#unnamed freak hcs

[wheatnoodle]

i hope s5 gives unnamed freak a name. that’s so fucked up of them. he’s in the show just as much as gareth and jeff and yet he’s the only one without a name?? even jason’s friend andy got a name! but here’s the one fat kid in the show that they aren’t going to even give a name and instead list as “unnamed freak”.

he has lines! and nobody, not even his supposed friends in the show, mention his name once. they said “let’s be body inclusive yet still show he’s not really a character!”

so, here’s some of my hcs for unnamed freak.

-his name is grant vanderburg

-he’s in the same grade as jeff and takes honors and ap courses for anything science and history

-grant sucks at math, but luckily that’s where jeff is great so he gets help from him at lunch sometimes

-he is the only person able to physically hold eddie down when he’s all wired up

-was on the wrestling team in middle school

-grant has a girlfriend named jessica who’s in the chess club and the mathletes and they’ve been dating since 7th grade

-he has an older sister, gwyneth, who’s 10 years older, married, and has two kids (he’s an uncle to his niece, 4, and his nephew, 3)

-grant’s dad passed when he was 2 while serving in the military so he has no memory of him and has been raised by a single mom

-his mom is AWESOME, she’s a chef at a restaurant up in indy so she’s constantly bringing home leftovers and sending grant to his friends with tupperware of home cooked meals

-grant was named after his dad and used to want to go into the army to follow him before he started to distrust the government come 8th grade

-his bass came from his grandfather on his dad’s side who, despite living across the country, would fly over and help out as much as he could when things got too much for beth (his mom)

-if music doesn’t work out, he’s considered being a pilot or going to work with his mom in the restaurant business

-he’s the friend that waits for you to tie your shoe while everyone else keeps going on ahead

-sometimes jessica will play a campaign with them and she crushes absolutely everyone involved

-he 100% has a pet lizard named henrietta and is allergic to dogs

-also has a peanut allergy

-he is just as important as the rest of his friend group

[strangerthingspolls]

a Very Important Poll for any and all Stranger Things fans:

please vote now!!! give my mans a name!!!!! justice for unnamed freak!!!!!!

[fvcking-panda]

Me reading the whole Flight of Icarus tag just to find some person mentioning the only fucking piece of information i will take as canon be like:

I JUST WANT TO KNOW FREAK REAL NAME DAMMIT

[serasvictoria]

Title: Roller Queen

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Summary: A heatwave has hit Hawkins and bored out of his mind, Eddie tries to find something to do. He finds that something in the Palace Arcade…

Word Count: 6997

Content Warning: 18+ mdni. Semi-public sex. Oral sex (male receiving). Vaginal fingering.

Notes: This is what you get when you spend quite some time on Pinterest during a heatwave and suddenly finding a picture that just inspires you. The picture is all the way at the end, it just worked for me.

There is also one mention of the name Arlo in this and that's what I called the unnamed Hellfire member aka Corroded Coffin’s bass player, also known as the titular “Freak”. There’s an entire backstory in regards to why I gave him that name, but I won’t bore anyone to tears with that particular HC.

Betaread by @adrille88 Thanks again ❤️ Any remaining mistakes are all mine.

If he was really honest with himself, Eddie had to admit that he kind of liked heatwaves.

All the assholes would leave the town of Hawkins, abandoning the hot and humid place like a bunch of rats leaving a sinking ship, and they’d go spend a couple of days at their log cabins near some lake, leaving all the less fortunate residents behind.

Not that he thought that he was less fortunate, fuck no. He wouldn’t want golden boy Jason Carver’s shiny life. Sitting next to mommy, wearing his Sunday best and listening to daddy as he preached fire and brimstone to the congregation as they clutched their crucifixes. Lord knew where the bastard was now. Probably forced to suck up to some senator’s kid whilst he pretended that he wasn’t from some backwater shithole in Indiana.

So yeah, heatwaves weren’t all that bad. Besides, you could dress for the heat.

He was currently lazing about on the porch in an old pair of jeans that were cutoff right above the knee. His Motörhead shirt (which he had also modified after he tore it making it sleeveless as well as a little bit too short) was in a crumpled heap right next to him.

The only thing that was bugging him at the moment was trying to decide what to do.

It was the first summer after graduation, so he should have been spoiled for choice, but sadly that was not the case at all.

Steve and Robin were at work, like Jeff, and he didn’t feel like bothering them at their workplaces. Again. Dustin was at some kind of robotics camp. Wheeler had joined the Byers family for their last summer in California before they moved back to Hawkins. The Sinclairs were visiting relatives, as was Gareth. Arlo had been signed up for summer classes by his mother because he was failing a couple of classes.

So there was currently no one that he could shoot the shit with.

Usually Eddie wouldn’t have any problems on his own, he’d almost grown accustomed to it when he was a kid, but he was bored out of his mind at the moment. Didn’t help that he was coming off his previous high as well.

Absentmindedly scratching his neck, he brushed away some of the locks of hair that had come loose from his ponytail and that were sticking to his sweaty skin. He’d already taken a cold shower earlier and even that wasn’t enough to fight the heat.

The AC had also gone on the fritz at the worst possible time so staying in his bedroom wasn’t an option. Which meant that jacking off was off the cards, too. Because hey, when in doubt, jerk off. It was basically an unwritten rule.

Everyone that was still in town had either gone to the community pool or the woods, but those weren’t really places where we wanted or could go to. Lover’s Lake and Skull Rock were places that were worth considering, but you never knew if you’d disturb anyone whilst there and some people didn’t take too kindly to having an audience. And even if they were keen to have onlookers, that didn’t automatically mean that they’d want him there.

There wasn’t really much else to do apart from aimlessly driving through town until he found something that was worth his while.

Getting to his feet with a groan, he stretched out, grabbed his discarded shirt from the couch and put it on. His keys and cigarettes were on the small table next to him so he pocketed the packet of smokes and then locked the front door (even if no one was insane enough to attempt to steal anything from them, what with them having the good old Munson name and all).

As expected the van was hot as hell, so he rolled the windows all the way down on both sides before starting the engine and heading out of the trailer park in search of something to do.

Driving around town, he’s reminded of that Ghost Town song by The Specials (Robin was going through a bit of a ska phase at the moment) and before he knew it he was humming it which was in stark contrast to the Megadeth song, Wake Up Dead, that was currently blasting through the speakers.

Despite having previously decided that he wasn’t going to go to Family Video, he found himself driving in that direction anyway. Maybe Eddie could convince Steve to give him access to his backyard so he could have a dip in his pool in exchange for a couple of joints? Worth a shot.

This brought him right past the arcade, which was practically next door, a place that he hadn’t set foot in for quite some time. Together with Harrington, he seemed to have earned the dubious privilege of dropping the kids off there quite frequently, but he never joined them despite Henderson asking him to do so every single time.

He wasn’t about to have his ass kicked by some kid at-

Eddie swore that his eyes were seconds away from rolling out of their sockets.

All that he caught was a quick peek through the open doors of the arcade, but it had been enough to make him punch the brakes of his van and he came to a standstill right in front of the building.

Eddie had never parked his van so fast in his life.

When he got out of the van and walked across the asphalt to his destination, nerves set in, which was insane when he really thought about it. Why was he even nervous? Was it because he was seconds away from shooting his shot and potentially getting horrifically turned down?

The name of the place was lit up in purple neon on the awning over the doorway. Unbelievable that this was something that could make him set foot in the place after all this time, having seemingly graduated from it many years previous, constantly proclaiming that it wasn’t “his scene” since books and board games were more his thing.

That was a better excuse than saying that he had simply been unable to afford it. Money had always been tight in the Munson household and wasting a couple of quarters on something that he couldn’t even take home with him or put in his belly seemed pointless.

There’s an acne stricken teenager sitting on a folding chair next to the open door, a look of annoyance on his face that betrayed the fact that he didn’t want to be here at all.

“There’s a change machine inside. You know where to find me if it stops working,” he says with a bored tone when Eddie passes him by. The kid doesn’t say it, but his line sounds well practiced, leading him to believe that the aforementioned machine must have some issues.

It also sounds like the kid has no intention of going inside unless he absolutely must.

So that means that no one will see Eddie crash and burn if he does. And if he doesn’t, there won’t be anyone to disturb him either, so it was a win-win situation no matter what.

It was cooler inside, but only slightly. The AC was old and far too small to cool such a large space, but it still tried to do its job to the best of its abilities.

There were plenty of noises around him, machines beeping in an attempt to make him look at them, to make him see what he could play if he would only give them a couple of coins. He barely even seems to notice them at all, not caring about what the games have to offer him.

Not now.

The row of games that were visible from the door are all vacant. No one’s there to pour over them, desperately trying to win, so he moves on to the row next to it as he tries to find what he’s looking for. He’s about to turn the corner into the third, already somewhat convinced that his mind had been playing tricks on him, that the heat had fried his brain, when he comes to a sudden standstill and simply stares at the image before him.

