#ugh idk i was going to post this in january like with the whole be kinder to yourself for the new year

[jegheterkerry]

i went to the dentist back in october, for my semiannual cleaning. everything was fine, but they always ask if there's anything bothering me. i mentioned some sensitivity bordering on pain between my last two teeth on the right side when i floss. "like i can feel the thread touching a nerve, or something sensitive in the tooth, when i pull it back up." they had me open up and look around, tapping the tooth. it didn't hurt during any of that, or during anything else, like when i ate or drank, or touched it with my tongue.

she concluded that i was traumatizing my gums. i was flossing too hard back there. my pain was self-inflicted. i just had to be more gentle, kinder to my teeth and gums, my self.

so now i think about that every time i floss. i use a little less force now, and i do feel less sensitive. but mostly i just think about how much of my pain is my own fault.

[crguang]

What the fuck that Kafka fic was so good and all of you are insane for making it, for me kafka is like all abt the yearning, she distances herself from relationships so if someone liked her she’d be very distant and vice versa, she wants to feel the one thing she can’t, and she plays an instrument and music is pretty connected w emotions and like communicating them even though she intelectulizes (? idk how to spell rn) a ton of her emotions I just ugh. Just like Kafka thinking abt r everytime she plays, her being unsatisfied w all other accompaniment, like i needed a warning or smth Also I’m finally writing the uni au like i might make a side blog or smth to post it on here, but I need the escapism rn, it’s been awful this week, like the election, genuinely what the fuck, and I’m stuck in America bc I have uni and ppl are being extra racist to me like it’s suddenly okay? And even though I just finished midterms I actually only have like a month until finals? anw sorry for venting but um am i allowed to yap abt arcane s2 on here, i mean a ton of it is me hating on Caitlyn. -🌠

youre so right about her distancing herself when she realizes she’s getting too involved thats why im obsessed with the idea of her learning that defence mechanism in response to getting hurt when she was younger, paired with her need to be great and not allowing herself too many distractions + the competitive field of classical music and the whole “distant bitchy perfectionist” persona protecting her from that as well… it all connects very well i think thats why i love this AU so bad😭 kafka communicating through music but that doesn’t mean everyone will understand what shes trying to convey, and at the same time it gets her closer to her goals and the life she wants to live so its two birds, one stone. she thinks she needs R to be the best because playing alone has left a void she can’t fill with other accomps when really that void is there because she never mourned life separating them. you know how the more you try to ignore something or restrict yourself from something, the more it obsesses you? that’s her. so successful yet so unfulfilled ugh

i’m so happy you’re writing especially since things are shit right now, having an escape is important so im glad you can forget about stuff at least for a while. i also hope you’re safe and surrounded by good people because a ton of hatred and racism, xenophobia, transphobia and misogyny has reemerged after the election results and it’s so disgusting to see. this is what trump stands for and this is why he couldn’t win, i fr cant believe he did again. i hope he croaks before january. i’m sorry you’re going through it with uni as well, i know how exhausting the month of november is for college students, hoping the rest of the semester goes by fast because i can’t do it anymore either, man.

you can yap about arcane s2 now that i’ve watched the episodes, especially if its cait hate lol this is a safe space i do not like that girl!!!

[terpernoctem]

hi pals

do you know what time it is?

it's time for our ✨monthly personal post ✨ show of hands, who's excited?

i said WHO'S EXCITED

okay never mind, so it rained for about the entire month of january, not even kidding. it rained and it rained and it kept raining for days on end.

see, i left Ireland for a specific reason (burn out excluded): breaking news, i know, but it rained a lot over there. i come back home and it's the most it's ever rained since 2015, people.

do you comprehend?

i think maybe the universe is trying to tell me something

anyways

so it rained a lot and i felt like i was about to rot all the way but i didn't and in fact i (1), got into yoga again, (2) wrote almost 10k, (3) took my very first driving lessons (i'm comically terrible at it but eh), (4) applied to things!

isn't that something??

idk

i don't feel any less lost or you know, useful in any way but it's a start, innit

i've definitely had a couple of bad nights, and what's funny when you live with your parents as an adult is that you still cannot talk to them about serious stuff without feeling like a teenage waste of space? or at least that's how i feel—and i recognize entirely it doesn't come from my parents, god no, they've been great and really supportive, but ughhhh.

what is it about this whole situation that makes me age backwards (and not in a good way)??

in other, completely related news, my birthday is a couple of weeks away, which is always kind of the time i typically freak out about it (last year i booked a last minute trip to edinburgh for that very reason). then i calm down and start to get excited about it.

question is: with the big 30 looming over, will i get excited at all about it this year?

mmh.

it's a daunting thought. let's not—let's put it aside, shall we?

truly, a part of me still can't believe how lucky i am to be able to stay with my parents here on the island—it's genuinely something i didn't think i'd be able to do for a long time— and it's objectively great, i mean, it's summer (well, you know, as summer as it can get), i've got time to myself, i've got my loved ones close.

yet another part of me longs for a more, idk, exciting? life. i might be repeating myself but i feel like i haven't seen everything i'd like to see yet. been toying loosely with the idea of going the self-entrepreneur path, but ugh—

truth is, i can't bear to be tied down yet.

on this week's list: sort out the library situation (mom's library is—oh don't get me started, but i'm gonna fix this), get serious about studying for driver's test, finish drafting my main wip, find a life purpose.

[sadaveniren]

2021 Annual Writing Evaluation

I was tagged by @parmahamlarrie and @zanniscaramouche to do this years writing evaluation!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 17 2. Word count posted for the year: 130,448 (I also hit a milestone of 1 million words in fandom as a whole!!) 3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction 4. Pairings (some are secondary pairings): Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments: Kudos: Counterculture Bookmarks: Skip the Small Talk Comments: I will feel you (this one doesn’t surprise me since it was my Kinktober)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): My No Context Inuyasha Series because fuck you all it was self indulgent af

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): But it’s all love because I didn’t really want to write it and felt like I should and then it ended up not getting finished and I need to finish it and just ugh.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received: Someone went through and reread an older fic of mine and proceeded to give me such detailed reviews on every single chapter. I waited for each new comment to come in. It was great.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: HAHAHAHA. December. December was fucking awful and I hated it. Let’s never do that again.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: In Know a Trick or Two I struggled a lot with writing Noelle/Noel’s character and it wasn’t until I was like “wait shit they’re a metamorphagous they don’t give a shit about gender” that I was able to actually write in their POV.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: Probably one of my porn scenes.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I... actually sometimes worry I didn’t grow. I tried some new things, trying to focus on plot more than porn and it went alright. I wish I had been able to finish my advent fic this year because it would have been a really good plot fic and I was super stoked for people to read it and come on that journey with me. Oh well, there’s always January.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: Get better at writing more consistently. I definitely had peaks and valleys this year.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): It’s always gotta be the love of my lives @lululawrence, @londonfoginacup, @becomeawendybird and @jaerie. They are such a lovely influence on me and help me come up with some great plots and they encourage me.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Haha yes. As always.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: If you figure out something about one of your characters mid-writing go back and make sure it fits with what you’ve written already.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:  Gotta finish my advent fic, and then I have my big bang which I’m really excited for :D

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: IDK who hasn’t done this yet so @eeveelou @creamcoffeelou @daggerandrose literally anyone who wants to be tagged :D

[mysonisthesun]

hoshihina thoughts

due to my hoshihina brainrot disease i’ve been thinking about them a lot and i have this whole spiel about it but i am going to try and organize my thoughts into this like. essay or wtv. ok so:

here is why i love hoshihina

1. They have many similarities/things in common

They’re both abnormally short for their field, and working through that disadvantage is something that unites the two. Also, they’re both incredibly strong-willed and know that they have to work that much harder to be the players they want to be, and do it anyway.

