#unit1
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Looking at you shogoki
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Cambridge Trip
During a trip around Cambridge we visited the Zoology museum. Above are some primary observations from them.
1 - Texture of a starfish in posca pen
2 - Bug in charcoal
3 - Bug in posca pen
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Reflective Journal - Lim Lin Year 1 Production Arts for Screen
Leaving Singapore to a new country, and then starting classes the next day had made me disoriented and lost as a stranger in a foreign land. On the other hand, this transitional period has also shown me the promising pathway for a new door I had opened.
The identity lecture gave me a closer look at an individual’s sense of self in the modern world. With various analogies and thought experiments, we were taught different interpretations of this idea. A concept I thought was interesting is the way identity is linked to our contemporary society. We were asked to question how identity can be maintained in a vulnerable and unpredictable world. As someone who enjoys the sci-fi genre, the idea that many of these stories can be viewed as a metaphor for addressing current societal concerns was intriguing.
An example from the lectures that struck me was the real-life “brain worm” incident. A woman had a parasitical infection that caused a worm to grow in her brain and led her to become extremely ill. This non-fictional unnatural violation of the human body shocked me as a horrifying reality to live in could happen from a mundane situation of physical contact with nature. Not only was it unpredictable and terrifying, but it also confirmed fears of the inability of man to live in harmony with nature. This also acts as a real-life metaphor for broken natural boundaries, and the trespassing of personal space.
For the film project, we were tasked to film and edit a two-minute film using the theme of Identity. Although I had little experience with filming, I was thankful to be in a group of talented people who helped me along the way. We brainstormed several ideas and narrowed them down to personal experiences with identity. Our film was titled “Overload” which used a first-person point of view to convey the experience of autistic individuals. I learned a lot from my groupmates who have more experience in filming, such as different editing techniques and art direction that I had never thought of before.
After those two weeks, we resumed our course tutorials and the first unit commenced. We were tasked to create a character with the prompt “What's Behind The Door?”. The main struggle I had during this stage was to make the character believable. Initially, I wanted to create a grotesque man-eating creature as I like horror games. However, this led to a conflict I was unable to solve, as I did not know how to justify why a character would behave this way. The creature acted as a mindless killing machine, so I decided to start over with a new idea.
On my second attempt, I focused more on the personality of the character than its setting. Using the list of questions provided in the tutorial, I created a spider housekeeper who spends most of its time cleaning the room behind the door.
The above image shows concept sketches I made after writing the description of the character. I wanted to base the creature off a spider as the contrasting volume of the compact body mass and thin legs makes it appear more fragile, adding to its frantic personality. The second design was chosen, and the next tutorial allowed me to understand ways to convey a character’s personality through their body language. We were tasked to draw our character in four different poses representing different emotions.
A problem I encountered was the stiffness and awkwardness of the way I first drew the lying pose. This was because I used textual descriptions rather than visual references to draw the character, so this tutorial has taught me the importance of using photos when depicting body language. As such, for the rest of the task, I made sure to use visual references that effectively convey the mood and personality of the character.
Afterward, we were taught how to do three-dimensional drawing. This involves three main elements; simple volumes, basic perspectives, and overlapping forms. I found this lesson to be extremely useful for backgrounds as using these rules to create depth and structure achieves the illusion of 3D on a flat surface. This can also be applied to organic forms, such as foreshortening when drawing body parts. For this tutorial, we were tasked with drawing different objects from three different perspectives.
In hindsight, I should have given myself a larger space to do this exercise as gridding the paper into nine parts caused most of the drawings to appear too cramped or overly exaggerated. I was disappointed with the outcome as I could not fit the three-point perspective drawing of the piano in the last grid as it will look extremely distorted with that scale. The details on the objects are also inaccurate, so I would have to work on these problem areas when doing more perspective drawings in the future.
