#uhh also i dont think most people here care too much but i might be making some astarion charms soon hehe

[mitcheechee]

early days

[drawlody]

My list of Adam ships♡ n my opinion bout them (also fics rec :D)

Adam x Luicfer (Adamsapple/Duitarduck) 10/10

Need i say more:)))??!?! started out as a "haha funny slip-up ship" to "hey they got really good angst potential". The friends/lovers to enemies to lovers is STRONG with this one n i am eating up everything i could found on ao3. Smth bout this macho-ass man finally getting to stay back n not take charge for once feel nice, also princess Adam supermacy wooooo. Whoever came up with the ship name i applaud u cause that's like a 3 layers name(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It's not an Adamsapple fic without Adam having at least 1 mental breakdown n Lucifer have his guilt eating him alive:)))

Very fucked up torture but i swear it worth the pain:D The dove is so dead it start to rot so plz read the tags properly (plz check out the AngeliaDark other works too they got good shit)

This one have a splits so check out both the fics (beware the author have a skrewed sense of what is considered wholesome:))))

I didnt think a smut scene could be this sad

Adam x Lute (Guitarspear/Guardrock) 10/10

Litteraly my first Hazbin ship, assholes in love is an underrated dynamic we desperately need more off:))) That with a dash of evil dude x loyal subordinate (which i havent seen since the Deathglare days) n opposite attract (look they have one main thing in common is that their extreme bloodthirst, other than that she's stricter than ur mom n he's lazier than the Sloth ring itself but that the beauty of it no? He convince her to chill tf out n not to burst a blood vessel, she keep him on track n make sure Sera dont come on their asses)

They're just being silly enabling each other terrible behaviour n i love that for them (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) Litteral besties i tell ya

Heavy non-con shit involving Val but Lute will revenge our boi i promised u that

Cool idea n they r just made for each other damn

First hazbin fic i read which is a really cool smut:D

Adam x Micheal (we need a ship name people ) (update: it's Songbird/Guitarhero) 10/10

I like how we dont even got a proper comfirmation of Micheal design/personality yet the ship is here already ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ( im using the Nakariiale's design as a base here love their design)

Hit me with that rebound love x "u look like my ex so im using u as a replacement but ill fall for the real u eventually" x co-workers in heaven. I'm thinking smth along the line of "after Lucifer fucked off with Lilith, Micheal became Adam guardian angel n they just hang out" ya feel me here? (✿◕‿◕✿)

Shout out to Bloog_b for dragging me into this ship:DDD also im on the Adam x the archangels ship as a "gotcha" to Lucifer of sort. Like bitch u stole my wives imma steal your brotherS

Look it's Adamsapple endgame but trust me u will be feed well on this ( u know how good u gotta be for people to ditch the main ship?)

I'm giving yall 4 fics here cause i can only found 4 rn(._. )

this one is uhh non-con so beware

Micheal is indeed Adam guardian angel in this one:D

Adam x Eve (Flowertunes) 8/10

I dont care what yall said they love each other throughout Eden n Earth , might have a falling out in heaven but that doesnt change the fact that they were once IN LOVE. Honestly why cant we just have a couple that have the same bright-eyed innocence like one another.I refuse to believe Eve like willingly cheat on Adam with malicious intent n all, simply she was indeed ''tricked'' or just not fully understand the sistuation, n Adam love her way too much to think that she would do that to him like Lilith. Hell the dude was heartbroken after L left , starting the abandonment issues, so he would have cling to Eve, doing everything so that he aint alone again, even if that mean leaving Eden

Honestly it pisses me off that the Adam/Eve tag on ao3 most of the time is just 1 dialouge between them back when Eve bit the apple n thats it no elaboration on the couple whatsoever >:(((

Lots of switcharoos

sinner eve woooo

look its hard trynna find a fic focusing on them ok?

Adam x St. Peter (Guitargreeter (bet ya didnt see that coming:))) 7/10

Base on this fanfic alone Joe my dude u r on the path of becoming THE Adam crack-ship writer n i am here for this:)))) just so u wait this dude gonna whip out a AdamxNifty , AdamxHusk fic later on ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

From within the fic itself the ship its 2 bros in love with homophobia standing in the way >:( also when did we have a name?!?!?!?

I just like Adam x anyone in heaven alright:D like bro famous n he got that ancient rizz, u telling mr he cant bag a hottie or 2-100+ hmm?

Adam x Alastor (Angelicradio) 8/10

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ABOUT THEM THAT I SHIP I JUST DO φ(゜▽゜*)♪ i blame YOU honestly rn this ship is either Adam found Al after the fight n they make a deal or they're in heaven n they chillin this ship is confusing:D

They're angels on heaven

Adam gone back into eden n do shit differently

This is both Adam/Eve n Adam/Alastor kinda

Adam x Alastor x Lucifer (Angelicradioapple/ Charlie's dads (only me call them that lol)) 9/10

''Hey Charlie u know how u r sad that your mother left? Wellllllll i got you 2 new dads suprise:DDDD''

Look 3 miserable men who hate each other + hell's greatest dad + my love for Dadam = Messy ass old men yaoi :DDDD n it work perfectly with Alastor Asexuality too!!! Like Adam n Lucifer could fuck each other brains out before Al joining in for the cuddles lol

Chaos ensue

Not exactly a love triangle but a love corner but hey we barely got food here :D

I cant believe how hot this shit is lol

Adam x Eve x Lilith x Lucifer (Eden poly/ applecore?) 8/10

They could have been all married to each other(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ But as much as i go "OooOooo Poly yay'' i just cant vibe with EvexLucifer, like the cheating vibes is wayyyyyyyyy too much i just cant man . I mean with the interpetation that Lucifer came to Eden to hang out with the humans they all know eachother, they're a throuple yes but BUT when Eve came into the picture it was only with Adam n him only so the other 2 is ehhhh. Im fine with EvexLilith cause im seeing it happening later, not hidden from Adam while LuciferxEve got that deception going on .So uhhh in this ship they're more like bestie than lovers to me¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also AdamxLilith is an underrated pairing like everytime i saw this applecore thing going on these 2 r at most tolerate each other like cmonnnnn we already twist this to hell n back, why cant we make it so their arguement was a petty non-malicious one n they still cares for each other hmm???

They're one happy family

IDK what to tell u bittersweet reunion n loving family is the only typa fic u get with this ship

Not that im complaining i need this wholesomeness

Adam x Mammon (Adammon/Madam/Greedyguitar/ 1st chirstmas.... hasnt had an offical name yet) 10/10

They r litteraly same person different font idk what to tell u. More insults thrown around than Guitarspear but they're pretty similar. Adam is just " sinners suck ass but this dude is the worst in the best way". Also they're both big bois (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ , they love towering over others

I'm sorry but there r barely BARELY

any fics of them :(

The art side is more plentiful tho :D

Adam x Angel Dust (Holydust/guitardust) 5/10

THEY ARE BESTIES YOUR HONOUR n that the exact reason why i cant see them be together as a couple 100%, like the shit-talking bff vibes r wayyyy too strong XD Angel finally got someone who have the same vulgar humour as him n if Adam got married in hell Angel would 100% be his best bitch of honour (≧∀≦)ゞq(≧▽≦q)

They're best friends who have casual no-string attached sex that is ACTUALLY no-string attached:)))

I came to ship them due to those "What if they're co-workers under Val' scenarios ive been seeing on Tumblr

I got like 1 fic on ao3 i mean if u r looking for just platonic friendship between them then rest asure most Adam's redemption fics have that

I got 1 fic on tumblr

Adam x Charlie (Charadam/Guitarprincess) 5/10

U know this ship give me a pretty bad first impression since a good chunk of the fics r either heavy non-con shit or lean wayyyyy to much into the daddy kink, ya know how Charlie got suppose daddy issues n all that jazz?:))) yeah that... that

But after seeing the art side of this ship im chillin with them now, since the art r pretty wholesome, usually having them decked out in punk-rock clothings hanging out. It's a big "Fuck you" to Lucifer n i live for these mf argueing ╰(*°▽°*)╯

So uhhh stay away from the fics if ya want an actual functional couple instead of wtv messed up shit we got there:))) But here's a fic anyway, the only one where it feel bearable n actual trynna go into said messed up relationship i already warn you

We got cracks like Guitarmaid (AdamxNifty), Valadam (AdamxVal) which i dont have enough materials to decied, Classicalrock (AdamxSera) sound interesting but also havent found anything , Guitarhalo (AdamxEmily) is an unexpected find, find i deem them to be more familial than romantic so we'll see if there's a fic good enough to convince me

Edit:i forgot to add Blitzo like Mammon already there why did i forgot

Adam x Blitzo (i dont think anyone even ship this but me:)) 7/10

I cant find a single fic where they has anything more than a 1 nightstand n 1 interaction where they hit it off , i live off imagination alone (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) but like fr fr they would match so well, like their bloodlust n general jerkiness would make them the 3rd asshole x asshole ship on this list :DDDD

