#unfortunately my hair doesnt look like that irl but i wish it did Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[glass-clown]

yippee :3

open tag, anyone who wants to join

ah thank you @thebeautifulsoup for tagging me! i freakin love picrews, might be a lil bit too into them OK so do the picrew here and do the uquiz here

my hair is so faded, so this works lmao

also yeah i'm weird, autistic-coded, and i don't know much but i do know a lot of useless stuff 💚

gonna tell everyone who likes doing piccrews to reblog this with theirs and tag their buds too! 💚

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[lesbianbruabba]

rules:: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people  I don’t know 20 people

Thanks for tagging me @notwvrriors​ xo

— what was your last…

1. drink:: fanta aka the nectar of the gods

2. phone call:: my mum and dad I think

3. text message:: lol ok don’t know many kids who want to die but coolio!

4. song you listened to:: Misery - Creeper

5. time you cried:: yesterday

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice:: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it:: no

8. been cheated on:: no

9. lost someone special:: yes

10. been depressed:: yes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up:: no

— fave colours

12. pink

13. mint

14. black

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends:: yes

16. fallen out of love:: no

17. laughed until you cried:: yes

18. found out someone was talking about you:: yes

19. met someone who changed you::  yes

20. found out who your friends are:: kinda

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list:: yes

— general

22. how many your facebook friends do you know irl:: most if not all

23. do you have any pets:: I wish

24. do you want to change your name:: YES

25. what did you do for your last birthday:: uhh cried and worked in a factory and had a panic attack bc fun times!!

26. what time did you wake up today:: I didnt sleep lolz

27. what were you doing at midnight last night:: texting someone on tinder

28. what is something you can’t wait for:: dan and phil show

29. what is your favourite animal:: cats and dogs and unicorns

30. what are you listening to right now:: basket case by green day

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom:: yes

32. something that’s getting on your nerves:: my own thoughts

33. most visited website:: tumblr

34. hair colour:: black

35. long or short hair:: long

36. do you have a crush on someone:: unfortunately. at least it gives me writing material and shit like that tho

37. what do you like about yourself:: lol that’s funny hair and boobs and I can write decent poetry sometimes

38. want any piercings:: yes, I want a nose ring (not a septum one tho) and nipple piercings

39. blood type:: O

40. nicknames:: my old crush used to call me Christababe :(

41. relationship status:: single.

42. sign:: leo

43. pronouns:: she/her

44. fave tv show:: rpdr, brooklyn 99, the good place, skam, glee, asoue

45. tattoos:: someday. 

46. right or left handed:: right handed.

47. ever had surgery:: no

48. piercings:: someday

49. sport:: lol that’s funny i like badminton but im lazy

50. vacation:: i’m going to belgium in a week. i want to go to russia and poland and germany and norway. 

51. trainers:: yeah doesnt everyone have a pair

— more general

52. eating:: last thing i had was m&ms i’m so healthy

53. drinking:: uhhhh fanta

54. i’m about watch:: my own soul leave my fucking body

55. waiting for:: someone to lower their standards to date me

56. want:: to be loved? to be less depressed? to be talented? correct answer is D: all of the above

57. get married:: I’m open to the idea

58. career:: probably teaching?? but dream career would be poet or designer 

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses:: hugs. but kisses are so good too

60. lips or eyes:: eyes

61. taller or shorter:: well i’m short so i guess i’d want my s/o to be taller?

62. older or younger:: preferably older than me

63. nice arms or stomach:: nice personality

64. hookups or relationships:: relationships i want to lose my fucking virginity though

65. troublemaker or hesitant:: hesitant

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger:: no

67. drank hard liquor:: no

68. turned someone down:: no

69. sex on first date:: no

70. broken someone’s heart:: no

71. had your heart broken:: no

72. been arrested:: no

73. cried when someone died:: yes

74. fallen for a friend:: fuck this question 

— do you believe in

75. yourself:: lol

76. miracles:: no

77. love at first sight:: no

78. santa claus:: i’m not fucking five

79. angels:: i’d like to think they exist. i know some people who are honestly fucking angels on earth.

