#ugh. we're going back to 2020 with this one ‼

[blizzardz]

Literally everything that could save me from This Hell is. Only available on iOS

[oliviaischillin1204]

Imagine Pre-Accepting Anxiety Virgil walking into the common room and seeing the Light Sides having a tickle fight. Now he has to find a way to keep his tough guy act while dealing with being a secret lee!

HAPPY TICKLETOBER EVERYONE!!! we're starting off strong with this ask, sent to me on jun 18 2020 lmaooooooooooo. if this prompt seems familiar, it's b/c it was also sent to @why-not-a-tickle-blog around the same time! (link to her story here!) and when i tell you've literally been working on this wip on and off ever since i got it,,,,, i am such a wip harder AJDFHGHDJ

and now, without further ado, let's let tickletober 2024 begin!

tickletober day 1- "anticipation"

word count: 7,580 words

So... the Light Sides were weird.

Virgil knew that way before he’d started hanging around their little group. From movie nights to sing-alongs to family dinners, they were overall obnoxiously chummy and irritatingly comfortable with each other.

Case in point: when Virgil finally managed to roll out of bed at about two in the afternoon, there was a strange sound in the air. Not Princey’s singing, or Logic’s lecturing, or even Morality’s incessantly cheerful... whatever he does. 

After reapplying his smeared eye shadow, he meandered out of his room and headed to the common area. As he got closer, it sounded like... laughter?

He huffed a sigh as he swung himself down the stairs.

“Can you all please keep it down--”

Virgil froze, one hand on the railing as he took in the scene before him.

There were the three Light Sides, but he’d never seen them like this. Princey-- ugh, fine, Roman-- was lying on the floor, but what caught Virgil’s eye was the state of disarray he seemed to be in. Next to him was Patton, sitting cross legged and looking similarly rumpled, and next to Patton was Logan, who was normal except for the blush riding high on his cheeks.

That wasn’t the weirdest part, though. The weirdest part was the way Logan was pinching at Roman’s knees and thighs with a careful accuracy, or the way Roman was reaching to vibrate his fingers all over Patton’s stomach, or the Patton had a hand on both Logan’s and Roman’s sides and was squeezing away with reckless abandon. Or the way all three were laughing together in delight at the tickle fight Virgil had somehow managed to walk in on.

Speaking of Virgil: when he processed the scene happening before him, he couldn’t help but let out a surprised little gasp. That noise, quiet as it was in the chaotic room, still managed to stop the other three in their tracks, and they all turned to look at him.

Patton, of course, was the first to speak. “Well, hey, Anxiety!”

“Um--” was all Virgil managed to say. His face turned hot, and he prayed that it wasn’t as bright red as it felt. He gripped the railing under his hand and avoided eye contact. “I--”

Roman scoffed, hurriedly sitting up and pulling away from Logan’s tickly hands.

“Is there something we can help you with, villain?” he asked brusquely, but Virgil got the feeling that he was more embarrassed that Virgil saw him getting tickled than annoyed that the anxious side was there. Still, his words were enough to snap Virgil out of his spell, and he managed to roll his eyes.

“I said,” he repeated, hoping his voice wouldn’t fail him, “would you please keep it down? You’re gonna wake the whole Mind Palace with your... game.”

There was the crack in his voice; Virgil knew it was going to come, and he felt himself grow even warmer. Thankfully, no one commented on it.

“Apologies, Anxiety,” Logan said, straightening his glasses. “We didn’t intend to be so loud. We got... carried away.”

Patton giggled, his hands creeping back to Logan and Roman’s sides. “’Carried away’ sure is one way to put it, guys--”

The other two swatted his hands away, but Virgil caught the flustered grins that adorned both of their faces. Their eyes darted back to Virgil, and he swallowed, suddenly feeling very out of place.

“Uh, okay, fine. Whatever. I’m going back to bed.”

He turned on his heel and marched up the stairs, ignoring Logan’s calls about maintaining a proper sleep schedule, as he tried to stop thinking about what he’d just witnessed.

It wasn’t working. All he could think about now was tickling. How often did the Light Sides tickle each other? Was it often? Who was the most ticklish, and who was the best tickler? Was it always the three of them altogether?

Would they let him join, if he asked?

Virgil’s eyes widened at the thought that just ran through his head. No. Absolutely not, no way, don’t pass go and don’t collect $200.

Like, fine, maybe there was a small part of him that was maybe, just a little, interested in the concept of tickling. And... maybe there was an even smaller part of him that found the idea of being tickled by the Light Sides-- any of them-- somewhat intriguing.

But, fuck. He was Anxiety, for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t like stuff like that. If he asked to be a part of their stupid little game, they’d never let him live it down.

... But. Maybe if he didn’t ask?

He slowly stopped walking as he thought it over in his head. It wasn’t an awful idea. The Light Sides were weird enough that maybe, if he played his cards right, he might be able to lure them into tickling him without him asking.

Honestly, if the idea had come to him on another day, he probably would’ve shoved it way back to the back of his mind and pretended it had no appeal to him. But he could practically still hear the Light Sides’ laughter ringing in his ears, and as much as he was loathe to admit it, he kinda wanted to be a part of their game. So his plan was made.

~

His first target was Patton, which made sense for a lot of reasons. Patton seemed to tolerate him more than the other Light Sides-- more than tolerate, to be honest; it was as if he actually kinda liked him. Another good thing about Patton was his attitude: while Virgil normally found that much cheer to be a little nauseating, he couldn’t deny that if anyone was going to start an impromptu tickle fight, it would be Patton.

“Thanks for helping me with these cookies, Anxiety!” Patton said, bringing Virgil out of his thoughts and back to the present situation. He leaned against the counter, trying his hardest to appear open and approachable.

“Whatever,” he replied. “I don’t really have anything better to do, so. Uh. Yeah.”

Fuck, why was he always so awkward?

Whatever-- at least Patton didn’t seem to notice or care; instead, he was focused on pulling out all of the supplies and ingredients and laying them on the counter.

“Okay, first up is the dry ingredients!” he instructed. “Kiddo, you wanna hand me the flour?”

Virgil nodded, pushing himself off of the counter. “Where is it?”

“It’s, uh...”

Patton paused, looking around he kitchen, and Virgil smirked a little as he was reminded that the paternal figure wasn’t nearly as good at cooking as he implied.

“Oh! It’s right up there!” he finally chirped, pointing past Virgil to one of the cabinets. Virgil followed his finger to the very top shelf of the cabinet.

His eyes widened. Finally, an opportunity.

As casually as possible, he moved to the cabinet and braced on hand on the counter. The other hand, he raised high in the air, stretching out his entire body and putting himself in a very vulnerable position. He even stood on his tiptoes as he stretched, hoping Patton would take the hint and deliver what Virgil wanted.

He reached for the flour for as long as he reasonably could, but after about ten seconds, he had no choice but to grab it and pull it down. He turned around, only to find Patton carefully measuring out baking soda, not even paying attention to Virgil’s attempts at vulnerability.

Virgil kicked himself internally, and after a moment he moved forward and dropped the flour onto the counter.

“Here,” he said shortly. Patton turned, giving him a wide smile.

“Thanks, bud!” he said earnestly, opening the bag and grabbing his measuring cup. “Wanna do this one for me while I get started on the eggs?”

Virgil blinked. He’d kinda forgotten that his whole excuse for hanging out with Patton was baking cookies. “Um, sure.”

Patton gave him yet another sunny smile, and Virgil felt compelled to give him a small one in return as he accepted the measuring cup from him.

The two worked together, measuring and mixing ingredients as Patton chattered away. It was-- kinda nice, to be real? Like, maybe Virgil should offer to do this more often, and if he weren’t in one of the most massive lee moods he’d ever been in in his life, he’d probably be able to appreciate it more.

“Alright, time to get these babies on a cookie sheet!” Patton announced, handing a big spoon for Virgil to use. “And afterwards, don’t tell Logan, but we’re totally gonna lick the bowl.”

Virgil nodded, but he didn’t wanna give up on his mission just yet. “Um... can I, uh, get anything else for you?”

Patton turned and looked at him, blinking in surprise before his smile brightened.

“Well, sure, kiddo!” he replied. “There are some chocolate chips on the top shelf, do we wanna add some of those?”

He pointed to the cabinet that was right above them, and Virgil’s heart beat faster. This was it.

“Sure,” he replied as casually as possible. “I’ll get them.”

He placed a hand on the counter to brace himself, and raised the arm closest to Patton as high as he could reach, pretending to scrabble around for the bag of chocolate chips for a few seconds longer than necessary. He even angled his body as subtly as he could, so that his midriff was practically in Patton’s face as he left himself totally exposed.

But nothing happened.

Virgil frowned, but after a few seconds grabbed the bag from the cabinet anyway, lowering himself back to the floor as he broke the seal on the baggie.

“Here,” he muttered, passing it to Patton without making eye contact. There was the slightest pause, but then the bag was lifted from his hand with no more than a cheery, “Thanks!”

Virgil felt himself suppress a sigh as he helped Patton mix in the chocolate chips. Well. On one hand, he got to spend some time with Patton (and even got cookies out of the deal). On the other hand, his genius plot to get tickled had failed with his first target. It was time for target number two.

~

The sound of operatic singing through the halls of the Mind Palace lead Virgil directly to his next target.

He sighed as he nibbled on one of the chocolate chip cookies he and Patton had made, trying to dispel some of his nervous energy before he reached the living room. It wasn’t even just nerves about his current... desires (although there were plenty of those inside of him right now) but-- fuck, he didn’t do this, he didn’t hang around in the common areas like the rest of them, and if it would be totally weird for him to even try, and they were gonna get angry at him, and it would make getting to know them even more difficult in the future-- 

“Oh, Anxiety.” 

A voice full of suspicion snapped him back to reality. He blinked and realized that he’d made it to the living room, where Roman was standing with some sheet music in hand, rehearsing for some musical, based on how loudly he’d been singing moments before.

“To what do I owe the displeasure?” he continued, eyes narrowed sharply. Virgil mentally shook himself and put on his trademark ‘evil’ smirk.

“Hey there, Princey,” he drawled, holding out the Tupperware container in his hand. “Wanna cookie?”

Roman peered down at the peace offering like it was a bomb. “From you? What, are they poisoned?”

“Yep, I poisoned the cookies,” Virgil deadpanned. “That’s why I’m eating one right in front of you, genius.”

He counted the look of embarrassed realization on Roman’s face as a small victory. 

“Well-- well, you might’ve poisoned all but one of them, just to throw me off!” Roman added haughtily. “So, ha!” 

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “Ha.” He looked at Roman for a moment more before taking another bite. “Well, you were rude to me, so now you get no cookies.”

“What-- hey!” Roman replied indignantly. He moved to Virgil, but the dark side easily held the box out of reach. “Anxiety! That’s not fair!”

“You’re gonna have to work a lot harder than that to get these cookies,” Virgil said smugly. He was all to aware of how exposed he was making himself-- it would take so little effort for Roman to grab his side, or scribble at his armpit, or...

But, as expected, nothing came of it, and instead Roman moved away with a derisive sniff.

