#ugh its hard to explain.
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Rook + Lysander â ship introduction âĄ
it only took me like, a good few months but finally! an official (somewhat of an) introduction post for the main OC x canon ship i post about on here - Rook x Lysander aka lilyarrow. Lysander is my Yuu and you can read more about him here <3
i didn't write out their entire relationship timeline because 1. this post is already pretty long and 2. i want to give myself some space to just, make up scenarios lmao. there are some things about the development of their relationship that i consider to be pretty set-in-stone so maybe one day i'll make a post about that too
FIRSTS đ
FIRST MEETING â
Lysander has met most of the characters earlier than in the game canon (mostly because i think that makes for some fun dynamics), including Rook. they've met shortly after book 2. Lysander was actually trying to make Ramshackle more liveable; cleaning, moving out some of the old furniture that had was too broken to use, fixing up some things here and there. Rook just kind of,, appeared out of nowhere (he was actually watching Lysander for a while now), spooking poor Grim out, and offered his help. he also kissed Lysander's hand.
when Lysander tried to introduce himself, Rook interrupted him, saying that he already knows it. he also knows what class Lysander is in, his seat number, height and interests.
Lysander, in turn, blushed. he thought it was cute. he did, however, firmly refused any help, since he likes to do everything by himself (Grim thought that was very stupid of him). but Rook insisted until Lysander had given in and agreed to it, so in the end they've spent the entire day moving furniture and painting walls. turns out, Rook had a lot to say about Lysander's interior design choices.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS â
Lysander: as i said, presented with Rook's stalker tendencies right off the bat, instead of being weirded out, he thought it's kind of sweet. he's not really used to people noticing him or paying attention to him, so he naturally got kind of flustered by the idea of somebody having any sort of interest in him. he also needed only about five seconds before going "oh! i like him!" â he just tends to cling to people who are more extroverted and more talkative than him, and he found the fact that Rook seems to have more knowledge about a lot of things pretty interesting. he was a bit overwhelmed by Rook's general Everything, but it didn't bother it too much. Rook: he was actually watching Lysander for a lot longer than the day they first met; he was quite taken by Lysander's delicate beauty. he thought that Lysander is like a pretty little flower â Rook would be failing his life's mission if he didn't help Lysander bloom into his full potential! he was also kind of impressed with the fact that for a tiny, frail, magicless human, Lysander seemed to fare pretty well (especially watching him haul all that heavy furniture).
WHO CONFESSED FIRST â
surprisingly, it was Lysander! while Rook was well aware that Lysander returns his feelings (i mean, Lysander was very obvious about it, if anything, it was hard to not notice), he was also willing to wait. you can't make your final move too fast or you'll spook your prey â Lysander still seemed very skittish and he didn't want to accidentally scare him away. and besides, the wait is as much part of the fun as anything that comes after it (and he enjoyed teasing Lysander and watching him make the most awkward attempts at flirting seen to man).
meanwhile, Lysander promised to himself that if they win the VDC, he'll finally confess to Rook. well. yeah. about that... but Lysander still decided that he's going to do it because, listen, they've all had The Worst Day, he can at least have this one thing. and he's been hyping himself up all day too! he can't all that go to waste!
(and maybe, just maybe he was a lot a bit jealous over a certain celebrity from a rival school. but just maybe! you didn't hear it from him!)
Lysander kind of fumbled it tho. he wanted to say something heartfelt and sweet and romantic, but he got too stressed out after like, the first sentence and started to kind of ramble. but Rook thought that it was cute, so it was all okay <3
FIRST DATE â
well technically their first date was going to get Vil, Grim & co out of S.T.Y.X while Epel was thirdwheeling them but that doesn't count lmao
it was surprisingly normal and kind of, low-key. very private, very cozy. even before getting together, they would often go on walks and just kind of wander around, especially in the woods near the school.
so they went on a picnic in a little meadow that the often used to meet up at. Rook was the one who organized it, so he was the one who got all the food and all â Lysander would be happy to do so himself, but Rook didn't want him to do any work before their date <3. Lysander has a real sweet tooth, so Rook had mostly got them Lysander's favorite sweets.
