#uhm back to our regularly scheduled programming

[physicallyherementallykissingmen]

him and i fr. (muse and artist fr) ("they are the only two people who think its a secret theyre in love" fr) ("cuando se confirme nos hacemos los sorprendidos" fr) (actor and director fr) ("when i make films you'll be the first i call up for the lead role" fr)

[pajamaswithoutpants-page]

dance tiny peppino, dance

[seesboy]

uhm not to snap on christmas day but i miss my old friends lol. i miss having the strength to genuinely talk to the friends i still have i miss feeling secure i haven't felt comfortable with myself in almost seven fucking months 👍 okay now back to our regularly scheduled programming

[rainparadefromhell]

my mutuals are probably so happy i'm done with talking abt the world cup lmaoo

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Snowed In p5

I have an hour before work so instead of doing the responsible thing and cranking out my labs, I’m posting smutty fic. in my defense, I have none.

Pairing: Geralt x fem!reader

Warnings: smut. hella smut, unprotected sex, bit bitey, hair pulling? I’m new to writing smut so if there’s any more plz message me I really wanna know and be able to tag my shit accordingly.

Summary: How else does one get to sleep if not by fucking your friend that is totally not more than a friend? or Geralt finally does something about the tension between them?

There’s a bit of plot in here somewhere I swear. Not really, I just have a feeling G is competitive af. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled emotionally indulgent programming next part so if you’re not down with the smut I’ll add a little summary on the beginning of the next one.

Part 4 here!

__________

Day thirty brought a restlessness that couldn't be soothed. If you weren't moving you felt like you were going to disintegrate to dust from the pent up energy. 

You tried trudging circles around the barn in the snow, sprinting up and down the stairs, making Geralt spar with you until your muscles gave up and you collapsed, but you couldn't shake the need to move. You even went so far as to ask Geralt to hold you while you tried to sleep. You used the "it works for babies maybe it could calm me down" excuse and he must have bought it because he wasted no time pulling you into his arms. Regardless of how comfortably you fit tucked into his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, you only slept an hour or two. 

Day thirty one was no different. Anxious, restless, and now pissy because of how tired you were. You paced most of the day, to Geralt's dismay. He finally ordered you to run the stairs because he couldn't "sit here and watch you walk a hole in the floor anymore". You'd rolled your eyes but you did it anyway, until you thought you might hurl. Then when the nausea passed you ran them ten times more for good measure. You even ate more than usual at dinner, hoping a full stomach would at least make you feel sluggish enough to stop moving. 

Despite all this, you laid staring at the ceiling for hours, tapping your fingers on your ribs and wishing for even a wink of sleep.

Just when you were starting to feel lighter, ready to float off to blessed unconsciousness, you heard a deep moan and a giggle from the other side of the wall. 

"Fuck me. I thought they were still fighting" You groaned, rolling over to face away from the wall and pulling your pillow over your ear. 

Geralt grimaced, staring at the ceiling, "Made up an hour ago." 

You snickered, "So you really hear all of it?" 

He rolled his eyes, the movement just barely visible in the light of the dying fire, "Unfortunately, I can hear a room past them as well." 

Another moan and the distinct sound of someone's ass getting slapped seemed to echo in the silence. 

"I was so close to sleep" you sighed, silently wishing a curse on the neighbors.  

Geralt frowned, you assumed because he heard something he'd rather not until he opened his mouth, "S'probly why they're so chipper." 

"Hm?" 

He glanced at you before elaborating, "All the… they're in a better mood because they actually sleep. After they… you know, fuck." 

You snorted, praying he couldn't see the flush in your cheeks, "Is that how it works?" Your voice was dripping with sarcasm. 

The neighbors were growing louder by the second, clearly so excited about the resolution of their fight that they didn't care if they woke the whole inn. 

He shrugged, "Works for me." 

His tone was too casual, too measured even for him. You narrowed your eyes in a desperate attempt to pull any more information out of the shadows on his face. 

"To get to sleep you mean?" Your voice was nearly a whisper, tamped by what you thought he might be implying. 

He hummed in agreement, finally turning to face you, his face completely unreadable, "Might calm you down." 

If you'd wanted to play it cool your body betrayed you. Your heartbeat alone was a dead giveaway that his words got to you, and you didn't even want to know what he could tell with any other senses. 

You blinked hard, trying to form a coherent sentence, "Ar- are you… uhm… offering?" 

He propped himself up on an elbow and his entire demeanor changed, the usual mask of indifference replaced with a grin, "I am." 

You heard a little voice in the back of your head yelling about how things could get messy but you shut it up, already feeling that coil tightening between your hips just from how he was looking at you. 

You reached out to run a finger over his wrist, lightly tracing little figure eights over his skin, "I'd hate for you to regret it in the morning." 

"I have a lot of regrets in life, very rarely do I regret sex." 

He can tell. He's way too fucking confident not to know. Fuck it.

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth and looked up at him through your lashes, "Couldn't hurt to try." 

He leaned over you, almost kissing you before moving to your ear, his lips brushing against your skin as he whispered, "Is that a yes?" 

Fuck.

"Yes. Hell yes." 

You felt the vibrations of the rumblings in his chest as he practically growled before nipping at your jaw. You gasped and grabbed onto the hem of his shirt, now that the tension had broken and you'd touched you finally could move. 

He stopped you though, placing a soft kiss over the skin that stung from his bite before sitting back and pulling you with him, "Clothes. Off." 

You obeyed immediately, shimmying out of every last stitch and letting out a soft moan as you saw him drop his small clothes. 

He smirked, "That excited?" He asked as he resumed his position above you. 

"Something like that. Your ass is great." You answered, not bothering with this charade of shyness anymore. He laughed softly, placing kisses on your neck and running his hand up your body to your chest. You moaned when he squeezed your tit but you yelped when he kissed his way down to the other one and licked at your nipple. He chuckled and took the nub between his teeth, biting down and pulling back just enough to earn another moan before he pressed his lips over the area and sucked. 

"Ah fuck Geralt." One of your hands gripped his hair, but you didn't pull, not like you wanted to. 

He left a trail of kisses to your other breast, "Pull all you want." He paused to circle your now extremely sensitive nipple with his tongue, "I like it." Before you could respond he bit the very tip and you moaned again, this time testing the waters with a light tug at his hair. 

He hummed in response and continued his trail down your body. 

You hadn't pegged him for the type to go down on his woman first, but oh how wrong you were. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing and exactly how it drove you wild. 

He left little bites at your hip crease and on your inner thigh, coming closer to where you wanted him most, only to switch to your other hip.

"You're a fucking tease." You whined, breathless and so achingly turned on. 

Almost before you finished your sentence, one of his hands spread your folds and he licked from your opening up over your clit.You shivered and gasped, tugging at his hair again. 

He moaned against you and your eyes rolled back in your head, "Mmmmmm Geralt more. Please." 

He obliged immediately, flicking his tongue over your clit in a pattern that made your whole body tingle and thighs squeeze together. Without missing a beat he pushed your legs apart and laid his arm over your hip, bringing his hand to your opposite thigh to hold you in place.

Still working your clit with his tongue he slowly pushed two fingers into you, curling and pumping at an annoyingly laid back pace. You bucked your hips up, or tried, and he chuckled, pulling his fingers away completely.

"Fuck you." You gasped, "That's just rude." 

He licked over your opening with a broad tongue and pulled back, "Kinda the point, isn't it?" 

"Geralt." You mewled in protest, pulling his hair again and earning a grunt in return before his mouth was back on your cunt. He added a third finger when he started again, stretching you out and damn near making you writhe. He coaxed moan after moan, whine after desperate whine from your lips and just before you came, he stopped completely. 