It’s clear in the Kamomedai vs Karasuno match that they both have great respect and admiration for each other as well, which ties into some of my other points, but basically they have these experiences that link them and put them on equal footing.

They also both jump super high obviously so there’s the whole ‘flying’ thing they have in common which is just. blows kiss magnifique

2. The imagery

i may be biased as a bird lover, but i adore the imagery associated with these two. both kamomedai and karasuno are schools whose mascots are omnivorous birds – both scavengers, both flying animals (like how hoshiumi and hinata ‘fly’ by jumping). Crows and gulls are almost like two sides of the same coin in my eyes. Crows are the scavengers of the land, and seagulls (generally) by the sea – but that doesn’t mean you won’t find them elsewhere too. Gulls are often seen inland and crows can be spotted by the shore fairly often as well. They’re also opposite colors which always gets me like, black and white,, they compliment each other,,,

In a similar fashion, because of the seagull association Hoshiumi also has a connection to the sea/ocean. Hinata also develops a connection to the shore through his time in Brazil learning to play beach volleyball. So in a way they’re also both associated with the beach, which I love. Plus there’s the whole ‘Hinata’s the sun’ thing which is widely accepted and that also tends to remind me of the beach, cuz sun + beach + ocean all kinda go together.

3. The implications of Hoshiumi waiting

god this bit is like. HHH it’s one of the main reasons i love them. When Hinata is taken off the court because of his fever during the Kamo v Kara match, Hoshiumi yells out to him saying “Hinata Shouyou! I’ll be waiting for you!”

His teammate (Hirugami Sachirou) responds to this by pointing out that Hinata’s not going to be back before the end of the match, and Hoshiumi then says (likely paraphrasing bc I didn’t screenshot this part) “Duh, I didn’t mean this match.” So like, here we have Hoshiumi declaring that he has so much respect for Hinata that he will be waiting for his next match against him.

THEN, there’s the implications you get from that. Karasuno doesn’t make it to Nationals the next year, Date Tech does. And because that would be Hoshiumi’s third and final year of high school, he never gets the face-off he’s supposedly been waiting for. So the implication is that he was still waiting for a match with Hinata, even throughout Hinata’s time in Brazil.

When they finally get their chance, it’s during the Adlers vs Jackals match nearly SIX YEARS after that first spring Nationals. It was January 2013 that first spring, and it’s November 2018 when they face off again, so FIVE YEARS and TEN MONTHS. The speculation that comes with that like,,, imagine Hoshiumi waiting all that time. The waiting the feelings,, finally some good fucking food.

5. Other little moments:

“SPARKS ARE FLYING BETWEEN THE TWO SMALLEST SPIKERS!”

SPARKS!!!!! ARE FLYING!!!! CMON!! ALSO LOOK AT HOSHI’S FACE LOOK AT THAT EXPRESSION,, he looks so happy to be in a match against Hinata and Hinata looks like kind of pissed of course cuz he didn’t get the point but he’s still really revved up and like,, sparks man.

this one’s just like. look at the calmness and mutual respect in their expressions,,

THIS ONE I LOVE bc the context is that Hinata told Hoshiumi he could have ‘the little giant’ title, and initially Hoshiumi was like “IT WAS MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE!” (paraphrasing) but then he goes and LAUGHS, and after this panel (look at his face he looks SOOO happy) Kamo’s coach says something along the lines of ‘wow, i’ve never seen kourai laugh like that on court before’ !!! he’s SO happy because of Hinata that he would laugh loudly like that when he’s never done it before,,,,,,,,dude.

Then there’s these parallels that’re just like. i’ve looked at these for five hours now:

(from the Kamo v Kara match)

(from the Jackals v Adlers match)

these panels are SOOOO similar and it’s just like,, the looks on their faces that are mirroring each others’ from before and those obvious similarities really make it clear that the adlers v jackals match is truly the re-match that they’ve been waiting for all this time. And Hoshiumi in the first panel and Hinata in the second panel both look simultaneously so frustrated yet so THRILLED, and like they’re really truly enjoying and loving the challenge of going up against each other.

THIS is their reaction on seeing each other for the first time in 6 years!!! Hoshiumi literally bursts out of the bathroom yelling his name with THAT look on his face, pure elation and excitement, and Hinata responds in turn by yelling his name with THAT look, also excited as hell,,,bruv.

then hoshi’s first question is this (gotta keep up their relationship built on challenge and rivalry...) and KAGEYAMAS LIKE. BRUH U ALREADY KNO but jhdghjg Hoshiumi just wants to prove to Hinata that he’s worthy by pointing out he’s still a little taller and he wants him to think he’s cool like...that shit’s so cute,,my heart

4. THIS BIT

THE INTERVIEWER ESSENTIALLY SAYS “WOW, HINATA’S A GREAT RIVAL FOR YOU” (PARAPHRASING) AND HOSHIUMI SAYS THIS??? He’s saying here that no, Hinata isn’t his rival, because they can do more as a team. They’re better as a team, it’s them against the world, like ugh it explains itself idk how to make it any more clear that Hoshiumi clearly respects and admires and loves Hinata.

Also just before this panel, Hoshiumi admits to the interviewer that he thinks Hinata might just be a little teensy-weensy bit better than him as a player at this point. LIKE how much do you have to admire someone to admit that??? to the press at that?? i’m losing it bro...

anyway that’s my essay. tldr: hoshihina has amazing themes that i love enough to make a rant-post abt them

[yaz-the-spaz]

But I want to know your theory. :(

ok ok i guess i’ll spill…i was kinda hesitant to share just cause i’m still not all that solid in my belief in it myself but basically it seems like maybe ziam has made it a tradition to have some kind of couples trip most years (if not every year) in february ever since 2014…

(btw for future reference this ask is a continuation of this ask re ziam both being publicly in vegas earlier this year)

ugh sorry guys! hit enter by accident and posted this wayyyy before i was anywhere near finished lol…this will be updated within the hour (if it doesn’t take me too long to get my thoughts out)

narrator: she did not finish it within the hour.

…

ok so part of the reason i’ve been hesitant to share this is because a good portion of it is VERY speculative and just based on a lot of guesswork and assumptions, but also there’s the fact that it feels like this is something major that more people in the fandom (or at least someone, other than little ass me lol) would have noticed before now and it kind of freaks me out that maybe no one else has?? (unless ofc i just haven’t happened to see any other posts there are about it idk)… 

also fyi a lot of what i propose throughout this is heavily based on info from this post just to make sure i remember to site my sources before we get into it lol

alright now onto the actual theory…

SO. all this started with me scrolling through old posts from late 2013/early 2014 and being reminded of the fuckery that was zayn’s bday that year (with the douche canoe crew and everyone pretending like liam was barely there as seemingly some sort of weird over-the-top cover-up)…the same party that seemed kinda like liam’s possible “introduction” to the malik family as more than just zayn’s friend/as his possible significant other. which was also only a month after that suspicious engagement-looking ring first showed up on zayn’s ring finger in december 2013 from bts midnight memories mv footage (and which stayed around as a necklace throughout january 2014 and early febuary 2014 right before the first appearance/debut of the mandala tat in mid feb). 

bts midnight memories mv with the ring in view - dec 2013:

(suspicious?) malik family outing/celebration with the ring in view - dec (or possibly late nov?) 2013:

[putting the rest under the cut cause as per usual with me this got insanely long]

liam and aunt zileh at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

liam and one of the little cousins at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

then sometime in between late jan and early feb 2014 liam went on a trip to barbados with his whole family (and supposedly also sophia lol more on that later*) while zayn was SUPPOSEDLY still home and steadily “posting” pics of himself at home with various members of his family (with the ring on a necklace clearly visible in the pics lol), anddd as some have also pointed out his hair was suspiciously unchanged in these pics despite his claim of getting a haircut BEFORE most of the pics were posted lol

zayn in family pics with the ring on a necklace - late jan/early feb 2014 (sorry i’m not the one who cropped his fam out lol):

but yet we’re supposed to believe zayn - who had just gotten awarded the asian ambassadorship for the VERY FIRST time - mysteriously (and willingly) MISSED the ceremony on feb. 5th with absolutely no explanation. which…we all know how big a deal that was to him from the way he talked about it and how honored he was when he went in 2015…which begs the question if he was really just home not doing much of anything at the time in 2014 why in the world would he just pass/bail on that HUGE HONOR with no explanation??? mayhaps because he was actually already an ocean away with liam and fam in barbados celebrating his engagement (and getting his own “introduction” to the payne family) and literally COULD NOT ATTEND?

anyway so then, we have him getting the mandala tat around feb 18th 2014 - or at least this is the day he debuted it on his old ig, so the date may be a few days off from when he actually got it - but this still would’ve been shortly after they got back from the barbados trip when he debuted this particular tat (aka another solidification of the engagement??) 

