#unless! it’s funny. rule of funny > canon. every time

[ssruis]

I can’t trust tsukasa fans who think he’s canonically attractive like he’s mid at best & thats both funny and integral to his character

[pluckyredhead]

“I have larger thoughts about how DC has kind of written themselves into a hole with Jason and now he's stuck in this limbo that's unsatisfying to everyone which is why so many Jason fans are mad all the time, but that's for another ask.”

🤓 Do tell…

Okay, let's see if I can do this in less than a thousand words!

So Jason, at his core, represents a challenge to Bruce's ideology, right? Bruce's #1 rule is No Killing, and Jason's basic idea is: "That doesn't work. Some villains are bad enough that they have to be killed for the greater good." (There's something very funny about Jason, famously undead, thinking killing stops ANYONE in the DCU, but we'll leave that aside for now.) This is a really interesting ethical quandary to throw Bruce's way, and by having it voiced by his beloved son, his greatest failure, his second most profound tragedy, it becomes a deeply thorny emotional problem as well as an ethical problem. That's all great.

The problem is, DC can't allow Jason to be right, for two reasons:

Batman must always be right and must always win.

...I mean, come on. They can't actually publish a story advocating for a traumatized 19-year-old with assault weapons to be the arbiter of who lives and who dies, that's nonsense. I love Jason but really.

The problem with that is, Jason is a major recurring character.

UTRH works great in a vacuum. But if Jason is showing up in a comic every month, or even just a few times a year, this central conflict has to be addressed, and the options for doing that are limited:

Bruce and Jason fight and Jason wins. DC will never let this happen. (And what would "Jason wins" even look like, honestly? He's not going to kill Bruce.)

Bruce and Jason fight and Bruce wins. They've done this a bunch (sometimes with Dick in place of Bruce), but Jason fans don't want to see him repeatedly getting his ass kicked while being lectured, and frankly it doesn't make Bruce look great either.

Bruce allows Jason to kill people. This can't happen either; it would be wildly out of character for Bruce, not to mention literally everyone in the Batfamily. They are all canonically pretty opposed to murder.

Jason continues to operate however he wants, but outside of Bruce's reach/jurisdiction. As wretched as RHATO was, I actually think it was a smart decision to keep most of the action outside of Gotham, because then we can pretend Bruce doesn't know what Jason's up to, just like we pretend Clark couldn't super-hear everything in Gotham and save Bruce's ass every single night without breaking a sweat. The problem here is that it means Jason is unavailable for the kinds of casual team-ups and crossovers that fans of all stripes crave - plus, every time he comes back to Gotham, he and Bruce have to relitigate their entire relationship AGAIN.

Jason compromises and agrees to follow Bruce's rules in order to have a relationship with the Batfamily. This is basically where DC has landed, and I understand why they did, because it's the option that allows them to publish the most comics with Jason in them, which they want to do because he is an immensely popular character who makes them money. However, it leaves him in this awkward position where instead of being a tragic villain/badass antihero, he's just...the sassiest member of the family, while simultaneously always being available to be treated like shit because he's Bad. He gets punished without even the fun of doing the crime anymore.

So what's the solution? I don't know. Theoretically, DC could try to do what Marvel does with the Punisher. People always get mad when I say Jason is DC's Punisher, but he kills pretty much indiscriminately in UTRH and RHATO, for pretty much the same reasons. ("Dudebros think it looks cool.") And Marvel heroes inexplicably let Frank just kill however many people he wants unless they're appearing in a Punisher comic, at which point they go "Frank, you naughty boy, I shall stop you!" and then Frank kicks their ass and makes them look like an idiot. DC is never going to let Jason do that to Bruce, plus it would put a real damper on the Wayne family Thanksgiving dinner.

Alternately, they could make him a Nightwing villain. Dick has spent 40 years fighting inconclusively with Deathstroke; he's much better suited to go endless rounds with Jason without either of them Always Triumphantly Winning than Bruce is. I don't personally want this option because I just don't care that much about Dick, but it could be really interesting, though it would limit Jason to fewer appearances and primarily in Dick's book. (Jason would have made a superb Red Robin villain 15 years ago for similar reasons.)

My vote, I think, would be for a really good (god, if only), really thoughtful Jason series where he has reason to seriously reevaluate his philosophy towards crime - something that reshapes him into a character who can still challenge Bruce's entrenched ideas without being so diametrically opposed to them as to make him a villain. He needs to be close enough to Bruce's rules to appear in crossovers, but far enough and specific enough that he's not just Meaner Nightwing. Jason is a passionate character; DC needs to find a new way to let his passion work for him, because right now he doesn't have anything driving him, and it's satisfying no one.

(900 words, BOOM!)

[sleepingdeath-light]

relationship hcs ; jax

requested by ; anonymous (26/10/23) & anonymous (27/10/23)

fandom(s) ; the amazing digital circus

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; jax

outline ; “i'm so excited you're doing requests for TADC!!!!! do you have any general dating hcs for jax?”

&

“I saw that you now do The Amazing Digital Circus requests!

Soooo how about Jax relationship headcanons?”

note ; characterisation may be shaky as we only have the pilot episode out so far

warning(s) ; canon typical asshole behaviour from jax, mostly fluff!

first and foremost, jax is an asshole and that will not change when the two of you start flirting or when you become an ‘official’ couple — he’s not outright malicious towards you anymore, sure, but he’ll keep on teasing and messing with you at every opportunity (he’s also very unlikely to apologise unless he feels like you’re genuinely upset with him and he can’t sweet talk his way out of it)

pranks and teasing are a big part of your relationship, especially if you’re able to match his mischievousness — whether that’s him leaving things in your room for you to find later that he knows will startle you, using nicknames for you that are more amusing than intimate (e.g. something poking fun at your avatar’s height, an inside joke, or just generally teasing you for something you’ve done in front of him that he refuses to let you live down)

he’s a massive flirt and always finds a way to work around caine’s rules and regulations — he leaves just enough unsaid to get the real message across and absolutely loves watching you process what he’s said and then get flustered or frustrated once you realise what he really means (even if you playfully smack him on the chest or arm because it’s more than worth it for him)

physical affection with jax only really occurs on his terms with very few exceptions — such as when he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you against his side, or (if your avatar has hair) when he messes up your hair right after you’ve finished the introduction song — the main exception to the rule is if you’re really not doing too well and need to be grounded or comforted because of it (i.e. you’re experiencing a mental break due to your circumstances or are starting to get close to the point of abstraction for whatever reason — he might be an ass, but he cares and he doesn’t want to lose you)

during caine’s missions he generally prefers to hang out with you if possible, whether that means going off and doing your own thing, watching the inevitable chaos unfold from a safe distance, or actually participating (usually because you’re bored and he just wants to see funny things happen to people) — but that doesn’t mean you’re safe if he decides he’s bored, and he has on several occasions pushed you straight into the ‘line of fire’ of whatever you’re meant to be fighting just to see what you’ll do

(he wouldn’t do it if you could actually get hurt, mind you, but as you’re all physically safe no matter what you’re facing he’s willing to take the risk and the time in the ‘dog rabbit house’ for a laugh)

you’re just about the only person he’ll listen to if ever you tell him to ‘tone it down’… but only for a short while — yeah he can stop teasing pomni for ten minutes to let the poor jester get her bearings, and sure he’ll lay off the bugs in ragatha’s room for a week, but things always return to normal after that because he’s remarkably stubborn, a bit of an ass, and endlessly amused by the ‘suffering’ of others in the circus

if a new character or npc tries to flirt with you then he’s going to go from sassy and sarcastic to outright malicious — more openly so if it’s an npc (at least until caine gets the hint and decommissions them) but if it’s a new character trying to intrude on your relationship then he’s going to make it explicitly clear that (a) you’re taken, (b) you’re exclusive with him, and (c) he will make their time in the circus even more unpleasant if they continue down that path (especially if it’s actively making you uncomfortable in addition to just being disrespectful)

(he might not be able to cause them any harm, but he has keys to everyone’s room and little regard for the safety of others during ‘missions’ so he’s more than able to make them regret flirting with you if he wants)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

A theory i have is that the reason Malleus isn't able to find the group sometimes when they go to a different dream, is because his dream self doesn't EXIST in the said dream. Don't you find it weird, the whole time MC, Grim and Dia-boys where in Lilia dream, no Malleus appeared BUT when dream baby Malleus is born then POOF here he is ? Take the pomefiore dream for example, no dream Malleus so no IRL Malleus. His dream selves are probably like gps or something to naviguate in Dreams -sarah

That’s… not a theory though 😅 The game essentially confirms that the Malleus is likely not capable of manifesting in a dream unless the circumstances of the dream are something he is reasonably familiar with. This is because magic in Twisted Wonderland is reliant on the limits of one’s imagination.

Because Lilia’s dream largely takes place in a period of time Malleus himself is not informed about, Malleus is not able to imagine it, and thus cannot appear yntil his own egg hatches. With that birth, Malleus now has a presence (ie “an understanding”) that allows him to enter the dream. It should also be noted that Malleus was keeping a close eye on Lilia’s dream in particular, since that’s someone he is close with—so naturally, when Lilia begins to “wake”, Malleus barges in using his new opening (his freshly hatched self) to fix things.

How Malleus’s UM works exactly is really dubious, so we can only guess the details. However, Idia tells us that while the “real” Malleus may be the boss that oversees everything, there also are many dream versions of Malleus that manage each individual dreamer.

Doesn’t that imply that there has to be a Malleus for every dream (and if not all of them, then surely most of them)? We probably just don’t see them in all instances because he isn’t a relevant character for the happiness of most of the NRC students (or, in the case of Vil, Kalim, and Jamil), they’re not at NRC in their dream worlds. There must still be Malleuses lurking around making sure the dreams are okay, and perhaps to serve as a point of entry for the “real” one. (… Still, it’s sort of funny yet sad to think about how many NRC students’ perfectly happy ideal worlds do not involve Malleus in any way, shape, or form.)

There’s a bunch of hoops the wake up squad has to jump through to not alert Malleus of their dream hopping. Ortho has to project holograms of the dreamers to trick the Malleuses overseeing their dreams into believing everything is going smoothly. They have to limit how many students can dream hop at once, because too many bodies could also tip Malleus off. Etc, etc, etc—it’s a lot of contrivances and rules. It’s like tying to tiptoe through a field you know is rigged with tons of booby traps.

