothing on energy needs in kilowatt-hours, which may make the process less attractive to many environmental-minded people. You need to break a lot of those strong C-C bonds to break the polymer chain, a basic flaw in much advanced/chemical recycling except some pyrolysis.

Lastly, the article invokes the popular image of plastics in our bodies, ignoring the impossibility of digestion or circulation. Micro-plastic particles are far too big to penetrate the gut wall and then circulate through our network of capillaries. And how much matters, as I often say. Discarded fishnets may be harmful to aquatic creatures, but so is catching fish and eating them.

Yet, many people still want to believe that micro-plastics are inside us to support their need to resist science, which deprives them of the comfort of miracles. They are quick to label plastic as toxic because it is:

unnatural (but earthquakes, rattlesnakes, and viruses are natural);

chemical (but everything is chemical, including water, air, and us);

changeable (but so is weather and our bodies);

synthetic (but so are many medicines and foods);

corporate (but corporations can be creative, and volume and efficiency can keep prices down when responsibly regulated).

What we really fear is ourselves — humanipulation.

It isn't only the unscientific masses who think this way. Our own industry is doing what the public — our customers — wants when it talks about sustainability and circularity, and the politicians correctly see such myth-understanding as doing what the voters want.

Waste is a separate and opposite problem from pollution. Waste is losing good stuff, but pollution is the presence of bad stuff. Our plastics industry can and should reduce its waste. But don’t single out plastics as more wasteful than other materials, and remember that they reduce other waste — food, energy, water — and keep us healthy, as they don’t support bacteria (as wet paper does) and, thus, prevent sickness and help in the cures. 

Plastics are relatively harmless but people want them to be bad? Yes, and now maybe you see why.

[beardedmrbean]

Doge Dreams

*Lightning snaps, crackles, and pops over an unnatural laboratory hidden in plain sight*

Assistant: Doc? What’s with the helmet?

Scientist: I, the great DOCTOR VON PROFESSOR have invented a telepathetic-dream-invader-visor!

Assistant: So you can see other’s dreams? That’s not so evil.

Scientist: Is it? IS IT?! Let’s just see what everyone’s dreaming of them so I can find someone to blackmail!

*Le Walter’s dream has arrived as he’ driving the world’s largest monster truck through a field of watermelons that have hot lava inside them*

Scientist: Ok, not much there. How about this one.

*Le Karen dreaming of a dystopia where she rules over everyone in chains while the managers burn alive*

Scientist: Well that’s just depressing.

Assistant: Who was that one?

Scientist: A very twisted individual.

*Le sleeping catgirl on a warm pillow has arrived*

Scientist: She’s dreaming of herself sleeping?

Assistant: That’s boring.

Scientist: ALL OF THESE ARE BORING. Ok, one more try.

*Le absolute global disaster has arrived while everyone runs and screams in terror while le buildings collapse*

Scientist: Oh no it’s even worse! Who dares dream of this nightmare?!

*Le Lil Doge has arrived*

Lil Doge: This is for making me do extra homework!

*Le building explodes*

*Le scientist removes the helmet*

Scientist: Assistant. Make sure I never do this again. Dreams are too dumb and unscientific.

*Le scientist has unarrived and le assistant puts le helmet on*

Assistant: Come on, it can’t be that bad. There’s gotta be a good dream in here somewhere.

*Le clone army of Jims have arrived all dancing around a green campfire has arrived*

Jim: Oogachaka oogachaka ooga ooga oogachaka!

Assistant: A tribe of Jims. Science has truly gone too far.

Wait wrong Jim’s

[femsolid]

Sometimes I think radfems and feminists in general put too much focus on the past in certain instances. One example is the "holy mother goddess" thing. That's fine to speculate about but some women aren't religious and will find it off-putting. It's fine to look into past to study and understand women's achievements and history, but "Mother Goddess" thing feels very religious and Radical feminism is about Material reality. Some radfems underestimate conservative propaganda.

I agree. I lost a few friends over this, believe it or not.

See I had a group of radical feminist friends. We were even discussing serious separatist projects together, we looked into buying land etc. Then some spiritual women joined in, one in particular, let's call her Claire, a philosopher, deep into the woowoo pseudoscience. Like most philosophers, she would ponder for hours about pointless things instead of actually doing anything. Everyone thought she sounded smart enough. Except for me who was rolling my eyes and making sarcastics comments in the background. So Claire started avoiding me and I started avoiding Claire. No problemo. Except that while I was avoiding her she was spreading the woowoo. Before I knew it, the conversations had become entirely focused on the "sacred womb", the "true nature of women", "women think through their uterus" and other crap like that. They were proud to be bioessentialists at this point. I was bewildered. This was so far removed from our initial community.

When I asked for evidence regarding any of their claims they replied that men control science therefore science is irrelevant. They promoted motherhood as the reason for women's existence. I asked if being childfree made me a failed woman and if lesbianism was unnatural. They said I was being mean to the new guru Claire. Any resistance to these spiritual ideas started to be met with utter contempt. They said I was thinking like a man and denying my true nature you see. I just wasn't as enlightened as they were, with my stupid useless radical feminism. Of course the main women promoting holy motherhood were mothers themselves. Claire would say ridiculous unscientific nonsense every day and get praised for it.

And eventually they all became anti-feminists, they said feminism was about denying women's true essence, our real uterus driven instincts. Talks of the holy mother goddess were becoming the norm. Radical feminist thinking was not welcomed anymore, especially not my proclivities for scientific inquiry and materialism. And what a waste of time... All they did was complain about feminists while doing nothing at all themselves. The ambiance was extremely toxic. So when women were coming to us in search of feminism they were receiving agressive pseudoscience and spiritual anti-feminism instead. And that's when I truly became alarmed.

My "true nature" is confrontational it seems. If I have a problem with someone, I'd rather talk it out, so we can solve it you know? So I ended up confronting them all. Especially the one woman who was becoming like a cult leader. I told Claire this was all misogynistic and spiritual nonsense, in more words than that. She said I had dicks in my brain and that I had unresolved issues with my mother that I needed to take care of that was the source of my animosity. Charming. I told them all that they had become a religion and that I was leaving. And so I did. And then three other women who had witnessed the confrontation contacted me afterwards to tell me they were leaving too, for the same reasons. And so they did.

The irony is that I'm actually very interested in women's history, female figures in mythology, women's cultural impact. I've loved learning about ancient religions and their goddesses creating the world (and humans from clay! The bible is just bad plagiarism btw). I'm interested in many things. And even in my aversion for "spirituality" I don't mind the women who are into that, because for the most part it's harmless and it's just women trying to have a common culture and feel powerful. I kinda like it actually, I like the art they make, the sisterhood they feel, good for them, as long as they stay grounded in reality. Men have erased us from history and culture, it's nice to be reminded that we have existed and mattered. I also understand the need to reclaim and celebrate our bodies. It's not the problem at all.

Just beware of the pipeline to actual cults my friends... I've experienced it. No magic crystals and sanctified menstrual blood will elevate you towards liberation... only activism will. You need to fight not to pray.

[spookymultimedia]

Baby Envy

Dwight, who is a transgender man,has complicated feelings after Pam gives birth to cece

CW: major gender dysphoria, semi-graphic descriptions of childbirth and internalized transphobia

       Dwight's breath hitched as his muscles contracted, he was coated in sweat but didn't seem to feel any heat. He stared up at the stars and counted them between contractions. He was laying in a grassy field over his baby blanket. He felt like he had been in labor for hours. He wasn't in any pain but he knew he was in labor somehow. He didn't question the situation. The only thing on his mind was to give birth to the baby as safely and smoothly as he could. 

       He started to cry, those he could feel on his face. It felt like he had been there for hours. Why was he alone? There should be a doctor or something to help him. Or at least his friend Pam at his side. If anyone was going to be the godmother it would be her. They were also expecting so it was only logical. But she wasn't anywhere to be found. He felt helpless and scared. He sobbed out for help as he felt his body release the baby. 

       Dwight sat up in bed and looked around. He laid there sobbing into his pillow. Ever since Pam had given birth to Cece he had been having weird dreams where he was pregnant. Most of them involved childbirth. He felt very confused by them. He felt envious. Well, maybe not envy. Upset. He was sad that he didn't have a baby to coddle. He wanted to have a baby to nurture. But he could never go through with pregnancy. Just dreaming about giving birth gave him severe gender dysphoria that he didn't know how to handle.

