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odyssean-flower · 1 year ago

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The Winding Path of Fate Chapter 4 - Spring: Moving In

Masterpost Pairing: Neuvillette x Female Reader Summary: You move into Neuvillette's (surprisingly modest) house Warnings: None except for restrictive gender roles, also for some reason Fontaine’s regency england (sort of) now? Note: I update this story on AO3 first so please subscribe to the fic there if you’d like to read it faster Note 2: If you want to be on the taglist for this fic, please make a reply to this post, send a message or send a private ask

Have a pic of neuvillette standing on the skull of the guy who failed to prevent his birth (or something like that)

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Neuvillette had a busy schedule today, so he couldn’t accompany you to his house. So, he had the Melusine Liath show you the way. Come to think of it, it was kind of funny how you didn’t even know where he lived even though you were married to him now.

“I have to go back home to get my things first,” you told Liath.

“Sure thing, Madame Neuvillette,” Liath said cheerfully, dropping her voice lower when she called you Madame. Madame Neuvillette. Those words gave you a sense of vertigo. Better get used to it for the foreseeable future.

Liath had been quiet during the earlier ordeal, but now she was humming and skipping alongside you.

“Congratulations on your marriage! I do wish that there could be a grander ceremony, though, and that all my sisters could be there as well. Hehe, they were so jealous when I told them that Monsieur Neuvillette asked me to be the witness.”

“Ah...sorry about that,” you said. “It must have been very dull and underwhelming for you.”

“No, it’s fine. I know how busy Monsieur Neuvillette is. I don’t think he would hold an extravagant ceremony even if he did have time. He prefers to stay out of the spotlight, you know?”

You thought about the first time you met him and your subsequent run-ins with him and had to agree. It was a strange quirk for someone with such a high-profile job, but perhaps he simply wanted to avoid the public gaze after spending most of his time being at the center of it. But why take such a job, then?

“Yes, I can tell,” you said. “I can relate to that.”

You and Liath went down the elevator and headed for the direction of your boarding house. No one looked or paid much attention to you at all. You had half-expected a giant spotlight to shine down on you as soon as you left the Palais Mermonia or a loudspeaker to announce that you were Neuvillette’s new wife. The world hadn’t changed after your marriage, even though the new ring on your finger felt like a shining beacon.

Of course, you weren’t so naïve as to assume that this would remain the case for the rest of your marriage. It would certainly get out sooner or later. You had no idea what you would do when that time came but opted to leave that aside for now.

“You know, Madame, I’ve seen you at the Palais many times before. To tell you the truth, I was a bit afraid to say hello to you because you always had that scary look on your face, but now I can see that you’re not like that at all. You’re a bit like Monsieur Neuvillette in that way. Humans are always too intimidated to approach him, but he is really very friendly.”

This wasn’t the first time you were told that you had a face that put people off. You honestly didn’t understand what they were talking about. As far as you knew, your expression was just how you always looked. But it might be a problem when it comes time to teach children. You made a mental note to work on it later.

“He is certainly more approachable than I expected,” you nodded, slowing down a little bit so that Liath wouldn’t be left behind. “And thoughtful to boot.”

Liath beamed. “Ah, that’s just what I’d expect from Monsieur Neuvillette’s wife! You really do understand him well!”

I wouldn’t go that far, you thought, but said nothing. You knew that the Melusines were close to Neuvillette, but how much did they really know about the truth behind this marriage? Should you try to find out what Liath knew?

But before you could say anything, you had arrived at your boarding house. It was a small, old building that housed twenty or so young women at any given time, and it had been your home for more than a year.

You asked Liath to wait outside and went in. You had already paid the remainder of your rent to the landlady, so all that was left to do was to get your already packed suitcase and sign out. Most of the other girls were out at work during this time, so you thankfully didn’t have to worry about running into anyone and having to make awkward conversation about why you were leaving.

A respectable young lady of a noble family technically should have found lodging with another family of similar rank. But you didn’t have any connections in the city that could take you in, and though you would never admit it, it was kind of fun having to live on your own and being responsible only for your own needs. Having to scrimp and be frugal wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, but that feeling of freedom, of having to assert yourself? It was like breathing in cold air after spending a long time being suffocated.

To think you wouldn’t be able to experience that feeling again for a long time, now that you were married to the most powerful man in the nation (a fact that you still couldn’t wrap your head around). And even after this marriage was over, your job as a governess meant that you’d be at the mercy of whatever family you were assigned to.

Don’t think about it too much, you told yourself. Just keep looking at what’s in front of you and keep moving.

Your room was small and cramped, with most of the space dominated by the bed, closet, and desk. But it at least had a window, which made you more fortunate than some of the other boarders. Plus, you didn’t need to share it with anyone.

Your belongings were packed into your battered leather suitcase. You hadn’t brought much with you when you moved here, and you hadn’t bought many new things either. You wouldn’t need help carrying your suitcase, at the very least.

Picking up your suitcase, you turned back to look at your room one last time. The covers were neatly tucked under the mattress, the floor was swept clean, and everything you owned was in your hands. It looked just like how it was when you first moved in here, like there was never anyone living here at all. It probably wouldn’t be long before someone else moved in.

There was a weightless, hollow feeling in your chest as you walked down the narrow hallway that led to the front door. You felt like a ghost haunting the place where you once lived, like your existence had already been erased. This was a familiar feeling, one that you had felt at balls, dinners, and other social gatherings. A feeling that was your constant companion when you studied alone in your room while everyone else was out. You suspected that you would become even more acquainted with this feeling in the coming days and months.

Stop being so dramatic, you shook your head to get rid of this mood. You knew what you were signing up for. Just grit your teeth and get through it like you’ve always done.

Just then, you ran into a girl who was coming out of her room. “Oh, hey,” she said, then took a better look at you. “Wow, you’re dressed nicely today. And you’re moving out too. What’s the occasion?”

You weren’t exactly friends with this girl, but you had gone out with her and some other boarders for desserts from time to time, and it was fun listening to them gossip about the latest trends or scandals, even if you barely contributed. You wonder if she’d remember you for long after you leave.

A ready excuse was on your tongue, but you hesitated. The hollow feeling welled up inside you once again. But for some reason, you somewhat felt like defying it.

You looked the girl straight in the eye and said, “I got married.”

Liath was chattering away as you two walked to Neuvillette’s house, but you couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying. Your heart was beating too quickly as you finally came to terms with what you had done today.

I’m actually married. I’m actually married to the Chief Justice of Fontaine.

You snuck one quick glance back at the receding boarding house. A surge of sudden homesickness welled up within you. You shook your head to clear it away and tried to think about something else.

At least you could enjoy the nice weather today. For the past week before your marriage, it had been cloudy and downcast, which hadn’t really helped your mood or nerves. You closed your eyes and tilted your head towards the sun, basking in the warmth.

The scenery around you gradually changed from familiar and welcoming shopfronts and apartment buildings to the stately and gated mansions of the Fontainian elites as you ascended towards the upper part of the city. The houses here weren’t as big as the country homes outside the city where the nobles spent most of the year, but they were still impressive. You tried not to gawk at all the finery around you, but it was difficult not to make comparisons to your small family home, located in a sleepy village just outside of the city.

I’m Madame Neuvillette now, you told yourself. Act more like it.

You straightened your back and stared directly ahead.

“We’re here!” Liath said, stopping in front of a wrought iron gate. “This is where Monsieur Neuvillette lives!”

There was a long white gravel path that disappeared up ahead, lined on both sides by trees. Neuvillette’s house was more isolated than you imagined.

Liath took out a key from her pocket and inserted it into a small door set into the gate that you hadn’t noticed until now. It was just the right size for a Melusine. Did Neuvillette have that installed for them? That’s really sweet, you thought with a surprising rush of warmth.

“I’ll run ahead and tell Ms. Marie that you’re here,” Liath told you. “She’s the housekeeper.”

“Okay,” you nodded, and watched as Liath ran down the path.

Left alone, you sat down on your suitcase. It was quiet here. All you could hear was the chirping of birds and the hum of bees. You had already gotten used to having the chatter of your boarding house neighbors and the sounds of activity outside your window as your daily background noise. This silence was discomfiting.

I want to run away.

That thought suddenly appeared in your mind. It wasn’t the first time.

You tapped your feet on your ground, trying to reason yourself to calmness. There’s nowhere for me to go. I can’t return home, especially after this whole affair, and I don’t have the money to find another place to live.

I want to run away.

“Shut up,” you growled to yourself. “You can’t change anything now.”

“Pardon me, Madame?” A woman’s voice came from behind you.

“Ah...” you jump up and spun around. Liath was back, accompanied by a middle-aged woman with brown hair and a friendly-looking face. “Hello,” you greeted her. “I’m--”

“I already know who you are, Madame Neuvillette,” the woman interrupted with a smile. Then, before your amazed eyes, she curtsied deeply. “I am Marie, Monsieur Neuvillette’s housekeeper. Welcome to your new home.”

She unlocked the gate and let you inside.

“I’ll be taking my leave now. I must get back to my post,” Liath announced.

You felt a jolt of shock upon hearing those words. You hardly knew Liath, but with her departure, you would truly be left all alone. There would be no going back.

The feeling of distress was so acute that it must have shown on your face, because Liath smiled at you reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Madame. Ms. Marie is really nice, and Monsieur Neuvillette’s house is incredibly comfortable. You’ll settle in quickly, I’m sure. And I think Monsieur Neuvillette would try his best to come home early today.”

Take me with you! You wanted to shout, but instead you plastered on a smile and said, “Thank you, Miss Liath. Have a safe trip back.”

“Bye!” Liath waved, then skipped off.

Marie closed the gate, then said, “Shall we go, then?” She picked up your suitcase and started walking back down the road. You hurried after her.

The white gravel road was somewhat dark due to the shade of the tall verdant trees on both sides. However, dappled sunlight still shined down through the leaves. It would be a calming, peaceful walk under any other circumstances, but you were a bundle of nerves. You should probably be asking Marie a million questions right now or at least making friendly conversation, like a proper lady, but try as you might, you couldn’t get the words out. Funny, you hadn’t felt this nervous when you moved to the city by yourself for the first time, or even during your marriage ceremony.

Marie didn’t seem to find your silence strange, though. She simply looked back and gave you friendly smiles every now and then and didn’t attempt to strike up a conversation. Perhaps she could tell how tense you were, which made you feel worse. The ability to maintain a veneer of calmness was one of your strengths.

Eventually, the road reached its end. Before you stood an elegant two-story mansion, yellow-bricked and blue-roofed. It had a wraparound porch that looked out onto a prettily arranged flowerbed, as well as a birdbath. The mansion was encircled by trees that cast their shade over it, giving it a somewhat gloomy appearance.

All in all, it was certainly a stately mansion, if a bit plainer than what one would expect for the residence of the Iudex.

“Huh...” a breath slipped out of you.

“Not what you were expecting, Madame?” Marie laughed.

You felt your face turn red. “No, no! It’s just that...I assumed that there would be more floors, and columns, and such...” you cleared your throat. “There must not be very many servants working here, then.”

“Not at all. It’s just me, and occasionally some hired help for the garden.”

“Just you?” you exclaimed.

“Yes. Monsieur Neuvillette prefers a solitary lifestyle, and he does not stay at home for very long due to his busy schedule, so there is no need for a lot of hands here. Ah, perhaps that will change now that you are here.”

“Oh, no, I doubt it. I can take care of myself just fine. There’s no need to change anything just for me.”