“Whatever,” he said, turning away. “Even if they’re not poisoned, you probably added salt instead of sugar and cumin instead of cinnamon--”

Virgil narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “Hey, Patton and I made them together, and they’re actually good, so--"

Suddenly Roman's arm shot out, taking advantage of Virgil's distraction to swipe a cookie from the box. “Ha! Got one, thank you!”

Virgil blinked. “You--"

He cut himself off at the genuinely triumphant grin on Roman's face, and it took more willpower than he would've admitted to keep from smiling along.

"Yes, yes, you’re very smart," he said, flopping on the couch and rolling his eyes. "Shut up.”

As he reclined against the sofa, he let his eyes drift shut (insomnia's a bitch, even for a man on a mission to get wrecked), but very quickly it became clear that the other side was going to make a fuckin' production out of eating this cookie.

“Mmm... Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!" Roman pondered with his mouth full. He waved his arms emphatically as he continued, "This is just the most scrumptious, the most divine, the most splendiferous cookie I’ve ever--”

Virgil's eyes snapped open. “Are you always this dramatic and loud? I’m trying to relax.”

That caught the creative side's attention. Roman turned to look at Virgil with his regular suspicion back in his eyes.

“Relax? Here?”

His tone made Virgil tense up behind his cocky facade. “What about it?”

A few second went by as Roman looked at him skeptically. “Nothing, it’s just... You’re always in your room, hiding away like a hermit in a cave.”

“Hiding?" Virgil repeated, eyes narrowed. "What, from you? Not likely.”

Roman moved closer, suddenly leaning over Virgil's laid out form and coming just inches away from his face.

“Aw, don't tell me that I scare you, little Anxiety?”

With that one sentence, Virgil mood came back even stronger than before. There was something in Roman’s voice-- either his teasing tone or his babyish words-- that made Virgil’s stomach do a completely rude and uncalled-for flip, but he merely rolled his eyes.

“The only thing scary about you is your ego,” he retorted. He scanned Roman up and down before closing his eyes again. “Otherwise, you’re just soft.”

Roman scoffed, turning to leave. “Shut up.”

“Make me, loser.”

He watched Roman’s back as he froze in place, and slowly the creative side turned back around.

“You wanna say that again?”

Virgil felt his breath catch, but he forced himself to stay calm. Now was his chance.

He opened his eyes, shooting Roman the cockiest smile he could muster.

“What, make me?”

The prince was glowering at him, his arms folded across his chest. When he spoke, it was in a deep, smooth voice that sent a shiver down Virgil’s spine.

“You don’t want me to make you.”

Virgil smirked, folding his arms behind his head and gazing up at Roman with a smug look on his face.

“I’d like to see you try, Princey.”

That was it. Roman’s eyes narrowed, dark and competitive, and Virgil had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing preemptively.

“You’re gonna regret that,” he muttered lowly, stalking over to Virgil and-- holy shit, he actually straddled Virgil’s waist and placed his hands on either side of his torso, and this was happening, this was happening, this was--

“Oh my goodness gracious, there it is!”

Roman voice derailed Virgil’s train of thought, and he blinked in confusion at the creative side, who wasn’t even looking at him anymore.

“What--?”

Roman laughed lightly, reaching over Virgil’s head and pulling something out from between the couch cushions.

“My sketchbook!” he said triumphantly, shifting off of Virgil and flipping through the pages. “Finally, I’ve been looking for it forever. I had this great idea where I can use a mix of paint and glitter glue to--”

Virgil’s head spun with the shift in the conversation as Roman rambled about his newest project. The anticipatory tension in his stomach started to lessen, leaving him feeling dazed and confused.

“Um, you-- so-- you--”

Roman wasn’t even listening to him; he easily stood up from the couch-- and Virgil definitely did not try to lean into his touch as he moved away, shut up-- and moved toward the door.

“I must get started right away! My paintbrushes aren’t going to wait any longer!”

He hurried out of the room, leaving Virgil alone on the couch, face flushed and mind full of visions of how exactly he wanted Roman to use those paintbrushes.

He dropped his face into his hands. Why was this so hard?

~

The rest of the afternoon passed without another little event like that-- Virgil had been so flustered, he’d had to go back to his room for several hours, alternating between screaming into a pillow at his own awkwardness, and daring to reminisce about the feeling of Roman's weight pinning him down.

This was such a bad idea. Not only were there a million ways it could go wrong (he could make a fool of himself, he could genuinely cross someone's boundaries on accident, his plan could be found out and his desires could be rejected-- the list goes on) but now he also had to deal with coming so tantalizing close to what he wants more than anything, only to have it slip just out of his reach.

He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night, flopping back on his bed--

pressed against the couch cushions, Roman easily holding you down with one hand as the other searches all over for the exact spot to make you beg for mercy, which you know he won't give you, he wants to make you scream--

Immediately he shot up again, face flushed. God, he was jumpy tonight, and that was saying something. He stood up, stepping cautiously around the piles of clothes on the floor to work some of his jitters out. He tried to recall some of the simple exercises Logan had shown him once to help relax him before bed: rolling his neck and shoulders, twisting back and forth to crack his back, raising his arms and stretching them high to the sky--

Patton right behind you, grabbing your hands and holding them nice and tight as he laughs and whispers in your ear, taking full advantage of your riding-up shirt to spider all over that one tickle spot just above your belly button--

His arms snapped down with a choked-off gasp.

Okay. Being in his room was fucking with him. That was definitely why he was feeling jittery and twitchy and sensitive to his own shirt rubbing against his skin. No other reason.

... He had to get out of there.

Grabbing his phone and flipping up his hood, Virgil slid back out into the hallway. It was later in the evening, past dinner time (well, past the time the Light Sides had dinner-- his dinner would involve cold leftovers eaten in front of the fridge at 2 AM) and the Mind Palace was quiet.

Well... mostly quiet.

Virgil crept down the hall to the top of the stairs. From the top, he could make out some sound coming from the living room-- no laughter this time, thankfully, but some quiet droning noises coming from the TV. Probably Patton or Roman-- Logan didn't watch much TV.

Virgil stood with one hand clasped to the stair railing like a life line. He gnawed on his lip, a fluttery, delicate feeling lighting up his chest.

He wanted to try this. There were very few things Virgil ever, ever wanted to try... but he wanted to try this. It was clearly something that was normal among the Light Sides, and-- and despite what he'd previously thought, they don't actually... seem to despise his company. This was-- this was something he could ask for, even just to ask, and even he could admit that the idea of one of them saying yes wasn't impossible.

All at once he lunged down the stairs, feet thumping loudly as he got closer to the living room. He would do it-- he'd go right over to the couch and shove his feet onto someone's lap and surely then, surely then, someone would take pity on him and just freaking tickle him already!

Virgil rounded the corner into the living room, and before he could question himself he hopped over the arm of the couch and threw himself down on the cushions, shoving his feet directly onto the lap of the side sitting at the other end of the couch.

Immediately, he felt two inquisitive eyes boring into him in bewilderment.

"... Anxiety?" Logan asked. "Are you alright?"

Aaaaaaand there went all of Virgil's confidence. He hadn't planned for Logan to be there, not now, not when his mood was at an all time high and he was face to face with the person least likely to do anything about it.

Virgil ignored the tense, mortified feeling in his stomach. “Yup.” A beat, and then he pulled out his phone, as if he hadn't just jumped over the couch just to put his feet in Logan's lap--

“Can I... do something for you?” Logan continued.

Yes, you can pull my socks off and hold my ankles down and--

“Nope.”

Silence fell once again. Virgil was all too aware of his body, too tense to move a muscle or disrupt Logan any further.

“Is this comfortable for you? To have your feet on my lap?”

But... he'd come this far, he'd already pushed past the walls he'd built between himself and the other sides. If nothing else, if this plan failed and he never got what he wanted, at least he could say that he tried.

He shrugged. “Yeah."

He felt Logan's eyes on him a moment longer.

“Very well, then.”

Logan turned back to the TV, and Virgil felt himself wavering already. This was maybe his most ill-conceived idea yet-- they weren't even doing anything together, not really, and try as he might he couldn't think of any way to engage Logan in conversation about anything, let alone anything related to tickling--

“Hey, gang!”

Virgil froze, his stomach plummeting. He shot a desperate glance at Logan, but the logical side paid him no mind as Patton and Roman entered the room, carrying snacks and blankets.

“Ah,” Logan said, turning to the two of them without another glance in Virgil’s direction. “I had forgotten that was tonight.”

Virgil couldn’t help letting out a sigh of frustration, making Roman raise an eyebrow.

“Oh, and I suppose you’re just too cool to deign to join our movie night, huh, Doom and Gloom?”

“Now, Roman, don’t be mean,” Patton gently chastised, placing the snacks on the table and beaming down at Virgil. “We’re happy to have you with us, Anxiety! It’s about time you start joining our group activities.”

Like tickle fights? Virgil thought but didn't say. His ever-growing lee mood was making him feel all fuzzy, and all he could think about as he looked between the three other sides was Patton’s hands, Logan’s fingers, and Roman’s voice, all teasing and tormenting him in unison.

“Whatever,” he finally said, forcing himself to shrug blithely. “I don’t really care--”

He cut himself off with a choked gasp as Roman leaned down and abruptly picked up Virgil into a bridal carry. They stayed still as Patton sat down next to Logan, rearranging the blankets and chattering innocently about what movie to watch, but all Virgil could focus on was the feeling of Roman’s hands on his body and the teasy, squirmy feeling building up in his chest and stomach.

“Are you staying with us or not?” Roman asked lowly, and Virgil had to fight the urge to squeak as his warm breath hit his ear. 

“Uh-- sure.”

Roman hummed, and then he was leaning forward, dropping Virgil into Patton’s lap with his feet resting on Logan’s thighs.

“Woah!” Patton chuckled, looking at Virgil with amusement. “Comfy, kiddo?”

Virgil face flushed red. “I-- I didn’t--”

“He’s gonna stay anyway, and we all know he likes to sit in weird places, so,” Roman explained, flopping down on the couch next to Patton and throwing an arm over the back of the couch. He pulled a pillow into his lap and gently pushed Virgil back by his shoulder, until the Dark Side somehow found himself stretched between all three of them on the couch.

“Anxiety, is this acceptable for you?” Logan asked distantly, and Virgil peeked up to find him observing him closely. Virgil froze in his gaze for what felt like far too long, but eventually managed a short nod.

Patton clapped. “Awesome! Now we all get to hang out together. It’ll be so fun!”

He leaned forward to grab the remote, and Virgil swore he could feel his hands as they ghosted over his stomach. He squirmed minutely, both hoping that no one would call him out on how flustered he was, and praying that they would.

This was way more than he was expecting.

"Ah," Logan said as the movie began playing. "I do love this opening number."

He moved like he was folding his hands in his lap, but really, he placed his hands directly onto the tops of Virgil's ankles. The music started, and Logan-- Logan tapped out a rhythm against Virgil's skin, matching the tempo of the music on the TV.

Virgil clenched his jaw so quickly he wondered if they could hear it. It... didn't tickle, not really. The touch was too light, too quick, too inconsequential to really light his nerves in any way. But the anticipation was there, bubbling inside him, and he found himself shifting his legs restlessly at the touch.

