#unloved somehow . like i thought you didnt EVEN love now all you do is talk to everyone always

[adustoflove]

This will always be a better option than arguing with people and attempting to control them. It's not great, but at least I can control myself by just leaving

[b3mym1stake]

A very serious the 1975 fanfiction.

This is.... interesting.... so um please dont take it seriously. There is nothing weird or nsfw about this. Just your average cringy 2014 style fanfiction.

PLEASE IGNORE ANY SPELLING OR PUNCTUATION MISTAKES I WROTE THIS AT THREE AM.

During the night, i was sleeping peacefully in my king sized bed, but in the morning, my mothers harsh and shallow voice awakened me. "Wake up you waste of space" she screamed. It didnt bother me. i have been allowing it to happen for years, me letting her treat me like shit i mean. It doesnt hurt me anymore. I get up and i go to the bathroom to wash up. As i stare into the mirror i notice all the imperfections in my skin. The deep gash of my forehead from when i had a huge pimple and just couldnt leave it alone, the multiple scars on my nose from peeling my skin too much in the summer when i got sunburned, the millia under my eye that is very permanently injured and scarred from when i was 12 and thought it was a pimple... Im so different than all the other girls... They all have glass skin and look like if Serena Van der Woodsen and Taylor Swift had a lovechild that was raised by Blair Waldorf. Yet here i was, imperfect and unloved, still feeling happy about who i was.

After i was done with all that daily philosophical thinking, i threw my long, blonde hair in a messy bun, wore my favourite band t-shirt, my "the 1975" muscle tank. I bought it after i saw taylor swift wearing it even though i absolutely love the 1975. I wear a pair of boho themed patterned leggings, and my high top uggs. I gaze into my shining blue orbs in the mirror and decide that today will be a day where i actually wear a bit of makeup. Unlike other girls, i dont need to wear makeup to feel pretty, i have found a source of happiness very deep in me that no one can ever truly take away.

"Autumn Raine!!!!! Come down RIGHT NOW!!!" My mother screamed from downstairs. I sighed, breathing away all those thoughts that had occured to me while i was zoning out while looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Cominggg!!" i said back, my voice soft and feminine. As i walked down the stairs, i saw four men sitting on our couch. For a second i thought my mom was making me go to casting for a COMPLEEEEETELY different thing, but then i remembered, im still her daughter and she probably wouldnt want that to happen right in front of her. However, after a close inspection, i figured out who the four unknown men sitting on our couch were, and how they werent so unknown after all....

"Matty, Adam, George and Ross?!?!?!" I say in surprise. "What the actual hell is the 1975 doing on my couch??" I think. "We are here for a very special reason, George says, his voice thick and coarse. He doesnt talk much but i bet that when he does, people listen. "We are here for you, actually" The small one says, his voice somehow both high and low pitched at the same time, "Im Matty, Matty Healy." He states and extends his hand for me to shake. "I know.. heh" I answer back shyly and shake his hand. He gives me a smile. "Your mother contacted us and said you guys were running low on money and that she needed to get rid of you asap" Adam continues, his voice more deeper than i expected based on how thin and zesty he looks. "Why would you pick me?" i asked, geniuenly wondering. "well," George says, his voice cold and mysterious, "it is quite a long story, according to our research, you are...." he stops abruptly. "i am what? Come on you cant just stop in the middle of that" i shout. "My sister." He states and looks to the side as if he is trying to hide his face. "Oh." i say, as it is all i manage to get out of me. "Am i seriously directly related to my favourite band?!?!?" I think, but it doesnt take long before my train of thought gets interrupted by George again. "My paren-" He stops. "Our parents, they couldnt afford to have another kid after they had me." He starts explaining. "Mom didnt have another option than to give birth to you, then give you away.. So thats exactly what she did." He sighs. "So, my- my- my mother is-is-is not my- my- my actual mom?" I say and my voice come out sounding more sad than how im actually feeling. "No, honey" My mom says. "Dont you "Honey" me, you have never been nice to me in my life. Now suddenly youre all nice and loving. Youre so fake" I say. My mom stands up, and raises her hand as if shes going to slap me. I close my eyes and prepare for the slap. Sure, ive been slapped by her before, but never infront of guests. Especially infront of actually important people. I brace myself for the slap, but the slap never came. Instead, i open my eyes and see.... a back? Its a weird pattern of a colorful floral thin button up shirt. (See picture for exact pattern hehe see what i did there lol)

"You will not touch our property." a voice said, that i later realised to be Matty. (writers note: that single line took me ten minutes to write because its so cringe i physically couldnt bring myself to write it) "Oh- so sorry." said my mother. I gave her a snyde look that i just knew annoyed her so much. Matty turned around, "Are you okay love?" He said. "Oh- oh um yeah its alright." I said and giggled. "Shall we go?" Ross suggested and slowly, all of them got up from the couch. "Wait," i said, worryingly "I havent even packed my stuff yet. i didnt know i would be getting out of here permanently." I say, pleading for some time to pack. "Okay go on," Matty said, "We need to have a chat with your mother." I nod. As im going up to my room, i hear Matty and George talking to my mom about how shes never gonna be able to contact me again and how no matter how badly she needs money she should never try to contact me or any of them for any reason. I went up to my room and started packing. "All those band shirts...." I thought. There was no way i would fit all of them in my duffel bag. I just took my all-time favourites. The 1975, Halsey (ironic i know), Arctic monkeys, Marina and the diamonds, taylor swift, the strokes, G-easy, and finally, The Neighbourhood. I grabbed my big pile of skinny jeans and urban outfitters jewellery, a couple of my cds from my collection, and any sort of actually valuable merch i had. I ran down the stairs, i tripped, and started rolling down the stairs, when i felt a pair of arms catch me. "Woah there!" Matty said, and gave me a side smile. (this just took 10 years off my lifespan). I smiled shyly. "Im so clumsy." I complains. "Me too" Says Matty and gives me a wink. I blush. "Shall we go?" Says Ross. "Of course." I reply. "Dont you want to say goodbye to your mother?" He asks. "Shes not my mother, and no, not really." I say and give her a sneaky look and smile. She looked furious. i didnt care. i was way past that now that i discovered that my all time favourite people loved me too, nothing mattered anymore.

And thats how my story with the 1975 started...

Ending thoughts: i swaer to god this thing just took 20 years off my lifespan i have never physically cringed so hard while doing something. Some parts took me like half an hour to finish because i couldnt bring myself to actually write what i had in my mind. but hope i made lots of people cringe. Anyways, lots of love, gooooooodbyeeeee.

[valla-chan]

copying this from my own tags cause actually i want to talk about this on the post after all.

Warning: Long text! feel free to skip!

I feel like having one parent of one kind and one of the other made me this fucking mess that i am now, in a way. It was never explicit or outright but it Never Needed To Be.

I would get harassed for my nails and hair and mannerisms and be made the butt of jokes that i didnt understand by one parent, and then the other would tell me im great the way i am. i guess also there was some kind of ongoing speculation between them as to what my sexuality was?? i do remember that.

It really created this strong, unrelenting feeling that i have a very narrow path to tread before people begin speculating on the different ways that i'm actually somehow fucked up or weird in an unlovable way, but as long as i tread lightly then i can toe the line.

of course, my life has improved since then because they split when i was a preteen (#aayyyy) but it did last long enough to do damage...

(otherwise how else do you explain trying to always "lose people's trail on you", when you feel like theyre onto stuff going on in your head? Trying to maintain the image people have of you, so they dont fall apart at how disgusting you actually are, or instead start drawing uncomfortable connections that will lead to them to that realization anyway? “Finding out”? Finding out what? Who the fuck knows by now! but theyre gonna find me out! and then theyre gonna hate me!)

Results?

For at least a decade and a half everyone has been “Going to Find It Out” about me and i have no fucking clue what that means anymore. because ive already come out and transitioned n shit, and ive been fine for it. that was like my biggest secret for a while. But that feeling of people i care about "finding out" is real enough to keep me from doing anything! (other than hrt cause i woulda literally have offed myself if i had to live even 5 more years as a guy... so thank fuck for the support yknow lol cause otherwise i would have figured out some DIY shit under the table by then. but other, more surface level pursuits still feel off the table, because they are not motivated by literal death if i dont do them in time.)

But its like... the damage is already done.

ive got a supportive family. even the worst of most of them have come around.

But those mental patterns are Mine now. Those thoughts are not theirs to take back anymore.

I have internalized those years of uncomfortable treatment into my own mind and how i work. thats on me now, and im trying to explore and help myself now and its hard.

So make sure to constantly tell your kids that you would love them even if they turned into a fuckin slug. And more importantly, that you accept them and promote them for everything they want to stand for even if you dont agree. Cause MAN, even for maybe not intending to do anything wrong、that shit influenced and ruined every interaction and decision in my life since! Theres no taking that back, even if done on accident through just being a goober parent influenced by current social norms! So imagine doing that level of harm on purpose!

You will create a kid that doesnt have to wonder on the extent of the bounds of how much they will be loved, they will KNOW those bounds. They will feel those bounds in every decision they make and every choice they consider. They will know FOR SURE that they will not be loved for themselves、and that will be on YOU.

and a word of advice, love their potential too... love their choices and their visions and the people they look up to. Cause people change. They are designed to.

you cant just love someone for who they are now and not those other things、or they will be stuck in trying to be that person for life.

And to anyone who reads this who knows me, hi! If this says anything about me as a person, then good! It should!

I think that my mid 20s are going to be some of the most intense self reflection ive had yet, and hopefully that actually goes somewhere unlike how it never does. so forgive, me voices and memories, for becoming someone who i like and who the people i hate don't.

[batfamtv]

(girls like girls) like boys do, nothing new

can you do a jealous carol x reader ? like reader has had long time crush on carol and admits her feelings only to get turned down bc carol has internalized homophobia and doesn’t know how to react. carol gets jealous when reader is moving on with another mcu character of your choice.

carol danvers x reader

warnings: internalized homophobia, failed the reverse bechdel test (women only talk about one (1) woman, a gay), no gays fighting over Y/N

word count: 2565 for the gays; set in avengers: endgame; everyone lives au

read part 1 here

Now, after a couple of years, you got promoted

Working under Nick Fury and caring for the Flerken really got you qualified to work in the field

And you did, with the best of the best: Natasha, the Black Widow, and Clint, Hawkeye

You were there when Loki destroyed New York, when Ultron threatened to destroy the world

Over time, your powers manifested, they have been dormant for the longest time

Speaking of dormant, you hadnt heard from Carol since the night she left

You talked to Nick, asked him if she’s ever stopped by, but she hasnt

“She’s busy saving the world, Y/N” he’d tell you, but that didnt make you feel better

You felt so hurt, by her reaction, her rejection, but you began to look forward

But you think about her everyday, wondering what could have been

Carol had given Nick a pager, “for emergencies only”, she reminded him, but she also gave you one

Carol told you that it’s just to make sure Fury doesnt send out some false alarms, but who was she kidding? Maybe she did want you to hit her up

But after all those years, you hadn’t

She looks at her pager every single day, wondering if the world would miss her if she decides to come see you, to clear things out

And you have thought about ringing her up too, in times when the world is in trouble, and in times when the feeling you have on your chest is sharp that you couldnt breathe

In times when you miss her so much you cry uncontrollably, hand over your mouth to make sure no one hears

To make sure no one hears how much you miss the woman you love

You were with Nick and Maria when it happened

It was chaos in the city, and you, Nick and Maria got out of the car to investigate

The drivers seats of cars are empty, helicopters crashing into buildings

Almost reflexively, your hand flew to your pocket, where the pager lay there, almost waiting for you to press it

“Y/N?” Maria sounded distressed, and when you turned to her, her body was disintegrating, like sand blown away by the wind

Nick was distressed and eyed you, “You have to call her. Call control.”

You didn’t hesitate, pressing the button as you watched Nick do the same to his pager, watching your mentor and friend disappear right in front of your eyes

When your right hand started to disappear, you moved the pager to your left hand, tears threatening to spill

You were going to die, alone, unloved, and not having told Carol how much you miss her

Her name was the last thing on your lips before you disappeared

When carol came back to earth, she didnt know anyone

But everyone was grateful to her, for returning tony

The burning question in her head, the one thing she almost didn’t want to admit

Where is the woman she loves?

Back then, way back when carol was still a child, she was told that there were a lot of things she couldnt do

She couldn’t be strong, couldn’t play baseball--because she was a woman

She couldn’t join the air force, couldn’t be a pilot--because she was a woman

All of these things she couldn’t do, but there has always been one thing she was not allowed to do, not allowed to be

Because she was a woman, she is not allowed to like other women

Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could break the glass ceiling and become an air force captain, but there was one thing that she just was not allowed to do

And that was to acknowledge weird, different feelings for women

That has always been the case, it was drilled into her being, ever since she was a child

Girls can’t like other girls

And you confessing your feelings to her years ago forced her to acknowledge that her feelings for you were not at all platonic, that she didn’t stay with you for 3 days just because you were a good friend to her

Carol had to face the facts that being with you reminded her that she was human, and deep down, like the child that she was a long time ago, she had feelings that she didn’t believe were right

And she understood that her running away was not the right thing to have done, that she, who almost prided herself for being able to face her problems head on, was not ready to face this one problem that she had been forced to hide deep down, for years and years

Carol Danvers had always liked girls, and she liked you

Carrying that aircraft containing tony stark and nebula did not bother her one bit, what bothered her was that she was coming to earth after all these years

Somehow she believes that she is being forced to finally deal with abandoning you after all these years

But in spite of this, carol is feeling excited about this, because finally, after all these years...she had made peace with it

Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new

And all it took for her to realize that was the beeping of the pager

When everything had settled down, carol had been graciously offered a change of clothes by Pepper, who was hysterically thanking her for bringing tony back

The atmosphere was morbid, everyone in silent despair, and she was quietly begging for someone to fill up the spaces of what has happened on earth since she was last there

Finally, surrounded by a group of people calling themselves the “Avengers” (carol raised an eyebrow at this, asking if nick fury was the one who assembled the group, “Yeah, how’d you know?” Rhodes asked, and she shrugged and said “Lucky guess”), she was finally brought to speed

��It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to earth”

Holograms of people Carol believed were part of this team are projected around her

“We’re trying to take a census, and it looks like he did exactly what he said he was gonna do”

Nick Fury’s face appeared on the screen, much to Carol’s shock

Tears were brimming in her eyes, thinking about the distress call from Nick

Because if Nick sent the distress call and is now, as Natasha said, wiped out...does that mean…?