It was true, even back home, your family only had a single elderly housekeeper who had been around since your grandfather’s time, so you were already used to cooking for yourself and doing household chores. The thought of having to manage servants gave you a headache, so this came as a relief.

“You’re a lot like him, so humble and self-effacing. I can see why Monsieur Neuvillette took such a liking to you,” Marie said.

You smiled awkwardly but said nothing. This was the second time so you had been told something like that to you today. Does Marie know the truth about this marriage? I need to ask Monsieur Neuvillette about this later.

There were too many unknowns here for your liking.

You followed Marie inside the house. The interior was tastefully decorated but not ostentatious like the mansion that held the ball you attended last month. For someone with such a complicated outfit, his taste in fashion does not seem to extend elsewhere, you thought.

“I’ll bring your suitcase to your room, and then I will show you around the house, if that’s all right with you, Madame?”

“Yes, that sounds good, Marie,” you nodded.

You climbed the wooden staircase to the second floor. There was a set of double doors at the far left end, which you presumed to be the master bedroom. But to your surprise, Marie headed to the right and opened a door at the end.

“This is your room, Madame,” she announced, setting your suitcase down on the end of the queen-sized bed.

The room was much bigger than your old room at the boarding house. It consisted of a large bed with a floral bedspread, a wooden desk, an empty bookshelf, a vanity, and a closet. There was a closed door in the corner. You caught a glimpse of a window seat behind lacy curtains. Everything looked elegant and little-used.

It suddenly struck you. You had been so preoccupied with the marriage of convenience itself that the fact that you would have to sleep in the same room as your husband never occurred to you. But you supposed that you didn’t have to worry about that now.

“Monsieur Neuvillette wished for you to be comfortable during your stay here, so he had this guest room prepared for you,” Marie said, as though reading your thoughts. “I’m glad to see it getting used now.”

The word “stay” caught your attention. Stay implied temporality. Did Marie know everything? Before you could ask her, she gestured towards the closed door. “That’s where the bathroom is.”

Marie went on to show you around the house. As you guessed, Neuvillette’s private quarters, including his bedroom and study, were in the left wing. The drawing room, kitchen, dining room, and Marie’s room were all downstairs. There was also a garden in the back.

After the tour was done, Marie told you that lunch would be ready in a few hours. You decided to rest in your room. You were suddenly feeling exhausted.

Once you got to your room, you closed the door behind you and flopped onto the bed. It was incredibly soft and comfortable. It felt like you could sink down into it forever.

Is this what it’s like to stay in a hotel? You thought. You had never had that experience, but you thought that this was what it would be like, this mixture of giddiness from being in a new environment and the distant acceptance that you wouldn’t be here for long.

After lying on the bed for a few minutes, you decide to unpack your things and look around. The closet was far too big for your few articles of clothing, which looked tragically out of place inside the mahogany interior. You placed your books, including your beloved Remurian history books, on the bookshelf. You went into the bathroom to put away your toiletries and was greeted with the sight of a large, claw-footed bathtub, neatly arranged shelves of bath products, and a wide marble sink.

You closed the door firmly behind you and flopped back down onto the bed. The thought of moving again sounded like torture.

How did things turn out this way? You thought. I’m completely out of my element here.

The hollow feeling returned, stronger than ever. You buried your face in your pillow.

It would be one thing if you were brought here to work. But being a wife? Such aspirations, if they ever existed, had died out long ago within you. You weren’t sure you could even pretend to be one anymore.

It was funny how fate, seemingly so straightforward for you, could take this unexpected turn. You devoted yourself to becoming a governess out of the belief that you would never marry, and yet here you were, married to the Chief Justice himself (albeit temporarily). All the uncertainties and anxieties about the situation whirled through your mind. What would happen if people found out? Would you ever get hired by a family after this was over? Neuvillette said he would keep this marriage a secret as much as possible, but considering how it was the Hydro Archon who ordered him to get married, that would mean that you would have to meet her one day, as well as whatever high-society friends you had. Not to mention the fact that when all of this would inevitably come out, how would you deal with all that attention?

You buried your head in your pillow. It felt like you had dug yourself into a deeper hole.

Something your mother said came back to you. It had been during one of your arguments over giving up your future, when you had tried to explain that it was your destiny to become a spinster.

“Fate isn’t something so set in stone, my dear. Anything can drive it off course.”

You weren’t sure you believed that. In your opinion, some people were just destined to serve certain roles in life.

Role...

Yes, being Neuvillette’s wife was just another role. You needed to just think of this as a side path to your true goal. Sometimes, you had to go through temporary obstacles to achieve something. One year wasn’t so long, after all. Perhaps whatever you gained from this side path could help you in the future. You could try to make connections with the upper-class people in Neuvillette's circle, securing a good placement for yourself after this was all over. Or at least this could make for a funny story to tell people much later in life.

You sat up on the bed. Just like how you brute-forced your way into mastering all that a governess needed to know, you could brute-force your way into learning how to act as the wife of the Chief Justice. You wouldn’t be like Remus, panicking after something unexpected happened and making the worst possible decisions, leading to his downfall.

No, you would prepare as best as you could and keep moving forward. There was no other way.

The pile of paperwork on Neuvillette’s desk didn’t decrease in any way, which was to be expected even after his marriage this morning.

Neuvillette methodically made his way through them. After a few hundred years of doing this, it had almost become second nature for him. What was different this time was that he found his mind wandering more often than not, and not towards the usual subjects.

Well, it is only natural for someone to be distracted when they got married a short time ago, he mused.

Neuvillette had been invited to many weddings in his time and even officiated some, so he knew that this one wasn’t particularly standard. But he thought that it was a pleasant one that suited the tastes of everyone involved. If possible, he would have liked to have the ceremony near a nice, quiet body of water, preferably in the shade, but there was no point in regretting things now.

The image of Miss [Name]--no, his wife—flashed through his mind. He hadn’t told her at the time, because he sensed that it would only make her even more uncomfortable, but he thought that blue brought out the color of her eyes and cheeks, giving her a more cheerful and sprightly air. She should wear brighter colors more often, he thought, but suspected that she would only give him that dead-eyed stare again.

It only occurred to him now that she might have chosen to wear blue today to match him. That made him feel pleased. It meant that she was going into this marriage with no hard feelings. There was something else to that feeling of pleasure as well, but Neuvillette couldn’t quite pin it down. That wasn’t anything new, though. Perhaps he would identify this feeling sometime later.

As Neuvillette signed more documents, he could keenly feel the weight of his ring on his hand, even though it was plain and simple enough that his glove could fit over it without issue. He had the rings made a short while ago and was glad that they were a good fit.

He could still remember the sensation of his wife’s hand against his own skin and the focused look on her face as she put the ring on him. How long had it been since someone had touched his skin? It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, though.

That was a good way to describe this whole affair. Not unpleasant.

He wondered how she was doing right now. He hoped she was settling in well. Though he had no doubt that she would get along well with Marie, he still couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. Did the room suit her taste? Should he have consulted with her beforehand? There was still so much he didn’t know about her.

For example, part of the reason why he had chosen her to be his wife was because she seemed to be a person of little emotional ups and downs. In his line of work, he often had to deal with intense emotions, something that could still overwhelm him at times. However, after getting to know her better, he learned that she wasn’t as calm and placid as he expected. There was a raging turmoil underneath that seemingly tranquil surface.

But it wasn’t all negative. He smiled slightly as he recalled her spirited speech about Remuria. There was something so charming about seeing a serious person lighting up in that way.

Neuvillette moved on to the next document, which wasn’t a document at all but a note. He sighed, recognizing the handwriting. It was from Furina.

He skimmed it before putting it aside. He already knew its contents before opening it. It seems that she wishes to continue her daily harassment of me even in writing, he suppressed a sigh. Furina had a packed schedule for this month, so she probably couldn’t find the time to storm into his office, hence the note. But eventually, he would have to tell her about his marriage and most likely introduce his wife.

He decided to put such thoughts aside for now. There was no use in worrying about possibilities.

At the very least, I hope I can look forward to a peaceful time at home today.

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Taglist: @just-simping-over-genshin, @xalphafox, @jqnehr, @favficdump

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x female reader #my works #the winding path of fate

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abloodycrow · 7 months ago

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I need to vent about How To Date Billy Walsh

I have been waiting for HTDBW since it was announced. I was excited and ready to let it slide that it was ye olde friend in love with his bestie thing. I thought maybe we'd get something new and special with it. I was literally an admin for an update account on Twitter.

Instead, however, I was left confused, irritated and underwhelmed...

The film seemed to take forever to get through the plot it was rushing.

Amelia's mum dying was honestly totally brushed over and zoomed past, and the only reason we rushed past that was for the five seconds when Billy said his mum died so Amelia could empathise with him. Okay, yeah, you can do that but if you're going to do that, give us more?

Billy Walsh, the boy with his literaly name in the title, gave us nothing. We got a 'nobody wants to get to know me' and found out nothing about him other than he doesn't really talk to his dad and his mum's dead. That is his entire personality. I like that he stuck up for himself, but other than that he was bland.

The talking to the camera didn't feel continuous and actually felt awkward a lot of the time, either it needed more or none at all - I'm leaning towards none at all, because we all get it. They probably did this just to have the introduction of the friendship and Archie's feelings but it could have been done without the fourth wall breaks, idk like Archie trying to film a love confession and getting flustered and deleting it.

The song choices and placement completely took away from the story too, I am still questioning WHY that had Maisie Peters perform John Hughes Movie at the end... As Amelia and Archie got together... The song is literally about not ending up together - and actually, that's how the film should have ended, I don't care. He fucked her over, he tried to embarrass her, and what he comes in and says one dumbass monologue about stars and now she wants to be with him? Give over. The movie should have ended, him giving the monologue, admitting he fucked up, and then leaving as John Hughes Movie comes in, and Amelia just goes back to enjoying herself at prom, even if she feels bittersweet about her friend leaving. Maybe, just maybe, if that had happened, I would have finished the film with a better feeling than the one I had.

#how to date billy walsh

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clay-cuttlefish · 4 months ago

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Updating the sheet has me thinking about the cameo limbo Vic's currently in, and what DC should do with him.

Vic is in this weird position where I don't really think he should be alive. He's had one appearance that was at all meaningful to his arc and one goofy oneshot since his resurrection, and it doesn't seem like anyone wants to do anything with him other than put him in bullshit spy stuff, so it kinda just feels pointless. Unlike some other ex-dead-mentors, though, it's not like him being around is a *problem* for Renee's development. Killing him off again would just be cheap, and there's no reason not to use him now that he's around. So what do you do with that?

Well. Vic died with his heroic arc complete, having passed on his legacy and made peace with his unfinished business, and now he has to figure out what to do in a world where he doesn't have a history to ground him. As a reflection of both his time seeking a purpose after Hub City and his earliest relationship with Shiva, the answer could easily be "hang out and get into trouble".

See, my annoyance with his current position is because I feel like it's kind of a waste to leave him in a dropped (I think? I might've missed something, but I'm pretty sure the Lois Lane Checkmate stuff has been ditched) team/plotline that kinda sucked, not that I'm upset he's sidelined. As much as I want to see my beloved guy, I don't actually have a problem with him showing up once a year. My ideal status quo for him, short of manifesting my stupid knockoff Birds of Prey pitch into reality, would be something like the handful of appearances in the late 90s/early 2000s where he was wandering around playing poker. No team affiliation, no grand motive, just showing up in backups and cooldown issues between major arcs.