        The very next night, he had another dream. He was laying in bed when he heard the cry of a baby. He looked around and walked to an old crib in a small yellow blanket. The infant was no older than three months. He picked them up into his arms and felt the baby latch their mouth onto his shirt. Suddenly he had boobs again. He slipped up his shirt, laid on his side, and let the baby suck the milk from his tit. He wasn't focused on his body but had an animalistic focus on the infant. He felt like a wolf nursing it's pups. It was natural but simultaneously felt unnatural. He calmly woke up to his arms cuddling a pillow to his chest. He frowned. He was a male. These feelings were wrong!! 

        But he felt empty. He felt empty without a baby of his own. It was his job to carry out the Schrute genes. He was the oldest son, but he was raised as a daughter.

      As he dressed for work he remembered all the times his mother told him that his body was for birthing children. Truth be told he used to have very large breasts, perfect for feeding many many babies, but they were a source of pain for him. He stared up from the mirror trying not to look at his hips but he ended up looking at them anyway. While his hips did become less prominent over time, in his eyes they were still way too feminine for him to handle. A zing of stress zipped through his body as he looked at his thighs. He was fat. He has huge thighs. His mind repeated the words "birthing hips" as if to taunt him. "There's nothing wrong with being male and having huge hips. Kevin has huge hips. My fat distribution has nothing to with my sex." I mumbled to myself. I felt stupid. I knew how dumb these thoughts were. They were completely illogical and unscientific but they got to him. But there was no denying that he wanted a baby. He wanted a biological child. He wanted to have a baby.

       He sat at the breakroom table at 4:15 with his head down against the table. Angela walked in and glanced at him. She could hear a faint whimper. "Dwight? Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She said as quietly as possible, she stood facing away from him by the coffee maker. 

      He looked up at her. "I want a baby."

She shot her head to him. She gave him a distressed look. 

    "Dwight you- you know-? Even if I was willing to, bear your child. It's just not possible. You can't. Can you? Am I wrong?"

He sighed, "No you're correct. I can't produce any seed. I'm useless." Hot tears formed in his eyes. She walked up behind him and rubbed his back. She had nothing to say.

         "I- I have been having weird dreams."

"Yeah?"

        "I was pregnant. Is there something wrong with me??"

      "No." She said trying to sound convincing but she wasn't sure how normal it was. She was cis. She wasn't sure of what to do. "I don't know." She muttered. He hiccuped pitifully. She looked around. The cameras were distracted by Michael. She silently thanked him for attracting so much attention to himself. She leaned over Dwight and hugged him from behind. "I wish there was something I could do D." 

             "I'll be fine. I'll get over it."

Angela let him go and walked back to her desk before anyone could grow suspicious. He went back to work and tried to stop thinking about it. 

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH137 (Extra)

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents ]

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Chapter 137: Extra

Introduction to Extra: When a high school student idol girl encounters an exorcist of the Holy See who transferred to her school, the original scientific world seems to suddenly become unscientific...

Beautiful idol girl: A lovely and beautiful girl like me, of course, only likes handsome girls!

Handsome girl: Hmm!

Agent: Excuse me?

　　&&&

Note: This story is an AU (Alternative Universe) story, that is, a parallel universe, not a story within the same timeline as the main text. There is no Nightmare Game in this story. Everyone is living in modern times, including fantastic creatures such as supernatural ghosts, demons, and blood cults, but they are not widely known. The story involves the locations and characters from the Castle Cry copy, but it is different from the story in the text. Please refer to the text.

Genders are different, genders are different, and genders are different (important things are said three times). Because of gender differences and different experiences growing up, the characters are slightly different from the text.

Qi Leren entered the entertainment industry from an early age while attending high school, filming and singing, and was a famous idol and beautiful girl; Ning Zhou is the royal elder sister* mixed-race exorcist who transferred from abroad for some reason.

*{E/N: yujie, like the Japanese onee-sama character type}

　　&&&

The sunshine outside the window was too good, and there wasn’t even a cloud in the blue sky.

Qi Leren looked out of the window with her cheeks propped up, a little absent-minded.

The teacher was giving a lecture on the podium and the students around her were all keeping their heads down and taking notes carefully. Qi Leren’s eyes quietly drifted to the black-haired and blue-eyed student by the window. She sat upright and looked at the teacher on the podium, looking serious and earnest.

Her blue eyes were really beautiful.

Qi Leren's thoughts suddenly returned to the day a month ago.

On that day, she’d flown back to X City overnight the previous night. It was already after midnight when she’d gotten home, so she’d unfortunately overslept the next day and rushed into the lecture building as the school bell rang. Although the school was tolerant of her frequent leave, Qi Leren didn't want to be treated specially because of her idol status, so she would try her best to observe the school rules.

The bell was drawing to a close, and she was still a corridor away from the classroom. Qi Leren ran at the speed of the 800-meter women's champion in the school sports meet. As she ran, she thought she might not be late this time. As a result, at the corner at the end of the corridor, she ran head-on into someone.

"Ow!" The bump was really strong. Qi Leren raised her head angrily, covering her nose, and glared at the person.

The blue-eyed girl who was hit: "...Sorry."

Who is this? I've never seen her before. Is she wearing fashion contact lenses? So tall and beautiful!

Qi Leren stared at the person and for a long time she apologized until the class teacher coughed: "I'm sorry, I ran into you, I'm sorry!"

The class teacher accompanying the blue-eyed girl smiled and said, "Xiao-Qi, what are you hurrying for?"

Qi Leren immediately wore a bitter expression: "...Sorry teacher, I'm late."

"It doesn't matter, you’re busy with your work, the teacher understands it, go back to the classroom quickly," the teacher in charge said, taking the two people with her to the classroom.

Qi Leren walked on the left side of the head teacher and slowed down after two steps. She secretly looked at the girl walking on the right side of the head teacher. She looked only ahead of her, and she could see that her facial features were more three-dimensional than the average person. With those sapphire eyes, Qi Leren boldly guessed that she should be mixed-race.

"Hey hey, I’m Qi Leren, what's your name? Why haven't I seen you before? Did you transfer to this school?" Qi Leren put on her trademark smile photogenic smile and smiled sweetly at her, and spoke without any of her idol baggage.

The blue-eyed girl gave her a look, turned her face quickly, and fell silent.

Qi Leren, who’d failed to strike up a conversation, froze for a second. What? Someone ignored her? This was not scientific!

Qi Leren debuted at the age of seven, playing the sister of the self-improving poor hero in a drama set in the Republic of China. Because the story required crying from beginning to end, crying deeply and emotionally, and because of her lovable role and outstanding acting skills, she played the clever and poor little girl vividly and immediately became the little daughter in the eyes of the aunties and became a national sweetheart.

Since then, Qi Leren, who was still a young girl, relied on her mother's contacts as an actress and her own outstanding acting skills - and probably also her well-proportioned face - and after ten years, her development route had been well planned by the management company. From the age of thirteen, she had changed from the role of poor and lovely sister and daughter to the route of a youth idol and beautiful girl, acting on one hand and singing on the other, busy enough that she needed 48 hours per day. If it wasn't for her mother's insistence that she should continue her studies and at least finish college, she probably wouldn't even have the chance to experience normal school life.

It can be imagined that the campus life of this popular idol, this beautiful girl, was full of stars, yet Qi Leren had never met anyone who was nice to her.

To paraphrase the lines of the hero of her recent idol drama: Very good, woman, you have successfully caught my attention!

"Ning Zhou is a new transfer student. She was in Italy before, and her Chinese isn’t very good. Xiao-Qi, you should help her more and let her integrate into the group as soon as possible," the teacher in charge said.

"Oh, no problem, leave it to me!" Qi Leren smartly saluted the class teacher, which attracted the class teacher's tight smile.

The girl named Ning Zhou unnaturally turned away from her gaze, staying silent as she looked at the distant scenery.

It had been a month, and she was still like this.

Qi Leren, who was pulled away from her memories, sighed softly and looked at Ning Zhou with increasingly melancholy eyes.

Ning Zhou was really beautiful and cold, and she exuded an aura of staying away from strangers. Qi Leren heard that her classmates would also talk about her privately, saying that she wasn’t easy to get along with, and the amount of time she normally took as leave was comparable to Qi Leren.

Hey, why was she so cold? She had spoken up many times explicitly and implicitly, but Ning Zhou always ended the conversation with a "hm" which made the idol girl frustrated. If it weren't for Ning Zhou's eyes that were clear of disgust, she would have almost thought Ning Zhou really hated her.

Qi Leren was resting on her arm and looking sideways at Ning Zhou. The side of her face seemed to be glowing in the warm sunshine. It was really beautiful...

Suddenly Ning Zhou turned to look up, and Qi Leren who was peeking was caught red-handed as their eyes collided in the air... What happened with ordinary people? Were they embarrassed and looked away? Qi Leren didn't. She kept her head pillowed on her arm and smiled generously at Ning Zhou, especially sweetly.

