#unable to enjoy anything
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Coursework TMA thingy ! ! !
#cw worms#cw trypophobia#tma#the magnus archives#martin blackwood#Jonathan sims#jane prentiss#there are things I would change about this but I am so sick of working on it#why does everything coursework-adjacent drain me soooo#I am unable to do anything I don’t want to dooo#even if it’s something I’d otherwise enjoy#how do I work with the natural flows of my brain to complete mandatory assignments so I don’t burn out#???.#how many years will it take me to find a solution???#how many soulless pieces of art will I complete in the meantime???#why is formal education so stifling for my work flow?.???
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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[characters co-written with @sheerunfilteredhubris]
More of them
#[.art]#[.oc]#stealing the pose form hit painting Springtime by Pierre Auguste Cot#Théodore#Michel#the way I am unable to draw anything that isn't them... incredible time to enjoy gay people and vampires truly#also ignore the fact that the lighting implies sun the version with night coloring wasn't as pretty
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AND YET ANOTHER PERSONAL POST even though i still need to respond to all the others i've made! but i just again wanna say THANK YOU YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME I LOVE YOU I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. this has been such a very fun and gratifying few weeks of spreading the gospel of the pig 'n duck, getting to hear everyone's reactions and spread the dominos... i'm still overwhelmed and answering some birthday wishes that is INCREDIBLY SWEET WHAT ON EARTH!!!!!! and i've got some very exciting news that just reminds me like, hey, life is worth living and i do have friends and people like and appreciate me and want me around and people are not going to murder me because i'm not working on a review or haven't immediately been able to respond to a DM. my posting's definitely been more erratic lately with the pig and duck hype and i'm having to force myself back down into civilization a bit and pick up routine, but as someone who doesn't often let myself deviate from that routine i just wanted to say thank you!!! i still have a lot of asks and DMs and testimonies to catch up on, but thank you for the support and for being awesome 🙏 i genuinely have not felt this worry-free and able to just unabashedly post about my interests in years and years and years. yinz are awesome thank youuuu
#i just feel the need to express it over and over because i can't get my gratitude out enough!!#and i guess as a sort of 'wow this is real people aren't going to throw stones and tar and feather me because i'm not currently working on#review' type thing#self worth measured by productivity but productivity hindered by ADHD and OCD supercombo including not being able to tend to hobbies that#refuel you leading to less availability for productivity leading to self worth plummeting into the toilet etc etc#like even just making these personal posts is a weird exposure therapy thing where my brain feels like it's full of burning glass#because it doesnt fit 'my brand' but. consider. this is my blog i can do what i want#and i've been getitng to enjoy that 'i can do what i want' feeling the past few weeks so it's been nice! it's nice knowing that the only#person shackling you to your neuroses is yourself#i mean it's not nice but it is yknow#but omg i just got a bunch of great news that made my self esteem skyrocket and it's just like wait wow people like me my company is wanted#IT'S NICE#and just when i wanted to be productive i'm again back to vibrating with excitement mode and unable to do anything
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blaziken will always be special to me cause after I had a car accident, holding onto my tiny blaziken plushie made me feel safe enough to get into a car again, so I'd say Blaziken has already smashed me, in my heart.