I think their strategy seems to be working…? Cuz none of the Malleuses seem to have noticed to the degree where they would alert the real one to come in and stomp out the pests. So to me, Malleus not showing up doesn’t feel like the result of there being no Malleuses in those dream worlds to connect through. It’s more like he never got told in the first place that there’s an issue to be resolved.

Arguably, it should be a easier for Malleus to pull up to these dreams since they mostly take place in the present, a time period he can more easily imagine than 500 years in the past (Lilia’s dream). Some of the dreams (Idia’s, Rook’s, Epel’s, Sebek’s) take place AT Night Raven College too, a location Malleus is very familiar with as a third year student. If you want to count events (even though technically they are not canon to the main story), Malleus has also already visited the Scalding Sands in A Firelit Sky. Thus, he shouldn’t have trouble visiting Jamil’s dream either. Malleus isn’t chasing them because the game reasons that Idia’s “let’s keep Malleus distracted/keep him from noticing us!” plan is working.

bfkwvwiwkw I hope that made sense! Talking about Malleus’s dubiously defined dream magic always makes me get confused since it’s juggling a lot of details 💦

[mauesartetc]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss 205 ("Unhappy Campers")

Wow, this... This one may actually be worse than Murder Family. That's impressive.

Is anyone else noticing a pattern of Helluva Boss episodes going absolutely nowhere? Each one ends without affecting the larger plot in any meaningful way. Season 1's structure was fairly episodic as well, but at least back then there was some sense of progression.

I usually include separate lists of pros and cons in these critiques, but in this case, I have so few compliments to give this thing it's not worth it. I tried my best to find more to like about this episode, but it gave me bupkis to work with. So I'll just present all my notes in chronological order.

Let's get this over with.

-Looks like the rehab facility where Barb used to live is located in Sloth (on account of the floating islands and all the pink in the environment), just like the hospital in this season's previous episode. We've never seen care centers in any other ring, so... Does Hell society's opinion of sick people dictate that they're just lazy? Some clarification on that might be nice.

-"She's got a job now. A life. Don't fuck it up by findin' her." Holy shit, the nurse is the most mature, sympathetic character in this entire episode. Tasing Blitzo in the butthole earns her bonus points in my book. Nurse Pussyface, you are way too good for this show.

-Why is Blitzo even trying to visit his sister if he's been kicked out of the facility several times and knows she hates him? What's the impetus? "Look, I know you hate my guts, but Dad's dead, and he named you in the will." Or maybe he had an experience that reminded him of her and figured he'd drop by to see how she was? Y'know, something.

-By the way, Helluva's animation is usually a highlight, but here there's not much to say about it. It wasn't especially memorable or ambitious; just kinda... passable. Even the climactic fight scene (which I'll get to later) didn't have much to write home about.

-How the hell didn't the client notice the holes in his boat before he rowed it out into deep water? Because I'm pretty sure it would leak when it was still in the shallow end of the lake, unless this is a unique real-life boating phenomenon I'm not aware of. Also, you'd think this guy was a bit too gung-ho to get out on the lake for someone who can't swim. Did someone have a gun to your head, dude?

Fun fact: Did y'all know I was on staff at a summer camp once? We had a pond, canoes, and a boathouse just like the camp in this episode. One thing we had that this camp apparently doesn't, however, is this important rule: No one gets in a canoe without a life jacket. EVER. But, well... We see later that the adults at this camp don't care much about safety, so I guess that's fair enough. (Though I'm curious how they manage to stay open, or what the client's loved ones have to say about his mysterious disappearance.)

-What did the client do to get sent to Hell after he died? Mrs. Mayberry murdered someone, so that's why she's here, but this kid seems pretty chill-? (And don't even try to explain this on Twitter, writers. If it's not in the story itself, it ain't canon.) I also can't help but notice that his design reflects the way he died, but every other sinner's appearance is just random. Consistency? Who needs it!

-Some unintentional hilarity for ya: Here's Millie's face after the client recounted his death.

And she holds this pose for the remainder of the scene. Was there NO direction on how to animate Millie here?! This is a grim situation and she's smiling?! I get that she's a demon, but damn that is cold. It's never been clearer that half her role in this story is just smiling and looking cute, to the point the animators don't know what else to do with her.

-Richard Horvitz's valley girl voice was kinda funny. I dug it. Not sure why Moxxie and Millie had to dress in drag for anything other than cheap laughs, though.

-I know Millie's hurtin' for more development, but this story's conflict would have made SO much more sense from a character standpoint if Moxxie were getting all the praise from the campers. Think about it: He's the one Blitzo always shits on and doesn't believe in. He's the one whose father doesn't love him. He's the one who never gets positive attention from anyone except his wife. Suddenly the conflict is much more compelling: Now that he has approval from these humans, maybe he doesn't need it from Blitzo anymore (not sure why he needed his approval in the first place, but whatever). Maybe he'd realize what he's been missing, and how shitty Blitzo's treatment has been in comparison. Could this be the breaking point that finally gets him to muster some self-respect and quit IMP? We'll never know, because the episode has miscalculated where the most interesting dilemma actually lies.

As far as we can tell, Millie's had zero reason to doubt herself, and we never see her being mistreated like Moxxie has.

Take these lines of dialogue: "And for once I feel like... Like I'm important! Like I'm somebody to be proud of!"

Wouldn't they fit so much better if they came out of Moxxie's mouth?

-I kinda liked how the lyrics of Millie's song were humble while Moxxie's lyrics were egotistical, showing that being down to earth will win you friends while being self-centered will turn people off. But is that really the kind of message we need in an adult show? It's a useful lesson for children, but after you hit the age of this series' target demographic, most people will have the social skills to know better than to pull what Moxxie did at the campfire.

-Speaking of Moxxie being super immature, why does he weep when a bunch of preteens ignores him? They're...They're kids, Mox. They aren't your peers. Literally who cares. This behavior makes no sense outside of (once again) cheap humor. I could understand being bummed out that you're not good with kids if you wanted to have your own someday, but even that doesn't warrant actual tears. And this makes him look like a massive hypocrite later on when he asks Millie why it matters what "these yokels" feel about her. I mean... You seemed to care a lot about how they saw you, Moxxie...

-Moxxie's excuse for why it's so hard for him to get information on the case is that everyone's too busy "swooning over" Millie. Here's a thought: Why doesn't Millie get the info? She's the one everyone likes, so it should be a snap, right? Well, once again, the characters get railroaded because the writers can't entertain any other plot ideas. And of course Moxxie ends up getting blamed for everything as if he's the only one who fucked up here.

-Why the hell would a summer camp show so much favoritism toward a single camper that they set up a friggin' concert for this camper and this camper only? Yeah yeah, "viral sensation" and everything, but 1) The news crew can wait another day or so for camp to end in order to conduct an interview (y'know, something that wouldn't require a huge-ass stage and pyrotechnics that'd cost the camp boatloads of money), and 2) The camp staff thinks Millie is a child. How fucking irresponsible can you get to lavish this much attention on a kid? Think it'll go to her head or something? Psssh nah. Also, you're telling me none of the other campers are the tiniest bit jealous? How do you think they feel, seeing this one kid get treated like a god while they're left in the dust?

Okay, plot-wise, the writers decided they wanted Millie to sing a song so she's occupied during the final showdown with the killer. Easy solution: Camp talent show. That way, the adults treat all the campers equally, and Millie gets her (more believable) moment in the spotlight.

-Oh hey, we finally see Asmodean crystals in action. And of course the first one we see is a butt plug.

SuCh a MAturE shOw, GUys! (Sorry, I'm still laughing my head off at that.)

So, a bit of backstory for those who aren't familiar: We first learned of Asmodean crystals in the Season 2 premiere, when Stolas opened the grimoire to reveal Norse runes on its pages. Someone on the internet was kind enough to translate:

Now here's the deal: Blitzo tells the lust demon to open the portal with his crystal (even threatening him at gunpoint), leading me to believe only non-imps could use Asmodean crystals and that's why he needed the grimoire to get to the human world.

But guess what happens later:

Blitzo's sister Barb, another imp, uses a crystal on her bracelet to open a portal back to Hell. So what exactly was the point of stealing the grimoire from Stolas??

BLITZO. YOU. DENSE. MOTHERFUCKER.

Okay, maybe I'll be generous and acknowledge that there might be another explanation, like Blitzo getting banned from using Asmodean crystals because he's misused them in the past. (Maybe there's a spell that causes the crystals to burn him every time he tries to hold one. Something of that nature.) But at this point I don't trust these writers to fill in their plot holes. Or plot portals, as the case may be.

-The portals themselves are kinda pretty, though. I can appreciate that they look different from the portals created by the grimoire.

-Moxxie calls Blitzo "sir" in this episode despite Blitzo telling him to use his first name in Truth Seekers. Moxxie then uses it in "Ozzie's" (if I remember correctly), but now he's back to "sir" for unexplained reasons-? Coupled with how their relationship has reverted back to square one with Blitzo learning nothing (as well as no one bringing up the agents or what they can do to stop them leaking the proof that demons exist), do the writers just want us to forget that episode or what?

-Blitzo chastises Moxxie for dragging the case out for a week, but it took him a week to track down Barb. This hypocrisy is never addressed.

-At the boathouse, Blitzo tells Moxxie he's looking for his sister, then kicks down the door, revealing Barb inside. Moxxie asks, "Do you know her?" "Do I know her? That's my sister, fuckface!" That's... oddly repetitive, writers. I get that Moxxie wouldn't immediately make the connection since Barb's disguised as a human, but there's a more graceful way to handle that in the dialogue. Something like, "Is this her?" "Oh, now you're on the ball!"

-In an earlier post I expressed concern that these writers wouldn't handle Barb's addiction well, and I'm somewhat relieved they didn't go into it. But I also predicted she'd amount to a genderbent Blitzo instead of having her own personality, and... well...

Overindulges in addictive substances? Check. Runs a business that requires travel to the human world? Check. Pottymouth? Check. Uses sexuality as leverage? Check.

It would've been nice to at least get a hint about what Blitzo did to make her hate him so much (and perhaps confronting that would make him rethink how he treats Moxxie-?), but I guess we'll have to find out when she comes back in seven episodes or so. Yaaaaay.