Tho as much as i wanna see them go further i feel like an on-n-off relationship/friends with benefits fit em more ya know ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰) If ya have any fic but the 2 here that have them interact lemme know cause a bitch need food :)

This is a lot of tag(._. )

[sovawife]

tell the class all your favorite parts about sova maybe? like what made you really fall for him and all of that!

ok this also might get long i am sorry. thank u for the ask tho its nice to hvae smth to do. either way uhh lets get started

ok so i might have mentioned this but i had a small crush on him a few years ago? i think since like 2022. back then i shipped with cypher and was super fixated on him but i think sova was always in the back of my brain as a crush, although at the time i only had him as a platonic. also cuz one of my good friends who doesnt anymore used to ship with him so i didnt wanna overstep or anything.

anyways im not even sure how i suddenly decided to latch onto him, i think my fixation on yone at the time was starting to fade and my brain just randomly chose to fixate on him even tho he was still a crush at the back of my brain lol. and look where we are now/lh

as for what i like abt him, i think one of the biggest things i like is how polite he is/kind to others. i think thats like a rlly important trait in someone for me if i were like to date someone else and hes just rlly nice in general and very lovely, hes such a big sweetheart :)

also ok im gonna sound crazy here but my friends keep saying im a circle bcuz he rlly fits one of my types which is like the holy trinity of yone vergil and wyll. who are all like, responsible, serious, yet like kind and deeply caring. and sova definitely fits into that archetype haha even though hes not exactly the same?? most of those guys arent exactly the same but theres a huge overlap of similarity with them.

i do also think he is very pretty even tho he is unfortunately white/lh :') (or at least i smacked this guy with the asian beam. get wasian'd) idk i suck at explaining exactly why i like this guy, again i think a big part of it is how kind he is to others!! its again just smth i rlly value in a partner, he genuinely cares about others/esp people hes close to like his grandma. and is very thoughtful. also i like that hes super down to earth and humble like this guy is incredibly talented yet never brags about it at all hes just very modest. smug people drive me nuts so im glad hes not like that lol. he also is very passionate abt his interests like archery and also he does photography! i like to think he also does things like hiking, birdwatching and maybe some gardening in his spare time. idk its a shame we dont get too too much info about val characters although the lore is always constantly growing. i do think he does like lots of outdoorsy hobbies hes very respectful to and attuned with nature i think.

sorry this is getting so long omg. im trying to think of any last things to throw in... i think another thing i rlly love abt him is how calm he is. it kinda balances me out bcuz i tend to be a really hotheaded person but it takes a LOT for him to get bothered by something, or at least lose his temper. in the lore we've never really seen him lose his temper or anything like that? the closest it's gotten is that one image when they were releasing fade where it was like a flashback to him losing his eye and he looked super animalistic. actually i think that in general for him to get that mad or whatever it would probably have to involve one of his loved ones being in danger. which is nice bcuz it shows that he rlly cares.

anyways this is getting so long so i will cut it short but i love my wife <3

[bwobgames]

Previous First

Beebo's memories of his last case forcefully enter his mind

"I would never judge a person for hiring a detective for a cat, and I would never judge a colleague for accepting such a case, but somehow, someway, I am very much judging myself.

Are my prices too low? Or is it better that is this low? I mean, work is work, but also, what would the academy think ...?"

"Oh Sir Williamson the fifth, it's you and me against the world"

"... There's no way they call him by his full name"

"Alright, professional Beebo time! Let's review"

"People around the area said that this is an area with a lot of cats, so if Sir Williamson ran away following some friends, he's probably here"

"And what better place to hide in the meantime than a big abandoned building?"

"Yeah, no, this place has seen better days"

"It's close enough to civilization that stray cats could get in, and far away for people to not care"

"This was some sort of half house half art display if I'm not wrong, perfect for a silly kitty to play in"

"It looks a bit dangerous, but I really want to see what's inside"

"I'm curious, I'm so curious. I need to get in already"

He enters the building

Something feels

Wrong

"Yeah, no, this place is a dump"

"Uhh, any kitties here?"

"... no response. Well, it was expected"

"Seems like there's still a few art pieces hanging around. They are not in the best shape, though, or are they? This might just be how it was made"

Looking at the wall ahead, he sees a framed picture

"Oh, that's useful, let's see...

I'll just go straight ahead and turn to reach the stairs.

I should be able to see something that indicates the presence of a cat"

He goes through the door

"I dont really mind graffiti, but why break the art?

Unless this was meant to be broken to send a message about what we consider art and not??

Maybe I should've investigated more, but all I got is that this place is supposedly haunted"

"If there's any ghosts in this building, have any of you seen a little grey cat?"

...

"Once again, no response. Rude!"

"All right, straight up ahead"

A tiny corridor with ruined paintings on the wall

"For being an abandoned place, it sure doesn't have any bugs

I dont think I've seen a single spider or fly. Maybe the faint smell of painting chemicals keep them away?"

"I don't even hear rats scurrying around"

"Hello? Any rats around here?"

"... Nothing. Not a squeak or little feet running around.

Maybe they are just hiding very well"

He goes through the first door

And finds another corridor

"Artists and their corridors"

The two doors lead to bathrooms

He goes through the third one

He finds a room that resembles a kitchen. There's only small and broken furniture.

The next room resembles a living room. This must be the House part of the art installation

He goes through another door and finds some stairs. He doubts the strength of the stairs, but after a few little jumps in the wood, he finds it sturdy and goes up

"Ah, so this is the studio, very nice, I would love an office this size

Although most things are broken, i can kind of see how a bedroom could be situated in the far corner"

"Here kitty, kitty! Are you here, kitty?"

"Uh, Sir Williamson the third? Come here baby!!"

He makes kissy noises, but nothing, no cat

The whole way here, he hasn't even seen a single cat hair.

Or rat, or spider, or fly

Just some moss sometimes

"Ah, I guess my theory has been debunked. There's no kitty here. It doesn't even even smell like cat pee!"

"There's a bit more rooms left, but I'm pretty sure there is no cat"

"I'll just keep asking the houses around here"

"Man, I didn't even see a ghost. This sucks"

He traces back his steps to the room he came in

"Welp, I guess I admired some art today. That counts as doing something productive!"

He calls for the cat one last time

But there's only silence

He opens the door to go back outside

There's a corridor

[bubbytheliverstealingskeleton]

Heyoo Hellooo

I use thon/thons & neos, but they/them is also okay (neos are preferred tho)

My names Bubby but honestly you could call be anythin

I’m a chill guy I think. maybe. kinda. Most of the time I think

I do art, writing, comics, other stuff- I technically can call myself a multimedia artist because a do a lot of stuff with a lot of different materials but idk it also just feels way to fucking formal for like tumblr, all you need to know is I do a bunch of stuf

epic pronouns page -- > my other neos

Im also in the process of making my own website for like a personal portfolio but its no where near done yet. I'll update this with its link when it is actually done

Also

This is my personal blog, I’m still making an art only blog for my stuff but currently it’s not fully set up or anything so I’ll update this when I do have one

I do have a nsfw-ish blog tho, also still setting that up but it won’t be trapped in limbo like the art blog I just gotta theme the bastard

Table of contents I suppose

My Tags

DNI/BYF

Main/Special interests + sub catagories + favorite little guys/ships in each

My oc shit

Au's for all my fandoms

Anything else to be added

My tags:

- #my art, my artwork n doodles, all that stuff

- #my projects, for random projects I have

- #bastard can talk, my talking/rambling tag

- #bastard of a skeleton, my sona/me

- #Bitching to my crowd of jesters, my venting/bitching tag

- #webtrinkets, my little collection of web things that I’ll prolly put on my website

- #keeping this for later, things I’m keeping for later/ later use

- #.wip, tag for my WIPs

- #.headcannons, for my headcannons

- #.ask, ask tag

- #fave, favorite things, I’ll go back through my reblogs sometime and put more in there eventually

- #boomer/#hlvrai boomer, the boomer tag is for things I’ve reblogged that are the boomers, hlvrai boomer tag is for my art I’ve done of them

Block any of these if you want

DNI

[Do not Interact]

- basic dni [pedos, racists, generally against LGBTQIA+, bigots, y'know]

- assholes

- not saying anything about proshipping because like idk man I ain’t touchin’ any of that shit, pro or anti, or any of that drama with like a fucking 300 foot pole. If I don’t like you I’ll block you simple as that I don’t care who you are or your stance or any of that shit

Again not touching it with a fucking 300 foot pole not even pokin’ it

BFY

[Before you follow]

little warning before you follow me:

- I don't tag most things I reblog so there wont be trigger or content warning tags on them, its my house I chill here uh sorry. I do tag trigger and content warnings on things I post myself.

- I mass reblog things a lot

- also to go with the above, this is not just an art blog. This is my personal blog I use for everything so if you follow me for art only you uhh might not want to. You will see me complaining and randomly doing shit

- I reblog and occasionally post nsfw. I dont post porn (also technically against tumblr rules or smthin idk man I rarely ever draw it anyways) but there is artistic nudity, some of my reference sheets have nude base bodies with tits 'n junk, any suggestive stuff will be going on the nsfw blog + some darker stuff Im too much of a pussy to post here

- I have certain ships and things I like, if you don't like them then be wary I guess just, like, don't be an asshat about what I like

- I generally don’t check blogs of people who follow me unless you look like a bot. Don’t look like a bot and you don’t get blocked.