"Is something wrong, Anxiety?" Logan asked, and Virgil paused. It-- it must've been his imagination, that spark in Logan's eye that matched the spark in Virgil's stomach. "No," he said, just slightly breathless. Logan hummed and returned his eyes to the screen.

Then his hands moved: one hand tapping more firmly against his ankle, and the other running its nails along the top of Virgil's foot.

Virgil tensed every muscle in his legs; it was so much worse this time-- not only did being stretched out make Virgil feel so much more vulnerable, but now there were two other people he had to hide his reactions from. Roman was right there, for God's sake, his face mere inches above Virgil's-- Virgil had to turn his head completely toward the TV just to hide the small smile that was already on his face.

He stayed in that position as the movie played, but he couldn't tell you anything that was happening on the screen. All he could focus on was Logan's fingers as they slowly migrated from trailing the top of his foot, to tapping directly over his socked toes, to drawing delicate circles along the ball of his foot. His other hand stayed on Virgil's ankle-- like a restraint.

Virgil felt flushed, and prayed that the dark lighting of the room would cover it. Distantly he heard Patton laughing, and he could feel Roman's chest rumble where it was pressed against his shoulder.

And then he felt Logan take all five fingers right to the center of Virgil's sole and tickle.

"Nah-hahaha!" Virgil screamed, yanking his leg back and just barely missing Patton's face with his knee. He felt both Patton and Roman jump underneath him.

"Anxiety, are you okay?" Patton asked in a panicked voice. He didn't even seem bothered that Virgil had almost thrown his knee into his nose.

Roman looked down at Virgil with bewilderment. "Jiminy Crickets, is the movie that funny to you?"

“Ah,” Logan said. “My hypothesis was correct.”

Virgil froze.

Patton quirked his head. “You have a hypothesis?”

Roman eyed down at Virgil suspiciously for just a moment more before gesturing to Logan. “Please, Teach, explain."

Alarm bells went off in Virgil's head. He was suddenly desperate to leave the entire situation before it was too late, but Logan's hand resting on his ankle felt like a vice he couldn't escape.

“Well," Logan began in his lecture voice, "for the past few hours, Anxiety has been expressing an interest in becoming closer with the three of us through quality time, amicable banter, and excessive physical contact. The physical contact is really what gave it away, but it all comes down to the fact that this change in behavior occurred immediately after Anxiety walked in on our... roughhousing this morning.”

Virgil was distracted by the way Logan tried to avoid saying the word tickle (and man, Virgil thought, it’d be so much fun to see him forced to say it, oh my god shut up brain) but Patton’s gasp of understanding brought him back to his present situation. He looked away from the moral side, but to his distress he found himself face to face with Roman, who was looking at him with a growing interest.

“Wait a minute,” he said slowly. Virgil squirmed.

“Shut up.”

“Are you telling me--”

“Princey, I swear to God, if you don’t stop talking right now--”

Suddenly Patton’s hand was on his leg, his fingers pressing in just above his knee, and Virgil’s words turned into a choked gasp.

Patton quirked his head. “Are you ticklish, kiddo?”

Virgil’s mouth opened and shut. “I-- I--”

And of course, Logan chose that moment to drag his nails all the way down Virgil’s foot, the hand resting on Virgil's ankle suddenly tightening to keep him from jerking away as his fingers wiggled right against Virgil's tickle spots.

Virgil couldn’t help it: he squealed, loudly, and immediately buried his face in his hands.

“That seems to be the answer to that question,” Logan said, sounding far too pleased with himself for Virgil’s taste. “The more important question, however, is whether or not Anxiety wants to be tickled. Although I believe we know that answer to that question, as well.”

Even with his face behind his hands, Virgil felt all three pairs of eyes on him.

"I--" he squeaked, then coughed, blatantly stalling for time as his mind spun in circles. "I-- um-- you don't-- I guess--"

"Kiddo, is that really what you've been trying to do all day long?" Patton asked gently. Virgil made one short, choked sound, and nodded rapidly.

"... So when I told you to be quiet earlier," Roman said slowly, "and you said 'make me'... that was you trying to get tickled?"

A beat, and then Virgil nodded again. He quickly debated the merits of allowing himself to be swallowed by the floor.

"Well..."

Logan's voice was laced with something that Virgil was wholly unprepared for.

"It would be a shame," he continued nonchalantly, "if Anxiety came so far out of his figurative shell only to not receive any recognition or praise for how difficult that must have been. Perhaps some positive reinforcement will help encourage him to continue this behavior in the future."

Logan didn't even have to finish his sentence before Roman dove for Virgil's wrists. Virgil yanked as hard as he could, but Roman was in a better position and easily managed to pull his arms above his head. Immediately Virgil's fight or flight instincts kicked in, and he was about to start literally kicking (even though his brain was screaming at his body to shut up stop it play dead holy shit they're giving you what you want) before Patton leaned as far over his torso as he could manage, keeping his middle pinned in place.

"Anxiety..." he cooed, actually cooed, and yup Virgil was totally gonna die. "Wanna look at me, sweetheart?"

It took Virgil a second to realize that his eyes were screwed shut in anticipation. He peeked out only to find Patton looking at him with the most soft, loving, mughy-gushy expression Virgil had ever seen, especially directed towards him. It made him feel like he was melting.

"When we play our tickle games," he continued, "we always say 'red' when we need a break. Is that okay for you, too?"

Virgil couldn't even speak, so he gave a jerky nod.

"For safety, we should proceed slowly," Logan said, "in order not to overwhelm him." The way Logan was talking to the others like Virgil wasn't there sent a small thrill down his spine.

"I disagree," Roman replied. "I think our poor, sweet Anxiety has waited much too long already." His upside-down grin made Virgil want to spit curses up at him, except he was pretty sure the only thing that would come out if he opened his mouth were pathetic squeals.

"Where should we begin?" the creative side continued, tracing his thumbs around the soft skin of Virgil's wrist. "His... bright red ears? Or his wiggly hips? Or his bouncy little tummy?"

"Fuck off," Virgil gasped.

Roman clicked his tongue. "Temper! Patton doesn't like swearing!"

"Oh, let him fuss," Patton replied. "This is all very overwhelming for him, it's okay! If I had known you liked tickling too, Anxiety, I would've gladly done it for you a long time ago!"

"I don't--"

Then Virgil gasped, and fell into helpless frantic giggles. In unison Roman and Patton swiveled their heads to look at Logan.

"There's no use in lying now, Anxiety," he said calmly, his fingers flicking and fluttering all over Virgil's soles. "We all know that if you didn't like tickling, you wouldn't let us do this at all. Ergo you must enjoy tickling, more specifically being tickled, otherwise you wouldn't have put yourself in this position in the first place. Does that make sense?"

Virgil couldn't answer, because he was in heaven. Or maybe hell. Logan's fingers were deft and torturous, flitting back and forth faster than Virgil could process. Belatedly he wiggled his feet, trying to hide one behind the other and continuously failing. And damn Logan for real for being so observant, because when he noticed the spot on Virgil's arches that made him kick the hardest, he focused all of his attention there, switching between his feet as fast as he could.

"Wait wait wait, waitwaitwhaihaihaiait!" Virgil couldn't believe the noises that were coming out of his mouth right now. He had never laughed like this around the light sides-- had barely ever laughed at all-- and now they were getting to hear him like this, his giggles embarrassing and dorky and loud--

So loud, in fact, that he barely even heard Logan say, "Patton, would you like a turn?" before ten fingers dove in to vibrate all over his vulnerable, ticklish stomach.

"Nah-ahahahaha!" The shriek that left his lips shocked everyone in the room, and Virgil used the confusion to yank his arms out of Roman's grasp, sitting up and trying to launch off the couch in the same motion. He would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for Patton's meddling arms around his waist.

"Woah!" Patton laughed out. "Easy now, kiddo! Don't wanna waist this chance to get tickled!" On cue he tazed his fingers where they laid in the divots of Virgil's sides, causing the anxious side to jerk and flop like a worm on a string. His hands grappled desperately for Patton's, but he made no progress getting them off before Roman's hand entered his vision.

"Come back here, Gay-Lee Shrilliams!" Roman sang. Blindly, he grappled for Virgil's wrists, grabbing one and yanking him back towards Roman's end of the couch. Virgil was disoriented, and took the time to inhale greedy breaths before he was suddenly flipped around again. Now Logan was sat straddled over his shins, Patton kneeling on the floor beside him, and Roman's chest was pressed against his back with his wrists in each hand.

For a moment there was silence.

"Well," Logan said curtly. "Let's try that again, shall we?"

And immediately his hands were clamped above Virgil's knees, and they were off to the races.

"Ahahahahahahaha!"

"There we are," Logan said, a hint of smugness in his voice as he prodded up and down Virgil's thighs. "We'll have to avoid any further interruptions if we're going to find all of your ticklish spots, Anxiety. Please behave yourself."

"I'm-- you-- nahahaha!" Virgil squealed; Patton had placed his hands on either side of his ribs, and was now squeezing them as if Virgil were a particularly squeaky bagpipe.

"Hold him down!" he called affectionately. "He's a squirmer!"

Virgil gasped through his laughter as the other two followed Patton's instruction; he could feel them rearranging their positions on his arms and legs in order to keep him even more stuck than he already was. Blearily, he turned onto his side as much as possible, facing the back of the couch and weakly attempting to hide his stomach from his ticklers.

"Uh oh, where are you going?" Roman asked, all sugar sweetness. "Is someone trying to hide away? Hm? Big bad Anxiety trying to run away from the tickles?"

Without warning he released one of Virgil's hands, and took it upon himself to use his free hand to investigate all over Virgil's exposed armpit. Virgil spasmed and shrieked. His free hand might as well have not been there at all, considering how absolutely useless it was at protecting his armpit, or his ribs, or--

"Uh oh," Patton cooed, voice sickeningly sweet, and Virgil could only look on in giddy terror as he wiggled his fingers in the air. "Don't think I just forgot about that tummy, Anxiety!"

Just like before, Patton pressed all ten fingers into Virgil's stomach fat, wiggling mercilessly; unlike before, Virgil couldn't shoot himself off the couch with Patton himself kneeling in the way. Logan and Roman had stopped their tickles, but only so they could restrain him even further to avoid another escape attempt.

"Nihihihiehehehehehe!" Virgil didn't even know what he was begging for anymore. For less tickles, or more?

"A ticky-ticky-ticky-ticky-ticky!" Patton sang. "Who's a ticklish goober? Is it Anxiety? I think it is!" He giggled as he easily avoided Virgil's free hand, darting back and forth as it fruitlessly tried to cover his stomach from Patton's wiggling fingers.

Through his teary eyes, Virgil accidentally made eye contact with Roman. He immediately regretted it: both because he saw something akin to actual affection in Princey's eyes (which, gross) but more because he watched that affection slip away to smug mischief.

"Hey, don't be greedy, Padre!" Roman announced. "I want a turn!"

And with that he let go of Virgil's other hand, but the anxious side had no time to do anything about that before he, too, was digging his fingers into Virgil's stomach. Virgil squealed again, arching hid back and curling in on himself over and over in an endless loop. While Patton had no trouble attending to Virgil's tummy pudge, Roman's hands were positioned at the top of his stomach just below his ribs, and he had no issues at all jumping up to pinch and massage along the sensitive bones every few seconds.