Another exercise related to improving our structure was the practice used for drawing human heads. As someone who is used to making photo studies with loose guidelines and editing the proportions during the rendering stage, I was not used to the methods used to break down features of the head. While drawing the basic forms was manageable separately, applying these steps to a face is challenging as you would also need to consider the proportions of the person.
While drawing Matt Damon’s face, I tried to follow the structure and created this portrait. The key issues I had were the proportions and the lower half of the face.
The following tutorial gave us pointers when designing characters and finding an art style for them. Drawing how the characters will be like rather than appear like would aid in creating a being capable of thought. We were recommended to use primary and secondary research and to base the character on something rather than to create one out of our imagination. We were also reminded to exaggerate the line of action while drawing with references and to consider how it affects the angle of hips, shoulders, and head.
Related to the technical aspects of drawing, we were taught how to draw clothing that belongs to the character. The lesson's outcome is to draw fabric that enhances the character's three-dimensionality rather than flatten it. To do this, the key point is to focus on structure and observation as it gives believability to the characters who should also have surface and form.
Some of the fabric I drew looked stiff as I either drew too many folds or did not follow the curve of the body. With the help of my tutor's drawing shown in the bottom right of the first page, I was able to make the fabric complement the form of the person more.
When drawing facial expressions, we were given points to take note of for more effective drawings. The expressions should convey the personality of the character, and this can be achieved by following design rules and establishing consistent structure and volume.
I faced many problems trying to exaggerate my character’s expressions. As the mouth was placed at the lowest point of its skull, it was difficult to create an “open mouth” expression without obscuring the eyes. Moreover, when trying to make the eyes expressive, distorting its size made the character not look like itself. In the end, I managed to convey its emotions by changing the length of the jaw and adjusting the height of the eyeballs.
The last practice we had in this unit covered the attitude of a character. With a simple prompt, a character’s audience appeal could be evoked with attitude. This can be achieved by giving characters a thought process, reflecting it with their design, and making the way they carry themselves consistently. Establishing the character’s point of view creates an expectation in the audience and reveals the person in the design. Afterward, we were given time to work on our character designs, so I worked on the turnaround and construction sheet during this time and digitalized these sketches for the final hand-in.
At the end of this unit, I was able to learn new rules of character design that helped me to communicate my ideas better to an audience. This has also helped to improve my technical skills in drawing and I will continue to practice more in the future to achieve better results in my art and storytelling.
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مذكرة إنجليزي Unit1 للصف الرابع اعداد خالد سلمان
مذكرة إنجليزي Unit1 للصف الرابع اعداد خالد سلمان إضغط هنا لتحميل الملف aldirassa.com الصف الصف الرابع انجليزي الصف الرابع انجليزي | الفصل الاول | الصف الرابع 1.89 MB 172 2020-09-25, 20:32 مساء الصف الرابع الصف الرابع, انجليزي | الفصل الاول | الصف الرابع, انجليزي الصف الرابع, مذكرة إنجليزي Unit1 للصف الرابع اعداد خالد سلمان
#الصف الرابع#انجليزي | الفصل الاول | الصف الرابع#انجليزي الصف الرابع#مذكرة إنجليزي Unit1 للصف الرابع اعداد خالد سلمان
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https://gcarter.carrd.co/#userinterface (best viewed on computer) heres a limk to some info about it :3. this is just my college work blog that i have to do for the exam board, so theres a lot of waffle but theres images of my shit on there
coding an inventory system with equippable items has me feeling like im an actual rocket scientist when in actual fact i just finally figured out why equipping function didn't work after scrolling down (i used the wrong variable in one single spot bc i wasnt paying attention)
#engineposting#probably not massively interesting and also the menus are ugly#but the sprites are placeholders just while i figure out the code#im also not in charge of the artwork for this project anyway#if u go thru this blog its not like . massively interesting but theres stuff about the project on there#i still need to upload my unit1-unit7 work ughhh#forgot about that
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Murderbot and ART reading each other's mind
Murderbot claims that ART does not read its mind – that it really knows Murderbot well. But sometimes, it DOES appear as though ART is reading Murderbot’s mind. As if its inner thoughts are leaking into its private feed where ART is sitting and watching.