Vic has thrived as a side character in other people's books, and it would open up a lot of possibilities if he was set up in a place where writers can pull him for an issue or two without having to figure out whether any of the Checkmate stuff is still relevant or come up with a great idea for where to take him next. It's not that he couldn't develop further, but I'd much prefer him to stay static as a roaming weirdo than to rehash old arcs or go in a direction that cheapens his existing development. It's fine for him to be a supporting character in the communal toybox now that his story has ended, and he's a lot more likely to stay in people's minds and eventually be a part of something neat if he's hanging around.

That said, there are a few things about where he is as a person that I think would be worth expanding on if he's being set loose into canon to cause problems.

The first is that I want to know how he feels about being resurrected. I'm sure his reappearance would've felt weighty to someone who was a Vic fan when it happened, and focusing on Renee's reaction to him being back in Lois Lane was definitely the right choice, but looking at his appearances as a whole it ends up feeling... almost underwhelming? That might just be because making the spreadsheet broke my brain, but it's something any substantial appearance probably has to touch on. I don't even think it's weird that he's seemingly unfazed by waking up in an alternate universe, unlike some other characters who should probably have more feelings about being resurrected by continuity jank, but I do feel like there's a lot of room to look at *why* he's so chill. Even just as a contrast to a deeper exploration of someone else having a bad time about it, there are a lot of motifs to build from, and there's a lot you could do with how his self-perception has changed after yet another metamorphosis. (Based on the scraps of pagetime he's had, I'd point it somewhere in the direction of "he's been freed from old obligations, blurring the boundary between his Vic and Charlie personas.")

i also think there's a lot you could do with his old struggles with whether he was doing the right thing or just doing violence because he enjoyed it, and how he views himself now that he's stepped into a more Shiva-like role. This isn't a new development for him, but his initial shift into a wandering mentor wasn't something he planned - he initially left Hub City out of necessity, failed to start fresh, then latched onto Helena while seeking purpose. There's some interesting weight to him getting a chance to either have a fresh start somewhere else or return to Hub City without the weight of his history, and instead choosing to fuck around and intentionally get into trouble that has nothing to do with him, without even the excuse of mentorship.

There's also the problem of continuity housekeeping. It's not really necessary for tracking who remembers him since other heroes generally have their post-crisis continuity back, but the vibe of him roaming rather than returning home change a LOT depending on which version of Hub City exists (it tends to depend on Blue Beetle continuity, which is currently fucked), if Tot and/or Myra exist, and how long Vic was dead from their perspectives. Honestly there are a lot of good options here. I love Tot and want him to be a part of Renee's supporting cast, but the idea that Vic's civilian past literally does not exist is incredibly juicy.

Other than that... idk man. Just because I think he's underused doesn't mean I think he has to be important. Use him as a plot device for anyone who needs an annoying guy to make them introspect. Do more goofy oneoff mysteries. Let me write a teamup that sucks. Put That Guy In A Situation.

#clayposts #vic sage #the question #i'm pretty sure i had a point when i started writing this and lost track of it somewhere. ah well

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opreaadriann · 6 months ago

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Weekly Update - May 4, 2024

Hello!! I’m back with another weekly update, this time a bit tamer than the last one. It didn’t achieve some godly word count, since I was feeling a bit depressed with the whole no job and all, but I did manage to do some interesting things.

First of all, I wrote 5k words this week. I know, a bit underwhelming compared to last time, but I had to do a lot of smaller things this time around.

I completely finished all of the Burt profiles, so now all of the targets have a nice little screen with their information. I also plan on adding one for Angela and Marcus, as well as one for other important side characters like Lydia and the Arts club president (maybe even Helen if she keeps appearing more often).

I also finished the Cecily random event. I am working now on one with Dylan and his posse. I’m thinking of having at least one random event for each target, a few with multiple of them, and some for the allies.

When it comes to the hobbies, I wrote what will happen each week for the chapter when you select to train your skills. I now only have to write specific events that happen if you reach certain skill levels.

The only bigger thing I’ve done for the older chapters (which I haven’t uploaded to the demo, so don’t go looking for it!) is that I’ve kinda changed Connor’s personality. I’ve originally made him a bit of a loser wannabe Casanova, but I’ve changed my mind and will now make him very confident. I felt he was a bit too similar to Dylan, which made him very forgettable. You might also think this makes him similar to Michael, but I’ve come up with some really good ideas for Michael that will make him very unique. The original Connor I envisioned would have still existed, but just before our character joined the school. Which means he was a loser, but has become more true to himself. This should make his fall much more interesting if you are going for the revenge angle, since he’s someone that has somewhat managed to get his shit together.

Last but not least, chapter 4 has reached something over 33k words, which is larger than any chapter yet, and it’s still not close to the end. This is why I was thinking of posting the chapter to the demo early, even though it’s not complete. I’m doing a poll right now on Patreon to see what the people there think and if they agree, I’ll likely post the incomplete version of the chapter early, since it’s going to take a while for me to finish it at this rate.

Thanks for all the support and let’s hope I do a good job continuing the story!

#high school revenge #interactive fiction #if wip #romance #interactive game #choicescript

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thefirstknife · 7 months ago

Note

(This is a theory based on the previews shown for Prism and the most recent TWID, so there may be other recent official communications that I've missed and should consider, apologies if that's the case)

Prism looks really fun but also seems like a significant jump forward in terms of powercreep, and especially the exotic class items, seem like they'll be a long-term balancing nightmare. The impression I got from the showcase reveal was that previously, it was an idea that got shelved as being not great for the long-term balance of the game, but then was brought back online in response to underwhelmed backlash.

Similarly with the Brave Arsenal, it feels like they looked at the perk pools and said 'screw it, let's make them all obscenely juiced up' again a jump in powercreep, and they don't seem to be overly concerned about that right now.

Today's TWID said that legacy gear will be re-enabled for infusion, undoing the last current mechanical implementations of sunsetting, and that a lot of it will be re-introduced and rebuilt for the current sandbox.

We're on the way back to a sandbox where everything goes, in a game world that seems broader than it was when the DCV was introduced, with way more power than we had before with 3.0 classes and weapons with ability verbs. Looking just at the PvE side of things, it seems to me like the game is going to be in the same state it was when Luke Smith announced the huge changes in Beyond Light. (We also keep getting more vault space when they had told us not to expect more vault space)

I see this as a path with 2 branches on it. The first is they aren't worried about powercreep because the game is not 'bloated' the same way it was when they developed Beyond Light i.e. it's not a nightmare to keep a laundry list of activities balanced against guardians more powerful than we imagined we ever would be. Prism will have a rough patch but come in-line with everything else within 6-8 months. Gear will also get equalized again via consistent tweaking. Episodes will continue the story in cool ways, new gear will cycle between cool and less cool, more reprised raids/missions, maybe we get new permanent destinations, maybe another (or more) major expansion in the future, but right now I expect Episodes will probably be a lot like what we've seen from the beefier seasons with custom locations and activities that wont be permanent.

The other branch is that they aren't worried about powercreep because some amount of time after the first 3 episodes, destiny 2 will go into stasis; playable but with no major updates or expansions while they work on Destiny 3, which will have another hard reset for character progress/gear. Destiny 2 stays free to play with a huge library of campaigns, raids, dungeons, and exotic missions but the 'gear chase' and all the 'forever game' mechanics get moved to destiny 3 or whatever it'll end up being called. This game will be built based on all the hard design lessons and problems they have had to crack for D1 and D2 with the expectation that they won't need to do this again for a D4 (and maybe they'll even be right).

Thoughts?

Honestly that sums up my thoughts on it too.

I know there's been talk about them allegedly already working on D3. I generally don't have a strong opinion about it; my personal only issue is the loss of all cosmetics. But outside of just me, I think D3 will do the same as D2 did, which is split the fanbase and piss everyone off. People will need an exceptionally strong incentive to be okay with restarting their characters once again, years after TFS, and to re-grind everything and wait years for the game to have more than vanilla content.

A lot of people think that D3 will somehow drop and magically be better in every aspect, but what they fail to realise is that it will take years, again, to populate the game with content. Like, D3 will launch with 1 raid and will have 1 raid for a year. We're used to a selection of much more than that. I can't imagine a lot of people will have the patience to wait 4-5 years for the game to have the same amount of options to play with. It's a big risk overall. Not to mention the cost of keeping both D1 and D2 still alive.

Anything is possible! These things are still years away from us so genuinely who knows what they're planning long-term. I do think that eventually they will have to move away and update the engine and probably stop supporting old gen consoles, purely for technical reasons.

As for the possible powercreep, I don't think it will be too much of a problem. As it usually is with any new abilities/supers, things will be wild at first, but probably reigned in fast. Same with unsunsetting; a lot of the old weapons are simply not that good anymore given their lack of updated perks. I'm more interested in them saying that they will reissue most if not all of the old stuff and update it to modern standards, but even then, we already have a lot of weapons. There's only so many types of legendary hand cannons to make feel unique and useful. Most of the old stuff will just be for nostalgia's sake. Still, it will probably super wild at launch and until things settle, but powercreep can be dealt with over time with changes and content being made to account for new options.

We'll have to wait and see! I am not opposed to the game being refreshed with a full restart, though I do have personal gripes that are mostly based on the fact that I really don't want to wait years to have my characters look like I want them to rather than wearing gear that doesn't fit my aesthetic because there's only 4 armours in the game. A new game will simply not have enough options for years to come and I think that a lot of players will be incredibly put off by having to start again. I'm not sure if they would risk this again, given how vanilla D2 went. But also, it's been so long since then so with all of the experience, maybe things can go better this time. Third time's the charm?

#destiny 2 #long post #ask

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willfulabyss · 5 months ago

Text

Before the new update drops, I might as well post my feelings about the 2.2 story because unless they retcon it, I don’t think 2.3 will (or can) rectify my issues with it. I took a long break halfway through the story before coming back to finish it, and while the second half did get better, it didn’t make up for how disappointing the first half was.

Tl;dr: Why did they bait us with an incredible 2.0 and 2.1 and then fail to deliver on what they built up?

Major 2.2 main story spoilers ahead!

First off, the Misha/Mikhail story. Was anyone else seriously disappointed with it? This is the main reason I put off finishing the quest for a few weeks. I was so disappointed and underwhelmed with how it panned out. After so much buildup, it fell completely flat for a number of reasons, the biggest being all the horror buildup with no horror payoff. Himeko cheerfully walks us through the literal hellscape that is A Child’s Dream, all-knowing for whatever reason, and then we learn that Misha is just the escaped memory bubble of Mikhail’s youth, and that Mikhail largely lived a fulfilling life? Like, I suspected Misha may be Mikhail just on account of their names. But if there wasn’t something nefarious going on, why on Earth is A Child’s Dream so terrifying? Why did Firefly feel “an unwavering resolution in the face of death” or whatever while we were there? Why was “Death” (which was also kind of a letdown as a ferryman to the other side rather than the embodiment of humans’ fear of death, as it was described in the special program) lurking in there while putting on a horror show with all the TVs and lights? What’s the deal with all the text that appears in Death’s horror room—“Penacony must save itself,” “no, don’t come close,” “get him,” “help me,” “don’t let him get away,” “I don’t want to die,” etc.? Why is there a woman’s voice saying, “Mikhail said… do NOT open the box!” shortly after we open the box containing Misha’s puzzle piece? What’s so dangerous about the box and why did Mikhail say not to open it when it seems like that’s what he wanted all along? That was even a clickable textbox line, not some background flavor dialogue! Why is Misha so distressed and terrified in his disembodied voice lines in the dream, begging Mikhail not to go and to take him with him? What was he trying to finish for Mikhail in the workshop? All this for the mystery to just be that Misha is a Memory Zone Meme who was never in distress at all?

