#ultimate blorbo behaviour

[the-travelling-witch]

thank you for the tag andie <3

this stuff is always so hard to fill out, the urge to put “it depends on the situation”/ add context and explanations everywhere is so strong jshshs (hopefully it’s even legible lol)

also ajshsjsh you and shouto are sooo cute, helllo??

tagging: @rowavolo @zhongrin @kurikurikurisu @scint1llat3 @oopsiedaisymae @strawberrystepmom + everyone who wants to!! (no pressure tags :])

TAG GAME: selfship character sheet!

saw people on the dash doing this and needed to turn it into a tag game for an excuse to do it myself lmao. rules: fill out this meet my otp sheet for you and the blorbo love of ur life. then tag at least 5 friends.

a few no-pressure tags to start: @ofmermaidstories @lorelune @willossom @kimkaelyn @castlelibrarykeeper

@shibaraki @birinboom @yinyuedijun @seiwas @izuwumidoriya

@candied-boys @acerathia @startcarvingdarling @aimfor-theheart @persimmonteas

@restwellsoon @adimelymanner @saintshigaraki @nagumoan @yuutito

@honehonn3honey @pastelle-rabbit @the-travelling-witch @ghost-flakes @coopigeoncoo

@stellamancer @pikatsum plus anyone else who wants to do it!!

ignore how off center everything is and that i forgot myself in some lol, pixlr kept glitching reee

[video-game-kids-tournament]

MEET YOUR CONTESTANTS! #2

TW: Manslaughter, parental neglect + suicide mention

(oh, and Omori spoilers)

Name: Basil

Age: "12 (in dream land) 16 (in real world)"

Gender + Pronouns: Cis man, he/him

Video Game: Omori

Backstory: “Oops! Omori, their best friend, just accidentally killed their sister and they helped disguise it to appear to be suicide. Now omori doesn't leave the house or talk and to be frank Basil hardly does. And in the dream world they're being forgotten. Wait... Who is this about, again?(/j)”

• “(massive spoilers for omori) He helped cover up Mari's death that Sunny caused due to major fear he'll get in trouble. His parents aren't home much and he has a caretaker that grows considerably more concerned about his wellbeing by each day. He is stuck in a downward spiral since the incident.”

• “(Spoilers) okay so his best friend accidentally killed someone, and basil made it look like a suicide so the best friend wouldn't get in trouble. Then he became pretty isolated from the world.”

• “Really lonely until he was brought into his current friend group. Was present at the scene of the murder of his best friend's older sister and helped frame her death. Later, he was accused of ruining his photo album by the same person who dragged him into his friend group and started being viciously bullied by her and her new friends. He's incredibly lonely and depressed as of late :(“

Why should they win the tournament?: “Basil is the saddest little guy. He deserves to win. It would be the first good thing to ever happen to him”

• “he's so cool and fucked up,,, he's the kid ever it's totally normal 12 year old behaviour to help your best friend cover up an accidental manslaughter of his sister”

• “He's a boss fight, and he might look nice, but he can literally take out your eye.”

• “Because he is my ultimate blorbo and is holding my brain hostage, not that I mind. Also, it will give him the chance to prove himself!”

[fairyspheres]

i have some incoherent thoughts about god in the good omens verse and i need to get them out in some sort of legible written format. so sorry if you don't like this lmao.

(note; these are my personal thoughts that i'm putting into words please don't get mad at me)

rather than the loving and benevolent being that god is often portrayed as in media, she is very much the old testament version. all about testing people and wrath without reason. she doesn't play fair. she threw angels down into perdition simply for asking questions.

and honestly, as much as it hurts to see the blorbos/poor little meow meows hurt in the show, i actually really like this portrayal of her. given how a lot of christianity has been based upon or influenced by earlier/ancient religions (jesus' wine trick can be compared to dionysus, for example), i feel it's no small stretch to say that god herself was influenced by the creator deities of those religions.

if i use gaia as an example (though she was not the ultimate 'creator' in ancient greek mythology - that was chaos - it's close enough for the comparison), she was gentle and loving, as god is said to be. gaia is also brutal and tells her titan children to kill their father. god has shown a pattern of,,, questionable behaviour.

i do think god loves her creations and children in the go verse. i also think that her interpretation is close to the old greek deities, which influences things. the greek gods loved their creations, too, but they were firmly inhuman and so loved in an inhuman way, usually by turning their loved humans into a fountain, a plant, or an animal. god does the same thing (without the metamorphosis bit).

the greek gods would often test their favoured heroes (or champions). zeus also decided to drown the entire world because he got tired of humans (a mood), but allowed pyrrha and deucalion to survive and repopulate (though with stones, so no incest there).

god has obviously done all this as well. we know she tests her favoured humans (look at job). we know she drowned everyone in mesopotamia because she got tetchy one day.

i think she shows her love in the same way. inhuman, terrible, and horrifying. which is why i think when she tests the humans, she's also testing the angels and demons (particularly a certain earth loving pair). she loves them still, she wants to see what they'll do, but she doesn't tell them what's happening or what to do. a hands-off approach.

(also, contrary to popular depiction, i don't think god doesn't have fluffy white wings. she was the first being in an empty universe/void like chaos, right? so i think she has black wings. and i think she's an eldritch being like chaos or nyx. she certainly wouldn't look human.)

[transthadymacdermot]

Tell us about the main blorbo you're rotating right now?

Rn I am working on creating a character to be a best friend for eoin o'donnell of rrl and tng ☝️ for a long time the only character to rlly fill this post has been maguire, the second-in-command of the agrarian paramilitary o'donnell leads, but that was mostly just because they happened to interact a lot due to the aforementioned paramilitary situation rather than any genuine relationship between them. so far this new character is like... similar to eoin in that he also enjoys carousing and sex and reckless behaviour but very different in terms of personality. this guy understands people and is good at socialising but ultimately likes to stick to people within his little clique, unlike eoin who understands other people so little that he largely relies on carefully constructed scripts of most likely behaviour to predict what someone might do BUT is often required to interact with a wide variety of people. also I think the new guy likes to say horrible things under the guise of them being a joke and is rather a morality pet to eoin. and I have no idea about his appearance but I think he kinda looks like paul mescal. I have not yet named him

[aleisters]

ok i realize that my message came across weird cause i didnt elaborate but its nasty how they sexualize astarion making him some kinda daddy dom cuz disregard all of the lore and cod is especially bad cuz theyve taken to simping for literal irl russian terrorists

i genuinely think it’s rlly cool of you to acknowledge your ask sounded weird. however.

aside from the fact it came off misogynistic, i’m personally hung up on the context of you messaging this stuff because you disagreed w my opinion that tiktok is the single worst way to consume art.

like… we can talk about people’s headcanons being weird if you want but it’s a separate conversation. i’m so cereal right now about what tiktok and its imitators are doing to our sense of appropriate behaviour, what it’s doing to the sphere of “content”, and most importantly the way it dilutes and damages art and regurgitates it. i just care more about that than if someone wants astarion to tell them they’ve been a naughty little girl, you know?

