#unfortunately i can't get my hands on a test but i'm still recovering

[unfriendlyamazon]

help needed

hey friends!! i hate to ask for help but i have moved to a very cold place and my electricity/gas bills ended up being around $300, which i wasn't prepared for. i don't have enough for rent and i'm stressed. any amount can help, and if you want to send a fanfic commission or any request in exchange (doesn't have to be kaijou or yugioh), please let me know!

my cashapp is currently unavailable so if you want to help, here's the best place to do it:

venmo: @ Ellen-Kaluza

paypal: elkaluzae@gmail.com

ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/johnnyfangs

[jscrawls]

Widows rest

My take on a Black widow! Reader x Batman and Batfam but with a slight twist, reader doesn't know the Bats but they seem to know them...

Warning: contains avengers infinity war spoilers, black widow spoilers, brief mentions of violence, poor writing, possible ooc,

Part 10: rough patch

🔹🔹🔹

Breakfast is peaceful enough, you changed rooms last night and got a decent by your standards sleep. Damian's half asleep in his cereal and dukes speedily trying to finish a test between bites of his egg sandwich. It's weirdly domestic to you as Bruce gives you a cup of coffee and your medication and then takes a seat by you. Once again you feel out of place, like you've stolen something from someone else. but you don't show it. Weakness is not tolerable.

Unfortunately, peace never lasts.

“heyyy look who's alive and kicking around the place again!” To your absolute horror, you're dragged out of your chair and hugged tightly from behind by some loud mouthed-

“Dick we've talked about this…let em go chum.” Bruce quickly stands and tries to separate you from the hug, thank God, you could almost kiss the man when you're released. Suppressing a shiver at the unprompted affection, disgusting.

Duke Snickers into his food while Damian tries to cover up a snort by clearing his throat and shoving a bite of cereal in his mouth, traitorous children. You suppress a scowl as you turn to face your attacker - your hugger.

“come on I'm just happy they're still kicking and recovering, how're you doing operater?” Dick sets his hands on your shoulders as he speaks, he's far too touchy for your taste, but his words catch your attention more than his body language.

“operater?”

The room goes quiet for a moment, dicks hands tensing just a touch before he smiles and pulls you in once again. “It's a nickname you had, cuz y'know, you helped operate Wayne charity foundations like you were running the Navy. It's a lil inside joke.”

This time you're the one wriggling out of the hug, what part of ‘you're a stranger to the amnesiac’ does he not get? “You're telling me i was running those events? Why would i do that and not just hire a planner.” You sit back down in the chair, hopefully it'll discourage anymore cuddle attacks.

“I've actually said the same exact thing to you, guess you liked being the boss?” Bruce snorts beside you as dick speaks, Dick tosses himself into a nearby chair and starts making grabby hands at Damian's cereal.

“I'm going to pretend that didn't just come out of your mouth, right in front of my coffee. thanks.”

You grab the hot coffee and down a few sips before popping your medicine, that sounded a little too much like an innuendo to not royally piss you off. This entire…. Thing is gonna test your patience like never before, you swear.

🔹🔹🔹

Bruce went to his office and Mr pennyworth left to drop the two boys off so you're alone in the manor, having shaken Dick off enough times until he himself had to leave back to whatever it is he does, you bet he's a cop or a gym teacher or something.

With free reign, you start snooping. First thing you note is how clean the place is as you wander from the kitchenette towards the event hall, props to the old man where it's due, The place is relatively spotless from floor to ceiling.The second thing you notice is all the damn hidden cameras.

your hand drags across piano keys in the otherwise silent hall, it's dust free and even tuned, for some reason the perfection of the place angers you just as much as the lack of privacy. Makes you think the Wayne's are too…superficial, the avengers tower wasn't even this perfect. There's a tiny blinking red dot in the eye of the gargoyle sculpture nestled in the corner of the room, letting you know that the mask can't slip even when you're alone. someone's watching. you close the fall board and wander to the next area.

The bedrooms aren't that interesting, the unoccupied ones all look the same, smell the same, beige walls and dark bedding. The occupied ones look like stereotypical teen boy rooms, messy bedspreads and posters on the walls. video game consoles, paint supplies, old films, at least these rooms look lived in, imperfect. The next bedroom makes you freeze in your tracks, the familiar vanity and ballet flats makes unease churn in your gut, how'd you see the exact setup in your…. You close the door quickly. The dreams are meaningless and you won't ponder on them for longer than necessary. You take mental note of the large computer set up in one of the other rooms and move on to a different area.

You're back in the library now, your legs are starting to ache from all the walking you've done, you'll have to work on your agility and stamina in this body for sure. Plopping down on a leather sofa you grab at one of the books on the table in front of you and flip it over to read the title, realizing this is the book Jason was flipping through yesterday when the bookmark slips out of it, guess he's a fan of Mary Shelley. The grandfather clock against the wall chimes loudly and you scowl at it before hauling yourself up and slowly leaving the dusty room, you could use a nap right about now.

🔹🔹🔹

It's late when you're woken up, the butler knocks loudly on your door until you answer him.

“Master Wayne? You missed dinner. Would you like me to bring it up to you?”

You grunt as you rub at your face, before remembering that that doesn't count as an answer.

“No, I'll come down myself…. Will anyone else be there?” the silent ‘is my husband waiting?’ goes unsaid, but not unheard.

The butler doesn't answer for a moment, the creaking of floorboards telling you he's shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“…no, the children are at friends houses tonight, Cass is at her dance practice and master Bruce is dealing with an emergency at work. It is just us two tonight.”

“Oh, alright. I hope it's not a serious emergency…is everything good at work?” you act concerned, curiosity bleeding into your voice as you untangle yourself from the sheets and go to open the door.

“Nothing of the sort, there is just an issue with an incorrect filing mishap and mismatched records. Nothing worth worrying about.” Alfred steps out of the way when you open the door and turns to lead you to the kitchenette.

You know for a damn fact that Bruce's position in the company doesn't have him dealing with paperwork issues, your best guess is an affair partner that pennyworth is covering up. Of course the rich guy is cheating on his spouse, at least you don't have to entertain conversations with him over dinner…. Though it would have been nice to have a buffer between you and the butler. He definitely doesn't trust you as much as your husband seems to.

🔹🔹🔹

“anything new you can tell me about the phone.” barbara turned towards bruce when she heard him speak,the glow of her monitors casting her in a greenish glow as she turned her wheelchair.

“well, i don’t have access to their files or their systems anymore. just their location when it pings off cell towers.” barb leaned back and picked up her bag of chips while speaking, eyeing bruce up while he paces her floor, his cape swishing quietly behind him. “the decoding technique you saw before the shut out?” bruce doesn’t look at her as he speaks, his gaze focused on the stained glass above their heads.

barb loudly crunches on a chip as she turns her chair back towards the monitors, wiping her hands clean before she pushes her glasses up her nose. “strange, for them i mean. they didn’t go through the standard coding channels or even the normal hardware wiping techniques, i’ve been doing some research on the dark and back channels and i still haven’t seen anything quite like it.” she offers him a chip.

bruce walks closer to her and wordlessly takes the offered snack, glancing down at barb as he digests that information.

“so…they’re not associated with any known hackers?” barb gives him a sharp look. “B, are you thinking your spouse is a plant?” he shakes his head slowly, glancing away from barb before he continues. “no, no not at all. i just….can’t ignore something strange in my home, even if it’s *them.”*

barb looks down at her lap with a pensive look on her face for a moment, glancing back up at him with thinned lips as she bites her inner lip.

“i’m still scrubbing through the dark, you’ll be the first to know if i find anything that sets off alarms.”

bruce nods once, turning with a dramatic flair of his cape as he turns to leave.

“B.” barbara called out to him before he disappears, turning her wheelchair around to face him again as he pauses midstep. “just don’t get too caught up in your theories yet, they’re still the same person that walked into that gala with you.” bruce resumes walking after barb speaks, disapearing into the darkest part of the clocktowers room.

🔹🔹🔹

M.list | prev | next

A/n: ruh roh readers jumping to conclusions about Bruce's late night disappearances. Wonder how that'll go 👀👀👀

Taglist: @cxcilla @mercuryathens @dind1n @redsakura101 @ninihrtss @let-me-dance @ladykamos @one-piecelover @cuntiesweet

[dandylovesturtles]

Leo & Donnie, trick (Please no character death, thank you!)

This will make more sense if you read the previous trick or treat (the Leo and Draxum trick)

Unfortunately this has become. a whole Thing. I didn't plan for it, it just happened. I'm currently calling it the Sidelined AU

CWs: Internalized ableism, light passive suicidal ideation

---

Here's what being stuck in a demonic suit of armor for two days gets you:

Brittle bones.

No mystic powers.

Hovering brothers.

A catatonically depressed dad.

A catastrophic decrease in muscle mass.

Chronic fatigue.

A concerning amount of brain fog.

A bedroom on the ground floor (under construction).

Sensitivity to light and smell.

And a wheelchair. Apparently.

