#unfortunately it wont last forever

[daughterofsarenrae]

Man we hit a good dosage for angus's meds and hes like. Acting like his old self right now. Def with the energy down like 90% but hes exploring my room and playing with toys and his back legs are holding his weight and it's so nice to see again

[st4rstudent]

i didnt have time to make an actual halloween piece so take this instead

[allfortzu]

i started reading "stumbling through the dark" on ao3 and just caught up oml 😭😭😭 I love fics with more than 100k words thank you so much 🫂

[yelloworangesoda]

maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

[irlkanamedate]

Im not good with words really and I dont wish to overstep boundaries trying so I'll give you images of my cat in hopes it could help cheer you up at least a little!

Her name is Bibby by the way ♡

i hate fishing for sympathy but i could really use some good vibes rn, it's been a while since i remember feeling this low. its been hard to even get out of bed lately. i just feel so tired and hopeless every day i just dont know what to do,i forget the last time i've felt truly happy and at peace...i think it's been years and i'm afraid this will just be the rest of my life

[opal-owl-flight]

Quick lore question, did marie considering the idea of replacing 4 play into the insecurities she has later?

Absolutely.

I wanna preface this by saying one thing: Young 4 was a COMPLETELY different person before she got recruited by Marie. And Marie...responds to her accordingly.

Long read abt Hero2 events below!! Its. A lil messy sorry qisjke these are my notes

Young 4? A bitch.

Everything she ever wanted was given to her. Moved out of the highlands with an ego the size of a planet (and also bc she felt suffocated there), thinking she can make it in the big city.

...she struggled to make it alone. She had moved out bc her family was suffocating her with love, but now theyre not here, so now she feels homesick and underappreciated.

All that is expressed by her harsh, bitchy attitude. Shes gonna be mean bc no one has seen her for who she is. She'll show them!!

She finds her way around like this, and discovers that shes just as good at turf war here and at home. In fact, shes *so* good that she got the status of a rising star!

It aaalll just gets into her head. Shes "proven everyone wrong" now. Shes got the superiority complex and can back it up.

Marie...

...saw this. She was looking for a new agent to help find the missing zapfish. The second 4 heard this from her, she flexed her arms and...

"Look no further, your hero is RIGHT HERE!"

Marie at first adored the spunkiness of this new agent. Uuuntil 4 started thinking that shes better than her.

"Watch out, Agent Four!"

"You watch YOURSELF, grandma! Think Im a damn idiot to not see that coming? WAHA!"

Marie rolled up her sleeves after several stages full of her ignoring orders or sassing her out of nowhere.

Is that how shes gonna be? Fine.

When 4 finally trips and falls, hard, on a particularly difficult level, Marie pulls her to the side to fix her up and give her a lecture that tore her fucking ego to shreds.

She says something so fucking harsh like "That attitude will make SURE that you die sad and alone. I wonder how anyone puts up with you."

4s too hurt by her own failure to say anything back.

The reality of war finally gives her a reality check. Each victory is earned. its her life on the line. And the world.

She regains her spunk after saving the world.

------

Silly 4. She gets the job done but it takes a LOT of pushing in the mid-stages. Its like she got legitimately bored after the initial super easy ones, and thought the entire campaign a joke.

She went back to her turfing life topside between stages. And she takes a WHILE to come back to her missions -- usually late!! And then before she even goes in she just HAS to yak Marie's face off with what she was doing up there.

"Youre late."

"You shouldve SEEN ME, Marie!! I was carrying that Rainmaker round! I was-"

"Pray tell, Agent Four. How will you keep participating in turf with the Zapfish gone?"

"Whaat? Cmon. Nothing seems to be changing! Theres still power through the city!"

"The backup supply wont last forever, you know."

"Yeah yeah. Okay. Im here now. Wheres the next kettle?"

This attitude is from her high school days, clearly. She breezes by everything so fast that she can afford to do things last minute. It affects even this.

That, alongside her talking smack back to Marie, is what makes her snap at 4. Its what makes 4 stick to the mission fully starting late area 4 and area 5. (This is also around the time 4s life was threatened. God help me in those stupid platforming stages)

Post Hero2, 4 more or less does what 3 does. Shes the "replacement" til 3 comes back. (That cant be good for her confidence.)

At the same time, she has to deal with Callie and Marie talking out what the fuck Callie did with Octaria. "THEY SQUIDNAPPED GRAMPS!!!" and all. Why help them??? They get into squabbles where 4 was the unfortunate witness to. And peacemaker. It does NOT help that Callie for a while kept putting the glasses back on!!!

4 wishes so bad she had help of any sort. She feels 3 might be able to do something but what does she know?? Shes never met em!! She just imagines what the missing agent would do in that situation.

Callie...was also the person she got close to. Shes fun (unlike the stuck up Marie), shes empathic, she opened 4s eyes to the Octarian plight. It made her acceptance of 8 later much smoother.

Im not saying shes not close to Marie either, I bet they healed their relationship around this year too. Marie's sorry she tore 4s ego the way she did (even if deserved...). Marie's much more supportive of what 4s doing topside. Shes expressing her pride in the agent she found much more openly. (She brags abt her to Callie at times.)

The three of them heal together in that time. 4 sees them as older sisters Im p sure. Theyre both giving her tips for turfing and -- Marie even helps her with homework, HAH

And...while I say that 4 and Marie are in better terms, there are still days where Marie blows up on her. Lesser extent than before, but shes *worried* for her agent! (Its a similar plight 3 has.) In those times, its Callie who has her back. ("Hey! Its not like shes not trying!!" Callie understands how it is, and she also knows Marie best -- shes the one who makes 4 understand where Marie is coming from.)