Ning Zhou quickly withdrew her sight, not looking out the window.

In the warm sunshine, her earlobe was red.

Qi Leren blinked and repeatedly confirmed that she was not mistaken.

So, in fact, Ning Zhou wasn’t cold but just shy? Qi Leren was stunned by this idea and screamed in her heart for a long time, Ning Zhou! Lovely! She's shy! Super cute!

Qi Leren's heart was filled with an unprecedented impulse. She should try harder to strike up a conversation with Ning Zhou and make good friends with her! The kind where she could bury herself in her breasts!

When the bell rang, Qi Leren immediately sat up straight, and the students around them stood up and walked around the classroom. Several nice classmates gathered around Qi Leren and chatted with her twitteringly.

"Qi Leren, I heard that you’re going to release a single again. Have you recorded it?"

"When will your new show be released?"

"Qi Leren, help me ask Su Ying for a signature! The news said that you’ll be acting in that show, right!"

"Are XX and XXX really in love? I think it’s all just a rumor!"

All kinds of questions surrounded Qi Leren, these curious baby girls racing against time to inquire about the entertainment industry. Qi Leren patiently answered them one by one, and some inconvenient words had to be vaguely taken out. Fortunately, the girls were just curious, not asking why. Compared with them, it was obvious that the students in other classes and even other grades outside the window gave her a headache. If she wanted to go out to the toilet now, she couldn't do it without two students because she would be overwhelmed by the crowd...

This was also the trouble of being a popular and beautiful idol girl.

Until after school in the afternoon, Qi Leren didn't find a chance to get closer to Ning Zhou. She walked too fast. Qi Leren didn't find a chance to leave school with her, so she had to instead leave the school with several girls. In the afternoon, the driver who was in charge of picking her up asked for leave. She thought about whether to take a taxi home or to walk home. After thinking about it, the school wasn’t far from home anyway. It was currently rush hour, so the road would be too blocked. It was better to walk.

So Qi Leren put on a mask and walked towards home with her school bags.

Since the beginning of primary school, Qi Leren had had only a handful of opportunities to go home by herself. She looked at the cars blocking the street from one end to the other and the motorbikes occupying the sidewalk, gave an annoyed tut, and turned her head and walked into the alley.

Through this alley, one could reach the neighbourhood her house was in. Qi Leren was happily humming the tune of her upcoming single that she would be shooting the music video for tomorrow...

At dusk, the orange-red light fell on the corner of the lane, which shrouded the scenery in a decadent golden splendor. A cold wind blew, and the coolness was a little unsettling. Qi Leren instinctively had a feeling of foreboding. She hesitantly stopped and looked around - the sunset’s sudden dimness was only caused by the shadow of a building, and everything seemed ordinary.

The exit was just ahead. With an uneasiness in her heart, Qi Leren strode forward.

There was a cold wind, and the wind mixed with the foul smell and decay. Qi Leren held her breath and took three steps in two strides, but the accident did not let her go. Just less than ten meters away from the corner, the golden sunset was suddenly swallowed up by a strange darkness, and Qileren stopped suddenly and looked ahead in amazement.

The residential buildings on both sides of the alley echoed with the shrill cries of crows, and the daylight around her suddenly darkened as if she had stepped into an instant night. Qi Leren looked back in panic, but the road that she had originally come from had been submerged in the darkness.

What was happening? Was this some strange joke?

Qi Leren panicked and took out her cellphone to make a call. As soon as she unlocked it, there was no signal at all!

Qi Lered was flustered, using her cellphone to illuminate ahead as she walked faster and faster, but no matter how far she went, there was no end to the road ahead. Only the light of the cellphone illuminated a small section of the concrete ahead, and there was a mottled blood on the ground...

There was a strange movement in the darkness ahead. Qi Leren stopped and looked toward it with bated breath. The flashlight lit up the darkness. In this faint light, there was a rickety and distorted shadow coming towards her, step by step, slowly and heavy, as if a cold corpse had been forcibly fished out of the morgue was posing strangely and stumbling forward.

It entered the range of the flashlight’s beam and Qi Leren breathed in a gasp - Was that alive? The limbs were stiff, the skin was gray, and the eyes were glowing red. It paused for a second, its head lowered, and the red eyes looked straight in Qi Leren’s direction.

The next moment, it opened its closed mouth, showing a whole row of sharp teeth, and growled at her!

Qi Leren gave a cry and ran away. She bet that hadn’t tried so hard when she’d ran 800 meters in the school sports meet, but even still the monster that had suddenly become agile got closer and closer as it chased her, and with a swoop forward it grabbed Qi Leren's calf.

"Ah-" Qi Leren fell to the ground, and the monster opened its mouth and bit her throat.

At this critical juncture, Qi Leren, who had closed her eyes tightly, heard a gunshot, but the expected pain did not come. She opened her eyes carefully. The monster holding her down was covered with frost and the cold seeped into her body. She shivered, struggling out of the monster's hold by rolling and crawling, brushing the dirt off her clothes while looking in all directions for the source of the gunshot.

The darkness around her was fading gradually and the sunset came back from the end of the world, spilling its afterglow on the earth.

And in the direction of the sunset, there was a tall and slender figure with a silver shotgun pistol in her hand, looking at her from a distance.

That figure...

Qi Leren suddenly opened her eyes wide and ran to her without thinking. The girl took a step back and seemed to want to leave, but Qi Leren had already cried her name: "Ning Zhou! Wait!"

Ning Zhou didn't go away after all. Instead, she was pulled by the arm by Qi Leren: "What happened just now? What was that monster?"

"...Low-level magic," Ning Zhou said, and went to the monster who had been shot dead by her gun. She bent over to check it and confirmed that it was dead. Then she took out a bottle of a liquid flashing with silver luster from her bag and dumped it on the body. The body instantly turned into black and dissipated in the air.

Qi Leren was still immersed in the absurdity of the thrilling adventure just now, and her mind was full of strange questions. However, when Ning Zhou was about to leave, she quickly caught up and held onto her: "Don't go, where did that monster come from? Why did it suddenly get dark just now? What’s the silver liquid in your bottle? Corpse water? Who the hell are you? Certainly not an ordinary person?"

Ning Zhou, whose arm was being clung to, looked at the curious girl with a depressed face. At that time, she didn't know what to do. She could tell her, of course, but it would hurt her, involving her in something she couldn’t escape from... What should she do?

"Oh, please talk to me, I'm scared to death, can you walk me back? My house is just a little way away, it’s very close! Just be good enough to walk me there." Seeing that Ningzhou seemed to be shaken, Qi Leren immediately switched to acting mode and watched Ning Zhou, trying to impress this mysterious transfer student with what are known as "puppy eyes".

"...Let's go," Ning Zhou gave in.

Qi Leren silently made a victory gesture in her heart and took Ning Zhou's arm happily and naturally - at that moment, she felt Ning Zhou stiffen: "Thank you for saving me, Ning Zhou, you’re so handsome! I upgrade you to my goddess!"

And then? Then she succeeded in seeing Ning Zhou's ears turn red again.

It's so lovely, Qi Leren chuckled in her heart.

On the way home, Qi Leren played the rare dead-end part of the idol beautiful girl and pulled a lot of information out of Ning Zhou's mouth, which was sparing in words and inaccurate in pronunciation. What had happened just now was she had walked into the Nightmare World at dusk, a projection of the real world that existed in hell. Whenever night fell its power would become strong, and occasionally someone would go into the Nightmare World and be attacked by monsters.

She also learned that Ning Zhou is not from Italy, but from the Vatican. The Vatican was not only responsible for religious beliefs as she had imagined. There was also a very complex and huge underground Holy See beneath the surface. Since the Middle Ages, they had fought with the dark forces. Exorcists were not simply characters in novels and movies, but really existed.

At this moment, the person whose arm she was holding was an exorcist of the Holy See.

It sounded really cool. It sounded cooler than an idol girl!

On the short walk home, Qi Leren's worldview had been scrubbed clean. Sadly, she still wanted to continue to be washed, but she had already returned to her doorstep. Still holding onto the girl: "Eat with me, my parents aren’t at home these days. I have no appetite when I eat alone, and I’ve lost a few pounds!"

Saying this, Qi Leren pinched her arm and looked at Ning Zhou pitifully.

Ning Zhou compromised again.

Qi Leren felt that she had found the trick to deal with Ning Zhou, she just had to play up this charm and act as the cute coquettish girl. Ning Zhou was shy and soft-hearted, and had no idea what to do with this kind of girl.