Donnie brought it in ten minutes ago, and he's spent that long infodumping about all the features he's built into it. Leo hasn't really kept up, because of the whole brain fog situation, and because he doesn't normally listen to infodumps of this length, anyway.

Instead he's been focused on keeping his lunch down. Something about the wheelchair twists his gut in a sharp way. It just feels so... final. Like if he sits down in that, he's officially given up.

Donnie is still rattling on. He's been smiling the whole time. Leo doesn't know what about his situation invites smiling.

(Some part of his brain, the less bitter and angry part, notes that it's the same smile Donnie has whenever he shows off new tech. Leo ignores that part of his brain.)

"Any questions?" Donnie asks him suddenly, and Leo blinks his way out of his own thoughts. Donnie is looking at him expectantly. Still smiling, his hands gesturing at his creation. The wheelchair. Leo's gut twists again and he swallows forcefully. Reaches over and sucks down the last of the water from his water bottle, and even that simple motion takes Herculean effort.

He's already forgotten what the question was, so he says, "No," because he feels that sums up all his feelings about the situation.

"Excellent," says Donnie, because he can't read a room to save his life. "Then do you want to take it for a test run?"

Leo stares at him so he doesn't have to look at the chair.

"No," he says again.

Finally, Donnie's smile falls. It morphs into something concerned, and Leo isn't sure he likes that any better.

"You said you were feeling alright," he says.

Sure, he did say that, because all he ever says when they ask how he's feeling is "alright." Well, that's not true. Sometimes it's "okay." Or "fine." Or, "Jeez, Raph, stop worrying about me before that chasm gets any bigger."

The point is, he did say he was feeling alright, but alright isn't good enough for... whatever this is.

He struggles over his words for a bit before finally getting out, "I don't need a wheelchair," which is the main point, as far a he's concerned.

Now Donnie's expression turns more frustrated. "Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

He sighs. "Leo, we've been over this. Your legs aren't strong enough to carry your weight, and you can't risk a fall in your condition. Do you want to be healing from a broken pelvis on top of everything else?"

He doesn't. But he doesn't say that, just stares stubbornly at Donnie to avoid looking at the chair.

"The wheelchair is only for now," says Donnie. "Once you've recovered enough, a walker, then a cane, or crutches. We've been over this-"

"I don't need a cane," says Leo, cutting him off. "Canes are for old people."

"They are not," Donnie argues. "They're for whoever needs them. Which includes you."

"I don't need one."

Donnie grumbles something under his breath that Leo can't hear, because damaged hearing is another one of the things being trapped in a demonic suit of armor for two days gets you. "Alright. Is there something wrong with my engineering?"

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, is there something unsatisfactory about the chair that I can fix so you would be more willing to use it." He gestures at it. "It's okay if my design isn't to your liking. I have others."

Leo shakes his head. "This isn't about your engineering." This isn't about you.

"Well maybe if we make it about my engineering then you'll stop being so stubborn!" Donnie snaps, and Leo feels his hackles rising.

"Oh, screw you, Donnie."

"Screw me?" Donnie spits back. "Screw me for trying to help and not just watch while my brother lets himself waste away! Yeah, screw me."

"You don't have to watch anything," Leo snaps back. "The door's right there."

"What's your end game here?" Donnie demands, taking an angry step forward. "You complain about Raph carrying you everywhere, but you aren't doing anything to fix your situation. You won't exercise, you won't use the wheelchair - you're giving up!"

"I'm not giving up!" Leo lies.

"Yes you are and I'm sick of watching it!"

"Then leave!"

Donnie opens his mouth like he wants to argue further, but then he throws his hands up and turns on his heel. "I'm done," he says, then stalks out. He tries to slam the curtain behind him as he leaves, but because it's a curtain it just ends up swinging back and forth.

Which means Leo can clearly see as Raph and Mikey duck out of sight.

"Donnie, maybe you shouldn't have-" Raph begins, but gets cut off.

"I'm not treating him with kid gloves. If he wants to rot in bed then let him."

"He's having a rough time, so-"

"You can keep coddling him. But I'm done."

Leo hears retreating footsteps, then a heavy sigh. Raph is still right outside his room.

It takes him a moment, but he pokes his head in eventually.

"Heeey buddy," he says, adopting his baby voice, and Leo wants to scream but he doesn't have the energy. "Need anything?"

"No. I'm fine," he says instead.

"You sure? Because Raphie can-"

"I'm fine," he says again, tired, and lays down so he can stare at the ceiling. "I'm just gonna sleep."

"...Okay. Night Leo."

He's gone and doesn't come back. Mikey doesn't come, either.

Leo regrets his decision a few minutes later, because all that yelling made his throat dry and painful, but his water bottle is empty, and he doesn't have the energy to get to the kitchen, and if he uses the chair...

He groans, pulling his blanket over his head. Already, the brain fog is turning his thoughts to white noise, and the fatigue is pulling him down. Thirsty or not, sleep will come.

Another thing being trapped in demonic suit of armor for two days gets you: a cure for insomnia.

[emeritusemeritus]

Can I request studying with GoF twins for a new project they’re working on? Like with witty or flirty remarks before they start getting carried away? Just some fluffy young love. It sounds nice

You know GOF twins is my weak spot, that long hair has me drooling every time 🖤

Warnings: flirty banter, implied sexual remarks, mentions of underwear, teasing. More than friends, not quite lovers. Georgie is beautiful when he blushes. Fred has no chill.

Words: 1k

Questions Questions.

It's Saturday evening in the Gryffindor common room and for once it's pretty quiet, with most of the students third year and up still at Hogsmeade. Naturally, the twins and you had crept out earlier that morning through the passageways you knew like the back of your hand to Zonkos, before the rush of the school trip began. They needed some things for whatever they were working on, a new invention they were excited about, something you were trying to help them with.

It was peaceful now, the fire roaring, the proximity between you and the twins. You'd been best friends for years, practically since the moment you stepped onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time and it was no secret that you'd gotten a little closer with the twins over the years, your relationship changing as you got older.

"Can you invent anything that makes Ron's robes look not-nauseating to the female population?" You joke, leaning across to watch Fred's nimble fingers messing about with the contraption he was building. Fred pauses, letting out a belly laugh and George giggles along, face scrunching up in the cutest way.

"Ha! 'Fraid not princess," Fred says with a smirk, getting back to work whilst George makes some notes on a piece of parchment.

"What are you wearing?" George asks, briefly looking up at you, over your body, before jotting something down with his worn down pencil.

"George Weasley! You can't ask a lady that!" You say with a smirk, knowing that pointing out the secondary meaning of his words would rile him up. It works almost instantly, his cheeks heating up to a beautiful pink colour that you take great pride in. Fred snorts out a laugh, flicking his eyes between your delighted face and his brother's blush whilst he tinkers.

"So," Fred drawls out, voice dropping to dangerously flirty whisper. "What are you wearing?" He winks, looking at you up and down as if he had Mad-eye's magic eye to see under your clothes. You can't help but smile at him, his effortless boyish charm always flowing in abundance when he teased.

You raise one eyebrow, testing him and he simply smiles back with a little shrug.

"You said George, gotta be more specific princess."

You laugh along, nudging him slightly on the shoulder, the two of you sharing a little moment as your eyes fix on each other.

"I meant to the Yule Ball," George says quietly, still recovering from his little faux-pas. You turn to George and give him a little smile, always the sweet one.

"Oh I don't know yet," you answer honestly. Truthfully you hadn't really given it much thought, what with the tournament, your homework and helping them with their business, both the inventions and the gambling.

"Not got a date?" Lee pipes up behind you, appearing from over Fred's shoulder as he throws himself down onto the sofa next to George.

"Shove off Lee," you laugh, fixing him with a little mock glare.

"She's got two," Fred says proudly, his smile wide even though he doesn't actually look up from his work. Lee is called away only a few minutes later by someone in the second year and he leaves the three of you alone again, huddled close in the corner by the fire.

"I'm sure whatever you wear you'll look great," George says shyly, "I mean you look great all the time."

"Especially in that sundress," Fred chimes in, mentioning the dress you'd worn the last time you were at the Burrow in the summer. Both Fred and George had commented multiple times about their approval of the dress.

"Well unfortunately for you both, that dress and my yule ball dress are staying on. Guess you'll just have to imagine my underwear Eh Georgie?"

Fred let's out another boyish laugh and George blushes again, smiling to himself.

"So what are you actually working on?" You ask, realising that you didn't actually know what he was crafting, somehow missing the memo on this future prank.

"Never mind that, what colour's your underwear?"

"Fred!" George chastises his twin, even though he's laughing too.

"Red," you reply causally, watching carefully from the side of your eye to see their reaction.

Fred is rendered speechless, something you've never seen before and you're pretty sure you could see a blush forming underneath his drooping bangs, though he tries to hide it. George's mouth had transformed into a little 'o' which he fights to hide pretty quickly and to make matters worse you shoot him a little wink, which brings back the colour to his cheeks.