-Barb says she picked this particular human as her supplier because teenagers are easy to manipulate, but she really had no way to accomplish that other than flashing her panties at him? Assuming Barb and Blitzo are the same age, she's in her 30s, and... it's just a tad creepy and uncalled for, even if this kid's legal. That's a pretty big age (and power) gap regardless. This is one of those times when it looks a lot more predatory when you switch the genders, but, importantly, women can be predators too. Bad optics, y'all.

-The climactic fight scenes in prior episodes were snappy and exciting, but this one's pacing felt really sluggish. I get that the song in the background had a slower tempo than we're used to in these action scenes, but would it have been so hard to double-time the animation? Also, previous fight scenes were notable for their creative choreography, but Barb wrapped her tail around Moxxie twice in a row. Having trouble coming up with new fight moves, guys? Like damn, she's an acrobat. She could do so much more.

-In another edition of "characters being idiots because plot", Moxxie and Millie make out in front of everyone who thinks they're related. They couldn't have run off to somewhere more private?? Apparently no; this needed to happen so Millie's internet fame would be dashed... or, here's another option: Show how the internet popularity cycle is so damn short that everyone's already moved on to the next sensation. You could have made that funny if you actually put in some effort. Like... The faux-incest was just so unnecessary.

-Much like Murder Family, another unfunny ending where Moxxie's dreams are crushed. Blitzo gets his hopes up only to call him a "fuckin' disgrace". But remember, guys: He'S HArd oN hiM BEcauSE hE CAreS! (Fuck it, I think I'll just edit a supercut of every time Blitzo has berated Moxxie, pre- and post-Truth Seekers.)

Oh and look, Millie's glaring at Blitzo, which is totally the same as opening her mouth to tell him off like he deserves, right?

She'll take on a whole gang of mobsters out of love for Moxxie, but standing up to Blitzo? Whoa, that's a step too far. Y'know, because he's the writers' favorite and he shouldn't have to experience any complications from his behavior. Same old story as it's been for a season and a half.

This ending would've been a million times better if it left off on a cliffhanger. Maybe this could have been Moxxie's final breaking point. After Blitzo calls him a disgrace, Moxxie could take a deep breath and...

MOXXIE: (flatly) I quit.

Then he walks out of the room. Everyone looks after him, stunned. When he closes the door, the screen cuts to black and the credits roll.

Oh shit, what's going to happen next? How will Blitzo deal with this? How will it affect Moxxie and Millie's home life? What kind of new job will Moxxie find to keep food on the table? Will he ever come back to IMP, or will Blitzo find a replacement? I know these writers aren't too interested in serialization or any sense of continuity outside of the stupid romance subplot (or hell, inside it), but good god, it would give viewers some exciting possibilities to look forward to.

This episode had so much potential and followed through on none of it. "Unhappy Campers" turned out to be a more fitting title than expected, as that's exactly what I was while watching this.

(Also this show needs a continuity coordinator like yesterday.)

[theminecraftbee]

hello! solving counting sheep question: do you imagine the life series would happen in the universe? if so, how would that go about happening?

YES THIS IS ANOTHER THING I'VE TALKED ABOUT WITH @strifetxt IN OUR DMS.

once again, like anything post-canon of scs: this is not canon, my word is not gospel, if you have your own headcanons on this one they're valid because the canon divergence is off the charts at this point.

so there are two answers here, the angstier version and the funnier version. okay no there are three answers. the first answer is that three isn't that kind of watcher and if you take the life series as a watcher trap, ala martyn's lore, three (and also even martyn and jimmy) is just... not easy to box into it. we have a group of people who are now relatively experienced killing watchers like. the odds of that one happening are Not Very High.

but if you WANT the series to be a watcher trap and WANT it to happen, martyn at the end of scs is, like in canon, kind of vulnerable. we at one point spitballed "what if life series happens because martyn gets ambushed and used as bait to catch the others in the game". this only half works, though, because if three is trapped into the life series it's not like three would play along unless forced. the name of the game would be combination "convincing three that murdering everyone to get it over with faster is not the good solution it looks like it is when you're a little desperate" and "how do you stop a cast that includes martyn, experienced listener agent, jimmy, actual listener for all he's not all the way one, three, superweapon, and pearl, experienced at deterring watchers on her own, from just... breaking out of the games and wreaking havoc".

the FUNNY option, however, is that. okay so three is with the hermits and jimmy is with the x life cast. the hermits notice that three really likes structured play and also is good at killing things. the x life cast notices jimmy misses his friends and also they're playing x life its not that dissimilar from third life specifically. impulse, known for going overboard, goes "hey three you know what i bet would cheer you up?" and then contacts scott. scott, who thanks to x life sort of assumes this death game premise will be a fun survival multiplayer experience with occasional goofy drama and not a death game (which i'll note WAS what everyone assumed at the start of third life) agrees to get players. three makes a bunch of the rules after being coaxed into it because it's not as good at setting these things up but it DOES have strong opinions about rules. a very canon divergent third life then happens and then because the life series cast is like that they go "oh that's fun lets do it again".

you could also combine these: everyone BUT martyn is there for a fun time, martyn is just being tormented. this then brings up "three will kill people for martyn" however so i can't say how LONG he's tormented.

that's what we've mostly talked about. we've also joked about "what if instead we just... swapped three and canon grian in the middle of double life." lei said they think three would immediately put scar in an obsidian box to protect him as the only solution. it'd go great.

either way, i'll note the funniest thing about throwing three into a life series game: jimmy probably doesn't die first anymore because he now has a very protective albatross with a sword hovering over him every time he gets close.

so... yes you might say i've thought about this one,

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Pleasure Is My Business: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Summary: You’re brought back to your high school days with this case. You put that behind you when you graduated, but life has a funny way of bringing you closer to the person who made your life miserable back then.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

"The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture." - Camille Paglia

Before you leave for work, you grab the coffee you premade as soon as you wake up. The coffee is right next to your high school reunion invitation. The opened card stares at you whenever you pass by it, begging you to acknowledge it. High school was one of the worst years of your life because not only did kids bully you, but you felt their own pain as your own.

It wasn't fun.

This reunion is in a few days but you're still in Quantico. Looks like you won't get to go, and honestly, you're kind of relieved. Spencer wants you to go and prove to everyone you're this hotshot FBI agent (which you are), but you don't feel like proving to a bunch of people who never gave a fuck about you in the first place.

"Are you gonna go?" Spencer says from behind you.

"We'll, seeing how it's in a few days and we're not in Dallas, I don't think so. It's so stupid because instead of a night, they made it a whole weekend getaway. As if I want to spend more time with them than I have to."

"Maybe you can go to the other one."

All you can do is shrug. You really don't want to get into this right now, plus, you have to get ready for a case Hothc pulled together. Hotch got called to Dallas early in the morning to do a briefing on a case sent by Patrick Jackson, the attorney general.

Hoyt Ashford, a hedge fund manager for a major bank, has turned up dead in a hotel room. Hoyt didn't do too well in the public eye after going on talk shows and talking about how the real estate crisis wasn't a real thing. He posted an apology video about the issue, but once word got out that he died, his lawyers classified it as a suicide.

If you know any better, then that's not true.

According to Hotch, there was Viagra near Hoyt's body. Considering that his wife was at home with the kids, it's safe to assume the prostitute he was with killed him. Something that's confidential and not to be mentioned in any reports is that Hoyt took $10,000 out of a fund in cash. No one saw the prostitute he was with, which isn't surprising since they know how to be discreet. According to Patrick, this is the second murder in Dallas.

You might be able to attend your reunion after all.

"Female serial killers are a fascinating field," Spencer says once everyone is in the air. "We don't have much information on them, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window. Take the signature, for instance. They don't torture or take trophies because there is no sexual gratification when a woman kills. Murder is the goal. They don't have to do anything extra."

"So, basically, women are more efficient at killing," you half-joke.

"Historically, they have had body counts in the hundreds."

"Assuming that the job is the stressor, what are some of the reasons prostitutes kill their customers?" Hotch asks over the phone.

"Money, drugs, and PTSD. At some point, every call girl, no matter how well paid, gets coerced into an activity she didn't consent to. Aileen Wuornos used to purposefully stage paid sexual encounters as an excuse to murder men she thought would rape her," you explain.

"Wuornos was psychotic and disorganized. I think this girl is poisoning them before she has sex with them."

"She's using Tetramethylenedisulfotetramine. It's a popular rat poison in China which can be easily soluble in alcohol," Spencer explains after reading the files Hotch sent over.

"Poison is the perfect MO. It's quiet, quick, and the victims never see it coming because they think they're getting lucky." Hotch makes an uncertain noise. "Does that mean something to you?"

"These men are paying $10,000 a night for discretion as well as sex. She has a history with them. She didn't decide to kill them at the moment. She walks in with the intent to kill them, and she's doing it before she sleeps with them. She's not just organized, she's also methodical. She decides early which one of her clients is worth killing," Hotch says.

"Maybe the victims all share the same fetish. Both victims were in their fifties, highly visible, and careful of their image. If they were kinky in the same way, they'd go to great lengths to hide it."

"We're facing a corporate culture that'll do everything it can to keep us out."

"Actually, I had some luck there. Hoyt's wife isn't too happy with how he died. She agreed to talk to us but because every silver lining has a dark cloud, the hedge fund released a statement." JJ pulls out her phone to read the statement that was sent to her. "Ashford died peacefully in his home, according to lawyer David Madison.' They're already trying to close ranks."

"Does that language sound familiar to anyone else?" Spencer asks.

"What do you mean?"

"It's the same thing as the murder of the first victim. 'According to the company lawyer, Stanton died peacefully in his home'."

"Y/N and Morgan, start with the wife and see if you can get her to open up. JJ, call the lawyers and tell them I want to meet with both of them."

"You want to play them off each other?"

"I think one of them wrote both press releases. Let's see which one calls us back."

Once you land, you and Derek head over to the Ashford home where Yvonne Ashford is eagerly waiting for you.

"Mrs. Ashford, we're very sorry about your husband," you say.

"I've been getting nothing but condolences all day. I feel like a hypocrite for accepting them, knowing how he died."

"We think your husband might have been targeted because of something sexual he did with this call girl. I know this is hard, but is there anything you can tell us about what he liked?"

"In bed? I can sum it up in one word. Younger."

"How much younger?"

"Twenty-five. That was when I first met him."