“Thanos wiped out...50% of all the living creatures”

Y/N’s face appeared in front of Carol not long after

With that, Carol exhaled as tears finally fell down her cheeks...she had her suspicions, but hoped--no, begged--for it to be false

Y/N was gone

And carol was too late

Tony stark had been upset...and collapsed, Carol, who was still in shock, was staring at the hologram of Y/N in front of her

“Carol, right?”

Carol turned, regarding Natasha with a nod

They hadn’t had the chance to properly introduce themselves, but Carol didn’t think there was any time

“Carol Danvers,” Steve added with a chuckle, “I think we all know you by name before we even met you”

“Fury really singing me praises, huh?” Carol was almost amused

Natasha smiled sadly, “Not Fury,” and she and Steve turned their heads toward the hologram of Y/N

“Whenever she had the chance, she would talk about “her”, Y/N’s greatest love,” Natasha whispered, remembering how she and Clint always pretended to be annoyed whenever Y/N would go on and on about this really powerful superhero who shined like the sun, and lit a flame in her heart

And as much as Carol wanted to bask in the appreciation, she felt nothing but shame, knowing she abandoned Y/N, and wasn’t able to save her

Glancing back at the hologram, she eyed her once more

Years had been good to Y/N, still beautiful as ever, leaving her breathless, but she wasn’t there anymore

And Carol knew what she had to do

If she couldn’t save Y/N, Carol could avenge her

Rhodes approached her, Natasha, and Steve, “He’s probably gonna be out for the rest of the day”, referring to tony

With a resolute look on her face, she said, “You guys take care of him, and I’ll bring him a Xorrian elixir when I come back”

Confused, Natasha, Steve and Rhodes glanced at each other before Steve asked, “Where are you going?”

“To kill Thanos,” Carol said matter-of-factly

Natasha could almost feel the anger Carol was radiating with, so she hurried to catch up to her, “You know, we usually work as a team here…”

When Natasha finally had the chance, she pulled carol over to the side to talk to her privately

“I know that you usually work on your own, that there are worlds out there who need you, but earth needs you too”

She was convincing Carol to stay, to try and create a better world for the people who survived, but it was getting quite hard for Carol to remain on earth

“I don’t…” Carol shook her head, “I don’t have much left on earth.”

“If you can’t stay, atleast come from time to time,” Natasha begged, “This was your home, wasn’t it? This was Y/N’s too.”

And Natasha was right, Carol thought, and in more ways than one, it was her home. But now it’s empty, and Carol is in mourning and she had never felt so alone

All those years, she thought she could live with what she did knowing that Y/N she was still on Earth, possibly with someone who is not ashamed of who she is, who is not ashamed to accept their own feelings

And Carol was okay with that thought, but now…

She couldn’t stand being on Earth knowing Y/N wasn’t there

It was like coming home to a cold and empty house

But she looked at Natasha, finally with the courage to ask her what she had been thinking all this time, “Were you and Y/N together?”

“No,” Natasha answered, almost teasingly

Carol felt relief, but above all, she felt obligated

To do right by Y/N

So she agreed to visit and report from time to time, “For Y/N. Because I need to do right by Y/N.”

When Carol returned to earth after 5 years, Thanos was there, and so was everybody who had disappeared 5 years ago

In spite of all the chaos, she couldn’t help the voice in her head, asking, “Is Y/N here? Is she safe?”

But you were nowhere to be found, and she had promised to scour the world for you later

Thanos was defeated, but it was in exchange for the lives of Tony and Natasha

With a heavy heart, everyone attended their funerals, all grieving the loss of two of their comrades, friends

At the funeral, Carol stood at the distance, watching behind everybody else

Behind her, Nick was there, and they exchanged solemn nods and opted to wait until the end of the funeral to reconnect

“You came,” was the first thing Fury said, after all those years that they haven’t seen each other

With a small chuckle, she nodded, “Don’t flatter yourself, I didn’t come because you called.”

“I know,” Fury retorted, amused, “You came because she called, right?”

Carol’s mouth opened, lips about to ask a question she had been dying to ask ever since she came back, but no words came out

When everything was chaos and adrenaline and fighting, Carol was not scared

But now that the dust has settled, she was terrified...because now there was no more excuse to avoid what her heart has been begging her to do

Before she could push the question out of her mouth, Fury handed her a piece of paper. “She’s off-duty. Gave her a whole damn month to recuperate from being wiped off the face of the planet.”

And when Carol unfolded the piece of paper, it was just an address

Nodding gratefully to Fury, Carol turned to leave, about to face her biggest obstacle yet

From what she could tell, it was a safehouse

Apparently, Y/N was someone high up the organization that they had warranted her one

Just a little cottage out on the countryside, a palace she had always wanted

Carol laughed whenever she remember you saying, “Maybe one day I could afford a little house in the middle of Kansas, meet Clark Kent and Lois Lane...I don’t know”

And here you were, at a small little house in the countryside

Carol watched you, almost ashamed to just be staring at you while you make yourself some breakfast

As she approached the porch, she wondered how she could take on the mad titan Thanos, but is now shaking as she brought her knuckles to knock on your door, extremities suddenly feeling cold, and knees wobbling to support her weight

She could barely hear your footsteps because of the blood rushing to her head, to her face, heart beating wildly

And when you opened the door, she noted how your eyes widened the tiniest bit, mouth opened in surprise when you realized who was on the other side

“Hi, Y/N,” was the first thing she croaked out

“You…” you smiled at her, “you changed your hair”

With a laugh, she nodded, running a hand through her short hair, before she let her hand down

Slowly counting to three

And engulfed you in a hug

Absolutely-swept-you-off-your-feet hug, your feet leaving the ground as her arms wound tightly across your waist, almost crushing you

And when you heard her inhale into the nape of your neck, it was like a reflex that you threw your arms around her neck, squeezing her just as tight

And Carol wanted to apologize, and confess, and plead for you to give her another chance

She wanted to tell you that she’s sorry for leaving, i was so confused and i was scared to come back and have you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t forgive me for what i did, but i have made peace with who i am and know what i want and what i want is you and your happiness and you and you

And she may have tried to make a letter to help her organize her thoughts

You held her shoulders back, looking at her, really looking at her, after all these years, and you use your thumbs to wipe away the tears running down her face as she shyly laughed at you and held your hands to her cheeks and kept it there for a second, relishing in your heat because you were finally here, after all this time, after 5 long years you are alive

And she brought your hands down and cupped your face and leaned in

And touched her lips to yours, gently, lovingly, finally

You can taste the saltiness of her tears, but also her apologies, and love, and devotion and you kissed her back, smiling

And as you pulled away, you wiped her tears again, before holding her hands, guiding Carol inside, “Let’s eat breakfast.”

And Carol Danvers, for once, was selfish, and did not think of the world needing her help, because she knows that the world would be fine if Carol stayed home for a while

And home is wherever you are

a/n: thank you so much for your support! i rly hope you like this ;__;

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[hughiecampbelle]

Sheyn Punim (Alfie Solomons Oneshot)

((PEAKY BLINDERS SEASON 4/5 SPOILERS))

Character/s: Alfie, Ollie mention

Word Count: 1,405

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @writerdream22 @death-of-a-mermaid @lotsoffandomrecs @woahitslucyylu @obsessedunicorn24 @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @theshelbyclan @captivatedbycillianmurphy @creativemayhems @soleil-dor @thegirlwithoutaname87 @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby @riana-jannat

A/N: Just some fluff 💕 Well, as close as I can get :P I'm not the best at writing sappy things, and I'm a sucker for a dark metaphor, but I've had this idea for a while :) Still a lil nervous. Fluff is hard, but I'm givin it a try anyways!!! I've only ever spoken these words in Yiddish, never written them, and I know how Google can be with translations, so I might've made a few mistakes!!! Anyways, I hope you like it loves! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

Gif Credit: @bennskywalker :)

FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO. / PART THREE.

WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

Hand sculpted, you were sure. Come together by the minds of a thousand artists, careful not to smear or smudge, cautious to muddy, to rid the world of all his perfect imperfections. The harsh lines drawn across his forehead, the deeply carved creases of his eyes, a tight lipped smile shaded. To the untrained eye this would have been off-putting, jarring, even severe. These features would have been unlikable, an afterthought in comparison to others, but that's what they wanted, what they needed. To be undermined, overlooked. It wasn't cutting in the way that captured the attention of younger eyes. A jaw as sharp as blade, eyes piercing, the pointed tip of a pencil resting in confident hands. It wasn't soft in a sweet, endearing kind of way. Naive and freckled, lulled by oil paints, by grand brush strokes and a starry-eyed sense of wonder. He was another medium, another material, the kind that went unloved and underappreciated if you didnt look close enough, if you didn't appreciate the right features. You might have missed it yourself if you hang taken a closer look. Too many passed by without a second thought.

That's all he ever needed, though.

Sheyn punim. His beautiful face cupped in your hands, in need of a soft touch. His skin worn, aged with experience, the way paper yellows and crumbles if it's not preserved. Tracing his cheek, tapping his nose, kissing his forehead. Waking him when the sun rays fail to, when the bags under his eyes wain, growing hollow. Urging him to bed, to rest, but always insistent on spending time with you. You only had so much. Face to face. Somehow you always ended up here. An arm lazily dropped across your waist, the blankets and sheets twisted around your bodies after a restless night. This was your favorite version of him. The clay of him malleable, clumsy even, not yet hardened by the day ahead. The side of his face squashed by his pillow, a small snore mumbling through him. It would have been laughable, really. A man who emptied the streets before him, who could have made men bow to their feet and kiss his shoe as if he were God himself, sleeping like a baby, so full of coos.

Matók. Sweet. Your sweetness. You weren't sure how it happened, how he became yours, and you his. When you started belonging to one another only that you were hand in hand, never straying too far from one another. Mindlessly playing with his rings, trying them on for yourself. He'd get you a ring of your own one day. Big and clunky, like his own, like the one you'd taken, refusing to take off. Not the prettiest, but, then again, neither was he. An eye for the odd, the obscure, finding beauty where others turned away. Falling for the scraggly alley cats, plucking weeds in place of flowers, joyous when the fog fell across the soil and not a soul could be seen. Mukhl. Forgiving. Forgiving with your love, giving it up absentmindedly. Forgiving with him, his actions, all the terrible things he was capable of. He wasn't a piece of art, but a weapon of mass destruction. He wouldn't have to lift a finger to take a life, and yet, in your arms, he was anything but.

Sheyn balibt. Beautiful beloved. To be reminded of love, as foreign to him as a godless man. To be feared was to be expected, anticipated even. But loved? That he wasn't ready for. And yet, he couldn't picture his life without it, without you. Washing the blood from his hands, the worry from his bones, all of it slipping off the same way his coat did, hanging it where it could never touch you. An abundance of kisses in the doorway, excitement dripping from your words, grabbing him as if he may slip and fall. Talk of your day, he wanted to hear of every second. You made the most mundane infectious. Able to relax, to sink into the cushions with you, his day sugar coated, lightened where it needed to be. He never wanted you to worry. Meyn lebn. My life. Yours. His. It wasn't his actions that affected him anymore. Every decision he made, it had to be an act of protection, all of his proclamation of love to you.

Even if it meant hurting himself.

Narish. Foolish, the both of you. Thinking you could live in a bubble. Shut the world out until it was just the two of you. It didn't work like that, not in his business, not in this kind of world. You felt it before you knew, before Ollie came to you, hat in hand. An instinct, a pain without cause. It had to be him. It always was. Not a lie, but a half truth. Softening reality for the sake of a smile. You'd always known though. Hidden in his office where none could see, none could touch, the door thin, the walls begging for word to get out, to be free. Hearing too much, more than you ever asked for. Your Alfie, believing himself a statue, a keeper of secrets, stone faced, forgetting how effortlessly you could read him. Narish mentsch. Foolish man. You wished he wasn't so foolish, so stubborn, that he could be as vulnerable as he was in those sunrise moments.

Refusing to see you. Lebedik. Alive. You couldn't believe it. Your love alive, but refusing to see you, as if he were already dead. . . Hidden away for reasons you'd never understand, ones a letter would never do justice. Back and forth, your angr, your fear, bleeding into the page. Ollie could say nothing, ordered to keep his whereabouts to himself. Tried to follow, a few times out of desperation, but he was good at his job. You lost him instantly. Every time after that, he always promised, at the bottom of the page, it wouldn't be forever. Egoistish. Selfish. Selfish, vain, childish reasons. A bullet in that sheyn punim, in his beautiful face, that was no longer beautiful. You weren't sure how long it would last. Neither was he. The healing process took longer than either of you wanted. Once inseparable, now you were world's apart. You didn't blame him. Alfie had his reasons for everything, you understood. You just missed him. You missed holding him, being held, looking into his eyes and knowing everything would be okay no matter how uncertain life felt.

Bahaltn. Hidden. He needed to see you, to hear your voice, his cool exterior finally cracking, crumbling. Weeks, months, a lifetime, it felt without you. But he couldn't be seen. He couldn't bear the thought of you turning away from him, disgusted by the man before you. So, he stayed in the dark. The curtains drawn, lights off, safe in shadows. Ollie refused to tell you where you were going or why, only that you needed to come with him. You heard him before you saw him, as you often had in the past, swearing up a storm at nothing in particular. Nostalgic for him, his voice, hating that you were becoming so used to sleeping alone, that you were forgetting all the littlest ways in which he brightened your day. Pushing through the door, into the dark, waiting for you.

Brushing your hand through his hair, fussing the same way that always annoyed him, a last resort to get him out of bed. Still asleep, but stirring, taking your hand in his, pressing it to his chest. Thankful for that heartbeat every day. Getting closer to him, your noses almost touching, catching him open his eyes, sneaking a quick glance at you, pretending all along. You never wanted him to be in the dark like that again, to hide out of shame. Balibt. Favorite. Your favorite person, your favorite smile, your favorite face. The hardened scar tissue growing, settled, streaked across his cheek and forehead. The result of living through what no one was expected to. You didn't see what he did, what he examined in the mirror when he was self conscious, what he tried to avoid looking at in reflective surfaces. There was nothing wrong with it, though. You loved him just the same. No matter what he looked like, he would always be beautiful to you. He would always be yours, and you his. Ale mol.

[sombreboy]

Love Maze »14

Previous  » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 6.8k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, mentions of tae’s father being abusive, crying/mild angst, smut, Top!JJK, Bottom!KTH (these boys switch it up a lot hah), rimjob, fingering, anal, some fluff dw and they’re still dumb for and to each other but hey what’s new.