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME CRY ON THE POKÉMON SEX BLOG 🥺
#okay but this gave me feelings#I also got into a big car accident but as an adult and I was driving#I was super scared and injured#this is gonna be a long story sorry#anyway the pain was so bad pain pills weren’t helping#so I asked my mom if she could grab anything stronger from the pharmacy#she said she had two weed gummies in a secret drawer and to take one and just sleep#so I took one and it got rid of the pain but I wanted to stay awake and enjoy the high#and I marathoned all of the Peachsaliva Undertale playthrough#while super stoned and unable to get out of bed#and 4 days after the accident I had to drive again to pick up my brother from work#and I had a panic attack on the road and had to pull over but Undertale helped inspire me to keep going#I had determination lmao#and I kept driving and it got easier every time#sorry for the whole rant#ask#blaziken#pokemon#pkmn#pkmn smash or pass#pokemon smash or pass#smash or pass
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My inability to stop reading/ watching something whenever I really get into may be a blessing in studies. But it absolutely will ruin my life in anything else
#flashbacks to 15 year old jo reading homestuck in about 2 weeks#now umineko has truly rot my brain this shit doesnt end#like its good#but god im in ep 6 amd jesus im just think like. when will this end#LIKE IM ENJOYING IT ITS RLLY GOOD#but im physically unable to do anything else while i dont finish it 😭😭😭😭#help me help me help
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Thinking how much of it is inevitable and you're never ready but all your bonds and relationships have an expiration date and one day it will be the last
#its just how it is but its especially painful being aware its closer and anytime now. how do you cope with grief while things didnt happen#yet. and how do you pretend theres still time to enjoy with someone you know will be gone and that it wont be tainted by that awareness#i genuinely believe people are kept the most alive in memory. i remember my grandmother more vividly than i experienced her the last year#we spent together. i dream of her every now and then and the conversations are more vivid than the last time we spoke when she apologized#to me about having to stay at her home and look out for her for a bit after surgery#i don't know how to stop thinking about it. i wish i was one of those ridiculously strong persons that can withstand being around someone#who isnt quite there because they love them. even if i was there and able to go i know i probably wouldnt be able to for long#im too sensitive and it makes me think im selfish and i will regret one day and that i don't love enough but i dont have it in me#and then i cant get things out of my head no matter how hard i try#wish i could say my ocd doesnt let me or whatever excuse but i do really believe in experience all your emotions to the fullest even grief#and pain. its just different thinking it and doing it more so when you're not talking abstractly and a very real person who saw you grow up#and who you watched degrade while being unable to do anything#and ive lost so many loved relatives and people close to me slready this year...
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Adderall..... I need Adderall so bad
#any medication will do i just only know adderall#please why am i unable to do anything i need or want to do or enjoy doing
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who else is up feeling empty and void of any substance
#i have had so many conversations lately especially where it feels like i can see myself#in third person/as genuinely someone else entirely and just think#‘’wow there is absolutely nothing in that person. there is nothing in there. ok’’#all i do is complain and whine and say things that aren’t even entertaining or worth expending air#i need to get better at complaining less too because it feels like everyone else is better at just dealing with things#and honestly if things get to a point where there is an emergency or something terrible happens#i would not even be able to reasonably reach out because it feels like being#undeserving of anything like that when you haven’t just dealt with it in silence long enough#like you don’t even deserve help or anything learn to suffer in silence like everyone else so when you do need help it actually makes sense#lmao. or just suck it up and go finally jump or something its not that hard lmao#but noooooo you’re too scared to do it because what if you fuck up and end up alive but unable to hike/walk anymore and that’s the one thing#that you even kind of enjoy#god’s dumbest soldier right here
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i write a lot of characters who are like, "of course they compulsively and uncontrollably try to attempt suicide over and over, as something they're barely even cognizant of even as they're doing it due to how severely they're disassociating out of their bodies. they're at the final stage of frogboiling. their body is screaming at them to get out any possible way they can, but they're not even aware they're in pain or what's causing it."
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#they have mentally blocked so much of their own awareness of their body or mind or emotional state#because if it's just ''BAD BAD BAD WORST EVER YOU HAVE TO LEAVE OR YOU WILL DIE'' all the time#well. then you can't do anything else other than that. because they just can't leave.#they're being forced to stay. they have nowhere else to go.#so that voice gets silenced because otherwise they wouldn't be able to survive at all.#but you get a lot of really upsetting things out of that.#like how much they will happily tolerate or even enjoy things that are tearing them apart.#miranda and the reason why she lives her life in a constant state of denial about everything-#because what else are you supposed to do. freak out all the time but still be unable to leave? unable to stop any part of it?#better to just lay down and accept death.
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👀💖 (pairing is up to u 🙌❤️)
send me an emoji combo and I’ll write you a little nsfw ficlet!
hehe okie this one is public sex 👀 + praise kink 💖 featuring some Sprizzy and a side of Izzy/Crew! :)
this one uh. this got away from me a little bit.
- ♥️ -
“Are you sure about this? You can still call it off at any time.”
Spriggs - no, Lucius - whispers close to Izzy’s neck, a question meant only for him. Izzy suppresses a shiver at the feeling of warm breath against his skin, and shakes his head.
“I’m sure. Fuckin’ wet already, check if you don’t believe me,” Izzy grumbles, face flushing. Lucius chuckles and Izzy blushes harder.
