#ughhhhhhhh and i have to wake up for work in like an hour this sucks im trying not to freak out

[shadyhouse]

hey im really sorry to do this but i have literally no other choice, my phone service got shut off because i didnt have enough money to pay my bill ($55) and i cant really afford to not have phone access for a week until i get paid again... if anyone is able to help me out id really appreciate it 🙏

id like to be able to use my phone and make calls and all that. i need to be able to use my bus fare for work and receive texts and i really dont feel safe being out of the house without it :( i have one dollar to my name until next week, if youre able to throw anything my way at all itll help a lot

vnm: tobias_leviathan

pp: paypal.me/bewearrr

[enden-k]

You mention that you're quite a sleepy person. Is it an energy expenditure thing, a medicine thing, or a I-have-no-fucking-clue-why issue?

Sending love over ♡.

more of the third. im a really really sleepy person in general (unless im having an episode) and i can usually tell what kind of sleepiness im experiencing, like when its of mental nature (depression etc) or physical nature (sunlight and warmth, after intense physical activity, pollen allergy puffing up my eyes etc)

but theres this kind of sleepiness (the one thats bothering me sm) i really dont know where its from; i get the hours of sleep i need to function but i wake up like i havent slept at all. then im wide awake and energized for a few hours until im suddenly so sleepy, i often doze off right where i am (often unfortunately at my desk, in class, even the train or bus) i need naps in the afternoon and still feel tired. i can still sleep at night despite naps but i wake up often. caffeine doesnt rlly hit anymore. i have chronic migraines in general and often my headaches are triggered by too much sleep (too much sleep!!! imagine) some days (like today) my sense of balance is off and i cant even walk properly, im swaying to one side like one part of my brain is heavier. probably the one filled with thoughts about kvthm or smth smh

whats bothering me the most is that sometimes im so sleepy, i can feel my brain is not working properly and i have trouble forming a thought or just focusing. im non speaking but im pretty sure if i would try now, i would probably be even worse at communication than usual bc i usually have to focus hard and rn i dont have that focus. it really troubles me

anw i doubt its caused by mental health issues as i dont feel the usual signs my body sends, and its not bc of allergy or any of the meds i take. and its confusing as hell bc im a healthy boy!!!!!!! i only drink water, my meals are balanced, i love the sunlight and fresh air, i dont smoke and i only drink on occasions ughhhhhhhh ppl actually think im lazy and comfy jsut lazing around all day and happily napping away when im home. id rather use the time im wasting on naps for smth more useful, it really sucks

anw this got super long sry, just proof how much it annoys me that i complain this much ig 😩

[iwantasecretgarden]

Taggetytagtag

DoBrought up by the freaking awesome and strong @nachodiablo

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke in a glass of ice or a can or a bottle or a fountain or anywhere, always. “Is Pepsi okay?” is probably the worst sentence in all of human history.

2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney Renaissance (90s kid)

3. Coffee or tea: Coffee. I want to like tea, but it’s leaf water. And drinking it tastes like hot leaves. I try and I try and yet still...clogged pool filter in a cup.

4. Books or movies: Books. Books, I’ve never seen so many books in all my life. Best weapons in the world. But seriously in 2016 I read 42 books - didn’t quite get to my 52 I had hoped for as my upper goal, but far surpassed the 25 I had planned.

5. Windows or mac: Mac since birth. Born with my dad getting me a tiny apple jumper as he used the old timey rainbows apple with the startup OS face.

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel characters are deeper and more interesting, especially because I WANT to like Wonder Woman but every single writer just changes her backstory and nothing is consistent and I hate that. X-Men are my favorite because it’s embracing difference in an exclusive, bigoted world.

7. X-box or Playstation: I wasn’t allowed to play video games because my parents thought they would make me violent so now I’m WOEFULLY AWFUL at them. But does Wii Lego games count? Because I really like Wii Lego Harry Potter. I know. I know. But it’s actually adorable. I also play Wii Lego LOTR and Batman and Star Wars (but SW one sucks).

8. Dragon age or Mass effect: Er...what. 

9. Night owl or early riser: I do better working at night because I like to have an hour or so to wake up. So if I leave at 9 I get up at 6:30 so I can drink coffee and blink awake and watch a tv show before doing chores and getting ready.

10. Cards or chess: Cards - more for the memories that accompany them and because I’m hellishly impatient for Chess.

11. Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla not because I’m vanilla but because chocolate can either be overwhelming or when in ice cream doesn’t taste like chocolate? Like why? It tastes like mystery brown flavor and I’m not into that.