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang​​​ ♡♡♡

The door immediately flung open, and Jisoo had to remind herself to stop answering when she looked like.. Shit.

“Jung— oh my goodness.. you’re soaked!” She stated the obvious, ushering the boy into her home without exchanging another word.

“Jungkook-ah.. what happened?!”

The woman jogged into her bathroom, coming back with an extra towel at hand.

As if it was never there in the first place, the tiredness didn’t linger any longer. Instead, Jisoo was wide awake as she focused on drying Kook to the best of her abilities, wondering if this was Taehyung’s doing.

Jungkook silently allowed Jisoo to guide him inside, running his fingers through is wet hair as he watched her pat him dry,

Technically he could have just gone home to change first, but the cold clothes were nothing compared to the swirling thoughts occupying his senses, eyes still stinging from both the rain and previous tears.

''Noona, you don't have to...'' His hoarse voice from yelling tried to say, his hand reaching for the towel, ''I can do it.''

Jisoo thought about ignoring his pleas at first, but she ended up granting the towel to Jungkook, not aiming to overstep past any invisible line.

She couldn’t help it.. Kook meant a lot to her.

The woman dragged a chair next to his, resting her drumming hands on her lap.

Jisoo caught a glimpse of the boy’s face, spotting the obvious hurt in his puffy, reddened eyes.

That’s it, she couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

“Jungkookie.. do— do you want anything to drink or eat? I can whip something up quick!” The woman hadn’t even noticed she’d been rambling.

“I’m just.. I’m worried. Where’s Taehyung?”

Somehow, she knew the latter had something to do with this. Hence why her voice weakened at the brief mention of his name.

“Hey.. you can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”

Jisoo scooted closer to the younger boy, the pads of her thumbs wiping at the wetness underneath his doe eyes.

"I'm not hungry," Jungkook whispered. He had already eaten, and even if it was a while ago-- he had no appetite left.

Jisoos question about Taehyung's whereabouts wasn't surprising, of course she'd ask. She cares about him, and she's so attentive.

"He uh..." Kook inhaled a sniffle through his nose, the cold clothes not helping. "We fought.. again." His shoulders sank. "I just... can't tell if I'm being too sensitive about things. He just gets on my nerves with the shit he does sometimes.."

Her hand perched on one of Jungkook’s shoulders, thumb massaging deep circles into the dampened fabric as she listened to the younger’s troubles.

Honestly? The name ‘Taehyung’ was starting to sound sour.

She knows from experience that couples fight— to some extent. But Jisoo began to question if Jungkook’s relationship with the elder was the right fit. Hell, Kook punched a hole in the wall and showed up at her doorstep late into the night, soaked from the rain.

All because of Taehyung..

“What did he do this time?” The woman exhaled, eyes landing on the towel in Jungkook’s hand.

She carefully took it back from his hold, seeing that he wasn’t putting it to good use and started to dry his wet hair like a mother would do, looking out for his health.

“I’ll beat him for you,” Jisoo chuckled to herself, wanting to enlighten the situation no matter how dark.

Jungkook's lopsided smile was a result of Jisoo's promise to beat his boyfriend up, a breathy snort pushing through his nose. ''Maybe he needs it.''

But just as quickly, the smile fell once more, closing his eyes to focus solemnly on the towel rubbing his head. It was really soothing, it felt like a mother's love... He felt himself calm down before he opened his mouth to answer the question at hand.

''He surprised me with this amazing date night... He got all dressed up, he looked amazing...'' Kook sighs at the memory before continuing. ''And he took me to the arcade, it was tons of fun, honestly...'' he left out a few details to speed the story up, including the mcdonalds. She didn't need the cheesy parts. ''At the end of it, I wanted this.. Dumb fucking teddybear, and we didnt have enough points to get it, right?'' His eyes open to make sure his noona is keeping up. ''He flirted with the cashier girl to get it, and it just..... made me really angry. It hurt, because..He can barely hold my hand in public, but shamelessly lets a stranger touch his hand, even wrote his number down on her palm.. Obviously, it was an act.. But it still hurt! And I told him, I was angry, my temper is shitty, I know... And it just blew up into a thing, I was just so fucking angry I couldnt think!'' He was getting riled up just talking about it, breaths quickening as both anger and the anxiety kicked in.

Now Jisoo was definitely going to beat Taehyung up.

What kind of person does such a thing?

Why would he voluntarily put his boyfriend through the pain of seeing him flirt with someone else? No matter what Tae’s ulterior motive was, it was still a shitty thing to do.

“It’s understandable that you’re angry, Kook. I would be fucking fuming..” The woman comforted, now using the towel to gently pat at Jungkook’s skin.

“If you’d like.. we can talk about something else?” She noticed the way his body automatically began reacting to the memory; distressed was one way to put it.

“Stay here for as long as you’d like. Yuna’s sleeping, so we should have some peace and quiet for a bit..” Jisoo squeezed the boy’s hand, a genuine smile grazing her soft features.

Jungkook nods, her infectious smile causing him to mirror it.

''I should go get changed first, though.''

He was surprised by how easily Jisoo's comfort calmed him down already, the thoughts of Taehyung slowly drifting off to be able to relax.

He did wonder, though, what Taehyung was up to…

''I'll be right back, noona.'' He squeezed her hand back as he stood up before leaving to head to his own apartment.

~~~

Taehyung didn’t stay at his house for long. Only long enough to receive a harsh slap to his face, paired with a series of harsh profanities in the form of ear-piercing shouts.

Yes, he stole money from his father.

But Tae didn’t think a red mark on his cheek was the answer.

He didn’t think him bawling his eyes out whilst he recklessly drove towards Jungkook’s apartment— searching for much needed comfort— was worth it.

His father didn’t possess common parenting skills, that was so fucking obvious yet it still dug a hole in Taehyung’s heavy chest. Every single time.

He’d much rather have his electronics taken away, have been forbidden from hanging out with friends!— not this.

The boy’s chest heaved with every shaky breath he took, warm tears endlessly running down his face, staining the collar of his shirt.

He felt worthless.

‘You’re a fucking nobody, Taehyung!’

‘Should’ve forced your mother into getting that abortion— you’re a disappointment.’

‘If she was still here, your name would bring her shame.’

Taehyung was lucky he’d managed to stop in front of his boyfriend’s apartment in one piece, his vision had been blurred with tears. So much so that he nearly stumbled over with every step.

“K-Kook..” Taehyung weakly called out, attempting to roughly wipe the tears away, only for more to come streaming down.

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry I’m a disappointment.”

The elder knocked on the door, jaw clenched in anticipation.

Taehyung wanted to see Jungkook’s face, feeling like that’d be the true remedy.

~~~

Jungkook had just changed into dry, comfortable clothes when he heard the knock on his door, imagining it was probably Jisoo who'd grown impatient or wanted to check on him. He took a moment, combing his fingers through his mess of a hair before opening the door.

It definitely wasn't noona.

It was Taehyung, but... it also didn't look like him at all, in a sense. He was crying, eyes reddened and his entire posture was as if he'd shrunk.

He looked broken.

And suddenly it felt like Jungkook's heart shattered into a million pieces.

''Taehyung, what's wrong?''

Jungkook didn't hesitate to pull the elder in by his wrist, closing the door shut behind them for some privacy.

“I-I’m sorry..” His voice cracked, unable to meet Jungkook’s eye. Partly because of the blurriness, and partly due to his internal shame.

He was such an idiot.

“I’m so, so sorry!” The elder threw himself into his boyfriend’s arms, broken sobs muffled against the crook of his neck, eyes crinkled shut as he cried.

He felt worthless. Unloved. Taehyung was hurting, badly.

“He— He hit me.. a-and told me how I was unw-worthy of love and fuck.. I believe him.”

The elder let out, never once pulling away from Jungkook.

Jungkook was speechless at the sudden... well, everything. He'd never seen Taehyung in such a state of devastation, the normally strong man now crying in the youngers arms,

''Who-- your father hit you?'' Kook asked, wrapping his arms around Tae in a tight hug, one hand stroking the back of his head in a soothing motion.

''Hey, hey, calm down, please baby.'' The pet name came naturally, nuzzling his nose into the elders hair. ''He's wrong, Tae.. he's so wrong. Don't believe him...You're okay, you're here.''

Taehyung melted deeper into Jungkook’s comforting embrace, soaking up the younger’s reassuring words like a sponge, feeling like he’d gotten enough of a grasp on his emotions to withdraw from Kook’s touch.

“Thanks..” Taehyung weakly drew out, breath still shaky, but definitely not as bad as before.

For one, his chest no longer ached, and being by his boyfriend’s side was all he needed.

He was right to come here.

"Come, let's sit down." Jungkook said. It wasn't a question, so he pulled Taehyung with him to sit next to him on the couch, hands unable to stay away from the elders face as he swiped away the tears staining his cheeks, just like Jisoo had done to him just a moment earlier.

"I'm sorry..." Kook whispered, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on Taehyung's cheeks, as if hoping it would stop the tears. "You don't deserve to be treated that way... but you have me, okay?.. You're loved... by me..." their previous fight long forgotten-- or at least forgiven? There were more important things than that right now.

"We're okay..."

Taehyung slowly looked up from his lap after growing tired of blankly staring at the color of his jeans, now gazing into his boyfriend’s eyes with an unnamed emotion.

Fondness.. perhaps.

He really likes Jungkook— he wouldn’t know just what to do without the younger boy.

Kook is so.. Him.. and Taehyung loves that.

The elder loves everything about him.

The way his nose scrunches when he laughs, how the corners of his eyes crinkle up and never cease until he’s no longer smiling..

Is.. is this what young love feels like? Because if so, he likes it.

After the soft, ‘we’re okay..’ Tae just about lost it, tears immediately welling up in his hurt eyes.

God.. he fucking adores Kook.

“We’re okay..” Taehyung repeats, reaching over for his boyfriend’s smaller hand, tangling their fingers together.

Taehyung remembered his mother telling him he was one day going to find someone that was meant for him.. his person in the midst of the world’s chaos.

She used ‘strawberries’ as a simple reference, aware of how much her son loved the fruit.

‘Someday, you’re going to love someone as much as you love strawberries. Then, I’ll get to meet them~!’

It was straightforward, but Tae didn’t know what it all meant.

Now, he’s maybe not so clueless..

Jungkook was his person— his ‘strawberry’ in a sense.

Shit.. Taehyung’s in love with him.

“I-I..”

Now that Taehyung had admitted it, all of these feelings came rushing back to him. His heart was beating faster than before.

Who else could make him feel so calm? Who else had his back like no other?

His boyfriend did. His Jungkook.

“I.. I love you, too.”

For the first time in his life, Taehyung was 100% sure about something.

He loves Jeon Jungkook. He couldn’t deny it.

“I love you.” Tae said more clearly, squeezing the Kook’s hand in his.

Jungkook swore that he felt time freeze for a moment as the words left Taehyung's lips, staring at him with wide eyes. He squeezed the elders hand in his, just to ground himself and actually make sure that this wasn't merely a dream, because if it wasn't then--.. Taehyung loves him too.

"Yeah?" Jungkook doesn't know why those few words held so much power, but they did. As soon as he absorbed them, it was as if he was ignited from the inside out, his heart felt so full, and his body ached to feel Taehyung.

"I love you.." Jungkook finally said himself. He's done it before, but none of the times were truly this clear, and this time he didn't worry about the rejection.

"I love you so fucking much, Tae.." his voice lowered, hands removing themselves from his hold as they instead snake around Taes waist to pull his body closer into a hug, nose pressing against his neck. The nice smell Tae had put an effort into having today still lingered...

"I'm sorry for getting angry... I just... I get very jealous." Kook chuckles as he starts pressing kisses against Tae’s neck, the possessiveness behind them growing.

"Jealous when somebody wants what's mine.. and thinking they will get to have it."

Taehyung wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s neck, forehead perched on the latter’s shoulder as he giggled. Tae’s always been a bit ticklish on his neck, and having his boyfriend pressing kisses onto the skin was torturous. Good torture, if that made sense.

The elder’s eyes fluttered shut; just like always, Kook was paying close attention to the spot that drove him crazy.

“It wasn’t your fault..” Tae murmured, lips slightly parted as the slim hint of pleasure began to kick in. Taehyung’s fingers played with the strands of hair on the back of Jungkook’s head, his hand then slithering down the latter’s back. He gripped at the fabric of his baggy shirt, warm puffs of air freeing themselves from his lips.

There was little to no space between them— Taehyung could feel the heat of his breath waft back to his face.

“I love you so much.. I’m only yours.”

Jungkook smiles against the skin on Tae's neck before pressing one last open mouthed kiss against the prominent vein that trailed down the elders throat.

''Yeah?'' His own breath was hotter, voice several octaves lower as he spoke.

''Why is it that it feels like we've been apart for weeks when it's only been a few hours... Fuck, I missed you.'' He murmurs as he withdraws just enough to look into Tae's eyes, wasting no time in kissing him on the lips, the part of him he'd missed the most.

Well, that'd be a lie... There's other parts he missed just as much, and his hands weren't shy to let the Tae know of it, as they trailed underneath his shirt to get a feel of his torso, smoothing his calloused fingers over the soft, firm skin. ''Want you...'' He paused, eyes piercing through his boyfriend with a new spark in his gaze, ''Bed, now- please..''

Every time the younger bossed him around Taehyung’s caramel skin flushed, overtaken by the sudden drive to do as he pleases. He wanted to endure whatever Jungkook had in mind— he wanted to feel his boyfriend inside of him.

Just as much as Taehyung was enamored with Jungkook’s Bambi eyes, he also fell victim to his naughtier aspects. He enjoyed listening to his boyfriend’s frustrated grunts.. his sensual moans.

Taehyung loved the way Jungkook’s noticeable girth stretched him out, making him squirm in his spot.. hips twitching the deeper he nailed into his ass.

What was there not to like?

He was highly anticipating what was to come.

Taehyung didn’t need to ask, he knew the younger would be the one in charge this time. The way his sultry voice rang, commanding him to do as he wished— Taehyung turned into a submissive puddle. With a shy nod, Tae walked towards Jungkook’s bedroom, hips swaying provocatively while doing so. He sat himself on the edge of Kook’s bed, biting down on his lip whilst he discarded his shirt, carelessly throwing it to the side.

“I want you to make love to me..”

The elder pushed himself from off the bed, hands traveling up Kook’s chest before settling on his shoulders. “Please?”

Jungkook flashes his genuine bunny-like smile as he looks down at his boyfriend, the sweet boy peeking through his layers of desires. He nods, towering over the elder as he presses another chaste kiss on his lips before using his muscular frame to force Taehyung to back down on the bed, guiding them both to scoot up on the duvet until the elder was on his back, Jungkook on his knees above him.