“Don’t worry, I’m getting there. Just promise me you’ll tell me if anything feels wrong.”
“I promise,” Izzy affirms.
“Good boy,” Lucius smiles, and presses a peck to Izzy’s cheek, right over his tattoo.
Izzy shudders at the praise, his chest heaving as his heart starts to race in anticipation of what’s about to happen.
When he finally manages to bring himself to look up from his kneeling position, a dozen pairs of eyes are looking at him. More specifically, the crew of the Revenge, minus the captains. They’re arranged in a crescent moon shape in front of him, most of them sitting or kneeling on the deck, and all staring at him intently. Izzy feels his pulse skip at the sight of them.
His audience.
Having all those eyes on him, as Lucius slowly starts to unbutton his vest from behind, should feel wrong. It should be humiliating, perverse, like he’s just a cheap whore putting on a show. But it isn’t. Somehow, the only thing he can feel is… safe.
And horny, his dick reminds him as Lucius’s hands slip underneath his shirt. That too. Safe and horny. It’s an electrifying combination. His cunt throbs in his leathers.
His heartbeat seems to echo through his entire body as Lucius pulls off more and more layers until Izzy is completely exposed. The cool air hits his hot, aching cunt, and a shudder runs through him.
“Gosh, aren’t you gorgeous,” Lucius murmurs fondly. He runs his hands over Izzy’s scarred back, gently massaging his shoulders, and Izzy’s already melting like butter in his hands. He spreads his knees involuntarily, earning a few intakes of breath from his audience. A spark of strange pride and excitement flutters in his chest.
“Isn’t he so pretty, everyone?”, Lucius says louder, addressing the crew this time. He strokes a single wooden finger down the side of Izzy’s face, smooth carved wood grazing over rough stubble.
The crew doesn’t make him wait for praise. Immediately, Izzy hears several small sounds of agreement, and sees a few of them smile in a way that can only be described as adoring. Who would have thought anyone could look at Izzy Hands with adoration?
“Qué hermosa…”, Jim breathes, staring at Izzy in a way that makes him tremble. “Un muy buen chico.”
Izzy doesn’t know Spanish, but he understands enough to flush at the words. That low, warm rasp of their voice… their dark eyes trailing down his naked body…..
“Yes, he is very good isn’t he,” Lucius agrees. “Are you ready to show them how very good you are, darling?”, Lucius asks, hands trailing slowly down Izzy’s chest.
Izzy barely manages to breathe out his consent before he’s desperately stretching up to meet Lucius’s lips in a hungry kiss, eagerly opening his mouth to grant him entrance. The heat goes straight to his core, pounding through his body in tidal waves of arousal, making him shake.
All at once he feels like he’s loose in a storm, tossed about by the sea, completely at the mercy of this man and his honeyed words. Lucius pulls himself around to face Izzy properly, bringing both hands up to cup his face as he kisses Izzy deeper, hotter, unraveling him.
Izzy feels splayed open, pinned like a butterfly for display, more naked than he’s ever been and more alive than he’s ever felt.
“God you’re so good, you’re so fucking good, you’re just made for this aren’t you,” Lucius gasps into his mouth in between kisses, suddenly sounding almost as desperate as Izzy.
His touch turns almost frantic as he pulls Izzy into his lap, exploring every inch of skin with his hands, raking his nails through silvered chest hair. He tweaks a nipple and Izzy gasps.
He loses himself in Lucius’s touch, almost forgetting about his audience until they break apart for breath and Izzy finds himself shaken by what he sees.
The crew. His crew. They’re all just… looking at him. Looking at him like - like he’s -
“You’re beautiful.”
Lucius whispers the words into his skin with a kiss, soft as sea foam. His hands are trailing lower, lower, chasing the heat between Izzy’s legs.
Beautiful. Beautiful. The words echo in Izzy’s head like a chime, like a song that’s lifting him up, making him gasp and roll into Lucius’s touch. The crazy thing is, he believes it. It makes him feel mad, but right now, he fucking believes it.
He chances another glance at the crew, and his heart soars in his chest as he looks at them. They’re beautiful too, he realizes. They’re all so fucking beautiful. He wants them, he wants them so fucking much. All of them, anything they have to offer him. He wants to be held, and kissed, and touched, and praised, he wants them to whisper a dozen sugar-sweet promises to him and he wants to believe it, he wants them to bring him to his peak again and again and again and he wants to make all of them feel good too.