I think I set myself up for disappointment by watching a bunch of streamers play the first two acts over and over before 2.2 came out. All the details I retained and tried to fit together and theorized over ended up being only the most disappointing red herrings. I was really hoping/expecting that Misha was going to be a The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas situation where the Dreamscape was powered solely on his suffering. Sparkle called it “the real Dreamscape,” so I was sure it was the single dream sustaining the entirety of the sweet dream and that it was collapsing because Misha’s will to live was fading. Maybe Misha was Mikhail, or maybe he was his grandson, but I had the idea that Mikhail being considered a traitor by the Family led to them using him/his grandson/his extracted childhood essence in Memory Zone Meme form as the foundation for the sweet dream as punishment. And if Mikhail was Misha’s grandfather, the Nameless distress call in the invite could have been Mikhail/an aware third party like Gallagher (don’t even get me started on him) trying to draw people in to rescue the fading Misha before he disappeared forever. Maybe Misha could have been merged with a Stellaron like us in order to power the dream, and he’s been “alive” for hundreds of years, unaging and suffering just to keep the sweet dream going. It would have been an interesting way to incorporate the Stellaron rather than having it just sort of being there. Or Misha could have been kept “alive” in a dream pool a la Chadwick (which would have been great foreshadowing). And only recently, he’s started to astral project himself out of the real Dreamscape in desperation to find help, but he forgets everything except his day-to-day life as a bellboy once he’s out (which is kind of what happened anyway). Ugh, I don’t know. I just feel like there was so much potential in the plot line, only for it to end up being something so mundane and weirdly wholesome. Like, if you’re not going to make it a horror plot, don’t do the horror setup just to leave those of us who really took to that element disappointed. It felt like a team of completely different writers took over for this plot, and they only had a cursory look at what was already presented. Or someone decided they wanted to tone down the story at the last minute. Just… so disappointing.

Also not sure how I feel about Dreamflux Reef being a community you can just… enter, apparently? Conceptually, I like the idea of “unauthorized” dreamscapes in Asdana where people have created their own cities and such outside the reach of the Family. But, like, how does that work when so many people were taken there against their will? Why didn’t they leave? Can they? Surely plenty of them would want to go back to their family and friends and not start a new life in this place. How did word never get out that the “victims” of Death were alive and well? What happened to their bodies in reality? Does the Family cremate them after a certain amount of time of them being gone, thus making it impossible for them to return? Also, Mimosa in Dreamjoy Memoir says Dreamflux Reef was her home town. How is SHE, an Iris family representative, aware of SUD’s true identity, but the head of the Oak Family isn’t?? Maybe this is explored in the lore and side quests, but I haven’t done those yet, and I can’t imagine a way they could write it at this point that wouldn’t feel like a cop-out. It just felt like such a gaping hole. It would have been much cooler, imo, if the people who were “killed” ended up having to form their own city there in the hopes of being rescued, truly making it a “land of exiles.” Also, now it feels like the victims of Death have no meaning or purpose. Was Death going rogue and just grabbing people randomly? Did Gallagher, who seems to be able to control it, set it on random people? If so, why? After how tight 2.0 and 2.1 were, the whole first half of 2.2 felt like a scattered mess. I hate how any sense of trepidation and unease is shattered by how chill March and Himeko are. Like there was never anything to be afraid of at all in the Dreamscape. They even make fun of that Pepeshi who was just taken, like, “Wow, bro, you actually got scared by that many-eyed thing that murdered you, lol?” It also makes the whole plot Aventurine concocted feel pointless despite how high-stakes it was portrayed in 2.1. In the end, Aventurine getting himself killed in the dream was meaningless because he didn’t figure anything out and ended up lost in god-knows-where until Argenti—for SOME reason—finds and saves him. Why was Argenti roaming the Memory Zone wilds?? How did he save Aventurine, who apparently couldn’t save himself? I love Argenti and want to see more of him, but why was he shoehorned into this quest?? Why couldn’t we at least see his rescue of Aventurine? We’re just told it so off-handedly that it gave me whiplash. (And his EN voice didn’t even work, which made it even more anticlimactic.)

The second half of the quest was better. The stuff with Acheron and Tiernan was legitimately the highlight for me. Very well-done, great buildup, and a payoff that I didn’t expect at all yet that made so much sense. The final reveal really hit hard. The fake-out ending, as frustrating and anxiety-inducing as it was to play through when there were so many loose threads left hanging, was a nice twist with many people having theorized beforehand that we never truly left the dream after we first met Acheron. Robin was cool, and I like the role she played as a foil to Sunday. I really liked her story of getting shot while doing aid work and putting on performances for people on war-torn worlds. It was a surprising example of emotional strength portrayed as, well, strength, and it aligns with her belief that not everyone can be physically strong, but that doesn’t mean they’re weak or that their lives have no meaning. I really appreciate the focus on this type of nontraditional and stereotypically “feminine” strength, which is often denigrated as emotionalism. Despite not being a fighter, Robin is an active participant in the plot after her first appearances makes her seem like she’s going to be a damsel, and I love that she’s the one who saves her brother in the end. I’m glad I pulled for her. I loved the twist with the Order since that lore has been explored in the SimUni already. Sunday’s motivation felt sort of cliche and underdeveloped—a five-year-old could have told him that the Order’s perfect world he desired could never function the way he anticipated—but it was workable. Hopefully we’ll get to see more of him soon and learn more about how his ideals became so warped. Directly following after Aventurine’s incredibly complex mix of stakes and motivations, Sunday’s felt particularly flat. It doesn’t seem like his story is nearly over yet, so I hope MHY doesn’t fumble it. Admittedly, I’ve lost a lot of trust in their storytelling abilities with this update.

All in all, I feel let down by this chapter in a number of ways when I really wanted to love it, mainly because of the Misha stuff but also because the Dreamflux Reef and SUD reveals took a lot of the stakes and tension out of the story for me. 2.2 feels like it wanted to soften the previous two chapters, and that’s honestly a shame. I’m not quite sure how I feel about the rest of the plot elements/story as a whole yet, though. I’ll need to watch it again to refresh my memory. 2.0 and 2.1 were tough acts to follow, and maybe I shouldn’t have expected something that perfectly wove everything together, but I still feel like a lot of momentum was lost and plot threads were dropped or unsatisfactorily tied when there were so many better options with what to do with them. At least it wasn’t as devastating to me as Genshin 3.3 was? Sigh.

time to write another fix-it—or rather “destroy-it” fic?

#honkai star rail #star rail #star rail 2.2 #star rail 2.2 spoilers #spoilers

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annasinterests · 1 year ago

Text

don't look at me like that unless you mean it

all day long, i'm wearing a mask of false bravado ♫ trying to keep up a smile that hides a tear

|| series masterlist || main masterlist ||

a/n: she's alive!!! wow life has been so busy (and depressing lowkey) so sorry for taking forever to update. i do fear this may be a little underwhelming given the wait but i'm finally moving the plot along how i want it. i've also looked at this for way too long so i just need to post it or else it'll never leave the drafts. love y'all, enjoy <3

word count: 7.7k

pairings: joel miller x f!reader

warnings & tags: minors dni, reader is lowkey highkey going through it, family dinner!, approaching threats, yearning, joel and reader have a bad case of the feels, swearing, mentions of blood/violence — please tell me if i missed anything!

It wasn’t addressed the morning after. Or during the late dinner that following night.

Not even two, three days later.

Which brought you to today, and still nothing. It was like a heavy fog that refused to dissipate, a complete contrast to the week before when words had flowed more freely between you two until that night. Now and then a brief conversation was shared, though its brevity only emphasized the distance that crept between you both.

And then there were those accursed papers, the unwelcome intruder into your already strained dynamic.

The progress was coming along much slower than you anticipated being that you had limited windows of time to work on them, often staying up late into the night in your room, or quietly flipping through them at the kitchen table or out on the front porch.

You had finally sorted them into two piles: the map and patrol schedules, and the roster and patrol logs. The constant scribbling, drawing, and highlighting had taken a toll on the papers, rendering them almost unrecognizable from their original state due to your desperate need to find connections, no matter how small they might be.

Despite your efforts to compartmentalize your thoughts on shift, your mind remained clouded with the ever-pressing mystery. Fortunately, today you’d been paired up with Mike, a partner that appreciated the comfortable silences and occasionally engaged in small talk about Jackson and everyday life, offering respite from the chaotic whirlpool that was your head over the last few days.

Returning to the stables after the long day wasn’t the reward you were hoping you felt like it was going to be, the idea of another sleepless night deciphering the papers looming over you. You leaned on the gate of your horse’s pen, observing the gentle giant before you, America.

She was brought in to Jackson just a few weeks after you settled, slightly underweight and skittish, but with the promise of improvement with time. It was during one of your grooming sessions when you hummed along to A Horse with No Name on your Walkman that you realized the irony of it, finding her name to be fitting of the circumstances.

She nudged your hands that were lazily draped over the wooden gate, prompting a weak smile from you. You reached up to caress her muzzle and forehead, her eyes closing in response as she leaned into your touch. Resting your forehead against hers, your hands moved to her cheeks, where you continued to stroke her gently.

“My best girl, always know when I’m off, don’t you?” She nickered and nudged you again, deepening your smile. “Rest up, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Just as you set her feeding pail within reach and tossed a few apples into her pen, the sound of your name caught your attention and spun you around to see Lottie. You squinted at the older woman, unsure of why she was all the way out here looking for you just as curfew was setting in.

“Lottie,” your voice was light with concern, guiding her shoulder gently back towards housing, “everything alright?”

“Oh, sure is!” She waved a hand, “I stopped by your house earlier today, I didn’t know you were out until Ellie told me and– which, can I just say, she is such a sweetheart. I mean she’s just-”

The corner of your lips curled up as she continued to gush, a prideful sense swelling up in you as when anyone spoke highly of her. You were drawn back into the conversation when she finally rounded to the point in front of her own home.

“Anyway, I didn’t know if you’d run out of this yet-” She reached into her satchel and retrieved a jar, “Here.”

You quirked a brow as she pushed it into your hands. The liquid inside looked dark in the fading light, but a familiar white label with cursive caught your eye. A smile spread on Lottie’s face as your eyes widened, recognizing the gift she’d given you, “Lottie, I-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, your fingers curling around the jar as if it were the most fragile thing in the world. You brought it close to your chest, a genuine smile spreading across your face. “I can’t say thank you enough.”

“No need, sweetie.” Seeing the joy it brought you was more than enough for her, her hands clasped together under her chin and grinning. “Anything for you and Joel.”

You met her eyes at the mention of his name.

“I would’ve just given it to him like last time, but I figured since it was for you anyway, I’d just give it to you myself.” She winked at you, “Save you the wait.”

You tried to appear as cool as possible even though it felt like you were short-circuiting. Last time? She knew it was for you?

“Well,” you cleared your throat, eager to change the subject “thank you again, Lottie. I better get going before it’s too late.”

Offering her a sweet smile and a nod, you rounded the corner, your thoughts buzzing with the secret she unknowingly let you in on until you stepped through your front door.

You hadn’t realized how hungry you were until the smell of food reached your nose once you stepped inside, the aroma being the best welcome home you’d had in a while. Ellie’s head poked into the hallway, her cheerful greeting echoing down it as you kicked off your boots and followed the delightful scent to its source.

To your right was Dina standing by the stove, deftly balancing a pot and pan, while Ellie and Jesse worked together by cutting bread and vegetables at the island. She spoke without taking her eyes off her cooking, “You can probably get in a quick shower before it’s ready.”