"I'll make you feel so good, I promise," Kook murmured, his face morphing back into his dominant persona as he discards of his own shirt, leaning down to immediately begin kissing Taehyung on the neck, down to his shoulders, alternating between his tongue, teeth and small sucks. This time, he was the one marking the other-- and he was going to take his sweet time with him.

Taehyung worshipped the boy’s muscles with his roaming hands, hips rocking on their own from the way Jungkook’s sauntering lips stained his neck, chest, and shoulders.

“A-ah..” He gasped, one hand gripping at his boyfriend’s longer curls, feeling the soft texture in between his fingers.

“I can’t get over how strong you are.. hmm!” Taehyung’s dull nails dug deeper into his boyfriend‘s bicep, throwing his head back into the pillow.

Shit, was there such a thing as a muscle kink? Because the elder was sure that’s what he was into..

Completely blindsided by lust, a long, drawn-out moan bounced against the walls of the quiet room. It was as if he felt the blood clot underneath his skin, squirming at the way Jungkook’s tongue effortlessly flicked against it.

A low growl vibrated in Jungkook's chest, he could feel his blood rushing down straight to his cock with every reaction and sound he drew out of his boyfriend. He pressed his clothed bulge against Taehyung's, feeling the obvious; they were both already rock hard for each other.

"Keep touching me, fuck... you're so delicious, and all mine." he murmurs into Taehyungs collarbone before giving it a harsh suck, tainting his skin with purple.

Both men were turning into breathy messes, the tortuous aching between Kooks legs only spurring his greediness further. He desperately needed to be inside of Taehyung.

But, there was no need to rush, he wanted Tae to turn into a needy, squirming mess underneath him--- and he loved being a tease.

"So beautiful," Kook growls, flexing his muscles deliberately for Taehyung to see-- and feel.

"So loved." His voice smoothed out with the words, a drawn out moan pushing through his lips as he started to grind their hips together, kisses trailing back up to the elders lips. He took the chance to slip his tongue into Taehyung's mouth when his lips were parted in a moan, the taste itself allowing low, needy grunts to rumble in his throat, muffled by the kisses.

“Jungkook..! A-ahh.. j-just like that, baby.”

Taehyung’s head snapped to the side, face scrunched up into a delightful mess as all his senses were able to detect was Jungkook’s clothed cock rubbing up against his own.

“Fuck.. make love to me already, I need to feel you inside..”

His needy hole clenched down on its own, the pure image of his boyfriend’s dick rearranging his guts was effective— maybe a little too effective as Tae merely moaned at the thought, hips meeting Jungkook’s with every rocking motion.

"I will, baby, be patient.." Jungkook purrs into his ear before he sits up straight on his knees, admiring the view beneath him as he smoothed his hands down the elders torso until his fingers curl by the hem of Tae's pants and boxers in one go, tugging at them for a bit, teasing a second too long before he gives in-- peeling the fabrics off of his boyfriend, using his strength to easily lift Taehyung's hips up as he does so.

Taehyung’s rock-hard cock sprung up and whipped against his lower stomach, making his body shiver from the sudden contact. The boy wasn’t hard to please, finding every touch of Jungkook’s fingertips intoxicating.

He stared up at his boyfriend with hazy, dimmed eyes— love clearly swirling from within the irises as he shamelessly brought his knees up to his chest, giving Kook a wide view of his puckered hole.

“Use me..” Taehyung whispered, wiggling his hips invitingly, loving the attention he was getting.

The day’s shitty events were long forgotten, instead they were consumed by the lust he felt towards his man.

It was eating him up inside, antsy as he waited for Jungkook’s next move.

It was weird to think that at the beginning, Taehyung felt.. anxious in the bedroom. In a way, the latter didn’t want to open himself up to the younger too much. But now, as he flashed all he had to offer to his boyfriend, Tae grew more comfortable.

Love really does that to you, huh?

The sharp inhale didn't go unnoticed by either of the men as the younger's eyes admired the view, spreading Tae's hole further with his thumbs. Jungkook dropped down to his chest momentarily, there was no way he'd let this simply be a feast for his fingers.

No, he wanted a taste.

Without a word, he did as he pleased, placing warm, wet kisses on Taehyung's hole, the delicate skin so tasteful to his mouth that he moans at the sensation himself, along with the addicting sounds the man above him makes.

Taehyung’s hooded eyes widened in surprise, not expecting his boyfriend to kiss him somewhere so.. private.

“Shit— baby, that’s embarrassing..” The elder moaned out loud, still keeping his legs in place whilst he watched Jungkook, infatuated with the younger’s mind.

“Ah..” He bit down on his lip, blushing a significant amount.

His outgrown fringe fell over his eyes, skin moist from utter suspense.

Tae was an embarrassed mess. Yet, he didn’t mind.

Kook is his boyfriend, he’s supposed to see every part of him no matter how personal.

''You've got nothing to be embarrassed about, baby,'' Jungkook glances up at his boyfriend with eyes blown wide with lust and awe. Maybe a part of the younger did enjoy when Taehyung became a bit flustered, but as long as he was actually comfortable and pliant with what was going on, that's what's important.

Jungkook sticks his full tongue out, using the wet muscle to circle the elders hole that was now soaked with saliva, prodding the tip of his tongue against the opening to draw more reactions. Just a little bit more teasing... Taehyung was delicious.

“Baby..!” Taehyung‘s body was extremely responsive, hips jittering as he clung on to a handful of his boyfriend’s hair. His eyes were squeezed shut, jaw slack as he focused on his heavy breathing.

Jungkook’s tongue felt wonderful.. fuck, how would it feel like if the younger ate him out?

The tempting imagery made Taehyung’s pink entrance clench, then proceed to unclench in a pattern. His legs were shaking the slightest bit, toes curled as he snuck a quick glance down at Kook.

“So good.. so fucking good..” Despite his vulgar language, the elder’s voice wasn’t anywhere near as confident. It was soft, close to the form of a strained whisper. As if his hips had a mind of their own, they slowly rocked into Jungkook’s mouth. The sensation was so new yet so.. not. Taehyung fell victim to it, hard.

Jungkook was a little surprised by how well received his ministrations were, so incredibly responsive to him-- it made the younger more desperate for his body, feeling his cock twitch and throb with every shudder from Tae's body.

He pushed the tip of his tongue inside of Taehyung's hole, the slick from his saliva making it easier-- so he did it again, and again, and again until he was able to practically fuck his tongue into Tae. Meanwhile, Jungkook used one hand to reach down to unbutton his pants, the sound of the zipper echoing in the room to indicate what's to come.

Every time Jungkook’s slim tongue thrusted into him, a cry of pleasure erupted from the back of the elder’s throat.

His legs visibly struggled to stay put, thighs lightly closing in on his boyfriend’s head— both hands placed on the crown to steady himself in the midst of the overwhelming rapture.

He was in heaven..

“Fuck.. I-I like that..” Taehyung breathily admitted, smoothing his fingers over Kook’s messy hair whilst he quivered for him, slyly directing his ass closer to the other’s feasting mouth.

As if it was a natural reaction, Tae’s naked body shivered with anticipation at the familiar sound of the zipper coming undone, grunting in disappointment when his boyfriend’s fat dick had yet to push its way inside of him. Taehyung was impatient, but the sensation of Jungkook’s tongue kept him engaged during the meantime.

Jungkook wiggled his pants down below his hips, just enough for him to be able to pull his throbbing length out to immediately stroke himself to the sounds of the elder, still indulging in his ass for a moment longer until he deemed it enough. He withdrew his mouth for a bit, spitting on Tae's already soaked hole for good measure.

''Gonna have to do that to me next time, I'm getting jealous..'' Jungkook jokes, but his voice was smooth and low. He sat up straight to finally discard of the rest of his clothes, making it even in terms of nudity,

''Keep holding your legs up just like that, baby.'' He murmurs, one hand still lazily stroking his cock, tip reddened and eager for the elder, while using the fingers of his other hand to begin stretching out Tae's cute little ass. One finger easily slipped inside thanks to the previous tongue fucking, so it didn't take long before he managed to slip two-- even three inside, until it became a tight fit. A part of Jungkook wondered, and almost craved, to fit all of them, just like Tae had done to him.

Taehyung did as his boyfriend instructed, legs holding up on their own as his slender fingers parted his sloppy entrance, widening the rosy area to grant Jungkook clearer access.

“Fuuck..!” A sharp cry of initial pain, the younger’s never stuffed three digits inside of him before.

The soreness in his legs was nothing compared to this.

Meanwhile, his fingers had a hard time staying in place, the wetness from around his hole making it difficult to get a nice grasp on the moist, sticky skin.

The boy’s raven hair tousled even more when he arched his spine off the bed, carelessly throwing his head back with a loud moan, hips swiveling as he attempted to fuck himself on his boyfriend’s hand.

“I-I’m ready for another one..” Tae lowly pleaded, beads of precum staining his soft lower stomach.

''Good boy,'' Jungkook cooed, his eyes wide with admiration of how good he's stretched out Tae's hole, the rims of it turning a darker shade of pink from the constant friction. He adds a fourth finger, jamming the elder full of his long fingers until he reaches that one spot he knows will drive him towards madness.

''Fuck, you're taking my fingers so well..'' Jungkook groans at the sight, the slick sounds of his fingers now pumping into Taehyung, his other hand jerking himself off with more greed, smearing his precum down his length. He was practically ready for Kook's fat cock, and the younger couldn't wait to give it to him.

“I’m— I’m a good boy..” Taehyung verbally replayed his boyfriend’s low praise, melting further into a puddle of submission as he allowed Jungkook to toy with his worn-out entrance.

No matter how his peers perceived him to be inside of the bedroom, Tae loved letting the younger boss him around— belittle him, in a way.

Taehyung felt so small whenever he was under Jungkook’s control; it was pathetic how much his persona shifted in the snap of a finger. The boy was no longer the grumpy, asshole of a jerk that dismissed how others felt.

No, instead he became.. sensitive, breathless for air as he laid underneath Kook’s far more muscular body.

“Baby! T-that’s so— a-ahh.. so good..” Nonetheless, Tae was desperate to wrap around the veiny cock that ripped him away from his virginity, showcasing a whole new world of pleasure that Taehyung didn’t know even existed until Jungkook came along and showed him.

“Please.. please put it in me, Kook.. please.” He had tears in his eyes, finding the younger’s fingers filling as they quickly fidgeted inside of him.

Taehyungs begging was exactly what Jungkook needed to lose the last bit of patience he had left in him, not wasting a single second longer to pull his fingers out with a wet pop. He moved up into position on his knees, leaning over his boyfriend with his muscular body to get a good close up of the mess he's made of the man, all while using his fingers that were coated with Taes juices to run it down his veiny cock.

"You want this, hm?" Kook made it sound like he was about to tease again, but within the same second he drove his hips forward, letting the thick head of his cock push inside of Taehyung's stretched hole.

"Ah, fuck...yes.." he groaned, slowly filling the other male up until he was fully inside. The warm tightness made Jungkook's cock throb inside of Taehyung, keeping himself still for a second to relish in the feeling, "shit... four fingers stretching you and you're still so tight for me.."

Taehyung’s arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck as the latter gradually screwed deeper into him, moaning into the sweaty skin. His hole welcomed the younger’s pulsating cock with a compressed clench of his walls, the warmth securely wrapping around the shaft.

He circled his legs around Jungkook’s small waist, nudging him closer until he felt his boyfriend’s heavy balls press against him. Even then, that wasn’t enough.

“I love you so fucking much..” Taehyung mumbled into the crook of his neck, softly kissing at Jungkook’s Adam’s apple, prodding his nose against the clammy skin.

“You’re t-the best boyfriend in the world..” By now, Tae was simply spilling truthful nonsense.

He couldn’t seem to think clearly when Kook’s dick was planted inside of him, the tip resting against his prostate.

Jungkook felt his entire body shudder, well earned by the man below. The younger loved verbal confirmations, and the way Taehyung said every single word it was as if it gave him an eargasm.

Still warming his cock deep inside of Taes wonderful ass, he slowly begins to move as he hovers over his boyfriend. He keeps it gentle for now, his heavy breaths steady.

"I love you too...ah.." Kook withdrew his hips all the way, until just the tip was inside before snapping them forward, drawing out a low moan of his own. Taking it slow like this after such a buildup made him feel every little clench and throb of Taehyung's insides.

"You like this?" Jungkook asks, finding his slow rhythm to continuously hit that sweet spot-- but without any rush or intensity. This wasnt like before, he wasnt just fucking his boyfriend... this was them having sex-- making love.

Taehyung loves him.. Jungkook was savoring Taes body with his own all while the overwhelming emotions were swirling in his eyes.

Taehyung withdrew his arms from around the younger’s neck, instead softly cupping Jungkook’s face in between his hands, gazing up at his boyfriend’s concentrated eyes while he made love to him.

In a sweet moment like this, he noted how the space between Kook’s brows creased up in attentiveness, how his growing hair effortlessly fell down to his face— things Tae wouldn’t have normally taken notice of if he was getting hammered onto the bed.

“I like it, a lot..” He opened up his legs a little more, enjoying the slower pace this time around.

It was.. alleviating, in some way. To have Kook care for his body with such delicacy in his actions..

The elder craned his neck upwards to press a soft kiss onto the boy’s pouty lips, muffling a strained moan in the meanwhile.

“So good.. I love this— a-ah.. hmm..”

Jungkook's eyes fluttered shut, a quiet rumbling moan getting caught in Taes mouth as the younger kept coming back for more. He couldn't get enough of his lips.

"Feels so good," Kook breathes out when he withdraws from the kiss, his strong arms holding him up with a hand on each side of the elders head, his torso hovering over the male below him. Gradually, the movement of his hips sped up-- using his core strength to drive his entire length in and out of Taehyung,

Eager to draw more sounds of the elder, he kisses down his neck, once more giving the purple marks adorning his skin another addition to the collection before moving down further, his lips encasing Taehyung's nipple-- he wondered if he was just as sensitive as he was. Tonight was all about finding more ways to make his boyfriend feel absolutely amazing, to keep his mind off anything but Jungkook.

The elder’s fingernails grazed along the strong muscles in Jungkook’s back, squeezing and clawing at the latter’s shoulder blades whenever he was met by a harsh prod at his prostate.

“Ah fuck..”

There was not a remaining inch in Taehyung’s body that wasn’t sensitive under the younger’s commissions. He lewdly studied the way his boyfriend engulfed his perky nipple into his mouth, torso stuttering when Kook began to deliciously flick his tongue. That boy knew what he was doing..

“B-babe right there..!” His hips continued to meet Jungkook’s halfway, moaning his little heart out with every precise thrust. Taehyung forcefully lowered the younger’s body, feeling the boy’s chest heave against his own as the elder’s nails dragged along his back, sure to leave a few scratches.

“I-I’m gonna cum soon..” He breathed out against Jungkook’s temple, inhaling his scent whilst he readied himself for the upcoming explosion.

"Me too, shit... please, can I--fuck.." Jungkooks clammy chest rubbed against Taehyungs, providing a friction between their bodies, his stomach pressing against the elders cock with every thrust. His movements were precise, powerful yet soft. Full of love and the desire to make the man beneath him cum just from his cock consistently prodding at Tae's prostate.

"C-can I cum inside? Want to fill you up so badly.." he allowed a whiny moan to escape his lips, burying his nose in the crook of Taehyung's neck, his rhythm slowly losing it's consistency and instead replaced with needy thrusts.

The warmth of his cock getting squished in between their sweaty bodies drove Taehyung insane, jaw hanging slack whilst he roughly dragged his nails across Jungkook’s back.

“Y-yes,” He whined, “fill me up..”

Fuck, he was so close..

Tae’s shaky legs wrapped tighter around the younger’s waist, the heels of his feet digging into the latter’s sides for physical support— emotional, too.

His high-pitched moans were silenced by the bite on Jungkook’s shoulder, teeth gradually sinking deeper into the flexed skin as he held his boyfriend close.

Jungkook cried out a throaty moan at the various sensations driving him absolutely mad. Everything from the elders teeth biting his shoulder, to the scratches on his back, even their sweaty bodies just grinding together. But the best sensation of them all was the way Jungkook’s cock was tightly squeezed by the warmth of Taehyung's insides.

A few punishing thrusts followed, fucking into his boyfriend as deep as he was physically able to, low grunts and curses slipping past his lips,

"I love you, I love you, I fucking love you..!" Jungkook mindlessly repeated over and over in a barely audible whisper between his breathy groans, a particularly loud one following when his hips stuttered as he finally came inside. He kept his cock lodged inside of Taes ass, desperate to fill him up properly as his cock pulsated with every rope of his cum, filling him up with everything he could give.

Taehyung’s long, drawn out moan followed soon after, the skin of their lower stomachs covered in a puddle of his sticky mess.

“Ah..” He moaned at the feeling of the younger’s cum spilling into his insides, clenching down on his boyfriend’s limp cock to squeeze out whatever may be left.

His legs droopily fell to his sides, disconnecting themselves from Jungkook’s small waist.

“Babe, that was amazing..”

Taehyung’s nails were no longer clawing at Jungkook’s skin, instead he smoothed his palms over the fresh marks on his back, slender fingers occasionally grazing over the agitated spots.

As if it was the last time he’d ever see him again, Tae wrapped his arms around the younger, pulling him all the more close.

“I love you,” he whispered, wanting to permanently ink the words in Jungkook’s brain.

Taehyung didn’t want him to ever forget.

He didn’t mind that his boyfriend’s dick was still inside of him, the elder’s persona shifted to a more caring chapter.

“You did so good,” he pressed a wet smooch on Kook’s rosy cheek, brushing his fingers through his tangled hair.

“Thank you for loving me..” Taehyung glanced down at his face, giggling a little before focusing back on his boyfriend’s hair.

Jungkook grimaced at the burning sensation of the claw marks on his back, the feeling of them grew as he came back down from his sexual high. It was quickly forgotten however, when the elder pulled him down for a kiss on the cheek, the youngers shy mannerism crawling back to the surface in the form of a blush on his cheeks and a coy smile.

"I like this new side of you..." he exhaled quietly as he slipped out of his boyfriend, moving to lay down next to him on his back. His hand that was the closest to taehyung reached out to find his hand, intertwining their fingers as a sweet gesture.

"I always knew I loved you in a sense," he suddenly confessed, "but I think... since that first night in the gymnasium... you've grown so much, you know?" Jungkook glanced over at Taehyung, squeezing his hand affectionately, "And so did my feelings.. it's crazy."

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to blush, pushing through the itching nervousness as he continued to hold unwavering eye contact, carefully listening to Jungkook’s every word.

He squeezed the younger’s hand back, smiling at the compliment.

Every time Tae hears his boyfriend admit how much he’s grown.. it tugs at his heartstrings.

That phrase reassured him that he was capable of additional change, and by the sounds of it, change wasn’t an unattainable milestone for him to reach.

Taehyung wanted to be a better man than his father ever was.

That was something that's always scared him— ending up like his deadbeat of a dad.

Now, the elder was sure that would never happen to him.

He was growing little by little everyday, something his father never did.

“I.. I think I knew I had feelings for you all the way back in elementary school,” Taehyung chuckled, staring up at the ceiling whilst he reminisced.

“Remember that day, uh.. was it during recess? I don’t know, but I fell.. and you shared your banana milk with me? Saying how it’ll magically make me feel better or something like that..?” The sound of the elder’s amused laughter echoed in the otherwise quiet room, turning his head to look at Jungkook.

“I remember thinking, ‘this isn’t magical at all, I still feel like shit.’ I don’t know.. it’s stupid, but.. I guess that’s when I started wanting to talk to you more? I wanted to hold your hand.. and kiss you, and share your magical banana milk.”

His smile grew, turning over to his side to snuggle up against Kook’s chest.

“Anyways, I guess all I wanna say is.. ha, I loved you first~”

Jungkook's toothy grin widened at the memory, his heart beating faster at the elders counter confession. They've been through so much, done so much, and yet Taehyung managed to make Jungkook's heart race.

''I guess so, but I said it first,'' He embraced his boyfriend, stroking through his messy curls before placing a kiss on his head. Exhaustion gradually hit him, the day had been eventful after all. He was just glad it ended well.

''Babe?'' Kook used the pet name in a coy manner to draw Tae's attention to him, ''I just wanted to say... You can stay here as long as you'd like, okay?''

Preferably Jungkook would just say, move the fuck in with me, but... yeah, why not?

Just the thought of Taehyung going back home was frustrating. Especially after what had happened today.

Jungkook would do anything to keep him safe... And this is something he could offer.

Now he definitely would need that part time job he's been putting off for too long.

Taehyung snuggled closer to his boyfriend, looking up at him with so much profound adoration in his tired eyes..

Jungkook was the only good thing in his life at the moment.

“Okay,” the corners of his lips curled up into a thankful smile, draping one leg over the younger’s as he closed his eyes to the warmth radiating off of his chest.

“Goodnight, Kook.”

Taehyung pressed a kiss onto the boy’s neck, sooner than later allowing sleep to take over him.

That night, he slept like a baby. No worries, no tossing, just.. soundly.

Jungkook wraps his arm around Taehyung, responding immediately with a kiss at the crown of his head, murmuring his sleepy words.

"Goodnight Tae."

Jungkook stayed awake for a while, even though he was exhausted, chest heaving up and down slowly, the gentle movements rocking the elder to sleep.

His eyes fluttered close, but opened just as quickly when he remembered something.

'I'll be right back, noona.'

He’d forgotten about Jisoo.

Ah, fuck.... But she would understand, right?

© sombreboy 2020. Do not edit, repost or translate.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

The Baker and The Prince (Pt. 10)

-------------------------

Roman POV

It was cold, to cold, Roman opened his eyes to examine his surroundings. He was in a cell, his wrists chained to the floor.

"That cant be right. . . I'm not a criminal, I'm a prince!" he tugged at the chains, which seemed to be burning his wrists.

"I wanted to thank you for bringing him down my darling, it was so much easier with you at my side," Presley's voice came from outside the door.

"Of course it was easy! Prince's live for forbidden romance, a lowly baker is just what he would've fallen for," Roman froze, his mouth seemed to have gone dry.

"Well it was a brilliant show, you'll be rewarded kindly once we off the others and reclaim the throne," Presley said. Ran could see his silhouette outside the door, and Virgil's just behind it.

"I tried to tell Patton to stay home, a shame he didnt listen, isnt it," Virgil voice sounded. . . different.

"Virgil he's your brother! You dont mean that!" Roman tugged harder on the chains, his wrists burning like they were going to fall off.

"Oh! Wonderful! He's awake!" Presley opened the door, Roman barely paid attention to him as he walked inside. Virgil was dressed in attire usually reserved for royal weddings. His eyes seemed glazed over, dead, even.

"Virgil. . . this isnt you. . ." Roman said, almost pleading with him.

"You dont know anything about me," said Virgil, with a smirk that was so similar to Presley's it nearly froze Roman to the spot.

"Yes I do! You have a necklace that turns you into a cat, when you were seven years old Patton bought you a broomstick and a hat so you could pretend to be a witch, you lost both your front teeth at nine years old from trying to climb rocks, when you were twelve you got your first binder and were so excited you nearly smacked someone in the face because your hands were flapping so fast," Roman was practically begging Virgil to show some sign of recognition, anything that would show he'd won him back, but all that stared back was cold uncaring darkness.

Then Roman heard a click, his shackles fell to the ground. He made the last effort he could, and kissed Virgil on the lips, holding his body close as if were he to let it go he would die.

Roman opened his eyes, and the scene was gone, he was in a garden, facing Presley, who was emitting a faint amount of smoke.

"Well done Roman, you beat me! Now let's see how good the others are, hm?" a screen opened up around them, Roman couldn't do anything but stare.

Logan POV

Logan felt like crying. Why were they back home? Where was Remus? Why wasnt anyone listening to them?

"Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wheres Remus? Has anyone seen my boyfriend?" they were shaking, shaking so violently they thought they might collapse. No one made any sign of recognizing them, or even that they were there at all. So they did what they'd always done when this happened, ran into the woods. The daemon that lived there was always helpful, he helped them realize they were genderfluid, he bought them their first binder, gave them a home.

But the treehouse in which they lived was nowhere to be seen, only a stump, and a royal crest graffitied onto it.

"No no no no no- this cant be happening!" Logan fell to their knees, burying their head in their hands.

"Remus. . . tell me you didnt do this. . . tell me you didnt hurt my only friend. . ." they were sure no one would hear them, but they felt a hand rest on their shoulder.

"I had to Logie, he was dangerous," Remus' voice was cold, the complete opposite of the man they knew and loved.

"You're not Remus, you're not my boyfriend, you arent real," Logan glared behind themself. They were correct, the thing behind them was merely an amalgamation of white and brown hair, and green. . . sludge. Logan ran off, and directly into a wall of screens. Roman hugged them from behind.

"Are you real?" Logan said.

"Are you?" Roman replied, he'd been crying, Logan could tell. They hugged him back, and turned to face the next screen

Patton POV

It was busy in the shop, busier than it had ever been. Where was his brother? Virgil always helped when it was busy! But Patton couldn't find time to go check on him.

The shop finally attempted, he could finally go look for his brother. What awaited him in Virgil's room was not a pretty sight. The whole room looked ransacked, shelves overturned, papers and books strewn across the floor. There was a note on Virgil's bed, Patton picked it up.

I ran away Patton, I cant deal with you ir your nagging anymore, life isnt all sunshine and rainbows and you need to realize that, and just because you're older doesnt mean you're wiser, you cant keep telling me what to do and expect it not to have consequences.

Patton felt tears running down his cheeks. He abandoned all pretense if self preservation and leapt out the window. The grass below cushioned his fall much better than expected. He raced through the garden, ignoring the aching in his legs and burning feeling in his lungs.

"Virgil! Virgil come back! Please!" Patton felt hopeless, like there was a pit in his stomach he couldnt fix.

"Virgil! Virgil please I cant do this alone!" he cried.

"Then you shouldve been a better brother." Virgil stepped out from the trees, anger clear as a day across his face.

"I didnt mean to. . . you couldve told me. . . Virgil I'm so sorry. . ." Patton collapsed to his knees, hiding his face so Virgil wouldnt see his tears.

Then he was leaning against something, or someone. Logan helped him up, they smiled at him, and he felt much better.

Remus POV

The unloved brother, the screwup, the shame of the family. That's all Remus was. Everyone seemed keen on telling him that all the sudden, even Logan wasnt holding back their glares. He tried to talk to them, ask what was wrong, but they didnt respond with much more than a noise of indignant disgust, and a wave of the hand, dismissing him. It was then that Remus had finally noticed what he was wearing, a servants uniform, and Logan was dressed like the royalty Remus had always though they were.

"Logan where is all this coming from? You said you didn't care how gross I was, you helped me dissect a heart!" Remus felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"That was then, I'm a monarch now, I have better things to do then spend time with a disgusting servant like you." Logan's voice was cold, he didnt even look at Remus when he spoke. But Remus was no stranger to being ignored, and he wasnt about to waste his talents now.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU LOGAN. I DONT CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY THINK IM THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. I LOVE YOU. YOU CANT CHANGE THAT. AND YOU LOVE ME TO. I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT." Logan looked at him, their eyes widened with shock, and he took this opportunity bring them in for a kiss.

"Uh- Re- there are other people here- can you eat your joyfriend's face later-" Roman's voice broke through the silence. Remus parted his lips from Logan's, they were both in their normal clothes, standing in a room of screens.

Virgil POV

There were screens everywhere, his friends were being tortured, Remy and Emile had joined the ranks of the dragons, and Virgil couldn't stop them.

"Stop it! Stop it! Take me instead! Kill me if you have to just leave them alone!" tears were streaming down his face, the one time he was begging for a response from Presley, yet he received none. He watched Roman be betrayed by aan that wasnt him, Logan lose their best friend, Patton lose him, Remus be abandoned. He couldnt take it, he felt numb, he hated it, he wanted to get out, he wanted to get out and he didnt care how.

"Its all my fault. Is that what you want? Do you want me to say that? Hm?" Virgil tried to lift his head, but he couldnt seem to find the energy.

"VIRGIL!" multiple voices called out to him. He was lying on the ground now, he didnt care why.

"Where are Emmy and Remy?" Patton asked, concern apparent in his voice.

"Dragons, he turned them into dragons, like the others," Virgil said, tears were staining his face.

"They failed their challenges, it's their fault," Presley said. He was smoking like a volcano now.

"You're dying, arent you," said Roman, taking out a sword.

"Only for now, when I kill the five of you I'll be stronger than ever," Presley laughed and retrieved his own weapon, and time itself seemed to freeze in place.