"Let me see what's in the refrigerator. When the auntie comes to clean the house in the morning, she leaves something for me to eat later. I just take it out and heat it up at night." Qi Leren opened the refrigerator and studied it for a while. She smiled back and reported the name of the dishes present. "...What would you like to eat?"

"Whatever."

"There’s no food called whatever! I’ll tell you what, shall I make you spaghetti and steak? I'm good at that! Okay, it's a deal! Go and do some homework and I'll cook." Qi Leren kicked Ning Zhou out of the kitchen, turned on the stereo, and played the songs off her last album, which were all youthful and relaxed and made people feel happy when they listened to them - although Qi Leren was not interested in her own songs at all. When she heard the melody, she would recall collapsing while singing and having to leave the recording studio to vomit, but out of some unspeakably subtle mood, she especially wanted to play it in front of Ning Zhou now.

This careful choice really caught Ning Zhou's attention. She picked up the album case that Qi Leren "inadvertently" put on the coffee table. The girl on the cover was wearing a sailor suit and full of energy, with her hair that was tied into a pair of ponytails floating up as she jumped. Her pitiable and lovely drooping eyes became glowing because of her happy smile.

Ning Zhou looked at it for a long time, but she didn't even notice that Qi Leren, who was busy in the kitchen, looked back at her frequently. She picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. The image of the song’s music video immediately appeared in front of her eyes. The girl wearing sportswear in the music video was participating in a sports meet and fell down as she ran, suffering from a cold sweat, but stood up stubbornly and limped to the end regardless of her bleeding knee.

That stubborn and tough look... Ning Zhou's heart was suddenly hit, and then she woke up. It was just a music video.

When she looked into the kitchen, she happened to collide with Qi Leren who was secretly peeking at her. Their eyes were separated by the transparent glass door. Caught red handed, Qi Leren covered her eyes with one hand. After a long time, she opened the glass door and blushed and as she said, "That music video was shot blindly! I didn't fall when I was running. Last year I won the 800-meter women's championship in the school sports meet!"

Of course, winning the championship was due to the fact that special sports students couldn't participate in the school sports meet.

At the sports meet, Qi Leren was photographed from beginning to end and made headlines with her win of the 800-meter championship, so when this music video came out, it was ridiculed in good faith - Le-mei, you won this 800-meter championship by beating the previous player, right?

Qi Leren really wanted to promote herself in front of Ning Zhou. It was naturally a bit depressing to be seen in the music video, and for Ning Zhou to take it so seriously...

Inexplicably ashamed and resentful Qi Leren pulled Ning Zhou away from watching the TV: "Give me a hand, you cook the spaghetti and I'll make the steak! If you don’t know how, I can teach you."

So one person's kitchen became two people’s, and the sunset outside the window stretched the shadows of the two people until they collided with each other unconsciously. When an elbow touched another person, the two people would stiffen and casually pretend it hadn’t happened.

The living room outside the kitchen echoed with the familiar melody, full of youth and love.

After dinner, Qi Leren invited Ning Zhou to work on homework together. Whenever she did homework, she always complained that she could earn money to support herself yet she still had to study hard and do homework. With how often she took leave, it wasn’t easy to stay in the middle ranking. The price was that she often had to study hard on the set with her textbooks, and she was so tired that she would never get up until she was hungry in the afternoon.

When doing homework, Qi Leren's mouth didn't stop. She talked to Ning Zhou who didn’t say a word. Ning Zhou said too little, and she was almost always chattering: "My mother has been very busy recently. She’s the busiest person in my family. It’s normal for her to fly to three cities in a day on press tours when a movie’s released. She acts so tired even at her age. I think she’ll struggle until she’s 80 years old. My dad’s fine, he isn’t too busy working at the university. I don’t see him very often, even though we’re his wife and daughter. When my mother’s resting, he is not busy. I really want to cover over his face." At some point, Qi Leren casually asked, "Where are your parents? Did they come to X City with you?"

Ning Zhou's writing hand kept moving as she said faintly, "They’ve passed away."

"Ah..." Qi Leren froze, "I'm sorry..."

Ning Zhou stopped writing and looked up at her: "It doesn't matter, it’s been a long time."

Her blue eyes were so calm, almost empty, as if talking about something irrelevant, but… why did she feel sad?

No, you haven't let it go at all, Qi Leren retorted in her heart. You’re obviously sad, but you don't want to admit it. Do you feel that you’re weak? It’s lovely that people have such strong emotions. They laugh when they’re happy, cry when they’re sad, and pursue bravely when they like someone. Because of these feelings, people are able to become real.

A bell came from somewhere far away. Qi Leren took a look at the time, strengthened her heart to keep Ning Zhou here, and pretended to learn the time casually as she said, "Ah, it's late, why do you have to leave? I am alone at home, and with what happened before... I’m a little scared." With that, Qi Leren blushed and asked, "Can you stay with me?"

In the face of such a person, such a request, Ning Zhou couldn't refuse. Receiving a positive answer, Qi Leren happily went to help her find a change of clothes: "I haven't worn these pajamas yet, the underwear is new, a toothbrush and towel are ready, and I put them in the bathroom on the second floor. I’ll go wash on the first floor."

Finished saying that, Qi Leren trotted down the stairs, brushed her teeth and washed her face quickly, and took a bath while humming. After washing, she looked at herself in front of the mirror for a while. After hesitating repeatedly, she picked up a bottle of girls’ perfume with a fresh scent from the washstand, sprayed it twice in the air, and then walked through the mist.

Qi Leren, who walked out of the bathroom, also sniffed her body nervously. It was light, and it wasn’t obvious after being mixed with shower gel. It should be... It should seem quite natural.

The fragrant Qi Leren walked to the piano in the living room, pressed it twice, then sat down and played the piano skillfully.

Ning Zhou, who had finished washing, came down the curved staircase. Qi Leren looked up at her and smiled as she said, "I'll sing you the song from my new single."

Ning Zhou nodded silently.

Qi Leren coughed twice: "This song ‘I like you’ is dedicated to the goddess Ning Zhou who is willing to accompany me through this frightening night. Your blue eyes are as beautiful as sapphires, I like them very much.

"Everything became incredible, I fell in love with you at first sight, and the world was instantly sweet. Your smile and your voice linger in my mind. My eyes only follow you in the crowd, and my first love suddenly comes... I want to take you out of your lonely world, I want to accompany you to see all the beautiful sights, and I am inseparable from you from now on... La la la la, just like you so much, la la la la, I like you."

In the brightly lit living room, the girl who played the piano and sang presented her a song with countless sweet smiles. When being watched by brown eyes, the heart always lost its rhythm, and the heat surging in her chest was so strange and difficult to control. She was afraid of this uncontrollable thing, but she just wanted to let it go.

As she finished playing, Qi Leren looked at her eagerly: "Is it good?"

Ning Zhou hard nodded her head.

So Qi Leren smiled: "I hoped you’d like it! When I have a new song next time, I’ll sing it to you again!"

Ning Zhou looked at her deeply, and her deep blue eyes seemed to become gentle under the light.

Qi Leren, who despite not having a teacher had learned how to pick up a hot chick, jumped with excitement and tried to calm down, saying, "It's late, let's go to sleep."

With this said, she took Ning Zhou to the bedroom: "My bed’s quite big, it’s no problem for two people to sleep in it. If you’re not used to it, we can each have a quilt."

Anyway, there was no such option as sleeping next door.

Ning Zhou was not used to it. Girls here went to the toilet in droves and walked in the street hand in hand. Kissing and touching were commonplace. When she first came, she thought the girls here were all gay, but later found out that this was a difference of national customs.

"My friends have told me about having sleepovers with their girlfriends, but I entered the entertainment industry too early and the agents are very strict, and I haven’t had any friends close enough to sleep with." Qi Leren seemed to be a little hesitant to look at Ning Zhou, and quickly tried to act cute to disguise it. "I’ll definitely have nightmares tonight..."

Ning Zhou compromised again, and she found herself frustrated that she was always easily persuaded in matters relating with Qi Leren, without any bottom line.

Qi Leren, successful in being allowed to share the same bed as the goddess, got under the quilt and snickered, so happy that she couldn't wait to roll a few times in bed. But in the face of the goddess, she had to be careful and reserved!

The dim bedside lamp lit up this square inch. Qi Leren got out from under the blanket and leaned against the pillow. She looked at Ning Zhou sideways and said with a smile, "Let's chat."

"..." They had agreed to go to bed since it was late. Ning Zhou felt unbearable condescension, but nodded her head.

Qi Leren was quite good at chatting. She couldn't help it, it was also the actor's professional quality to be eloquent. Otherwise, they would be tongue-tied when being interviewed by reporters and the other party will be embarrassed. When she was on talk shows, the atmosphere would be stagnant, and the lethality of the silence would be huge.