"So, your age difference was part of the attraction?"

"Are you kidding? It was the whole relationship."

"Mrs. Ashford, no offense, but your husband spent a lot of money on this woman. Was there anything else at all that he liked from a younger woman besides the ego boost?" Derek asks.

"There's a certain kind of man, Agent, for whom the only kind of sex that matters is the ego boost. In a marriage like ours, you have to work at it or in my husband's case, pay for it."

Your phone rings and you step off to the side when you see Hotch is calling.

"Yeah, Hotch?"

"We got a meeting with a madame that sets meetings up like the one Ashford was in. Spencer is heading over to meet with her. I want you to go with him."

"Sure." You hang up and walk over to Derek. "I got to go. See what else you can find out about Hoyt."

"Yeah."

The madame, Lauren, is hosting an open house where she is able to meet clients discreetly. It's actually pretty smart since people might think they're there for the open house instead of something else entirely.

"This is actually pretty smart," you say when you meet up with Spencer. "Properties like this are safe and an inspection-free investment for large sums of cash."

An older woman walks out of the house with a big smile on her face.

"Well, hello, you two!"

"Are you the--"

"Isn't this neighborhood just fabulous? You're gonna love this house," she cuts your boyfriend off. She escorts you two inside the house for more privacy. "You two need lessons in faking it. I teach a class."

"So, you arrange dates for escorts?" you ask.

"All I arrange are meetings. What happens between two consenting adults when that meeting is over is something I'm not liable for. Now, who wants a scone?" she offers from a platter.

"Listen, we're looking for someone who is a high-end prostitute who takes fees up to ten thousand dollars. She has the intent of killing her clients before having sex with them."

"Oh, yes. We all know about this woman. She's terrible for business."

"I guess there's only so many men that can afford the service you provide, right?"

"Yes, but with the way she's behaving, she's only hurting herself. An escort's client list is the most important investment she has. It's her daily income and her retirement package when she sells the list."

"She's not working with a service then. No madam would allow an escort to kill off the clientele."

"What about the type of work your employees do?" Spencer asks nervously. "We're sort of operating under the assumption that this escort is killing men who make her perform a specific sexual act."

"What did you have in mind, sweetie?" she smirks.

"I... I don't even... I don't know."

"Don't mind him," you giggle. "It's his first time."

"If I may, I think you're looking at this all wrong. Start with this question: why would a man pay a woman five figures?"

"It's not just for sex, is it?"

"Of course, you've got to be good in bed to be successful, but that's the easy part. What men want more than the no strings attached sex is a therapist. Someone who will absorb the worst parts of their personalities."

"They're looking for someone to tell their fears and insecurities to. Everything they can't take home to their wife."

"That's what I groom my girls to do--how to talk to these men and how to listen. Don't get me wrong, deviancy comes with the territory. I can't tell you how many men need to be submissive as an outlet from their extremely stressful jobs. I can tell you that if the sex was the reason she was killing these men, she would have broken long before she charged $10,000."

"It isn't how these men act in bed, it's how they act out of it," Spencer says.

This unsub isn't killing at a specific time because it's whenever her client wants to meet with her. While you've been talking to Lauren, another murder has taken place. You and Spencer leave the open house and immediately head over to an office firm.

Joseph Fielding is found dead inside the elevator, tied to an office chair with X's marked in lipstick on his eyes, and clear tape wrapped around all over his mouth.

"The victim is Joseph Fielding. He was the CFO here," Rossi says when you two get there.

"Was he poisoned?"

"Yes, and staged. She killed him in his office and then rolled him out here to be found."

You walk over to the victim but pause when you see the energy left behind by the unsub. It's blue because the unsub is a female, but you recognize this energy. There are eight billion people in this world with eight billion different base energies. Every single person you've met has their own energy signatures, and you're familiar with this one. Not only have you seen this energy before, you know the person attached to it.

You've met and gotten to know this person before.

"I know this unsub," you say.

"You do?" Hotch asks.

"Yeah, but I can't put a name to it yet. I've definitely seen it sometime in my life."

Hotch gives you time to put a name to the unsub, but for right now, he focuses on what he can see physically.

"The lipstick is new."

"It was done postmortem. Reid said female serial killers don't leave a signature. I think she did that just for us. She's already exposed him at his most vulnerable. Now she wants to be noticed."

There is commotion by the barrier formed by local police by a man trying to get through, which he does eventually.

"Which one of you is Aaron Hotchner?"

"Me."

"I'm Larry Bartlett. I represent Mr. Fielding in Webster Industries."

"This is a closed crime scene, Mr. Bartlett."

"I know. I spoke to Ellen Daniels, and she said you're a very reasonable man."

"Escort him out, please," Hotch says to one of the officers.

"No, wait. Please." The officer tries to grab him, but he doesn't leave right away. "The press is outside and they can smell blood. Is there any way we can handle this discreetly?"

"We're not about to lie for you," Derek says.

"You don't have to lie. Just don't comment."

"Excuse us."

Hotch takes the team off to the side to talk about the benefits of not commenting on the murder. "Is there any reason to go public yet?"

"Validating her is exactly what she wants. If we hold back, she's more likely to make a mistake," you say quietly.

"He doesn't need to know that. We need everything you have on Fielding like bank accounts, tax records, and emails."

"Everything?" Larry asks in uncertainty.

"Everything."

"I'll gather everything and send it in the morning."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[hestzhyen]

Volume 4 Extras and Da Vinci Interview Yap: Names Edition

Not going to post screen caps since the extras are considered an incentive to buy the volumes. But I will definitely talk a bit about the info we got!

Names!

Braidbro's given name is Enji (円慈). 円 (en) means "circle" or "round" and is also the kanji for the Japanese yen. It's chosen for a baby to convey a sense of being valued, successful, and surrounded by love. Hm. 慈(ji) means love (in a parent-child sense), mercy, or compassion, and is chosen for it's direct meaning. HM. Wonder why he was the one Shiba talked to about honoring Tenri's memory by making sure none of the other kids followed his footsteps... (not). [circle of compassion] perhaps?

Sazasis is Tamaki (珠紀)! 珠 (tama) means "pearl", chosen for purity, beauty, and grace. 紀 (ki) means era or chronicle to remember special moments or events, the family's legacy and history, and/or to follow rules and regulations. [pearl chronicle] is a pretty name!

Birthdays

Kerfluffle over Hakuri being 17 aside, not much stands out. Unless you're into zodiac signs and Western birthstone interpretations I guess- go wild if so.

Well, actually... Sojo being confirmed 30 years old is pretty funny. Dude legit had beef with an 18-year old because of his parasocial relationship to the kid's dead dad. LMAO. He must have been so happy to have been born a day (and like 10 years) after Kunishige too.

If we want to take holidays into account, Chihiro was born on Mountain Day (8/11)! It's a fairly recent holiday that was only enacted in 2014, ostensibly to promote appreciation of the many mountains in Japan. I don't think there's any special meaning to this beyond the trivia value, as it was probably a coincidence if anything.

Hakuri's birthday falls on an unofficial holiday- Sakura Day (3/27). It was created in 1992 by the Cherry Blossom Association to promote interest in the tradition of hanami, or cherry blossom viewing. Probably another coincidence but we take these. It seems to suit him somehow!

Spring and summer, what a wonderful combination~ Don't think too hard about how Kunishige probably had New Year's sex based on Chihiro's birth date though. Don't imagine sexy Kunishige. Don't do it! Stop that!

SoTen?!

There was a little sketch of Soya talking to Tenri (thanks to Hella for the TL!) in the extras. It mentioned that Soya had a slight inferiority complex towards Tenri due to how fast his youngest brother surpassed him, which led him to fixate on Hakuri instead.

SoHaku folks are going a little nuts over this as you'd expect. Can't blame them though since several prominent artists in and outside of that circle had thought this might be the case. To have it confirmed in canon is pretty satisfying for all those who believed in it.

I never gave it much thought from the Tenri perspective, but it makes sense. Soya seems like he was supposed to be That Guy but was found lacking for some reason. He was lurking in the background every time Kyora was talking to Tenri and Hakuri side-by-side, completely unnoticed. And the stuff with his name, of course... So yeah. Hakuri really was Soya's punching bag because Soya felt he wasn't good enough. Thank goodness Soya is dead and definitely never coming back. Clothing Mysteries Revealed

There were also simple sketches of Hakuri and Chihiro's top layers to basically confirm what we already knew thanks to Chapter 45. Chihiro wears a plain long-sleeved black shirt, a track coat, and a trench coat that is a pain for Hokazono-sensei to draw. He might change the trench coat for something else later but wouldn't count on it for now. Hakuri wears a long-sleeved black turtleneck under a dress shirt and a haori that he tucks into his pants (cute!!!). The biggest surprise is that the dress shirt has a breast pocket I guess?

I'm happy for all the fan artists out there who will find the references useful, but... THE STRAPS? HELLO??? WHY THE STRAPS ON THE PANTS?! I insist this insignificant detail gets elaborated on. I require it. Is it his own fashion sense? If so, he didn't have them the day Ice Lady died despite the half boots, pants, and haori-undershirt combo remaining intact. At least a day passed (maybe) between her death and him being kicked out- he has a different style of dress shirt on the second layer compared to when we see him in the present day. So Hakuri had time to change but why add the straps? Where did they come from??? I cannot let this go. HELP.

Da Vinci Magazine Interview

Hokazono-sensei provided a long interview to the magazine that was published to help promote Volume 4's release. Brasilbro posted a lightly edited Machine TL of it, which has caused some buzz (my soul withers at the prospect of trying to do it myself...). As expected there's a lot of love given to Naruto, John Wick, and depicting blood splatters. He also references JJK and CSM as other manga that tell a faster story than previous shounen series. I've seen a lot of manga in recent years try to emulate Fujimoto-sensei's style, but I think Hokazono-sensei's done it the best because he's also a film buff. You can tell he loves action movies and has a movie director's PoV when he's composing the scenes (and especially the fights). Not that other styles are bad- I love me some more traditional shounen like Wind Breaker and HxH too. It's just if you're going to try and copy the feel of a Fujimoto manga, you need to be as insanely in love with movies as he is.