----------------------------------------------

@official-lucifers-child

@oceanart123

@spooky-scary-virgil

@youtuberswithalex

@misunderstoodshadowling

@i-need-you-buddy

@somehow-i-got-an-account

@escalatingtoofast

@hedgiehoggles

@noodle---doodle

@thecolorfulolive

@lonelyanxiousbean

[athenakassandra]

The Other Side of the Fence

I can almost feel it. It’s there. I can feel my fingertips are brushing against what I’ve been missing all these years. If I was in a race, the line’s right in front of me. I knew this is it. After all this time, it’s finally here for taking.

All I gotta do now is cross it.

But... how? It seems so simple, right? Cross it. Just finish and claim the prize. Isn’t that how it’s done? JUST DO IT.

I wish it was that simple. I forgot, after eight long years, that there’s a fence. I stare at it like I did so many years ago, and somehow it looks the same. It has aged a good deal, and it almost looks vulnerable now. But as I’ve proven all those years, it’s deceptively impenetrable.

The hardest part about the fence is that it has a lot of things that I want on the inside, things that I dream about on a regular basis. Things I’d give up a lifetime to be a part of. When mom (not my mom) talks about these i feel the pain of missing out of them. What’s most painful and cruel is that I can see everything from where I stand, and watch other people enjoy the things i want, but will never have.

I see a kid running full speed towards me as if seeing something he has seen for the first time. I bet he’s curious as he comes over just a few steps from the fence. He stopped dead in his tracks and just stares at it like it’s a blank wall. That’s how the fence works, I see everything from the outside, but they will never see me. I recognize the kid. It’s my boy, and I felt the tears start falling. Tears of joy? Maybe. My son makes me happy even by just the simplest of things, but it made me sad and frustrated that I loved him since the day he was born and yet he has doesnt and perhaps never will meet me. He’s such an angel, and I remember holding his hand once when he was two years old, and I remember it like I just let go of it. It hurt that he was someone else’s, but eventually I realized it was through him I truly learned -- and understood -- the word sacrifice. I felt, for the briefest of instances, like I was a part of something bigger. He has grown now, and he looked great. I know he’s gonna grow up well and do well. He’s gonna be seven this year, and I wonder what to give him on his birthday. A new toy? His mother tells me the boy likes to play a lot. Perhaps a new iPad. Or Maybe a real father? I don’t know. That’s up to mom. We stare at each other, him with a piercing look and me trying not to scare him. I know he doesnt see me, but I still stare back in regret and longing, when I hear a commanding voice from afar, and we both look at where it’s coming from. It was my son’s grandma.

Mama, as she’s fondly called, comes over and carries my boy away. As badass as she looks, she owns what’s got to be one of the softest hearts, as I’m told. I found it hard to believe at first, as when I met her like twice before I just remember being scared shitless by just meeting her gaze. Like I mentioned earlier she has a commanding voice, and my son walks toward her, giving the fence one final glance as if he saw someone or something there. I hear his aunt call him out as well, offering something I couldn’t see from this distance. Aunt’s also gonna be a mother soon. She looks like 98% mom, and I used to think of all the high fives we’re gonna have and all the high pitched laughs because of all the inside jokes about mom that we’re gonna share. She’s had a difficult life, and I’d like to think that she having a child soon is one of the steps toward the right direction. I wish this family all my best, even if they have no clue who I am and I doubt they’ll ever know me. I sigh and take back a deep breath, wishing this wasnt the case.

The other day mom told me a couple stories while we were driving home. The way she talked made me feel like she’s somewhat venting, though I didnt really mind. I want her to do that. I want her to tell me everything. I want to help her when she’s feeling down, console her when she’s hurt, and laugh with her when she’s happy. I realized it’s also one of the things the fence keeps me from having. The everyday life stories, from the simplest to the most outrageous, is one of the things I want to share with mom. It’s basically the life together, the chaos, and it just hurts not being there when she needs someone to hold her. Life just aint fair.

It felt so good to daydream. It’s a beautiful night, and though the silence doesn’t give off the best of vibes I’m trying to have when I write, it’s good enough to just summon my thoughts. The bad thing, however, about daydreaming is that it feels so real at one point and then with a blink of an eye, it’s gone. It’s just gone, and all I can see is pitch black, I feel the emptiness that has devoured all the things joyful I can ever think of, and I’m alone again. Then, in the middle of all this, I see mom. I see her talking to our son and wiping the sweat off his forehead down to his face. This sets my mind off again, reminiscing how I loved and lost the love of my life.

Mom and I were never the convenient love story. We’re one of the against-all-odds, spontaneous, and heart-wrenching ones. It was never easy for us, which was clear from the start, and we had to fight for what we have. I’d like to think that it made us indestructible, and the joy and passion we shared for one another remains unmatched, though historically one thing or two always ends up breaking us apart. I dont know what it is, but before she left for the last time, I remember us being able to take a piece of each other. During cold days and hard times I hold onto that piece to give me hope. I always clutch at it whenever I feel insecure, unloved, and rejected. It somehow makes me feel her heart and her love, though it’s ironic because I got it when she left, but undeniably, it works. She’s also the one person I know I can talk to when nobody else will. She’s the only one who can calm me when my stupid temper just decides to go off. Heck she even made me want that homeless-looking Post Malone. I loved her for it. I still do. She makes my heart smile and full in a way nobody else can, like nothing else matters in the world but us. I’m 29 and I still feel butterflies in my stomach when I kiss her hand. We still make out like we used to in our early 20′s, and when our lips touch, I can feel all the love that I missed all these years. The stars are back, and I just don’t want to let go.

But, I have to. I still have to go back to my world, and she has to hers. It’s what the fence divides, and unlike eight years ago I have a ticking time bomb that’s not gonna stop. It’s strapped to the fence, and if we destroy the fence the bomb goes off as well. It’s either we hit two birds in one stone by eliminating both the bomb and the fence, or we die and lose our souls again. I look at mom’s eyes and i’d like to believe it’s somewhat different now, that she’s gonna have something to do about whatever the outcome’s gonna be. It gives me hope, and like I said, I can almost feel it. I think we’re closer this time. Better.

And then again, the fence is deceptively strong. We can always go around it and do whatever we want, but the fence will just remind us that we will be separated at the end of the day. I dont want to do that anymore if it was up to me. I just want to go home to my wife and son and live a simple life.

I love you, mom, I love you so much. You know this, and you also know there’s nothing I wouldnt give. It’s up to you now, but please dont go to a place where I cant follow. Even if we fail again, my heart and the best parts of me will always belong to you. Hopefully I see and touch your face today.

I’ll just be where I can be found a lot this past couple of weeks --- right outside the fence, waiting for you.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus and Queen

ok so i thought making the other post would get this off my chest but apparently it didnt so here comes

this post is non-queen-fans friendly

lemme just talk a little bit more about magnus' (Canon!!!!) relationship with freddie mercury cuz honestly i think they were just name-dropping but it makes so much sense i die

listen. LISTEN. magnus and freddie are so alike, its kind of unreal. both really powerful/glamorous/outspoken people who actually felt pretty lonely and were very closed off when it came to important things.

both with the same fashion style and love to break gender roles (particularly 70s!Freddie).

both big cat lovers.

both really Soft and romantic and nice but taken for divas and drama queens because of their effeminate styles.

both serial adopters of insecure kids (John deacon, queens bassist, has said multiple times that fred was like a father figure to him, helped him come out of his shell and feel comfortable in the band and always helped him write his songs. also most of freddie's exes or queer friends ended up living at his house or getting a position as like, freddie's "personal assistant" or "gardener" so he could help them on their feet - and magnus, well, magnus has adopted every single downworlder he managed to put his hands on).

both diplomatic peacemakers (all the queen guys have said on multiple occasions that when things got heated, freddie helped them figure out their differences and played the diplomat) but who also didnt stand for bullshit.

both had an "open house" policy (freddie would accept visitors any day and frequently took random people he met on clubs to his home. that's how he met his husband, jim hutton)

both really creative, admired, fierce people. both scared of being left behind and unloved. both queer men of color.

like listen theres just. so much they could bond over. so much they could share with each other. i bet their relationship was so good for the both of them

with all of that being said, i dont think they were like, boyfriends. theres many reasons for that; 1- magnus would have to hide pretty much his entire life from freddie; 2- i think magnus would at least avoid getting involved with a mundane; 3- magnus spent way too many years closed off to romantic relationships; 4- they were both kinda private when it came to The Important Things so i think that would put a wall between them should they try to have a romantic relationship

so I'm thinking - not dating, but not really friends with benefits either? something like friends-who-sometimes-bang-and-sometimes-sit-in-silence-doing-their-thing-and-sometimes-talk-all-night-long. intimate and close, but not really romantic. and they were fine with that

freddie and magnus would lowkey compete over who loved cats the most. it was never really explicitly said but whenever magnus would, like, get a cat some milk, freddie would give them fish, so magnus would pet them, so freddie would kiss them, and it kept going but neither would acknowledge what was happening

magnus had to have met the other queen members at some point, since they were all really close (like, personal-space-is-not-a-thing close, really, there are many pictures of them all just. sitting on each other's laps), and i think hed vibe with Brian May (queens guitarrist) pretty well

im thinking party because freddie loved to throw parties and magnus loved himself a good party and somehow he bumps on Brian and theyre both slightly tipsy and started talking and like. brian is fun (esp when hes drunk) so theyd get along well and somehow they found themselves at a quieter place just talking. im thinking by the pool just because brian would throw himself at the pool at freddie's parties jejdid

anyway they have a few bits in common if you look close enough. mainly, brians gender issues (his parents kind of raised him as a girl and hes always been like, slightly feminine. up to this day - hes 71 now - brian paints his nails and has long curly hair and wears androgynous clothing on his shows) and death issues (brian had a sister who died very young and it deeply scarred him. he has many songs that revolve around the idea of being the one who lives and having to watch your loved ones die. hes also struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for pretty much his whole life)

so like, ok, yeah, dark, but im not really thinking, super dark? im thinking somehow these topics come up and it ends up being like one of these honest conversations you have with strangers at a party when you're just the right amount of tipsy to be honest without being hyper-emotional or a crying mess. these conversations that end up going deep but dont really feel sad, feel more like "omg someone understands!" and end up being kind of fun

so they talk about these issues and get along pretty well and both come out of their conversation pretty satisfied. magnus didnt reveal anything he shouldn't, of course, but that conversation ended up subconsciously inspiring brian to write who wants to live forever

magnus kind of doesnt listen to who wants to live forever cuz it hits a little too close to home. but its a beautiful song

eventually, with magnus becoming the high warlock of brooklyn and freddie dating other people, they stop seeing each other. they dont really break up as much as drift apart, and, as many of freddie's exes, stay on pretty amicable terms

magnus never stops being a queen fan. hed still go to concerts, along with dot, and sometimes talk to the guys when he managed

magnus was totally that queen fan who liked the hot space album, and dot was totally that queen fan who despised the hot space album. these were the concerts that magnus "dragged" dot to (because i refuse to believe dot doesnt like queen. theres no such thing). theyd have heated arguments over it too

"its funk! its disco! its not queen" "oh, so you're telling me that queen, the band that mixed hard rock and opera, should stick to a single musical genre?" "im saying it doesnt have queens touch. i thought youd back me up on this, dont you think there could be more of an edge?" "darling, there can always be more of an edge. also, two words: under pressure." and even dot cant argue with the power of under pressure, but that doesn't mean she'll agree with him

queen is magnus' go-to band for many moods. they just have so many songs he can relate to (from dont try suicide to somebody to love) and also many purely fun, even silly songs he can dance/perform to and just feel. happy. he even likes most of queens not as well-known songs, like seaside rendezvous and lazing on a sunday afternoon

freddie's death shocked him. freddie didnt tell the press about his disease and they werent that close anymore at the time, so it hit him in the stomach. he attended the freddie mercury tribute concert and went back home feeling better and knowing that freddie lived a happy life

when he starts to miss him and wants to honour him, he listens to was it all worth it, to remind himself that yes, Freddie died really happy and proud of his life

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

My Trans Story

Story of my social and medical transition under the cut, I know its not trans day of visibility anymore but consider this a belated contribution. I hope it helps anyone who’s questioning, or even anyone whos curious about the experience. This is very long and has some mention of dysphoria, abuse, bullying but also has a happy ending so thats your warning:

The earliest I remember giving any indication of being trans was at five or six years old on my way to primary school with my mother (who I will mention was a fairly good mother at the time - this will be relevant later). I turned to her in my little green and white uniform dress and said “I’m a boy, aren’t I mum?” I’m not sure what prompted the question really curiosity maybe but my mother laughed it off - something I dont blame her for, kids say silly things all the time. I wouldn’t say I was a super boyish kid. Yeah I liked a bit of rough and tumble play, I was into pokemon cards, then yu-gi-oh, beyblades - which were all considered “boy” things when I was at school. I liked to play british bulldog and tag, and as I got older I’d get into Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, The elder scrolls and other nerdy things which are seen as more unisex now but again in the time were considered “boy” interests. But I liked having long blond hair, and I was curious about make-up. I liked to bake and sew and weave, and as a child I even enjoyed knitting. I cried easily and got hurt often - I was accused of attention seeking through most of my childhood though even looking at myself critically I can only ever remember wanting validation. When I was hurt, when I’d achieved something I was proud of - my motivations were called into question when I sought out help or interest. I remember being heartbroken when art I’d worked on was dismissed or I was told the bad bruise I’d gotten was nothing to be upset over and to stop seeking attention. It set me on a path of questioning everything I did and why I did it.

Unfortunately I have a lot of memory gaps in the lead up to high school and through much of school.

Fairly early on in school though I came out as bisexual. Honestly I think a part of me was threatened by cis guys masculinity and that drove me to women. I had a fairly even number of girlfriends and boyfriends. One relationship the boy I was with implied being ready to try sex and we ended up breaking up not long after when I distanced myself. I didn’t know how to explain the discomfort with my own body that I didnt even understand. How I didn’t want to be touched in certain places or do certain things. I felt like a freak.

It didn’t help that I was already bullied pretty much from the get go in highschool, from age 11 I did have many friends and there were periods where I had none. I was bullied for my hair, for not having friends, for being gay, for being depressed. Hell sometimes I was bullied for being bullied - high school is weird. 

I was also... “bullied” by a “friend” who would hit me, talk down to me, at times wouldn’t let me sit on furniture. Once she choked me to the point of passing out among other things. Somehow I was still convinced she must like me on some level - why else would she hang out with me? I wish I’d known better. She introduced me to the concept of being transgender but not in a way I identified with. She told me about a documentary of “Boy becoming girls and girls becoming boys.” she told me “The girls that become boys are always still pretty, you can tell they were girls. But the boys that become girls, you cant tell they were boys they just look like ugly girls.” I imagine shes less ignorant now but its stuck with me.