Sitting back and surveying his work he grinned, "Not yet. You have to earn it." 

Melitele's Tits. That's so hot.

You lurched forward, pushing him on his back and straddling his thighs, "Earn it? Like this?" You reached between your legs and gathered your own slick before gripping the base of his cock and pumping just as infuriatingly slow as he had gone earlier. 

The way he groaned set your body on fire, making you shivered in anticipation. You couldn't wait anymore, you leaned forward, placing a hand on the center of his chest for balance and lined yourself up over his hips. 

Your breath hitched in your throat as you sank down on his dick. Of course you knew he was big, but this? This was heaven. You savored every bit, lowering yourself as slowly as you could, your fingers curling to grip at the hair on his chest. His hands roamed over your thighs and hips, squeezing at what he could reach of your ass.

When you finally bottomed out your eyes fluttered closed and a low groan clawed its way out of your chest. 

"Fuck , Y/N…" Geralt breathed, fingers digging into your flesh. 

Your eyes snapped open, a devilish grin on your face, "What? Do you want me to move?" 

Before he could answer you clenched around his cock, getting a gasp and gritted teeth in response. 

"What was that? I didn't hear you." 

He opened his mouth to respond but you snapped your hips up and back down as fast as you could, grinding your hips against his in small circles. Whatever he was going to say turned into a string of curses that only spurred you on. You placed your other hand on his chest, rocking your hips slowly forward and up but swiftly back down.

Geralt looked completely undone, his hair splayed out almost like a halo and the firey need in his eyes made you move faster. Your thighs started to ache and your moans were coming out more like desperate whimpers. You leaned back, bringing a hand to your clit and one to your breast. You felt his cock twitch inside you and bit your bottom lip, changing the direction of your hip circles. 

With a growl he gripped your hips and held you down against him, sitting up and turning to sit on his heels. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed at his jaw, letting him hold you to him without moving, "Did I earn it?" You whispered, almost hoping you hadn't with how good it felt to just be filled by him.

He let loose a breathy laugh, "Fuck you." 

You rocked your body closer to him, gripping his hair in one of your hands, "Oh gods please do." 

He bucked his hips against yours driving your whole body up in the air, and pulled you back down with one hand at your hip and one wrapped behind your back holding onto your shoulder. He set a rough, fast pace and you cried out every time your hips slapped against his. 

You felt yourself losing all the strength in your limbs, almost unable to keep hold of his shoulders, and that familiar tingle creeping up your spine. 

"Mm-f- fuck I'm close." 

"Good." Geralt growled, snapping his hips up somehow faster and harder, sending you hurtling over the edge of your orgasm. You yanked on his hair as your whole body was flooded with electric pleasure, leaving you gasping for air. He came right after you, moaning soft and low as you writhed on top of him. 

As your high began to fade, you rocked your hips against his more methodically, working him through the last of his orgasm. You gently tugged at his hair to tilt his head back, placing soft kisses along his jugular and over his Adams apple. His arms wrapped around your waist and held you tightly to him as his breathing slowed. When you made your way up to his chin and jawline he leaned you back onto the bed, pulling out and flopping onto the mattress next to you.

It was deathly silent as the two of you caught your breath. The predicament you found yourselves in seemed to dawn on the both of you, only you saw absolutely no sign from Geralt how he felt about it. 

Later. Don't ruin this. Talk about it tomorrow. Or never. 

"Did we intimidate them?" You did your best to make it sound like a joke, pointing at the wall to indicate the silence. 

He snorted, rolling onto his side facing you, "No idea. I was distracted." 

You giggled, shimmying closer to him and tucking your head under his chin, "Yeah, thanks for that. Good distraction." 

He draped an arm over your waist, "What high praise…" 

"Ssshhhhh," you leaned back and placed a finger over his lips, "I'm trying to sleep here." 

He hummed against your touch, lips thinning into a soft smile. 

It would have been entirely natural for you to lean forward and kiss him, even expected in such a situation, but you couldn't. That crossed the friendship line, as if it wasn't already blurred beyond recognition. Instead you nuzzled into his chest, snaking your arm under his and holding him close, savoring every moment. After all, when the heartbreak eventually set in you'd need something to cling to, even if it was just the memory of his touch. 

__________

Uhm some of yall wanted to be tagged in the next part and  i stg i could cry with how happy that made me! If anyone else wants tagged just hmu 💕💕

@ab-haya @fire-in-her-veinz

part 6 here!

[somethingaboutlukejatp]

Ghostly Outlook

Story Summary: y/n and her friend Peyton attend the last PANIC! at the Disco Showing at the Orpheum Theatre, not only hearing one of their favorite bands, but seeing a legendary opening performance by a new band in town: Julie and the Phantoms. After running into the band in the streets, y/n realizes that while people have had the opportunity to see their band, not everyone has the chance to see the boys, and with that chance comes a whole new world- of possibilities, friends, relationships, and pain.

Word Count: 748

Warnings: None

Read Part One HERE!!

Part Two

“What do you want me to say, no? Maybe your holograms were coming from backstage or something, I’m not one to ask questions. Just leave me alone, my uber is almost here.” I said, clicking my phone back on and off almost obsessively checking if what I said was true. It was the blonde kid’s turn to be flabbergasted, for whatever reason unknown.

“You really shouldn’t be able to see us.” He muttered. I deemed to not respond, seeming to frustrate the long haired one even more so as he took a step closer to me.

“Oh, JULIE! JULIE HEY!” He shouted, waving his hands and stepping around me. I was now getting upset, they are rudeness and loudness getting to be too much. I whirled to reprimand them once again for being loud and disrespectful, but the long haired boy was now talking to Julie, the young girl who was the lead singer of their band. Julie looked confused, glancing back and forth between the boy and someone who looked to be her father. Waving her father away, Julie started walking towards the band, and towards me.

“This girl can SEE us. And not only see us, hear us. Both. At the same time.” Julie’s eyebrows went up as we caught each other’s eye.

“Uhm, hey y/n! Long time no see!” Julie quipped. I smiled, hesitantly regarding her and the boys as I contemplated my response. I went to Hamilton High, a competing high school with Julie’s. While I wasn’t a music person as she was, Julie and I had talked a few times at sporting events against each other and when our mothers had been in the same community music program.

“Julie, I thought your band members were holograms.” I pointed out flatly. The blonde haired boy crossed his arms, looking at me quizzically. Julie chuckled awkwardly, rocking back on her heels.

“They are! I’m carrying around a portable hologram machine. They wanted to see the city for itself! They are not from here. Obviously. I mean, I totally would have had them here but its easier said than-“ The long haired boy cleared his throat as he glanced at Julie, who smiled awkwardly for a second before continuing, more controlled this time. “They’re still holograms. I thought I had their projection turned off though and just my camera on, which is why they were surprised you could see them. Uhm, so this is Luke, our electric guitarist-” the long hair one waved, “and this is Alex, our drummer-“ the blonde one nodded, “and last but not least this is Reggie- our bass player.” The last one smiled, winking at me again as he had on stage just hours before.

I nodded my head. I had always gotten along with Julie but being two years older than her and not as musically inclined we had never really seen eye to eye on how to go about our day to day lives. While a music program at a private school was her route, Hamilton was a normal public branch of the LA School Districts. I didn’t stand out, I wasn’t special- I was just me. And I was okay with that.

“Well, it was nice meeting you guys, even if you’re not actually here. Julie, tell your dad that I say hi and it’s been a while. Uhm, your performance was amazing, I can’t wait to see your guys’ rise to fame documented on social medias, and-“ I stopped as I felt my phone buzz in my hand. My uber was here, and I was just as ready to leave this awkward situation as this driver was probably ready to get out of LA Downtown Traffic. “Nice meeting you guys, enjoy the LA tour and uh, yeah. Bye!” I said as I turned around and opened my phone, checking the make and model of the car before I just embarrassed myself by walking to a stranger’s car.

