#unless ive made people feel that about my writing? it's been a while since i wrote something i genuinely liked tho
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What Element Writer Are You?
Dust Writers
It's hard to combine air and earth, and you are the proof that impossible is just a word. You mix the patience behind the creation of long stories, with the lightness of air, and its force. Your prompts are the best, interesting, funny, and creating infinite possibilities and universes in front of them. Your words carry the reader in new and unexplored worlds, you give them wings and the whole sky. You can give a just taste and it's too good to stop. Your readers become your fans, because your writing gets them addicted. Your words can have an aftertaste of sadness sometimes, but mainly you like to show the feelings, like to let them really exist, without apologies. You're the writer that's born with the ability to touch the deepest floor of an abyss and, at the same time, smile while sitting on the clouds. Dust writers are a breathing miracle that make readers reach heights that others can only dream of. tagged by: @thornicidxs tagging: anyone!
#//fae.games#i forgot my tags again#ummmm this is too nice#i wouldnt say this fits entirely?#unless ive made people feel that about my writing? it's been a while since i wrote something i genuinely liked tho
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PLEASE GIVE ME SMUT WRUTING TIPS..GOJO BREEDING KINK MADE ME WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR MYSELF. (EVEVN IF U DONT LIKE GS BREEDING KINK, ITS ONE OF UR BWSTS) PLEASE GIVE ME DIALOGUE WRITING HELP. HELPPPPP DONT LEAVE ME HELPLESS
UHHHH smut writing tips... hmmm. (yapping below the cut)
this may sound very wrong and not pc BUT, ive been reading smut for years. Since I was like 10, ive read countless different writing styles, and millions of words of pure filth.
And as I read them I developed a taste of what I like and don't like- I write in a way as though I am reading to the reader- you/your/yours, because I don't like y/n or I don't like using third person pov nor first person.
What I do- is I think of the scene, picture it and if I can't get a body part- or a hand placement correct, I go look at porn videos or hentai- whatever. Not because i derive like arousal from it- but I truly use it as a form of studying. (im asexual)
I also use shows, movies and songs for inspo- certain lyrics I can picture on x character I write down.
I find it helpful to use a physical notebook for my ideas, there are times I don't have access to my computer so actual paper helps.
And as for dialogue, I try to keep a mix of x characters physical state while they speak, an example;
("blah blah blah" she said, and he said "blah blah" and then-) ive never liked this specific kind of writing so I include the way their eyebrows furrow- or the way their nose crinkles after saying something.
with smut I think its helpful for the reader to picture the way x characters face churns, a trembling bottom lip, dilated pupils, it helps make everything seem more intimate and inclusive for the reader.
And when it comes to describing the way something feels- if its something small like a trailing touch- I take a second and do what im writing about onto myself-
example; if im writing about a gripping hand on a hip- ill press the tips of my fingers onto my thigh to see the way the skin indents and how it feels? (embarrassing)
One thing ive learned- just because you write it with a specific image in mind- doesn't mean people will be able to see it the way you do unless you provide details.
usually when im doing laundry or at work a specific sentence pops into my head that id picture x character saying.
Let's use gojo for example, in my head when I think of his dialogue I think of playful, sweet, but with kinda mean undertones. Because in the anime/manga he keeps a playful tone while saying some very mean things.
once ive finished a very rough first draft- I spell check everything and read it outloud to myself- I say the dialogue in the tone I pictured while writing to be sure it sounds correct. and if it doesn't I brainstorm different phrases or words. (use of different words is soo important.)
And once ive corrected any words that don't fit together- or changing certain things that make me squint- I feed it into Siri nd have it read it to me outloud while I follow the sentences.
I do this 3-4 times till the whole thing sounds correct and how I mean for it to be read.
And I do one final skim once I paste the story onto Tumblr.
it's a tedious process, I know, there's times where im on my 4th reread and it seems boring or uninteresting- but only because ive reread it a million times and combed through it carefully.
There are times where I think my writing sucks because it seems over processed it and it's not entertaining- but!!! I proceed regardless.
And remember- you shouldn't write for the likes of other people, write for yourself and to your likings.
The masses shouldn't tell you what you should enjoy writing, pls don't take this as rules or as like a demanding thing- this is just my personal experience and the way I like to do things.
Writing should be a fun hobby and something you do to get the filth out of your mind, nd im not a very big writer on here, so don't listen to me too much
thank u for the question :>>> (I know how it feels to reach out for some help anon, im happy you enjoy my writing enough to ask me this, ily)
#jjk#â Ë・ âŕ¨ten speaksŕ§â Ë・ â#jjk x reader#writing#â Ë・ âŕ¨10 asksŕ§â Ë・ â
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đđźđŻđśđ˛ đ
đżđ˛đŽđąđ˛đż đľđ°đ
hii, first post on tumblr!! ive been wanting to post my own writings but haven't mustered up the courage until now so i hope u enjoy đ¤âď¸
warnings: none i think?? just fluff đĽł
-despite the fact that hobie HATES labels, i think he'd put a label on your relationship with him because um, ackshewally he doesn't belive in consistency so 𼸠-but seriously though i don't think he'd hate the idea of labeling a relationship -while hobie would def give you a piggyback if u asked for it, i can just imagine hobie pestering u to give him a piggy back on long missions (if you're a spider person) and since he's so tall and lanky it would look so funny with his legs sticking all the way out infront of you đđ -yk how hobie turns pink around ppl he cares about such as mayday and miles? whenever he's around you it would be the same but i also had a thought that he'd turn a darker shade of pink + a lighter pink that represents his romantical feelings for you + his platonic feelings for you because he just cares about u sm in general not just romantically -i know almost every hobie writer has said this but yes he would absolutely make his own gifts for you and they would be sick asf -like he'd make accessories for u or maybe even a matching vest for u with a ton of pins on it like hobies omg how cute?!?!đąđą -he'd give you a lot of good advice but would also encourage you to go apeshit and break rules (like he did for miles) cause everyone needs that kind of person in their life and that is most definitely hobie brown -hobie is a funny guy and a good amount of your time spent with him is just you laughing your ass off and telling him to stop BUT HE KEEPS ADDING ONTO THE JOKE AND UR DYING LIKE "LET mE BREATHE AKSJRF" -while hobie has an elite sense of humor it would be very hard to get hobie to laugh really hard unless you tickle him or something (would hobie be ticklish? idk đ¤ˇââď¸) but i feel like most people would only be able to get a chuckle out of him -but, on a very rare occasion you'd have him shitting his pants cause he's laughing so hard (NOT ACTUALLY SHITTING đ¨đ¨ unless ur into that?? đđ¤) cause of some random funny joke u made or just you being funny in general -hobie would introduce you to so many cool people and places and honestly being with him as an s/o or just a friend would be an absolute blast (unless ur his cannon event then idk what to tell u đś but let's be honest half the people on tumblr would do it anyways)
that's it!! thank u for reading up until here and if this sucks bootyballs pls let me know cuz i need advice đ˝đ˝đ˝
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I just read Sunflower and i kid you not, i directly send a 3 minutes long voice mess to my boyfriend. This was genius. Incredible. I love you. Please teach me. Please be happy. You deserve the world. My head is going to ne filled with this.
responding to all your comments that you've left here below - thank you, you are so kind. this is really long. sorry for the yapping.
firstly, oh my god. the one you left on sunflower LMAOO i laughed out loud bc i never imagined someone would like my work so much, that they'd contemplate printing it! i'm glad you enjoyed the way i wrote the reader - i wasn't sure how to characterize her at first, but she grew on me so much. i'm honored. hopefully one day i will be able to write longer-length fics with the same depth that i did for this one!
also thank you and sorry in advance i need to rant about my fics/concepts - im going to dump them all here, since you asked about them! i don't have anything other than what's on my profile right now, but i hope these suffice. if you have any more questions about anything feel free to ask anytime :). barring outright spoilers, i'm happy to answer anything! some of my in-progress works are on my masterlist ( only titles / pairings, nothing else ). they will be posted to tumblr eventually, and i think they will be long enough to also be posted to ao3! however, i've only started working on these fics recently (read: after july 1st, when i made this blog) so they probably won't be posted for a while, unless i sink into a sunflower-level brainrot again. but! soon! these will likely be in x reader format. here's a tentative list, i won't go too much into detail ( i really want to. i want to do it so bad. but i won't bc spoilers!! )
porcelain, shouto todoroki x actress! reader. - but this will deal with very dark themes (eating disorder, suicidal ideation, sexual violence, child abuse, and anything similar associated with the acting/idol industry) that a lot of people will likely find uncomfortable. will also take me a significant amount of time to write due to the research i need to do to give these themes (hopefully) justice.
pirate! katsuki bakugo x siren! reader. - i came up with the concept this morning. it needs to marinate for a bit. but the vision is there!! pure self indulgence fic!! i thought of it and i was like WAIT i am a GENIUS and ive also been listening to the song that inspired it on loop so. mild darker themes but nothing like porcelain lol
sukuna x kitsune! reader - honestly i just really like kitsune mythology and whenever i think of this i want to stick my fist in my mouth and scream because im like the POTENTIAL. i also really like aus about fantasy historical times (im a diehard historical xianxia cdrama enjoyer. they are terrible. i eat every single one of them up.) will also deal with dark themes, considering the status of the world/women during those times.
i do have a tentative x oc in the works - vampire hunter! character x vampire. not sure abt the pairing, but it's bnha. i can tell you that this will be an au, like i take liberties with the entire universe and rewrite it style, with an entirely new plot set after the entire anime. (afo wins. i think.) this will hopefully be a chaptered work, which also means it will take me a significant amount of time to write. i like to have a clear vision + most chapters prewritten for anything longer than a one shot before i post bc all of my past projects have been abandoned lol. theyre getting reworked into some of these fics tho!
finally, onto this ask: i actually showed your message to my parents after squealing over it lol thank you. i'm honored you liked my fic so much that you shared it with your loved ones. i am also glad that your head will be filled with this - that's exactly how i felt writing it! nothing else. just ideas bouncing around the rest of my horrifically empty head.
you also mentioned being taught by me how to write twice - i don't think i'm qualified for a teacher. i'm not even an english major :^). i just enjoyed english classes in hs, and write in my spare time. (im actually studying computer engineering and my friends think its really funny bc like lol an engineer?? a coder?? who writes?? i am simply Special)
however, i think i can say this! write for yourself, write whatever you want to write. my first works were published on wattpad back when i was 13. that account has since been deleted, and i cringe really hard when i think back to that time, but i think that without it, without the love that those few interactions gave me, and towards my confidence to post, my writing would not be at all what it is today. it doesn't matter if what you write is bad, or not at all on par with what you'd like - writing, to me, is a journey that you build up every step of the way. you will improve in anything if you pour enough love into it, i think.
