#ukrainian music is fucking great

[vogelmeister]

anyways in 2019/2020 i went on a rampage on eurovision youtube regarding lena and maNga (nothing too wild, i was 18, but mainly just calling them out on being plain delusional and then getting called racist in return) and i still get salty maNga stans replying years later and its honestly so pathetic the more time goes by. grow up. get a hobby. who the fuck cares. you found my four year old comment and you decided to argue back.

[cloudofbutterflies92]

Black lipstick and bourbon (reupload)

Before starting I wanted to say that I decided to rewrite this one shot because I intend to rewrite Eden's first meeting (which is not this one, I will write it soon)

Chloe OC belongs to @chloekistune 💚💚

And thank you @graveyard-party666 for helping me with Ukrainian language 💚💚

TW: for blood and torture

St. Petersburg, Russia, Jan. 7, 7:30 p.m.

The soft 50s jazz music and dim light in that room gave the room an almost cozy atmosphere, a good thing since it was literally freezing cold outside. Poor Eden who had chosen that skimpy outfit was already feeling the biting Russian cold.

But if she had to seduce a known terrorist it was a small sacrifice to make.

Already she heard the voice of her best friend Chloe knowing that the outfit she had lent her would be smeared with blood, poor Chloe.

Her job, on the one hand she hated it, having to delude people and then extort information, that was her job as an MI6 agent.

Spectra, that was her codename, a name that was a whole program. She would extort her information and then like a specter she would disappear without a trace. That codename she had earned with effort, so much effort and without even the help of her grandmother Helen, one of the great heads of the famous British spy agency.

"Reggie let's not waste any time, tell me the target" Eden in the process was putting makeup on her own lips of that pitch black, definitely a 'good choice to use for one of the most well-known clubs in the city.

The man on the 'other end of the receiver snorted almost indignantly at the spy's hasty manner, but Reggie always had an excuse to complain. The unsweetened macchiato, the fact that they did not pay him properly but he was often the one who saved Eden's ass in difficult situations with his hacking skills.

“You should address me as mr Reggie, however the target's name is Vasya Kulikov, former Spetsnaz. He could very well be tried by the tribunal for the united nations for war crimes committed for fuck's sake" the hacker burst out laughing, more at the fact that he was ironically still at large than anything else.

"Rest assured, our friend will make a trip of no return" the vibration of the 'other cell phone caught her attention, she was still in her underwear and had yet to finish her makeup but her curiosity was too strong so she looked at the message: a mysterious number that judging by the first digits looked British.

"Are you Spectra? How long will you be? I don't have all night."

The raven haired girl raised an eyebrow, then her grandmother's voice echoed in her skull box like a tic.

Still she was indignant that the mission would be in collaboration with the SAS, she had never liked their methods + the fact that most of them did not take seriously the fact that a woman could be superior to them. But her grandmother had told her over and over again that she was doing a favor for one of her protégés, a certain Captain John Price.

As calmly as she could, the girl typed an answer that might seem appropriate, lest she sound haughty.

"Don't you know we ladies keep us waiting?"

The answer did not come

"And do you know that we gentlemen don't like to wait?"

A giggle escaped from Eden at that moment, the kind that screamed "but who told me to take a job like that?”

"And does this gentleman have a name?”

She looked at herself in the mirror, satisfied with the result. A perfect disguise of a real e-girl with that blue wig.

"Eden, are you alive? Have you fallen into the toilet?" Reggie's ringing voice brought her back to herself, that sassy SAS soldier had aroused her indignation but also some curiosity. From the nightstand next to the bed was a pack of cigarettes, the words "Apollo Soyuz commemorative brand" and she hated those Russian cigarettes. She would have preferred her faithful Sterling menthol ones.

"I'm alive kid"She lit her cigarette, inhaling the smoke with a disgusted grimace.

"Your grandmother gave me more details, apparently plans have changed.The target must come out unscathed, orders from above."

"Don't worry, I know a perfect place to leave our friend" holding the cigarette between her lips Eden put on the leather coat that would protect her from the cold.

Another message made the screen light up, leaving Eden with a grin full of satisfaction.

"Ghost”

10 p.m

The lights of the club could be seen from afar, among clochards begging and people already before time drunk Eden managed to reach the area in which she had her appointment, a small alley on Dumskaya ulitsa.

"I hope it's worth it Ghost" the brunette looked at the time on her cell phone, and then she was the one late.Stupid man.

Puffing she began to tap her heel on the asphalt until turning around she almost fainted.

"Jesus Christ but are you crazy?" Eden with her hand on her chest tried to catch her breath exhaling and inspiring oxygen as if she had just emerged from the ocean. She looked up curiously: the tall, muscular figure of a man was watching her with equal curiosity holding his arms folded, a balaclava covered his face but the gaze was of a unique intensity. His eyes they were so familiar

Had she already seen it?

"You?" he raised an eyebrow, both of them not expecting to be in the same place again after that night in Nicaragua, she had recognized him from the unmistakable voice. Eden after her affair with David had stopped believing that word that just thinking about it gave her the shivers.

Destiny

But now mocking fate had made her meet the stranger Simon as he had told her his name and in her head she heard those voices laughing at her.

"Now way" he tried to not let it out a ironic laugh

"Looks like someone wants to play at weaving the web."

He rolled his eyes amused. "I don't believe in such things remember? But since we are mission we must hurry."

Puffing Eden followed the mysterious masked man in stride, it amused her that despite him wearing that balaclava he went unnoticed in the crowd. Whether it was because of the alcohol circulating like nothing or the fact that that street was full of eccentrically dressed people, but the two easily managed to arrive in front of the "Snakehead", the club run by Kulikov.

"Pretend well" quickly Eden clutched at Ghost's arm, who rolled his eyes. She didn't like this act of being a sappy couple either, but at least she looked believable.

"Удостоверение л��чности" the man in front of the club addressed the couple, Ghost didn't understand anything and it was thanks to Eden that the two were able to save their skins for the moment by pulling out their ID cards: Katia Zakharova and Luka Zaytsev, Reggie could choose two more strange fake names. Luckily, the bodyguard had believed these antics; they were safe.

"If you don't even know a little Russian, we're not off to a good start," Eden whispered, the techno music destroying both of their eardrums.

"Well, if you care so much, do the talking" he murmured, leaving her in the middle of the dance floor, preferring the quiet of the bar counter.God, now she had to babysit too?

"Strawberry mojito" she ordered, then waited for him.

"My treat big boy, tell me what you want?" Eden tried to calm the waters, like it or not, they had to cooperate.

"Bourbon, with little ice" he preferred to turn to the bartender and take his order personally, the bartender nodded and began preparing drinks for the two customers, within minutes they were there in front of them.

"At the moment it seems our man is not here" Eden looked cautiously, though her gaze was more on her mission partner, as if he was in a world of his own.

"I can tell you're from Manchester, only someone from Manchester could be wearing that jacket."

"I remember you are from London” Ghost delivered his sentence gruffly, sipping his alcoholic beverage contentedly.

"Birmingham, but I live in Bexley now."

The Mancunian's laughter made even the other two customers next to them, mere unwitting observers of the discussion between the two.

"A Brummie now I remember bloody hell" he brushed the corner of his own mouth with the tip of his tongue to remove the remaining alcohol and lower the balaclava.

"At least I made you smile big boy, and that makes me important "Eden winked at him playfully. Or maybe not.

A snort as an answer was more than enough for her to sing victory, the tension was high in 'the air especially considering the idiot hadn't shown up yet.

"Reggie I need camera monitoring, can you hack into their system?" Eden trusted in the young hacker's skills, 19 years old was indeed a prodigy of nature for that age.

"I need to infiltrate their surveillance system but I can do it miss"

An exchange of complicit glances between Eden toward Ghost hinted that the situation was under control, it almost seemed as if they had come there for nothing.

Then lightning struck, their target was sitting in one of the small sofas, surrounded by bodyguards and "taken care of" by two girls, who making him feel like a king.Usual man with delusions of grandeur.

"Did you notice that too?" Eden nodded at Ghost's comment, then getting up from her own stool.They had to attract attention if they wanted to succeed in catching him, and Eden knew exactly how.

"Get up, it's just to get the boiled fish to bite" she put her hand forward, with a reluctant Ghost agreeing. In the end it was for a 'common goal no?What could go wrong?