Eddie had not imagined it, hadn’t gotten a severe case of heatstroke, hadn’t witnessed a mirage or anything of the sort. Even if mirage was probably the best word to describe what he was looking at.

You were leaning over the controls of one of the machines, tapping away at the buttons and moving the joystick back and forth.

That in itself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

Dustin often spoke of you with awe in his voice, regaling everyone with how good you were at the games at the arcade. You and Max held a lot of the high scores and that was pure catnip to the younger boys who only cared about trivial things like that. The fact that you were older only seemed to make you more appealing to them.

A fellow nerd.

An older fellow nerd.

An attractive, older fellow nerd.

Eddie had never really gotten it until now, but that was more down to what you were wearing, which was a lot more revealing than what you had worn when you still walked through the hallways of Hawkins High. Hell, Principal Higgins would probably have a heart attack if someone wore that to school.

In an effort to fight the heat, you were wearing a pair of cut off blue sweatpants, which were so short that they might as well be hotpants, and a dark blue bikini top. And on your feet were the signature roller skates that were very much an extension of yourself as it were.

He doesn’t think that he’s ever seen you without them when you weren’t in school or working. There’s even a story about how you kicked Andy Collins in the balls with them once, but no one has ever been able to confirm that particular story since it was very much based on hearsay.

It is a fact however that Andy doesn’t seem to sniff around you quite as much as he does with every other (single) female in town. Had to be a reason for that.

The corner of your mouth twitches, so you definitely noticed that you had an audience of one by now. It would be rude not to go over to say hello, right? Right? So Eddie starts moving, unsteady on his feet all of a sudden, like he had forgotten how to walk simply because he was in the presence of such beauty.

“Hi,” he croaks out and he raises his hand in greeting. “Pretty hot outside, huh.” He mentally slaps himself for saying that, because why on Earth had he decided to state the obvious? Guess that meant that trying to act cool had gone straight out the window. His remark makes you snort though, which he supposes is a win of sorts. “Anyway. Hi.”

“Hi,” you say with a grin, doing your best not to laugh, as you look up for a few seconds before focusing all your attention back on the game. “Don’t see you round here a lot.”

“Not much of a gamer,” Eddie admits, which technically wasn’t true, but he didn’t think that he had to clarify that he was talking about video games. You would have seen him around the arcade a lot more if he was into those.

“So why’re you here then?”

“Thought I’d check the place out. Henderson’s always talking about it.”

“Ah, Henderson,” you sigh and there’s a hint of exhaustion there that almost makes him laugh. “And that’s enough to get you to show up?”

“Maybe not just that.” His eyes skate over the curve of your ass and when he looks back at your face again, he can see that your eyebrows are raised. Subtlety had never been his strong point. “Busted,” he chuckles.

“Hm,” is all that he gets out of you before you look back at the screen once more.

Eddie tries his best to feign an interest in the game that you’re playing, Bubble Bobble, by trying to keep his eyes peeled on the screen. Even thinks about commenting on the cuteness of the green dinosaur that’s blowing bubbles at his enemies, but he doesn’t out of fear of looking like a complete fool. He actually opens his mouth once with the intention of commenting on how well you’re playing, but what the hell is he supposed to say?

‘Good game, hot stuff, but do you wanna get out of here and play a real game in the back of my van instead?’

Bad idea. Really bad idea. He’d prefer it if his nuts didn’t meet the boot of your skates. That would be a horrible ending to what was turning out to be a pretty good day so far. He’d like to end it on a high if he could, preferably with your phone number scribbled on a piece of paper in his pocket.

Damn, this was easier when he could hide behind his usual bravado, but he’d already fucked that one up from the moment that he started talking to you. Hell, he couldn’t even hide behind his hair, because it was in a messy ponytail right now.

Still, you haven’t told him to fuck off just yet so it wasn’t a complete disaster. He leans back against the side of the machine next to yours and he really looks at you this time.

God damn, he had always thought that you were pretty, but fuck, you looked good enough to eat right now. He catches the glint of a bead of sweat as it rolls down your neck, following it as it makes its way down your skin and ultimately disappears into the fabric of your bikini top.

Eddie can almost taste the salt on his tongue if he thinks about it hard enough.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Your voice cuts through the first wisps of the daydream that was forming in the back of his mind, one that already had his cock twitching in his pants, seconds away from begging him to excuse himself so he could jerk off in his van.

“I would if I had a camera,” he bites back.

You shake your head and sigh and a couple of seconds later the game makes a noise, something that even a newbie like him knew wasn’t good. As if to emphasize this, the words “game over” appear on the black screen.

“Thought you were good.”

“My heart wasn’t in it,” you say while the screen starts flashing the ‘insert coin’ message on the screen in an attempt to lure in new players. “It’s this damn heat.”

“Maybe you don’t do well with an audience.”

“You’re shitting me, right? You know how many times I have those little shitheads breathing down my neck?”

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “A lot?”

“Yup. I barely get any alone time as it is.”

There’s a sudden flush of guilt and he can feel his cheeks burn as they begin to color a dark shade of pink. He’s bothering you. You never said it, but that's what he reads between the lines.

“You want me to leave?” He’s already turning away from you, instantly apologetic, so he’s surprised when he feels your fingers touch his wrist.

“Did I say that?” He’s watching your hand, noticing the gentle pull on his arm which doesn’t stop until he makes no move to leave anymore. “Did I?”

Since you repeat yourself, you’re obviously expecting an answer. The only problem is that the heat combined with your touch are kind of short circuiting his brain.

Eddie eventually manages to get out a small “No?” which he considers a victory. At least it shows that he’s still capable of speech, if only a little.

“No,” you repeat after him and he’s instantly relaxed when he finds that his presence does seem to be wanted after all. He can’t stop his expression from falling a little when your hand lets go of his arm. “But you say you’re not a gamer. Maybe you just haven’t found one that you like yet.”

“Sweetheart, I haven’t been in here for years,” he says with a casual wave of his hand. “The flashing lights are about to give me an epileptic fit.”

“Was that a joke?”

“Yeah?”

“That was so funny I forgot to laugh,” you deadpan.

The flat tone of your voice makes him snort as well as make him wonder why he has never tried talking to you before.

He supposes that it was a form of thinly veiled jealousy over the kids liking you so much. But who cares about them? And why is he thinking about them so much anyway? Being in the presence of a hot girl combined with the stifling heat was really doing a number on his brain, that was for s-

You clap your hands together in front of his face, snapping him out of his thoughts for the second time since he was with you.

“Anyway!” you exclaim and clear your throat before continuing. “There’s a couple of old games in the back. Maybe you’d even recognise some of them, oldtimer. Want me to show you?”

“Which ones?”

“Pong, Death Race, Space Invaders, Asteroids… ring a bell?”

“Always was quite partial to Death Race actually.”

“Figures,” you grin. “Come on then,” you say as you push yourself away from the cabinet and start leading the way.

Eddie lets you take the lead, because it means that he can walk behind you and his eyes drop down immediately, unashamedly ogling your ass as you glide through the arcade.

On your way to the back, he hears the crinkling of plastic and watches you remove the orange wrapper from a lollipop before it disappears into your mouth. He swallows hard when your jaw moves, your cheek bulging as you keep moving the candy from side to side. He’s practically salivating as he tries very hard not to let his mind come up with images of how your cheeks would look if there was something else in your-

“There she is,” you break through his reverie again and he briefly wonders if it’s intentional, if you have some kind of inbuilt radar that alerts you whenever a guy is about to have some very impure thoughts in your vicinity. “Death Race.”

You point out the black cabinet at the end of the row of machines, the two steering wheels making it instantly recognisable. You come to a standstill right next to it and wave your hand over the front of it, like some bikini babe that they sometimes use to advertise cars.

“Goddamn,” he whistles in wonder. “Didn’t know they still had this one.”

“They do,” you reply as you stand to his left. “Don’t think they ever get rid of a game if it’s still working.” You dig around in your pocket and hold out a quarter to him. “Here. First game’s on me.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Eddie takes the quarter from your fingers and puts it in the slot. “I’ll try to make it last.”

Unfortunately it doesn’t last that long. Sadly, he’s a little bit rusty. Not that he was any good when he still came here, but he finds himself wanting to impress you as much as he can.

Eddie’s on his fourth quarter when there’s an almost sickening crunch from your direction. Eddie looks up from the screen to see you chewing on the hard candy of your lollipop and he catches you tossing the stick in a garbage bin behind you. He wants to say something, but the words die on his tongue when your hand suddenly connects with his chest and he’s pushed back against the wall.

“Hey, wh-”

-at the hell.

The rest of the sentence comes out all muffled, because your lips crash into his hard. There’s barely time to close his mouth and you enthusiastically take advantage of that by licking into his mouth, your tongue connecting with his, and he can taste nothing but oranges. When he starts kissing you back, he can taste the same artificial nectarine flavor in your lip gloss.