THEN we get the very first ig ziam likes from the famous and beloved aunt zileh (!!!) in this same month (still feb for reference, but she continues steadily and heavily liking stuff all the way through april when she seems to cool down again). fast forward to the 2014 brits at the end of february where we have the infamous moment with 1) ziam giddy as fucking ever, 2) zayn whispering into and practically mawling liam’s neck in public, 3) liam talking about how it was great to “fill each other in” on what they were up to during their break while zayn’s just steady standing there smiling like a loon and then 4) liam still later being like ‘you don’t wanna know’ when asked what he got up to (and zayn still grinning like a fool)

ziam being gross at brits 2014:

so to sum up so far: 1) one of them possibly proposed around nov/dec 2013 (or that’s my best guess anyway based on the evidence lol), 2) then zayn shows up with a suspiciously-engagement-looking ring in dec 2013, 3) then all the weirdness with liam’s attendance at zayn’s bday party a month later (possibly also liam’s formal intro to the malik family), 4) then liam takes his barbados trip with his fam (and supposedly sophia lol*) just a couple weeks later while “zayn” stays home and posts family pics (but is very likely secretly on the trip with liam lol which is also possibly zayn’s formal intro the payne family and a belated celebration of their engagement), 5) and then we get the beginning of aunt zileh’s likes, 6) the debut of zayn’s mandala tat, 7) and the 2014 brits wildness…all in the space of like 3 months. and most of it happening in FEBRUARY. what a wild fucking journey right?

*side note/fun fact: liam and his fam were posting stuff regularly throughout the duration of the barbados vacay but there were literally zero pics of sophia posted from this trip until like dec 2014 or sometime around then when like ONE random pic suddenly surfaced/was posted and lots of ppl had already speculated that sophia was never there in the first place so once this one pic came up that idea got upgraded to people theorizing that they maybe had some of the fam go back a second time later in the year just to stage take photos to retroactively prove/authenticate the narrative that sophia was there lol

but anyway so back to the actual matter at hand - most of that shit happened in february right? specifically the barbados trip (aka the possible engagement celebration trip)…and when i was talking about all this to a friend we realized ZIAMI WAS ALSO IN FEBRUARY. AND SO WAS THIS YEAR’S VEGAS SHIT. AND THEN. AND THEN. My friend did some research and there was apparently this little known/barely talked about article (or at least barely talked about that i’m aware of) about liam taking a TRIP TO THE MALDIVES IN FEBRUARY 2016… which coincidentally (or not lol considering these shady ass hoes) is also around the same time he got his 4 tattoo (I believe this was the first article, or at least one of the first articles, that mentioned the tat’s debut) 

BUT WAIT. 

THE INSANE SHIT DOES NOT END THERE FOLKS.

GUESS WHICH MONTH THE CARTIER BRACELET FIRST DEBUTED?

FUCKING FEBRUARY 2016.

specifically on liam’s wrist in preparation for the 2016 brits (photo posted to his brits stylist’s ig on feb 23rd). and he didn’t take it off till like june.

so. quick timeline:

february 2016 - maldives trip and debut of liam’s 4 tattoo (around feb 21st); debut of cartier bracelet via liam (feb 23rd); (there was also that valentine’s day roses pic liam posted feb 14th of this year which was quite interesting considering he and c hadn’t even been officially announced as a “thing” yet…ofc we know it still got retroactively attributed to her anyway but whatever, we all know who it was really for lol 😏)

february 2017 - i don’t have anything on this year, partly cause i stopped paying as close attention due to heavy ramping up of stunts, although if anyone has more concrete info on this period that hints at anything please do hit me up and i will add it in, but anyway just based on a little light research there does appear to be a good period of inactivity from both of them during this time (as in both of them had quite a bit of time in february where they were pretty inactive on sm, not being papped, and essentially mia and would have potentially had time to go on a private trip) - UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BUT THIS IS THE YEAR LIAM SHOWED UP AT THE BRITS WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING 25 ON HIS JACKET AND FUCKED SIMON ALL THE WAY UP BY SWERVING ON HIS UGLY BITCH ASS SPEECH IN FRONT OF GOD AND ENTIRE WORLD (and i think also thanked zayn in his speech if i’m not mixing that up with another year??) - all on feb 23rd to be specific.

february 2018 - ZIAMI OBVIOUSLY (which specifically started feb 22nd, or at least that’s the day i’m counting it as ‘started’ cause it’s the day liam joined zayn in miami, can’t recall the exact day zayn arrived but pretty sure it was only a couple days before that)

february 2019 - zayn starts wearing this distinctive fishhook earring in all his ig pics, which on the surface seems like a pretty small thing, but quite possibly commemorates their famous august 2014 fishing trip (directly after which he also started wearing a fish hook pendant on a necklace back in 2014); this was also another period they were pretty quiet/mia as far as i can recall, although again if anybody has more concrete info from this time that could point to something please let me know, but anyway point being they again would have had a good chunk of time to possibly go on a private trip together

february 2020 - VEGAS BABY

ofc i’m sure you all will notice one year was left out - february 2015 they were on tour with no breaks coming anytime soon so they obviously weren’t able to go on a trip that year. BUT. february 14th 2015 (aka valentine’s day lol) is also the day liam was famously papped with some small shopping bags that looked suspiciously but precisely like the type that usually come from a jewelry store, and then later that same night they had a performance (for otra tour) where we have zayn pictured wearing a new gold bracelet (as in he hadn’t been seen wearing it ever before on tour or anywhere else) - btw the op of this linked post actually marks this day as the debut of the cartier bracelet but there’s a lot of counter speculation that it’s not and given that it doesn’t quite look like the cartier bracelet looked in later pics (it’s more round and more gold than the cartier bracelet which imo looks more angular and more kind of a two-tone/silvery-gold than this vday bracelet) i’m inclined to lean more towards it just being a regular but still very sweet vday-gifted bracelet. but anyway back to more important stuff. now considering this was literally just a little over a month before zayn left - and one of my theories for zayn leaving was that it was possible he felt it was the only way to save his relationship with liam…i mean if they were still giving each other vday presents they were clearly still VERY in love at this point. like that’s not the kind of thing you’d expect from a couple that was on the rocks and on the verge of breaking up and i know a lot of ppl (myself included for a brief minute) speculated that zayn leaving the band meant he maybe left liam too/or things weren’t working out b/t them or whatever, but given this context of the vday gifts just a few weeks before him leaving that doesn’t really line up…what does line up though is him being so in love and so sick of the bs that he might be driven to just be done with it all (as far as the stress of the band and mgmt bs is concerned at least). and ofc liam did say that zayn is the most emotionally impulsive/emotionally driven out of all them so when you think about it it really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise…

anyway, in conclusion: 

it appears quite possible ziam has made it a couples tradition (ever since that first honeymoonish vacay in 2014) to go on some sort of trip/getaway together around the end of every february (or at least do something special together/for each other when they can’t) and in further conclusion I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS REALIZATION OKAY THANKS BYE 😭😭😭😭😭🌈🌈🌈 

[sunshineseung]

Content Creator Year in Review

tagged by: @bearseungmin :o thank you for thinking im interesting enough to do this lol tagging: uhhh idk who’s been tagged yet so if you’re a smaller creator and want to participate in this tag, feel free to do it and tag me so i can see it :)

2020 was a fucking mess but I finally started writing here on Tumblr so I guess it wasn’t that bad in that aspect, right? For real, thank you for the endless amounts of support on this blog! Ya’ll are insanely sweet and supportive and I’m glad I joined this community when I did, because I’m having such a good time interacting with ya’ll and writing my shitty stories. Here’s to another year of being horny for kpop idols and writing smut to satisfy the insatiable!