— misc

80. eye colour:: brown/black

81. best friend’s name:: uhh i have like a lot of best friiends but lettie is my bestest. and i have uhh karl and chloe and bella and natalie and iza (i hope u dont mind?) and also priscilla and david and i think thats all the ones i can call best friends anymore?? idk after high school things got umm difficult 

OH ALSO MY BROTHER HE IS THE FUCKING BEST I LOVE HIM

82. favourite movie:: pride (2014) or rocky horror or rent. or sth else thats gay

83. favourite actor:: idk probably Idina Menzel bc shes pretty and i used to have a big crush on her

84. favourite cartoon:: ummm idk adventure time i guess?

85. favourite teacher’s name:: fuck u for making me choose. louise or jennifer (but a specific one because there were like 3 at one point and one of them is a fucking bitch!!!!!) or emily or natasha idk i have a lot of fucking favorite teachers ok. theyre so great and important and i dont want them to leave my school and i want them all to teach my brother bc they were good teachers :(

I tag @samrull @veronicasanders @lettiehigh @rippling-waves @akakuro4869-blog look i dont know 20 fucking people ok also yall dont have to do this if yall dont wanna bc its real fucking long but im a curious bitch

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3

[cherryscentedlube]

thanks to @space-boy-leo + @lightphilly and all the others who tagged me i usually never do these but im sick and bored so here goes nothing

Tag 20 people

1. last drink: coconut water

2: last phone call: @infinitylester but she didn’t answer </3

3. last text message: well shit

4. last song you listened to: dreamer // charlie xcx

5. last time you cried: i dont remember 

6. dated someone twice: nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it?: hmm

8. been cheated on?: no

9. lost someone special?: yes

10. been depressed?: every fuckin day buddy

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?: never thrown up, no

fave colors

12. green

13. black

14. idk i appreciate all colours they all fit my different moods on different days

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?: yes

16: fallen out of love?: yes and i was proud of myself for it because it was toxic

17. laughed until you cried?: yes

18. found out someone was talking about you?: yep

19. met someone who changed you?: yes

20. found out who your friends are?: not really

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: i dont have facebook

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: facebook who

23. do you have any pets?: a dog! teacup poodle x

24. do you want to change your name?: i mean it’s a bit generic

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: cried

26. What time did you wake up today?: 5am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night?: wishing i was awsten knight

28. What is something you can’t wait for?: september !! meeting megan! (@lightphilly) dan and phil ! <3

29. What are you listening to right now?: i can hear the project on the tv downstairs

30. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: yes a very long time ago he was in the house opposite but he has moved now 

31. something that’s getting on your nerves?: living

32. most visited website: .... lol

33. hair color: chestnut red/goldish it’s quite odd

34. long or short hair: a bit longer than shoulder length

35. do you have a crush on someone?: awsten knight

36. what do you like about yourself?: fellas,, dude,, not a thing

37. want any piercings?: spider bites + tongue

38. blood type: i have the rarest blood type in the world ur looking @ an ab-

39. nicknames: none but some people call me moo

40. relationship status: pringles

41. zodiac: cancer

42. pronouns: buddy/bud/b

43. fave tv shows: THE GOOD PLACE 

44. tattoos: nada

45. right or left handed: ambidextrous look @ that talent

46. ever had surgery?: no but if anyone wants to offer me a full body and soul transplant i would be very willing 

47. piercings?: helix

48. sport: unfortunately im a rower 

49. vacation: hell

50. trainers: gotta do exercise somehow

more general

51. eating: no

52. drinking: no

53. i’m about to watch: andrew dexter ;))

54. waiting for: my will to live to arrive

55. want: death

56. get married: i mean,,,,,,,

57. career: i used to want to be an environmental lawyer but dan changed my mind on that one

which is better:

