#unless they're going bareboned

[dearmizumi]

Angst potential angst potential angst potential angst potential—

I love them I'm not letting go of them anytime soon nuuh they're my bb now (should also make digital art too, got too many pencil doodles ajsbsjb)

[still-a-morosexual-help]

forgive me if I'm wrong/if you've addressed something like this already, but demons can't make pacts with other demons, can they??

so how would MC go about making pacts while they're acting as a demon without giving themselves away or risking the brothers telling someone like diavolo about it? would that not make it clear that they're not who they say they are almost immediately (unless the brothers (aside form lucifer maybe) don't have a ton of pact knowledge/demon knowledge in general so soon after the fall, but I'd assume they'd at least know some things- however from an angel's perspective I wonder how much of it is unbiased)??

personally I hope something like that gets addressed in the game, I want to see MC talk their way out of that one lmao

hope you're having a nice day <3

Hi! Yeah so demons can't make a pact with demons. So they will eventually have to tell they're human. My guess is they'll help a particular brother with their issues, win his trust, the fact that they're human will get revealed and they'll make a pact (<- a barebones version of what may happen, but this is just my belief, at the time, relative to the information we've been given. I may still be way off)

The human thing is 100% not something they can keep hidden during the whole duration of their stay.

Hell, even the time travel thing might have to be revealed (at least to an extent) because at some point they're gonna have a profound bond with these past versions of the brothers and they're gonna have to poof back to their own timeline (even if all their memories of the time travel is erased, like in S3, they'll still need to say goodbye - suddenly losing another close family member with no notice right after what happened with Lilith is probably not a good thing...)

I'm also 100% sure that Diavolo knows?

• Barbatos definitely knows. He can see through timelines and alternate universes so he absolutely knows. (The op also ends with him going "🤫" right?) And if Barbatos knows then he definitely has told Diavolo.

• Diavolo can also tell when someone is lying. He even knew Belphie was in the Devildom throughout S1 (he told MC in the very first or second lesson that they would be living with all 7 brothers despite Lucifer telling him Belphie was sent to the human world. There's also another moment, I believe, where he casually mentions Belphie still being in the house)

Hope you have a nice day too! <3

[samuelroukin]

hi! not here in favor of you making Actual Books (i don't even read any of the newly published books anymore for reasons and reasons and reasons), just complimenting your work in general

i dont really care for cod at all but i really enjoy how you write the characters!! and tbh the only reason i watched some playthroughs of the games was so i could understand your work better. sure, fandom is the main reason people click in, but it's definitely not why they're staying. and it's not why people are writing paragraphs of praise to your stubborn ass even though you work so hard to never listen to any of it 💖

also id be enchanted to hear more about your ocs on future works or even here on tumblr!! you're great at creating made up people that actually feel real. they're pretty round (funnily enough that is the actual technical term), even when you don't tell us a lot about them

also 👀👀 say you have original stuff in mind?????? i would love love love love love to know more about that!! you're getting pretty darn good at worldbuilding and ambiance. better with each update now that you're trying out this AU thing. it would be infinitely interesting to see what you come up with when working with your own stuff only

anyway what i mean is. even though I don't quite believe in Published Books on this day and age, please know that your writing is definitely good enough for the editorial market (even more so now that those dark romance things are going mainstream and a lot of them read like the stuff 12yos post on wattpad. what tf is the deal with that? but I digress. out of those circles your work is still definitely good enough) it's legit like Good Work, even if the tiny mean bully whispering in your ear disagrees. it's good realism. good introspection. good porn and also good narrative and great junction of those. it's lovely seeing how far you've come in so little time and we're excited to see you reach new heights in the future (because you will, with absolute certainty, unless you stop. but i don't think you could really stop yourself at this point lmao)

and please know that achieving that level of quality with no help or instruction or training in so little time is a grand fucking accomplishment

point is: Who Care? We Care (even if we're not an enormous audience)(...yet?). and not just because it's cod

it's def a nice compliment to get thank u 🙏💖

and so is you reading my stuff without caring much for cod! though i wouldn't be able to write this much about them without (clearly) being completely insane about Them and the basis the games laid (haha laid) because without them i'd be nowhere at all, these characters are so. well they clearly took over my brain lol, though i worry a Lot about them being ooc when i write them 💀

i actually feel like my guys are so barebones and one dimensional rip, which is fine since i mostly created them as little more than a joke and they're just being used as set dressing, so that means a lot 🙏

my Main story is this sprawling urban fantasy thing, which if i ever did write it would need serious adjustments since it's. old and not aged very well. the gist of it was the main character (30 year old barista) has Visions, cue road trip with his bestie (ex bf from high school that he reconnected with years later) to figure out The Deal after they suddenly get much worse. it's about that on the surface, and below about dealing with missed chances and not living up to ur potential. it sounds stupid but i've been Thinking about it since i was like 14 so cringe is to be expected lol

lsklhkjhffghst yeah no offense to them but despite this fic being what it i i wouldn't really want to fall into that category even if that sound like i think i'm better than them (i'm not it's just not my thing. or i guess it is and i just have a superiority complex. anyway) um thank you once again 🥺i def feel like i haven't improved a lot but you're dead on about not being able to stop myself anyway lmao

idk why you're being this nice to me but 💖💖💖

[zmediaoutlet]

hello. huge fan of ur fics. do u think sam and dean/deanna could ever get past their internal cringe to explore petplay.

friendo I want so much to be the person who responds to this with a nice 2k of porn that would suit your lowercase desires, esp since you have been so nice to say you like my fics, but sadly I cannot get over my own internal cringe to write you some Sam/Dean(na) petplay. I can only apologize.

But also, yeah, I don't really see them doing it either. I mean -- unless I'm missing the mark entirely, and someone please let me know if I am -- petplay is essentially formalized D/s with different props, right? Like when you get down to the (milk)bones of it. If you like my fics you know that I'm obv into a certain amount of power play, even skating right up to the edge of properly formalized D/s, but with Sam and Dean specifically I just... can't get to that spot of like actual rules/roles/props being taken seriously enough to really make it... work. Like this is the same reason I never write Dean calling Sam 'sir' or them using the traffic light system or whatever the hell. That's just... not how they operate, together. (Barring like 10k of lead-up for why they might, obv.) Calling your brother your good little puppy is just. A bit beyond the beyond.

Now, I can sorta see it entering as a joke. Like, they're at a sex store and Dean sees one of those plug tails and makes a joke and next time they're in bed he half-assedly pretends he's wagging and they laugh about it. And then maybe it slips into something a tiny bit more serious? Sam says good boy and Dean's dick says, oh, yes, he's a very good boy indeed. But even so that's not about the pet, that's about everything else. With all that though I also can't see it fully getting into the like -- paw glove thingies and ear headbands or masks or whatever.

As far as Deanna's concerned, I feel like that's WAY less likely although if we spin it from dogs to cats then maaaaybe Sam could make some crack about her being a lazy house cat and she squints an eye at him and goes meow and he gets a weird catgirl boner, lol, but even so. If they're gonna do powerplay they're going to do it barebones, and not rawhide bones.

[aphantimes]

I've seen some negativity on the style of sonic prime and it kinda upsets me tbh. seen people say it would've been better in 2D and while I ADORE the medium of 2D animation pleaaaassse don't downplay the amount of time and effort that goes into 3D animation. prime is going for a very specific style with a lot of squash and stretch and exaggerated smears and honestly, it's kinda giving me claymation vibes? like they even went to the extent of modelling smears for when tails is flying. something you can't even see unless you slow down, pause, and look for it.

(played at 0.25% speed)

that's the kinda stuff you would see in claymation, and i certainly don't see it all that often with CG. they've also got smears that stretch out parts of the models, I.. honestly don't know how they do that but I'd believe it's a rig thing? idk, I've only ever made super basic barebones rigs. however they're done i imagine it wouldn't be easy. they went above and beyond to achieve the style they were going for and it looks phenomenal!!! pls respect the artists 🙏

[asteriasfallingstarsandtears]

Not tagging this because I don't really want to contribute to the general discourse, but man, I am annoyed at the letter change. I've seen people be like oh but it looks better and fine, whatever, glad you do, but it doesn't change it takes away the nuance in a character that already has so fucking little in a game that he's supposed to be one of the three last antagonists of the game.

What was wrong with those letter beyond one single typo? Why did they need to change? Why could these new letters not be added in in addition to these existing letters.

Act 3 is a fucking disaster as is, Orin and Gortash get so little screen time, and what they do get, you can tell the actors are giving it their all. Besides that, we have a few scattered notes that give us backstory that are all optional and easily missed. If you don't go to the House of Hope and talk with the dwarf and find like one? Note, you don't find out that Gortash was sold to the Hells and was tortured daily. If you don't find his parents, you don't get the details of why he was sold and how his parents fucking despised him as a child.

Orin is likewise the same, you do have to face Sarevok to get the amulet to get into the Temple, but unless you go into his office, you won't learn before the Temple that Orin and Helena were victims of their father's abuse. If you don't use talk with the dead on Helena you miss out on a lot of how she gave everything to Sarevok and Bhaal only to be deemed as nothing more than a womb to be filled and a sacrifice to her God.

You have to find this note or talk with Helena to confront Orin and make her question what happened and force Bhaal's hand and see just how bad the abuse and trauma of Orin and by extension Durge and every Bhaalspawn mentioned in the game has undergone for Bhaal.

You have to undergo very specific actions in very specific orders to unlock memories for Durge and a number of notes just do not exist in the game if you are not playing the Durge, or are replaced by other notes that do not tell the story of Orin, Durge and the Temple of Bhaal.