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the unexpected feast. “What’s all this about?”

“A thank you for letting us crash on your couch tonight.”

The post-curfew rule.

With a full kitchen, it still lacked one person. Hoping it didn’t sound as awkward as it felt, you inquired, “Is, uh.. Joel home?”

Ellie answered, “Yeah, he’s-”

“Right here.”

His muffled voice called from the dining room, emerging seconds later while wiping his hands on his jeans. His gaze first landed on you, then your hands, then back up to you with a drastic difference from his initial look. Your fingers involuntarily curled around the jar, feeling an immediate tension. The kids were chattering, but you weren’t listening as you locked eyes with him, his lips curled inward slightly.

“Gonna share with the class?”

Jesse’s voice and nearing presence brought you back to the scene that was your kitchen, pointing at your possession. Rather than telling, you handed it to him and watched as he surveyed it.

“Ah, honey.” He stated once he saw the label, turning it over to a curious Dina that approached his side. “Tupelo– What’s that, something special?”

Ellie’s cutting slowed at his question, darting her eyes quickly at Joel, and then you. Your attention remained fixed on it, your mouth half-opened as you pondered how to respond. It was special– in ways that went beyond mere taste.

“The flavor.” You replied with a soft smile, turning away to go upstairs.

The shower was just what you needed to wash away the day’s stress, the hot water a godsend on your skin. You returned perfectly on time as everyone took their seats at the table. Jesse sat next to Ellie, Ellie next to Dina, Dina across from you, which left you besides Joel.

Awkwardly, you sat at the same time, acutely aware of the other’s presence yet made no move to so much as look at the other out the corner of your eye. And if it couldn’t have been more awkward, you reached for the serving utensils simultaneously. You both retracted and silently urged the other to go first, although Joel held out longer.

The bread and vegetables Jesse and Ellie had been cutting were spread evenly on a large board that featured sliced cucumbers, carrots, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, and a dip in the middle of it all. The main course consisted of salmon with lemon-herb orzo and broccoli that made your mouth water just at the sight of, leaving you thoroughly impressed and appreciative with their efforts of cooking such a meal for so many.

Your hand grazed against his in passing it over, the sudden contact an electric shock to you. You stole a discreet glance at his fingers as they curled around the handle, following up along his strong forearms where the veins subtly raised under his skin– those same veins that you knew continued up. A desire simmered in your lower belly, fantasizing about how those very arms and fingers brought you great pleasure just earlier in the week, now borderline aching to have them on and around you again.

“Don’t wait too long, it’ll get cold.” Ellie’s gentle words reached your ears along with a small smile, her forearm resting against the edge with a clean fork in hand.

Quickly glancing around the table, you noticed that everyone else had started eating except you, apparent that she was waiting on you.

“Sorry, just-” You shook your head and picked up the spatula to serve yourself, “You guys really outdid yourselves.”

Jesse chimed in, “Well, technically Ellie and Dina did everyth-”

Dina interrupted with enthusiasm, “Oh, nuh-uh! This was a group effort!”

“Yeah! You carried everything back to the house,” Ellie added while she picked up a forkful of salmon and orzo, “that’s like, half the battle right there.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, “Yeah, but I didn’t actually cook anything.”

Ellie covered her mouth, her words slightly muffled by the food. “But you did cut the shit out of some bread, though.”

Jesse lowered his fork, shaking his head with mock annoyance and trying to hide his laugh, which only caused a burst of laughter from the girls. You hid your own smile behind your hand, sneaking a glance at Joel who’d been hiding his behind a glass of water.

“Whatever, anyway– what’s new with you guys?” He poked his fork into his plate, “Haven’t seen you since before the party, no?”

“Oh yeah, the party!” Dina exclaimed, “How was it?”

The three of them leaned in eagerly, curiosity shining in their eyes. Their intense gazes demanding details from either of you. Quickly, you grabbed your drink and took long, deliberate sips of the ice cold water, prolonging any sort of answer. You didn’t even dare to look at Joel. You hoped that each gulp would shock away the memories that threatened to play at the forefront of your mind; the drinking, jealousy, dancing, arguing, kissing–

Apparently, he had the same idea.

“Ah,” Jesse spoke in a hushed tone, “I see.”

“Mmhm, me too,” Dina joined in with a conspiratorial whisper, “Ellie?”

You raised your finger before she could input, feeling her response through her smug expression she directed your way.

“Easy.” Joel’s sudden tone was light with a hint of caution, “Nothin’ for you kids to worry about, jus’ adults being adults.”

Your attempt to conceal a guilty smile didn’t go unnoticed by them, turning their gaze to you in unison, then back to Joel.

“Adults being adults, huh?” Ellie teased.

“Ellie–”

“Oh, come on, Joel!” She egged him on. “Give us something.”

You busied yourself with another bite as Joel did his signature sigh of annoyance, wearing an expression that clearly showed his mild irritation.

“Really? Nothing? Either of you?”

You both continued to stare back at her, Joel’s gaze more unamused than yours, as you wore a slight smile on your face.

“Yeah, they’re definitely not telling.” Jesse piped up, “They’re doing the parent thing.”

Your smile dropped like you’d been caught in the act, but it was really at his use of being her..

“What parent thing?” Ellie switched her attention to Jesse.

Parent.

Moreso the allusion of being her parent.

Maybe it looked that way– sure felt that way sometimes, but the term wasn’t ever actually used. Maybe it made sense, though. After all, she did call Tommy ‘Uncle Tommy’.

“You know, the thing where you can ask them a million times, but they won’t say a word? Either because the answer is so obvious or they’re just not going to spill the beans, so they give you the old stare-down until you figure it out on your own?”

Okay, maybe he was onto something.

Ellie fell quiet for a second, looking down at her plate as she pondered the idea. Then, she lifted her eyes to you both.

“So that’s what that’s called?”

You shared a look with Joel before you both took simultaneous sips from your glasses, inciting another round of laughter from the kids.

To your relief, the conversation veered toward lighter topics after that. You finished your meal quietly and enjoyed the banter between Ellie and her friends. Occasionally, you caught Joel in your peripheral, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched on.

It’d been just half-past midnight when you looked at the clock, dragging a hand over your tired eyes. You’d spent the last few hours trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that felt like they were from different sets, making less progress than you would’ve liked. But, you did now have a foundation regarding the people who threatened Jackson, finally having a solid list of their names and physical descriptions.

On paper, it seemed like a group of six to seven all in varying stages of their twenties, led particularly by a man and woman. According to the logs, it suggested as if they all had some sort of combat and marksman skill, though two in particular were perceived to have medical training as well.

With a heavy sigh, you put your pen down on your desk, slumping back in your chair and feeling your muscles uncoil from being hunched over for so long while you drew out an organization chart. You flexed your fingers, trying to soothe the soreness from gripping the pen tightly for so long, and gently massaged your aching knuckles.

Reluctantly, you scooped all the papers together and rolled in your chair to your nightstand to shove them in the drawer, calling it an “early” night. The soft glow of your lamp, usually a comfort, was becoming nothing more than a nuisance at the hour. All you wanted was to retreat into the darkness under your covers.

You rose and stretched out your limbs, aiming to release the tension but froze midway when a knock came from the door, glancing back at your clock once more before padding over to the door.

To your surprise, it’d been Joel, with coffee, tea, and a warm slice of blueberry pie.

“Saw your light was still on..” he gestured with the plate, “.. kids brought this over, too.”

You opened the door wider, inviting him in if he wished to enter. He slowly stepped past you, getting a waft of the treats as he did.

“Little late for sweets, don’t you think?” You teased.

He set down the plate and tea on your desk, shooting you a knowing look, “Since when do you say no to a midnight snack?”

You rolled your eyes at his point. Never. Especially when the smell of warm blueberries and sweetness filled the air.

You slumped into your chair again, throwing one leg over the other as you leaned back with the steaming cup of tea in hand. With the first sip, you could immediately tell what Joel had added to it.

He stood near the foot of your bed in a way that it looked like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself, teetering between leaving and staying. You noticed his reading glasses folded and hanging from the collar of his shirt, making an excuse for him to stick around for a few more minutes.

“Late night reading?”

He followed your gaze down to his chest, his fingers momentarily brushing over them, “Been stuck on the same chapter for a while.. can’t seem to get past it.”

You knew the feeling too well.

“What about you?” He drew a sip from his mug, taking a seat on your bed

You leaned forward to trade the tea for the pie, the plate still warm against your fingers. “Can’t sleep.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

He nodded at the answer, glad he deemed it as a believable one. The slice was gone within a few bites, the portion expertly cut to serve as the perfect midnight snack. For a while, you sat in companionable silence, quietly sipping from your mugs.

“Did it-”

“Well I-”

You both paused, a light chuckle filling the space. He motioned for you to speak first.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but..” you hesitated, gauging his reaction to the warning you were giving him. He remained calm– open, even, to your curiosity. “Did it feel weird to be called a parent again?”

His expression was still soft, though his eyes fell to the hand on his knee, his thumb absently tracing the material of his pants. It was rare that you even brought up the thought of her. She represented the stark difference of your losses, and while he never made you feel like yours were less, you knew there was a unique pain that came from losing your own child. One that you’d never experienced.

“It’s.. complicated.” He sighed, “But it didn’t feel wrong.”

You watched the gears turn in his head and patiently awaited his choice to delve further or simply let it rest.

“I was lucky enough to be a father once, and when I lost..” His voice died down, both his hands cradling the coffee mug but looking as if they’d drop it at any moment. Gently, you took it from him and placed it alongside your abandoned tea, settling next to him and rubbing soft circles on his shoulder.

“When I lost her, I thought that was it.” His fingers brushed against your knee, their movements almost trembling and uncertain. “I did the worst thing a parent could do– I failed her.”

You placed your hand on top of his lightly, curling your fingers into his palm.

“Yet, somehow, I was given a second chance.” His hand curled around yours, “She gave me a second chance.”

The vulnerability made your heart ache, to listen to him speak so candidly about something that haunted him for years.

“She can’t replace my Sarah, but I don’t need her to. I love her just as she is.”

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the admission, though you didn’t need him to say it to know that’s how he felt about the teen living twenty feet from your backdoor.

You rubbed your thumb over his wrist, glancing down at your joined hands and then back up at him. “She loves you too.”

You could see the small smile appearing on his face at your words, his head dropping slightly and nudging you with his shoulder in a way that elicited a soft chuckle out of you.

In the light moment, you pulled back to grab both your mugs and rejoined him at his side. You enjoyed the silence, savoring your drinks of choice again. The floral sweetness tickled your nose with each sip, the honey making it go down more smooth compared to when you drank it without.

“How do you feel about it?”

You met his soft gaze, the glow of your bedroom lamp casting a gentle light on his features, making him appear even softer despite his imposing frame. For a moment, your eyes roamed over him, tracing the path of his beard down his neck to the glasses that hung from his shirt, and catching a final glimpse of a vein that ran up his bicep and hid under his sleeve. He looked so..

You tapped your finger on the rim of your mug, forcing yourself to rip your eyes away and distract yourself with a sip of your tea before answering.

“I mean, it’s..” You sighed, searching for the right words but coming up short. “Complicated, like you said.”

Your fingers traced patterns on the mug’s surface as a rush of feelings overwhelmed you, but your voice remained steady, “She didn’t even flinch at the implication, which I feel says a lot, you know?”

You swirled the last bit of tea at the bottom as you gathered your thoughts. “I never got to have kids, but with her, there’s just this feeling, this..”

“Instinct.”

You looked up at him and found an understanding in his eyes. He wasn’t offering to fill the gap, he was telling you what it was.