Wrapping his arms around you, he pulls you in closer and you sigh when his hands start rubbing up and down your back. You even giggle when one hand dips down lower and grabs your ass cheek.

There’s no opposition from him when you push him to the side, in between the opening between the black cabinet and the wall, one that the both of you fit into neatly, effectively shielding you and him from the view of others just enough.

Not that there was anyone else there apart from the bored employee that was still sitting outside and even he wouldn’t be able to see what the pair of you are doing from where he’s sitting.

“Aren’t-“ You pull away just far enough so Eddie can look in your eyes for a split second, see how blown out your pupils are, and then you dip your head down so you can drag your lips over his neck. “Aren’t you scared that anyone might see us?”

“No.” Your reply comes far too quickly and your teeth graze his Adam's apple slightly. “Why?”

“Wh- are you serious?”

“Mhm,” you hum against his skin. He gasps when you suck on his neck hard enough to leave a mark. “So sensitive.”

“Fuck.” At least Eddie can sort of peer into the space behind you now. He catches no movement whatsoever. And it’s not as if the arcade is rigged up with security cameras either. You stick your hands underneath his shirt, your fingers finding his nipples with ease and pinching them. “Damn, sweetheart.”

“What?” You look up at him, batting your eyelids almost too innocently, and when he doesn’t reply, you lick a stripe from the dip in his collarbone all the way up to his ear. “Cute,” you say directly into his ear before you gently tug on his lobe with your teeth. “You’re cute.”

Your intent couldn’t be more clear however. You wanted him and you were laying it on so thick that it was hard to ignore. It was all in the hungry way that you kissed him, filled with lust and longing, full of heat and desire.

Even though there shouldn’t be any mistaking your intentions, Eddie still wonders when it would be acceptable to invite you into his van. If he does it too early, you might smack him for being a perv, but if he does it too late, you might mistake it for disinterest, which would be a million miles off from what he wants. If only he had talked to you before, he would know what you were like a bit more, but all he has to go on are stories from Henderson and a handful of rumors.

There’s an unexpected brush of your fingers over the front of his jeans and it’s so light that he mistakes it for being accidental at first, but when it happens again and then again, it becomes a bit more difficult to ignore.

“Oh?” The triumphant tone in your voice is impossible to miss, because now you know that he was already half hard before and that was definitely because of you. “Thought that you had a couple of rolls of quarters in your pocket, but I think I was wrong.”

“You use that line a lot?”

The words came out too easily after all so naturally he’s curious, maybe even a little jealous, but he would never admit to that.

“Please,” you chuckle, “you think so little of me?”

“I don’t know. Don’t know you that well. Unfortunately.”

“You could get to know me. If you want to.”

“Hmmm. Tough question. Let me think about it.”

Eddie meant it as a joke, obviously, but he doesn’t miss how your brows furrow and how your hand stops moving, even if you can’t seem to stop your fingernails from scratching at the fabric.

His hips end up chasing your hand when you pull it away.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Eddie blinks, suddenly confused. “Is that a trick question?”

“Nope, just an honest one.”

“No.” It’s his turn to answer quickly now. And Christ, he feels like such a fucking dickhead for giving you the impression that he might not want this. “I don’t want you to stop.”

“Good,” you reply with a grin that’s bordering on feral, “because I really didn’t want to.”

“Then wh-?” He cuts off his sentence because your hand is back on his crotch again. You touch him with more intent now and he wonders if you can feel his dick twitching through the thick fabric. “Fuck.”

“Cause you looked a bit uncomfortable for a couple of seconds there. Figured that it was because of me.”

“It wasn’t, sweetheart. Trust me. Just never had a pretty girl seconds away from making me come in my pants like a schoolboy in a public place before.”

“Hmmm. I can think of something a lot better than that.” His eyes widen when you drop down onto your knees and start undoing his belt. “All you need to do is stay quiet.” A strangled kind of noise comes out of his mouth and it makes you grin even wider. “Think you can do that?”

“I’ll fucking try,” he squeaks out when you pull his pants down roughly to expose his underwear and his pale thighs. “I’ll really fucking try.”

“You’re gonna have to do better than that.” Your hand rubs over the front of his boxers and he groans low in his throat. “No louder than that, okay?” You pull the last cloth barrier down, unveiling his cock and it proudly stands at attention. “Oh god,” you say, obviously impressed, “prettiest cock I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh yeah?” You lick at the glistening bead of precum on the tip and your eyes close briefly as you taste him. The noise you make is exaggerated, but fuck, who cares? “Like it that much?”

“Uh-huh,” you answer as the tip of your tongue starts following the trail of a prominent vein on the side of his shaft, chasing it all the way down to the base and then back up again. “I do.”

Eddie lets out a sigh when you finally wrap your lips around his cock and let him slip halfway into your mouth. You sit there, looking all pretty, your eyes on his, and he already knows that he won’t be able to get this image out of his head for as long as he lives.

You bob down a bit further, a mere inch at most, and then release him with a soft pop. You spit on your palm, circle your fingers around the shaft, and start working him with your hand.

Ducking your head, you sink your teeth into his pale thigh and then lick the already slightly reddening mark. You repeat this a few more times, much to Eddie’s amusement. The slight sting of your bites in combination with the movement of your hand are pushing him ever closer to the edge.

Having teased him enough, you take his dick into your mouth again and he briefly wonders if you would have still done this if the place had been a bit more crowded. Not that he thinks that the sound of screaming kids would have done anything to kill his boner. If anything, the sheer thought of there being a greater possibility of getting caught only turns him on more.

When you cup his balls and start massaging them, Eddie hisses through his teeth. Fuck, he really wasn’t gonna last long. He also had no idea how he was supposed to stay quiet. He didn’t consider himself particularly noisy (he was), but he liked talking and there was no way that he would be able to control the volume of his voice.

Not when you kept eagerly sucking him off and especially not when you were pairing it with a look that was practically spelling out how much you loved having his dick in your mouth.

You also look like you want him to crack, like you desperately want him to make noises that are way too loud, like you want to get caught giving him head in the back of the arcade.

“Shit,” he groans as softly as he can and he can feel the corners of your mouth twitch upwards into a smile. “Can’t help it,” he says, softer now. “Feels too fucking good.”

Humming around his length, you hollow out your cheeks and when your hands lightly grasp the back of his thighs so your fingertips can dance up and down his skin, he shudders.

Saliva was bubbling at the corners of your mouth and fuck, it has to be one of the hottest things that he’s ever seen. His hand instantly moves of its own volition, moving to the back of your head, and he pushes you down for a split second, stopping when your fingernails dig into his skin. He loosens his grip, giving you ample opportunity to pull away, but you don’t and your eyes are almost flashing a challenge to him, practically daring him to do it again.

So he does.

This time he holds you down a little bit longer, forcing you to take him in a little bit deeper and instantly letting go when you make a gagging noise. You stay right where you are, his dick halfway in your mouth, eyes still a little defiant, so he does it again, harder, and forcing his cock in deeper still. The discomfort is plain to see and when your fingernails drag down the back of his thighs harshly, he can feel it, too, but your grip on his legs relaxes soon enough. He scratches your scalp affectionately.

Your eyes are glistening with unshed tears, threatening to overflow, and his hand releases you so he can wipe at the corners of one of your eyes, in an attempt to brush your tears away.

“Didn’t mean to make you cry, sweetheart,” he admits. “You just look so fucking good like that.” You blink once which finally makes the tears spill out. “Good tears though, huh?” You make an affirmative noise even if he already knows the answer. “Good ‘cause I’m seconds away from coming all down that pretty throat of yours.”

He catches a glint in your eye, as if his words spurred you on, but Eddie’s entirely unprepared for what you do next.

Your hands grab his hips and you plunge your mouth all the way down his length until your lips make contact with the thatch of hair at the base of his cock. You gag around him, but you inhale deeply through your nose and manage to stay down for a bit longer.

Your throat muscles contracting around his cock is what pushes him over the edge and he comes in thick spurts down your throat. He bangs the back of his head against the wall behind him, his lips pressed tightly together to stop himself from shouting as he climaxes. His hands are balled to fists at his sides and he slams them against the wall as a form of channeling the pent-up energy that has nowhere else to go.

It takes him a short while to come back to his senses and his hands shake when he relaxes his grip. When he hazards a glance down, you’re still on your knees, his now soft cock still in your hands as you’re lazily licking up and down his shaft.

Reaching for your face, he touches the corner of your mouth and mumbles the words, “Show me.” You stick your tongue out obediently, showing him that there’s not a single drop of his cum left. “Good girl.”

Exhaling shakily, he manages to say, “up,” a couple of times, his fingers hooking under your chin and pulling in an effort to make you move faster. As soon as you’re on your feet, his lips crash into yours, his tongue invading your mouth until he can taste himself on your tongue.