You sit for a while, falling into a comfortable silence, the three of you working on your divided tasks. You notice Fred wafting his long hair out of his face for the third time in an minute and decide to help him out.

"You'll never see anything like that, come here," you say, twisting around on the sofa and reaching up to gather his hair in your hand. It's soft and smooth, the perfect length for a small ponytail, even the slightly shorter front bits gather nicely until the hair obstructing his view is all out of his face.

He flashes you a thankful smile and for a moment it takes your breath away. Merlin he's gorgeous.

"You gonna plait mine next?" George teases, pulling you away from your focused gaze until you glare at him playfully. Only when you turn around do you notice that Lee has joined you all again, dropping some coins into the briefcase, having apparently been selling.

"Feeling left out Georgie? I'm thinking pigtails for you," you joke, earning a mock laugh from George but his sweet smile after let's you know he enjoys the playful banter. "Actually, please let me," you add with a pleading look in your eyes, actually wanting to get your hands on his hair.

"Only if you tell me something," he barters, smirking at you. You frown but nod anyway.

"Does your bra match your underwear?" He asks casually, as if he was asking for the time. He gives you the cheesiest smile he can and you burst out laughing at his supposed 'payment'. Fred bursts out with another laugh, completely ignoring the thing he was trying to construct as he throws his head back with a laugh.

"Rotten boys," you mumble, looking between the two giggling twins, never more thankful that this is your life.

[jm-2406]

Hi,

I was wondering if I could make a request for a matt murdock x reader idea. You could make it into a headcannon or a dribble I dont mind ✨.

Basically I’ve always found interesting the idea of matt either loosing his powers or his hearing senses (like in season 3)

So id think about something like that happening to him and the reader helping him found himself in his new routine without his vigilante identity.

(insecure and « in need of love » matt is my weakness jsjs)

Lots of angst but a happy ending if possible

(Also its preferable if reader is just a civilian too)

Thanks 🦋

Love me tender.

Summary - an unfortunate accident almost cost your boyfriend's life but you are there to help him recover, even if he gets emotional and says stupid things.

Pairing - Matt Murdock x teacher!reader.

Word count - 855.

Note - I'm sorry for being so late in delivering this, I got my exam results and it was not good. I was upset, so I couldn't get anything done.

Warnings - rushed ending, mentions of accident/injury, Matt and reader having a heart to heart.

Requests - open || find my work - here.

It came as a shock to you when a phone call disturbed your sleep at 3 a.m. informing you about your boyfriend's accident. You were the only person on his emergency contact and the hospital staff were quick to inform you. When you reached the hospital gates, a fear gripped your heart. You were not sure what happened with Matt exactly but you could make out that it was something very serious from the nurse’s words.

“[Y/N] [Y/L/N], I am here to visit Matt Murdock.” You informed the receptionist. She typed something on her computer and directed you towards the ward. That night, you had the biggest shock of your life as you waited for the doctors and nurses treating Matt.

“It was quite a fatal accident, Miss [Y/L/N]. We're lucky that he survived but he might take some time to recover and from what we have gathered, he might have some problems with his external auditory canal.”

“But… he'll be okay, right? He will recover, right?” You asked him. The doctor nodded his head and left because of another case. It was all up to you now, to let him know. You knew how upset he felt if treated with sympathy, you felt like that too. You just wanted him to recover completely before taking any risks with his life.

A few days later, when you were sitting quietly in the living room and grading the test papers, you heard a cracking sound. Rushing to the kitchen, you saw your boyfriend standing and in front of him, a broken glass. “Are you okay? And what are you doing here?” You carefully reached him and brought him back to your room.

Before you could scold him for being so careless and not resting enough, you saw him sitting quietly, too quietly like a statue. He was holding his mask in his hand. It was high time now, you needed to talk. You placed your hand on his shoulder and got his attention. Matt was still quiet.

“You can't carry on like this, Matt.” You said after a moment of silence.

“I don't know what to do. I'm lost, okay. This feeling… the feeling of being helpless and staying at home all day… it kills me. I feel like I failed.”

“No matt. Please don't say things like that.” Your voice was thick with emotions. “We can go through anything if we are together. Please don't shut me out.”

Matt gave you a sad little smile and you knew that you had a long road ahead of you.

A few days passed with you and Matt adjusting to the new life without his vigilante identity. It was a struggle in the beginning but slowly, he recovered… at least physically.

One evening, you were sitting on the couch, watching one of your favourite films when you noticed Matt standing in the corner, lost in his thoughts. “What happened, babe? You alright?” You rushed to him and to your surprise he jerked your hands off him. That had never happened before.

“I think we should take a break.”

“What?” To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You didn't know what came over him suddenly.

“Yes, [Y/N]… we should.” He sounded serious.

“But, at this point? I don't understand Matt. What happened?”

“Because I can't give you a normal life, [Y/N]. Why is it so difficult for you to understand that? You were sitting there, all peacefully, watching a move. We couldn't do that together, or anything normal couples do. How many times we had to cancel our plans because of me being daredevil and trying to save the city. You don't need to go through all of this. You deserve better, [Y/N].” He breathed hard after his confession, sightless eyes following where your figure should be.

“Leave it to me to decide what and who I deserve. I love you, Matt. I know that I never said it before, I didn't want to push you away. I don't want ‘normal’, I just want you.” By the end of it, you had wrapped your arms around his neck and forced him to sit down. It was one of the few raw moments you shared.

“I'm sorry.” He said after a few minutes of silence. “Promise me, you won't do anything stupid like this again.” You asked, gently massaging his scalp. Matt just nodded his head. You knew that you had a long road ahead of you but you were satisfied with the journey. In the end it's just you two, together.

THE END.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 2 in Limerick

Hey everyone, it's Katie again. I'm posting late because I got a really nasty case of food poisoning that I've had to deal with, which unfortunately also means I don't have as much to talk about from this past week in Limerick, but I'll cover what I did do so you can still get a feel for my time here.

Monday: Last Monday was the only day last week I felt healthy enough to go to lab. In the morning, my mentor, Nina, showed me some modifications she made to the set up steps for the hydrothermal carbonizer, since it seemed to be having issues with heating and cooling. Basically, I was told to increase the temperature gradually and watch the data to make sure the internal temperature did not exceed 200 Celsius. In the afternoon, Nina and I tried to run the HTC with a water sample, but the device was still having issues, so she had to call her supervisor and another lab technician for help. They were all speaking Polish, so I had no idea what was going on until Nina took me to another building to find another HTC. Unfortunately, those were all broken or missing parts, which leaves her device as the only HTC we can use. It's a little frustrating, but I'm fine with working together with Nina instead of on a separate experiment since it's still a great learning experience for me. After work, I did some laundry, then went to the second half of the Mario movie (I missed the first part finishing my laundry and then trying to find the place it was at).

Saturday: I was feeling better (or so I thought), so the Arcadia group and I tried to go to Galway, but we needed to buy tickets in advance, so that was a bust. Instead, we got a quick lunch and took the bus to Killaloe, a small lakeside town in Clare. We walked around a bit, then lay in the grass by the river for a little while to enjoy the sun. I guess I enjoyed the sun too much, because I ended up very dehydrated and had to take a pit stop at cafe to rehydrate. The rest of the group got a quick snack before the bus came, and then we went back to UL. It sucked that I was feeling sick towards the end, but Killaloe was such a cute little town with a very pretty view, so I'm glad I got to see it.

Monday: After literally sleeping all day Sunday to recover from Saturday, I decided I ought to get my stomach issues checked out, so I went to the University Hospital Limerick Monday afternoon. Once I was checked in, their nurses came to take my vitals and get blood tests done, and then gave me vials to, delicately put, "collect my own samples." A fun thing about sleeping all day is you often forget to drink water, so I had a needle in my left hand the whole time I was there so that they could administer rehydration fluid through an IV. If you've never had one before, it's interesting because you can feel the coldness in your veins nearest the injection site, but it definitely gets the job done and made me feel so much better. Afterwards, I was discharged with a new appointment scheduled for Wednesday morning to get my test results back.

I'll leave you with a few notes from today: The doctor's appointment went fine, they determined that the issues were caused by campylobacter, but my blood test that morning showed lower infection markers and I was clearly feeling better, so I should be getting back to my regular study abroad life soon. Can't wait to update you about the (rest of) this week, I promise it'll be really cool and won't involve needles in my hands.

[bored-storyteller]

Okay, I humbly apologize. I had a bad time - and unfortunately it's not over 😩- but here's the second part with three other leaders. I know I know I know! Malleus is missing! I'll try to post Mal today too- tomorrow, it depends on where you are - I promise.

Please I know you love him so much but love me anyway 🥺

14- Dorm leaders x down!s/o pt.2

Kalim Al-Asim

· Kalim is magical and exhausting at the same time. Yes, s/o love him from the bottom of their hearts, but dealing with him in times of stress is exhausting.