it’s a weird context to bring this stuff up in, particularly because someone sexualising our blorbos in a way we’re personally unhappy about is ultimately harmless and doesn’t do anything, at worst “daddy dom astarion” could be argued as further media illiteracy but imo that would be really disingenuous of me to claim.

finally: those people are on tumblr and twitter and everywhere else too. like tiktok is a bad platform but when it comes to the actual people in the fandom spaces, they’re everywhere. your russian terrorist likers are 100% also on tumblr (eta: i’m not saying terrorist simps are harmless, i just don’t know about that so it’s beside the point to me). this isn’t a platform exclusive issue. these annoying people will also be queer and trans, in addition to whatever helping of cishet people.

i hope you engage with this post, which is way too long and earnest for a sunday morning, with the good faith in which it was written, i’m not mad at you but i think we had a time and a place issue … i’m talking about how the tiktok format is destructive to art and you’re talking about how you don’t like ppl in your fandoms and these are just unrelated issues

[nitunio]

How about Momo and Yuki?

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK BUNNIII !!! these two are sure... something ^___^

YUKI MY BELOATHED...

I LOVE HIM. I used to hate-hate him and mute his voice and mute Re:vale's songs whenever I heard him sing, I just didn't like his voice at all (sobbing emoji), but I've grown to REALLY like it after lots of listening (for Momo's sake)! it's got that unique cadence to it and his less-composure moments are fun. BUT enough of that. Straight to the salad spinner he goes!!!! He's silly and fun and the juxtaposition between his cold looks and his actual off-stage behaviour is funny, I love the tiny details they put in him, I love the fluff moments he gets with Momo and I love how the two navigate the relationship. he's such a silly failguy I would absolutely tear the world apart if anything bad were to happen to him. his straightforwardness to anyone but Momo is KILLING MEEEE

ultimately he's there in the backburner of my mind and he's not really for me AND i see the appeal AND I know many people who like him. he's my blorbo by proxy I think about him A LOT

And Momo.... (oohoohohohohhooo)

HE'S MY ULTIMATE BRAINROT BLORBO GUY of all the i7 cast. I think about him so much. How he acts how he talks how his voice is so perfect and beautiful and how it changes when he's serious, or when he's afraid or when he's worried. I love how he smiles through it all I LOVE whump scenarios with him (explaining the 'didn't get bullied enough') I LOVE FLUFF SCENARIOS WITH HIM TOO. He's got everything. He sure does exist he's like. he's there for everyone and so alone when he's with himself, he wants everyone to be happy he wants Yuki out of harm's way..... IF ANYTHINGG HAPPENS TO MOMO I WILL DESTROY THE WHOLE UNIVERSE AND WILLL FIND A TIMELINE WHERE HE LIVES

IN OTHER WORDS his character is so good. it's literallly impossible to top him in this regard. his design absolutely rocks too - and his big magenta eyes and his fangs and THE WHITE ENDS OF HIS SHORT DARK BLUE HAIR. AND HIS CARDS -- ALWAYS A DELIGHT TO LOOK AT. i want his gender in a "silly guy who also looks incredibly attractive" way. how does he do that.

[eddiethehunted]

god the world needs more mean cunt eddie x headstrong confident steve . give me the kids trying soooo hard to keep them from spending time together because they know how fucking insufferable they’d be if they were constantly on the same side on principle. give me joke fighting that turns into real shouting matches that take a full week to repair bc they’re both stubborn and steve got just a bit too emotionally involved to let it go (eddie would never let it go anyways). only wayne can get them to shut up if they’re in the same room and riling each other up and he does this by threatening to quit his job to babysit them fulltime. clearly i think the world needs more cunty eddie bc seeing that sent me Into This State!

your mind............ anon i need to crawl into your mind come back here RIGHT NOW!!!!

side rant below the readmore bc i am Thinking

also ok tbh this is 100% me projecting and THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE OKAY..... i dont want anyone taking my words out of context and making me sound like a bad person.

i am autistic, right. sometimes i say things that come across as mean bc i have a hard time getting the tone right. sometimes i tease my friends but i go too far and dont realize it until they get quiet or call me out. sometimes i get really angry and defensive about my interests if someone disagrees with me. sometimes i miss social cues and end up just sounding like a jerk.

and sometimes im just a CUNT!!! OK! because i dont even think abt how rude im being until i've already done it!

ofc it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to monitor my behaviour but sometimes things slip and i fuck up and then i have to deal with the consequences. anyway.......... again this is me projecting but im seeing eddie as the same kind of autistic girlie as me so i think u can see where im going with this!

i just want to explore more of him being mean and rude and sometimes he doesn't realize it. and sometimes he does! and he doesn't CARE!!! until someone he cares about calls him out. and yk what!! he would maybe get defensive! but i personally think he'd ultimately do the right thing even if it pisses him off at first

i think that a lot of ppl write eddie as being very sweet and conscious of others' feelings and just a kind person and while i do think he can be these things i also think it's more in line with how he's written to admit that he's kind of a dick. he's #notlikeothergirls. oh you like metal? name every song ever

characters can grow and learn and change and i think he could do all of these things but i also think that he'll never stop being a bit pretentious and annoying. and hes so real for that

i think we should let our blorbos be cunts sometimes alright

[soryualeksi]

Time to inflict my headcanons on everyone again, so.

I just had this lovely conversation in my own head where I was trying to articulate how I’m lying. (Without outing myself as autistic because it’s none of anyone’s business. But basically, I give people disclaimers if something comes up how I’m likely going to go about dealing with it so they won’t be too surpised.)

And after a long long fictional conversation to try and find the right words, my brain kindly spat out the line, “If I’m making a story up whole-cloth there’s just too many details I need to keep track of. It’s far easier and more efficient to tell a PART of the truth and then keep in mind WHICH part of the truth I’m telling.”

Aaand in the next moment my brain added the very helpful “lmao yuan”.

!!!

THINK ABOUT IT

Is he ever telling outright FALSEHOOD to the party? (As starkly opposed to SO MANY OTHER CHARACTERS WHO GET A PASS!!!) The things he IS telling are correct and honest. You get like 90% of your exposition from him, he just DUMPS it all on you like “okay look I made a handy flowchart here’s how Yggdrasill runs the world and here’s the underlying mechanics and here’s how we’re in the grand scheme and by the way I’m a double agent for Cruxis while I’m actually running the resistance no harm from telling that to just any rando btw what you need is that sword at the Tower of Salvation but only half-elves can wield it so that’s a problem bye”.