Seeing that the goddess agreed, Qi Leren chatted with her in a garrulous way, getting closer and closer, and in the end she had cocked her head and leaned on the other's shoulder to show her her photos.

"This photo was taken when I was seven years old. At that time, I cried and didn't want to go to school. My mother threatened to make me go to her film set with her if I didn't go to school. Every day, I had to crawl in the mud and hang from a wire. I cried and said that I would rather go to the shoot, so my mother took me to her film studio to teach me a lesson. At that time, she was filming a drama set in the Republic of China. It was scary watching them shoot a war scene. I was scared. I thought that the actor brother was really dead and started crying. The director of the studio next door had just come to chat with an old friend, looked at me crying pitifully, and said that the actress who was meant to play the little girl next door had broken her leg and couldn't come, and he discussed with my mother whether he could borrow me the show. At that time, I was so naive that I thought I really didn't have to go to school anymore if I did it, so I happily went away with the director and embarked on the road of no return. The worst thing is that I have to go to school while I’m shooting a show. If I don't do well on an exam, I have to ask my tutor to make up the missed lessons! It’s mad, there’s no humanity." Qi Leren chattered at Ning Zhou, talking about her mother and making angry gesticulations as she went on.

From the tip of her nose came the sweet smell of girls, mixed with shower gel and an unknown fragrance, which was pure and fresh and sweet. Ning Zhou, who was almost never so close to anyone, instinctively felt her body stiffen and repeatedly stressed to herself that she was harmless, that she needn’t be so on guard or have to fight back. On several occasions, her line of sight had habitually fallen on her slender neck, which was so soft that a gentle push would be enough to stop her from ever singing well again. It turned out that she was flawed, and she didn't have any precautions about showing them. This naive innocence made Ning Zhou anxious and subconsciously worried.

"...And you? What was it like when you were a child?" Qi Leren asked in a low voice, she was a little uneasy for fear that such a question would be too abrupt, but she couldn't help but want to know more about Ning Zhou.

That isn’t a happy memory, she doesn't want to know, Ning Zhou thought.

She didn't want to know of the endless bloody killings at the border between the Nightmare World and the human world, and what it was like to hunt demons alone at the border of hell since the age of thirteen, and she didn't want to know how painful it was when she ran out of food and fell into the demon forest and her intestines slipped out of an abdominal wound. Even when they were sitting side by side, the worlds they lived in were never the same.

She didn't want her to see the filth and darkness hidden behind the peaceful world.

Ning Zhou was silent for too long, and Qi Leren lowered his eyes in frustration and realized that her questions had troubled Ning Zhou: "I'm sorry... I'm too curious..."

"When I was thirteen years old, I went to the Vatican..." Ning Zhou interrupted her apology and said quietly, "I’ve never seen my father. After my mother died that year, I had no other relatives who could serve as guardians. Her friends followed her will and sent me to the Vatican, where a senior who respected her was my guardian.

"Living in the Vatican was very happy. I’ve learned a lot of things and I am determined to be an exorcist like my mother, fighting demons hidden in the dark. In recent years, the scope of the Nightmare World is expanding, and the number of demon attacks around the world is increasing... I was commissioned by a descendent of a German noble to investigate the history of his past relative who had lived in China with her family."

Ning Zhou saw Qi Leren looking eagerly at her and wanting to hear more, so she talked about some modified hunting demons. Qi Leren listened to her carefully. Ning Zhou said many words very carefully, with a little accent, but it sounded so lovely to Qi Leren. The more she listened, the more absorbed she became, and when she heard some thrilling thing she would gasp and hold Ning Zhou's hand nervously.

The girl's hand was small and soft, and the veins were clear. She found that Ning Zhou's hand was different from hers. She took her palm and looked left and right. She also curiously touched the thin veins that ran from her palm to her wrist, and touched Ning Zhou's left hand. There was a scar in the center that looked like a thorn, and she said with distress: "This must have been painful."

The palm of her hand felt crisp and numb, and Ning Zhou breathed slowly and withdrew her hand quietly: "It's time to sleep."

Qi Leren was a little regretful but she had to turn off the lights, depressed at the thought of having to shoot the music video tomorrow on her day off classes.

The room was dark and the balcony off the bedroom was open. The wind blew in from outside the screen window, together with the moonlight. Qi Leren lowered her breathing and listened carefully. She couldn't hear Ning Zhou's breathing at such a close distance. If it wasn't for the other person's temperature, she wouldn't even feel someone sleeping beside her.

The hand hidden under the quilt sneaked over and grabbed Ning Zhou's hand. She looked at her with her tilted face that was turned away from the moonlight. Her facial features were immersed in the darkness, yet her sapphire eyes were shining.

A smile appeared on Qi Leren’s moonlit face. She held Ning Zhou's hand, leaned over, and kissed her on the cheek: "Thank you for saving me today. Goodnight, Ning Zhou."

It was too close. When she had neared, Ning Zhou had almost turned over and stopped her, but the sweet smell of the girl puzzled her and she didn't move until her soft lips pressed to her cheek.

Qi Leren, who had kissed the goddess, lied back, and the quilt covered the lower half of her face, which also covered her hand clutching Ning Zhou’s.

Strange joy and pain haunted her at the same time. In such a complicated mood, she breathed another person's breath and gradually fell asleep.

The night was silent and long, but Qi Leren, who had always slept well, suddenly woke up. She hesitated, rubbed her eyes, and got out of bed to go to the toilet without realizing that she was the only one in the big bed.

When she walked to the bathroom, she looked at the mirror with a yawn. She looked sleepy in her reflection. Just when she was about to go out of the bathroom, she suddenly looked back with a start - the toothbrush cup on the washstand wasn’t hers!

The sleepiness was washed away at once and Qi Leren recalled, because the bathroom on the second floor had been lent to Ning Zhou, she had moved her things to the bathroom on the first floor, but... Where was Ning Zhou?!

Qi Leren ran out of the bathroom, shouting Ning Zhou's name and searching everywhere. There was no one in the bedroom, no one in the bathroom downstairs, no one in the living room, no one anywhere! A slipper fell off as she ran and Qi Leren suddenly thought of something, running to look at the shoe cabinet by the front door with one foot bare - Ning Zhou's shoes were gone.

She was gone?

Qi Leren sat down in front of the piano, angry and wronged. Why did Ning Zhou quietly leave in the middle of the night without saying a word? Why?

Maybe it was something urgent, Qi Leren thought sullenly, picked up the slippers she had dropped as she ran, and walked slowly back to her bedroom.

Once again back to the warm bed, Qi Leren sleeplessly rolled back and forth. When she was finished shooting the music video tomorrow, she would have to ask Ning Zhou.

Suddenly, an idea came to Qi Leren’s mind: Wait, was it because she snored and grinded her teeth when she slept, so Ning Zhou left because she couldn’t bear it?

Qi Leren held her face on both hands, like the frightened figure in "The Scream". After all that effort to convince the goddess to sleep in the same bed as her, she had made it unbearable for her to stay!

Qi Leren, who was on the verge of collapse, tearfully wanted to pick up her cellphone and turn on the camera. She wanted to record herself sleeping. How could a beautiful girl who was an idol sleep so badly? No, she refused!

With the cellphone set to record, Qi Leren lied back in bed, pulled the quilt up to cover half of her face, and the moonlight outside the balcony window was still clear. She still remembered that she had looked at Ning Zhou's face against the moonlight a few hours ago, and she was so curious about her, but when the tip of the iceberg of her past was uncovered, she couldn't help but feel distressed for her. She knew that the past Ning Zhou had told her of had been modified. She was not as relaxed and happy as she’d said. When she approached her, the stiff and cold alertness of her body could not deceive people.

Qi Leren didn't know what kind of experiences would make her develop these habits. Unlike her, this little princess who was brought up in the greenhouse from childhood and grew up like a star, Ning Zhou's wounds, cold eyes, and precise marksmanship... All the details implied that she is not a person of that world at all.

But so what? Couldn't different people be friends? She just liked Ningzhou, loved her dearly, and wanted to make her happy. She wanted to give her the most beautiful songs and show her all the bright, warm, and happy feelings. As long as she could get a little bit of happiness and a little bit of the world under the sun, she would feel it was worthwhile.

Since childhood, Qi Leren had received a lot of love. Now she wanted to give her love to Ning Zhou. She wanted her to feel that being loved was a very happy thing.

Thinking about this, sleepiness surged up again, and Qi Leren yawned and glanced at the moonlight on the balcony before closing his eyes.