"Fascinating," Logan said, and oh god, why did his voice make Virgil feel even more trapped than he already was? "Patton, scoot down a bit. I'd like to try something."

Virgil felt Patton slide his hands slightly up Virgil's torso, still plucking away at his oversensitive nerves like guitar strings.

"Slow down for a moment," Logan instructed, and the others listened, thank God. Virgil took the opportunity to breathe, his eyes screw tightly shut. He couldn't handle seeing Roman's smirk, or Patton's giddiness, or Logan's studying stare.

"I've noticed something in his reactions," the logical side continued. "And I have another hypothesis."

Virgil should've opened his eyes.

If he had, he might've been prepared for when Logan's fingers descended all around his bellybutton and squeezed.

Virgil shrieked. He screamed. He yelled and hollered and wailed and every other synonym he could think of, except he couldn't think at all because Logan was flexing his fingers over and over and over again with terrible, ruthless accuracy. Virgil used all his strength to try to curl up, but with Logan on his hips, Roman behind his back, and Patton in the middle, there was absolutely nothing he could do to protect his tummy from ticklish agony.

"I think we found his favorite spot!" Patton cooed.

Yeah, no fucking shit, Virgil thought wildly. He could barely breathe, his face hurt from smiling, his head was melty with joy, and his innards felt as if he had swallowed a dozen butterflies that continued to dance around inside of him. He felt trapped, and teased, and embarrassed, and desperate, and he--

And he loved it. Oh my God, he loved it. Had he been missing out on this all along?

It took a long, long time before Virgil realized that Logan had stopped. His hands, warm and heavy, laid flat on his stomach, and his palms rubbed firmly against his skin. He blinked his eyes opened-- when had he closed them?-- and realized he was practically lying down again, having slid so much he'd ended up resting his head against Roman's thigh. It took another minute for him to realize that his hand felt strange; looking over, he flushed anew when he saw Patton's large hand wrapped around his own, fingers intertwined. Did Virgil do that?

Reality jolted back into him, and like a bear trap he sprang up and closed in on himself, shrinking away from any touch.

"Um-- I'm done-- red," he stuttered. God, why was he a loser? They had already stopped tickling him, he didn't need to say the safeword-- but his skin still felt alight with nerves, and despite how the whole experience had made him feel, he really didn't think he could handle anymore tonight.

Virgil didn't know why it surprised him that all three of moved back, Logan and Roman scooting to either end of the couch and Patton leaning back on his haunches. It surprised him, but it shouldn't. Because they're them. The light sides, the "others" as he'd always thought of them-- they were nice. Fun. And they cared.

"So..."

And of course, there was Princey to ruin it. Virgil dared to shoot his eyes over and was met with the smuggest goddamn look he's ever seen on Roman's consistently smug face.

"Was it everything you hoped for, sweet Anxiety?" he crowed. Immediately Virgil dropped his face into his hands and groaned.

"Aw, there he goes! Too much sweet talking for such a sourpuss like you?"

Virgil hissed at him, only to hear twin snorts from the other two Sides. He looked up, betrayed.

"Apologies, Anxiety," Logan said, biting his bottom lip as he smiled. Patton was covering his own mouth with both hands. "I can assure you we hold no judgement or mockery for you. It's just that this entire display was... objectively adorable."

"Noooooo..." Virgil whined. He slid down in his seat and covered his face again. His cheeks burned against his palms.

It was only a few seconds before he felt a tap on his knee, and after a moment he lowered his hands enough to peek out beyond his fingers. Patton was there, ducking his head a bit to catch Virgil's eye.

"Was that fun?" he asked gently. A beat. Virgil nodded. "Would you like to do it again?"

Virgil snapped his arms down to his sides and slammed back against his seat. Patton raised his hands placatingly.

"In the future!" he said. "I just mean..."

He looked at the other two Sides before confirming, "Well, I think we all had fun. And we can work out what exactly you're comfortable with later, but... I hope you'd like to do that again sometime."

"Please--" Virgil blurted. "I mean. Yes. I want to. Again."

"Good," Logan said. "Now lay back down."

He looked over, inquisitive, only to flush again as Logan leaned back and patted his lap.

"You can't seriously think I'm gonna fall for that."

"We are not going to tickle you again unless you explicitly ask for it," Logan said (and wow, now Virgil was gonna have to store that away in his anxiety-fantasies, not getting tickled anymore unless he uses his words). "You've just been exerted very quickly in a very short amount of time, you've been anxious and twitchy all day prior to this evening, and even now you're struggling to remain upright."

Virgil blinked; it was true. His head was lolled back against the cushion. His body was tired, it's true, but his mind felt somewhat hazy, somewhat calm. He blinked slowly.

"... Are you gonna put the movie back on?"

Roman scoffed. "Of course we are. We know you need background noise, Sleeping Beauty."

Right. Of course they knew that. Because they knew him, now.

Virgil fidgeted, then nodded. "I'd... I'd like that."

And he did.

[snoopyearss]

Here. Eren Yeager x F. Reader

content warning: suggestive!

Summary: Y/n isn't a party person. That’s not her scene. All she wants to do is stay in her dormroom and listen to slowed and reverbed songs and watch gaming videos on youtube. When her extroverted friends convince her to go to a house party, she’s forced to talk to people she normally doesn't talk to. When she goes to the car for some peace and quiet, someone, one of the most popular playboys at the university by the name of Eren Yeager, decides to keep her company. What could go wrong?

We're bringing back the 2020-2021 anime fanfictions vibes with this one. Alll the stereotypes of a college au fic is in this so spare me the bitching and complaining and just enjoyyyyy

Chapter 1: To Marley's

Your POV

I unlocked the door to my shared dorm with my roommates Hitch and Sasha. The three of us are inseparable, but if there’s a party happening at that very moment, they won’t hesitate to leave me.

No hard feelings though. I don’t like parties. Lame I know, but I can’t stand the idea of everyone in a small room, sweaty, and grinding on each other. Blech. But I digress. I walked into the kitchen and greeted Sasha, who was munching on some chips.

“You’re getting crumbs all over the floor. You know this university housing has a mouse problem.” I groaned. “Yeah, yeah I’ll clean it up. Later. How was class?”

“Fucking long. Nothing new. Professor Hange was talking for HOURS. I love her but geez the lady has energy.” Sasha laughed. “Keeps me awake though. Good thing it’s Friday. You get a break and maaybee, come party with us?” She slipped in.

“You’re not gonna get me to go to a party with you Sash. It’s not happening. I don’t do that.” I opened the cupboard to grab the last pack of pop tarts.

“Ugh come onnn!” She pleaded. “You’re always in that damn room. That’s all you do. For once, come out and have some fun! When's the last time you had se-”

“We aren’t doing this right now. Plus I got homework.” I broke a piece of the cookies and cream pop tart and put it in my mouth. “And that shit won’t be due until next Tuesday. What do you even plan to do anyways?” Sasha cleaned up the crumbs from the kitchen table.

“Well I’m gonna-”

“Wait, don't tell me. You're gonna put your LED lights on, listen to the same 5 slowed songs and watch gaming videos. I’m right, aren't I?” Sasha interrupted. “Well, I found one more song so make that 6. So you're wrong.” I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Hopeless. But I guess that makes you happy. Talk later?” She said while getting out of her seat. I nodded “I’ll get Hitch to persuade you.” She whispered as she walked to her room and closed the door.

“And you still didn’t clean these crumbs off the floor! I don’t want mice!” I yelled then got up to do it since I knew she wasn’t going to do it herself.

₊˚✩彡.

Pussy Poppers

Sasha

You guys wanna go to

That new restaurant that

Opened down the street

From the campus for dinner?

Hitch

ooohhhh

yes. i heard their burgers

were really good!

Y/N Loved “You guys wanna go to that new restaurant that opened down the street from the campus for dinner?”

Y/N

Yeah, let's go!

Sasha

Yaaaayy!

:))))

I locked my phone and put it on the charger and got ready. I put on some music and opened my closet. “I have all these pieces, but not an actual outfit.” I said to myself. Remind me to go shopping. After sometime I managed to get an outfit together then went to do my hair and makeup. I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

“Hey Y/n you got a- here you go with the same slowed and reverbed songs on repeat.” Hitch teased me. “You hating and for what ma’am?” I rolled my eyes.

“Anyways you got a tampon? I ran out.”

“Yeah, in the small drawer next to my desk.” She thanked me and walked out. As soon as I finished, I put on some shoes and walked out of my bedroom to see Sasha munching on the same chips.

“We’re going out to eat, why are you eating now?” Hitch questioned her. “Because I’m hungry? What the fuck?” Hitch snatched the bag from her hands.

“Let's go. And when we get back, clean up this mess please Sasha I’m begging. I don’t want Remy and his friends trying to steal ingredients from our kitchen.” Sasha laughed at Hitch’s joke and got up to put her shoes on.

“They're probably gonna show up as soon as we close this door.” I added and the two laughed. I let the both of them leave before me, as I closed the door and locked it.

We all got into Sasha’s car as we drove to the restaurant. “What’s this restaurant called by the way?” I asked. “I think it’s called Marley’s or something I’m not sure.” Hitch answered and I nodded.

“Y/n, you want aux?” Sasha turned off the bluetooth on her phone so I could connect.

“You're not scared I’ll put on the same slowed songs like I do in my dorm?” I said and they laughed. “Nah. You got good taste.” I went on spotify and put on a song from my playlist.

(Play Borderline by Tame Impala)

“Ooh! I love this song! Sash, turn it up!” Hitch squealed. Sasha indeed turned it up, and rolled the windows down.

It was a cool summer’s night. The wind blew through my hair and on my skin causing little goosebumps. I looked out the window. I watched as the sun went down behind the buildings and tall trees, as the sky became a soft blue and pink cotton candy color. I looked at the mirror on the side of the car, watching Hitch dance in her seat with her eyes closed, feeling the beat. I smiled and turned to look at the sky.

I lived for moments like these. Especially with my friends. Sasha and Hitch mean so much to me. Hitch and I were mutuals on twitter since we shared the same interests. I would like the tweets she wrote and she would retweet mine. Next thing you know we were texting in direct messages. We had facetimed on so many occasions so I knew what she looked like. We wanted to meet up in person and to our surprise, we only lived an hour away from each other. Thus, blossoming our friendship.

I met Sasha through Hitch as well. We both shared our love for food and that's how it started. I love them with all my being.

The song ended and we were coming close to the restaurant. It was PACKED. It wasn't a surprise, I mean, it just opened and it was right near our campus. Sash managed to find a parking spot and we all hopped out. “I can smell the food from here! It’s like I can almost taste it...” She drooled, Hitch shook her head at her. “Your love for food is so scary sometimes.” I joked.

We headed inside, Hitch asking for a table for three and insisting we get a booth seat or else she won't eat. I jokingly rolled my eyes. The waiter did in fact, give us a booth, and we took our seats.

Sasha looked at the menu. “This all looks so good! Ugh I can’t decide! What are you getting Y/n?” She raised her head to look at me. “Hmm. I’m not sure. Can never go wrong with wings and fries. But knowing me I might just get chicken tenders and fries.” I chuckled. “What about you Hitch?”