( ok unrelated interlude sorry i feel like a wizened sage i should really take my own advice and focus up on school LOL. sorry if this is also like,, condescending at all?? in any way?? i promise i don't mean it in that way )
with regards on how specifically to improve at writing: idk, i'm not that much of an established writer myself. i'm definitely not as good compared to some authors whose works i've read, though i'd like to get someday! firstly, i think reading anything you can is important. the books i usually read are of the fantasy/action/romance types, and i am a serial reader of fanfiction myself. read as much as you can, whatever you'd like. note the authors that say something that sticks with you, cut up the emotions of their characters into a million pieces, hold them within your heart. i am the writer i am today, only because of the thousands of authors who came before me, because i carry snippets of them that i admired, i thought were particularly amazing, and tried to make it into my own. i think i said this in a response to someone else: it's amazing to see how different authors interpret a character and make it into their own, taking little snippets from a fandom, tweaking it just a bit to add their own.
read for your own enjoyment, write for your own enjoyment, practice with a drabble a day or anytime, anything that you want. love the process and every step of it. be like me, and think of a comment at 11pm while watching your cdramas because one reader told asked you if you really liked to make them suffer. think of a concept because you tell them that you'd like to write fluff one day, and fixate on this so strongly that you think of nothing else for a full 48 hours, even when you are sleeping, so much that you wake up, have an idea click together, hop over to your laptop at 8am in the morning on 5 hours of sleep after you sleep at 3 (because you're grinding) and start the grind anew. or, ruminate on your ideas! let them sit, let them simmer, plan it out as slowly as you'd like. it can take you months, years - lord knows. i have a concept i've been sitting on for the better part of minimum five years? i say this, because once an idea clicks for me, the flow of it feels natural. i grin whenever i think of something really stupid to put in, a sentence that feels just perfect, a reference that 90% of my readers will probably miss.
when i decided to start this blog, it was because i was like: it'd be really cool if i went viral! and also because i wanted to share my work, to motivate myself into writing. i write because i am delighted when anyone chooses to interact with my posts, to like my writing. but i also write - and i think this is really important - solely for myself. yes, it's astounding to see the numbers go up, and i've honestly obsessed over the notifications for like hours now im ngl. but i write works for me, in a way that i know i will love; that will have me rereading over and over going oh my god i love ME. i write for those moments i will read back upon and grin quietly to myself at my own self-supposed literary genius.
tl;dr, write for yourself, and write something you know you will love.
if you have specific questions, i would be happy to answer them. to the best of my ability. i write entirely based off of vibes. i am also not sure if you asked that as like an unserious thing but i still tried my best either way.
sorry if this took too long / if any of it is unreadable / stated a bit? weirdly? tried my best :^)). also apologies for the yapping, it is also a disease, and like with my brainrot, i fear it is terminal
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random yuno stuff to make up for the fact ive only been rambling abt makoto so far
yuno is a little MENACE /aff they love pulling little pranks, annoying people and inconveniencing them in little ways. she obviously never takes it far and because she can read people well, they know when someone is too annoyed/upset and makes sure to apologize and make it up to them when she gets carried away. she loves playful banter and their love laguage is definitely friendly bullying
doesnt have the best relationship with her dad and her mom is uhm . out of the picture you could say [this is a pun only i and perhaps pinna get but i will elaborate on it. someday] so they tend to sneak out a lot to stay with UNIT MEMBER THAT SHALL NOT BE MENTIONED UNTILL MY SISTER DECIDES TO FINALLY FLESH THEM OUT AND TELL ME ABOUT THEM. anyway yeah yuno doesnt like staying home unless its them locked up comfy in their room doing their own thing, so they go out a lot and spend most of their time out and about doing whatever they feel like doing
despite their cheery and energetic personality, their mindset is actually pretty nihilistic, believing nothing really matter and life has no set meaning. she believes people exist just to exist, same as everything else. youre born, you live, you die. however she doesnt see it as a bad thing, it motivates her to make life as fun as possible while it lasts and to not dwell on anything too long since its inconsequential in the long run, my girl just wants to have fun with it !!
very creative person !!! she cant stick to just one art medium for too long and instead does all kinds of stuff, their favourite form is watercolor painting tho! she thinks the soft look of the paints is very pretty, but besides that she also does sculptures, writing, other types of paintings, digital art, sewing, literally you name any form of artistic craft and they probably tried it at least once, its their main form of self expression since they dont talk about their feelings like. at all
related to the feelings thing, theyre VERY expressive, which is one reason why they never feel the need to talk about their feelings, its cause everyone can simply tell what they feel. she learned that if people cant read you they will ask too many questions and get overly concerned, so she started putting her feelings on full display, yet still doesnt like elaborating on them. shes the kind of person you can know for years and suddenly you realize that after all this time spent together, you dont know much about them at all. she doesnt feel the need to open up, believing some things arent important for others to know [mostly because of her life "philosophy" or whatev u wann call it]
their fav colours are yellow and pink!!! pretty obvious since they LOVE wearing them, most of their closet is actually made up of clothing in those exact colours :3 if you ask her to pick between those 2 colours she will go on a rant about how its impossible to choose and will make the speech overly emotional and theatrical for no reason other than to mess with you
speaking of theatrical shes a HUGE wxs fan !!! she randomly saw their show one day when hanging out at the phoenix wonderland and LOVED IT!!! again, she loves every form of art so this was to be expected. emu especially caught their eye with her silly childlike wonder vibes, not to mention the pink hair was an immediate attention grab for yuno lmao. when they learn more about the troupe they grew to not only admire and respect them as performers but also on a more personal level, especially tsukasa and his leadership and sheer stage presence. i feel like tsukasa would definitely end up treating yuno like another one of his siblings tbh dkdghdjdhbd they have a pretty silly dynamic in my head
basically she thrives in any social setting, not everyone enjoys their company but shes not bothered by that at all and continues to do her own thing and being their silly energetic self, its no fun otherwise for them
she enjoys learning and wants to learn so many random things.. they also often just study how other people act and have a very strong interest in psychology and social stuff, you can often catch her staring and looking around at others with an oddly determined and focused look. despite her love of learning they do NOT enjoy school, mostly using it as a social space and an excuse to not be home. their grades are fine, but she finds most classes boring and only wants to learn stuff that interests her.
one of her hobbies includes fixing random stuff no matter how difficult with no experience because shes convinced she can just "figure it out" and it always works. they cant explain how they did it exactly but she will fix pretty much anything up somehow. everyone finds it a little scary because you can find her messing with electrical objects to fix them with zero clue on what to actually do to fix them. but they will always be fixed.
their only issue that they cant seem to brush off and follows them around no matter what is their fear of abandonment, she feels the constant need to be around people and have as many close friends as possible, they cant stand being alone. its no fun living when you have no one. they want to do their thing and have fun, but sometimes the self doubt creeps in and she starts wishing she was more normal. its a constant struggle for them, but they still tend to try and brush it off with some excuse like "i can always find someone else", and immediately feel weird about thinking that because who would want to replace their friends like that? this runs rlly deep btw and i wanna expand on this more when i figure out her backstory properly
so yeah, they stay silly but at what cost... /j
basically yuno is like. the embodiment of "i was born to love my friends and have a silly fun time"
i had way more thoughts but this is all i remember rn soooo BYE
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I have seen you posting about this RP often but you have never posted an ounce of proof to back up your claims. I am also a bit confused as to why you remained in the group for so many months if you felt the admins were this bad? You even said you knew one of the admins from a previous group and thought they were bad and then still joined their group? It doesn't add up to me.
totally understandable. let me try and explain a little more about what happened in francehq, and why i feel everyone should take extreme precaution before joining this game... due to the nature of some of the experiences that myself, and others, had regarding the admin in question, i share the screenshots privately, off of anon, since they hold some personally identifying information. additionally - ive even had one person go through the effort of their changing their entire online alias just to avoid another potential run-in with the admins, after feeling bullied as well. there are at least 6 different personal accords about being victimized about this admin/admin team (see others sharing their experience after leaving here, and here. we also had support here.) i had 3 former members of francehq reach out to me to thank me for speaking up, sharing they had felt the same and had been gaslit by mars into feeling they were the problem. i can, of course, share these as well upon request but for the safety of those involved, i will be blurring their discord name. of course, many of the victims wish to keep their identity (mainly, their discord) private, i am sure you understand. this got long, so further intel is under the cut + screenshots.
as for the previous group (i assume you mean my comment here), i hesitated before joining francehq for awhile, but i firmly believe in second chances. i joined with a friend who also had concerns, but we wanted to trust that people can change. plus, in 1642 where i ran into mars before, it was just clique-y behavior, and ship chasing... nothing too major, things that can be grown from, right? unfortunately, it all got worse over the months spent in francehq. for me, my issues with mars started in september, and then we had a discussion in october where she admitted to singling me out & not writing with me due to a concern i'd brought up as a member to the admins. i was targeted, and i almost left. i stayed for my good friends, and our plots, and tried to just look past the behavior i was seeing. i think we all want to give the benefit of the doubt, when we can, right?
unfortunately, things worsened, and when things started to get racist and fetish-y, i took back to back hiatuses while i tried to make decisions. mind you - i had over 2k posts on my character blog! this was hours of my life, of my love. but the proof is in the pudding - i mean, look at francehq RIGHT NOW. 23 taken characters, between 3 muns - NONE of them are bipoc, and the majority of the poc are from idol music groups. it's extremely fetishy. additionally - here, here, and here is screenshots of the admin characters, and the relationships that were active (notice the face chasing? these are the characters in the group still).
the final kicker was when mars decided to rewrite the entire backstory of a taken character that she did not play. she decided that this character had to be white, had to be adopted, had to come from another noble family, and the mun had been writing this character for months. mind you - this character was not previously adopted and this character had a full intro, posted and everything. mars has a history of excessive godmodding (and character copying/theft). i can prove this, too. there was no genuine apology or effort made to rectify the godmodding.