"Don't be a log move!" she incited Ghost to let go, Prodigy's "Firestarter" playing in the background in that parade of moving bodies. The Mancunian took the agent by the hip, making her lean back against his own muscular body.

"Just this once Park" he pronounced boredly, causing her to rub against his ample figure. The way Eden moved against Ghost, sensuously was apparently enough to attract Kulikov's attention.And to Ghost apparently to make him almost docile.

"A bodyguard is coming, maybe this is it" the MI6 agent whispered in the SAS soldier's ear, who as expected were joined by the man in a suit and tie.With his head he indicated for her to follow him and Ghost behind her was about to follow but the bodyguard stopped him by hinting that only Eden had been invited, it was quite a problem now.

"I can handle it" Eden reassured him, following the bodyguard into the small area reserved for VIPs, now she was finally face to face with their target. The same man made the two girls stand up next to him, tapping on the couch to ask Eden to sit down. The man began to brag to the girl about his possessions, about the fact that anyway girls like her he saw every day in his bed, and Eden like a good actress played the part of the scatterbrained fool, trying to tell him that she was studying to be an archaeologist and that she needed the money.But something from time to time worried her, going for Ghost's gaze, who remained at the counter observing the scene, moving his glass of bourbon so that the ice melted quickly, almost compulsively.

"I would like to talk to you privately" the enemy's Russian accent made Eden awaken from the sort of catalepsy with which she had been watching Ghost; she was surprised that now Kulikov was not speaking to her in Russian but in English. She should have marked in her mind that she had to learn to make it more pronounced.

"Do you accept? Don't worry your boyfriend won't know anything Katya right?" it almost seemed as if the man was testing her.

"Yes Katya sir" she then saw him stand up and whisper something to his bodyguards before grabbing Eden by the hip in an almost violent manner. In another situation he would have gotten a slap, in that case, however, she was acting, making her personality subdued. One last look at Ghost to make sure he was ready and that she was all right, and the young woman followed the man to the upper floors until she arrived in front of a door.

"Ladies first" the Russian invited the girl inside, her eyes somehow seeking Ghost, seeing how from his seat he was observing the scene in a disgruntled way? Almost as if he was annoyed.

She entered the prive without asking herself too many questions, neon lights on purple and blue made the 'lounge atmosphere, like some sort of Blade Runner-esque sci-fi movie.Eden took a seat with some circumspection, analyzing every object present, with the former Spetsnaz filling two glasses with champagne.

"I got this in France some time ago, I always get my supplies right" he handed the goblet to Eden on the coffee table and then wrapped his arm around the spy's side, a shiver of disgust came over her face but which she tried to mask with a fake laugh.

"You still haven't told me how in short you managed to get all this, you know it's not nice to hide things anyway" she tried to come across as adorable by pouting, not unaware that behind them Ghost was in the shadows, observing them, just as soon as he had finished asphyxiating one of Vulikov's henchmen.

"Whatever you want Vasya, only if I can afford can I put some music? You know I can't do what you want with a little atmosphere...hot" she wrinkled her nose, receiving the 'man's approval. From the stereo played lounge music very much in keeping with the atmosphere.

"You seem very nervous to me" sinuously she moved her body over him, removing the jacket she was wearing, she looked like a siren enchantress who had trapped the poor unfortunate on duty in an endless loop.The Russian sighed, drops of sweat were brushing his forehead with Ghost who seemed to be watching the scene impassively.

But his hands, his hands clenched in those fists hinted to Eden otherwise.

"A beautiful woman like you deserves a man who will fully satisfy her," Vasya brought his hands to both of Eden's hips, who was taunting him to herself. It was amusing to see how little it took for a man to fall into the web, and Eden could excel at that.

"And would you be capable of that? What would you do for me?"

"Everything, you want the latest fashionable dress? I'll buy it for you. A trip to a Caribbean island? We leave tonight "he was looking at her already smitten with her, they had him in their hands.

"You know what I want instead?" Eden came dangerously close to his lips, with him already anticipating his lucky night of fire.

"What you want honey."

"She wants to know exactly where the shipment of that gas you are carrying is" Ghost, knife in hand pointed at the enemy's throat.Vasya was absolutely shocked, he later realized that the two henchmen outside the door had been sent to the heaven by the masked man.

"You did a very good job Ghostie" Eden clothed himself and began pacing back and forth, the nickname affixed seemed not to go down well with the Mancunian but he did not speak, rather he preferred to keep the blond Russian under observation.

"Стерва!" Vasya shouted at Eden, who released a giggle, he was not the first nor the last to call her a "whore", it did not affect her.

"Now the three of us are going to take a little walk," she looked out the office window, there were too many people to go out the main entrance.

"Move up you idiot" Ghost ordered, handcuffing the man.

"I won't ask where you got those handcuffs from, but we're not taking our asses home. Not going out the front door" her gaze was fixed on Vasya, he was their pass to run away.

"Talk" was Ghost's warning, and he seemed not to be kidding. Vasya pointed to the bookcase behind Eden.

"There is a button behind the plant."

Not waiting any more precious minutes she pressed the button, letting a mechanism unlock a door behind the 'enormous furniture, a whistle of approval escaped Eden's lips, overtaken, however, by a hurried Ghost.

"We don't have time, my car is parked in the area. Let's get it and take it to this fuckin’ place."

"Can you drive? I don't think so from the face, anyway it's Kharkiv" such a sentence made the masked man turn around, who couldn't believe his ears.Seventeen hours of driving was a long time.

"Look I know big boy it's a lot but Alexei and his sister Olga are the only people I trust" the outside hubbub of Kulikov's henchmen alerted Ghost, hurriedly the three of them entered inside the secret exit, walking down a small corridor that then led them to internal stairs. Crossing smoothly they came out to the outside, it seemed that the situation was under control but the scream of one of the men of the former Spetsnaz set the alarm bells ringing, leading Eden and Ghost to run with the enemy through the alleys of the neighborhood.

"Get in there!" the girl pointed to a doorway to Ghost and Vasya; it could be a momentary point of salvation for the three.

"Next time I will never wear..." Eden did not even have time to catch her breath, one of Kulikov's men grabbed her from behind forcing her to push him backwards onto the table.Two others were on Ghost, trying one to stop him and the other to knock the British man out with their fists.

"EDEN!" Ghost was attempting to free himself from the two, getting pummeled.Eden was trapped at the table, with the man she was fighting trying to choke her. A kick to his private parts and a headbutt led to him staggering as Eden, with a shattered nose staggered like a zombie. In a moment of lucidity the girl grabbed the lamp a few feet away from her, smashing it on her opponent's skull. Ghost on his side was still struggling, the man who was punching him threw himself at Eden, who tried to dodge and hit him with a steel pipe before falling knee-deep to the ground, it was a good moment for Ghost that, freeing himself from his enemy's grasp and hitting him repeatedly with his faithful knife. The three seemed to stop moving, but from a distance the voices of other enemies could be heard coming.

"Are you all right?" The masked man reached out to the brunette, receiving confirmation from her. Limping and groaning in pain she stood up.

"I've been on the verge of death too many times" looking around she saw Vasya in a crouching corner, strangely he had not taken the opportunity to run away.

Ghost immediately caught up with him, pushing him forward and reaching the other side of the hallway.Both he and Eden were battered, stealth tactics were a must this time.

"I can hear them, they're upstairs" whispered Eden, walking silently.In her heart she hoped the heels of her boots could not attract attention.

"My men are more loyal than your whole group of invaders" Kulikov teased them, neither Eden nor Ghost responded but surely both wanted to break his neck. Only they had to get out of there before they did.

"These bastards have tough hides, we'll never get to my fuckin car" Ghost exited the building and looked around until he saw Eden pointing a gun at a poor bystander about to get into his own car.Desperate times call for desperate measures, using even inconvenient means.

"I'll drive, you don't seem lucid at the moment. Stay in the back with our friend "Ghost put the car in gear, starting the engine amid the screams in Russian of the man whose car was being stolen.

"Yeah? You don't seem so reliable" she narrowed her eyes, her vision blurring, literally seeing the typical dots of when one is on the verge of fainting. And almost like a seer she predicted correctly: Ghost literally drove into the car behind him.

"We'll never get there alive," Kulikov burst out laughing, chilling from Ghost's killer stare.