Here are some examples:
[Quote]
I hate it when ART is right. “I can’t do anything about that.”
You can’t alter your configuration.
I could see the skepticism through the feed. “No, I can’t. Look up the specs on SecUnits.”
SecUnits are never altered. Skepticism intensifying. (Artificial Condition, p.42).
[Comment]
How can see the skepticism through the feed, unless they know each other very well? Murderbot has observed and calibrated ART’s various responses through the hours of joint media viewing, and can now interpret subtle changes in the feed. Basically reading ART.
[Quote]
Its arms were bare, and there was no metal showing and no gun ports. This was not a SecUnit.
I was looking at a sexbot.
That is not the official designation, ART said.
The official designation is ComfortUnit but everybody knows what that means. (Artificial Condition, pp.89-90).
[Comment]
I mean, how can ART tell that Murderbot is looking at a ComfortUnit, thinking of it as a sexbot, without reading its mind?
[Quote]
Without drones, I couldn’t see what it was doing. ART had switched over to Iris’s feed, using her enviro suit camera, and the resolution at this distance wasn’t good. ART needed a field equipment upgrade. Wait, a human would look at it, right?
ART said, Look at it. It’s obvious you’re avoiding it.
Maybe I’m a nervous human who’s afraid of bots, I told ART, but I looked at it anyway. (System Collapse, p.13)
[Comment]
By the beginning of System Collapse, ART is practically always in Murderbot’s head in order to monitor its stats. Murderbot also has the constant awareness of ART’s activities, because of their practically wall-free intimacy. ART can probably hear anything Murderbot is thinking in language (human or machine language) unless Murderbot tries very hard to think privately.
In this scene, it is also sweet that Murderbot does as told by ART, because even though it hates when ART is right, it knows when ART is right (which is always).
[Quote]
(Obviously this is not actually what I’m upset about, it’s just easier to be angry about B-E Unit1’s fuckup and/or disregard for minimum client safety.)
Safer to be angry about it, ART said on our private connection. (System Collapse, p.15)
[Comment]
It really is literally reading Murderbot’s thoughts.
[Quote]
I should have paid more attention. I’d fucked that up, too.
We both fucked that up, ART-drone said. No, it doesn’t read my mind, it just knows me really well. I should have banned refreshment items containing stimulants earlier in the day. (System Collapse, p.133)
[Comment]
Even if ART isn’t reading Murderbot’s mind (which I think it is), ART’s choice of expression is also spot-on.
[Quote]
On our private channel, I asked ART-drone, Is it one of ours?
There’s a 66 percent chance, ART-drone replied. If after our first message they decided to send assistance, they could have met the second pathfinder en route and received the map coordinates that would allow them to locate our exact position.
[…]
Sometimes the thing where it’s like ART reads my mind goes both ways. I said, But you don’t think it is.
No. (System Collapse, pp.191-192).
[Comment]
Murderbot says “it’s like ART reads my mind goes both ways” – even if it is not literally reading its mind, they are so attuned to each other’s processing patterns, that by noting spikes in the feed activities, they can read each other.
For more thorough analysis of implicit communications between Murderbot and ART, I wrote this piece on AO3:
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#perihelion#asshole research transport#tmbd#meta#implicit understanding
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I am loving System Collapse so far! The opening of chapter one was a bit anxiety inducing but I'm sure that's gonna be fine. What could possibly happen in 47 hours? (So many things, probably.)
The bit early in chapter 1 where MB says "because of redacted" and other places that just say redacted are really intriguing! They seem so random at the moment. I wonder if any if that will get un-redacted later, or if we'll just be left to think about it indefinitely?