[stayteezdreams]

Dare

Plot: Yours and Sangyeon's relationship is changed forever after a game of Truth or Dare

Pairing: Lee Sangyeon x Gn!Reader

A/n: This started as a drabble for a Milestone Ship requested by an anon, using the prompts 'Truth or Dare' 'Dare' 'I Dare you to kiss me.' Then it became a bit longer than a drabble so I made it it's own post. A/n #2: This is also the fic I accidentally deleted before saving, so this is the second version unfortunately

Words: 1.2k

You continued to stare up at the cloudy night sky from the balcony of your apartment as you hummed under your breath. You thought over what to ask Sangyeon for his 'Truth' question. You had played this game so many times with your childhood friend, it was getting harder to think of things you didn't already know the answer too.

The two of you were lying on your backs on blankets and pillows. Discarded food and drinks littered around you, left by the other's about an hour prior. You and Sangyeon always ended up being the last two to part. Something you seemed to never question, but should have.

Turning your head, you met his eyes as he watched you patiently from beside you. Your heart flipped, but you ignored it.

"Whose you're favorite?"

Sangyeon let out a soft laugh, knowing you were asking him to choose from his members. He groaned and shook his head, "I would expect that from one of them, not you!"

"Come on! I wont tell." You grinned.

He chuckled, "I don't believe you."

You turned onto your side and sat up on your elbow, resting your head on your hand. He glanced over at you and shook his head with a smile as he turned and copied your position, staring at you with a teasing glare.

After a moment he finally answered, "You."

"Me?"

He nodded and you stuck out your tongue before sighing, "Cop-out" and lying back down.

He smiled softly as he watched you, knowing you wouldn't believe him, even if it was true. His eyes grazed over your features as his heart beat in a familiar flutter.

You glanced over at him. "You're turn."

He let out a soft breath. "Truth or Dare."

"My turn for Truth."

He thought for a second as he thought over the question he had wanted to ask you a few times now.

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked over at him. He hid his anxiety with a smirk and you groaned. The boys had been trying to get this information from you for a while, though a select few did know, but Sangyeon was left in the dark, for reasons he couldn't know.

You cleared your throat. "Maybe." He tilted his head with a pointed look and you sighed, "Fine. Yes."

He sat up a bit more, ready to interrogate and you rose your hand. "That was a yes or no question, now it's my turn."

He rolled his eyes softly as he tried to ignore the painful tightness in his chest.

"Truth or dare."

"Truth."

Thinking you could turn the tables on him you sat up, now facing him as you both sat on the floor of your balcony.

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

"Yes."

His quick, unrestrained answer made your heart flip, before your stomach tightened. 'Oh.' You shouldn't have asked.

He smiled softly as he leaned a bit closer. "Truth or Dare."

"T-" you hesitated. If you said truth, he would ask you who it was. "Dare."

He smiled, knowing that was what you were going to choose. "I dare you to tell me who."

You opened your mouth in surprise as he smiled, though his heart was pounding painfully. Why did he want to know so bad? Simply for the small chance it might be him? But what if it wasn't? Was tonight the night his heart was going to be broken?

You started stuttering out, "I- but-" you groaned "That's not fair." You pouted and he chuckled.

"Fine, I dare you to give me a hint."

You sighed, a hint was better than the whole truth. You fiddled with your hands, as you tried to figure out how to answer without giving yourself away. Tonight was not the night you wanted to lose your friend because of unrequited love.

"You know him."

Sangyeon swallowed harshly, his first thought being that it was one of the members. Something he had been afraid of.

He nodded, "You're turn."

You noticed the change in his tone and you studied him for a moment. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Do I know the person you have a crush on?"

He met your eyes and the intensity in them made your heart flutter as he nodded. "Yes. Truth or Dare."

His tone told you he had a response ready no matter what you chose. You swallowed nervously as you bit the inside of your lip. "Why do you want to know so bad?"

He smiled softly, "Its not your turn. Truth or Dare."

"Truth."

"Is it someone in the band?"

You didn't want him to mistake your crush to be one of the others, but the question only had one answer.

You nodded softly, "Yes."

You noticed the way he swallowed, and the way his eyes darted down to the ground before he adjusted himself. "You're turn."

Why did he seem upset? Could it be...

"Truth or Dare."

"Truth."

It was like he wanted you to find out. Like he needed you to know.

"Are you upset it's one of the members?"

He met your eyes, his response not being anything you had expected. "I'll only be upset if it's not me."

Your breath caught in your throat as he stared intensely into your eyes.

Something in how you froze and the way you were looking at him, told him what he wanted to know.

"Truth or Dare." His voice was almost a whisper.

Your voice was just as quiet, "Truth."

"Is it me?"

No words were needed as you nodded, your heart beating so heavily you could feel it in your head.

It was like you were on autopilot. "Truth or Dare."

"Truth."

"Am I the one you like?"

Sangyeon nodded, a soft smile playing on his lips as he adjusted himself, moving closer to you. Reaching over, he wrapped his hands around your wrists and pulled you until you slid closer, your knees meeting his.

His eyes never left yours. "Truth or Dare."

Your voice was barely audible. "Dare."

He smiled softly as he leaned closer to you, his eyes scanning your face before pausing on your lips. He met your eyes again as he spoke. "I dare you to kiss me."

You weren't sure if you were breathing or not as your mind went blank. You kept your eyes locked with his before you slowly looked at his lips. You could see the soft smile playing at his lips.

Meeting his eyes again, you slowly leaned forward, wanting to meet his challenge.

Sangyeon watched you as you drifted closer. He resisted the urge to catch your lips in a desperate kiss as you moved agonizingly slow. His grip tightened ever so slightly around your wrists as your lips began to brush against his.

Giving in, he leaned into the kiss just as you did. Not wasting any time, Sangyeon pulled you closer until you were in his lap as he deepened the kiss, one of his hands holding the back of your head.

You melted into his arms as the kiss became messier, the longing both of you had been secretly feeling coming to the surface.

Pulling away a few moments later, you breathlessly stared into each other's eyes as smiles spread across your faces. Sangyeon gently cupped your face before pecking your lips.