Yuan is being hmmm not-entirely-truthful (lmao) by not telling PART of the whole truth and frankly? The parts he DOESN’T tell? Are actually mostly personal business. “I’m taking you hostage, Lloyd, to further my goals. WHY is none of your business. I’m trying to get Martel off the machines that keep her body alive. WHY is none of your business. Lloyd, you look JUST like someone I know. WHO is none of your --- for fuck’s sake, Kratos, you WILL tell your own damn kid that you’re his damn bio dad OR I WILL and also, Kratos, I’m 100% planning to kill you for Origin’s Seal and I told you so 2 billion times already AND I’M GOING THROUGH WITH IT ANY MINUTE NOW KRATOS!!!!!”

YUAN isn’t the one who boldly LIES into the party’s face, he doesn’t even really stretch the truth, he just WITHHOLDS parts that uhmmmmm couuuld maybe be worth knowing but ehhh (unbiased lmao).

Anyway, enough rambling. Neurodivergent!Yuan. The character that gets the reputation of being “shifty”, “weird”, “a liar”, “untrustworthy” and whose social mannerisms everyone keeps making fun of (me included tbh because he’s my nerrrd) despite lying FAR LESS than like every other character in the damn game. ;___;

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Okay, so I’ve noticed a theme in posts recently about Izzy Hands that I want to address. I love Izzy as a character (*chefs kiss* to Con O'Neill's portrayal) and also love exploring him. He is (unfortunately) one of my blorbos. But the thing is that

Izzy Hands is homophobic. He’s a queer coded homophobic homosexual - this immediate interpretation of him that was passed around isn’t wrong.

I’ve seen at least 5 posts now saying he isn’t and it’s kind of bizarre to me? He literally is. So I sort of just want to look at some of the reasons people are saying he isn’t. Ultimately, I think the reading that ‘it’s wrong to say Izzy is homophobic’ comes from like. A misunderstanding of all the forms homophobia can take? Or a belief that if you yourself are mlm you can’t be homophobic? 

So one HUGE thing I’ve seen multiple times now is ‘Izzy ignores Pete and doesn’t say anything homophobic to him when he finds Pete and Lucius having sex in Episode 5′. But the fact that Izzy immediately picks on the effeminate gay man and calls him a ‘bitch’ - a pretty damn loaded term in this context - is homophobia. But then why does he ignore Pete? It’s because Izzy’s homophobia is specifically directed towards effeminate gender-non-conforming gay men. Which is a pretty intense form of homophobia, in fact its a wildly common one. ‘I’m okay with someone being homosexual, but I can’t stand all that gay shit’ is like. A huge thing. Do we not remember that dumb meme that was passed around in like 2012 that was all ‘gay people I respect vs. gay people I don’t respect’? 

So yes, Izzy ignores Pete in favour of Lucius, but that’s because Lucius is the kind of gay man Izzy takes issue with. And there’s obviously more to it than that, there’s an important class reading (in an episode which is all about class) in that Lucius represents the most educated member of the crew apart from Stede. But that’s not it in it’s totality because the ‘bitch’ line is RIGHT THERE, and the way that Izzy wants to use Lucius’s open flirting with the crew is RIGHT THERE. 

And Izzy’s hatred of Stede plays into this; Stede is an imbecele, he’s dumb, he’s ridicious, he’s not the right sort of man. Edward when he allows himself to enjoy the things Stede enjoys is also not being the right sort of man. But wanting men to not be openly feminine in some of their hobbies and personality it just...it IS homophobia. 

And Izzy is obviously queer coded. As the show runners said, he has a toxic love for Edward. He gets really close to men and stares at their lips while he argues. Etc. Etc. If Izzy was offered a ‘manly’ no holds bared violent relationship with Ed he wouldn’t have a problem with that at all. If the crew were fucking but like ‘proper pirates’ do (aka calico jack and Ed’s relationship) then Izzy probably wouldn’t have a problem with that either. But just because he doesn’t take issue with mlm relationships in all their forms, that DOESN’T mean he’s not homophobic and denying this part of his character is just...a really weird move in my opinion? And sort of denies him some of the complexities he has? 

Idk if people are doing this because they want to make him more sympathetic, or more ‘blorbo-y’ or if they just genuinely don’t see this kind of behaviour as homophobia but. You can like the character even if he is like this you know that right? In fact, this aspect of his character is what makes him interesting to many people and makes people want to explore his backstory and stuff (and maybe give him some kind of redemption arch)? It’s okay to like villains and people in fiction who you wouldn’t IRL? He did all the bad stuff he did and that’s actually very interesting and way more cool than if we sooth him over so he’s easily digestible. 

Anyway, that’s my rant.

[mishkakagehishka]

Hostile Work Environment

A big thank you to @baltoslav who helped me proofread, edit and polish this <3

Fandom: Ensemble Stars!! Dynamic: (mild) yandere Mika Kagehira's one-sided crush on the Producer (they/them pronouns, use of (Y/N)), Producer who is creeped out by his obsessive behaviour (see note) Word count: 3531 Summary: The Producer grew tired of Mika's increasingly worrisome obsession with them and, for the sake of maintaining an environment they'd enjoy working in, chose to drop Valkyrie as their unit. However, Mika, who already suffers from a fear of abandonment, doesn't take it well in the least. Warnings: mild violence, injury and blood (of the nose), mentions of obsessive, jealous and unhealthy/toxic behaviour, implications of stalking, lots of descriptions of bodily fluids (snot, tears, saliva, mainly) Note: You ever get in the mood to just torture the hell out of your blorbo? That's all I'll say on the "why" topic. To explain the dynamic a little more, Mika is not meant to be sympathised with here. I lifted a lot from his canonical obsession-prone behaviour, but amped it enough that I thought whether or not this should be tagged as yandere (Ultimately, I decided to do it. While it does feel somehow "mild", the elements of obsession, stalking and jealousy are still there, and I'd rather make sure everything is properly tagged). I'd consider this "angst with a resolution" and a catharsis specifically because his behaviour earned him the Producer's frustration and all the action they took. I'm kinda blabbing, but I just like talking about the thought process behind some of the stuff I write. Anyway!

On that day, the ES building and all its staff were as busy as they always were. As the most brightly-shining gem of the nation’s idol industry, the ES building was known for the daily hustle and bustle, with moments of peace few and far between. The sounds of printers and staplers, the staff members going over schedules and contracts, stamping approvals as well as rejections, an adjustment here and a correction there – there was always more work to be done. Even the idols themselves, the privileged crème de la crème of society, could often be found running around the offices like mice in a labyrinth, eager to get their hands on the better jobs before a rival could steal it. And though conversations echoed and mixed throughout the building, the most interesting exchanges always took place behind the closed doors of the meeting rooms. It was in one such meeting room of the Cosmic Production offices that a producer and an idol were holding a one-on-one about work matters or, better said, about work problems. The idol – Mika Kagehira of Valkyrie – stood accused of inappropriate behaviour. To be sure, that wasn’t the first time he was accused of the same and the Producer, sick of it, simply had to take firm action this time. No matter how many times he was reprimanded, Mika’s behaviour had never corrected. Again and again, he treated them almost akin to an object of worship, obsessively following their every step and seemingly attempting to insert himself into their life as more than just an idol – all of which was highly inappropriate in a work setting. Not even to mention, the way he would always insist on walking the Producer to the station in the evenings, or how he always tried to shoo other idols away from them, even if it was for work, made them increasingly uncomfortable. After some time, even his overly enthusiastic greetings and entranced staring from the other side of the room were enough to put the Producer on edge. And that was simply no work environment to thrive in.