58. hugs or kisses: whichever

59. lips or eyes: either or

60. shorter or taller: im a GIANT i have no option

61. older or younger: i dont care

62. nice arms or stomach: tummy <3 <3 i LoVe

63. hookup or relationship: relationship

64. troublemaker or hesitant: doesnt matter

have you ever:

65. kissed a stranger: no

66. drank hard liquor: yes

67. lost glasses: yes

68. turned someone down: no one would ever want me is this a joke

69. sex on first date: no

70. broken someones heart: yeah unfortunately

71. had your heart broken: yes

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes

74. fallen for a friend: l o l

75. do you believe in yourself: fuck no

76. miracles: i mean i think people look after you --up there-- but im not sure really

77. love at first sight: no because personality is more important

78. Santa Claus: think of the children

79. kiss on a first date: no

80. angels: yes

other:

81. best friend’s name: u assume i have friends??bitch,, i got a surprise for u

82. eye color: green

83. favorite movie: little miss sunshine. the good old movies like shrek. most adam sandler movies

84. fave actor: adam sandler (+ drew barrymore + jennifer aniston)

i have very few people to tag that havent aleady been tagged and i dont even know 20 people lol so i tag  @infinitylester @roslynrobinson @shattering-the-4th-wall @aichatabai

[thoughtfulseason]

Tagged by @childofdustandashes ily <333

Rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

@kailaurens @reguluz @kentclarks @lupins @linemie @stuckwith-harry @ronaldswheezy @arwenundomiel @znanyjany @cabin-girl @potterrj @theheirofillea @thisonestargazer

Last:

1. Drink: water


2. Phone call: my grandma


3. Text message: “ok”


4. Song you listened to: Billie Eilish - Fingers Crossed

5. Time you cried: five days ago (woah that was long ago lmao)

6. Dated someone twice?: never

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve never kissed anyone


8. Been cheated on: no


9. Lost someone special: my grandma’s second husband. i was only six at the time and it wasnt SUCH a big loss back then but i really miss him :’(

10. Been depressed: like literally ten minutes ago

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink

Fave colours;

12. blue


13. light pink

14. white etc etc etc

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: no

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: today during lithuanian lecture cause the teacher was looking at me and like provoking to laugh....so yeah couldnt hold back....i literally wiped my tears afterwards....and i always laugh during french (the teacher is super wonderful and she is so funny so it’s unavoidable)


18. Found out someone was talking about you: not so sure?

19. Met someone who changed you: only the person i met in 2016 (lmao not hard to guess who)


20. Found out who your friends are: not really.... :(

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: haha lmao no

General;

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: the majority

23. Do you have any pets: two cats

24. Do you want to change your name: when i was small i wanted my name to be emily (my sister’s name) and i really hated my name but now ive really grown to love it and i wouldnt trade it to anything (even if i hate how without my teaching non lithuanians would pronounce it)

25. What did you do for your last birthday: cried (and went on a guided city tour but on the exact birthday day went to dine with my family)


26. What time did you wake up today: 7 i think


27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping


28. What is something you cant wait for: to meet egle on wednesday and talk to her (im begging for us to meet pls god)


30. What are you listening to right now: Billie Eilish - Bellyache

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes. my aunt’s husband is tom and our family’s ex friends family’s one member was tom (a year younger than me)


32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: when people shout


33. Most visited website: tumblr, instagram, youtube

34. Hair colour: dark blonde


35. Long or short hair: medium. reaches my chest

36. Do you have a crush on someone: platonic 

37. What do you like about yourself: i like the two freckles behind my left eye (i dont have freckles, its just very tiny moles?? so theyre freckles), my talents, that i feel very strongly (not sth i should be proud of but i like it) but the most of all - my ability to get better and better

38. Want any piercings?: no

39. Blood type: i always forget it and need to ask my mom haha


40. Nicknames: Rad by a couple of users here, but i prefer my full name


41. Relationship status: single (thank god)

42. Zodiac: aries


43. Pronouns: she/her


44. Fave tv shows: dont have much time for that now but i guess anne with an e, a series of unfortunate events, skam, atla (these are literally the best but i watch more when i have time)