Lucius’s fingers tease over his cock, sliding down to collect the wetness between Izzy’s legs, just how he promised to before.
“Tell us what you want, Izzy. We’re gonna take care of you.”
Lucius’s beard scratches against Izzy’s collarbone. The sun is warm on the back of his neck. The hushed sound of the ocean is a soothing lullaby in the background.
“Everything,” Izzy says. “Give me everything.”
- ♥️ -
thank you for reading! this will be posted to my ao3 as well <3
#thank you sm for your request! I hope you like it 👉👈#ask box#sunnyposting#izzy hands#lucius spriggs#sprizzy#ofmd#sunny.fic#writing this has taught me two things. firstly that I do not know when to stop.#and secondly that I am unable to write fic about anything without making it serious and emotional.#like bruh this was just supposed to be hot why is it sappy as hell 😭#oh well. I’m not complaining. I wrote and finished something successfully and enjoyed it! :)
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I've been doing a casual second lob corp playthrough for fun and one thing that I've really come to adore is how the different success rates can paint a pretty cool image of how work with it looks like at different levels of each work type and while I think it's kind of sad that base game you can't see the work percentages I also think it in a way adds a fun game of is this marginally harder at level five than four or is my guy just being bad at their job
#rat rambles#lonotomy posting#like one of my favorite details is how dimensional refraction variant has its three less preferred works as 0% for the first two levels and#then 40% for the rest because it rly paints the image of a low level employee being completely unable to do those work types due to not#being able to see it but higher level employees being able to better work around feeding or talking to or whatever to smth they can't see#I also enjoy how the first two attachment work levels of scorched girl aren't dead zero while everything higher is#again its just small things that just sorta make sense with the abnormality even if the work types will still almost never be used#although I don't consider 40% a complete deal breaker if you have high level guys and are desperate lol#oh also shout out to der freischütz for being an absolute bro I love repression trainers 🎉🎉🎉#ofc he has a prerequisite but once you reach level three you can easily grind out to level five in like one work day#plus good gear and good ego gift and you have an abno worth taking as early as you can handle it#which if youre lucky with your teths should be as soon as hes available#still dont care abt him as an abnormality but hes a nice asset to have#also one thing thats been fun to remember is how comically easy most the upper layer sephirah missions are#like especially nezatch's worlds hardest quest play the game#might as well be asking me to finish the day dude we're in the early game#like I know its early game and these might as well just be a tutorial but its still funny to me#tbf the lower layers also have their fair share of piss baby missions#which heavily contrast miss 'suppress a billion abnormalities' gebura lol#I know some ppl have problems with chesed missions but I think yall just need to learn to minmax better <3#I jest but I struggle to see myself having any problems with them during this playthrough#rly the biggest thing Ive learnt this playthrough is that I was fucking robbed during my first playthrough like I did not realize how easy#it is to actually get decent gear early game when the game actually gives you he and waws to chew on#like dude the first day waws were available I got given three waws to choose from where was this my first playthrough#like I wont complain too much since my first ever waw was king of greed and thats a pretty decent first waw but still#anyways Im kind of endeared to some of my nuggets in this save but I dont rly feel like doing anything with them atm#I mightttt give throw them a bone and semi canonize them to my main facility or give them a spin off story but Im not sure rn#again none of them are rly calling to me in the way my main nuggets did so Im not feeling especially obligated to throw that bone#but if I ever start yapping abt a guy called noah know what happened
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my workaholic ass is finally instead just sitting down all cosy and watching Gravity Falls, can i get a hell yeah
#last time i was trying to watch GF (2017) i was suffering MENTOL EELNESS and unable to enjoy anything properly 😃#can can posts!
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The Gravity Falls website is so cool if middle school me saw this she would be losing her SHIT
Edit: entering all the character names is so fun lmao
#gravity falls#not that I can’t enjoy it now that I’m older#but if this happened back then I’d be actually fucking losing it#like unable to talk about anything else for days
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Take Me Home 1, 2
(to see new chapters release, sub on ao3 :))
(3227 words)
When Cassie wakes for the second time, it's not with a pounding head and limbs as heavy as iron. No. This time, her awareness of the world rolls in smoothly, and all she feels when she wakes fully is faint buzzing throughout her body.