Thus, the Producer set up a meeting. Not to reprimand him once more – these warnings have proved time and time again to be futile – but to tell him they've had enough. Besides, it would be bad manners to abandon a client without informing them first. At least Valkyrie’s leader, Shu, took it in stride – in fact, he reacted quite aloof to the news of the Producer handing them off to another colleague of the P-Association (though Mademoiselle expressed sadness and understanding in equal measures, making them promise to at least stay in touch) – but they had an inkling that Mika would prove to be more difficult to deal with. Hence, the slightly informal setting and the privilege of a semi-private space.

Mika had arrived early, too excited for a one-on-one meeting with the Producer to risk being late. He was always like that with them: eager. Ecstatic to bask in their presence even if for mere moments. When the Producer had arrived, Mika was already seated at the table, fidgeting impatiently, bouncing his leg and tapping the desk with his fingers to the rhythm of a song that only existed in his mind. His eyes lit up the moment he saw his cherished Producer. Before he could even stand to greet them, however, they started speaking, “I’m switching to producing a different unit.” They hadn’t even made eye contact before cutting to the chase. The Producer didn’t want to give him even the hope of that day’s meeting being anything but cold, hard business. It left Mika in an awkward half-sitting pose, his smile frozen in place, too shocked to even frown. A moment of silence passed, during which the cogs in his head were very obviously spinning into overdrive trying to process the information he was just given. "I… dun understand. What're ya sayin', (Y/N)-chan?" "I already told you not to call me that at work,” they snapped. “I said I’m switching to producing a different unit. I’m dropping Valkyrie." “Ya can’t do that!” he protested, standing up so abruptly that the chair behind him slid backwards, nearly tipping over. “Y’ve been our producer all this time, ya can’t just… ditch us!” He took a step closer, and the Producer took two steps back. “Of course I can; Saegusa approved my request just this morning. From now on, Valkyrie’s work will be handled by-” “But why? Who’re ya switchin’ to? There ain’t no one here better than Valkyrie, so y’re just betrayin’ us fer nothin’ and- and-” "I’m not betraying anyone, I’m making a career decision.” A sigh. The Producer pinched the bridge of their nose, closing their eyes to gather their thoughts. “Deep breaths, Kagehira. It’s nothing to panic over."

There was a moment of hesitation, a moment in which Mika didn't know whether to obey or protest, but, ultimately, his trust and admiration for them overpowered his negative feelings. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled. It wasn’t the first time he had felt so emotional, it wasn’t the first time the Producer had to guide him back to Earth – but he couldn’t help it! He has always been an emotional person, and the Producer just means so much to him. Even the way their words were able to ground him so easily was proof enough that he needed them. He couldn’t understand why they were going to switch so suddenly, he honestly couldn’t imagine a single reason for it – he didn’t want to, or maybe he couldn’t, think about it being his fault.

“Y’re abandonin’ us,” still, he pressed. “How could’ja? Was it… ‘s it my fault? N’ah, ‘m sorry, I dunno what I did, but I’m sorry, so, please, tell vice prez ya changed yer mind!” But the Producer was tired, irritated. They have had the conversation about his behaviour too many times already, Mika saying he had no idea what he had done only drained them further of their patience. They were done mincing their words just to appease him. “It is your fault, actually.” “Wha-” “How many times have I told you? Not to call me by my first name, not to invade my personal space, not to follow me after work, not to bother and harass me? Every single time,” they emphasised each word with a downwards motion of their fist, straightening their back to appear somewhat more assertive and taking a deep breath before continuing, “every single time when I, or a higher-up, told you to quit it, you’d behave for a week, maybe, before returning to your usual, disgusting behaviour. It is your fault! I love this job, that’s why I’m here, but even just- just seeing your face is enough to ruin my day now! I can’t work in these conditions, so I’m switching before you make me quit entirely.” A sniffle. Mika quickly looked away, rubbing his cheek with his hand. “Y’don’t mean that…” his voice was barely above a whisper, strained, shaky. “I do! And-” “You don’t. You don’t, you d-” though his face was out of the Producer’s sight, the sharp intake of air was enough for them to guess that he was on the verge of crying. He always was sensitive. “I never… I only…” he couldn’t even get a coherent sentence out. “Don’t interrupt me. You and your... obsession – you’ve really made me hate my dream job. So, I quit. I’m switching. I don’t want to work with a nasty creep like you any longer.” The Producer finally exhaled, shaking their frustration out through their hands.

Yet, they were somewhat proud of themselves for being able to finally lay out all their annoyance, all their exasperation with the idol. And it was more than that, really, because, even though their co-workers seemed to think of Mika as a relatively harmless young man, there was something so subtly off-putting about him; the Producer just didn’t want to risk it. Today, he asks them if the trip they haven’t told anyone they’d be taking was fun, tomorrow who knows what he will grow bold enough to do. Though they could have phrased it more diplomatically, considering his complete disregard of their comfort, the Producer didn’t feel the need to care much for Mika’s feelings, either. Another positive aspect of the one-on-one meeting – they didn’t have to worry about seeming unprofessional. And those were their final words to him, they were certain as they turned their back to him, reaching for the door.

But it only took a fraction of a second. Mika himself hadn't actually thought the action through, but in a moment he leapt up and towards them, encasing them in a back-hug. "Cruel… yer so cruel…!" he whispered, his voice cracking. "Please, I get it's my fault, but I can fix m'self… I can be good, please, I promise," he stuttered out. "Please, don't abandon Valkyrie… don't abandon me, (Y/N)- no, Producer! See? 'M really honest ‘bout tryin' my best!" "Get off me!" The Producer, on the other hand, was completely uncomfortable. They tried to shake him off, worming themselves around enough to pry their arms out of his grip. They turned to face Mika and deservingly punched him in the nose. With a yelp, he let go, his hands now pressing onto the assaulted area. A warm wetness, smeared droplets of blood glistened on his palm – it wasn’t a lot of blood, it wasn’t even a particularly hard punch, but enough to make him feel light-headed. "You… you hit me…” he choked out with a newly-nasally voice. “… You hit me!” he repeated as if he couldn’t believe it, as if he was trying to convince himself that it truly happened. Their eyes met. Mika’s widened, quivering gaze, and the Producer’s burning, yet equally shocked glare. Though the Producer was more shocked at Mika’s appearance than their own actions.