· The young nobleman does not really know the stress, at least, for what s/o can see, and this leads him to overcome any worries. It's not that he doesn't want to see other people's problems, it's just that he can't think of them.

· S/o as the days go by they feel worse and worse. The head often hurts and tiredness brings them into a state of almost half asleep. If Kalim saw this he would be very worried about them, but their presence for him is a fact. He is convinced that if something went wrong s/o would tell him, right?

· But no. How could they say no to his requests? That is, actually there is not even time to refuse.

·  Jamil is worried. He sees what is going on and tries to marginalize the problems. S/o should rest, they could ask him for help - as if he wasn't already doing everything in the dormitory-. But s/o know that the vice leader is already very busy, burdening him with their study problems and their worries is not the case.

Having to deal with Kalim really means having almost never breath. Even his affection can sometimes be a problem.

Yes, s/o certainly love him, but three days before the start of the test session, the thing more than making them happy is shaking them.

They have studied practically nothing and really feel their strength failing. While everyone is studying carefully, they are struggling to finish their homework for the next day.

The nights for s/o are now nothing more than a staring at the ceiling in desperate search for information that does not exist in their head. And the lessons are so heavy in the morning that their hope of getting through the year is almost zero.

Sometimes the idea of dropping out of school even went through their mind. They would certainly be freer.

Right now, s/o they are hiding in the bedroom, surrounded by study books.

It doesn't matter how much they read and reread those words, their overfull mind wanders over their fears, not making them memorize anything.

There is no way they can overcome this. They curl up on the bed, clutching their knees to their chests and doing everything they can to keep from crying.

Suddenly the door swings open. Kalim comes in with his cheer, filling the room with his happy voice.

It seems that he is excited about something, but s/o can’t help but look at him with wide eyes without understanding.

His exclamations echo in their heads as if it were empty, breaking the delicate crystal walls.

"Stop!" They cry when even the last fragile column of their sanity is brought down.

"Stop!" They repeat, bringing their hands to their faces and collapsing supine on the bed.

"Stop it! I can't take it any more! If I continue like this I will go crazy!"

The arms cover the face wet with tears. They are not really shouting at Kalim.

He stops suddenly, a little frightened by that reaction.

What happened? Where did he go wrong this time?

When the silence weighs too much, they still speak: "I ... I need to get out of here, I... don't want to be in this school anymore. "

Kalim listens in silence for a few moments to their sobs, then slowly, shyly, sits beside them on the bed.

"No ..." he murmurs, "I will help you, whatever your problem is." His voice is that of an injured child, but his arms raise s/o to his chest, to hold them against him and protect them.

"Everything will pass, I promise you. But I can't be without you."

The fingers pass slowly through the hair of s/o while his crimson eyes scan the books around them.

Kalim's arms hold them desperately. Right, how could they leave him alone? In short, who would help Jamil then?

That thought makes them smile, and while s/o get up seated they give to the boy a simple and light "ok", and then they resume the study with a quieter mind.

Kalim no longer talks, but neither does he leave, he simply remains close to them a little to comfort them, a little for the fear that they will move away from him, until he ends up falling asleep on their lap.

Vil Schoenheit

· Here, another guy who made stress his life. Some type of stress. Obviously, he must meet expectations.

· This also applies to those around him, or rather, to those who are close to his heart. If he demands so much from someone, it means that he cares about them. In a sense, even his insult when it is constructive is flattering.

· But for an already stressed s/o, dealing with him is extremely anxiety-provoking. You have to be perfect, everything has to be in order, and for an already fragile mind, well, the step to break is not far away.

· Still, he bears a great deal of stress on his shoulders without showing it, but he doesn't notice that others can sometimes be overwhelmed, and his manners aren't exactly delicate when it comes to appearances.

·  S/o are almost afraid of him every time his eyes meet them. What will he say? What's wrong with them?

Yes, they know how important the smile is, but they can't do it. In the library they leaf through the book they hold in their hands with empty and dull eyes.

They don't have to look good, on the other hand disappointment for themselves keeps them up all night.

There is no way they can get through this period, not for how they are.

They sigh, placing the book on the shelves and giving up. They fold their arms on the table as they sit, and there they hide their tired faces.

S/o  would like to go into hibernation, everything would be easier. No commitment, no judging eye ...

"S/o, my dear." The firm voice of the Poemfiore leader makes itself heard. It is firm, severe even if placid.

What's up now? Oh sure. They are not sitting upright with their backs. Hair is probably a mess and their eyes have been ruined for days. They already know to suck, there is no need for him to say it. They already hate each other, and there is no need for him to see how ugly their sticky face is with tears.

S/o do not move, as if he were not there, they remain closed inside themselves, in such a state of surrender that not even Vil can grasp immediately. But he understands that something is wrong. It never happened that they ignored him.

 “S/o.” the name is repeated again, but this time it is accompanied by the delicate hand of the leader who touches the hair of s/o.

As soon as the fingertips touch the head, as if they were of fire, s/o spring back, scared as if they had a ferocious beast in front of them.

Vil stares at those eyes so full of fear. Afraid of him.

In their dark circles he sees all the suffering of those days, all the dozing sadness. And in that situation of desolation, they feared him as if he were their enemy, the one who wants to harm them.

"No… Please..."

A prayer comes out of their fragile lips as if he is ready to kill them. He's not sure if they're clear-headed... no, they seem to be in another world. A dark and lonely world.

Vil's white fingers caress s/o's chin. They do not retreat, but tremble as if they were blades.

"I won't hurt you. I'm just worried about you."

His words are clear, as always, but a little sweeter than usual. He patiently sits in front of them, without losing contact.

"You can tell me what troubles you."

Finally the gaze of s/o meets the beautiful eyes of the boy. Eyes so beautiful, admired, and at this moment sincere.

S/o they bend down again, resting their forehead on Vil's hand while holding it with theirs. There they cry, for once without the weight of the angry gaze, but only surrounded by affection, while Vil gently caresses their head.

Idia Shroud

·  Ok, how to say, this guy is made of stress.

· Idia fears the social relationship, people stress him, what is not his room and his computer stresses him. He is not an easy person to manage.

· S/o are practically elected. They are fortunate to be admitted to his. In short, they can remain curled up on his bed without him saying anything.

· Usually are s/o who take care of him, who try to support him and calm him down, but sometimes of course they are the ones who need support ... but well, Idia practically doesn't exist.

· It is not his fault, but even if he cares about s/o in a way that even he did not believe possible, he is not good at social relationships. Very often he will limit himself and stay next to them, still connected to the internet. They don't mind, usually.

But this time the boy's body isn't even close to them. He is far away, in the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the screens. Yes, they are not even totally sure that he is aware of their presence.

Ortho, to their disappointment, is not present.

S/o don't need to be there, but for some time now they have felt a lump in their throat that they can't swallow. They have failed a test, and there is no way to recover it, or so they believe.

The truth is that they are nothingness.

They have to study, but loneliness echoes in their head. Nobody wants them.

So they slipped from the leader of Ignihyde to find comfort. It would have been fine even if he had been silently beside them, but no, he was elsewhere. They had seen an excited light in his eyes when they arrived. Maybe chat with someone online? Of course, those friends are better than them.

A failure, a weight, that's s/o.

Small tears wet the already dimly lit page.

In the darkness in which they find themselves, they sink into the anxiety and fear that they have been holding inside for weeks.

That horrible feeling of emptiness that causes the brain to tilt.

Idia does not notice the sobs. S/o are hidden, curled up into a ball on the boy's bed. Nothing makes sense to them anymore. More they cry, more they lose consciousness of their surroundings, and everything disappears.

Idia is too caught up in his game. He does not really notice that s/o are not well.

Only when he turns enthusiastically to communicate something to them does he hear them.

Sobs are louder now, but they don't know it.

Heart breaks in Idia. How long have they been crying? Two hours will have passed since they arrived. Why didn't they speak?

Oh God, it's his fault ... he sucks with people so badly, and he always ends up hurting them.

Maybe they came to him because somehow they believed he made them feel good, didn't they?

He gets up from his chair, unsure of what to do. Embarrassed he approaches them.

God, they seem so fragile. Will he break them if he touches them?

Slowly, as if he were dealing with a kitten, he places his sweatshirt on them, and then, a little scared, he sits next to them.

They seem lost, s/o don't react.

Idia feels the butterflies in his stomach from agitation. Suddenly, it seems to him that the figure of s/o is fading away in the dark of the room. It's scary.

Shyly he stretches his arms around the small figure and carefully pulls them into his chest.

He feels their sobs freeze for a moment, almost frightened, and then finally the muscles relax, while they abandon themselves to him.

"Sorry, I'm a delusion..." They murmur, clinging to him.

So is this what they think?

"No ... you ... I ... find you beautiful ..."

He speaks shyly. He's not exactly that these words are what they need, but that's what he really thinks.

His cheek is warm against their head. Maybe he's blushing.

How can they not smile at this?

[dangan-happy]

Miley Cyrus has been quiet since Genocider Syo showed up...