45. Tattoos: none

46. Right or left handed: left

47. Ever had surgery: apendicitis when i was 13

48. Piercings: none


49. Sport: skiing, tennis, swimming

50. Vacation: Scotland or Ireland, but literally anywhere i guess

 
51. Trainers: idek

More general;

52. Eating: i just ate three chocolate candies oops

 
53. Drinking: water or tea
 (but normal tea, without milk)

54. I’m about to watch: olympics ice skating with my family

55. Waiting for: egle to understand what interesting person i am

56. Want: to become friends with egle (and call the informal you ffs)

57. Get married: someday


58. Career: i want to be a translator and a writer 

Which is better;

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs


60. Lips or eye: eyes! im slut for looking person i love in the eyes for a long time but why do i look at egle’s lips (like i look at all her face and like the eyeliner but not the eye colour why am i like this)

 
61. Shorter or taller: shorter

62. Older or younger: idk


63. Nice arms or stomach: both (like id say stomach but i have really nice arms and id better keep them than stomach, but ive been exercising in order to be healthy and have a better stomach)


64. Hookup or relationship: relationship!


65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (cause thats what i am lol)

Have you ever;

66. Kissed a stranger: no


67. Drank hard liquor: i dont think so

68. Lost glasses: i never used them 


69. Turned someone down: no

70. Sex on first date: no


71. Broken someones heart: I don’t know, but never on purpose


72. Had your heart broken: yes
 (platonically)

73. Been arrested: no


74. Cried when someone died: yes


75. Fallen for a friend: no

Do you believe in;

76. Yourself: I try to
 love myself and im getting better at this

77. Miracles: yes!


78. Love at first sight: yes, cause my parents were like this


79. Santa claus: I used to
, but i saw him so he exists just doesnt bring presents

80. Kiss on a first date: idek but i think thats just the movie scenario hahaha

81. Angels: i think so

Other;

82. Best friend’s name: i wish it was egle

83. Eye colour: blue


84. Fave movie: this question is too difficult

85. Fave actor: Emma Watson, Felicity Jones, Alicia Vikander etc etc

[saintkimora]

well here is how the past 4 days have been w joel

we started talking on scruff like 5 days ago. it was actually really nice conversation. like i usually suck at talking to people on those apps but w him it came naturally so that was a good first sign

so our first cuddle date was on friday night. i drove to his apartment and i actually drove on the parkway! it was scary but i had to do it bc using the regular streets would have taken like an extra 12 minutes. i was not expecting much bc he said on scruff that he isnt looking for a relationship bc hes been going from relationship to relationship for a while and he felt suppressed so he wanted some time to just hoe around (ok caleb) so i went into it just expecting a decent one night thing. i got there around midnight

 so i finally got there and he was soooooooooo cute in person omg!!! he already looked cute in his profile pic but he was even cuter irl. so i got there and his 3 roommates were all in like the living room area so i had to meet them. it was hard and i was getting more nervous as the convo went on. but the first thing one of them asked me was if i knew who that poppy was and i was like yeah i do lol and they all went wild asfajkdfbheakdfkha they were so surprised that i knew who she was! and then one of them showed me her pet toad lmao 

so then we went into his room. we cuddled and talked and stuff and it was soooooo nice omg. he was sooooooooooooo cute and sweet and affectionate and funny and his voice is kinda dorky. and his hair is SOOOOOOOOO SO nice omg i was touching it like all night. and his ass is so nice omg i finally got a man with some ass!!! his ass is so fat and hairy and jiggly omg! and he had a really cute soft belly too and he has nice titties. and his eyelashes are so cute and he had nice eyebrows and a nice beard and soft lips. AND he likes me hairy and he told me i didnt even need to trim my pubes! now this is a MAN 