- I will say I block freely and will block for any reason but that’s normally if I like find you in the wild. Like. In a tag or on my dash or smthin. Again I generally don’t block if your just looking at my shit

- To go along with that I used to/am kinda in fandoms or watching the media that is attached to them. Such as DSMP or Hazbin Hotel, those two for examples because they specifically are like in so many fucking dni lists I see and also because they do appear on my fandom list [they have explanations attached tho]

Main/Special interests in order + sub categories:

+ my favorite little guys and my ships

Minecraft

- MCYT: Minecraft YouTubers

- MCSM: Minecraft Story Mode [Ivor, Soren, Aiden, Petra, Romeo, Isor [ivor x soren], Jestra [Jesse x Petra], lukden [Aiden x Lukas], [Romeo x Fred], theres also probably other ones]

- HC: Hermitcraft [Grian, Mumbo, Iskall, Xisuma, EX, Grumbot, Grumbo [Grian x Mumbo], Architects [Grian x Mumbo x Iskall], Hex [Hels x EX] treating everyone as characters, im not shipping the cc’s together]

FNAF: Five Nights at Freddy's [Michael Afton, Nightmare Foxy, Music Man]

- DSAF: Dayshift at Freddy's [Dave, Jack, basically the main cast of DSAF 3 because they are all awesome, davesport [dave x jack[oldsport]]]

FO: Fallout

- FNV: Fallout: New Vegas + its cut content [Benny [Gecko], Dr. Mobius, Yes Man, Victor, Yesvic [Yes Man x Victor], Bencade [Benny x Arcade Gannon], Kingcade [Arcade Gannon x The King], Benny x The Courier]

- FO4: Fallout 4 [unfortunatly][not really][It was the first fallout game I played I still love it][my own copy is fucked up by mods tho] [Paladin Danse, Nick Valentine, Danse x Sole Survivor, Nick x Sole, Danse x Nick, Danse x Nick x Hancock]

Ninjago [Lord Garmadon, Morro, Lloyd [specifically like the first 5 seasons for lloyd and first 4 for garmadon], i-its- my ninjago ships are complicated and all interwoven for the most part so heres the simple ones, emperor garmadon x vinny, past!Garmadon x Clouse, Pythor x Scales, Greenflower [lloyd x brad] but in a queerplatonic way]

HLVRAI: Half-Life but the AI is Self Aware [This isnt under HL1 because I veiw these two as different things][All of the cast is great but specifically: Dr. Coomer, Bubby, Boomer [Bubby x Coomer], Goomby [Bubby x Coomer x Gman], Gubby [Bubby x Gman], and like a complicated polycule between Tommy, Gordon, Benry, Forzen, and Darnold]

HL1: Half Life 1 [Walter/Glasses model, Einstein Model, Gman, Headcrabs, Houndeyes, Snarks]

- OF: Opposing Force + BS: Blueshift [Adrian Shephard and Barney Calhoun despite being technically silent, BS: Walter, In my heart I believe that my solider oc Carol is cannon in every variation of hl media, she is the radio operator you find in OF that's radioing the instructions you hear in HL1 during the airstrike puzzle]

- HL1 Beta [the earlier models are all funny little guys]

- USS Darkstar

- FM: Freemans Mind [Gordon Freemind is really the only guy here but I do like him]

- generally a lot of HL1 related stuff [sorry hl2 fans but I like this ones gameplay and style more]

- GF: Gravity Falls [Stanley, Fiddleford/Old man McGucket, Standford, Bill I guess, all of the cast is great but my favorites are mostly the old guys, Fiddlestan [Fiddleford x Stanley], Fiddauthor [Fiddleford x Stanford], Billford [Bill Cipher x Stanford], no idea what their ship names are > Dipper x Pacifica + Mabel x Pacifica]

specifically 90’s, 80’s, and 50-60’s Sci-Fi

space, Ocean creatures

Other things that I’ve been interested in, in the past + not main/special interests:

Genloss

BATIM: Bendy and the Ink Machine [Sammy Lawrence, Norman Polk/The Projectionist, Alice Angle/Susie Cambell, Henry Stein, Sammy x The Projectionist, Alice x Allison]

HL2: Half-Life 2 [Barney Calhoun, Isaac Kleiner, Lamarr, Kleiner x Eli Vance but in a sad way]

THSC: The Henry Stickmin Collection

TF2: Team Fortress 2

Titanfall 2

Ultrakill

Trollhunters

UT: Undertale

HH: Hazbin Hotel - I fixated on Hazbin Hotel for a time but it was only because I really wanted to redesign them and I kinda wanna know what happens in the show im sorry dont fucking dogpile me im just curios

DSMP: Dream SMP - also Dream SMP back in 2021, I don’t generally interact or have anything to do with this fandom anymore and don’t really care I’m just trying to make a comprehensive list of my fandoms

DBH: Detroit Become Human - this is also another controversial one, I don’t interact with the fandom, I’ve never played the game, and I understand the criticisms for it, I just like the characters and the idea the plot was attempting

Again please don’t be a dickwad to me about fandoms/content I’ve liked or enjoyed before if you don’t like it then just like Leave??? You don’t go up to random people in the street and insult them for liking something just cause you overheard them talking about it like with a friend or someshit

My oc shit:

I don’t have all of these tagged or anything and I’ve not even uploaded stuff for some of these yet

TOW - The Ocean Waves to Me Outside the Windows - my main oc story that I’m trying to turn into a comic, it’s Sci-fi merpeople, mostly

Abbreviation: TOW

Tag: #The Ocean Waves to Me Outside the Window

——

Mincera Universe - Minecraft but it’s space and planets, TOW, DS, +EXDS takes place inside this universe, once I actually post stuff the Mincera tag will be on all stuff in the universe

No abbreviation right now

Tag: #Entire Mincera Universe

——

DS - Dead Stars - Minecraft space but focased on an Enderian runaway royal and their experiment criminal boyfriend

Abbreviation: DS

Tag: #Dead Stars

——

TKC - To Kingdom Come - My other main oc story with also happens to be Minecraft which revolves around the two protagonists Akki and Lucie except one of them is also an antagonist

Abbreviation: TKC

Tag: #To Kingdom Come

——

GDLT - Guarding Dogs Lose Themselves - Consisting of Lost Dog, Dog Tags, and Dog Fight, it’s my main fallout 4 oc’s, RT/Paladin Rattail’s, backstory

Abbreviations: GDLT, LD, DT, DF

Tag: #Guarding Dogs Lose Themselves

——

ATKTH - Ain’t that a kick in the head - Consisting of How Lucky Can One Man Be and Ain’t Love a Kick in the Head, aka my fnv courier Coon’s story n stuff

Abbreviations: ATKTH, HLM, ALK

Tag: #ATKTH

——

RR - Ram Rot - my stupid little silly little edgy mostly robot guys Altern and Thrasher, little sex bot and War bot guys I made entirely for fun and then proceeded hit them with the angst beam

Abbreviation: RR

Tag: #Ram Rot

——

MG - Murderous Ghosts in Abandoned Apartments - my freshmen year English creative writing assignment in which was supposed to revolve into a slow burn story but idk when I’ll pick it back up

Abbreviation: MG

Tag: #MG

——

OH - Oleader/Hex/My little guy in VSMP - My little guy for a server I play on, they’re a little mooshroom ex god

Tags: #Oleader/Hex, #VSMP

——

EXDS - Extended Dead Stars - it’s just extra DS content from different characters, specifically the only story is revolving around a mer guard named Scourge, and a Vex named Torvus, this stuff is also set in Mincera

Abbreviation: EXDS

Tag: #EXDS

SGM - SciGM - Silly Sci-Fi gmod story I made, I’ll probably make this into a few little comics

Abbreviation: SGM

Tag: #SciGM

More oc stuff to be added in the future, also once I finally post stuff about my ocs, because I am notoriously bad at it, I’ll attach links to the tags

My Aus

This is mostly for tag abbreviations I guess

HLVRAI:

HLVRAIMM: Hlvrai Monster Mash - Halloween guys/ they’re all monsters/creatures

Rotting Code/Rot: code is fucked up and rotting and like game not doin so goodly

HL2au: hl2 au which technically came before the teaser but I revamped it afterwards, fucked up dr Coomer final boss

Alien science team: They all alien boys

Gravity Falls:

5 years late au: Stanley is 5 years late to Gravity Falls

This baby is so much still under construction but I cannot for the life of me remember what else I wanted to put here so yeap this is the end of it

I’ve left this fuckin post in the drafts too long now so it’s gettin posted

I’ll finish it later

[k0kichiimagines]

yes!! also reposted with a sc rather then answering bc the wording meant it wouldnt show A

Nagito Komaeda N$FW alphabet

CWs: N$FW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

The first few times i think he would be pretty emotional, he might even cry, but definitely clinging to you softly and thanking you, telling you he loves you so much (if you’ve already said i love to one another by that stage). It happens later on as well, but less often.