“Delilah?” I asked as I climb into my uber’s back seat. “Yup, where to?” Short, to the point. Not bad. As I told her my address was typed in on the app, I looked back out to where Julie and the guys were standing. Julie and Luke seemed to be in a heated discussion, with Alex between them, but Reggie was the one that caught my last look as the car pulled away. He was staring after my car, watching as it drove around the corner and out of sight.

Read Part One HERE!!

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A/N: Hey guys, here’s part two! I’m loving writing about Y/N and what is going to happen between her and the band- especially her and Reggie. *insert heart eye emoji* As of right now, I don’t have an upload schedule right now, as being a college student I’m working around classes and assignments. But living in the US and with our current COVID situation, I don’t go many other places but college so I’m hoping to keep up pretty regularly.

I’m thinking about starting a tag list for accounts who want to keep up with this story, so let me know if you want to be included! ~Jen

[coepiteamare]

are there any writers you’d want to collaborate with?

hello nonny!

funny enough, i was talking to someone about a collab today. O.o

i’m not TOO sure what a collab would entail, but yes. there are so many amazing writers on this site, and i’d love to write with them.

off of the top of my head though,

@yeojaa because erin is a poet and a fantastic writer, as much as she is a wonderful being. i’m always floored by her writing. there’s a phrase in korean that goes 믿고 듣는다 that roughly translates as “trusting and listening”. it’s usually used to describe musicians who are so talented and so good, you trust their songs to be good before you even listen. that’s me with her writing. 

@cutechim because, idk if you’ve seen, but i’ve been reading “oh what a world” from her and i just am gobsmacked at how good it is and how much emotion there is. i used to do live reactions/feedbacks of the chapters but stopped momentarily because i was working on something, but starting tomorrow, our regularly scheduled program will be back 😤 also hana is lovely

@bratkook jlin once commented that i am cooler than her and i’d like to tell her here that i am but a smol potato. her writing is so so good and she has some of the BEST dialogue you will find on this site. if you’re looking for 🥵smut, head her way.

@suhdays: hello mo! mo is always so so kind and her fics are SO cute. i still have yet to read the cinderella story one but IT IS ON MY MANY MANY TABS I HAVE OPENED. I SWEAR. but mo is a lovely person and her YOUTUBER MYG series has me so so SOFt. i cry. 

it’s uhm 2am and i am tired, so i am missing a lot of people. but i’d be honoured and thrilled and it’d be such a privilege to write with these beautiful people (and i’m honoured to just know them? and talk to them? i’m so tired rn lol) and anyone on this site because they are so so talented. 

[cassyapper]

anyway back to our regularly scheduled programming. have i told yall about my guilty pleasure ship weather report/jotaro/kakyoin. idk what to call it and i have seen, no one, else, ever bring up this ship but i think about it sometimes regardless. it’s so self-indulgent but uhm. i jsut think ....... retired old men in lvoe. and also. jotaro deserves.....kith.....

also i think weather and kakyoin would relate to each other rlly well. both got majorly fucked up by the villain of their part and their motivation is trying to enact revenge while healing from the fuckery the villain put them through. so i think they’d get along well in general. anyway

[misssunflowersandsangria]

The Arrangement

Chapter 5:  The Fear 

Hello my dreamy readers!  This was kind of a plot bunny that jumped a little far.  I was going to include it in another chapter that I had planned but it got too long and needed to be a standalone.  A quick introspection then we're back to our regularly scheduled programming.  Hope you enjoy it! 

Summary:  It's not about fearing nightmares, it's about finding someone to face them with. 

*

**

Shikamaru grinned seeing Temari walk towards him. The brightness of her smile rivaled that of the desert sun.  He wanted so much to play in that sunlight. She was gorgeous and he felt so lucky that she was his. It was finally happening, the fruition of his hidden wants and dreams. 

He took a step but his body wouldn’t take him forward. Frantically he kept trying to move but his limbs felt paralyzed. He called out to Temari but his voice wouldn’t come out. 

He continued to grasp at his throat willing his body to move.  In horror, he watched as Kankuro placed her hand into another figure's while Temari smiled and blushed sweetly at him. That was his smile. What the hell was happening? Why wasn’t his mother, Ino, and Chouji trying to stop her? 

‘No, what the fuck is this? That should be me!’ He continued to struggle against the invisible force that held him back. Tears blinded him as she moved further and further away from him.  Unknown banners heralding the family that she would one day belong to. 

He felt his breath fading while he was losing another person that meant so much to him. He sunk into the darkness around him as his sunlight faded away 

‘Tem...come back….please don’t leave me here alone.’ 

Shikamaru sat up gasping and struggling to breathe. Nightmares weren’t new to him, he’d been struggling with them for a while. This one though was much different. He grasped at his heart trying to get it back under control blinking back tears. He took in deep breaths using his senses to focus on the room. He was in Suna, Temari was still his. 

He went to move out of the bed thankful to have control over his body.  His feet automatically moving him to the only person that could help him. 

*

**

Temari answered the door confused about who could possibly be coming to see her at this God awful hour. If it was Kankuro she was going to unleash a hurricane. 

“What?!”  She demanded throwing her door open.  Her eyes softened seeing Shikamaru standing there. He looked so defeated, tired with dark circles under his eyes. 

“Shika?”  She paused before taking his hand to pull him into the room. She sat on the bed so that he could lay his head on her lap. 

“Nightmares?” She asked gently her fingers threading through his hair. 

“Yea…” He mumbled against her warm thigh refusing to look at her. He hated looking so weak in front of her. 

“Have you asked your mom for help? I’m sure that they have something that you can take to help you sleep.” 

“I don’t want to take pills for this.”  She just nodded with a sigh.  She was really starting to worry about him. 

“Shikamaru, you taught me that it’s okay to ask for help. This might need to be something that you talk to her about when ...uhm you go back to Konoha.”

“Okay,” she was sure that he agreed just so that she wouldn’t nag him about it. 

“Was it about the war again?”

She felt him shake his head.  “No something else.” 

That was surprising. She wanted so much to ask him just what they were about but he looked so desperate for some peace and sleep. 

She knew that the council would probably frown upon him being there but she was getting really tired of doing what they wanted. 

“Okay, you lay down baby.”  He shifted to rest his head against a pillow. She laid down next to him his head going to rest against her heart while she pulled the blankets over them. Her fingers gently ran across his scalp while she hummed a well known Suna tune women would often sing to their babies to lull them to sleep. His arms tightened around her sinking into her warmth.

“Thank you Mari.”

“It’s the least I could do for my suitor.”

He just chuckled in response. “What if this was real?”

Her mouth dropped in surprise.  “What?  Shikamaru what did you say?”

“What if we were really together?” Her face blushed brightly not expecting to have this conversation. 

“I...I mean. I wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea.  Why? What do you think?”  She paused waiting for a reply but only received silence. 

”Shika?”  She looked down to see that he’d fallen fast asleep. His soft breaths fluttering across her chest. 

She just smiled thankful that he’d get some sleep. He was probably too tired that he didn’t know what he was saying and would completely forget about it tomorrow.

“Good night Shikamaru.” 

*

**

Shikamaru woke up feeling rested and warm and he knew that this was entirely due to the girl in his arms. During the night they must have shifted and she was now cradled against his chest, their legs entwined needing to be connected with the other. That nightmare had left him shaken and the only thing that could restore any kind of peace was Temari. 