When she was beginning to drift, Qi Leren felt that there seemed to be some movement by the bed. She opened her eyes in a daze and saw Ning Zhou lying down softly with her back to her.

"Where have you been?" Qi Leren murmured dreamily.

"...The bathroom."

Liar.

Qi Leren suddenly woke up, but she didn't open her mouth to confront her. Instead, she pretended to answer in a daze, stretched out her hand and continued to close her eyes. She could smell that the shower gel on Ning Zhou's body had changed, which wasn’t the smell of her family's shower gel.

Recalling the scene in which she had shot and killed the monster in the Nightmare World at dusk, Qi Leren knew her whereabouts well.

The fragrance couldn’t deceive her of the smell of iron and blood it masked.

Let's not expose her, Qi Leren thought. She took Ningzhou's hand and interlocked their fingers. Either way, this time she won't loosen her hand again.

When she was about to fall into a deep sleep again, Qi Leren felt vaguely as if someone had leaned over and said something to her, but she was too tired to fully register it before she lost consciousness.

Ning Zhou should have gotten up at dawn, but her hand was clasped tightly. As soon as she turned her face she could see Qi Leren sleeping soundly, with long eyelashes, red cheeks, and slightly open lips. What do you think is so lovely about me? Ning Zhou watched quietly for a long time, letting the sun rise higher and higher.

There was the sound of opening the door downstairs and someone came in. Ning Zhou, who had excellent five senses, frowned. These were a woman's footsteps. Was it Qi Leren's mother? Was it better for her to avoid them?

But Qi Leren also said that it was normal for girls here to sleep together...

The bedroom door was pushed open rudely and the woman with slender eyebrows and a good figure stood outside the open door and angrily knocked on it: "What time is it, is your cellphone not on, do you remember that you have to go shoot the music video today? Hurry and get up!"

Chen Baiqi, the agent who killed people in Qi Leren's family*, was about to rush in and pull her up. But when she looked at it from a distance, there were two people in the bed!

*{E/N: metaphorically, in case that wasn’t clear}　　

At this moment, Chen Baiqi, a senior agent, was about to collapse: Qi Leren! Do you still remember that you’re an idol acting as a role model for young and beautiful girls? Why is there a wild man! You can't fall in love before changing your image! How have you already developed to this step!

The "wild man" sat up from the bed and looked at Chen Baiqi coldly.

Oh, it's not a wild man. That's great... Like hell! Who is this woman!

With her hair a mess, Qi Leren yawned as she sat up in bed, looked back at Ning Zhou, and kissed her on the cheek naturally: "Good morning, Ning Zhou."

Chen Baiqi: "..."

"Oh, Chen-jie, this is my classmate. I’m a little scared of sleeping alone, so I let her accompany me," Qi Leren talked nonsense without a hint of shame.

"...Hehe." Chen Baiqi thought: Don't smile, your parents aren’t home half the time. How did you sleep before?

The girl named Ning Zhou nodded to her and went to wash up. Qi Leren took Chen Baiqi to the bathroom downstairs and explained the situation to her while brushing her teeth and washing her face. Paranormal, met yesterday, couldn't be spoken of. She had to say that there had been a small incident with a mugger as she had been walking home yesterday, and she was just saved by her classmate Ning Zhou. Since she was a little afraid, she had asked her to please stay for one night.

Chen Baiqi was skeptical but she couldn't say anything, so she let her quickly wash up so they could go to the studio.

Qi Leren remembered that her cellphone was recording her last night, and it should have automatically shut down when the battery had been depleted. No wonder Chen Baiqi came to her house in such a hurry to catch her in person.

After washing, Qi Leren, who had forgotten to eat breakfast, told Ning Zhou that there was food in the refrigerator. The auntie will come to clean up later and she could leave a note for her. She should just say what she wanted for the evening.

Ning Zhou had the illusion that she lived here.

After telling Qi Leren that she had something to go do, Qi Leren let out a "oh" in frustration and reluctantly followed Chen Baiqi to get in the car that would drive them to the shooting location.

Chen Baiqi inquired about Ning Zhou from beginning to end along the way, and Qi Leren said all the things that should be said, but didn't say a word that shouldn't be said. Chen Baiqi's intuition was that Ning Zhou wasn't so simple, but without evidence she couldn't rashly make Qi Leren stay away from her.

Finally, she sighed: "Your identity is unusual. You should be very careful when making friends. If you meet someone with ulterior motives who enters your room, secretly films you, eavesdrops on you, and reveals your privacy to the media, it will be a great blow to your image, especially as your current image is very sensitive to negative news."

Qi Leren knew that Chen Baiqi is good for her and obediently listened to her instructions.

"Although your last transformation was very successful and you got rid of the image of a little girl, this transformation is the key. If you can't jump out of the image of a young girl now, your journey will only get narrower and narrower. You’ll find that as you grow older you’ll be hired for fewer and fewer roles, and there are always young new faces to replace you. The audience doesn't want to see a 30-year-old actress playing a 17- or 18-year-old girl. Your mother's train of thought is very clear, she will take the time to find a drama for you where she can play mother and daughter with you - your mother also fights for you, she never promised to play such an age-exposing role before - this stunt can drive your popularity, if you play well, you’ll play the leading role in the next show, and when the small screen stands firm, it will develop like your mother to the big screen. The company is already discussing your new image and route. When you go to college it will begin, and then you won’t be as leisurely as you are now." Chen Baiqi couldn't help rubbing her temples when she thought of how busy she would be in the future.

"I’ll try my best, Chen-jie, thank you for taking so much trouble for me." Qi Leren cleverly said that although she was the one standing in front of the audience, there were countless people worried about her behind the scenes/ She had gone too far today and Chen Baiqi had helped her block trouble she didn’t know about.

It wasn’t easy to be an actress. Qi Leren looked at the passing scenery outside the window and sighed softly.

But it was no harder than being an exorcist. As Qi Leren thought again, she couldn't help smiling at the thought of Ning Zhou. They would have many opportunities to get along with each other in the future.

-----

Editor’s Notes: To be continued...? (don’t hold your breath)

Phew, this was a longer chapter than I remembered, but this completely caps off Nightmare Game part 1! I have one more little bonus of funny things from the mtl, which can be found [here] if you’re interested.  

Thank you once again to everyone for reading and I’ll see you again in part 2! :)

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[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents ]

[himikiyo]

in saecula saeculorum // himikiyo week day 3

Himikiyo Week Day 3: Vice + Virtue

"If you’re so against the idea of people getting hurt, you should have thought twice before summoning a demon."

Read on AO3, DRA, or under the cut.

Demons did not exist in the modern world. That was common sense, accepted by nearly everyone save fringe conspiracy theorists and fanatics of all types. Those who would believe in something so patently unscientific, so laughable, would be deemed worthy of ridicule themselves. There was no use for the supernatural when humans had triumphed over the natural world itself.

That was the party line, anyway. It was taught to children in schools, passed on in social interactions and media. Even those curious enough to seek out old tomes and uncover the stories within were motivated to dismiss them as legends. Stories of such things were fascinating, but they were from a less educated time. When people didn’t understand the world around them, they were motivated to devise stories of evil beings to explain their misfortunes.

None of it was real. Humanity’s biggest danger was itself.

Locked in a dusty church basement, one girl felt differently.

“Angie hopes you find the answers you seek, Himiko-chan! Remember though, Kami-sama might just smite you down if you aren’t careful! Even as powerful as he is, he doesn’t take threats lightly.” Setting down a small stack of books and clapping her hands together to brush off the dust, Angie took a step back towards the door. “Oh, and lock up when you’re done, okay? Technically Angie isn’t supposed to leave anyone alone here.”

“Yeah, got it. I’ll be sure to take care of everything.”

“In that case, good night!”

Just like that, she was gone. Himiko stayed where she was and waited until the patter of Angie’s footsteps faded out entirely, leaving only silence behind. It was a little creepy alone in a church at night, she had to admit. Best friend or not, Angie’s religious devotion was unnerving even in the daylight. Himiko was more interested in other aspects of the arcane. Things that wouldn’t be taken so lightly if discovered. For the experiments she wanted to perform, the church basement was safer than her apartment in more ways than one.

Summoning a demon was risky at best.

She already had the proper page marked. The candles were lit. The offerings were nearly ready. The demon — whose name in the book was an illegible scrawl, written in a language Himiko had never seen before — would appear or they wouldn’t. Her years of study had convinced her that these creatures were out there, lurking beyond the boundaries of normal human perception, but if she was wrong, this would be the time for that to be proven too.

Her hand trembled as she flicked the light switch off, plunging the room into dim candlelight.