His cheeks were already red and blotchy, lips trembling in a frown, and those striking mismatched eyes were now emphasised further by his bloodshot, irritated sclerae. "I just wanted to- to…" he hiccupped, the crystalline tears that gathered in his eyes threatening to spill over, "I… I just… y’re so cruel!" And the dam broke. Mika's whole torso shook as he sobbed, one fist clenching over his chest while the other was busy catching the blood still dripping from his nose. "Y’re so cruel to me!" he accused, blamed. Again and again, as if he was trying to distance himself from his own mistreatment of the Producer, however much he thought said behaviour was good, by begging for sympathy. The Producer, not wanting anything to do with his outburst (and though they could reasonably explain the punch as self-defence, they still feared repercussions), was about ready to run off. Yet, once more, Mika stopped them. Mika, who had now thrown himself on the floor in front of them, grabbing at their legs to keep them from moving. Like a spoilt child, he clung to their knees, pulling down and towards him to the point that they felt like their legs were going to give out and they’d fall on him. It took all their strength to keep themselves upright in that moment – they would have never guessed Mika had that much strength in him.

"Don't leave! Please, don't leave me!" His speech was slurred even more than usual, made almost incomprehensible by the whines and sobs that accented them. He was getting choked up, barely breathing at this point. "I'll change, I'll be good, please, Producer, ple-ease, jus’ tell me wha’ta do t’ make ya stay! I'll do anythin’, please!" Frankly, between his desperate pleas and the way he was gripping the Producer's legs, squeezing the veins until they were near-ready to burst and form bruises, it was becoming pathetic. Repulsive. "I'm not gonna be a cr-creep anymore, please!" Mika's face was now fully laid against the Producer's thigh – which the Producer was not happy about in the least. They could feel his tears, blood, spit and snot soak through the fabric, and it just disgusted them. Recoiling, they tried to shake him off, first by pushing at his shoulders, then, when he only clung harder, by trying to kick him off, all to no avail. Reduced to a most undignified state, Mika was begging them to stay through loud, gross sobs, making promises he had already broken many times, promises that the Producer knew he wouldn’t keep. It made them regret choosing a one-on-one meeting. Surely, he wouldn’t be making such a scene if only they had convinced Shu to accompany them.

“I said let go!” “Not ‘til ya promise to give me another chance! Please!” His nails were digging into their skin even through the fabric, he clung to them desperately, as if he were drowning and they were the only thing keeping him afloat. With eyes filled to the brim with overflowing tears, he looked up at them. Truly, a beyond pathetic sight. “Please, don’abandon me, don’t hate me! Y’can hit me an’ yell at me an’ insult me more if ya wanna, but, please, just don’t leave me!” “You’re making me uncomfortable,” the Producer was firm, “let go this instant, or I’m going to… report you or something!” They were moments away from losing it, from screaming and yelling, but they kept that semblance of professionality that was trained so well into them. They refused to debase themselves by behaving like an animal – like he was behaving – though they were aware and ready to defend themselves with another punch if needed. The Producer tried to pry him off once more, but Mika didn’t budge. He only wailed louder, now fully hugging and squeezing his arms around the Producer’s knees. It felt like they were moving in circles, and even the Producer started feeling desperate. Ashamed. But they had to shake that feeling off – Mika wasn’t the victim here; he was only facing the consequences for his vile disregards of normal human decency. Despite Mika’s arms making it difficult to move, they managed just enough to hit his shoulder with their knee. This proved to be enough for him to let go momentarily, and the Producer took advantage of that to push him away from themselves. As he was already unstable in the position on his knees, it didn’t take much effort to push him on his behind once the support gained through the Producer’s legs was taken away. He stumbled backwards with an oomph, eyes squeezed shut.

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” the Producer accused, vitriol in their voice, “and I don’t want anything to do with it.” “Don’say that…” Mika tried his best to wipe his tears with the back of his hand, sniffling and blubbering, though he ended up looking more of a mess with what was left of his nosebleed, mixed with his tears, now smeared on one of his cheeks. And the tears just kept falling, besides. He didn’t try to get up. “Don’t… sa-ay that…” he gasped out, the force of his cries making it hard to breathe. He was shaking his head in denial, bringing his hands up to pull on his hair. He didn’t want this to happen, he never wanted this to happen – they were never supposed to look at him with such repulsion. The dull throbbing in his temples signalled the beginnings of a headache, and his mouth was still filled with saliva as well as the blood that passed through his throat instead of his nostrils. “Even though I love ya like this… Why’re ya-” he hiccupped, unceremoniously choking on his spit. “Even though I lo-ove ya…” “Are you serious? Ew.” The Producer couldn’t help but cringe. “Is that why you were so sleazy this whole time? Because you liked me?!” They found it disturbing. The things Mika was doing to them – from the stalking to the violent jealousy over them – none of it was what a sane person would do to someone they liked. “I wasn’t… ‘M sorry, I’m…” a wheeze, “‘M sorry, I just wan-wanted ya to love me back, I dun want’cha to ha-ate me…” With every rasp, every cough, he shivered and pawed at his chest, trying to ease the pain in his lungs, trying to breathe. But his breath hitched, his throat kept closing up, and the slimy spit that filled his mouth as a result of all the crying didn’t help. Mika kept his eyes to the floor, ashamed to look at the Producer in that state. To say he didn’t quite plan on confessing like this goes without saying. He felt like his whole world was turned upside-down, like his whole life was swiftly ruined in a matter of minutes. “Good thing I switched, then. That’s so… Revolting.” “Stop…” He felt humiliated. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he finally leaned forward, grasping desperately at the linoleum floors. He was shivering like he was running a nasty fever, leaning on one hand while the other clutched his mouth. Desperately trying to hold in his sobs, he didn’t want to repulse his Producer any more than he already did. But even just that – the realisation that he repulsed them – made him want to sob even louder, made him want to cry and scream until his voice goes hoarse. He didn’t want this. His head was about to burst, his eyes and throat burnt, he was tired. He was tired.

Mika had no idea that this was what his day was going to turn into when he received word from his (now former) Producer about this meeting. Even at his most pessimistic, he would never have guessed that he would find himself crawling on the floor like a cockroach – a small, worthless, disgusting abomination – slobbering, bleeding, crying, while they only looked at him. He was afraid to meet their eyes again, to see their expression, but he did. He wished he hadn’t. There was no empathy, no patience, no warmth in their eyes. They looked at him only with disgust. They looked downright revolted by the sight of Mika. He sometimes wondered, maybe even fantasised about it – his Producer looking at him as if he was less than human, mistreating him, insulting him. Just a (somewhat) innocent idea he entertained during the slower hours of his part-time jobs, a concept he initially thought exhilarating. But experiencing it was completely different to thinking about it. Maybe it was because, in his mind, the Producer loved him back, maybe because his thoughts were of his own fully controlled world. Maybe because he was used to his Teacher’s criticisms always holding a certain degree of affection to them, that he expected it would be the same with the Producer. But it wasn’t. And there he now laid, crying and begging for mercy, for them to see from his point of view, to see how much he loves them, that he’d do anything for them, that he doesn’t deserve this. But nothing the real Producer was saying was out of love. The opposite, actually. It made chills run down his spine, and another round of waterworks come on. The tears ran easier down his already wettened cheeks, and he looked away once more, feeling as if his depravity had stripped him of the right to gaze at them, to behold them. He loves them, but they’re disgusted with him. “You hate me…” he whispered, rubbing his face, trying desperately to wipe away the tears that were overflowing faster than he could catch them. “I do.” His breaths were becoming more and more unstable, painful. He was trying to keep his sobs in, but all it did was tighten his chest – all it did was hurt him further. Mika’s heart was about to burst, split into a million tiny little pieces. He was certain he was dying – but he’d have preferred that to this humiliation, this injustice. Mika was certain he didn’t do anything wrong, that his love was so pure, so honest. He thought that all that he was doing, his interest in the Producer’s private life, remembering the small details about them, keeping them safe, he thought that all that would only endear him to them. That, when he finally confessed, they would know he was the one because of all those actions. And instead, he’s being degraded, humiliated, insulted and rejected.