Some of the asides that MB is making have me slightly concerned. I can't even really put my finger on what my concerns are, I just know that I have them. Particularly in chapter 1 where it says "(Obviously this is not actually what I am upset about, it's just easier to be angry about B-E Unit1's fuckup and/or disregard for minimum client safety.)" Murderbot, my beloved, what are you actually upset about then?? And, much more concerning but for entirely different reasons, "(...No one knew if ART was making up numbers for the hell of it or if these numbers represented actual credit balances that ART was hiding somewhere.)" ART WHAT THE FUCK.
And it's so fun to see Three! I can't wait to learn more about it and see how its adjusting, and I love Three and MB interacting. I feel like the two have had radically different free-agent experiences so far, and I am fascinated to watch how it all plays out.
Seems like more tidbits about gender and pronouns are getting dropped too which is really cool! Like the (male/demi) gender tag for Sub-Supervisor Dellcourt and Corian's vi/vir pronouns. I don't know exactly what they mean but I love seeing them!
Currently on chapter three, and I absolutely lost my shit when MB casually asked ART to define a word. That is SO cute, I can't stop smiling about it
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LICHIFIT Magnetic VR Machine Gun/Pistol Model Controller Holder for Meta Quest 3 Handle Quick Release Gunstock Bracket Stand for Oculus Quest 3 Shooting Game Accessories
Price: Buy Now Last Updated: Specifications: Material: ABS Colors (Optional): White, Black Size: 58.5 x 11 x 7.2 cm Applicable Model: for Meta Quest 3 Package includes:2* VR game gun model controller holder(L&R)1* VR gunstock model2* Magnetic suction unit1* Lanyard1* Manual Package Dimensions : 34.8 x 20.19 x 8.2 cm; 540 g Date First Available : 13 Mar. 2024 Manufacturer : leagoods…
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High-Quality A/617/2265 Unit 1 Programming Assignment Help! Acquire our diploma course and unit solution!! Order Instant Solution on WhatsApp: +44 141 628 6080!!
#A_617_2265 #Unit1 #Programming #AssignmentHelp #Solution #AssessmentHelp #OnlineTutor #OTHM #Level4 #Diploma #AskTutor #HND #BTEC #topassignmenthelpservices #UKtopwritingservice #AssessmentWritingService #UK
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240229 STRETCH
「貴様の存在など私の気持ち一つで簡単に潰せるのだぞ?」
という圧がけに対し
「すみません! あなたに盾突きたいとかそのような意図は一切ないんですが、多分それ無理です、やめた方がいいと思います!」
的な返しをして実際後者がめちゃくちゃ強い的な展開はエンタメ作品内でのチート能力演出として鉄板なわけだが、現実でそんな「事なかれ主義者のくせして人類最強」みたいな人間いるわけがない(UNIT2へ続く)
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◆UNIT1
ここで「それはあくまであなたの脳内における認識であって現実がそうとは限らないでしょう?」的な返しをしてくる人間もがいるわけだが、それに関してもいちいち律儀に答える必要はない
何故ならばこの私という存在は滅茶苦茶「ちっぽけ」であり、そんなちっぽけな人間にいちいち突っかかってくる人間も押し並べてちっぽけだからである
僕は僕自身の無力さに絶大なる信頼を置いている
だが、この認知(自分には社会的影響力が乏しいという思い込み)こそが最も酷い差別や断絶を生み出す土壌である事も理解している
理解しつつも「面倒くさい」という理由で自分の強さ / 加害性を見て見ぬふりする自分を「それなりの悪だな」と思う程度のモラルはある
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◆UNIT1.5
▲UNIT1は僕の脳内の汎用内省テンプレであって最初に提示した主張とは何の関係性もないただの「批判への予防線」である
主張と自己弁護はこのようなアセットの組み合わせによって成立しており、その運用に「真の理性や感情」つまり「本音」が関与してくる事はほとんどない
つまりこのような厄���ボールは手続きによっていくらでも量産できるわけで、これにぶら下がる会話も代わりの効く駄菓子めいたコミュニケーション・・動物的な「鳴き声」に過ぎない
ああ、またサボる為の無意味思考ガムを噛み始めてしまった。だがこのガムを噛んでしまったという後悔をシェアする事には何らかの価値があるはずだ。僕には意義や意味を見つけられなくとも、これを読んだ誰かが必ず何らかの意味性を見出してくれると信じている
少なくとも何らかの「味」を感じてくれると信じている
駄文に込める祈りはそれで十分
【UNIT2はない】
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The Urban Artist (Essay Submission)
In an unpredictable world, some may assume that identity has become synonymous with our position in society. The urban man becomes increasingly disoriented in dense populations, yet still creates his own self in this complex world. By engaging with the concept of identity, Dede Eri Supria’s oil painting “Urban Class” can be interpreted in the context of the identity of an artist as the conscience of society.