She revels in it; the fact that theres no pain. She doesn't think too hard about why, she just shifts, moving to stretch her limbs, but hisses when going to move her arm sends a wave of soreness pain up her arm.
She grits her teeth, yelping and suddenly re-entering the world fully when the pain throws her into alertness.
Her eyes shoot open, and she moves to sit up in bed, heart racing when all she can remember is last being in the dark, dingy, falling apart Pizzaplex, but she calms when all she can see is someone's bedroom.
"...Huh?" She mumbles, her mind still not having fully caught up to her yet. She glances around the room, painted a pale blue, with furniture tucked against the neighboring walls and flowing curtains covering most of the sunlight filtering through the window, a light breeze ruffling them.
Movement catches her attention in the corner of her eye, and she glances over just in time for Gregory to snort awake, eyes trailing across her, not really seeing her, until they blow wide in recognition.
"Cassie!" Gregory exclaims, rushing to stand up from the position he was in where he had been sitting in a chair, laying his head in his arms, hunched over on the bed. "You're finally awake!"
Cassie feels her heart warm when she realizes that Gregory had been waiting for her to wake up by her bedside, never leaving her prescence. Long enough for him to fall asleep. Her heart slows to a normal rate when she sets eyes on him, immediately feeling at ease, and she breaths a deep breath, shifting to sit up more and allowing Gregory to help her when he rushes over.
She hisses when the movement jostles her leg and arm, and she finally takes a good look at them, realizing that at some point, in her sleep, her cardigan had been taken off, leaving her in her button-up, and her shoes and socks had been discarded, leaving her in her dark purple tights and shorts.
Gregory notices her staring at her foot, which is propped up on a pillow, peeking out from under the thick comforter, with some sort of makeshift splint made from cloth wrapped around the ankle.
"We had to improvise." He informs her, that lopsided grin Cassie'd always see in her dreams and on her homemade missing posters stretched on his face. "Ness cant exactly take the chance of getting involved with authority."
Cassie furrows her brows, her mind still kind of foggy from her -what she guesses- long sleep. "Ness?"
Gregory perks up. "Oh. It's a nickname we use for Vanessa a lot. Y'know, that blonde girl that was with us in the pizzeria?"
Cassie nods in recognition, remembering her blonde ponytail with rainbow streaks. "Yeah, um... how exactly did--"
She gets cut off when the door clicks open, and speak of the devil. "Oh, you're awake." Vanessa peeks her head in the room, a smile on her face when she sees Cassie sitting up and awake. "We were just making dinner, and I wanted to see if you were up."
"Um..." Cassie trails off. "Dinner?" She settles on.
Gregory senses her uncertainty, and settles a hand on her shoulder. "Vanessa's makin' chicken alfredo. And since you're awake, now you can finally eat."
Her stomach rumbles as if on queue, and her cheeks redden. Gregory has no problem laughing at her. "How long has it been?"
Cassie tries to think. "A few hours before you came and got me, since I ran to the Pizzaplex as soon as I got the message. So... that plus however long I slept for."
"Eighteen hours." Vanessa supplies helpfully.
Cassies eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "Eighteen hours?!" She exclaims.
Gregory laughs, and Vanessa just looks at her with a crooked smile that reminds her of Gregory's. "Yup. You were exhausted physically and emotionally, and were injured, kiddo. The fact that you slept for so long checks out."
Gregory giggles. "Remember when we first got back, you slept for twenty-one."
Vanessa rolls her eyes. "I think I had a perfectly good reason to sleep the whole day away. Unlike you." She points two fingers from her eyes to Gregory. "Its not my fault you have the same amount of energy as a hyperactive dog."
"You mentioned a dog! So is the dog talk working?" Gregory asks, smugly. "Come on, Ness. Just concede. Its only a matter of time before you cave."
Cassie just watches, unsure of what to do when Gregory and Vanessa talk. Theres a grin on Gregory's face, not one she's used to. Not like the mischievous, pointed ones when Gregory was brewing something up, or the slight, hopeful ones, when Cassie would talk about when they got older, and she and Gregory could work towards getting a car and finally being able to give Gregory a life where he doesnt have to worry, and they can just live. Just a few more years, they'd always say.