You smiled brightly and he couldn't resist pulling you into another kiss. Something he would find to become a common occurrence in your budding relationship.

xx End xx

Kind of an abrupt ending, but I accidentally deleted this fic before having to re-do it so I couldn't get it out how I wanted the second time.

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[thimbledoll]

A Doll's Defenses

Her armor was spellcraft the likes of which no mundane blade could hope to pierce. Her porcelain shell was fired in the Magicked blaze of her Witch’s kiln, imparting it with steel-like durability. Her core was pure diamond; ancient matter placed under impossible pressures for literal eons. Her Witch’s enemies would find no chink, crack, nor breach in her defenses. She was as impregnable as her begifted name implied. She was Inviolet.

Arrows clattered to the floor upon striking her. Swords shattered against her wards. Spells left the land more damaged than their target. All offense they could muster against her was rendered inert. Still, they broke upon her like waves upon a cliff.

“Your tenacity is admirable,” Inviolet declared to the gathered hunters. Under the clash and clang of their weapons striking her impervious form, her small voice barely carried to those who dared engage her in melee. “But this one must ask that you leave, otherwise she fears she will have to remove you from the premises.”

Her request was answered with a gout of spellflame direct to the face. When at last the flames subsided, the caster was met with the doll’s cold, steely, and unblemished gaze. “Very well. Then you have made your choice known.”

Belladon hummed happily to themself as they rummaged through the cupboards. The sounds of battle that had been ringing out from the courtyard had since died down, meaning their doll was likely going to be walking through the door shortly. Eschewing traditional roles (as they were wont to do), they went about preparing kettle, leaf, and china. “After what she’s had to deal with today, I’m sure she’d appreciate a pot of tea to… unwind when she gets in,” the Witch thought to themself, giggling at their unheard jest.

As if on queue, the porcelain clink of Inviolet’s hand upon the doorknob alerted the Witch to their doll’s return. If not for that, they likely wouldn’t have heard her enter at all. “I’m in the kitchen, dear. Spot of tea? I was thinking the hibiscus,” they called out in greeting.

“Hibiscus sounds lovely. Thank you, Miss,” Inviolet answered from the kitchen doorway, her movements about the house as silent as her entry. She carried such an unnatural ease for one who had just come from battle, the Witch thought. Her demeanor was as impregnable as the body they’d crafted for her. It never ceased to amaze them.

“Perfect. I’ll have it ready in just a few minutes,” Belladon declared, turning away from the cupboard, letting the momentum of the movement swing the door closed with a small bang.

Belladon froze as they realized their mistake, the sound of the slamming door echoing throughout their conscience.

Inch by inch, crack after crack after crack spidered out across Inviolet’s body. What a thousand blades couldn’t manage, Belladon had accomplished completely without intention. It took only mere moments before the doll crumbled to nothing but a pile of porcelain shards on the floor. Her weathered, beaten, and overly chipped diamond core laid atop.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Belladon cried out, as they began carefully picking their doll up, shard by individual shard. “I should know better by now. I’ll-I’ll do better… I swear. We’ll have you back together in no time.”

Though she had no voice with which to say so, Inviolet knew the truth of her Witch’s words.

(I've been hesitating to post this one for a while... It was originally supposed to be part of the second volume of Emptied Spaces, but it seems like that endeavor has sputtered out. It's unfortunate, but completely understandable. Still, I felt bad leaving this one languishing in drafts for forever, so here it is. We'll see if anything else ever manages to leave the drafts... heh)

[nocek]

Well the thing is that my first though after seeing this character sheet by Kris Anka (last slide) was Tron circuit lines. And since I did my fair share of Tron fanart back in the day I just had to draw this :B

Same reason why i really, really want this mystery cosbi figurine (also because dumb cute and has stupid cape) which I will never get because price is ridiculous and I'll suffer forever :<

Original plan was flat posca and molotow markers and then add those circuits in glitteriest gel pens that I bought on a whim (Hell yeah to fulfilling your childhood dreams).

Unfortunately gelpens decided that they wont cooperate on marker surface.

Fortunately though I have set of glittery metallic watercolors I also bought on a whim >:}

(i so love the final shiny effect :D)

[sangoundercover]

Asking for a friend, but do you and Llama have a specific place you look for spicy art references? Or is it just lots of questionable googling, or yall are just that damn good drawing bodies? For research purposes...

Ps thank you for all your art 🙏🏽

i wish there was a magical place but yeah, don't underestimate the power of simply googling something! This really goes for all art doesn't matter if sfw or nsfw. I think i mentioned before how nsfw art doesn't always mean you have/use nsfw reference. Figure drawing sites can help you out a lot, making you better at inventing your own poses! And they often have nude models for anatomy practice.

Looking at my last 3-4 posts there's really nothing in there that I used a lot of reference for. Sure sometimes you see a picture and go oh yeah i'm gonna draw my blorbo JUST like that, but hoping for 1:1 reference of what you have in mind will make you stuck searching for the 'perfect' ref forever. I know tumblr used to have a lot of blogs that post nice tasteful images that are probably lost forever now, twitter isn't the same.

Just google the thing! try it! it can be as simple as...'person sitting in office chair' if i feel like i'm stuck with a pose. Google a tiddy, google chair sex if you want to, no one will stop you. It can be as simple as that.

Here's one example of a picture inspiring a pose, but i didn't rely on it for anatomy reference. I don't think I looked at this pictures even once while drawing. I probably scrolled past it on twitter and it simply gave me ideas.

I hope this isn't too demotivating, i wish i could say here's the magic pot of all your reference dreams. I feel like some people get a little too stuck in that thought that you need/or will find a 1:1 reference for what you wanna draw, but you wont. Stop looking for a magic place, sometimes it can really be as simple as googling! I think improving your figure drawing skill will really help you a lot more! ( Yeah that's where the getting good part unfortunately comes in)

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Comforting Chad through his PTSD after he hears about Ghostface’s return

Warnings: mention of stabbing/injuries (past), ptsd,

my taglists are here (I added one for SCREAM) + you can requests here at any time

—

Despite moving across the country, the masked killer had followed the four survivors to New York. This time, the killer — or killers, since they rarely came alone — had for goal to frame Sam for their murders.