Last night after he'd given her the necklace he’d all but fallen asleep in her arms but she left knowing that everyone would be returning soon.  They didn’t want word to get to the council. It was like his mind had betrayed him, knowing that she was nearby but he wasn’t with her. 

Shikamaru softly kissed her forehead, not wanting to wake her. 

“Thank you, Princess.” He felt her just nuzzle into his chest. 

What would happen in the future? What if one day she did find someone? He couldn’t very well rely on her whenever his mind ran away from itself. She’d no longer be his troublesome woman that would nag him when he was lazy, but comfort him when he was hurt. She’d be nothing more than a friend, an ally and eventually he’d be nothing to her. 

And yet as she held him so tightly, how she looked up at him so softly perhaps there was something there. Something they could build upon. 

This whole experience was forcing him to face those emotions he’d pushed aside due to life and war. Now here being in this situation those feelings were all roaring to the surface. 

Temari was special to him. Since the Chunin, exams she’d become an unyielding presence in his life. She was undeniably strong both in body and mind. Serving as his foundation. She had been like Shikaku after the war had ended.  Picking up the broken pieces when he’d fallen apart. She didn’t let him stay broken, her very presence had helped seal those cracks in his heart. But ultimately he knew that he’d done the same for her.

He forced her to face those feelings of grief and loss that she wanted to ignore needing to be the strong one. He pushed her knowing that she needed to face those shadows. He wasn’t afraid of her storms and took every harsh accusation and the relentless downpour of tears.  Her father, mother, the childhood that had been robbed from her, the pressure to fix and build Suna had been crushing her. So they talked through it all. Long nights into mornings, random conversations when feelings would come up.   All their fears, disappointments, hopes and dreams revealed in these difficult, precious conversations. There was no one else in the world that they could share this kind of trust and vulnerability with and he would be damned if he had to give that up. Temari was a violent storm to the world, but to him, she was like refreshing spring rain. The kind that would fall when his beloved clouds would layer the sky.  She refreshed him and nurtured his world.

“Temari?”  When he didn’t get a response he just rested his face against her head breathing her in. 

“I know that this whole thing didn’t start off real,  but I think we were both trying to avoid how we really felt. You mean the world to me Princess and I want to be your Prince.” 

The Arrangement:

Chapter 1: The Set-Up

Chapter 2: The Proposition

Chapter 3: The Participants

Chapter 4: The Declaration

Chapter 5: The Fear 

Shika's feelings are starting to catch up :D Next chapter will feature the next ritual.  Thank you all for all the wonderful support!  Love you!

[naruto--imagines]

Naruto x Reader [Baby]

[A/N] I do not own any of the characters present in this story, nor do I own the GIF that is featured. I do hold ownership over the story itself, please do not re-post it anywhere. Thanks! <3

WARNINGS: female reader, angst

Reflecting back, it’s not the life you wanted at twenty years old. But you wouldn’t change anything either.

You and Naruto had started dating your senior year of high school, and that relationship was easily continued through your first years of college when you found out you were attending the same school. Your relationship went on smoothly. Until you hit a crossroad.

“I was offered a position on the national soccer team,” Naruto confessed to you one night while you were eating dinner at your place. This didn’t surprise you, he was a sensational soccer player. In fact, one of the reasons for attending the school you did was their amazing soccer program.

“What’d you say?” You questioned picking at your plate some more.

“That I needed time to think about it. They only gave me a day.” Naruto explained.

“I guess this is a good time to tell you, I was offered an apprenticeship at a studio. They liked my portfolio and want me to work with a design team to produce patterns for designers and work on art for magazines.” You explained to your boyfriend of three years. “Unfortunately that’s gonna take up the rest of my free time.” With this apprenticeship you would have more money in your pocket, Your current job and scholarships were enough to pay for school and average living expenses, but this was a chance to break into the graphic design business and gain some recognition. You were majoring in English currently, too scared of the possibilities of not having a job after graduation. Even though designing was something you enjoyed and were lucky to have the opportunity to continue doing it.

“So what now?” Naruto asked setting his fork down and looking at you.

“Maybe.” You started hesitantly, not really wanting to finish the thought. “Maybe we should… break up?” You ended with an upward tilt to your voice, clearly showing your hesitation. After saying that you stared at your plate. Not wanting to see his reaction.

“Yeah. I- I think that may be for the best.” Naruto responded with reservation.

So the two of you made the hardest decision possible. After discussing it for a few hours you both realized that neither of you would have time to invest in a relationship, which wasn’t fair to either of you. But you both wanted to stay friends. It was still a commitment to each other, but not one that would be drastically strained due to distance.

With that conclusion reached, the two of you went to bed and spent one last night together as a couple. Desperately, you clutched to each other through your passion filled night. The both of you aware that when the morning came, it would be over and you would each walk separate paths.

And separately you walked. Naruto left the city to join his new team and start his training, and you started your new job. For the first three weeks, you talked regularly. Neither of you had it in your schedules to talk during the day, but at night as you were winding down you would message one another for an hour. Periodically sprinkled in between were some brief phone calls about things that were hard to convey over text or simply from being too excited to text. Then around the fourth week, the messages were less and less. One night as you were scrolling through Instagram you came across pictures he posted from a night out. Surrounded by booze and immaculately beautiful models. Even though the two of you were broken up … that stung. The next day you tried to send him a picture of a new pattern you had been working on. He always enjoyed seeing your art and you had been sending him all of your designs and always received positive feedback. Until now.

Naruto had never left you on ‘read’, this may have stung more than seeing the models. You two had been so close, even if you were no longer dating you thought you would at least be friends. The entire week went on like that. You tried to reach out at least once every day. A few texts, some of your designs, and even a picture of your dinner from his favorite ramen shop. Nothing worked.

After a week of trying, you gave up. The stress over the situation was literally making you sick. To the point where you weren’t keeping down anything after eating. Then you were getting sick in the morning too. A stomach bug you said when you called into work and your internship.

“I don’t know. It’s almost been a week, I think you should go to the hospital.” Sakura said. The two of you had gone out the night before and now you were laying out on your couch clutching your trashcan.

“Well, this might just be the flu or something.” You said pushing your hair back. Sakura sat down next to you and placed her hand on your forehead.

“No. That’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.” She said standing you up and moving you along with her.

The two of you walked down the street to the train, you leaning against her the entire time and her supporting you in return. Sitting there you felt miserable. Each bump and jostle left your stomach lurching again. The 15-minute ride felt like it went on for 15 hours until you arrived at your stop and stumbled off the train. Glad to be on solid ground again, the two of you walked to the hospital.

“Sakura! I thought you were off today?” One of the nurses asked.

“Yeah, but I had to force my friend to come into the hospital. She’s not feeling too great right now.” Sakura explained to her after she placed you in a chair.

That’s where you sat filling out paperwork until it was time to see the doctor. You waited an hour before you were called back. With your symptoms, they decided to do a blood test to figure it out. And the results weren’t what you expected.

“Congratulations miss. You are pregnant.” The doctor said after looking at the paperwork in hand.

“Wh - What!?” You questioned.

“Yup, the sickness and the fatigue is not from the flu but because you are with a child my dear.”

You heard the words but didn’t process them. In fact, you were currently clutching to Sakura. Knowing she would be able to reiterate the information the doctor was currently rattling off now to you later.

“Hey.” Sakura nearly shouted your name to gain your attention. “Are you okay?” She asked with a concerned look on her face. It was at this point you realized you were no longer in the hospital.

“Uhm, yeah, I think so.” You said looking at the pamphlets you had acquired at some point.  “Or at least I will be.” This changed everything. Literally everything. “I just need some time to think.”

“Hmm, let’s get you home then,” Sakura said wrapping her arm around your shoulder and walking down the street with you.