ALSO - look at francehq. they have their askbox off, their replies off, their reblogs off, everything is locked down, and they are hiding. you dont hide, unless you have something to hide. i am happy to share my screenshots with anyone off of anon, if they reach out, and i've done so before! <;3 ultimately, it is up to everyone to make their own decision, but i have had 10+ people come forward ( even people i have never met ) with personal experiences with mars. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION. if you decide to involve with this group, please be careful. that is all i am trying to do is spread the awareness.
also lets not forget that mars literally made a colonial rp in the past with heavy slave elements
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hi i wanted to ask something but also share something personal as well. my q is: do you feel like your relationship w social media has changed? meaning, do you catch / notice when you are on it for too long and you start to notice, and then you say: okay let's take a break. for me, i have been online for a long time ever since i was a kid, and now my relationship to it is i only limit myself an hour to being on my phone. as an adult now i am no longer social media "obsessed". like, when i am in school i am not thinking about online, i am present when im at school. i feel like i am really close to just deleting sm tbh. it does not grant me happiness like it used to. now as an adult i feel this need to live my life freely.
i also wanted to ask what are ur thoughts on content influencers? to me when i see these ppl i think...i could never post about everything about my life, but then again understanding that it is just a highlight reel. no one is posting every sad / frustrating thing that happens in their life as influencer, only the "great" parts.
this is an interesting question! i think ive never really had a relationship to social media where i feel like i need to post constantly or felt pressured to share everything. while im definitely the most online out of my household, compared to a lot of other people im not really very present online. i dont like using twitter, i only really use instagram to look at and post art and occasionally post a picture of my cat or nature or food on my main account, i dont really get up to much and i never use facebook unless i have to. i hate it. even here on tumblr i dont post a lot about my personal life unprompted, and this is the social media site i use the most by far. i do scroll tumblr a lot, i do watch a lot of youtube videos (though almost exclusively video essays on politics and recently also artist vlogs) and i do notice myself scrolling a bit too much, particularly when im overstimulated but instead of doing something less stimulating im anxious and looking for a distraction so i like. scroll harder. but ive never been like doing something else and thought 'man, i wish i was scrolling right now'. i dont really know. i do have trouble putting my phone down, like when i need to sleep, but i have trouble putting ANYTHING down. games, books, art or writing or projects im working on, music im listening to, i dont think tumblr is special, its just another activity for me to be distracted by.
all that being said, i did leave social media for a while. i had a really bad experience in a fandom on tumblr (not the pwams incident. that led me to step away from bandom and move to another fandom) and honestly it made me realise that the problem i had with social media wasnt that i was using it too much, but that i had a toxic relationship with the communities i was interacting with on there. the nature of my relationship to social media was unhealthy, not the fact that i had one that was a large part of my life. i think when i wasnt using any social media i actually wasnt in a great place either, because i was isolated from people id cared about, especially since i had just undergone a very traumatic incident, and because of that became very isolated from my in person friends as well, even before the pandemic pushed me away from even the acquaintances i had made. i was worried about coming back to tumblr, but i think ive grown and learned in such a way that i know how i like to comport myself in cyberspaces, and that its been good for me in a way. which is weird, but. i think id kind of have to go in depth about my life and how the pandemic affected me and the specific nature of coming of age in st lucia and stuff. which i dont want to do haha.
as for influencers. i hate the concept. i understand it, and i dont universally hate influencers as a whole, but like. theres this specific kind of content creator where the thing they are sharing is just their life and there isnt like a specific thing theyre logging, like an artist sharing their creative process and how they manage their life around that, or a chef sharing recipes, and its not like theyre doing it just to do it, they have the goal of growing a following, and theyre not advertising anything but themself, like JUST themself, as a person-brand, and i find that so deeply annoying and repulsive. and like thats strong wording its a dog eat dog world and the girlies of all genders need to secure the bag like i get it. i get it. but its revolting to me. like. the vlogbrothers werent trying to get famous they were using youtube to communicate with each other and as an open video diary and people found them to be interesting personalities to watch. right. do you get it. annoyingly i gotta put myself out there if i want people to find my art and pins and stuff so i have to fuckin. make videos. sell people on me. the idea of making vlogs makes me dry heave bc im not important i dont want to have to sell myself like im important i dont want to put my face on a camera and implicitly say with every quirky performed statement i make 'i matter, pay attention to me, i need to exist so look at me' but unfortunately i might have to. a video essay i could do. thats me saying something. but a vlog? with the goal of people finding my stuff? good god. it sounds like poison.
#dils declares#my tripod is broken so im using that as an excuse to not vlog.#i can do shortform video. thats dispassionate.#thats 60 seconds of selling myself or more likely my stuff in a highly edited way#there is no veneer of authenticity. no kayfabe.#i can do that.#but a whole fucking vlog? nauseating.
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so my classmates were talking about their crushes and making poems and writings and idk what to call it honestly but i decided to join in on the fun cus i was bored and i made these because i literally do not know what is falling in love
dream
i cannot fall in love so instead, i dream
i dream of being in the park with someone,
slowly walking alongside them as we enjoy the afternoon breeze
i dream of walking so close to them that our fingers would occasionally brush against each other and we would move away slightly from each other,
our face reddening as i smile slightly at the scene
i dream of realizing ive been in love with them since i had been young
i dream of avoiding them and yet they worry and continue to stay by my side
i dream of finally telling them my feelings,
under the moonlight where rain bounces off of our skin
as the rain continues, my tears falls down my cheek
and i run, in fear of them thinking of me as being weak
i dream of shutting myself in my bedroom, scared of what others will think
of what they'll think
and then a vibration comes from my phone
they called,
worried and confused
i dream of reassuring them while i sob
unable to keep my feelings from them
i dream of feeling pathetic as they listen in earnest,
as their voice holds me
and tells me
that they like me too
and i dream of feeling butterflies within my stomach
and love them even more than anything
but that's what's keeping me from falling in love,
my expectations and daydreams, my stardards and my ideal romance
but i believe in miracles.
so until i fall in love
i will continue to dream
falling in love
i do not get the idea of what people perceive as 'falling in love'
i do not get it but is it just-
walking down the streets and hearing a random tune
a tune that stays within your mind and continues to do so, like an itch that cannot be itched
and when you finally find the song, it's like that itch has finally been satisfied
it's a satisfying feeling to fall in love
as though, a missing piece in the puzzle had finally been found
or perhaps it's more like,..
finally leaving that place you've been stuck in for the longest time and you went to a place you never would've gone to
and then you stay in that place for so long that you didn't realize that the moon had been ready to rise
you ride your bike and suddenly, for the first time
you witness the sun as it sets, the beauty that comes with it, one that you've never realized until you looked closely
perhaps it feels as though you've noticed a beauty that you've never seen before
and then, you continue to chase that same feeling you felt the day you fell in love with that beauty
or maybe, it's like,..
a plant you've been taking care of, one you've been with its whole journey and one you've seen through its worst
but despite that, you continue to take care of it
you don't expect anything from the plant,
you feel that it doesn't have to thank you, nor give anything to you in return
because you chose to love that plant
and yet, it blooms
it blooms a flower
for you...
is falling in love being with that person throughout everything they've been through and still caring for them without wanting anything in exchange?
im not quite sure...
but if so, falling in love sure sounds beautiful
fiction has ruined romance
(note : i lost my sanity making this)
fiction has ruined romance for me
for now i cannot fall in love ever again
i can't fall in love unless that person had been an enemy my entire life but when the time comes when i am all alone,
he stays there by my side, continuing to hate me for types of stupid reasons and i keep him by my side, not realizing we had already become friends and i realize that i loved all the things i thought i had hated about him
and neither can i fall in love unless she had been the sunlight of my days as she continues to smile and please everyone and i just fall for her completely,
but i know deep down that she's not just a beam of sunshine, that she is a human and i make sure to remind her of that
and one day will i hope that she will feel comfortable enough to share her feelings with me, not having to feel pressured to please me and i wanna see her cry and let her show the side she rarely or would never share to others
and i would never fall in love unless that person stays with me, not because they feel they can change me, but rather because they want to help me through the changes and help keep me on the right track
they hold my hand as i make the biggest decisions in life and will support me through all i want to go through
and i dont think i will fall in love unless you've been my childhood best friend who's always been there for me and we felt as though it was us against the world but something happened that stopped us from being in touch
and when we see each other again, i wonder how ive ever lived without you this entire time as i fall in love with you all over again and we became close once more or even closer than before...
fiction has ruined romance for me
for now i cannot fall in love ever again
idk, im just bored dude (this is so cringy huhu i hate this)
#writer#probably aromantic probably not#writerscommunity#writers on tumblr#im going nuts#i lost my sanity while i was trying to think of ideas#why is this my first post#what is this dude it makes me cringe
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journal entry 8000000000
I don't know if it's my hormones, bc I did my shot this morning and am for some reason bleeding, or if its because this is the first day off I've had entirely alone, or if its mental illness or what.
I just needed to fucking write and writing in the physical journal makes my hand hurt and takes so long that i end up overthinking things. I'm not even overthinking right now, im just so sad?
I've been doing chores all day. Went to the office to figure some shit out. I've been fine all day, i've been fine for a while now except for small cry sessions here and there obviously.
I realized about ten minutes ago for the first time in my life without someone having to tell me that I'm going through terrible depression. Literally nothing sounds interesting to me, idk if its just now or if its been like that for a long time. Maybe that's why I'm so codependent, bc literally nothing is interesting to me unless it is to someone else. Thats fucking terrible. I dont know who the fuck i am because of codependent depression.
I try to keep myself busy but thats all it is is keeping busy, distracting myself from the weight of not knowing what the fuck to do with myself while im alone. tv isnt interesting at all and it doesnt help that i have the actual attention span of a pine nut recently. I made legos the other night and it was fun-ish and i like the outcome but i havent finished them bc im just not interested. I have no drive to create anything.
I've been trying to look for things to make my apartment reflect who i feel like i am way deep inside. I look around my apartment and i wonder who lives there, because I dont feel like I should be the one that does. I feel like its all wrong. I listen to the music ive always listened to and it feels wrong. everything just feels wrong and i dont know how much better i could describe it.
I feel so lost.
I'm trying so fucking hard. I'm trying to get back to myself and remember who I am but i dont think ive genuinely ever in my life known who i am and trying to figure that out is terrifying. not scary in a sense that i dont want to, but scary in a sense that like how the fuck have i never known?
everyone keeps telling me to find a hobby. thats great. but i cant find joy in literally anything no matter how hard i try. i dont enjoy being in my apartment like i thought i would after a month. i know. give it time. but how much time is it going to take? as long as it takes. that sucks.
i just want to feel at least the same sense of whatever normal was before. not in a "my life is the exact same" kind of way, but like i had control of my life. like i knew what was going on and was at peace with things. good, at least.