so we talked on his bed for most of the night. we talked about drag race (he has bad opinions on it though he hates all the messy iconic queens! like he doesnt like nina or trinity smh) and overwatch and ff and kh and also some more personal stuff. and he has anxiety too! which is good bc now i dont have to worry as much about my anxiety being a burden like i had to do with c*leb. he also told me about some of his past relationships which i will get to later bc i was not happy about this

 at one point we sat on his couch bc he wanted to show me all the playbills for the shows hes been to/been a part of. i do not care for theatre stuff but i still enjoyed it bc he seemed really excited to show off all his playbills lol. he also gave me his mcat book since he doesnt need it since hes already taken it and gotten an acceptable score lol

so we cuddled some more (hes a REALLY good cuddler btw omg) and we did some touching and kissing and oral obv and then we fell asleep. and this was like one of my fave parts omg i looooooooved falling asleep with him and waking up with him. it was such a cute first date! he did leave like 3 hickeys on me though :/

so then i had to leave and go back home to go to my cousins baptism party. it was boring but it wasnt as bad as it couldve been bc joel kept texting me all day telling me he missed me and stuff which was cute 

then he invited me over again that night. so towards the end of the party he was like “btw my friends and i just started watching rent live so take your time bc youll prob get here during the middle of it” and i was like ok that is not happening bc i was not about to sit there and hang out w him and his friends that i dont know at all bc i am not repeating my third date with caleb. so i really took my time and watched the newest drag race. then i got there around midnight again

so we went into his room and he was playing kh 2.8 but we turned it off and we played mariokart on the switch instead! 10th grade me WISHES he was current me omg it was super fun even though he beat me almost every time lol. then we went in bed and did the usual. but this is where a problem started. so we were kissing and touching and stuff and i accidentally moaned calebs name AJKSFADSJFAEJKF i felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad 

he was like “what was that?” and i was like “what?” and he was like “what did you say?” and i was like “nothing” and he was like “it sounded like you said caleb” so then i apologized like a million times lol he said it was ok as long as it didnt happen again. but still i felt sooooo bad about it. i apologized again later on in the night and he said its ok and not to dwell on it lol. idek why i said it bc joel is more attractive than caleb both in terms of looks and personality. i had the same problem when i was with caleb too smh whenever i was w caleb i had to fight the urge to say freddies name. so yeah that was the one mistake ive made so far

so then i tried to make it up to him by sucking his dick. then i also ate his ass and fingered him. now THAT made me horny omg eating his ass was so much fun and his hole was so pretty and fingering him was super fun too! he was nice and tight and he was REALLY enjoying it which made me like it even more! so then i basically fingered him while sucking his dick/jerking him off until he came and it was honestly a religious experience omg he looked SO hot

then we fell asleep again lol but this time i had to wake up earlier bc i had work. work was good bc i got 3 credit cards and my manager sarah was happy about it. but i got SOOOO angry towards the end like we closed at 7 and a whole crowd of people came in at 6:55 and the line was so long even after we closed and when i finally got my last customer she ended up being the most difficult one of the day i hated herrrrrr omg she had like a million returns all w dif receipts and it was even more annoying bc we have to put away the returns along w the go backs after closing so she just gave me even more work to do

then on sunday joel said we shouldnt hang out that night bc we needed to pace ourselves. i was fine w that bc obv i missed him but logically speaking going slow is prob the best thing to do so we dont burn out too quickly. he did text me a lot that night though lol he was not afraid to tell me how much he missed me lol it was cute. then on monday afternoon i saw my therapist and told her all about my new thing w joel and i talked about the doubts i had about it and we had a v good session!