The shakiness made it more difficult to draw blood, scarlet droplets scattering onto the page she was reading from as much as into the bowl they were meant for.

This was an academic experiment, yes, but it was a deeper part of her that would be devastated if it failed. A part of her that thought someone non-human might provide the kind of companionship and understanding she’d always lacked. Angie was sweet, but she couldn’t honestly say they saw eye to eye.

She carried on with the ritual, occasionally glancing around the darkened room to look for any changes. Nothing.

“Maybe...this isn’t going to work,” Himiko said softly to herself, gaze dropping to her own bloodied arm. “Maybe everyone’s right. If demons exist, we don’t really know how to summon them. Not anymore. They aren’t coming.”

Visually, not a single thing changed after she said that. She was alone. From the emptiness, though, an unknown voice made itself heard.

“Not coming? But I am already here. You humans really are blind.” A whispery chuckle followed those words, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere at once.

“What? Who said that?” She turned, fumbling for the lights.

“Yumeno Himiko, I have answered your call. It’s been many years since a mortal last pulled me from the depths, but I am, as always, delighted to serve.” Though the voice was disembodied, not providing any visual clues to help her, she could clearly imagine an evil, toothy grin, like a monster waiting for its prey.

Ignoring the stinging pain still shooting up her arm from the ceremonial cut, she finally slammed her hand against the light switch, bathing the room in brightness. The sudden change made her eyes water, but even before she adjusted, she could tell it did nothing to illuminate her new companion’s location.

“Further introductions are in order, aren’t they?” the voice continued. “Demons’ true names tend to be a struggle for such limited creatures to pronounce, so I took the liberty of selecting a human name for myself a few centuries ago. I am Shinguuji Korekiyo.”

Taking a few steps over to the counter, Himiko grabbed the bandage she’d prepared and pressed it to her arm.

“Um, that’s nice, but...would you mind being...visible, Shinguuji-sama?” she asked meekly, being as polite and deferental as she possibly could. It was beginning to occur to her that she might be in over her head.

“Ah. Yes.” Just like that, she was suddenly aware of a presence behind her. Before she could turn to look, she could feel something brushing against the back of her neck. Someone’s nails? They felt sharper than that though, more like claws. A shiver running down her spine, Himiko tensed, feeling unnaturally warm fingertips graze along her pulse point. The heat wasn’t only coming from their hand though. It seemed to radiate from their entire body, like she was standing in front of a fire. Like if she leaned just a little closer, it might devour her.

After a moment, the hand retreated. She turned, and in the half second it took, they were no longer right behind her. Instead, she saw a figure leaning almost lazily against the opposite wall. For the most part, they appeared human. Lanky and incredibly tall, the way they held themself betrayed strength far beyond what their build might suggest. The mask covering most of their face made it impossible to know whether the smile she imagined was truly present, but the sparkle in their eyes suggested it might well be.

“Thank...you...” she croaked, not wanting to say anything that might make this demon — because yes, it was abundantly clear they were one, appearances aside — upset with her.

“Humans can be broken so easily,” Shinguuji mused. “Both physically and mentally. I’d almost forgotten how entertaining it is. Now, tell me, what is it you summoned me for?”

“To prove I could, I guess. That was part of it, anyway. And to learn from you. Studying magic on my own isn’t the same as having a master. And the third reason, I guess, is just...companionship.” Arm nicely wrapped now, she had no excuse to look anywhere but at them, though her face was burning with embarrassment.

“Study? Well, perhaps you’re smarter than you seem choosing me then. I’m partial to research myself. I do hope we can have some fun outside the classroom too, however.” Himiko knew without a doubt then, mask or not. They were definitely grinning, almost leering.

“What kind of fun do you mean?”

Moving closer again, they replied, “Shall we kill together? There must be people you want gone, yes? I can make quick work of them.”

That sent a chill down her spine, canceling out the pleasant remnants of warmth almost immediately. She was no idiot, of course. She understood that demons were violent by nature. But she didn’t call them for anything like that. They...couldn’t insist that she help them get that kind of ‘fun,’ could they?

“What? No. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said, pretending she couldn’t hear her own voice shaking. “Sure, there’s people I don’t get along with, but killing? And...besides, should you really be saying things like that in a church?” Himiko didn’t believe, especially not in Angie’s god, but it seemed as good an excuse as any.

“I don’t fear gods,” Shinguuji said dismissively. “They have no power over me. If you’re so against the idea of people getting hurt, you should have thought twice before summoning a demon. My kind isn’t meant to linger in the mortal world for long without reason, and it’s been so many years since I was last given a chance to...sate my appetite.”

“No, we can’t,” she repeated. She could hear the glee in their voice, like they were enjoying not only the prospect of murder, but the experience of winding her up over it. She was probably giving them exactly what they wanted, but she couldn’t help it.

“Well, if you’re so steadfast in your beliefs...I could always kill you instead, yes? We signed no formal contract. I’m under no obligation to keep you safe.”

In that moment, she was acutely aware of everything around her. The occasional flicker and buzz of the fluorescent lights, the musty basement smell of the air, and more than anything, the imposing presence across from her. If they really wanted to kill her, there would be nothing stopping them. But they were just watching her — beautiful, dangerous, and all too satisfied with themself.

Shinguuji laughed, closing the remaining distance between them. A hand cupped her chin, gently guiding her to meet their eyes. They were a brighter, more intense amber than she’d ever seen in a human being.

“Flattering me to keep yourself alive? Well well, that’s one way to go about it. I’m pleased to hear that you find me so beautiful.”

“I didn’t say that!” Their grip, if it could even be called that, was exceedingly light. It wouldn’t be remotely difficult to pull away and avert her eyes, but she didn’t. She was captivated.

“You didn’t need to. You thought about it. So then, what will it be? I have no real need to kill you, not when I can gain energy from you in other ways. And you’re so entertaining besides. If you’d simply allow me to possess you, you would have access to power beyond your wildest dreams.”

“And what’s the catch? There’s no way something that lets you...feed on my energy doesn’t have any negatives.” She chose not to comment on just how close they were now. The warmth of a lithe, not quite human body pressed against her own was oddly comforting.

“There is no catch. However, if it would make you feel better, I’d be willing to write up a formal contract.”

“I’ll look at it then,” she said grudgingly, one of her own arms starting to slip around them in return. “But before that, no weird possession or mind control or anything. And no murder.”

“Mm, I’ll make you fall in love with it yet. Perhaps when we seal our contract with a kiss?”

“We don’t need to do that.”

Shinguuji laughed, once again backing off from the overly intimate invasion of her personal space. “Indeed we don’t. But don’t let it be said that I didn’t offer.”

“Let’s just go home for now. People won’t notice that you’re not human, will they?” Maybe, just maybe, she’d end up taking them up on it.

[feed-your-neopets]

Valdemar x Devil!Lucio Fluff (One-shot)

Writer Preface:

First, I haven’t written fanfiction in years. Nor have I read a book recently. So, don’t feel bad about pointing out grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything like this. Also, my knowledge of the science and medical world is pitiful. Please, let me know if I said something ridiculous.

Second, it is cannon that Lucio has a New Jersey accent. It may enhance the story to imagine him with it, because I did while writing this.

Third, this is just slow, awkward, fluffy Valdemar x Lucio stuff. I was trying to piece together how a relationship could even develop between them, and I love the challenge of unlikely, cursed pairings. I was thinking this would probably take place in Muriel’s route (so, smoll SPOILERS from this point on). I would think Lucio’s social circle would be dwindling since – ya know – he merged with the Devil and all. Lucio would definitely be longing for friendship and companionship. Valdemar will humor him if it means they get new things to study. Get that bag, Valdemar.

---

The salon was one of the few rooms left in the palace where one could find some peace. Ironic, as this room was once one of the livelier places in the palace. After all, the salon was where Countess Nadia would entertain her guests. Now, it was an echo of its former self.

Since his resurrection and merging with the boss, Count Lucio ran with a different crowd, and these new guests had a habit of “borrowing”. Not that Valdemar cared about the state of the rooms throughout the palace, nor the drunkards who sloppily paraded through the hallways with pockets full of silverware. However, the room was simply lacking. It was not quite the same without Countess Nadia’s fingers gliding across the ivory keys with precision and grace. Instead of the haunting melodies of a grand piano and the idle chatter of the other courtiers, the room was filled with the distant echoes of intoxicated partygoers reciting a rather impolite folk song about a sea captain’s cousin.