“Instinct.. to protect her as my own. Be the one she can rely on, love her through all the good and bad– stuff like that.”

A light chuckle into his coffee had you knitting your brows together, “What?”

“That’s what a parent does.” He shrugged with a half-smile.

You bit your lip as you looked down, drawing the mug up as his words sunk in and downing the last bit of tea left. You shook your head, an uncertainty still persisting.

“I don’t know, Joel. I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to take that place. I don’t want her to think that–”

“Hey– she doesn’t.” He interrupted with a hand between your shoulders, “You’re just bein’ you, and you are what matters to her.”

Between the lack of good rest and emotional turmoil, it left you too weary to offer a counter argument. You simply surrendered to his word and settled for silence. Slowly, you leaned into him and rested your head into the crook of his shoulder, his arm gently wrapping around you and soothingly rubbing up and down your arm.

“Thanks, Joel.”

The words were barely a whisper but brimmed with sincerity, earning a simple hum in response and a cheek resting atop your head.

Moments like this reminded you how fortunate you were to have them both, to have found and created a life together after enduring the worst kinds of casualties. To have loved, lost, and found a purpose again.

“Try to get some sleep, alright?” He squeezed your arm and withdrew, reminding you both of the early morning ahead.

You nodded, observing as he gathered your empty mug and plate and balanced them all with one hand. A comforting smile graced his lips before he took his leave, yet he lingered in the doorway with his hand on the doorknob.

“If it makes a difference,” he looked at you as he spoke, “I think you’re one hell of a mom to her.”

A rush of warmth flooded your cheeks and made you look down at your hands that couldn’t seem to stay still now. When you summoned the courage to meet his eyes again, he shot you a wink and finally closed the door.

Padding over to the lamp and finding the switch under the shade, your fingers ceased to flip it as you stared at the dip in your bed where you both sat.

It wasn’t the conversation you expected, nor a conversation you expected at all, but it was one that undoubtedly drew you closer to him.

Despite only getting a few hours of shut-eye, you surprisingly felt well-rested. You welcomed the sun peeking through the blinds as it created a calm atmosphere in your room that further motivated you to get ready for the day, as well as the smell of fresh coffee brewing that had you hurrying to get downstairs for a cup and quick breakfast before heading out.

Joel’s back had been turned to you in front of the pot, noticing your presence almost instantly and quick to hand you a thermos with a mumbled good mornin’. You leaned against the counter beside him, feeling the warmth radiate through the cup, the sensation running a pleasant shiver through your body.

He watched you carefully as he situated himself, your state of peace bringing a smile to his face; your eyes closed with contentment as you inhaled the rich aroma, the steam rolling over your face in small waves.

Over the rim of the cup, you noticed the jar of honey you acquired less than twelve hours ago sitting on the counter. You figured that Jesse had forgotten about it once he set it down. Crossing the kitchen, you picked it up, giving it a once-over before turning to Joel with a smirk.

“So.. you did know.” The remark lacked any real accusal.

Joel leaned back, gripping the counter with one hand, crinkling his eyebrows and casually shrugging as he brought the coffee to his lips, “I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

Your smile deepened, “Oh, really-”

He loudly put the empty coffee pot in the sink, effectively cutting off your incoming line of questioning, ushering you to put down the jar and move, “C’mon, we’re gonna be late.”

You rolled your eyes and swiftly reached for two apples from the fruit bowl on the island. Blindly, you shoved one into your own pack and deftly managed to slip the other into Joel’s for later, all while he rushed you both.

On the walk over you made a few more attempts to extract an answer from him, but were met with skillful deflections that made you giggle with each evasion. You took a sip of your coffee, raising and dropping your shoulders in a mocked defeat.

“Well, guess I could ask Lottie, then.”

He quickly shot you a look, “Or you could not.”

You laughed and playfully swatted at his shoulder, “So you’ll tell me then?”

He let out a huff and shook his head, gesturing to the patrol board that was surrounded by more people than you expected, “Let’s save it for when there aren’t so many ears around?”

You flashed him a grin and deliberately raised your voice with each word, “Why? Don’t want people knowing your little secret about-”

He swiftly stepped in front of you, putting just enough space between you both to maintain propriety. His faint smile lingered as he lightly touched your shoulder. “Listen, I promise you can give me all the grief you want later, alright?”

It was almost endearing how flustered he got, though you had no intention of revealing anything. Even after you agreed, he held your gaze for a moment longer, and you swore you saw a glint of something intimate before he turned away. Excitement fluttered in your belly after joining the line, your body flushing with a mild heat from the quick moment of close proximity.

As you approached the board, Joel lagged behind in conversation with a fellow patrol member. You scanned the board, quickly reading names over and between figures, though none revealed your own. Once at the front, you used your finger and dragged down the list until you found your name, darting over to the next column where you raised an eyebrow at seeing your partner for the shift was none other than Joel himself.

You turned to him still absorbed in discussion, moving out of the way for others and politely tapping his shoulder as you offered a warm smile to the other man. “Hey, we should start moving out.”

His eyes flickered between you and the board, pointing to it and nodding, “Yeah, let me go see-”

You placed your hand on his forearm to stop him from walking, being met with an inquisitive brow.

“You and me, Miller.”

You grinned at his surprise, patting his shoulder twice and brushing past to go to the stables. Besides being tricked by Tommy earlier in the week and today, you hadn’t been paired up for patrol in quite some time, and part of you believed this was another convoluted plan on his again.

It didn’t take long for Joel to follow you and ride down to the gate together, falling in with the assembled group with Tommy at the front giving one of his customary speeches before departure. He found you both easily with a mischievous smile, cementing your belief.

The route today was to go through Wilson Valley down to Elk Creek, take Elk Creek to Colten Bay, then loop back around to Wilson Valley. It wasn’t one of your favorite routes by any means, finding it less scenic compared to others, much of it consisting of open fields and small bodies of water overrun with algae that served as markers.

The first few hours were just as boring as you expected them to be, the majority of it spent traversing to Wilson Valley alone. You didn’t bother to hold America’s reins as she navigated the familiar path. Instead, your hands took small sections of her mane to gently detangle and then braid.

Your eyes roamed over the vast land and mountainous structures, the varying hues of green and yellow abundant everywhere you looked. Dilapidated houses and barns littered along the fields, worn and picked down to their foundation, no longer even offering shelter to the poorest of travelers.

As time passed, impatience crept in. It felt like you were seeing the same sparse trees and tall grass over and over again, the scenery quickly becoming more monotonous by the minute.

You peered over at Joel with nonchalance, “Is now a good time for that grief?”

A grin appeared on his face as he looked down at his saddle and then back to you, raising his hands and letting them fall on his thighs with a playful flair, “If you must.”

You simpered, simply reiterating an earlier point. “So, again, you did know.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I did. And yes, I got it from Lottie.”

You didn’t get the chance to get a question out before he started speaking again.

“She stopped me one mornin’ on my way in for patrol, not too long after she dropped off that box for you. Was askin’ me if you liked honey in your tea, ran inside and brought it out to show me.” He chuckled as he told the details, “When I saw what kind it was, told her I’d pick it up on my way home that evenin’.”

“But how do you?..” You furrowed your brows at him, still stuck on the how. “I don’t recall ever-”

“You remember when we’d camp out durin’ our runs back in Boston?”

You nodded.

“And how sometimes we’d bring a bottle if we knew it was gonna be a long night?”

Your groan transformed into a laughter and rang into the air with his, the era of that time certainly not lost in your memory.

“Yeah, it’d been one of those nights. You were sittin’ there, tellin' me about it with all smiles.” You cringed, now realizing why you didn’t remember. “Didn’t quite understand why until you said her name.”

You took up America’s reins in your hands as the bittersweet memories flashed through your mind of a better time. His voice held a soft, contemplative tone as he continued.

“The way you talked about it– talked about her– was like you were tellin’ a story from just a few days ago. Hadn’t seen you talk like that about anything before.”

Your grip tightened as he recounted the memory from his perspective, rubbing the leather between your fingers as an ache bloomed in your chest.

“So when I saw it– I knew I couldn’t pass it up, and I told you I didn’t know because I thought..” He trailed off, running a hand over his beard and letting out a sigh, “.. I thought it would’ve made it more special.”

Your hands were so hot you were certain the reins would’ve caught on fire. You couldn’t do anything but rub your thumbs faster against the material to quell the rising emotions, the stinging in your nose that made it crinkle without fail every time. Biting down on your lip, you looked away and let a few tears bounce off your cheeks before swiftly wiping away the remnants.

You got one of your answers, but fuck– you weren’t expecting all of that. He remembered because he saw how happy it made you one night all those years ago?

He knew– he fucking knew– and he never would’ve told you so that you could have it to yourself.

The alarms were blaring. The sign clear as day. It wasn’t coincidence, it wasn’t chance– it was pure deliberation driven by an old memory. And it messed with you hard, because you knew that in knowing, there was loving. A type of love without the need for grand declarations and elaborate speeches to prove it, because it’s proved by showing.

You couldn’t look at him during this minor epiphany, and a frown formed on his face when he realized. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, because you did– but if you did, it would be too real. It would mean that you were right and that he lo–

“M’sorry if I-”

“No!” The word came out more frantic than you intended, catching him off guard with its intensity. His face registered a mixture of confusion, quickly correcting yourself with a softer tone. “N-No, don’t apologize, Joel-”

“I–” A weak smile tugged at your lips, trying your best to keep the tears at bay, “It’s nice that you knew.”

Amidst all the other uncertainties and unresolved issues between you two, this was something entirely different– a direct, indisputable act on his part. Yet you knew it wouldn’t be so easily discussed as such.

So your horses continued to trot along the path in silence, entering Elk Creek.

You sat at the edge of a small lake in the warm gravel, little past the halfway point of the route and well into Colten Bay.

The last few hours were pleasant, marked every so often by eye contact and the exchange of a soft smile. Joel continued on about the honey ordeal, explaining that Ellie got roped into it not long ago when she asked to use some after discovering it in the pantry. She’d looked at him oddly when he told her to use it sparingly, then having to reason as to why. You chuckled as he recalled the details of their conversation that day, Ellie’s eyes widening at learning a new fact about you, pulling up a chair and practically begging Joel to share more stories about your time together in Boston. According to him, the conversation had started early in the afternoon in the kitchen and lasted late into the evening in the living room, even surviving their stop at the Tipsy Bison to grab a quick dinner, her curiosity unwavering

Despite the unremarkable scenery of the lake, you enjoyed it with Joel by your side. The trees towered over you enough to give shade from the dwindling sun, casting dappled sunlight over the forests and mountains in the distance that contrasted against the blue sky.

You passed a paper bag back and forth with jerky in it, preferring to string your pieces apart rather than bite and pull until your jaw was sore, which earned you teasing from Joel.

“Laugh it up, old timer.” You quipped, “You’re lucky there’s no more TV, because if there was, I’d film how you eat and send it straight to National Geographic.”

You couldn’t tell what made you laugh harder, your own joke or Joel’s belly laugh to the point wiping away tears from the corners of his eyes. You grabbed his arm to steady yourself, both of you involuntarily leaning in towards one another, and for a moment, it didn’t feel like you were working. You were just two friends enjoying each other’s company.

“Man,” you reached for the bag and shoved it into your pack, standing off and dusting off the back of your thighs, “I got you fucking good.”

Still chuckling, he shook his head and took your offered hand, following you back to the horses. He began to speak, but the words fell deaf on your ears as you heard the faint crunching of sticks and swishing of leaves close by, snapping your head in the direction and raising a hand for him to be quiet. He caught on instantly.