It started with Jason and Greg, two students from Film Studies, who got killed in their apartment. When the police got there, a ghostface mask — likely worn by the killer — had been left behind in their apartment along with Sam’s driver's license.

Then, Sam got a special call from six feet under from her ex-boyfriend, Richie. That call led her and Tara getting ambushed from an alley and attacked at the bodega where multiple customers were murdered.

Another mask was left behind the scene — the one of past ghostfaces Jill Roberts and Charlie Walker.

After the attack at the bodega, everyone — except Ethan — was forcely gathered at the apartment you shared with the Carpenter sisters because safety is better in numbers. Sam made sure everyone was in and triple locked the apartment door and shut and locked all windows for ultimate safety. No one could come in.

Anika and Mindy were talking on the couch while you, Chad, Sam and Tara were in the kitchen cleaning up the mess dinner left behind. Tara shared her worries as she was drying a glass, and Sam was quick to reassure her that whoever was behind the mast wont hurt her this time. She was talking through her ass, but as a big sister, she'd do and say anything to make Tara feel safe.

Her words seemed to have triggered old memories for Chad, who excused himself to the bathroom after putting down the plates.

Last year’s attack had landed him in the hospital and left him with PTSD.

When you got together, Chad didn’t want to unpack the Woodsboro baggage to you. He didn’t want you to burden you with the horrors he went through that night. But after you had woken him from occasional nightmares and coached him out of a few panic attacks, he felt like you needed to know about the real-life nightmare that plagued him.

You waited a minute or two, but when Chad didn’t return from the bathroom, you went to check on him. Maybe he was still peeing…or maybe he was sitting on the edge of your bed with his head in his hands. He took in a shaky breath, trying to chase away the flashing images in his head.

It pained you to see him suffer. All because two lunatic Stab fans wanted to shoot their own remake. People are nuts.

‘’Hey,’’ you muttered when you walked in, not wanting to scare him.

Chad didn’t look up. He knew it was you before you opened your mouth. Mindy only had eyes for Anika, and Tara was going through her own trauma. Sam cared about him, but not the way you did.

‘’I don’t want to go through this shit again.’’

You didn’t know what to say to that. Due to being related to one of the originals, Chad will always be a target.

You sat on the bed beside him and kissed his shoulder over his Blackmore University hoodie.

‘’We came all the way here to leave that night behind, but it served nothing. Someone managed to find us.’’ Chad’s shoulder began to shake and he started struggling to breathe.

Recognizing the signs, you got down on your knees before him and attempted to look in his eyes, but he had his head bowed firmly. ‘’Chad? Hey, look at me,’’ you said in a gentle but clear voice.

He couldn’t hear you, his thoughts clouded with flashes of running in Amber’s backyard with ghostface behind him and the feeling of the knife stabbing him seven times. He could still feel the excruciating pain of the knife, each stab marked on his body forever.

‘’That night is over. You’re not in Woodsboro anymore,’’ you continued telling him, placing your hands on his arms, trying to use physical contact.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. His breathing was getting worse and your brain was running out of ideas.

The last time Chad had a nightmare, he mentioned something his old therapist had taught him. Since his nightmares were about the attack, he was advised to place his hand over his heart to hear his own heartbeat. Hearing the thumping of his heart would remind him that he's alive and not bleeding out to death in a backyard.

‘’Come back to me, baby. Chad,’’ you pleaded, attempting to take his hands in yours and place one of them on his chest.

A breath of relief left your lips when his shaking shoulders began to calm and Chad’s head lifted, veiled with fear.

You placed your hands on either side of his face. ‘’You’re gonna get through this, okay? You’ve survived once, you can do it twice.’’

Chad shook his head. ‘’I barely made it—’’

‘’But you’re here, right in front of me — alive,’’ you reminded him. ‘’We can get through this again, okay?’’

It took a few seconds before Chad moved his head into a nod. He pulled you up from the floor and onto his lap, then leaned his forehead against yours. ‘’We’ll get through this,’’ he whispered.

Your hands moved up and you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him against your chest as he held you back. ‘’We’ll get through this.’’ 

—

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All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs  @gillybear17  @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade  @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn

[gracetoldmeto]

really long rant: why am i so scared of everything?

note: the rest of this post was a draft i made a few days ago, and was going to let rot forever, but today has messed me up so much i just said *why not* and posted bc idk... why not...

im not like 'BOO!!! jumpscare' scared just like... there are so many things in life that could go wrong that are entirely out of your control and theres absolutely nothing you can do about it, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING, because shit happens and sometimes that shit is BAD and permanently fucks you over for life and thats just the way it is bc fate is a game of chance (this is my dramatic ass way of saying 'a forever change') but everyone says "oh if you cant control it then why worry?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?

NO. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS I DO WORRY.

I could die tomorrow. I could get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow. Someone (else) I love could die (again) tomorrow. Maybe my house could burn down tomorrow. Maybe in some freak accident everything I've ever known is taken from me... somehow?

can i control any of this? no.

so what do i do about it??? anything i can to minimize the fallout just in case...

bc isnt that just called RESPONSIBILITY???

ie: house fire? -> ok. insurance.

medical? -> insurance.

death? (that isnt mine) -> stable income

(note #1: this is about the point in my writing of this post where i dont even have the motivation to finish it bc i just wanna sit down and cry... but i might as well)

so OKAY, guess what? i did something about all those possibilities, so my anxiety should be relieved, right? fear gone! all okay now!