He’d usually hold you or let you hold him, soft conversation or a gentle silence for a while, perhaps a nap. And then he’d go run a bath or something, he doesn’t want to feel sticky all day.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He hates himself, but he loves your body. Your hands are so gentle, soothing and soft. He likes your hands.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

I’ll be honest if it was down to him he’d do it on the sheets everytime, he feels like it would be dirtying you if he did it inside, you’d have to reassure him.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

At first he hides all of his sexual thoughts, scared you will hate him for it. As your relationship progresses he feels more comfortable.

He has a secret praise kink. He likes being complimented, but thinks he doesnt deserve it

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

No sexual experience. He’s very messy? You can tell his movements are uncertain, and he messes up a few times, but it’s not like he knows nothing at all yknow?

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

when hes tired he prefers you on top, but he enjoys any position that allows you two to be close together to be honest

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

he might make a few jokes? but not many, not beyond a few teases

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I feel like he usually doesnt, but sometimes if he wants to make an impression he might trim or shave.

It does match the drapes, with occasional hairs the same colour as his old brown hair.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

hes always very gentle. the intimacy level depends on your personal mood,, but he can be very loving and soft at moments.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

yeah he does. I dont think he’d feel too embarrassed if you found him either

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

bondage!! being blindfolded !! he likes being degraded to an extent

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

he doesnt care LMAO hes happy enough to do it anywhere, public or private this man is down

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

he likes you coming on to him, he likes feeling wanted if that makes sense

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn’t insult you. Tease you? Call you needy? Yeah. But he can’t find it in himself to call you anything insulting

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

both. he loves pleasuring you, he loves making you happy,, but equally the first time you sucked him off he probably cried from knowing you wanted to pleasure him as well. he’ll never ask you to, never.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

At first he’s definitely slower, he’s still unwell (although recovering!). The longer he has the faster and longer he can go

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

he likes quickies! he doesnt have a preference on quickies or not either,, but his cheeks will be very red and hair tousled afterwards so most people will guess what you two where up to if you do

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

yes!! very much so

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

see the pace question,, same thing here!

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

he doesnt own any, bar perhaps one or two, but he enjoys experimenting with them. if youre into them he’ll buy a whole lot, the mans rich

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he does love to tease! moments where he’s more dom especially, he has an almost sadistic streak that comes out to play at times

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

oh hes loud. whines and loud moans, he doesnt even try to silence himself

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he LOVES lingerie. either him wearing it or you wearing it,, if you called him your pretty boy he’d probably melt.

also a switch.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

uncircumcised, uhh roughly 7? i feel like he’s packing i wont lie

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Research on google by yours truly has stated people with Frontotemporal Dementia can get an increase in s3xual desire,, i know the implication is that the coma cured Nagito, but i think some effects may be long term / permanent. So i think he may have a fairly high sex drive,, he’s good at masking it though… kind of.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

pretty soon, he likes to be held or hold you on his chest.

[relaxxattack]

(i dont care to do c! tags bc theres. so many characters. if i dont say cc! then im talking abt the characters) normally i am not one to think much about the syndicate bc outside of ranboo being there to protect tubbo the syndicate Frustrates me a bit but. if phil starts to realize just how fucked over tubbo got by schlatt being erased from the narrative (and especially how shittily techno has treated tubbo) then i really hope they lean into like. the fact that the syndicate may soon turn into phil, niki, ranboo, and possibly the mystery member (im including mystery member mostly because i think tubbo is on good terms with almost everyone except like. dream, possibly wilbur but we'll see, and like the eggpire ppl but none of them are likely options but it is possible that the mystery member could just be neutral) all like. wanting tubbo to be safe and phil is *just* reasonable enough that i think he'd realize how unfair it is for tubbo to have been subjected to so much shit just for techno to introduce even more fear and the need to hide in his life

like phil already keeps the bee duo marriage and michael a secret, he lets tubbo come over and while of course its mostly from the semi lore vibes phil seems vaguely fond of tubbo already (i dont think phil and tubbo have father/son vibes tho, more just like. tubbo is just That Kid that adults cant help but adore even though the kid will rob them of house and home. slightly amused elder watching a tiny fucking gremlin make sex jokes and talk about soviet russia), niki from what i remember still cares about tubbo (probably because she cant redirect any anger towards him without realizing how unjustified it would be kcnsks she can come up with excuses for hating tommy but tubbo didnt do anything that niki has a problem with outside of her maybe having a bad view on butcher army if she knows about it?), ranboo is. ranboo. i dont need to clarify. and then like said theres a very low possibility of the fifth member *disliking* tubbo or being unable to sympathize with him.

people talk a lot about how techno needs to lose in a way that he cant easily come back from without introspection and i think while the rest of the syndicate standing up for tubbo would increase technos grudge against tubbo initially its also like. something that i think would maybe force techno to see tubbo as a person because now theres nothing techno can box (haha gettit. tubbox tubbo in a box tubbo getting boxed into certain roles by people who refuse to let him out techno esp doin this teehoo) tubbo into that wouldnt just. acknowledge that tubbo is a person. hes not apart of the government anymore, not planning any failed revolution, the most negative title to his name is being one of the nuke makers but even then thats out of fear and safety and techno knows that. otherwise tubbos current crimes are nothing thats special to tubbo (like. stealing and searching for evidence in ppls homes and stuff, the latter of which techno doesnr even know about). right now tubbos a husband, a father, a friend, a kid, *ex*-government, a person. and just.

i think that with how much foreshadowing about tubbos execution no longer being a secret amongst the witnesses and tubbo himself and soon being something that people close to techno like phil and ranboo know about as well (in that i want phil to learn that techno did it and for ranboo to learn about it in general bc hes just biased enough for tubbo and just smart enough that i think even if somehow he wasnt told who did it he could figure it out), and with the fact that tubbos lore has been confirmed to now be something thats actively going to be played into? i think (or at least hope) that it might spur phil and techno into finally seeing tubbos side of the story (and probably also get into the possibility of tubbo opening up to tommy and ranboo but i do think realistically either tubbo will try to play it off/not truly open up about how much its effected him or tubbo will at first shut down or go into complete repression mode, especially if phil and ranboo get the story from other people rather than tubbo himself [but god do i hope they confront tubbo himself]. either those two or tubbo talks about his emotions through fucking snapping at something/someone like he did at quackity when reminded of his execution, which as long as its Not tommy or ranboo ill absolutely be cheering on him for)

which is all a very convoluted way of saying uhh. *grabby paws at the ccs currently involved in the arc of clearing up personal misconceptions about l'manberg (and especially tubbos involvement and how easily those around him judged him based off of their versions of the story)* tubbo lore? tubbo healing tubbo talking about his problems? characters learning to see him as a person and recognizing how traumatized he is and that hes not uneffected but actively repressing any effects? please? (also ending note as the cherry on top of this essay that im sorry for dropping into your inbox: im kind of glad that tommys healing arc and tubbos possible healing arc are going to happen at similar times but are still separate. something something its nice to see acknowledgement that tommy and tubbo wont heal in the same way and arent going to know how to help each other but theyre still going through it together. their arcs are intertwining without removing their individuality and as someone w major co-dependency issues its kind of nice idk. you can be there for someone and still acknowledge that you have your own things to go through too and that while you wont be alone you shouldnt force those around you to support you. the bench trio are all helping each other out of free will and genuine love for each other while still realizing they have some problems they arent ready to talk about yet that arent forced to the open because theyre all doing their best to handle each other with care and i just. bench trio my beloveds. the kids are alright.) -🎭🎪 (also as the actual end note if theres ever a need to refer to me as something other than the emojis mask or eyez works fine but the idea of my name being the emojis is also Very Funny to me so do what you will)

im working on my aperture camera college assignment rn and my brain is sort of fried so i dont have an intelligent answer, but i got the happy chemical reading this.

yeah. i think we all know here that my favorite character is tubbo, and i REALLY hope we get him addressing anything that’s happened to him in canon. pretty much all of what you said sounds very good. *grabby hands* spare tubbo lore? please? spare tubbo lore?

perhaps during the three weeks wilburs off in the fucking woods (/lh) we could have a the-others-find-out-what-happened-to-tubbo-(and in DETAIL)-arc. pleaseeeeeeeee and ty

[kazuwhora]

hi kc!! i saw that your requests are opened so is it okay if i ask for a matchup 👉🏼👈🏼 feel free to ignore this if not!!