also they got caught in the rain about half way through and had to run back but Lysander got to wear Rook's jacket so it's still a profit? he never gave it back
FIRST KISS â
it was actually during their first date! they were both laying on the blanket and chatting and it just kind of,,, happened. for the romance of it all, i would love to say that Rook is a good kisser but realistically speaking i don't think he actually has much experience, same with Lysander, so it was just kind of awkward, but still pretty sweet! tho Lysander did start laughing because he got too overwhelmed.
also it was almost right after that it started raining. they don't have the best luck lmao.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS đ

WHAT DO THEY LIKE ABOUT EACHOTHER â
Lysander: first of all, he really likes and appreciates the fact that Rook can read him pretty well!! Rook is one of the few people who understand that Lysander really isn't shy or anything, he just doesn't like talking too much and never pushed him into it. Rook is also very good at noticing when Lysander gets too overwhelmed by social situations and is quick to pull him out of them.
for his whole life, Lysander had to work hard to prove that he's worth anything, so he really appreciates the way Rook just,, sees him and loves him for who he is, wholeheartedly and without any conditions. it's maybe the first time Lysander feels really appreciated without having to do anything to "deserve" it.
he likes that Rook is emotional and earnest and genuine!! even if Rook is secretive and weird about some things, Lysander could never distrust him, because he knows that he's honest about the things that matter (especially, his feelings towards other people).
and he also likes the way Rook is so passionate about so many things!! he likes that Rook knows so much about many different topics and that he's always willing to talk at length about them!! and he likes the way Rook gets all excited over it too, he thinks its so cute <3.
Rook: he likes that Lysander is kind and warm and sweet. and most importantly, he likes that Lysander is somebody who chooses to be kind, no matter what â the thinks that's really admirable
he likes that Lysander is so resilient! again, he thinks the way Lysander is so bent on building a life for himself in a unfamiliar world, that he's never deterred by people treating him awfully, that he's willing to be stubborn when the situation demands it and that he doesn't give up easily.
he really appreciates how good of a listener Lysander is. while sure, Rook will gladly just talk at people, he's happy to have someone whos willing to actually listen to him, who's genuinely interested, who's asking questions and who actually tries to look at the world from Rook's perspective.
he also likes how busy Lysander always is. he likes that Lysander is always working on something, always has some project in mind, especially since he likes watching Lysander at work. he also finds Lysanderâs wide array of home renovation skills absolutely delightful.
WHAT DO THEY DISLIKE ABOUT EACHOTHER â
Lysander: he has some bad jealousy issues, so he tends to get a bit grumpy when Rook starts fawning about other people. he doesn't mind his boyfriend being weird and creepy, as long as he's weird and creepy about him (or Vil; he and Lysander are close, so he gets a pass).
Rook: while he does love how kind Lysander is, yes, he also thinks that sometimes Lysander is being too much of a pushover. yes, it is very noble and beautiful to sacrifice so much of yourself for other people's sake, he wouldn't mind if Lysander also took care of himself while at it!!
FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OTHER ONE â
Lysander: listen. he's a simple boy. his type is just guys who are Strong. and so as you can imagine, he feels Very normal about Rook's arms. the first time he saw Rook in a t-shirt, he was UNCONSOLABLE. he also likes Rook's hands a lot, he likes that they're the rough hands of somebody who actually uses them to do work
Rook: while he would surely write many pomes about any given part of Lysanderâs appearance, he's especially fond of Lysanderâs freckles. he always tries to kiss as many of them as he can.
he's also very fond of Lysanderâs smile since Lysander doesn't actually smile all that often.
WHAT DO THEY DO TOGETHER â
they're both very outdoorsy people so most of their time together is just Going Somewhere. they like to just be in nature, Lysander then can ask Rook about Fun Animal Facts and Rook can be delighted by how animals seem to be naturally drawn to Lysander.
they can and will treat any outing as a date. they also treat everything they do like an adventure!!! no matter where they're going, they're going to find it fun and exciting!! but they especially like discovering new places together; when they're travelling somewhere, they like to go off map and just wander around and Lysander drags Rook to every food place they come across.
when they go on more "fancy" dates, it's usually theatre/opera. back in his home world, Lysander actually never went to theatre and upon learning about it, Rook went to fix it IMMEDIATELY. Lysander is still not that much into it, but he likes that Rook likes it.
they also watch a lot of movies even when they're just chilling together â again, Lysander is mostly happy that Rook can go on and on about cinematography and behind-the-scenes stuff. Rook had introduced him to musicals tho and he does actually like those!!