“Might get this flatbread pizza, the description is convincing me.” I nodded.

Our waiter showed up to take your orders. “Hello, welcome to Marley’s, I’m your waiter Marlowe, Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” We all told him. I turned next to me to see Hitch’s face bright red. Her head was down, looking at her hands placed on her lap, lips formed into a straight line.

“Uh oh. I know that look. You like him, don’t you?” Sasha teased and I laughed. “S-shut up no I don’t!” She stammered out. Causing Sasha to laugh harder. “Oh? Lie one more time.” I teased.

“He..he has a nice face. I guess” She grumbled. Causing Sasha and I to laugh again

After some time, Marlowe came back with our drinks and took our orders for our meals. Sasha of course, ordering more than one entree. One for now, and one for later.

During that time, we talked about our first week of classes and how college life was treating us, then two boys walked up to our table. “Ayo, is that Sasha and Hitch?” The taller boy said. His hair was in a mullet style, and had stubble on his chin and jawline. The other boy had a buzzcut hairstyle. His eyes were big and bold. Both of them were extremely attractive. Everyone here knew each other. Sasha told me they all grew up together. I transferred here so they were all new to me.

“Jean! Connie! Hiii! I haven’t seen you guys in foreverrr!” Sasha got up from her seat to hug them both and they hugged back. “We saw each other last week, when we went to the beach dummy.” Connie laughed. “What’s up you two?” Hitch also gave them hugs.

Well this is awkward. I’m just sitting here.

“This is our friend, Y/n. She’s new to the area.” Hitch introduced me. I gave a smile and waved.

“Woah,” Connie started. “Yeah woah. She’s bad.” Jean finished. I sheepishly smiled.

“I’m Jean, and that bald fuck over there, is Connie.” He introduced both of them, causing Connie to smack Jean’s head.

“Nice to meet you.”

“So, the school year started, meaning summer is ending. Which meansss…” Jean trailed. “End of the Summer party! At the frat house! Next Friday. Please tell me you guys are coming?” Connie finished.

“You know we’ll be there. Y/n too. Right?” Sasha eyed me. I rolled my eyes. I knew she would pull this shit.

“Nah.” I sighed.

“Aww c’mon. It’ll be fun! It’s the perfect way to start off the school year.” Connie beamed.

“How exactly? By getting drunk until you feel insanely sick, just to throw up everywhere, and feel like shit the next day? Yeah I’m good. Y’all be easy.” I ranted.

“So sitting in your bed, watching Corey Kenshin and Berleezy is your idea of a ‘good time’?” Hitch taunted you and laughed.

“Hey, they’re funny ok! And yes it IS my idea of a good time!” I scoffed.

“I mean, she does have a point. They are pretty funny.” Connie said. “See, thank you!”

“But seriously Y/n come onnn. Just come with us for a few, and if you don’t like it, we’ll go home.”

“This is mass manipulation! I feel attacked!” I joked. “Ugh, fine. Don’t make me regret this.” I sighed and gave in. They all cheered and I rolled my eyes. “Yes! Omg. You’re going to have so much fun! We gotta go shopping tomorrow.” Hitch squealed.

“It’s not until next friday? You guys have like a whole week.” Connie asked. “Stay outta women’s business.” Hitch snapped. Connie raised his hands in defense.

“No we should. I need new clothes anyways.” I shrugged and both girls jumped up in excitement.

“Ok, here are your meals. Oh! Hey Connie. Jean.” Marlowe placed the meals on the table, dapping the two boys up. “What’s up man? How’s the new job treating you?” Jean asked. “It’s great. I’m able to serve so many gorgeous girls.” he eyed Hitch, making her face turn red again. Sasha and I snickered. “Say Marlowe, you going to the End of the Summer party next Friday?” Sasha questioned.

“Yeah I’ll be there. You guys going?” We all nodded. He smiled. “Great. Then I’ll see you guys there. I’m on the clock so I’ll talk to you guys later.” We waved and he left.

“Alright, you two, leave. I’m hungry and I want to eat.” Sasha ordered the two boys.

“See you girls on Friday. Y/n, I hope to see you there.” Jean smirked. “No promises!”

They walked back to their table and we got to eating.

₊˚✩彡.

After we ate our meals and Sasha paid for the bill, we all filed in her car and went home.

I unlocked the door to our flat and kicked off my shoes. Hitch handed Sasha a broom and Sasha sweeped up the crumbs from earlier.

“I can’t believe we managed to convince Y/n to come party with us.” Hitch said in awe. “Yeah me neither.” I grumbled.

“You’ll have so much fun Y/n. I promise. This is like one of the biggest parties of the year. Jean, Connie, and Eren throw one every year. They’re legendary.” Sasha said as she sweeped.

I frowned. “Who’s Eren?”

Hitch cleaned the dishes that were in the sink. “Another one of our friends. He’s pretty chill. Just don’t piss him off. He can get kinda mean.”

“He’s also like a major playboy. Slept with almost every girl at our highschool and possibly here too.” Sasha placed the crumbs in the trash can. “He’ll see you as some kind of new prey so don’t let him get under your skin. And don’t get attached. He doesn’t do relationships.” She warned.

“Good to know. And now what does he look like so I can avoid this walking STD?” I questioned.

“Tall, long brown hair, usually had it in a man bun. Green eyes, has a brow piercing and some ear piercings as well. He also wears a key necklace.” Hitch described him.

He sounds kinda hot…

“And I know you’re thinking “He sounds kinda hot.” Don’t fall for it.” She warned once more.

“I wasn’t!” I scoffed. “Uh huh. Just be careful ok?” I nodded. Not like I was gonna make a pass at him or something. I’m not exactly boy-crazy.

“Now we got that outta the way. Wanna watch a movie?” Hitch asked.

“Sure!” Sasha and I said.

˖◛⁺⑅♡

I started writing this in 2021, after reading every eren college au I could find on wattpad.

[baura-bear]

💕

from this post

oh my gosh it's so difficult to pick one, they're all so great. I've sat here for like 5 minutes trying to choose one so I'm gonna go with Liebgott.

He is (in my opinion) one of the angriest characters and the way he expresses his anger is so interesting. Him taking it out primarily on Web when he returns from the hospital is such a great dynamic and seeing him slowly warm back up to Web is UGH!

I also love the perspective we are given through his eyes as the only Jewish man in the company (besides Sobel ig if we're gonna include him). His scenes in episode 9 are so soul wrenching and the first time i watched the show in like 2020(?) he was someone who stuck out to me and that episode specifically.

as someone who often takes my anger out on people that don't (or sometimes do) deserve to be targets of it i relate to him so heavily (even if i'm not a war worn veteran you get the gist) and it's just really refreshing to see his rage in a show that often doesn't show that side of the war? we see a lot of grief, regret, etc. but anger isn't really a headlining emotion.

he's also just really pretty and i like staring at him

[asexualbookbird]

were there any other anime that you enjoyed?

ANOTHER BIG ASK LMAO

I was big into Haruhi Suzumiya (God Knows... almost made it onto that list of fave songs not in english lol) and Toradora for the LONGEST time! One of my high school teachers actually gave me half the manga volumes I own because he knew I loved it so much. I wore my hair like Haruhi every day for. A year? Maybe?? At least???? TRULY I WAS IN DEEP. Someone ruined them for me though lol still trying to win them back in my heart.

Naruto was like. 60% of my personality in middle school and high school. I think I've cosplayed every iteration of Itachi and some Sasuke too. Met some of my favorite people through cosplaying loser Uchihas. The music kicks ass. Kishimoto doesn't know how to write women. Fanfic authors always came to his rescue.

Yakitate! Japan. I don't have much more to say about that. Except it's VERY good and VERY fun and I never got into Food Wars because YAKITATE! JAPAN IS RIGHT THERE!!!!!!! I should probably get into Food Wars though.

Tokyo Mew Mew was FORMATIVE!!!! It's the series I read my first fanfic from! I made my own mewmew sona a while back (like. a few years ago. not in middle school LOL) it will ALWAYS hold a place in my heart.

MADOKA! Listen. I respect why people don't like the series. Girls deserve more than suffering. BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH LMAO HOMURA MY GIRL, and the visuals UGH THE VISUALS!!!! IT'S SO PRETTY!!!!

Also pretty was Made in Abyss, but again, I fully recognize why people stay away from it. But it's SO GOOD AND SO PRETTY AND OUCHIE. Perhaps there is a theme here,

I didn't get into Love Live! when it was still airing, and never really watched the anime until I got VERY into the rhythm game a couple year ago (I'd been playing way back in 2014, but stopped when I got a new phone and lost my old account but downloaded it around 2020 as something to do) and im kind of kicking myself because now all the merch of the OG girls is GONE! GIVE ME MY MAKI MERCH!!!!! I'm still very salty about the mobile game fiasco lmao but its okay because Project Sekai will save me :)

I feel like I could go on, but then it'd just turn into "what anime have you watched?" because im very bad at watching anime so I've only ever finished shows I truly like (or if a friend has sat me down and said 'we're watching this now :3' ) Full Metal Alchemist was also Formative, but I never actually sat down and watched Brotherhood all the way through lol I've seen Death Note a half dozen times I think which is weird because I would NOT consider it a fave yet it's probably the one I've seen most other than Haruhi (endless eight DNI)

I have not watched anything recently, but I love the Dungeon Meshi manga, and I think I might watch..fri....frieren? The little elf girl. That looks cute. It will probably destroy me.

[teaveetamer]

I am curious, I've been watching the discourse going on for a bit without getting involved and at this point I feel like I have to ask.

What is the desired result here? Why are you engaging in the discourse at all? Clearly this is not a discussion, so what do you gain from interacting at all?

(I will send this to several people, just out of curiosity)

Alright anon allow me to explain what's been going on with me on my end.

The year is 2019 (yes, we're doing this). FE3H has just come out. I play it and rather enjoy it actually. I've got a couple of ships that I'm into, some fanfic I want to write, etc.

I go onto Reddit to chat with people about the game. Now I don't really like Edelgard, but I'm chill, I'm open to discussing the game and getting alternate viewpoints. Initially it's more or less fine.

Then some posts start coming up. People start getting really aggressive about this. I'm trying to have a conversation, but it feels like their goal is just to shout me down. I get in arguments, I get in fights, I get misgendered, I get called a bigot, I get frustrated, I get ablest rhetoric spewed at me, and I waste my life.

Stop. Take a look at myself. I'm literally sitting here arguing about Edelgard von fucking Hresvelg for hours of my day. I'm annoyed, I'm irritated, I'm always in a bad mood. Ugh.

Now it's 2020, early times I think. I resolve to stop looking at Reddit so much with regard to this game. It's not worth the hassle and the frustration. I should be, like, out doing things and having fun not wasting my time arguing with a bunch of weirdos on the internet. I want to have fun again, not be angry. I delete the Reddit app from my phone and install a blocker on my web browsers, even.

Start using Tumblr for more than just shippy stuff, and find people who agree with me, who are saying the things I've been saying. I stop feeling crazy for liking the game the way I like it. I make a few posts on my main blog but you know what, I don't really want my main blog embroiled in this shit, though I want to add my voice to the conversation. So I make this side blog.