then came last night/today. so this time i got there around like 9pm. i was happy bc it was so easy driving on the parkway this time i was like wow this is actually kinda fun but then i had so much trouble finding parking smh like i can never just have one completely good drive! so i got there and said hi to 2 of his roommates who were in the living room/kitchen area. we went into his room and we watched finding dory and it was so cute! i prob wouldnt have enjoyed it by myself but it was fun watching it while cuddling w him. then there was like a centipede type thing on his ceiling and i was about to die omg he sprayed it w lysol and it fell but he couldnt find it so he thought it would die soon but then later on in the movie it touched his foot and i had to get away while he killed it for good. then later that night when we were in bed there was another bug on his wall smh but this one was easy for him to kill

after the movie he pulled up these youtube videos from this dance show his schools theatre honor society did and made me watch all the songs w him in them. it was honestly really boring im not gonna lie akjfhadshfkfskdjabhd but it was nice seeing him dance and stuff i guess. there was one point where there was a guy in the performance and he was like “oh he had such a nice ass, when i first saw him i was like whoa” like...once again ok caleb like that is not really information i needed to hear. or when this other guy was in the performance and he was like “oh he was my roommate that year, he was one hot piece of ass” like again i really do not need to hear this

then we went in his bed and it was nice! i ate his ass again and this time he ate my ass as well and i ended up cumming this time and i started like laughing uncontrollably after i came idk why lol but it was fun. we fell asleep and this time we could sleep in so it was nice. we kept waking up and kissing and cuddling and stuff. we ended up getting up for real at like 2pm. then he wanted to watch friends so we did that and then he played overwatch while i watched and cuddled him and touched his belly. then we were just laying in bed again and then i had to go back home for dinner. he offered me cereal or oatmeal when he had a bagel for breakfast but im not comfortable eating in front of him yet and i also hate imposing on people so i lied and said i wasnt hungry even though i was starving ashjfadkfhdskjn

so now for the bad parts. so like joel has not shown any signs of being anything but completely 100% interested in me and he has shown no signs of stopping soon yet i cant stop feeling like he just likes me now bc this is new and then he’ll get bored and leave when he gets to know me better. bc thats basically what caleb did and like i have no proof that joel will do it too but i cant get over the feeling unfortunately :/ like honestly out of our 3 dates so far i was kinda tempted to just cancel and then never talk to him again for 2 of them just to end things now so it doesnt get messy later. but my therapist said im not psychic so i shouldnt try to predict the future without any evidence so i am trying to just push the feeling to the back of my mind

now for my next issue: our relationship status. so joel said when we first talked on scruff that he didnt want a relationship but his actions have said otherwise. like he said he wants to take things slow bc he wants to make this work and he keeps saying he wants me to be his and stuff like that and he seems v interested in me beyond just as a friend w benefits. so idk what exactly he wants bc even if he changes his mind and wants to be bfs w me idk if i want to bc i dont want to make him feel “suppressed” again like he said about his past relationship history. so yeah as of now im not taking it too seriously and am just trying to enjoy myself without really thinking of how our situation is going to develop

now for my next issue: his past relationships. he told me the one time he like REALLY fell in love w a guy was w this online long distance relationship. this relationship actually ended very badly for him. but the issue to me is how it began. joel said he met this online guy WHILE he (joel) already had a boyfriend and that he developed feelings for this online guy while he was still w his bf at the time. he said he felt bad about it which is nice i guess. but the way i see it is that if he did this once he can very well do it again and i dont want to be the current boyfriend when that happens. like i honestly cant relate at all bc im the type who doesnt even really check out other guys when im currently bfs w someone. not everyone is like this obv so i cant be mad at him if hes the type to still be attracted to other men. but like, to actually develop feelings for someone else (and not just have it be a physical attraction) while currently bfs w someone? that is just disgusting imo and when he told me this i told him like im ngl thats messed up. so yeah that makes me even more hesitant to be in a relationship w him since he might meet another guy when hes with me and fall in love with him instead. so yeah this is just another thing to note in the back of my mind

and now for something i have mixed feelings about. on sunday he texted me to let me know he deleted all his dating apps yesterday bc he wanted to to focus on pursuing me and he wanted to be preemptive about it bc he didnt want to have any “temptations.” honestly it was cute at first but then i went to delete mine and looked on scruff and it said he was online 10 hours ago but he said he deleted it yesterday! so i asked him about it and he was like “oh yeah i redownloaded them this morning just to check them one last time” like ????????? honestly it was just funny to me bc like why did he tell me deleted his dating apps like it was some big thing if he was just gonna redownload them the next day nnnnnnnnn and like he didnt tell me about the redownloading part so he just wanted me to believe he deleted them yesterday? like idgi what was the point of that lol i think he wanted to do something to look sweet but it just ended up backfiring lmao. also he said he deleted the apps but he didnt delete his profiles so idk what to make of that but honestly i really dont care ive known this guy for 5 days afhkjafkhdaskn it was just kinda funny to me

but this next part is worrisome. its what he said about resisting tempations. like it wouldve been fine if he just said like “i am pursuing you so theres no reason for me to still be on dating apps” but like saying he “didnt want any tempations” so its like...hes admitting that its possible for him to be tempted? like as i said im not tempted by other guys at all like if i am with a man it is just him and only him for me. so idk again it seemed like he was trying to gain points w me by saying that but it just made me even more suspicious. again im not making too much of a big deal over it bc its not that serious yet but its just something for me to keep in my mind bc my therapist said this is the stage where i should be doing research and making note of things that could be red flags and stuff. so *tiffany pollard voice* ive been doing a little research

like it doesnt seem THAT bad on its own but when you combine the temptations thing w his past relationship history stuff it does make it seem like its very possible for him to show so much interest in me now and get with me only to decide he likes another guy more. so yeah for these reasons i am not putting too much stock into whatever we have rn bc im not quite sure yet whether i want to pursue a relationship with him

and i have one more thing. as ive mentioned before joel is good at EVERYTHING. he is good at orgo, playing a bunch of instruments, choreography, makeup, studying, video games, staying on top of his career goals, cooking, and he has a higher gpa than me. i am trying not to be competitive but its honestly really fucking annoying that he is better than me at literally everything! like i wish i just had one thing i could beat him at. i dont want to let it get to me but regardless of how i want to feel the fact of the matter is that i dont like it when people are better than me at anything in general, so when someone is better than me at like everything it REALLY gets on my nerves

and another thing. like all 3 of our dates so far have just been us two alone in his room. i have yet to see how good we are together in like social situations. like w caleb we got along perfectly fine when we were alone just hanging out but the problems started w like going out and doing social things like that. so i need to see what his needs are socially and how compatible our lifestyles are before i can fully devote myself bc if he has the same needs as caleb i most likely wont be able to keep up which will put a strain on the relationship

so those are my issues with the situation so far. i said those first bc i wanted to end on a good note! so now i can move on to the good stuff

joel is honestly really really nice and he gives me soooo much attention and he seems very interested in me atm. he loves my appearance AND he loves my personality and for once it seems like we equally enjoy being with each other instead of me liking the other person way more than they like me. and we have so many common interests and like i dont feel nervous at all when im talking to him! and like he misses me soooo much its so cute! and his personality is just like my fave like it just makes me wanna squeeze him! and hes so funny and like its so cute like if i make a joke and he says like get out or leave or something and im like ok and start to get up hes like “no no dont!!!” and like latches onto me and it is soooooooooo cute. and i literally cannot keep my hands off his hair (and also his ass and tum tbh). and since he lives w his 3 roommates theres no parents to worry about! and he just makes me really happy like i cannot be sad around him and hes so bubbly and he always uses so many heart emojis and calls me nice things like babe and my love and sweetheart and yeah just like he is literally checking off every box rn. all the problems i listed before are somewhat significant but overall i really like him so far so i def want to keep seeing him. and he already lives v close to his school so its not like i need to worry about him leaving anytime soon! and hes really nice like i really liked caleb at first as well (since the problems only really started towards the end of our relationship) but i already like joel way more than i liked caleb! and its nice bc like everyone kept saying when caleb broke up w me that i would find someone way better than him but it was kinda hard to believe at the time but everyone was right! i like joel soooooo much so far and if any guy ive met so far has been boyfriend material its definitely him