That's why the pacing in Kagurabachi is so fast, too- he doesn't want to lose reader engagement by slowing things down and having longer arcs with a few "dead" chapters here and there. He acknowledges that this makes the manga a very dense read at least. And I'm fine with it. I wish it was a smidge slower, but I still wouldn't change the pacing. I just hope it doesn't go any faster than this because every week is like a whirlwind already.

Kind of interested, kind of worried that he's using up all his prepared ideas as fast as he can to try and create new ones. Won't call it arrogant but maybe... idealistic? Creation is hard, man. Especially working at the brutal pace of a weekly serialization. I just hope he can keep up without compromising his health like so many other mangaka are forced to do. He mentions in the next paragraph that he's starting to feel the pressure. Not surprising in the least with all the extra art he's had to make for cover and color pages, volume bonuses, and re-draws.

I'm also really, really glad that I can put my worries of a sudden introduction of yokai or mythical beings as enemies to rest. He confirmed that he wanted Kagurabachi to be about people versus people. Yay! I wouldn't drop the manga if we changed course into fighting a supernatural threat, but I could get that pretty much anywhere. I'm invested in Kagurabachi for the storytelling about the human vs. human conflicts more than anything else. Keeping the cast and foes entirely (or mostly) human helps sell the extremely personal nature of Chihiro's revenge mission IMO.

Then there's this...

You wanted Hakuri to add some cuteness, huh?! Oh boy did you nail that one, Hokazono-sensei. These two are going to be fruity as heck to the end I can tell. But I'm also reassured as a HakuHiro shipper that Hokazono actually wanted Hakuri there and likes the character (he also mentioned that he likes drawing him in the Vol. 4 extras). I didn't believe the bad-faith accusations of Hakuri being the result of executive meddling for one second- don't sell me that short. I've read all of Hokazono-sensei's oneshots so I know he loves his color-coded SasuNaru expy duos. But sometimes I feel the relationship he's written between Hakuri and Chihiro is too good to be real. If he REALLY wanted them to come across that sus, though? Okay then! I won't worry about the wellspring drying up any time soon.

In general it seems like Hokazono-sensei's pretty put-together (for a memelord) and happy to be drawing Kagurabachi. I'm really, really glad for him and It's exciting to see his series finally get the recognition it deserves. Kagurabachi's on the big come-up now with all the extra promotion since winning the Tsugimanga award. Become the future of WSJ!

It's late. I've yapped too much today. If you read this- thanks. Say something nice to yourself, alright? And take care.

[blackholesun321]

New One Piece AU dropped focusing around Zoro and Mihawk! You shall be subjected to it.

TW: Long Ask

Okay, so basically, this au has a long title but I dubbed it Child of the Sword. It started off with Zoro being able to see the spirits of the swords since in One Piece, swords are sentient and are possessed in a way. Only Zoro can see these spirits and talks to them all the time. At first, he didn't realize others couldn't see them. My friend and I played around with this a lot, and now's it's developed into a whole thing.

When Kuina died, Zoro's anger and grief erupted and Zoro discovered he was the incarnation of the Ancient Weapon: Ares. Created by the war god Asura. The sensei makes Zoro swear to never use his power in public unless it was life or death. Zoro goes on to see Kuina's spirit tied to Wado Ichimonji. During the shells town arc, Morgan is extra cruel bc he is Morgan, and when Zoro is tied in the courtyard he has the swordsman whipped on the back, marring and littering Zoro's back with scars. Zoro's honor is in shambles when Luffy shows up and helps him. During Baratie, Zoro fights Mihawk and loses, ending up with the scar on his chest. After Zoro promises to never fail, he whipsers "Finally a worthy scar" and Mihawk overhears. Mihawk almost noted how Zoro always seemed to be looking at things that aren't there.

So naturally, the warlord decides to kidnap Zoro instead of Luffy (yes I am mashing up OPLA and the anime, fight me). The Straw hats go on the free Nami from Arlong then make plans to get Zoro back from Mihawk. Zoro is less than pleased to be kidnapped by the strongest swordsman. Mihawk brings Zoro with him to meet with Shanks about Luffy's bounty poster and Shanks convinces Mihawk to give Zoro back to the Straw Hats, but before that happens, Mihawk and Zoro end up talking about Zoro's special abilities. Mihawk comes to the realization of what Zoro is and keeps it to himself.

During the two year time skip, Zoro reunites with Mihawk (even though he never stopped talking with the warlord after being dropped off ((begrudgingly)) at lougetown). Mihawk trains Zoro in the way of the sword AND helps him to realize his full potential.

This is all I have for now, but I have ideas for Dressrosa and Wano. :D

FUCK YEAH ASKS AGAIN! I’ve been ignoring the rest of my wings au ask gotta go finish those up lol just kinda sitting in my drafts. Anyways.

Oh fuck yeah again! I love the guy can see spirits no one else can mixed with reincarnation trope my little Bleach nerd heart is swooning.

But yesss constantly talking to air and technically he doesn’t need to but the swords haven’t told him that because it’s funny. And he’s just this ball of angst plus weirdo probably crazy guy who talks to his swords— so he’d be even more ostracized then in canon yeah the mentality Ill are stigmatized and treated poorly in all universes. Expect he not mentally ill I mean if we don’t count the Kuina trauma ™️ probably which is what gives Ironjaw the gaul and to whip him as well as tie him up to suffer dehydration and probably heat stroke so fun.

Maybe Kuina tags along in the form of wado-ichumongi? Maybe he can talk to her sometimes? Idk I just want him to be constantly fighting and loosing to a preteen girl that lives in his sword, I think that would be funny.

Mihawk please! Mihawk that’s kidnapping! Mihawk you’ve kidnapped a child. Because of course he has and did because Zoro=interesting equals if I leave him alone he could die and with the looks of his crew probably will die. Ugh guess I have to steal him.

You know he shows up at that beach eyeliner on, lip gloss applied and cunting it up to shore and with Zoro trying to stab him every other step. Shanks is very worried and weirded out. But also laughs his ass off because of course this is how Mihawk acquires a kid. But also he’s like Mihawk seriously no bad we don’t kidnap… Whitebeards the exception not the rule!

[iamnmbr3]

Ranking game anon: Sirius wins again! Love that for him, think I might just have him for every gane to see what happens 😀

This time I'm gonna ask you to rank from worst to best who would do a better job as Headmaster/Headmistress of Hogwarts

Hermione Granger

Molly Weasley

Sirius Black

Severus Snape (I know he was technically the headmaster in canon but I don't think he was really trying his best there so imagine he puts in a bit more effort this time)

Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood: Listen. I love Luna. I really do. But you just know if she were in charge of Hogwarts she'd change the curriculum to have them all start learning insane conspiracy theories instead of actual facts. Like the Hogwarts curriculum isn't great but she'd make it so much worse. It'd be really funny though.

Sirius Black: The Gryffindors have done nothing wrong in their lives ever and if they did then that was their emotional support bullying and probably that Slytherin deserved it. He projects liek crazy so if you remind him of someone he liked then congratulations - you can do no wrong. Otherwise? Well. At best he doesn't care or finds you boring. At worst, you're in for some rough years. If you break the rules creatively enough he will give you extra points and get you out of detention. He is actually pretty good at hiring competent teachers though so at least the students learn.

Severus Snape: Is he nice? Not really. Is he biased? Yeah kinda. Does he set a reasonable curriculum and also have anti bullying policies? Also yes actually. I mean. Sure he's unlikely to believe that a Slytherin started a fight (even when they totally did) but at least in principle he thinks that fighting shouldn't be allowed. He also sets a good curriculum.

Molly Weasley: She knows how to manage children, does not project her childhood traumas on them and has a reasonable understanding of what it takes to set a good curriculum. So already she's beating most of the competition. Plus, she invents new recipes and sends them to the kitchens when she thinks everyone deserves a special treat.

Hermione Granger: Her time in the muggle world exposed her to modern thinking on schooling and curriculums leading her to implement some badly needed reforms. She also requires everyone to take muggle studies unless they can place out which over time vastly reduces the number of times the Statute of Secrecy gets violated because some wizard has no idea how to blend in and also reduces anti-muggle extremism. She also implements common sense rules like 'no detentions in the forbidden forest' and 'no classes with creatures that can kill young students.' She is also, and I cannot stress enough how important this is, AGAINST SLAVERY.

[royalvelvette]

and love will bring us freedom

Read on Ao3 (or reread part 1 on tumblr)

Rating: M

Characters: Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Mammon, Fizzarolli, Niffty, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Husk, Cherri Bomb Mentioned: Glitz, Glam, Loona, Vortex, Lucifer Morningstar, Sir Pentious

Warnings: Canon Typical Language, Minor Violence (not on purpose), Mammon's Canon Treatment of Fizzarolli, Not Beta Read or Edited

Word Count: 2222

The robo-fizz advertisements passed in something of a blur. Charlie distracted herself by explaining more about the pageant itself – anything to not pay attention to the way Mammon was currently talking about how you could fuck the Fizzbots. Vaggie’s hand was a familiar weight on her knee, keeping her from growling at the tv or accidentally hitting Cherri with a too-emphatic gesture.

“-so they show off some clown skills first – stuff like juggling and balloon animals, y’know? And then there’ll be an intermission for us when the in person meet and greet is happening, then there’s some more... general performing. Singing, dancing, acting – really anything-”

Vaggie squeezed her thigh, and Charlie took a breath. “It’s cool,” she finishes lamely. “Fizz always does a big musical number, you’ll love it.”

Angel tilted his head up to look at her. “You sure you ain’t just sayin’ that ‘cause you like singin’ and dancin’?”

“Watch it,” Vaggie snapped.

“It’s okay,” Charlie said. “I mean, Fizz has won the last ten years running, so it isn’t just me, but you’re probably... not wrong that I’m biased.”

Alastor half-tuned out the conversation happening beside him. He was watching the picture show intently – more specifically, he was watching the Mammon and Fizzarolli now on screen. The distasteful advertisements were almost at an end, for certain, as these two iterations seemed more recent.

“There’s a Fizzy for every occasion!” Mammon shouted, gesturing widely. “All thanks to my old brand, Fizzy!”

Fizzarolli was dragged against Mammon’s side. He covered his discomfort remarkably well, but the subtle wince – something Alastor was intimately familiar with, whenever somebody touched him – belied his true feelings. His antlers were beginning to hurt.