Make some posts. I get flooded with asks from other people about the game, saying they agree with me and they're thankful that they aren't the only ones who think the way I do. I think within like a month of existing this blog had double the posts of my main blog (which has existed since 2016, so for four years at that point), most of them from asks.

The blog was initially for me to vent and throw in my two cents here and there, but I figure I'll keep it around in regular use because people seem to be benefiting from it.

Early on I tried to establish a rule for myself that 1) I wasn't going to go looking in any main tags (e.g. the Edelgard or Edelgard Positive tags) for stuff to reblog or talk about, and 2) I wasn't going to go into any Edelgard specific spaces looking for stuff to talk about (e.g. r/Edelgard or even Dimitri-critical tags). However, anything maintagged that was looking for a fight (e.g. a Dimitri-critical post in the main Dimitri tag) was fair game.

I'm not perfect, but I did try to stick to that rule. I talked about things that happened on the main FE Sub or FEH sub. I did my best to encourage my anons to not go seeking out stuff to bring back to me from Edelgard spaces. After all, this blog was meant for venting and having my own personal space where I could talk about my views without getting accosted. I thought it would be petty for me to go bring back stuff from other places.

Moving into 2021, I was kind of done with 3H. I was still getting like dozens of asks a day about 3H discourse. I'd answer one and five more would pop up in their place. By now we're like, well beyond 3x or 4x the amount of posts I have on my main blog. I'm getting kind of tired of it. It's a lot of the same points over and over and over. We're in pandemic times, so I can't even walk away from it and do something else IRL for a while before coming back to it. I feel like I'm wasting my life again. I feel like I've said anything and everything I could have possibly said about the subject. I ask people to stop talking to me about Edelgard. Eventually, everyone mostly obliges.

I still chat about it here and there, but I'm chatting about other stuff too. This blog is still about venting just about venting about more than 3H. A lot more petty fandom shit in general.

Now we're in, like, 2022. I don't remember exactly, Pandemic Time makes some of this a bit of a blur. I notice a new kid on the block, doing basically what I'd noticed happening on Reddit. Going into the wrong tags. Picking fights. Posting things in the wrong tags. Picking fights.

I'm over it, I'm done, I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I block the dude. Most people I know block the dude or ignore him. We figure he's new here, he just hasn't learned the etiquette.

He gets increasingly hostile. I'm not really paying that much attention, just getting info about it from the fringes. Again, we figure eventually he'll just go away if we ignore him.

Then Nilsh gets harassed off the platform.

My mutuals are getting increasingly hostile anons and combative reblogs.

At this point I'm relatively unaffected. I guess because I don't tag anything, so he didn't find it.

And you know what? I'm still like "he'll get bored. He'll leave eventually." We were all like "just ignore him, he'll leave eventually."

People try to explain tags to him. Try to help him curate his experience so he quits arguing with people who don't want to talk to him all the time.

Then Moonlitboar gets harassed off of the platform. They take the URL. He's bragging about having done it. He's spreading this vitriol to other platforms and convincing others to join in on the harassment.

And I'm like. Okay. This dude isn't leaving. This is what he wants. His goal isn't to talk about this game—his goal is to hurt us.

I unblock him and respond. We go back and forth. He stops... for a time.

Here's the thing. I didn't re-block him after that, and I didn't do that for a couple of reasons. First, because at this point I'm still hopeful that he's just unaware of what he's doing, and that he'll acknowledge how messed up it was and apologize. I'm all for second chances. The second, because he's dangerous and I'm worried that if I don't keep tabs on him, he's going to try to hurt me.

It's not long until he's doing the same shit again. He tries harassing BWIIDT, he tries harassing FantasyInvader, he tries harassing Ezra, he tries harassing RandomNameless, he tries harassing Emblemxeno, he tries harassing Gascon, he tries harassing people I've literally never even heard of. I keep calling him out, and he tries harassing me. He calls me hysterical, accuses me of acting like a victim. Tries to make me feel stupid and small by saying I don't have anything worth his attention to respond to.

(By the way dude, my point about that was that you were being misogynistic but treating discourse like it was only worth responding to if it came from a man. See, I noticed that you only liked to attack people you thought were cishet white men like yourself, even if we were saying basically the same things at times. The fact that you continue not "debunking" any of my posts doesn't upset me; it proves my point)

He blocks me. I can't say for certain why, but my bet is that he realized people were actually listening to what I had to say, and having a queer woman question the actions he purported to be for the benefit of queer women wasn't a great look for him.

He's still trying to harass me. He's taking screenshots, he's using my name, he's @ ing me. He's casually lying about me. He's using sexist rhetoric implying that I shouldn't be listened to because I'm just too ~in my feelings~ and he's the true victim of my hysterical victimized martyr complex (geez, you sure a a feminist ally for that one, aren't you?)

You know, I did actual research when one of my anons accused him of being a trump supporter and tried to lie about him? I burned an entire evening on that, because I didn't want to be spreading lies about people. Meanwhile he lets his anons casually and repeatedly misgender me without so much as a passing correction, and he hangs out with people who spread lies and slander accusing others of heinous crimes.

And you know what? If I knew it was going to be like this? I'd still waste that evening and correct that anon. It's not about getting a petty win or convincing people he's a bad person for me. It's about being respected.

So to get back to your question. Why am I doing this? Because I have to. Because I know that if I don't he's going to hurt someone else, just like how he hurt Nilsh and Moonlitboar. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, after all. We ignored him and he didn't leave, so now we have to say something.

What's the desired result? I want to be respected, like I've tried to respect them for almost the entirety of this blog's existence. I want my boundaries acknowledged. I want him to stop hurting people for no other reason than to hurt them, because they don't agree with him.

When will I stop? When he stops.

[chevvy-yates]

10 songs 10 people

got tagged by @lokiina, @elvenbeard and @morganlefaye79. th <3

Instruction: use your "On Repeat" playlist — can be Spotify or any other site you use.

—

the only playlists I have are on spotify and they are all character specific, so I'll switch after 2 songs to the next character playlist. I could have used my itunes but I do not have any playlist there because normally I intend to listen hardcore to just one artist for a looong time being and that would be boring af.

—

So, here we go:

from Hizumi's V-Kei favs:

from Vijay's 80s and 90s favs:

from Ryder's rave the night away favs:

Thyjs' classical and 50s-70s classic rock favs:

Jaysen's favs (that I still need to sort):

—

tagging:

@nervouswizardcycle, @angynomadsimp, @gloryride, @humberg, @ugh-my-back, @genocidalfetus, @jaymber, @theviridianbunny, @imaginarycyberpunk2023 and @vivanightcity.

Als always, no pressure andsorry if you got already tagge (we're just one big family here with every one tagging everyone it seems xD)

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

For the toh asks, 2?

HI YES!! Okay!! Thank you sm for the ask and creating the list!!

(Here is the ask game for those who want to follow and ask!)

2.) Ramble about your favorite character of all time as much as you want. We're listening

Oh my titan. WHERE TO EVEN START??

So my favorite character is probably either Amity or Luz. Mostly Amity but I kin Luz and ship Lumity so fucking hard like UGH I LOVE THEM.

BUT LIKE WHY DO I LOVE HER, right??

Me as a person just resonates with Amity a lot. Even though I found the show as I was 17 going on 18 and not at all in the same age range as her. When I first saw the show back during 2020 in the pandemic; I'd seen an Instagram edit. My entire feed was blowing up about this show. Like "Oh my god these two characters are really hinted at being gay!!" Because Enchanting Grom Fright literally was such a big thing, and even though I had no idea what this show would become; it literally was an eye-opening experience.

As I said, I was 17; but I was out as a lesbian (not nonbinary yet but a month or so later I did), and for such a long time I was struggling to find actual mf representation that fit and represented me. That's one of the reasons why I believe shows like TOH are unbelievably important to have-- because that representation can literally save people's lives. Anyway... Finding out that Amity was cannonly a lesbian (or was suspected to be subtext wise) and Luz bisexual, my entire demeanor was like "this. This is absolutely the content I needed when I was younger."

And I love Amity for many reasons, not just as a representational aspect but as her character develops and grows, she starts to change over the course of the show in a way that is healthy. She's realizing how to act for herself-- something I also related to because of semi-not-so-great parents. And her making decisions for what SHE wants.

Her and Luz's relationship as well, it's so undermined as just "oh they're gay" not just that but the fact that Luz is able to show and reveal the parts about Amity as herself, and help her grow; not only as a person but into someone she wants to be?? Amazing. Their relationship is real and feels truthful. Especially when they have that miscommunication about Luz's Dad and them just talking. They aren't perfect, but they communicate, and they do their best to be there for one another.

And not only that but Amity being so worried about not being a good girlfriend for Luz because she cares a lot. Just feeling insecure, but like Luz being her; she doesn't care!! She likes Amity as she is, and she doesn't even think twice if she's "good enough" or not because to Luz, she always is. In combination of that thought too it's like, Amity being afraid of rejection because she feels that Luz can see her for who she truly is despite what guard she projects and holds up from and on the behalf of her family name from the earlier of S1. Just the whole part where Amity over the course of the story changes and is actively flawed in ways that doesn't constitute for dismissing that previous growth that Luz helped with.

She is flawed but she is herself.

Also, not to even cover her designs throughout the show, I absolutely love her timeskip design. The undercut?? Absolutely love. Every fit she has, she absolutely rocks. Same with Luz. They just both look so slay. The absolute power couple.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that not only because of Amity but also as a whole with TOH (just in this case of her because she's my favorite character) that representation that Dana brought to the table with TOH was so impactful to me and like- Amity is just so cool. I love her.

[anxiousgaypanicking]

Thigh Riding

!a series of me uploading the kinktober fics/drabbles i made years ago because i didnt back in 2020 for some fuckin reason. if these are bad/poor quality its because theyre old, and ive improved since then :)!

Demus (Remus x Janus) Day 3: thigh riding Warnings: degradation, biting, grinding

Remus wipes the sweat from his forehead, as he and his bandmates head backstage. They had just finished a two hour long show, and were all ready to head back home.

Sometimes, their concerts could go on for many hours, but they had to cut this one a bit short due to their bassist's, Virgil's, anxiety. Remus and Janus didn't mind much, considering Virgil's mental health was rather important, and having an anxiety attack is not a good look.

Virgil quickly gathered his stuff up and left, waving goodbye to the other two, who waved back.

Then, he was gone, leaving Janus and Remus alone.

Janus stood in front of the vanity they had, wiping the makeup off his face. Half of it was designed to look like a snake. It was an idea that he'd gotten while Remus compared him to one when they first started the band.

Janus took it pretty lightly, since he couldn't really argue with it. Heterochromia, sharper than average canines, and his snake bites. The piercings actually came after Remus compared him to a snake, but he decided to get them because why not. And also because Remus liked piercings.

Perhaps it was a kink? One could never be sure with Remus.

"You should wash the makeup off your face, love," Janus advises him, using the makeup wipe to scrub off the eyeshadow caked around his yellow-green eye. He heard Remus groan from behind him.

"Ugh, but that's a lot of work. Besides, it makes me look sexy."