“I’m leaving. Don’t ever talk to me again.” The room was spinning around him, he was sure he couldn’t even feel his legs anymore, feeling lost, feeling disoriented. Feeling wronged. But he could clearly see them turning and leaving, not even sparing him a second glance. “Wait, (Y/N)-chan, wait, please-!” He tried to get up, but his knees buckled, and he was back on the floor in moments. He felt so helpless. Beaten and broken, deprived of what he felt was owed to him, what he felt he deserved. Instead of his Producer’s loving embrace, all he had was the cold floor and his tears. “Wait, please, don’ leave me… Don’ leave me!” he pleaded desperately, nauseatingly. In vain. And the door slammed shut. And the idol was alone.

[svartalfhild]

Svar Watches BBC Robin Hood for the First Time - Season 1

So I recently decided to finally get around to seeing a show I've been meaning to watch for like nearly 10 years. I am so far past missing the boat on this one, but since I've been doing a bit of a "catching up on shows from the 2000's I didn't really get to see at the time" run lately, I thought I'd record my thoughts for y'all's amusement.

So here we go, Season 1 thoughts:

Every single one of these Merry Men, including Robin, suffers from Just Some Guy disease, fucking RIP

Except Djaq. Djaq is cool.

We can all agree that Much is clearly a little gay for Robin, right?

Guy of Gisborne is such an asshole, but unfortunately Richard Armitage is too good at his job, so Guy is also hot.

The Sheriff is cartoonishly evil and I hate him, but I'm kind of loving how just like a lot his personality is. Like this bitch belongs in a cracktastic Crusader Kings playthrough, holy shit.

Damn, Marian really is the only fully competent motherfucker in the whole place, huh?

Make that two competent motherfuckers, adding Djaq.

Man, this writing is super shabby in places, but when they hit, they fucking hit.

This show really bills itself as a fun adventure show but boy does it have shit to say at times, shit that was kinda ballsy of them to be saying in 2006. Like positively portraying Muslim characters and condemning pointless wars in the Middle East (the messaging on this gets muddled in a few places, but the fact that it's in there at all is impressive). Like you expect to see class struggle and sexism talked about in Robin Hood, but I wasn't expecting them to do so much with the "oh yeah, we just got back from Palestine and we have PTSD and maybe the Crusade is really bad actually". Bravo.

Ah, but this is a BBC show, so we can't have anti-monarchism. King Richard is totally awesome and is definitely going to make everything better when he gets back. Like I know that's baked into the Robin Hood tales, but they could lean into it less in places, I feel.

I think part of what makes Guy so captivating is that he's complicated and clearly suffers from a lot of inner conflict. I love knowing why villains are Like That, and we get so much about him from seeing his initial reactions to things vs. his behaviour after the Sheriff talks to him. Even just watching Richard Armitage's facial expressions is so rewarding. He gives us so much information about Guy just with his body language. Fucking brilliant.

Holy shit the more of this I watch, the more I'm like oh yeah Guy is an abuse victim and the Sheriff is his abuser. Like obviously that's not an excuse for any of the multitudes of evil things he does, but damn that boy is caught in a cycle. It has all the classic abuse features. Having his impressionable nature/eagerness to please taken advantage of. Being constantly inflicted with physical and emotional violence. Being manipulated into making choices against his judgement and editing himself to better fit what his abuser wants him to be. Being isolated from positive influences and being told to reject other sources of validation and support. Having his toxic masculinity heavily reinforced. Being consistently ignored and undervalued. The list goes on.

Anyway, I think I have a new blorbo now. I don't have many evil blorbos these days, but he's earned his place. I hope he gets good character development. Or at least gets to stab the Sheriff.

Much annoyed me a bit in the beginning, but he's starting to grow on me after he stood up to Robin and went through that business of the noble title.

God, I just want to shake Guy by the shoulders like you have everything you need to be more interesting to Marian than Robin, but you're fucking blowing it so hard, my dude. Ah, but alas, it must be this way.

I want to shake Robin by the shoulders like you would have this in the bag dude if you would just actually listen to Marian and support her instead of telling her what you think she should do all the time. Goddamn he and Guy ultimately have the same fucking problem.

#TeamFuckAllYallLetMarianRunEverythingActually

BRUH IF I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY TIME GUY WANTED TO MAKE A GOOD DECISION FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE AND THEN FUCKING SWERVED AT THE LAST SECOND BECAUSE OF SOME SHIT THE SHERIFF SAID I'D BE RICH BY NOW SWEET JESUS.

I can't believe they ended this season on the most Good Job, Lads moment oh my god it's so cheesy but so on brand.

To see my Season 2 thoughts, go here.

[scrawnytreedemon]

AIGHT so. sephiroth? maybe even yazoo? possibly godrick? yknow??? eyeaaaaah

LET'S GO LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO--

(GODA M M IT TUMBLR why won't you let me moved the images??? aughhh. Guess 'Rick gets a spot to himself 🙄 Typical.)

Sephiroth: IT'S HIM IT'S HIMMMMM THE LONGTIME BLORBO THE ONE AND ONLY!!! Fucking iconique motherfucker. I am PISSED that I have not gotten a bingo, but I suppose that's because he's not What The Actual Fuck™ enough, attraction-wise.

Literally have this post(ALSO by your prompting, thank you for that) that goes into just... So much of how I feel about him. What haven't I said? He's gender he's neurodiverse he's sad he's terrifying he's mother and he is son. He's got it All. Literally the Man(?) of ALL Time.

Was debating on filling in the "they got done DIRTY by fans," but honestly I've seen so much more sane shit. I think Sephiroth tends to provoke thoughtful discussion merely by his complicated and yet iconic nature(it also helps that he's hot buthgkjfgjhk y'know).

Love this womanman to bits. Congrats on becoming your own mother, Ros!!! Good luck with your kids (:

Yazoo: OKAY SO... Yazoo. Poor fucking Yazoo. Fucked over by his own hair. No GOTDAMN screentime for a trio that already suffers from shoddy execution, barring Kadaj's character development. He gets overshadowed so much, it's insane.