12. Vans or converse: Converse for life. Black. With doodles on the white parts. Quotes and drawings. Being a cool kid way past the age I could pull it off (since I never could). I also have a blue pair that I drew the TARDIS on during the DW fanvolution but now don’t wear because they don’t match.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: I feel dumb. I don’t know what these are. 

14. Fluff or angst: Angsty fluff. Like when the angst drenches your soul and in the darkest moment someone says the right thing that no one in real life has ever said to you and it’s like a sweet sweet salve. 

15. Beach or forest: Forest. I hate sand. I’m stupid annakin. And deep in my heart of hearts I’m still the wolf girl I was at 13 where I wore braces and boys jeans and tie dyed wolf t-shirts and braids in my hair with a bunch of friendship bracelets and wanted to be a psychic dragon rider or be raised by sentient wolves. So in the end...it’d be untrue to my nature (and to my secret shame wolf patronus) to not say forest where I used to dream of running away and finding my true pack.

16. Dogs or cats: I have two greyhounds (Fred & George), and a cat - Gandalf. That way I can introduce the bunch as Gandalf (and) the Greyhounds. Yeah. I’m serious. PM me for picture proof or check out insta @greyhoundgeorge

17. Clear skies or rain: Rain when I have nowhere to BE. If I can stay home and eat hot popcorn and drink cold water and snuggle on a couch under the blankets and put on an old movie or quiet film scores and pick up a book I want to read all in one go. That’s a little corner of heaven right there. But clear skies if I am going out to do something - if I’m doing something stressful and knowing I can go outside after to let the sun drench into the skin of my face and smile and take a breath and get a cold diet coke and congratulate myself on being brave and finishing out.

18. Cooking or eating out: Depends. Depends on how lazy I am and how broke I am and how hungry I am. I like cooking when I’m really hungry because then I can personalize everything to my own tastes and having leftovers I know will be yummy later. When I eat out/order take out I’m eating it all. Don’t be foolish.

19. Spicy food or mild food: Spicy food. Make my nose rain. I once drank a bowl of salsa in a Mexican restaurant. Like in Beauty & the Beast. Bowl to my mouth. Drank it down. My sisters hissed at me to stop. It was so good. So I drank theirs too.

20. Halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Solstice, Yule, ***Christmas*** I am so into Christmas. I’m the dumbass that starts listening to carols too early in November. I’m wearing sweaters and sweating. I’m getting my peppermint hot chocolate. I’m the one viciously stalking that Christmas feeling that seems to get farther and farther away the older you get. Because I want it to last forever. I want to make sure my little sisters never lose it.

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Too cold. I’m already hot all the time. It’s hell. And I sweat through my clothes and that’s embarrassing and uncomfortable. At least when I’m cold people feel pity for you. When you’re hot all the time everyone looks at you like a freak.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Hallucination/Projection. I’d be called “Storyteller” or “Story” and if I wanted you to think you were on a beach in Aruba, you would really see and feel it. I would be able to travel for free, protect myself through a veneer, and never have to harm anyone. And I could taste all food however I wanted even if it was just celery. I could look how I want to look, dress how I want to dress, make my world the reality I want.

23. Animation or live action: Live action. I think the nuances of character actors and their expressions bring something to a film that evokes a sympathetic response in the brain that cannot (currently) be copied in animation.

24. Paragon or renegade: Again. I’m a silly person who has no idea what this is.

25. Baths or showers: SHOWERS. Hot showers. Baths - like tea - are just stewing in dirt. In your own dirt. In a tub where you get to look at your knees and rest your wet head against the hard tile. Ew.

26. Team cap or team ironman: Captain America forever. Stucky and Steggy forever.

27. Fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy at my heart of hearts. It appeals to my wolfgirl nature. But I’m an equal opportunist and love Sci Fi. Just watch out for those weird 1950s fantasy/sci fi crossovers about colonizing planets cuz those get WEIRD.