"You look sexy all the time," Janus counters, with a roll of his eyes. He throws the wipe into the trash, turning back to Remus. Remus grins at him, and gives him an "I know" sort of look.

Janus has to resist the urge to roll his eyes again.

Remus holds his arms out, making grabby hands at Janus. Janus stays where he is.

"You're covered in sweat, Re," Janus says, his foot tapping against the ground. "All of your jumping and moving on stage has drenched you."

"This isn't even that bad," Remus argues, waving his hand dismissively. "Besides, I want cuddles."

"Cuddles-shmuddles," Janus says, rolling his eyes. "If we cuddle, you're going to end up falling asleep, and we're not sleeping backstage while you have a full face of makeup."

Remus had a habit of sleeping in makeup. He wore some every day, even when they didn't have shows, but never bothered to take it off.

His face was a bit greasy, but other than that, he surprisingly never broke out.

Remus whines, his arms falling sadly to his sides. "But Jaaaaan!"

"But Reeeeee," Janus mocks, and Remus frowns, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff.

"You're so mean to me," Remus says, with a pout. "After all I do for you."

Janus rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall. "Oh, yeah, I'm so mean to you. It's not like I'm willing to take care of your sexual desires whenever you need."

Remus had a high sex drive, and Janus was obviously more than happy to help him satisfy it. His words were mostly meant to tease.

But, that gives Remus an idea. He craved physical contact, and he'd get it one way or another, damnit.

"What if I need my sexual desires taken care of now?"

Janus stops, glancing down at Remus's crotch, before saying "you're not even hard."

Remus shrugs, as he gets up and strolls over to Janus. He wraps his arms around Janus's shoulders, twirling him around, before he backed up against the wall. Janus wastes no time planting his hands on Remus's waist, and smirks when Remus leans against the wall, obviously understanding what Remus is doing.

Janus tsks, moving his face so that they're mere centimeters apart. His hands slide from Remus's waist to the man's thighs, squeezing and rubbing them, before he slotted his own thigh between them. Remus whined, as he felt Janus's leg press against his crotch.

"You're such a whore, Re," Janus hisses, Remus whining at the insulting name. Janus grinned, one of his hands reaching up to lightly tug on Remus's hair so he could press their lips together.

Despite Janus's rough grip and degrading words, the kiss is rather sweet. Janus had a way of being so charming, even with his hands tugging at Remus's hair, and his teeth biting at Remus's lip.

Remus gently rocks his hips against Janus's thigh, and gasps, breaking the kiss as his growing hard-on grinds against Janus's leg.

"Such a slut," Janus growls out, his lips moving to attack Remus's neck. He doesn't bother leaving kisses, moving straight to biting. He sinks his sharp canines into Remus's neck, enjoying the moan the man let's out at the action, before he laps up the blood.

"Jan," Remus moans out, grinding down harder on Janus's thigh. His head is thrown back in pleasure, head bumping against the wall every time he rocks back. His cock is aching in his jeans, and he grinds faster as an attempt to gain more friction.

"Look at you; you're so pathetic. Eager to get off in any way I let you, even if it's just you grinding against my leg like some dumb mutt," Janus spits, his nails digging into Remus's waist.

Remus moaned at the name, hands squeezing Janus's shoulders. "Fuck, yes Jay," he whined. "I'm just your dumb little mutt Jay, so pathetic, only for you. Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Remus chants the curse word like it's a prayer, as he grinds down harder on Janus's leg.

"I'm so close, please, Jan, I'm gonna-" He cuts himself off with a gasp as Janus bites down on Remus's neck yet again, and he comes right then and there with a high moan of Janus's name.

Remus pants as he comes down from his high, and Janus presses a kiss to the side of his face.

"I love you, Re," Janus says, and Remus responds with a hum, resting against the wall. Thank God they kept extra clothes here, so that Remus didn't have to ride home with come in his pants. Although, knowing Remus, he probably wouldn't mind.

[inkofamethyst]

December 10, 2023

Me while waltzing (or any kind of dancing tbh): >:( *high concentration mode*

Me when the song ends: :D *cheerfully complimenting my partner bc i fully recognize that we're both learning*

I think one of the best parts about the dance thing was that I wasn't looking at a screen for several hours in a row. I actually left my phone in the coat check room, if you can believe it. And my last reflection on it all will be thus: I generally don't prefer sequiny dresses, they come off as tacky to me a lot of times. However, one of the waltz instructors looked positively radiant as her flashy dress spun around the room. She effortlessly conversed with her partner as she glided across the floor, following the prompts of her lead without hesitation. I wanted to be her so bad.

On the topic of seasonal depression, I think some years tend to be worse than others for me. I remember it being pretty bad in high school, especially during senior year when there were other things going on that negatively impacted my mood. Lockdown winter 2020/2021 was tough, but there were, again, other factors besides the climate impacting my mood. Last winter, I think I was okay? A bit anxious because of apps, but not depressive to my recollection. We'll see how this winter in a new place goes (trying to identify consistent mood triggers now that I have five years of autobiographic data lol). From a cursory analysis, regular/daily outdoor walks seem to be linked to less depressive winters. Will continue to monitor.

So I intend to read at least a trilogy over break during my downtime. I don't really want to reread something this winter (unless it was to finish a series I got halfway through back in high school (ahem, falling kingdoms, ahem, an ember in the ashes)), but I know I definitely/probably want angst blatant entertainment. I think I will be able to get back into regular reading when I treat it the same way I treat cooking/mealprep. That means having a prepared list of what's next so I don't have to deliberate over that decision when I finish a book. That's how I'll be able to beat my junior year 111-day reading streak (which was mostly The Witcher iirc).

There's a pub near campus that does karaoke on Fridays and I've never actually done karaoke because I feel like I don't have My Karaoke Song figured out, but Snake Eater from Metal Gear might have to be something I try one of these days. And, of course, Vandalize, because we were robbed.

Okay this is my actual last reflection on last night: I want to become more comfortable taking photos of myself/having photos taken of me and I think that might have to start with me just trying things out. If Gen Z knows anything it's how to take an interesting, dynamic photo, and I think I have the artistic vision to do something like that, but I freeze up whenever I'm in front of a camera. By the time of the next ball (could be as soon as February/March), I want to do better.

UGH the mibsile is just SO eepie and NEEBIES to sleebie. unfortunately the missile has things to get done. sleep cometh 19 december. counting down the days. (I'm going to try to see if I can bang out my research paper in one big three-day work sesh to maybe even finish before the weekend, or only have minor edits left to do)

I spent all of today in a chair prepping for my anatomy final agh. Thankful that the semester will be over for me in a week.

[frogsandfries]

My sister wants to go car hunting (again), but she also wants to go to this night market......... So.... I came with her to the gene donors' place and slept in a chair. Since the main event is a night market, I'll be spending another night over here.........

3/10. Too hot, and I couldn't sleep on my side well. My chest is tight from not being able to sleep in a position that allowed me to breathe well.

Also, my dad couldn't wait to take off their top, so that was great...... Go figure, my dad's always been an exhibitionist, so even though they can't stop treating at least me and this sister like children, also we're adults.

The room I'm in is very typical of my dad: crammed with shelves, and the shelves crammed with everything--crayons, coloring books, vehicle models, DVDs, apparel. More chaos than my own workspaces, certainly. Probably more models than one could ever realistically paint it assemble.

The whole trailer house is like this, though. Just like our apartment growing up, just like the motel room. Which causes it to be poorly ventilated, which is probably why their utilities are so expensive.

But what would I know. I grew up to feel like any space where too much of the floor is covered is too messy--even just clothes on the floor, or garbage on the floor. I literally cannot bear the thought of having too much of my walls covered or lined by furniture.

Unfortunately, I don't think you can actually call my dad a hoarder. A true hoarder will hold onto actual garbage and eventually their possessions will overtake their living space. My dad's living space still has walking spaces, and they've been here since at least about 2020. Although, again, what would I know, but I like having floor space. I may walk the same paths, but I have the option, and I don't have to draw my hands in to prevent my fingers snagging something. You know if I catch one thing, fifty things are going to topple down, causing another twenty things to be taken out.

Ugh, y'all. I didn't go to lay down till about eleven. Then my sister put on Zootopia, so that kept me awake till......about the popsicle part. Then she came in after the movie, and she was supposed to sleep on the floor, which is where I had moved because it was more comfortable. So I had to get back into the chair.

I feel really bad for my cats. Well, Scooter. She's already not happy with me because she doesn't get as much attention as she's used to. I'm trying to be purposeful about giving her more attention, making time for her to groom me. And now, instead of one night away, which was already the first in her whole four years since living with me, all of a sudden, another two nights. But once my sister finds a car, this should be over and ideally, I won't have to be away from them overnight for a long, long time.

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye

[mlobsters]

supernatural s6e5 live free or twihard (w. brett matthews)

(please let the episode title be the only dig about twilight henceforth) very goth. bela lugosi's dead, haven't thought of that song probably since the 90s.

oh. kristen, huh. with the plaid and the long brown hair and the awkward. oh god and the papercut scene inside the restaurant scene recreated in this club-ish place. this man even has pattinson's edward delivery on a lot of these lines.

twilight: new moon (2009)

dear god. this is just like. seriously a mishmash of straight up lines and beats from the twilight movies (twilight series is a comfort watch for me so i'm very familiar with them). and his name is robert. hoo boy.

this takes making fun of twilight to new heights. and boy do people LOVE to make fun of twilight. oh and it just keeps going!

DEAN Look at this. He's WATCHING her sleep. How is that not rape-y?

sigh.

DEAN (Reading from the book.) "He could hear the blood rushing inside her, almost taste it. He tried desperately to control himself..." "...Romero knew their love was impossible -- " Romero? Really?

SAM Dean. Shut up.

DEAN This is a national bestseller. How is that POSSIBLE?

fuck you all very much. we get it. you think twilight is trash. enough already.

that reaction to the guys kissing... guess it'd been a while since they got some good no homo in

guess it'd been a while since a solid noticeably-soulless incident and in case we'd forgotten, decided to go big with letting dean get turned

the sound design has always been good on this show (all the stuff aside from music, basically). and i really like what they did with this part of being in dean's head while he's turning and all the extra exterior noises kind of muffled and loud. very immersive

and i like how dean's noticed through all this that sam's heart rate isn't elevated. also makes me wonder what sam's thinking with all this, if he doesn't realize something is wrong/different at this point. is it, doesn't know it's wrong/wrong doesn't apply to him because now he's effectively got antisocial personality disorder?

how many times is he going to make poor lisa listen to the i'm about to die goodbye speech. accidentally hurting ben, great. that would give him a more lasting out, i imagine.

SAM I should come with you.

DEAN No. Dude, you REEK. You're like a walking hamburger.

shame he can't stay a vampire,

well i was thinking sam was gonna be the one with the cure and he just wanted a guinea pig (but i mean in that case he could use any rando) but kind of a big tell there trying to convince grandpa he didn't know about the cure already. using him to get intel on the big bad is certainly more crafty.

SAM Are you serious? You think I'd do something like that, risk my own brother? What's wrong with YOU? 

very convincing! but again. whhhyyy did grandpa not notice this behavior in the year? he's been hunting with sam.