i go by any pronouns and im an infp(i think) and my zodiac is cancer!! i would say that im much more on the introvert side but with close friends and family im much more extroverted. most of the things i do heavily depend on my mood? like if i feel happy on a certain day i’ll have no problem talking with strangers and if im feeling shitty then i would prefer being left alone. im someone who tries their best to make sure everyone around me has a positive image of me, i get highly anxious when i hear someone dislikes me for any particular reason. im also highly aware of the things i do because im insecure and im afraid of judgement jwjsnd. i get random bursts of energy like with friends one moment i’ll be acting like a total crackhead and the next i’ll be super quiet and tired since my social battery drains too quickly for my liking. im not one to open up about myself but i feel like i do talk a lot about what happens in my life to the point where i feel annoying lmao. i dont like they way i act sometimes? because i feel like im a very toxic person so i can be self critical. im kind of stubborn too like youre gonna have to give me a ten page essay on why i should not be doing a certain thing. im the type of person who always finishes what they started because i cant stand not completing a certain project or goal i end up hating myself jwns. oh im a very picky eater too and i have this tendency to chew on ice cubes eheh

uhmm as for interests i dont really have a fixed interest? because i lose interest in stuff really quickly but i do enjoy playing games, writing, drawing, daydreaming and sleeping. im tired 24/7 but when i sleep at like 4am in the morning. i used to do embroidery too but i mainly lost motivation to do it oops

my love language would be physical touch i love love love shit like holding hands and nice hugs esp when they swing your hands while holding them aaa but tbh all of the love languages appeal to me and i do a lil bit of all of them too

really what i look for is someone who can vibe with me since i do stupid crap but at the same time knows how to tone it down when my social battery runs out. as long as theyre funny, respectful and understanding, i’ll be falling head first for them😩

uhh and yeah thats about it!! im sorry if its too long and thank you sm if you do this love you <3

NOT ME READING THIS PANICKING THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT I DECIDED TO IGNORE IT LAFHLIURHGWUHG pls forgive me IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG

you sound very much like an infp and that's why I'm gonna say that your best match is honestly mikey and im not even saying this bc I know you love him IM SAYING IT BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE and here is why

in cases where introverts get really burnt out sometimes by interactions, I almost ALWAYS scream intp because it just ??? works ?? mikey is an intp and by nature he's an ambivert. the type to really need someone to help reel him in and relax and not worry about being so social, the type to struggle with expressing his emotions and showing them, the type that NEEDS an infp to encourage that aspect of him. and between you two he's so self critical that experiencing your own self criticisms makes him frustrated and when he realizes that this is how you feel when he criticizes himself in the same way, he'll take a step back and re-evaluate how he goes about things. I think he's the type to really encourage you to tap into the nurturing sense of an infp, which in turn has an effect on how you view yourself and the role you play in people's lives. mikey knows this too, and that's why he's so grateful for your presence.

also physical touch?? mikey needs it. he'll pretend at first like he doesn't care and doesn't like being touched, but if you force him to cuddle he'll give in to his neediness and melt in your arms because really he never had anyone to just hug him and let him get lost in himself and the comfort of someone else. poor baby

[winterbl0ss0m]

ACROSTIC MEME FOR A BANDORI GIRL AND AN UTAPRI BOY OF YOUR CHOICE–GO!

GREMLIN LAUGHTER HERE WE GO (thank u to niko for choosing for me because i am Indecisive HAHAHAHA)

tsukushi !!

t - teach: what skills of theirs would they teach you + vice versa?

she would teach me drums methinks, i want to learn them very much n i would love to learn them from her especially <33 i know its my go to for most things but id teach her how to bake !! we can bake things for her little sisters together <33

s - story: if you and them were in a fairy tale, which story would you be and who would play which character?

i dont really know 🧍‍♂️ i cant think of many fairy tales oops

u - uplift: how do they help you when you’re stressed or sad and vice versa?

we go out to cafes and read while trying different coffees and sweets :] helps us calm down and its something we mutually enjoy !! its also very fun seeing her flustered when i sit close to her hehehe

k - kiss: any kiss headcanon

shes easily flustered which is ADORABLE so i initiate kisses more often, i like to kiss her cheeks a lot :] shes one of my few f/os who is shorter than me (she might be the only one actually) so i very much enjoy teasing her a little bit in that respect (of course not too much cause i too deal with teasing bc of my height a lot), i stand on my toes so she has to reach more, shes so cute <3

u - already answered !!

s - already answered !!

h - height: is there a height difference or a size difference between you two?

she is a little bit shorter than me and thinner. im a lil salty i cant steal most of her clothes (she started buying larger tshirts for that reason ehehe) but she snatches mine ALL THE TIME my big hoodies are absolutely massive on her and its SO CUTE GRRRR

i - image: show us a picture of them that gives you a lot of feelings

look at this cutie !! this is her birthday card :] the flowers in it, dahlias, represent dignity, involvement, and inner strength, which are very relevant to her character <3 a runner up is her band story 2 card, but im going with this one because the birthday cards are all so pretty and the symbolism in them !!! >>>>> IMMACULATE <3

otoya !!

o - online: what is your f/o’s social media presence like?

hmm well he’s an idol so i imagine he uses it semi often but not a ton?? idk he probably just updates it every so often but doesnt care for it Too much yk

t - teach: which of their skills would they teach you? what would you teach them?

ok ive neverbeen athletic like ever but i like soccer. i would absolutely play it with him. of course he would kick my ass cause i cant play sports for shit but it would be fun <33 i dont know what id teach him,, maybe art? possibly. i think he’d be interested in it

o - already answered !!

y - you!: what do they like about you?

he likes how much effort and care i put into what and who im passionate about :] i will drop everything for my favorite people in a heartbeat. sometimes he has to remind me to take care of myself too but it works out bc we take care of each other <3

a - art: what kind of art do they do?

wellll you know this but he writes songs !! he struggled a bit when he started 💀 but he has steadily improved <3 he writes his songs from his heart, reflecting his true feelings. uhh i dont really know what else to write here my mind is blanking but his songs are very good and he is very talented i love he <33

GRRRAAAAHHH THIS WAS FUN THANK U NANANANA <33

acrostic f/o ask game !!

[hawopro]

Thoughts on tlt2.2 heavenly palace

[spoiler alert]

ok...so that was a wild ride, and exactly as i expected.

i might feel differently after finishing the books, but as a drama watcher who's seen everything except for ljm, this doesn't deserve 2.5 rating

(i do understand it's due to timing...and many people got high hope after un, but given that this was filmed way before and was shoved into the dungeon until this year, i think i can cut it some slack)

yes, there are problems with script, plot holes, editing, and pacing, etc. ( /clown/ many problems...) and just confusing as hell especially for anyone who isn’t familiar with the franchise, heck, it’s probably confusing for anyone who is familiar with the franchise still

but it's pretty much the same quality as every other drama adaptation imho??

(save for un and first half of sha hai; I mean everyone got their fav adaptation due to one reason or another, my favorite being tr16 and that’s like alternate universe pingxie fanfiction, but objectively, from a filmmaking standpoint, un and sha hai did a better job, but that’s not my point)

i said it before but i'll say it again, you might be able to enjoy this adaptation if:

you dont read the books; book fans will spit blood, buckets of them

willing to be confused and can close your eyes at the most wtf moments (like seriously just roll with it, don’t try to make sense of anything, don’t try to read too deep into anything, it will drive you insane)

like bai shu enough

in which, i met all three criteria so i didn't spit blood, I also enjoy seeing bai shu; I’ve seen worst drama, so honestly, I can just ignore everything and watch it on a shallow level.

Plot wise, it looks like theyre trying to tie everything together from tlt1 and tlt2, while also squeeze in the bit with xlh and ss, which was revealed in un, while also mention the existence of the wang and somehow forcefully jump straight to jdk being final villain and him and xg disappearing into the bronze gate... all within the last couple episodes LMAO

And this is after wasting so much time for walking in the snow, going through the exact same event as tlt2, walking in the tomb, lots of firing guns into thin air (there was a wholeass three-minute scene of just them firing guns and hitting nothing, I counted.)

there are some bad takes on characterization, and it’s hard to feel connections between all the characters and their relationship with one another (especially ss and wx, wx and pz, wx and xg, pz and xg, which are like all the crucial relationships)

but it follows the formula: initial mystery to gain clues/motive, more searching for clues, long/dangerous journey to get to destination, human vs human problem, some ljm political play/dealings on the side, actual tomb, ending on a cliffhanger

(I didn’t care for the side story with xiuxiu and the huo family tbh, it didn’t seem to have any point? Aside from sending xh to the tomb to breakup with wx? Or am I just missing something?)

anyway it’s wild af, but at the same time, fits within my expectation

the set is really nice I think; prop wise, there was only one scene that really bothered me, it’s when they uhh setting up explosives and the /hard rock/ um bounced LMAO; while i enjoyed seeing wx firing guns, that was pretty much useless, i wish that was done better

The only action i appreciate in here are when xiaohua and his right hand man are on screen; there were a few really nice throws in the choreo

CGI actually look okay? The centipede was really icky, final monster is legit sentai series boss LOL

I was meh with a-ning and ss; not my fav, ss was an asshole. But a-ning has a motorcycle! And of course can’t have a dmbj drama without bad english dubbing.

not much tsj content at all, xg doesn’t even spare pz a glance (i came out of this needing more pz and xg content) wx treats pz badly sometimes (pz deserves better) well there was a lean, but that’s all??