This one is easy. Its gentle, with no kind of edge to be detected, and it looks so right on his face. It doesn't look forced, it doesnt look rare. Cassie can tell just by looking that Gregory has smiled like this often, and hes been allowed to be used to it. To smile without the quirk of worry.
It warms Cassies heart, to see that theres been change. But it also hurts.
Because he'd been away for so long, and although Cassie is so, so glad to have him back, she can't help but wonder why he never reached out to her. If he'd been able to smile so easily like this, while she couldn't muster one at times, too empty from his absence.
"I can barely take care of you and Freddy, kid." Vanessa points out, and Cassie is thrown back into reality. "And now I got another destroyed animatronic to fix and another kid. Not even mentioning a dog."
Cassie gasps, big and sudden at Vanessa's words. "Roxy!" She exclaims, and she winces when her voice rasps, and her dry throat burns from dehydration. "Roxy! Where is she? Is--Is she okay?!"
When Cassie starts to shift, arms moving to roll the comforter off of herself and somehow leave the bed, Gregory and Vanessa both rush to gently push her back down.
"Its okay, Cassie." Gregory says in that soft voice of his where it feels like it's only reserved for Cassie. "Shes in parts and service. While you were asleep, we wanted to fix her up a little, so we took turns watching you and fixing Roxy up."
Cassie feels the tension melt off of her body when she hears that Roxy is here, and has been fixed a little, but she still furrows her brows in confusion at 'parts and service', because are they not in a house right now?
Cassie can see Vanessa roll her eyes and go to explain. "He means that shes in one of the spare rooms we use to work on animatronics." Vanessa tells her. "We used it to build Freddy a body, and once Freddy started calling it parts and service, Gregory jumped on it, and it just stuck."
Cassie nods slowly, taking in the influx of information that she cant fully sort through right now. "So thats why Freddy didnt have a head."
"Do you want to see her?" Gregory asks. "Roxy, I mean. I'm suprised she hasnt barged in here already. I had to fight her to get her to trust me and Ness enough to work on her and watch you."
Cassie smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Because Roxy is so worried about her, and Cassie is happy that she cares, but shes upset that Roxy and Gregory are so hostile towards eachother. "Yeah. Um. I would like to see her."
Gregory nods, and smiles. "Kay. She wont look the exact same, since I tried my best to restore her some, but at least she isnt about to fall apart."
Vanessa leaves the room with a curse, and Cassie ignores the slight burning smell coming from outside the door. "...Okay. Just... when you get her, can we have some alone time?"
Gregory nods, halfway out the door. "Okay. Sure. I'll be right back, okay?"
"Okay." She says, and then Gregory is gone.
Cassie breathes deep, playing with the frayed edges of the comforter when theres nothing else to do. She can hear the clattering of kitchen utensils from further in the house, and hushed voices.
The silence stretches further in her room, and when Gregory doesnt return, not right away, Cassie can feel her chest tighten, and something grip her lungs.
She breathes harshly through her nose, and notices how her hands begin to shake slightly.
Something grabs at her chest, something akin to panic, feeling like a giant hand and squeezing.
Gregory. Is all she can think about. He said he'd be right back. Where is he? He shouldn't have been gone this long, right?
Have I lost him again?
She squeezes her eyes shut, trying really hard to keep still, to keep calm, but her brain is jumbled, like its tied itself in knots, and all she can think about is how Gregory isn't here with her.
She has half the mind to get up, to tear through the house to search for him, to make sure she hasnt lost him again, that she wont have to look for him again. But one look at her ankle thats wrapped in cloth and she knows it isnt possible.
She makes a pitiful noise, breaths huffing out of her mouth now, short and heavy, and Gregory hasnt come back yet, and she cant do a thing about it.
It's only when Gregory pops his head back through the door, nudging it open with a creak that Cassie is ripped away from her thoughts and actually realizes how much shes panicking.
Gregory steps inside, a smile on his face, mouth open ready to speak, but it drops right off as soon as he sees Cassie.
Cassie cant find it in her to speak when Gregory rushes over to her, asking if shes okay. Her brain feels like its fogged over, or like its signal is blocked, and she cant think enough to respond to his questions.
All she can do is reach out to him when relief overwhelms her, enough for tears to slip past her lashes, and Gregory pauses in his rapid fire questions, seeming to understand something.