His hands are everywhere. On your ass, your hips, your tits. He simply doesn’t know what to grab first, and it’s not like you seem to care either with how content your sighs are.

Changing positions, he pushes you up against the wall and hurriedly pulls his boxers and shorts back up. Your hands take over to zip him back up this time, leaving his hands free to pull the cups of your bikini top to the sides and burying his face between your tits.

“Like that,” you breathe out when his lips finally find one of your nipples. “Just like that.”

“So sensitive,” he remarks with a grin, positively delighted that he can throw your earlier words right back at you this time. “I wonder…” He trails off and brushes a hand down your stomach, light as a feather, until his fingers come to a stop at the waistband of your shorts. “May I?”

You’re nodding before he even manages to get the words out, betraying your eagerness and perhaps your impatience. So naturally that makes Eddie move slower than he would have, taking his time to undo the bow that keeps the drawstring of your shorts tied together, and even when that’s undone, he slides his digits underneath the fabric painstakingly slowly.

“Eddieeeee,” you whine, “stop teasing.”

“Who’s teasing?”

“You are,” you pout. “Not like we have all day.”

“We don’t?” You’re ready to say more, he can tell, but he knows you’re right. And he doesn’t know what you’ll do if he keeps teasing, so he slips his fingers into your panties and slides them between your folds. “Jesus, baby, you’re soaked.”

“Mhm,” you bite your lower lip and nod.

“You got this wet just from having my dick in your mouth?” You moan affirmatively. “Poor thing. Seems only right that I help you out then, right?” One of his fingers probes your entrance, not quite pressing inside yet. Not until you answer him. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“Please,” you whimper. “N-need to feel your fingers inside me.”

“Come on,” he husks against your cheek, “spread your legs a little wider.” You give him some more space to work with and he slides the digit in with ease. “Good girl.”

Your head drops forward onto his shoulder, your mouth almost level with his ear so he can hear every shaky breath and strangled moan. It makes him add another finger, plunging them deeper inside and curling them upward until he hits your sweet spot. Your walls spasm and contract around his fingers, trying to keep them there.

“Really want to get my mouth on you, sweetheart,” he husks against your temple.

“No time,” you answer. “R-raincheck?”

“You’d better,” he chuckles. He just knew that he’d be taking you up on that offer before the end of the day.

Fuck, if he had his way, he’d be on his knees in front of you right now. Your ass pushed up against the controls of the Pong machine, his head buried between your thighs, until you’re screaming so loud that it drowns out every other fucking sound in this place.

If only he’d asked you to come with him, he’d have had his wish.

His thumb finds your swollen and neglected clit with ease. His touch sends a shockwave through you which makes your whole body jolt. You grab at his shoulders, his name on your lips as your fingernails leave crescent shaped marks in the sections of his skin which aren’t covered by his shirt.

Your breath hitches and you let out a choked sob, only to have Eddie cut off any other sounds that you might make by pressing his lips against yours and swallowing all your delicious noises, effectively silencing you. Your thighs convulse around his palm, trapping his hand between them.

Reaching upward, you grab at his tied back hair, wrapping the ponytail around your fingers and pulling until your hand, along with all the other muscles in your body, go slack.

“Mmmm.” You sigh against his lips and he pulls away just far enough to see your blissed out features as you float back down to Earth. “Always knew you’d be good with your fingers.”

“You wanted to get caught, didn’t you?” Your face splits into a grin and he shakes his head. “Fuckin’ knew it.”

You open your mouth to speak, but you’re distracted by Eddie sticking his fingers into his mouth and sucking your juices from them. Cupping his cheeks, you lean forward and your lips brush together when a loud scream suddenly cuts through the relative silence. Startled, it makes your eyes snap open, but you visibly relax when it dawns on you that the noise isn’t anywhere near where the two of you are.

“I wanna play that one,” an underage voice shouts and it’s answered by a decidedly more bored adult voice. “Come on!” The child sounds impatient and is probably dragging the adult behind him in the direction of the game of his choice.

“Shame that,” you say as you adjust your top, covering your chest up once more. You move away from him and he hates the fact that there’s space between you now. “I totally would have let you fuck me as I played the pinball machines.”

“I have a van,” he replies, helpful and hopeful at the same time.

“Aren’t you a charmer?” You stick a hand in your pocket and he thinks he can hear you jingle some coins. “Still got some quarters left so you’re shit out of luck.”

“You’re just going to play a couple more games after that?“

“Uh, yeah? I never leave until I’m all out of quarters. Sorry.” Eddie’s expression falls, but his smile returns when you press your lips against his cheek and whisper in his ear, “Can’t you wait a little bit longer like a good boy? Promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You give his lips a quick peck and wink. “If you think I’m going to end this day without having your dick inside me then you’re an idiot.”

Someone clears their throat loudly behind you and when you turn, you see what you can only assume is the owner of the bored adult voice earlier.

“There are kids in here, you know,” the man huffs.

“I don’t see any,” you say as you flip him off. “Or are you talking about yourself?” You grab Eddie’s hand and pull him along with you. “Come on, babe. Let’s leave these games for the kids, huh? We both got what we wanted. For now.”

The implication of what you’d done there hangs in the air as Eddie lets you lead him past the man and he barks out a laugh when he sees the furious, and dare he say frustrated, expression on his face.

Fully expecting to leave, he can’t hide his disappointment when you come to a standstill in front of a machine, Q*bert, and take a coin out of your pocket, obviously intending to still stick to your rule of not leaving until you had no coins left.

“You’re still going to- Jesus Christ.” He shakes his head as you put a quarter in the slot and start playing. “I’ll just get comfortable here then, shall I?”

“Uh-huh,” you reply, “just stand there and look pretty. Maybe it’ll help.”

“Okay, I can do that.” He folds his arms and leans against the cabinet next to yours, very much mirroring the stance that he had taken earlier. “But seriously, just one game and then I’m dragging you out of here.”

“Fiiiiine. One game,” you say with a loud groan that didn’t sound anywhere near convincing enough. “But you’d better settle in, pretty boy, because I can make these games last a lifetime if I have to.”

“Did you just call me out over not being good at playing video games? Seriously?” Amusement was dripping off his voice, because he honestly didn’t care that he was no good at any of the games here. But he could have sworn that you had just issued him a challenge and he had every intention of winning that. “Honey, I can last real long when I’m doing other things.”

“Sure.” If you were trying to come across as unimpressed, it wasn’t that successful. You looked more curious than anything else. You shrugged, a bit noncommittally, and threw in a, “They all say that.” 

“I actually do though.” Eddie took a step closer and he could see your fingers tightening around the joystick, fully prepared to try your damndest not to let him distract you. One more step and he’s so close now that his lips are a couple of inches away from your ear. He clears his throat and chuckles when you jump ever so slightly. “Baby, I’m genuinely not boasting when I say that I could be down there for hours and I don’t think that I need to elaborate on that now, do I?”

You release the breath that you didn’t even know you were holding, close your eyes for a fraction of a second, and then the telltale “game over” tune starts playing.

“Fuck.”

“Oh no, sweetheart, did you just lose? I was really looking forward to seeing you play as well, but… a deal’s a deal.” Before you could protest (which you wouldn’t dream of doing), Eddie grabs your hand and makes good on his promise of dragging you out of the arcade. “I just really want to show you what I can do now. Promise you won’t be disappointed…”

And here's the picture that partially inspired this one...

[unclewaynemunson]

Jeff is one of my favorite characters and I think we should start a post of all our favorite Jeff headcanons. He and Freak get left out in almost every Eddie-centric fic I read, with his "best friend" being either Gareth or Chrissy, and I'm tired of it. Jeff is wonderful. Here's my hc's:

- Jeff and Eddie have been best friends since middle school. They started CC and Hellfire together.

- they went to the Snowball together and rigged the bubble machine to spew bubbles during the slow dance songs. The dance had to end early and Jeff and Eddie never got caught

- Jeff's parents loves Eddie. They used to have sleepovers at each other's place almost every weekend.

- Jeff was the first person Eddie came out to. Jeff tried to be surprised and "that's great, man, thanks for telling me!" But Eddie saw right through that.

- Eddie is afraid of geese and spiders. Jeff thinks this is fucking hilarious.

- post-Vecna, Jeff is the one Eddie reconnects with first. Eddie tells him everything, despite the NDAs and Steve's warnings. Jeff believes him, because he knows there's wacky shit going on in Hawkins, and he's seen Eddie's wounds.

- they have that kind of friendship that nothing can break. Even if they don't see or talk to each other for years, because Life Happens and people lose touch, they'll always have part of themselves carved out for their best friend.

Ok, that's all I got for now, and sorry for the long ask! I just love Jeff so much and he (and Freak, too, because Freak gets ignored because of fatphobia) deserves just as much love and attention as Gareth gets.

What are your Jeff and Eddie headcanons?