Orin gets more attention given to her stuff than Gortash ever does. You cannot confront Gortash with your knowledge. There's hardly anything for you to do with him with the information you can gather.

So taking away from an already barebones character frankly (ha) sucks.

And before anyone tried to say something, no, this is not me excusing anyone's actions, they did what they did, they're all serial killers, slavers, and worse. Whatever, it's a game, they're very clearly Bad(tm), but they're also very interesting characters who have their stories squandered.

If you can't understand why this bothers someone, imagine your favourite character being rewritten for the worse post game and think about how much that would suck for your enjoyment of the character.

Might delete later, but wanted to express my feelings and thoughts on the matter.

[caparrucia]

What's IA and why is it relevant? Lol

So I'm gonna answer this in good faith, but I will point out that this is a very weird query to send to a stranger. This is the kind of basic research you should do on your own whenever you encounter topics you don't understand. Like, if you're at the bare bones basic, starting point of a discussion, it is actually very rude to walk up to a stranger participating in that discussion and ask them to give you the primer. Don't do that online, certainly do not do that in meatspace. Your teachers and professors are paid for their time to educate you, random strangers are not and unless they've clearly and openly signaled they're available to provide that kind of barebones, basic primer? Exceedingly rude to just feel entitled to demand that explanation from them.

If you don't know where to start, start with google. I know, google is not great these days, but you can add ?udm=14 to the base google URL to get the strict results, no AI slop added. Or you can bookmark this:

From a basic google search you can then go to wikipedia for a more in depth primer, and hunt down the sources and citations to track down more thorough explanations and resources.

Once you have a more nuanced understanding of the topic you can also search for forums and communities where the topic is discussed and track down more resources there if you need them.

But you have to do it. Because you have to be responsible for your own learning.

And also because asking random strangers, disregarding the matter of manners entirely, subjects you to their bias. Case in point, I will, as I said, answer the query in good faith, but that's a good faith answer with my bias. And because they're my bias, I can't signal them out for you. I might not even know they're biases.

Do yourself a favor and get in the habit of not delegating all your perspectives and opinions to others. Your very sense of self is built in your convictions. You become the person you want to be, by sculpting yourself with knowledge. You do yourself a disservice by letting other people determine who you are and what you should think.

That said!

IA stands for the Internet Archive, which you might know for their URL, www.archive.org They're a US based non profit organization dedicated to archival work effort. Their most famous and well-known project is the Wayback Machine, a webcrawler archive that maintains records of a good chunk of the lightnet. The lightnet, surface web, indexable web or accessible web is the part of the internet that can be reached through the use of standard, common web tools like browsers (windows edge, google chrome, mozilla firefox, etc) and search engines (google, bing, duckduckduck, etc). This is the thing that a lot of people are worried about being lost, since a good chunk of the last thirty years of the internet no longer exists or is accessible anywhere else. They also curate digital collections of materials otherwise unavailable to wider audiences, like out of print books, music, tv shows, and other media.

The Internet Archive is relevant because it is a well-established, well-known institution in the sphere of conservation that plays a crucial role in the preservation of modern, contemporary history. They have under their stewardship countless, invaluable assets that are simply not available anywhere, and they are one of the most public, vocal advocates for digitalization of and, in their view, access to information.

The conversation surrounding access to information and also accessibility of resources as well as the crucial role libraries play in their communities, often in the physical world and which cannot be digitalized by their nature as a Third Space, is a nuanced, often thorny one. Mostly because people whose idealism stops at ideas and has never contended with the practical application of any of those ideas, are very bad at understanding that they live in a nuanced, imperfect world and there is no true one size fits all solution to literally anything.

This particular group is having A Really Rough Time handling the fact their darling IA fucked up spectacularly in a preventable, observable way, and are trying desperately to silence any criticism about the IA leadership - which is... flawed, to say it politely - by screaming about bootlicking and fantasizing about The Great Revolution that will surely come one day to fix all of their problems.

It's all very Evangelical, if you ask me about it.

But then, most Americans are Culturally Evangelical and don't even realize it. So!

It's what it is.

[space-blue]

may we know what is the crumbs 3 wip? 👀

Aha! It's the 3rd chapter of the fic A Trail Of Crumbs whose concept I adore but fell out of love with when I stumbled out of the Avatar fandom.

It follows Recom Miles Quaritch after the events of the film, lone survivor back on base and wrestling with the increasing dread brought about by a series of 'crumbs' he picks up on over time. RDA staff say and do weird things. The way he's treated seems odd. Ah, and his fucking custom watch. The tattoos they all have... Stuff doesn't really add up.

The goal of the fic was to explore the nature of the 'soul drives', how edited recom memories are, and the growing realisation that Miles isn't anywhere near his old human self, not any more than any other Marine with a similar background.

It was pure vibes of Blade Runner, artificial memories, created as a sentient tool unaware of their own artificiality beyond the obvious, etc.

In the end, I think I explored the concept better in this short comic in Mansk POV.

Chapter 3 crumbs is the incomplete conversation between Aslan and Miles, hinting at past Miles/Parker Selfridge. I stuck to dialogue only towards the end so it grows barebones, but I'll put what I have under the cut for the curious because I honestly don't think I'll finish this unless Avatar 3 makes me its bitch again.

'Why did you come back to Pandora?'

'Well, we landed in fanfare, as you can imagine.'

Yes, Miles can well imagine the media shit-storm so politely labelled fanfare. There's a part of him he's not particularly proud of that is glad his own death allowed him to skip this particular shitshow. He'd been, after all, the man in charge of operations at the time. Had pulled rank and everything. The media would have vivisected his career, his entire being. It's unlikely to have been much kinder to other RDA personal, returning with their tails between their legs.

'And in the middle of all this, my family...' Aslan gnaws on their lip, their faraway look snapping back to Miles with sudden intensity. 'We weren't really friends, you and I. You weren't one to hang out with the "science pukes", right? You'd know about my family if you had. I used to complain quite vocally whenever I got a comm from them. The old vent, you know. Anyway, let's say they were there, at the landing pad, waiting for me. In the middle of all that... fanfare.'

They look through the blinds, over the blighted landscape of concrete and metal, crawling with bots and shivering with heat and ship exhaust fumes.

'I signed up for the next mission over.'

Miles nods politely. He knows the type of family they're alluding to. He's met people who worked on the Mars terraforming program off world, because restoring Uganda's water table wasn't far enough of a getaway. Pandora's one of the furthest frontiers known to mankind. Different appeal to the science pukes, who generally arrive thrilled to go pull up grass, but dysfunctional families are universal, and to many RDA workers, the distance is a bonus.

He goes to say some platitude, that he understands, because really, he does. But Aslan cuts him off with a sharp hand gesture.

'Can we cut the crap, General? I mean Miles. You're not interested in my family, and you're keeping me away from the deeply fascinating samples I've come all the way here to put under a microscope, so let's just talk.'

Miles is struck by the sudden realisation that he's got no easy segway ready to start on the whole RDA conspiracy thing. He turns a few sentences over in his mind, growing discomfort flattening his ears to his skull. Should he threaten Aslan? Ask plainly? He's burning to cut the crap, as asked. But Aslan is also the one who'd gone to great pains to arrange a believable meeting between them, who'd seeded fear into his mind.

The manual had held no hint when he consulted it. The term soul drive had an asterix to an appendix that wasn't in the book.

'Something bothering you?'

Miles smiles tightly. 'You can tell?'

'You have a long way to go before you obtain a Na'vi poker face. I suggest you stay away from the Thursday games.'

To hell with it. It's not like he expects he'll make it past the court martial, the way things are going.

'Why do your people tattoo us?'

'You flatter me if you think me this involved, but that happens on the ship over, with a crew well out of my jurisdiction.'

A deflection. He'll be damned. 'I'd appreciate an answer,' he says, putting steel into his voice. 'Of the straight kind, too, if you can manage those.'

'A jab at my sexuality? Too easy. Is the tattooing what's bothering you? Really?' Aslan's smile is knowing, the light in their eyes dances with unwholesome mischief.

'Let's say that I've tried and failed to find a better starting point.'

'All right then. Let's do a short test. Answer my questions fast and truthfully.'

Miles relaxes. 'Sure.'

'Year of birth?'

'2104.'

'Do you have a son?'

'...Yes.'

'What was his mother's name?'

'Paz Socorro.'

'What year was she born?'

'I...'

'Am not sure?'

'I don't think we discussed it, but—'

'You had her file. She was one of yours, wasn't she? Surely you remember how old she was?'

'I think—'

But Aslan doesn't let him catch his breath. 'Who was Parker Selfridge to you?'

Miles sits straight, ears point to attention now. Will Aslan also reek of fear if he answers 'friend', no matter how much of an overstatement the word might feel? Heck, they asked for fast answers, so he says, 'He wasn't exactly my boss, but he was the Head suit in charge.'

'I need an honest answer,' they say, rasping a knuckle on the table.

Miles has his jaw hanging. What do they want from him?

'Do you recall leaning in his doorway?' Aslan continues, hardly slowing down. 'Poring over maps together?'

'Well, we...'

'Do you remember the way he laughed at your jokes? You leaned into the corny dad humour and he loved it. Do you remember your mug?'

'Yes.'

'Do you remember how you got it?'

'...Selfridge? Wasn't it Paz?'

'That's a question, so I'll take it as a no. Moving on to—'

'All right, all right. You've made your point.'

'What point do you think this is?'

'My memories are incomplete.'

'No, Miles.' Aslan sighs and sinks into their chair. 'Your memories are edited.'

It's somewhat depressing that of all the emotions he feels in that moment, surprise is not one of them

'Look at it this way. The machine scours your neural pathworks, and bounces memories. But it can't recreate the events that got you there, and it can't recreate what you blocked even from your own wakeful memory. Things you've forgotten, things you've hidden under too many layers, things you've trained to look away from.'

'So we're missing chunks?'

'Yes, all soul drives are inherently incomplete. That's why the technology isn't widespread. But that's not it. When you're in the machine, they can trigger memory chains. It helps map out... Look, it's hard to simplify, especially since it's not my specialty either, but they can snip out entire sections, like cauterizing a thought beyond surface level, or blot out all emotional reactions to a concept.'

'Are you saying... Do you actually mean the RDA edited the story of my life like a fucking home movie?'

They shrug. 'Yeah. That's the gist of it.'

'That in the contract I signed?'

'Of course not. Come on, colonel, you worked private long enough to have seen this coming. What? Do you think they'd give a fuck if you had issues with your situation?'

Miles rubs a shaky hand over his eyes, trying his best to remember the sound of Parker's laugh. 'Are you— Are you saying Selfridge and I were close—'

'Close is a good euphemism.'

'—and they erased so much of it, I freaked the shrink out by referring to him as a friend?'

Aslan tuts. 'Bad move.'

Miles gives them a sickly sweet smile. 'What a shame nobody warned me about the nature of this assessment!'

[kogameh]

Uh, OC related thing

I did some ✨️significant updates✨️ to the main 6 characters' Toyhouse pages, so just in case anyone actually noticed "wait, since when this got added?" or you know, want to read them now BEFORE it gets overwhelmed with MORE characters, here you go!!! YAYYYY

➡️➡️You can view them HERE. (mainly the first section of characters. I've yet to update the rest lol)

And now the patch notes(?) under the cut:

The most significant update is the fact that their character description AND backstory now has at least 3 paragraphs. It's not as intimidating as it may sound, but I can 1000% predict only like 3 people max would actually read those, so welp. (HUGE special thanks if you do though!!! You're the REAL MVP here.)

This was mainly because I don't want to oversimply them too much to the point it felt too tropey/barebones and I'm putting away their longer/more fleshed out Weebly profiles (for now) which also means there's no access to that for the few people that may want to know more. So. Yeah. (I try to keep them relatively spoiler-free unless mentioned, though, which is why some characters may have less information than the others. Namely Kagami and Kureha haha.)

(Then again, I've learned the hard way that even a shorter one sentence of paragraph won't make a difference if people just, well, don't want to read them haha...so might as well go big or go home)

The moodboards are changed to be properly aligned with the rest of the sections now. I still don't know if I prefer the older, bigger layout where you can appreciate the artworks better or this one that is way cleaner and satisfying to look at haha. I do worry if it's much easier to scroll past them this way though...you wouldn't want to miss the cat on Kureha's page. Would you.

You can compare the old layout with the new layout here and here if you want to, albeit they're different characters aha.

I also reset the favourites for them, so if you have a TH acc and want to fav or re-fav, feel free to do so!!

And I guess that's about it! Not much else to say about the rest than some added trivia section (which I often update quietly whenever an idea strikes anyway lol) and fixing some outdated links :3c

With the Weebly site being temporarily put on hiatus(?) from new updates I also realize there isn't a way to thoroughly share the lore and worldbuilding anymore which TH isn't meant for so...I WILL finish that crash course powerpoint eventually for that purpose. Surely. SURELY.

Thanks for tuning in~

[the-ratronaut]

So I've been replaying the Alan Wake series and its connected games in preparation for playing Alan Wake 2 and I just felt like putting down my thoughts on Alan Wake and American Nightmare down. Nothing too intensive, just some random thoughts and critic I've had about them. Spoilers for those two 10+ year old games below. It's also long so, like, be aware of that lol.

Alan Wake:

God this game shows its age lol. It's such an XBox 360 game. Like you know the devs were super, super proud of their physics system when they made the game 'cause physics objects are everywhere and they really want you to play with them.

This is one of the most "wears its influences on its sleeves" horror games and unlike most of those it's mostly not based on Lovecraft (though it is partially). It's goddamn Steven King.

The combat is really barebones, but at the same time really tight. It works suprising well and hasn't aged too badly. Like shit maybe it's the sound taken make when you kill them but it's super satisfying to shot shit in this game. The poltergeist encounters can be a little annoying at times though and the fast Taken are always a slog unless they get stuck on a corner or something.

I always really liked the narrative devices of the manuscript pages. Giving the player a chance to see what's going on off screen or getting glimpses into the inner worlds of your nonpoint-of-view characters if they're diligent about exploring your world is such a fun idea. It's something you don't get to see in video games often but do see a lot in literature, so it fits very well here. Not to mention letting the player see glimpses of the near future is fun as well.

The DLC chapters are really funny conceptually because you know they spawned out of someone saying "Hey, you know that gimmick mechanic we had in literally the last five minutes of the game and nowhere else that we did nothing with? We should actually use that for something."

Also I do like how literally everything after the main story of Alan Wake is trying to resolve the resolution to Alan Wake. Like Alan did exactly what he needed to do to fix everything, but fuck it this man is really struggling to actually save himself from his own self sacrifice.

Alan Wake American Nightmare:

Once again, this game shows it's age. It's a very XBox 360 game, though the devs clearly put some thought into how to improve the original game's formula. Their conclusion was to make the combat quicker and more varied and I can't say they were wrong. I will say that the over abundance of ammo and ease of killing foes does make this a bit less scary though. This is much more of an action game than the original and the presence of an "arcade mode" makes me think that was the intention.

This is one of the better handled time loop stories I think I've seen. Though the duration of the loop is short, everyone involved quickly gets a grasp of what's happening and, suprising, they all are able to grow very competent. By the last loop, missions that took an entire act to finish are literally set up for you to complete when you enter the area. People learn from their mistakes and make sure not to make those mistakes again. It's such a pleasure to see people placed in this odd situation act like rational people.

The situation with Serena is super fucking unfortunate. Like, fuck. If you play this game, make sure to go turn on the light for her in the second and third loops. It's fully an unmarked optional event, but, like, fuck no one deserves that.

The ending is, annoyingly, a little misleading. Leading some people to see this game as non-canon. Like, I definitely get that but the post credits scene makes the situation a bit more clear... shame it's easy to accidentally skip tho. Cutscenes in general are too easy to accidentally skip in this game.

[kieuecaprie]

KieueCaprie's Games Completed List of 2022 #43: Armored Core For Answer

Started: (i don't remember) Finished: 28/12/22

I have mixed opinions about 4th gen Armored Core as a whole and I don't really know how to go about it without sounding like an overly negative mid 2010's youtuber. Maybe the best way to go about this is the classic sandwich.

Experiencing Armored Core's 4th gen games after playing through 1st, 2nd, and 3rd's felt like I was being given Human+/OP-INTENSIFY from the get go and told to go buckwild. Movement is fluid and fast, you could actually keep the jets rolling while on the ground, and the overall gameplay is so much better. Hell, you could even shoot weapons with NEXTs that ordinarily ACs would have to stop to use (unless they're a tank-legs user).

AC4 felt a little too barebones but I liked it enough to want to play through 4A and, well, I liked early-game enough and the story is definitely more in-your-face compared to the previous gens. And some of the missions in 4A were a step-up from 4's, which is to be expected. And my favorite thing, the arena, came back so naturally, I had to play through it before I could even progress any further.

That was a mistake.

Y'see, in the Armored Core games, there's a shop where you could buy new equipment for your mechs, ACs/NEXTs, to use in combat and the arena tends to be an exercise in "How can I cheese these encounter?/How should I build my AC/NEXT to take on this dude who uses six guns at once?" but... you don't get much to play around with without playing the story first. The shop was empty when I first started 4A until I actually started doing missions.

Speaking of missions, I liked some of the early missions/NEXT battles, they were pretty fun to zip around in! But... well, I started to loathe the late-game missions due to the sheer difficulty spikes. One mission would be absolutely easy while the one afterwards would be a complete nightmare to play, even with the "optimal" build.

Even late-game missions where you had to fight enemy NEXTs became an exercise in frustration! Even with the best stuff I could find (I didn't even find out about the busted Kojima (yeah, i know) missiles until I was at the very end!), it was very much a fight against an AI who had infinite energy, infinite ammo, and seemingly infinite Primal Armor, it felt like it was less about skill and more about luck at that point.

And there were times I missed the optional parts when I kept getting stunlocked by rockets and missiles to the point where I absolutely started hating the game. At least the Souls games, where stunlocks on players is king, gave you a quick out! In Armored Core, you'd still be left hanging on slivers of HP that, for some reason, the missiles can't quite breach thanks to your PA but you still get stunlocked anyway.

But when the game had its high points, it was a brief glimpse at how perfect it could've been, barely getting by on whatever was left of your armor but managing to complete the mission anyhow or zipping by lasers from an Arms Fort only to put it to a swift end with a strike from your MOONLIGHT laser blade.

But, in the end, I don't have a very high opinion of Armored Core 4. Had I played it first instead of Armored Core 1, I might've appreciated it much more but playing it after finishing up the first three numbered games just made me appreciate the slower combat so much more, although that one had issues as well.

That is not to say that Armored Core 4 and For Answer is bad. There's a lot of things I genuinely like about it. I just don't think or don't know if it's even a good fit for me. I like the high-speed gameplay but at the same time, dealing with enemies that are essentially hopping around like they're playing a match of Quake 3 Arena is exhausting. (which is ironic because that's most of the arena opponents in 2nd and 3rd gen arenas)

[whumpster-fire]

"True except this is a real company"

Not as far as I can tell unless something really, really weird is going on with this company.

They have a website, yes. But it's extremely, extremely barebones for any business website, let alone "one of the world’s leaders in transport fuels."

There's nothing here but an About page, which contains nothing but stock photos and vague stuff, and a "contact us page."

Our work drives social and economic development as well as human progress, by enabling access to energy and the benefits of modern society to the millions around the world who rely on Oilshore.

They're describing themselves like they're an established and fairly large business, but aside from the website and the TikTok page I can't find any online presence. No Indeed, no Linkedin, no Glassdoor, no locations on Google Maps, nothing. Surely this company is hiring, somehow?

But I did manage to find an "Initiatives" page on Oilshore.net, (with no apparent way to navigate to it from the home page) which looks like this:

From here we can get to:

Wait a minute... the text is identical. We can also get to a "Take Action" page

The donate button goes back to the home page, the "Volunteer" one seems to go to a form.

For comparison, here's a real corporate website, from... Oilshore. Or rather, Integrated Oilshore Services Nigeria LTD. Note the vast difference in how much content there is on the real one. Oilshore.net is the web design equivalent of the Tumblr bot accounts' profiles: just enough substance to vaguely resemble something real.

I'm guessing the TikTok user committed to the bit by making a real website for the skits, or paid someone to do so (evidently not very much). I'm hoping it's that and not some weird scam to try to get people to give it their contact info via the "Contact Us" form or email address.

Dying at this TikTok video

[mad-hatter5709]

Okay so occasionally I'll come up with ideas. And even more occasionally I'll start to write those ideas. I'll make a timeline (which is not actually a timeline, it's just a dot pointed list of things I want to happen really, so more of an outline but I named it timeline on the word doc so), and I'll make a character sheet with everyone on it (also dot pointed and very basic). So the timeline is usually maybe 50-75 words, real barebones concepts really, and depending on how many characters I decide to write (the most recent one has 17 established characters with an extra background character that has like 12 words written about it) and how much background I come up with for each character, the character sheet can be anywhere from 100-450 words.

Now, the real reason I'm making this post. I am enrolled in an English course so I don't have to take it next year, coz in my college once you get your English and math tick you don't have to do them again. One of my assessments was an imaginative piece somehow relating to one of the texts we'd covered. Now, my current stories have 3k and 2k respectively, both not even near the middle. They're going to be long. This professor has the absolute audacity to say that this needed to be a max of 800 words, and ask for a 200 word outline. Needless to say, I did not stick to the word limit with my first attempt, which spawned the 2k wip. I asked if he would look at it to tell me how to shorten it, telling him the word limit and he told me to start over, and that he wouldn't even acknowledge any attempts unless they were under 1k. Reasonable, obviously, and I managed to keep my final product under 1k words somehow, bullshitting my way through with literally zero knowledge about the texts we had gone over. I did pretty well I think, I got a B for that assignment.

And anyway, the thing is, he asked for a 200 word outline. I couldn't submit a character sheet, since I just used the same one I used for my first wip since I'm really fixated on these ocs, and obviously I couldn't submit my 47 word actual outline, so I just.. didn't submit it. He didn't even comment on it being missing. Which, awesome, I didn't even get points taken off for it. That's the big that I really wanted to post about really, this got so long and kinda off topic honestly-

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

How are you going to handle SMT Nine protagonist's gender choice also swapping the roles of some supporting characters? Baraki & Sumire, Mubiora & Miranda. I know it's probably a long way off for the new wiki, but it's something to think about. I don't like the old wiki's solution of just making them share pages.

Ahhhhh NINE....... Oh! It looks like there's a "MOVIE" on youtube now (of the male side?) well at least that's more info than like a decade ago.

Yeaaaaaah, I hate these guys sharing pages. TT0TT Even if it's only minor differences, they each deserve their own page (or sub page, in terms of adaptations). Like imagine if they were making Hammy and Minty share a page???? I mean like, ignoring SLs and NPS, and just playing P3P barebones on her route, it's like 95-99% the same as the male's (assuming you are also making choices that are as close to him as possible). But that'd be INSANE to make them share lakdsjka *sobs*

So I made the pages now, info being put on there is going to be a bit scarce (unless other people do it first~! 030 Again my priorities are in what I know. So I'm prioritizing P4/3->Adaptations->Spinoffs->P5 related things->P1/2->DDS or Raidou is what we are looking at, and that includes things from chars to summaries to personas/enemies to items, but that's what I'M prioritizing to write because that's what I'm most comfortable with, I'm not against other's getting a jump on other things XD)

Anyway, as for the chars...... hmmmm. Basically my rule-well format is

For Chars: Character-Main Page, Adaptation of Char-Sub Page (that way you can always redirect back to the main page), if there are two (like male/female MCs) they both get a main page and are linked to each other (but only adaptations of that gender are linked)....

Here it's easier to show you, I did this for SMT if Hero/Heroine:

It's easy to get to the other MC easily, but this way it's not clogged up/confusing on which sub page is related to whom.

Only the Hero/Heroine are main pages, everything else is a sub page that links directly back to the main page.

With SMT NINE Keis tho.......they have a canon name like Tatsuya. In which they are default named Kei but can also be changed. So it looks like this:

as of right now, I don't know any adaptations, so no sub pages (besides a placeholder gallery)

I'm not sure if I should keep it Male/Female in the link, or if I should make it Hero/Heroine. They're like one of the few dual MCs, and the only ones with canon names that are the same (from what I can tell/remember at this moment).

As for Baraki, Sumire, Mubiora, and Miranda..... waaaaaaah. TT0TT They all get their own main page. u_u See below.

Good, now if there are differences......they can be sorted a lot better. If it really is just a copy paste job that Altus did with pretty much no differences? Then we'll make a note in the opening paragraph. (I wouldn't know, I know next to nothing about SMT NINE TT0TT) Or we can always merge pages (only if there is no difference tho, I'd rather have too many than too little but that's just me).

[bottledfool]

I definitely get what you're saying, and you're not wrong. That said, as someone who's played and beaten almost every single game in the series and regularly tortures myself by playing on the dumb, really hard difficulties, I think casual mode is the best thing they've ever added, with the possible exception of the Turnwheel/Divine Pulse/Time Crystal. Most players reset when they lose a unit, because they don't want to go on without them, unless they're doing a specific challenge run.

Emergent storytelling is super fun. What's not super fun is losing an hour of your time to a bullshit 3% crit you from an enemy that was otherwise no threat. Awakening is also one of the more generous games in the franchise as far as handing the player a lot of powerful tools, so I can definitely see the appeal of suggesting it to new people.

Now, with all that said, while it's not a bad entry point, its not the best. The expectations it sets for players that I think are unhealthy are the presence of the 2nd gen units and a customizable avatar. Also, if those poor newcomers decide to try Lunatic+, they'll be stricken with the pox and die in real life.

Personally, I like Blazing Sword and Sacred Stones as entry points. They were the point where IntSys really hit their stride in the post-Kaga era, they're good games in their own right, the GBA titles have incredible combat animations, and they're barebones enough to not set too many weird expectations.

This may be a silly complaint, but I think people reccommend Awakening, with 'you can turn the permadeath off' as a perk far too readily.

I think casual mode gears you towards a different kind of playstyle, and it would make it much harder to play older titles.

You get way more units than you can possibly use, and stronger additions over time, so I think people going 'oooooh permadeath' like it's a scary ghost, just turns people away from the emergent storytelling and fun it actually holds.

Fire Emblem isn't a franchise about gearing every single unit up, and setting people up to do such, sets them up for an entirely different style of play present in other titles.

[seoafin]

AHHHHHHHHH SERA UR COMMENTS!!!!!

ripmc is getting that phd in history babey i feel like her niche would probably be the heian period. that's where most of her historical document stuff come into play! also she researches curses you could say it's a hobby turned side job. other than that she's kinda unrecognizable. if people know her it's as sashisu's classmate. no name. no face. nobody important.

the bride is an oc that is coming back in a later chapter lmfaoooo you could say im subverting the shoujo typical love triangle (love...square????) we do NOT hate women in this space!!!!!

stsg's argument is meant to be vague! especially since we're reading from rip!mc's perspective lol i do want to write a stsg companion piece eventually. one day. but let me try to finish THIS fic first fsjdfnk but yeah it's never explicitly revealed why they're arguing but i feel like it's implied??? maybe only in my head 😭😭😭 but it's definitely not your memory issues it's intentionally left hazy!!!

LMAOOO she DOES let stsg walk over her. even shoko at times. but shoko is also aware of it and tries not to. but sometimes ripmc needs to be....bullied. shoko has the best of intentions! meanwhile stsg 100% know what they're doing. they also fully take advantage that ripmc has never said no to them (not unless it involves other people)

im SOOOO glad that you brought up her wanting things for herself and choosing them!!!!! (it's going to happen. starting with a cat gojo loathes.) it's literally the first step in ripmc like...actually becoming a person with normal desires and wants and BOUNDARIES. especially in a relationship with stsg.....

ANOTHER POINT I LOVED YOU BROUGHT UP! ripmc as a character. you are so spot on because when i originally wrote rip2myyouth and everything ripmc wasn't SUPPOSED to have a character! the og rip2myyouth is INTENTIONALLY left vague and blank. she's a completely barebones character whose defining trait is being traumatized by the hidden inventory arc. back then people weren't as receptive?? to mc's with actual personalities. not like they are now! i was trying my best to be aware of that when i originally wrote it. like my first draft of rip is actually drastically different. like the first iteration of ripmc is an adrenaline junkie LOL i eventually scrapped it bc i thought it'd be better to go with a blanker character. and then when i decided to give ripmc an actual personality it BECAME her personality!!! she naturally became apathetic and deadpan and straightforward. im soooo glad you brought it up because i've been wanting to talk about ripmc's character conceptualization for a hot second!!!!!

unfortunately stsg in this fic are rock solid. it's a petty argument i think you'll see soon djsfskfkjsd. and hideo IS going to be a catalyst!!!!! having an actual friend(s) outside sashisu is going to completely change rip!mc's life LOL and give her a better perspective on like...everything. hideo....king. he's genuinely a great guy. rip.

i think the absolutely sick thing about ripmc and stsg's dynamic is that ripmc is the absolutely perfect vehicle to be coddled by stsg. what's she going to do? speak up about it? LMFAO she loves them so much she'll let them do whatever they want.

dog days are over | chapter three

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader x geto suguru warnings/tags (for this chapter): beginnings of a panic attack, mentions of implied dissociation and depression, slight nsfw word count: ~7.7k

fic masterlist read on ao3

There’s a wedding.

You know this because Satoru is holding a pristine white invitation with elaborately floral borders and calligraphy so curled it’s difficult for you to read it when for all intents and purposes, you are used to handling and deciphering historical accounts and journals.

That’s not the only thing.

The invitation had been addressed to both Satoru and Suguru.

The two of them are getting invitations sent as one. It means something. It’s an acknowledgement. Unspoken, but palpable. 

Satoru flicked the invitation open, indifferently scanned the contents, and threw it on the nearest surface (the desk in front of him) with a lazy flick of his wrist. In his words: a higher up’s daughter was getting married to some big shot young politician. Their honored presences was humbly requested. They’d be delighted to have the strongest in attendance for the joyous occasion.

You picked up the invitation and scanned the date. Next month, on the sixteenth. A Friday. You have off on that Friday. You know that because there is an exhibit one of your professors is curating at the Tokyo National Museum you had planned on asking Satoru and Suguru to.

Satoru doesn't really respond well to invitations. You could still ask him—

“Friday’s going to be a real pain.” Satoru texts away on his phone. You watch as Suguru replies in real time. You wonder if the two of them have resolved all of their problems if they’re texting normally. 

“Oh,” you say, surprised. “You’re going?”

Satoru’s gaze momentarily flicks up at you, holding your gaze for a few seconds, before returning to the screen. “Might as well.” The words come out begrudgingly. Satoru makes a face at his phone, presumably one of Suguru’s texts, and types out a long response.

You suppose that means that they have plans already. You don’t mind. You had been intending on going alone anyway.

Your own phone vibrates in your pocket. It’s a message from Shoko.

Ieiri Shoko

[4:31] there’s a wedding

[4:32] i have been invited to a wedding

[4:33] Satoru and Suguru too. Satoru said he’s going. Suguru too. Probably.

[4:33] ? Those two? lolololololol 

[4:34] I didn’t think Satoru was going to go. 

[4:36] your guess is as good as mine.

[4:36] how about you come with me? be my plus one

[4:36] say yes

You stare at Shoko’s text. Come…with her? To the wedding? You hadn’t expected to be invited. Either as a person or a plus one. You wouldn’t know anybody. The thought of being surrounded by people somewhere clearly didn’t belong makes you nervous. You won’t be able to rely on Satoru or Suguru or even Shoko’s presence. They’d be busy, too busy for you. You’d stand in a corner and stay quiet, and people would brush over you, a nameless person of little importance and significance.

If you’re being honest, it doesn’t sound like a good time. If Shoko really needed you it’d be one thing. But you’re sure your presence wouldn’t be missed. 

You’d let her down gently. 

You press out of the chat just as Satoru stands up to peer down your head and squint at your phone. You wonder what has him so curious, and shut your phone off and look up. 

“We should go meet up with Shoko and Suguru, shouldn’t we?”

Satoru only sighs, rubbing at his neck with a faintly irritated look on his face. That’s not good.

He takes your hand and leads you out the door.

----

Dinner is fraught with tension. You look from Satoru to Suguru who are pointedly refusing to look at each other, which is difficult, considering they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder in a crammed yakitori restaurant. 

You’re…unsure what exactly is going on. You thought your worries about Satoru and Suguru were a worry for the past, but now, it’s impossible to ignore the pointed silence, Suguru’s cool silence, or even Satoru’s increasing agitation. Without the usual sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, it’s even easier to tell Satoru's patience is running thin.

You look to Shoko, whose head rests on your shoulder as she idly scans the menu, unbothered.

“We should share the chicken meatballs,” she says. “And the squid. I’ll order two draft beers, and maybe some plum wine…”

You make noncommittal noise. Then look back to Satoru and Suguru, wondering what you can say to dissolve the tension and make them look at each other again.

“So,” you clear your throat. “Excited for the wedding?”

You smile encouragingly when they look at you.

“No,” Satoru says, unhappily. “Not really.”

You wonder why he’s even going in the first place. Is it because of Suguru? Are they fighting over attending the wedding? That sounds wrong. Satoru doesn’t like to put up with troublesome things, but for Suguru, a four hour wedding was nothing.

“Only children think the world bends to their whims,” Suguru remarks pleasantly, despite the sharp edge of his words. “Adults should know better. Even Mimiko and Nanako know better. Tsumiki and Megumi—”

If there’s one thing Satoru can’t handle, it’s a lecture from Suguru. That hasn’t changed since high school.

“Yeah?” There’s a dangerous challenge on Satoru’s tongue as his eyes narrow in accusation. “I know what I want. If that makes me a child, then fine. At least one of us does.”

“Shoko,” you whisper to her. “Something’s wrong.”

Contrary to your own panic, Shoko’s watches the two, amused. “The only thing wrong here is that I don’t have a beer.” She waves a waitress over just as Satoru and Suguru fall into stony faced silence.

A young, fresh faced waitress with her hair tied up in a ponytail bounds up to the table. Shoko lists half the menu, ordering for the table. Then she orders drinks. Alcohol for you and her, a melon soda for Satoru, water for Suguru.

“Make that three,” Suguru interjects. “I’ll have a beer too.”

She flushes prettily when Suguru gives her a polite smile, slyly tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. Satoru’s face darkens.

“How is medical school?” You ask Shoko. “You’re taking care of yourself, right?” You hope she’s taking breaks in between her studies and her work at the school, eating well, and sleeping a good seven hours every night. 

She faces you, cheek flattened on her open palm. “I should be asking you that. Do you even remember to eat if I don’t remind you?” She pokes your nose.

“I eat,” you say, a touch defensively, but you already know Shoko knows better. Sometimes, you forget to eat. Sometimes it’s too much of a bother. You're fine though. Healthy enough.

“Hmmm.” She turns her attention to Satoru and Suguru. “This wedding is going to be awfully awkward if you two don't kiss and make up soon.”

“Everything’s fine,” Suguru says civilly. He softens at your concerned look. “It’s fine.”

You don’t believe him.

Satoru’s gaze is flinty. “Who says we’re even going together?” 

“You’re free to go by yourself,” Suguru replies, serenely unbothered.

“Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll go with Shoko.”

“Absolutely not,” she says immediately. “I’ve already got a plus one.”

Your stomach drops, put on the spot. You hadn’t had the time to think of an adequate excuse to avoid the wedding as Shoko’s date. It’s too late for excuses if Shoko’s already told them you’re going. You can’t let her look the fool by backing out now!

They look at you. Your lips curl in an automatic smile.

There’s the beginnings of a playful grin on her face. “We’re picking out dresses tomorrow, aren’t we?”

“Yeah…”

Well, if any good came out of this wedding, it would have to be getting to go dress shopping with Shoko and helping her pick out a formal dress. You’d like that. You always thought she looked good in bold colors, and if the occasion warrants it, she’ll wear her bright red lipstick. You already feel lighter, excited at the prospect of seeing her in all different types of dresses. You’d take the job seriously, make sure you help her pick the best—

“Kimono,” Satoru states.

“Dress,” Suguru asserts.

You blink. Their gazes clash, and you can feel a chill come over you. What are they fighting over now? This might even be worse than the several occasions they fought in high school. Never had they fought about anything that couldn’t be settled with a good fistfight. Something tells you this runs deeper. It’s more than a trivial burst of high tempers, more than juvenile attitudes at work.

“What?”

A lazy smile hangs from Shoko's lips. She is thoroughly amused, taking everything in as if she’s at the theater. “I asked them whether or not I should put you in a kimono or a dress for the big event.”

You didn’t even think about what you’d wear to the wedding. You assumed Shoko would give you something. And if not, you could just go shopping. If Shoko was too busy to come, then Ijichi usually had a good eye for silhouette and fashion. You worry about your kouhai once more. He really is too competent for his own good. You hope you won't be troubling him too much in the future.

You are discomfited. You don’t want the hypotheticals of something as inconsequential as what you plan to wear to an event to be another point of contention between them.

“That’s…I don’t really care what I wear.”

“Whatever you want to wear,” Suguru says reassuringly. “I’m sure you’ll look perfect regardless.”

You warm at Suguru’s words, unexpectedly abashed as you lower your gaze to your lap. It’s hard to think of yourself as perfect, especially in terms of appearances when you’re anything but. You determinedly meet Shoko’s eyes. “I’ll do my best not to embarass you,” you say deathly serious.

You’ll do your best to be sociable, speak when spoken to, and try not to let yourself get caught up in all the important people you’re sure are going to be in attendance. You figure if anything this could be practice. Making new friends. Although all you’ve known for the last years of your life is Satoru and Suguru and Shoko. Occasionally Utahime when she visits down from Kyoto. Mei Mei too, even. You can’t rely on them forever, you know this. It’s easy to forget the monotony of the days before you entered high school. Days passing while in a trance, food tasting bland, the perpetual buzzing in your ears. You slept and slept and slept. You spent more days asleep than awake until you were inevitably needed for another mission.

You don’t think you had known what it meant to live, in those days. You didn’t know that the salty breeze of the ocean was a sensation in your nose that felt akin to the seconds before a sneeze. You didn’t know that the colored disco lights in a small karaoke room could bring you so much joy. You didn’t know that hot summer days could be idle, that eating a popsicle with friends could be a momentous occasion. All of these moments, engraved on your heart. You’d take them to the grave, and you’d be content.

You still occasionally experience these fits of sadness so encompassing you drown in it. Especially around certain times in the year. Sometimes, you find it difficult to wake up. There’s a boulder in your chest, pressing on your lungs and weighing you down. You sleep for days. Wake up to remind yourself that you still exist, and close your eyes. Other days, you feel your body move on auto pilot, from one destination to another, cursory smiles and words. You don’t remember much of anything. Just that when you wake up, you feel yourself again. And if you don’t, you sleep and repeat until you do.

It’s a troubling matter to articulate. Something you’ve never quite put into words. If it’s an inconvenience to you, it’d be an annoyance to others. So you keep quiet, and hope it stays a secret, where it won’t bother anyone.

“As if that matters,” she sighs, eyeing you warmly. “ You’re not that one that needs to worry about embarrassing me.”

She side eyes the two men seated across from you, and sighs. "Hopeless.” She flings the word at them. 

Your waitress returns with skewers of meats and vegetables and more. Shoko gratefully takes her drinks, and downs half of it down. Then she takes a chicken skewer.

The rest of your meal continues in either silence or short lived conversation. Suguru asks about your thesis. About Shoko soldiering through medical school. Shoko orders more alcohol. You ask him and Satoru about Kyoto, since the two of them have been spending more and more time at Kyoto tech for one thing or another. Meetings, clan visits, Satoru visiting members of the Gojo clan, etc. You stick to safe topics of discussion, and decide that any talk about matchmaking ceremonies or arranged marriages is dangerous.

It’s only so often that the four of you can meet up like this. Adult responsibilities and all. You hope Satoru and Suguru make up soon. To you, this time is precious. And even with Satoru and Suguru refusing conversation with each other, you’re happy to be with them.

The night goes by in a blink of an eye. Shoko orders another round of drinks. Soon it’s twelve in the morning, and Shoko calls for the check. You’re getting ready to leave when your waitress approaches apprehensively.

“Excuse me,” she says, fingers curled around a piece of paper. You watch eagerly, excited at being able to watch a confession unfold. But the storminess in Satoru’s expression creeps back in and you sweat. She hesitates, gaze flicking from Satoru, back to Suguru, and draws back with a shake of her head. The scrap of paper clenches in her hand. “I’m sorry, I thought—” 

“Oh, I am,” Suguru smiles. “Single.”

Shoko chokes on her laughter. Satoru doesn’t look amused in the slightest, jealousy as palpable as a strike of lightning and the aftermath smell of burnt grass. You stare down at your lap, willing yourself to be as small as possible, discomfort prickling at your chest.

“Oh…Oh! Then I—” she flushes, looking back at the gaggle of other waitresses towards the cash register, two of whom give her a thumbs up. She extends her arms, bowing her head, piece of paper tucked between her fingers. It looks like an offering. An offering of Valentine’s day chocolate. “I wanted you to have this! Just—just in consideration of me!”

It’s undoubtedly endearing. You’ve never been in love. You wonder if you were normal, if it’d come more naturally to you. If you were a normal girl without the occasional bouts of terror and sadness and the all consuming exhaustion. Without the need to hide away every once in a while. Someone who could lead a happy and guiltless life. You wonder if you had ever had a chance. A possibility for you to be loved. Or if it had been the inevitable circumstances of your birth that had condemned you to a lonely, forgotten existence.

Shoko takes you by the arm, excusing the two of you for fresh air, before you can hear or see Suguru’s response. 

Outside, snow is beginning to fall. You stare at it as it lazily floats onto buildings, Shoko’s head, the ground. You brush the white off her head as she lights a cigarette and inhales with a gusto.

“I needed this!” She rests against the brick of the restaurant and exhales. “Those two love to make their business everyone’s problem, huh.”

Your lips twitch, despite the gravity of the situation. “I’m worried about them.”

“They’ll be fine,” she briefly stares at the lit end of her cigarette, the ashes flickering to the floor, before meeting your gaze. “They always are, aren’t they?”

----

You immediately feel out of place as you and step into the hotel’s banquet hall for the wedding reception. It’s beautiful, decorated with flowers, vines that hang from the ceiling and down the columns, and ice sculptures set up around the floor. Round tables with designated seating and personalized name cards set atop the plates fill the venue while leaving the middle of the room, the dance floor, open. Not a single yen wasted.

You scan the crowd of faces for Shoko, or even Satoru or Suguru. There’s not a single recognizable face. You swallow down your growing unease, adjust the silk skirt of your dress, and try your best to inspire confidence in yourself. 

You slowly take in the rest of the grand room, take a glass of champagne offered, and then realize you’re too nervous to drink. There seems to be an unusual amount of people concentrated around the main entrance. Your skin prickles uncomfortably. Years later, you still don’t do well around consistent crowds of people. Sometimes, it feels like if you’re slowly suffocating, boxed in where the walls are slowly closing in on you.

It’s not a pleasant feeling. You walk in the opposite direction and try to tune it out, careful not to grip the champagne glass too tightly. You hadn’t been invited to the actual wedding procession. You wouldn’t be invited to the Shinto ceremony either. That was reserved only for a special group of guests. You’re glad for it. You don’t know if you can survive in close quarters with people important enough to run the country of Japan.

“There you are,” a familiar voice pulls you out of your thoughts, a hand on your shoulder.

You turn, brightening. “Shoko!”

She looks stunning in the dark crimson gown she picked out when the two of you had gone dress shopping, and you can already see a few interested glances in her direction. Her hair is braided up, exposing her slender neck, and you can smell the cypress of her favorite perfume. You catch yourself staring at the red lining her lips, a few shades lighter than dress. If anything, you think being able to see Shoko like this is worth all the troubles of pretending to be… somebody.  

“How was the wedding?” You hand her your own untouched champagne. She lifts it to her lips and it’s gone.

That gets a grin out of her. “Interesting.”

She tells you that it had been an arranged marriage, and the bride had staunchly resisted the match, to the last second, which explained the closed, intimate ceremony. Furthermore, the bride refused to write and recite her vows, which had made for an entertaining scene on the altar. And that when the groom had leaned down to kiss her, she had angled her face away, so that his lips had collided with her cheek instead of lips.

The story is entertaining. Though you can’t help but feel bad for the bride, forced into a marriage by forces outside her control. What if she was already in love with somebody else? What if she had no interest in marriage? What is she didn't want a husband?

Shoko draws back a step, looking you up and down with a nod of approval. She smooths out the neckline of your dress. “I thought you’d look good in this one. It makes me want to show you off.”

You glance down at the silk dress adorned on you, so soft it ripples with every movement. It’s a pretty dress, although you’re sure you don’t do it justice.

“How are Satoru and Suguru?” You ask hesitantly.

Shoko tilts her head towards the main entrance. “How about you ask them yourself?”

Upon closer inspection, you realize the crowd of people around the entrance had been gathered around Satoru and Suguru. Huh. You didn’t originally notice them. You must have been too caught up in your head.

“No thanks,” you say, not wanting to intrude, but you take the time to watch them for a little longer.

Suguru’s face is animated with a bright smile as he converses with several other older guests, head slightly inclined in a politely deferential stance. They’re both in Kimonos. Matching colors. That brings a smile to your face. Still united in some way even if they may be in the midst of a long standing argument.

Satoru’s face is shaded with sunglasses, a suspiciously blank expression in the indifferent set of his lips. You aren’t sure you’ve caught his eye, but he perks in your direction, and when you raise your hand in a slight wave, he straightens.

Shoko weaves her arm through yours. “Alright, let’s get more drinks!”

You catch the frown forming on his lips just as Shoko tugs you away.

Shoko manages to get an entire bottle of champagne. Then she leads you to the largest table in the room, towards the front of the banquet hall, and gestures to your seat next to hers before taking a seat and filling her glass back up.

“I healed the bride’s father a while back,” she says, taking a sip of the champagne. “Stage 4 kidney cancer.” She makes a face. “I hate making house calls, but the higher ups insisted. I’m not trying to become a private doctor.”

“He must have been grateful.”

“He was,” she snorts. “He tried to buy me into his employ.” She leans back into her seat, looking at the banquet hall. “The man certainly has the money.”

“You like it at jujutsu tech,” you say with a bright smile. “You’d never leave us.” You’d like to think she’d never leave you.  

“I wouldn’t leave you,” she says, matter of factly. “How could I leave you with those two insensitive jerks?"

You’re so pleased you don’t think your smile can contain it all. She said she wouldn’t leave you. The champagne you took one sip of sits bubbly in your stomach. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad. Less work, more money…” you shrug. “If it made you happy, I wouldn’t mind.” Jujustu tech would probably fall apart without Shoko, so you leave that part out. You just want her to be happy.

She exhales. “I’m happy where I am right now.”

The two of you share a smile.

Shoko’s bottle inevitably runs empty while she recounts a funny incident in medical school involving a cadaver, and you offer to get her another one.

When you come back, there’s a man you don’t recognize in your seat, conversing with Shoko. You wonder what they’re talking about, for Shoko to look so unusually engaged. You’ve observed her in all her varying degrees of disinterest and moods to be able to read her well. You don’t want to disturb her. So you drop the bottle on the nearby counter of the open bar and turn on your heels to do another lap around the room. Once again, you spot Suguru and Satoru, who have relocated to underneath one of the glass stained windows running the length of the wall of the room.

Satoru is with the groom, a tall man with handsome features dressed in a tailored black suit. The rising star politician, you assume. Next to him, his sullen bride stands, surly disposition visible all the way from your place in the room. A stunning emerald dress is draped across her figure, ending at her ankles. Her arms are crossed. Satoru’s lips move in response.

Next to him, a couple feet away, Suguru is talking to a woman dressed in a silver colored heavy furisode, the two of them deep in conversation. Your interest is piqued. You can’t quite see her face, her back towards you, but you think she may be Suguru’s matchmaking attendee. 

You should give them privacy. Well. You shouldn’t be gawking at them. You turn just as someone else steps behind you, colliding into them. The ensuing collision has you precariously teetering back. Before you can regain your balance, a strong hand wraps around your upper arm, another around your waist, steadying you at once.

“You alright?”

The man you bumped into you gives you a dirty look, before continuing on his way. You look at the man. There’s something familiar about the set of his cheekbones, the curl of his lips in an easy smile, his dark green gaze, like the clearing of a forest. You’ve had this thought before, long ago. When the green of a boy’s eyes made you remember there was color in the world.

“Yes,” you reply slowly, waiting for him to let you go. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“I’ve been watching you.”

You stare at him, unsure of how to take his comment. Watching…you…? You hope you haven’t done anything embarrassing. “Excuse me…?”

He promptly drops his arms and steps away. You slowly move to take a step back. Maybe you could pretend someone was calling you over—

“Wait a minute! That made me sound—” he shakes his head. “Wait.” He extends his hand, a wide grin on his face. “Let's start over! Shirokami Hideo.”

It clicks. Oh. You know this man. Well, you knew the boy. You don’t remember much from your time at the Kamo compound. It’s a series of blurred faces and muffled voices. Long stretches of darkness. You slept a lot back then too, you think, because the only thing you do remember in clarity is the sandalwood scent of your comforter, and your preference for sleeping on futons. 

“Hideo-kun,” you say, as you remember a shallow brook deep in the forest, and the boy who had taught you to catch fireflies with his hands. You wonder how and why you had forgotten in the first place. You left the Kamo compound, and forgot it all in the monotony of the ensuing years. His voice is deeper, and he’s grown into his face, but if nothing else, his eyes are the same. “I remember you.”

He beams. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Do you still like stargazing?”

---

The surprise must be evident on your face because he sheepishly scratches his face. “The first time you talked to me, it was to tell me that I was looking at the Canis Major, not the Crow.”

You don’t remember it, but it touches you just the same. To think that someone remembered you, even when you didn’t. You had left a piece of yourself in someone.

You take a bite of your lobster, nodding. “I do. I try to go when I can. But I’ve been so busy lately…” You’ve also been meaning to take the kids with you one night. When the weather warms up, you’ll bring them to the mountains. They’d like that. You know Tsumiki was delighted when you gave her a book that illustrated the constellations. You had bought it for her with Megumi on one of your outings.

Hideo nods in sympathy. “It’s tough being a jujutsu sorcerer. Trust me, I’m taking advantage of the low season to take time off to relax!”

The two of you sit at a table tucked away in the far corner. Hideo’s table. There had been an empty seat which he offered. You gratefully accepted, especially when you managed to catch a glimpse of your original table. You had seen Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru. Along with the bride, groom, and a couple other distinguished people seated at the table. You’re glad to escape from the scrutiny. You do much better in obscurity. 

You spent the last hour catching up. Hideo was mainly located in Kyoto, with his clan, a Kamo branch family, but he had been preparing to move to Tokyo for a change in scenery.

You knew him for a brief three months, before his return to his clan for his mother’s funeral. He regretted not being able to leave you a note, or tell you that he was leaving. He tried to contact you after, but nobody knew your whereabouts, especially since you moved back to Tokyo and was subsequently lost in the system.

Currently, with his father on bedrest, he was preparing to take over the clan from Tokyo. The move to Tokyo is an effort to bridge the gap and relationship between the Tokyo and Kyoto jujtusu societies.

In return, you offered your own mundane and uneventful recollection of your life up to this point. Compared to Hideo’s, you didn’t have much to offer. You moved to Tokyo after studying the katana at the Kamo compound. Undertook missions as expected of you, and lived alone up until high school. Then you enrolled in jujutsu tech. Now you’re in school for your masters, and then hopefully, a PHD.

It feels odd to talk to someone other than Shoko, Suguru, and Satoru. You don’t know Hideo nearly as well, despite a brief history together. Where you can search for familiarity in the softness of Suguru’s smile, the mischievous curl of Shoko’s lips, Satoru’s straightforward demeanor, there’s nothing here to cling to. You don’t remember what it ever meant to be without them. It’s alarming. It’s frightening.

But you think this is what it means to start anew.

The room quiets as a spoon taps glass. Attention gathers towards the table in the middle of the room where an older man in a tuxedo stands. It’s a five minute speech that you don’t really give much thought to, your thoughts with the bride who looks precariously close to storming out of the room.

Hideo tilts his head towards you, his lips in your ear. “She doesn’t look too happy, huh.”

You have to agree.

There are three more speeches. You don’t recognize anybody. Soon after, conversation fills the room once more.

During a lull in a conversation, you excuse yourself to the restroom for a few minutes to yourself. Upon entering the brightly lit room, your gaze is directed towards a woman seated on one of the loveseats in front of a large, wall length mirror, fixing her makeup. You recognize her silver kimono immediately, and when the small, compact mirror slips from her hand and onto the floor by your feet, you bend down to hand it to her. There’s a lotus engraved onto the back of the mirror. 

“Thank you,” she says delicately, fingers brushing yours as she takes back her mirror. Up close, you take in her full appearance. The delicate contours of her light makeup to her exceptionally beautiful hazel eyes. Her brown hair is shoulder length, brushing her shoulders, bangs immaculately cut across her forehead. She looks like a doll, even more so when she gives you an inquisitive look, a polite smile curling her lips.

“Is something the matter?” 

You realize you’ve been staring. Your face burns. “I’m sorry,” you say, voice reedy, unable to articulate how lovely you think she looks, or how you had seen her talking to Suguru earlier, and whether or not she is who you think she is. So you simply awkwardly look at her. Nod your head in a curt goodbye and turn back around, intent on not speaking to anyone but Hideo for the rest of the evening, lest you embarrass yourself further.

You run right into someone’s chest, and hear a familiar voice say your name, the familiar scent of sandalwood in your nose, as a hand on your upper arm rights you back up.

“Suguru,” you say happily, looking at him. Up close, you think he looks especially handsome in his dark blue kimono. His usually pulled up hair is down, flowing down his back. You like it when he lets his hair down. You didn’t think you’d get to see him, or even talk to him today. “I seem to be bumping into a lot of people today…”

Concern immediately colors his face as he smooths your hair down and fixes the shoulder of your dress. His hand stays on your shoulder, thumb tracing your collarbone in comforting motions. “Everything alright?”

“Yes!” You reply immediately to assuage his concern, if anything. You hope he's alright. Or at least making nice with Satoru for the duration of this event. You're sure they've grown past making a public spectacle of their arguments, but one can never be too sure. “I’m no good at these types of events. I guess I’m just a little nervous…”

“I was looking for you,” he says, eyebrows furrowed. “Shoko said you were…” his features grow taunt, lips tugging into a slight frown, “fine. But you weren’t in your seat.”

Shoko must have seen you with Hideo. Which meant she looked for you. Your smile grows wider. However, even the thought of returning to your designated seat surrounded by the most important people at the event you’d be expected to converse with makes your stomach twist. Embarrassing yourself was one thing. Embarrassing Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko was another.

“She’s right,” you confirm, doing your best to reassure him. “I found an old friend!”

His lips reflexively twitch into a smile, maintaining an amiable expression, but it doesn’t touch his eyes. “An…old friend…?”

“I’ve been with him the entire time, so you don’t need to worry. I’ll introduce you,” you say eagerly, excited at the prospect of being able to introduce Hideo to Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko. “He—”

“Are you cold?” Suguru suddenly asks you lightly, hand slightly squeezing your shoulder. “The air condition is cold in here, isn’t it?”

“Not really,” you blink. “...Are you cold?” That wouldn’t do. Maybe you could ask the hotel receptionist—

“Geto-sama,” a voice interrupts, “I didn’t think I’d find you out here.” You turn, seeing the woman in the silver kimono, once more, smiling, a fresh layer of red painting her lips. You straighten, resisting the urge to smooth out your dress.

“I was on my way to get some air,” Suguru answers with a smile of his own. “I ran into a close friend.” He chuckles goodnaturedly. “I’m trying to convince her to come back with me.”

Come back with him?

Her gaze slides to you. If she remembers you, her expression is unreadable. Her eyes slightly widen. “Oh my,” she lifts her hand to her mouth. “Is it your seat I’ve taken? My apologies—”

“Oh, it’s fine!” You wave her off. She looks genuinely apologetic. “Please, take my seat. I’ve found another with an old friend.”

“Is that so…” She trails off, glancing up at Suguru. “Forgive me, we haven’t been properly introduced.” She lowers her head. “Sasaki Kumiko. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.”

You reply with your own name, and an encouraging smile.

“Speaking of,” you step away. “I’ve kept Hideo-kun waiting long enough. Why don’t you take her with you to get fresh air, Suguru?”

“It would be a pleasure,” Kumiko says, eyes brightening at the idea, giving a face a certain type of incandescent joy. “I would love to accompany you.”

You don’t wait for his reply to make yourself scarce. You give his hand a little squeeze, before making your way back to Hideo.

The two of you fall back into easy conversation and talk until the moon is high and bright in the sky. Plates are cleared and guests start to rise once again, mingling and talking as the dancefloor begins to fill up.

You’re unsure of what to do. Should you look for Shoko again? You’re not much of a dancer. You don’t want to hold her back with your discomfort. Hideo lightly taps on your arm, bending down to whisper into your ear: “There’s a garden outside. Do you want to walk with me?”

You are instantly relieved. With everybody crowded around the dance floor to witness the bride and groom’s first dance, the two of you would be able to slip outside. Nobody would be there. You could get away.

You nod, and he takes your hand, leading you towards the exit leading to the hotel lobby, and then outside. As the two of you step out into the pebble lined path, lit up in anticipation for the wedding, you can still hear the strings of the quartet playing from the ballroom. Immaculately tended flowers line the path, flowers of every color and shape. You sigh, feeling the tension slipping from your body. 

“I’m sorry if I scared you. Earlier.” Hideo laughs, rubbing the back of his neck, turning to you earnestly. “I saw you earlier, and I spent so much time thinking of what to say to you that I completely forgot what I was going to say!”

You laugh, despite the outside chill trailing over your body. You relate to the feeling of your tongue not working at times. “You didn’t scare me. But I did think you mistook me for someone else at first,” you admit. You were initially perturbed, that was true. You’re glad he cleared the air before you managed to escape. You’re glad that you’ve met him again, after all these years.

The path opens to a small clearing with an empty fountain as Hideo fondly details his short lived time at the main Kamo estate with you. At the Kamo compound, he was one of many boys, left alone to his own devices in favor of the more elite sons of the family. It was the first time he had ever tasted freedom away from his own clan estate, where he was coddled by servants and his sickly mother.

Upon your silence, he looks at you, concerned. “Is it cold?” He moves to take off his jacket but you stop him.

“It’s not that,” you blurt out. The cold feels good on your skin. Calms you down. “I don’t remember much from back then. It’s all…hazy.” Any recollection of your childhood draws a blank. It makes you feel bad that you can’t dignify his memories with your own. “But I know that…” you trail off, staring at your feet. “You were kind to me. Back then.” Even you know that you hadn’t been in the right state of mind so soon after your father died. You wanted to leave the past behind. You didn’t want to remember. You had to forget to survive.

You sit down on the cold surface of stone, and exhale. You didn’t realize Hideo’s appearance would dredge up the past like this. You feel tired all of a sudden. You want to go back to the apartment you’ve made a home, curl up in your bed, and let sleep claim you once more.

A weight settles on your shoulders as the warmth of Hideo’s jacket envelopes you. He takes a seat next to you, gaze searching yours. 

“You were a child,” he says gently. “It’s okay to forgive yourself—”

You don’t hear the rest of his words as blood rushes to your ears. You can’t swallow the lump in your throat, and your face feels hot to the touch. Your fingers curl into the skirt of your dress. Forgiveness . You have no right to forgiveness. You allow yourself just enough happiness, and that’s enough. 

“—it was only three months.” His gaze turns a touch concerned. “Are you alright?”

Panic bubbles in your chest as you manage shallow breaths, staring at him in increasing discomfort as your vision begins to go spotty.

Forgiveness? Your father died before he could forgive you. He died resenting your birth. He wished you had died instead of your mother. The forgiveness to absolve yourself isn't yours.

“There you are.”

You’d recognize the sharp cadence of Satoru’s voice anywhere. You focus on it. He’s unhappy. You wonder if he got into another fight with Suguru. You turn to where he stands, arms crossed, jaw set into a hard line. In the moonlight he glows otherworldly, a piece of divinity on earth. If only his expression matched.

His eyes are piercingly alight as he approaches. “Shoko’s looking for you.”

“Oh.” You perk up. “She is?” In your momentary elation at the prospect of seeing Shoko again, the anxiety dissipates enough for you to collect yourself. You almost forget to make introductions, but Hideo beats you to it, standing up. 

“Gojo-sama,” he says, inclining his head. “It’s an—”

“Like I care,” is Satoru’s clipped response. A dismissive glance in Hideo’s general direction, before his gaze is focused on you again. You stare at him, taken aback at his rudeness.

He pulls you up, not roughly, and examines you with a keen eye. He takes in the coat on your shoulders, and irritation shrouds his face once more. He swipes it off your shoulders and throws it back on the fountain. Then he takes off his haori and sweeps it over your shoulders. Without another word, he takes you by the wrist and away.

You give Hideo one last glance over your shoulder. He waves, a good natured smile on his face.

You eye Satoru’s back, trying to tug your hand back to your side to no avail. His fingers are locked around your wrist. Despite his annoyance, you’re happy to see him. There’s so much you want to tell him, about all the small details about your shameful past you tried to hide, about the small things you did remember about your time at the Kamo compound, even about Hideo—

You are backed into a wall, Satoru looming above you, eyes flashing. “Who the hell was that?”

You blink at him, looking from Satoru’s left arm caging you into the wall, to the other with slight disbelief.  “Shirokami…Hideo…” We lived together when we were younger. Back when I had nobody. Back when I was a ghost. He taught me how to catch fireflies. I don’t remember much about those days, but I think he made me happy.

You hold your tongue.

You hope you aren’t being presumptuous. “He’s a friend—”

Satoru’s fingers dig into your chin as he lifts your face up. You look into his eyes, brighter than the moon hanging in the sky, and you think there’s something disconcerting in the way he looks at you. Like you could ask him to defy the laws of the world. For you, he do it. And if you asked him to bring down a star, he’d lay it on your palm.

The world stills, just as it usually does when you meet his gaze. Your heart skips a beat in your chest as you stare at him, daring you to pull away, to drop your gaze back to your feet.

You feel his hand curl around your nape, pulling you to him with a squeeze that feels branding. He takes your lips with a bruising kiss, pressing you back into a garden shed. A startled noise leaves your open lips, and Satoru takes advantage, teeth sinking into your bottom lip with a distinct viciousness. You feel his tongue dragging against your own, hungry. Your eyes widen, never leaving his lidded stare that could be a glare. His hands come up to cup your face, angling you to his whims, effectively keeping you still against the onslaught of his lips as he steals your breath away.

He’s all you can see and feel. The heat of him, his palpable desire, so feverish it eats you alive. You push at his chest, feeling the lack of oxygen muddle your brain but he only holds you tighter. When he finally pulls away, a string of saliva briefly connects your lips, broken when Satoru’s tongue runs over his lips. Your hands are fisted into the fabric of his nagagi so tightly that you’ve pulled it open, exposing more of his chest than necessary. You let go, hands falling limp to your side.

His eyes lower back to your lips, and you startle. You’d take a step back if you could, but instead you push back into the wall. Somewhere in between, Satoru had lifted you up, your legs loosely wrapped around his waist, dress hiked up. Satoru’s hand is resting on your bare thigh with a grip that has no intention of letting you move, and a shiver rips through your body as you inhale gulps of air. His leg rests between your thighs, reminding you of the uncomfortable wetness staining your panties.

He leans forward and you unknowingly tense, but instead of your lips you feel a sting on your neck. Teeth. You wince, but Satoru holds you in place, fingers curling into you like a warning. You feel his tongue tracing the bruise, before he straightens with a finality. You might be shaking but you’re unsure if it’s from the cold or…

You stare at him, stunned, while he meets your gaze unrepentantly.

“I…” your voice trembles as the awful reality slowly sets in. “Could you…” you struggle with the words. “...Please put me down.”

For one terrifying second, you see the beginnings of the stubborn set of his eyebrows, as if he might refuse.

Then, wordlessly, wearing a frown, he lifts you down.

You don’t think. You bend down on unsteady legs to pick up his fine haori that had fallen to the ground, and neatly fold it. You hand it to him. He takes it. 

“Good night,” you intone.

You stiffly walk back into the hotel lobby, where everyone has gathered, ready to leave for the night or take taxis to the invite exclusive after party. You think you might walk to the train station. Nothing feels real.

You should text Shoko. Tell her that you didn’t feel good and that you took a taxi home. Yes, you’ll do that.

You accidentally meet Suguru’s searching gaze from across the room. You register surprise across his face. Then he slowly makes his way through the crowd. There's something wet on your lips, and when you raise your hand there's a smear of blood on your fingers. You take a step back, stomach twisting into knots. You’ll walk.

You’ll walk.

You turn around, starting through the hotel lobby where cabs have begun to line the entrance and the streets outside. You'll feel bad later. You walk through it all. Once you get far away enough, you manage to flag an empty taxi down.

You don’t remember the car ride home. You enter your apartment and make it to your bed just as your legs buckle. You fall asleep in daze, wondering if the night was all just a bad dream.