This goes for the Remnants in general, but I think fandom tends to reduce all their characteristics to jokes. And on one hand! They are hilarious as shit, just fucking, behaviourally. Absolutely unwell teenagers. There's also the fact that Advent Children's tone is just... a fucking Mess, like everything else in that movie.

But I think it does alot of disservice to Yazoo's character to reduce him to "he's high"-- It's a funny joke, yes, however I think that misses alot of Yazoo's cold vigilance. If Loz is the attackdog, then Yazoo is the watchcat. Where Loz is blunt, Yazoo is sharp. Whatever Kadaj misses, Yazoo picks up; he's implied to be his right(or left)-hand man for a reason.

Moreso than Kadaj, even, Yazoo's purpose is hinged on the will of another: he's a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow. And while I'm sure he has some personal investment in finding Jenova, I think ultimately he's tied to Kadaj; wherever he goes, Yazoo follows.

I think his dynamic with Loz is so interesting. It's painted antagonistically the moment they're introduced. And while AC doesn't give us more to work with, it's incredibly intriguing. The fact they're meant to complement each other, and yet are simultaneously repelled.

This post goes into alot of detail on that. That story idea is STILL on my fuckigngng list, and I hope I can get to it one day. It'll be the final part of my "Daisies in the Wind" series on AO3.

Don't have "wow they're a horrible person" or "they did nothing wrong" crossed off because... It's complicated? I don't think they really had much choice in the matter, nature and nurture both working against them, but also it's undeniable that they wrought serious harm. A case where deep healing is needed for both sides.

Godrick: WELL, WELL, WELL, if it isn't my current muse! Now with added, "WHAT THE FUCK," as per our conversation last night~ AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! A BINGO! NEARLY THREE!!!

Okay, RIGHT, time to play a little Devil's Advocate:

I think Godrick's place as Designated Richboy Weenie is well and truly deserved; he's a pathetic phuckign guy, and we love that for him.

HOWEVER!

However,

I, personally, would like to add a little pathos to this. I'm sure we all understand that being the stand-in for your ancestor, the Sickest Demigod of All Time, after he gets ganked is alot of pressure; but consider this:

What if Godrick was chronically ill?

What if he had a legitimate reason to be deeply dissatisfied with his body, beyond just plain vanity? Oh, believe me, I'm sure vanity factors into it a great deal; but I don't think the line is quite so sharp. If your body kept falling out from under you, and you could not make peace with it, wouldn't you wish to replace it, too?

Imagine dealing with that while fleeing from your ancestral homeland, too. Suddenly, more than ever, you're the beacon of hope for a shitton of people who have been displaced along side you. Who look to you for guidance, and a way forth.

While it's evident that Godrick began grafting before the fall of Leyndell, it must not have gone far enough if he was able to hide among the womenfolk in his fleeing. The implication here being that shit got worse in exile.

We are not going to talk about Godefroy; I am baffled as to how Fromsoft let this senseless copy-paste slip through the cracks. It makes no goddamn sense. I hate it here!

Actually, fuck it. We are. I propose Godefroy being an ancestor who dipped a toe into grafting, but was summarily deposed and nearly all records of him excised. This was ill boding, and they wanted to ensure no one ever got the fucking idea to try anything like this again.

But, Uh oh! Godrick is a resourceful fucker, clever with no wisdom, and ends up able to find something. He manages to reverse engineer it, thereby unlocking the Holy Fucking Grail in regards conquering his weakness; conquering his flesh.

And all it'll take is desecrating the sanctity of life itself.

Oh, I'm sure he'd sworn to keep this a secret, at first; promised to do the bare minimum and nothing more. But, ahhh,

How can you when the thrall of power is so sweet?

Even more when everything's fallen apart.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS... I think Godrick had if not reasonable, then understandable, even pitiable motivations at one point. Even then, it spoke to a willingness to toe the line. This shit only got worse, and worse as the years wore on, far, far away from home. Because that's all he has: a longing for home. He tells as much in his final breath; a yearning rhapsodical.

Not knowing that even if he were to return, there'd be nothing left.

---

THANK YOU for asking, Maso!!! Love you lots <333 Here's hoping my rambling on this guy entertains you, lmaoooo.

[fancy-a-dance-brigadier]

i wanna ask about either julian or miles, you can pick which one cos i can't decide x

Why choose just one when I can do both?

Julian

Sexuality Headcanon: That man is bisexual and there is nothing anyone can say that'll convince me otherwise

Gender Headcanon: I do like the idea of him being intersex - that one line from Body Parts practically cemented that idea in my brain. But as far as gender identity goes, I think he'd identify as masculine but like, masculine-lite. He has some very GNC moments which cannot be ignored

A BROTP I have with said character: I do so adore Julian and Jadzia's friendship, but I think I've rambled enough about why on other posts so I'll just say that that one episode where Jadzia does magic tricks and Julian's like :o is peak content, 10/10, never been bested

A NOTP I have with said character: Jezri, but not because I dislike them as a ship on principle, but because the writing was bad. But seriously every time I talk about Jezri I feel a stronger need to rewrite season 7 and make them work. It feels like a personal challenge from the prophets or something

A random headcanon: His favourite music groups are ABBA, The Spice Girls, and Bananarama. He throws in some Cher and Whitney Houston for good measure

General opinion over said character: He is my blorbo, my one and only, my favourite silly little tennis man. The DS9 writers wrote such a mess of a character in season 1 and I was like, you know what? This is the Ultimate Guy. There will never be another Guy who does it like Dr. Twink M.D. over here, and bless Alexander Siddig for letting his IRL chaotic energy carry over into his performance as Julian. Basically I love him <3

Miles

Sexuality Headcanon: I'm sorry Jiles shippers but I can't see him as anything but straight, I hope you'll understand <3

Gender Headcanon: he man

A BROTP I have with said character: I mean it's gotta be Miles and Julian. While I don't really like just how intense it got in season seven (I feel like it robbed them both of good character development, especially Julian), everything that came before that was absolutely top-notch. Miles' interview with Zimmerman when he was going on about Julian's best qualities has me sobbing every time, it's so sweet, I love one emotionally constipated Irishman

A NOTP I have with said character: Uuhhhh everyone? I guess? He's just such a wife guy I don't see him with anyone but Keiko. Like, I get where Jiles is coming from and I hope ya'll are having fun, but it's just not for me. So I guess Miles/Anyone who isn't Keiko would be my NOTP?

A random headcanon: Since I shared my headcanons for Julian's music taste, I will share my headcanon for Miles' too. I think he'd be big on bands like Midnight Oil, but also Chumbawumba. Don't ask me why

General opinion: My opinion of him has always been so consistent - I liked him in Emissary, and I liked him just the same in What You Leave Behind. He's just such a solid guy, and I love the fact that he's a union man. That's king behaviour right there

Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun with this <3

[hellsbellschime]

I used to wonder what makes people lash out against others in fandom spaces. This article explains the troll's behaviour.