This is for komaeda,nanami, and hinata

Just got my report study, and to think i've been waiting so much, hoping for good results, crushed immeadiately

I usually aced english test since grade school, i always got 90 or at least 87 on the subject, and at my latest mid terms, to think i got 50? Pretty ironic since i use english 24/7 on the internet, but at least i got 92 on my english literature, but oh god it still makes me feel bad, im surprised my parents didn't notice that

And u know what's worst, there's a lot of 1 points there, especially at physical ed, my parents got concerned at my 19 and 18 points at my political ed assignments, i never pay attention to their zoom meetings so its pretty understandable

Im feeling so down atm, especially since my goal after finishing high school is to apply at one of the biggest university here that is a lot cheaper than most universities, and to apply, our report grades at high school deeply concerns it

Not just that, my house doesn't do anything to help me, all they tell me is to take care of a satan (looks at my sister) and her school assignments, without even care abt my assignments, they usually get annoyed at me when i prioritize my school work first, i sometimes wish even if she can't read, at least she would listen to me, her school teacher has warned her more than 2 times abt that too, and she got to complain to her parents about her tiresome, while me? They would just tell me to take care of it myself

My parents always gossiping about me about little things when i'm not around, and praise my 7 year old little sister that is full of energy and act all cutely with that baby sound of hers. My grandma always sticking around with me without giving me any space of privacy, always telling me to work on my flaws, shame the imperfections of my body, and expect me to help at my parent's already broken commitment. My sister is no better, sometimes she is tho, but when my mother is around, it's like her satan mode is activated

The world around me is making me unmotivated. I already experience smth so terrible that i haven't recover from it even if it happened a year ago, everyone around me is always bothering my coping moments, and tell me to do smth productive

Even if my parents sometimes takes my side and tell my sister to behave, i sometimes are jealous of her. She has so many things in her that i don't or already lost, she's the center of everything while im just behind the scenes. It's not like i don't want them to look after me, but i am their oldest daughter, i still have rights to tell my concerns to my guardians, but they always lack understanding, and maybe never will

That’s really unfortunate to hear Anon…that’s a despair that would crush anyones hope. Especially if you were so sure you would pass or at least do well enough to earn a pass. I can’t even fathom…

No, we’ll do everything we can to crush this despair. That’s what ultimates do, right? Beacons of hope that will shine on all of us.

Perhaps my advice won’t be as good as the others but I will do my best. Anyway, a home life that chaotic would certainly bring anyone down, it’s terrible that it’s like that for a lot of you out there. I can’t say that my home life was anything perfect but I think I can understand what you mean. The troubling thing about having a younger sibling is that they do get the attention focused on them because they’re new into the world if you will.

But you can’t let that despair get to you, I know it’s difficult to not feel any jealousy boil up but you have to remind yourself that you are unique in your own way. You aren’t your younger sibling, you’re your own person. Do you understand what I mean? Perhaps you need further explaining, but I’ve taken too much of your time. I will leave the rest to the capable hands of the Ultimate Gamer herself. The level is set for you Chiaki.

-

Nagito…

I told him that I didn’t want an entrance like that. Oh well, lets focus on you Anon, because Nagito brought up a few good points and I would like to follow up on them.

Everyone is different in their own unique way, it’s like Nagito said, sure it may not seem like a lot to you. But think about it, every achievement, no matter how big or small; it’s something that you accomplished. And you should be proud of yourself for that!

Of course, it’s not an easy path, especially after everything you’ve told me.  But I have hope that things can turn around for you, it’s never too late to make a change. It’s true that it’s possible you won’t be able to make your guardians understand, but it wouldn’t be a difficult level if there were shortcuts. At the end of the day, you have to do things for yourself and not for anyone else. A little praise would be nice but in case no one else will, I know for sure that Nagito and I are proud of you. And we believe that you can be motivated again.

[jamiebluewind]

UPDATE

I'm recovering from being sick and doing okay. Just still tired from it. Unfortunately, the novel coronavirus is now spreading in my area and between my asthma and compromised immune system... yeah. Not the best time to be me. I'm staying safe and following guidelines. Currently staying with my friends because living in a place where someone else can do the shopping, care for me if I get sick, and notice symptoms when they're mild so I can do things to help sooner (I sometimes cough with my asthma, so I just don't notice when I do anymore) outweighs the risk of being near a few people (who are all also following precautions). Danny (my cat) is also here and being a snuggle butt as well as having a blast hanging out with his best friend, Koshka.

***

As a reminder to everyone, here is what you need to do in order to stay safe. Yes they are important now, but these rules should be followed for ANY sickness. A normal cold for you could send someone like me to the emergency room, so keep that in mind. They are especially important for pandemics like the novel coronavirus because slowing the spread will keep the healthcare system from becoming overwhelmed. If everybody gets sick at the same time, there will not be enough medical staff to care for the sick (rather they are sick with the virus or having a heart attack). I know that sounds scary, but that's just worse case. As long as most of us do our best, we can indirectly save lives and help our overworked medical professionals.

Wash your hands with soap regularly. Do it for about 20 seconds (or about how long it would take to sing Happy Birthday twice). It is especially important before and after leaving the house, before and after you go to the bathroom or clean up a diaper (your nose isn't the only mucus membrane on your body yall), before handing food/eating, before/during/after preparing food, and before and after you will be in contact other people (so if you visit friends, wash your hands when you arrive and beforeyou leave). The novel coronavirus is actually a mutated (and more dangerous) form of one of the viruses that causes the cold (most are rhinovirus, but about 20-30% of what we know as the cold is the normal form of the coronavirus) and thus reacts the same way to soap. The soap attaches to the virus. Since the soap is hydrophilic (water loving), it will rinse off your hands and down the drain. Any soap will do, but try to avoid ones that are very drying or have irritating ingredients (especially since you'll be washing your hands often). Hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) will make the virus become dormant, but wont get it off your hands, so it's good for certain situations.

Avoid touching your face. The virus gets in through those mucus membranes, so keep dirty hands away! We all make mistakes (especially while distracted), but try your best. If you are prone to fidgeting (or touching your face in general), keep an easily/regularly cleaned and disinfected fidget toy nearby.

If you are sick, wear a mask! While people who aren't sick really don't benefit by wearing a mask, sick people wearing one greatly helps reduce the spread of the virus (especially via droplets from sneezing/coughing). I have been told that you can actually reuse a paper one for a while as long as the barrier is in tack, but I advise you to do your own due diligence and check to be sure. The only other time to throw on a mask is if you are in the presence of someone who is sick OR if you were exposed to someone with a confirmed case within the last two weeks. This is especially important while masks are in short supply. If you need a reminder to not touch your face, a sheer scarf or a simple homemade mask made from breathable cotton material can help. The homemade mask also has the added benefit of blocking about 50 to 70% of outgoing droplets (depending on material and the study looked at) which (while far lower than actual surgical masks) is better than nothing if no real masks are available.

Eat well, take meds, and do normal self care to insure that your body and immune system are in good shape for if and when you get sick. Starting off stressed, malnourished, in medication withdrawal, and ill rested will increase the likelyhood of complications.

Keep things on hand that will keep your hands busy and clean/disinfect them regularly (remember, it's fairly easy to touch your phone/fidget with dirty hands, wash your hands, and then pick up your still dirty phone/fidget). Busy hands will help lower the risk of accidental face touching or touching/tapping random objects. There are a large variety of fidgets out there (there's more than fidget spinners yall!), so research a few different types to try (like visual, tactile, resistance, auditory, chewing, weighted, and puzzles). If you are a nail biter/picker, you might need some extra help keeping your hands away from your face (or splitting a cuticle/biting into the quick). Wear gloves if you have any splits or cuts (they might also help keep hands away from the face), consider painting your nails (asthma safe polish if you have it) to help remind you not to bite, keep gum on hand, use a fidget when the urge hits, and keep nails short so nails wont get on your nerves or tempt you as bad. Use a fidget chewer other than gum only if you are sure you can keep it disinfected.

Don't go to crowded places if you can't help it (especially while contagious), but if you have to, follow the above rules, don't shake hands, and limit contact with other people as best as you can. Try not to go to the store just because you are out of one thing. Keep yourself and others safe.

Try to keep enough supplies on hand to last a couple weeks so if you do get sick, you can isolate yourself. That includes things like food, drinks (like tea which when mixed with honey is quite soothing for a sore throat), bathroom supplies, medications (both over the counter and prescription), paper products (tissues, toilet paper, and paper towels), pet supplies, stuff to keep your home clean (like cleaning supplies, dishwashing liquid, laundry detergent, and trash bags), and (if you live with others) disposable dishes (like paper plates, plastic/paper cups, and plastic utensils you can just throw away in a bag in your room).

There are a lot of scams out there and a lot of fake information, so remember to stay safe and research claims. Staying hydrated is important for your health and immune system, but drinking water every 15 minutes to flush the virus into your stomach to kill it is a false claim. Another false claim is holding your breath for 10 to 15 seconds (to see if you have any difficulty or start coughing) to test if you have the virus and might cause people with the virus to unknowingly spread/contract it by not taking normal precautions. There is currently no cure for the virus at this time, but there are plenty of con artists who will lie to you to make money either via product sales or ad revenue, so check the CDC for updates and countermeasures instead.