However, Valdemar was paying little attention to the commotion outside and quietly sipped their tea. They chose instead to focus on the decorating choices they felt were an improvement. For example, the dying flowers wilting in waterless vases were a nice touch. Additionally, the portrait that Count Lucio had commissioned in his mother’s likeness had some alterations. It was laying waste on the ground below where it was once proudly hung. The vandalism was done with such intention that Valdemar was certain the count had crossed out the eyes himself. Valdemar pondered if he had done so in a fit of rage. The count had such a temper, and judging from his interaction with his mother, there was a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. While the symbolism was a tad on the nose, Valdemar appreciated the irony none-the-less. It was Lucio who murdered his own mother. It was only fitting he should be the one to remove the light from her portrait’s eyes too.

Without much warning, the doors of the salon burst open with a bang; shaking the few portraits that still hung on the walls. Yet, Valdemar sat unflinching despite the abrupt entrance from the count.

“Alright, I’ll catch you guys later.” called Count Lucio to a chorus of guttural cheers and whooping from the end of the hall. Valdemar peered at the count from over their teacup as they took a long sip. They had been wondering what was taking the count so long. He had been the one who had requested a meeting with them. To keep them waiting seemed in poor taste.

“Crazy guys.” chucked Lucio to himself before turning his attention to Valdemar. “Hey, there you are! Where have you been? You weren’t at last night’s party. You missed Vulgora tackling several new recruits. You should have seen them go at it. We were taking bets and everything.”

“Hm.” hummed Valdemar as they peered into their teacup, finding more interest in the way the tea leaves settled to the bottom of their cup than Lucio’s story. However, Lucio did not seem to notice as he reenacted the punches and kicks of last night’s tussle; knocking over a chair in the process. “But hey, don’t worry about missing it. They’ll probably do it again tomorrow night. You’re gonna love it.”

“I am sure, my count.” lied Valdemar.

Lucio seemed convince Valdemar was genuine, and with an exaggerated groan, he slumped into the chair next to them. Valdemar watched as he adjusted the scabbard on his waist, the end of which clanked aggressively on the hardwood floor. His legs then spread out for maximum comfort as he sunk into his seat. It would seem he was finally situated, and he looked merrily back at Valdemar expecting them to speak first. The quaestor closed their eyes. Admittedly, their patience was wearing thin. With a short sigh, they placed their teacup on the table and prepared themselves to address the count.

“Is there a reason you have called me here today, my count?” asked Valdemar as politely as they could muster.

A spark of realization lit in Lucio’s eyes. “Oh, yeah, that’s right! I gotcha something.” said Lucio as he started rummaging through a small satchel. “I felt like we left it kinda weird at that old broad’s house, and I been wanting to make it up to you.”

“Old broad?” whispered Valdemar to themself as they searched their lexicon for a translation.

“Yeah, you remember. I gave you her heart. I was weird about it, but you were just asking for your payment.” explained the count. “It is nothing amazing, really. You probably have twenty of ‘em, but I was traveling through the market, and I saw it, and I thought - do you know who would like this? Quaestor Valdemar - so, I got it. No big deal, ya know?”

From his bag, Lucio pulled out an adult human skull. Embedded in the eye sockets were large rubies that burned in the orange glow of the setting sun. The count placed his gift in Valdemar’s hand, who made quick note of the condition in which the skull was in. In short, it was nearly perfect. The dental work was most fascinating to Valdemar. Not a single tooth was crooked or missing. No sign of disease or decay. Whoever extracted this specimen knew what they were doing. Valdemar was so transfixed by the skull, they almost forgot Lucio was still in the room.

“Yeah, I thought you like that.” said Lucio as he leaned forward in his chair. “I got that off a guy who was selling all kinds of wild, kooky stuff.”

Valdemar was quiet as they studied the skull. They were far more impressed by the specimen itself than the embellishments. Gemology was not at the top of their list of the most appealing subjects, and frankly, they thought the rubies were rather gaudy.

As they pondered the feasibility of extracting the gemstones without damaging the bone, a visibly nervous Lucio shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the silence between them.

“I -uh- I got it because the eyes remind me of your eyes.” said Lucio. As the words left his mouth, he instantly wished he had just swallowed them instead. He was not prepared for Valdemar's undivided attention. Their eyes were fixed on Lucio. Their expression was blank. Their entire form was eerily motionless. He immediately felt the need to elaborate. “Ya know, because the rubies are pretty - pretty like your eyes.”

To Lucio’s relief, the compliment was enough to break their stare. No one had ever called their eyes pretty before. Creepy. Unsettling. Unnatural. But never pretty. Pretty was a meaningless word. Pretty was objective. Pretty could not be measured. Pretty was unscientific. Yet, the word bounced around in their mind, unextrapolated and uncategorized. Valdemar wanted to dissect its meaning. They wanted Lucio to elaborate. What did it mean to have pretty eyes?

"Hey, is that thing broken?" asked Lucio. who had unknowingly grounded Valdemar from their slow spiral into the definition and interpretation of the word pretty.

"Pardon?" asked Valdemar.

"Did that bastard give me a busted skull?" asked Lucio gesturing to a fissure starting from the bottom of the eye socket across the cheekbone.

Realizing what the count was referring to Valdemar had to stifle a laugh. "No, that is a zygomaticomaxillary suture. You'll notice the second one, right here." They turned the skull to allow Lucio to see the other fissure reflected on the other cheekbone.

"Oh, so it's okay then? It's not broken?" asked Lucio.

"This specimen is in excellent condition." reassured Valdemar. A moment passed between them before the quaestor softly cleared their throat, and managed a polite thank you to the count. They fully intended to investigate the skull further for any clues of what may have lead to the specimen’s demise. They loved a good mystery. Afterwords, it would look lovely in their display cabinet - pretty ruby eyes and all.

“Right, so that guy I got this skull from. He has other things too. Goopy things in jars. Dead things in jars. Dead things out of jars. Drawings of bones and meaty parts. Books. Does any of that sound interesting to you?” asked Lucio.

Valdemar considered Lucio’s offer before replying, “I suppose that I am always in search for new specimens to add to my collection. Additionally, this could be an opportunity to ask the merchant where the rest of the remain’s of this specimen can be found.”

Their response seemed to greatly please the count as he leaned back in his chair. For the past few nights, he had done nothing but party - which he loved to do, and would surely want to do again - but sitting with Valdemar, as the sun lowered into the horizon felt nice. Not to mention, they knew a lot, which Lucio appreciated. Having them around could be quite helpful to keeping his kingdom. Additionally, he was curious as to what was under their bandages. His money was on horns, but it would be fun to confirm his suspicions.

“Great, I’ll take you down there sometime.” said Lucio. “And, if you see anything you like, consider it yours.”

While material possessions never interested Valdemar, the idea of discovering something new was quite alluring. Perhaps, the merchant had a sealed jar of an entirely forgotten disease, or maybe they would uncover an ancient tomb that described a real account of an unsolved death of an entire village. The more they thought about it, the more exciting the prospect became.

“Would now be an appropriate time?” asked Valdemar who had moved to the edge of their seat. Their body was stiff with anticipation, as they leaned over ever so slightly towards him. A coy smile spread on Lucio’s face. He knew the moment he agreed, Valdemar would be sprinting for the door. Frankly, it seemed cruel to make them wait another moment for his answer.

“I’ll have someone fetch two cloaks and a carriage.”

END.

[profeminist]

“With the large number of women running for President this year, the word “shrill” is enjoying a resurgence in the national vocabulary, following its previous heyday, as an insult hurled at Hillary Clinton during the 2016 Presidential campaign. This spike in usage is hardly a revelation; women who speak publicly and challenge authority have long been dismissed as “shrill” or “grating.” What’s less widely understood is how the design of the technology that transmits human voices has shaped this gendered invective since the dawn of the broadcast era: everything from microphones to modes of transmission have been optimized for lower voices.

Starting in the late nineteenth century, women made up the majority of telephone-switchboard operators, but, when the new medium of commercial broadcast radio became popular, in the nineteen-twenties, women’s voices fell out of favor. When station directors were interviewed by Radio Broadcast magazine in 1924, they asserted that women sounded “shrill,” “nasal,” and “distorted” on the radio, and claimed that women’s higher voices created technical problems. 

The criticism didn’t end with pitch and timbre, however: the personality, authenticity, and sense of humor of female speakers were also questioned. Newspapers and magazines repeatedly referred to women on air as “affected,” “stiff,” “forced,” and “unnatural.” W. W. Rogers, a publicist for KDKA, in Pittsburgh, declared that “a woman speaker is rarely a success, and, if I were a broadcast manager, which I am not, I would permit few women lecturers to appear.” Charles Popenoe, the station manager of both WJZ and WJY, in New York, justified his avoidance of female announcers by offering an unscientific survey claiming that ninety-nine per cent of listeners preferred male to female announcers.”

Read the full piece here