DEAN Yeah, first chance I get, I'll...I'll show you myself.

having a moment with edward robert

BORIS You're off...by about...six centuries? And these are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire. "Dracula"? Anne Rice? PLEASE. These stupid little brats are so horny they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo.

le sigh.

ugh okay. i guess it'd also been a while since someone did any sort of SA threat to dean.

it's dean fogg! i knew he was in the show, and i thought as a vampire (half remembered posts when i was following the magicians stuff), so hello there, friend.

the magicians (2015-2020) rick worthy as dean fogg

twilight (2008)

okay.

it's a good look on him

welp. glad/not glad dean remembered sam letting him get turned. we're nearing the end of this ride, i gather. and now i'm imagining we're gonna get back on the "i'm having trust issues with sam" ride after he gets sorted.

[zakubabbles]

Woke up a little later than I anticipated and now I feel I'm running late for, um, nothing really. Nothing urgent anyway.

Finally vacuumed the car. And while doing that I found my utility knife! I was so happy! It's been missing for a bout three years now. I just really like my knife, okay? We've been together since college and it's a good knife and yes I have pack bonded with it. It's my Squishy Sharpie. That said, I have no clue how it even got in the car. Last I remember it was in the small guest room.

I also wiped some of the dust off from the dashboard and inside. Should also give the back a wipe.

Then I tried replacing the windshield wipers. I've done it before on my other cars, but this was my first time with this vehicle. Struggled a bit to figure it out. I managed to take one off but when I tried to insert the new wiper it would not snap into the J hook. Maybe I'm too weak or I dunno what. Regardless, decided to take a break.

I noticed I had made a mistake in my wiper purchase. I bought two of the same size when the driver's side should be longer. Ugh. Eating some pizza now and will then go back to AutoZne to return one of the wipers and buy the appropriate size. I guess come back and replace here and get inspection done.

I do need to rotate tires. We bought new tires in 2020 and haven't rotated them once. ^^;

We rarely drive though! And when we do it's just a few miles radius to the grocery store or my parents' house. I don't feel we're in danger tbh.

Oh no. I've sat down and now I'm feeling too tired to get back up again.

[braindead-virtually-tv]

Caught up on last night's RAW this morning thoughts under the cut, all things I wrote as I was watching 😂:

- Listen Randy is a legend, but hearing the the crowd go feckin' wild for him in 2022 is 😍😍😍😍

- Glad they're keeping the Street profits relevant but it seems if you're not chasing a belt there's nothing for you in the tag division. They feel like a cliff note for the Usos & RKBro

- I have no doubt this US Title match will end in DQ as the Cody/Seth feud doesn't feel finished. But also the US Title does seem perfect for Cody. I need Theory to have little longer with it now, all that build would feel for nothing if he was to lose it now

- People are all like, "Oh that's dumb, we all knew Rhea was gonna join JD." Here's the thing, we all live in an IWC bubble the casual audience isn't going out of their way to read a Dirtsheet or keep up with backstage info, for them this is a surprise.

- EDGE CUT HIS HAIR. His hair kinda matches Rhea's 😂

- Edge shoots on the Hall of Fame and your friend Mark lololol 😂

- I said this last week, but for Edge a Hall of Famer, a Legend, to pull this amount of heat from an audience is nothing short of spectacular.

- I feel like Rhea could have delved into the Liv thing a bit more instead of doing the 'Audience sells my autograph shtick' but it was fine and I'm very excited to see where this goes

- Edge broke up Goth girlfriends how dare you sir

- Liv getting some very good offence in beginning & end and not just being squashed you love to see it

- The image of Morgan tryna struggle to the ropes while in that Clover Leaf submission is POWERFUL and ugh so good, I feel so bad for Liv 😭

- Finn I'm glad you came Liv is struggling 😭 Uncle Allen you're here too, one of you help Liv please

- They just gonna stand there and do their entrances huh? 😂

-Oh Finn v Damian we've seen this but I'd gladly watch it X10 more times

-Ngl my knowledge of the bullet club is about next to nothing, but regardless excited for the prospect of Finn & AJ teaming

- LET THE MEN FIGHT RHEA SHE CAN HANDLE IT

- Jokes aside I do understand why they don't often do intergender stuff but if you're not going to do it you're gonna have to work around it a bit better than having Rhea stand around and when she gets involved have the dudes look really goofy.

- Chad Gable is absolute comedy gold. Also Kevin, "You have friends at the DNA lab 😃😃😃" 😂

- Kevin's 'brother' oh god this is going to have me in stitches 😂

- We're finally kicking off properly Omos under MVP I'm hoping for big things as MVP done absolute wonders for Bobby.

- CEDRIC!! I like this character of him clamouring to get back to MVP and it's honestly entertaining. Puts more stock into MVP too as a really great manager.

- I never clowned on Lashley before MVP but I just wasn't all that into him, but now I hear those opening bars of his theme and I just pop! Bobert I love you and only want good things for you

- Adam grow a pair of bawls and just tell Sonya she's fired 😂

- OH SHE'S ACTUALLY FIRED I WAS ONLY JOKING DAMN

-ALEXA'S BACK! Is this like a fusion of the spooky and the goddess gimmick? Oh this is cool.

- I am glad Sonya is getting back into the ring more regularly, she went through an absolute harrowing experience in 2020 and I'm glad she feels fit to get back to in ring action.

-Oh wow Sonya got SQUASHED. Great come back for Bliss but damn that was unexpected.

-Lmao Byron about Sonya, "She'll get over it eventually" 😂💀

- Props to Kevin Owens who has essentially built this Ezekiel gimmick and got it over. It was always going to be hard sell but they've done a really good job.

- IT'S KEVIN IN A WIG. Lmao @ Corey "With a little Just for Men Ken could be Kevin" 😂😂

- "Hello Ken" 😂😂😂😂

- "I'M KEVIN" "WHAT!?" 😂 I AM DYING

- Chad kneeling over Ezekiel "THANK YEWWWWW"

- I love Becky arguing the logistics of getting a title shot

- This version of Becky and Asuka is giving me life, 'YOU DONT ACT LIKE MOMMY' 😂

-I love that Asuka is a thorn is Becky's side and we're not pulling into a full on intense feud it's great.

- Hello mr.jobber, you're significantly larger than Veer's last opponents but you're still gonna die. Ah going with the 'I have kids' promo I see 😂

- I do wonder with Gunther, Raquel and Veer in this jobber loop who are going to be their first actual feuds? Veer's been at this a while so I wanna see him moved out of this soon.

- Cody cuts a good babyface promo here in WWE, seems like his heads a bit straighter than in AEW. Putting over your opponent while just edging your way just above them in regards to Seth.

- The little kid tryna capture Cody's entrance on his phone, kids are the best wrestling fans man 😭

- This match started off great where both opponents are tryna get a read on each other.

- Theory doing the Stardust taunt!!!!!💀

- This match has been really competitive so far I'm loving it. I like Theory's character work of working his way out of offence

- Double Crossbody? I've never seen that before it made me giggle 😂

- Ah Seth I knew you would be here. God this was good they timed it PERFECTLY.

- In this week's episode of my weekly bullying of Seth Rollins, why is he out here looking like Michael Jackson 😂

- I was afraid the table was gonna collapse during that curb stomp 😬

- Nikki and Doudrop, this gonna be cool. I haven't seen Doudrop since her Bianca feud. The women's tag division is in desperate need of teams

- I glad Sasha and Naomi are getting so much TV time between the two brands, it's what they deserve 💅

- Lmao Nikki, "Don't worry about it I've got it!" 😂 *proceeds to get pinned*

- This might be end of Nikki A.S.H gimmick, which is sad because there was lot of potential in it. But let's see what's going on going forward.

- Miz special guest ref, there's going to be many shenanigans.

- I like Ciampa feuding with Ali first before he hits the US Title, but still keeping the Theory feud in the back of everyone's minds.

- I just need Ciampa to talk I NEED TO KNOW WHY'S HE GOING FOR ALI SPECIFICALLY

- I feel like Ali is gonna finish up with Ciampa pretty quickly and have him head into a feud with Miz @ HIAC

- Lashley going for a steel cage match yes!!!!

- Tamina and Dana divorce, run off together ladies!!!

- "He got you candy and some limp flowers" "She got something for you" "DIVORCE PAPERS!?" 😂😂😂

- CGI Big Time Becks isn't real it can't hurt you 😟😟

- Asuka sporting that Jason mask I live 😂

- Asuka is just back and we're already in an Asuka v Bianca match my life, my love 😍😍

-Becky was great on commentary, but it did distract a little. But furthering Asuka v Becky which will probably be a HIAC match (maybe?)(hopefully?)

- OH SHE WENT FOR BIANCA NOT ASUKA

- oh now she's going for Asuka

- Good ending tho keeps Bianca & Asuka at the top of the game

[asiancatboy]

get to know me meme

tagged by @retla & @zaatanna. u are angels thank u <333

tagging @pendraegon @metrosexually @pando @xiaoguiwang @badbaguette @voiucris @cithaerons @the-descolada @mourningtide @6iirls but no pressure!!

what colour are your eyes? brown

what little thing instantly tells you that a person is good? when people go out of their way to put the hook over the 'a' in my name bc it's not in any standard keyboard so i know they've installed it or copied it specifically to use. it's so sweet wtf

do you have a recurring dream? i don't really dream besides the occasional nightmare. those usually involve old classmates or teeth

what is the most interesting class you have taken? classical civilisation was the most interesting in terms of what we were learning, but i had the most boring & uninteresting teacher. religion, philosophy & ethics was the opposite - the most boring syllabus imaginable, but the teacher & class were genuinely engaging

how often do you find yourself daydreaming? often. always

name/nickname: pet names aside, i don't really go by nicknames. al calls me driftie

zodiac: tiger, taurus

height: 5'2''

languages: english is the only language i can comfortably say i'm fluent in. i've lost a lot of ability with vietnamese, hakka (hong kong dialect) & cantonese. i'm on/off learning mandarin

nationality: bri'ish

favourite season: winter

favourite colour: it cycles between deep reds, deep purples & mustard yellows

favourite animals: shiba inus! tigers! i also love bats, snakes & any kind of cat (especially big cats)

favourite fictional character: i don’t have one. (it's k/da seraphine or kai'sa)

tea, coffee or hot chocolate: coffee

average hours of sleep: no <3

cat or dog person: cat person

number of blankets slept with: 3 - duvet, throw & weighted blanket, depending on how hot it is

places ancestors are from: south vietnam & china (we're hakka)

dream trip: wherever my friends are. i also want to explore the unmapped parts of the catacombs but i've been told no. multiple times. aggressively :////

blog established: i remade this blog a couple of weeks ago but i've been on tumblr for 10 years or so now. help

random fact about yourself: my fastest rubiks cube time is sub 25. it's been so long since i've practiced i don't think i can get back there :(

three ships: i've forgotten every single ship ngl

last song: the garden by ramsey

last movie: your name engraved herein (2020, dir. kuang-hui liu) for the millionth time

currently reading: i can't read <3

currently watching: i'm rewatching alice in borderland & getting to ep3 i am SICK

currently craving: i want that 5p bubblegum they used to sell in corner shops not for the bubblegum but for the temporary tattoos they put in it. i'd cover my whole body in those ugh