(ok I swear this isn’t a dissing post...? hahaha)

bai shu made a fine wu xie, he did better than i expected? But later on his acting def felt a little bit unnatural. BUT IM SOFT FOR HIM, he’s my ‘91 puppy, he also deserves better. i don’t think i would have stayed around for as long if i didn’t know/like him (na jk, i get suck into the pit either way)

zhao dongze seemed rather ...vacant. he’s also the most babey xg. he’s even babier than wx. he talks a lot. he cares for wx a lot. he doesn’t smile sadly; as far as ooc, i mean yes, but i like jbr’s xg soooo

also there are so many meme materials for this xg

both of their portrayals feel inconsistent, BUT i’ve seen better performance by them, (zdz did great in lst, which is a wuxia drama) so i will chalk that up as a directing problem

but i think it’s fine to have different renditions of wx and xg? idk it doesn’t bother me as much

there are gratuitous amount of pingxie skinship (new game: take a shot every time xg touches wx) in which i enjoy greatly; emotionally i feel theyre a bit distant, not much chemistry, but man they’re blatantly pushing the pingxie agenda with all those touches

(id like some intense eye contact pls)

theyre touching hands every time xg is on screen istg; and bc we love hands in this house, we like it a lot

If you’re here for pingxie, maybe just watch episode 18

pangxie, however, was what baited me in and kept me there

wx is mean to pz, but he’s also soft for pz, especially in the beginning; and pz in turn takes care of him so much (pz is so precious)

wx is so tsundere and pz loves to tease him; they literally went through a whole divorce (for no reason, what’s going on writers?) and got back together (without an explanation?)

there are so many pangxie gems, wx holding pz’s hand? caressing his hand??? and like pz coaxing wx to calm down by hugging him?? Pz fixing wx’s blanket even when wx was being a whole douche?? pz giving wx air kiss and wink??

pz deserves better, but man, i love all the pangxie moments in here

(so much fic material pls i desperately need--)

LMAO ig my point is there are many shortcomings, but in my personal opinion, it’s similar in quality as many of the other adaptations, and it doesn’t deserve 2.5.

yes, it’s bad as a standalone drama, but yes, i enjoyed it (some aspects of it anyway)

so if you do watch, watch it for the meager interactions between our favorite characters, pingxie/pangxie crumbs; enjoy it on a surface level, and not for the plot or anything else LOL

Ok im done rambling~

[elecman108]

Man, I forgot to post 90% of my art here for the past while. I’m gonna do an art dump in this post under the cut. Enjoy the bonk emoji if you don’t click the read more, and man am I dumb and forgetful lmao.

Includes: OCs getting names, a Sonic impression, a D&D map, homosexual energies, a sheep floating in the astral sea, a birthday drawing I already posted, Hex Maniac Ender, D&D Characters, D&D Characters as Miis in Miitopia, Little Hater Axel, local Demon in the consciousness of my D&D character yelling at him, illegal plants, a necromancer being cute, an actual event that happened in a D&D game two days ago, and Mermay drawing.

That’s everything in here as a TL;DR, I guess. Enjoy your day!

I’m gonna try and sort of have them in chronological order, oldest first, but I may end up putting them in the wrong order. If I do... Whoops, I guess?

[04/14/21] - This isn’t really new art, but I started to work on giving the four OCs of mine without a full name full names... I have not finished this bit, though. So Hunter and Akira have full names, and Warlock and Assassin only have temporary names. This may end up like Seven where I put in their names as a temporary name (7th OC I’d made at that time) and it just kind of... sticks. Lmao.

[04/20/21] - Alone on a Friday Night? God, you’re pathetic. I didn’t colour this one because it was a half-attempt at a meme image I still like it, though, so I might end up colouring it. It’s gonna appear again whenever I do my “unfinished drawings art dump” at some point probably in... June? I know I said I’d post them last month but forget it, lmao, it’ll happen eventually.

[04/20/21] - A D&D Map! This was to help me visualize the layout of my D&D character’s ship he used to be on. Also for my DM if they ever put us aboard the ship. The little fella in the corner is just there to vibe. This map is made of free to use assets from This Website, so while I’m gonna say DONT USE MY MAP WITHOUT PERMISSION, feel free to make your own!

[04/26/21] - Lesbian Day of Visibility drawing of yours truly, the disapointment! That’s... really all I have to say about this, honestly. It was just for that one day and that was it, lmao. I mean, I accidentally lined it in dark pink, so.. .That’s different, I guess?

[04/30/21] - Do Astral Seas dream of Ensorcled Sheep? Does the City know what Sheepleb is going to do? What crimes he may commit? Who knows! This was fan art of Critical Role ep. 134 if I remember correctly, right at the end when they jumped into the portal into the astral sea and Caleb was a sheep. Using my knowledge of the German language, I knew the word for “shit”, and had to use it.

[05/07/21] - This was already posted, but it’s going in here to dilinuate that it was drawn at this point. Also, aside from playing Miitopia, this is all I have to show for myself until the 12th.

[05/12/21] - Hex Maniac Ender challenges you to a Pokemon Battle! WIll you win against my team? My sis, who loves fairy types, pointed out to me that there’s a fairy girl and hex maniac duo, so I’d be the hex maniac. I spent... Over a week drawing this, because I basically had to redraw the Hex Maniac art from scratch in a higher quality size, and then draw myself over it. So... You can excuse the low-effort background for once. It was basically this, and then my birthday doodle from May 1st to May 12th, and then I took a break to draw up several D&D characters quickly for fullbody references.

[05/12/21] - Remember this art I made several months ago? I finally added my other two completed characters! I have three more named but without character sheet D&D characters, so for now this is just Kara, Axel, Golden Shadow, Kau, Cecillia, and Miri. Kress, Tempest, and Melia will have to wait until I make character sheets for them to be posted, and... For when I probably make more D&D characters. I have at least 9 additional, incomplete character ideas floating around, so... I’m never gonna be done this art, huh?

[05/12/21] - Speaking of D&D characters, did you know I’ve been making them as Miis in Miitopia? So here is their finished full body art next to their Miitopia self! Some of them look a little off (Golden Shadow, Cecillia) because of limitations of the editor and shading issues, some of them look a little off (Kau, Kress) because this is a human face canvas that I’m using to make a non-human face, and some of them (Melia, Axel) look REALLY GOOD. Common traits among my D&D characters include green eyes and tall. You wanna know why? Because I am tall and... despite having red eyes, I do have green eyes under the coloured contacts.

[05/15/21] - More D&D stuff! This is based around my D&D group’s current Rime of the Frostmaiden campaign where our Goliath Fighter, Nioh, ends up getting a little bit of hate for being cocky, and our little (well over 6′) hater, Axel, is just a man full of irritation. These are the tallest two characters of the group at the moment. Someone send help. Nioh belongs to one of the other D&D players, Axel (and his stupid additude) belongs to me.

[05/15/21] - This is what me playing D&D feels like. Me, the demon entity trapped inside the head of my D&D character, yelling at them to do things while the dice decide that they’re gonna get bopped a hundred times by a yeti and somehow still survive. This is also a reference to our first or second game where I just ran off like sixty feet to one side of the battle map to fight a Crag Cat and was just in Gay Baby Jail until like two turns later when I could run back to the others. I also drew him not in his winter gear even though this is a bit from when we were atop Kelvin’s Carin in an icy cave, so maybe that’s why he’s at low HP.

[05/15/21] - Melia has good gardening tips, such as Use A Mars Mii Trap To Hide A Body Because They Are Endangered And It Is Illegal To Dig Them Up. I love her a lot, because she’s the youngest of four, all four sisters based around the different seasons. She’s based around Autumn, so she’s all orange and yellow and brown and is so cute. Also she’s Chaotic Neutral, as if she didn’t need to be mildly more threatening.

[05/15/21] - Cecillia is my Tiefling gal who lived in a very northern town plagued by cold weather and snow, and Axel is my Pirate guy who spent most of his time further south on the high seas and warmer weather. So, naturally... I’ll use the guy more acclimatized to the hotter weather in the campaign where we spend 99% of it in the snow. She uses Tarot Cards as her spell focus, and I decided to sneak my other D&D characters onto her Tarot cards so naturally, Axel is The Hanged Man, given his backstory and personality. She’s a very cheerful and friendly Tiefling Necromancer of the Hexblade, so she’d for sure take care of those around her to ensure their success. Especially if they’re on her Tarot Cards, and their spirit comes to her aid when she asks for them.

[05/16/21] - Content Warning; Ryma thinks too much into local stupid moron’s lack of knowing how to answer a question and thinks too much into the reputation of Pirates. Poor Axel, man doesn’t know how to socialize with people who aren’t pirates and is used to being hostile towards everyone, so when he’s asked a question that his answer to is “uhh... no?”, he panics and ends up making a mistake that leads him to think that Ryma can read his mind. Ryma belongs to another of the D&D players. I guess me drawing all those spicy Cow Costumed OCs earlier just brought me to drawing Axel being a bottom in this, huh?