I feel like im just pretending. Maybe i am just pretending. but i want to not have to do that. i want to actually mean it when i say "im good, how're you?". I want to not feel like the only thing that works inside of me is my heart, because its all i can feel. constantly. it has highs, when i feel love, and it has lows, when i feel the absence. but thats all im feeling. otherwise i'm completely hollow, like im an outline of a person and thats all there is to me. like people can see and pass right through me without a thought. like im just existing in this apartment with no real purpose or meaning. and i think im experiencing depression for real for the first time, which is silly because i've been depressed since i was 12. this is the first time ive really felt it and not had someone to tell me to force myself out of it.
im trying to force myself out of it though. because i dont know what else to do, all i do is sit here and distract and feel and maybe go to a friends house or my sisters to distract some more bc i have to pretend like i'm okay in front of other people, even those i love.
i really need my health insurance to start so i can go to therapy. i need someone to help because today has felt helpless, today has felt like i cant fucking do this, today has felt like i dont even know if i want to. i'm not gonna do anything stupid bc i'm terrified of death but this feeling is so overwhelming and i'm so tired.
and i feel like i cant tell anyone that im feeling like this because the person that makes me feel safe that i want to talk to about it wants me to learn to fix things for myself and i dont want other people to worry and i dont want to go back to springwoods. i cant go back there.
I've always said "its getting bad again" to signify that I'm starting to feel like 2016 again. but i think its bad again already. i dont feel good.
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i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do đ i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while
for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]
so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.
Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.
now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.
now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?
and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.
now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.
love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3
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01:37 16/02/2023
Well... its obvs been a while since i updated huh. reading back on some of those .. some of its nice ig and some of it is quite articulate but looking back on some of it with my perspective now, idk its sad but also a little cringe lol. but thats the point of a diary to keep it cringe and truthful to how im feeling in the moment. well anyway
its 2023 woooo im in my second year of uni and things are pretty okay i guess. im still a litlte lonely dont get me wrong but im sure things will get better. um. ive got an essay due at midnight on the 16th (technically today) and im like a third through it? but the first 1/3 is the easiest part cos its just explaining the concepts. anyway im behind on a lot of uni work. for no reason. at all. like theres no good reason behind it other than i need medicated i guess. maybe i really should get meds im an adult now so im hoping they can. its genuinely really affecting my uni performance i cant get out of bed most days during the winter cos its so so cold. why is the world so so cold. my feet are also so so cold. can you tell im procrastinating :P unis still lonely but also i barely go anyway so what would i know anyway. i got some hobbies i guess. anime has revived my want for a tumblr blog so in november i made a new blog for anime ToT. its fun tho i really do enjoy it its so fun and silly and i can be as insane as i want to over fictional characters. better than twitter by a mile cos well yeah. it has also reignited my want to make art, cos then i can post it and other people who are also insane about the same characters can enjoy it too. even if its kinda bad idgaf. the whole 'oh shit two cakes' meme constantly runs through my head.
ahh anyway i also like playing video games too, or ig the difference is i have the money to buy them and a decent laptop to run them on. so that helps fill the void of community im missing. i really miss people. and im a huge introvert for the most part (unless im drunk but shhhh) but i miss not being in my room 24/7. i guess the theme of this update is i need meds ToT. not that it will necessarily be a perfect solution sometimes theyre not but ig it doesnt hurt to talk to a doctor about it. that depends on if i can actually get an appt ahhhhh. i dont have too much to talk about ig just that im alive and barely staying afloat but not actively suicidal so *thumbs up*. i really do need to write this essay i would dislike to get an extension because then i would just put it off again until next week lol. im such a good procrastinator :D this definitely isnt detrimental to my non-existent work ethic.
maybe i can talk about something thats itching at me from my philosophy course. my essay isnt exactly on this topic but i rlly wanna formulate some thoughts on it lol.
so we're talking about what exists in the world right? things people would easily say exist are things like tables, chairs, frogs, dogs, atoms and molecules. things that are a little harder to figure out if they exist are things like love, morality, goodness, numbers, gender. the lists are not exhaustive but that kind of thing. and there's this concept of Ordinary Objects(OO) and Extraordinary Objects(EO). the first list has almost all OO, which are defined as being highly visible objects right before our eyes (that do not escape our notice). the atoms and molecules make things tricky in philosophy as nothing can ever, ever, be simple in this subject. anyway. EO are objects that are also highly visible objects that do escape our notice. you're thinking how can an object, a physical object, that is so obviously in front of us, escape our notice??? well you're not alone in thinking philosophy just makes up things along with justifications of said things just for shits and giggles, and calls it a day, cos that's exactly what i thought when i heard this the first time. and genuinely so much of philosophy is just postulating and theorising about this thing and that thing but its done with such earnestness and sincerity that i get endeared by these stupid dead guys. ANYWAY. the existence of EO are obviously controversial (of course) and even OO are argued too. but yes what are EO exactly? the example given in the reading was a Trog - an object that is composed of a dog and a tree trunk. no, they are not connected in any way, and no they don't even have to be near each other but they can compose this object called a Trog. this is what you can call an EO. it is highly visible (assuming the dog isn't microscopic and the tree is not invisible) and it is right before our eyes yet we never notice it. well of course, who would? but the question is do EO really exist or is it a baseless theory. well...
another example of an
#oh well i guess i did try and update in between 2021 and now but i never finsihed my philosophy rant and i never will tbqh#because i do not remember what i was gonna say but im sure it wouldve been interesting to re read it cos i loved learning philosophy#anywya
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I havent written him yet so i dont know the specific formula for good dappering, but ive been a bbh main for a minute so maybe i can help. stand by for info dump. -dapper uses any pronouns! most people in game refer to him with he/him but it's correct to use she/her, they/them, all neos etc. (he is one of five trans eggs, which are: dapper, juanaflippa, tilin, leo, and richas (<- had his gender decided via democratic vote))
-dapper has a dry, sarcastic sense of humour that he uses constantly. hilarious egg. has told cellbit and roier that they're allowed to call him tupperware because, like tupperware, he is their "mom's favourite thing." He throws "pocket sand" at bad and likes to hit him with hammers. The reigning bit right now is bad's "dementia," where every time Bad gets silly about his skeppy obsession dapper will say "DAD TAKE YOUR MEDICINE" and throw splash potions of health at him. If there's a "everyone's thinking it but no one is saying it" moment, then dapper will probably be say it to make people gasp and laugh. -He's the least human out of any of the eggs. a grim reaper in training, and a silly guy who likes to play up the egginess. When richas asked "wait, brother, you don't brush your teeth?" dapper's response was "we have teeth?" Bad lied to both of them about dentists and braces. dapper doesn't know about a lot of real-life concepts unless bad tells him (bad is currently trying to convince dapper christmas = arson).
-he's very smart. he loves the create mod- he's made all of the machines in bad's bases. he's trying to collect every animal and has an entire zoo in his inventory it's incredible. sometimes he dabbles in the occult (his dad IS a grim reaper, after all). he's very nonchalant about all of this but likes to show whatever New Thing he has. he's writing guides to leave to bad so that his dad knows how to work all the machines when dapper dies.
-dapper is. shocked that he's still alive. he did NOT expect to be around this long. a lot of people call bad paranoid but like. dapper was hunted by the code 9 times (and successfully killed 1 time). dapper was hunted by several players in the early days. dapper has seen the danger that bad protects him from, so he'll stop playing and get serious when the danger gets real. bad and dapper take care of each other more equally than any of the other egg-parent groups. -after he died he baked bad apology brownies and apologized. he wants bad to know that it wasn't bad's fault. he's not scared of dying. he's worried about his dad being sad when he's gone.
-dapper and pomme are super close <3 pomme "knows him better than anyone" and she's promised to protect him. When they're safe they like to take their armour off and spin slowly to music. sibling behaviour. when they're scared they'll huddle together. she calls him "dappy" and he'll call her "pomdrapi"
-dapper takes after his dad when it comes to showing emotions- he shows them primarily through actions. yesterday (pomme's birthday, the anniversary of his death) he didn't go to their party, but he left presents at the satellite (place he died) and some signs for bad. Note how he was honest about his feelings, but tried to figure out jokes to "ease the mood" of sharing them, and that he's emotionally aware enough to purposefully do that. here are all the signs- > https://www.tumblr.com/bigboobyhalo/725857491799457793/i-cant-stand-it-here-it-hurts-me?source=share -if he's not feeling social, he won't be social. he'll go hang out with his ants (in a large terrarium in their base) or work on some machines.
-he liked to talk about killing elquackity, but hasn't mentioned it since he was kidnapped :C when bad and maximus killed elq for the second time, dapper was worried. he and pomme discussed safety logistics to protect against elq while the adults talked (make a base 200k blocks out; the dungeon base should be safe, etc).
-stood there quietly with pomme when bad said (paraphrased) "if i have to give up my eggs to protect them, i'll do it." his dad suggested giving him up to keep him safe, and other eggs may have made a big deal of it but dapper didn't, because he understood.
-scared of elquackity now. has developed claustrophobia from the kidnapping. he's rarely helpless because of just how Kitted Out he and bad are, but all of his items were taken from him. i wouldn't be surprised if he would be twitchy about being made helpless.
-he likes to hang out with ramon! they're triplets (leo is the third) and when left alone for an entire second ramon and dapper will just start beating the shit out of each other with hammers. he's got that sweet sibling relationship with pomme, and he's got the cain instinct with ramon
-will drown himself or stand in lava if bad upsets him too bad. will not come out until bad apologizes sufficiently. caves relatively quickly when bad sings you are my sunshine.
-he accepts skeppy as his other dad! he got to talk to skeppy once. skeppy is stuck in a gas station and cant come to the island. dapper once put bad in a cage and tried to get him to admit his skeppy addiction and when bad shot back "dont you miss your other dad too" dapper let him out of the cage.
-after bad lost his scythe, pomme and dapper gave bad a new scythe with full enchantments that they named "sunshine protector"
-i didn't think i knew this much about this egg i will not lie
-baghera is dapper's mom! when bad went away for a while he was going to leave dapper with fit and forever, but dapper wanted to hang out with the french so bad changed the plan :3 dapper asked baghera to be his mom. etoiles might be his adopted dad, too? but i wasn't paying attention idk
-etoiles thinks dapper is SO COOL and dapper will happily share cool shit and facts with him. etoiles also thinks bad is cool and joins me in the "bad should go batshit and kill things" club.