Figure 1: Dede Eri Supria, Urban Class (1997)
By using himself as a recurring motif, Dede Eri Supria defines his identity as an artist. “Urban Class” depicts Supria and his studio in the foreground, positioned in front of a monumentally sized painting. His self-image is rendered realistically to instruct the viewer to see him as his outer self. A surrealist element is added to this painting as Supria uses illusionistic techniques to create an impression of himself emerging from a painting of an urban slum, suggesting that he has transcended his social background to become a critical observer. Moreover, unlike other contemporary Indonesian artists, Supria depicts man without the influence of folklore. The human subject matter is forced to confront social realities stemming from cultural change, with the rich-poor disparity and American hegemony eroding traditions that once gave them comfort in the spiritual. (Wright, 1994) Hence, Supria reinforces his identity as an Indonesian artist his concerns and approach to the subject matter are unique to the socio-economic state of Jakarta.
Supria depicts his surroundings in extreme detail to force viewers to examine their fears and anxieties of a rapidly evolving society. Inspecting the monumental painting behind the artist, a slum is rendered with painstaking detail. To achieve this, Supria collages various magazine excerpts to create multiple visual planes. This distorts the man’s surroundings, while the overall realistic style alleviates the viewer’s suspension of disbelief, creating an uncanny perception of modern Jakarta. Moreover, the use of magazine references gives his artworks a commercial sheen, with the consumerist nature of the subject matter emphasized by his use of saturated colors. Hence, the technique used to create this work is also unique to his personal identity and upbringing. His hyperrealistic style was influenced by his background as a photographic draftsman and gave him a position amongst the New Art Movement, consisting of contemporary Indonesian artists.
Figure 2: S. Sudjojono, Rest (Ngaso). (1964)
Supria’s approach to social realism crafts both a personal and social identity. The return of realism among young Indonesian artists was met with a different origin from when it first appeared in Indonesia. The previous wave of realism showed Sudjojono’s works inspired by French social realism that aimed to confront the realities of the working class. In contrast to the naturalistic tone of the former, Supria uses a more satirical style of commentary. (Chua, 2018) Incorporating an Avant Garde direction into his social reality, Supria ingrains the flaws of his society into his identity. Unlike Sudjojono’s portrayal of citizens fighting for a better future, Supria depicts them indifferently while presenting the situation as disorienting and hopeless. (Jurriëns, 2021) The uncomfortable reality of defeated individuals confronts the viewers with a new juxtaposed form of art that mocks urban Jakarta, yet this response conversely gave Supria a notorious reputation in the Indonesian art scene, even effectively conveying his idea that artists have a role in expressing social concerns. As such, Supria cemented his identity as a new-age social realist painter.
As a Southeast Asian, I resonate with his concerns about rapid urban development and cultural erosion. Singapore’s government attempted to build a national identity by enforcing Asian values to the everyday man for citizens to survive in a fast-paced environment. To rapidly improve the living conditions of locals, demolishing heritage buildings for infrastructure and discouraging dialects for a shared language was inevitable. (Ortmann, 2009) Thus, having an artist who is willing to confront and express subconscious insecurities from the public allows Supria to be renowned for his identity as both a social critic and an artist.
References
Supria, D.E. (1997). Urban Class. Oil on canvas, 200 × 100 cm. Jakarta, Indonesia.
Wright, A. (1994). Soul, spirit, and mountain: preoccupations of contemporary Indonesian painters. Kuala Lumpur; New York: Oxford University Press
Chua, K. (2018), Courbet after Sudjojono. Art History, 41: 292-317. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8365.12333
S. Sudjojono (1964). Rest (Ngaso). Oil on canvas, 140 × 100 cm. Jakarta, Indonesia: Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Nusantara (Museum MACAN).
Jurriëns, E. (2021). Urban transition through Indonesian art: from the Generation of ‘66 to the Millennials. World Art, 11(2), pp.229–254. https://doi.org/10.1080/21500894.2021.1893806.
Ortmann, S. (2009). Singapore: The Politics of Inventing National Identity. Journal of Current Southeast Asian Affairs, 28(4), 23-46. https://doi.org/10.1177/186810340902800402
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Design Process
17/10/2022
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Yeah—Murderbot in Exit Strategy:
SecUnits would be able to identify me as a rogue unit on sight (or on ping, more accurately) but we were never used on transit rings
Murderbot in System Collaspe:
But this SecUnit (designate: B-E Unit1) was only about four meters away; it might just look at me, know what I was, and report it…
Then:
The rest of the B-E group was staring at me and the humans. Overse had said that the B-E corporates always look like they’re trying to figure out how much to sell you for, and she wasn’t wrong. I was glad I had refined my move-like-a-human code because if I had to wing it on my own, I wouldn’t have known what to do with my hands.
Iris was doing a good job of trying to keep most of the B-E humans’ attention, but I could tell the SecUnit was looking at me
Murderbot : ahhhh, groan and moan, I am hurt and limping in a very human way, getting help from my fellow humans
B-E SecUnit, probably : what the fuck
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Studying CMSC 11 UNIT 1 on Quizlet: https://quizlet.com/836015661/cmsc-11-unit-1-flash-cards/?x=1jqU&i=3rhl15
#CMSC11 #UNIT1
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11/09/23-17/09/23
--- 11/09/23
うつが軒先にいる感じがする 自分の中の内なるまなざしがつらい〜
そろそろイギリス1年くらい経つけど今のところイギリスに来てとってもとっても良かったなとしみじみする思い出はない どこへ行っても生活が続くんだなみたいな感じで肝が据わった イギリスでなくてもよかったし2年は少し長すぎる すっごく遠くで生活したかっただけなのかもしれない
今がいちばん良いけど 本当の人生という感じがするのはやっぱり過去だな 本当の人生という感じがしていた本番(?)のB面、C面みたいな風に人生が移り変わっていく
--- 13/09/23
フラットメイト3の英語が今まで出会った人の中で一番聞き取りづらくて、会話する時いつも緊張してしまって余計になにも聞こえないしわたしも吃るしでまともに会話が続いたことが片手で足りてしまうくらいだったけど、さっきいっぱい喋れて嬉しかった!なんでかわからんけどあなたの英語がいちばん難しいと吐露したら俺もなぜかはわからんと 日本語を勉強し始めたらしくて尚嬉しい リンガー?ていう語学系アプリ?で勉強してるらしく見せてくれたのがUnit1で べんごし を覚えるチャプター Unit1でべんごして 日常会話でべんごし使わんやろ marmite食べたことあるかと聞かれmarmiteを知らなかったのでマーマレードジャムかと聞き返したら違うと 好きな人は大好きだが嫌いな人は大嫌い Love it or hate it イギリスではメジャーな黒くねばりけのある苦しょっぱいジャムみたいなもの marmite塗りトーストを一口もらったがベーコンみたいな味がした 豆をmarmiteで味付けするとうまいらしい 豆をmarmiteで味付けするとうまいらしい イギリススーパーで買える安価な栄養源だがおいしく食卓に取り入れる調理法がわからない食品第一位こと豆 ここにきて台頭なるか 今調べたらmarmiteってビールの醸造過程で発生する酵母の沈殿物に味をつけたものらしい 黒くて強い粘り気があるからタールを想像させ 長期にわたって摂取すると身体が徐々におかしくなっていく化学食品かと思ったが むしろ健康食品らしい おどろ木 ちなみにカルディで買えるらしい
3ヶ月くらい喘息のような咳が続いていて 良くなったと思えば悪くなり 逆もまた然り フラットメイト2と顔を合わす度に医者は予約したのかと聞かれる それはbreathingの問題だから医者へ掛かった方がいいと強く勧められる 睡眠不足だったり天気が悪い日だと咳が悪化する
根つめて最短最速で目標達成しようとするの続かなくてよくないかもな just chill, innit なるべくのんびりでもこつこつ(リズム)
--- 14/09/23
半年過ぎてようやく仕事が一通り 一応難なくできるようになった感じがし できるという感覚は疎外感を薄めてくれる IT業界に片足を突っ込みつつ身体ごと沈めることには抵抗し続けている あるいは突っ込んだ片足をなるべく抜かないようにしている 今一緒に働いている人たちは相当できるエンジニアでその中にいるとわたしももっと と思うが本腰をいれて勉強にお金と時間を費やすことには暗さを感じる ITの仕事の好きなところってプログラム動いて嬉しいとかではなくて これがわからんあれがわからんとあーだこーだ面白可笑しくふざける瞬間なんだよな
明日は有給!
--- 16/09/23
ダンサーはみんなエネルギー太陽くらいあってわたしにはついていけません・・・てなる ソーシャルエネルギーが欠乏している人間が社会的関わりの中で充実感を得るって難しいのではないかな 複数人の中に含まれて心地がいい楽しいってなりたいけど全員わたしを排除しようとしているのではないかみたいな妄想をしてしまう・・・ いやじめじめするな・・・ 実際のところは誰も排除なんてしようとしていない ダンサーのコミュニティはヒエラルキーがあって怖いものもあることけど 今ロンドンで見ているダンサー達はとてもフラットだし場の風通しもいい ここにあるのはオープンスペースで 入りたいと思ったら入ればいいというだけの話 身を場に投げ打つというのが苦手だな 一人で生きていきたいけど親密さを感じられるコミュニティに属したいというこの矛盾がずっとしんどい
--- 17/09/23
友達と電話 表の出来事と裏の本流 一見意味���いこと興味ないことももやもやを晴らすための要素分解の役割を担っている フィジカルに生きること 選択は直感 言葉での理由は後でつければいい 間違っていたら違和感が教えてくれる 違和感は周りも感じる 言葉に絡め取られる身体的感覚 第二言語を学ぶ環境では言葉がハンデになるから余計に言葉のせいにしてしまう 言葉ではなくフィジカルに自分を表現してみること 沈黙が楽な人 言葉では噛み合うが身体のテンポが合わない人(私ってテンポが合う人探してんのかも)未来の理想像から逆算して今を生きることのおかしさ 英語学習もいいけど日本語で本をもっと読まないといけない 英語脳を育てることと日本語でものを考えることは両立できるはず 頭で考えるとネガティブフィードバックで澱んでしまう 諦めるとは何か 忘れるとか折り合いをつけることとは違う 現実的な選択肢が全て断たれた状態でしか諦めることはできない 例えば自分が行けない日程にしか上映しない映画は観に行くことができないので諦めるが 人間関係を諦めるというのはひどく骨の折れる道のりで 捉え方を変えても変えても納得できなければ埋めて忘れるしかないし たまに掘り起こしさえもする 自然に向き合うことは諦めること やっていないことは全て未知 集団の中で自分が本当に言いたいことを言えるか 等 自分の魂の願いを聞く旅はまだまだ続く
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