“That’s me, folks!” Fizzarolli said, better at keeping the discomfort from his voice than his body. “And the Fizzies’ll keep coming, unless you think you can beat me-

“At Mammon’s Annual Clown Pageant!” Mammon cut in at the same time as Fizzarolli.

Alastor lifted his lip. Perhaps now, it wasn’t quite so shocking for Charlie to be unable to hide her dislike of Mammon. Alastor had no idea who Fizzarolli was, until this day, and yet... something about Mammon’s treatment of the jester set every nerve on edge. The manhandling, especially.

Niffty began to wiggle on her perch beside his head when the prices finally faded from the screen, overtaken what was presumably a live broadcast directly from the Greed ring. Mammon, of course, was front and centre. How... distasteful.

Niffty knew she was going to be in trouble later, swinging her legs and rocking so close to Alastor – it was just so hard to sit still when there was such a delectable bad boy right in front of her! An actual bad boy, too, one even Miss Charlie didn’t like! One who wasn’t secretly lame, like the snake guy or Lucifer, either!

(Lucifer being so... like that had been the only unpleasant discovery ever since he moved in. He was the king of hell! He should have been the ultimate bad boy! Instead, he was even lamer than Pentious had been. Almost as pathetic as that stupid TV head guy who used to follow Alastor around like a puppy, urgh, saved only by the fact he was leagues more powerful.)

Though... Mammon did violate one of the rules Alastor had given her, when he first brought her to the hotel. Upsetting Charlie was a no-no, no matter how many funny colours she turned or how spiky Vaggie got. It was really the only new rule she had gotten, so it had to be extra important. Did that mean Mammon was off limits?

Niffty pouted, legs stilling. Of course, the only real bad boy in the entire place, and he was somewhere Niffty couldn’t even go and not someone Alastor would approve of. Ugh.

One thing Mammon had always been good at, for as long as Charlie had known him, was showmanship. He’d used it to great effect when she was young, enchanting her with simple magic tricks and silly songs and dances, announcing everything with so much aplomb that Charlie had been practically begging to eat all the vegetables on her plate at family dinners.

That very same showmanship was on full display as Mammon introduced the contestants for this years pageant. The first four, even with Mammon hyping them up (he always did this, always, like any of them actually had a shot against Fizz – none of them did and he knew it, because he was the one who trained Fizz) passed her by quickly – though she did hear Cherri snort when Pierrot was introduced.

It was the duo, introduced just before Fizzarolli, that made Charlie nervous. There was a sort of... easy confidence to them, and they definitely had the whole ‘please step on me’ vibe down – that would definitely get them past the first few rounds with pretty high scores, and that’s if they didn’t perform well. If they were any good at clowning – or even just performing in general – there was a pretty high chance they’d make it to the finale with Fizz.

(Part of Charlie hoped that they did – the further they got in the competition, the longer Charlie could oogle – possessors were just always so pretty – but part of Charlie hoped they didn’t, with the way Fizz was constantly looking at them out of the corner of his eye.)

Angel winced when Charlie’s cousin fumbled the juggling act. As a performer himself, there was nothing worse than fucking up on the very first take. Even though he was the only one to mess up the first trick, he still shot up to second place – just behind the pair of sisters up on the wire, while the imp in full clown getup was given the boot. Brand recognition did a lot, something else Angel was intimately familiar with.

(He couldn’t help but wonder if Fizzarolli dealt with the same sorts of creepy-ass fans, despite being in a different sort of gig. He did work at some sort of sex club for the sin of lust, so... probably.

Was it weird, to relate to someone he didn’t even know existed until today? It was probably weird.)

Fizzarolli recovered nicely in the second act, at least. And his balloon figure – Mammon, presumably – was impressive. Angel could twist himself into all sorts of fun shapes, but balloons? Fuck no. That shit would pop on him so fast. Sucks that it didn’t give Fizzarolli the lead, especially because the sisters just added to his instead of making their own fucking thing, though at least it was tied up.

Charlie frowned as the curtains opened for the final performances. It hadn’t been Fizz first, like she was expecting, like it had been for the last ten years – instead Glitz and Glam took the stage. It made Charlie... nervous. Mammon always did Fizz’s act first, always showed off his biggest asset when he did anything – something was wrong.

She let go off Vaggie’s hand to get her phone out of her pocket, shooting off a quick text to Uncle Oz. She would text Fizz himself, but if he was prepping for his show – she wouldn’t distract him. Not when something was already wrong. She tried to settle herself, taking Vaggie’s hand back and watching the sisters perform.

They were good. Like, good enough to be actual competition. The song was catchy, and they definitely knew how to work their attractiveness to their advantage. She gripped Vaggie’s hand tighter. Fizz wouldn’t lost – couldn’t lose, this was his thing – but actually fighting for the win... shit, he was probably having a panic attack. All Charlie could do, though, separated by several rings as they were, was hope that Oz was with him, somehow.

Then something exploded into blue smoke behind Mammon – who had been stammering as Fizz failed to appear – and Charlie settled. Ozzie was there. Fizz would be okay.

Charlie’s nails – not quite her claws, not yet – were painfully sharp where they dug into Vaggie’s thigh. She was leaning forward, eyes fixed on the television – the same position she had been in ever since Fizz had come onto the stage. Admittedly, Vaggie was more concerned with keeping Charlie from leaning forward enough to faceplant off the couch than paying attention to what, exactly, Fizz was singing about as he bounced and swung around, but even she noticed the finale.

“-Mammon you sad sack of shit, fuck youuu-ouuu-ouuu, you bitch! Yeah!”

Vaggie jumped as Angel started clapping with all three sets of arms. Cherri whooped loudly, and even Husk was smiling – wider than she had ever seen. It almost distracted her from the pain as Charlie’s claws sliced her skin when Charlie leapt to her feet.

It did not, however, distract from the way Charlie’s tail was whipping nervously behind her as she watched the screen.

“Babe,” Vaggie started.

“Mammon’s not going to take that well,” Charlie said.

“What’s he gonna do?” Cherri asked, cackling. “The crowd loved it!”

Charlie’s stomach twisted the longer Fizz talked. She knew what was coming even before Fizz finished his farewell speech – and she knew, more than anything, that Mammon would flip. At least he would have replacement talent ready to go, with Glitz and Glam – and the sisters were good! But Fizz had been his brand for ten, nearly eleven years. There was no universe Mammon would take him quitting well.

(Pride burned hot in her chest despite her unease. Fizz was finally quitting. Mammon’s prime moneymaker was leaving. Good, something in her purred. Let his cruelty burn his empire to ash.)

And then, the grand finale – not the one Mammon had been hoping for – came. Fizzarolli looked up, directly at Mammon (yes, that same voice hissed, yes) and said,

“I quit!”

“Yes!” she whisper-shouted, punching the air, even as she kept her eyes fixed on the screen, even as every nerve-ending in her body practically sang with be careful Fizz.

It only got louder as Mammon jabbed his staff at Fizz. Her horns were out and she was growling at the TV – someone was saying something behind her, but she was too furious-anxious-furious to pay attention to the words. Fizz’s words were tinny and faint through Mammon’s microphone, but there was no mistaking the second ‘I quit’ or what came after.

Then the mic exploded and green smoke filled the arena.

Vaggie was moving even before Charlie screamed. Her wings were flared, protecting Cherri, Husk, and Angel from the blast of heat that shot out from her girlfriend – Alastor had managed to bring up one of his shadows to cover him and Niffty.

“Jesus Christ!” Husk shouted. “Why is she hulking out?!”

Vaggie didn’t answer, couldn’t answer – the air itself was pressing down on her, forcing her down-down-down to her knees as Charlie grew, snarling and growling at the television.

“Babe-” she gasped. “Charlie-”

Charlie whipped around to face her, nearly taking her head off with her tail. Her eyes were bright and gleaming red, redder than Vaggie had ever seen, but clear. She looked at Vaggie silently for one beat-two-

Then Charlie started to shrink back down. Her horns remained, as did her tail, but she returned to a more normal size and the pressure she had been emanating receded, allowing Vaggie’s lungs to expand fully. She coughed once, weakly.

Charlie rushed to her side immediately. “Ohmysatan, I’m so fucking sorry-” she babbled, holding Vaggie’s face in her hands. “Are you okay?! I didn’t hurt you, did I? Is everyone okay?”

Vaggie’s answer was cut off by Asmodeus appearing on screen.

The shame was going to eat her alive, Charlie knew, but her self-recrimination was derailed when she heard her uncle shout,

“What? That I love him? Well, I do!”

The rest of the confrontation passed in a blur after those words. Her horns and tail receded slowly – Ozzie would protect Fizz. Ozzie could handle Mammon. Fizz was safe, he was loved, he was free. She let go of Vaggie’s face to wrap her arms around her shoulders instead, burying her face in her girlfriend’s neck as all of her nervous energy and anger drained away. It was over.

Fizz was free.

She stayed like that, holding Vaggie, trying not to cry, until her phone rang. She was pretty sure someone had been trying to get her attention before then – or at least, the others had been moving around them, dispersing (thank fuck, she hadn’t hurt them, she hadn’t wrecked everything) but it was only the ringtone she had set for Bee that snapped her out of it.

Charlie let go of Vaggie, answering on autopilot. “Hello?”

Bee squealed. “Charlie!!! Babe, did you see- did you see?” she shouted, flying around her chandelier.

“I saw!” Charlie said, strained.

“We need to celebrate!” Bee said. “You should come down-”

Charlie laughed. “I can’t, I can’t, remember? I got the hotel now-”

“Then I’ll come up! Ooh, ooh! I’ll bring Tex and Loona – you’ll love her, she’s great! - and you should ring Oz- I can meet your friends! Oooh, this is going to be great!”

Charlie laughed again, the earlier strain gone from her voice as she responded, “Give me like, an hour tops to get things ready, okay?”

“Okay!! See you then!!”

Bee hung up, immediately dialing Loona. “Hey, hey, you remember me talking about Charlie...”

[the-unknown-void]

Murder Drones? Half-Life? More likely than you think. (MDxHL2 AU)

So I don't kill my brain trying to come up with summary to this AU. I'm just going to tell you about the characters here, note that nothing is solid yet but I am going crazy for this AU, I'll most definitely change things. So consider this a bit of a W.I.P.

A while ago I had thought, I was originally thinking about Portal/MD AUs because well funni robot go brrr. But there's about a million ways you could do that and there's likely plenty out there already.