-you know that thing where when streamers are afk the eggs will stand in front of them and talk to chat? dapper pioneered that with Dapper Time. there's a whole little area set up in bad's base for it it's very cute. bad's chat is called "ghosties" and bad keeps us all locked up in a bell. sometimes he'll 'let us out' and act like the resulting blue area effect animation is chat given form in-game.
-dapper is just generally p casual, day-to-day. casual guy who wears a top hat all the time. again, very sarcastic, dry humour. witty. silly. aware that danger is out there and prepared to deal with it. won't panic dramatically, but still obviously affected by his fears. he spends the most time with bad and pomme (and richas, who will come hang out with them a lot).
-help me i wanted to share some pomme facts too but i know Too Fucking Much about dapper. here's an example of pomme and dapper's relationship at its most vulnerable. https://www.tumblr.com/kadextra/725859725091192832/dapper-left-gifts-at-the-satellite-dish-where-he?source=share
-and some generally Fantastic pomme thoughts. https://www.tumblr.com/odusseus-xvi/725196517022072832/pommes-parano%C3%AFa?source=share
here the same person points out really fantastically the ways pomme can be mischaracterized, and what she's actually like https://www.tumblr.com/odusseus-xvi/724634251456331776/pomme-the-french-egg
Does anyone have any tips on how to characterise the eggs? I've been wanting to write a fic with the eggs as main characters but the only thing holding me back is that I don't know some of the eggs that well. Specifically, Dapper and Leo as I don't really watch much BBH or Foolish and Richas and Pomme because of the language barrier.
#qsmp#qsmp character analysis#qsmp character notes#dapper#qsmp dapper#i went on SUCH a journey to rediscover what tag i use for character notes ghhghghg#hopefully that helps! at the very least i really recommend checking out the pomme analysis#my problem is that i know dapper p well but i dont know how to condense him down into a little word guy yet#so i dont know how to write him#so enjoy the ingredients for your own character cake#if you want to see him stressed/under pressure then i rec looking at bad's vod for where he and dapper did the magic trick for hank
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Will You?
Welcome to the content dump, where I'm clearing out my WIP folder from my YEAR of writing fanfic... so be ready for a bunch of random posts that don't fit together and have no central plot other than me wanting to write a one-shot that was so specific I had to just get it out.
Supreme Leader garbage, order up.
TW/CW: mild NSFW, mention of injury, lite-angst, fluff is there too, this is sappy shit, established relationship, Kylo doesn't enjoy telling people his personal information, female reader insert, swearing.
Here is the Mega Masterlist, the Kylo Ren Masterlist, and the Supreme Leader Masterlist (this is currently my hyperfixation) :)
âHeyâŚcould you come down to the medbay for a little bit? Weâre having a situation.âÂ
You sat up in bed, tablet squished between your shoulder and ear. âYeah whatâs going on?âÂ
A sigh, âLook, just come down and Iâll fill you in when you get here.âÂ
Hanging up, you rolled off the bed. Walking to your closet, pushing past all of Kylos robes to find your clothes. You made a mental note to have a droid come down and remove all his stuff. Since you kicked him out yesterday evening, you werenât expecting him to come back. You threw on some black leggings, boots, and a long-sleeve black shirt. Ruffling your hair so it didnât look like you had just laid in bed and cried for 14 hours.Â
When you arrived at the bay everyone was scattered around. Nurses and doctors shuffling patients all over the place. You made it to the front desk, patiently waiting for Kate and Christopher. Your old coworker, and an ex-boyfriend. It had been about 6 months since you âresignedâ from working, which was all Kylos doing. He didnât like you not being available for him 24/7.Â
Kate turned to you, a thick file in her hands. She looked exhausted, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she looked at you. Chris was no better, glaring at you while he had his arms crossed. Both of them looked very pissed off at you.Â
âLook,â Kate sighed, rubbing her temples with her free hand, âIâm going to be blunt, and I need you to answer honestly. Are you dating the Supreme Leader?âÂ
Your eyes widened, mouth gaping as you tried to think of a response. Kylo had never called you his girlfriend, he referred to you as his âcum bucketâ âlittle girlâ or even the occasional âprincessâ if he was feeling nice. He definitely didnât want people knowing he was fucking you daily. Saying that he didnât want to put you in danger, but he barely gave you affection that wasnât a ploy to get inside you. You swallowed, crossing your arms defensively, âNo. Iâm not dating, or have ever dated the Supreme Leader.âÂ
âOkay,â she groaned, âWell I need you to come with us.âÂ
You trailed down the hallway, everyone staring at you as you followed. Mostly faces of pity, and fear, especially the closer you got to the issue. Kate paused in front of the doorway, turning to you again.Â
âSo hereâs the issue,â She stared you down, âThe Supreme Leader was admitted this morning, after collapsing on the bridge. He was brought in kicking and screaming while bleeding profusely from a wound on his side. He also sustained a significant amount of damage from his fall and a recent combat he returned from yesterday evening.âÂ
You nodded along, waiting to see where you came into this.Â
Chris cleared his throat, âThey also believe he broke his knee, but he wonât let anyone touch him. Heâs attacked three medics and keeps ripping out his IV.âÂ
âAnd,â Kate mumbled, âHe also threatened to kill Chris, because âhe was the reason you dumped himâ.âÂ
âWhen he came in he was begging for someone to go get you, and began to get violent when we told him unless you were his emergency contact we couldnât involve an ex-medic.âÂ
Suddenly the door slid open, revealing a very angry Kylo Ren. His chest was rising and falling in shallow bursts, face red and sweaty. Blood seeping through his armor, he immediately hissed at the two medics. âIf you even so much as touch me I will rip off your limbs one by one-.âÂ
âKylo Ren!â You shouted, moving around Kate and Chris. Standing directly in front of him, scowling up to his face. âIs that how you fucking talk to people? Hmm?âÂ
His eyes immediately dilated, taking in a short wet breath. Shoulders dropping in defeat, âNo.â He wiped his nose, sniffling away small tears that slipped through. âI didnât think youâd come.âÂ
âWell,â you shrugged, âI didnât know you were so injured. Now get back in that bed and let them help you.âÂ
Kylos hand reached out, attempting to grab your wrist. But you ripped away from him, walking into the room. Standing directly next to the bed, face neutral as he watched you avoid him.Â
âCome here,â you growled through your teeth.Â
He slowly limped over to you, his own face now holding a scowl. Sitting down loudly next to you, his eyes not leaving your face. You looked over at your friends, who were still out in the hallway, âSo, we arenât dating. We never have-.âÂ
Kylo butt in, âYes we are.âÂ
âNo, we arenât,â you groaned, âYou have specifically told me that under no circumstance am I to tell people that we were sleeping together.âÂ
He clicked his tongue, âWell Iâm not the one who kicked me out of our shared chambers...âÂ
âOh my god, Iâm not doing this right now with you. Letâs get you out of your robes so they can assess you.âÂ
Kylo glanced at the others, glaring at them, âGet out.âÂ
Once they left the room he stood again, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you to the bed. âWe are dating or were until yesterday. Just because I never said it doesnât mean you werenât my lover.âÂ
You groaned, âI know I was your lover, but you never said I was your girlfriend! Youâve always said the opposite of that!âÂ
He leaned back, chewing his cheek as he thought. âWell, will you?âÂ
âWill I what?âÂ
âBe that.âÂ
âKylo, use your words,â you rubbed your face in frustration.Â
He looked down at the ground, mumbling as he spoke. âBe my girlfriend or partner, or lover, or whatever the fuck will make you happy.âÂ
Your eyebrows shot up, reaching for his face so he would look at you. âIf I say yes will you let them reset your knee and stitch you up?âÂ
âAs long as you take care of me,â he whispered.Â
âYou do realize that you have to do boyfriend things like give me affection if we are going to actually date.âÂ
He rolled his eyes, âI already give you affection.âÂ
You shook your head, âSticking your dick in me isnât the affection Iâm talking about.âÂ
Kylo leaned back on the cot, eyes wandering over your figure as he hummed at your accusations. Pawing at the hem of your shirt, âI tried to come back last night, but you deleted my pin for the door.âÂ
âI did do that.âÂ
âI couldnât sleep without you,â he whispered into your neck, placing a light kiss as he tried working your top off. âI missed laying next to you.âÂ
âOh yeah?â you smiled, nuzzling into his neck. Even though he was sweaty and gross, you wanted to be close to him. You really did enjoy being with him, even when he insisted that you werenât together, he would still give you moments of pure devotion. Kylo began pushing you down on the bed, caging you with his frame. âI know what youâre doing, Supreme Leader.âÂ
âMmm,â he mumbled, maneuvering your legs so they were wrapped around his waist. âI donât know what youâre talking about.âÂ
You began to push him off, giving him soft kisses as you leaned forward. His lips wrapped around your earlobe, lightly sucking on the skin as he tried to push you back down. You groaned, squeezing your legs into his ribs. Causing him to jolt up with a hiss in pain.Â
âSorry,â you cringed, âWe really need to get you stitched up.âÂ
Kylo whined, pressing his forehead into your chest, âCanât you just do it from home?âÂ
You sighed, pushing his shoulders so he would maneuver against the bed. Ignoring when he winced in pain, his ribs were probably hurting. Kylo collapsed, whimpering as you began to undress him. Ripping his boots off first, pulling apart his tunic, you tried to stop yourself from gagging. He was soaked in blood, each article clinging to him.Â
There was a knock at the door, you mumbled a âcome inâ even though Kylo hissed. Kate handed you some scissors to cut off his underclothes. Along with ripping down his pants, âDonât bend your knee,â you whispered, pinning the limb down since he tried to shimmy away.Â
After you undressed him, you held out a black scrub gown for him to wear, "Arms up."
"No."
You scowled, earning one matching back at you while Kate groaned in the corner. Typing away on the computer to ready him for an x-ray and eventual surgery.
"Come on," you held it up again, "You can't just be naked while they operate on you, so you need to wear this."
"They aren't going to operate on me."
Kylo raised his brows at you, pouting like a child in just his briefs and smeared in blood and bruises. God, he looked terrible, but the attitude was worse. You couldn't let him win this, "Yes, they are." you motioned to his fucked up knee cap, pushed in the wrong direction.
How did he even walk on that, and how didn't you notice it last night?
"Look at your leg, Kylo," you sighed, grasping his wrist that he tried to keep away from you. Struggling away in the process of threading his arms through the holes and pushing his chest towards his legs to tie in the back.
"Stop moving me, you're a very mean nurse."
You smiled, "Well, I'm not your nurse, I'm just your mean girlfriend."
-------
TAGLIST 2022 FORM: @finn-ray-nal-beads @thepalaceofmelanie @moonyscardigans @ghoulian13 @botnasty @xxgarden @pop-rocks-and-skittles @historyandfandoms50 @doggycompiex @daydreamsofren @millenialcatlady @ladyjade83 @mariesackler @eagerforhoney @celes @emi11ie @caillea @uncle-eggy @loganluckylover @emeritusemeritus @cornmousequeen @shesakillerkween @insufferablelust @caelum-phyriina-vermillon @zimmermansbrat
#adam driver#adamdriver#kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren x female reader#established relationship#my writing#supreme leader kylo ren#star wars sequel trilogy fic#tw: mention of injury#tw: kylos a cry baby and not very nice#going through very old Supreme Leader WIPS#just tryna content dump while i work on fics#oneshot#short one shot
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This was an anon request of Spencer getting mad at being teased and being motivated enough to prove heâs not vanilla. This took forever from the time it was first requested for me to write and post it, so Iâm so sorry to the anon who requested it. It feels like itâs been FOREVER since Iâve posted a smut too, so enjoy some smutty Spencer to start your week. Happy reading!
Spencer Reid/Reader
Rating: M (smut, rough sex)
Word Count: 4,246
âI will never understand it.â
âUnderstand what?â you asked.
You sat down in one of the chairs in the jet, across from coworker and teammate Derek Morgan.
You and the team you were a part of, the Behavioral Analysis UnitâBAU for shortâof the FBI had just solved another case and were on the way home.
Youâd seen plenty of sickos before, so another one didnât seem to surprise you. Of course, it was disgusting and aggravating, horrifying and awful, but you never pretended to understand unsubs in the first place. So you were quite curious about what Morgan was thinking out loud about.
Spencer Reid plopped down in the chair next to you with his cup of coffee.
How the man managed to live off coffee and actually go to sleep was a mystery to you. At this point it would benefit him to just have his coffee injected into him through IV, thatâs how much he consumed.
âThis S&M stuff,â Morgan waved his hand, âItâs insane.â
The case theyâd just recently closed had involved a guy who had taken his violent sexual desires a step too far and found himself turned on by actually murdering women. Whether it was by choking or gagging, somehow heâd discovered he got a sexual release from killing his female partners.
What started as auto erotic asphyxiationâsomething that was incredibly dangerous to begin withâhad turned to something more sinister and even more deadly.
âWhen done right, itâs actually not as bad as some of these unsubs make us believe,â Spencer said.
âIâm sure you know all about it, donât you kid?â Morgan replied, sarcastically.
âAnyway,â he continued, before Spencer could cut in again, âIâm not judging people who do it, it just seems like even when itâs done right, itâs too dangerous to even be exciting. Itâd be a mood killer for me.â
âOh donât tell me you donât bring out your dominant side every once and awhile,â you smirked, teasing him.
âHey, Iâm all for some good rough sex. Iâm not as vanilla as pretty boy here, but Iâm not about to emotionally and physically scar Savannah.â
âHey! Whatâs thatâs supposed to mean?!â Spencer protested.
Savannah was Morganâs wife, now of three years. They had a son together, Hank. Being a parent according to Morgan, you didnât get much âmommy and daddy timeâ, but even then, it didnât stop him from shamelessly sharing details about his sex life. You got used to it; it was just a Derek thing anyway.
âSure, Iâve done some tying up and spanking, but thatâs mild compared to some practices in BDSM. I once asked Reid about it and unfortunately learned more than I ever wanted to about it.â
âExcuse me,â Spencer broke in, âWhatâs the vanilla remark supposed to mean?â
Both yours and Derekâs heads turned to see Spencerâs brows furrowed.
âKid, vanilla ice cream is spicier than you,â Morgan teased.
âOh come on, thatâs not true!â Spencer retorted, exasperated.
âIâm sorry Reid, I just canât imagine you being kinky. I mean do you just spout facts during sex or what?â
You held back a snicker although you heard the rest of the team chuckling.
âNo, I donât,â Spencer flushed.
You averted your eyes from his gaze.
You and Spencer had been dating for a little while, the team none the wiser to your relationship. You couldnât quite defend him without giving it away.
It wasnât really a secret per se, you just mutually decided not to say anything until it became more serious. You had only slept together a few times anyway, so it wasnât like you were familiar with his sexual proclivities.
âYouâre more vanilla than Vanilla Ice,â Morgan joked, making you choke on your sip of water, laughing.
âHow would you know anyway?â Spencer crossed his arms, his face now a deep red, âI could be kinkier than you know.â
âDude, whenâs the last time you even slept with a girl?â Morgan asked with a raised brow, âWasnât it that bartender Austin from a case 11 years ago?â
Spencer pressed his lips together tightly. He wasnât going to say anything and you knew it because it would give away yours and his personal business.
âThatâs what I thought. Vanilla,â Derek laughed, standing to refill his tumbler with more whiskey, âDonât worry Pretty Ricky, not everyone has to be an animal in bed.â
He patted Spencerâs shoulder as he walked by to head to the back of the jetâand the whiskey decanter.
You could tell by Spencerâs pursed lips that he was annoyed.
You promised yourself that when the jet landed, you would apologize.
â˘
You had been wrong.
Spencer wasnât annoyed.
He was pissed.
âSpencer, Iâm sorry,â you repeated for the hundredth time.
Once the jet had landed, everyone went their separate ways, so no one was the wiser when youâd climbed into Spencerâs car. You had spent more time at his place lately than your own, so you were heading back to his apartment with him.
The entire drive was filled with tense silence. His jaw stayed clenched all the way home.
âSpence, please talk to me. If I hurt your feelings, that wasnât my intention.â
You followed him into his apartment, watching as he sat down his go bag and satchel by the door. You sat your own things near his, as well.
You didnât miss how tense he was, indicating his anger.
âSpence-â you began, but got cut off by his sharp tone.
âGo into the bedroom, take off all your clothes and get on the bed,â he snapped.
You were taken back, unsure if youâd heard him right the first time.
âWhat?â
âI said, go into the bedroom, take off all your clothes and get on the bed. I wonât repeat myself. And donât make me do it myself cause you will regret it.â
You stood frozen in place for a second, your mouth opening and closing. By the look on his face, you could tell he was serious.Â
âO-Okay,â you stammered, walking backwards to the bedroom.
You had no idea what he had planned, but deep down, you could feel the tingle of excitement beginning to work its way to the surface. Maybe some rough sex would ease his anger.
You were out of your shirt and pants before you reached the bed. You pulled off your bra, letting it fall from your fingertips and then rid your underwear before climbing onto the bed like you were asked to do, laying back.
It was at least a good ten minutes before Spencer came into the room, with something in each hand.
âWhatâs that?â
He didnât answer you.Â
He sat what appeared to be a glass of ice on the nightstand and grabbed one of your wrists, starting to tie it to the bedpost with what you now realized was one of his ties.
You watched as he tied the opposite one before you spoke.
âSpence, I-â
âQuiet. I donât want to hear another word from you unless I say to speak,â he growled, climbing onto the bed, hovering over you.
His face lingered above yours, his lips not far from your own. He didnât kiss you yet, but you could feel his warm breath fanning over your face, the anticipation of his lips finally being on yours making you anxious.Â
His nose nudged yours gently as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes lidded, although they occasionally flicked up toward yours. He knew how much you wanted him to kiss you and he was using that to his advantage.
Finally, it came, feather light. It was like kissing a cloud, the faint touch not nearly enough to satiate your needs. You tried to lean upwards to meet his lips again, taking what you wanted, what you needed, but he pulled out of your reach, a wicked smirk on his face.
âOh so this is how itâs going to be?â you mock pouted.
âMy bed, my rules,â he answered.
The anticipation of this kiss made your heart race and your breath hitch. If he was willing enough to deprive you this easily and this early on, what else was he capable of?
When his lips finally met yours, it was in a surprisingly gentle manner, considering you were currently tied to his bedposts. His mouth glided along with yours, the intensity picking up rather quickly.Â
His hunger and anger seemed to meld into one as he kissed you roughly, pulling back enough to capture your lower lip between his, his teeth softly scraping over it. A small, satisfied sigh emitted from you, against his lips.
Your mouth parted as you continued to enjoy the feel of his mouth on yours, his tongue being both graceful and teasing at the same time, it moving swiftly over your bottom lip.
You were already struggling with your restraints, wanting to touch him as he kissed you. Normally, your touch was everywhere on him when you kissed. From his face to his shoulders and chest and in his curls, you ravished being able to touch him. But you didnât have that luxury right now and it was absolutely killing you.
He pulled away, lips hovering over your jaw as he kissed it just slightly, ready to move on to other areas.
âBy the time Iâm done with you, youâll have more than enough proof that Iâm anything but vanilla,â he whispered huskily, placing a kiss against your throat.
Your thighs clamped inadvertently as you suddenly became even more turned on than you had been previously. He reached over you, towards the ice, grabbing a cube.
You watched him intently, gasping sharply when the shock of cold touched your skin, just along your collarbone.
âYou gonna be a good girl and do what I say?â he asked, sliding the ice cube along your chest.
You nodded eagerly, biting down on your lip as he moved the ice over the swell of your breast and across your nipple making them tighten, both from the cold and your arousal. His lips followed the trail of ice over your breasts, tongue moving out to encircle your nipple and flick it. He repeated it on the opposite side and you gave a moan of approval at his explorations.
A trail of water was left behind on your skin as he continued on, gliding the ice down the middle of your chest towards your stomach. You felt goosebumps prickle your skin at the continuous icy cold sensation.
âYouâre so hot, youâre making the ice melt quickly,â he purred.
His touch left you as he reached back towards the nightstand to grab another cube. Apparently heâd been right, as the first cube had melted completely.Â
Once the coolness touched your skin again you found yourself gasping. As tantalizing as this teasing was, you were extremely turned on by it. You could feel the heat within your body, your core already starting to pulsate with arousal.
âI really hate that I canât touch you,â you groaned, tugging on your restraints.