(year in review under the cut)

1. first creation of 2020 and most recent creation of 2020 first: Anniversary - This is the first smut I ever wrote... it kinda sucks now but ya’ll still seem to like it lol most recent: Gag Gift - I’ve been super depressed so this took like a month to release, but I also hated the first several drafts, but I’m happy with it now :) Startting 2020 with being horny for Seungmo and ending it with being horny for Seungmo. Perfectly balanced as all things should be.

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020  I’m gonna do three of my faves lol Sinner (Part One) - Ah, a classic. I went in on this one, and I really like the end result, and clearly everyone else did because dozens of people requested a part two! Royalty - Probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written in terms of stray kids smut, honestly. I’m just really proud of it lol Little Secret - Duh!!! This was my first planned series smut (sorry Sinner) and the reaction it got was just amazing. Thank you for the support on this little bitch of a story!

3. a creation you’re really proud of  R O Y A L T Y ^^^

4. a creation that took you forever  gag gift :’) but also it took me like 30 years to finish writing my NCT drabbles for SMM 100 so... that !

5. a creation from 2020 that received the most notes  i’m pretty sure my post with the most notes is my mark lee drabble, but if it isn’t... oops! Little Secret also got a bunch of notes, plus the OT8 stray kids things I made a few months ago... phew! ya’ll really liked those lol

6. a creation you think deserved more notes  ya’ll slept on my hendery in a maid cat outfit drabble and I will not forgive you for that TT

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it  I just became an nctzen in january of this year after being interested in them since their debut lol but i’m glad i’m an nctzen now because NCT 2020 is the highlight of my year (other than SHINee coming back ofc). I’ve linked to the nct smuts like 100 times already so just... scroll up lol

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart psycho because it’s breakup angst from when i was missing my ex which just so happened to occur while ‘00 line did their psycho performance lol thanks hyunjin for the fuel 

9. a ‘simple’ creation you really love  first kiss is my only not smut work on my blog and I still love it with all my dainty little heart :) ya’ll slept on this one too but i understand why. it isn’t smut so ya’ll dont care about it lol it’s alright 

10. a creation that was inspired by another one  movie night was inspired by a jisung cockwarming fic i read on wattpad, but i can’t remember what book it was in :( sorry! but it was just a short drabble that made my brain go brrr so i had to write a whole fic about it (and then someone else requested it so i HAD HAD to do it)

11. a favorite creation by someone else inhales��any of these but also ... I think about this one like... DAILY ! Actual art right here ugh i just love king/royalty stories ig one of my favorite threesome smuts!!! johnny suh just does something to a girl, okay? subby lix owns my heart THIS FIC DRIVES ME CRAZY ARE YOU KIDDING ??? that’s all for right now but you can go through the whole fic rec tag and see what kind of kinky shit i’m into lol

12. some of your favorite content creators from this year @lovebini - I literally visit ems blog basically every day just to see what FINE ART has been posted. everything is just A+++ if you aren’t following her already, what are you doing? @hanji - you dont understand... I’m OBSESSED jokes aside, another blog I visit a lot ! it’s all just so good wtf  @mochinnie - everything is GOLD 10/10 highly recommend :) @nightshade-minho - definition of perfect. this mf dont miss! everything is incredible and just... so good! please! if you aren’t following already youre missing tf out! @hanflix - duh. duh! wha- duh!!! so good, so so so good! amazingly talented person writing on a gorgeous blog. literal perfection!  @binniesthighs - great username, great content! another blog where every story is high art that should be put in... a really good museum that i totally know the name of!  that’s all that i can think of right now, but i’m sure i’m an active follower on some other blogs that i’m blanking on right now since i usually just scroll through the stray kids smut tag lmao.

again, thank you for an incredible year! more content coming soon! 

[my5hiningstars]

@seokjinsel tagged me to post my top albums of 2020 (and i know there was no limit but i tried to cut it down to nine since that’s how many i posted last year) also in the time it has taken me to finish this post i was tagged by @floralminho too sjkdfh

idk who has been tagged but @silvertae, @yoon-river, @sapphicshawol if anyone wants to ✨

details under the cut!

Halsey - Manic (17th January, 2020)

every day i thank yoongi for featuring on this album and giving me a reason to listen to it. there was a week to a month at the start of lockdown (time meant nothing who knows) that this was just on repeat. it’s so well ordered as a full album which is So not expected from an album with So many singles and i Love it. some tracks i keep coming back to include: suga’s interlude (obv.), more, and still learning (but like, just listen to the whole album honestly)

BTS - Map of the Soul: 7 (21st February, 2020)

last year i absolutely adored mots: persona, and i guess this is almost kind of a repack? honestly as an Album if confuses me BUT i also loved so many of the new tracks i couldn’t leave it out. some top picks: ugh! (욱), we are bulletproof: the eternal, and filter (my top played bts song of 2020 on spotify oops)

5 Seconds of Summer - Calm (27th March, 2020)

listen lockdown was a weird time and i maybe had a brief 5sos Moment bc tbh it’s good pop! i listened to this whole album a bit, but i kind of whittled it down to the 8/12 songs i really liked (that are all on my top songs so i couldn’t Ignore it...). some of the favs are red desert, easier, and lover of mine

Day6 - The Book of Us: The Demon (11th May, 2020)

day6 literally have never released a bad song. it is actually impossible. a well constructed album top to bottom. musically interesting but never unpleasantly challenging? also yoon dowoon melting my heart with his vocal lines 🥺 what a band, what a group. i rec the whole thing but, let’s highlight day and night (해와 달처럼), love me or leave me, and afraid (also sungjin’s demo track for it i’m Still crying it’s so good)

Tomorrow x Together - The Dream Chapter: Eternity (18th May 2020)

i nearly picked txt’s other ep this year entirely bc i loved ghosting so much, but as a full set of tracks i like this one more. nothing could ever beat run away as a single, but can’t you see me did it’s very best. a quality sampling of what txt is capable of. picks: drama, can’t you see me?, and fairy of shampoo (wow txt’s SEO Sucks and their korean titles are so Long i’m not going to put them here)

Day6 (Even of Day) - The Book of Us: Gluon - Nothing Can Tear Us Apart (31st August, 2020)

it’s a perfect album. beautiful, amazing, chef’s kiss. i am a Sucker for a concept album in general but the way the story progresses with the denimalz interlude tracks is so Cute and Fun. it’s totally fine that it’s only 18min long bc i could listen on repeat for days on end. i adore every track but i’ll recommend the intro: landing, interludes ocean and forest, and Especially the outro: to be continued (just listen to the full album!)

Stray Kids - GO生 (GO Live)/IN生 (IN Life) (17th June/14th September, 2020)

i kinda fell off following skz for a bit after the I Am series ended and i wasn’t sure i’d ever get back into them, but then i saw chan’s arms and hyunjin’s Hair and something Snapped. (also the release of skz2020 with all the re-recorded ot8 tracks with those han vocals??) top tracks: god’s menu (神메뉴), ta (타), back door, any (아니) (so many so many any anything etc.)