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they:

"Do small things with great love.” - Mother Teresa

“Courage, dearheart.” - C.S. Lewis

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry.  Look up at the ceiling and breathe with those curiously fragile lungs and remind yourself don’t worry. All as it was meant to be. It was meant to be lonely, and terrifying, and unfair, and fleeting. Don’t worry.” - Welcome to Nightvale

29. Youtube or netflix: Netflix or Amazon Video yo

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Yeahhhh see I was too old when PJ came out. My youngest sister was reading it and even she thought it was under her age level. So HARRY POTTER FOREVER FOOLS. I mean, I cannot stress how much our family loves HP. We had a year when my youngest sister turned 11 she had a welcome to Hogwarts party in March, my family surprised me with a Horcrux Hunt 17th birthday Coming of Age in April, and my other sister turned 14 and got a Triwizard Cup party in May. My Mom listens to HP on Audible every night before bed. She can literally quote the first book word for word. We went to HP Wizarding World in FL before it opened on special passes when I was 19. If my mother wouldn’t murder us, our entire family would have matching HP tattoos. I write Marauders book fanfiction for my entire family to read and critique. We have sorted ourselves and own everything in our respective houses (a split R/G family). It’s our dream to go to Leaky Con together. We all have complete uniforms. Not just the robes. All of it. We know all the spells, have played all the dumb computer 2001 games and Wii games and Pottermore before it was lame and basically omg. HP FOR LIFE. (or LOTR). 

31. When you feel accomplished: When someone acknowledges I saw the problem and solution immediately but everyone else tried a bunch of things first and eventually realized I was right. #INTJ

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I am very into both, and both my sisters have hard core taken a position on each camp. But if I had to choose, I would say Star Trek because of the massive cultural shift it caused, especially in featuring multi-racial characters and women in positions of science and power.

33. Paperback books or hardback books: Paperback if I’m reading it the first time and Idk if i’ll like it but then I want hardback (leatherbound tbh) of everything I’ve ever loved and read for my library I want to own like in B&B. 

34. Horror or rom-com: Ughhhhhhhh both suck. But I only like cerebral horror (like Sixth Sense) or intellectual horror (like Hannibal) because physical horror (torture), gross horror (teeth losing and pus), jump horror (basic) really aren’t interesting to me so I GUESS I’ll say rom-com.

35. TV shows or movies: TV shows streaming so I can binge them. Yep.

36. Favorite animal: Tigers! I’m so into tigers and know so much about them. The ONLY tiger fact I’ll bore you with right now is that lion roars are much shallower due to being lighter weight with less lung capacity so for the Lion King whenever the lions roar, it’s actually tiger roars to sound more macho.

37. Favorite genre of music: Alt rock or indie - coldplay, mumford, snow patrol, frank turner, damien rice, the wonder years, etc. 

38. Least favorite book: I know people are really into it now, but when I read it A Separate Peace sucked balls and everyone agreed. Also I once read this terribly written horror book Neverwhere. Actually I’ve read several such poorly written books that it honestly gives me hope that I can be an author if these dingbats can.

39. Favourite season: Winter before Christmas

40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head:  Help by the Beatles

41. What kind of pyjama’s do you wear: Old t shirt (usually huge) and pj pants or shorts

42. How many existential crisis do you have on an average day: Lol so many. Depends on the day. More like “my life is confusing and I have no idea what’s happening and everything is a chain reaction that hasn’t begun and I’m holding my breath praying for a fallout that’s marginally okay.”

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: “Penny Lane,” by the Beatles

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer or (honestly) Magic School Bus or Jimmy Neutron

45. Harry Potter movies or books: Books, where the inaccuracies aren’t too many to count

46. Favorite traditional food from your family: Tamales

47. Favorite decade from 1900-now: 1990s. But only 90s kids remember the 90s.

48. Worst habit? Thinking I can do it all.

49. Teach an old person to use the internet or stay for a week with a kid stuck in the “why” phase?: Kids. I love kids. Why phases are great. Sometimes I never outgrew mine, and adults always brush them off without actually taking time to explain why satisfactorily.  50. Who’s your favorite painter?: Claude Monet. 

51. Favourite flower?: Roses (trite) or bluebonnets. 

52. Boots or sneakers?: Sneakers now - boots in fall.

53. Abroad or at home?: Home if I could magically go back in time when “home” was everything I wanted and not a place to visit my mom in my old room with no clothes or friends.

54. Planning or spontaneity? Planning! But occasional spontaneity. 

55. Boxers or briefs? Boxers so that I can wear them as pajama shorts.

56. Hogwarts house? Better be...Gryffindor! 

I’m not tagging 56 people, so if you’d like to do this, tag me so I can read them! If you don’t want to, then just enjoy learning more about me. If it’s more than you wanted to know (and it probably is) feel free to ignore.