I am loving this Jeff love and your headcanons, thank you so much for sending this to me!!! <3

I think with Unnamed Freak things are a bit different bc, yaknow, he doesn't have a name. For me at least that makes me hesitant to write about him so I don't wanna go as far as to say it's all bc he's fat (even though I'm not gonna deny that that probably also plays a part in how popular he is in this fandom urgh). Anyway, yes this fandom certainly does Jeff dirty. I think it's this gross combination of racism and people copying a lot from already existing stories, characterizations and headcanons without much critical thinking of their own (which baffles me, if you're creative enough to write a story please use that creativity for some originality ffs). Anyway, this is gonna turn into a rant again can you tell I'm still annoyed? so let's turn to something more positive now, like my headcanons for our beloved Jeff:

He was the first person in Hawkins (after Wayne obviously) that Eddie got close to. For Jeff it was kinda the same, being a black, nerdy boy in this town had been very isolating for him and Eddie was his first real friend.

Unnamed Freak made their duo into a trio a bit later. All the others in the group (including Gareth) were Eddie's "lost little sheepies" who he sought out to protect. This means that Jeff and Unnamed Freak are the only people who don't borderline worship Eddie but see him (and love him) for who he is including all his flaws. They're also the only ones not afraid to call him out on his bullshit.

Jeff's mom is really cool. Her name is Pauline and she's not like Jeff at all (she was a cheerleader in high school). Despite their differences they love each other a lot. (Jeff's mom is actually heavily featured in one of the fics I wrote so I got her all fleshed out lmao)

He has two little twin sisters. They're friends with Erica, one of them is one of her friends we meet in the mall in s3. He has this typical hate-love relationship with his sisters: they fight a lot, but at the end of the day, he would die for them.

HE'S BISEXUAL

While he can't wait to get out of Hawkins and to a place that'll be more accepting of him, he doesn't want to move too far away from his family.

He's the most loyal friend in the world, 100% a ride-or-die kinda guy

While he does love metal a lot, his guilty pleasure is Tina Turner

Tell me all your Jeff headcanons i wanna hear more about him!

[crumplstiltskin]

I read ur HC thread!! Super neat guh.i love..ursukuna I'm gonna freak anyway I wanted to ask since choso is jins step kid, is his dad still kenjaku? What did kenjaku end up in prison for

choso is kaori's child with an unnamed person. kenjaku is her brother. also idk what he's in there for (a lot of things) but all i know is he's serving a life sentence lol

[exvelovly]

for the character ask game:

councillor bronte!

fintan!

marella!

aw freak yeah

bronte

-sexuality ummmm ace. lowkey. and maybe this is just me being unable to imagine him having sexy thoughts…. but not aro he gets crushes like a schoolgirl (but not often)

-gender he’s in denial don’t ask me anything

-ships ough i keep thinking abt those drawings with fintan by crescentpaws pls stoppppp it chronic fintanposter

-brotps secret dad society with grady and edaline also he’s beefing with actual teenagers he is so funny

-notp councilor alina whenever i think of bronte and shipping the only no i can think of on the spot is with her and maybe that’s a me thing idk

-hc: i want him to have like 7 cats or something which isnt a head canon but its a need

-general opinion i don’t think about him very often and he pissed me off at first but i’ve warmed up to him

fintan

-i think he’s a flaming homo pun intended but like closeted (either voluntarily or forced)

-bro i think he just goes with the vibes i can’t imagine him caring abt gender shit when he has pyrokinesjs and manic flower tangents to worry abt

-ships do not ask me abt ships with this freak therapy first u cannot fix him (but i can trust) i think he’s the type to have lowkey one sided obsessions with certain unnamed councilors and chooses to bother them whenever possible. there will inevitable be sexual tension

-brotps his future therapist

-notps for him are just anyone who wants to stay relatively sane idk (jk)

-hc: listen i’m very conflicted bc there are two ways u can go with fintan and they’re opposite directions. ex: the ass debacle, the long vs short hair, etc. i think he’s greasy personally but crescentpaws’ art is fr converting me i have to stay strong… im convinced he’s chaotic neutral and just does what he wants for the fuck of it.

-general opinion he is fan service for gay people bc they knew we’d be into whatever is going on with him

marella

-sexuality girlkisser

-gender cis girl tbhh but also i don’t think she cares that much. like she’d go guy mode to get some gossip and doesn’t mind being misgendered at all. probably comfy being perceived as both but she’s fine w how she is so she doesn’t think too hard abt it (might be projecting a tiny bit)

-ships marellinh awooga but she’s good with sophie and biana too

-brotps marella and keefe combo ahhhh, but i also love her with sophie and dex and biana idk pretty much everyone

-notps i don’t think too much abt notps just bc it doesn’t come up ummm maybe her and keefe just bc them being platonic shittalkers is so important to meee

-hc: probably smokes/vapes sorryyy it just fits when i think of people i’ve met with her personality like she’s so teenage girl. anyway fav vaper lmaoao potentially switched to smoking weed, i don’t think she’d do any other drugs tho she’s just a girl. i have lots of thoughts abt her can u tell. also she’s probably smoked with linh at some point to help her chill with her water idk i think elementals would be more tempted to smoke and stuff just bc of how their powers work.

-general opinion love her omg she is soososoo

[spooklia]

10

12

16

17

19

20

21

22

24

For Mevolent please ✨

Thanks for the ask :)

10. Describe the character in one sentence

Coolest and most deadly human tree

12. Sexuality hc!

I always thought he was omnisexual and also on the asexual spectrum (sex positive asexual to be specific)

16. A childhood headcanon

Originally studied many adept disciplines in his youth before deciding he wanted to be an elemental. He got really attached to sigils in particular, which is why he has so much knowledge on them in adult life

17. What do you think their first word was?

Something like the baby talk version of "baby" or "bottle", but nothing like "mama" as his parents handed him to nurses basically from day one and never really interacted with him

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them

I've seen valkyrie/darquesse before, but honestly his canon relationship with abyssinia freaked me out a little bit more

20. A weird headcanon

He can get obsessive about having clean surroundings, which was a problem during the war but when he won, it was very easy to be enforced. He isnt the worst boss, especially compared to other mages in the leibniz dimension, but he holds his staff to a very high standard when it comes to cleanliness and neatness.

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

When he first gained influence as a young man, going from someone beneath the Unnamed who's opinion held little power to a feared mage with a large group of people clinging to his every word. He was full of hope that he would be a better leader than his master and that he could get the church more power and respect, and that felt good

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

After the loss of Serafina, and the betrayal of Serpine, when he began to doubt himself and his abilities for the first time in centuries. After all, if he couldnt protect his wife or keep his general loyal, he could lose everything he had spent so long building for himself and his followers

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

About halfway through the war, he had a huge crisis of faith. After a couple of detrimental loses, he began wondering if the gods really were helping him, looking down on him and guiding him. Of course, his forces would likely split and they would be overcome by the sanctuary forces if it ever came out that the leader of the church was having doubts, so he had to keep up appearances to quite literally save his life. Even after the crisis ended and his faith was stronger than before, he never dared to tell a soul about this dark time in his life

[thestobingirlie]

Can I please ask you opinion on the fandoms focus on Gareth while completely ignoring the fact that Eddie had more than one friend? It’s gone so far as I’ve seen people shipping Gareth with Will or having hc’s about Gareth having a crush on Steve.

And I can kind of understand forgetting about or not including the dude who literally was not named in the show, but at the same time I know it’s heavily influenced by the fact that he’s not conventionally attractive and not being named doesn’t erase the fact that he’s canonically Eddie’s friend, member of his club, and a member of Corroded Coffin.

And don’t even get me started on all the reasons I know are why people ignore Jeff entirely, even though he has more lines and more canonical characterizations than Gareth does in the show.

It frustrates me to no end and I’ve gotten to the point where I will not read a fic that has Gareth in the tags but not Jeff or the unnamed ‘Freak’.

i think my biggest thing with gareth is that it’s annoying when people try to shove him into everything. like, he’s eddie’s best friend despite the fact that he would’ve only been a freshman when eddie was in his first attempt at senior year. we don’t even see eddie and gareth having a one on one conversation. and gareth gave up dustin, which ultimately resulted in max being killed. i think if eddie had lived, he probably would’ve had a complicated relationship with gareth. obviously gareth was being beaten, i don’t blame him, but that wouldn’t make it easy.

you’ve got people writing fics where eddie references him as a member in the band 5 years back, and it’s like, you really think eddie had some ten year old in his band? i think, like hellfire, other members of corroded coffin have aged out and moved on, and eddie’s really the biggest constant.

if gareth was ugly, he probably wouldn’t receive the attention he does. people wouldn’t ship him with characters, people wouldn’t go to the trouble of giving him a personality. honestly people would probably just forget about corroded coffin as a whole.

obviously headcanons are fun, and i love diving into characters that don’t have a lot of information. but it is a bit weird that some people are like, talking about corroded coffin and hellfire, but really only talking about gareth and eddie.