When you got back to your place Sakura made you soup for lunch. Then the two of you sat on the couch. Honestly, you were glad to have her as your best friend, you weren’t sure how this would have gone without her.

But it’s been a few months since then, and now you were nearing the end of your second trimester. You had to give up quite a bit. You switched to taking online classes and quit your internship after you had enough money to pay for all that you needed in your nursery. You changed jobs from the high-end cafe you were working into an editing job. Granted you were low man on the totem pole so all you really did was review and edit and edit and review. But it was a job you could do from home, and being a single mother that was perfect for you.

“Does he know about the baby?” Sakura asked. She had tagged along with you to your ultrasound today. And now you were getting ice cream.

“Nope.” You said licking at your cone.

“Sweetie why not? He should know.” Sakura said eating her own frozen dessert.

“No, he went off and is living his life, and honestly” you stopped and sat in thought for a moment. “We broke up to follow our dreams. My dreams changed.” You explained rubbing your stomach. “I don’t want to force him to change his.”

“But you should give him a chance to decide.” Sakura chided.

“He hasn’t returned any of my messages in months. I’m done trying to get him to listen.” You stated.

“Okay. Okay. I didn’t mean to stress you out.” She back peddled.

“I know. I’m sorry too.”  You sighed resting your head on her shoulder. “I’m stressed, I didn’t mean to snap at you. Thank you for coming with me today, and every other time.”

“Haha, no problem. I’m glad to go with you. And I am so excited to see my god-son every chance I get!” She exclaimed leaning in close to you and placing her hands on your stomach and leaning in to nuzzle it as well. “Now, let’s get your mama home.” She said standing up and helping you up to walk home.

Sakura had been your largest support pillar. From day one she had been by your side. Every doctor’s appointment, the mornings you spent curled on the floor, and even your first ultrasound (which you cried at). She was even there when you went into labor. And through the twenty-two-hour process.

“OH! No, no no no. Sakura, Ah-I I can’t!” You said struggling through the next contraction.

“Yes, yes you can. You can do it, you HAVE to do it. Your son needs you right now.” She said wiping the sweat and tears from your face.

And you did, you brought your son Asahi into the world. Your beautiful son with your eyes and nose and bright blonde hair. And you loved him.

So that’s where you found yourself a year later.

You were now 20-years old, Asahi had recently turned one, marking almost two years without talking to Naruto. And you were fine. You had your son and that was your sole focus. You had a year and a half left until you graduated and your classes were going really well. Not only that, but you moved up in your job. Being a top editor meant you made more money with more leadership opportunities and could work on larger projects.

Presently, you had finally laid your one-year-old down for bed and now it was time to clean. You started on laundry, no one told you how dirty the clothes of a one-year-old could get. Asahi had three wardrobe changes today, and now that he was walking he managed to find messes all over the place. Once the washing machine was running you went into the living room and began to pick up Asahi's toys that were strewn across the floor. When those were put away you shook out the rug in the middle of the room before grabbing your broom to sweep up all the dirt and cracker crumbs. By the time the living room was cleaned up, it was time to rotate laundry. You placed the clean clothes into the dryer then started on the dishes. When those were washed and put away it was 9:00pm (2 hours after you put Asahi down), and now time for you to get to work.

You pulled out your laptop and began to diligently comb through the newest manuscript you had been sent. You did this for about an hour before you got up to stretch and get a cup of tea. Then it was back to work.

Soon the clock rolled around to 11:00pm and you had managed to breeze through 8 chapters before a loud pounding came to your door. Your apartment was in a decent part of town, although that didn't mean you were eager to open the door this late at night. The pounding came again and you decided to check it before the person woke your son up. Looking through the peep-hole you saw bright blond hair. Then the blond hair moved back and revealed familiar features. You threw open your door and stared in disbelief.

"Naruto?" You sternly questioned the man in front of you.

"HEY!” He yelled stumbling towards you. “You still live here! And you are looking good! Oh, It’s been so long.” He said leaning against your door frame.

“What are you doing here?” You ask him attempting to keep him upright.

“Hehe, I’m drunk and I forgot where my hotel was. And I need a place to stay, so I came here! Do you have any ramen?” He slurred stumbling around you, into your apartment and straight to your kitchen.

“Ah, Naruto I don’t think-” You started, closing and locking your door behind you.

“Hey! I found it!” He yelled.

“Okay, okay, I will make it for you. Just please, go sit on the couch and be quiet.” You said placing your hand on his arm and guiding towards the living room.

“Mmm. Okay,” Naruto said placing a kiss to your cheek and stumbling off to the couch. You fixed up a bowl of instant ramen for him, you still remembered how he liked it, and brought it out to him. The blond quickly sucked it down and handed the bowl back to you. “Thank you. It was really tasty.” He softly murmured leaning against you.

Soon enough he fell asleep pressed against you. You cautiously slipped out from under him and positioned one of the throw pillows in your place. Staring at your ex you shook your head and sighed before turning off the lights and going to your own bed.

“Mama!” That is what woke you up. At 6 o’clock in the morning. Even on Saturdays, you couldn’t get a break. Giving a groan you rolled out of your bed and walked down the hall to your son’s room.

“Morning my love.” You said picking up Asahi and pressing a kiss to his face, smiling when he returned the action effectively smearing slobber all over your cheek. You were still working on “nice kisses”, but he was improving. After that, you placed him on his changing table and got him into a fresh diaper. “There, all better. Are you ready for some breakfast?” You asked the toddler.

“Mm-Mm-Mm!” He excitedly responded while bouncing in your arms. “Bah- Bah!!” Asahi loudly demanded as soon as you walked into the kitchen.

“Okay, mama will get your bottle in a moment.” You told him placing him in his high-chair. You got started on his breakfast of toddler porridge and blueberries, along with making his bottle. “Alright big boy, time to eat!” You said as you placed his breakfast on his tray then pulled off his PJ shirt leaving him in his diaper. Breakfast was his messiest meal of the day and you learned it was easier to put him in the bath after he ate than washing his clothes every day.

“‘Ank ‘ou mama,” Asahi said diving into his bowl of food.

“Mmm, you’re welcome baby.” You said pressing a kiss to his head before going back to the kitchen to make your own breakfast and coffee. You were leaning against the counter sipping on your coffee and eating your toast with eggs when another noise caught your attention.

“Ooft, that was some night! Huh? How’d I get here?” You hear Naruto question before you also hear the springs of the couch creak.

“Morning,” You said as Naruto peeked into the kitchen

“Uh, hey.” He awkwardly responded, scratching the back of his head.

“Sleep well?” You questioned.

“Y-yeah, thanks for letting me crash here.” He said keeping his distance.

“No problem, not like I was gonna make you sleep outside on the ground.” You responded with a small smile and handed him a cup of coffee and a plate of toast and eggs. “How are you feeling?”

“A little hungover but no worse for wear,” Naruto replied taking the mug from you before falling into a silence. Though it didn’t last long.

“Mama!” Asahi screamed from the other room indicating he was done with his food. You placed your cup down and walked over to your dining area. Grabbing a wet wipe you quickly wiped his face and hands before picking him up and carrying him back to the kitchen. You leaned back up against the counter with your son now in your arms and fell back into silence.

“You, uh, you have a kid?” Naruto questioned in disbelief his food and drink now forgotten.

“Yeah, about that, we need to talk.” You said hesitantly. At that moment Asahi turned around and yelled.

“Dada!” before attempting to lunge from your arms. Asahi knew who his father was, you had shown him pictures and talked about Naruto with him (Leaving out the negatives). Lucky enough, you wrangled him in before he fell.

“S-surprise.” You stuttered out, hugging your son closer to you.

“He. He’s mine?” Naruto questioned in disbelief.