âBut thatâs what makes it fun, sweetheart,â he grinned, placing a kiss on your stomach.
The ice cube moved down one of your sides, over your hip, where he gave it a playful squeeze. Then the cold hit the top of your thighs, his other hand gliding to the top of the opposite one.
You were desperate at the point and automatically widened the space between your legs. If anything, you were going to let him get a good view of just how wet you were.
His eyes flickered downwards then back up towards your face, a satisfied smirk on his lips. You squirmed, anxious for him to do anything.
âProblem, love?â he cooed.
You glared, arching your hips in an attempt to get some sort of contact.
He chuckled, spreading your legs further. You werenât sure what you were expecting, but the ice moving over your outer lips definitely wasnât it.
You hissed at the sudden cold, but you didnât hate it at all. Not like you hated these fucking restraints. You cursed when he pressed it against your clit.
âFuck, that feels good,â you moaned.
He hummed, looking up at you through his lashes. You groaned in frustration, throwing your head back against the pillow, tugging at your bound wrists again.
You wanted to push his head or his hands to your throbbing core; maybe both at this rate.
âSpencer, please,â you whimpered.
âOkay,â he relented, sitting back on his heels, âYouâve been a good girl so far.â
He reached over you, pulling the knotted ties loose from around your wrists. It was like sweet freedom to you.Â
Before you could even touch him, heâd taken a hold of you, rolling you over so you were straddling his stomach.
âOoh, Iâm in control? I like,â you grinned, leaning down to kiss him.
You didnât quite make it to his lips.
âThink again.â
He grabbed the back of your thighs, roughly pulling you up to sit on his face. This, you hadnât suspected.
âOh god,â you moaned lowly as his tongue slid up your outer lips.
His hands held your thighs tightly and he wasted no time diving right in. His tongue flicked your clit and you had to grab a hold of the headboard just to make sure you didnât collapse on top of him.
Of course oral sex had been a part of your sex life with Spencer prior to this, but never in this way. He was usually more timid about it. But right now, he went for it in a very enthusiastic manner.
âFuck, Spence.â
You groaned, his lips circling your clit to suck on it briefly before releasing it with a tiny pop of his mouth. His tongue flicked over it again, alternating in speed and pressure.
You had thought it couldnât get any better until you felt a finger slide into you. You couldâve sworn you almost lost your mind at that point. His finger slowly pumped in and out of you, matching the now slower speed of his tongue that seemed to be licking everywhere but your clit.
âDammit Spencer,â you groaned, slightly grinding against his mouth for some friction.
You jerked a bit, a surprised squeal coming from you when his hand came down on your ass. It wasnât a bad reaction though, it had just excited you even more.
âDid you just spank me?!â you asked incredulously.
He hummed, sending a delicious vibration against your clit as his hand came down again on your ass making you moan loudly.
You had no idea there was this side to him.
âFuck, Spencer, yes baby,â you whined, your hips moving back and forth over his face as his fingers and tongue drove you crazy.
The faster his fingers went, the harder his tongue moved. You were gripping the headboard so tight, your knuckles were white.
âAh!â you squealed, at an additional spank.
It wasnât hard enough to be too rough and painful, just hard enough to be incredibly sexy, sending a charge directly to your currently, extremely stimulated clit.
It was also incredibly appealing to you to feel the slight scratch of his facial hair against your nether regions as he ravished you.Â
You could feel your entire body tensing, preparing for the rush of adrenaline and ecstasy. Apparently, Spencer could too.
He worked you until you came shattering apart above him. His name mixed with a loud moan and curses sprinkled in.
When the high had ebbed a bit, he moved you back to sit on his stomach, a wolfish grin on his face. You still felt a bit dazed since there was still a bit of buzz left tingling within you.
You noticed then that your boyfriend was way overdressed.
âItâs time to do something about these,â you mumbled, unbuttoning his dress shirt, âYouâve got too many clothes on.â
He allowed you to pull his shirt off, but his hand grabbed yours just as they reached for his belt.
âI am going to fuck you bent over my desk and only bent over my desk.â
He gave you no time to react as heâd already lifted you in his arms and stood from the bed, heading to the living room.
âSpencer, what? I-â
The words died on your lips as he entered the living room and his desk came into view. Normally, it was stacked neatly with his books, files, paperwork that he needed to complete, pens, pencils, a couple of coffee mugs, the works. But now, it was completely clear, showing off its deep, dark brown, glossy desktop.
Heat pooled in your stomach when you realized heâd planned ahead for this. Heâd imagined bending you over his desk, having his way with you. You swallowed back a moan, already eager for him to be buried inside of you.
Instead of immediately pushing you over the edge of the desk, he sat you on top of it, facing him.
You bit your lip, quite literally looking up through your lashes at him. His tongue moved over his lips, his hunger for you apparent as his hands traced every inch of you.
From your breasts, down your stomach, to your thighs and around towards your bottom, squeezing it gently, his hands traveled every part of you before capturing your mouth in another kiss.
It was no innocent kiss. It was fiery and filled with the mutual hunger for one another. He was still kissing you when he slid you off the desktop, your feet touching the floor once again.
He turned you and had you bent over the edge of his desk in a matter of seconds. You heard the clink and whir of his belt as he unbuckled it, the sound alone sending a charge through you.
You shifted impatiently, much to his notice. He smirked, running a hand between your legs teasingly, as he pushed his suit pants out of the way with the other hand.
He wasted no time on gentle and loving movements. He entered you roughly and quite honestly, when you werenât expecting it.
You whimpered. The feeling of your most intimate parts stretching just enough to accommodate him was one of the best feelings in the world to you.Â
By this point, youâd lost the ability to be quiet. Heâd already brought you to one earth shattering orgasm and that was after the tantalizing ice foreplay that had turned you on beyond belief.
Your constant moans filled the room as your hands gripped the edges of the desk.
Your hips were tight in his grip as he thrust into you fast and hard, your own body bouncing off his in the opposite direction. He, for one, was much louder than he normally was. Grunts, groans, mumbled curses and pants came from behind you as he had his way with you.
His lips hovered over your neck, his appraising moans ringing in your ears.
âFucking shit, fuuuck, Y/N,â he groaned before attaching his lips to your neck.
He sucked harshly, hard enough to know that hickies would be present for the next few days.
You inhaled sharply, feeling the slight sting of his teeth bearing down into your shoulder, but coupled with your current pleasure, it was actually hot.
Your back arched as he focused on what heâd learnedâquite quickly, you might addâwas one of your absolute sweet spots, his hips aiding in thrusting deeply within you.
Spencerâs hand snaked up your spine, tangling in your hair, his fingers wrapping around a few strands. It surprised you when he pulled on it, firm enough to pull your head to the side. You moaned at the sensation, ready for him to do anything at this point. You were so turned on, you were a moaning, whimpering mess underneath him.
âStill. Think. Iâm. Vanilla?â
Each of his words were clipped, growled into your ear and enunciated with a forceful thrust.
âNo,â you rasped, quickly losing control of yourself and becoming delirious from the ecstasy he was providing you with.
âIâm sorry, what was that?â he grunted, halting his movements completely.
You about sobbed in agony, wanting the feel of him back. Your hips automatically moved backwards to get some more friction, but Spencer held them still.
âTell me,â he groaned, the slight strain in his voice indicating he was struggling with keeping still, himself.
You cursed, craving the delicious sensation of him deep within you again especially since you were on the brink of shattering like broken glass.
âWhoâs not vanilla?â Spencer taunted.
He began moving once again, his motions slow and teasing. He slid in and out of you with long, lackadaisical thrusts although he made sure each move was deep enough so you could feel every inch of him within you.Â
âDammit Spencer, please,â you mewled, encircling your hips in small movements.
His low groan that came from above you was telling enough that he was trying and failing to keep his cool.
âAnswer me,â he murmured huskily, his lips traveling up your back, hands reaching forward to massage your breasts in his hands.
âAnswer me,â he repeated, âAnd Iâll fuck you like you deserved to be fucked.â
Your mouth dropped, a haggard moan escaping your throat. You werenât used to hearing Spencer dirty talk and youâd realized that you instantly loved it.
His facial hair scratched your cheek as his mouth moved in the vicinity of it, sucking on your jaw.
âBe a good girl and answer me and I promise Iâll fuck you so hard youâll see stars, baby girl,â his low whisper came, one hand gliding between your legs, finger ghosting your clit.
âIâll make you cum harder than you even imagined. Until youâre dripping all over my cock. I wanna fuck my girl, good, Spencer purred.
âOh my god,â you cried, the overstimulation of his words and his touch finally getting you to lose absolute control of your conscious mind.
âYou, Spencer, you,â you moaned.
The only sounds that filled his living room were the mixed moans and the sound of your bodies moving together as he fulfilled his promise and resumed his earlier pace though more erratic this time.
Your inadvertent clenching around him with every move was making him lose control quickly.Â
âFuck, fuuuuck,â you whined, clenching the edges of the desk so hard you knew your hands would be sore later.
In the back of your mind, a small part of you registered that you most likely sounded akin to a pornstar right now, though you didnât spend much time on the thought. The fire in your veins was igniting the growing pressure in your stomach, like a furnace growing too hot.
It took less than a few moves before you went tumbling over the cliff of ecstasy. Your eyes screwed shut, your vision going completely white behind your closed eyes as you managed out a satisfied, bliss filled cry.
It was like lightning had struck your body except the electricity had come straight from the pit of your belly. Spencer had been right, it was the most intense orgasm youâd ever experienced.
It was the body shaking, breathtaking, best kind of high ever, type of intense.
His own had soon followed as youâd tumbled down the rabbit hole of your own delirium. His hands gripped your sides and his body shuddered behind yours.
âY/N, Y/N,â he groaned repeatedly, still moving with you, wringing every last drop of pleasure out of both of your orgasms.
His face was buried in the crook of your neck as you arched back into him, reaching behind him to grip his hair as you rode out the waves of pleasure.
It took a few moments before both of you stilled, your breathing hard, heart beating wildly.Â
When your senses had somewhat turned to normal and the rushing of your blood in your ears had calmed down, you noticed your legs shakingâa definite sign of a good fucking.
You felt his breath on your neck, his breathlessness matching your own. Your body felt slick against his from all of the exertion, but it had been totally worth it.Â
Spencer pushed your hair to one side of your neck, burying his face into your neck sweetly before leaving a gentle kiss there.