Eventually around age 16 Two trans people spoke at my school. They talked about how they always felt different, things they’d disliked about themselves - the relief of coming out. I understood completely but my brief excitement was dashed by their talking about harassment and fear. I wrote my email address on a slip of paper and ‘please help’ which I put in the box they were collecting at the back of the room for any questioning youth. They never emailed me. I made an appointment with my doctor.

I actually begged my doctor to fix me, and he referred me to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in Edinburgh. It took a full year to actually be seen there. I told some of my close friends about my concerns and confusion, and came out as genderfluid. I used a random R based male name to try and settle - knowing that as it was fandom related I’d change it later. When I spoke to the specialist at the GIC, I came out as a Trans Man, I felt validated. I came out to my family not long after and it was not well received. My cousin (who had spent every summer with us for as long as I could remember and I viewed like a sibling) died when I was 14. My godmother (his mother) died a year after. Within the ten years since my cousins death, he, my uncle on my mothers side, my great grandfather, my godmother, my gran and my grandad have all passed away. When I came out to my dad he begged me not to put more strain on our family. My mother turned to drink when I was only 14 and had worsened becoming more and more abusive as time went on. I’d had mental and physical health issues since the age of 8 and my experiences were being written off. My mother got worse, and I ended up being her full time carer for a few years. She was abusive, she hit me, she destroyed my things, she wrote on the walls and threatened me with knives. When a letter for my third GIC appointment came, (the appointment that would have gotten me hormones) I highly suspect it was my mother that destroyed it. I didn’t even know I’d been dropped from the list until six months later when I called to ask when my next appointment would be. I’d apparently missed it and for that reason they’d silently, without fuss, taken me off their active patients list. I was upset but handling my mother was enough strain for me not to fight my case for another few years. I went to attempt college for a second time in 2015 - nearly six years after I first came out, and four after my first GIC appointment. I called my best friend over to my house, and together we sighed 15 deedpolls changing my name and title legally. I contacted the clinic and got another appointment for that September. The doctor wanted longer - more appointments to get to know me, but after hearing I’d already had two with another doctor, had waited four years, had told the story I’ve told you now - she told me she wanted to get me on hormones for christmas. She rearranged her schedule and had me come in on december 9th, four days later I had my first doze of testosterone. I didn’t tell my father that I’d started hormones but I had told him prior that I was going to soon. My dad continued not to accept me, as did one of my tutors at college. I kept my head down and muscled through. I’d become so used to not passing that only 4 years later, when Im passing easily and consistently, its both a shock and yet somehow feels like its always been the case. I had top surgery on October 23rd 2017. To my surprise, my father came to the hospital. He’d said he wouldnt visit, but made the 4 hour drive anyway. Last summer, he started introducing my as his son to strangers. He started inviting me out for drinks with him and my brother. He treated me how I had always wanted. Sure he still drops the feminine endearments in - but I’m not going to fault him that. Everyone I meet assumes Im cis until I tell them otherwise. I was finally comfortable enough in 2017 to come out as gay, and I’m now engaged to my wonderful Fiance who is just beginning his own transition journey. My point? It gets better is a tired phrase that feels worn out by use. And no my life isn’t perfect but dysphoria and lack of love is definitely not the problem. Years ago I felt I’d never pass, I told people as much. I thought I was ugly, and unlovable. Now I like how I look, I Know i pass because people call me “sir” “Mr” ect. One of the tutors for the university I applied to was excited to “finally have a man in the class.” 

The journey is long, and at no point can you see the end of it. Eventually you just look back and see how far you’ve come. Stay strong. 

[lokbobpop]

Feeling

1a : the one of the basic physical senses of which the skin contains the chief end organs and of which the sensations of touch and temperature are characteristic : touch. b : a sensation experienced through this sense. 2 : an emotional state or reaction guilt feelings.

The word emotion comes from the Middle French word émotion, which means "a (social) moving, stirring, agitation." We feel many different emotions every day, like love, fear, joy and sadness — just to name a few.

Feeling feel ing freeing fee ling fe eling

Writing the word feeling

Having my feeling hurt comes up like someone has said something and i ve reacted with that hurst inside i feel unhappy unloved now and this feeling and then to hurt another’s feeling to say something funny enough i joking said just now even whe she has finished her qualifications i will still be smarter and as it was on the phone and she wasn’t looking at me at the time she got upset and said you just called me not good enough and i said no i didnt lol but how easy is it to be hurt or to hurt another how sensitive we all are I remember as a kid our parents would say something wed get all upset and they would say its a joke can you even take a joke and no i obviously couldn’t take a joke i have always taken this seriously its my nature i see to take things seriously i dont take joke very well when someone tell me something i think its true ill say really and they go no im joking :)

Reading feeling

When you touching feeling something like you feel material or a bump in something or on someone i can feel now the skin on my arm touching my leg recently my touch sensation is much stronger im more within me i feel myself more i have calmed more of my body.

Feeling sad comes up when your feeling sad upset how i dotn like feeling sad and upset but i have chosen to be that way and stay in it because i want it i feel i either deserve it so want it or i want another to see im pissed off so hopefully they will feel bad for making me feel sad it all an act not real hey its all blame and mind games.

A song in the 70s came up feelings nothing more than feelings lol

Feeling sad blue angry betrayed bitter or the polarity of this happy joyous excited overwhelmed which could be either but i have felt everything i have felt them all every little feeling there is i have felt it at some point in my life and i just dont want to anymore i just dont want to go up and down i want it all to stop to be over the energy is literally killing me so to here no i more.

I often hurt people feelings i can be blunt in what i say i wont care how i say it its like this is it how i feel or what i think with no care how it might affect them at all.

When you see someone and you can see they are feeling upset and it somehow makes you feel upset as you feel guilt or you feel sorry for them you cant do anything to make them feel better now is a good time to talk solutions if they are open to if not then there really not much you can do.

Feeling ill yes this happens you feel ill you need a doctor i dont do doctors very well and rarely go as i think most are a bunch of idiots ive been ill for years now 10 year roughly with thyroid problems mostly severe tiredness along with tinnitus painful feet knees the list goes on i see i have created all of them and working through the mind and its patterns is long and extensive process and you just want it to happen just like that over night but oh no.

Saying feelings

Thoughts of past relationships where i had me feeling hurt and to never want to get hurt ever again to and ive tighten myself up made myself hard blocked out love from myself and others with fear of being hurt again not ever wanting to feel like that again where i dont have to feel like that again by just not doing it not allowing it within me anymore.

Not much of the happy vibe coem up on thsi word i have noticed it all down mostly so where i am i not allowing myself to feel happy where am i not feeling happy at all why am i not feeling happy and why am i not ?mmm i see i think it takes energy to be happy that im just not happy just like that i dotn like happy its like it has ot happen to me and not to take the incentive to be happy with myself yes this is it why i dont live it is beyond me so i can just live it when i feel like it maybe yes.

Feeling sick comes up as ive had enough of being ill i see ive been given why im ill but still ill so im not walking it clear enough i need to set up stuff to help me i feel for sure.

I think of my mum comes up i think i would hind my feeling because they weren’t taken seriously by her she would day of pull yourself together which she can she can easily say oh im ok ill get over it and she has no burdens really well maybe racism for sure but i cant see that changing anytime time soon.

Really feeling i wonder waht it is like to really feel alive to feel the elements to breathe me in mad out to be here totally living in complete harmony mmmm yes id better pull my socks up hey lol

Sf

Does this definition support me no hell no lol way to much energy going on of oh poor me lol yes i have experienced them all but hell no to ever feeling them ever again lol way to much shit happening but ive got this i can do this im sure i can just stop the participation x got i love me hey

Feeling healing

Feeling

To be exactly where i want to be within myself stable calm to feel the touch of my own skin or of chris to feel how everything feels for the first time every time to experience all like i had never before.

I will live thsi word to support me to touch as ive never touched anything before to to embrace all part of me to love everything about me good and bad to see im a working process and ive got this x

[regoregitates]

i think im misunderstood. i dont understand myself and im adamant nobody else can fathom out the way i am and why ive always done the things i do. ive been like this for a significant amount of months. i think im lost? 

well im sure i am as i dont know what my future will look like. i keep doing things that i know trigger my manic episodes. i feel too much, perhaps if there was a switch i was able to control i wouldnt feel so misunderstood because id be in control entirely. or maybe its not even about control?

either way im very depressed right now, i no longer enjoy the things i used to all because everything was so sudden, being absent of a person isnt that big of a deal generally but somehow it is for me, it’s never been like this before and the whole atmosphere is scary. being absent of someone you clearly depended on a hell of a lot is something ive never truly experienced to its full capacity, im not really sure what dependency is? i never knew what i expected of them, i wanted the bare minimum and i didnt receive that, and thats okay. i shouldnt be hard to love however my trauma has made me this way, they kinda got rid of the reminder for me. it was something i didnt have to worry about because he made me safe. i wonder if he truly feels happy, as harsh as ive been towards him - i hope he is. i think? 

i talk about him too much for who he truly is, im proud of him. im proud of him for being sensible when i really am not, im childish because im sick. i know im exceptionally ill mentally due to all of my unresolved trauma, i was 9 and now im 15. my therapist mentioned to me that perhaps im still mentally the age of 9 because i was never able to come to terms at the time so its still impacting my emotions.

i feel like a very lonely person purely because of the things that have happened to me and all of my unsuccessful relationships ive been a part of, ive never truly reflected on them. simply just moved on to the next because i thought it benefitted me. i think thats why i freaked out at him when i realised he didnt even consider waiting. it probably is. at the end of the day being as unloved as i have been throughout my childhood i think love just is not for me now.

i want to be a good person to people but i think everytime i try to be ‘loving’ it turns into a very toxic and inherently sickening act of limerence. i wonder if ive truly ever known what love is without the infatuation i face? im still very young and supposedly have my ‘whole life ahead of me’ however im not sure if i want to live that life if i cant even love someone. from a really young age ive always wanted to be loved, ive wanted to provide for someone and make their life worth living and perhaps with him, just like all of the others, i inevitably tried too hard. 

my hope and selflessness would probably be my demise if i was in a really shitty low-budget movie idk that sounds cliche... regardless of my mental health i want to love but i dont think im going to learn that for a long time, which upsets me.

i miss the person i used to be before all of this happened, its so ironic how me and my friends would say i was the only ‘mentally stable’ one yet i cant even stay clean for more than two days. its been such a long year so far, i want a lot of things to end. im incredibly drained and exhausted to the point where i struggle to feel empathy for anyone that isnt myself or him. i cannot blame anyone but myself for the way i havent been able to let go.

i miss him and the way he spoke, he was so intellectual and understanding of how i felt, he spent a very long time trying to stop my consistent paranoia and the constant feeling of being ‘scared’. i was scared because i didnt want to lose him. the honeymoon phase is undoubtedly intoxicating and i think it ended for him before it ended for me. i appreciate him so much even if i treat him with upmost disrespect. they are such a beautiful soul and i wish i didnt take it for granted. i wish i saw through the times that they were happy just for my benefit. its cliche to say but i wouldve done so many things different if i was able to go back now, i regret so much but i cannot regret the person he is. he truly was like a dream and i wish i never woke up from that.

[honeyrose-tea]

thank you for sharing all that with me. it means a lot to me that you trust me. honestly, if he was showing all the signs of being attracted to you he probably was. which just means hes kind of a floozy for moving on to someone else so easily. i do wish your mutual friends had thought to set you up with him, but its possible they didn't know you were interested, or didnt think the two of you had compatible long term goals. i wouldnt blame them too harshly, since you dont know why things happened the way they did.

the one thing i do want to tell you is: do not stop caring about yourself. you are beautiful, and so smart, and such a talented singer/song writer. you have a lot of incredible things that people definitely do notice. i notice, and i miss you when we dont talk for long periods. and i promise you i dont mean this in a disparaging way, but youre young! you have so much life left to love and to fall in love and to have others fall in love with you. 

feel free to stop wearing makeup if thats what you truly want, but dont feel as though none of it is worth it. just because you havent found love yet doesnt mean you never will. 

i do think youre good enough and deserving of love and i really hope you find a love that is strong and pure and that he will be able to show you he loves you even when you feel unloveable, but love is something that takes time and it takes a little bit of patience and luck. but I do know youll find the one for you -🌙

before I get into all my own thoughts, I just wanna say thank you. you always know the right things to say to make me feel better. I love you, friend. and I hope you're doing good too, I know I didn't ask about you in my last message but I was honestly just... feeling terribly. I do care of course and I'd love to know what's going on with you too!!!

so, as far as building my evidence for him being attracted to me, this is what I have

- all the sudden (about 3-4 weeks ago) he started mentioning he was single as often as possible

- he touched me multiple times in one night (not really sexually or anything, a quick hand on my back or my shoulder or something kinda flirty like that) after never having done it before, then stopped and has been almost... purposeful about not doing it again. like it spooked him or something

- EYE CONTACT. very very deep (he looked like he could see into my soul and it was freakyyyy) and often he was looking at me even when someone else was talking

- he has started doing audio and camera at church despite not knowing anything about tech stuff. this also happened right about the same time he started expressing interest in me, and he's almost always on the schedule the same weeks I am. if I didn't know better I'd think he did it to hang out with me. last night at our band rehearsal (which the tech people also attend) I didn't look at him because I didn't want to but I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye and he seemed... to know something was up. that's probably also me just projecting my own thoughts onto him but I had no feelings for him until he started expressing interest in me, so I feel like at least part of this is based in fact? I don't know

- when I told him about a recent accomplishment of mine, he looked me very deep in my eyes and said "I'm so proud of you" which... is kind of something you had to be there to understand how meaningful it was but it was just so.... genuine and loving. anyway

- he always hangs around during our church group until we're the last two (aside from the couple whose house we're at) and he always parks next to me and says bye to me for a few moments while we're outside alone. he always makes sure to say when he'll see me again, like he's anticipating it and hopes I am too

- he teases and jokes with me a lot but never goes too far or gets rowdy about it like he does with the others

- despite not being a big compliment person he has on several occasions complimented me on being smart and a good singer (both of which are debatable, but I digress). I haven't really noticed him doing it with anyone else either

- we've been talking through a sermon series on marriage (which has been a whole thing lol) and every time he chimes in with some kind of insight about what a good marriage should look like, he seems to always be looking at me