Rook is not allowed to help Lysander while Lysander is cooking, but sometimes Lysander lets Rook sit in the kitchen and watch. it's one of the few times when Lysander actually gets chatty because he starts to explain what he's doing and Rook is just happy to be able to listen (tho Lysander always makes him do the dishes afterwards). Rook also often helps Lysander with work in Lysander's garden.
OTHER FACTS đ
aka all the other things i wanted to mention but i didnt know where to put them lmao
i wanted to put it into the "what do they like about eachother" section but didn't know how to fit it in so it's here BUT. Lysander actually never found Rook weird and gets a bit defensive when others do so, since Lysander is also used to being labelled as "the weird person" simply because your way of interacting with other people is a bit out of the norm
while they aren't overly touchy with eachother in public, they're still very affectionate and combined with the fact that they often act like they're joined by the hip, it makes them kind of insufferable to be around
they ARE very touchy in private tho!! they often cuddle/take naps together. Rook likes to put his head on Lysanderâs chest so he can listen to Lysanderâs heartbeat
while Rook uses A LOT of petnames in general, the one he uses most often is ma fleur, since, as i've said, he compares Lysander to a flower a lot. Lysander is not big on petnames but he often calls Rook "my love" or "my heart"
they write eachother letters by hand, despite the fact that going to the same school, they have no real need to do so. usually full of dramatic romantic confessions and plans for the future
at one point they've given eachother a lock of their hair that they keep in a heart-shaped locket
not only did Lysander find Rook's stalking tendencies kind of cute, he would also leave the curtains in his windows opened just in case Rook was watching
obviously, the have eachother photos as their phone lockscreens
Rook really admires the fact that Lysander does embroidery/sewing! he's fascinated by it since it's such a delicate job that requires a lot of carefullness and patience. he likes to sit with his head in Lysander's lap and watch him do it
Vil had put them in a "there was only one bed" scenario during book 5, making them share Lysanderâs bedroom (since there were more people living at Ramshackle than actually liveable rooms, they had to arrange everyone somehow)
Rook often compares Lysander to a hare and once bought him a hare plushie
they actually really love teaching eachother how to do things they're interested in!! Rook had also taught Lysander how to climb trees, some archery and whittling (with varying degrees of success)
Rook has just. so many sketchbook pages filled solely with drawings of Lysander
Lysander very often steals borrows Rook's hoodies/shirts; he likes that they're soft and too big on him and smell like Rook. Rook also often steals borrows Lysanderâs clothes â they're too small for him to wear obviously but he just likes Lysanderâs smell
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#twst yuu#twst yuu oc#yuusona#oc x canon#twst oc x canon#rook hunt#rook hunt x mc#rook hunt x yuu#rookyuu#đ lore#âŁď¸ lilyarrow#â lysander#gah i finally finished this#love putting a random polish song in the meme thingy#also i debated between putting romeo + juliet and moulin rouge there#but i feel like lysander would like romeo + juliet more#anyways! my boys <3 i love them so dearly i can just hope some of yall will like them at least a little too#even tho i feel like i still haven't properly explained the parts of their dynamic that make it the most compelling to me#they're just. so different in certain aspects but so similar in others and im just UGH#see#its really hard for me to put into words dhfjdfdj
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Being ace is hard enough, being aegosexual is so frustrating
#aegosexual#because why do i have to love the idea of being with you#but cant even be with my wife whom i love#its so annoying#and hard to explain#ugh
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tbh this might be controversial but I really don't think house "queerbaited" us I just think that house and wilson were gay like that. like. to me I feel like their canon relationship was basically just a fucking gay relationship without putting a name on it. the line between platonic and romantic for them is blurred and unclear and I think it's done on purpose and I think if they were canonically declared to be boyfriends then that would lessen the intensity of their relationship. they were without a doubt in love and I really don't think that we got queerbaited I think that's just how they were
#and like. that doesnt mean that house is suddenly some queer media#whether you like it or not they are Canon canon and never will be#however i just truly dont think it was queerbaiting#they were just Like That#ugh its so hard to explain my thoughts but like theh were literally just gay like that
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I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like Iâm trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know itâs on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but Iâm trying) and itâs justâŚI donât know. I donât even know.