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/03/how-to-manage-cyberbullying-internet-trolls/627084/

Those are some very interesting insights! LOL and I wish I didn't learn some of them the hard way. But in my first experiences being trolled, I often did try to defend myself or talk to the person trolling me like a human being, and it failed 100% of the time because the point is not that they disagree with you or dislike you as a person, it is literally just to make as many people upset as possible and get attention.

But ultimately it's best to just realize that I sincerely do not care. I mean, I know who I am, there are a lot of things I like about myself, I know what is or isn't true about me, so why would some random stranger saying mean things or saying things about me that I literally know are false make me feel bad? Why would I WANT someone who acts like that to actually like me?

At a certain point it literally does feel like someone just screaming "bitch" out of their car window as they drive by, like why in the WORLD would I take that to heart or internalize it like it's my problem. And I get why it can be hard for those who aren't used to it, but people are always going to use their blorbos as an excuse to harass randos and bless their hearts if they actually get something out of it.

[tenobelisk]

growing up thoroughly neurodivergent i was always disappointed when the people that drew my interest would become monogamously entwined with someone else to the point where i was unable to study them without following them to their new habit paths and therefore changing my own.

or they wanted to redirect my interest in their behaviour, habits, interests, and appearances to something like looking at each other's tits. which was fun in an alarming and adrenaline-rushy kindof way but not ultimately what i was after.. but then the proximity to them meant at least i'd get more exposure time.

to put it in modern relatable terms, other people's quirks, nuances, and attributes were a variation on asmr for me. i couldn't stare at them in silence (i did at first) because.. well obvious reasons (it didn't go well).. so it forced me to develop social skills to facilitate interactions that would lead to collaborative activities. thus yay.

also, relevant sidenote; i think that treating neurodivergents as creepy for being drawn to people who interest them is horrendously shaming and counterproductive. i'd suggest asking them questions and being up front and kind. and i'd advise against sexualising people's actions and intents if you're unsure of their sexuality. some people don't have those boundaries yet because nobody has helped build them.

sorry i think i strayed from the initial topic. i used drawing and crafts and little cute things to share with people i was interested in to see if they responded well. it was sometimes easier than the initial verbal interaction. this led to more time with them and THEN processing their own interests via art and crafts led to even more collaboration and so on. many people loved it when i drew their blorbo or wrote fiction in stolen textbooks or made a little meow meow fanclub card to slip into a bus pass sleeve i lifted from the vice principal's office.

in short: non-verbal 'i want to study you' can sometimes begin a larger construct that can be added to symbolically over time and convey, in some cases, more than words. at least for me.

ok uh. how do you hypothetically say "i want to study you" in a friendly way

so far the best I've got is "can i join a discord derver that youre in so i can observe you in your natural habitat"

[jessmalia]

Ah ah ah, yes, this. 

I wouldn’t have been mad or murdered you if you left it under my gifset, at all. That’s you, not me. 

I think... Edmund’s bratty behaviour bothers me so little because despite how much I do relate to him, I would never do any of that. Like, I’m able to be so objective about it because pushing his mom away, being super rude, “if home is still there”, pushing Lucy out of the hiding place, lying about Narnia... I would never do shit like that (I mean, except probably the betray his siblings for jadis part but I don’t see myself getting in a situation like that). What I can relate to is how people yell at him for these things, and just the general situation that makes him act out in the first place, which is the perfect recipe for ultimate blorbo™.  

But with Peter’s bad behaviour... I don’t know I feel like I actually do shit like that. Why? I don’t know it’s probably all linked to that nasty pride. It’s my fatal flaw. So mix that with the fact that I also view all that bad behaviour from Edmund’s perspective... yeah it makes me mad. I really just had the circumstances of Edmund and it shaped me into Peter. I need to be right and when I know I am you better not question that. Oh, I hate this. 

Edmund’s exact brand of brattiness is also very endearing to me. Very much in LWW, but then in a VERY DIFFERENT way in later movies (I know he’s a way better person but that attitude™ is still very much there). It’s his evading his mom’s kiss in LWW vs. the “I’m not holding your hand” in PC. The first one makes me sad the second one makes me wanna date him (and kinda punch him in the face at the same time but you know in the good way). Which brings us into the topic that Edmund is like the perfect mix of Me™ and the type of person I wanna date (which in itself is the type of person I wanna date but I digress). The point of all this that I’m getting to is that if I knew these dudes in real life, Edmund’s brattiness would make me fall in love with him, kind of in an I can fix him™ way. Like, I’d definitely wanna scold him but in the “this is just how I show my love for you” way. Whereas with Peter... I’d just get super annoyed with him and fight with him all the time (oh, look I’m Caspian). But also if we were ever on the same side I think we’d get on so well in that moment. And no one would be able to get to us. We’d be indestructible. My stubbornness combined with his stubbornness... that’s something no one could penetrate. 

Peter’s more judgy than me though. That’s not me being in denial it’s genuinely true (it’s the Lucy in me), but I also think is the one difference that makes all of our similarities crash so hard. 

Oh, it’s definitely intensifying on both sides. They’ve always been equal and I don’t see them ever not being equal. 

i listened to satisfied by marina and realized i have much more in common with peter than i first thought....... my love hate relationship with him is intensifying

I had an epiphany about Peter yesterday and I wanted to write it under your gifset, but I realised the outcome of that might be you murdering me, so I wrote it in my notebook. I think Peter resents Edmund because he knows how easily he CAN BE like Edmund. Which is very interesting when compared with Edmund's jealousy and how he thinks he CAN'T BE like Peter. I guess it's a little sad too. And know I wrote it here! Progress.

Edmund wants to be right, especially when compared with his siblings (that's one of the reasons he lies about Narnia, he wants to be right and he wants Lucy to be wrong and it has nothing to do with Lucy as a person but it also has everything to do with her in another aspect, it's that discussion we had about Edmund, "he's like that because he loves them") and what is Peter? He's right. He's the older sibling and his word is the word that matters. But I think he's also kind of dependent on it? With his pride involved especially. It's interesting to think about what would have happened if Edmund was the older and Peter the younger. Would anything change at all? Is Edmund's bratty behaviour just a result of circumstance that him being born first would prevent from happening? They are... very Jo & Amy just not about their qualities, but the dynamic itself. You bug me because I don't want to be you but I also kind of do (would never admit that) and know that I can never be. (because I'm too proud to be you, but also: you're me. just better. much better.) It's that line about a sister (in the original quote, but it goes for siblings in general I think) being both your mirror and your opposite. Family dynamics my beloved

Which is very interesting when compared with Edmund's jealousy and how he thinks he CAN'T BE like Peter. I guess it's a little sad too. And know I wrote it here! Progress.

Also, this is me with House. :/ Jo to a lesser extent... What's intensifying? Love or hate? Or are they intensifying mutually? I need this for research.