[05/16/21] - It’s Mermay, which means more OC drawings! Here’s Theo after drinking some potion that turned him into a mermaid, and Seven, tiredly, collecting his stupid boyfriend so that Lailah can fix the fact he’s turned into a mermaid. Mer!Theo is based around his sword’s colours of indigo-purple with red accents, which looks a little weird since Theo is the Blue one of the group, but... it looks cool, I guess. Seven’s just the same outfit as always, just no gloves this time.

--

And that’s it for the art dump! This was, frankly, MASSIVE. I’ll try and remember to upload both on Twitter and Tumblr at the same time, but... Ah... I have been drawing a fair bit. Just mostly sketches and linework that I haven’t finished and may not actually finish. If they’re not completed, I’ll dump them all into something at the end of the month or whatever. Maybe you’ll get the old sketch of the Axel face in panel 3 because in the sketch phase it was an Ahegao face, in the clean sketch it was a lip bite, and in the linework and final it’s just horny face. lmao.

Top ten things I have to remember for drawing: AXEL HAS A SCAR AND GREEN EYES. I remember his eye colour now, but if you look at his fullbody ref, he’s got brown eyes. And, naturally, I keep forgetting to put in his scar. He has more, but most of them are located in areas covered by his clothes. So if I ever draw him shirtless I guess I’ll have to place them somewhere.

Also maybe finish the reference sheets I have left to finish so I can post more of them, since I have two “Pets” completed (Roko and Mona’s nameless pet), but I have to do up Hunter, Warlock, Assassin, Akira, Myuut, and Stella. I’m betting when I do complete two more, it’ll be Hunter and Akira. Those two are the most fun to draw, at least.

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[b4kuch1n]

Dark Bako give us your forbidden Leon/Raihan/Sonia Headcanons. I’ve loved your OG rival friendgroup since your original comic and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.

Hells Yeah thats the good food anon 

1/ sadly I am Not coherent or like. good with words yknow. so this will be laid out in the most chaotic manner; 2/ I dont really ship them romantically? so this will just be like. childhood friends stuff. they have a long history with each other I just love laying in it and feeling it for a moment here and there. I love them so much. and 3/ there are bullet points here that I’ve talked about before in the tags of my art posts or on my twitter. forgive me for being repetitive with them they’re all kinda from the same body of hcs yknow they go with each other like Leon, Raihan, and Sonia haha dyou see what I did there

- Sonia and Leon knew each other since birth basically, and they met Raihan when they started out on their adventure. they were all picked up by Mustard, Raihan has too different a style so Mustard kinda thinks of him as a smartass, Leon still calls him ‘uncle Mustard’, and Sonia still sends him things about swordfighting whenever she can

- oh yeah Sonia fences. she absolutely fences. c’mon she’s a history nerd of course she fences

- Leon used to dabble too but then he got kind of insanely busy? and couldn’t find the time to practice for a long stretch of time (nobody properly taught him how to manage his own time he had to learn by himself) so he’s not good at it anymore. if they fence one on one Sonia can kick his ass

- Raihan’s hitbox is too big so he sat that one out entirely. no thank you

- Leon is Big time a theatre kid. if he were any less into pokemon battling he would have absolutely grown up to be a shakespearean actor. he also just loves capes but that’s a him thing (and a trans thing) 

- he also knows enough sewing to fix his own clothes. Sonia wanted to sew too but her eyesight is bad enough that she couldn’t hand sew things so she didn’t pick it up as a kid. she has badgered Leon into customizing her accessories many times

- Raihan’s parents are professors, and his family is a foster family for foreign students, so he’s very good at dealing with kids, but like. in the fun brother way. as in kids fucking love him but do Not expect peace when he babysits

- which is funny because Raihan himself is chill. he’s done acting out now. he was one of those kids that are way too aware of their own youth? so he knew and acknowledged very intimately the kind of joy being chaotic and giving in to your dumbest desires brings, but he also knew since a too young age that you can’t really do that when you start having people depend on you. he fucking loved chaos when he was a baby trainer, and he wants the kids he knows to get to experience that kinda freedom too. so he will Not be the strict brother figure you need when you want an afternoon of peace. godspeed

- (he is also extremely a city kid as opposed to Leon and Sonia being children of the forest)

- this makes him and Leon a lethal combo because they push the exact button in each other to explode all inhibitions and make both of them idiots. Sonia was kind of astonished at the things Leon and Raihan did because Leon has Big Brother Syndrome but in the opposite way of Raihan’s, so in Sonia’s presence he will try to be doubly responsible. sure he was kind of an airhead when nothing’s strictly taking over his attention and he got Very in character for sandbox roleplaying, but he’s very disciplined in his own specific way and he tries very hard to take care of things. but somehow when left alone with Raihan they manage to tie down the top of a tree to the ground like one of those catapults and then almost caused an avalanche

- part of Sonia wanted to participate in the idiot fest, but. for a weirdly long while she didn’t really like Raihan? just because he was so confident and also seemed to always make the right decision. he seemed to know so well what was important and what wasn’t, and he stuck with it so damn well. and Sonia envied that. at the age of nine. life was complicated 

- he was horrified when Sonia tried to teach him how to swordfight tho, which is. uhh maybe a bit on Sonia too. she can’t recall very well 

- Raihan can

- also maybe Sonia envies Leon’s attention at Raihan just a bit because she was kind of alone in Postwick if she wasn’t hanging out with Leon, and she started battling because Leon’s excitement was contagious, and. yeah. again, life is hard when you’re nine

- Raihan’s nice to her tho. as long as she’s not holding a foil she’s just a kid and he’s good with kids. and she knows a lot about history! which is super cool and he osmosises a lot of trivias from her 

- she can suss out the origin of patterns on his clothes and can date the tapestries in the hall. again, super cool

- they’re so damn close by the time of their League that losing to Leon in front of an audience hits ten times as hard. 

- Raihan kind of coped by embracing the rival title with all his might. this kinda feeling fades with time, right? so roll with it for now. they were the same, it’s just the situation that changed.

- except the situation seemed to change Sonia too. she exploded at Leon after the match and then just. retreated to her room at the hotel. she was out of the city before they could have a word with each other. 

- she didn’t blame Leon or Raihan, but of course Leon kind of panicked, and turns out Raihan was just twelve too, so the best he could do then was to keep himself from freaking out as well by keeping some distance from Leon. he called Sonia to make sure she got home and hasn’t gotten herself in hot waters in the wild area somewhere. she didn’t pick up, but the next morning she texted to say she was with her gran and was being chewed out. 

- she called Leon one day before the champion match to wish him luck, and in a sense to let him and Raihan down gently (that’s what they found out that’s called much later, when it’s become mildly funny and not like the world was ending anymore). the actual transcript was just a lot of babbling that didn’t really explain anything, but then they also found out much later that she probably didn’t really know what she was doing either. turns out, y’know, life is extremely fucking hard when you’re ten, and your world is turned upside down, and you’re mad but also you’ve known for a while on some levels that it’d come to this, and you have no goddamn emotional management skills because you’re, yknow, ten, and your gran hasn’t been ten for six decades.

- so Sonia trained by herself for years after that first League, but she never became a challenger again. she also had to learn a lot of things by herself too. she moved in with her gran soon after the League as well, and in the off seasons when Leon could visit home she was never around.

- she still fences. that’s how she beats out the aimlessness for a long time

- Raihan doesn’t stop texting her, but he lives in Hammerlocke and he’s also busy, so they didn’t meet directly again until his match to win the Hammerlocke gym leader title. Sonia was extremely exasperated that he used Sandstorm in a vault full of precious artifacts. Raihan selfishly feels like that out-of-place aggression he’s been feeling can start leaving.

- Leon by that point has kind of settled into being a champion, as in he has stopped processing or projecting any kind of negative emotions, and by the way he greets Sonia it’d seem like nothing bad ever happened. Sonia and Raihan could take that; at least now they have allies in all of this. 

- they aren’t each others’ parents. they just try their best to grow up with each others again.

- Sonia also got that sweet, sweet networking with Raihan’s parents that she uses on the daily to get reading materials she needs

- Raihan is okay with this

[vyvesvi]

That grammy tweet u rb basically boiled down to " haha an arists of colour i dislike didnt win bc of racial bias !"