"He's right, at the border between St. Petersburg and Kharkiv is the military patrol" Eden got out of the car, forcing the passerby to take the wheel.

"Двигай, нам нужно в Харьков" the MI6 agent pointed her gun at 'the address of the poor man who had found himself at the wrong time.It was going to be a

very long journey.

Kharkiv, a few hours later

It had not been easy for Eden and Ghost to cross Ukrainian soil; it was only thanks to the cooperation of the man they had "taken hostage" that the two managed to escort Vasya Kulikov to Kharkiv. It was almost a miracle, most likely due to the fact that the policemen were a bit tipsy from alcohol.

"Are these friends of yours reliable?Did you tell about the situation?" Ghost peppered Eden with questions as together with her and the Russian they walked through the ground floor of the building where Alexei and his sister Olga lived.

Eden had met them on a mission some time ago, Alexei was a 'Ukrainian intelligence agent with whom he had collaborated to scour a cell of Al Qatala terrorists, a notorious group of terrists led by the "Wolf" who were preparing an attack on Plóshcha Svobódy(Freedom Square).

In those days she had also met his sister Olga, a lawyer and well-known women's rights activist.

"I'm reliably quiet, I've explained more or less the thing" Eden was trying throughout to light a cigarette, damn lighter that wouldn't light.

"You shouldn't smoke in the elevator" Ghost leaned his full weight against the metal wall, the pain from the scuffle with those bastards was already being felt.

"It's a tiny, harmless cigarette" Eden turned to Kulikov, on the one hand she felt more relaxed now that they had him in their grasp, but she did not let her guard down.It would not be easy to get him to talk given the muteness into which he had fallen.

"Come on, shush move" Eden invited the Russian to move, Ghost beside her who from behind the Russian's back had the knife pointed, ready for anything. Apartment 217, the Koval family 's apartment. Memories of evenings playing cards and eating typical Ukrainian dishes made Eden smile slightly, and she groaned as she knocked three times, only to pause two seconds and give one last knock.

"Eden?" A tall, burly boy opened the door, who then looked in shock at Ghost and Vasya.

"No Eden don't" the boy paused hearing his sister call him in his native language and ask what was going on.

"Oh God Eden are you" the young woman's gaze then fell on the two behind the MI6 agent, it took a hangdog look from the latter to convince Alexei to let them in. Their parents were on vacation, and if the neighbors would see or hear things they would call the police.

"Is he tied up good?" Eden looked from the vinyl shelf to see if she could find anything to muffle the sound of Kulikov's screams as Ghost was tying the Russian to the chair.

"A fuckin’ perfect knot, you sure are good at making plans" the Mancunian's wry tone made the raven-haired girl roll her eyes.

"Well my plan saved your arse" then she looked at Kulikov, who smiled sneeringly at her.

"Do you really think I will talk? You can also cut off my dick and feed it to that Persian cat who is watching that I won't say anything."

"Hey what did my cat do to you?" Olga picked up her own cat, Alexei ordered her to leave taking a vinyl of Edith Piaf's La vie en rose and giving it to Eden.

"I'll alert intelligence in the meantime, make quick, work of it" the two nodded to the Ukrainian. Humming Eden reached for the record player, placing the circular object on top of it.

"You better talk if you want a chance to be able to live, even if in prison" Eden, with both hands resting on Vasya's knees leaned forward toward him.

"It's a shame that pretty face you have is marred by your own blood. You should care instead of wasting time" he grimaced almost smugly at seeing her in that condition.

"That..." Ghost's hand rested on her shoulder, the young woman felt strange sensations at that very moment.Concern?

"That's the only thing I give him credit for, you're battered."

"It's not that you look good. I'm not a child" she turned to Ghost, causing him to shake his head and sigh.

"Talk Kulikov, I don't have all day" then she returned her focus to her target, who burst into an annoyed laugh.

"You don't know what you are up against, something involving the whole world is being discussed here."

Now they knew a modicum of what they were targeting, all that remained was to find out where the cargo was headed.

"She asked you a question, answer it. Where is the cargo?" Ghost with the blade of his knife grazed the former Spetsnaz's fingers, openly challenging him.

"Do you think maybe you scare me mh? You have no idea what these eyes saw..."

He did not even let himself say it, sticking the blade on the knee of the man who endured the pain by chewing his lips.

"Now it's the knee, next could be a finger. An ear, or...your dick.The big guy here doesn't go easy" Eden slammed her hands on the shoulders of the Russian terrorist who cursed in his native tongue, pointing with her head at Ghost who was sharpening the next blade he would use.

"In St Petersburg, the cargo is in a factory is owned by Gazprom in the vicinity of St. Petersburg, it serves as a cover" the Russian decided to speak.They had the information on where the cargo was, it seemed to have been all too easy as a thing.Eden with what they had found out immediately called Reggie.

"Gosh Eden I thought you were dead "Reggie was relieved to hear his friend's voice.

"I'm hard to die, anyway we'll get him to talk and give us exact directions to the location. Rog" closed the call she looked straight at Ghost, handing her a pen and paper to jot down the coordinates. Kulikov like a robot dictated the exact numbers where the cargo area was located.

After a few hours the two tasked Alexei with taking Kulikov to Ukrainian intelligence, given the history he had including terrorist attack planning it was much better for him to rot in Ukraine.

"This mission was like you walked me through a field full of pins, heels that high rest assured I will never wear them again" with more lightness on her shoulders for the success of the mission Eden gladly got Olga to give her a more comfortable pair of shoes, noticing how Ghost was touching his nose making noises of pain.

"Olga get me a medical kit and some ice."

"No" he insisted but the ginger-haired girl had already run to get the necessities. Looking like that didn't make him tough but just a stupid donkey.

"You have to take off the balaclava" he seemed to look at her with an expression that screamed he wouldn't even think about removing that piece of cloth from his face.

"You're not going anywhere if you whine Batman."

"Ya never give up do ya?" his hoarse, indignant voice hinted that maybe just this once he would agree:but on one condition.

"Oh okay, then I'll go get ready. I have to bring a case, domestic violence" With that sentence Ghost's gaze seemed lost almost in the void.As if he had unlocked something.Left alone Eden opened the case, brushing the edge of the balaclava.

"I can do it myself" he removed balaclava, showing his sculpted features, with the marks of the scuffle he had had with Kulikov's men turned purplish.

"And you didn't want to get help, what an ass" she applied some ointment to his cheek area, seeing him relax at her imprints on his skin.

"You're good as a nurse, you should think about a career change" he joked, holding the bag of ice to his forehead.

"That ice pack is hibernating your brain" she feigned indignation but with a hint of a smile. Underneath it all this Ghost didn't look bad as a person, a bit of a sourpuss but it was appearance. Olga looked at them as if before her stood an old couple, the kind that came out in a 1950s movie.

"My, aren't you two cute, you should go out together."

"No!" The two immediately at attention pointed out, crossing their gazes and laughing. It had been since she had been cheated on by her ex Mark that she had never thought of dating another man, throwing herself heart and soul into her work.

"If she weren't such a know-it-all I'd go out with her" Ghost came up with that statement that made the woman frown, tossing her wig in the trash.

"I'm going to take a shower, stay with that thought" Eden left the kitchen and Ghost.That on her face had was a smug grin.

London, March 20, 2019

Two months had passed since those days in Russia and Ukraine, Eden was on one of many relaxing days after returning a few days ago from a mission at Costa in the company of her best friend Chloe to visit the city.Brownies and muffins were placed on the table ready to be eaten by the two girls, who could finally spend some time together.

"By the way, I wonder where that guy you told me about ended up, he seems like an obnoxious one" Chloe after a small bite of her brownies said offhandedly.

"I don't know, after we got back to St. Petersburg he disappeared" Eden's mind began to ramble about the night she and Ghost had last seen each other.

"It really hurts you to smoke, you are young and a beautiful girl."

"Have you fallen in love with me?I'm not someone to fall in love with."

"Well why deny that you are a pretty girl?I would be an idiot and a blind man"

"You're not bad at all either"

"You're not bad at all either, I missed talking to you in Nicaragua but I guess our paths have to part again."

Such melancholy memories moved to them near the Nevá River, with light snow falling. To how in her heart if only she hadn't let her past affect her she would have given himself a chance to be known.Seeing him turn and walk away after smiling at her like that...god she had been a fool to let him slip away again.