But.. how many would realize how fitting Murder Drones is with Half-Life 2!?

I mean..

Inter-dimensional fascist alien military government that takes over worlds in order to siphon its resources and kill off all the native fauna in the process?

with all the biomechanical stuff going on, you could easily shove disassembly drones in their place!

and that's where it began.

this ended up a bit longer than expected and may still be edited many times lol.

Welcome, welcome to City 9, one of our finest urban centers on Copper 17!

~ Citizens ~

Any worker drone that is not part of the resistance, and is not conscripted into the Combine. Live openly in the city under the harsh rule of the Combine, disassembly drones watching their every step, scanning for even the slightest sign of disobedience.

~ The Combine ~

Disassembly drones, basically. Except for metropolice who are worker drones who choose to work for them.

They still have most of the canonical built-in weapons like claws, SMGs, blades, missiles, and B E A M. All drones converted into DDs have their memories wiped entirely. Special exceptions to this are J, V, and N, who still have their memories but they are suppressed.

Serial Designation J - puppet Leader - Role: Dr. Breen Taking orders from Cyn, she acts like a sergeant. But she isn't really designed for fighting as much, she mostly spends time in the Citadel unless something (such as a massive uprising) is threatening the Citadel and Combine control, in which she will come down and strike down anyone who opposes them in nearly an instant.

Weapons/Tools: - Disassembly Drone Stuff (Some listed weapons may be built-in) - Revolver - Grenades - Tau Cannon - Laser tripmines

Serial Designation N - Elite of Combine Air Defense He follows/leads hunter choppers or he can pilot hunter choppers. He is specifically designed for long flights and in-flight combat.

Weapons/Tools: - Disassembly Drone Stuff (Some listed weapons may be built-in) - Pulse Rifle - Can deploy manhacks

Serial Designation V - Soldier of Combine Land Defense She guards the borders of Combine territories, making sure no unwelcome creatures from the outlands get inside. Also sometimes deployed to guard places like Nova Prospekt. She is still able to fly but not for as long as N, as she's mainly designed for being able to traverse various terrain. She can also drive APCs, set up mounted guns and turrets.

Weapons/Tools: - Disassembly Drone Stuff (Some listed weapons may be built-in) - Shotgun - Crossbow - Grenades - Hoppers - Can deploy roller mines

~ The Resistance ~

Worker drones who have decided to rebel against the Combine, refusing to submit to their abuse. However, since the death of their previous leader, Nori Doorman, their movement has been dormant. As Khan decided that everyone should go into hiding in the bunker for the sake of their daughter(him and Nori's).

Yeva - Deceased Was almost just as important to the resistance as Nori, playing a large role in getting them out of the city. Unfortunately she was killed by V along with her husband not long after the uprising fell.

Weapons/Tools: - Absolute Solver powers - Revolver - Pulse Rifle - Can hack roller mines

Nori Doorman - Former Leader(dead?) - Role: Gordon Freeman? The initial starter of the resistance movement, which actually got pretty far. But all her ruckus alerted J to the scene, killing Nori and many of those by her side just before they could make their final push against the Combine. At least she's dead to everyone's knowledge..

Weapons/Tools: - Absolute Solver powers - SMG (an uzi lol) - Crowbar - S.L.A.Ms

Khan Doorman - Current Leader - Role: Eli Vance After Nori's death, he decided it was best to go into hiding with his daughter, fearing the Combine would begin hunting for them even more aggressively than they did before.

Weapons/Tools: - Wrench - Pistol - Shotgun

Uzi Doorman - Role: Alyx Vance + Gordon Freeman? Infuriated by her father’s cowardice for stalling the resistance movement, believing it nullifies everything her mother worked for. She decides to take it upon herself to finish the job her mother started, sneaking out of the bunker and eventually leading the next uprising. Can drive the airboat.

Weapons/Tools: - Crowbar (same one as Nori’s) - Railgun (The one from the show) - Alyx’s gun (Modified Pistol) - RPG (Rocket Launcher) - Gravity Gun - S.L.A.Ms - EMP Tool - Absolute Solver powers (acquired much later)

Thad - Metrocop - Role: Barney Calhoun He’s another metrocop but he’s not in on Doll’s scheme. He’s just a metrocop for spying and it’s useful to have rebel drones who can use Combine tech. But no one's seen him in a while..

Weapons/Tools: - Disassembly drone headband (A headband with the 5 small extra eyes that disassembly drones have. Unlike actual DDs tho, the headband is only wired into the head instead of welded) - Fingerless gloves with retractable blades (Wolverine hands basically, when the user makes a fist, 3 blades protrude from their knuckles) - Booster Boots (Increase user’s agility and jump height, also protect the user from fall-related injury) - Arm & Leg armor (To look more like the disassembly drones and protect those limbs as they will NOT regenerate) - Stun Baton - Pistol - SMG - Baseball Bat

~ Ambiguous Alliance ~

Who these drones are allied with or what they stand for isn't quite known.

Alice - Role: Father Grigori ??????

Doll - Double agent, Spy on the Resistance - Role: Dr. Mossman (Mitchell HDTF) Lives in the bunker with the resistance, has some kind of deal with J to provide information about inner rebel activity. It’s unknown what her bigger plan is. (Aka I don’t know yet)

Weapons/Tools: - Absolute Solver powers - Metal Pipe - Revolver

Lizzy - Triple agent, Metrocop Works with Doll, doesn’t know her entire scheme but she goes along with whatever Doll tells her anyways. Like joining the metropolice under the guise of being a spy on the Combine, but to the Combine she claims to be a spy on the resistance and giving them information to back it up. Can set up turrets and mounted guns.

Weapons/Tools: - Disassembly drone headband (A headband with the 5 small extra eyes that disassembly drones have. Unlike actual DDs tho, the headband is only wired into the head instead of welded) - Fingerless gloves with retractable blades (Wolverine hands basically, when the user makes a fist, 3 blades protrude from their knuckles) - Booster Boots (Increase user’s agility and jump height, also protect the user from fall-related injury) - Arm & Leg armor (To look more like the disassembly drones and protect those limbs as they will NOT regenerate) - Stun baton - Pistol - SMG

Cyn - True leader of the Combine - Role: G-Man + Overwatch No one knows there’s anyone above J since Cyn only gives orders to her. She is the one who made the Combine and put J in command. She let J, V, and N keep their memories, however.. They may be wiped if any of them begin deviating.

Weapons/Tools:

- Absolute Solver - Sword - Revolver

Tessa - ??????

~ Outland Creatures ~

Eldritchs - Disassembly drones who’ve been damaged beyond what their regeneration is capable of fixing, requiring material from outside sources. Sometimes this is viable, but usually it is advised to just destroy eldritchs immediately as they will violently massacre and destroy anything that contains the material it needs, even other disassembly drones. These beings take on many forms and can create very convincing holograms of those they kill to lure prey, so one should never approach random figures in the outlands.

Note: because of this, disassembly drones have a fail-safe trigger that disables regeneration if it detects a certain amount of weight lost. (indicating severe damage that could lead to becoming eldritch.) Of course this fail-safe can fail to trigger or trigger unnecessarily(falsely detecting significant weight loss) sometimes.

Heartcrabs - The cores of disassembly drones and solver-afflicted drones that can no longer return to their bodies(likely entirely destroyed). Similar to the eldritchs, they may start looking for a new body by attacking living drones; this doesn’t work well and creates aggressive zombie-like drones. (Might be scrapped Idk)

Anti-Drone Sentinels - Quick, aggressive robotic raptors that emit bright flashes of light to boot-loop any drone who looks at it, rendering them immobile until a reboot can be done. They move in packs in the outlands, it’s rumored a few drones have learned how to tame them.

FEEL FREE TO SEND ME ASKS ABOUT THE AU, PLEASE I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. IT CAN ALSO HELP ME FLESH THINGS OUT SO PLEASE 🥺🥺🙏

[house-of-tykayl]

Is there a mandate in Teen Titans Go where they say Robin and Starfire are never allowed to be an actual couple in the show?

I don't understand why they don't want them to be together they make Starfire reject Robin.

I don't think it would cause any problem if they become a thing, they can still make comedy jokes in the show while being in a relationship at the same time.

i think TTG is a low effort parody show, so to change something fundamental to the original concept (having TTG robin chase TTG starfire) would take too much effort. the show would have to replace the conflict of unrequited(?) love with another conflict funny enough to move an episodic story forward for an infinite number of seasons.

so yeah, there probably is a mandate/rule (in the show bible or something) to prevent TTG robstar from becoming "official"

(also if you dont find the idea of TTG robstar being unrequited funny, then tbh i feel like TTG's kind of humor and even the original concept of TTG just isnt for u... it's not the 2003 cartoon v2, it's a parody and always was. by this point i feel like it (TTG's parody elements at least) are such a specific kind of humor that 89% of people won't enjoy it, and thats fine)

anyway there's also how TTG had more sincerity in season 1 when it was more like a really weird sitcom, where the titans' relationships (while still subversions of the 2003 cartoon) were mostly genuine bonds even if they acted like lobotomy patients sometimes. the comedy had limits and the characters had empathy. so if TTG robstar would ever have a chance at becoming anything near canon, it would have been back in s1, though still unlikely

but later seasons of TTG can be very mean spirited, overly cynical and deconstructive, depending on who is writing the episode (assuming the episode is even character focused at all, which became less common over time). the show went from a parody of the 2003 cartoon to a parody of everything besides the 2003 cartoon lol. sometimes i feel like post season 1 some of TTGs writers took the mob hate to heart and let negativity poison the original sitcom premise before slowly selling out

so i dont think genuine relationships between the TTG titans can happen anymore, some of the writers hate the characters enough to have broken up their friendships (someone even messed with cyborg & BB once omg), let alone the romantic relationships. except maybe that doesn't matter either because TTG resets most of its continuity every episode?? ironically TTG could still turn the ship around in terms of the series' tone and direction, though i doubt they will if the current direction makes more money

weirdly enough whenever TTG shits out another AU thing, like the big 2018 movie or the night begins to shine universe, suddenly theres unironic robstar shipping/hints in it that are soooooooo cute. besides being shipper bait this is probably because those TTG AUs feel removed from the main TTG series, so their stories feel more free like they're allowed to be sincere again, like the main show's original season 1.