As a side note, try to get your information from reputable sources. A lot of places are heavy into fear mongering and clickbait. The CDC has good information. If you like YouTube, Doctor Mike tends to put out solid videos on it that aren't difficult for non-medical professionals to understand (I also like Philip Defranco and consider him a good source of up to date information, but despite linking sources, he is not a doctor and also covers the news, so make sure to double check). Here is an example of a video by Doctor Mike.

[ficsinhistory]

Sharly - An Analysis

Hello! As I said, this is a post analyzing my favorite couple from The Good Doctor, Sharly! Believe it or not, I've seen them as a couple since 'Mont Rushmore' and the end of the second season made me thrive! I wanted to make this post because besides talking about my babies, I want to show that although surprising, the writers already showed that it would be possible to happen. Making it clear that my intention here is to speak my point of view, if you are not ship is ok, we can all have different opinions. Second, I am a neurotypical person, so I will explore more Carly for reasons of knowledge, not leaving Shaun aside, of course.

I, at least, since the first time I saw Carly, I've been shipping she with Shaun. I like her personality as we saw in the incredible episode between her and Claire, for example when Carly said that guilt shouldn't always fall on the lab every time some sample was lost, but also not insisting on it after the search (besides the fact that a duo between these two is iconic by itself) and how Shaun feels comfortable around her, which is very important in any relationship.

When they met, their interaction already showed how reasonable Carly is. Shaun is wanting to accomplish the tasks in the best possible way, including wanting the exam as quickly as possible as Melendez asked. But of course he has to wait and Carly makes this very clear, besides explaining that he can't tabulate the samples in degree of importance as he wanted. That's when he says he's gonna throw a rock in her window. However, I love how her reaction wasn't to get angry or offended, on the contrary, Carly, although initially surprised, followed Shaun's line of thought saying that she really wouldn't like it and in the end said that the test would come out in 15 minutes, making it easier for him to wait.

Despite being firm, she is also a balanced girl who knew, in the short period she had with him in the first season, to understand and understand Shaun, so much so that in the same episode, even if visibly confused, she heard Shaun ask for a series of tests, even if in the series they seemed unnecessary at the time, still trying to alert him that he could stay in trouble, or in "trampoline", where he had scenes that I will comment on after they made me melt.

Carly has always been a kind and worried person, "Intangibles" also shows how much she knows how to work in a team and gets along with other people, including Claire, with whom Carly showed a very great affinity, and now that her character has been promoted to the main cast, I really want to see more of the friendship of these two! She, like Shaun, heard Claire vent while she was still looking for the sample. Besides having an A+ sense of humor!

After that, unfortunately, there are no more appearances of her in the first season, however, Carly comes back at the end of the second and in ways that made me ship Sharly even more. As soon as Shaun gets to pathology, I just absolutely love how excited Carly is about the fact that he works there! She gets him excited and says she doesn't need to be called Dr. Lever, showing that she wants him to feel comfortable and seeing him as someone accessible, besides understanding that it must be all too new for Shaun, it's 'like going to Disneyland for the first time'.

I also like very much how it pays attention when Shaun sees a biomass printer and uses the term "we", not only to say that it also works in pathology, but to show that it is including in this world and that it is part of a team, which makes him happy. She also asks him if he wants to test the machine and comfort him by saying how important and vital their work is. This reveals that Carly imagines how much Shaun loved being a surgeon and does everything in her power to make him more comfortable on the spot.

Much of their interaction in this episode is Carly trying to help Shaun move on, which due to the short time they had and because she is not part of a more immediate circle of Shaun's coexistence, she can't cope with the fact that he insists so much on going back to surgery. Even so, he doesn't get angry at her, thinking she doesn't understand, on the contrary, Shaun has a positive view of her, so much so that in "Breakdown", while talking to Lea, he remembers her after a comment and speaks of several quality of her, saying that Carly is intelligent, nice and aggressive, also casually commenting that she wants him to stay in the department because Carly thinks that they are a good team.

I love it, very much, because Shaun doesn't like the pathology, he doesn't want and doesn't like the idea of being there, but, he likes the presence of Carly, he feels good in her presence and, when he talks to Lea, he visibly already shows that he is slowly falling in love with her and that's very cute! Shaun has difficulty with some parts of the social interaction and, he's working on it including, so I think it's sweet and touching how quickly he came to the conclusion that Carly likes him, and how she makes a point of showing that too, revealing a great dynamic of friendship, which later evolved into a romance, where both express affection and are open about it.

"Trampoline" for then, was the peak of their two this season and showed how much they both care. When Claire is helping Shaun practice flirting (the scene was iconic with Claire advising him, she is a roll of cinnamon too pure for this world), it is clear how scared he is of being rejected, due to previous experiences and shows how much he really wants to try a relationship, showing that not a bit one-sided this romance, at least when it comes to Shaun.

They'll talk to Carly later, who makes it clear she misses Shaun in pathology. He, on the other hand, don't miss the pathology, which she responds with a smile, however, showing that she understands it. Later, Shaun begins to get a more serious picture due to the injuries and tries to get an exam, he goes straight to Carly, and it is in this scene that I may have had a fangirl outbreak.

Carly says Shaun can't order more tests, saying that he doesn't work in the hospital anymore and can't have a patient, already suspicious of the situation. Shaun says said it's from a Claire's patient, but once again, she doesn't buy the idea and says the sample has no name. Shaun realizes that Carly already knows the truth and assumes that she won't be able to do anything, and that's when she does it:

She pulls the sample, and that's when you know she really cares. Carly is attached to the rules to some extent and what he's about to do can get her into trouble, however, she will not only take the test but also ask more to know what Shaun has, referring to him as "the patient", respecting the fact that Shaun wants to do everything with discretion. When he says he's coughing up blood, her face says it all:

She's worried. This is a serious symptom and this fact stirs her up, which then claims it will do the tests. Later, with the results ready, she finds him in the cafeteria and tells him what it could be, when Shaun said he was induced by Trauma. And that's when, for the first time on the show, she interrupts him. Again, Carly shows that she cares about Shaun. She sits next to him and, still referring to him as "the patient", says that the symptoms will get worse and that he needs to take a medicine, which she writes a prescription, to improve. And what follows is a series of cute Screenshots. My favorites are how Shaun looks at Carly and how she watches him leave.

After Shaun passes out, he recovers, Claire manages to save the patient, he gets his job back. The end of the episode without a shadow of a doubt and the most incredible and kind part regarding these two.

Shaun's gonna ask Carly out, who's pretty surprised and stunned. He asks if she would like to go out to dinner and she asks if this is a romantic date, which she agrees to go on. With this, Shaun goes away cheerful and the scene gets even softer with the fact that Carly was watching him go away with a smile.

And that's it. I really wanted them to be the endgame, they have a great dynamic and complementary personality, but that's for the writers to decide. For all intents and purposes, this was my analysis to show that Sharly was always possible and that I can't wait for the third season. Until the next pals, I'm out!

[violetsystems]

#personal

I've been more worried about my internal affairs here at the apartment than the outside world for once. I swear every time a computer breaks, there's a secret joy in knowing I can prove how much I know about them. It really was how I landed my first job. Unbelievably, I was sitting outside a college smoking a cigarette waiting for my ex when I ran into my ex boss. "You fix computers, right? You want a job?" And I worked there for twenty some years only to be ghosted and let go. I quit smoking cold turkey too. But I still unfortunately see people from that institution and they act like this city is their performance art. Which really just resembles how broken everything is around here. My computer died for unknown and suspicious reasons. Yet I'm sort of aware how chaotic it sounds to write about how bad things happening to me are some sort of conspiracy. I mean, they are. But really if I've survived this long around it all, it means I have some survival skills. As far as I can tell, the computer died because the BIOS fried. There's a number of reasons for this in theory. The power in my apartment is not really on a steady circuit. The video card was overclocked to 2800 MHz when it probably can only handle 2740 Mhz in retrospect. There's a hacker in my apartment that spies on my phone and turns off the lights randomly. They probably also watch me pee. But that one seems a little bit of a stretch. The point is how we recover. I spent twenty years either fixing computers or managing people who do. I did a little googling. Found that my MSI motherboard had a specific USB port and button to refresh the BIOS. I downloaded the rom, renamed the file, and format the usb a few times so it was both FAT32 and the correct file size allocation. And after some frustration was able to get it booted back like nothing ever happened. I used to think these things were tests. Like I could raise my hands in the air and cheer for beating what the universe throws at me. And I think I was rather pleased with myself shouting at an invisible mob that I know computers better than anyone. Nobody really knows me all that well. Or really cares that I'm qualified to do a job better than most people. I'm just supposed to sit here and go apply for a job to stock shelves at a supermarket. Because paying people like me is selfish. I have no family. I have no ties to any movement. I'm supposed to interact with people they march around me when I'm getting quarters at the bank for laundry. See you know this person! They're from the same place you worked! They have the same disabilities as you even if I don't have a disability. They've never introduced themselves in the twenty odd years you worked there. But this is the time of the worker! Don't be selfish. Join the mob!

People out here are on coke. That's my professional hot take. And instead of basking in the Beverly Hills afterglow they wander the heroin needle ridden streets of the west side looking to confront me. Railed to the gills. I never did that drug. But Chicago has always been a party city. People move here because it's cheap and exciting kind of. Or their parents were rich and politically connected. I've been on LinkedIn professionally for years. If people wanted to connect on a professional level my inbox is always empty except for scam artists. Tumblr has always been a different realm. I don't have a twitter. I can't imagine it's something I want to be a part of after realizing the value of disconnecting from social and peer pressure. I would really love to work and get paid for what I'm qualified to do. But most people want you to be part of a unit, a commune, a movement, or some fucked up social justice chain gang because "there isn't enough to go around." We're all in this together. Except when we don't all take the same risks. Or we all don't spend our time the same. I live in America where the individual is celebrated but mostly out of greed. It's never about efficiency. I grew up an only child. I don't really think this is a disability or psychological issue. It's biological. Some people only have one child. Some people divorce. Some people move on. And the child I grew out of into an adult is a very real and valid person with history and feelings. I'm also older than a lot of people with very different experiences. I travelled around the world alone to China, Korea, and Japan. I made friends out of nowhere to survive. There's people in Seoul who know me better nostalgically than people I worked with for twenty years. If I were ever going to get crazy nostalgic I'd sleep on the floor of a thirty dollar room in a hostel and jog on Namsan mountain. I wouldn't get together with a bunch of broke artists who act like the neigborhood nazi gestapo. If I had to judge anything in America it's that it isn't a conspiracy. People are dealing with the excesses that they chose. And assuming everyone chose to be like that. "Well, we''re all here now! Look at what we've all been through together." I've been persecuted and bullied by people with secret political and financial agentas. I live in a neighborhood that is a wasteland of police control, cartel narco terrorism, and people "trying to make it" in a Hollywood context in the middle of a poverty inflicted war zone. I read William Gibson too and enjoy him thoroughly. This is not that romantic besides me building computers like Lain alone in my apartment writing to people who actually care what I write about.

If people wanted to speak to me. If people really wanted to get to know me? They wouldn't follow me around in public with a police escort. That's entrapment. I know this because I have survived it in this city for years. Whenever I would say something about it, someone would talk over me with a hushed voice. "You can't say that." Why? Because they'll cut off your coke plug if I rat them out? Take whatever gritty shit you see in Hollywood and throttle it down to it's bare rendered grease and you have what goes on in Chicago. I explain things vaguely to my mom of what I go through here and she replies with a nonchalant reply. Chicago is corrupt, she says. Then goes on to talk about her television shows. I've been looking for a way out of this situation. I apply for jobs. I network online with people from around the world. I try to keep my relationships thin and accounted for. And I can honestly tell you that big labor in Chicago particularly is most to blame for taking advantage of a police state. It isn't the core policies that you read about in Jacobin magazine that are the problem. It's the people in power that manipulate populism to bully the individual. Everyone should have the right to work and the right to organize. But if you only have one choice. Say side with the police union that doesn't share the same values or ethics as you? Are we really all in this together? If we really valued the worker, then how can anyone explain what happened to me with a straight face? Oh, he's selfish. Oh, he's a sinner. Oh, he's a Chinese spy. I could be many things. And people try to find order within chaos. I could blame Russian or Iranian hackers on Elden Ring for literally frying my computer remotely. But I faced that poison swamp like a G. I could blame everyone in Chicago for isolating me and ghosting me on a holiday. Or I could just be happy with the peace and quiet and enjoy the lack of noise when I interact with people I care about. I don't have a fear of missing out of anything other than incurring more income which has been blocked by silly fucking populist bullshit for two and a half years. Nobody invites me to play music. Nobody asks me what's been wrong in my life around here. And I've resorted to simply calling them out in a professional manner on their bulslhit to the proper authorities instead of posting a rant on Facebook. Tumblr has always been very different in this respect. I'm just protecting my narrative. And protecting myself for people I really do care about. I don't want to bring this city's baggage into anyone's life. But it's no doubt they all like dumping their trash on me. We're gonna need a bigger dumpster when we break me out of this jail is all I'm saying. <3 Tim

[abunchofbadchoices]

Michael's Song

HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU

*Disclaimer: Most of the lines I got from the actual movie the Midnight Sun and all the rights belongs to the creators and writers. This is merely a converted fan fiction*

Part Two

"Maria Flores." The principal announced.

The audience erupted into cheers and applause, the principal shaking hands with the Student Council President/Valedictorian as he presents her diploma and Maria Flores bowed proudly to the crowd.

His name is to be called next on stage. Michael stepped forward, not knowing exactly what to feel and to be honest, he just wants this whole thing to be over and get the hell out of Cedar Cove.

He looks behind him and sees a timid blonde girl whose name he barely remember from the classes they shared. Emily Hawkins? Emma? Going farther, he caught some of his teammates' eyes from the line and they raised their fist.

"Go Tigers!" Caleb cheered. Michael smirks.

"Michael Reginald Harrison." Principal Hughs called from the stage.

A ruckus of cheers and hollers came from both the Varsity team and the cheerleading squad. Even some of his 'outcast' friends-- Morgan, Koh and Wes-- joined in on the noise.

"Yeah, Michael!" They yelled.

"Congratulations, Michael." The principal told him with her usual fond smile.

Michael shakes her hand and takes the ribboned diploma from her then raised it in the air, seeing both his parents sitting on the bleachers along with the other, proud smiles on their faces for once. Not the constant disappointment he sees from them all the time.

The graduation continued, unaware of another student, a certain girl named Jordan, has been watching the whole thing live on their local city news.

Jordan smiles on the screen. There he is. He must be famous, she thought, seeing as a lot of students cheered for his name.

▪️▪️▪️

Jordan wakes up around nine in the evening. Her room shrouded in darkness with only a glimpse of the light down the streets.

There is a noisy honking sound coming from the outside and she gets up quickly to check what it was. Down outside, the streets is littered with teenagers walking in groups, chatting excitedly among themselves as they passed.

"I can't believe this is happening!" The driver of an SUV yelled at the others, honking the car.

They must be the students that graduated earlier that day, just like her. Only the difference, they appear to be heading somewhere fun and exciting.

With a sigh, Jordan showered and gets dress before walking down the stairs. The house appears to be empty at first, then she goes down the hall and into a dark room where her father had been setting up a set of photographs.

"Ooh. That's a good one!" She said, watching her dad hung a grayscale stolen shot of herself to a cable.

"Something weird's going on right here." Scott pointed on a spot where her face is.

She punched his arm, pouting, then looks around the dark photography room. Since waking up, Jordan had an idea of going somewhere other than her room, but she wasn't sure her dad will be up for it considering he rarely let her go anywhere by herself.

"Hey, Dad, uh..." She bites her lip nervously. "I was wondering if I could go play with my new beautiful present at the train station tonight..." Earlier, her Dad gave her a present...the same guitar her mom used to play for her years ago.

Scott turns on the light, looking down his watch with a frown. "It's 10:00. Why can't Maria just come over? You could play here for us."

Jordan groans. "Maria's busy with her family. And, Dad, I love playing for you-- I really do, but I also need to get used to playing in front of other people. Please, please, please! Fred will be there. He'll watch out for me-- And I graduated today! Yay!" She wrings her hands in a faux festive way. "Isn't that the American tradition, to extend my curfew?"

Her father looks up the ceiling, trying hard not to grin. "Okay, I'll extend your curfew one hour--"

She squeals in delight, wrapping her father in a hug as she jumps up and down her feet.

"-- which means midnight, okay? Hey, and text me right when you get there, or I'm not just gonna call Fred, I'm gonna come down there. It will be so embarrassing it will become urban legend on why kids should stick to their curfew!"

"I love you!" Jordan shoots finger guns at her dad before disappearing out the door.

▪️▪️▪️

Michael managed to get himself his own bonfire.

The rest of the party has been in full swing at the distance, their classmates dancing, playing and laughing on different bonfires surrounding the beach.

He takes a swig of his beer. Michael had been watching Caleb, Julian and Wes having fun with Payton and the other girls from cheer squad.

To be honest, being here is as much fun as waiting for the graduation ceremony to end. Michael didn't want to be there, but unfortunately, he has a group of athletic friends who practically hauled him out of his house a couple hours ago.

"Dude, is this place--"

Michael shoots the guy a serious stare, then watch with a satisfied smirk as the guy rush as far away from him as he can.

He takes another swig.

From their bonfire, Michael noticed Wes heading his way. Julian and Caleb jostling behind him.

"Hey, don't do that thing." Wes pointed out when they reached his spot.