"What are you thinking? "At some point Chloe brought her back to the reality of that little bar, she felt disoriented.

"I don't know Chloe but my mind is on him, and that's not good" to recover herself she sipped some hot chocolate, an effect that did not wear off.

Damn why now she couldn't get him out of her mind.It had been going on for days.

"You should try calling him even though actually-" the ringtone of Eden's phone vibrated inside her mini bag.

"It will be my grandmother, surely it's her."

She turned on her phone, a message from an anonymous number.

"Do you remember when you said I would be a blind is an idiot? You know I'd like to see you again before I leave, if you'd like we can make it tomorrow at 8 p.m. I know just the place that would suit us."

"Jesus Christ, how did he get my private number?" She shook her head amused.

"I warn you, I'm very picky with food," she typed, receiving as a response something that made her heart flutter.

"I love a challenge, and I am sure I will be able to win you Eden.”

[glorious-blackout]

My Year in Gigs

Seeing as we're nearing the end of the year, I thought I'd look back on the amazing shows I've been lucky enough to attend in 2023 and resurrect my Post-Concert Depression with a definitive ranking 😅💚

Eurovision Semi Final One - Live Show: Absolute dream-come-true experience. Loved every minute, the crowd was so kind and supportive towards every act, and I got to see most of my faves steal the show and advance to the finals 🥰 

Muse (Dublin) : My second Muse gig of the year was even more of a blast than the first! Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the joy of finally seeing Butterflies and Hurricanes and Apocalypse Please live 😭 

Queens of the Stone Age: Josh Homme arrived onstage, called us all crazy motherfuckers, expressed a sincere desire to get fucked in the ass by a Scottish dude, then called his guitarist a 500-year-old vampire before flirting shamelessly with him. 10/10, no notes. Oh yeah, and the music slapped too.

Käärijä: Half hilarious stand-up show, half incredible party with insanely fun, energetic songs. One of the most enjoyable gigs I’ve ever been to and I would pay good money to fly to Finland solely to see Käärijä play a gig on his home turf. 

Muse (Bellahouston Park): My boys were incredible as ever and I had a genuinely great time at this gig, but it gets demoted a little due to the torrential rain cutting our setlist short and making me ill 😅 Would have been an easy third place had technical difficulties not robbed me of the chance to see Verona live... 

Go_A: If you’ve never been to a Ukrainian Folk-Rave before, I can highly recommend it! Go_A were simply phenomenal with great energy that had us dancing all night. Highlight of the show was Ihor delivering a badass flute solo while Kateryna went backstage to recharge her awesomeness. 

Sparks: These guys have been making consistently excellent music for decades and still have more energy and enthusiasm than most young bands could ever dream of possessing. Such a wonderful set filled with amazingly quirky songs both old and new. 

Joker Out: It says a lot about the high quality of shows on this list that I’ve had to rank these guys so low. In any other year they’d be a clear contender for top three! The energy from both the band and crowd were insane, the boys were clearly in awe of having a venue full of Scots singing along with them in Slovene, and I need the Demoni scream injected directly into my veins 😈 

Arctic Monkeys: This ranking has almost nothing to do with the band themselves who delivered a great show, but looking back on it I’ve just had to accept that I wasn’t having a good time during a large chunk of this gig. The crowd in my section were rowdy to the point where I couldn’t hear or see anything and I was wasting all my energy trying not to get shoved. My depression was also playing up to the point where I was struggling to get excited over songs I dearly love and I just felt unwell and burnt out all night. The second half was a definite improvement as we’d moved to a calmer area by the time they brought out The Car songs, but by the end I was just exhausted and desperate for home. Would see them again in a heartbeat in a more intimate indoor venue, but I think I’ll avoid any of their big stadium tours in future 😅 

Busted: Honestly, I had a much nicer time at this gig compared to Arctic Monkeys. The nostalgia alone of singing along to ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ at the top of my lungs is always a special moment. But I can’t pretend for a second that Busted’s music comes anywhere close to the quality of Arctic Monkeys’ recent output, so they’re a very reluctant last place on my list of generally incredible gig experiences 😅 

Best Support Act: Nova Twins by a country mile. I may have fallen slightly in love with Georgia and her incredible bass skills. It was easy to see why Muse invited them on tour because they seemed so at-ease in a massive arena 😊  

Here's to (hopefully) more amazing gigs in 2024! I'd love to hear about some of the great shows that you guys attended this year as well 🥰💖

[ackermental]

At this point, why would anyone want to watch Eurovision?

First they've rigged 2023 voting. And instead of showing any remorse, they've doubled down on it in an interval song that was supposed to be funny, but came out as extremly offensive. Sweden is turning into UK 2.0 with how pretentious they sound.

The stage looks cheap af. Guess they were shitting their pants with just the mere thought of organising this event in a bigger city. Because bigger city = bigger riots.

Then they've allowed Israel to participate and honestly what the actually fuck???? Everything that could be said about it has been said already, so all I have to add is that EBU didn't stop there! They've actually muted people booing the shit out of Israel's representative and replaced it with a clapping track.

That's some deep, dystopian propaganda shit from the Eastern Europe's 50'/60' reality.

And speaking of Eastern Europe, Ukraine singer has been spotted in a fucking BANDERACIAGA shirt???? What the hell? United by Music? I would say that it's more like United by Ethnic Cleansing out there. Nothing like honoring a man responsible for butchering 60 thousand people and a company accused of promoting pedophilia.

Fuck her.

All of the performances I've seen so far were medicore. The only ones that absolutely ate were Portugal, Croatia and my favorite: Armenia. (Estonia, Finland and Netherlands are great as well but in a 'lets go bananas' category). And honestly, if you wish to vote for anyone, even though I really believe we shouldn't vote at all, let it be Armenia. Great folk song, funny, pure happiness, amazing vocals with Witcher III vibes. And if anyone in this god forsaken competition deserves any support: it would be Armenia.

Did I mention that fucking Azerbaijan was also allowed to pariticipate. Again???

Yeah...

Have I forgotten anything?

Oh yeah, all of the artists are isolated from the audience by a big ass screen, so we can't witness any funny moments from them during the show. You know, in case anybody would like to flash out some Palestinian flag. Or if anybody from the audience wished to practice throwing their drinks at Israel delegation.

The atmosphere between participants feels heavy as fuck. No romance story between Norwegian Furrys and Spanish Belle this year for us. Or Italians trying to learn Ukrainian. Or people dancing together to the Train song.

Oh, and the guy who was basically singing this year's version of Love Love Peace Peace got cancelled. Possibly. We do not know.

Anyway. Do not watch the final. Do not vote. If you feel like you have to vote to stop Israel from winning, vote for Armenia or Croatia. Fuck EBU.

I hope this contest will burn tomorrow.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

last night i went to an open rehearsal for a ukrainian folk singing group. i'd had my eye on them for a while but never had the time or energy to think about it. i had such a fucking good time. i sing when i lead services of course, but that's generally solo and it's more serious than singing music in a big happy group. even though it was an open rehearsal almost everyone there was officialy in the group and knew each other, but i felt so at home so fast and i just. it would change my life to get to sing with cool people here in the city to rehearse and do workshops and get to perform...and of course they're not having auditions till september. i was like pwease???? at one of the leaders, and she was like no sorry but you can come to our workshops and also i totally remember seeing you at the [epic nyc area slavic/balkans/etc folk festival that used to be held every year]

(context: the biggest thing in my college life was the slavic/balkans folk singing group i was in...it was my everything and the 5 year reunions are euphoric and i've been singing all my life but this is the only situation where my peculiar voice has ever been useful and desired to a group of people 🥺)

i used to sing with a group of alums from my college group who lived in nyc, but most of them were Older (i can tell you, nothing is more fun than singing with some badass older ladies) and all the covid resurgences just got them too nervous and we stopped. plus we only did it once every two months.

i'm tearing up because of how much i want to sing with people again. i don't think my voice is all that great, but--i can't explain what it feels like, maybe it's like what a team sport feels like for those who like to play team sports. idk. i'm passing out invitations for the pity party, i wish i could catch a break, something, anything!