Taemin - Never Gonna Dance Again: Acts 1 & 2 (7th September/9th November, 2020)

it’s not cheating if it really was released as a package... i maybe have a slight bias toward act 1, simply bc criminal is like, one of my top songs of 2020. that said i don’t think there is a single skip? the way he has grown consistently since debut while still keeping a certain taemin Flavour is so impressive. tracks i particularly love include criminal, clockwork and pansy (cries in shawol)

BTS - BE (20th November 2020)

i nearly considered paying $100 for this on my first listen i loved every single track so much. i was sceptical when i heard it was only 8 tracks (7+skit) but everything about it is beautifully Bangtan, but in a very fresh way for an official album. you really can feel the contribution of every single member to the production. stand-out tracks are blue & grey, dis-ease (병), and honestly i Still love dynamite. 

Honourable Mentions:  Twice - Eyes Wide Open (i didn’t listen to the album much bc i couldn’t Stop listening to i can’t stop me) GFRIEND -  回: Song of the Sirens (i love them and the shift in their style of singles since being affiliated with bh has been interesting?)

[asiriuscrushonmoonyx]

20 Questions

I was tagged by @dying-for-jegulus, thanks fren 💚

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Hannah. Or Hana if you’re a close friend. Not that they sound any different 😂

2: when is your birthday?

20th January

3: where do you live?

England

4: three things you are doing right now?

Like right this second, or in my life generally?  Right this second I am typing, listening to music and waiting for my boyfriend to text back.

5: four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Idk what this means but I’ll go with what @dying-for-jegulus did and list fandoms I’m not a part of that I’m interested in.

First, Supernatural.  I’ve always wanted to watch it but it’s never been available anywhere.  Now that it’s finished I will definitely start watching it at some point (no spoilers pls).  I mean, maybe Teen Wolf? I love Vampire Diaries so I feel like I’d enjoy it.  I’m interested in watching Euphoria too.  And... maybe The Boys? I love how these are all TV shows lol.

6: how has the pandemic been treating you?

I friggin’ hate it.  I work in healthcare and I’ve barely had a single day off since February. It’s so much stress, so much chaos.  My boyfriend is high risk and it’s been so tough.  This year has probably been the year I’ve seen him least out of our whole relationship.  Even right now his parents have covid and I’m worried sick but I’m trying to stay positive. Also I have to home test myself twice a week which is good because I’ll know I’m safe but at the same time, the tests are the worst and I have to do them twice a week.  Ugh.

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Man’s World by Marina.  I’m so excited she’s bringing out new music!

8: recommend a movie.

I won’t go for my obvious ones here.  There’s a movie called Triangle that is crazy.  I can’t even really explain it without spoiling it, but if you want a movie that makes you think, this is the movie for you.  I watched it with my mum and brother years ago and we sat up for three hours after talking about it.  It’s now one of my all time favourites.

9: how old are you?

26

10: school, university, occupation, other?

I’m a student at Open University (meaning it’s a home-based uni and I do everything in my own time online) and I’m studying Maths.  I also have a part-time job as a medical secretary at a doctor’s surgery and another part-time job as a receptionist in the Accident & Emergency department of the hospital.

11: do you prefer heat or cold?

I definitely prefer being cold even though anyone who knows me hears me complaining about being cold ALL THE TIME.  Being too hot sucks.

12: name one fact others may not know about you.

Idk. I think I have an addictive/obsessive personality and I really hate that.

13: are you shy?

No. I come off shy but I’m just quiet. And I think I have very mild social anxiety.

14: your pronouns?

She/her

15: biggest pet peeves?

When the bedsheet is bunched up or coming off the mattress or when the duvet is all bunched up in the duvet cover

16: what is your favorite “dere” type?

I don’t know what that is?

17: rate your life from 1-10.

Honestly rn I feel like it’s a 4. Would not recommend.

18: what’s your main blog?

@starkerobsession

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

@starkerobsession (isn’t a sideblog but) is my main where I post about Marvel and my OTP Starker

@regulusblacksdiery is a blog where I post diary entries from Regulus Black from the age of 7-+

@marauders-era-musings is a sideblog to @regulusblacksdiery which posts other characters stuff in the same timeline

@marauder-texts is a reboot of my old (deleted) blog Maraudertexts which is just posts from the marauder’s era as if the characters had social media (I’m not very active on it)

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I ship problematic stuff so if you’ve got a problem with that and then deal with it.

I tag @mischievous-thunder @azaharperezoso @limetimo @curlyy-hair-dont-care @hpnonsense @littlebloogirl @slyther-m00ny @justafangirl18 @jeguwulus @bartylus @bartylusaying

[purplesurveys]

1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I���m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave. 

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

[honey-and-strawberry]

rules: answer questions and tag 20 some blogs you are contractually obligated to know better 💗

Tagged by sweetheart @softhyungkyun

name/nickname: sarah 

gender: ♀

star sign: leo 

height: ~162cm

time: 8:33pm

birthday: july 29

favorite bands: monsta x, day6, unvs. non kpop: ABBA, TLC, mystery skulls

favorite solo artists: wonho. non kpop: Britney Spears

song stuck in my head: it’s usually the same three songs (Guess Who, Stand Together, or Last Carnival from MX), but as of this second it’s heathens from twenty one pilots???? don’t ask me why

last movie: ... I really hope the last movie I watched wasn’t A Haunted House on Halloween....have I really not watched a movie since halloween?! I definitely think I watched a horror movie at some point.

last show: bob’s burgers, is anyone shocked?

when i created my blog: i made this new one a few weeks ago, but the whole kpop blog thing was back in january

last thing i googled: inches to centimeters. listen, I don’t know metric, i’m sorry.

other blogs: they’re dead to me lol, i only go on the old one to see if anyone replies to my work, or if people are dumb enough not to read my pinned post about not using that blog anymore, but they still follow that one ugh.

do i get asks: one this one? barely any, mostly moots.

why i chose my url: cause i’m 100% a simp, just ask my bf, he was my og simp receiver.

following: 29

followers: 33 but I’m happy about that number. too many people are still following the dead one😔

average hours of sleep: I’ve gotten so much better! It’s getting to aroudn 8-9 hours, before it was four hour increments lol

lucky number(s): i’m never lucky lol

instruments: violin, but I need to get back on it.

what im wearing: my warn out mx shirt, shorts, and weenie dog socks lol

dream trip: I HAVE SO MANY ON THE MIND. First I need to see my fam in Hungary 😔 then I’d love to go to SK because I went to Europe too many times

favorite food: NOODLES. I’m a pasta slut, I fully embraced it.

nationality: american 

favorite song: (at the moment)

last carnival - mx

one love - mx

x phenomenon - mx

timeless - unvs

ghost - mystery skulls (give them a look, they’re amazing)

clint eastwood -gorillaz

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: the shire because i am indeed a hobbit. lol @softhyungkyun said animal crossing and SAME! honestly the world of bobs burgers seem chill as hell

tagging: uhhhh idk who has or hasn’t been tagged, but feel free to do it, I’ll love to know you!