unless the romance is supposed to be a joke, it needs sincerity in order to work. and its impossible to write sincerely when youre a contractual writer buried under 300 layers of irony and cynicism who doesn't even like the show youre writing for... and thats what i feel happened to the main TTG show ,compared to some of its AU stuff

tl;dr i just cope and pretend like TTG is still the goofy sitcom it used to be, partially coz season 1 TTG robstar had the (admittedly very low) potential to be real, and even if it didnt happen at least their friendship was consistently sincere. and very cute

[ruinedsam]

To further my “Meg calls Sam her little brother” agenda, when Azazel possesses John and tells Dean that he killed his son and exorcised his daughter, he makes a reference to Sam being his son as well. Maybe it’s when Dean is staring at his father’s body and it’s his voice threatening to kill Dean and when Sam starts to struggle to try to help Dean, Azazel turns around to say “Now now, son, I’m not ignoring you, but I need a few minutes to talk to your brother here.” Sam and Dean have other things to worry about and this slips their mind until other demons start referring to him as such as well. And when John goes to make his deal with Azazel and Azazel comments about how if only the boys knew how much their daddy loved them, he adds on something about how Sam is more Azazel’s kid than John, or at least he will be soon enough; maybe this happens when John reveals he’s hidden the truth about the special kids from Sam and Azazel says, “Oh Johnny boy, that’s colder than even I expected. Letting your kid run around searching for answers when you’ve had them all this time. And to think, you’re willing to make a deal for one son but you can’t even tell the other the truth about himself. But then again, Sammy’s more my son than he is yours, isn’t he? Or at least, he will be before long.” John has to weigh Dean’s life against whatever Azazel’s plan is that makes him so sure Sam will be Azazel’s son by the end, and still makes the same choice as in canon, still tells Dean he might have to kill Sam but tells Sam nothing. It still gets revealed to Sam around the time it does, but when Meg reveals she’s possessing Sam, she calls him “our little brother” to Dean; also it’s important to me that Meg genuinely viewed this possession as a sibling bonding activity because she’s a demon. But one demon early in s3, I wanna say in Sin City but I’m not sure, tells Dean that Sam was supposed to take over after Azazel died and now there’s nobody actually in charge down there, so unless Ruby and this demon were lying and Pride was just running his mouth when he talked about how he was supposed to bow to Sam and called him the boyking, Sam was genuinely Azazel’s heir. But then we get to season 5, assuming HBO supernatural would follow the same broad plot, and when they’re in heaven and they see Sam’s memories, Dean talks about how he shouldn’t even be surprised none of Sam’s memories are of their family, after all he’s more Azazel’s son than he is John nowadays—and it is key that Sam and Dean never learn exactly what Azazel said to John, Dean is referring to the blood drinking the season before and all the demons calling Sam Azazel’s kid—and this is Sam’s worst nightmare, that he really is Azazel’s son and Lucifer’s vessel and the heir to the throne of hell and nothing he ever does will ever change that blood in his veins.

But to lighten it up a bit, because this agenda is not solely limited to HBO supernatural, I need a meeting with Sam and Abbadon where she kinda feels him out about maybe Sam taking over, because Azazel was a Prince of Hell who became the king and Abbadon was chosen by Lucifer to be a Knight and she just wants Crowley off the throne so she’s perfectly willing to use the original plan, and Sam stares at her for a solid minute because of all the things he expected from a Knight of Hell, inquiring after his interest in ruling Hell was not one of them. This also means that at any given moment, Crowley’s biggest competition for the throne is Sam, who flatly refuses every time. Abbadon catches up on everything that’s happened since her jump to the future and she learns Sam killed Samuel Campbell; she tries to use that as a reason to bond, because I think it’s funny if the demons just latch onto Sam: “I killed your dad’s dad, you killed your mom’s dad, we have loads in common.” Sam also gradually gets demons’ phone numbers until they make up about 80% of his contact list. Also, Crowley does not kill Meg here, because he knows she considers Sam a brother but isn’t sure if Sam considers her a sister and Crowley has no interest in dealing with Sam trying to kill him for killing his sister, just in case. Winchester Family Drama, Azazel blood edition. “Dean Winchester’s behind you, dumbass” but instead it’s “you know Sam Winchester’s my brother right?”

Ahhhhhh 👀👀👀 Omg I love both scenarios so much!!! Thank you mysterious speedy anon <3

it’s important to me that Meg genuinely viewed this possession as a sibling bonding activity because she’s a demon

You're so right about this!! We should see how demon's perceptions and opinions are just so skewed because they're no longer humans. According to the demon lore of the early seasons demons forget about being human, so of course they don't get them. And Meg being like well this was fun is much more compelling than her doing it for the sake of being evil or revenge (as I think she cited in canon).

this is Sam’s worst nightmare, that he really is Azazel’s son and Lucifer’s vessel and the heir to the throne of hell and nothing he ever does will ever change that blood in his veins.

You should know I was in full on sicko mode as I read this.

“I killed your dad’s dad, you killed your mom’s dad, we have loads in common.” Sam also gradually gets demons’ phone numbers until they make up about 80% of his contact list.

LMAO I love this so much 😂😂

Crowley does not kill Meg here, because he knows she considers Sam a brother but isn’t sure if Sam considers her a sister and Crowley has no interest in dealing with Sam trying to kill him for killing his sister, just in case.

This but, to bring in my cram agenda, he then goes to Sam and is like "look I didn't even try to kill your sister will you please fuck me now 🥺"

[ask-derrickman]

Rain saw my colleagues doing this and would not let up until I did as well, I'm already starting to regret it...

ooc: [Inbox is currently open]

[More info under the read more yes]

--- --- --- --- ---

(YEAAHG ASK BLOG TIME seeing all the ttcc manager blogs around lately slowly pushed me into trying it out myself since I hadn't seen one with my beloved boy yet, taskline manager enjoyers rise up)

(And of course now for the obligatory forewards and rules I gotta bring up:

- Not technically a 100% canon-compliant Derrick Man (well... as much as you even can with him), the one on this blog is actually based on a still nameless AU I've thrown together, he's not very drastically changed as a person though hes still grumpy and boring and full of oil but its enough to mention probably (he may mention things in passing sometimes too if the topic comes up)

- On the topic of that too, shipping between William and Rain and William and Chip will probably come up occasionally, im normal im normal guys im normal

- Headcanons galore, well- I mean as is a given for a character with so little official content to be fair, i don't wanna ruin the fun by listing everything though (also because we'd be here all day)

- This blog claims no direct affiliation with any other character's askblogs, or any other blogs in general for that matter aside from my main, all characters depicted in my doodles as well are my own spins on them and unrelated to any other askblogs too (please feel free to keep sending me jokes from other askblogs though like the spayed bellringer thing i think its funny as fuck) ((this is not to discourage anyone elses blogs from interacting though I'm just noting this so its at their own discretion))

- Please behave in the inbox, I will not answer any asks that are very blatantly explicit or anything, this blog is technically being run by a minor keep in mind, also this is a toontown blog so like... idk what you're expecting from me to begin with dude

- Speaking of me, feel free to bully William i love that but I'd appreciate if you... try to go easy on the me behind this, im the only person running this blog and im disabled with a busy irl life so updates will be slow, I'm just having some fun with my blorpos here

- Not every ask is going to have a drawing alongside it too by the way, I dont quite have the stamina for that, and sometimes the inspiration doesn't strike, my apologies

That should be all unless i think of something else to add here, YEHEA! go crazy sorry that this is so long by the way thats my bad)

[nichesexymanbloodbath]

Do you like Tumblr Sexymen? BOY DO I HAVE A COMPETITION FOR YOU!

Welcome to the 2023 niche tumblr non-sexyman competition! What is this, you may be asking? Well, let me tell you!

Do you have a character who you love so much? Is he an absolutely horrendous man who meets several of the qualifications of a tumblr sexyman, but for whatever reason, he isn't one yet? Maybe he's too niche, or the mods of the wiki just haven't realized his potential yet. Well, this bracket is for that exact purpose!

I'm Hermann (pronouns are they/them), and I'll be your moderator (yes, I am also the moderator of the @clash-of-the-wizards . I'm running 2 polls at once, because I have absolutely no life). In this bracket, we'll be pitting 32 niche, or otherwise non-canonical, sexymen against each other, and seeing who comes out victorious! Maybe, whoever wins will be the next person I submit to the moderators of the sexypedia, and maybe they'll become canon! Here's hoping!

GUIDELINES

If it's a rule on the sexypedia, it applies here. These rules include: Real people will not be considered, minors will not be considered, original characters will (sadly) not be considered, and no personifications of real-world locations and/or tragedies will be considered. Please read up on the sexypedia rules before submitting your sexyman nomination

Please make sure your characters do fit the sexyman archetypes! I will be looking over each and every entry individually, and I have full rights to disqualify anyone. The more archetypes a character fits, the more likely I am to consider them for the bracket.

You can submit any character from any fandom, just so long as they exist within the rules and boundaries of the competition

Please don't come back and repeatedly nominate the same sexyman-to-be. You can come back and nominate several sexymen, but I do want some diversity. I'm asking for NICHE sexymen for a reason!

SEXYMEN ALREADY IN THE WIKI WILL NOT BE PUT IN THE RUNNING!!!! I might start one for sexymen already in the wiki but who receive minimal recognition, but this one is for the sexymen who aren't there but deserve to be there!

Lastly, have fun! This is for funnies! It's just to see what sexymen tumblr wants to see added to the register!

Unlike my other bracket, and unlike most other brackets I've seen, for the sake of both diversity and staying true to the sexyman feeling, I will be hand-picking our contestants. You're more likely to have your sexyman added if you include the archetypes that fit them in your submission, because it spares me research time, and I appreciate that :) it is, however, not required. Just know, the initial part of this isn't decided by votes, unless I have a tie that I need broken. In such case, you guys will be the final judges.

Got any questions about the polls or about me? My ask box is open, and I'll try and answer everything! Something about the comp inspires you to make art? I think you so should! I just ask you either drop it in my inbox or you tag me in the post!

DEADLINES

NOMINATIONS WILL CLOSE AT 11:59 PM EST on WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5.

I HAVE ENTERED:

Newton Geiszler - Pacific Rim Londo Mollari - Babylon 5

YOU WILL ENTER:

Whoever the hell you want! Go crazy!

Now....

GO SEXY THOSE MEN! ... or something!