[watsername]

i listen to måneskin . i listen to Käärijä and blind channel . i watch an italian woman cook on tiktok . i watch some spanish content creators . i listen to ukrainian music and korean music and fucking japanese metal (babymetal fans rise up ☝️) . i don’t effectively know any of these languages and i rely on online translations to understand them because i don’t have the time to learn every language i interact with to the point of off the cuff translations . even i have to amend the way i speak to other people who aren’t native scots. ai isn’t perfect it never will be in fact when i’m trying to understand måneskin songs im given 3 options for translations on the same website . but it’s a starting point. it’s a platform for ppl to laugh at mistakes like the ‘i bought a bra’ moment in the recent dream video. it prompts non native speakers to ask questions about translations and learn more about the language and the country . people can get what they need to know what another creator is saying and communicate with them but it provides them an opportunity to share cultures with each other . and one thing i’ve noticed is the flack about not knowing other languages is only put on english creators, nobody is bashing a korean creator for not knowing portuguese. the only way to solve every problem would be for everyone to speak the same langauge which is the opposite of the purpose of this smp . i’m sorry that you can’t see the good in things bc you don’t understand how things can work without being perfect but even though it will not be perfect it’s still gonna be a great way to integrate these communities and encourage people to go out and learn these languages or any other language . for the love of god think about the people rather than the logistics for one minute .

[cyarsk52-20]

Twitter reacts to Ukraine's defense team quoting Pusha T's lyrics

Pusha T seems quite popular in Ukraine, as its defense team cited some of his lyrics on its official Twitter account on Tuesday (Sept. 6).

The Ministry of Defense of Ukraine, with over one million followers, tweeted a chart illustrating Russia’s losses since the Ukrainian war started earlier this year. The caption contains lyrics from Pusha T’s “Numbers on the Boards” track from his 2013 debut solo album, My Name Is My Name. “I put numbers on the boards. @PUSHA_T. Total combat losses of the enemy from Feb. 24 to Sept. 7,” the tweet read. 

The chart displays that several Russianartilleries have been destroyed in battle, including 2,117 tanks, 4,556 armed combat vehicles, almost 300 military jets, and other heavy artilleries. The Ukrainian defense account also indicated that over 50,000 soldiers have allegedly been killed in battle.

The Virginia Beach rapper responded to the post on Wednesday (Sept. 7), pointing out Ukraine’s excellent musical preferences. “Great taste in music for the win,” he tweeted.

People on social media and hip hop fans were not shy about sharing their opinions about the Twitter account using Pusha’s lyrics. Most of the commenters were in shock at the tweet, such as Twitterer NekiasNBA, who said in disbelief, “This entire planet is a simulation.” Another commenter kay_mahapa, tweeted, “We live in a world where Pusha T lyrics are used in war.” A third person commented, “Yo, directly quoting Pusha T in the middle of a massive war is the heights of wildness. We are living in a simulation!”

Even the co-host of Hot 97‘s “Ebro in the Morning,” Ebro had to react to the unexpected tweet, saying, “Pusha T has won wars, so they [are] associating with the right rapper.”

Guapdad 4000 also responded to the viral post, saying, “The fact that there’s a Ukrainian intern somewhere designing digital assets to display a body count from [the] war in a friendly looking format is f**king wild to me. We [are] not even gone talk about the @PUSHA_T quote [goat emoji].”

How do you feel about this tweet?

The Ukrainian defense team’s post, Pusha’s tweet and its reactions can be found below:

“I put numbers on the boards.”@PUSHA_T Total combat losses of the enemy from Feb 24 to Sep 7: pic.twitter.com/mUC5NnLcpy — Defense of Ukraine (@DefenceU) September 7, 2022

Great taste in music for the win… https://t.co/GKG2V6Jc4S — King Push (@PUSHA_T) September 7, 2022

this entire planet is a simulation https://t.co/sjTkHb4NTc — Nekias (Nuh-KY-us) Duncan (@NekiasNBA) September 7, 2022

We live in a world where Pusha T lyrics are used in war https://t.co/KpdkCLIajD — Lesilo Rula (@kay_mahapa) September 7, 2022

Yo, directly quoting Pusha T in the middle of a massive war is the heights of wildness. We are living in a simulation! https://t.co/XpPxEb2oJj — So… what now? 💭 (@tenilleclarke1) September 7, 2022

Pusha T has won wars, so they associating with the right rapper https://t.co/p82glzbOA5 — Kojo Ebro Odogwu (@oldmanebro) September 7, 2022

The fact that there’s a Ukrainian intern somewhere designing digital assets to display a body count from war in a friendly looking format is fucking wild to me. We not even gone talk about the @PUSHA_T quote…🐐 https://t.co/ZWxUlScvFx — GUAP (@guapdad4000) September 7, 2022

Sent from my iPhone

[suomeen]

Chapter 2: Luck Awaits

It was the road that scared me the most. Since no planes fly out of Ukraine and we had little money, we had to take a bus to Poland at any rate. About 16-hour ride. We might have to then transfer to another bus then, to cross another 3 countries to Helsinki. Another 20+ hour ride. Then take a train there.

I get sick on buses. I thought I might die. With transfers, 2 full days on the road. Thankfully, I discovered that Finair |bless!| still offered a 95% discount to Ukrainians flying to Helsinki. Well, plus the airport fees so about 85%, but still a great deal. So that made the trip a little bit easier and faster, though the transfers would be even more nerve-wrecking.

I stalled and planned for a long time. It was pretty much impossible to comprehend all the contingencies of this decision. It was scary as fuck and the biggest decision I ever had to make in my whole damned life. I knew there would be no turning back. But somehow, I was ready for it.

At that point, I was barely leaving the house, going out only to buy groceries and medicine and basic appointments. I had no proper job and no money and all my friends left to find a better life long before the war. My physical and mental health were always fragile and considerably undermined by 2 years of living in a fucking war. There was little hope of things working out for me. It felt like if I don’t do something drastic, I will likely just wither away, grow old and die in sickness and poverty.

I knew if won’t be easy. I knew that if I took this step, I would be the one doing basically everything. From planning, to securing the tickets, to speaking to all officials, making sure we make it there. And, basically, every official and unofficial business inside Finland, since my mum can’t speak English.

I’ve had bad anxiety all my life. As a kid, I couldn’t even buy stuff without nervously counting my money for approximately 30 minutes. In my 20’s I was terrified of making calls and dealing with unfamiliar situations. But now, after spending most of my life trying to fix myself, I learned to get over it and do stuff. Still, it doesn’t come easy. Asking strangers for help is hard enough, harder when you don’t know their language and they may not know any other, harder still when you’re the stranger in their land.

Of course, we can always go back. We’re allowed to take 2 weeks to leave the country before we lose our dwelling. But it won’t be easy. The road would be very hard and expensive and we can’t fly, since Finair only offers discounts on flights to Finland. That’s a 2-day trip just to get there. And you’re have to plan the route back in advance too, which is hard and uncertain with things going down at the border. You have to have a very good reason for going. And, in the end, I don’t want to.

I don’t miss home. Not really. My heart bleeds for Ukraine. I’ll miss feeling like I’m among my own people. Speaking and being understood. But not my dirty poor destitute neighborhood. I know it by heart by now. In fact, it feels like a part of me is still there. It’s like that bad old movie with Gwyneth Paltrow where she missed the train and her life gets split into two threads.

It’s hard to pack when you only have one medium bag to take with you and you don’t know when you’ll be coming back.

I was very attached to my room but I also knew that, in a way, it has become my prison cell. I’m not young anymore and yet I feel like I lived so little. I needed a change. I needed to try. I had to take this leap of faith.

I didn’t take much with me. We were preparing for cold winter so it was only a bunch of winter clothes, nothing remotely pretty. I also grabbed a few practical and sentimental items, some music and videos. I could have taken more, really. But I suppose that was a conscious choice. I wanted to leave it behind and get a clean slate.

I miss my furniture, my dolls and my books the most. I can’t imagine when I’ll see them again, if ever. But it’s a small price to pay for safety.

The town we were heading for is called Tuuri, which means “luck” in Finnish. When I was ordering the tickers to our final destination, my automatic translation startled me because after I booked the tickets, on the screen it said “Luck Awaits”. I took it as a good sign.

Once I finally booked all the tickets and the trip was locked in, I got calmer. I knew no matter how much I prepared for it, I wouldn’t be ready for what’s to come and somehow, it was liberating.

It’s just for a few months, we told ourselves. Just to pass the winter. We almost believed it.

[merrymorningofmay]

the music ask meme made me remember "letyt bledina" and i felt like sharing it too because i have fun translating stuff + there's something very ukrainian about the defiant saltiness of it which i love

(age restricted for obscene language, nothing scary there)

some context:

bledina is a ukrainian slang word for a russian rocket/missile/jet/whatever flavour of air raid alert we are having on a given day; roughly translates to "ugly flying fuck"

alcohol ukulele is a band from kharkiv, a city that russians failed to take both in 2014 and 2022 and have been incessantly shelling instead, out of what seems to be sheer spite, during this entire invasion. one of the band's members was KIA just two days ago. like lots and lots of ukrainian performers, they do occasional crowdfunding for the army, so consider supporting them here.

the female voice belongs to melaniya podolyak, a volunteer/activist from lviv who currently works with the prytula charity foundation, which is another great place to donate if you want. melaniya had been thought to have coined the word "bledina" on twitter, but it later turned out that it originated in kharkiv, too.

here's what the lyrics mean:

It's April outdoors

And April has so much to offer

I've locked myself inside and sit here

There's alert in my air

That's the kind of interesting

Situation we have here:

Spring is outside

And a bledina is in the sky

Fly, you bledina, to hell, to hell

I won't give you a single minute of my time,

Not a single minute of my sleep,

My city, my peace of mind, my spring.

The bledina has wings,

It won't be flying for long.

The bledina has a snout,

But no wit – where would it get that from?

You ridiculous fucked-up creature,

Why the hell do you keep bothering me?

There's some noise again

That must be the bledina.

Chorus x2

(Bledina no longer in the air.)

[dandelionjack]

via this poll you are now being given the once in a lifetime opportunity to wield the ropes of fate for a random tumblr girl and decide what language they will be learning next (not through duolingo or something, but, like, hopefully, through their uni or a real tutor from next year), which could, by butterfly effect, determine the future of their life path. they’re fluent in russian and pretty decent at french, and, being a Humanities Guy they think it’s embarrassing that they don’t know at least one other language. here are the brief benefits and drawbacks of each

yiddish

as an ashkenazi jew growing up in a completely assimilated, secularised post-soviet family needless to say i’m disconnected from my heritage :)) this is all about reconnecting. it’s also about some fucking awesome songs and idioms and expressions and phrases and poems and stories that i want to know and understand so. cultural reasons. plus, it’s an endangered language that is slowly gaining more and more new learners so why not join the revival. afaik my great grandmother back in belarus spoke nothing but yiddish

hebrew

similar enough reasons, but this is specifically about rediscovering the religious side of judaism, which entails doing a lot of reading books and the torah and finding a synagogue to attend and a community to meet and a lot of googling and a lot of gathering information and also this, learning the holy language of the jewish people. my dad understands it quite well, as do my uncle and cousins, who are currently coloniser settlers in palestine. that’s the downside — learning hebrew may convince my zionist parents that it is now acceptable to begin hounding me once more to sign up for the Free Israel Youth Propaganda Trip (it is not acceptable nor welcome. leave me alone for the love of g-d i want no part in this)

spanish

almost (not going to risk upsetting brazilians) an entire continent and a couple of countries around the globe speak spanish — versatile that way and i wanna travel someday and not act like a Shitty British Tourist…it’s similar enough, being a romance language, to french, which i already know…i’m familiar with at least a couple dozen words and understand some of it quite well…there’s a lot of bomb ass literature written in it, and why read in translation when you are able to Not Do That…also some cool fuckin mexican goth bands that i found on a spotify playlist the lyrics of which i would like to Understand… and i am currently listening to the mabel podcast

german

same point with the bomb ass literature and bomb ass music, emphasis on the music this time, again, what if i ever decide i want to get into berghain and come to the entrance dragging my lousy brit accent along…my family emigrated to germany before england and lived there all through the late 90s…older brother is fluent in it because of that, and so is granny…studied it for about a year in year8 as an extra class but have forgotten almost everything by now, however, it would be quicker to pick up having the basics down

ukrainian

self explanatory, quite. almost feels like an obligation, considering nationality, considering having fled political repression from the country of the aggressor. similar enough to my mother tongue that i can understand around 40% when written/spoken by others. could be useful for joining volunteering initiatives, charity work, mutual aid, translation help for refugees. also, beautiful slavic culture, folk music, art and literature, though i haven't yet read much of it.

[sendmyresignation]

@hotyka tagged me to share three albums I've been listening to recently (def check out nastia's post for some ukrainian artists they shared). but here are mine:

1. Kesha's Gag Order- kesha was really and truly the first artist i ever fell in love with, i've been listening to her music for like. a decade and some change at this point and i remember when high road came out saying. this album is a prelude to something truly great and cool and i was totally right. incredible record that reconciles with fame and exploitation in such bare terms. and it's such a cohesive Project.

2. Sarge's The Glass Intact- I have been listening to a lot. LOT. of 90s emo recently (its a whole thing im working on) and sarge has really stood out to me from that bc this record has a lot of layers and elizabeth elmores voice is so perfect for this poppy but vulnerable little slice of midwest emo. beguiling is a classic but fast girls bangs

3. Mindless Sinner's Turn On The Power- Classic old school heavy metal with a speed touch. It's just so fucking catchy. There's nothing that really makes mindless sinner special but i can't stop listening to the record. short sweet headbanging fun.

anyway thank you nastia for the tag <3 i'll pass it on to @raytorosaurus @antspaul @milfygerard @void-flesh and anyone else who wants to share :)

[njavj]

2, 14?

oof!

2 — album of the year. definitely пов3стка by loqiemean. it's been a long wait for this one, a big hype, and it did not disappoint. it focuses on the war and what it means to the nation of aggresors. loqi covers topics like this quite a lot: his song "болей мной" from повес2ка is about abuse from the perspective of the abuser. this "message" (the literal translation) is filled with anger and hatred, but also with hope and love. loqiemean is disgusted by russians and this war touches him to the core, but he believes in that if the russians against the war rise up, and smother the hatred with love, if they will be brave and open-minded, then this horrible event will end and the nation will live on. "it's not sunset yet, even though russia's been knocked down; it's not sunset yet, because sunsets are beautiful", he says. "gonna bring souvenir magnets to every tyrants grave, just to show that in the whole world only you fucking hated russians".

it's very cathartic. the music is great too. listen to it and translate the lyrics, you will be surprised!

14 — best book this year. i have to say I don't really read books anymore. but i did, however, find a stash of old ukrainian books from my grandma, and some of them are fenomenal. one of the favourites is definitely "повия" by panas myrny.

the way ukrainian classics write women is way ahead of their time. while europe and russia go through cycles of mysoginystic portrayals of women in art, ukrainian writers create strong and freedom-loving characters, who happen to be women, and that nuance is Big. i totally recommend checking out some of the ukrainian literature. also, a big book is "жовтий князь" by vasiliy barka. it's about holodomor and how ukrainian families go through it. it's a very dark book, but it is beautiful. definitely an important read.

[abishekmuses]

I'm reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Just through the first couple of chapters and I"m hooked already. I used to live like this - i guess I miss those days, somewhere deep inside.

Some part of me still buys into the glamour and sheen of that deranged lifestyle. Some part of me still feels a tinge of excitement at picturing all those adventures - well misadventures rather - scoring drugs off dodgy UKrainians in the middle of godforsaken Soviet Ghosttowns - rocking up at sweaty Ukrainian strip clubs in the wee hours of dawn - after dreary nights spent trying to cook up excitement in dead old Kharkiv.

Man I hate those times. I hate those times with a vengeance. But every once in a while the manic recklessness of those times looks appealing again - you know when you're playing GTA - being a good boy - doing all your missions like you're supposed to - and then suddenly - this manic rush overpowers you and you start killing passers by in a frenzy with a fucking chainsaw?

That's how I feel with life sometimes. Not the killing people part. But the doing drugs, fucking around and driving endlessly part. Something in me craves chaos sometimes. just let the energy loose and let it do its thing with ZERO cortical intervention. Just freeflow. Just hop on planes, go places, strip naked, fuck around, do cocaine, run around in forests, climb mountains - well you get the idea.

And when I think of my 20s as a highlights package, you could definitely see this theme running through - this theme of manic recklessness and hedonistic overload.

Do I want to go back to living like that?

Probably not. Definitely not. I don't want THAT. But I want more romance. More recklessness. Less thinking about consequences. More impromptu. More daredevilry. More crazy friends that would egg me on to join them on their quests to bring some lunatic idea/vision to life.

I mean there is definitely a lot to be said for the stability, peace and health that i've managed to make part of my life in the last few years. But sometimes I think - at what fucking cost?

I have a lot to lose now. I have a sexy red car that I need to make money in order to keep. I have a sexy red bike that symbolises the daredevil lifestyle - but I could hardly have afforded it when i DID live that lifestyle.

I catch myself telling people frequently "I want to burn with life" - I always wonder what I mean when I say that - what the fuck do i actually mean? In my head all I can think of when I say that is driving down some dark country road with some pretty girls, doing drugs at 120 KMPH, blasting some kicass tunes at obscenely high volume.

And then I realise with a sigh that i've done that a million times and that's not what burning with life probably means.

I probably crave that intensity that I get in a situation like that - speed, drugs, women, urgency, mania, aliveness - but I want those things to find a different expression. i want to try new flavours.

And then I think - to hell with it - I want to live that high voltage life.- even if i only know how to live it in that flavour.

I don't know. For now, I'm going to continue in my attempt at monastic life. Abstinence. Discipline. God I hate how this sounds. But there's a reason I'm doing all this - I guess - so I'm going to stick with it for now.

But I'm sure there's going to be some high speed motorcycling and public dancing in the near future.

Maybe that's the fucking thing - it's not so much that the high speed, blaring music and girls are the problem - it's the drugs. I think what I don't want anymore is the drugs part. Maybe adventure is great. sponateinty, intensity, devil may care - it's all good. But maybe, drugs are the problem?

or maybe it's the come down that's the problem?

Maybe it's the part where I would be broke that's the problem? or the part where I wanted to be this while also being that?

I don't know. All i know is when i read something like that, i feel like "man this is a book about folks like me - the crazy fuckers. - the ones who need some chainsaw action once in a while to keep doing this shit!"

Edit - a couple of hours later Something in the way of a reconciliation.

Reconciling this apparent dilemma - chaos vs control. Mania vs health and stability.

There's no contradiction actually. I went on a walk and this is what I figured - the intensity, the cars, the bikes, the beautiful women, the drugs - they make life seem game-like.

What I'm looking for is lightness. Playfulness. Joy. No stakes. Fucking about.

Except when you find only through drugs, it's limited. It's dreary. It causes dependence. And makes life without them seem anything BUT playful and fun.

I want to live like sport.

For this, you need skill. You need to get good at the game of life. You need to get rid of emotional patterns that cause heaviness and anxiety.

That makes life a drag. That makes you want to do reckless things. It's not actually about recklessness - it's about abandon. it's not about self-destructiveness - it's about losing yourself in whatever the heck it is that you're doing with no regard for any imaginary future that you might or might not be alive for. That makes life a drag. That makes you want to do reckless things. It's not actually about recklessness - it's about abandon. it's not about self-destructiveness - it's about losing yourself in whatever the heck it is that you're doing with no regard for any imaginary future that you might or might not be alive for.

this takes skill.

Skill takes time to build.

it's the Alan Watts thing - something along the lines of how kids hate the idea of discipline - it's so dreary - it makes life seem like a friggin' chore. Skill is a concept that's much more enticing. You want to get good at the game. So play it on hard mode and get good at it. That's what I'm doing now I guess.

Or I guess that's fucking idea anyway. Let's see if it works.

Off the top of my head, from where I'm standing - it feels like lots of money, a super-resilient and co-operative body and a loose, pleasant and light emotional structure seem to be the main ingredients in living a life of intensity, play and abandon. At least, for me. There might be other things that come in people's way - but for me, i guess this is what I'm working on.

Hence, the monasticism.

But soon. I'll be ready to play.

[girlreviews]

Review #382: Currents, Tame Impala

Yet another album coming up on ten years old that forces me to reckon with the fact that I too am also almost ten years older than when it came out. They took five years to put out another! By the time they did that we were in the throes of a pandemic. So a lot happened. I had a lot of different haircuts. A lot.

It’s another breakup album. It came out the year I got married. I’m now divorced. It’s been pretty interesting revisiting this record, because my ex-husband and I were super into it. Everyone was, at least everyone who liked alternative music and wore flannel and tiny hats. Whatever iteration of hipster was hanging around East Nashville in 2015, they were playing it in every bougie coffee shop and thrift store. So it fell out of favor for me after a while, I got a little sick of it.

I had actually just seen them live a few years prior, right before moving Stateside. In Australia of all places, where they are from! At a festival called Groovin’ the Moo, in Canberra. I was there on a WILD ride, with a guy I met in London at a NYE party at the Ukrainian embassy (????) through a mutual friend who was dating my bestie. He and I hit it off, stayed up all night doing drugs, talking mad shit, and having a great time. Mans is moving back to Australia in three days. Oh well. Never mind. Nope, four months later I’m there visiting him. This was quite literally bananas, but really fucking fun — also a fucking disaster. It was like we were falling in love, getting together and breaking up all at the same time. The absolute fucking antics we get up to on this trip. We are invited to a house party, and are so drunk before arriving we accidentally break into THE WRONG house trying to attend. We wake up one morning in our room with the bed completely wonky, two legs snapped on it, potato chips absolutely fucking everywhere, all over the bed, floor, surfaces, and there’s just a pug dog snuffling around eating them all. Do not know whose dog it was to this day. Attend this festival, remember absolutely nothing about it other than seeing Tame Impala, return to the UK with a gnarly sunburn, a powerpuff girls pillow bought as a forget-me-not and a plastic frog table marker stolen from a pizza joint. If it doesn’t sound romantic, it’s because it shouldn’t. But we were in LOVE! It was a fucking disaster and it ended quite badly and I arrived in America a broken hollow shell of a woman. This honestly cracks me up. This is exactly the kind of bullshit you’re supposed to pull in your twenties, everyone. And Tame Impala is the exact right soundtrack for it, psychedelic pop rock weirdness. It was their prior album Lonerism that scored that particular moment, with the most prominent track for me being appropriately titled It Feels Like We Only Go Backwards. Teehee.

Anyway, it’s a few years later, I have my shit together a bit now, I’m getting married or already am, and here comes Tame Impala with Currents. It seems like Kevin Parker maybe had some love adventure of his own and he’s gotta get it off his chest, he’s got some feelings. Here’s what I love about this record, and it’s gonna sound like I’m ripping on it, but I’m not. The lyrics, they’re really pretty… What word am I looking for here. They lack sophistication and depth. Man really just says what he would say to his bros when he’s trying to say how he feels about his relationship ending. They’re simple. They’re rudimentary. They’re clumsy. But they’re perfect. Are we poetic when we are messy in a breakup? Do I sound like I was poetic in any shape or form on potato chip pug hangover day? No. It is what it is. There were multiple different KINDS of potato chips, guys. It’s like we thought we were sowing potato chip seeds to grow a little garden. The pug got his head stuck in a bag for a hot second. You can’t make it what it isn’t. It’s a damn mess. But you CAN make the music and sound emote. And that he does, magically and wonderfully, carrying the lyrics. It works together so well. It’s a journey.

Let it Happen, first of all, I challenge you to run to this. It’s almost eight minutes and is great for keeping pace (I have mentioned my running playlists are wild and I’m not kidding). A friend pointed out to me this past weekend that something I tend to gravitate towards in songs — and they’re right — is ones that evolve and take you on a trip. The end of the song is unrecognizable from the beginning. I love that. This is one of those. It also just fucking slaps. Great start.

Eventually and Less I Know The Better are prime examples of the sonic mastery and lyrical lacking just sort of working. They’re also the most obvious breakup tracks and those simple words are what make it so god damn relatable:

“She said it’s not now or never

In ten years we’ll be together

I said better late than never

Just don’t let me wait forever

Don’t let me wait forever”

Past Life. FUCK, this song is so fucking good it’s so fucking DIFFERENT. Can’t even speak on it, just go stick it on and vibe your ass off, okay?

Disciples is my absolute favorite. For a few reasons. I also love me a short track. But this one is SO fun to sing, and it’s so chirpy and upbeat for a song that’s basically about telling someone you used to care for that they’re a shitty person now (“now it’s like the world owes you, walking around like everybody should know you”). By the way, have you ever done that, told someone you loved that you officially think they suck now? Interesting experience. Not sure whether I recommend it or not to be honest, maybe one of those things that you’ve gotta try on for yourself to see if it’s for you. But anyway, also there’s just some really great steering wheel slap moments of bass and percussion that make me want to DIE and ASCEND from this mortal plain to wherever this song was born from. I said what I said.

If not for Disciples, there’s no question that my favorite track would be ‘Cause I’m a Man. I still remember driving my friend Brittney home in my Lincoln LS, and she was like, you gotta hear the new Tame Impala track. I honestly was not impressed. But she was so animated, and made me listen over and over until I got it. This is a rare song for me, because even now I like it more with each listen. It’s not a surprise, since it’s about his own self reflection on how shitty men are, how they’re always just making sad little excuses for why they don’t measure up to women, and are always letting us down. He does a good job, he really does (“Cause I’m a man, woman, I’ll never be as strong as you”). But, throughout the song he makes these kind of lazy, semi-sexual “uh!” noises and they’re honestly hilarious. They just really add something. I can’t explain why. It’s sort of a nice touch of self depreciation that I truly appreciate.

It’s a one of a kind record, really. It was different from their previous, and their follow up didn’t match it. They have a new single out with Justice and I’m told it’s very good. I saw them again in 2022 at a festival in Barcelona, much less wild and drug fueled than my previous go around (I’m in my thirties now, who has the energy). The sound was bad and my feet hurt, BUT Kevin Parker did us all a solid and covered Last Nite by The Strokes which cheered us all up, because they got COVID and pulled out last minute. Ah well, Julian’s a creep anyhow and could never write something as self aware as Currents. He’s still hitting on teenage girls in his late forties. Kevin Parker, I better not find you pulling the same shit or I will be coming for you and it will be ugly.

[cyarskj1899]

Twitter reacts to Ukraine's defense team quoting Pusha T's lyrics

Pusha T seems quite popular in Ukraine, as its defense team cited some of his lyrics on its official Twitter account on Tuesday (Sept. 6).

The Ministry of Defense of Ukraine, with over one million followers, tweeted a chart illustrating Russia’s losses since the Ukrainian war started earlier this year. The caption contains lyrics from Pusha T’s “Numbers on the Boards” track from his 2013 debut solo album, My Name Is My Name. “I put numbers on the boards. @PUSHA_T. Total combat losses of the enemy from Feb. 24 to Sept. 7,” the tweet read. 

The chart displays that several Russian artilleries have been destroyed in battle, including 2,117 tanks, 4,556 armed combat vehicles, almost 300 military jets, and other heavy artilleries. The Ukrainian defense account also indicated that over 50,000 soldiers have allegedly been killed in battle.

The Virginia Beach rapper responded to the post on Wednesday (Sept. 7), pointing out Ukraine’s excellent musical preferences. “Great taste in music for the win,” he tweeted.

People on social media and hip hop fans were not shy about sharing their opinions about the Twitter account using Pusha’s lyrics. Most of the commenters were in shock at the tweet, such as Twitterer NekiasNBA, who said in disbelief, “This entire planet is a simulation.” Another commenter kay_mahapa, tweeted, “We live in a world where Pusha T lyrics are used in war.” A third person commented, “Yo, directly quoting Pusha T in the middle of a massive war is the heights of wildness. We are living in a simulation!”

Even the co-host of Hot 97‘s “Ebro in the Morning,” Ebro had to react to the unexpected tweet, saying, “Pusha T has won wars, so they [are] associating with the right rapper.”

Guapdad 4000 also responded to the viral post, saying, “The fact that there’s a Ukrainian intern somewhere designing digital assets to display a body count from [the] war in a friendly looking format is f**king wild to me. We [are] not even gone talk about the @PUSHA_T quote [goat emoji].”

How do you feel about this tweet?

The Ukrainian defense team’s post, Pusha’s tweet and its reactions can be found below:

“I put numbers on the boards.”@PUSHA_T Total combat losses of the enemy from Feb 24 to Sep 7: pic.twitter.com/mUC5NnLcpy — Defense of Ukraine (@DefenceU) September 7, 2022

Great taste in music for the win… https://t.co/GKG2V6Jc4S — King Push (@PUSHA_T) September 7, 2022

this entire planet is a simulation https://t.co/sjTkHb4NTc — Nekias (Nuh-KY-us) Duncan (@NekiasNBA) September 7, 2022

We live in a world where Pusha T lyrics are used in war https://t.co/KpdkCLIajD — Lesilo Rula (@kay_mahapa) September 7, 2022

Yo, directly quoting Pusha T in the middle of a massive war is the heights of wildness. We are living in a simulation! https://t.co/XpPxEb2oJj — So… what now? 💭 (@tenilleclarke1) September 7, 2022

Pusha T has won wars, so they associating with the right rapper https://t.co/p82glzbOA5 — Kojo Ebro Odogwu (@oldmanebro) September 7, 2022

The fact that there’s a Ukrainian intern somewhere designing digital assets to display a body count from war in a friendly looking format is fucking wild to me. We not even gone talk about the @PUSHA_Tquote…🐐 https://t.co/ZWxUlScvFx — GUAP (@guapdad4000) September 7, 2022

Sent from my iPhone

[alightineverydarkness]

John Object, Life (description)

My name is Timur, I was a Ukrainian musician, and now I am a Ukrainian soldier.

Russia has sent thousands and thousands of soldiers into Ukraine, and I joined the army on February 26th. Currently we are all being bombed, and my life is nothing like what it was two months ago. I have no idea what it is going to be like tomorrow and how much longer I have, so it felt appropriate to share an archive of my 2010-2019 works, in case I never get to do that when I'm old and it's a nice remastered package.

These are sorted chronologically except where putting certain tracks next to each other would enhance the flow (parts of the same EPs etc). Most are horribly mastered. Many are boring and self-indulgent (I'm 27 now; was younger then). However, this was my life, and this is the music I made. 

I urge everyone to do everything in their power to stop fascist Russia, send support to Ukraine, heavy weapons, fighter jets, artillery. Sever all ties to Russian people, kick them off your festivals, cancel your collabs. I want to live.

Some important information to note. We are a sovereign country, with a culture, history, language, identity and path of our own, and we have never been "brothers" to Russians. We also do not have a right-wing government or anything resembling a right-wing faction in power – our current government is actually quite liberal and we have made great progress in human rights over the past years. The combined support for the far-right parties adds up to about 2% of the vote here, when, let’s say, in France it is around 30% and a far-right candidate could realistically win a presidential election – a candidate that claims Russia is a great nation. I am saying this, because I know Russian propaganda is calling us Nazis. 

The war began in 2014 and has been a process of Ukrainian forces defending the territorial integrity of Ukraine against Russian-backed separatists, with weapons and people provided by Russia in "secret" – it was always quite obvious, but they have denied having stepped into Ukraine until this week. The so-called "people's republics" (DNR and LNR) are puppet states, established in name only when Russia saw a chance to destabilize the situation after the country-wide revolution of 2014, and could never exist without Russian weapons, money, soldiers, political support. Ukraine has not been at war with these "republics" (which are Ukrainian territories), it has been at war with Russians, who came to aid a small gang of separatists that attempted to split off two regions of Ukraine. This I am saying because I know it's not fully clear to everyone else outside of Ukraine (e.g. American twitter tankies thinking Russia is building fucking communism – it isn't). 

I know this, because I am a Ukrainian. I've lived my whole life in Kyiv, been to Donetsk and Luhansk, and I have friends who escaped the war there only for it to follow them here. 

Anyway. I hope we will all get to celebrate the end of Russia in a peaceful world, and party again. Until then, I'll try to stay safe and do my job here in the army, though every day I believe less and less that I will get out alive. With or without me, we will win. 

To the every person in the world: whatever you would do to stop Hitler in 1943, you are doing it now.

I hear explosions outside. 

Death to Putin. No gods, no masters. To everyone I ever told I loved them: I meant it, and I still love you. There is nothing I want more than to wake up next to my partner tomorrow, and it hurts me to realise every day this won’t happen anytime soon.

P.S. The quality isn't great on these tracks, these aren't .wav files. I only had access to 320 kbps .mp3 versions, and I had to convert them to .wav to put them up here. I had about an hour to do all of this on my last evening home; I had no time to get my hard disk and find the originals, I'm sorry. Let’s hope I come back and find the true originals someday.