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

things

I feel like I’ve been MIA on here lately and want to post many backlogged pics but also feel like I should do a lil brain dump

Been home for like...3 weeks now? honestly, we’re dealing with it. I’ve actually been really busy and once I decided I wasn’t going to be able to run away any time soon I kinda committed to just doing my best to make it work and it hasn’t been terrible

But on that note, I basically live at our neighbors’ house. They’re essentially my second family, I realize that breaks ~quarantine~ rules and I’ll admit to that, but my family was also already in contact with them before I got home and they are basically the only people I ever see and tbh if I had to pick between coming back to NJ to stay with my family or them, I’d pick them SO... yeah. It’s been really nice spending so much time with them though, dylan (22) and sage (20) have basically been my pseudo siblings my whole life and I pretty much grew up at their house but ever since college it’s rare that we are all home at once and after this time period we will never all be here together again because my fam is moving SO trying to really soak it up- hiking, cooking, playing catan, drinking beer, watching movies, etc. very nostalgic

To my last point- my family (well my mom and ed) is moving! my mom has had a plan to retire and move to costa rica (it’s literally the ONLY thing she talks about ugh) for awhile and they officially put our house up for sale last week so THAT has been a little hectic (I’m honestly so glad they are moving tbh I really don’t like coming to my childhood home that has now been flipped upside down to accommodate a new marriage and does not feel like my home)

not much to report on the running front, have been running less days and doing more biking/swimming here. I took a glance at the site for the marathon I was eyeing for the fall and they seemed pretty adamant that they were gonna hold it which honestly shocked me but I guess it’s in a place that hasn’t been hit too hard?? idk though I basically assumed all 2020 races were off the table. I’d also have to start training in like...2 weeks and I’m not sure if my body is really in the place for that

^to go off of that (TW ED) I need to like...get my fucking shit together. Over the course of the past year I’ve lost x pounds, unintentionally, literally due to anxiety, but once I started thinking about it more I realized my period has really petered out since the winter (like...january I guess?), plus it was never like...FULL force normal to begin with even though I was getting it to some extent for basically all of 2019. so anyway red! flag! I actually weighed myself yesterday which is something I haven’t done in like 5 years (only at doctor’s visits where I usually don’t even look at the weight until weeks later), but I KNEW it was going to have gone down and I thought maybe I could knock some sense into myself and tbh it kinda worked. The disconnect in my brain truly astounds me sometimes. But after I type this up I’m sitting down to have a chat with myself and journal and figure out a plan because this is not healthy and I need to get a grip. (again, like I said, not intentionally undereating, in fact I’ve eaten more on a daily basis over the past year than ever before, but my output is high and whenever I’m anxious my appetite is zero which makes for a very confusing disastrous time) 

In other news! headed down to NC to visit jared next week and I am excited 4 that. tbh I am looking forward to the 10 hour drive I find it really meditative and gives me time to think, catch up on podcasts, etc.

in the process of figuring out my living situation for the fall which is causing me STRESS. but it’s looking like we will be at least to some extent having in person classes. Also it looks like jared might not have to be on campus after thanksgiving in which case maybe he would come stay with me for a few weeks in OR which makes me very very happy

Also in jared news, feeling very very grateful for that boy, he is truly astounding

Food things- I was honestly having like....a slight identity crisis about eating meat. Normally I never buy meat, I only really eat it if there is a very particular circumstance and it’s so infrequent that it usually doesn’t cause me too much angst when it happens, but being home I told myself I’d eat dinner with my fam to make my life easier but I honestly started to get real freaked out about the amount of animal products going on (from an ethical side, not health). I’ve appreciated the eye opening-ness of it from my perspective in a lot of ways. Idk, too many thoughts to type. Probably sounds hypocritical anyway but the thought of being entirely vegan is incredibly stressful to me given my ED (plus, I eat mostly plant-based in general). BUT I have started to try to cook vegan meals for my family which makes me feel good and like I’m promoting good things. I made my mom a TLT for lunch the other day. On Tuesday I made homemade veggie burgers for the first time and they were super good. Making vegan stuffed shells tomorrow. And! And! After talking to my neighbor about veg cooking she also made very very similar veggie burgers this week, she actually made them the day before me so we got to taste test eachother’s. And then jared sent me a pic of vegan bolognese that his sister made which I know was inspired by him making that and I know he was inspired by my plant-based nudges and that stuff makes me feel good. Like I’m spreading a positive influence.

This is super long as per usual and I need to go have my meeting with myself lol thx 4 reading 🐢

[pinkyshy101]

So I got bored and decided to type out a list of the cartoons/tv shows I’ve watched, cause why not! I think this is all I’ve watched, or at least recent enough (I��m thinking like…. 2014/15 onward, when I actively started to watch more cartoons)

It’s kinda long, and I’m kinda rambley, so I’ll put it under a keep reading thing (if I can) so you don’t have to scroll through that if you don’t want to. Idk who will actually read this, but hey maybe it’s an idea of what kind of things I might reblog on here! I’m always taking any suggestions for shows to watch, I love learning about and watching more and more cartoons! So if there’s something I didn’t list as something I watched and you think of be interested, feel free to please recommend it! I may update this with a reblog or an edit or something at some point in the future, idk though. For now, its September 19, 2020, and here’s what I got for ya

This ended up way more rambley than I meant for it to be but I started writing it at maybe 12:30ish am and now its almost 2am when I’m getting ready to post it so oops 👀 I’m not really expecting anyone to read this but hey, it’s something! Read if you wanna know what shows and other stuff I watched lol idc

Cartoons I’ve watched in their entirety (or what’s all aired as of today 9/19/20):

(updated 12/2/20 as starting with ATLA)

Gravity Falls - watched since late 2014

Steven Universe (including the movie and Future) - watched since mid June 2015, right before the second stevenbomb/sworn to the sword (early season 2)

Over The Garden Wall - watched back around when it first came out, can’t remember exactly when but sometime in 2015

Star vs The Forces of Evil - watched the first 2 seasons as they aired, then stopped watching for a while and rewatched the whole show in June 2019

Hilda - watched for the first time in I think October 2018, rewatched in May quarantine

She-ra and the Princesses of Power - watched all 5 seasons about/not even a week after season 5 came out, idk why I waited so long to watch it

The Owl House - started watching it after the grom episode aired, idk why I waited so long to watch it but molly and noelle and everyone was screaming about grom on twitter, so of course I had to watch it then

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts - watched it all in early August, right before I watched The Owl House

Infinity Train - watched the pilot back in 2016, then the first season when it came out, but then I started college and didn’t get the chance to watch the 2nd/3rd season until I decided to watch the whole series (s1 again, 2/3 for the first time) this past week

Ouran High School Host Club - ok I know it’s anime not a cartoon and I can’t see myself reblogging anything from it but it’s literally the only anime I’ve watched more than like 1 or 2 episodes of/the only one I’ve seen in its entirety so I figured eh I’ll mention it

Camp Camp - I almost forgot to mention this one! I started watching it when there was I think only 3 episodes of season 1, so back in 2016, and I’ve loved it since then! I guess this summer’s season couldn’t happen cause of covid.... But I’m still excited for when/if it does eventually come out!

Avatar the Last Airbender

Shows that I’ve partially watched but not completely:

We Bare Bears - I’ve seen the first 2 seasons, maybe some of the third I can’t remember, I watched it when it first came out but I haven’t watched it in a while, so I would probably need to rewatch a bunch of it (I did rewatch I think the first season sometime this year? But it was while working on school projects so I wasn’t giving it my full attention), apparently there’s also a movie now???

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - I was huge into the brony fandom from roughly 2013ish-2017ish, I’ve seen up to season 8 and a few episodes of season 9, and the 4 equestria girls movies, and the mlp movie; I probably know seasons 1 - 4 the most, maybe a little of 5, 6 and 7 are kinda fuzzy but I’ve seen them, 8 I watched over quarantine (since it’d been a few years since I had watched any of it, I also rewatched bits of 5-7) as well as I think the first episode or so of season 9, but I don’t remember them too well. I watched the movie (the pony one, not eqg) when it came out in theaters, and not too long after that I drifted away from the mlp fandom (tbh I was drifting a little bit before it came out, but I knew I had to stick in there at least until it came out since I had been waiting for so long for it). The equestria girls movies, I saw them all when they first came out (I even saw rainbow rocks in the theater). I think there’s like, half hour shorts or episodes or something?? That’s in the eqg universe?? But I don’t think I’ve seen any of them, and if I have it was probably a really early one a long time ago because I haven’t really kept up with anything after Legend of Everfree came out

Animaniacs reboot - I’ve seen the first 5 episodes and it’s nice!

Shows that I’ve only seen an episode or few of that I (probably) intend on continuing to watch:

Glitch Techs - I saw the first episode! Definitely want to continue it

Rick and Morty - I watched a few episodes of the first season in like March/April quarantine, but I was still dealing with online school at home finishing out last semester then. I think I want to watch this eventually, but I have other shows that I want to catch up on/watch before I’d get to this one

Tangled the Series - idk if that’s the name I’ve seen multiple names but I hope you know what I’m talking about, I saw a handful of episodes from the first season I think sometime around fall 2019, but I’d probably have to rewatch the whole thing

Adventure Time - I’ve never had cable/cartoon network so I didn’t watch this growing up, but I’ve heard really good things about it and seen a bunch of stuff from it (I’d have to be living under a rock to have not seen anything lol) but it’s so long and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet! Well I’ve seen maybe a dozen or so episodes of the first season but it was a while ago so I’d have/want to start over probably

Shows I haven’t started

Amphibia - I’ve heard it’s good! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Avatar the Last Airbender - probably next on my list to watch, I’ve been meaning to watch it for years but I haven’t yet, its on Netflix now so that should make it easier to watch and a friend from school made me promise that this would be the next one I’d watch so that’s what I’m doing (I did watch the last 2 seasons of infinity train that night though, since I was really wanting to finish it first… But atla is next) watched it! (updated 12/2/20)

The Legend of Korra - obviously I’m waiting to watch it until after alta, and I’m probably going to watch it right after I finish atla

The Dragon Prince - idk really anything about it other than I think it’s on netflix? and apparently it’s good and maybe gay idk but I’ve heard it’s good thus why it’s on here lol

Black Horseman - idk too too much about this other than apparently it’s good but also kinda depressing. Similarly to rick and morty I want to watch it eventually but its not insanely high on my list

OK KO - don’t know a ton about it other than it’s decent, a step up from r+m/bojack on where I want to watch it but not urgently

Ducktales Reboot - similarly to OK KO, don’t know much about it other than it’s decent, same level of want to watch

Milo Murphy’s Law - saw a couple episodes when it came out, haven’t watched it in forever so if I ever do want to rewatch it I’d have to restart it, not super high on my priority list though

Bee and Puppycat - another one I almost forgot! I don’t know a ton about this but I’ve heard its nice! Plus from what I’ve seen I like the artstyle so  👀 maybe someday

Animaniacs (original) - I started to watch the reboot and I think I want to watch the original eventually! Just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Clone High - listen it’s not that I desperately WANT to watch this, I just have friends who are like, hey, watch this lol it’s apparently not super long so why not

Other non cartoon shows I’ve watched:

Brooklyn 99 - idk when I started watching it, maybe around season 4/5ish? I think sometime in 2018 so idk the season, idk, most of the episodes I’ve only seen once so I couldn’t tell you exactly what happens in every episode but I still like it

Rise - ugh I miss this show, I started watching it after/around when the 3rd episode came out (end of March 2018?), and I don’t think I’ve watched any of it since it ended (mid may 2018) cause its not on any streaming services anymore :/ at least not that I know of but I loved it and would love to rewatch it

Andi Mack - I’d heard it was good but hadn’t watched it after it ended (early august 2019 I think I watched it), haven’t rewatched it since then but it was decent, I mainly watched it cause I had seen clips of gay but yknow it was alright

Sex Education - watched 1st season sometime in 2019, when rewatched it/watched season 2 when it came out January 2020, this is like WAY more mature than like anything on this list but like it has an interesting story

Love Victor - watched first/currently only season when it came out mid june 2017 (how was June so long ago what)

Queer Eye - I’ve seen a couple seasons of it idk I figured why not add it lol

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - I think I watched this around when there were maybe a few episodes of season 1 left (well there’s only one season now but still), idk I liked it cause like musicals and stuff idk

Idk what else to add to this section but if I think of anything (to any category on this list) I’ll probably update it later maybe idk (again I’m not necessarily going to be reblogging stuff from all/any of these but like, I figured I’d mention it cause idk)

Musicals:

Another thing I love is musicals, like I’m a design/tech major in college rn so yeah I like theatre lol so I’m going to list some I’ve seen (mostly watched bootlegs of, but I’ll list some professional/tour ones I’ve seen in person)(but if it doesn’t say anything special I probably just watched a bootleg, 2017 was a big year for me and my google drive being filled with bootlegs…) This might not be all of them and I won’t go into as much detail (I hope, I haven’t typed it yet) but we’ll see:

Broadway tours I’ve seen: (I swear this isn’t bragging they were cheap seats way up high lol)

Dear Evan Hansen (May 2019)

Wicked (first professional show I saw, October 2017, haven’t watched a bootleg or anything of it since then and I went in completely blind)

Mean Girls (November 2019, last professional show I saw before quarantine)

Come From Away (September 2019)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (November 2018)

The Book of Mormon (August 2018, was hoping to again this August but quarantine :( )

Non professional/high school/college/other shows I’ve seen in person/been on crew for (not all of them, but some) (assume I’ve also seen bootlegs/proshots if there are any)

Newsies

Spring Awakening (spot op)

Shrek (props)

Legally Blonde

I’ve seen done way more but I don’t feel like listing them or that they’re anything I’d want go reblog/actively look at fandom content for (that’s not saying it reblog stuff from shrek the musical but still lol)

Other shows I’ve seen only in proshot/bootleg form:

Basically every Starkid show

Spies are Forever

The Solve it Squad

Hamilton

Heathers

Be More Chill (yes I was in that big amalgamation of musical fandom stuff with these and deh in 2017 aaaa)

Falsettos

Beetlejuice

Spongebob

21 Chump Street

Les Mis

Phantom

(Again maybe not necessarily all but some there’s a slight chance I might reblog things about)

Musicals I still need/want to watch/listen to:

The Prom

Six

The Great Comet (not typing it all out)

Hadestown

Waitress

Bonnie and Clyde

Something Rotten

Tuck Everlasting

Again there’s more I want to see I’m sure but I haven’t really watched bootlegs in a while…. Idk feel free to suggest shows tho

Movies I’ve seen/like: obviously I’m not gonna just every single movie I’ve seen but heres a few I like:

The Sound of Music

The Wizard of Oz - these 2 have actually always been my favorite movies since I was little, I can’t dee myself reblogging much of anything about them but figured I’d mention them cause why not

Love Simon

Some but not all Disney movies (I grew up with no cable/mostly just pbs)

Most pixar movies?

I don’t think John Mulaney shows count as movies but eh whatever I’ve seen them on netflix

Idk what else lol I know I’ve seen more movies than this but eh

If anyone actually read all of this... Wow I’m surprised honestly lol have a free cookie or something for your struggles or smth, idk, thanks for reading this though lol I appreciate you (but also slightly worry, this was a lot of words and a lot of rambling)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

how the Fuck does anyone learn 70 instruments and how the Fuck does anyone learn Any instruments as a kid.........i mean i guess once you get the hang of a few instruments a lot of the rest aren’t completely different but still, jeez. i get the habit thing smh samesies......and same with how i’ve only ever lived that Last Minute Life. can and will procrastinate until the night before........but the misery of Auditioning all on its own is a lot i’m sure....i haven’t auditioned for anything since i was like....10, which hardly counts. fingers crossed that the whole process leans less horrible 

fuck i never had to do Church Every Day which i’m so glad about ugh.....my mom was pretty serious about the ol christianity but even she had her limits. there was a lady at our church who was nice enough but a bit too flanders-y Constant Jesus Full-Throttle-y even for my mom. once her daughter gave us (uhh, the seventh? eighth graders? fuuuuck i had to go to sunday school from k-8 and THAT was another torment....and being catholic means having to do that confirmation shit in 8th grade which just means slamming your head against the wall EXCEPT i think i got credit for helping a nun bake cookies which was a lot of fun, b/c the nuns were great ANYWAYS) us whatever-graders and our moms? i guess? a talk about like....morality in ur adolescent adventures and even my mom was like “hmm that was a bit Misogynistic”.......e.g. she was lecturing us about how the radical role-reversaling of the then-recent release of “enchanted” was unnecessary and how girls ought to wear modest clothing because ig their future husbands deserve No Spoilers about what the fuck their wife’s physical form looks like....and my mom was like “well it should be about the girl’s own sake actually not defining it for some guy” and i was like that’s the spirit mom.....idk like my dumb ass was 11 and i’m still relaying this mess b/c i was like “this is the most useless hour and a half i’ve ever experienced” idek what it was meant to be about

i Was lucky to have escaped the realm of sunday school before my mom read in some priest’s blog or something that “religious education is as important as regular education and kids go to school thru 12th grade so why not sunday school thru 12th grade” and i think my unfortunate brother had to live through that. and i didn’t have to do Church Every Day but i DID have to do all the extra days of Required Church which like, from post-xmas through early january there’s like this streak of 2 weeks with three extra days of You Gotta Go To Church on top of the usual sundays and it’s like, well fuck my whole life i guess. very much know that ian deforge life(tm) having to go to church with your freaking mom all the time

hanging around the nuns was great though actually. that’s not Usual but we just so happened to have some great nuns nearby and my mom got involved so by extension we were like oh hey chillin at the monastery with the nuns.....helping out with things on occasion.....they were all very nice and many of them very fun. and the side effect of 2304823402834 hours of Church Things is that now i have a decently expansive knowledge of technical christian lore. a bit too much lmao like, great, now i wish i knew more about the other abrahamic religions. but i guess at least i’m a resource for protestants who are mystified and weirded out by catholicism? fantastic, but hey let’s all commit to storming vatican city. we’re all in this (storming vatican city) together

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[tidefated]

Note; I get that this is a reblog and fill it out form but I actually? Hate that so I’m reposting but I was tagged by @oceanfoamed and here’s the original form for ya’ll <-- leaving Holmes’s commentary here

In general:

Real name: Skyler

Nicknames: Bun / Sky

Age: 22

Sexuality: *insert one of my usual schrodinger jokes here*

Prefered pronouns: He / They

Are you a morning person?: I can be, but it depends on how my life is rolling at the time. Lately I like to sleep in more than I like mornings.

When swimming, do you prefer to do it in the ocean, or in a lake?: Ok full disclosure? I am so goddamn landlocked I have seen the ocean twice in my life- well, 3 times, but the first I was too young to remember, I’m just aware I was there, and must have seen it. I’m so landlocked, that the nearest large bodies of water ( a terrifyingly polluted lake and a terrifyingly polluted river ) are each a two/two-and-a-half hour drive away. I have seen the river when driving over it, and the lake at a distance because we were told to stay off the beach and I was like... 11? My ability to swim is pretty pathetic- I’ve apparently got all the motions right, but I perpetually forget to actually breath when I bring my head out of the water- like my body just fucking refuses to do it. So uh- short answer, I guess, is I don’t have enough experience to have a preference, and either way it’s probably not smart to let me do it unsupervised.

On Tumblr:

Anyone you would like to meet in real life?: Now that Mani is on my side of the ocean, @seafaired is someone I hope to see before the year is out, if I can arrange travel expenses accordingly, also @apcgee promised to go to a Broadway show with me.

Anyone you have met in real life?: I spent like 2 months-ish living with @oceanfoamed, but otherwise not yet! 

When did you first join? How old is your current account?: Uuh- I think I joined the RPC in like 2012? Idk we were all still using big gifs and formatting didn’t exist yet. This blog’s original form was made back in December/January 2017/2018, and was just remade ( better ) literally last month. So pretty shiny new.

Any peeves?: I mean basically all the stuff Holmes listed, but also whackadoodle formatting with lots of weird spacing and capitalized words and.. and... and... ugh guys people have?? Vision problems?? I am dyslexic fam you are not making my life any easier.

Unpopular opinion: TBH Malakh covered this really well in his version of this post, with the comment on purity culture, so uh. That. All of it. <-- that, but also throwing my own on here so as not to be a total copycat: You don’t have to write with a million people to be a successful RPer? Your worth is not measured by the number of your threads or partners. You can write with 100 people, you can write with 30 people, you can write with 5 people, you can write with 1 person, and you are still valid and worthy of respect as an RPer because this is about having fun not pressuring yourself beyond your comfort. That was a lesson hard learned for me & I feel it’s very important for everyone to remember.

Feelings:

Do you easily get jealous?: Jealous, no- insecure, sometimes. I’m very aware that no one is obligated to write with me or anyone else? No matter what? But there will be times I doubt myself when others come around and that is- fairly natural I think? So I may withdraw until I can isolate the source of my own insecurities and smush them, or reach out for a little reassurance.

Do you easily get angry?: Under very particular circumstances.

Are you easy to cheer up?: Sometimes? Sort of? Usually when I get upset I only experience the actual upset-ness for a short while, and go straight to numbness- how long that lasts is pretty dependent on how effectively I can distract myself- but there’s only so much another person can do to distract me.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone could do to you?: Why the hell would I tell the internet? Ok but no really continuing here why would this be on a meme why would anyone even ask this?? Like- 80% of the people on this hellsite have trust issues they won’t own up to so like what is the point lmfao?? 

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has done to you?: One time my cat came to lay next to me like the sweetie he is, except instead he trotted across my face and sat exactly 2.5 feet away. >:

Are you good at hiding your emotions?: Probably, considering I’m not sure what they are half the time.

What’s the very best way to cheer you up?: Change the topic or use animal gifs. <--- same. Usually I need time to emotionally separate myself from an issue so that I can revisit it later- dealing with it in the moment is almost never a good idea- so the best thing to do is get me buried in basically anything else.

Relationships:

Are you currently in a relationship?: Nah- did that whole commitment thing for a little over 3 years and it kinda wrecked me mentally, emotionally, and physically haha. I’m not wholly opposed to the idea of dating, but long-term relationships are pretty far off the radar atm.

Do you currently have a crush on someone?: Nope. I adore lots of people but my heart doesn’t do the squeezy-plunk for anybody.

If yes, might that someone be reading this?:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you kiss on the first date?: Errm... I know this seems to contradict the committed relationship thing mentioned above but.... I’ve never actually been on a date? That said, I don’t see the problem with doing so? I mean I’ve kissed people I’m not even attracted to bc we both decided to go ‘what the hell’, so it seems fine to me to kiss someone I am attracted to without a fuss.

Do you prefer going out, or staying home, when it comes to dates?: I had to think about this bc like Holmes I hate leaving my house but also the idea of inviting someone in to my house when I’m already out of my depth sounds like an awful idea cause it might destabilize my safe space.

Things:

Favorite drink: Water, some chai tea, frozen matcha, and lavender lattes specifically the way I make them at work.

Favorite food: Mmm any food that doesn’t make me sick is good food. Bonus points if I don’t have to cook it.

Most calming place?: Anywhere I can curl up and not be interrupted by humans while I dick around on my computer / anywhere I can sit in peace and quiet with a book and not be interrupted by humans or noises ( bonus points if lots of nature )

Most stressful place?: Anywhere that has more than (1) human I do not know intimately well. Any place with more than (4) people I know intimately well. <--- Holmes I feel called out

Most prized possession?: Laptop, as I cannot say my cats- but my Slytherin cloak from HP world cuts a close second, along with my vv old hardback copies of the HP books, which were gifts from my great grandmother when I was growing up.

Tag five people (if you want to):

✗ @apcgee

✗ Anyone who wants to do the thing should steal it like the pirates they are cause Holmes tagged all my other people or they’ve already done it.