[spicysix]

🏏 what are your sexuality HCs for the characters?

ALL OF THEM? ksksksksksksk

ok so apart from Will and Robin who are canonically homos, we have:

Steve, Nancy, Eddie, Chrissy, Vickie, Lucas, Max, El and Mike - bisexual

Jonathan and Argyle - pan

Dustin is either pan or ace can't decide

Murray is a gay lil man, love him lots. so are Gareth and Unnamed Freak™

Hop, Joyce and Jeff are the quota straights

gender-wise (i know you only asked about sexuality, but i wanna talk about this too), trans Gareth, enby Jon and El, and the extreme babygirlification of Steve Harrington to the point where he finds he's genderqueer

[toranoya]

ABOUT: Moxxie Knowlastname

“Oh crumbs.”

Moxxie Knolastname is an assassin at I.M.P, Millie's husband and one of the main protagonists of Helluva Boss. He is the straight man weapons expert of the I.M.P gang who tends to be the most rational of the group, but is often treated as the butt of the joke.

Nicknames: Mox, MoxMox, M, Little One, Little Fella/Dude, Poxxie, Old Man, Moxxine

Sexuality: Bisexual Species: Imp Demon Gender: Male

Likes: Cooking, Culinary arts, Musical theater, Classical music, Opera, Kindness, Being put in charge of missions, Supporting fellow artists

Dislikes: Blitz prying into his personal life, Theme parks, Theme Park mascots, Killing the innocent, Pop music, Stolas' wrath, His father's abuse, Loona calling him fat, Being the butt of the joke

Abilities: Ranged Combat, Skilled Marksmanship, Musical Talent, Guitar-playing, Songwriting Drawing, Acrobatics, Physically skilled (climbing, swimming), Earthly fire resistance

Occupation: Assassin/Weapon Specialist of I.M.P, Member of Crimson's Mafia (formerly)

Family: Millie (ex-wife) hc Joe (father-in-law) Lin (mother-in-law) Sallie May (sister-in-law) Crimson (father) Unnamed mother (mother) Three unnamed brothers-in-law Chazwick Thurman (ex-boyfriend; ex-fiancé)

Enemies Verosika Mayday Barbie Wire Striker (rival) Crimson Crimson's Mafia Chazwick Thurman (former fellow gang member) Employees of C.H.E.R.U.B Employees of D.H.O.R.K.S.

Friends Employees of I.M.P (co-workers) (Loona drives him nuts tho) Blitzo (boss; former cellmate) Stolas (Blitz’ rich boyfriend) Octavia

HEADCANON: -Because Mun generally prefers M/M interactions, Moxxie WAS married to Millie prior to her passing during a mission. He blames himself for not being there because he was guarding Stolas as a request from Blitz. A professional, he still showed up to work since it was all he had left, but drank heavily for a week after work. Millie rp’ers exempt

-Moxxie is a fan of the hit musical The Phantom of the Opera as his phone ringtone plays the pipe organ and suffered from a hallucination that heavily referenced the play. He also wondered what sex with Michael Crawford, the actor who originated the role of The Phantom, would be like.

-Moxxie does not swear as often as the others, when in a bad situation he often uses the comparatively tame phrase "Oh, crumbs". -Moxxie is susceptible to motion sickness, and may vomit when things get bad.

-Moxxie is freaked out by theme park mascots, believing them to be perverts under their costumes. -Moxxie makes really good coffee, but when going out has a rather complicated order.

-Moxxie hates it when people call him by the wrong name or misspell it. -Moxxie was mentioned to be native to the Wrath Ring in "The Harvest Moon Festival", and later shown to have grown up in the Greed Ring in "Exes and Oohs". -Doesn’t know how to say NO. -Moxxie loves cats and is a sleepwalker.

Bonus fave quotes: (Mun couldn't decide on a header, lol) "I spent my whole life of being afraid of you, but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve. And there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her, not even you."

"Miiillie!! Hiii! Heyy… Hey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss 'em!"

"I'll have a neapolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk (the beans won't have the right texture, otherwise), and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup. They always put 'Foxy' or 'Roxy', I hate that. If you can't handle that I'll have a venti traditional Misto please use soy milk with two blonde shots affogato AND RISTRETTO!! I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom then add the coffee after then add--"

Appearance Moxxie is an imp with red skin and white freckles on his cheeks. His white pointy hair leads up to his curvy black and white striped horns. He also has yellow sclera with black slit pupils. He has a long red thin tail with a quadrilateral barb at the end, as well as lanky digitigrade legs ending in what appears to be cloven red hooves.

Moxxie's usual outfit consists of a navy-black coat with red buttons and white cuffs, black pants a white shirt that has a black turtleneck, a large red bow-tie, and fingerless gloves.

Personality Moxxie is the I.M.P's weapon specialist; and as such, has a vast knowledge of weapons and often brings a variety of them along during jobs.

He is often the most vocal and realistic of the employees regarding the company as a whole despite its dysfunctional environment and is bullied consequently. Moxxie is also shown to be unsure about himself at times since he’s not physically strong since Striker, Lin and Joe was giving him a hard time since they believe physical strength is what makes a person strong.

Despite being a murder-for-hire imp, Moxxie is queasy with unnecessary killing beyond their targets. He also is uncomfortable with the idea of killing targets who have families, and attempts to give people second chances.

Moxxie is also shown to have a comical side, as when he talks about killing an entire family, he claims it might be alright if it was just a shitty dad or a mob family, saying "That's understandable".

When intoxicated, he loses all common sense and becomes quite delusional, as shown when he asks Millie why she has "four heads", and high-fived her instead of grabbing her hand straightaway. He also is shown to become increasingly flirtatious with her when drunk.

[angelasscribbles]

Once again I'll be singing this song all day

“Ducks? Elephants? Do I really need to continue?” Drake snapped. 

hahaha

Maxwell gasped. “Take that back!” “Or what?”

OMG, you've captured their dynamic perfectly!!

Drake smacked his hand away. “First, don’t call my son ‘Maxwell junior.’ Second, don’t touch my wife.”

I laughed so freaking hard at this! Like people in the other room asked me what was so funny! “... What a shame.” Liam continued to stare at his phone, entrapped in conversation by his unnamed companion. 

This whole sequence was just perfection!

Drake observed his shift. “You mean the Crown?” 

Small detail....

“Escort Candy back to her corner… And then let’s talk about our vetting processes for these situations” 

Yeah... haha, poor Liam was so clueless!

“Liam? What are you doing here?” 

I knew this was going to happen!! AAAHHHH, YAY!!!!

“I… Well… You see…” Liam sputtered. “... I work here.” 

Oh, no...for a minute I thought he was going to make Drake or Max pretend to be king!

“Your perfect tushy… I can’t believe I dented it!” 

HAHAHAHA. Don't know if your Max is gay/bi or just being Max here but I also HC that he checks out Liam's ass

“Of course! You’re the perfect candidate!” And I’ll get to see you more. 

Que the falling in love!!

Great job! Love all the humor in here, you're really good at it!

Here Comes The Sun ☀️

Here Comes The Sun- Part Two

Catch up here.

Series Title Song Inspiration - Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

Book - TRR AU

Pairing - Liam x ?, Drake x Riley

Series Summary - Two lost souls longing for hope stumble upon each other in a random encounter. When fate brings them back face to face, can what should be a devastating situation end up bringing the sunshine back for both?

A/N - This takes place two years after the end of book three, but Constantine lived. TRH is non-existent. Please excuse any errors found.

A/N 2 - I am participating in @choicesflashfics with prompt number three, "You handled that situation perfectly", which will appear in bold.

Word Count - 2500

Warnings for this chapter - language

Most characters belong to Pixelberry.

The following week passed in a blur. Liam had meetings and appointments galore, but his new companion was never far from his mind. They texted frequently; their conversations ranged from general pleasantries to multiple-paragraph stories. 

Doctors broke the news to Constantine a few days prior that his time left was dwindling. Instead of scotch, Liam reached out to his newfound friend for support; she responded immediately and talked him through his initial panic. He felt comfortable with her in a way he never had with anyone before. 

He realized he couldn’t stay at Constantine’s side twenty-four hours a day, nor Regina. At a suggestion from Constantine’s doctors, Liam decided to seek additional hands. With the assistance of Drake, Riley, and Maxwell, he was confident they would find the perfect candidate.

“Look at this one!” Maxwell exclaimed as he held his phone out to Riley. 

“It’s adorable, Maxwell. But it’s nearly identical to the other thirty you’ve already bought us.” 

“Okay, but a baby can never have too many bangin’ squid onesies. Can you picture anything cuter?”

“Ducks? Elephants? Do I really need to continue?” Drake snapped. 

“Drake… Squids.” 

“I told you, Beaumont. We already decided the nursery is gonna have ponies and other land animals. Not some weird sea creature.”