WRONG!

all that structure ive created bc its the "rEsPoNsiBLe" way to live, is a slow painful depressing death of my mental health at the hands of my job

yes, id rather gain an inch than lose a mile, small sufferings over large,

but oh my god is that all life is? small sufferings???

if i keep only suffering one inch at a time im going to end up killing myself and i dont quite think anyone truly GETS that except my therapist

this isnt like high school where i knew jack shit about mental health, i know what help is out there, whether or not it works is a totally different story

(note #2: i have looked at my options, ive read the rules, and id actually rather take my metaphorical little plastic car you get at the start of The Game of LIFE boardgame and throw it out a fucking window)

im past the point of easy help and unfortunately the conclusion i keep coming back to is a quote from a fic i wrote last year...

whatever THIS life is, regardless of how much i worked my ASS off for it, i dont want it anymore

(note #3: i dont even think id be in this spot if i didnt have shit luck)

i am equally fucked by either...

1) being responsible, financially safe, insured, but sad af at my job and actively praying something kills me in my sleep

OR

2) quitting my job with no plan and being scared that fate is gonna fuck me over for the upteenth time and this time i wont be able to bounce back or (lets be real) even have a want to (but thats a discussion for another time)

this is no way to fucking live, yet here i am

why am i scared of everything? well, yes i know WHY (bc from personal experience i know what can go wrong)

why am i scared of everything? because you cant be scared of something if you dont know it exists BUT in order to be prepared and responsible it means you have to acknowledge that YES IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

so how the hell am i supposed to be responsible when i hate what comes with it???

"hey alex, what do you wanna be when you grow up? (1) sad or (2) scared?"

actually neither, id rather simply not exist

why am i scared of everything? because how else am i supposed to act?

why am i scared of everything? because actually, there is no answer to this... there is no reason... its just another shit thing in life that iunno how to deal with

why am i scared of everything? because the universe said so and so thats how it is

and i fucking hate it

.

...ok thats all im gonna go make a quesadilla now

[krisp-xyz]

ok I'm gonna ramble about outer wilds.

if you haven't played it, even if you don't typically care about spoilers, PLEASE avoid spoilers bc this is the most delicate game ever when it comes to spoilers due to the way it's designed. it's one of the few games where spoilers WILL rob you of the experience. with that said,

OUTER WILDS SPOILERS

this is a very very special game to me fgkjldfjk the ending was really beautiful when i first played and the more i thought about and processed it, the more it really stuck with me to the point where i *will* just cry if i think about the ending too much and god i cannot play through that ending again without sobbing. since im assuming people reading this have played the game, yall already know the nature of the game. the only thing you have to gain from anything is knowledge, and once you beat the game, you cant really ever play it again. sure you could maybe go for achievements or explore things you never saw but the experience is kinda just over.

I very much interpreted the ending as being about death. the game has the whole supernova time loop thing going on which sorta makes the idea of respawning a canonical aspect of the game. the fact that you can just hop back into your ship and you dont really have repercussions from death which is a pretty much synonymous with games as a whole tbh is a canonical aspect of the game that you the player AND you the hearthian traveler exploring the universe are a part of. this doesnt immediately seem to special and didn't even click with me very much until quite a bit after i beat the game, but to beat the game is to accept that you're going to die, and truly dying in this game is kinda the closest media has come to communicating what death really means for me at least. you start aimlessly wandering this star system and eventually start to piece things together, you make goals and eventually figure out how to beat the game, etc. all the knowledge you have to gain in this game leads up to the ending. maybe you stop the supernova and save everyone! maybe thats why you're trying to find the eye of the universe! but no, all the stars are dying. you were just unfortunate enough to be born at the end of a dying universe. There's nothing you can do because death is inevitable for you and those around you.

to beat the game is not only to accept that the sun will explode for the last time, that the end of the experience is inevitable, that all your hearthian friends will die for good, but beating the game also requires accepting that *you the player* have reached the end of this experience, *you the player* cannot hang onto anything forever, that the end was inevitable for you too. sometimes i get genuinely sad that i can basically never play this game again, and i almost wonder if my little hearthian protagonist felt similar during the end of the game. that feeling of the inevitable end finally reaching us.

AND DESPITE IT ALL, you finally accept that you are not immortal, that this will not last forever, that the sun cant keep exploding and looping and exploding and looping forever, when you finally accept death on your own terms, when you have no idea of what's in store for you and what will happen next but you take that dive anyway, you just,, get to share a moment with the people close to you. you sit around the campfire as everyone's music comes together for the first time, once *literally* worlds apart, now, in harmony, as the little audio cues to find your friends on each planet become a symphony. they each share messages about how they feel and every single fucking one resonated with me so much sdjklfsklj stuff like "you cut it a little short dont you think?" and "i got to be a part of something really cool, so I've got no complaints" and "the future depends on the past, even if we wont get to see it" and MY FAVORITE FUCKING LINE FROM THE ENTIRE GAME. solanum, the only non-hearthian character around the campfire, a nomai, one of the species that made this all possible, a friend, says something different. she says that this is the end of our journey, and she asks you a question. she just asks if you're ready. its not required to say yes to finish, its not even required to talk to her to beat the game, but if you say no, she will ask again if you are ready whenever you talk to her afterwards, while leaving a message for you in case you are not ready for it to end. she says "its tempting to linger in this moment where every possibility still remains, but unless they are collapsed by a conscious observer, they will never be more than possibilities." when you finally take your final plunge in this moment, you watch the universe collapse before you, remarkably similar to all the times you watched the sun explode before your eyes, and you die.

even though you the player are clearly still alive, (its just a video game after all :p) the experience is over. you died in a way too. this world is no longer yours to explore and discover. after the credits theres a very nice touch where you see the start of a new universe after you enter the eye and the entire universe dies before you. you see some new creatures huddled around a campfire together to remind you that death isn't the end, because "the future depends on the past, even if we wont get to see it" and that maybe it was enough to be a part of something cool, to share those moments with your friends, to explore the universe in whatever unique way you did.

SO WHAT THE FUCK IS ECHOES OF THE EYE

DLC spoilers beyond this point ofc.

if you're like me or countless other players, you probably wanted more, well I've got just the news for you!! theres a DLC !!!! "but wait, doesnt this defeat literally the entire purpose of the game?" yes :D but that's not a flaw, in fact they do this in the best way possible. the DLC challenges the message of the game because there is a fundamental aspect of death that the game barely even touches that the DLC explored *thoroughly*: fear.

chances are, you realize you can beat the game and go beat it and are immensely moved and equally confused by the ending because it takes so much time to process that you never really have a moment to fear death. theres never a moment where you are scared of what comes next because it doesnt really click that this is the end of everything until after the end. in my opinion at least, this is pretty much the only flaw with their portrayal of death and the DLC remedied this.

so it turns out you want more and weren't ready for this to end! its time to explore the owlks and their contributions to this story. im not going to explain their story in depth because im assuming people have played ofc, but key traits with the owlks is that they feared loss. they archived what they wanted to destroy, they lost their home beause of the efforts they made to reach the eye and were horrified, they tried to escape by hiding in a world of their own creation. they hid the eye to prolong the life of the universe as infinitely far as they could. they stumbled across a way to similarly archive one's consciousness, and conquer even death itself, but it was all out of fear. they couldnt accept the end so they hid from it.

and let me just say THE DLC IS FUCKING SCARY. they lean into horror and I think everyone should play it even if they arent into horror. the puzzles arent actually too challenging in execution, and making the discoveries you need is no sweat if you've gone through the base game tbh, although it is very different in a very refreshing way. The real challenge and the real roadblock is fear. some of the things you are required to do are immensely scary and put you into situations you frankly dont want to be in! but if you quit, if you dont do this out of fear, if you hide and if you try to escape this, you're just like the owlks. you dont get through this by not being afraid, you get through this by not letting your fear paralyze you. you need to face your fears (often quite literally as you need to lure owlks away from things and I think its a nice touch that they can also hide from you by turning off their lights and then they can still see you by shining their light towards you even if yours is off FUCK that but this is a bit of a tangent lsdkfgljsd) and if you succeed where they failed, you learn one of the biggest mysteries of the game. you learn why the eye's signal vanished as fast as it appeared, why the nomai failed to find it as effortlessly as the owlks did, but more imporantly, you make a friend :] you meet the owlk that enabled the eye of the universe to be found with a brief decision that they made in a single moment so long ago. the efforts to build upon what the prisoner did were not in vain, and the prisoner accepts death by literally walking into the water as their light goes out. they leave a final message for you, urging you to ride into the exploding sun with them by your side, and you know its time to go beat the game again.

hopefully at this point the ending has sat with you long enough for you to realize what this means. now, more than ever, this is finally the end of the game. you wanted more and you got more but that desire for more similarly cant last forever. the game still needs to end and this is why there should never ever be another DLC for this game please,, a desire for more and a fear of the end kinda come hand in hand, and the fears that you chose to face were not in vain. this is it! theres nothing else! maybe you're sad that the game is ending for the last time, and maybe you still dont want it to end. but in those final moments around the campfire, solanum isn't the only non-hearthian friend around the campfire :] the prisoner is there too wondering if they even deserve to be there after what their kind did, but its over now, everything worked out. they say something really simple that was, without a doubt, the perfect addition to the game for me:

"...How beautiful. It’s different than I’d envisioned.

Whatever happens next, I do not think it is to be feared."

I think one of the reasons this game resonated so much with me is something that I really struggled to grasp until I watched shammy's outer wilds review. there's something so much more significant about *being* rather than just, observing. tons of movies try to tackle these ideas of death and even plenty of games, but with outer wilds, *you* are having this experience that will end that you can never have again. *you* are exploring a world in your own unique way that cannot last forever. and I think that's ok. I think that's what makes it special.

I'm a game dev and an artist and I think outer wilds is genuinely profound. it makes me want to make something that touches people in the way I felt touched by outer wilds. I'm so happy things aligned for me to get to use this same medium for art. I'm gonna go cry now thanks for reading <3

[kneehighcrocs]

ARCANE SPOILERS AGAIN BC IM RANTING AGAIN

wanna preface before i say ANYTHING that i am not very good at like. finding deeper meaning in films and shows and art and stuff. i can later understand after someone ELSE points it out but i rarely come to these conclusions myself so if anything i say here seems very obvious and elementary j ignore me 💀 hashtag autism

there are SO MANY FUCKING CHARACTER PARALLELS its driving me mad how do they GET AWAY WITH THIS

jayce is singed, viktor is rio. cait is vi, vi is powder. isha is powder, jinx is silco. also viktor is? jesus?? now? anyway

its actually sickening how everyone in this show is just changing all the time forever like what the total fuck ! “promise me you wont change” “i wont” and then she DOESSS BC THERES SO MUCH GOING ON ALL THE TIMEEE

also just smth thats bothering me a tiny bit is how cait didnt realise that was jinxs REFLECTION. i realised it was off immediately bc of her one lock of hair going the wrong way, and ik cait was like. totally ravaged by the idea of getting revenge the whole time but someone as observant and calculated and sharp eyed as her not realising that jinx was mirrored?? after her face being plastered all over every wall in the undercity?? wackadoodle

and bc this is my blog and i can say whatever i want im going back to the jesus viktor thing bc. what on earth

part of me is worried its BARELY viktor anymore, bc his like,, lack of reaction after “healing” (?) huck is so jarring. u dont just do that and act like its normal. so i feel like maybe only his subconscious is rly there and the hexcore is like piloting?? him? he seems too calm, too absent in that whole scene. how tf did he just. know how to do that.

also theres a possibility im misremembering bc i have unfortunately spent the last 48 hours only replaying minute 8 of episode 3 over and over again so i havent rewatched the jesus scene but WOW

[prince-of-red-lions]

so hi guys! ive been gone a while. which will. unfortunately continue to happen.

as you all know i've had some cOmPliCaTiOnS recently 😭😭😭 im so sorry! things Have Happened and i won't be on anymore. NOT FOREVER! but a long time. your all so wonderful and i am TEARING UP RIGHT NOW ASHGTUJAG SORRRYASHGU. but i love you all so much i can't even describe it properly. you've all done so much for me and made me feel so loved and appreciated and im literally crying rn so sorry if this post is a mess. sorry if i got your hopes up that i was gonna be back with the last few posts, just wanted to go out with a bang yknow? but please know that i love you all so much and i've been thinking about you guys nonstop ever since i met you. please never change and never forget yourselves or your purpose. im so proud of ALL OF YOU and im so sorry to be leaving. i really am. this has been a great place to be its been REAL. its been FUN. and its been SO ENJOYABLE. i love you all so so so so so so so much. i can't put it into words. its been so nice to have place to dump my art or thoughts and your all there with nice words and funny jokes. im so grateful for you all. i know im rambling and i know this a dumpster fire but oh well. ITS ALL TRUE. IT IS. 💖💖💖💖💖💖 please know i am ALWAYS out there and ALWAYS SUPPORTING YOU GUYS and i hope you guys don't forget me. HASNGJDJSHGEUAOYTE SOBBING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

this isn't goodbye forever! i will be back one day. i promise you guys that much. this account will continue to stay up, IM NOT DELETEING IT- DW- but i will not be active. i probably won't even be able look at it. i will be back one day i swear it i SWEAR IT. i hope you guys have a lot of patience 😭

i love you all so much and never change. your all so talented and beautiful and awesome and amazing and wonderful and SO COOL AND SWAG AND SLAY. >:D I SEE ALL OF YOUR MESSAGES AND ASKS BTW! SORRY I CAN'T RESPOND TO THEM. :( im sorry i wont be here for ya'll anymore. if you guys ever get off your own tumblr accounts or smth like that, maybe you could leave a message behind so i'd know? 💀 that would be great because i want to make sure you didn't die or smth LMAOOOO. but thanks for everything guys! sorry to be such a downer on christmas. yeah sorry kinda bad timing huh? but

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO! I HOPE 2024 ISN'T TOO BAD FOR YA'LLS :)

[slashingdisneypasta]

That things to incorporate in smut post got me thinking. In a roundabout way that’s prob only indirectly smutty. Ok, say Jim had managed to acquire a younger girlfriend (which he totally thinks gives bragging rights because let’s be real, he’d be forever going on about it), pre-chow time. Post…well, look at how obviously different he moves. Not just the limp, but the caution. He’s more AWARE now that he’s an old guy *coughwithmoobsbutilovethatforhimcough* Very mortal. Very missing half his parts. GF still has more than half her life left, barring any unfortunate circumstances.

I think he’d be an absolutely tragic nightmare combo of clingy/flirty/tell him still think he’s hot/you can be the sexy nurse, but then when the phantom pains get bad enough to make him really THINK about it, he’s all cranky from wounded ego. No, he DOESN’T want a massage (because that’s a thing you can do for phantom limbs, apparently). He’s not taking his pants off for THAT, thanks. Maybe tries to spin it into something dirty, like “but if you’re asking for more fun reasons…” Before he just gives up and goes back to sulking. Says just hand him the booze and go away, he’s got things to drink about for awhile.

OMG YES- AND PROSTHETICS TOO! If I make smut for Jim, or Long John Silver, or Captain Hook- will absolutely be putting detail in about that. Thank you for the reminder!

And, yes!! He is a lot more cautious and grounded in the second movie! Obviously- because of trauma (I mean- look at my last post.). And I like how you're suggesting that only getting mauled by a croc made him realise he's old. Like, the general aging process did not do it for him (Which honestly makes sense, considering how he watches the coach get attacked in Final Chapter- he's watching like he's invincible. That would n e v e r happen to him right?? Sure, to his father and his mother and his aunt- but not him. Nooo.); he had to lose his limbs to get humbled. (Crazy person.)

Once again- yes! XD I totally agree on how he'd be after that with his S/O 😅 She can play sexy nurse, fine, but as soon as the concern gets real she's got a grumpy old man on her hands. He doesn't need anyone worrying over him, he's a grown ass man and (At least this is my HC) he's been on his own for a l o n g time (I mean he's a sleazy alcoholic low-life illegal poacher- I doubt he's got a whole lotta trustworthy friends.); he can take care of himself. He'd be stubborn as fuck, very very used to doing shit on his own; Gritting and bearing it; D r i n k i n g his problems away. Accepting help? Pff, nah.

I couldn't help it- I had to write a little something for this XD

Jim Bickerman x YoungerGirlfriend!Reader || Oneshot

Plot: A typical night trying to make Jim take care of himself causes a couple revelations for you both. Mostly for you, because he's too damn stubborn to believe you.

Warnings: Very evident age-difference relationship (Its a major theme this time). Insecurities regarding aging and prosthetics. Unedited.

Tagging: @marinerainbow , @masqueradeball and @slxsherwriter

Its a stand-still. You imagine a tumbleweed blowing by in the untidy above-bar apartment; between the ratty old couch and the beer-damp coffee table, and across old jack bottles and a loose-strand mat thats seen far better days. But your focus is stead-fast on Jim across the room by the window. You're half concerned he's going to try and climb out of it to get away from you.

Well- not concerned-concerned, not in a way where you're worried he's going to hurt himself (Thats his prerogative), but more because then he'll escape. And you wont be able to get his damn leg off.

"Jim." You start, a very firm frustrated tone moulding itself to the sound of your voice; not taking your eyes off of the old cowboy so he knows you mean business. "The doctors said you need to take it off at night so the wound can b r e a t h e. If you don't, it can suffocate and get worse. You could lose more of your leg."

"Yeah, well, then it'll get worse! I'll lose more, wont I?" He exclaims, giving a shrug and you throw your arms up in frustration at this quick responce. This man!!- "Its my leg and I'll decide when I take it off."

"Just let me help you, you old coot!"

He waives his hand and the new hook around and shrugs. "I'm fine! Don't need aany help, thank you very- hey." The sudden dark tone that enters his voice creep in as soon as you move to approach and makes you halt immediately in your tracks as he sets you with a very stern look. Jim points his hook prosthetic threateningly at you. "You stay right there."

Well, it would have been threatening if you didn't know him so well. He was not going to hurt you, so you take another step. "Or what?" You ask, shrugging.

"Don't be cute." He warns, a growl in his voice and a snarl on his face.

"Whatever do you mean?- Oh, come on, Jim!" Mid-sentence, Jim had turned around and opened the window. "Its dark, its raining, and its slippery. how do you suppose you're gonna climb down??"

"I already left a ladder out there, assuming you were gonna start this shit again t'night." Of course he did. "Just gotta slide to it. Hm... " The way he's peering out the window suggests that he kind of forgot, though, the exact location of the ladder on the other end of the porch cover below the window sill. Would that stop him, though? No-

Ughh. You groan, and drop your face into your hands out of exasperation.

~

You managed to compromise- he gets to keep his leg on but you convinced him to take off the hook, so long as you handled opening his beers for him. Now you sit side by side under the window (The cool air from the rain is nice after the heat of the stand-off and negotiations). Carefully, you pull the tab on a can of gross beer and pass it across to him. "... so. Same time tomorrow night?" You ask, a worn-out smile on your face.

He chuckles darkly beside you, taking a sip of his drink. "Probably. 'nless you plan on leavin' me alone?"

"No." Nice try on that wishful thinking.

"Then yeah. Same time, same place then."

"... you know you have to give in eventually," You pipe up again, turning your head to look at him, leaning your temple on the wall. When he looks back, you flash him a sleazy smirk (You learnt from the best). "I have better stamina then you do."

That unlocks a real chuckle from him, his shoulders jumping and a smile flickering across his face in a way that makes your smile turn genuine. "Yeah, well, you might be right about that princes but I'm a lot older then you- I know things a lotta you don't, right?" He looks away from you. "And I don't anticipate you stickin' around here forever, so eventually I'll be home-safe." Your heart falls, and the smile slowly disappears from your face listening to him- but he doesn't seem to make any note of it as he flashes you a dirty look of his own. "No matter how good your stamina is."

"... what, on earth, do you mean?"

Jim gives a shrug. "Well sweetheart, just- you're a sweet young little thing. I'm uh- well," Chuckling, his eyes move away from yours again. "I'm a little past my prime, hm? Pretty sure I know how this story plays out. Eh?" There isn't a self deprecating vibe about what he's saying, he just sounds certain. And that baffles you all the more.

You straighten up. "No?? Well, you'd be wrong. Because, I- I- "

"Aw, sweetheart, you don't needta reassure an old man. I'm fine with all this is. Sure, I like ya, but I know what I am, hm? A little bump in the road, right? I'll be fine when you go off an- "

Oh you have never wanted to smack someone so bad. "Jim!" You exclaim in exasperation and a lick anger, cutting through the absolute bullshit. "First of all- " You take the beer out of his hands, set it clearly out of his reach, and then sit down very firmly in front of him; hands on his shoulders. Holding his attention. He looks bemused, and you wish he'd wipe that little grin off his damn face. "Second of all, listen up. I'm serious, here. I'm not going anywhere, not as far as I'm concerned right now. You're a pain in the butt sometimes but I really don't know where this idea that our relationship has an expiration date is coming from. When we met you were in this- what changed??"

"Well," He chuckles, sounding like he thinks whatever he's thinking is just obvious before he looks meaningfully down at himself. "Uh, I'm not exactly g.i. joe fresh outta the box, am I sweetcheeks? Don't even got all my pieces anymore."

Your jaw drops, and for a moment you don't know what on earth to say. You feel like you cant even breathe. Is that what this is about?? Oh- for gods sake. Setting your face in a frustrated frown, you get up- only momentarily- and climb on into Jim's lap; wrapping your arms around his neck and getting comfortable with a sigh.

"Listen," After taking a deep breath, you force your voice to be low and soft, and start again. "You're hot. How can you not know that?? I knew you were crazy but I didn't know you were out of your mind."

A slow, mirthless grin spreads across his haggard face. "... uhuh. Now I think you're just trynna get in my pants, hm?" Oh, he's deflecting. You refrain from the urge to roll your eyes, but come on man. How transparent.

"Maybe I am. Know why?"

"... " he sighs and rolls his remaining eye.

"Cuz you're hot!" You insist blatantly, putting your hands on either side of his face now so the tips of your fingers disappear in his short grey hair. "Please believe me, I'm nuts about you."

"Sure... "

"Everything about you is perfect. I like you; how you are and how you look." You say gently, tilting your head to the side. "... which is why, no matter how difficult you are or what you do to yourself, I'm not going anywhere. You can refuse help all you like, be as stubborn as you can old man, but I'm in this for long haul. So unless you don't want me, anymore, in which case I'll leave and thats fine, I- "

He had let you speak and do whatever you wanted this whole time, only interrupting when you paused, but when you move to get up and off him now Jim uses his one good hand to catch you and keep you where you are, with a finger in one of your belt loops. "Hmmm, now why would I want that?... "

Happily, you settle back down, wrap your arms back around his neck and lean your forehead against his. "... do you believe me?"

...

...

"... Not really." He says bluntly with a cheeky grin, making you groan in defeat. Stubborn. Old. Goa- "But I believe you believe all that crap right now- so I'll just enjoy the ride, huh? Long as it plays out."

Closing your eyes, you give a drawn-out sigh. "... you'll see."

"Maybe."