The conversation wasn't about how kpop appropriates black culture ( and yes all kpop ,voted a group u dislike) but about how poc no matter how successful will never be awarded or treated the same ( both important yet not the time for the 1st one)

So not really the time for that ,especially when grammys clearly them used to promote the entire show

How despicable can ppl get that they celebrated and applaud racism while also stanning poc eh..kpop stans ( that account did that later)

I dont like the weekend yet i can clearly see how he was robbed

ah, okay, here’s the tweet i reblogged in question.

personally when i reblogged this i took it to mean all nonblack artists who benefit from black aesthetics (like many many western artists), not specifically bts (as they are not mentioned), although i see now that the poster is most likely a kpop fan and talking about them.

uhh feel free to disagree with me but pointing out how black creators have been robbed of awards in favor of those who are simply profiting from their aesthetics isn’t...”not the conversation” as you put it? it’s a separate conversation that needs to happen as well. also, i’d like to point out, it’s a conversation that is and has been brought up around every major western awards show for years, whether a kpop group is in attendance at all. 

an issue that i see with your perspective is that it centers kpop and a group you are a fan of in a much older, larger, conversation. the way i see it, the conversation hinted at in the above tweet is about the appropriation of black aesthetics to gain legitimacy(???? the stereotypical “black cool factor” ???), and you are inserting kpop into it rather than the other way around.

i’m not going to adjudicate whether bts deserved to win or not, i don’t watch award shows or listen to their music so i don’t really care tbh. i know enough to say that in the past bts has faced racism in the western music scene (for example, the creation of the kpop category at the bbmas (less talked about since it’s in our more distant past but the fact that a latin category exists too is really??? questionable, to say the least, especially when artists in either category are eating artists from the US alive in terms of mv views and streams at least.)) I think that it’s possible to have discussions about the difficulties that bts and antiblack racism perpetuated by them and many, many, many others without delegitimizing either one.

based on what you’ve said i think it might be worthwhile to consider why you perceive discussions of antiblack racism as a racist attack on nonblack poc and an act that “applauds racism.”

i’m going to assume that you sent this ask as well, and i would refer you to what was said previously. once again, the tweet says “nonblack people,” not asians. and while i do believe that there is great value in focusing on a common oppressor, the role of nonblack poc (not just asians!) in contributing to the oppression of black people is also important. 

i believe that we are capable than having a more nuanced conversation than the one that you perhaps inadvertently advocate for.

[sparklyandchic]

🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 

[cogneartive]

The Great Peter Infodump of March 2020

yo @brackets-and-woolly-hats @mijaco-geo and @mike-nesmith-for-mayor I have recently been informed that yall would really like me to infodump about Peter and I want to thank yall because I think if I held it in any longer I would explode

Also thanks to the coolcherrycream articles and various interviews that I learnt all these from in the 5-ish months I’ve been thinking about the monkees for

But before I start going hnngggg Peter I would like to warn you that despite my tone this is going to contain some heavy stuff. We’re talking brief mentions of blood, and suicide and death so be careful about that

This is gonna get hella long so *cracks knuckles* let’s begin

Childhood

let’s start from the very beginning: a very good place to start

Friday, 13th February one bb was born and he would always say that Friday the 13th was a lucky day for years onwards

He was born with a lot of diversity in his parentage

He’s Irish and German-Jewish on his mother’s side and Norwegian on his dad’s side

Speaking of Jewishness (is that a word???) I rememeber an article saying that he used to randomly say Hebrew words in interviews and I think he taught Mike how to say something too?? I dont know

Peter was a very friendly boy even when he was just a toddler cus he would drag any new friend he had home

Anyway, he was born in Washington DC

Once on Christmas he went missing and his mum and grams panicked and looked all over the house for him

Turns out he was just waiting at lampost in the snow because he wanted to make sure that Santa would bring him a present

Speaking of Grams, when he was 3 (i think im doing this from memory) he was at a post office with his mother when she came in.

He got uber excited and shouted “THAT’S MY GRAMS. HER NAME IS CAIT!”

And so everyone turned to look at her and he squealed

He would also often ride on the top part double deck buses and whenever the bus slowed down, he would wave to nearby people and say “HI MY NAME’S PETER WHAT’S YOUR?” to which those people who wave back and sometimes answer him. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Also he started to play with pianos when he was 3 and also he liked dancing so that’s cute

One of his first memories was of being at the hospital where his brother Nick (who they called Nicky and that’s what I’m going to call him) was born

Soon after Nicky was born they moved to Germany Yeet. He was 4 and the time and Nicky was like 18 months or smth

Germany

Right so I dont know why people dont talk about this part of his childhood because like,,,it’s interesting??

In Germany they had two maids

They had to put sugar in every food so that Peter and Nicky would actually eat the strange German food

He became very fluent in German and would help his mother with translations

He was also fluent in French for some reason

Someone made a statue of his 4 year old head and it became a famous minor art piece that featured in calendars

It probably now sits in his house because I saw in in the background of the short documentary that his son, Ivan Ivanoli made about him which you sould check btw

Anyway, when Peter was 5 he made his first official best friend Ule who was two years older than him

Once when he was playing hide and seek with Nicky he ran at full force at a closed glass door that he thought was open, shattering it, and getting a shard into his arm. Reasonably he screamed

Apparently, he was hurt a major artery and would have bled to death if not for someone being in the house to call a doctor

Once he was out and about wandering around, as you would do if you were Peter when he was stopped by some official looking guy from going back into his own house.

It’s important to note that Peter looked very much like a German boy and would ONLY talk in German outside. God knows why he did this.  Reasonably, the dude thought he was lying and he had to call for his mum

Anyway, in Germany school starts when you’re five but his birthday was in the middle of the school year so his parents sent him in early which set him up for some outcasted child syndrome later

And then the moved back to America yeet

AMERICA (LAND OF CAPITALISM)

So he moved back into America but it didn’t stop there. No. They had to move around like a 100 different times and as someone who went to a total of 4 different schools (so far oh no) that sets you up with outcasted child syndrome. What also sets you up with outcasted child syndrome is if you’re an undiagnosed neurodivergent which Peter seemed to think he was when he was in his 50s (either ADHD or autism) so uhh keep that in mind

So he was in school and as mentioned earlier he was a year younger than his peers so that’s fun

He was very very clever. Often he would finish his work first and his (4th grade) teacher would make do some reading or creative writing. She encouraged him to do creative writing because she saw some talent in there

Not only was he acadmically gifted, but he was also musically gifted. Playing not only the piano (which he got lessons for) but also the guitar, the banjo, the bass, and the french horn which he got an award for when he was in highschool playing in a band made out of college students for some reason

Speaking of awards, he was once given an award for maths

This giftedness would later set him up for Gifted Child Burnout he had in college

Also he changed schools like a total of 13 times so that’s fun

He went to a private school but apparentl, according to his parents, he hated it (but he remembered liking it???)

Also, he made a lot of jokes in class

Remember Nicky? Yeah, Nicky would often write songs for him to sing and stuff (Nicky would later write songs for Peter’s solo album and a bunch of other stuff what a great brother we stan)

The family had some kind of barn once where he would do puppet shows his siblings

Anyway, school life was all fine and dandy until 5th grade hit and he changed schools and everyone lost interest in him because he was one year younger

Also his dad was apparently very disconnected with him. Needless to say, Peter felt like his father didn’t like him

Once when he was 9, he told his father that he noticed that when the clouds were around at night, it would be warmer during the day to which his father shouted at him saying that “he has no proof of that” and that he shouldn’t say anything without proof

This of course led him to feel like no one wanted to listen to what he wanted to say

poor baby

I think his father would have been the reason why Peter would later say in an interview that he hated “loud abusiveness” the most

He would also later say that a combination of his dad and feeling like he was weird and different would lead him to his drinking problem

So umm we dont stan his dad ok

Once when he was 13 he picked up a loaded shotgun and put it against his head. But he decided that he didn’t want to do it at the last second.

Overall, life from 5th grade till highschool was terrible for him

He didn’t have any friends in his school

So when he moved to a new school in Conneticut where he was surrounded with people of the same age, he was really happy all the way until college where he flunked out twice

Hippie Time (Honestly this part is just me talking about him and Stephen Stills because Steter Stirk changed me)

And so Peter became a hippie in Greenwich Village

In the Village, he became a sort of entertainer. Not just singing and playing, he was also a comedian. 

And then he kept hearing about this dude who looked like him from other people.

This dude turned out to be Stephen who was also hearing the same kind of talk for about the same amount of time

Pete and Stephen VIBED im not kidding they started to play with each other and also Stephen’s room mate who was also there

Also it turns out that they liked to talk about the same things so that’s neat

Peter went to Venuzuela apparently and when he came back the Monkee thing happened yeet

Once when Stephen was waiting to move into his new house Peter was all like “hey dude live with me”

For a while they also lived in the same house when he was Monkee and if that doesn’t fuel any ship fics I dont know what will

Im serious the ship is here and its real I saw fics and fanart

Dont ask about Stirk

They played with the colour tv and would “pick apart each other’s brains” umm

Also Peter’s favourite band was buffalo springfield and we stan a friend who would say your band was their favourite band

And I think this is where my knowledge starts to fade because I haven’t really heard any cool facts from here on afterwards

Last Final Cool Facts

He was a teacher for quite a while and taught about Maths, basketball (despite not liking any sport except swimming) and Easter Philosophy,,,yes easter philosphy the man was into that kinda stuff

Also he was a big reader. Always having a smoll book in his pocket that he would read while on set with the Monkees. But he was particularly a non fic kinda guy

He would write poetry on the back of scripts

In the 2000s he said that his sister thought he might have ADD

Also autism but when asked about it he’d be all P E R H A P S

which is very unhelpful Peter pls give us a straight answer

I mean he cant give us straight answers because he was the gayest monkee (he fricked a dude once but he didn’t like it)

Hey look I ended on a gay note yeet. Thanks for reading this mess