"What thing?" He sighs.

"That." Julian shrugged.

Wes pats his back. "I mean, you look all sad and it makes me sad."

The three guys chuckle, obviously had drunk too much already.

Julian offered him another can of beer. "Please, just chug this beer and come hang out!"

"Dude, you dodged a bullet, man." Caleb grins. He was probably talking about his failed application to Berkeley, where Michael had been hoping to go after high school and escape from this town. "You were gonna be up at the ass crack of dawn every morning, taking tests, nowhere near the beach. And now, we get to do this..." The guy gestures around them. "Our whole lives!"

Oh, for the love of God, please no. Michael says inside his head. He stands to face the others with sarcastic snorts. "I forgot, doing this our whole lives, it's way better than a full ride to Berkeley."

Julian turns to whisper conspiratorially. "Giselle, on three o'clock."

As expected, the girl indeed went to join them, her gold hoop earrings swing on the side of her face. Giselle gave her a dazzling smile. "Michael..." She says his name in a sing-song way. "You're in trouble."

"What did I do this time?" He played along.

"You didn't get me a drink."

"I didn't know you were thirsty."

"Now you do!" Giselle suddenly pushed him on the left shoulder, making him wince, and her mouth dropped open in surprised at what she did. "I'm sorry!"

"It's okay." Michael grumbled.

"Is that the bad one?" The girl lifts the sleeves of his black shirt, revealing the long jagged scar on his shoulder. "Well, now that you're not playing, maybe you'll have a little extra time for me."

Ah, there it is.

Michael and Giselle grew up close in the small town of Cedar Cove, since Kindergarten actually. For a long time, they were best of friends. Going all over town, recording epic videos together. That was them.

Yeah, typical high school story... The jock and the cheerleading captain getting cozy all the time. But at some point, Michael got tired of everything. He started missing out on parties, spending lunch breks away from everyone. The injury was only the last straw.

"I also have some extra time for you." Wes quipped. "And I'm not playing ball."

Caleb nudged him on the ribs. "You were never playing ball, dude."

"Giselle! Get over here, bitch!" Her friends called out.

"Hold on!" Giselle touchs Michael's arm, her voice turns soft. "You're coming to my graduation party, right?"

Michael nods his head, reluctantly. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good."

And with that, the cheerleader walks away, her hips swinging along with the music.

The guys watch her before turning back to him, goofy smiles on their dumb faces.

He reached down on the bench, picking up his dark-green bomber jacket and puts it on quickly.

"What...what are you doing?" Caleb asked, confused.

"Dodging another bullet."

Wes stepped forward, alarmed. "Come on, Dude! It's our graduation night."

Michael backs away from them, arms up. "I'm not feeling it, boys. I'll see you later."

▪️▪️▪️

The knock she did on the glass window made the man look up from his desk.

"Hey, yo, Fred." Jordan greets.

The middle-aged train station officer smiles in delight at the sight of her. "I was wondering if you were gonna show up tonight."

"What, and disappoint all my fans?" She asked, pointing on the empty lot surrounding the ticket booth.

The man let out a hearty laugh, then she waves over and walked to the small bench on the corner where she always sits to play.

Jordan pulled out the guitar from the case then sets her journal on the space beside her. She knows exactly what to play, and it had been the only song she wanted to play first on her new guitar.

She played a few warm-up notes first, then smoothly gliding her fingers through the strings as the first few notes of the songs plays out. It was a song she had been writing lately.

"While you're fast asleep, counting your sheep,

I'm breathing...

I'll be up all night, playing through this twilight dream

Cause all my life I have been patiently waiting,

For lights to dim to fulfill my destiny...

I'll keep reachin'... As far as I can till break of day

I'll keep reaching..."

Jordan didn't even noticed but the last trip for the night just stopped in front of her and passengers steps off one by one.

"The light of my life will find its way

I know if I reach too far I may not ever recover..."

People passed her by, dropping coins and bills on the open guitar case, but the smiles on their faces was enough for Jordan to keep the music on.

"But I know the stars, Ain't all I'm meant to discover,

So I'll keep reaching..."

It was a rather chilly night. Michael shoves his hands into the pocket of his jacket and strolls briskly down the streets, passing by the train station which is still open for the late night commuters. He was almost around the corner when he sees it. A girl. She was sitting in front of the ticket booth as she plays guitar, the movement of her mouth indicates singing but from the distance, he couldn't hear what she was singing.

To be continued...

▪️▪️▪️

Note: the song title is Reaching by Bella Thorne.

[amillion-littlepieces]

2019 - Year In Review

Dec 31, 2019.

My anxiety had gotten so bad early this year I could no longer work. I was on extended leave from my job for the entire month of Feb. My parents being very worried, took me on a trip to Cuba.

Writing this gave me a chance to truly reflect on 2019. There were some growing pains but all in the effort of development and forward progress.

My journey of healing and recovery has been strongly correlated with self discovery. I've made a conscious effort to put myself out there and be vulnerable. To have the courage to be imperfect and share my story, all while trying my best to be kind to myself and as real, authentic and honest as possible.

Vulnerability can be uncomfortable, with shame and fear lingering from the past. However, vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit, but I've been fortunate enough to experience the power of vulnerability first hand.

Vulnerability is not an act of weakness and shows how courageous we truly are, as emotional risk, uncertainty and exposure are part of our EVERY DAY lives.

I'm not perfect, nobody is, but I'm in the arena everyday fighting with everything I've got. It's a struggle, but those glimmers of hope and belief make the tiniest amount of progress worth it. Believe me, it is true. 

Countless friends, colleagues and medical professionals have encouraged me to write and share my story. I hope these words do help someone out there. In 2019 I fought for my life and won. It can get better no matter how hopeless it may seem. Never give up and remember you are worth saving.

Happy New Year and I hope the New Year brings everyone peace and growth. Thanks for reading!

2019, what a ride...I had to fight for my life this past year...and would WIN each time.

At the beginning of the year in early Jan my long term battle with anxiety reached its tipping point. I could no longer work and was on extended leave from my job. Now at home, left to my own devices, my anxiety spiraled downward into a deep depression. I was off work and mostly confined to my own house - this was for a MONTH. Without question the scariest and most uncertain crossroad I've encountered.

By the grace of God, and the family, friends, and colleagues who rallied to my side, I returned to work in March. This was after multiple failed attempts. I was blessed enough to have a colleague graciously go out of their way, essentially hold my hand, and walk me back into the office. I may not have been ready at the time, but it was needed.

When April rolled around the waves had settled. I was as productive as ever entering late spring into early summer, with the sense or normalcy and routine returning. Then as summer progressed, and on the back of the Raptors winning a championship, I regressed back into the "fast life", with destructive behavior crashing me back into reality. As a result, old battles of addiction, anxiety and depression again entered the forefront .

As we entered the Fall months everyday was an excruciating, gut wrenching and mentally exhausting war. Compounded by a few trusted colleagues leaving for better opportunities. This was a very murky junction in my life, again with my personal and now professional aspirations all marred with uncertainty.

In October I abandoned my plan of buying a condo and moved out of my family home into my own apartment. What a whirlwind this period was, but words can't express how grateful and fortunate I am to have my own space to heal and recover.

I then began something brand new, which was recommended by many for years - meditation. This really led me down a rabbit hole of self discovery. I returned to therapy and began educating myself about trauma, anxiety, addiction and depression through TED Talks and reading academic research. Essentially learning as much as possible. This began the climb back up the mountain. Unfortunately, this was the same time I had a falling out with a best friend, a brother, and a very close buddy I've known literally my whole life.

Oct, Nov, and early Dec came with ups/downs, major steps forward, and painful steps backwards. Despite all this, I write this on the eve of a new decade, with as much hope and belief as I've ever had. I have the best support system of family, friends and professionals I can recall. This includes two current colleagues who are kind enough to lend an ear and counsel on a daily basis. I've also engaged with as many resources as possible - therapy, addiction programs and peer mentors.

It is now 100 + days of successful harm reduction, and this will be the first holiday season in YEARS where I did not spiral backwards with tried and true destructive behavior. Necessary changes I was previously scared shitless of are unfolding naturally and boundaries are being established.

Don't get me wrong there are still bumps in the road - ones that cut deep, hurt, sting, shake you to your core, test your character, break your heart, and seductively remind you of the old days. With that being said, for me it's the incremental growth, the slow progress, small wins, and little tangible improvements that make it all worth it.

Just a little while back I was fortunate enough to regain hope. Now I'm starting to really BELIEVE. To my surprise, the good times are beginning to hold more weight and value than the often experienced lows. This is an uplifting and encouraging transition. I believe the future will bring similar growth and development.

The best analogy that comes to mind is the end of Shawshank Redemption. I feel like I've crawled through all this shit and I'm just about to come out successfully and free on the other side. I'm almost there, and look forward to seeing you in greener pastures on the other side soon!

---

Please share with anyone who could benefit from these words. Thank you.

Dec 31, 2019.