“Yeah,” You quietly replied. “Uh, Naruto. Meet Asahi Uzumaki.” You said almost using your son as a shield.

For the first time since you had known him, Naruto was stock still and deathly quiet. His arms were crossed and you could tell the gears were turning in his head.

“Why. Didn’t you. Tell me?” He practically growled. It was a tone you hadn’t heard before.

“I. I tried -”

“You tried! How!?” He yelled startling you and Asahi.

“I sent you a message! You didn’t respond!” You yelled back.

“A text! That was it! You said ‘I need to tell you something’ then didn’t say anything.”

“You! Didn’t! Respond! What was I supposed to think?” It was at this point that Asahi was getting fussy with all of the yelling and there was a knock at the door. “Ugh!” You exclaimed storming over to the door and throwing it open.

“Hey! There’s my handsome man!” Sakura exclaimed as she swooped in and plucked her godson from your arms and placing kisses all his exposed belly. “Why are you still in your pajamas? I thought we were going to the park today?” She asked looking at you and noticing the frown on your face. Then seeing the twenty-one-year-old  behind you. “Oh, Naruto, what are you doing here?” She tenderly questioned unaware of the situation.

“Sakura knew too?” Naruto questioned from behind you. You took a deep breath pressing your fingers to mouth before speaking again.

“Asahi, do you wanna go to the park with aunty Sakura?” You cooed to the little man.

“Yeah!” He cried wiggling to get down. Sakura placed him on the ground and held his hand assisting him to walk back towards his room. You watched the two of them leave before turning to your ex.

“I’m gonna go get him ready, then we can talk.” You said before turning and following after Sakura and Asahi. You quickly got him dressed and packed the diaper bag up before leading Asahi and Sakura outside. Sakura placed her hand on your shoulder giving a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll talk to you later.” She said before grabbing the diaper bag and picking up Asahi. You gently closed the door before facing Naruto. You gesture to the couch and follow him to the furniture. The two of you sat there as the minutes passed. Not saying anything.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Naruto finally asked hunched over with his face in his hands.

“I tried to. But you hadn’t responded to any of my messages in so long. So I sent one last message.” You tried to explain.

“I was trying to get over you,” Naruto said turning his attention to you. “We broke up. We both decided on going our separate ways, and it didn’t feel like it if we kept messaging.” With him looking at you, you could see the tears in his eyes.

“I was so tired of trying, and trying, and trying, and not going anywhere. So I quit. And I know. Goodness I know I should have told you. But you were off living your life. And you finally reached your dreams, and how could I ruin that?” You asked tears streaming down your face now too.

“I would have dropped out, I didn’t have to go off a play.” Naruto pleaded with you.

“That is my point.” You responded taking a hold of his hands. “You worked so hard to get there, and I couldn’t take that from you.”

“But it was my choice to make.” He said back grabbing your hands in his and holding tight “You should have let me make it.”

“I know, and I’m sorry about it.” You said falling into another silence.

That’s how you two sat for twenty minutes. Just looking at each other.

“I want to be involved in his life,” Naruto said. “My season is almost over. Then we have a three-month break. And I will be in town for the next two weeks.” He explained.

“I’d like for you to be involved. And for you to officially meet your son.” You said with a smile.

“And I want to get back to where we used to be. I’ve missed you.” Naruto confessed leaning in.

“I’ve missed you too.” You replied with a smile. It was then that Naruto wrapped you up in a bone crushing hug. Things were looking better. Sakura came back with Asahi and you promised to talk to her later. After that, you officially introduced Naruto to his son. And he was a natural! Playing with Asahi brought the brightest smile to your face. Naruto happily sat on the floor and played with Asahi while you got dressed. It was only when you came out from your room when you were greeted with Naruto holding Asahi out in front of him.

“What?” You questioned.

“He- uh- he stinks,” Naruto said while pulling a face, causing you to laugh.

“Your first dirty diaper! C’mon ‘papa’ I’ll show you.” You said dragging him into Asahi’s room. “Welcome to fatherhood, better get used to it.” You said once the poopy diaper had been changed.

That was the start of your family forming again. With more discussing and negotiating, you were able to convince Naruto to keep playing. With Asahi being a year old it would be easy to travel with him to visit Naruto while he was out of town. Not only that, it was easy with your job.

After a few months of dating again, you asked Naruto to move in. He said yes, he was either traveling for soccer or over at your place anyways, so it didn’t make sense to either of you to keep paying rent on a place he was never at. Then, shortly after Asahi’s second birthday, Naruto proposed. You said yes, obviously, and your family was complete.

Now you were twenty-two years old, You finally graduated and got a promotion at work along with your degree. You had a rambunctious two-year-old and a loving husband. It wasn’t the ideal start, but it was the perfect finish.

[stuffandnosense]

All Of Us - Plangst - Chpt 5

Chpt 1 | Chpt 2 | Chpt 3 | Chpt 4

*** We now come to the oops-a-lot-of-this-is-actually-Keith-and-Pidge portion of our regularly scheduled Plance program. Hahaha, anyway, I’m sorry for the wait on this, there are other parts of this chapter that were very difficult to write. Especially with season 6 coming up. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! ;) ***

Chapter 5

“Do you really think it’ll work this time?” Keith asks.

He’s leaning toward Lance and I almost unconsciously, teetering away from the counter he standing against but still holding onto it with one hand, like he needs it for it for support. He was the first to really tune in when we started talking. The others have stood by, mostly silent, as we’ve have tried to explain why we think it’s a good idea to try waking Shiro again. Maybe they’re afraid to hope...I can understand that.

“I think it has more chance of working than it did before,” I say.

Somehow we’ve all ended up in the kitchen. Hunk, his mother, and Shay were putting the finishing touches on dinner, but they’ve long since stopped and Hunk’s mother herded the twins out of the room at some point.

“And either way, don’t we have to try?” Lance adds.

Just like he promised, he’s had my back. Not that anyone really seems to want to shut us down, exactly. At least, I don’t think so. Why would they? But there is a mix of expressions around the room, and I expected that. It’s a difficult subject for all of us.

“Of course we should,” Hunk says. “But...and not to be downer, but I mean can we even form Voltron here without freaking people out?”

“We’re doing it for the ceremony,” Keith points out. “Which I still think it stupid, by the way.”

Lance shrugs. “We could pass it off as practice if anyone notices. Besides, we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“But Shiro is not,” Allura points out gently. “And we would need to be near him, ideally.”

I start nodding. “To have the best chance, yes, but if you’re worried about people wondering why we’re doing it, let me call Dad. He has connections with Iverson, and Iverson has connections at the care facility. They could probably get Shiro released to us long enough for us to bring him out here to try it. With any luck, it’ll work and we won’t have to bring him back.”

Coran’s head tilts to the side a little. “I beg to differ on that point, Number Five. Even if we are successful, he will have a good deal of recovering to do.”

“Right…” I knew that. I did. Even with the physical therapy the Garrison has been paying for, he’ll still need time. I’m getting ahead of myself. But...still. This could really work.

“I would feel much better if we could bring him here, yes,” Allura says. “But...Pidge, Lance, as much as I would love for this to be true - for it work - I am concerned that your hopes may be too high. Even if his condition is improved, it may do nothing.”

“I know,” I say, probably too quickly. I know she’s only looking out for us. She does that. Maybe even more so ever since we’ve been more or less without a Shiro.

“We have to,” Keith cuts in.

None of us quite expect Lotor to be the one who speaks up next, from where he’s been quiet at Allura’s side.