"I'm here, Cassie." He tells her, getting on the bed with her. He let's her wrap her arms around him and squeeze him as much as she needs when she moves to. "I'm not leaving again, okay? I'll be here with you. Nothings going to take me away from you. You arent going to lose me."
Cassie relishes in the reassurance. It reaches past all of the fog into some part of her brain, and it's like hosing down a wildfire. Her breathing slows down as she soaks up the feeling of Gregory right here, with her, and not going anywhere.
The panic that gripped her heart loosens some, and shes finally able to breathe, breathing deep breaths when Gregory does too.
"Sorry." She says after a moment, wiping at her eyes. "I dont... I dont know why that happened. I, um..."
"Separation anxiety." Gregory says, and Cassie startles. When shes finally able to unfuse herself with Gregory enough to look at his face, he has a knowing, serious expression on his face. "I had my rodeo with it, too... me and Freddy didnt have too good of a time with it."
Cassie furrows her brows, and it feels like she has ten thousand more questions added to the pile to ask, but Gregory stops her before she can speak.
"I'll tell you another time, okay?" He says, gesturing to the door where Roxy stands, waiting patiently for someone who was, when she last checked, willing to rip apart the guy Cassie just hugged to death. "Just... I promise I'll help you with it, okay? I dont think I'll be too different from you, after trying to reach you all night, and also..."
His eyes glaze over some, looking like a thousand different memories are playing over them, but he shakes it off, offering one more smile. "Itll be fine, okay? I'm gonna go make you a plate, cuz I think dinners ready, and you can talk to Roxy. Sound good?"
Cassie doesnt know what's wrong with her, because she almost tears up again at Gregory's words, because hes being so kind, and so understanding. She shouldn't be surpised, she guesses, Gregory had always found a way to catch her off guard with kindness when she'd been so used to being brushed off or disliked.
She nods, smiling back ag him, and he offers a thumbs up, moving past Roxy and shutting the door behind him.
It's only now that Cassies able to fully pay attention to Roxy, and she gasps, almost not recognizing her.
Before, she hadn't had anything resembling a face. Just her endoskeleton skull exposed due to broken casing. But now, she somehow has her face casing back. The colors are a little off, and it looks dusty and unused, but she looks like herself. Her last remaining strands of hair are fuller now, some new strands added. They've been shifted, too, styled to look adjacent to her old style, just shorter.
Her body isnt much different, one of her arms has its forearms back, a bright, clean purple compared to her filthy leg warmers, and she has her other foot back, just a larger size and different color.
But the most prominent change are definitely the eyeballs, glowing blue LED's, stuck securely in their sockets.
Cassie laughs disbelievingly, joyously, putting her hands up to her mouth with a wide smile.
"Roxy!" She exclaims. "You have eyes again!"
It's only now, when Roxy laughs along with her, that Cassie realizes her voice box has been replaced, too. Cassie laughs even more when Roxys voice filters through, sounding happy, instead of angry, no warbling or static to be found.
Roxy heads to her bedside, and shes walking much more surely, now. Not like her long, wide strides, always careful to not collide with something. She sways from side to side, ever confident in her looks.
"How do I look?" Roxy asks, fluttering her eyelashes now that she has some again and fluffing her new hairdo up with her hand. "The brat gave me a makeover."
Cassie giggles. "You look beautiful, Roxy."
"I know." Roxy says, but then turns her attention towards Cassie. "How are you doing, Speed racer?" Roxy asks, voice soft. "That elevator couldnt have felt good."
Cassie shakes her head, gesturing to her splinted arm and ankle. "Nope, but... Gregory and Vanessa fixed me up pretty good. I'm not hurting that much."
"I'm glad." Roxy smiles, because she can now.
It's just Cassie and Roxy, now. And like with Gregory, everything she'd been feeling, all the thoughts she'd been having all bubble up to the surface, and now that everyones here, and safe, she just wants to get it all out.
So Cassie furrows her brows, and goes to tell Roxy I'm sorry, I didnt want to, I shut you down and you still saved me, why? But before she can, the door clicks back open, and Gregory steps inside her room, balancing two plates on his hands.
"Dinners ready." He tells her, smiling, and Cassie doesn't know why shes suprised when after Gregory hands her her own plate, he crawls up on the bed with her.