âMy god, Spencer,â you half laughed, trying to focus the tiny bit of energy you had left on attempting to stand.
Disconnecting himself from you, he turned you to face him. He lifted you back on to the desktop to sit, not caring that your thighs were currently slick with the product of his own orgasm. Your quivering legs were thankful for the momentary reprieve though.
âI know,â he smirked, âDidnât know I had it in me, huh?â
âDefinitely not,â you smirked, lifting your face up towards his.
Your lips met his lazily. You spent a few minutes enjoying one other, mouths parting and meeting over and over, enjoying the post coital consequential kisses before getting cleaned up.
His hands splayed over the tops of your thighs, stroking gently. He may have been rough with you earlier, but you knew his gentle touch was him wordlessly assuring himself you were okay.
You were actually more than okayâyou had definitely been well fucked.
âSpencer?â you mumbled against his lips.
âHmm?â
He pulled away from you, his eyes opening, his dreamy, currently hazy, hazel eyes meeting yours.Â
âRemind me to never listen to Morgan ever again.â
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#spencer reid#Spencer Reid fic#spencer reid smut#spencer reid gifs#dr spencer reid#dr spencer reid gif#dr spencer reid fic#dr spencer reid smut#Criminal Minds#Criminal Minds Fanfiction#criminal minds fic#criminal minds gif#criminal minds smut#Dr Reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n
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For the ask thing: intrulogical! P.s. I love your work
Thank you!! I havent written a proper fic in like a year but Im just itching to write lately.
I love Intrulogical so much but my wife doesmt ship them so I never get to talk about it.
Logan and Remus are both chaos but in different ways. This will also borrow from my human AU. I have set ships in it, it is its own thing I may try to write for, but I like using the characterisation Ive made.
Who is the most affectionate?
Remus loves PDA. Hes always holding onto/draped over/sitting on Logan in one way or another. Always dropping sloppy kisses on his face or yelling that he loves him, despite Logan sitting right next to him.
He feels shy in front of other people, but in private, Logan is just as much all over Remus. Hes not nearly as vocal about it, but he also enjoys leaning against him or kissing his cheek or lays with his head in Remus' lap. Its a silent affection and Remus loves it all the same.
Who initiates the handholding?
Remus typically. Loves PDA, again. But Logan will sometimes reach over and just... hold.
Who worries more for the other?
Logan doesnt try to show it, but hes always worried about Remus. He always worried Remus is going to embrace the wrong intrusive thought and hurt himself somehow.
Who is more likely to ask for help?
Logan for sure. He understands that he doesnt know everything and is more than happy to stop and ask for directions when theyve passed the same gas station and souvenir shop 3 times. Remus says would rather die than ask for help, but even he can admit when he needs it, and will typically only ask Logan for help, or maybe Janus.
Who is the one always losing the keys?
Remus loses everything. If he doesnt have it attached to him, its gone. Hes gone through six pairs of sunglasses while on a vacation, has his phone on a stretchy lanyard when hes out and about (and a good phone insurance in case rhe lamyard falls off), and his keys are on a locking carabiner on his belt loop because the dealership wont give them another set. They really shouldnt have give him the extra 4 that that did.
Logan will lose small things like books or his glasses and occasionally his phone, but he always finds them. His keys stay hung up on a hook by the door and Remus isnt allowed to touch them.
Who leaves little love notes for the other?
Logan loves to leave post its everywhere. Not just love notes, but reminders for himself and Remus. The notes are all the sort of generic, "I love you!" and, "Remember to commit atrocities against your fellow man!" and Remus steals them all and keeps them in his pillowcase. Its extremely impractical because he has a tendency to pull the pillowcase off with his tossing and turning, but he manages to keep the notes in. Logan will sometimes find more vulgar notes left for him, but also some that say, "Hey nerd, youre cute," or similar, and he hides them in his books for safekeeping.
Who canât sleep unless the other is there?
Both sleep fairly well on their own. Logan wakes more easily without him there. Remus is a sprawling bed hog, so he doesnt typically notice when Logan isnt there.
Who is more likely to propose to the other?
Logan has been planning it for a long time. He wants things to go according to his plan, but he forgets to factor in that Remus is erratic and unpredictable. He loves that about Remus but its frustrating to his logical brain. Eventually, when he does propose, its out of the blue, in the middle of a crowd, and he doesnt make a big deal of it. Its unpredictable just like his boyfriend. Remus screams in joy, effectively scaring the shit out of many nearby, and of course says yes.
Who introduced the other to their family first?
(Borrows from AU. Remus has an okay relationship with Roman and his mom, Remus being the younger twin, Logan has a tense relationship with his absent parents. All of the sides live in the same house near a college most of them attend.)
Remus met Logan when he and his brother were living together, so Roman knew about Logan the entire time. When Remus told him they were dating, Roman was thrilled for him and also teased him a lot. His mom also knew about Logan the whole time, and when she found out, the first thing she did was ask Roman when he was gonna get a boyfriend, that its improper to marry off the younger child first. She loves Logan and is so happy for her son.
Logan doesnt talk to his parents often. Theyre busy with their business, he knows that. In fact, he doesnt even tell them hes dating someone until theyre getting married. His mom acts all upset that he didnt tell her, but he doesnt believe her. They congratulate him, and thats about it. The nanny that raised him, she's absolutely thrilled and so happy for the two. Shes known about Remus since Logan starred to develop a crush and he called her in the middle of the night to ask for advice. She meets him in person a bit before their wedding.
Who is more likely to play with the otherâs hair?
Remus is a tactile person. He loves to touch and play. When he doesnt have a fidget toy, he demands Logan's hair. Its difficult to read and also not doze off when someone is playing with his hair, but he tries.
Logan also plays with Remus' hair because its long and a bit wild. He mostly does it when he needs to help Remus brush it out, but when Remus is sitting in his lap with his head om his chest, Logan cant help as his hand just wanders up and starts carding through his hair. Remus melts every time, touch starved and desperate for affection.
Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?
Both of them are terrible at keeping up with needs. Logan will get into a focus and just not remember the world around him until Remus sets a sandwich and a glass of water down next to him. Hes very grateful. Remus is more an active person, so he'll be running around causing chaos, typically with Janus or Virgil and occasionally Roman, and Logan will make sure he has something when he gets home, because Logam cant focus on anything but making sure Remus is okay when hes gone.
Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?
Remus will defend Logan to the death. Whether it be he has to throw hands or yell at someone, he'll do it. Logan is forever glad to have Remus in his life because he is a very passive person.
Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?
Remus' surprises are not always safe for work, but he loves to just... have a surprise waiting for Logan at any given moment.
Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?
They both agree the pinky promise is the best way to do things for them. Its childish like Remus likes, and feels a little official like Logan likes.
Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?
Janus does because they both just fall asleep draped over each other. Logan doesnt like to sleep anywhere but his bed and Remus will sleep anywhere, and always while laying on top of Logan so he has no choice but to stay there. He denies a blanket, saying hes gonna get up in a bit, but he never does.
#intrulogical#sanders sides#raccoon.ask#oblivionartworks#i LOVE these#i def rambled on some but again i never get to talk about them
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i mean i did take a drink and lie down for half an hour so. i can't say that didn't help. as for a mute siren from kyanite's tribe- yes. they would eventually develop S-ADD (albeit it would likely take longer) and it would eventually become fatal. i didn't really want the sirens to be eating people or partaking in cannibalism or anything so i instead made it emotions, similar to an empath (it's not like an energy vampire, they won't make you exhausted after singing. unless you sleep with them. but there's a pretty obvious reason for why you'd be exhausted after that.) as for your second question- most of the content for sirens that i have seen is them being portrayed as sexy, seductive women, luring in sailors. for the most part, yes, it is to just inevitably eat them, but a lot of the time it was also for procreation. right before eating them. ive also seen debates of them being more like harpies as opposed to mermaids but tbh, i don't want to get into any fights. my fictional universe, my rules, she's a sexy fish lady and i don't want to hear any arguments over it. i have absolutely no way of telling who does and doesn't see which posts on my tumblr and while i never had any confirmation of that on discord either it seems my posts go a lot more unnoticed on tumblr unless its an rp/discussion thread. its a bit... disconcerting i think would be the word? cuz i do simp- like a lot- hell if you saw mothra lbd the horny just bleeds through the post, i try to restrain it a bit more since tumblr is a lot more open than discord was and im not looking for discourse over me simping for fictional characters, but im still used to being referred to as "the horny one" even if i haven't been able to access discord in coming up on two years now (reasoning why i haven't IS raw as it's an ongoing situation that was discussed in a previous post months ago) cuz that's... that's what i was known for. that was the joke. any conversation with me was liable to be riddled with innuendos whether it was purposeful or not (as time went on most of it was accidental, simply due to the reputation id accrued). it was like i had this "horny aura" or something, it was actually really funny. makes me wish i hadn't fucked up trying to leave my parents' place. what i was REFERRING to by "i said she was a siren not a whore" (even though, yes, she has canonically laid with a lot of people) was mostly that- and my tendency to make characters hot (or, at least, try to) so that at least someone would give a fuck about them (as you notice- bandit, who was made recently? how i don't talk about her being thicc or anything mainly cuz she ain't? someone actually gives a fuck about her. and i didn't have to bend myself into a pretzel to get someone to care about something i made. it still feels weird but she is a prime example of it- i dont have to do anything extra to make anyone care). i was also (although, at the time of writing that post, accidentally) referring to how some of my friends and i call each other whores as an affectionate term, because face it- that's a wukong thing to do. you can't tell me that he doesn't have at least one friend or one monkey or whatever that he calls a whore as an affectionate term and gets called a whore back in a joking manner. you aint real friends until you can jokingly insult each other to show endearment- /s /hj and ye! i know the trope, i think with her i actually managed to somewhat do it correctly without it being cringy, cliche, and just bad? and yes she does have survivor's guilt. while more than just her and her reincarnated lover who she initially doesn't like at ALL survived, she's not aware of this, and she does lament it, especially since she saw people close to her being slaughtered in the attack. she doesn't talk about it even to whoever she manages to get close enough to to reveal that she's a siren, thinking its stupid and that they won't care. after all, it's her problem, not theirs. but she does feel horrible for surviving the attack and not dying with her people.
@sun-wukong-brain-rot @alienembers @radiance1 @thechangelingmushroom @mk-orchestra @moondrop39-dovewing70 SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY OC'S KYANITE AND ĂCLAIR I DARE YOU
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