You both acted swiftly, instinct taking over as Joel drew his revolver while you unholstered yours, aiming with precision and falling into synchronized steps. The rustling grew louder and louder until a figure bursted through the underbrush and halted upon seeing you both.

Before you stood a young woman, clearly in a state of panic and distress. Fresh blood stained her clothes and smeared across her face. She raised her arms, chest heaving as if she’d been running for some time.

“I-I don’t mean harm!”

You maintained a cautious stance, your eyes fixed firmly on the woman. Her wide brown eyes darted nervously between you and Joel, sweat plastering her short hair to her forehead. She was short, maybe shorter than Ellie, and thin.

“I-I was chased.” She stammered, “Got separated from my people.”

“And who are your people?” You pressed rigidly.

“Just a few of us– please, you gotta-”

Whatever plea she’d been begging drowned out as you really began to stare at her. She was covered in blood, yet had no wounds to show for it. Not even a scratch. Slowly, details from your chart began to emerge.

Female. White. 5’1-5’4.

You narrowed your eyes.

Short dark hair. Slim build.

Your jaw tensed.

Fuck, what was her name– Mel?

You muttered her name under your breath, catching Joel’s attention as he looked at you in his peripheral.

“I’m sorry-” You cut her off sharply as she was still blabbering, “I don’t think we got your name.”

She froze, shuffling her feet and darting her eyes away and back to you, “M-Miranda.”

You decided to go out on a limb

“You seen any wolves, Miranda?”

Her face flushed, and you saw her mask slip for a moment before putting on the facade again, “Wolves? I haven’t seen any wolves.”

An anger simmered in you. Liar.

Joel took a step closer to you, maintaining his gaze on the girl while lowering his voice, “Care to tell me what it is you’re doin’ here?”

You ignored his question, “Get on your horse, Joel.”

“What?” He scrunched his face, “I’m not-”

He paused when he caught the lethal look in your eyes, scowling at your insistence but ultimately complying. There wasn’t enough time to explain nor were you privy to the idea of letting him in on your work outside of work.

“I told you my name, I think it’s only fair that-” She began to reason, but it only made you more angry.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary.” You backed up until you reached America and swiftly hoisted yourself up, flickering your eyes into the trees every few moments. You kept your pistol trained on her, “Be careful about those wolves, Miranda.”

You stared down at her, your voice dripping with venom, “If there’s one, there’s probably a pack nearby.”

Luckily with Joel ahead, he missed your insinuation. The woman glared you down and snarled as you rode off, dropping her hands down in a frustrated defeat.

You ushered him to pick up the pace, taking the lead through the remainder of Colten Bay and all throughout Wilson Valley, your head on a swivel the entire time. The hours painfully dragged by, doing a number on your anxiety as you couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched the rest of the way home.

Immense relief washed over you upon seeing Jackson’s gate in the distance, whistling up to the guards so you could ride straight through and to the stables, not wasting another minute beyond the walls as the night fell.

You led America into her pen, fetching her feeding pail and gently gliding your hand along her neck as she ate. You couldn’t stop thinking of Mel, that look she gave you when you let her know you weren’t falling for her act.

It was too close, and you berated yourself mentally for not doing more. You shouldn’t have killed her, right? Even though she was the enemy? No. You didn’t condone killing people in that cold of blood.. Not anymore, at least. Should you have tied her up and brought her back? Interrogated her more? Maybe. But doing so might’ve pissed off your enemies even more and put Jackson at an even greater risk.

Truthfully, you did what was best. You recognized the trouble and withdrew without wasting any bullets or risking injury, moreover keeping Joel safe, who seemed peeved with you at the moment.

Looking over at him, you noticed a small figure at his side. Your hand fell hard on America’s gate, the other finding your hip as you cocked your head.

That fucking woman from the party.

You couldn’t miss the broad smile she aimed at him, leaning casually against a pillar and swearing a shirt that left little to the imagination. You scoffed loudly at the audacity to come out here just to flirt right before curfew.

Your disapproval didn’t go unnoticed, Joel shooting you a look over his shoulder that begged you not to start. Seizing the moment, the woman shot you a dirty look before switching back to her charming smile when he turned his attention back to her.

Thankfully, Tommy entered the stables, and for once, you were grateful for his presence. With a smirk, you strided over to Joel and slipped your hand under his arm to guide him away.

“Um, excuse me!” Her high-pitched tone doubled as annoying and surprising. Reluctantly, you met her gaze, but didn’t drop your hold on Joel. “We were having a conversation.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s too bad.” Her mouth gaped.

“I think what she meant was that-” Joel attempted to soothe the burn, but you were absolutely having none of it.

“I meant exactly that.”

You smiled at him, successfully pulling away and getting joy from seeing her on the brink of a temper tantrum. You even smiled through the scolds he muttered to you under his breath as you approached his brother, his mood entirely sour now.

Tommy’s face shifted from neutral to concerned upon seeing you both with contrasting expressions, “Everythin’ alright?”

The lack of an answer told him what he needed to know, patiently waiting until the stables cleared out completely before giving him a rundown of the incident. You omitted the details you figured from your sidework, chalking the encounter up to being a baiting technique for an ambush.

He rolled his lips under his teeth, tapping his foot against the wood with hands on his hips, a telltale sign of deep thought. For a moment, you weren’t sure what to expect of a response, but you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a form of criticism on your part or a question regarding the situation. However, it never came. He dismissed you both after noting he’d make the necessary alterations for tomorrow, commending you for getting out safely. It was clear that he was shaken up by it, which furthered your guilt.

Joel had a five-step lead on the walk home no matter how hard you tried to keep up. You kept calling out to him, but received no response.

“Joel.” You called again. No answer. “Joel!”

He kept walking, maintaining his pace. You caught up and tugged him back by his arm, “Joel, what the f-”

“Not now.” He tersely replied.

The response was frustratingly vague. Not now? What did he mean not now? He was five steps ahead of you again before you knew it.

“What, are you mad at me?” Your confusion was mounting, and the silence from Joel was only making things worse.

He remained unresponsive, like talking to a brick wall, but you refused to let the matter rest. You didn’t stop pricking until you got home and he couldn’t ignore you any longer.

“Seriously, Joel? You’re not ev-”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

You creased your brows for a moment, “Tell him what?”

He fixed you with a scrutinizing look, “How you questioned that girl.”

Shit.

“That was-” You darted your eyes away and back to him, letting your hands fall against your thighs, “I was seeing if she was lying.”

“About seeing wolves?” He narrowed his eyes at you. “Awfully specific if y’ask me.”

You straightened up, taking a step towards him, “Is there a problem with how I handle things?”

He let out a scoff, “The problem is when you don’t involve me.”

“Yeah, well next time I’ll make sure to stop and give you a full briefing!” Joel rolled his eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel a sting of annoyance, “Jesus, Joel– I’d think after all this time you’d have a little more trust in me.”

Your inward chuckle ceased when he didn’t respond, his reticence loud as he only looked at you. A pang of hurt hit you hard– Really?

The persisting silence only made it worse.

Whatever. Just go to your room and work for the rest of the night.

Walking past him, he stopped you with a firm hand on your hip.

“‘Course I trust you,” his voice softened, gently turning you to face him, “always have.”

The reassurance calmed you, reducing your fire to embers. His hand fell from you, but a slight frown remained.

“Jus’ can’t stand if somethin’ were to happen and I couldn’t do more because of what I didn’t know,” he searched you for understanding, “make sense?”

You couldn’t stay mad with how genuinely concerned he looked, growing disappointed with yourself for going at him hard when you would’ve done the same thing. Nodding, you mumbled out an apology to him, your eyes stuck on the floor.

Slowly, you felt his arms wrap around you in a way that let you know he accepted it. You exhaled a breath you weren’t aware you were holding as you yielded to his touch, resting against his chest and closing your eyes. The weight of the day felt heavy, but the sound of his heartbeat made it feel just a little lighter.

You thought things were on their way to getting better, that you were closer to tying up loose ends.

But it was only getting complicated again.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fic #tlou #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #annasmasterlist #anna writes

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paddedtrucker · 9 months ago

Text

An Update

So I've been going back and forth for the past few days wondering if I should even post this. I know I haven't been real active lately and there's a few reasons why. Just know that everything I say from here on out should be prefaced with the knowledge that I'm not saying this to gain pity from anyone. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself and neither should any of you. With that being said, here's the reasons I've been quiet as of late. They are in no particular order either.

Life. it's been hectic. I'm in the process of moving out of my apartment and working a ton.

Funds. With everything rising in cost, it's been tough keeping my diaper stash up to a comfortable amount. The diapers I do have in my collection have been slowly disappearing on me from use. I haven't had the extra funds to replenish the stash as I usually would.

Motivation. With the previous two reasons already mentioned, my motivation to post has dropped quite a bit, almost to the point where I even considered shutting down my blog, either for a while or for good. Now I'll be honest, I don't really want to shut it down but the thoughts have been there.

I know it's not my usual kind of post but I felt like I needed to be a little open about what's going on. I'm also the kind of person who doesn't like asking for things. I've considered putting together an amazon wishlist but I feel like that's a form of begging for things. If y'all want to help out I'll put one together but just know I'm not hoping or expecting anyone to go out of their way to send me a gift.

That's my thoughts put to paper, so to speak. Let me know down in the comments if you want to or even care to assist in keeping the pictures coming. With this somewhat underwhelming update, I'll bid everyone a good evening. Like I said before, let me know down in the comments what everyone thinks.

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waklman · 1 year ago

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Tilly my lovely writer,

you absolutely can't imagine how I love your work. You are so talented and I can't stop reading your stuff. I'm so obsessed with Fake It, you gave Jake such a special personality, omg I LOVE IT. So sad that you suffering fro. I writers block, don't stress yourself, we love you.

Because of my very (un)healthy obsession with Fake It, I've got a lot of ideas for these two idiots. Hear me out, imagine this whole fake dating is stressing Princess so much and one day the bitch friends of Jake's ex saying to her that she's just a consolation prize for Jake and she will never be worth it or enough for him. Hurt to no end and an migraine incoming she goes home only to have a bsd argument with Jake. Shhr snaps at him and he also says something hurtful (like "no wonder that you're just have a fake boyfriend"). Of course Jake instantly regrets his words but his best friend is hurt. Alone in her room she cries herself to sleep only to wake up hours later with a raging migraine. Imagine Jake finds her nearly passed out in the kitchen, one time more realizing how important she is to him. He takes care of her. Worried Jake, protective Jake, care taking Jake that's what we need

first of all, i love you too & thank you so much for this sweet message because, really, i needed to hear that, i’ve felt so awful for not being able to update fake it (i know i shouldn't but it happens). anyways, this felt so nice to write bc i wasn’t struggling with it, so here is worried jake!! i know i had two other requests for this in my inbox as well, so this is also for those two anons :)

Jake doesn’t hate.

All his life, he was told by his mother that hate was bad for the heart. That hate had no rightful place in his growing body. But, in the midst of his underwhelming teenage angst, Jake Seresin secretly concluded that his hate should be reserved for one thing, and one thing only—and that was making you cry.

So, when you came barging into his room, hysterical and teary eyed over some stupid thing some girl said about you two, Jake had no intent of making you cry. It was just that, he could barely get a word in when you were mindlessly repeating it back to him.

That girl has her head on backwards if she thinks Seresin actually likes her, he’s only sticking around because he feels obliged to. I feel sorry for him, I’d go ballistic if my parents picked out my friends for me.

Frustration spread through his body like a virus when you kept cementing that it was true, accusing him of agreeing with it too. And that’s when the worst thing he ever said to you came out his mouth this evening.

If you want to fucking believe that you’re so unlikeable, then maybe it’s true. Maybe you are.

The moment the words fell off his tongue, you immediately went quiet, giving him a glimpse of what it looked like when he made you cry.

At that, Jake hated himself more than anything. Jake hated that you looked more hurt than you did when you originally stalked inside, looking for his assurance. Jake hated that he had to listen to you sob for most of the night, alone in the bathroom with the door shut. Jake hated that you might have taken what he said out of anger to heart. That you believed you weren’t worthy of being liked, especially by him.

Because if anything, that was far from the truth.

And Jake couldn’t let you fall asleep tonight like this, not when he knew you always punished yourself by not tending to the migraines you got from crying.

“Swallow it please,” Jake lets out a guilty breath, watching your throat weakly bob when you take down the Motrin he eased past your lips.

Seated across from each other in the bathtub, Jake’s frame struggles to fit in the confines of the porcelain, more than yours does—but he pushes the discomfort away, because you’d been sitting here for hours while he was laid in his bed.

And maybe it was because Jake had tiredly pleaded outside the door for a hour before coming in or maybe it was because you watched him struggle to fit himself in the tub with you just so he could mouth feed you some ibuprofen, but you lurch forward—knocking the wind out of him in a desperate hug.

It takes all of Jake’s self restraint to not fall apart when you slot yourself between his legs and gently rest your chin on his shoulder, letting him feel you again.

With a tight throat, he forces himself to speak. “I’m so fucking sorry, princess.”

When you sniff in his ear, Jake pulls you closer against him, cushioning the side of your head so it doesn’t hit the bathtub faucet. “I didn’t mean it. God I—I really didn’t fucking mean it,” he starts, voice already shaky. “I don’t want you thinkin’ that I only stick around because our families are close.” Jake swallows when he feels you move a hand to softly scratch at his nape, comforting him through this.

“I know,” you whisper softly, trying to ease the tension in his body. “If you did, you wouldn’t pick a fight with your sisters everytime they claimed me as a roommate when we stayed at hotels,” you let out a hoarse giggle, throat still sore from crying.

At that, a small smile settles on his face. “I also let them put makeup on me so I was allowed in the girls room,” he adds.

“Yeah, exactly. You just like me that much, you loser.” Your mouth stretches into a wide smile, cracked lips burning as it does. Finally, Jake lightens up, laughing at your little jab.

“I just like you that much,” he repeats.

#ears open #fake it

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game-boy-pocket · 10 months ago

Text

Happy New Year.

It was a pretty good year for my gaming hobby and being a Nintendo fan. As usual, I did spend a majority of the year just replaying games I loved, but there were a few new, and new-to-me games that I played this year.

Around this time last the year I was on a Rare kick, playing through all the Donkey Kong Country trilogy, DK64, Diddy Kong Racing, Banjo Kazooie, and Conker. and Mark Kurko's Snowglow Village remake, and this spilled into January.

The Rare stuff also lead to a N64 kick in general, as I found a few decent Mario 64 hacks that worked on real hardware, and I also finished a run of Kirby 64 I started a few years ago and abandoned close to the end.

I managed to make it through a short and easy but very charming Fievel Goes West platformer on SNES. I've got a lot of nostalgia for Fievel so, no regrets there.

I started going back and fourth between The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, and Banjo Kazooie - the Jiggies of Time, and it was interesting to visit areas of the game as Link only to come back to them as Banjo, this also marked the first time I ever replayed a full length romhack from start to finish.

I picked up several Super Mario World romhacks. Some of them worked out, others didn't, either because of romhack difficulty or hardware incompatibility, but it really was kind of a Mario year for me.

Smash Remix got some amazing updates adding Marina, King Dedede, and Goemon, among other things. I can't wait to see where else that game goes. But speaking of Smash Bros, I also discovered the Akenia build for Super Smash Bros Melee, and I was thrilled to play that game with some characters that came later in the series like Lucas, Diddy Kong, Charizard, Sonic, and Wolf.

And I cleared two Gameboy games for the first time, Donkey Kong Land, and Final Fantasy Adventure, hopefully I can get to their sequels in 2024.

From there I marathonned a ton of Mario games... the SNES version of Super Mario RPG ( little did I know a Switch remake would get announced later this year ), New Super Mario Bros U, Mario Kart 8, which I managed to get 3 stars on every cup and every difficulty rating, Mario Galaxy, New Super Mario Bros DS, and Super Mario Odyssey, all in preperation to hype myself up for the Super Mario Movie which, against all odds, was fun as hell and filled my little Mario fanboy heart with joy.

Also found mods for Wario Land and Donkey Kong Country returns that made both games far more enjoyable to me. Wario's default walking speed was increased, and Donkey Kong Country's motion controls were mapped to buttons.

Revisited Sonic Riders again, and sadly kind of realized it was not as good as I remembered, having only two grand prix that are largely copy pastes of each other with different lighting. Still prefer the concept of those games than sticking Sonic in a car though.

I discovered a pretty amazing Ocarina of Time hack called the Sealed Palace, which is a it obtuse, but still very good, and I really need to get back to it, I had nearly finished it but went on a hiatus when other things caught my attention. Will finish it in 2024 hopefully.

And one of the big highlights, I finally became the proud owner of an NES. My family had one as a child but it was more for my parents than for me. I mostly played NES games via Nintendo's re-releases or emulation.

Among the games I played for NES, the whole Mario trilogy, Zelda, Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, Final Fantasy 1, Dragon Quest 1, Metroid MOTHER, Kid Icarus, Super Mario Bros 3+, Mega Man 2, Kid Icarus, Duck Hunt, and I started up Final Fantasy 2, but have yet to finish it.

And in April I went to Super Nintendo Land. The experience was slightly soured for me but I had fun and got some cool merchandise. The actual ride was a little underwhelming though, and I didn't even get to go to the Toad Cafe.

In anticipation for the Legend of Zelda, Tears of the Kingdom, I replayed Link's Awakening, and Breath of the Wild, had a great time with both of them.

And then Tears of the Kingdom came along and completely absorbed my life for two months. I still miss playing it. Maybe i'll replay it sometime in 2024? It'll be interesting to see if my opinion changes at all, but so far, this one is in my top 3 Zelda games. It's not perfect, but honestly, mention any Zelda game to me and I can give you a laundry list of flaws for each of them, so a Zelda game not being perfect is old news. But it doesn't make them any less great. I think this one is just contentious because 1. it took 6 years, 2. purists of the old Ocarina Cone style of Zelda games are worried that they'll never enjoy Zelda again. They have my sympathies but honestly I don't ever want to go back to the old style of Zelda unless it's for a 2D game.

I actually tried to give Skyward Sword another try, I bought the Switch version, but like with every attempt to replay that game since it's launch, I just find myself really irritated by all the exposition that I just quit playing early on.

Against my better judgement I bought Sonic Origins Plus on Steam, and it has some performance issues. I really didn't need it, I love that Amy is playable but I kind of prefer her Sonic Advance move set, which fans had already modded into the genesis games. I think i'd rather just get an actual Sega Genesis to play these games on someday.

I finished raising every single digimon on my Digimon Version 20th v-pet, which is essentially like completing the "pokedex" but for digimon. Sadly not every virtual pet tracks that information, so I won't get to attempt that again.

There was a double dose of Ninja Turtles with TMNT II the Arcade game for NES and Shredder's Revenge on the Switch, I think a certain movie came out around this time of year that put me into a Turtle frenzy because I also started watching the cartoon around that time of year.

I am not mentioning every little NES game or hack I play but I want to higlight two excellent Zelda hacks called the Legend of Banjo and the Legend of Super Mario, which are exaclty what they sound like, Zelda 1 but with a Banjo Kazooie and Super Mario makeover respectively, both are very well designed and arguably a lot more friendly to players that aren't experts at Zelda 1, and do a great job at selling the illusion that they're intended to be Mario and Banjo games.

One of my big regrets for the year was Nickelodeon Kart Racers 3, Slime Speedway, which I bought because 1. I was done with the Mario Kart DLC and wanted more racing game, and 2, I was on a nickelodeon kick and was hyped up from the pre-release of Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2.

Slime Speedway is just not very well made. I am generally accepting of low FPS but two genres of games that shouldn't have them are racing games and fighting games. And it's very sad because I feel like NKR3 could be one of the better Mario Kart clones if it was better optimized and had less annoying sound clips... Nickelodeon All Star Brawl 2 was a good game but my hype deflated when I learned it would be cutting ELEVEN characters. Also the Switch version performs like ass but I really wanted to be able to take it to a friends house, so I didn't do the smart thing and buy it on Steam.

October is usually when I do my month long Halloween celebration of only consuming spooky media. But Nintendo and Sega had the nerve to plan big Mario and Sonic releases that month, interrupting my plans. But I did manage to slip in some spooky gaming, with Luigi's Mansion, an Evil Dead hack of Wanpakku Grafitti: Splatterhouse, and a Super Mario World Halloween hack, as well as a Kirby Halloween romhack. There was also the promising Super Mario 64 hack - Super Mario and the Monstrous Manor, but it seemed to lose it's spooky flavoring half way through, so I put it on pause for now and will come back to it in 2024.

I don't need to say much about Super Mario Wonder. It was wonderful. Easily the best 2D Mario in decades. It can definitely stand toe-to-toe with the original NES trilogy and Super Mario World. But Sonic Super Stars on the other hand? It's fine, but the bosses suck ass, especially the final boss, who isn't even interesting since it's just the Sonic 3 and Knuckles final boss again but without the Doomsday Zone sequence.

Super Mario RPG came out in November and it was a delight. My second time playing the game that year, I never would have seen it coming in a million years, but i'm so happy that it did. I already want to replay it.

I was put into the mood for Square RPGs, something I always felt like I missed out on growing up. So I started up Final Fantasy IV, which I played before, but never finished. I need to get back to it but I am officially at the point where I stopped playing last time, about to storm some tower in the underworld while the red wings are being distracted by tanks.

In December I started feeling Donkey Kong again and played the first two DKC games, and a few levels of Tropical Freeze, I thought i'd finally try out that new Funky Mode. I then realized that I was playing the exact same games around this time of year last year. Pure coincidence, but I do kind of want to play the rest of the Rare platformers...

I bought my first ever Mario sports game in Mario Tennis Aces, and I had a blast with it, though the adventure mode was surprisingly difficult, I have also bought Kirby and the Forgotten Land but have not really dug into it much. I guess my appetite for Kirby isn't what it used to be, that and my mood lately has been mostly on Mario. Maybe I should finish Yoshi's Crafted World, I got that in 2022 and have not played it at all this year...

Mark Kurko did his annual Christmas Romhack for Banjo Kazooie. I played it on Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Day, I replayed all his past romhacks. I think I might make that a new tradition, to replay all the christmas BK hacks, and whatever else I have. I found a decent Mario 64 Christmas hack as well, though it's only a single level.

And to cap off the new year, I started up a run of Animal Crossing for the Gamecube. I've been at it for a week and a half now. I am curious to see how long I can keep it up. But I have already found two NES games, and I kind of want to see if I can get the whole set and build an NES arcade in my basement, just like old times.

There's not much for me to look forward to in 2024 as far as I know, just the Mario vs Donkey Kong and Paper Mario TTYD remakes really, as I'm not too interested in the Peach game. But I hope we get some exciting announcements. I just am not ready for that announcement to be a Switch 2, I'm so tired of buying new machines.

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