So she doesnt voice it. She just smiles, a big, wide one, but still small and soft.
Vanessa walks inside the room with her own plate, and Freddy, looking everything like the home-built animatronic he is, follows behind her, extra pillows and blankets in his arms.
"I was thinking we have a movie night." Vanessa says, sitting in the same chair Gregory was when she first woke up. "Better than you having to sit in here bored, right, kid?"
Cassie nods, and her mouth waters when she catches a whiff of the chicken alfredo sitting in her lap.
Gregory snatches the remote from Vanessa, holding it away from her arms when she tries to take it back. The TV in front of them that she just now notices is in the room comes to life, Disney+ appearing on screen.
Gregory hands the remote to Cassie when Vanessa finally gives up, and shes able to pick the movie, putting on a happy, animated movie, where all the characters have their happy endings and nothing bad really ever happens.
The chicken alfredo was delicious, and they sat in her makeshift room, pillows and blankets built up like jenga around her to make her as comfortable as possible for hours, laughing together.
Cassies cheeks hurt by the end, and although shes so thrilled after hanging out with Gregory again, just having fun together like they used to, she cant help but notice that Roxy was really quiet the whole time. Really quiet.
Cassie doesnt think shes very good at reading animatronics yet, not like Vanessa and Gregory seem to be able to with Freddy, but Cassie cant help but feel like Roxy wasnt really able to relax this whole time, and shes surrounded with people she feels unsafe with.
By the end of it all, when the suns long set and Cassie feels tiredness drag her eyelids down, she cant rest, even when Vanessa's retired to her room, Gregory's left, and Roxy and Freddy went to parts and service.
She feels the same panic as earlier grip her heart. It's not like a panic attack; she's had a few of those, it's more like any chance of relaxation has left her body, and all that's left is feeling tense, on edge, and like something bad is going to happen. Like Gregory isnt going to be there when she wakes up.
But she needn't have worried, because it isnt too long until Gregory re-enters her room, wearing pajamas and Roxy and Freddy plushies clutched in one hand, with a night light in the other.
"This helped me and Freddy when it'd get bad, too." Gregory explains, tucking the Roxy plushie into her own arm as he lays down with her, clicking the night light shaped like Sundrop on. "That way, you can see me if you get scared that I'm gone."
Cassie can't put into words how grateful she is, or how glad she is that Gregory's back, and that she finally has him again, so she just doesn't, even though she wants to. Instead, she just clicks the lamp off, and when she lays down, wraps her arms around his middle.
Once Gregory is pressed up against her, with her forehead against his collarbone, and she can feel his slow, calm breaths, she feels relaxed. She finally feels herself slip into dreamland, and has no nightmares.
2nd ao3 link
#heres my ao3 notes#just wanted this chapter to be them chilling for a second#because this big talk cassie keeps wanting to have with gregory and roxy and just everything keeps getting delayed#but itll happen eventually#oh trust me#also hope you enjoy the gregory and cassie backstory crumbs! i dont really have anything in mind but ill see where my brain takes it. im ki#but right now i think im going for the idea that gregory was homeless and friends with cassie#and while unable to do anything because gregory makes her hide the fact that hes homeless to her dad#she has him stay at her house to get fed and sleep somewhere safe#and their unusual circumstances plus how sweet their meeting was makes them really close#i also wanted to hammer in the idea of gregory#vanessa and freddy already going through the healing process. like its been an uphill battle and taken a long time#but theyve had time to grow and heal together and know eachother pretty well by now#so i think cassie having seperation anxiety with gregory (and vice versa just less because of his experience + other circumstances)#and gregory having gone through that with freddy (and still is) would be interesting. 3 star fam wants to help cassie + roxy heal#wont be posting chapters on tumblr from now on#so if you wanna keep up sub on ao3 :)#take me home#tmh#my fics#pandas writes
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many such cases
#shitpost#for the record i will draw quite literally anything within reason#and if it's a character i hate i won't like. go on a rant about it#i'm being paid for a service and will provide to the best of my ability#and as a self proclaimed bad media enjoyer i cannot say jack shit#and i hold zero judgement to those who find something in what i'm unable to enjoy#but for the record i will joke about it privately with my friends on discord to keep my sanity throughout the process lol#catsCANdraw
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