Maxwell gasped. “Take that back!”

“Or what?”

“Boys, you had better be on your best behavior.” Riley interrupted them. Drake sheepishly smiled and leaned over to give her a tender kiss on the cheek. 

“Actually… we have some news to share…” Drake announced as he lovingly looked at Riley. “We found out what we’re having yesterday.”

Maxwell jumped from his seat. “What is it? Tell me!” 

“Calm the fuck down, or you’ll wait ‘til they’re born.” 

Maxwell stopped and slunk back into his seat. “Sheesh… I’m just excited, Drake!” 

Riley swatted Drake’s chest. “Be nice!” She returned her attention to Maxwell. “Okay, ready?” Maxwell nodded. “Drum roll, please.” He patted his hands on his thighs, imitating the sound. “... It’s a boy!” 

Maxwell flew from his seat and enveloped Riley in a tight hug. “A boy?!” He suddenly pulled away and asked, “What are we naming him? Maxwell junior?” with a serious expression as he rubbed her stomach.  

Drake smacked his hand away. “First, don’t call my son ‘Maxwell junior.’ Second, don’t touch my wife.”

“I want him to know Uncle Max’s voice!” 

“That doesn’t involve you touching her!” 

The two went off into a fit of bickers before Riley directed her attention to Liam. He was fixated on his phone, completely oblivious to anything that had unfolded. “Hey, Liam?”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear us? We’re having a boy.”

“... How funny,” Liam responded as his thumbs rapidly poked at his device. 

Maxwell and Drake ceased, instead focusing on Liam. Drake and Riley shared a curious glance before Drake spoke. “We’re gonna name him… whiskey.” 

“... That sounds lovely.” 

“Hey, Li.” Maxwell called out, “I’m marrying a chimpanzee named Henrietta… We’re soul mates.” 

“... What a shame.” Liam continued to stare at his phone, entrapped in conversation by his unnamed companion. 

Drake sat forward and waved his hand in front of Liam’s face. “Earth to Liam?” 

“Oh… sorry. What were you saying?” 

“... We told you we’re having a boy.” 

“That’s great! Congratulations!”

“Yeah… But let’s talk about what’s got you occupied on your phone.” Riley said with a suspicious glance. 

“Oh… nothing much.”

“Uh huh… bullshit… try again.” Drake retorted. 

“Well… I… met someone.”

“You did?” 

“What’s her name? Where’d you meet? Tell me everything!” Maxwell started bouncing in his spot once more. 

“We met at the bar… I uh, I don’t know her name…” 

“You don’t?” Riley asked with a flabbergasted expression. Liam didn’t respond, only shook his head. “But you’ve been… talking to her?”

Liam looked away. “Well, she doesn’t know everything about me, so…”  

Drake observed his shift. “You mean the Crown?” 

“Yeah. What if I tell her and everything changes? I like talking with her; I don’t want to risk losing that.”

“... But if it’s something serious, you know you can’t keep that a secret.” 

Liam sighed. “I know, but we’re only friends. Aside from our text communications, we haven’t seen each other since we met, and as of right now, I don’t see that changing.”

“Did you… you know…?” Maxwell wiggled his eyebrows. 

“No, but we kissed…” 

“Oooooooooooooooo!” 

“Shut up, Beaumont.” Drake chided before he turned his attention back to Liam. “So you’re just… texting?”

“Yes. I know it sounds… bizarre… but she’s nice, incredibly compassionate, wise, funny, and so easy to talk to.” 

“Sounds like you’re already falling.” 

Before Liam could respond, a knock interrupted them. He called for them to enter, and the door swung open to reveal Bastien. “Sir, your first appointment is here.” 

“Thank you. Please, send them in.” Bastien returned a few moments later with the first applicant. In walked a middle-aged woman; clad in a tiny black leather skirt, fishnet leggings, sky-high hot pink stiletto heels, and a thin piece of fabric covering her… large upper half. Her lips were painted a bright purple, along with green eyeshadow going all the way up to her heavily lined brows. When she curtsied, she had to use her arm to keep her ‘shirt’ in place. 

As she stood, Liam extended his hand to her. “Please, call me Liam. And your name is?”

The woman eyed him with a hungry gaze. “Of course, Liam. And you can call me… Candy.” She fluttered her eyelashes. 

Liam looked at her bewildered but shook it off and led her over to his desk. “Do you have any experience in end-of-life care?”

“No, but I’ve done plenty of work in the… service industry.”  

“As in?” 

“I tend to the people’s needs, whatever they may be.” 

“I’m… not following.” 

“I could show you instead… Liam.” She mewled.

Liam furrowed his brows. “I’d prefer to know beforehand what the service offered is before agreeing to a demonstration-“

“OHMYGOD! SHE’S A HOOKER!” Maxwell exclaimed from his spot; his hands immediately flew to cover his mouth. Drake howled with laughter, while Riley had to hide her face in his chest. 

Liam’s eyes widened. “I am so sorry. I have no idea who let him in here.” 

She smiled and laughed coyly. “I’m not offended. He is right.” 

“... He is?” The woman didn’t respond but nodded with a come hither gaze. Liam watched in horror as she over-exaggeratedly licked her cracked lips. “Bastien!” 

Bastien entered promptly. “Sir?” 

“Escort Candy back to her corner… And then let’s talk about our vetting processes for these situations” 

Bastien bowed and escorted Candy out. Silence overtook the room until Maxwell approached Liam. “For what it’s worth, you handled that situation perfectly.” Liam snapped his head over to him with narrowed eyes; Maxwell put his hands up and retreated behind Riley. 

The rest of the afternoon flew by. Many more interviews came and went, but none stood out to anyone as someone they could genuinely consider. Liam quickly looked down and checked his phone, only to see no new text messages. He felt a pang of disappointment but ignored it as another knock echoed throughout the room.

When the door swung open, Liam’s eyes widened and he couldn’t control the broad smile that spread across his face. “It’s… you.”

“Liam? What are you doing here?” 

“I… Uh…” He cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked you first! Third rule, you can’t turn a question back around without answering!” 

“I… Well… You see…” Liam sputtered. “... I work here.” 

“You do business here?”

“...You could… say that.” 

“I’m looking for the King. I’m supposed to interview for a caretaker position.” She looked around the room and noticed the other people. “Are one of you the King?” 

Drake snickered. “Someone in this room is, but it’s not one of us…” 

She returned her gaze to Liam as she slowly pieced everything together. Her eyes widened, and she took a step back.

Liam held his hands up. “I can explain.”

“I’d hope so! You told me about your burnt eggs, but forgot to mention you’re the King?” 

“I didn’t know how to tell you! Actual connections are hard to find in my position! I didn’t want to change our dynamic!” 

“I realize we haven’t known each other long, but you have to know I am not like that! I trusted you!” 

“Everything I told you was true! I just… left out the Crown part!”

“That’s a big part to ‘leave out’, Your Majesty.” 

“You won’t even tell me your name, and I’ve asked a few times!” Without thinking, he stepped forward and grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But I promise you, I never lied to you about anything I’ve said… aside from being a business… person.”

After a brief moment, she sighed and met his gaze. “Fine. I understand.” She tried and failed to stop the grin that spread across her face. 

Liam returned her smile but realized he still held her hand, and quickly dropped it and took a step back. “You know what this means, though?” She looked at him with a puzzled expression, so he continued. “You’re going to have to tell me your name.” 

She rolled her eyes with a subtle smirk before she responded. “I guess you’re right…” She extended her hand to him. “Kyla, Kyla Watson.” 

Liam returned her handshake with enthusiasm. “Pleasure to meet you, Kyla Watson. I am His Majesty, King William Rys; but you can call me Liam.” He winked. 

The two shared another subtle smile before they heard Maxwell’s voice. “Love is in the air, love is everywhere.” Maxwell stood for his one-man melody, and Drake took the opportunity to smack him in the balls; Maxwell dropped to the floor. “Owieeeee! Why would you do this to me, Drake?” 

“Shut you up, didn’t it?” 

“I can feel my semen dying! The Beaumont legacy will rely on only Bertrand! The next generation will be cursed with sexy eyebrows!” Maxwell hollered as he rolled around the floor. 

Kyla giggled, and Liam turned around to address her. “Ignore them. Apparently, I should’ve enlisted in better help on this venture.” 

“They seem nice. Are they your friends?”

“Yes. Maxwell’s the one on the floor. Drake’s the one covered in denim, and-“

“I’m Riley.” She extended her hand toward Kyla with a bright smile.

Kyla returned the gesture with a nervous chuckle. “Kyla. You’re ah, pretty… stealthy for a pregnant lady.” 

Riley leaned in. “I have to be, otherwise I can’t scare my husband when he least expects it.” 

“I heard that!” Drake yelled. 

“Love you!” Riley called out over her shoulder before she turned her attention back to Kyla. “So tell me about yourself. I recognize the accent; you’re clearly American. Where from? How’d you get here? How long are you staying?” 