#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would#genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse)#i think Iâm legitimately justâŚhaving a trauma reaction on top#of a jewish trauma spike#and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm#does not look great#i feel like i donât actually verbally have the words#(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful)#(hashem i donât know would you even embrace me would youâŚ)#(itâs not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isnât it)#(itâs hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression)#(except that I feel like Iâm so so tainted and not in my body or if Iâm in my body Iâm in my body somewhere else#abuse cw#i didnât ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered#this will disappear probably#UGH#(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to)#(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in)#(i know i need to be like âunfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need)#(just a bit of grace apologies)#(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that)#(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway)#a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel andâŚIâm nothing#(everyone else is something Iâm not I donât deserve grace lbr)#it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead#and itâs like I can fake it so well#(i donât know I may be like sending words to people)#to run through the steps of not being alone#iâm truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people#to get reassurance i donât deserve that its a good person it isnât it isnât a person
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.....hm
#Feeling that detachment from reality again. like I'm floating. like yeah I'm here but I'm not me. I'm just viewing myself as if it was#something on a tv screen. I feel off. like am I actually here here? or is this something else?#I donât like this feeling because I find it hard to connect and feel close to not just friends but also my partners and I hate that feeling.#I don't like feeling like I'm...i dunno not here? but i am here? but ....ugh It's so hard to explain#I just feel this from time to time and I dunno what to call it. everything feels fake like reality isnt reality but im here so it must be?#so why then do I not feel real?#best way to describe it...I feel like im in someone else's life. its not mine(?)#vent.tw
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was just saying to my friend that since my period is due next weekend I probably won't be able to hang out bc it'll be difficult to walk from my room to the bathroom let alone like. to the station anyway just suddenly became aware that the continuous cramps I get in this stage of my cycle have been slowly increasing in intensity the last few hours so we may be on course for a week earlier start than usual. locking down all defenses rn......đ¨đ¨đ¨đ¨
#i always try and mentally prepare for how much its gonna suck dick and balls but every time it actually starts im caught off guard#i hate being in agonising pain i dont wanna have to do it!!!!!#not as if anyone likes being in agonising pain anyway but still..... i mean if it does start tn that would definitely explain a lot#like the insane insecurity ive been having. and other symptoms. but it should be too early i didnt even ovulate that long ago#whatever man theres no rhyme or reason to it i should know that by now. the worst part is gonna be feeling alone when im in pain#well no its not the worst part is the pain but emotionally the loneliness is gonna wreck me i can never prepare enough for it#my problem is that i get extremely needy in pain it makes me feel like a fucking toddler. but i cant allow myself to be around ppl for#comfort and reassurance bc it gets so overwhelming im not able to maintain the usual rules n boundaries i have to follow#i mean im needy anyway all the time but at least i work hard to keep myself in check so i dont cross other ppls boundaries#losing that inhibition is just bad for everyone involved and really embarrassing for me so its easier to just suck it up and feel shite#and i get soooo tearful and easily upset over the stupidest shit like even if i can keep a lid on it and not throw myself at everyone#i get so jealous over other ppl being able to express themselves or getting comfort that i get fucking nauseous i cant be in the room#it makes me want to dieeee its dumb as fuck. anyway my point is. well i dont know what my point is actually#it might be best for me to skip next weeks plans anyway bc ill work myself into a fucking tizzy abt it in my post period exhaustion#i cant third wheel my friends while im in a state like that its too much. its hard enough third wheeling on a regular day anyway#like ok i get it u guys are much closer n have different boundaries w each other than u do w me. thats cool. please dont make me watch#when im feeling wretched and want things worse than normal. ugh anyway sorry ruminating again. i tried#just really anxious abt the pain properly starting but i know theres no avoiding it. oh well. ill take some painkillers in advance#i have some leather repair to work on and then i might draw a bit. and then back to cooking i have brisket slow cooking rn#so fingers crossed thatll take my mind off spiralling. sniffs pathetically#wait i need to go blind bake my tart lets start w that okayyy bye#.vent
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I had to make him into an object because he is a physical object and thatâs what he is so I had to make him real in real life so he can be loved as an object because I like objects he canât be trapped in video game forever
#UGH!!!#im not like crazy abt paracelsu/s as a character but i am fond of him#i appreciate him in a certain sort of way#its hard to explain
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Something about slightly weird men makes my ears perk up like a dog
#not weird per se but maybe dorky but not even that?#ugh its hard to explain but i knkw it when i see it and theyre so hot to me... sorry
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im having a lonely week and i cant even blame it on my period this time so like
#idk it might just bc my mom it might be my sister AND my mom#eocs are next week and im more excited for those than i am to go home today#sorry for beingg negative!!! im just very unhappy#ive been unhappy for a while but lately its been worse#i genuinely dont like. feel great talking to anyone recently#i think i'll just mute all the servers im in when i get home and watch a movie or something. i need to destress#tzu rambles#maybe i'll draw more.#doodles even#william spargo are you feeling how im feeling!!! (he is. bc i made him that way)#im just. idk how to explain it#i dont wanna say EVERYTHING that's upset me this week but its just beena lot of little things and the little things are really hard for me#so im sorry ive been in a funk lately but wugh. ugh#alas. alack. woe.
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I'm feeling a lot better from the probably-covid, but I'm still feeling very "off", hence the lack of updates; on the other hand, I took this time I was sick/recovering to do some personal stuff, the new OCs on the making I mentioned a while ago, I'm very hyperfixated atm. I hope I can share stuff about them on Patreon soon~
#botanic panic#Im feeling very freaking tired still and very depersonalized-ish which is such an atomic-bad combo ugh.#being hyperfixated is helping me but also kinda getting in the way it's hard to explain#its like I blinked and 2 weeks passed by and we're about to enter March and ????? how#I feel I woke up from anesthesia like the time loss thing#I feel just like that rn
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if only i knew how to code
if only i knew how to program
#i have SUCH a good game idea ugh#itd be so hard to explain too like#its something only i would know how to execcute properly#but OUGH!!!!
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Soulmate AUs where one of them rejects the other before they meet for the first time (I'm talking like writing on skin type of soulmates) are top tier for me personally.
Because imagine your finally meet your soulmate (but don't realize it), you fall in love with them meanwhile they tell you about how their soulmate rejected them and it ruined them when they were younger because imagine being in a society based around the idea of being with a soulmate and all you can think about is "how can anyone be such an idiot as rejecting this beautiful person?" and then learning it was YOU who was the idiot that rejected them and hurt them. Just, chef's kiss.
-đ Anon
YESSS this is exactly what i love about good soulmate aus the irony of hurting the person you're destined to love </333 and just like. wanting so badly to be the soulmate of the person you're in love with but being too afraid of being wrong so all u can do is wait and wait and when it finally is confirmed u feel like you've wasted so much time
#cq.asks#đ anon#this is really really good#my only problem with writing on skin aus is i always have to find some caveat where they cant say names/phone numbers#bc then its just like. a normal au#but its so hard to explain why they cant just do that ugh
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...
#welp. i now have a rash creeping across my face#it doesnt really itch but my face is not usually blotchy so reguardless of the actual cause i should probably stop#the lam1ctal. lest my skin start melting off or whatever#if it is a reaction to the medication that could explain y ive been sleeping so much and feeling so tired#i dont think i have a fever but i havent been feeling great#or it could b psychosomatic. its hard to keep me on medication bc of how my stupid brain works#god dammit im only on 50mg and ive been kept at 50 for like 3 weeks bc i started reacting to the tatto0#ugh. curse the timing of the tatto0. its made everything complicated symptomology wise#unrelated
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perhaps I don't fucking want to get better. maybe I don't want to stop being the contrary little girl who digs her heels in when people tell her what to do and how to do it. I think this is a problem and honestly my last therapy session had me thinking that maybe the reason I struggle so much is because I don't want to face that little girl and like. then why do I keep trying to make myself?
#this is luz speaking#journal entry#therapy notes#my therapist trying to gently explain how i might be reading things not as they are intended#and the little girl in me plugging my ears and going but but but but but#UGH#like its only been recently that ive started to sort of recognize this and now im like ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION#why is this so hard
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ive been thinking about one of my friendships recently,
#hexgirl.txt#i just feel like? im notnvery respected tbh#its hard to explain thi#i also dont like she refers to me as Kiddo??#like. ugh whatever
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