- it feels like he always stands or sits either 1) slightly too close and/or 2) directly across from me so he can stare at me the whole time. I can always feel his eyes on me and it makes me so nervous

- the first time he mentioned going on a date with this girl, I *almost* thought he was testing me to see if I was jealous. as usual, he was staring right at me when he said it, like he was trying to gauge my reaction or something. maybe I'm just crazy. probably

- even after having said all this stuff about how much he liked her, he was still hyper-focused on me the whole night, and when I mentioned how none of my friends are comfortable with physical touch and it's one of the things I crave and miss a lot, he looked at me with what I can only describe as this face 🥺 and said "I'll give you hugs" (among several other flirty things he did that night)

there's a lot more that I just can't think of right now. seeing it all written out makes it seem kinda flimsy but I really could have sworn he was being a lot more than friendly toward me on many many occasions. so anyway yeah. I guess we're just good friends and I should forget it and just try and act normal around him. I can't help getting a pit in my stomach when he's around now. I never used to act weird around him even though I definitely thought he was attracted to me but now I just feel... hurt and confused. I don't even know how to act anymore

as for our mutual friends who set him up with the girl (Madison), I don't harbor any resentment toward them at all. you're right, it was probably just a situational thing where they didn't really think about me. and Madison is such a good match for him it really does make sense that they set them up. that doesn't really make me feel any better though

and I of course still care about myself, this has just been a big blow to my self-confidence, especially since he's the first person I've even thought about in a romantic way since Eli. it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't have romantic love, which I desire so so so much. even when I'm being friendly and accomplishing a lot and keeping up with my appearance and doing everything right AND when I feel like someone is showing all the signs of being into me, stuff still goes wrong. I wasn't in love or anything, but I really liked the idea of being with him. he's kind and responsible and involved in our church and comes from a really sweet family and has a million more incredible traits that I don't want to get into right now. I just wish things weren't always getting ruined.

more than anything I'm just mad at myself. I was stupid for thinking he was into me and deep down I know I'm stupid for hoping he still is and will realize it somehow. I'm a good person and I like myself but I couldn't compare to Madison in a million years. she's gonna be good to him and I know she'll make him happy, which is at least a little bit of a comfort. I do really just want him to be happy. at the end of the day he's one of my best friends. I'll get over it and deal with it quietly and with any luck he won't know.

thank you for being so kind and taking your time to write all of this to me. you're so encouraging and far too sweet to me and I appreciate it more than I can say. talk soon, friend. I love you

[whatisasugarpinkcat]

opening a can of worms

i would say i had a good time. don’t think i regret my 20s. maybe this black hole in me is more hereditary than anything. nothing seems to cheer me up for long anymore. i am worried because i want kids and i don’t want my negativity to affect them. in order words i don’t want to be my mom. 

i don’t want to call it depression because that could be an overreaction. and i don’t want to deal with it. that’s perhaps the root of what i feel now. the unwillingness to deal with anything. all i do is to escape to the next thing. its so hard to acknowledge my feelings or problems that i can’t solve because i think it is a waste of time to try to do that and also i don’t want to get hurt. 

reading my old posts reminded me of how hurt i was and how over the years i have been adapting and putting things out of mind simply because i made my bed and i will lie in it. on top of that, my feelings didn’t matter. i still don’t think they matter. 

being a teacher probably made me even more numb. you can’t be emotional or take things personally when you’re dealing with people who can’t really think for themselves. i remember being emotional when i first started teaching. every day was a roller coaster and i had to harden certain parts of myself to survive. there were just so many thoughts so many questions and feelings and i had to also deal with the feelings of others too. make people happy. show people concern. i worry when people are in a bad place and it got to me so bad i just distance myself. i didn’t want to know because not knowing would mean i am not plagued with the obligation to address their problems. so for a few years that was the case but distancing myself emotionally also made me empty-ish. it didn’t help that i was also doing that in my relationship. 

i always thought it was hard for me to fall in love but haha i came to realise i fall in love as easily as i fall out of it. it scares me so much that i can just flip the switch and move on. 

i miss those times when i was with my ex. when i relied on him for almost everything. i was so emotionally reliant i couldn’t help it. he was the first person who came into my life offering me something i never had. i would like to think of it as love but i really don’t know. maybe i was making use of him like a crutch. it was easy to be with him somehow because i made him my one and only just as how he made me his. i knew with all my heart that he will never leave me or make me feel unloved. i was always able to face the world no matter what it threw at me because i know i had him. i remember 2 things that highlight this. the first was when i was ill prepared to sit for my A lvls math prelim paper. the night before, i was in such a panic because i did not study (i know. crying over spilled milk when i intentionally spilled it) and i called him at 3am. he came over at 6am and skipped school just so he could accompany me to school. holding my hand the whole way because i was stupidly scared. my memory is hazy and i can’t remember if it was in a train or a taxi but i remembered feeling comforted and i suppose that was the reason i moved in with him the 4 weeks leading up to the actual A lvls exams. 

i felt so safe so assured for some weird reason. i hated the way he made me feel. somehow i didn’t like feeling like that. i don’t blame him for the fact that i did not study. my heart was really not in it. given that i chose subjects i don’t even care for. didn’t know what i was doing at that age. looking back it would have been the prime time to go and explore the world. just something to keep in mine next time if my teenage kid comes to me and says they wanna go explore. anyways. i was always looking forward to going back to his house after my exam papers so i can have hugs and be assured that things are going to be ok even if i flunk my a lvls. 

in the first 2 years of uni i hated going to school. and i made the commute from his house to ntu every single day even though i had a hall room. he had his license and sent me to school every day. i can’t remember how it happened. i don’t think i ever stopped loving him. i am not sure. but somehow one day i decided i was going to try to live on my own without going back to him like how i did. he was also busy with his internet thingy. i was impressed by his devotion and drive but at the same time i couldn’t join him because i have not found my drive at that time. i was still in the “wanting to find myself” phase. and the more friends i had, the more activities i joined, the further i got from him because he couldn’t relate. none of what i did mattered to him or made sense i think. and they didnt matter to me too actually. but i went ahead to do them anyways. because i kinda enjoyed myself i guess. but when i think about it now i cringe at the amount of time i have wasted in the past. not that i regret them because how can there be regret when i had intentionally make those decisions so my life would be more colorful. 

he tried to wake me out of my idea i think that time. but i refused to listen even though i knew in my heart he was right about so many things. i married someone he wouldn’t agree with i think. someone he thinks is not good enough. i don’t know if i really loved my ex. and the way i determine if i loved someone was to think if i would be dutiful and take care of them without resentment if they aren’t able to take care of themselves in future. it is a flawed way to measure love. now i think maybe you’re just meant to live and love as you go along. i liked the idea of loving only one person till the day i die but i don’t think i am capable of that. why not?

it all went downhill when i started to masturbate instead of turning to him to quench my sex drive. and when i had thoughts i felt he wouldn’t be able to relate to i kept them to myself. i sought happiness from everywhere else just so i can be happy when in front of him. at this point in time i am unsure if i am talking about my ex or my current husband. i don’t think i was unhappy with my ex though. i never had the mood swings or that black hole with my ex though. i was always blissful and comfortable with him. it was easy to smile at him all the time which brings me back to the question of whether its my hormones/ genes or something else. 

i wish i can remember the triggers that caused me to not want to be with him anymore. because i feel the same things are in motion now. i don’t want to end my marriage because it would mean so many things. that i am unable to love that i can’t commit long term. 10 years ago i remembered thinking if i can’t last with this new guy i will never be able to last with anyone else. haha i had such childish thoughts when i chose to be with someone like my husband. the things i liked about him didnt warrant a marriage i think. 

the same problems are always there. i chased someone who was not good for me and he changed himself to be a better person and it is enough for me actually. but somehow. it is not. i know i can have the kind of marriage and love if i would just put in the effort but this blackhole in me is making it so hard to. i could do it some months ago. smiling when i didn’t feel like it, being physical when i was rather dead inside...but now...i don’t know what triggered the change. i am led more by my heart than my mind now. 

what am i going to do? you would think time and experience would make me more sure of myself. i really don’t know. don’t even know why my ex is suddenly in my mind these days just because of a dream? i don’t know anything anymore. 

in 2 weeks’ time, i will have to throw myself into work. i hope i can laugh when i look back on this post in a few months’ time.

[adambstingus]

Leicester City and Carolina Panthers: a friendship founded on underdog success

Cam Newton and Co play in the Super Bowl this weekend as the Foxes ride high in the Premier League. And the two teams have exchanged admiring glances

Their bandwagon has beer. Charlotte gets the swag and the bromance, but Leicester Citys true Carolina hearts actually rest two hours north and west of Bank of America Stadium, nestled in a mountain range.

If ever an official mid-south Foxes supporters group were to see the light of day, the odds are good it would probably spring from Asheville, North Carolina, dubbed Beer City USA four years in a row, a soccer-friendly burg of 83,000-plus thats home to more than a dozen craft breweries. A burg where Chris Watts has been preaching the gospel of blue for more than 15 years now.

Its like a dream, says Watts, a Leicestershire native who has called Asheville home since moving to the States almost two decades ago. My brothers a season-ticket holder and he gets to the games. I was over there in October, against Crystal Palace and Watford, and it was just unbelievable to see where we were. And you keep thinking, Is this going to keep going? Its a bit like a dream. At the same time, its brilliant.

Pinch him, he giggles. And why the hell not? Watts has been a Carolina Panthers fan for more than 10 years and a Foxes fan for pretty much the last five decades, through thick, thin, and thinner. Some eight years earlier, he had shepherded a group of US friends back to Leicestershire for his 50th birthday and a series of matches in the Midlands, including a pair at the King Power, then the Walkers Stadium.

Five minutes into the [match], one of those friends, Tim Branson, recalls of his initial Foxes experience, I saw four guys carrying out two.

But he was hooked.

The second game, they got the skybox treatment. Watts landed a program signed by the team which, as it turned out, would become the first Foxes side ever to be relegated from the Championship to the third tier of the English football pyramid.

Ive still got it, Watts chuckles. Ive got a signed program, in a frame, of Leicester at their lowest.

And look whos laughing now.

The Panthers prepping for the biggest single event in North American sport, Super Bowl 50s NFC gatecrashers. The Foxes are atop the most popular soccer league on the planet. First, they were cute. Then a curiosity. Then a fluke. Then a stubborn anamoly. They werent supposed to here, either of them.

The parallels are valid and real enough: theyd finished their previous seasons on an unexpected, almost desperate hot streak. Theyd been dismissed by the experts, were under-appreciated outside their own province, middling brand names turning in gold-caliber performances, week after week, month upon month. Leicester City looked at the Carolina Panthers, 3,924 miles and an ocean away, and saw well, themselves.

The beginning of the year, [Leicester City] didnt have great expectations and kind of the same goes for us, says Panthers kicker Graham Gano, one of four Carolina players to receive customized Leicester City shirts from the surprise Premier League leaders last month. Theyve done really well this year, and so have we. So they kind of thought their season was similar to ours and they pulled for us and thats how we got the jerseys.

Before their NFC Divisional Round test against Seattle on 17 January, Panthers players turned up at work to find that the Foxes had sent over customized blue shirts for quarterback Cam Newton, cornerback Josh Norman, linebacker Luke Kuechly and Gano.

Carolina have had an incredible season, the Leicester left-back Christian Fuchs told the teams official website. Like us, they ended last season really well and again, like us, some people didnt expect them to do what theyve done this season, even after the great start they had.

Leicester City (@LCFC) January 15, 2016

#KeepPounding, @Panthers!@vardy7 and @FuchsOfficial on #lcfc‘s pick for #SuperBowl50 https://t.co/3nAsHdpXzA pic.twitter.com/78I9uVyeE6

Before long, they shared a narrative and a hashtag: #KeepPounding. The Panthers returned the favor, and Leicester shared pictures and videos on social media of striker Jamie Vardy, centre-back Wes Morgan, Fuchs and goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel decked out in Carolina black, tossing and kicking an NFL football around.

They were natural at it, Gano says. It would be interesting to see them kicking field goals and what it would look like. Obviously, their form looks good, but I never saw the ball going through the uprights. Its a little different swing than [it takes] to keep the ball under the posts. But Id love to have an opportunity sometime to have a kick around with some of the pros over [there], and compare how I match up with those guys.

But he thinks theyd probably be thick as thieves, especially after the Foxes posted a video to YouTube of Fuchs attempting a series of keepy-uppis with the oblong American football.

I was in the airport in Chicago and Im sitting at the bar and got talking about football American and English, Watts recalls. And I pulled up [the Fuchs video] to show a few others. Its pretty neat to see an English soccer player, albeit an Austrian, keeping up an American football. They thought it was pretty cool.

In one corner, the Panthers, unloved, slapped with 22-to-1 odds to win the NFC back in May and 40-1 to win the whole shebang. In the other, Leicester, dismissed almost universal preseason favorites to be relegated this term, 2000-1 odds to win the league at the start of the campaign.

Its not quite the same, Watts says of the two franchises and their comparative roads. But nobody was expecting the Panthers to be where they are. A lot of my friends, when they saw the stuff about the shirts [coming over], and then the Panthers sent shirts back the other way, its been neat.

Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) January 15, 2016

.@LCFC pic.twitter.com/Eo8yFJuwtO

Carolina are playing in their first Super Bowl in 12 years; since 2003-04, 13 different NFL teams have qualified for the title game. Leicester are the first squad other than one of the Big Five clubs [Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea] to be leading the Premier League in the last week of January since Newcastle in 1995-96.

Being on both sides, [the more remarkable story is] Leicester City, for me, just because of what theyve had to do, the fight, where theyve had to come from, says Branson. Going down to the third division and going back into the second and having to fight their way back to the top. Ashevilles got a single-A [baseball] club. It would be like them somehow winning and if they did promotions, getting promoted to the majors. In a little city like Asheville, it doesnt happen very often.

Youve got to have respect for them, Gano says of the Foxes rise. I havent been able to catch a ton of their games weve been pretty busy over here, so I havent really had the opportunity to catch up with them.

And, full disclosure, Gano is a Bayern Munich fan, having grown up bouncing from Scotland to Germany to Scotland to Canada as a Navy brat (I used to have a thick accent, he chuckles, without a trace of brogue.) Born in Scotland, he also maintains a bit of a soft spot for Rangers.

But I didnt have a favorite English team, the kicker says. So I guess I can pull for [Leicester] now.

After all, theres plenty of room on the wagon. And in Asheville, the best beer on the continent never tasted better.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/leicester-city-and-carolina-panthers-a-friendship-founded-on-underdog-success/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181466020937