“If there are any complications with the authorities or people of this planet, they can be smoothed over,” he says. “But all feelings aside, if I am allowed to have a voice in this matter, I don’t believe there is anything to discuss. I may have never known this man - the real him - but the man I did know had his memories, and when he was not being controlled by that witch he was still a good man. One of the best I have known. And that man sacrificed himself for the safety of those he knew, and the universe at large. We owe this to his counterpart.”

The kitchen is silent. I don’t think any of us needed quite that much convincing, but maybe Lotor just needed to say it.

***

Sometimes I still have nightmares about what happened with the other Shiro, too. I guess it’s all tied around what happened to Matt, but the one part that isn’t so much...how I treated him when we finally woke him up…

I was so ready to stare down my brother’s killer. To spit in the face of the monster who took Matt from me. I wasn’t prepared to look into the horrified eyes of a man who remembered killing one of his closest friends against his will.

But when Allura had mastered her alchemy at least enough to sever the other Shiro’s connection to Haggar - enough for us to be sure she couldn’t gather any information from him if we were to take him out of stasis - that was what we found. Not a monster.

“I cannot say who he will be when he wakes,” Allura had said. “Only that Haggar cannot see through him or track him any longer. Anything else depends on how she was exerting her control - whether his personality was completely overridden with programming and he was manipulating us, or if he believed himself to be Shiro and she could merely take control when she wished to...I don’t know.”

We told ourselves we were prepared for anything. We’d mourned our own Shiro all over again, in a way, knowing it was likely we would never find him now even though of course we hadn’t given up.

I don’t think we were ready. I wasn’t. When we ejected him from the pod we made sure he remained unconscious long enough to get a dampener onto his weaponized arm and get him into a holding cell. He woke up behind a force field, with the rest of us hovering anxiously on the other side.

At first he didn’t seem to remember what had happened. “Guys��? Why am I…? What happened?” He took in the force field and the clamp around his arm and us outside the cell staring at him with nothing but confusion on his face.

I was convinced he was faking it. It was wasn’t Shiro. It couldn’t be Shiro. Shiro didn’t kill my brother.

“You don’t remember anything?” Keith asked. He sounded skeptical himself.

���Anything about what? Why am I in a cell? What’s going on?”

“What is the last thing you do remember?” Allura asked pointedly.

“The coalition meeting? And…”

Lance was hovering at my shoulder. He never left my side. “And?” he asked. He sounded guarded. Not like himself. I think he was trying to be strong for me. For all of us. No one had it easy that day.

“And...and…” Not-Shiro trailed off, and I guess that was when it came back. I know that now. Then I still thought it was all a ruse, and now it just hurts to remember.

“Shiro…?” Keith asked hesitantly.

“Oh god…” It was so quiet at first. His eyes went wide and I had never seen that much horror on his face before. “No...I...oh no…”

“He’s faking…” I growled. Lance’s hand closed on my shoulder like a gentle anchor, reminding me to wait. To see what happened. I never changed my mind that day, but I went quiet for a little while longer.

A sudden, floundering gasp came from the other side of the barrier, as if the man standing there, whoever he was, couldn’t get enough air. “Those people...I...no. NO…”

“We believe you were being controlled by Haggar,” Allura was saying. She seemed sympathetic, but wary. “I...I am sorry. That’s why we can’t risk releasing you. You—”

Not-Shiro dropped to his knees with an agonized sob, and I heard Lance take in a sudden breath. His fingers tightened on my shoulder. When I glanced back his eyes were damp. Confused.

The figure on the other side of the force field was shaking. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry. I—” He cut off with another pained sound. “Matt…”

“Don’t you dare say his name!” I screamed it before I could really think, and not-Shiro’s eyes found mine.

“Pidge...I am so sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t—!”

“Don’t talk to me!” The memory gets blurry after that. I think I was shaking, and Lance had both hands on my shoulders by then. Lance was trying to talk to me; trying to calm me down maybe.

“Please, you have to believe me! I—”

“You’re a fake! You’re faking! You killed my brother! You’re not Shiro!”

I was crying. He was crying. Lance was crying even while he was trying to keep me calm. I think we were all, to some extent, crying. Hunk and Coran had latched onto each other in the corner for moral support. Keith and Allura were trying to diffuse the situation.

I ran out soon after that, but I caught a glimpse as I went of Keith lowering the forcefield just long enough to slip into the cell to kneel by Shiro’s doppelganger.

***

“You don’t have to worry about it, Katie. That’s what I thought you’d ask. I did the paperwork earlier this week.”

Dad smiles at me from the screen at my station on the bridge of the castle. Keith hovers over my shoulder because he followed me up here as soon as I left the kitchen. We’re both staring at my dad now.

“You...what?” I ask.

“They’ve agreed to release Shiro temporarily, as long as it’s directly to Empress Allura,” Dad says. “He can be picked up in the morning. They’ll have him ready.”

Keith lets out a breath. “Thank you, sir.”

“Thanks, Dad…”

“Just do everything you can to bring him back to us,” he smiles.

“Will you be there in the morning when we come to get him?” I ask. I share a glance with Keith, who nods slightly and seems to be thinking the same thing I am. “You should come out here with us, Dad. You should be here.

Dad blinks. “Well, I mean...if I won’t be in the way.”

“Of course not,” Keith says. “Besides, when Shiro wakes up I’m sure it’ll do him good to know you’re safe.” He winces immediately after it comes out, because I’m sure we all have the thought that follows it. But Matt isn’t. “I mean...uhm…”

“It’s all right,” Dad says quietly. “And if no one else protests, I would appreciate the opportunity to be there.”

“Thanks again, Dad. For dealing with that. I wasn’t sure how we were going to convince his doctors…”

Dad smirks a bit. “His doctors aren’t convinced it’s a good idea at all, but Iverson has his ways.”

Keith snorts. “I’m sure.”

When we’ve gotten off the line with my dad I slump in my chair and Keith paces away from my station, crossing his arms anxiously. “Well that’s one step down,” he says. “Maybe...maybe I should take a pod and go over there tonight. I haven’t seen Shiro since the last time I was on Earth. I mean I know we all usually...do something or whatever, when we’re all back here but…”

But it would be awkward right now anyway, so I’m probably going to leave Hunk and Lance to whatever they’re up to tonight as it is, and…

“You should go. It’d probably be good for there to be someone with him tonight.” I do my best to smile reassuringly. “Make sure you talk to him; I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear how you’ve been.”

“I really hope he’s been able to hear us…” Keith paces closer again. “Pidge...thank you. For looking after him when I haven’t been here. You and Lance both. It...it means a lot to me to know he hasn’t been alone. I mean I know you’ve been doing it since we found him, but I haven’t really...said that. Thank you.”

“It’s okay, Keith. We knew.”

***

I was angry at Keith for those weeks after we woke up the other Shiro. For accepting him so readily. For taking his side.

I wasn’t thinking about the fact that he’d known Shiro the longest. That he would be able to tell the difference between a confused clone with Shiro’s memories who didn’t mean us any harm when he wasn’t being directly controlled and something evil that might be faking his feelings or manipulating us.

Allura even used her magic to read him as best she could, which she said she hadn’t been able to do while he was unconscious and frozen, because she wasn’t that practiced. But awake, she could tell, eventually, that he wasn’t lying.

I still didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it then, and I still don’t know why. Maybe it was because believing he wasn’t Shiro in any way at all was easier than dealing with the fact that I couldn’t look at him. If I had to look at him I had remember that night, and it just hurt too much. It was easier to see him as nothing more than a weapon we were commandeering for our use. It was easier to hate him.

And I regret it, every day.

Before he willingly went to his death the other Shiro asked me to forgive him. More than once. Not an inordinate amount of times - he usually respected my wishes and gave me space, which, looking back, just proves he was as much Shiro as he could be - but more than once.

The last time was just before he left. Everyone else was upset to see him go; even Lance, who had tried to remain more aloof for a while, because of me.

We had a plan, and we all knew how it would end. We were going to wormhole near the base where Haggar was holed up, fake some explosions, then shut down the castle and mask our lifesigns. Not-Shiro would take a pod to the base, returning as the triumphant weapon who had dealt with Voltron and its’ paladins to take her by surprise.

We knew he wasn’t coming back. That was why I let him talk to me at all before he went, though I still made sure it wasn’t alone. Lance was right there, at what seemed to have become his station beside me. Honestly, I guess that’s why everyone looked at us funny when we told them we were dating a year after we got back to Earth. They’d probably assumed we had been for quite a while and just hadn’t bothered to say anything.

“I’m sorry,” not-Shiro told me again. “For everything. And if you can’t forgive me, I wanted to be sure you know I understand why. It’s all right. I just...I am so sorry.” He sighed. “I...I hope you find the real Shiro, someday. I know how much he cares about all of you, because I do.”

His hands twitched, as if he wanted to reach out and remembered he shouldn’t. Not with me. And I listened to him, but I still couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“I hope we find him, too.” That was the most I could give him. That was all I had in that moment.

The others gave him better send-offs, at least. They thanked him, Lance shook his hand, Keith even hugged him just for a moment. I don’t know what other conversations were had, but I try to remember that except for me, he left knowing that most of us cared for the part of him that was Shiro. He didn’t leave unloved.

But I’ve never been able to get the pain on his face when I couldn’t forgive him in the hangar that last day out of my memory. It sits in a vault where Lance’s face from a week ago in my parents’ back yard has now joined it as one of my biggest regrets.

What made it worse was what came after. We sat huddled in the dark in a small lab in the center of the castle that we had shielded, so no scans would pick up the life signs and small amount of power coming from it and we didn’t have to shield the entire castle that way. We had one console active, for minimal light and to listen to the encrypted feed from the other Shiro’s comms. He’d insisted on the link himself so all of us would feel more comfortable with the plan - so we would know what was happening and that he wasn’t betraying us.

Something about listening to his disembodied voice somehow, strangely...made him more real to me. I didn’t have to look at him and remember what Haggar made him do to Matt. I didn’t have to remember the twisted smile she’d put on his face. I could just listen, and it sounded like Shiro. Even when he presented himself to Haggar, when he was pretending to be her loyal creation, it still sounded more like Shiro than I had left myself see him as in the weeks since we’d woken him up.

I don’t know when I started crying. I don’t know when, exactly, it really hit me. But it wasn’t long before we knew he was about to end it - that he was about to activate the devices he’d taken with him and planted through the small base before they found him out.

And they did find him out. And they fought. Maybe that was when it hit me. Either Haggar or one of her druids caught him with a crackling of energy and when he screamed I was back on Arus, with Sendak on the other end of a comm link torturing the real Shiro to make me give myself up, and it sounded exactly the same.

He was still Shiro. And he was going to die.  

And the last thing we heard from him before there was nothing but the roaring of explosions was a quiet but convicted, “This is for my friends...”

We still technically had the capability to speak back through his comm, but we had all agreed that we wouldn’t. It was too risky if Haggar found out too soon that we weren’t really dead. But it was the end, and I didn’t know if he would hear me but I had to try. I lunged at the button on the console to transmit.

“Shiro, I’m sorry! I forgive you! I know it’s you! I forgive y-”

I’ll never know if he heard me. I cut off when there was nothing but static, suddenly, and quiet, and my own sobbing. A strangled sound from Keith as he went to his knees. Lance wrapped me in his arms as I went down, too, and I could feel him shuddering as he held me.

***

“Keith?”

“...Hmm?”

“Do you...ever think about the other Shiro, anymore?” I ask quietly. I found myself following him down to the pod bay, trying to work up the nerve to broach the subject. I’m standing in the cockpit with him as he runs pre-flight checks, and time is running out for me to get back out of the pod.

He blinks. “I uhm...yeah,” he sighs. “Sometimes. I guess mostly I wonder if there was another way...I mean I know things would be a lot more complicated if he was still around but...still.”

“Yeah…”

My arms are crossed, and Keith cocks his head like he’s studying me. Maybe because the arm-crossing was always his signature move, but he seems to understand that something is wrong. I guess that’s good, because I’m not sure what else to put into words how.

“He really did understand, you know. He told me did.”

I swallow. “That doesn’t make I how I treated him right...”

“No...and the way Allura treated me after she found out I was part Galra wasn’t right either. But I understood that too.”

“That doesn’t change anything...”

When we found our Shiro again, it was like a second chance. Even if nothing with the other him had happened I would have wanted to do anything I could for him, of course, but...because it did happen...is that why I’ve never been able to accept what the doctors have tried to tell us? Is that why I’ve always HAD to believe Shiro would wake up someday? So I could make amends to him if I couldn’t do that for the other him I mistreated?

“Nobody’s perfect, Pidge. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. The point is you’ve grown since then.”

I can’t help making a face. “I guess. Doesn’t stop me from being stupid, though.”

Keith laughs. “I hear that. Just...I guess we have to keep growing. If we stop doing that, what’s the point?”

I blink, and then I’m blinking harder. “You’re right. I just...what if this doesn’t work, Keith? Are you as afraid of that as I am?”

What if nothing happens? What if we have to accept that our Shiro isn’t coming back?

Keith stands up, and I’m not sure what he’s doing until he hugs me. It’s a little awkward - it was never really his thing except with Shiro, and though he lets us all hug him now, he still never initiates - but it helps. I bury my face in his shoulder for a moment. “I’m sorry...I know this is hard for you, too.”

“I am scared,” he admits. “But we have to try. You and Lance said so yourselves, and you’re right. We can’t let the fear of failing keep us from doing it.”

I let him go so he can leave, but he calls to me before I step back out of the pod.

“Hey, Pidge?”

“Yeah?” I glance back from the hatch, and he leans over the back of his chair and smiles reassuringly.

“I hope you and Lance can fix whatever’s going on with you two.”

My mouth opens and closes a couple of times before I can answer that. “Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I’m not as clueless as you guys think I am, you know,” he smirks. “Well...not all the time.”

***

I don’t really sleep that night. I lay in my old room and stare at the ceiling, mostly, drifting off into dreams of when things were better.

The next morning, when we gather in the pod bay to head to the care facility to collect Shiro, I manage to pull Lance aside before we have to board the small ships.

“Hey, listen, I know you need some space, and that’s...I understand. I really do. I just…”

“You can still talk to me, Pidge, geez, it’s not like I’m freezing you out. I wouldn’t do that,” he teases gently.

And that’s why I don’t deserve you, I think. Because what did I do to the other Shiro for weeks years ago but exactly that?

Nobody’s perfect, Pidge. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. The point is you’ve grown since then.

“I know you wouldn’t,” I sigh. “I just mean...anyway…”

“Pidge?”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry I misjudged you so horribly just because of my own...issues, and my own insecurities, and I’m sorry I didn’t say something a lot sooner. We could have worked all this out a long time ago if I’d just said something, but I was selfish. I’m sorry...and-and I needed to say that.”

For a moment while he just looks at me I think I’m holding my breath, but then he smiles a little and I have air again.

“Thank you,” he says. He finds my hand and squeezes. “Let’s...talk when this is all over in a few days, okay? We can go for a drive or something. How’s that?”

“As long as I’m driving,” I tease.

He grins. “Not on your life.”

And just in case I wasn’t sure what he might mean when he says talk, I relax a little more when he leans in and kisses my cheek before he releases my hand.

***Thank you so much for reading! I can’t wait to hear what you think. :) ***