Liam placed a gentle hand on Riley’s shoulder. “Perhaps I could conduct the interview?” He gave her a subtle look. 

The two held gazes for a moment before Riley relented. “Of course. What was I thinking? Matter of fact…” She turned around to Drake and Maxwell, “Perhaps we should venture down to the kitchens? Baby Walker demands bacon.” 

“Oh, no thanks. I ate before I came,” Maxwell responded as he slowly lowered himself back down next to Drake. 

Drake stood and grabbed Maxwell by the ear. “Nope, you’re coming with us.”

“Okay- just, ow! Let me- ow! Go!” Maxwell hollered as Drake pulled him to a standing position. 

Drake, Maxwell, and Riley all made a beeline for the door. Drake was the last one out and subtly winked at Liam as he disappeared from view.  

Liam turned to Kyla with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry about them… They aren’t normally…” 

“Chaotic?”  

“I was going to say assholes, but I like your terminology better.” Liam chuckled. He motioned to the couch his friends had just vacated and led her over. He went to sit but hesitated. “Would you like a drink?”

“Trying to liquor me up already?” 

“What? No! I-I-” He stopped stuttering as he took in her mischievous grin. “Wait… are you messing with me?” 

“I might be…” Kyla responded with a shoulder shrug.

Liam lowered himself down with another chuckle before he started. “So, Kyla Watson…“

“So, His Majesty William Rys…“ 

Liam groaned. “Please don’t call me William; I’m begging you. The only time that name gets used is during Royal functions. My father doesn’t even call me that… unless I’m in deep shit.”  

The two shared a laugh before silence overtook them. Liam couldn’t help but stare at her. She looked beautiful; her long dark hair was pulled back halfway with subtle curls left to frame her face. The way her makeup was done made her eyes pop and twinkle. Blood orange lipstick lined her full, plump lips, with her dazzling smile peeking out underneath.

Kyla felt his gaze radiating through her and shifted subtly in her seat. “Um… the job…” 

“Oh… right. Of course.” Liam cleared his throat. “I’ve told you about my father’s diagnosis, but let me explain the position itself; we’re seeking someone to assist him in his last days. As of right now, he is still mostly ambulatory, but his doctor said that will probably change. For right now, think of it as more of a… companionship situation. But, as his condition worsens, the duties will transition to end-of-life care. You won’t have to give him any kind of medication, as we have doctors on standby.”

“Sounds simple.” 

“Do you have any experience in those areas?” Liam tentatively asked; his heart raced as he awaited her answer. 

Kyla smiled and nodded. “Yes. I worked in geriatrics for a few years, then psych. I’ve never done hospice, but I’ve taken care of multiple patients as they’ve… transitioned.” She handed him a folder. 

Liam opened it and read over her resume. “Wow… this is impressive. I’m not sure how to go about transferring these certifications, but I will happily assist.”

“Thanks… I… hadn’t even thought about that.”

“Not to worry, there are perks to befriending the most powerful man in the country.” 

“Well, I might have asked sooner if I knew that little hidden fact.” 

“Kyla, I’m-“ 

“Don’t apologize. I get it. And I wasn’t entirely open with you, either, so…” 

“Well, now you know. And I meant what I said; I will do whatever I can to assist you.” He once again mindlessly reached for her hand and squeezed. 

She held her head down for a moment, but when their vision connected, Liam saw unshed tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “... Thank you, Liam.” 

As their gazes locked, they both felt that invisible pull urging them closer. Both of their minds swirled, pulses thundering, as they watched the other inch closer and closer. Their eyes fell shut, lips nearly grazing each other’s, when the door suddenly burst open without warning. 

“Heyo!” Maxwell exclaimed. 

Liam sprung up off of the couch; his foot caught on the leg of the coffee table and he fell backward, landing directly on his bottom. “Shit!” 

Maxwell rushed to his side and crouched next to him. “Liam! What have I done?” 

“I’m fine, Maxwell.” 

“Your perfect tushy… I can’t believe I dented it!” 

“Maxwell, I- “ Realization dawned on Liam as Maxwell’s statement sunk in. “- what did you just say?”

“Er… nothing… there it is!” Maxwell grabbed his phone, which lay a few feet from where Liam landed. He snatched it up and bolted back to the exit. “Kthanksbye!” 

Liam sat on the floor with his forearms on his knees, staring at the door. Maxwell just complimented my ass, he thought to himself and shook his head with a small chuckle. 

“Need a hand?” Kyla asked with a smirk. 

Liam grabbed her hand and she helped him stand. The two shared a flash of a smile before Kyla stepped back and clasped her hands in front of her. “Uh, so… about the job…”

“It’s yours.”

Kyla’s face lit up. “Really?” 

“Of course! You’re the perfect candidate!” And I’ll get to see you more. 

“That’s… Thank you… I’m excited to meet your father.”

Liam placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, he’s going to love you.”

Tags (If you'd like to be added or removed, please let me know.):

@choicesficwriterscreations @ao719 @queenrileyrose @tessa-liam @angelasscribbles

@kingliam2019 @differenttyphoonwerewolf @bascmve01 @busywoman @socalwriterbee 

@belencha77 @mysticalfangirl @nestledonthaveone @lovingchoices14 @lunaseasblog 

@malblk21 @sfb123 @twinkleallnight @emersyn-in-cordonia 

@choicesflashfics

[jerzwriter]

Countdown to 2023 - Day 3

Most anticipated in 2023...

This is the hardest one of all because I'm looking forward to so much, but as always, I'll probably forget so much. Here is some of what I can't wait for in 2023:

Looking forward to @julia-highstorms upcoming Wake the Dead Works.

Can't wait to learn more about @missameliep 's Troy and Malia.

I'm looking forward to commissioning @rosefuckinggenius for more Wake the Dead art!

I am anxious to have time to read more about Bryce & Olivia courtesy of @storyofmychoices

I'm very excited that @doriopenheart has been creating for her Ethan x Emma and I can't wait to see more.

Always looking forward to more of With and Withoug by @alwaysmychoices

I'm always ready for some Tobias & Samantha from @lucy-268

On a personal note, I'm looking forward to wrapping up What Happened in Vegas and Sometimes Love is For.

But I'm SUPER excited to get Reset and Where it Goes From Here out within the next month, and another unnamed angst later this year.

In Tobias & Casey-land I want to wrap up their wedding, and I have some stuff from their HC I'm excited about:

Going back to see how they actually got together and how they dealt with some growing pains as a new couple. (You get to see jealous Casey lol)

We'll take a look at each of their three "baby stories" - the third one is a freaking tearjerker - warning!

I'll be introducing Ethan's LI in this world more as well.

I'm REALLY excited to wrap up A Mother's Journal in my Wake the Dead world and then jump into Eli x Zoe's HC. And I have an angsty AF AU that I'm debating.

I'm looking forward to all everyone will create, and hoping that there will be new creators to explore.

Most of all, I hope that next year at this time, there are still some of us here. Our little corner of the world is crazy at times, but I'm so glad you're all here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

@choicesfandomappreciation

[tangledinmdzs]

ickies - mdzs character hcs

when you kiss these characters in front of your baby cousins

or the kids freaking out about cooties

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Nie Mingjue

i have a feeling

just this inkling,

that Mingjue would be a great kisser

don’t ask me the reason, just, because alright

anyways, when you and him kiss at your family function,

it makes all the adults coo and stare,

reminiscent of their youthful times

as young lovers or whatever

and you both are also a really cute couple

so it’s a great thing for the adults

as for the kids

“BLEH EW!!”

“Auntie y/n’s GOT COOTIES FROM UNCLE MINGJUE!!!” one of your younger nephew screams

and that

e a s i l y

ruins the atmosphere

you feel Mingjue smile against your lips before you both pull away from each other

though his arms still stay around your waist, a comfortable hold 

you both stare at the little kids that run around you pointing and yelling at the cooties transmission

you both laugh at the children running around you

and as you make faces and pucker your lips out at your cousins

you catch Mingjue childishly joins in on the fun

sticking his tongue out when one of your cousins runs around you two in circles

and you can’t help but want to kiss him all over again

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Wen Qing

it’s just a peck,

lightning fast

you don’t think anyone saw

besides, you’re too busy taking in the pretty red tint that Wen Qing has on her face to realize that you had been caught by someone

“EW  GEERRMMMMSS”

you both turn around to catch one of your younger cousins’ wide eyes after the commentary

he’s a small little boy holding his dinosaur toy in one hand, and a dirty shovel with something unnamed stuck all over it

which is ironic since he was just talking about germs

Wen Qing lifts an amused eyebrow at him as the boy makes a gagging face and runs off, back to the rest of his toys in the middle of the family barbecue

you turn back to Wen Qing to look her, noticing her small smile 

“does this mean you’re down for kids later on?”

she gives you a look

doesn’t say no though

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough